One of my best friends lost their father in an auto accident 4 years ago. She has been very traumatized by this experience and by the effects of the aftermath on the family. My friend was always very family oriented and tensions have grown in the family, causing her to feel she has lost her support system. She lives with the surviving parent and feels trapped in that scenario for a variety of reasons. She does not have a strong friend network or romantic partner to help support her.

From what I have observed, my friend is stuck in a victim mentality at this point in time. She does not feel like she has any power over her life. She has not been able to return to work, form any new relationships with people or function in her daily life since this event. She constantly blames events and people and feels nothing is within her control and that she is not accountable for anything that happens.

I want to support her and am struggling with the constant stream of negativity. She rejects any suggestion that she can do anything at all to change her surroundings, and our conversations are dominated by complaining and blaming. Any input from me seems unwelcome and is recieved with resistance and what seems like contempt and/or dismissal. I no longer know what to say or do, and feel that the friendship is becoming draining, causing me to want to pull away when she needs support most.

If anyone has experience in this type of scenario I would really love some advice.

i did something dumb in my bedroom a few days ago (I'm perfectly fine now) and now being in here makes me anxious.

id spend most of my time elsewhere in the house but honestly it makes me feel worse?

so is there just anything I could do to help? i love this space but it just feels so uncomfortable and bad right now

The relationship between complex trauma and neurodivergence is a growing area of research, with profound implications for how we understand and treat trauma.

https://open.substack.com/pub/kctregaryn/p/is-complex-trauma-a-form-of-acquired?r=4mqziz&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

there's something stopping me from killing myself. whether that be the unknown of what happens after death or if it's hurting my loved ones by me dying. i'm not sure. i mean yea it's stopping me; it's stopped me for years. but i can feel myself losing the resolve, i can feel myself getting over it and not caring if i will hurt my love ones from dying or that i don't know what happens after death. all i know is that i feel hopeless and life is meaningless. always has been.

if i'm being honest right now, i have a few ideas of what i would do, not sure if i have the balls for some of them but some other ones would work without courage or "balls". another thing that weighs on my mind is that nobody would even look for me in my room for a long time. nobody really cares about me like that. like me not being around for a few days. maybe they would check to see if i'm kicking in a couple days, maybe not.

i have things i would do before i actually did it, you know... if i even planned it out. but honestly i think i would just do it on the spot because i definitely tried to do that before. i clearly failed... made me feel like a failure but thats to be expected.

honestly, i'm so scared of being locked in a psychiatric ward. like i am petrified of it... being unable to leave because i'm too sick to actually make any decisions like to leave, and the horror stories i've heard of their experiences. truly horrid. what's even crazier is that when i was younger i wanted to get caught doing something and be sent to the psych ward to get help and stuff. i was probably 13/14 at the time. i never did get caught, i just carried on with my day and hid my feelings and sadness. honestly i still do that partially.

i'm just so damn tired of this all. i'm tired of wanting to die, of wanting everything to stop. i want to be normal with a normal brain and a normal life. i know it's up to me to get better but it's so fucking hard. i want it to be easy and not be scary. i want so much i know.

ok so this was mostly a vent. mostly just saying things off my chest, it's tiring with this constantly playing in my head all day everyday. i just needed it to get out of me.

A year ago, I met someone I fell for deeply. Like many stories, it didn’t end well—they broke me. I’m a man, and at first, things seemed promising. But early on, she frequently brought up her ex, which should have been a red flag. Eventually, we met in person, and it was a good experience at first. But not long after, she ended things because she didn’t like my teeth. Foolishly, I gave her a second chance when she reached out a few days later.

As time passed, more complications arose. Together, we discovered that my best friend of 20 years had a troubling past. She gave me an ultimatum: choose her or him. While her concerns were valid, I needed time to process the situation. Ultimately, I chose her.

After that, things deteriorated. She stopped coming to my place and wouldn’t let me visit hers, saying she was embarrassed by me. If I didn’t send her a good morning text, she’d be upset for the entire day. If I went out, even briefly, and didn’t inform her, she’d get angry. She became increasingly controlling, demanding to know where I was at all times.

One day, she shouted at me, insisting I fix my teeth because she found them “noticeable.” It brought me to tears. I met her family, but the situation didn’t improve. She continued to bring up her ex, started fights with my friends, and pressured me to cut ties with them one by one.

When her birthday approached, I suggested a venue, but she refused because it was tied to memories with her ex. She wouldn’t help me find another option, claiming everywhere else had similar memories. Communication with her was impossible. If she wanted something, I was supposed to just know. If I asked, she’d say no but criticize me behind my back for not understanding her needs. She even called me a narcissist because I mentioned that helping others made me happy—I volunteer a lot.

Even small things became exhausting. When we played games, she’d constantly restart them, and if I grew tired of doing so after hours of effort, I was in the wrong again.

We finally broke up shortly after I spent a significant amount of money taking her out. She began openly flirting with other guys in our social circles, claiming it was fine for her to do so. That was the final straw. We stopped talking altogether for various reasons.

Now, a year later, I’m still shattered. I’m terrified to love again. The hatred I feel for her frightens me—it’s overwhelming and consuming. I despise her with every fiber of my being.

