7 months pregnant and the stretch marks are apparently getting quite obvious... oh well, at least my 3 year old thought it was cool

Baking with my 5 year old..

Him: can I have some brown sugar?

Me: no eating sugar like that isn't good for you.

Him: yes it is, it's good for your soul.. soul... solar system. Yeah it's good for your solar system!

Me: dying of laughter

Him: ... so can I?

I did give him a little pinch after that LOL

3yo: I don’t like your boobs

Me: uhhh okay

3yo: I can’t eat them

Me: you can’t eat them 🤔

3yo: only little sister can

Me: 💡ohhhhhhh

My kiddo's mom has a friend named Michelle. Kiddo started calling Michelle's husband Mr. Shell.

When my daughter was in first grade, the class was learning about different holiday celebrations. So each week in December they had different sight words that were related to each holiday. As I went over each word with her, we came to the word “Menorah.” I asked her; “Do you know what a Menorah is?” She replied “yes.” So I asked “can you tell me what a menorah is?” And this child says “like, when someone keeps talking to you, and you don’t wanna talk back to them or listen to them, you just menorah them.”

We went to Hobby Lobby to buy him a shirt and we ended up with some of the rainbow gum they sell. I went to pay and they don't take tap to pay. /Sigh. I don't have my cards with me, so I have to leave it there.

Cue my 3 yo flipping shit because he didn't get the gum. I picked him up and explained ---

Me: You know how I always say we have to pay for it?

Son: Yeah.

Me: Ok, you know how Mommy pays with her phone all the time?

Son: Yeah.

Me: Ok, well they won't let me pay that way here - so I can't pay for it.

Son: But I WANT it!

Me: I know honey, but I can't just take it - that would be stealing and we don't want to steal.

Son: I want to steal it!!

And then I heard the police siren. I told him, "We don't want to steal! If we steal something, then we're the bad guys and the police will come and take us away." At this point, he finally agreed, but that was an interesting response!

I had my 15-year-old quite confidently tell us that the emergency number in America (9-1-1) was changed to reflect 9/11/2001. His reasoning was that they changed it because no one could forget 9/11 so it made sense to make it the emergency number. When I explained it was that before the attacks, all of the kids were confused and wondered if the terrorists picked the date to match the emergency number. When I explained they picked that day because it was a Tuesday and less people flew on Tuesdays, they just couldn’t get past the coincidence. One even proposed changing it so we didn’t always think of 9/11 when we had to call emergency.

My 5th grade (neuro spicy) So, I'm dropping my 4 kiddos off and we're only the 2nd car in the whole lot bc we're early. So as she's getting ready, she starts laughing. I'm like... what's funny? and she goes: omg that car! hahahahaha me: o.0 ok... what about it? 5th grader: it's a toilet car! omg! 😆 me: huh?!?!?🤨 5th grader: it has a picture of the person sitting on the toilet! So what? it's a toilet car!? 🤣

i look and go 🤦‍♀️ omfg C that's a picture of a person in a wheelchair! it means the person driving may have problems walking or something else wrong. it's not a person on a toilet!

5th grader: oh. but i always see it when i'm going to the bathroom. there's a pic of a woman standing, and then a woman sitting on the toilet. and on the boys, a man standing and a man sitting on the toilet.

me: NO! omg it's still a person sitting in a wheelchair! it's to let them know the bathroom has a big enough space for them. that giant stall at the end?

5th grader: oooOOOOOOooo.

me: please don't have these kinds of thoughts outloud in public. lol i love you. get to class.

We just introduced My Little Pony to my 5yo. She loved it and told us next morning that her favorite pony is...

Toilet sparkle ✨

I just can't keep it to myself haha

They were watching The Terminator. His dad told him to play somewhere else because the movie was not appropriate for him. He's 8.

My 5 year old daughter was playing with one of our neighbours kids at their home, and those kids wanted to listen to music so they asked Alexa to play some song, and then to turn up the volume, and so on... on our way back home my daughter asked me very baffled "where's Alexa? And why don't they ask her please?" 😅🤣 we don't use any smart speaker at home so she was really bewildered.

