Strong cis: They'd hate it or at least feel uncomfortable when being forced to change their gender.

Weak cis: They won't start HRT themselves, but will feel neutral/indifferent/mixed if they were hypothetically forcibly injected estrogen/testosterone by some crazy nazi. They have neutral or mixed feelings towards transitioning.

How much cis men/cis women are strong cis vs weak cis?

im wondering some questions about spiro. i recently started hormones again. im on 200mg of spiro y 6mg of estrodial. i was on HRT for 2 years before stopped for 14 months. im trying to learn more about spiro y estrodial. i noticed extremely high anxiety past 2 days idk if its from starting my dose so high or maybe if its work.

I've been feeling like I meant to be a female but I'm stuck in a mens body. I even talked to my mom about it, mom is helping me to process everything like getting hormones and do surgery in the future. And I wanted to find some group chat that I could find some trans friends

The last day to vote is November 5th!

Due to the news in Oregon about ballot boxes being set on fire/bombed, track your ballot here: https://www.vote.org/ballot-tracker-tools/

Check your voting location and status here: https://www.usa.gov/state-election-office

Check when early voting ends in your area: https://www.vote.org/early-voting-calendar/

It is absolutely crucial to vote in this election, ESPECIALLY if you are in a swing state. Project 2025 threatens our rights at Americans.

Project 2025 summary (by the Harris campaign): https://kamalaharris.com/project2025/?utm_medium=ads&utm_source=Google&utm_content=Search-Project2025-EXCT-KH-Ad1&utm_campaign=EVG&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsoe5BhDiARIsAOXVoUsGQc_NrAbB73HCLOrityNjrOBYzlS5-cBSOG4SsCt9nGvtsUTFV2kaAvFeEALw_wcB

Project 2025 document: https://www.project2025.org/

Why is it never me that gets support…

Hi I started HRT again today. so excited. will hrt be like muscle memory?

Honestly if he gets elected and ends up getting rid of gender affirming healthcare,he can sit up there and WATCH the suicide rate skyrocket.I may be one of the ones that commit.I don't want to be in any fucking country that tries to eliminate MY fucking rights as a U.S citizen.we'll fucking see how big of a mistake we made to elect him as president when millions of queer people are dead by his hands.

Everyone has become an armchair expert on the topic of trans people in sports. Not only is the conservative campaigning and news on this topic terrifying, even liberal and left leaning media gets a lot wrong. It's not uncommon that otherwise accepting people will take a hard stance on banning trans women from participating in women's sports. In trans spaces, I often hear people oversimplify things dramatically by saying "on two years of hrt, trans women have the exact same physical capabilities as cis women".

It's nice to read something on this topic that was written by an expert - Katie has been reporting on trans athletes and women's sports for years. It's nice to read writing on this topic from a trans person, who doesn't think "do trans people deserve to play sports" is a question worth asking. I also really appreciate that this book takes into context the history of women's sports more broadly.

It's the most complete work I've read on this topic, and I believe it deserved a lot more attention than it got. I'd reccomend it strongly if you do love sports like me, but considering the fact this topic is not going away anytime soon, I feel like most trans people would get a lot from it.

So I know I'm trans, but that's not any sort of internal feelings directly related to gender but a conclusion I drew after analyzing myself almost like an alien scientist. The reasoning basically goes like this.

1. My self-esteem is wack when I feel like my reflection in the mirror looks masculine.
2. My self-esteem is great when I see something pretty in the mirror.
3. It makes me feel down if people still see me as a man.
4. It makes me feel ambivalent, not bad but sometimes uncomfortable depending on the context, if people genders me as a woman or an enby.
5. My mood has improved after starting hrt.

Based on these evidence, I am almost surely trans, even if I have no idea what it even means to feel like a particular gender or even feel trans or queer or whatever.