How do I move on from this?

TLDR; I got out of a domestically abusive relationship a year ago and I still can’t cope.

So something happened a couple months ago with my previous ex. I’m out of that relationship and I’m a perfectly healthy and happy one with a long time friend. I was with my ex, let’s just call him “Z”, for about six months. The first time anything happened, I didn’t want it to. Intimacy has always scared me, so the idea of it made me uncomfortable. We were both v!rg!ns, so he wasn’t knowledgeable on it either. We were kissing when my breath got labored because I could breathe, and yes, depsite my fears, I was slightly t^rned on. After practically wrenching the reasoning behind my breath out of me, Z went, “okay so then let’s do it.” I wasn’t comfortable, and voiced this, but Z insisted until I caved. I figured that it was natural for it to be uncomfortable because it was my first time (which also was in the backseat of his car). It happened, he was satisfied, I was in pain. He convinced me into no protection, side note. ~ Fast forward a month or so ~ Z had just woken up the morning after me staying over. I was still asleep. Z proceeded to move me on top of him while I was asleep and ins!rt himself into me. That’s how I woke up. I figured that it was a fine and normal thing since we were dating and I was still new to that kind of intimacy. I wish I could say that was the only time it happened. It happened at least ten times. Towards the end of the relationship, I felt like I was only in it because I felt used and obligated to him because he took my virg!nity (and vice Versa). I tried to break up with him over call because he lived 3ish hours away. He wouldn’t answer, so I had to resort to text. Long story short, he was heartbroken, I felt lost and confused because I thought that nobody would want me, and Z and I were no longer together. I genuinely still don’t know if that is okay because we were in a relationship or not. All I know is that I’m still terrified of intimacy, but for completely different reasons now. I just wanted the opinions of people who have no attachment. Please excuse the excessive use of exclamation points as I didn’t want this getting taken down.

Last year around christmas time, i went through something extremely traumatic that lasted a few months until I was eventually hospitalized. However, since it started during christmas, that is standing out more to me. It was absolutely horrific and i felt like i was losing my mind, just constant dread and anxiety, couldn’t leave the house or eat. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, but now, late November, I am starting to feel incredible anxious for the holliday to come up. It’s started to feel like I’m back in that place I was last year, even though I know i’m not…just this feeling of dread, especially at night. It kind of feels like the world is about to cave in on itself and I have no clue how to handle it. This is my first “anniversary” of a traumatic event, so I really don’t know how to handle it. I’m so worried I am going to relapse or something. I’ve vaguely brought this up with my therapist, but trauma isn’t her specialty, so she really didn’t say too much, except for that it’s normal. Only thing I can think of is to ignore it and try to go about my life, but once the christmas decorations come out, I don’t know how I’ll be normal. Any tips on how to navigate these feelings? Thank you.

I'm curious. I have become super hyper vigilant in adulthood to the point where I am affected a lot by other people's mood and often walk on egg shells just to fit the mood in the room. I don't always remember being this way. Growing up my parents were divorced but I never saw them fight. They had 50/50 custody but I love them both. It did however teach me how to hide things and get away with stuff the other parent didn't allow me to do. Fast forward to when I turned 18 and moved away for college, I had a SA experience that I have really not fully recovered from. From there, I got into an abusive relationship with someone else. Only turned violent a few times but scared me obviously. My question is, did my hyper vigilance come from all these combined or just the adult experiences.

Is it a rape if I was 4 and she was 7?

Im M18. Something happened tday which made me to connect this with my childhood incident. So when I was 4 years old, there was a girl called Sia. She was 7 yrs old. We were buddies and she will always hang out in my home for playing board games,etc. Sia was a bossy girl for her age and I was a cowardly boy for my age.My parents would leave me and her alone in my house (we would be busy playing)as they will have a work to do every monday(?) in every week. We will be alone in the house for an hour. My neighbours were friendly and they will have the key too and it's a really a safe area, so they had no fear leaving us alone. On one such occasions Sia introduced a new game called 'Doctor's game' and explained that we will get to know abt human body in this game.She ordered me to undress which I did. She made my lay back in the bed and started playing with my penis. We didn't kiss or anything. Just she will play with it. And next she got undressed and made me touch her vagina. This was our first 'clinic session ' according to her. And the next monday we did it again. I was sick of this game. She used to remove my foreskin and touch the head of my penis. I will plead her to stop as it would burn when she touched it. But she never listened and I think she enjoyed this new game. It continued for another two weeks I guess. I don't remember how many times we did it. But the last time we did it, it was horrible. She as usual started playing with my penis but pulled my penis' foreskin harder. Something happened. The pain was like hell. It shot through my entire body. I started to cry. She was scared too. We didn't play that game ever after. I don't clearly remember but whatever she did on that made my penis like half circumcised. I was very scared on that whole day, my mother asked whether everything was okay. I lied. I thought if Sia forced me to play that game again,I will definitely complain. But we never did. It became a past memory until tday. So me and my gf decided to have sex tday. I was very excited until the moment I got naked infront of her. My penis became flaccid when I got naked. She tried to make it hard by her hand. At that moment I felt very much disgusted. I becamy very tensed. I pushed her hands off my body asking her to stop. She was turned on, so she didn't notice ths change in my attitude. I suddenly said I wanna stop. She was confused at first. I went out of the room taking my clothes. She is very mad at me. I shared this incident with my closest frnd(he also know that incident from my childhood). He is the one who connected this two incidents. I never gave a thought to my childhood incident that many times. But Im confused now. Did that became a trauma? Nobody knows abt it expect my closest two frnds. Should I get help?

