Hey. I’ve been on HRT for about a year now, and it’s been great.

The problem? I’m a smoker. I know the risks and the effects it has on HRT- but i’ve been dealing with severe depression for a while now (I am seeking therapy) and it’s hard. It’s hard to quit. I want to so badly, and tonight i’ve made the decision to try and quit. This is really embarrassing to post for me, just because I know I should’ve done this sooner.

Thank you for reading my post, I hope you all have a good night or day.

hi everyone Im new here im new here

I’ve (23 mtf) been on hrt since 2020, socially transitioning since 2017, im not like “new to the game” and im definitely not a virgin lmao but lately I’ve been feeling sooo ashamed of myself and my body and I’ve been feeling like completely undesirable. With my past 2 relationships when we would have sex I end up really self conscious, saying things like “I feel gross, is this gross? Is doing this gross” or just being unable to stay in the moment because I feel so dysphoric, or sometimes feeling like a fetish because of something they do or say. These feelings aren’t as bad when I’m alone and touching myself, but its imagination, you know? I’ve yet to consistently feel comfortable during sex with anyone. Does this ever change??? Also what do men think about during sex fr? Maybe I’m just too in my head lmao

I’d say I’m pretty passable, but I messed up my hormones for a couple months (accidentally taking the wrong amount) and I feel like it’s made my body look weird and made me grow some more body hair. I’ve had laser hair removal on my face before so I’m not too bad rn but I’ve definitely had some mustache come back and it’s like UGGGHHHH. This has really been more of a rant…but I need some outside opinions lol.

TLDR: I’m feeling weird about how my body/genitals look during sex…and my face…and kinda the act of sex itself as a trans woman…but I also really enjoy sex soooo?? Any advice or similar experiences? Thx

Hi, I’m 20, ftm and I’ve been on Testosterone for about two years now.

I started dating a cis-man half a year ago and went on birth control, which caused my period to come back. And for about half a year I’ve been constantly bleeding without a single break.

I tried to stop taking it but the bleeding just continued. Now my gynecologist prescribed me an estrogen gel. I can’t take it. I won’t take it. I’d rather bleed out than take more estrogen. My Hormone levels are good for a cis guy.

Hysterectomy is not an option because I might have vascular Ehlers Danlos syndrome or Marfan-syndrome. Both potentially cause my blood vessels to be very fragile, I’ve already had a carotid dissection as a child and my brains blood supply is already fucked because of that.

Also I’m confused because the stuff they write about the gel is not to take it when one ever had stroke-like symptoms. The dissection caused a part of my carotid artery to be very narrow what makes it more likely for me to have a stroke.

I can’t take it. I don’t want to have any more estrogen in my body. I have enough to maintain my bones and that’s enough.

I guess I’ll just have to bleed out until it will eventually stop. It has to. I’ve been waiting for six months now. Every week I told my boyfriend „I’m sure it will go away next week.“ Guess what. It didn’t.

I double dose birth control now, but that could give me brain cancer. It seems to be working. Wish me luck.

Got an email from someone saying they are emailing me because they weren't sure they had the right number. Oof, made me realize that I forgot to change my voicemail greeting and I'm almost 6 months in on abandoning that deadname. On the plus side, yay me for not sounding like I used to?

Are they still effective/safe to take? I had estradiol, spironolactone, and finasteride in the vehicle. It was slightly below freezing, but the coffee in my vehicle didn't freeze.

but im scared. and im built like a fridge. my chest is really budding, again. was on hrt before. i think i need to hide my chest cause today at work, way to late in the day i might add, i realized i should be.

Hi all!

First, hope you're all safe, healthy and happy :)

I was curious if anyone was getting gender-affirming surgery in New York City or live in NYC and having to travel out of NYC for it soon? OR if you just had surgery and what your experience was like?

I am very interested in the experience and wanted to message to discuss.

