We started out happy and everything was smooth sailing til I had my 3 rd child. This was a major sexual/emotional/everything falling out. Our relationship dwindled in everything you can think of. Our anniversary just passed and nothing. My birthday? Nothing. Holidays? Nothing. He refuses to even touch me but once every 3-4 months on his terms. Just pretty much a cum bucket for him and it’s annoying. We both work I maintain the household and take care of everything else this is tiring. I do online school as well and having everything on my plate is just overwhelming. We don’t go on dates, we don’t sit together, we don’t do anything that we used to a year ago. Everything just changed like the switch of a light! I started giving the energy I was receiving and not even a slight reaction “oh ok” is what he always says. I set up drinks and try to have some time to wind down and relax for both of us and it’s always “I don’t feel good” or “I’m hurting” I go to stores by myself and do everything alone. Not even a bat of an eye from him. This is the cherry on top for me, my dad passed away and the first person that gave me a hug, was my father in law. We were driving to where he was which was about 4 hrs away and he insisted that we stay home I said “ no I want to go to where he passed this was the place that he was thriving was at why would I stay?” Instantly got an attitude and scoffed at me. He quit his good paying job “ to be home where he was needed” soon after we found out we were expecting And ended up falling off financially. This is where it began. Everything was vivid but started fading into black and white. In the blink of an eye!! I helped him beat a 8 year long meth addiction, got him into the right crowd and had a promising future, and gave him a child of his own. I had to mourn and Grieve while with child and im seen as a side kick by everyone with him. I don’t understand. We’re supposed to be a team and im seen as a lesser version with him. In every argument and every smile I’ve always been 10 toes down. But when it come to me it’s always an issue??? I’ve never cause him troubles in any way shape or form and when I have I took full accountability for my actions. Not sure what to do but I want to end it all here. No excuse to be unhappy and miserable all my life. I’m unhappy and I want to live life wwyd?

So my best friend, who I'll call Charlotte, has a bad track record with men. She is currently still legally married to her abusive ex, who left Charlotte and their son by moving back to his home country in Asia. He physically, mentally, and financially abused her, and she has been waiting to file for abandonment. Since then, she moved to a different state with her family and met man, whom I will call Joey. I haven't liked Joey since they met. He was still living with his ex gf/one of his 2 baby mamas, and initially they started as just friends with benefits, except he would lead her on and act cocky and entitled, and not actually follow through. Charlotte and Joey both caught feelings, and they started dating. Fast forward about 1.5 years later and they have a 2 month old son. This is Charlotte's 2nd child and Joey's 3rd. Joey has not managed to keep a stable job in the entirety of their relationship and is living with his dad, despite being 28 I think. (Charlotte is 25). Joey had a plethora of drama and baggage from his other 2 baby mamas as well, that is not Charlotte's responsibility nor problem. She takes it on anyway. Joey ALSO cheated on her while she was 8 months pregnant, which Charlotte always said was her hard boundary. She forgave him.

This morning, Charlotte tells me that Joey proposed. She told him she would think about it.

She told me that her heart says "yes" but that she is still hesitant.

I do NOT like Joey and think that just because he doesnt treat her like shit like her ex, that he is automatically amazing in her eyes. I have been incredibly vocal to both of them about this, too.

Charlotte has always said that I will be her matron of honor when she gets married, since I met her after she was already married to her ex.

I am seriously considering declining the role, since I think she is making a huge mistake. Advice very much needed...

TLDR: best friend might be engaged to a dead-beat guy who I hate, and I may decline being her maid of honor.

Edit: grammar and typos

I’m 20F, my boyfriend is 26M. We met at work and were best friends, and eventually decided to try dating and fell in love. He’s one of the kindest, most loving people I’ve ever met, and I’m so grateful to have him. We’re now long-distance (8 hours) and recently became sexually active. He’s experienced, but I’m not. I’ve found the sex to be deeply underwhelming; I’m never in pain or uncomfortable, but I don’t experience any pleasure and orgasm is out of the question. It came up that I don’t fantasize during sex or masturbation. He said that this sounds “miserable”. Recently he suggested that I should watch porn to “give my imagination a little juice”. I don’t like porn; no moral compunctions, just not my thing. I became inexplicably furious when he suggested this; I was confused by my own anger, as I couldn’t think of a reason this would make me angry. I talked to my best friend, who is much more experienced than I am, and she warned that his leap to porn as a solution is a massive red flag that indicates he’s willing to put the blame solely on me instead of building intimacy in our relationship, and that my anger likely stemmed from his oversimplification and blame. She has never met my bf. Is she right? Is this a red flag that I need to have a serious talk with him about? Or am I overthinking this? This is my first serious relationship and I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.

gaslighted? Gasliten? Fuck idk. But heres my dish. I'm bisexual and currently dating a pretty dope lady. There is one huge dilemma we keep facing over and over. Let's call my significant other Jane. So Jane's best friend is a really cool girl! I met her once and liked her like right away. But I slowly started to notice Jane and her best friend are particularly close, like intimately close. A very close magnetic type friendship, and Jane's friend is straight so I didnt think about it much. I also have a very close best friend. One time I braided Jane's hair and her friend snapped her saying "I'll curb stomp her, I'm supposed to braid your hair!!" And Jane wanted me to brush it off cause she was kidding and that's just how they talk. Jane seems to think cuddling, sharing a small bed, and footsie, and calling each other babe is totally normal. when I told her my best friend and I dont do that, Jane kinda made it seem like I was being prude. We had a short break up. She asked me afterwards "hey does my friendship ever make you feel awkward?" I said yeah it actually did. And asked why she inquired. She said her friends fuck buddy brought it up himself. I told Jane "well that's two people who feel the same. Two people yall both have dated." Very recently I had a very intense family emergency and Jane supported me and texted and called me eveydqy being supportive. When I came home from the family emergency we got back together. Tonight we had a special night planned. Order in food, we both hang out and do our own thing and then maybe watch TV cuddle and go to bed. Except I hear Jane in the other room say "Babe!"I said "what?" Only to see her on speaker phone with friend. I got upset and kept painting and even cried and Jane noticed. She keeps mentioning "you're upset with me arent you?" And I keep asking for my privacy (it's my fucking house) I feel like either I'm being paranoid or Jane is setting up situations to make me uncomfortable (intentional or not) and putting it on me for getting upset. Idk. My face is flush. I'm sitting in a dark living room texting this and feel very paranoid, alone, and like an idiot. Anyone with similar experience? Please help.

