Me (40M) - when we get home, you need to eat before the doctors at 1. Kid (5M)- what?! I'm not going to eat fast, old man! Me- say what, now? Kid - I'm gonna say it twice, I'm not gonna eat fast, old man!

If you aren't familiar with this show, it's a live stage version of Paw Patrol and they wear these full-body puppets and sing and dance.

My daughter turned this on and for the next 30-40 minutes, my wife and I were dying laughing at the things she was saying. She is definitely not a fan of re-imagining a classic show from her childhood.

• "Ryder does NOT look like that OR sound like that!"

• A new puppet came on stage: "Oh no. No No No No No...he doesn't look like that!"

• "That's not a real chicken!"

• "This just gets worser and worser and worser..."

• "Why does this just keep going on?!" She then proceeded to fast-forward through the rest of it, presumably so it wouldn't show up under 'continue watching'.

• "I'm going to have nightmares about this for weeks!"

• An hour later, she was laying in bed and literally ranting about it out loud to herself. "It made NO sense! And it was freaking me out!"

To be fair, it was pretty disturbing.

This happened more than a year ago, but we still say it and laugh about it often. His tone … he was so shocked, surprised.

Four-year-old: I love you one billion!

Me: I love you too!

Four-year-old: You only love me TWO?!?!

Our 3 year old is in a phase of playing with his junk... he stretched out his balls and said "flying squirrel penis!" And, well, he wasn't wrong 🤣

My 2.5 year old: I want to go to store and buy a nipple…. I want to eat it.

Me: We don’t eat nipples.

Kid: I want to put cream on it…. I want to hold it.

Daughter: “hey daddy, grandmas going to buy me Nikes bc Nike is my favorite brand!”

Husband: “you have a favorite brand? what kind of shoes do you have now?”

Daughter: “broken ones”

**we bought her shoes at the beginning of school year and they are already worn pretty good. they aren’t broken but they are fraying

My three year old, while break-dancing in the kitchen to pancake robot, ran into the fridge and smashed her nose. Crying, she ran over to me and said “that’s not a great place for the fridge.”

I’m still dying.

Kids are playing "the floor is lava." They made up some fun variant. All I know is my 3YO walked across the lava to me and when I turned to ask him how he can walk on lava he said, "Dad, I'm on Spicy Mode!"

Then he turned and ran back to his game.

I have no idea what Spicy Mode is. Sounds fun.

Playing video games and my six year old cuddles up with me, kisses me on the cheek and whispers in my ear "You're dead and you'll never make it to the end of life.". Should I be worried?

My six year old boy does gymnastics, so he’s a gymnast. And he plays cello, so he’s a cellist. We were playing in the backyard and his baby sister loved the soccer ball. He goes, “Baby really loves the soccer ball! I bet she’s going to be a soccerist!”

I was doing my best to explain the differences between the presidential candidates to my five year old son and we got to the topic of immigration and Trump's promise of mass deportations, describing deportation as something that happens when some people have to leave their homes and move away. After considering this briefly, he declared that he would be voting for Trump because he 'Liked his rules better.' Upon further discussion, it was clarified that what he meant by this was that he was excited at the prospect of Trump deporting his three year old sister. To Atlanta.

Was looking through a photo album with my 6 year old grandson and came across this across a photo of my grandfather. He recognized him, as I had shown him photos of my gramps before. My grand son said “are you said that your papaw died?” (He passed several years before grandson was born) I nodded in reply and said “yes I miss him every day” my grandson said “don’t be sad, we always come back. Don’t you remember when I was an old man? I got sick and died too. They planted me in the ground, everybody cried and they put flowers on me. Just like the flowers I grew back, I’m not old anymore. I’m just a boy named, Noah here with you now.”

That was enough photos for that day.

Her little face smilling, telling everyone “ Die!” “Die” 😂😂😂😂 any tips on how to help her say it correctly?

Edit: apparently only 9 days later and she’s saying Bye correctly. I miss it already 🥺

Laser beams. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles apparently shoot out of the sewer like laser beams.

