I need to rant and I don’t like talking about this to people in my life because their immediate reaction is pity, or they straight up tell me to end the relationship. Neither of which are helpful. Previously I was long distance with my boyfriend and it was fine. I had a hard time with it at first, but then we found our rhythm. He’d FaceTime me regularly, we texted a lot, he would send food to my house, and we’d even have “dates” over FaceTime.

Now he’s stationed far far away and I feel like the time zone difference is killing our relationship. On weekdays when he’s working, I don’t expect to hear from him, and I don’t take it personally because I know he’s busy and can’t have his phone at times. On weekends when he sleeps in, we have an even smaller window of time that we’re both awake and we’re both not working. If I were him, I’d totally sleep in too so that’s not my issue. My issue is that he spends that small window we have together doing other things like playing video games, hanging out with people, playing sports, etc. and when I call him he’s too tired to be responsive or attentive.

I try to be empathetic because I know he’s stressed and tired and needs to blow off some steam and relax and make friends. I know his life can’t revolve around me. It just makes me very very sad when I look forward to talking to him only to discover he’s preoccupied with something else or he’s still too sleepy because he just woke up. Then the next day I’ll see on his story that he did something super interesting and fun and that leaves me feeling jealous because i wish he had that same energy during “our” time.

We’ve previously discussed wanting to get married, but ld is really kicking my ass and it makes me wonder if I’m cut out for this life. Is it always like this? Does it ever get better?

hi! i i just wanted to rant a little bit and kinda see if i can help anybody out if your significant other is going to BMT soon!! my boyfriend (24m) joined the air force last year and went to BMT April 13th (it’s been almost a month now!!!). the first 2 weeks are the hardest, honestly. close to nothing from them, the only thing i got was my visitor pass mailed to me and a 1 minute phone call of him sobbing and saying he missed me. after that 2nd-ish week, it gets a lot better. the aim high app posted pictures of his flight, i think ive gotten like 10 letters in the span of 2 weeks and 2 more phone calls (one today for mother’s day and then last sunday). i know he mentioned that there were a few people on his flight getting them into trouble and getting phone privileges taken away from everybody so i think he would of gotten a phone call every week if that hadn’t happened the start of the this week he’s going to the gas chamber and man i am so nervous for me (girlfriend with high anxiety problems) the main thing i was worried about was a lot of people said that their significant others changed and that they lost interest after BMT - i can already tell he’s changed in the way he’s been speaking on the phone, but in a good way. he seems more confident, more assuring of himself and that this is where he needed to be at that exact moment. so, don’t give up on anybody in BMT! it’s after the 2nd week that it’s gets easier and easier as every day passes on. 24 more days until his graduation!!

My husband, 36, just left to BMT after being depped in for several months. He ended up going Security Forces, I'm researching it more now because it wasn't even on the list of jobs he got based on his asvab and tapas. I'm pretty excited about what's to come, wondering where we will end up and hanging on for this new life! Is there anyone who has been in Security Forces able to share their experiences? Thank you 😊 🙏

The guy I'm dating told me it's rare for him to leave and visit me (I'm based in a different country). So is it more advisable that I visit him? Does the saying "If he wanted to, he would" even apply for military guys?

Quick update : I was finally able to hear from my SO for the 1st time on yesterday ( 3 weeks since he left ] he told me he has very limited access to phone/internet being that he has been in the field. He also said he will be back in a few weeks once mission is complete &’ told me everything is fine no need to worry, so i am very much relieved now that I know everything’s ok.

I am currently wanting a divorce from my significant other in Japan but we both have two pets with us, I don’t want to send them to a shelter and we have no family members who will take care of them. Is there anyway I can keep the house just for my pets, even if I move to a small shack but I truly don’t want to leave them behind. EDITS: we both are active service members E-5

So I'm starting to freak out about our orders. We are due with our second child on November 14th (will potentially deliver early due to hypertension in last pregnancy). His orders to Japan have a check in date of No sooner than January 1st and no later than January 31st. He's going to try to talk to his career monitor and see if we can extend that to February so he can take the full 3 months of paternity leave.

For context he has been on recruiting duty so we live 3+ hours from the local base and so we have to do a lot of stuff in bulk when we go there.

With all that being said these are my main concerns and questions that I would like advice on: What is the passport process like for a new born? I know the soonest we can get a birth certificate is 4-6 weeks and even with an expedited passport it could be an additional 2-3 weeks after that. Can the military issue the passports sooner?

Has anyone experienced delays in medical clearance due to being post partum?

I'm going to follow the list that they gave us to try to speed up the process as much as possible. But I'm starting to get worried that this is going to be all too much and I'm going to have to delay going to Japan until after my husband already arrives. We will have 2 under 2 and I don't want to travel 16+ hours by myself if I don't have to.