This question has been popping up in the back of my mind of years now, but I tend to push it away when things get better. Lately, the string of negative interactions has been forcing me to take a harder look at my friendship.

We (both 26F) have been friends since middle school. Originally she was shy and quiet in public and more bossy with her close friends. As we progressed into highschool, this bossiness bled through into general interactions - where she would sass teachers and make her dislike of different people more and more evident. This behavior never got called out by friends and certainly not by her parents, I think we all took it as a sign that she was finally gaining confidence.

Now, as adults, it's a daily rollercoaster. If someone at her place of work does something wrong they are a "fucking C*nt" or if a person is driving too slowly it nearly drives her over the edge - as if she is entitled to these extreme and irrational reactions. Finally, when it comes to me, I'm always on edge:

1. Whenever I bring up something that gives me anxiety her reaction is "well now you know how I felt at [X point in time] so you can't complain".

2. She has made it clear she doesn't like my boyfriend even though he is wonderful and makes me very happy. When I spend too much time with him, she becomes very cold, rude and complains. Most recently she shut her door in my face because I was going to his little cousin's birthday party instead of spending time with her. Direct quote "why would you want to do that? I don't understand why you would go to that."

3. I feel like I have to diminish my accomplishments or excitements. My boyfriend recently helped me purchase a mountain bike since he wants me to get into it. She told me if I became a bike girl she wasn't sure if she could be friends with me. Then, when I downplay enjoying mountain biking so she won't be judgmental, she takes me to task for going out of my way to please him.

4. Emotional retaliation whenever I don't completely agree with her. This is in all aspects - being nice to someone she doesn't like, talking to people from high school, liking my boyfriend's friends.

I'm confused, because when things are good between us she is a great friend. Overall she's not a terrible roommate and we have similar cleanliness and home values for maintaining the apartment. I don't have any other close female friends in the area so I can't help but wonder if it's maybe me. However, she definitely acts in the above ways with other people in her life - parents, sister, boyfriends. No one has ever said a single thing because honestly - she's scary.

What should I do?

I (35f) have a friend (30f) who I'd really like to stop seeing/talking to. Essentially, being in her company makes me feel pretty garbagey. I must stress that she doesn't do anything to make me feel this way deliberately and seems to want the best for me. She is super successful and very, very privileged and naive but she's completely unaware of this. She's never really struggled for/with anything and honestly I find her pretty unrelateable. She is sometimes patronising without meaning to be. She has a wide and busy social life I'm not involved with and maybe my only valid criticism is that I think I only hear from her when they're all busy?

I've tried tapering off communications and avoiding hanging out but she's very persistent (when things are quiet in her more immediate social circle) and I definitely don't want to hurt her - I recognise that this is entirely my problem.

I guess I feel like we don't really have enough life experience in common to really understand each other?

TL;DR I don't enjoy the company of a very sweet friend which makes me feel like a crappy person. Would rather not be friends. How?

Story time! For the past couple of months, I have been having a particularly hard time with my mental health. It started to get worse a couple of months ago. I have always been very close to my parents. I always told people I was a parent’s child, because I was close with both. I could not really say I was a mammas girl or a daddy’s girl.

I have worked with my dad for the past couple of years. We work in an office together so we see each other daily. There was literally a time when our desks were right next to each other. It was really nice to be at a point where I saw my Dad on such a regular basis. My father was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in October of 2017. He had a very short battle. He passed away unexpectedly in his sleep on 11/14/2017. It was hard. He only had a five-week battle. He was supposed to have his first round of chemo therapy on the morning that he passed.

My mother suffers from epilepsy and should not live on her own. This is not me saying that someone who has epilepsy is not capable of living a self-sustained life. Just that this is what was best for my mom. Agreed upon by everyone close to her My dad had been very particular about making sure he told everyone he loved them and setting up plans for what should happen after he passed. He had multiple conversations with my sister and her husband about my mom going to live with them. He even had a one on one conversation with my brother-in-law to make sure he was okay with having his mother-in-law live with him at such a young age. It allowed her to have freedom since she would not have to work, which is physically hard for her. She also suffers with fibromyalgia pain, which can be debilitating at times. She would be able to travel between whoever’s home she felt like if she wanted to change up where she was. She had the ability to save the social security she was getting instead of barely getting enough to afford all the payments of single home ownership and just life. My siblings and I had long in-depth conversations with her while we were all together. She agreed. She said nothing to lead she wanted to be alone.

She came to live with me at first so that we could adjust the dogs to staying with my fiancé and I. She staid for about 2 weeks. Then she left. She said that she wanted to live alone. There was a huge fight that erupted about the way she just disappears from my home. She didn’t talk to any of us about how she was feeling. She just packed everything and left while my fiancé and I were out. Then my sister and I had to drive around town for about 4-5 hours trying to find her to make sure she was alright. The fight was a breaking point. I snapped.

I had already been having a hard time dealing with the loss of my father. I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. I was depressed. I did not even realize the number of small changes that were going on within me. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. I tried to kill myself. The cops were called and I was baker acted. It was rough. I was given medicine. It helped. I started to feel better. I realized how I was feeling for the past couple of months, and how different it was from how I usually felt.

My fiancé had a hard time with me breaking. He said he couldn’t handle it at first. He changed his mind. He asked me to do a couple of things for him though. He asked me to complete a couple of homework assignments.

This is something that my Dad was always quite fond of doing as a form of punishment. He would assign us more homework such as reading a book and then writing a report on it. He would contact our teachers and ask them to assign us more homework.

I love my fiance so I agreed to any and all tasks as long as I could have him. It has been about a month and I have almost completed all my tasks, little delay due to new medication messing with my vision and needing new glasses.

Now we are getting to the point!!!! Finally, I know!!

I was talking with my family on one of our weekly family nights. My fiancé goes every other week and was not present this week. I was talking about how my fiancé took queues from Dad on the homework assignments. My Brother-in-law suggested that I give him some homework as well. Have him read something about living with a partner who suffers with mental health. I immediately loved the idea! I did not think my fiancé would be as fond of it though. He doesn’t always seem to understand mental health and the impact it can have on me.

I thought about the idea for a while and finally brought it up to my fiancé last night. He was receptive! It was better than I had hoped for! He said he would read it. He said he wouldn’t write the report, but he would read whatever book I picked for him. YAY!