My 9 year old grandson was singing very loud while showering. Once I figured out what exactly he was singing I had to grab my phone and record him. The video is a closed bathroom. Door and him loudly singing "woohoo woohoo. And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white boy". That was the only part of the song he sang over and over for 10 minutes.

For context, I inherited a castle in Scotland at age 30, by then I had built a successful business. I spend all my time with my young daughter, she goes to school when she wants to, otherwise I keep lay down rules, i know she won’t ever have to work, but I am raising her so she wont be spoiled. We eat rich foods though, like bacon, eggs, steaks, sausages, mushrooms etc. I am also a single parent.

My daughter played a my little pony game, and I would log in every night, get her coins, so when she woke up she would be happy, but when prompted I told that a fairy did it. She asked, where does fairy live. I said, in a house made of mushrooms, now she never wants to eat mushrooms again, because it will take away homes from the fairies. Also when we do nature walks, I pointed out animal poo, that wasn’t obvious, now she asks if that is poo, or that is poo, etc. I pointed out where the neighbouring clan, had busted through our doors, she asked, are they enemies, I said, they were, she didn’t listen because when we went to see their descendants, our very kind neighbours, she said, and I quote, “you big poopy bum bum heads, fix our door! Or Im gonna tell you that unicorns aren’t real and you’ll be sad!” Thankfully they laughed it off, and the man came over to “fix” our door, aka have a beer either way me. One time, we built a pillow fort, and she said, I’m going to get blankets, than she disappeared for 3 hours, while I frantically searched the grounds, saying, I’ll give you an ice lock if you come out, until I said, if you’d don’t come out right now, I’m gonna be very cranky! While yelling, she stumbled out of a box, and said nooo, don’t be cranky daddy! Or I’ll be cranky!!! When her dog (my family always gets our newborns a dog to help raise them, ancient tradition etc etc etc) had some, medical problems, they had to shave a patch of his hair off to help him, she thought it was the funniest thing ever, seeing a bald dog. She also says veer-I-cle, instead of vehicle, and ad-jend instead of adjacent. One time I caught her saying, bow down to me, or I’ll William Wallace you! (Yes I told her the plot of braveheart instead of a bed time story), to a stuffed animal.

My child (2 years old) could be in the middle of his most favorite meal, and if he sees me with a different kind of food, he’ll beg for a bite.

Today, toward the end of a particularly large breakfast, he sees me with something different on my plate.

Him: “BITE!”

Me: Haha are you really still hungry?? Or do you just want power?

He’s quiet for a moment, then quietly: “Power.”

I (38f) have spent the last week nurturing my 7yo daughter through a really rough case of pneumonia. Weve been at the hospital for 2 days now, Its late shes been asleep in her bed for a few hours. Just now I was getting her back into her bed after going pee. I put her special blanket, you know the one she's had since birth, on her and I noticed her feet now stick out then end this is the interaction that followed.....

Me "your getting to big kid, stop growing" Her "no way mom!" Me "YOU BETTER" Her.....reaches up put her hand on my cheek and says " mom i can't stop growing or I can't grow up to be like you"

I lost it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

This kid wipes my tears and says "thank you for taking such good care of me" ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

This has been such an incredible experience. We have learned so much together this week and although the intensity has been crushing at times, again she teaches me about bravery 😭😭😭😭😭

My son and I are bilingual, my husband only speaks English. We’ll be in the car, and baby boy will ask us to open his window by saying “open my ventana,” which to my husband sounds like “open my vagina” lol

What other bilingual misunderstandings have you had?

My four-year-old sister took the ramen out of her bowl and proceeded to rub the ramen noodles on her forearm, getting the broth everywhere.
When questioned on why she thought that was a good idea, her response was: "I have a bruise on my arm."
When further questioned on how that related to anything the response was: “I was trying to be like orangutangs on Wild Kratts…. They eat leaves."