I don't really get stereotypically feminine gender expressions nor stereotypically masculine ones. I usually forget about the fact that I am a physical entity occupying space in reality and projecting a particular image (which, apparently, looks like a woman but sounds like a man) to other people. Mostly cause, like, I don't have many mirrors.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really trans or I just kind of forget that I project a gender expression to the outside world and then I just go through the logic again. "So if I were an alien scientist studying this phenomenon I would likely conclude I'm a trans fem. Remember that?" "Oh, ok I remember that line of reasoning now. Thanks for reminding me, me."

idk if this makes sense to anyone lol

I've been feeling awful for months now. Nothing about me has felt right and I've been exhausted/fatigued for so long.

I just thought it was normal sickness or something, until I got my recent 3-month hormone lab results today: Essentially completely suppressed T, with E levels FAR below the healthy range.

I started out frustrated and hurt, thinking "this was a waste of three months" (Note that I tried to push for a higher dose of E, my provider refused and started me on low dose.)

Then I quickly became furious. I'm so so angry. my thought at first was "how are they allowed to even have these jobs with so little knowledge of ANYTHING about what they prescribe???"

...And then it clicked. THAT WAS WHY I'VE BEEN FEELING THIS WAY FOR SO LONG? FEELING SO AWFUL? SO TIRED? SO WRONG? I can't stop shaking with anger as I type this up. Shoutouts to Planned Parenthood!

The relief has only sort of set in, after coming to terms with the fact I'm starting on my own path with injectable HRT outside of providers/companies later this week. I'm excited to finally fully start my transition, and it'll all be okay eventually.

So at my job I started and nobody really knew I was trans except for my boss because I told her. I work with two older men who never thought anything of it. Here recently I've been working with the men more and more. I've noticed that one of them almost always misgenders me when talking to the other but when he's talking to me or the boss he never misgenders me. I know that he likes me and I know that it doesn't really change anything. I just find it more of a curiosity. This is like a new thing. You know I don't really hide the fact that I'm trans I just don't say it out loud in front of them. Anyway just a curiosity going on in my life. Nothing to really do about it as I rely on this man for tenancy. I mean he goes out of his way to feed me dinners occasionally that he cooks and he brings my dog bones. Offers me tools and help for most of the things that I need when I ask. Does anybody else have a relationship like this in their life?

I've been on HRT for over two years but I can't update my documents, at least not for the nearest future. So every little thing has my deadname and legal sex on it. What makes it worse, I don't plausibly pass as a woman anymore so everyone I meet knows immediately that I'm trans.

I put up with it, but it hurts so much worse at university. School mail, student card etc all have to be in my legal name. Professors and classmates have been very tactful about it, but it still makes me vince.

And worst of all are academic achievements. It makes me sick to even look at my bachelor's diploma, and I don't feel any happiness or pride about it. It ruins my motivation to know my master's will also be under my deadname. I don't even know if they can issue new ones later.

Yesterday, I was registering at CERN and I was promised I would be able to at least set up some public info under a preferred name. Unsurprisingly, it didn't happen - the help desk just ignored me. It should be a literal dream come true, that I'm finally doing nuclear physics, at the LHC nonetheless. Instead I just want to dіe. A whole morning being bombarded by "DEAR MISS DEADNAME" emails, and just knowing I will have to log in under that day after day after day.

I've been dreaming about a scientific career since I was a child, and I've put so much effort and care into education, but all it amounted to is pain and humiliation.

What am I even trying for? What's the point?.. Honestly, I don't want anything anymore. Every day I just feel like I'm closer to giving up on life.