Now is where I need help! I don’t know what book to pick. I have problems with anxiety more than anything else probably. I have depressive periods, but the medication is helping that. My SO has had problems with understanding things like the difference between homicidal and suicidal. He doesn’t always grasp that those are two very different things. I want to pick something that will help him understand me better, but I don’t know what! There’s so many choices I need recommendations!

TL;DR Need a book for my SO to read to help him understand mental health. To help him better understand how to live with a person who suffers from anxiety and depression.

He is a wonderful and caring partner, he treats me like an equal, goes out of his way to make me happy, helps me out whenever I'm in need and is incredibly supportive. The only thing that stands between us is his views on feminism and his fondness of gender rolls. I am a 26 yr old woman and am a proud feminist, he is a 27yr old man and doesn't think feminism is needed anymore. His view of feminism is men hating, torch yeilding 'feminazis' (for lack of a better term). He believes it's pathetic for a man to show emotion, he makes comments about women that don't look the way he'd like, etc. He comes from a very broken home with some shady role models and its clear where this behaviour comes from. I do try to talk to him, whenever a comment is made but I get so upset and flustered that I can never seem to articulate calmly what I want to say and instead comes off as an attack. With that being said, he has made significant improvement since we started dating a year ago, but still has a long way to come. In every other way he is perfect, but I simply can't overlook this. I'm hoping there might be some resource I can direct him to since I can't seem to talk to him intelligently and without emotion. Or am I trying to change him? (which is not my intention) I'm at a loss.

tl;dr I love my boyfriend and he is perfect for me except for the troubling deep rooted misogyny

TL;DR: Going to Disney with black boyfriend to meet white, super conservative family. Dad and brother may make racist comments to said boyfriend. Don't want vacation to go to shit. Advice?

For context, I'm 25 F white and my boyfriend is 23 M black. We've been dating for almost two months. It's my first time in a interracial relationship. We're joining my family this weekend for a trip to Disney.

Mom(60) was initially acting weird about it, questioning my standards, but now seems accepting.

My relationship with my Dad(57) is strained already, but I am concerned about how he will behave meeting my boyfriend. He often throws the N-word around and is an avid/ vocal Trump supporter/ hard-right conservative. My boyfriend doesn't already like my dad due to past trauma my Dad inflicted, so anything else might cause great tension and ruin the trip.

My brother (23) is bringing his girlfriend (24ish). My brother is on the same page with my Dad in terms of politics, and often tries to prove me wrong and put me down. He also is vocal about being against the BLM movement, and claims not to be racist because he has a black roommate.

I want everything to go along smoothly. I know we are going to Disney, so it puts somewhat of a buffer in that sense. However, this will be the first time my boyfriend is meeting my family. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Or has any advice for someone in a interracial relationship? How can I put a buffer there or be ready for what may come up? What can I do to make sure this trip doesn't go to shit?

I feel like it's next to impossible for me to initiate sex, verbally or physically. I think's a combination of societal pressure to not be sexual/take up space/whatever, my extremely low confidence when it comes to men , and straight up fear of being rejected.

Current boyfriend is amazing in every way and is monumentally supportive of me and my man-issues (crap dad, rape survivor, etc), so it's not an issue with anything he's doing. He is just forced to do all the initiating, and it's wearing on him.

He's made it clear that he will not reject me, and does everything he can to make me comfortable asking for anything, sexual or not. The sex we do have is A+, but it's not fair for me to just expect him to start things off all the time.

Example: This morning I wanted to initiate, but my mind bogged me down with what-ifs: what if he doesn't feel like it, what if he thinks I'm just doing this because we talked about it last night, what if he thinks there's no time, what if what if what if. There might as well have been a physical barrier keeping me from making a move.

Am I alone in this? Does anyone have suggestions on how to teach myself to be more confident with this?

TL;DR: How do I get comfortable puttin' the moves on my boyfriend?

I am totally lost at what to do.

I have been with the same person since 2012 – all through my years at university, and now we are moving away from home together in about a month. After all this time, our lives are totally intertwined. We are each other's support system. I truly do believe he is a fantastic, wonderful man – he is everything I have ever wished and hoped for, I think he’s attractive, I would be happy to end up with him someday and have him on the porch, rocking beside me in his wicker chair at 90 years old. He makes me happy, he tries hard everyday, he’s loyal to a fault and he is absolutely in love with me – despite my flaws, and despite everything we’ve gone through.

Here’s the problem, though: after all this time, I'm unsure of our relationship. I've noticed in the past two years (since Dec. 2014) – that I just don’t feel gushy, mushy and in love with him. When we first got together, I was most definitely in the honeymoon phase. I’m talking the missing him all the time, constant thinking about him, excited to see him, excited to be with him, etc. Slowly and surely, that faded to a more comfortable level, but now a days, I don’t ever miss him when we’re apart. I have no sex drive, I never want to have sex – I just wanna cuddle, and that’s it. There’s no emotions stirred when we kiss anymore, and honestly, I keep telling myself this is normal – but part of me thinks it isn’t. Sometimes it feels like we run out of things to talk about, and we’re spending more time on our phones then actually building our relationship nowadays.

To be honest, the best way to articulate it, is that we’ve become more friends than boyfriend and girlfriend – we’ve lost that romantic spark, and I just don’t know what to do anymore about it. He really is an incredible person and does a lot for me, but I'm scared that I will be missing out sharing my life with someone that might be better suited for me, or that I feel more passion for. We’ve talked about it, come up with plans, but we’re both failing at executing. I truly don’t want to be with anyone else, no one else catches my eye – I want it with him.

I've gone through seemingly every option in my head - I've asked myself: Am I just comfortable? No, because it's more uncomfortable to stay in something I don't want to be in. It'd be easier to leave. Do I think we've grown apart as we've grown up? While we've both changed since we got together, I don't think we've grown apart in a way that would ruin our relationship. If anything, he's become MORE of what I want in a guy. Do I still want the same things in a relationship? Yes, if we did break-up, I know I'd be looking for the exact same type of relationship, with the same type of guy, who'd want the same type of things. I'm driving myself crazy questioning it all, and measuring my emotions around him every second of every day.

I'm scared to mention this, because I feel like everyone fixates on this once it's mentioned but I think it’s important to note that in April 2014, I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder, as well as some general anxiety. I know it must be treated, and I have tried treating it – but I find despite when I was medicated, or whatever, it just wasn’t working for me. I have had an absence of feeling for everything in my life since approximately Dec. 2013, but it’s most apparent with my boyfriend and it’s centralized on him for now in my brain. I'm so scared, distraught, upset and depressed about this. I have horrible anxiety over making the right decision (with everything, not just this). But this has been eating me up for weeks. Please help me.

tl;dr: My thoughts of uncertainty make me think that I should end my long term relationship, but I don’t want to mess up what is truly the best relationship of my life. What do I do?

