/r/talesfromcavesupport

Photograph via snooOG

Tales from everyday Cro-Magnons about their struggles with those who are "evolved".

You here, this is what us do:

  • Solve mysterious problems of evolved
  • Fix problems, eat meat, drink old berry juice.
  • Help others feel better after dealing with evolved.
  • Post paintings of cave situations

Few rules:

  1. No bad speak to other. We get bad speak from evolved in day, no want here.
  2. Stay in Cro-Magnon form. We are proud Cro-Magnons, but we not evolve yet. Means no future big fight topics!
  3. Keep secret. We no stand for public stupids, only secret stupids.
  4. No bad action stories about others. We here to fix, not break. Breaking is for evolved.
  5. Keep safe for young.
  6. No no-work paintings. Paintings must be Cro-Magnon, not just painting name.

If you no do rules, you gone. Bad club is hungry for whacks on the way out.

Do want to talk with other Cro-Magnons? Join in big discord!

/r/talesfromcavesupport

49,414 Subscribers

7

hark!

i have found a cursed craft of the dragon sorcerers! unbreakable it seems, but its foul magic must not continue!

hast thou a way to destroy the sorcerers craft?

7 Comments
2024/10/28
01:51 UTC

40

Me make big mistake, eat offerings for gods, and me very sorry. How fix?

Last night, Talnar get back from unsuccessful hunt. Talnar no able catch things, step on twig and scare away animal. Me hungry, me tired, it dark. Walking into village, me see big pile of fruit and vegetable. So me eat some, think me only eat a little, plus whole village like help each other out like that, nobody mind.

Me wake up this morning and find pile of fruit and vegetable was offering to the gods!!! And me actually eat a lot more than me think me did last night!!! Me not want bring wrath of gods upon our village. How Talnar can fix?

9 Comments
2024/10/25
20:13 UTC

40

What was noise?

Me hear noise while going to sleep last night. Not sure where it came from, echoed around valley a lot. Kind of loud like KAARSSCHH. or no wait maybe sounded more like BOOUM. That not right either. Sounded like GRAAARRD maybe?

Whatever. You heard noise too probably. Loud one. What you think it was?

4 Comments
2024/10/23
06:01 UTC

45

Friend no laugh at Mank joke

Mank friend trying to become rapper. Mank say name should be AfroMagnon. Friend no laugh. Mank explain that AfroMagnon sound like CroMagnon. Friend say joke dumb. Does clan think Mank joke funny?

6 Comments
2024/10/20
20:03 UTC

30

How Shaman read future in animal entrails? Me not get it

Me hear that Shaman able read future in animal entrails. But when me try looking at animal entrails, me not see future. How they do it?

Unless future is going to be wet and red and squishy

11 Comments
2024/10/15
18:07 UTC

39

Me am in forest destroying indiscriminately tonight.

Me am having MANY feelings right now. Mostly bad. Me want go out and smash things with club. Me want knock over stones, tear down trees, rip grass out of ground. Bad feelings make me want destroy without thinking.

TALNAR NOT KNOW ARTS WELL ENOUGH TO EXPRESS MESELF IN HEALTHY OR PRODUCTIVE MANNER!!! ONLY DESTROY!!

9 Comments
2024/10/15
02:40 UTC

13

Hello me Okoboko

Me Okoboko, Okoboko funny man on spinning rock. Okoboko like bom stick that throws NP owie. Okoboko in tribe but want leave. How can leave without making angry spirit? Okoboko met shaman, shaman say got ADHD many angry spirit. That Okoboko life

What you life?

8 Comments
2024/10/10
20:38 UTC

8

Ack like cave drawings on leafs

Ack saw cave drawing with lines beneath. Had yummy gurl evolved on it. Many leafs. Evolved gurl looked like tummy hurt and cold.

Any evolved leafs near you?

2 Comments
2024/10/08
20:31 UTC

32

Talnar am sick :( Am me gonna die?

Me am coughing whole lots this sun, me nose is plugged up, me feel sleepy even though not do anything. Throat sore from coughing whole lots.

Am Talnar going to die? Me too beautiful to die! What can do?

14 Comments
2024/10/05
02:16 UTC

8

Blue evolved hurt Krug woof Spot and make forever sleep? Kaarn make justice for woof.