When my son was 21 months old he unfortunately picked up on the words “oh shit” because my husband said it in front of him months earlier. For months, we convinced him to say “oopsie!” instead, and we thought “oh shit” left his vocabulary. That was until he brought me a board book titled “Dr. Suess Discovers: The Ocean”. When I read the title “The Ocean” to him, he laughed and said “The Oh Shit!”

My 7 yo grandson woke up strutting around the house in a great mood this morning. I heard him say to himself “I finally did it! I’m so freaking proud of myself!!” I asked him “what’s got you so happy this morning?!” He said “well, I had one of those peeing dreams. And do you know what happened?” I replied “what?” He was beaming ear to ear as he answered “I didn’t even pee myself! It’s gonna be a great day!” I guess it’s the little things

Kid 2: More than half the girls in my class are gay.

Me: Ok, how do you know?

Kid 2: Their water bottles have gay stickers on them.

Me: If I put a gay sticker on your water bottle are you instantly gay? Maybe you and them are more accepting of gays and they know from your stickers.

Every time he sees a skeleton for Halloween.

Ill explain to him(last Halloween at 2YO and this October at 3Y0) those are human bones. He gives me such confused looks while I explain what a human is. Finally he responds like I'm stupid, "mama those are dino bones"

We live in the East Tn/ West NC/ SW Va area that got hit hard with Hurricane Helene. We didn’t get any damage thankfully but were out of power for 5 days.

My 5 year old thought sleeping in the living room and only using candles and flashlights was the best thing ever…so when she overheard us talking that another hurricane was forming off the coast, this was her response.

And the next, my 4yr old goes "Did any of you ever lick your own feet?" This, ladies and gentlemen, is why my kids are always sick.

He looks kind of like an off brand Joe Biden. Said my kid while watching the debate briefly.

Yells at her sister “You’re ugly” Sister responds “We have the same face dummy, that means you’re ugly too!”

But actually it comes from bees. This is because they put the honey in a bear container. It's very confusing.

Age 6

Watching Halloween Wars with my family and one of the special ingredients was garlic. The team that had that one decided to incorporate it into doughnuts. After watching their reveal, my daughter stands up and wails "Garlic doughnuts!? EWWW!". She then raises her fists to the air and continues, "The world has ruined doughnuts!"

I posted this in the main parenting community, but it was taken down.

Hi. I'm a custodial grandma of 2 boys, 6/4. I just started volunteering in my oldest ones kindergarten class. Yesterday was my second time.

It's a relatively small class with about 18 kids. There is a teacher and a paraprofessional helping out. I go in for an hour to help out with "centers." Different areas the kids work on.

The last time was 2 weeks ago. I typically wear an oversized shirt with denim capris this time of year. Apparently, I wore the same thing last time.

So, when I was going around the class, to help, this one girl, who is close with my grandson, pipes up: "You know, that shirt you have on, you wore that last time. Is that the only one you own?" 😳

My grandson pipes up and says, "Grandma is trying to lose weight so she doesn't have a lot of clothes." True story. I've told him that. I've recently started taking Wegovy and trying real hard to lose weight.

Well, the girl pipes up too, and says, "Well, I can give you some of my allowance and you can go by some new fat clothes at Goodwill. 😂🤣😂. They're in kindergarten!

I was kind of speechless, told her thank you, that I'd be ok, and I'll try to wear something else next week.

Now this old grandma has to remember to wear something else next week 😂🤣😂

She converses with me like a 6+ year old even though she’s only 2. The doctor asked if she could say 3-4 word phrases…she can string together multiple sentences, she can say complex sentences, etc. She told me yesterday, “mommy, I don’t want to throw the ball to Bear because he might bite me, okay? So I’ll just lay it beside him and he can play by himself.” Like…okay, teenager. I am a SAHM and we literally talk all day, and sometimes she just astounds me with the things she says. Sure, she could be regurgitating what I’ve told her on occasion, but it’s still pretty impressive.