Hi, Reddit. Would appreciate some advice on peacefully ending a relationship with an ex-coworker.

I left a job over a year ago and was proud to be on good terms with everyone. While I was working there, one particular lady on my team made my life hell--on top of constantly adding to my & my teammates' workloads because she wouldn't do her job (and spent most of her work hours gossiping and dealing with family drama), she regularly made abusive comments and "jokes" about me. When I would confront her about those comments, she would try to make me feel stupid for being offended and say she was only joking, OR she would be super sweet and cry to me about how she was just stressed and I was her only friend at the office, etc. I spoke to management about it but nothing changed. I did my best to make the relationship work while I was there, but I was aware she was manipulative and I intentionally did not see her outside work. When I left for another job, I was relieved I would no longer have to deal with her.

BUT, fast forward over a year later, and she's regularly calling and texting me. The first time she called, she didn't leave a voicemail, so after a couple more calls I finally answered--she was very sweet, said she missed me and was having a hard time (she'd recently lost her job), and I found myself agreeing to grab lunch some time (stupid, I know). Then, while we were still on the phone, she tried to rope me into a sales event/product party she was hosting for a company she retails for. I made an excuse and hung up feeling gross and manipulated. After a couple more invitations to similar events, I got sick of telling her no and decided to ghost her (per advice from a friend). Ex-coworker hasn't gotten the hint. Since I stopped responding to her, she's called me and texted me a dozen times, and she stalks me on LinkedIn when I don't respond. She even texted me "I'm contacting now 2 days a week," like she plans to keep contacting me until I respond/agree to see her. The worst part is that she lives nearby, and I've narrowly escaped running into her at a couple local events only because she's texted me to say she'll be there, which has kept me from blocking her. We also have a couple mutual friends, and she can be very aggressive and retaliatory, so I'm afraid to piss her off. She texted me three more times yesterday. This is the first time I've ghosted someone, so I'm not sure what to do.

TL;DR: I ghosted an abusive ex-coworker but she won't stop contacting me.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is there a peaceful way to end the relationship? Would appreciate any advice here.

My girlfriend just told me she loves me. It was expected, but still floored me, but I found myself unable to say it back. I both know and don't know why I couldn't say it back. Hearing her say it was the most amazing thing ever. She was prompted to because the night before she had been hanging out with a friend who she had slept with about a week before we got fully exclusive and serious, midway through the night he had tried ot have sex and she rejected him. Which started a whole back and forth conversation. At one point I put my emotions on my sleeves and she called me just to say it. I can’t stress how amazing it was to hear from her it made me happier then I can describe in words. The closest I can get is the episode of 30 Rock where jack gets a present and throws up. I really wanted to I wanted to say it back more then anything, but the words got caught in my throat. It became the hardest thing to say in the world and I buckled. I couldn’t say it and it is killing me.

extra background

We both met each other under...stranger circumstances (both of us were in failing relationships) We started as FWB and then in the past three months things escalated. We both ended our respective relationships and kept talking we were in different locations at the time. Then we started realizing we wanted ot be together, but hadn't actually hadn’t said it yet. At one point I was under the impression she wanted to be exclusive which I may or may not have misconstrued and she slept with the aforementioned guy she said was just a friend. (She biz markied me)

The act wasn’t an issue I guess the problem was I had built up the courage to tell her how I feel that night. I had sent some texts I hadn’t said anything yet, but I directly asked her to ask me about how I felt. I admit it was a silly way to approach it, but in my mind I wasn’t ready to just come out and say it. After wards when I found out it felt like a betrayal. Mainly I guess because I was ready to expose myself emotionally after a failing relationship.

I don’t know she is this amazing girl that makes me so happy and every time we talk its amazing and so easy. She has the most wonderful smile that fills a room. Her laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard. She has these puffy cheeks that I just love to kiss. We are relatable on so many levels. I love discovering the music she likes, I love discovering movies and books. She just inspires me to be a better person.

Again fully admitting this is my own interpretation of what happened. I wante to tell her all of those things then and I was ready but then I don’t know I took a step back. We talked about and she has been the most understanding person in me taking my time to build up my trust. The next two weeks were so good that I was able to ask her to go steady with me. It’s been amazing. I just am not emotionally ready to say it back. I was floored and I made it clear that I just need a bit more time. She has been understanding, but I just feel…awful about not saying it. In my head I just wanted to really, but I couldn’t yet..

TL:DR Girlfriend just said she loves me, but I’m not sure how I feel.

Okay this is a little long... I posted on r/relationship_advice, but figured it couldn't hurt to post here as well.

My current bf and I started out as really good friends, majoring in the same thing in a small-ish (~40 grad per yr) science dept during undergrad. We both got accepted to grad school at the same school and currently share an office and have classes together (boooo).

Well our relationship started out with some senioritis shenanigans in undergrad, typically coming back to my house with some friends drunk after happy hour, and him sleeping on a camping mat on my floor. It then evolved into us watching Broad City wednesday nights after happy hour. All the while he had a girlfriend of 5+ years.

I never would have known he even liked me and I didn't realize I liked him until he put a move on me one night and we ended up hooking up (I'm aware, not my best moment). Eventually his girlfriend found out and was displeased to say the least. I don't believe he was happy in that relationship for quite some time, but for some reason he stayed. (Side note: they were each others' first SO and lost their virginities to each other). Personally, I have never understood when people take out a SO cheating on them by harassing the person they cheated with instead of dealing with the SO directly. I endured harassment for months from his current gf because he cared about her still, or whatever. I basically just ignored it. We continued to see each other. Eventually she broke up with him.

I also never have understood why someone would date a known cheater, but somehow, a few months later I found myself doing exactly that. He of course, promised each relationship was different and promised he wouldn't sleep with anyone else. We started dating ~ July.

Everything seemed to be going fine, but for some reason unbeknownst to me, I began worrying if he was seeing his ex without telling me around December. I casually ask him, and he denies it (sorta?). I snoop through his phone (something I still feel terrible about, something I would hate if someone did to me), and found he had been staying the night over at her house. I confronted him again, he says "What is there to know, you're my girlfriend, she is my ex.". I then asked "have you two slept together since we got together" and of course, he admits that, yes, they have. Several times. At this time, she did not realize or know that him and I were together. He told me he had stopped sleeping with her and hoped to break it off and tell her that he is with me before I found out. Well I found out and I was pissed.