Never been more suicidal in my life. Amost all my friends are transgender, black, gay, just fucking minorities who are going to be directly targeted. I look at myself as a white passing straight dude and I feel fear so what the fuck does that mean for everyone else? I'm worried that my hormones are going to be taken away and if rhat happens...I don't know if I'll be able to stay alive. I don't make enough to pay for them now, I had a plan for life that's not going to make it if he wins and the trillion part saga of project 2024 comes to fruition. It's a battle that can't be won. Even if Kamala Harris wins I'm still sitting on death row, just waiting for a later date. Fuck is going to happen? I don't see anything from trans people about it and I can make assumptions as to why but for the love of God can someone share their feelings so I don't feel like fucking jennifer lawrence in don't look up. Thanks

Hi everyone,

I usually never write on such personal things, but I'm in a really rough spot right now and I'm so so lost and feel like I don't really have anyone to help.

Anyway, I'm (MtF but living as a man, 37) married to a heterosexual cis woman, we have two amazing daughters, we love each other very much and could not be happier with our family life. I have a great job that I like, I love my parents, brother and sister and they love me back. I feel that I have everything I could ever want, except that I'm trans. 

My wife knows since before we got engaged and we agreed to go on with our relationship, but I feel that we both understood what we wanted to understand at that moment. I thought eventually she'd be fine with me transitioning, she thought I'd be fine finding a compromise that doesn't require real change.

Anyway, fast forward to last year, we had a deep discussion where I finally made her understand that I always assumed I would eventually transition, she was very very lost and didn't know what to do or say so she just told me to start hormones if I wanted to. I started very slowly, but I ended up doing a couple of months at full dosage, and some small physical changes started happening (breast development), which was amazing for me but really difficult for her, she just could not be in the same bed as me, or even hold hands, and our relationship started declining fast.

Between our couple crashing, my family not accepting me at all (zero support) and the whole situation being so effing difficult, I just decided to stop hormones altogether. It was an awful couple of weeks, but I felt relieved that I was giving my couple some time to breath. Our relationship did recover and that's kind of where we are now. I've restarted taking low dose t-blockers and e, to help me feel a little better without breasts growing and I'm pretty much done with laser on my face, so I feel that's a not-so-bad middle ground with which my wife is also happy. But I'm absolutely always thinking about the topic of being trans, transitioning, etc.

I'm currently wondering if considering that transition is completely off the table for me would help me. Could I find acceptable arrangements, presenting as a woman at home when I want to, taking short trips where I live as a woman, that type of stuff, that would make it tolerable? Everything else in my life is great, is it OK to have just that small part be tolerably shitty? 

I can't even start imagining losing my wife and my family life with her and my daughters. This is the most precious thing for me and I can't lose it.

My wife says that she's not sure that we would necessarily break up if I transitioned, she would love to be OK with the situation, but the experience from these few months were my beasts grew was really hard for her and she can't imagine how that could work well. She's just not attracted to women (and pretty much the opposite). I keep hoping that things eventually change, but I feel I'm constantly nourishing false hopes.

I don't really know what I'm looking for with this post, but I would love to be able to discuss it with people that truly understand me. Please no "immediately drop her", that's not the type of advice I'm looking for.

Sorry for the wall of text and thanls

I have 10 months doing hormones and besides the 1.5 months that I was out of the country for work I feel so alone and isolated, is insane, I don't have anyone to talk about my transition, my changes or to talk in general my day, before starting the transition I broke up with my abusive ex, I was with her because even after being abusive she was the only person I was able to talk about almost anything every day.

The trans community here is super little is not even organize.

I wish I could have friends cis girlfriends or trans girlfriends, anything.

One day I my nipple hurts so much that it was super annoyed so I told my sister, she's younger than me, and she told me that I was looking for it so I have to bear it. And the day after my mom saw shirtless and told me my nipples were ugly.

Why is so hard to find empathy??? God, I know I choose this, but was this or kllng myself.

I just want to feel like I'm super alone that I'm not a freak or a monster.

So if anyone wants to be my friend I would love it !

I'm 25 and I like politics stuff and nerd stuff overall, I just really want someone to talk every day, doesn't have to be every moment of the day.