Please give any advice you can offer.

**Edit he is USMC

My spouse lies straight through his teeth to me I’ve found website links looking at Viagra (and I know he wasn’t planning on using it with me) and looking into HIV awareness when we’ve been married for 2 years and together for 4 years so why the concern? I confronted him about a lot this morning after “he worked a night shift exercise that went from 10 pm to 8 am” he’s been doing this work exercise this whole past week we have a car that recorded sentry mode and all the dashcam footage of him going to work this past week is deleted last night was his last day working the exercise (we share each others location he is idea not mine) I woke up at 4 am and just randomly checked his location. It continued to say “Couldn’t be located” since 2:55 am which was very odd his job doesn’t allow phone usage so he usually leaves it in his car and it shows his location but last night it just wasn’t available I was fed up when he came home I bluffed and said “I know you're having an affair followed you to work and saw everything” He called me “Crazy and said I was making stuff up” but then I brought up his search history and he stiffed up and said “I never looked that up” boom caught in a lie! So now I knew 100% he was lying to my face. I’m currently pregnant and about to be due, but this relationship is too much even if he wasn’t cheating last night he lies and lies how can I trust a liar? thinking divorce is the best choice. I can’t just see the best in my partner when I constantly catch him lying. On top of that he gets jumpy when I touch his phone

I have been married for 14 years, we have 3 daughters and my husband decided to join the air force. I am a sahm so I said I would be supportive of his decision. He leaves for bmt in 5 weeks and I am really starting to get nervous of the new life we signed up for. Definitely need some encouragement and support.

Before my boyfriend went to basics, there was multiple issues with him being loyal over text and snapchat with an ex on and off for 2ish years (yes I am a bit embarrassed to admit I stayed) My boyfriend has been gone at basic for about a month. I’ve gotten 4 letters already and receiving 2 more today. I’ve noticed the later letters have a different mood around them. Like he’s more apologetic and understanding of the things he’s done to me in the past and how it’s affected me and our relationship. Like his mentality has shifted to him taking me for granted in the past instead of just thinking about himself. I guess I’m just interested if anyone else has experienced this? Did you SO fall more into love with you? He hasn’t really shown me this kind of emotional side that he has in his letters and I’m so grateful that he has. I guess I don’t want it to be a different story when we’re in person after basic. Engagement would be great but I don’t want him to make the decision because he feels like he has to do it, I want him to want to propose to me.

Hi everyone, I'm in a new relationship with my boyfriend and I really see myself forming a life with him. We have talked extensively about a future together. This has me considering my career options long-term, and I'd like to get some general or specific advice from anyone else who's in a similar position. We would like to get married someday but want to give it a few years, and he likely won't have to PCS until 2027-2028.

I'm a marine scientist and I currently work at a university in a research lab (state government position). I have a master's degree in oceanography and the type of work I do requires that I be located near water for field work, but we also do a lot of lab and computer work (some of my current duties could be done remotely but not all). My boyfriend told me some of the locations he could theoretically get sent to and that his path in the Navy will likely always involve being near a coastline.

I'm wondering if anyone else is in the sciences and has career advice or a good strategy for finding jobs in their field while being a military spouse. So far, my ideas involve trying to find a federal government position where I could stay in the same department but get relocated to where we would PCS, asking my boss to switch me to a completely remote position (stretch), trying to find a new job every few years, or eventually switch jobs to something completely remote. I'm curious to hear what worked/didn't work for you and if anyone has advice for this!

this will probably be kind of a vent but I'm also really seeking some advice from people who have went through either my situation or something similar to my situation my boyfriend and I are both 18, I'm a senior in highschool and my boyfriend is about to leave for a-school (forgot to mention he's in the uscg) this weekend. I'm so nervous, he's going to be gone for my graduation, my grad party and he's already missed my prom which all really sucks because I see all my friends with their boyfriends going to these things and I get really jealous I just keep trying to remember that I can't compare my relationship to my friends not only because they're not long distance but because we're long distance + military. I haven't committed to any college yet and at this point I dont know if I should even go. I really want to move with him to his permanent duty station and just get away from not only my family but also be with him. I know I'm young but I'm truly devoted to him and he is just as much devoted to me I don't think I'll be able to to make it through before he graduates A-school, I'm already really struggling mentally when he was in his temporary duty station so I don't know how I'll be able to handle it when he's in a-school. Has anyone else gone through it, I feel so defeated already in just life in general and I'm only just starting out my life. I love him so much and I don't think I'll be able to mentally to through college but my family really wants me to go in-person. 🥲 Please give me some advice or words of encouragement! 🙏🏻

(Forgot to mention it but we met when he was a senior and I was a junior at work so idk if that helps I promise I'm not just like helplessly in love with someone I never met irl 😅)

Hi everyone.