He says he just cared about her too much and she was too big of a part of his life to not see her anymore. And he didn't realize that he still had such strong feelings for her that he wouldn't be able to trust himself around her. However, I know this happened at least several times, so it doesn't quite make sense to me... maybe it took himself a while to come to this conclusion.

Somehow he managed to convince me to give him another chance. I told him I didn't want him seeing her anymore. He agreed, saying that hey obviously couldn't trust himself around her and knew he had done wrong and didn't want to do it again.

A few weeks later, he says he is going to go see her again, alone at her apartment. Of course, I am distraught. He told me he wouldn't see her alone anymore. I was fine with him talking to her, or meeting her in public, but under the same pretenses he cheated on me under? (he would give her weed and smoke and hang out with her for a while) I was visibly upset. I started crying, he tried to console me for a bit, but realized he couldn't make me feel better while still going to see her, and eventually decided to go see her anyway. After arguing about this a couple more times, I agreed to short visits with her if he told me before hand. But every time it happened, I would just keep thinking about him cheating on me and all the bad memories I was trying to get over would come back.

I tell him I don't want him to see her alone anymore. He says I'm unreasonable. I say I would agree if he hadn't cheated on me with this girl. He says hanging out with her is "relaxing" and she is like a sister to him. He says he doesn't feel right just not seeing her anymore (she has many mental disorders, anxiety, not sure what else, it's understandable to be worried, I suppose). I tell him I don't understand why he has such a problem with not seeing her anymore but he doesn't seem to have a problem with continuing to hurt me by seeing her.

I told him I was willing to compromise, to have him meet her in public places or send her messages, I just wasn't okay with him continuing to be alone together with her and I asked him to take his time thinking about what it means to me and how he would feel if he was in my shoes.

Am I over-reacting? Am I being unrealistic? I do believe him when he says they aren't sleeping together anymore, but the only reason I found out he was cheating on me in the first place was because I blatantly asked. I don't want to be a girlfriend constantly asking "Have you cheated on me? How about now? Now?"

I'm not really sure what to do at this point. But I am leaning toward breaking it off if he isn't willing to stop seeing her alone. It seems like if he actually wanted to be with me it wouldn't' be that hard of a decision. I don't want to give a dramatic ultimatum, but I don't want to continue to worry and feel inadequate and as if my feelings don't matter, so I don't feel okay with going along with it anymore either.

tl;dr: My current bf refuses to stop hanging out alone with his ex, whom he cheated on me with, and thinks it is unreasonable that I am not okay with it and want him to stop.

not sure if it matters but I do believe that is no longer cheating on me. The last time happened sometime in summer/fall apparently

(Tried asking this in another sub a couple days ago, but it was a giant waste of time.)

Due to the unfortunate circumstances of my exterior (I'm short, dark-skinned, overweight, and unattractive to single women) along with my personality (highly intelligent, a perfectionist, brutally honest, ambitious, and nerdy), I'm never going to have a loving partner or a woman who accepts me for me. This sucks, but I've been coming to terms of this reality, and letting go of the fantasy of "there's someone out there for me." Ha. I was naïve and now, I'm living in reality.

However, I can't stop thinking about women, both romantically and sexually. It's like an addiction I can't let go of. I'm sort of a MGTOW now, or at least, trying to be, but I do not have their willpower (or bad relationship experiences/divorces).

Does anyone have any real, legitimate, and useful advice about what I can do to move on beyond this addiction I'm struggling with and moving on with my life? Coming to terms that I am, unfortunately, cursed to be what I am and that I need to focus my energy on other things.

More info: my GF is a wonderful, independent, brilliant woman entering her first year of teaching. She's simultaneously excited and really nervous about it. This week marks three years since her father passed, so it's been tough on her. She's opened up a lot, but made the comment that she's worried I won't be able to handle her anxiety and insecurities. Anyway, I knew she was having a bad day yesterday, but we had a nice evening of Netflix and cuddling even though she clearly felt a bit preoccupied. This morning, she told me she was having a really bad day, feeling lost, and then just went silent. I want to show her support without crowding her (we're both introverts), but I'm terribly worried about her. Help from you fantastic trolls would be much appreciated!

Hence the screen name, an easy way to relate to the type of person I am is Samantha from Sex in the City. I enjoy sex as a hobby and a way to kill time but I also believe that sex is monogamous when you're in a relationship. No judgement to others, these are just my preferences.

So I've made a new friend (23/24?m) recently and he was taken aback about how honest and open I am regarding sex but said it was refreshing. We've gotten to know each other over a short period of time but ever since I met him randomly and briefly for the first time, I have wanted to hook up with him. First few times we hung out, I thought that he didn't like me at all but now we are pretty good friends amongst a group and we seem to really click. AT NO POINT did I think that he wanted to hook up with me too... I flirted lightly to test the waters and felt nothing in return so tried to put it out of my mind.

Now that I have gotten to know him better, my desire to hook up with him has grown but not just sexually... I want to get to know him more (slowly) and see if he is interested in getting to know me more and in a different capacity. Gah. I can't even blurt it out. I think that I would be potentially interested in a relationship with this guy. ANNOYING!

Now the reason why this is an issue is we slept together the other night. We both had a few drinks and then one thing lead to another and wham bam thank you mam.... We are still mates and it seems like he is keen to hook up again but my dilemma is, if I keep just sleeping with him, there are going to be a few possible results, most of which I don't like...

• We keep sleeping together and things go along slowly and we try dating in the future and things take their course
• We keep sleeping together, my feelings get more involved and then he goes and gets himself a new girl while I'm sitting back waiting for him to be into me in the same way and I get my heart broken
• We keep sleeping together, my feelings get more involved, I get too full on and want more and then I lose a good friend because I send him running a mile!

Worst part is, I don't want a relationship right now. I am not ready for one and want to spend time focusing on me and getting my life in order before I start even thinking about adding someone permanent into the mix. Gah.

What do I do? How do I know if he wants more? He doesn't seem like a player from the stories I've heard from a bunch of mutual friends and he's definitely the committing type according to what he has told me about a girl he liked a while back so I am seriously in a situation that I am not used to! I don't know what to think or do... I'm the pash and dash type so this is all too confusing.

TL:DR I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone, I enjoy honest, casual, consensual sex, but I'm sleeping with a guy that I think I might, maybe, possibly want a relationship from in the future so now I'm confused.