Ps: I don't have the guts to post this on my main account

I don't believe this needs a trigger warning as I dont plan to go into specifics. I was physically attacked by a road rage driver. I was not agressive at any point. I won't go into details on my injuries, I'll survive.

I was bullied to the point of lifelong disability in grade school. I had mostly dealt with that by my current middle age but my recent experience made me relive a lot of traumatic experiences at once.

Now I'm afraid to go back to work on the same freeway. I've seen the car driving aggressively multiple times before i had any interaction with them, and there is a high likelihood I will cross paths with them on some morning commute soon unless they are caught before then.

I'm not in crisis, I'm at a loss. In a mental black hole. This is my cry for help i guess. I'm having trouble processing this, big time.

I have a lot of childhood trauma.

I went no contact with my family and immediately felt a huge weight off my shoulders (emotionally and literally - I’d walk around thinking I forgot to put my bag on my shoulder or something because I feel so much lighter).

My life has dramatically changed for the best and I feel more like myself. I started going out a lot more, trying new things, and sleeping a lot better.

Nevertheless, my parents still try to contact me and even when they’re not bombarding my phone with messages, it’s like if I’m not running around having fun, the survival mode starts kicking in.

I already went to therapy and have read and listened to countless relatable podcasts and books, I journal, do breathing exercises, and even have a massager that helps loosen my body up. I go to the gym, watch funny shows, and check out new places.

I meet a lot of new people and I’ve gone through a party phase that I felt like I’ve missed out on earlier in life.

I’m on a budget, but I can still afford to eat out and go shopping as well.

And yet, I often feel like life is just passing me by.

I go out all the time, but the moment I’m alone I wonder if this is it. Will I ever have closer friendships? How will I be in 5-10 years? I forget a lot of my outings. Not because they’re boring or because I’m so intoxicated, but rather because it feels like “one and done” and then I’m off to find my next adventure.

I want to go back to school, but something is holding me back.

I want to get a new apartment and job, but that’s also been something I THINK about constantly but don’t really take action toward.

It’s like I have to constantly distract myself. As I’ve mentioned above, I do the “soul searching” through journaling and breathe work, so it’s not like I’m just avoiding my problems. But I feel like if I’m not watching my favorite shows before bed or if I’m not on the go, I start drowning.

What else can I do? Help.

i'm feeling hopeless again and to top it all off, my flashbacks are back. i've struggled with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, flashbacks, you name it. it usually goes away for a few weeks or a few months but it always comes back. sometimes it's back and forth for weeks or days.

honestly i can't get the flashbacks out of my head no matter how much i try. honestly it's so annoying, devastating yes of course but it's so annoyingly because it won't stop playing in my head. it's honestly switching from the first time i got raped when i was 6, and then going to when i was raped last year.

i really didn't change much, emotionally when it happens.. i just lay there and accept it after telling them that it hurts and i don't like it. then i just endure it and try not to make them upset because i know angry men. i've known them my whole life and it's scary. i still can't talk back to men without being scared.

i feel pathetic most times. when i'm being all shy and timid.

i never really want to think of how alone i am or how i have no support but it's true. i have family yes, but they don't know about what happened--ok my mother knows i was assaulted at 6 but she didn't really do anything except stop the contact between me and the guy, i got no therapy or anything. i'm also not really in contact with her--i'm alone in my trauma and alone as in i have no friends and i have nobody who actually cares! another fun example will be my older sister. i texted her that i was raped by a guy i went out with and she barely even responded and she didn't care. she didn't even ask me if i was okay??? (i told her not to bring it up in person or urge me to report it but still if i was in her shoes i would have asked her if she was okay... but fucking whatever).

basically i'm just so tired of this. the cycle of me being assaulted, depressed, suicidal, hurt, then being ok until things go over again. i'm just so tired. i can't do anything to myself because i have people i can't hurt by doing this to myself but still i want to not exist. just for a little while.

idk why i'm writing this, i just feel so alone in this, i doubt anyone will read this but i just needed to vent. with or without feedback.

ok bye

While going through the motions of my inconsistent and increasingly abusive marriage, that advice haunted me and made me more confused.

I'm not fully making a point here. Just sharing my thoughts.

To share my experience: He would say some very hurtful things. But then do 'kind' or 'thoughtful' actions. Granted there were times it was flipped but that one pice threw me for a loop and further made me blame myself as the problem or as being too sensitive.

Maybe I was being too literal with the saying. But it had me lost when he'd tell me "why would I ever comfort someone like you" or "your don't have depression, you just want attention." for examples. Then turn around and make my favorite meal or do the dishes he left around that I was upset about. And treat it as an apology or sign of care despite what was said moments before.