I’m leaving for Officer Candidate School with the Navy in two weeks. I want to get my pregnant wife (10 weeks along) some sweet gifts that she can use while I’m gone. I am getting her a build a bear with several pre-recorded lines, and I am recording several videos for her to watch before I leave.

For those of you who were on the home-side of your spouse/SO leaving, what is something that you wish you had?

Thanks

So I got an email (finally yayy) from my boyfriend who's out at sea and I have a couple of questions..

1. To reply to his email, can I reply directly to the one he sent or do I have to compose a new one?

2. If i have to compose a new one, do I use the same email address he sent his from?

Until a week ago, I was dating someone who joined the marines about last year. We've been together a year and we made thru basic etc (albeit with some ups and downs). She's stationed abroad right now and things just got difficult in terms of communication. I felt horrible that she didn't wish me on our anniversary this year. When I told her that and brought up other issues with communication she said that I lash out and focus on the past two much. I've been going to therapy and putting in the work and giving her space. I have no idea what else I could do.

She texted me about a week ago and said she wants to go on a break for a year and a half. The question for people about here is this something that yall have heard of before? I refused because that seems absolutely ridiculous. How can we fix communication issues without communicating!?

Anyway. We ended it. Lamest break up ever because I don't think our fights were even that bad. I hate that she didn't talk to me about this over the phone. I feel betrayed and used.

Since she said she'd want to come together in the future, I feel like I'm not going to be able to let go. But I think she may have changed her mind now since I did not agree to her terms of it being a break and not a break up.

Anyway! So glad this group exists! You guys are great. The advice y'all give has helped me through a lot. Thank you so much. Hope to hear some opinions on this very specific time period regarding a break. And also just any thoughts.

I've loved her very dearly and hope that she gets what she wants in life.

My fiancé (M20) of 8 months left for basic training on Sunday. We live together and did everything together before he left. He said he will get his phone back this Sunday for an hour and on one hand I’m really happy to be able to talk to him then buy on the other I’m really anxious that he won’t call and that he isn’t even missing me at all. I keep having thoughts like what if he realizes he’s not that in love with me and doesnt need me?

I think about him all the time, I’m hurting without him here and I’m just scared that he’s not thinking about me at all and doesn’t miss me for some reason.

I just need to hear his voice telling me that he loves me and can’t wait to come home or my thoughts are going to kill me!

My husband is becoming a srgt and he said they don’t have like cermonies at work that I could come to? Is this true or could he possibly just not want me there ?

My husband (A1C who’s only 21) told me while working that his flight chief (she’s a master Sargent and around 40ish) was telling him about when she was a tech school instructor all the young guys would flirt with her and ask her out on dates despite the known consequences they’d say things such as “come on let’s go on a date? no one will ever know” but she would turn them down saying “it’s not worth the risk” So she started calling everyone her “kids” to make a boundary between them. I think that’s an odd thing to share with your subordinate especially one under you but maybe I’m being crazy. I’ve met her before and she is an attractive single older lady who not to be rude seems lonely.

my (23f) boyfriend (23m) is enlisting in the marine corps. we’ve known each other for three years and some change, and have been LD for the majority due to college back and forth.

we’ve both acknowledged that we’ve met “the one” and he’s the best man i’ve ever met - even more than my father. he would dedicate his soul to me and lay down his life in front of me very easily.

however i am so terrified of the stories that i see online. people saying that we will definitely not last, that we should break it off before and find each other later in life, someone will cheat etc. a lot of advice is also not applicable to us as they’re mostly geared towards 18 year old high school sweethearts.

i have trust in my boyfriend but the noise is just so loud. we plan to get married, just not until a few years from now (2-3).

does anyone have any advice, or have been in my position?

If you ever have an opportunity to tour a ship while it's in port I highly recommend taking that opportunity. Having a visual really helps set some understanding of your sailor's situation of when they might not be able to communicate or why they opt for a hotel when in port. The layout is draining mentally even for people who aren't clusterphobic just by simply being on board for 6 or more months. Those who are on a sub that layout is even more uncomfortable than a ship.

My husband left for basic a year ago then went to AIT and is now stationed in South Korea. We have been attempting to get me there for the past 4 months with little to no progress. Has anyone else had this problem?! I feel like I’m going insane originally he said I would be out there in February but it’s now may and my lease ended I had to move in with a friend and the date keeps getting pushed further and further back. I’m loosing my mind over here trying to contact the army almost daily to get them to move the paperwork. The EFMP enrollment has taken 2 months and he just told me today that it might take just as long for the next step. I have overstayed my welcome with my friend and I don’t know if getting an apartment is worth it. My family is now blaming him for how long the process is taking and I have no support anymore. What can I do?! I’m debating booking a flight on my own and just showing up at this point. Please help!!!

i’m in virginia and my spouse is in the navy. recently i was put on his insurance which he told me is tricare prime. in search of a primary care physician, i was told only doctors on military bases accept tricare prime in this area. is this true? i would really prefer not to go on base to see someone especially when i just need a pcp for a mental health referral. all of this is terribly confusing. what should i do?