So, we met on OkCupid and had a 5 hour long, exceptionally awesome first date. Text every day, from the time we wake up until we go to bed. So much in common and we decide to meet up again. Second date, we meet up for drinks and he asks me to be his girlfriend. I said yes cause fuck "rules";when you feel it, you feel it. Ever since then, it's been the strangest thing.

Sporadic texting, days where I'm completely ignored, etc. I have seen him once in 2 weeks. He had a hard week last week with work and we made it work on Saturday, but he just seemed to be elsewhere mentally. He never calls me and says he doesn't like talking on the phone. I want to give him a chance, with the possibility is that he is so drained and busy. At the same time, this is not what I wanted.

I had so many other dates I turned away because I felt such a connection. I had never been so excited after a date in my life. Never has someone been as nerdy and smart as me, with so many similar interests. To have this happen is leaving me without an answer as to how to approach it. I know I need to talk to him, but I don't know what to say or how or what setting. I also don't know if I text him that we need to talk if he will even answer. Should I try to work it out or just end it? What say you, trolls?

TL;DR: New relationship has some weird issues early on. What do?

This is a throwaway as the BF might be bright enough to know my usual reddit account. I'm in need of some advice and maybe just maybe a little support from you guys to help me feel a little better.

I'm currently having my Friends "We were on a break!" moment. Back story: The current BF and have had a really tumultuous relationship for about 3 years now. We initially met a little before then, but we were only friends with benefits/the late night booty call/"come over because YOU KNOW WHY WINK WINK" He was married (please don't judge. I know I was a horrible soul...) and I had recently broken up with the BF of 4 years. Needed and wanted the company. Fast forward a year and half and I break up with the BF again, permanently, and I go back to what I know. Him- the booty call. Come to find out he's divorced. We meet for a drink and before you know it, we're back at it. We talked for a couple of months before we decided to make it official. Calling each other BF and GF and all that jazz. We lasted around 7 months. I broke up with him for so so so many reasons. He was really emotionally abusive, he wouldn't introduce me to his parents, they would call him to ask him how he was because they knew he was depressed and he would just say he was alone at home or alone getting food. I didn't want to be hidden any longer. I told them to either tell them about me and really have me be a part of his life, or that it was over. He said he couldn't give me that so I ended it. Problem is, that instead of really ending it, we kept talking. Kept having sex and the emotional connections. After a few months of that, I said fuck it. I started talking to a few guys, made out with a couple and finally met this really nice guy (we'll call him Matthew) around 7 months after I half ass broke it off w/the ex. I made the stupid mistake of meeting him at my 'regular' bar. He was, probably still is, the door guy as I haven't been back in a while. I really started to have feelings for him, but I couldn't let go of the ex. I wouldn't say I dated them both @ the same time, but I kind of did. I considered myself at the time, a free agent. I made it clear with both of them that I was still single. Around the 5th of January, the ex came over after we had both been drinking. I had gone out earlier with Matthew and missed the ex and met up with him after at the bar... The ex and I slept together, and around 3am I wake up to, "Who the hell is Matthew?!"

Alas, he had looked through my phone. It was a NIGHTMARE of epic proportions. He told me he was feeling betrayed, told me I had been cheating, told me that I was dirty because he read that I had spent time with Matthew earlier. So on and so forth. He came back to my house the next day per my request. For some reason, probably because I still love him, I told him to come if he wanted to talk. From the moment he found out about Matthew, I blocked Matthew's number and deleted him off social media. I guess at that moment, the ex won. I chose him over Matthew. He started asking me who he was, how I met him, when I had met him... Because of the fact that I felt I owed him not explanation, I told him I met him through a friend and that was that. Nothing more. After that day, we decided to give it another go. We've been dating about 5ish months now and it seems to be working out this time.

I guess this is where I need advice/comfort... From time to time, he'll bring him up. He'll text me things when he's been drinking like, "You cheated on me." "You were with someone else." Sending me all of these sad songs. And then the next day, like nothing happened. It makes me sick to my stomach because obviously, him confronting me and making me feel like a fucking asshole when I thought I was well within my right to date, is not a pleasant memory. Will he ever let it go? Is this something I should wait around for? Also, since I met this guy @ my favorite bar, what should I do if the Bf wants to visit it? Or go to the bar across the street and ask me to go to what was 'my' bar? I feel like a- he doesn't need to know but then I also feel like I'm making an idiot out of him by not being completely honest. Advice?

So there is a girl I really like. She, my friend, and I are all part of a coop group and hang out a lot. I am really good friends with both of them.

They started hanging out more when I was in a relationship and after mine ended they started dating. about a month ago they broke up but I think they still have an fwb situation going on.

For basically all of that time I really liked her too. I know I did a disservice to me ex by not admitting that I felt more for someone else than her and I wish I hadn't but I can't do much about that now.

So here we are now. I really want to just see if she would be interested in me at all. I wouldn't be able to not have her as a friend and I want to make sure that just seeing what might be there won't ruin it. I feel like there have been a couple hints that she might be interested but I'm also really bad at reading that and I could be way off base. Also, I am quite a bit overweight right now. I have been working hard on losing weight for a month or so now and she knows that and has actually helped me by showing me how to bike to the coop and such. I assume that if she isn't interested in my now that she probably wont change her mind when I have lost weight right. Not that it would hold true for everyone but Is that usually the case or not?

Basically I want to start by talking to my friend. Not because he has any control over her but just because if something went somewhere I don't want to hurt him. Knowing him he will understand and be cool with it but I also worry that he will just tell me she isn't interested in me at all and to not ask. Don't know I'm worried about that why but I am. I also think that both of them my have already realized that I have feeling for her but I'm not sure. As long as he is cool I just want to tell her I think she's really cool and that I was wondering if she would want to go out for a drink some time. I assume she will understand I am asking her on a date.

What do you guys think? Am I crazy? I just want to make sure I don't pass up a chance of what could be a great relationship with an amazing woman.

TL;DR want to ask out my friend who is also the ex of my other friend and I think current FWB.

Dating/crushes/FWBs

There were a few old pictures from her Facebook but he was posting specific things like about her feet and shit we have been dating on and off for like 7 years.I asked her if this was true she said it was fake and shes not cheating on me I trust her but now things just feel super weird between us. She is staying at her mothers tonight because shes freaked out. I'm Worried this will be the end of our relationship. I don't know what to do... things are weird now...