I'm sorry for taking your time :c

24, MtF, pre-everything. Basically what the title says. I don't feel brave enough to transition. I know a lot of trans people and they're also so brave and sure of themselves and I'm just... not. He'll, I still don't know if I'm even trans. Sometimes I feel it but other times I don't or I even feel somewhat comfortable in my masculine appearance. Idk if I have the ability to make the leap of faith it requires to transition. I don't know if I can tell my parents. I don't know if I can live in the world today as a trans person. I'd rather just stay in the closet and dream like I have for the last decade. Everything is so scary and I don't know if I can do it.

Self explanatory. I still don’t know how to feel about it all. I am not even sure if I am trans or not I just know I have been questioning for some time, so to now not have the privacy I was looking for, to feel it out, makes me very uneasy. They haven’t said anything yet, but I know they know I know.

Any advice plz.

I’ve been banned from most trans communities because I’m really negative, but this is something serious…

So due to what I think is Dysphoria, I’ve never cared about my body. I pretty much stopped going to a dr or dentist at the age of idk, 12? Like. I’m not a girl and I’ll never be one, so it’s really hard to care about my teeth. First last month my phone completely dies. But before it died I see a guy on Reddit who is 45 and has done so much drugs he has maybe 5 teeth total, and that scared me.

Well fast forward to this month, at 32. I see a big hole in my tooth. And it’s really hard to care about my body, but I don’t want to end up like that redditor. I want to be beautiful one day. I don’t know what happened in my head but I get a doctors appointment.

It turns out I have 9 cavities and gingivitis (now cured). Up until stopping at the dentist I never had a cavity and I’m really scared. I feel like I got off easy. Sure 9 cavities isn’t great, but there’s so much worse things. Crowns, extractions, root canals.

My parents buy a lot of soda. I used to drink one diet Soda a day. Back when I lived on my own, I never drank pop. But they always have it here which makes it accessible. I decided I’m going to cut it out as much as I can.

On top of finding out I have 9 cavities, I also found out I need wisdom teeth removed (didn’t know I had wisdom teeth).

I don’t know where the hell I’m going to get the 2400 I need to get my cavities filled but is it too late to start taking care of your health? I’m scared it’s too late for my teeth

I got 3 of the 9 cavities filled last week now it is hard to floss beside what’s filled. I’m not sure if it’s swollen or not but I will tell the dentist best time I see him.

But I have no money coming in. Dysphoria makes it too hard to work.

And surgery will either be free or 5000 depending on if it’s medically necessary (sounds like it is, but I don’t know).

So 9 cavities. But I still have all my teeth. Is it too late to turn my mouth health around?

I thought 1 coke a day would be fine.. I surround myself with people who drink like litres of it a day. So what is a lot to me is skewed. :/

I got myself floss, an expensive pink toothbrush and a waterpik…. This Dysphoria makes it hard to care about myself, but I don’t want to die from a tooth infection…not before I get to live as me…

Thank you for reading.

(19, pre-t, legally and socially transitioned)

so sick of being misgendered all the time, even by coworkers. i used to think i could be stealth at work before i moved cities and started this job, since in my hometown i rarely (if ever) got misgendered (although it could be partially due to wearing masks during the pandemic).

but ever since moving here and starting this job, i've been getting misgendered by almost every single person i talk to and clocked constantly (even with a mask on) and it just shattered all my expectations and any hope i had that i passed. my workplace gets a lot of foot traffic and i talk to maybe 100 customers a day, 95% of which misgender me multiple times during conversation and every single time it's just a painful reminder that what i'm doing isn't working and everyone sees through it.

i'm not in a financial position to start hormones right now and it just makes me hopeless. for context, i'm about 5'2, semi high voice, i thought pretty androgynous face but maybe i was wrong lol. i disappoint myself everyday by not being masculine enough to get gendered correctly by almost anybody, it makes me feel like no matter what i do it doesn't matter. i'm tired and everyday it feels like i get punched in the stomach all day long and just have to be chill about it.

sorry for the long rant but i don't have many trans friends to talk to about this. but yeah, just completely hopeless and devastated honestly, makes me want to never leave the house again :(

edit: would love some comments that aren't just "get on hrt"! thanks, hadn't thought of that!!! it's not accessible to everyone everywhere!