Thanks so much!

this post is kind of a downer, but I need to know if I'm crazy or if others have felt this too

(I am using the term progressive broadly, to range from AOC-type liberals all the way to far leftists. I've observed this problem across the whole spectrum). Idk if anyone else has noticed this or if it's just me. But I feel like so many progressive spaces have kind of just... brushed trans people and the threats we're facing to the side. It's just not a priority, is the vibe I'm getting. Our very existence is under extreme daily attacks, and I just hear crickets from the people who are supposed to "have our backs". I think they took the "all this trans stuff is just a distraction from the Real Issues™️" statement so far that they think standing up for us or giving a shit about us is just a "distraction" or "useless identity politics". That our medical needs are just "cosmetic" rather than a matter of life and death for many of us. That our identity is just a costume we can take off.

It's makes me feel kind of down about the prospect of solidarity/intersectionality as a tool for us. I mean I'm going to continue to fight all forms of oppression because no oppression should exist, but it feels really tiring and sad to spend so much energy fighting for so many people who won't do the same for you. Or who sometimes even support the attacks against us. And it's hard to feel solidarity among people who want to "smash oppression" but then act like your oppression is trivial or not really important. I get that there are tons of things going on. People are getting taken away by ICE, losing their abortion access, struggling to afford to live, being brutalized by police, the list goes on and on. I get that nobody can focus all their attention on everything at once. But man, the response to this shit from other self-identified progressives is just... crickets and it's really disheartening.

The only time I hear progressive cis people talk about attacks on trans rights is when it has implications for them. They'll say shit like "A government-defined gender binary is bad because it will make it easier to police (cis) women!" "These bathroom/sports bans are bad because it will affect everyone!" etc. but I hear little to no sympathy about how it will affect trans people, the actual targets of these annihilation attempts. It seems like you can't get anyone to give a shit about the plight of trans people unless they can find a way to make it about themselves.

How does one develop solidarity in these conditions, as a tiny hyper-minority group who's a target of genocidal destruction for the right, and just not a priority for a good chunk of the left? Maybe it's just where I live, maybe other progressive circles are great. But where I live, we're just not a priority whatsoever. It makes me feel very alone, like nobody else really has our backs at the end of the day

For complete context, I came out during lockdown to my close friends and some... unsupportive family members. After feeling very off my first week on hormones I woke up depressed and wanting to fix the other things in my life first because nothing was going my way.

Over the next year and a half this transformed into me having a lot of regret for what I'd done. I didn't want anyone to think I was secretly still trans, or worse yet that it had all been some elaborate fetishitic fugue state. When I finally made a connection with a girl I had to make it abundantly clear I had moved past that.

Which in all honestly I had for the most part. I at least didn't think about it nearly as much. I brushed off the phases it would return and focused on my health and my job sublimating my dysphoria all into unhealthy habits.

It's been archived now but seven months ago I made a post where I assumed I was fighting a losing battle. I wanted desperately to just be able to be out and free from the mental torment I was in and pushed all of my fears and worries onto my fiance without her knowing. I took every off color thing she ever said and painted a picture of her where she hated me. Both rightfully and not. I assumed she wouldn't like me, suggested this person who felt like a door mat in her family life would chase me out in tears. Everytime she tried to pry a little and get me to talk about my past I doubled down. I was cis the feelings were gone and she was silly to even ask. Frustrating even. She would even beg me to tell her what was wrong and I just couldn't. I wanted to but I just selfishly assumed what was best.

I fully bought in to my own lie. It was better if she didn't know because I didn't think I could handle even giving her the chance to hurt my feelings. Meanwhile I lied, more cunningly and insidiously just to keep it under wraps. I really do not think I was doing something less than cheating on her. At least emotionally. Sure I was physically faithful but emotionally I was a world away.

This is all to say when I came out she was livid, hurt, angry with herself, and was left wondering who had been with her when our second son was born. Most of all though she wanted to support me. She wanted me to beg her to stay. She wanted the love that I had been keeping from her.

I CAN'T understate what she has done. Despite everything she went out and got me everything for a full makeover, literally a dream come true as someone who previously did it all on my own. She even bought me new clothes and told me what she thought of a name I'd picked out. She's even used it for me to try it out. I love her so much and we're just getting started. I want her here every step of the way.