Krug share story of evolved in blue that hurt Krug favourite woof with boom stick and make woof forever sleep.
Kaarn very angry with evolved. Not enough for evolved to hurt magnon, now go after magnon woof too? So Kaarn take rope and club, and go to where it happen and inn-vess-tee-gheit.
Kaarn see drops of red water from woof and paw print from evolved. Hunt is on! Kaarn follow paw print until find evolved in blue in River Down.
This make Kaarn worry. Evolved am too close to Almost Ocean Tribe. Kaarn must stop evolved before too late!
So Kaarn hide in bush and make woof noise. Evolved look up from river and start coming toward Kaarn. Now Kaarn scared, because notice that evolved take boom stick from waist. Good thing that evolved not notice Kaarn and pass by bush where Kaarn hide.
This time to strike! Kaarn jump from bush and give good strong bonk in back of evolved head. One bonk and evolved down! Evolved sleep, but not forever sleep. Good!
Kaarn then tie evolved feet and hands behind evolved back. Now for boring part: to drag evolved back to Kaarn cave. Evolved am good evolved now, he go zzz all the way, and wake up as Kaarn arrive to cave. He start talk, and then yell. Kaarn no understand what evolved try to say, but Kaarn no care. Fun part about to begin.
Kaarn finish dragg evolved into cave and call for meowmeow. Meowmeow happy Kaarn bring new toy and make hunter pose. Evolved am now shut up and all white, so Kaarn make use of silence to say "You evolved am big butt mud. You hurt Krug woof, now you pay". Evolved start speak a lot of word again. Kaarn can understand "please" and "no", but now too late for evolved.
Kaarn cut rope in evolved legs. No fun for meowmeow if treat no run. Next part am most funny for Kaarn. Evolved start run, but not make it too far. Just reach few step after exit cave, and meowmeow is already on top of evolved. Meowmeow have fun, bit and piece of evolved fly everywhere and evolved no stop screaming "help!"
This all too fun, Kaarn can only watch and go ha-ha-ha as evolved get what evolved deserve.

Krug, Kaarn know this not bring woof Spot back, but now this evolved no can more hurt anyone.

Now Kaarn have to go and clean red water all over cave entrance, but it all worth it to make evolved stop hurt woof and magnon, and to make meowmeow happy.

12 Comments
2024/10/01
15:42 UTC

10

Did Evolve Daelin Find Caveman Guk?

Hello Cave Support. Me Zugtar. Zugtar hear tale of Daelin and Guk and Woof. Zugtar remember Guk today and that he missing. Zugtar want know if evolve Daelin find Guk or if Guk safe with new tribe at least. The sky fire sleeps longer now and warms less and Zugtar worry for Guk in colder forest.

2 Comments
2024/09/30
00:32 UTC

8

Krug very very sad.

Krug (me is Krug) saw Krug favorite hunting dog, Spot, get hurt by evolved in blue. Spot forever sleep now. Krug miss spot very much.

4 Comments
2024/09/29
23:10 UTC

41

Krug in trouble.

Krug (me is Krug) have seen evolved in blue. They have pew-pew torches. Very scared. Make cave art of it. Almost got hurt!!

11 Comments
2024/09/29
20:28 UTC

39

Me design new club for scaring away enemy with. Have four big spike from mammoth tusk, and lot of small spike from pointy rock on it. You think it work?

13 Comments
2024/09/28
19:16 UTC

17

Ka not make hellos

Hellos to kin group! Me Ka, ka like shiney rock and to gather from plant that make food and medicine. Ka good healer. Me shah-man in my tribe. Have many dreams of ancestor and Mother Earth tell Ka how to tend medicine plants. Ka good hunter and warrior too! Ka like to knap and carve the flying stick and big stick. Good at the pointy rocks. Ka wise woman. Ka like make friend. Hellos my kin group! Please say to Ka what you like do!

6 Comments
2024/09/28
04:02 UTC

27

Krug has made Tree God very pleased.

Krug (me Krug) found the cutty-club man settlement! Krug BASH noggin in all their heads with rock. Tree God LIKE! Very much!