Hi all. i had a schedule appt for starting hormone therapy but because of the hurricane i havent worked for a week so i dont think i can pay the doctors rn for the appt on Oct 28. I called to reschedule and they said they might not have openings as they dont know the schedule for Nov/Dec. I had to wait 2 months of calling every week for them to book me 3 months out. Can i get a credit card? and how do i do that. i have horrible credit rn but i just need one now.

Hi, there is a campground near me (cabins and comunal dining type place not like tents and RVs). This place has been pretty queer accepting as far as I can tell, hosting two spirit events, flying pride flags year round, etc.

Anyway there are two bathhouses on campus that were originally built gender separated but they are making plans to rebuild the older of the two to be gender neutral. I'm told the toilets and the showers will have floor to ceiling stalls however they also want the wall facing the main path to be clear glass.

This campground hosts camps for many different age groups and they say that the glass will allow "camp councilors to monitor for inappropriate activity". In the past I have just used the gender neutral restroom in the mess hall and if I needed a shower I would ask someone staying in an accessible cabin to borrow the built in shower.

These plans for this new bathhouse make me uneasy not only because I'm sure I would be expected to use it but also for the children that are likely expected to use it. I know I would certainly feel like an animal at the zoo.

I'm likely going to send them an email but I know someone in my family and at least one of my friends will get notified about it and I'm worried about their reactions since I've already been shrugged off when I raised my concerns.

Thank you for reading my rambling. Any advice for how I should proceed would be appreciated.

Warning for mention of NSFW in the censored section. I’m also a gay FtM just to help paint the picture.

I’ve built this image of a guy that is my type physically and personality wise and I spend a lot of time nowadays imaging myself with someone like him. I like to imagine him stroking and patting my head, wrapping his arm around my neck, squishing my cheeks, and travelling alongside me to whatever shenanigans I wanna daydream about. >!I’ve also had a lot of sexual fantasies lately, and I mean a lot. I find myself getting aroused a lot, alongside a yearning to suck a dick or have a dick inside me (I’m not dysphoric about my gentials).!<

I know people yearn for relationships all the time but idk, I just feel that this is very unusual of me. I’ve never been one to be desperate for love, and even now I honestly don’t wanna date anyone (demiromantic, so I need a lot of time before I feel it). I made this post because I find it a bit bewildering just how often I’m thinking about this rn.

Looking for advice on how to deal with this...

I'm [21MtF] 6'3. I know that's shorter than a fair few trans women, I know people love tall women, but I still feel so visible being at least a head taller than so many women around me.

I have dysphoria about other stuff sure, but I can comfortably deal with that. I feel assured and confident, but my height, and honestly jaw, just immediately clock me.

How do other tall trans women deal w this? Is height something that's an absolute worst dysphoria for others too? :(

tl;dr mega height dysphoria over anything else, how to help/heal?

I always was curious about that

I’m really struggling and need advice. My relationship is great, but since transitioning (MTF), my libido has disappeared, and it’s killing my self-esteem.

I’ve tried everything—talked to my doctor, used testosterone gel, nothing works. I used to feel horny every day, now I feel nothing. Months go by without intimacy, and when we do anything sexual, I only help my partner finish. It makes me feel broken and like I’m failing as a partner.

We love hugging and kissing, and my partner says they’re happy with that, but I still feel inadequate. Has anyone else felt like this? Any advice would mean a lot.

Choice 1:

It's a cloudy Sunday afternoon, 2015. For the seventh time this weekend, you used your mother's phone to google interesting facts about pregnancy and menstruation. It's time for the first periods, how does it feel to get periods and get pregnant? Why can't I get pregnant? You thought.

