Hey y’all! This is all new to me so maybe it’s a stupid question. But my so is in training to be a WTI but our communication has been so bad ever since so I just get worried . He’s there 14h everyday, is this normal? Has anyone experienced this

So we (23F & 21M) met online and continued chatting for a few months. We got together a little over a month ago and things have been pretty hectic.

Firstly, he’s in the navy. I’ve never been with someone in the navy but I have had long distance relationships before. I thought it’d be a breeze (boy was I wrong).

Prior to us getting together, he had a fwb thing with a friend of his and turned out, two months later and a few days into the relationship, she miscarried and called him. We were on a virtual date when he dipped out for hours on end with little to no explanation. The next day he came to me and told me a lie, that it was just one of his friends that had gotten pregnant and miscarried. He neglected to tell me that it was his. Understandably, he was depressed and three days into our relationship I could tell something was definitely up. He got distant and then asked for some space which I graciously gave him because I had noticed the emotional disconnect between us. I brought it up several times and he hadn’t mentioned anything. It wasn’t until two days after our one month anniversary that he finally told me the truth via text while I was at work.

I was devastated. I asked for space for myself and then a few days after, finally tried talking to him about it. He refused to get into a conversation about it and told me that he just wants to focus on getting his life back on track due to the depression taking a huge toll on him. He really wants kids and after learning of the pregnancy and the resulting miscarriage- he was torn up.

I forgave him for lying to a degree but I made it very clear that I couldn’t forget that he lied. Since then, I’ve been making efforts to try and bridge the gap between us and be a safe space for him to come and talk if he feels too overwhelmed. He has refused me at every turn.

I’ve been trying to do my own research as the emotional disconnect is still very apparent and I’m honestly trying my hardest to be supportive.

Majority of the time, I am the person to reach out to him and call or text. Majority of the time, I am the person who carries the conversation because if it isn’t the simple answers like “mhm, or yeah”, I can’t get a word out of him. He acts like the complete opposite when he talks to his other friends and when I’ve asked him about it (maybe 5 or so times) he tells me that getting comfortable with me will take time. This person is completely different than the one who asked to be my partner and lately I’ve been feeling like this relationship is very unfulfilling. I’m not getting a smidgen of what I’d like to receive from a relationship and I’m constantly questioning if this is the right position to be in. I’ve been debating ending it all, but I keep wondering if this is just because he’s stressed out with work/school or because he probably still feels depressed.

I’m feeling really lost here and I don’t know whether I should continue to be understanding and patient or if I should just tuck tail and run from now.

Im pcsing to japan soon and want to marry my partner but stuck kinda on the three options here.

1. Let chain of command know in November, get married in December and just finish up the pcsing and adding her to my dependents around the same time

2. Wait till after pcs, take leave back to the states and get married then and slowly work her in my dependents

3. Get married in December (without letting current command know), pcs and then take leave to come back and work her into my dependents around

She’s not coming with me to japan so its pretty much a 3 year deployment and we’ve already worked it out how we’d handle it. Im just tryna get an idea on how to go about it

Me(31f) and my husband (27m)have been married for five years and this year he decided to join the army. He graduates AIT on 12 November and then we need to be in Fort Bliss by December. He keeps saying to leave everything up to the drill sergeant because he doesn’t know what’s happening after graduating(He doesn’t even know what happens on graduation day). I have been in different PCS groups on Facebook trying to get straight answers,Which has been telling us that we pay for pretty much everything going forward before our first duty station and my husband just shuts me down and is telling me no we just let the drill sergeant handle it and I said the drill soldiers aren’t gonna handle our move, but he insist that we listen to them and I don’t know what to do anymore.

This has been a long argument with us for the past three days and I don’t wanna be steered wrong so here are my questions

1). What exactly happens at graduation at AIT for those who have experienced it does my husband come home with me right then?

2. do we come out of pocket for our majority of our expenses? Also, it says that CBA is authorized, but I heard that we won’t get a travel card because it has to be at the first duty station.

3. if anybody can simplify this process to make it easier for me to move because all these acronyms, I just don’t get it and not getting a straight answer is literally making my anxiety go crazy mentally I can’t handle any more stress.

If you’ve been stationed at Fort Liberty (Bragg) does it just suck the soul out of you? How do you survive this place? I’d happily go back to Irwin.