Do what is safe for you wherever you are, and each relationship is different, but if you love someone and not telling them is eating you up inside, every moment is a moment they're moving further from the person who might support you and give you what you need.

My fiance deserves to be happy, she never deserved to be lied to, and now that I can be her girl, I hope we can have our happily ever after.

So I’ve been on HRT for a couple of years over all of which have been seeing the same Endocrinologist. He was fairly new when I joined the clinic and I choose him hoping he would be fresh and enthusiastic about Gender affirming care. Unfortunately I found a lot of my questions would be answered “he has never seen this before so he doesn’t know” or “you’re the only patient who’s ever asked that”Which is fine but also after like the tenth time it got to be a little intimidating. Today’s appt wasn’t much different - I’ve been referred for an orchiectomy and was asking him what to expect about my levels post-surgery. During our discussion he told me that I’m the only patient he has thats choosing an orchiectomy and everyone else is getting a vaginoplasty. Tbh it really made me feel inadequate or something - even hours later I find myself feeling bad about my appt. So I’m not looking for positive reinforcement or anything but more wondering is an Orchi as a first genital surgery not as common as I thought? Do most transwomen go ahead with vaginoplasty in the first couple years of transition? I hadn’t ruled vaginoplasty out but I just wanted to give my body time to go through a second puberty before such a major surgery. I would really love to hear some opinions on whether I’m holding myself back!

im not a heaVY drinker at all but ive hadd 3 beers in the past 4 months. each time i got extremely fucked up. i think its cause my liver idl

I'm an trans indie author and I just self published my first novel. It's currently available for free, but if it's no longer free by the time you see this and you still want to read it, just PM me and I'll send you a free copy.

Here's the pitch:

Victor Frankenstein decides to play god. This is not a very good idea. When he decides to start digging up graves, and performing his own top surgery D.I.Y style using corpses, he becomes his own special kind of trans body horror. Things begin to go even further south when they realize that their own body has become a kind of living corpse– and they need to continue to replace the rotting pieces of their own body as they continue to decompose.

"Frankenwiener" is a modern day, trans take on Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Taking inspiration from splatterpunk and extreme horror genres, “Frankenwiener” blends both classic and modern horror.

Currently available for free on Amazon: Frankenwiener: Wilder, Gabriel: 9798307786642: Amazon.com: Books

P.S I don't have a marketing budget so reviews and reccomendations help out A LOT

Im fucking terrified. Im a trans woman in fucking Oklahoma of all states. A senator here just introduced a bill to give anyone who watches or makes porn 10 years in prison.

I want out so bad, I intend to go to Oregon but im questioning if that is even safe enough. Ive always viewed the PNW as a safe haven from all the MAGA horseshit that plagues the south and central US, but im wondering if even Oregon would defend trans people?

I dont fear Oregon passing anti-LGBT laws, but I fear they wouldnt push back against federal laws. I cant afford to leave the country, nor do I have any idea how. I just feel so lost and I dont know what to do.

Yeah, being angry all the time doesn't help anything but I want to express myself. Bottling it up won't help either. (ftm) It's kind of long, sorry.

I'm so mad cis men get to walk around being handed so many different bodies I wish I looked like. They don't even know. I'm mad I have to have a period every month. I'm mad the to get rid of that I need an organ removed. I'm mad the only way for me to have a flat chest is to have my body cut open and have things pulled out of it. Then there's the recovery time and the permanent scars. Surgeries cost money. A lot of money. Hormones and surgeries have needles. I'm terrified of needles/IVs. I bet I would have been a little taller if I was born a guy. I'm mad that every single, little part of my body is different. Voice, skeleton, fat/muscle ratio, brain chemicals, EVERYTHING.