There were times it was flipped. Say he care about me and is worried I'm over working myself into burnout (I was) then yell at me push me and throw things at me for "not asking him for help." or "not practicing self care."

It was so wild and confusing. I could not for the life of me tell if he actually liked me or cared. Which would also set off his rage if I dared mention my confusion. "well I got you this." "I've done so much for you how could you think that."

Very distressing.

I physically felt something snap in my mind one day when he pushed me so hard I fell over. I realized. No matter what he said or has done to show care. The abusive actions outweigh it by a long shot.

Maybe in cases like that, looking at what they do not what they say, won't work. It's the patterns, the inconsistency, the fact that there was unapologetic hurtful things said at all.

Idk I might be over thinking. But wanted to share my thoughts on it and all that has happened.

Apologies for any confusing wording. I am autistic and have been abused as a child as well. So my social and communication skills are funky. Doing my best to learn by finally being vocal.

TW: abuse

My parents would frequently verbally, and psychologically abuse me. My brother physically. He is 20ish years older than me and 2 cousins SA'd me for about a year and a half, every weekend that they came over or I was forced to go to their house, which was almost every weekend. My mom and grandmother walked in on it and then just walked away without saying a word, I hadn't even turned 5 yet although the verbal and psychological abuse didn't start until I was about 11which caused even more frequent meltdowns. And I have ADHD and most likely am autistic so when they kicked me out for having a meltdown at 18 on my birthday at 7 in the morning. When I entered high school i made some "friends" who I realized many years later that they were bullies. They did stuff like tie me to a tree and leave me there, hogtie me and leave me in a fire ant hill, shoot me with a pellet gun from less than 10 ft away and the few times they would spend the night at my house they would drink my parents liquor and steal my bed needless to say they also caused frequent meltdowns but honestly it was still better than my home life. Now I am so glad I'm away from all of them but my brother and my dad show up uninvited and with no warning and cause me to spiral. Hopefully I'll be leaving this shit state soon

For those who don't know autistic meltdowns are when an autistic person gets overstimulated and they quite literally lose control of themselves for me it was usually emotional overstimulation but it can also be sensory overstimulation. When we do get overstimulated some of us black out and start screaming, growling, uncontrollable crying or hitting anything and anyone nearby.

Thanks for letting me vent it still bothers me to this day

TW: Chyld abuse, SA and CSA

I don't want to call it selfish.. but i'm not sure what i'd call it..

TLDR: My aunty is a horrible person who willingly gave me (a child at the time) to a KNOWN predator, after cutting her off around 5 years ago and meeting my husband, my mental health has flourished, i feel healthier and happier bith physically and mentally.. but she hasn't changed, she has munchausens syndrome, she's constantly got drama that i'm unwillingly being told about by nana (she has nobody else to vent to so i don't mind as long as i don't get brought in) and she has said some very awful things to me and about me before now, including "If she hadn't have said anything I wouldn't be the black sheep of the family" referring to my panic attack in the middle of telling my mum i was being abused every weekend she thought i was at the auntys..

A long tldr.. but lately she's been crying, asking if i'd ever talk to her again, i have thought on it.. but none of my memories are positive of her, she's not been a nice person outside of letting me get SA'd and abused.. but because i know she's been crying about it and her technically being a victim aswell (she met him when she was 14, and kept bringing kids to him from the school across the road he lived by, she got no consequence but he's dead in jail now).. it makes me feel guilty..

But i know she'll hurt me again.. i need to be selfish and keep away from her.. i kmow that no good can come from letting her in, i know it in my hwart.. but i also know she's not well and needs someone.. i just can't be that person..

Any tips on how to be selfish and stay away from her despite her clearly showing upset to my family?

**Please be advised of a trigger warning for Sexual Assault before continuing**

Seeking Anonymous Participants for a Study on Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Hello, Reddit community! I am posting to invite participants for an anonymous research study exploring the experiences of cisgender men who encountered sexual abuse before the age of 17. This study is organized through the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University. The study is being conducted to better understand the experiences of this population. If you or someone you know fits the criteria below, your participation would be greatly appreciated in helping advance research for better support and resources for male survivors. 

Participant Criteria:

• Cisgender man (identifies as male, assigned male at birth/birth sex is male)
• Between ages 18-60
• U.S. citizen
• Speaks, reads, and understands English
• Not taking medications that negatively affect sexual functioning
• No medical conditions negatively impacting sexual functioning
• Experienced sexual abuse before the age of 17

Participation Instructions: The study involves a brief, anonymous online survey that takes around 15-20 minutes to complete. Participation is entirely voluntary, and you can stop at any time.

https://widener.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5by2RnPCo6vEZue

If you’re eligible or know someone who might be, I’d be incredibly grateful if you could take a moment to complete or share the survey. Your voice can make a significant difference. Thank you for considering this request! If you have any questions, please feel free to email me (renejonesmft@gmail.com).

This is a question that I have been exploring for many years. I have a feeling it has a lot to do with the lack of education and the current state of the Western world in terms of how we deal with trauma and emotions on a state level. For example, it is a super underrated topic in almost all structures of Western society.

I believe we can actually heal and from what I have experienced it has a lot do to with feeling authentically unprocessed emotions from the past and reframing our beliefs. They kind of go hand in hand...