4yo can do the whole rap but inquires about "radical dudes" and "pizza king", somehow harder to explain than lesbians vs laser beams lol.

The good guys win and the bad guys lose!

I was jokingly asking my nephew where he keeps his cute, where he keeps his happy ect. Then I asked "Where do you keep your silly?" And he answered "Uhh, well, I keep my silly in my head, and my heart, and my hands." And that's how I wanna live. Keep your silly in your head, and your heart, and your hands, my friend.

Me: "What?"

K: "His name is Donald Trump"

Me: "Who told you that?"

K: "My friends"

I teach her its called President and that hes kind of like her Principal but to the whole country instead of just the school.

I was on FaceTime with my nephew when she said it. He heard it too. I wish she was wrong but at barely 2 I guess she could even tell.. My nephew works long shifts in a sketchy neighborhood so we talk often so he can feel safe. We were just sitting there not saying anything and she just came out and said it. Damn. 🤣😅

Daughter: mommy, can we watch ghost pasta pls?

ETA: she was referring to Ghostbusters lol

I told him what they're for and he said "Do you think we should give some to [baby sis]?" She's too small to have a baby!

It was early in the evening and my daughter was convinced she was looking at a baby moon. Now I'm no astronomer but I'm pretty sure she was looking at a star but who was I to argue?

Said my six year old while I gave our dog a belly rub 😂 Needless to say we had an anatomy talk

My almost 2 year old says “this one’s cute!” about every little thing he likes. A stuffie? “This one’s cute!” A green pea on his dinner plate? “This one’s cute!” A song comes on that he likes? “This one’s cute!” A bench that he wants to climb onto? “This one’s cute!” It’s the most adorable thing ever.

Went to Target with him the other day and heard myself saying “ooh, this is cute!” to things as I walked around the store. Haha 😬so now I know where it comes from!

When we left the museum, I asked my kids what they liked best about the museums. My daughter, who is 9 and really excited about Wicked, said "I loved the Hollywood part, especially the Wizard of Oz stuff". I asked my son, and expecting him to say "King's car" (the Richard Petty car that was next to cars from the movie Cars, the thing he's currently obsessed with) but instead he said "The Purple Rain shirt" due to his obsession with Prince. I never thought introducing him to Prince when he said he liked the color purple a year ago would lead us down this path where I've got a 4 year old who dressed like Purple Rain prince for Halloween and serenaded people with the songs "Little Red Corvette", "Purple Rain" and "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World".

My two year old (m) is potty training right now. He successfully went on his own this morning. After I went to the bathroom he says "wow mom I'm proud of you for pooping" and claps for me 😂

I've decided that tomorrow my daughter and I are making a diorama. However she has not stopped calling it a diarrhea. I'm not gonna stop her because it's both cute and funny. That's all!

A couple of weeks ago, they were all talking about the usual various subjects that I don't have a clue about. But I started hearing Loki's name.

"Oh! Loki this....."

"Hey! Loki that......"

I had tried to get them to watch The Avengers movies multiple times but they were never interested in them. Maybe they watched it at school and got interested? Maybe Loki is in a social media meme or trend??

So I had to interrupt and ask them when they got interested in The Avengers. They looked puzzled.

I said I overheard them talking about Loki, as in Thor and the Avengers? More puzzled looks.

Finally, I said you said, Loki this and Loki that. They laughed. We said, "low key"!

7 months pregnant and the stretch marks are apparently getting quite obvious... oh well, at least my 3 year old thought it was cool

Baking with my 5 year old..

Him: can I have some brown sugar?

Me: no eating sugar like that isn't good for you.

Him: yes it is, it's good for your soul.. soul... solar system. Yeah it's good for your solar system!

Me: dying of laughter

Him: ... so can I?

I did give him a little pinch after that LOL

3yo: I don’t like your boobs

Me: uhhh okay

3yo: I can’t eat them

Me: you can’t eat them 🤔

3yo: only little sister can

Me: 💡ohhhhhhh