Not new to the ways of the Army. Been married for 6 years but I’ve never experienced anything like this. How did you manage if you felt similarly.

I’m in a very new relationship with a man in the army. We hit it off straight away. I’ve not felt connection and happiness like this with anyone. His current camp is half an hour away and we’ve been seeing each other 2/3x a week, he’s met my parents, stayed round and been very supportive and met my 2yo son. He was supposed to stay at this camp for at least another year but found out yesterday that he’s got to move an 1.5 hours away, with now the potential of being deployed for 3 months next year. I’ve done distance before and it’s not been an issue in terms of loyalty or loss of love, but I guess with it only being a month in there’s the risk of foundations not being there. We’ve had the discussion that we are both going to try and make it work and cross each bridge, I guess we both didn’t realise we’d be tested this early. I have a busy life, with the child, my animals and my business as well as sport, I have a great support network of friends and family that have got me through tough times. What are people’s recommendations or opinions from experience either being the one in the military or being the SO to that person. (British Army)

My boyfriend will be transferred to his MOS school in a month (He just reported back from his 10-day boot leave and is now at MCT). He will be in Field Artillery at Oklahoma until maybe around February. I am just wondering if they could have an off-base liberty during weekends where I can visit him and hang out? I’ve heard of the liberty buddy thing and I don’t really mind that but does it apply to every student at MOS?

If not, any information about me visiting him will be highly appreciated (when, where, and how i can, what to bring, preparations, etc.) I am from LA and will be flying to OKC alone so i’ll probably book a hotel for myself. I know I can’t bring him there since I am not his legal guardian/spouse so I wanna know where I can take him!

My husband grads soon from BCT. He is my everything. I am excited to see him soon. Can this week hurry the fck up please????

I would love to join a discord for military SO and spouses. Is there a group?

Hi guys! I'm looking for anyone's experience on having a SO deployed in Kuwait. My guy just let me know he is going to be deploying there, I've never been with him during a deployment. I'm just curious if anyone has had experience with this? Is in the National Guard as well for some background.

Hi all!!! I’ll be attending the marine ball ( my boyfriend is a marine lance corp) on the 3rd this coming Sunday in San Diego! I’m super excited? Any expectations? Pros and cons? Funny stories? I wanna hear lol!

My husband is in the navy. Do I have to disclose that I’m a military spouse to my employer? It’s possible we’ll be moving soon. Does my employer have access to his military records? Are PCS public record? I don’t want them knowing about this move until I’m ready to formally quit. Thanks in advance!

I saw this on my newsfeed on fb. I think we all share this sentiment.

Hey so I've been sending letters to ship uss 9 john f kennedy division 354, 3415 sailor drive great lakes 60088 through sandboxx will it still go to my partner even though the zip code is supposed to be 60088 3515? I didn't realize it would send it to 3301 indiana St Bldg 1313, North Chicago, IL 60088 if I didn't add the 3515 to the zip code.

Hey, my boyfriend started basic today and I was impatient so I used Sandboxx to send a letter, even though I didn’t get a mailing address yet. On the app, I entered that he’s in the navy and the base he’s at, but not the ship and other specifying information because I’m not sure yet. I used his home address instead. I was wondering if using his home address will have the letter shipped to his house or if they’ll look up his address in the system and deliver it to him at basic based on that? Let me know please and thank you :)

Im AD Air Force and my bf is AD Army. He got orders to Germany (RNLTD Feb 2025). I just found out Im pregnant and now he wants to get his orders cancelled. I feel so bad because he's excited to go to Germany. We wanna be together but we're not married. I also want the best for him and I don't wanna hold him back but I also don't wanna go through this alone. Any advice?

-My OB doc said that with my current condition I may have a difficult/complicated pregnancy (prone to miscarriage. And if that were to happen I just don't want him to blame me if he decides not to go.

me and my fiancé are planning on getting married within the next few months. we’re currently long distance (different states) and will be long distance until we’re married and he gets me enrolled in DEERS and gets us a place to live once he starts receiving BAH and all that jazz. what all does he need of mine in order to enroll me? i’ve seen things that say he’s able to get me enrolled without me being there with him but i haven’t seen anything stating exactly what he’ll need except for our marriage certificate. also since my last name change after marriage most likely won’t be finalized and i won’t be able to get a new ID or social security card before he gets me enrolled will my spouse ID be able to have his last name without it being finalized first or will it be my maiden name until it’s finalized?