I am also asking this question from a bigger picture... meaning, it seems like some people have a bigger drive than others to explore themselves, to look at things that are hiding in the darkness, to heal, and for others despite their huge struggles, they don't want to look at these things even though these things are unavoidable in a way.

So, do you think we are trapped in our predispositions in that way, or do you think this is because of the lack of education, the current structures of society, and the subsequent belief systems?

ps. I originally posted this on r/Emotional_Healing - a supportive space where we transform life’s challenges into a Hero's Journey — reframing struggles, finding relief from tough emotions, and connecting with others on paths of growth and healing.

I can't live with how much has come back. It's been constant for a year. Just dumping memories i forgot. It gives reason for my necrosis but my god, I'm literally going crazy. I want to die. I feel so confused and lost and sad

For the past three years, I lived in a cycle of negativity that left me feeling hopeless and directionless. It’s hard to fully describe what that felt like—like I was surviving, but not living. It all started with a traumatic event that shook my worldview at the deepest levels. My sense of security, my understanding of myself, and the way I processed emotions—it all felt shattered.

At the time, I didn’t realize what was happening because I didn’t have the tools to understand it. But looking back, I see now that the trauma amplified a coping mechanism I’d developed earlier in life: avoidance. Whenever I felt pain, discomfort, or strong emotions, I’d distract myself—working, staying busy, or shutting down entirely. The feelings would eventually fade, or so I thought. But the reality is, I never processed them.

This pattern stayed with me for years. Whenever something went wrong, I’d push forward on autopilot without addressing the emotional weight of it. I thought I was resilient, but all I was doing was burying the pain deeper. Over time, I lost my internal fire, my motivation, and my sense of self. It felt like I was running on empty, and no matter how hard I tried to “push through,” I was stuck.

The Epiphany That Changed Everything

What finally broke the cycle wasn’t planned—it felt like a fluke. During an argument, I blurted out a deeply internalized belief about myself, one that I hadn’t even consciously acknowledged before. Hearing it out loud startled me. For the first time, I realized just how off that thought was.

That moment set off a chain reaction. I started questioning my thought patterns and stumbled upon the concept of dichotomous thinking—the tendency to see things in black-and-white terms. Reading about it was like looking into a mirror. I realized I had spent my life applying this rigid way of thinking to everything, including how I viewed myself and my relationships.

Here’s the scary part: dichotomous thinking had always worked for me in certain areas of my life—especially problem-solving. I had no idea it was sabotaging my emotional well-being. Recognizing that my “infallible” way of thinking was, in fact, flawed was profoundly unsettling, but also freeing.

As I dug deeper, I learned about cognitive dissonance and how I’d been internalizing negative beliefs about myself—beliefs I’d absorbed from external situations and relationships. Understanding that these weren’t inherent truths but learned patterns allowed me to step back for the first time.

What Helped Me Get Through It

Here’s the hard truth: confronting your emotions is incredibly painful. When I started trying to face my feelings instead of avoiding them, my body would go into full defense mode. My chest would tighten, my thoughts would race, and my nervous system would scream at me to distract myself or shut down.

I realized that this reaction—this overwhelming sense of anxiety or tension—is just my body perceiving a threat. But the key is this: the emotions aren’t actually a threat to your life, no matter how much your body reacts as if they are.

The hardest part is catching yourself in the moment. When those feelings rise up, try to pause. Don’t distract yourself. Don’t lash out. Just feel the emotions. At first, it feels unbearable, but over time, you realize that emotions are like waves—they rise, peak, and eventually fall.

One thing that helped me was thinking about emotions like food. You have to “chew” on them to digest them properly. You can’t just shove them away and hope they’ll disappear. If you let yourself fully experience your emotions, you’ll start to process them instead of letting them pile up.

Why I’m Sharing This

I know how hard it is to break out of this cycle. If I could go back in time and try to convince myself to change even a month ago, I don’t think I would’ve listened. It took me three years and a lucky moment of clarity to even start addressing my emotions. That scares me because I know how easily I could have gone my whole life without learning these tools.

I also realized that a lot of these patterns—avoidance, anger, emotional disconnection—weren’t just mine. My parents passed them down to me because they didn’t have the tools either. They coped with their pain in the only ways they knew how, and I learned to do the same. It’s a cycle that repeats until someone decides to break it.

If you’re in a similar place—feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or hopeless—I just want to say: you’re not alone. This process isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable, painful, and often feels impossible. But if this message helps even one person take a small step toward breaking the cycle, it will be worth sharing.

Where to Start

If you’re ready to dig into your emotions, here’s what worked for me:

1. Recognize the Patterns: Look at how you react to pain or discomfort. Are you avoiding it? Distracting yourself?
2. Sit With the Emotions: When you feel anger, sadness, or anxiety rising, don’t push it away. Let yourself feel it fully.
3. Reflect Afterward: Once you’ve calmed down, revisit the emotion and ask: What was this trying to tell me?
4. Learn About Thinking Traps: Research dichotomous thinking or cognitive distortions. These patterns often keep us stuck without realizing it.
5. Be Patient With Yourself: Change takes time. It’s okay to move slowly, as long as you keep moving.