I'm a boy, too bad there's nothing I can do about it. √

Search if men can get pregnant. There's no transgender awareness in your country

Start exploring these feelings a bit deeper. There's no transgender awareness in your country

Choice 2:

It's a sunny Tuesday morning, 2016. Your puberty has started, and pupils started segregating themselves by gender. You end up with the girls and started behaving like one. The girls, though, started to fear you for being too intimate with them. One of them told you that it's no longer appropriate to behave like this anymore, as you're already in middle school. You seem to be not attracted to girls at all, and can't understand why "boys" should stay away from girls.

Switch side and try to blend in with the boys. Just follow suit. √

Maybe I'm gay? Why am I feeling nothing for these girls? There's no gay awareness in your country

I don't think I feel comfortable with being seen as a boy. There's no transgender awareness in your country

Maybe my brain is just wired a bit differently. There's no neurodivergence awareness in your country

Choice 3:

You are browsing random content online, 2019. You have seen some radical feminist content that made you weirdly uncomfortable. On one hand they seemed to be correct, but being seen as a "dangerous male" has made you so uncomfortable and wrong. No, I'm not a misogynist, you tell yourself, but these radical feminists just seemed so cringe for some weird reason you can't explain.

Become a MRA misogynist. It's so unfair to us men! The label "male" feels too distant and foreign

Radical feminism is a bourgeoisie distraction. Only class struggle should matter. √

Modern feminism should be intersectional. It's the excessive focus on white urban middle class cis women that made me uncomfortable.

It's the gender essentialism that triggered my gender dysphoria. Cis men don't feel uncomfortable with being referred to as male. There's no transgender awareness in your country

Choice 4:

It's the summer vacation, August 2019. You were playing escape with your male friends. Being physically intimate with them has made you aroused, yet at the same time the "gay male" label feels wrong somehow. You imagined being some androgynous genderless creature and getting intimate with them, apparently.

Repress these feelings. I'm a normal straight man.

Maybe I'm bisexual. That's why I don't feel gay. √

Ask other gay friends how they feel in regard to gender. You don't have any gay friends yet

There's clearly some gender stuff going on. There's no transgender awareness in your country

Choice 5:

It's a sunny spring day, April 2021. You were playing baseball and softball with some random people. Your friend (FTM) insisted that he wanted to play baseball, but you felt so strongly drawn to softball for some reason you can't explain.

Play baseball and stop overthinking. √

Maybe softball is easier, that's why I want to play it.

Am I really drawn to softball itself or to feminity? You have already repressed these feelings

I'm a fetishist, that's why I wanted to play softball with the girls.

That's not a very cis thought. There's no transgender awareness in your country

Choice 6:

It's a scorching hot evening, June 2021. You have ran five kilometers for the third time this week in 35C weather. When running you always imagine yourself as a girl and it makes you euphoric and slightly aroused. You tend to run at full speed and forget your physical body, which offers you an escape from the depression in real life.

It's just masochism. Stop overthinking, it's just sexual. √

Maybe explore some force fem online spaces?

Maybe that's a bit eggyThere's no transgender awareness in your country

That's gender euphoria. It's not a fetish. There's no transgender awareness in your country

Choice 7:

It's a quiet midnight, August 2022. One of your right-wing online friends "mistakenly" thought you were trans because you said you wanted to be a girl. He proceeded to insult you with anti-trans language, but you feel weirdly validated instead. Another right-wing friend asked you if you were trans.

Say "I'm not" and stop overthinking. √

There's no way I could be trans. Real trans people have always known since childhood. No way!

~~Google "am I trans test".~~You thought "real trans people have always known"

Maybe... You thought "real trans people have always known"

Yes. You thought "real trans people have always known"

Choice 8:

It's a clear evening, May 2023. You just got your first boyfriend and were about to have sex for the first time. He didn't really want to penetrate anything, but you wanted to get penetrated... Too bad you didn't have a vagina, so there's no realistic option.