4 Comments
2024/09/28
00:49 UTC

30

Kaarn get into fight with meowmeow

Kaarn adopt meowmeow many winter ago. Then Kaarn move to new cave many one moon ago.
New cave have exit to hole with no ceiling in back. Kaarn like hole, am isolated from outside cave and good for make cook fire and have tree to dry loincloth after wash in river.
But Kaarn say to meowmeow "no go to hole in back of cave, then meowmeow no can climb back up". Meowmeow no care and go to hole while Kaarn sleep. Next morning Kaarn look for meowmeow until find hiding scared behind rock in hole, making "grr" and "pss" sound. Kaarn decide to grab meowmeow and bring back to cave. Big mistake. Meowmeow so scared and angry for spend night in cold outside, she scratch and bite Kaarn hands and arms.
Kaarn then go wash wounds in river and apply medicinal plant. This happen one one one day ago. But left hand still swell and purple, right arm still red all over, and it all do big ouch. So, now Kaarn need help with few thing:
One: what can Kaarn do to make wounds geal faster?
One one: how can Kaarn explain to mewomeow that it bad idea to go alone to hole in back of cave? One one one: Kaarn no can hunt now with arms like this, and almost out of meat. Any magnon can leave spare meat for Kaarn? Kaarn can pay back by hunting mammoth when arms good again. Maybe even bonk any evolved who make threat to other magnon (ok, Kaarn happy to do that for free anyway, but still...)

Here cave painting of meowmeow when baby and now, if anyone curious

9 Comments
2024/09/24
20:30 UTC

23

HELP WANTED (MISSING CAVEMAN)

Hello users of r/talesfromcavesupport, my name is Daelin and I could really use all of your help! Some time ago, I encountered the caveman named Guk living in a cave in the Superstition Mountains. We live in a rather dry and hot climate, so I felt inclined to check up on him once every couple weeks or so to make sure he was okay. The last couple visits, Guk has told me of his struggles with feeling lonely, especially after losing his wolf friend and his tribe abandoning him. He seemed to greatly appreciate my visits more and more, and very much enjoyed getting to make posts here, even though (as he says) “evolved light rock hurt Guk eyes.” Two days ago, I made the trip to visit him again only to find his cave empty. I searched around the best I could these past two days, but found no trace of Guk. I am worried that now that it’s beginning to cool down somewhat, Guk is making a trip to find a new tribe. If any of you here are aware of his whereabouts, please let me know as I’m very worried about his safety.

11 Comments
2024/09/24
02:35 UTC

18

Gawk do good at get birds last day.

Gawk see many many yum yum birds passing through area around cave recently. So Gawk decide to make sling with rocks to throw fast at birds, and then go out and try to sneak up on them.

Gawk soon find it not easy to get close to yum yum birds. And it even harder to hit them with rock from sling when Gawk do get near!

But Gawk work hard, and please to tell tribe that he knock down three quack quack birds for fire in marshes!

Then Gawk stalk through grassy place, and then get four of the yum yum long tail colorful birds that evolved call fes-ants! Much eat well for Gawk now.

6 Comments
2024/09/23
21:54 UTC

19

Zudnar make thing for friend, thing no work! Zudnar friend angry. Please help Zudnar!

Zudnar make things. One day, friend come to Zudnar. Ask Zudnar to make trap for small animal. Friend say small animal taking berries. Zudnar make trap for small animal, and give to friend. Next day, friend came back. He said animal escape trap! Now friend angry because trap no work. Friend said trap must no kill small animal, friend thinks small animal is cute. But how trap animal without kill? Zudnar think too much and brain hurt.

8 Comments
2024/09/17
16:28 UTC

129

Me Thak and Fren Gork has been invent Tiem Logg

6 Comments
2024/09/16
16:30 UTC

26

Should Thodd paint hands or tiny horse?

Thodd am new cave painter. Thodd need to paint tribe's new cave before cold season. Thodd wonder: should paint many hands or running horses?

8 Comments
2024/09/12
04:39 UTC

17

Bronor need new stick

Bronor(me)need new stick. Old one broken, me big sad, make eye water. Old stick was big heavy but short. For new stick,bronor go big heavy but short, or bronor go long floppy and light. Which better? Bronor will use for hunt and praising spirits in sky.