My girlfriend and I have been dating since I was in 7th grade and she was in 8th. We are in 10th and 11th grade now, respectively. Ages 16 and 17.

The time we spend together from then(2011) to now was not always the best. She drove a wedge between me and my mother and catalyzed me moving in with my father. She made me delete all the girls numbers from my phone because she thought id leave her. She made me cut all contacy with my friends. She had started flirting with some other boys and called us on a break in June 2013 which lasted to February 2014. During that time I fell into a deep depression and recovered but I have fallen into another round during the past few months. To make things even harder on myself, I feel like I am responsible for not only my own well being but hers. She's threatened to do terrible things to herself if I have ever left and I can't willingly be the cause of something like that.

I've recently came to the conclusion that I need to end this relationship before I can't recover from it. She's hurt me too much in the past and I don't want to be hurt again. I need to focus on myself and battle my depression and make myself the best me I can be. She's not making me the best me I can be..and that needs to change.

My apologies for the rant/grammar mistakes. I'm currently on mobile and I am just rambling on in an emotional state

Tl;Dr: we both made mistakes in our time together but I feel like it's time for me to stop being with her and start focusing on myself and battling what I'm dealing with and improve myself as a person.

Please give me some advice/your opinion

Background: I've (f/23) been a long distance relationship with my SO (m/21) for nearly a year now, after 2 years of living together previously, so we're coming up on 3 years together. In the past 3 or 4 months he's been less responsive via text. I know that his program is getting a little more intense, and it seems trivial, but it really made me sad to get only 5-10 somewhat disengaged texts in a day several times now when previously we'd sent dozens throughout the day and night.

I have told him how his apparent detachment made me feel, and he was amazing and mature about it, saying he understood and he didn't throw it back on me at all. He said he'd try to be better, but explained his reasons which were understandable. Sigh of relief.

...Except that it has been happening more and more frequently. As a self-preservation response I've started getting resentful and not wanting to text him back, but I really hate the feeling and on better days I really do enjoy our conversations. I also really still love him and I want this relationship to keep working.

Above all, I miss him a lot (haven't seen face to face in 3 months, and before that it was about 5 months), but my own schedule is making it difficult to plan our next visit.

Any suggestions on how to take my mind off of the long time between texts? I can answer any clarification questions/give more details, I really would just appreciate fresh perspectives and don't want this to be prohibitively long.

I posted this over at r/relationship_advice and didn't get anything and since this is my absolute most important lady friendship that I'm gutted over possibly losing, please help me trolls!!

So I have this best friend of 13 years, let's call her S. We've always been very close but I've always been quite unsure if I was ever her best friend because she's just a sort of stand-offish, not touchy feely/sentimental type of person. I thus had a lot of doubts about whether we were best or even close friends but I would just convince myself I was being overly sensitive.

A year and a half ago I moved abroad and we stayed in touch everyday over facebook chat, etc. and I didn't feel like that changed anything with our friendship. However during this time she also became quite involved in a fandom on a social media website and has since become quite online "famous" among this fandom. Gradually, I started hearing from her less and less. It would take 3 days to get a response over facebook to funny links I would send etc. and it would usually be only a one word or one sentence response from S but usually nothing to build a conversation off. I would then check the website she blogs on, and she'd be conversing with dozens of people during this time so clearly it wasn't like she was busy at work.

Then she says she's going to come and meet me abroad, something I never thought would happen and I laughed off my insecurities over our waning friendship. There's nothing I've wanted more than to travel with S and create some long-lasting memories together. Three weeks before she actually is scheduled to meet me, she sends me a message and says she's actually going to go and meet her internet friends instead and would not be meeting up with me for lack of time. I'm crushed and feel kind of like a second fiddle. I look up these friends and these conversations that they have on the website she's on, and she's so nice and kind and supportive and validating to them in a way that she never was to me. Doing things like reblogging all of their selfies while talking about how amazingly beautiful they are, making posts about life milestones these friends are achieving and how proud she is of them, all stuff that normal best friends generally do but something she has never done for me (despite me doing for her) or anyone else she's ever known in real life. I realize that she's almost created 2 tiers of friendship: one, the normal healthy kind, that she's put on reserve until she met all these people in this fandom that she's had a mutual interest with, and everyone else who she just kind of keeps around for company.

4 months ago I finally moved back to my home city and I try to reconnect with her. In the first month I saw her 3 times, all with me contacting her first and always coming down to her area and never mine. She contacts me once during this time asking if I'm free but then twenty minutes told me nevermind that someone else dropped by her place instead. So not once since I have come back has she on her own accord made an attempt to set aside time to even see me.

Recently I contacted her again to come out to a bar with a group of friends and she came out and we caught up and it was nice and she said she was sad that we didn't see each other more often and I suggested that she come out the next week to celebrate following a job interview I had and she said she would. The day of I remind her of our plans, text her where I'm going for a drink, and she says "cool" and never shows up. I checked her blog and she was just blogging the entire night from home.

I know I'm still her in real life closest friend because she asked me to be a contact for her passport renewal. I also know that she has said that no one in our city ever contacts her anymore so she feels very lonely. But now that I'm home I can't help but think it's because she never comes out when people do contact her and she doesn't put any effort herself into seeing and reaching out to her in real life friends. I'm crushed that I feel like I've lost my best friend over internet fame and I just don't know if I should even bother pointing it out, since she seems at a loss as to why no one else contacts her, or if I should just let it go.

Sorry for the long rant, it's just a complicated issue. Tl;dr long-time friend has gotten distant/busy because of recent internet fame, not sure if I say something or let it go. Thanks in advance for any advice.

So, I've been seeing this girl for a little over two months. Recently she has seemed to fall off the face of the planet. Thing is, I know she's super busy. She has two jobs and is going to school more than full time (19 units). Also, to add to her already overbearing load, her mother (no father in the situation) was recently diagnosed with cancer and is about to start chemo/have an operation. I've been nothing but supportive as I understand what that's like. I sent her a somewhat lengthy email Sunday trying my best to explain how I feel not seeing her all the time. Basically, I was asking for some more communication. On Tuesday I received a reply saying, "You must be upset with me since I haven't heard your response." I replied telling her I never received a response. Then she said she'd resend it once she got home that night. Here I am on Thursday and I still haven't seen the response. Wednesday was the first day since we started talking that I didn't hear from her at all. She had been reciprocative of all my feelings and even thanked me for being so supportive and understanding. She would say things like, "I can't believe you are you" and other similar things. When I would say sweet nothings about how I wanted to sleep in her bed she responded positively saying she wants that stuff too. We actually did share a bed one night. Actually, I was pretty sure until recently that we were falling in love with each other. Everything about it just seemed perfect. Besides the lack of interaction due to her schedule. She would even apologize for being so busy which I would reply, It's ok, I understand, I'll be patient etc.