Hello dear people.

I am from the Netherlands and I am 29, I fell in love with a man who is in the army and he is 32 years old. That was a year and a half ago, everything was actually super good between us; during his deployments I had no problems, I did miss him but that is normal.

During his last deployment, he was given the mission to train volunteers from Ukraine, to prepare them to return to the war. He was away for 3 months, after he came back; he made the choice to hand in his resignation from the army and join as a volunteer in Ukraine.

Then we faced a big challenge in our relationship, I did not know what I was hearing. Although I do understand the reasons why he does that. In the end we made a compromise together that I would stay with him until he leaves for Ukraine.

He broke up with me because he doesn't know what the future holds, that it will change him a lot when he comes back and that he wishes me all the luck with another man and that he doesn't want to waste my time on the uncertainties.

It hurts, a lot.

Now it's been half a year, half a year of no contact (sidenote; his phone is turned off because my messages don't arrive and no, I'm not blocked. He got another mobile phone where it can't be tracked and that way he can contact his younger brother every now and then); I do send him a short message every month to tell him that I'm proud of him, that I think he's so brave and courageous. Maybe he likes it, maybe not. I don't know. What do you guys think about this?

But my question, how do I continue with my life? How do I get over this? This is what I have the most difficult with, for the first time a serious, active war zone and I'm worried about him. I am at peace with the way things turned out, that it ended because I know that he only means well for me. He has the best for me. Still, I care about him and I miss him terribly. After half a year, I still cry about him every now and then. How should I deal with this?

I have tried everything, new hobbies, full focus on my work and my education, cried a lot, talked a lot and have a grief processing book to be able to write and draw everything out. Is that also in the Netherlands almost nothing for the family members how to deal with this. no explanation or anything like that. I would like to hear your stories, how you deal with this and moving on.

Thanks and lots of love.

My Army husband is about to graduate from BCT to AIT and is asking for an iPad. I was just wondering if there is other items that y’all would recommend for ~6 month A School or maybe stuff that your partner asked for? I’m hoping to make a basket for a special welcome basket. Thank you!

Hey guys I’m heading to my husbands graduation soon, I bought a few graduation gifts, some clothes and things I know he’d love, if I bring it with me and give it to him, is he even able to bring it back with him? He flys out the Saturday after graduation. Or should I just ship it to him at his next station? Thankss

My husband is currently in BCT at Fort Jackson and requested me to send him a Spanish version of a catholic bible, it would be easier to order it from Amazon and have it shipped directly over there to him but I'm not sure if it's allowed or how to enter the address, would it be the exact same as when I send him letters? Anyone else able to successfully send Amazon packages to trainees in BCT?

My boyfriend has been in the fleet for a little less than a month. He's stationed in San Diego, while I'm about a nine hour drive away in NorCal. He called me to tell me that he can't fly up for my birthday on the 23rd since he is being forced to attend the ball on the 22nd. I'm honestly blindsided by this since I'm never privy to what's happening in his world. I was upset by this because he promised he'd be here for my birthday. His explanation was mostly: he didn't know he was required to buy a ticket. he didn't know he had to stay on base. he didn't know they were still selling tickets (the sale ended the same day he called). he didnt know he was allowed to buy a ticket. he didnt know if I wanted to go. and he didnt know if I would even be able to attend. He mentioned third wheeling his friend and his girlfriend. His friend has been in San Diego a little longer than him. Apparently, he had bought his girlfriend both a ticket to the ball and a plane ticket (we're all from the same city). I'm not sure why I needed to know that, but he told me about it. I'm struggling to accept this as pure ignorance. And if I do, doesn't that make the problem sound worse?? He's supposed to come up for veterans day weekend for his sisters birthday, and then hang out with me (eat fast food, screw, and then sleep for the rest of the day). But I decided right after our call ended to join my parents on their road trip to L.A., which would take up the whole weekend and he would not be able to see me. He then texts me to say he was planning on surprising me on my birthday anyways by coming later in the day. But by then, I already decided to go to a cousins party in S.F. on my birthday. So, he has already paid for two round trip flights for the next month to see me. Only, he won't be able to see me at all. He got really sad and now I feel bad. Was it too petty of me to effectively cancel all of our November hang outs just because he didn't invite or tell me about the ball at all in the first place? Is this??? break up worthy??? Am I even right to be hurt by this? I didn't expect him to pay for my tickets or transportation or anything like his friend. We've been together for about a year and a half. I woulda thought he'd want me there? Did he really not know anything at all? Is this how its gonna be for the rest of my life????