19 Comments
2024/09/11
17:18 UTC

46

Why evolved happy about eating shiny rock?

Grug hear evolved call shiny rock “coin”. Evolved seem happy about “coin”. Grug find shiny rock, call it “coin” like evolved. Then, Grug hear evolved even happier about “bit coin”. So, Grug bit coin.

Blegh! Shiny rock taste bad! Why evolved excited about bit coin when coin no taste good? Grug think evolved trick other evolved with “bit coin”.

4 Comments
2024/09/09
00:37 UTC

20

Guk miss old tribe.

Guk live not long, Guk only live short time, but me misses old tribe. Guk once have big tribe, many friends! But after big sleep many moon ago, Guk wake up and find whole tribe leave, not bring Guk with them. Now Guk live alone in cave, miss old tribe, miss wolf friend from some moon ago.

7 Comments
2024/09/06
21:38 UTC

23

Been brave story

Wenwen like learn about new friends, so she share fire story about when be brave.

When tree leefs fall, night get longer and sky is cooler, many spyers come into cave. Wenwen used hate this time because Wenwen not like spyers. Big. Scary. 8 legges. Wenwen very afeared since she small. Worry spyer will fall on her or bite.

Now Wenwen-mate is hunting and Wenwen in cave alone. And she see huge spyer!! On wall of cave going up!! Huge! Wenwen is think she die of fright!

/⁠╲⁠/⁠\⁠╭⁠(⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)⁠╮⁠/⁠\⁠╱⁠\ (←this spyer) i (←this Wenwen)

But Wenwen brave. Wenwen know good way scare away fear is practice be with fear. Show it who boss. So Wenwen not run away, not call mate for fight.

Wenwen watch for many time. And spyer no fall on her, no bite, no hurt her. Spyer just sit on cave-up. And spyer catch bugges and flys, things that make sick or spoil food.

So Wenwen leave spyer be. It been three moons now. Spyer stays on cave-up, Wenwen live on cave floor. Plenty space. Spyer no hurt and keep cave clean of bugges.

Wenwen maybe not like touch spyer, but Wenwen no scared no more. No afeared of leaf fall time.

Is funny, like some cave kin have cave wolf, or cave lion to keep, but Wenwen have cave spyer now.

Can cave kin think of name for spyer?

And Wenwen like to hear about time how cave kin friends been brave.

7 Comments
2024/09/06
19:02 UTC

40

Babok sad

me Babok feel me big sad feel tired all time. no leave cave anymore and drink silly spoiled fruit beverage. shaman give pebbles and me eat pebble every time fireball rise. help little, feel less. no matter what me have always feel sad and try thing ti make unsad but nothing work. what do?

10 Comments
2024/09/06
07:29 UTC

67

Bunga learn where?

2 Comments
2024/09/05
09:17 UTC

30

Farg enter cave, like what he see.

Farg enter cave, like what he see. Other cavemen see Farg, Farg hope. Farg want other cavemen see him. But Farg new to cave and cave paintings and Farg brain hurt when think maybe rules to be in cave. Farg only one rule have--Farg no make mud where Farg eat. All else, no rules.

Welcome Farg, cavemen and cavewomen? Farg make great paintings. Farg make other cavepeople guffaw. Farg make joy sound from face hole.

Farg leave now. Farg hope cave painting no wiping by other cave people. Farg want friends be with all cave people.

6 Comments
2024/09/03
05:06 UTC

41

What Grega sacrifice for evolved rock?

Me is Grega. One and another one sky flame deaths ago, Grega see evolved! Grega hide behind berry bush to see what evolved do. Evolved do a lot of things before leave. Place now in a big mess! Grega really angry. Then Grega see flat shiny rock. Grega really interested, so Grega get close and take shiny flat rock to Grega cave. Today the flat shiny rock start making bird sounds. Grega very confused so Grega go to the rock. Grega shake rock and then rock change color! In rock there is an evolved! Grega really confused, try to talk with the evolved but evolved no do anything. Then rock start shaking. Grega thinks evolved rock is angry. Grega scared so she sacrifice? What do me sacrifice for evolved rock? Do me try to talk with evolved rock instead of evolved?

9 Comments
2024/09/01
18:10 UTC

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