All gay bottoms must want to have a vagina. Stop overthinking. √

That's very un-cis. I should have realised long ago. You thought "real trans people have always known"

Choice 9:

It's a lonely night, October 2023. You matched a random man on a dating app and started talking about dating and relationship. You said you wanted to become a girl, and he replied with "you can just get a little surgery". It's not "a little surgery", and you were scared for sure, but the option feels to be "always there" and "delayable but inevitable".

Continue repressing the feelings. There's no way I could be one of them.

Search "am I transgender" in google.

Go to asktransgender and post your concerns. √

That's trans as fuck. Get your hormones. You are still unprepared mentally

Choice 10:

It's an ordinary afternoon, December 2023. Random people on the internet, a few friends, and even your current boyfriend IRL (you parted with your ex in August) have suggested you're trans. You did a test online and it gave "moderate indication of gender dysphoria". You felt validated by the results.

Continue repressing it. There's no way I could be trans! It's a bourgeoisie distraction! These feelings keep getting stronger

Maybe I should go through RLE first to see if I am *really* trans?

Reach out to your transgender friends. √

Choice 11:

It's your birthday, March 2024. You have zero feeling towards it but decide to celebrate it anyway. After a small party, it's midnight, and these gender feelings only keep getting worse. A few brief trials of feminine presentation felt good, but you didn't like the idea of being a "man in a dress".

Return to the eggshell and live your old life. There's no turning back

Force yourself into RLE. That's what "gender psychiatrists" suggested. It makes you too dysphoric

Come out to some of your friends and ask about hormones. √

Come out to everyone.

Choice 12:

It's a sunny morning, 22 May 2024. You have just preserved your fertility for "totally cis reasons" "just in case". You have visited a gender specialist earlier this month and got your pills already. You plan to start taking them in September when you're "100% sure". But these feelings are getting worse every day to the point that you can no longer really focus at everything.

Wait. The "medical community" suggests 12 months of real-life experience.

I'll think about it later. I will take it when it becomes unbearable.

Swallow the blue pills. It's enough already. √

Choice 13:

It's a hot afternoon, August 2024. Your conservative mother wrote a letter to you telling you to not transition.

Ignore it. Take your daily dose of E.

Negotiate. Maybe I can pause HRT for a bit. √

I'm just faking it. No way a “Type IV nonsurgical trans" is valid. Once an egg has cracked, there's no turning back

Listen to your mom. Once an egg has cracked, there's no turning back

Choice 14:

It's a long evening, 3 September 2024. Your body is remasculinizing in the absence of feminine hormones, which made you afraid to see the mirror once again. Life was so colorful and alive in the past few months, only to turn dull and colorless once again. You already know who you really are, and the question is if you should do anything about it.

Book a flight to Thailand to buy estrogen, and take it against mom's advice. √

Maybe I should visit these gatekeeping psychiatrists and go through RLE. Once an egg has cracked, there's no turning back

I have promised to pause HRT for 6 months. I should continue to wait a bit. Once an egg has cracked, there's no turning back

Listen to your mom. Stop altering your body with hormones. Once an egg has cracked, there's no turning back

It's just another depressive episode. Distract yourself. Once an egg has cracked, there's no turning back

Choice 15:

It's a warm afternoon, October 2024. A softball has hit your newly emerging boobies and it hurt quite a bit. You fell to the ground and a teammate (cis girl) asked you what happened. Your teammates have been confused about whether you're trans, as you've been giving off some really transy vibes both physically and verbally, but never formally came out.

Nothing, really. Once an egg has cracked, there's no turning back

The ball hit "there", you know. √

Why mtf+ftm couples are so rare?

I'm sick of sitting down to pee. THE TOILET SEAT COLD AS FRICK, DUDE.

I am currently a student in a French 'prep school' (an establishment that works like a highschool but for higher education).