August 2024, my boyfriend and I will be together for 2 years… we haven’t seen each other for over a year. He isn’t deployed, but on an intense training schedule. We’ve only spoke for 4 hours so far in 2024. In the past, he’s forgotten my birthday and holidays… I never grilled him about it, but reminded him that these things matter especially when in LDR. I never complain about his career path, but he still doesn’t follow through on my asks. No emails, no letters, and no text messages. So far he’s been away for 7 weeks. He’s not even around for me to call it off. I don’t feel right sending a “Dear John” message.

Hello, my husband is in C school at the moment. His rate is IT-ATF, he had a 3 month A school and he began C school on 3/26/24. He is supposed to finish C school on 8/1/24. He told me last month that he would know his duty station by May 1, however he told me he does not know it as of yet. Does anyone know when a navy it student typically finds out their PDS? I cannot help but think that maybe he knows and is not telling me (as a surprise ig). I am so anxious to find out! Anything helps :)

Hey all,

While we’re still a few weeks from my husband’s graduation it’s very likely we’ll end up in California at Camp Pendleton for about 9 months as a part of a fleet replacement squadron before being stationed on the east coast (this is all pending he gets his first choices).

With that being said, we both grew up on the east coast and I’ve only been to LA a few times for work when it was fully covered by my company- so I never really worried about money or anything.

We’ve been looking at some apartments and I truly just don’t know where to start. I work fully remote and definitely need at least an office area whether that’s a second bedroom or a loft, I’m flexible.

Does anyone have any complex’s in the Camp Pendleton/Carlsbad/Encinitas areas they would recommend?

Thanks so much!

I’m interested in becoming a flight attendant but wanted to see if anyone here is an FA while their spouse is still active duty? What are the pros and cons? How are you juggling spending time together and working? What airlines are more accommodating than others/which ones are more likely to put you in/around where your spouse is stationed?

Any and all advice is appreciated. Thank you!

Hi everyone my husband will be graduating AIT in June we want for me to move to his duty station afterwards.(In Louisiana) Im very new to all of this and I was just wondering if anyone on here could enlighten me on the process of moving in with him? Like what type of paper work we will need to be doing? In all honesty I just want to know how long this process will take. Lol If anyone has any advice I’d greatly appreciate it! Thanks for reading (:

Dear MilSpouses,

I really struggle with my relationship. I am 27, just finishing my grad degree, and in my country I will need an other 1,5 years of training for my profession. I am becoming a teacher. Those 1,5 years put me close to the poverty line, but afterwards I have job security for a life time and a decent paycheck. It's a big sacrifice already to stick it out that long.

Now, I have met my boyfriend. He is an O3, wants the army to make his career. He is stationed oversees. I am not from the US.

The relationship it self, is perfect. Honestly I have never been in a better relationship before. He will be here for at least the time I am doing my placement of 1,5 years. He said he d be trying to get an extension with a broading assignment, but we all know thats a maybe. Can work out, but he it may not. He wants to get married sometime next year. He is financially savvy, not just with the paycheck but with investments etc.

Anyway; I struggle. I really do, because I am really done fending for myself and my recognition. I have worked to hard and long for my job, sacrificed so much, only to move to an other country that treats my profession with low respect? Where I have to fight that my degrees gets recognized? Potentially going through an other licensing process? - That out look takes away all my motivation, sense of purpose and meaning to even pursue something.

Because You have it figured out in one place, and you move. My job is based on relationships. Pick them up, drop them, never seeing how anything flourishes... I struggle with resentment that he gets to go around, t d y s, all the cool stuff, and I just fend for myself again. He says I dont have to do it alone, but how tf can I rely on you if you are gone soften?

We have talked about starting a family at some point. I am like yeah, I want one, but my life is gonna change in every aspect, my body as well. It's country, language, jobs, and I need to take care of all that crap. It's all on me. All on my to sort out those emotions. I feel like I am drowning in those responsibilities.

So hence my question... how do you guys find purpose and meaning? Knowing that you basically work for nothing because you move in a heartbeat.

My husband just got his orders to Fort Bliss, from what I’ve heard there are a bunch of neighborhoods,

which neighborhoods are the best and safest?

Is it better to live on post or off post?

Is there currently a waiting list for on base housing?

Good reliable websites to find houses or apartments for rent ?

Any advice would be great, thank you.