If this resonates with you, know that it’s possible to break the cycle. It’s hard, and it might take time, but with awareness and persistence, you can change.

I mainly blame my father for who I am now, the things he says and does, and what he puts me through.  On Saturday, November 23, 2024, the man I called father, walked to the back of the basement, gabbed a rope and told me to hang myself. That basically sums up who my father is as a person.

I feel like I can't make a single right decision so I need help. I've been through and am going through way too much to know how to handle. Very complicated.

But the main pain at is from all that I lost, am loosing, and what I might end up loosing.

I've lost my mom. Three cats. My dog keeps running away from the person currently watching her. She vanishes for days. I've had to uproot twice and am currently in the process of my third. Uprooting to get out of a toxic environment, same for the previous times. So grieving the life I'm leaving and have left behind.

It hurts. I feel like I get trapped in denial and self blame. I need help knowing what I need to do. I can't get a Profesional yet. I hope to soon. But until then I need a stratagey ASAP

I don't want to keep being the Debby downer. I'm told talking it out with people I trust is a good method. I'm sure to ask if I can talk about something heavy or a sure I'm asked first and only layer on more weight if asked further questions. I don't want to be a burden or cause harm. But seems they are burned out from it. I do t blame them nor resent them for it. It's a lot I know it is. But idk what I should be doing.

Looking it up just makes me feel worse or frustrated. As I did most of the things. I haven't made a memorial or something to honor all that I've lost. But I'm scared to. I have no clue what to make. And what if it's seen. Should it be shared. Would I look obsessed or like I'm playing victim? Is it too much?

I'm so scared I look or sound like a victim. It just hurts and I feel so lost I can't help but ask for help and a shoulder to cry on. I'm so tired of loosing everyone and thing I grow close to. I want this cycle to ended.

I feel like for it to end I need to finally properly process it all. So I don't fall into another abusive trap.

It doesn't mean life is fucked up bcoz you are depressed right at this moment. Everything will change,dear. Don't forget,'Change is the only change'.

1. Experience the joy of a sunrise.

2. Witness a breathtaking sunset.

3. Listen to your favorite music.

4. Laugh until your stomach hurts.

5. Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin.