My husband has mentioned transferring his GI Bill to me so that I can go back for my masters, nurse practitioner track specifically. I already have a BSN so it would be 5-8 semesters depending on the school, but they are so expensive which has held me back for so long. He has no plans on using it and offered it to me. I don’t know what the process, regulations, etc are like? He is deployed currently so while he can probably ask and get the process started, I won’t be applying until he gets back at the very least since I missed applications this cycle for the school of my preference. Has anyone done this before and what was your experience? I didn’t know this was really a thing until he offered.

Hi, This may sound like a silly question but I have no idea. My husband is in OSUT and will be graduating in late November he received his orders and we’re getting stationed in ft liberty. I wanted to know if I can start the process of applying for on base housing or does he have to do it? I’m concerned about finding a place fast once we get there as I am 8 hours from there and can’t look around now. Any info would be appreciated!

im F18 and currently in my first year of college and my boyfriend M20 has been telling me he’s gonna go to the military. instantly when he made the decision i went into a spiral like i can’t live without this man i don’t know how ill be able to be with out him yk.. and i don’t want to be in the way of his career goals yk but i really want to be with him he’s my whole world and i’ve done LDR and i know i can do it ill be fine but it’s the stories i’ve heard of weeks with no contact :( like i don’t think i could do that i might lose my mind if i can’t even talk to him for a little bit. i love him more than anything but if anyone else is my age or was my age when this happened to them pls give advice on how i can cope :(

to add on he’s also been asking me to marry him and thats like so scary like i want to marry him yes at some point but we’ve only been tgt for a year like im in love with him yes but like also don’t wanna marry so so young and it fails :(

Army wife here. We’re going on our fourth round of no contact training, this one is just 3ish weeks thankfully (we did 6 weeks previously and…😩 that was rough). But the zero communication aspect really gets to me. Phones are locked up for all of these trainings. I’d prefer a deployment at this point if I’m being honest because at least we can still communicate pretty regularly.

I’m really struggling with this lately though. We did the math and in a year time span we will have 6 months of no communication. We joke that our anniversary this year shouldn’t count because we only got to speak to each other for half the year 😅

My question is, what do y’all do to stay busy in the quiet? Weekends are the hardest since my job is pretty draining and tiring during the week. We have another 5 week training coming up after he’s home from this and I’m running out of ideas besides crying and eating 😩😩

my (f20) boyfriend (m20) recently deployed and unsurprisingly i'm having a hard time processing it. I know there are many posts on reddit about girlfriends feeling heartbroken about their boyfriend's deployments, so apologies in advance if this post is a bit redundant or annoying. due to some circumstances, i do not know when is the next time i'll see him again. that's really difficult for me to tackle as i'm someone whose huge on planning and scheduling. (I know that when it comes to the military you should only expect the unexpected.) I'm trying to work through this the best as i can. i'm keeping up with school, making plans with girl friends, investing in my hobbies, going to therapy + journaling and even allowed myself a little healthy splurge on clothes and nails. I know a lot of deployment advice is "learn how to be independent from a man!" I would like to think that I am, but that still doesn't change my heartbreak. I'm having trouble navigating this. I have one friend who's experienced a long distance military relationship and although i'd love to vent to her, i'm worried she will feel like our friendship is centered around her being a shoulder to cry on, which isn't what i want at all. my boyfriend has asked how he could help but i don't want to take energy away from his work, his family and him processing this huge transition. It's very difficult for me to hide my emotions so it's clear to my boyfriend how much I'm struggling, and i'm worried of that being yet another stressor in his life. It makes me feel so guilty, I really wish I could be a happy-go-lucky ray of positivity. Any thoughts, kind words and advice would be appreciated ♥️

Howdy yall, im leaving for army bct tommorow, my girlfriend is worried abt how she will handle me being gone, does anyone have tips for handling the absence of your SO while they were in training?

Im expected to be gone roughly 5-6 months with all training included