I hate that it's a hot topic issue right now. I'm so glad to know all the world hates me for something I'm also unhappy about. Awesome. I'm mad that it's going to be hard to hide once I transition. People don't see cis and trans people the same. Yeah, some do. Most don't. Even a lot of trans accepting people still point out differences between AFAB and AMAB when it literally doesn't matter in the slightest bit. I don't want to be seen as "one of the good ones" because you don't think I'm man enough. If that's the case think of me as a bad one or something idk. Not really I'm just mad. I don't to be a transman. I'm trans because I want to be a man!!!

I'm mad that when I say I hate being trans people argue with me. As if I'm wrong for being mad at what makes me miserable. I'm glad you're happy but you're not everyone. I'm not transphobic for wanting to be cis. If I could take a pill to make me a cis woman I would take it no question. That doesn't effect my opinion of other people. I don't care that you see it like "being given grapes that you can turn into wine" or whatever. I see it as a problem that negatively effects me.

AND THE PART THAT MAKES ME THE MOST MAD: I can't have a functioning penis. There's so many surgeries but they aren't satisfying enough for me. It not like a prosthetic is going to really help either. I'm asexual so I plan on being the only one to see it lol. I will never wake up with an erection, or know how it feels to be kicked in the balls, or hurt myself on a pants zipper. Yeah, it would suck but I want to be included :(

I'm sure there's other things to complain about but I feel better now.

Hello good people!,

I am trying to plan my retirement and obviously want to continue my HRT - does anyone know if it is covered under Madicare Part B? If not, are my options Medicare Advantage (which I think is Evil) or a Part D Plan? Finally, does anyone know how much a plan like this would cost in New York State? Thanks in advance!

I am wondering ways to smooth my face. I IPL 3x a week. Been on hormones 4 months now I've had laser hair removal 8x. I just feel like my facial hair is so prominent. Even after I shave. Please help

Hey everyone, I know its a stereotype that trans people all work in IT but I guess this is something i only feel safe asking our own community about so if you know anything about computers and can help me out I would really appreciate it. I have just basic user knowledge atm but I'd like to be able to use the internet as anonomously as i can, go on the deep/dark web as safely as I can (not to do anything sus, i just worry about our future and would like to be able to use it in case mainstream trans forums get shut down), know how to use linux and command lines, understand some cybersecurity just out of personal interest, I'd love to fully understand what people like Mental Outlaw and NetworkChuck are talking about on youtube. I've tried looking this up but I'm terrible at search engine optimisation and have no idea where to start. So yeah any help appreciated.

Ok, now do not take this the wrong way ladies, but why all the suggestive trans female posts? I mean, yes you all are beautiful, but I dunno, I feel you exposing your whole bodies and the sex acts are not all necessary. I think I just want to learn about being trans and things that will help with my own journey.

It feels like such a relief to get my hormones. im so scared of the state of US rn and genuinely worry about access in the future

If you could invent a surgery to help with your transition that doesn’t exist, what would it be?

For me I think I’d like to be made shorter. I don’t think that surgery exists! Please let me know. And I’d like my feet made smaller!

Nobody wants to be a giant 6ft3 girl with massive size 11 feet!

What would yours be??

I'm pre hrt and I still get a lot of growth in my face, so I've been trying some wet shaving to get closer shaves and less of a five o clock shadow. I've gotten a unisex DE razor which is pretty good and oddly gender affirming, but I don't know if I can even get shaving soap and after shape in scents that would be considered unisex or feminine. Having the manly man man's barbershop for men smell is making me kind of dysphoric and I'm looking for an alternative.

I did the stereotypical trans woman thing of picking an older name but i kinda feel stupid having to introduce myself. I can't tell if I even like my name anymore or if I'm just so insecure about what other people think that its causing me to second guess it. Can anyone relate to this?

I know I know I shouldn't do any sort of FFS Surgeries until I'm two years into HRT but what about Rhinoplasty? I mean bone structure isn't affected by HRT so technically it shouldn't be a problem to do that early into transition.. though I prefer to ssk around before I just decide like that.

Not really, I am exaggerating for the post but AHHHHHH.

