/r/talesfromcavesupport

Photograph via snooOG

Tales from everyday Cro-Magnons about their struggles with those who are "evolved".

You here, this is what us do:

  • Solve mysterious problems of evolved
  • Fix problems, eat meat, drink old berry juice.
  • Help others feel better after dealing with evolved.
  • Post paintings of cave situations

Few rules:

  1. No bad speak to other. We get bad speak from evolved in day, no want here.
  2. Stay in Cro-Magnon form. We are proud Cro-Magnons, but we not evolve yet. Means no future big fight topics!
  3. Keep secret. We no stand for public stupids, only secret stupids.
  4. No bad action stories about others. We here to fix, not break. Breaking is for evolved.
  5. Keep safe for young.
  6. No no-work paintings. Paintings must be Cro-Magnon, not just painting name.

If you no do rules, you gone. Bad club is hungry for whacks on the way out.

Do want to talk with other Cro-Magnons? Join in big discord!

/r/talesfromcavesupport

49,705 Subscribers

51

husband die, me eat husband but not taste good?

husband die. this ok, cuz me can eat husband now.

so me eat husband but husband not taste good?

why?

10 Comments
2024/12/17
17:23 UTC

7

rock ockc found red rock

rock ockc found rock that red why rock red

3 Comments
2024/12/17
05:04 UTC

29

snok is here (me snok) snok bring chicken soft

new tribe for snok ookookookohogoh bring snoft chicken

snok bring chicken soft to tribe me wants in tribe big cave(:

1 Comment
2024/12/06
12:50 UTC

19

Ooka more confused than Honeybee sniffing plastic flower

Headache. Blood time? No. Ooka get decent zzzz so not that. Ooka getting over sniffles, that problem?

4 Comments
2024/12/05
04:37 UTC

44

Uwak find out most people no live in cave.

Uwak speak to Shaman who is expert in people from past time. Think him called himself "anthro apologist"? No remember. Him say that we as species never live in cave. Only small group of us live in cave? Is true? Everyone Uwak know live in cave, sleep in cave, born in cave. Shaman say "caveman" not represent all people but is simple karacterizashun of a few tribe. If not in cave, where other people living?

13 Comments
2024/12/04
20:02 UTC

45

Life bad, Uki sad

Life going bad for Uki, cave wife left for neanderthal with bigger cave, child died on last winter, uncle calls uki's draws bad, big meow meow eated other kid, and no mamooth meat

Is sun god mad? Did Uki get cursed? How to break curse?!

9 Comments
2024/12/03
10:49 UTC

29

Me worried about getting sick

Last time me catch sick, me tired and miserable for fourteen sun's. Now it cold-time, me worried gonna catch sick again. How you keep from catching sick in cold-time?

9 Comments
2024/12/01
18:39 UTC

88

.

3 Comments
2024/11/22
05:11 UTC

22

Chieftan of News clan exile Mank

Name Mank. Me part of many clans. Pic clan, Interesting clan, darkcavepeopletwitter clan, AskClan clan. Mank never been exiled before. Mank overhear conversation in news clan. Mank think stranger say something dumb. Mank explain new concept of nuance to him. Me later find out from chief of news clan that I exiled, permanently. Mank not given reason. What Mank do? News clan where Mank finds out what happening.

8 Comments
2024/11/19
00:27 UTC

77

Gronk make paint of big tooth kitty, but Grug say it no good. It good?

11 Comments
2024/11/17
17:45 UTC

36

Hello. Me Mot.

Hi. Me am Mot.

Me once was on here with different name. Me rejoin tribe. Me go through big trauma in life.

Me never feel close to any god before

Then me use magic grass, have big spirit message for sky-god.

Sky-god, he love me. He love you. Sky-god great mystery.

Me very different than me was before.

Me was like little crawly-thing before.

Then it was like me form cocoon.

Me emerge from spiritual cocoon.

Me Mot.

Me have return from great journey.

Journey never end, but me will stay here, with tribe.

Me so happy to be back in valley.

11 Comments
2024/11/14
18:45 UTC

48

Snake tell me eat fruit, it make me smart. But Shaman say fruit is forbidden by gods! Also me not trust talking snake.

Why even have fruit tree gods say not allowed eat from? Cut it down!!

6 Comments
2024/11/11
17:17 UTC

13

Rockmen everywhere, I hide cave till die

Had fun bonk with Tiger-Tooth tribe girl. Girl die from head bonk, her father-man, chief of Tiger-Tooth tribe angry, want kill me but I am best water hole sniffer of my tribe, Mudstacker tribe, so we go to Tiger-Tooth tribe at night, I sniff water before and we make mud to get ancestors blessing so Tiger-Tooth does not see. We kill all Tiger-Tooth and bonk all girl, good night. Eat Tiger-Tooth tribe to gain strength but they have secret, is actually just skin over white rock, I tell my friend Uuglah he say is normal, everyone has rockman inside, I don’t believe. Uuglah is enemy? I hide in cave from enemy, rockmen will not get me.

2 Comments
2024/11/09
12:43 UTC

13

LURRROUGH DAD MISSING STICK [[PROMISE MANY YEAR NO RAINFALL]]

Grruoh. Bears BAD news. Lurrrough no can find dad favorite stick.

If Lurrrough no can find dad favorite stick, Lurrrough dad says many years no rainfall every one. LURRROUGH BEG ALL HELP LURRROUGH FIND STICK!! not want imagine every one forever thirst.