6. Try new foods and flavors.

7. Meet new people who inspire you.

8. Travel to places you’ve always dreamed of.

9. Share a hug with someone you care about.

10. Discover the beauty of nature.

11. Watch your favorite movie or TV show.

12. Read a book that changes your perspective.

13. Fall in love, whether with a person, a passion, or a moment.

14. Achieve a goal you’ve set for yourself.

15. Overcome challenges and grow stronger.

16. Hear someone say, “I’m proud of you.”

17. Feel the satisfaction of helping someone in need.

18. Celebrate your victories, big or small.

19. Smell the fragrance of flowers.

20. Take a walk on the beach and feel the sand under your feet.

21. Dance like no one’s watching.

22. Learn something new and exciting.

23. Watch the stars on a clear night.

24. Feel the comfort of your favorite cozy place.

25. Enjoy the taste of a homemade meal.

26. See a baby’s smile.

27. Witness the colors of autumn leaves.

28. Feel the first drops of rain after a hot day.

29. Be surprised by an act of kindness.

30. Inspire someone else.

31. Write your own story.

32. Find peace in solitude.

33. Spend time with family and friends.

34. Discover your purpose.

35. Experience the joy of giving.

36. Create something with your own hands.

37. Laugh at your own jokes.

38. Get lost in the beauty of art.

39. Experience the thrill of an adventure.

40. Look back and see how far you’ve come.

41. Make someone’s day brighter.

42. Experience the magic of festivals and celebrations.

43. Feel the power of forgiveness.

44. Cry happy tears.

45. Enjoy the simplicity of a quiet morning.

46. Watch children play and feel their innocence.

47. Have meaningful conversations.

48. Discover your hidden talents.

49. Feel proud of your achievements.

50. Capture memories with photos and videos.

51. Take care of a pet.

52. Discover the wonders of science and the universe.

53. Laugh at your favorite stand-up comedian.

54. Feel the energy of a live concert.

55. Achieve something you thought was impossible.

56. Start a new hobby.

57. Experience the joy of writing and expressing yourself.

58. Learn to play an instrument.

59. Celebrate your birthday with those you love.

60. Feel the rush of adrenaline from an exciting activity.

61. Bake cookies and enjoy their warmth.

62. Experience different cultures.

63. Witness the kindness of strangers.

64. See your hard work pay off.

65. Feel the peace of meditating.

66. Express gratitude.

67. Take care of your health and feel strong.

68. Spend a day with your loved ones.

69. Celebrate the little moments.

70. Experience the joy of giving gifts.

71. Feel the satisfaction of learning from mistakes.

72. Witness the miracle of life in any form.

73. Write a letter to your future self.

74. Feel the freedom of letting go of past pain.

75. Walk barefoot on the grass.

76. Experience the wonder of fireworks.

77. Take a road trip with no destination.

78. Laugh at your childhood memories.

79. Watch a shooting star and make a wish.

80. Experience the joy of teaching someone.

81. Feel the excitement of starting something new.

82. Enjoy the comfort of familiarity.

83. Witness the beauty of the world’s diversity.

84. Work toward a better future.

85. Savor your favorite dessert.

86. Find meaning in the little things.

87. Be someone’s source of strength.

88. Build something that lasts.

89. Share your story with others.

90. Hear the sound of waves crashing on the shore.

91. Take pride in your resilience.

92. Know that you matter, and the world is better with you in it.

93. Live for your loved ones, your god, your friends,your well wishers.

Am I the only one who is waking themselves up screaming and punching bed partners from night terrors in response to the election results? For the record, I am more anti- extremist, anti-genocide and pro voting rights for anyone of any political ideal.we need a mix to keep us all in check, ya know. Anyway, as a person with chronic pain/illness, the system of my healthcare protections at risk puts my survival at risk. I also work in industries that are often depending on large public investment for growth. I mean, I only have the job I do because the bipartisan infrastructure bill passed a few years ago. Also the kicker is the owner of the lawfirm who made my life hell is now my representative... F*ing great. I don't know what I can do now to stop the screaming in my sleep, not be a risk to my partner or my cats who cuddle with me at night. I just don't know what to do to not feel sick when decisions and powers beyond my control that are a real risk to my personal well being. I will forever be grateful for John McCain coming out of his death bed to save us all. I just don't know how to get my body back towards the recovery I invested so hard toward. Just putting this here so hopefully my nightmare will be less violent, and I'm not a risk to those I love while I am asleep

!TW! - Sexual assault, grooming, blackmail

Backstory: I’ve been coping with a grooming situation I was in almost a month ago. I am 20 years old, and he was 43. He, unfortunately, coaxed me into a relationship using the leverage of me lacking a supportive, loving father figure and sexually abused me. The things this man wanted to do to me, and the things he coerced me into doing makes my stomach churn. I shake and cry at the mere thought of it. This went on for almost 4 months till I had the guts to break it off. In-turn, he was upset and blackmailed me off one of my favorite social media platforms out of spite. I was wrongfully accused, and the people that follow him (he has a big following/group on that platform) didn’t see anything wrong with the age gap and even harassed/bullied me into deleting my accounts.

At the start of this month I used self harm to cope, overeating sweet/junk food, and even developed a short temper/anger issues which is extremely uncommon of me. I believe this is all my trauma from this situation inducing these activities.

I honestly just want to know when it’ll get better. I’m so viscerally upset and often stew in these negative emotions and hate if I’m not distracted by hobbies or work 24/7. Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed? So lost? So wronged by others? How do I even cope with this? I just want everything to feel better again. I don’t want to be traumatized.

TLDR: I was groomed (I’m 20 he was 43), struggling with SH and negative emotions, asking for advice on coping and when it’ll get better

I am a graduate student at the University of Colorado Colorado Springs (UCCS) looking for participants for a research study that aims to better understand trauma survivors’ recovery trajectories, including reaching out for help following stressful events. Eligible participants must be able to read and understand English. Your participation would be a valuable addition to the body of research dedicated to understanding and improving trauma survivors’ recovery and overall well-being. 

Participation in this study includes the completion of an online survey that takes approximately 45 minutes to 1 hour, though individual times to complete each question may vary. Your contact information, such as name and email will only be used for compensation purposes, which entails entry into a gift card raffle for one of five $20 gift cards. This contact information will be kept confidentially and separate from your survey responses so there is no way to link the data to your name. All survey responses will be deidentified and given an identification code, and therefore completely anonymous. 

If you are interested and willing to participate, please reach out to my research assistant, Ashley, at aarno@uccs.edu or myself, Katelyn, at kbindbeu@uccs.edu. Feel free to contact us with any questions or concerns!

My mom was a great single mom to me and my older sister up until she met my step dad.. She got with my stepdad and when he came into the picture my mom all of a sudden wasn't my mom anymore and what I mean by that is she started letting me do things she would have never let me do. Like drinking and smoking (I was 12). (There's also alot more stuff but its honestly really bad) Well fast faward to when I turned 15 my step dad was cheating on my mom, I finally had enough and I told my mom. He kicked me out and I moved in with my bf and his sister.. He was so pissed that I told her and that my mom knew and she was upset and wanting to leave him that he beat my mom so badly. My baby sister came running down (I lived like 5 houses down from them) to my house beating on my door telling me her dad was beating my mom with a hammer and not the flat side the side with the hooks. So I ran down and started beating on the door like I was the police. Finally he stopped hitting her and came to the door.

He answered the door and seen it was me and all I saw was rage radiating from him. I moved away from the door so that way he couldn't grab me and drag me inside. But the next thing I know he punches me in the face like I was a grown man. I started screaming so that way the neighbors would come running outside and I just kept screaming " you punched me i can't believe you punched me" the neighbors called the cops and I left before they got there becuz i wanted my mom to be the one to press charges on him.. My mom never talked to them so they left..