I need a flat chest like right now! I bet I would look so good in a button up but noooo I have tits. I can't wear the fun patterned ones either :( I have one with dinosaurs on it but it's way too tight in the chest. I'm honestly a little nervous I'm gonna pop a button... I'm sure the fact it's made for a 12 year old boy isn't helping though lol. If I had a flat chest I would be so over dressed all the time. I'm gonna live in a black button up when I get the chance.

i mean its pretty well put together but i need help understanding been on HRT 3 months first blood test

Glucose 100mg

Bun 5mg

Creat .96mg

eGFR 110

BUN/Creatinine Ratio 5

Sodium 138mg

Potassium 4.2

Chloride 103

Carbon Dioxide 19

Calcium 9.1

Estradiol 71.4

my glucose before was 86 which is a healthy range now its 100! and my liver function weakened too. Please someone help me. I messaged doctor and im sure they will respond soon but any advice at all? I was suggested to take less spiro?

lPlease anyone who knows about blood test and how to keep everything in a healthy range please talk to me!

Had the strangest fight with my cousin over the weekend. She just had her second son and is experiencing what I'm going to armchair psychologist assume is postpartum depression, I hadn’t really spoken to her for more than a few minutes in a good seven years before this. I was visiting from out of state, dinner at her house with my dad and a couple of her husband's family. So I could say about a million things about that experience, that they were bordering on hoarders when I visited and their carpets were being torn up by their dog, exposed drywall and mold on cieling and broken faucet in their main bathroom, floor tiles peeling up and roof needs fixing - all things they can't do because her husband is the only one working and can only get part time employment for his fucked up knee. All I'm thinking is Wow you're going to lose everything in the next few years man, that sucks. Anyway, our fight was about her randomly bringing up "transgender lunacy", quoting Trump, and when I thought she was going to make fun of it one of her husband's family members (aunt or something) piped in with "no, no I think that's a very good thing [that Trump is going to try and strip rights away from transgender people]". After dinner, and I hadn't said anything about that, we were talking in the living room after they'd left, and her son was being bathed by her husband so it was just her and me and my dad, and I asked her if she knew what Trump was referring to when he talked about "transgender lunacy", and she said "yeah those men who want to play on women's basketball teams," and I was so gobsmacked, I laughed at her and asked if that was it, and she didn't seem to have legitimately any other knowledge about transgender people besides this insane take that they're all WOMEN who want to fuck over cis women some how. I am transgender, what did she fucking forget? I reminded her of this and she just kind of nodded it off and said like "yeah but it's not the same". When I asked her to elaborate why she said "well because you're...trying to be a man. I don't care about that, it's not the same as a man coming into women's bathrooms, sports, and trying to act and look like a girl." What the fuck man. She even mentioned some weird obscure blanchardian bullshit - and no she doesn't know who tf that is, of course she doesn't. I found out she just kind of lives a super trad wife lifestyle and her husband watches fox and infowars all day. Fucking insane. And they're both on medicare and disabled. From the years I've known her I just sort of assumed she was one of those "apolitical" annoying white women who says she "doesn't see color". Fuck that man lol. I ended up asking her if she had known my ex, who she'd seemed to have such a good connection with was trans and she said "well she told me but I just figured that meant she was gay," and I knew the whole situation was just cooked lol. Maybe I'm just not built for this life of being an educator.

Hi girlies,

I've been trying to get with a guy recently, (whoever it is will be my first) and I've just been having so much trouble. Most dating apps aren't working so well either because of paywalls or lack of interest, even tho I personally think I'd be at least one-night-stand material.

Is there any kind of trick of the trade ig to find masculine tops outside of dating apps (unless you have one your confident in)?

Thanks!

My transition has been nothing but one big disappointment. I look the same as I did before stating hormones just fatter. Why can’t I pass or be pretty? I’d settle for just one of the two 😢

I am really light but it's not possible for me to gain weight. I tried basically anything but my metabolism really works against me and its so so frustrating because I just wish I could get maybe 20 pounds. I'm cursed to have small boobs :<