At the beginning of my first year there, one of my teachers looked like he was an LGBTQ+ ally, which allowed me to come out to him (and then my whole class) as trans even though I was scared because I have not been able to transition yet.

After that, he took time to show support when I was facing my family's transphobia, when I was under stress or unconfident, and when my self-esteem was at its lowest (he even called me during the holydays once, because he had learnt somehow that I was about to leave the school for bad reasons). I don't exactly know why, but he is one of the rare people I feel I can talk to without being judged.

Of course, he does not do this just for me: he seems to genuinely care about all of the students, and everyone tells me that he always knows what to do/say when someone needs to be reassured/comforted. Even though I am not one of his students anymore, I can still come to his classroom and talk to him / ask for advice, even on matters that are not related to his subject. I think I am still a student there thanks to him.

On top of that, he is an excellent, captivating and passionate teacher (and even some people who do not like his subject recognise that). He managed to give me a specific interest for his subject (and I am very tempted to deviate the course of my studies to do more of it, and perhaps become a researcher). I genuinely see him as a role model.

Now that I have to leave the establishment in July to pursue my curriculum, I have to start to think about a way to thank him. I have to do this in a few months, after the oral practice exams (during which I can still be graded by him). My problem is that I have never been able to express gratitude / forms of affection to people properly, as I struggle to open up / unmask. Other people have already told me I look cold/ungrateful, even as I do feel grateful when I thank them.

If he suddenly appeared before me and I had to tell him all of the things I wrote in this post, I would be unable to talk, and I would end up stuttering and saying something like "thank you for all of the things you did for me", which is extremely vague and clearly does not measure up to what I think he deserves to hear.

I have thought of writing an email, but I am scared of writing something that would look too complimentary/fake/exagerated even though that's actually what I think. I am unable to word anything correctly when it comes to 'emotional' talk, sadly.

Yet, thanking him and telling him that I will miss his lectures at the end of this school year is extremely important to me since I will probably be too shy to ask him to stay in touch after I leave (even though I would love to and I know he has already been doing that with other students, I don't feel 'worthy enough' of it).

So what should I do? Do you have any advice for me?

Been on HRT for 5 years but basically just look like a guy with (barely noticeable) boobs and long hair

too lazy to figure out what clothes actually look good on me and make me seem more fem (I wear the same comfy androgynous stuff as before even tho I think I just look like a guy in it) (and tbc it’s literally the exact same clothes most of the time, autism moment)

too lazy to figure out how to actually style my hair beyond “idk vague lump of curls waved over to my left roughly”

too lazy to shave my (large amount of dark visible) body hair (except chest bc it bothers me more and even that I only do way too infrequently)

makeup… like no lmao

idk I feel like I struggle with embarrassingly super basic stuff and let it keep me from presenting how I want, I feel like I’ve somehow failed at transitioning and kinda gave up, only hope rn is prog (starting soonish) somehow magically gives me energy to fix everything (no it won’t lmao)

(it probably doesn’t help that I’m naturally kinda an internet hermit, I wanna have more of a life outside of that but as it stands I only rlly leave the house when I need to for medical stuff) (and it’s kinda difficult to motivate myself in that direction bc basically everything I enjoy doing is online and solitary, spent a bunch of time trying to find an in person hobby as a kid and didn’t rlly like anything) (so I find it difficult to motivate myself to change physical stuff bc I barely exist physically, and I can’t exist in places more bc I just look like some guy and feel ridiculous asking to be seen differently)

(and I have autism sensory problems with water that makes showering regularly embarrassingly difficult, not directly related rlly but kinda stops me from working on other stuff bc I feel like I should focus on that first bc it’s such a basic human thing, but I can never seem to reliably do it more often than like once every 10 days, and I’ve been trying to get better for literally most of my life)

tl;dr silly vent post half of which is just me being too lazy to exist and not necessarily trans related