He then wouldn't let me see my mom to make sure she was okay or anything. And then a day later he let me see my mom and he swore he didn't touch her. I can still picture the way she looked and this happenend 15 years ago.. When I walked in to her bedroom my heart broke. She had bruises and deep puncture marks all over. Her throat had dark bruises all around it. I instantly started to cry and I almost didn't want to hug her becuz I knew anywhere I hugged her at, it would hurt her.. Soon as she seen me she started to cry too. My one eye and cheek bone was swollen and shut closed and bruised. She showed me clumps of hair that he had ripped out of her head. It was so bad. We made a plan that when he went hunting I would get her out of there. Long story short he came home after I had her car packed and he bagged her to stay. And she did. 15 years later and she is still with him. And now married. I was the only one out of 5 kids (3 kids that are his, 2 boys and a girl, and my mom has me and my sister) That wasn't invited to their wedding.

He has her so brainwashed now. And he's one of those people who make up everything and is so invested in causing drama. He has made up horrible stories about me just to make other people hate me. Its extremely toxic. My older sister doesn't talk to my mom or any of them at all. And I've stayed away but still want a relationship with my mom. I honestly don't know what to do or how to move about the situation. I really want to see my mom for the holidays but if I do I have to go to their house where he's at. My mom doesn't really go anywhere besides work and home. He doesn't work and hasn't besides like 6 months in the past 15 years. My moms the one who does everything. And they have an age gap relationship my moms 55 and he is in in his early 40s. All he does is smoke week and drink. And he's bi and he's always messing with men, but I guess my moms okay with it because she knows.. I just don't even know how to go forward with any kind of relationship with them and any advice would be helpful.

My kids dad passed away 5 years ago and they don't help with Christmas for my kids or anything. Im lucky if they come to my kids birthday parties. But I give my mom stuff for her birthday and even though I struggle I give her money and gifts on mothersday. I just wish my kids had the kind of grandma I had when I was little. But the only family my kids have is me. And this year I'm struggling to even make their Christmas special. Santa is broke. I just miss the mom I use to have.

I never share this stuff with anybody but my therapist so Feel free to give me your input. And if you've delt with anything similar I'd like to know how you handled it. Thank you.

As a child my dad had full custody of me and my mom got me every other weekend. But at a young age say... Between ages 4 and 6 every time she was supposed to come pick me up she would make an excuse as to why she couldn't do it. And it happened every time until eventually my dad asked me if I'd rather go to my grandma's instead (resulting in my grandma becoming the mother in my life) to which I said yeah. So pretty much from that age till senior year in high school I would go to her house for the weekends and spend the summer there as well as half of Christmas break. And didn't see my mother again until 20 years later.

So now as a 26 year old man I've noticed that when a woman makes plans to see me and doesn't deliver it triggers that distrust and it hurts me a lot. I was looking for advice on how to deal with that. It's stuff that's out of her control I understand that, but it still triggers that distrust and trauma from when my mom did that. She created a very large distrust of females for me which ive managed. But that one thing is what hurts me the most and it makes me feel insignificant and unimportant. Can anybody tell me of some coping mechanisms to help manage that so I don't feel hurt and upset every time it happens?

EDIT: for context they divorced when I was 4 and I don't really remember much from it. They didn't scream in front of me.

This is a throwaway account

I (m 25) don't know why I haven't spoken about this until now... I have buried myself with work and keeping busy so much that I suppressed it somewhere... But the thoughts and feelings keep coming up, like it's coming up to a year now and I honestly don't know why I have chosen to not speak about it.

So they (26 m) were sharing a room in our house because of some fights in their house. I get that people want to get off but the fact that they were doing it whilst sharing a room with another person (me) makes me feel uneasy. I don't know how to shake this feeling off really. I wanted to speak about this sooner but thought as time passes it'll be fine... but it's not the case.

Their wedding is coming up and they have asked me to be a best man for their wedding but I honestly don't know how I feel given that their fam had a big fight with ours. They're no longer living here now.

Should I speak to my mum about it? I feel so embarrassed even bringing up the topic and most of all I keep thinking why now... after almost a year has passed. I do not have the closest relationship with family but am working on fixing that. In terms of my relationship with the cousin, it's nothing more than perhaps acquaintances like we don't talk much other than "hey what's happening?" and the greetings etc. It's a very strange relationship but just the fact that they did it in the room makes me feel uneasy and nervous. The relationship between the family is very strained at the moment so I don't know the best course of action.

I'm away for university now and I don't know why I'm panicking so much. Should I speak to him and confront him about it? I don't want to strain relationship further but I can't keep quiet about this any longer. It's affecting my mental health so much. I don't feel comfortable at all and just want to confront someone, what do you think I should do?

Tw: CSA AND SA

hope this is the right place to post.. please tell me if it's not.. But for a lack of a better description, i can't get intimate with my husband.. For context: i was sexually abused as a child for iver 6 years, assaulted and a victim of rape.. I was assaulted later in life too when i was 16 by an older man, and again when i was 21 in uni while drunk.. so for lack of a better way to say.. sex has never apealed to me.. But i've been married for 5 years and have been intimate with my husband many times, he makes me feel safe, happy and it always understanding, whether intimate or not.. The problem is, lately i've been turning him down because all i can think of when i see him over me is my past abuser.. it sends me into a fit of crying and screaming and he always stops to reassure me.. But how do i stop these? It didn't happen for years, but when i found his house recently.. i just haven't got it off my mind.. can someone advise me on what i should do..?