So, TrollXers, what do you think is happening? Is she abandoning the relationship? Or am I being too introspective about it? One of my friends told me (before we found out about her mom) that I need to fight her. In the sense that I need to fight her routine of not communicating or being distant. She's an INFP and I'm an ENFP. She has the potential to not reply to her friends texts for weeks at a time etc.

I'm 31M and she's 24F, not that I think it matters.

Any positive or truthful input is greatly appreciated.

Soooo I'm 27 and my bf's 28. We've been together for a while.

He's a factory worker and he works around 12 hours a day. He's only off on weekends (FRI/SAT/SUN) for background info.

I clean his apartment and wash his dishes and ask for nothing in return. I like doing cute things together too! I've got him to do 3D puzzles with me. I have to make sure I buy them.

But the problem is he only works and sleeps.

He sleeps in all friday and that's fine. But when I come up ALL we do is sit and watch TV and smoke weed. He also has bad panic attacks and can't go to the mall.

I like to surprise him with cute cards and stuff to make his day better. I'll pack him a lunch to go to work and little stuff. He LOVES it but he's too busy/tired to reciprocate (in his words)

We're finally going on a date saturday. After BEGGING him for weeks. Like BEGGING and nagging A LOT.

I've never gotten a birthday card from him. Or a valentine's day card. In the 4 years we've been together he's bought me a stuffed alligator when we dated in the beginning.

He usually buys me big expensive stuff I don't want or need for christmas. He's bought me an "upgrade" laptop when I never asked for one. He got me a ps3. He got me a $200 bong and I don't even like it, it's just a shitty bong and kinda harsh to hit.

I love that stuffed alligator...

I broke up with him and dated an adorable dude for like 8 months. We took photo booth pics together. Went out shopping together. Fucked in the fitting rooms. But the dude that did sweet things for me was 30 and was going to live with his parents for life or needed a girlfriend/mom. I broke up with him and am back together with main dude.

I guess I'm asking too much?

Is your bf romantic?

Do you have to BEG him for weeks to actually do something and not just drive over there so you can sit on the couch and watch TV until you're antsy and have to leave and wish he could go do something with you?

I've been taking horseback riding lessons on saturday. And I'm starting to check out this buddhist/UU church on sundays so I have stuff to do. He's mad he's "losing his time with me" but I gave him so many chances and still bug him about doing stuff. I started just doing stuff without him.

I am almost certain he does not want a relationship with me. Also, I recently found out we are (inadvertantly) exclusive.

So a month ago I visited a friend in a city about 3 hours from mine with a group of friends. We stayed in his dorm-suite that he shares with 7 other people. I almost immediately hit it off with one of them, M, as he is one of the only people that hasn't had to 'adapt' to my sense of humor. For other reasons, we didn't 'go very far' however I got a lot of indicators he was into me. We were talking one night and some friends came up and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with them. He immediatly asked if I was going. I told him I would, he seemed to realize what he said and responded with 'good, i need to meet new people.' When I pointed out that we had met the night before and had 'witty banter' he said 'thats just a promising start.' There are a bunch of other fun reasons, like him initiating and maintaining cuddling, body language, would frequently sit down and talk to me/initiate the conversation, even though I saw him talk to maybe 3 other people, including his suitemates (he didn't talk to anyone from the visiting friend group).

Buuuut things are different-ish now. I friended him on FB and we started talking. However he would only respond once a day (in the wee hours of the morning when I sleep). When he did respond, tho, it was conversational, i.e. not uninterested answers. Occasionally he would drop off and I would message him again and the conversation would resume. One night we talked for an hour straight, as in no delay between responses. I told him my plans to come back up fell through and he seemed genuinely upset and wanted to know why. He told me to come up when i could/soon. I told him i could come up later and he seemed excited, suggesting I meet his friends. The last time I talk to him, tho was over a week ago when we messaged with less then 30 minute response time from 10AM to 5PM when he said he needed to sleep. I told him to text me later, he said 'sounds like a plan'. When I look at other messages it will tell me things like that hasn't been on FB in two days. I'm pretty sure he doesn't really like electronic communication, at one point he asked me if I thought the immediacy of messaging has changed the way we relate to each other and another time he chided his best friend for texting him so much.

I REALLY like him and my guy says he really like me too but I don't know if he likes me/I should go for it, and if so should I message him again? I feel like that's weird because we left it off with him to message me. Please help trolls :(

TL;DR: he sent me strong yes signals when we were together, but he is much less enthused online, but this could be because he doesn't like e-talk/messaging. How do I proceed?

Hi trollers. I'm a bit stuck. I've been dating this girl for a few months now and I haven't got a clue as to how to go the next step. We haven't even kissed yet!

I can't recall a time I've never been able to tell how or where to take a relationship from just dating. I really like the girl and we always text and call each other. I don't think she wants to be just friends, because she is up for going on dates. (I even make it a point of calling them dates)

Help!?

Hey Trolls. I (24/F) have been with my boyfriend (23/M) for two years and love him very much, but I took some time this week to reflect on my life as a whole, and I realized how much this one thing bothers me.

We are very different when it comes to solving problems. I am someone who loves to plan, go into detail, ask a lot of questions and dig deep into the issue at hand to find out what's wrong and immediately jump into a solution.

It seems to me that his relaxed demeanor leads him to think many problems aren't a big deal. Dirt off his shoulder, life is short kind of thing. When I'm stressing over minor things this is very helpful, but it crosses into issues I need discussed and solved as well (meaning sometimes we don't discuss things deeply because he is inclined to just let them go). This is not to say that he doesn't care, because he does, but sometimes his idea of helping doesn't translate to me.

By no means am I saying either of us are wrong in our preferred problem-solving methods, but they are both so different that it isn't clicking well for me. I really need a deep discussion but I'm not going to tell him what to say, nor do I want to carry the whole conversation myself. I believe we can come to a compromise, but I don't know how to approach that. I told him I thought we were opposites in this way, and all he said was that he understood.

So what do I do? I don't know the next step from here. If this wasn't enough info I'm happy to answer questions.

TL;DR: Boyfriend of 2 years (23/M) and I (24/F) have opposing problem-solving styles and I don't know how to compromise them.