Lurrrough dad favorite stick:

- big (lurrrough dad favorite type)

- dirt color, maybe

- a end pointy

- leaf (normal color)

if have ANY stick like Lurrrough describe, cave meet by normal color field. dad miss stick very bad, promise rage on land if no find.

ggruh,

Lurrrough

6 Comments
2024/11/05
06:46 UTC

59

Big rock break. What do?

Me had big rock. I love big rock. Big rock my rock for whole life. Now big rock break into little rock. Me sad. But me need new big rock to kill big animal. What do?

19 Comments
2024/11/04
18:34 UTC

3

Happy Spooky Day!

0 Comments
2024/11/01
01:22 UTC

23

Me hear tonight is spooky night!!! Beware of spookies!!

Tonight is night of spooky! Is night when moon is dark, and gap between this world and next world is easiest to jump! Spookies of all shapes and types coming to our world tonight, all cro-magnon must beware!

There are spookies that bite, spookies that claw, spookies that take over your body and make you do things you not want to do! A spooky maybe even go to you cave, and say "trick or treat!" If that happen, you need give spooky some good food, like dried meat or fresh berries. Else they might haunt you!!! And cause misery!!!

Beware of spookies!!

2 Comments
2024/10/31
16:34 UTC

8

hark!

i have found a cursed craft of the dragon sorcerers! unbreakable it seems, but its foul magic must not continue!

hast thou a way to destroy the sorcerers craft?

7 Comments
2024/10/28
01:51 UTC

46

Me make big mistake, eat offerings for gods, and me very sorry. How fix?

Last night, Talnar get back from unsuccessful hunt. Talnar no able catch things, step on twig and scare away animal. Me hungry, me tired, it dark. Walking into village, me see big pile of fruit and vegetable. So me eat some, think me only eat a little, plus whole village like help each other out like that, nobody mind.

Me wake up this morning and find pile of fruit and vegetable was offering to the gods!!! And me actually eat a lot more than me think me did last night!!! Me not want bring wrath of gods upon our village. How Talnar can fix?

9 Comments
2024/10/25
20:13 UTC

45

What was noise?

Me hear noise while going to sleep last night. Not sure where it came from, echoed around valley a lot. Kind of loud like KAARSSCHH. or no wait maybe sounded more like BOOUM. That not right either. Sounded like GRAAARRD maybe?

Whatever. You heard noise too probably. Loud one. What you think it was?

4 Comments
2024/10/23
06:01 UTC

49

Friend no laugh at Mank joke

Mank friend trying to become rapper. Mank say name should be AfroMagnon. Friend no laugh. Mank explain that AfroMagnon sound like CroMagnon. Friend say joke dumb. Does clan think Mank joke funny?

9 Comments
2024/10/20
20:03 UTC

36

How Shaman read future in animal entrails? Me not get it

Me hear that Shaman able read future in animal entrails. But when me try looking at animal entrails, me not see future. How they do it?

Unless future is going to be wet and red and squishy

12 Comments
2024/10/15
18:07 UTC

41

Me am in forest destroying indiscriminately tonight.

Me am having MANY feelings right now. Mostly bad. Me want go out and smash things with club. Me want knock over stones, tear down trees, rip grass out of ground. Bad feelings make me want destroy without thinking.

TALNAR NOT KNOW ARTS WELL ENOUGH TO EXPRESS MESELF IN HEALTHY OR PRODUCTIVE MANNER!!! ONLY DESTROY!!

9 Comments
2024/10/15
02:40 UTC

14

Hello me Okoboko

Me Okoboko, Okoboko funny man on spinning rock. Okoboko like bom stick that throws NP owie. Okoboko in tribe but want leave. How can leave without making angry spirit? Okoboko met shaman, shaman say got ADHD many angry spirit. That Okoboko life

What you life?

8 Comments
2024/10/10
20:38 UTC

7

Ack like cave drawings on leafs

Ack saw cave drawing with lines beneath. Had yummy gurl evolved on it. Many leafs. Evolved gurl looked like tummy hurt and cold.

Any evolved leafs near you?

2 Comments
2024/10/08
20:31 UTC

36

Talnar am sick :( Am me gonna die?

Me am coughing whole lots this sun, me nose is plugged up, me feel sleepy even though not do anything. Throat sore from coughing whole lots.

Am Talnar going to die? Me too beautiful to die! What can do?

14 Comments
2024/10/05
02:16 UTC

7

Blue evolved hurt Krug woof Spot and make forever sleep? Kaarn make justice for woof.

Krug share story of evolved in blue that hurt Krug favourite woof with boom stick and make woof forever sleep.
Kaarn very angry with evolved. Not enough for evolved to hurt magnon, now go after magnon woof too? So Kaarn take rope and club, and go to where it happen and inn-vess-tee-gheit.
Kaarn see drops of red water from woof and paw print from evolved. Hunt is on! Kaarn follow paw print until find evolved in blue in River Down.
This make Kaarn worry. Evolved am too close to Almost Ocean Tribe. Kaarn must stop evolved before too late!
So Kaarn hide in bush and make woof noise. Evolved look up from river and start coming toward Kaarn. Now Kaarn scared, because notice that evolved take boom stick from waist. Good thing that evolved not notice Kaarn and pass by bush where Kaarn hide.
This time to strike! Kaarn jump from bush and give good strong bonk in back of evolved head. One bonk and evolved down! Evolved sleep, but not forever sleep. Good!
Kaarn then tie evolved feet and hands behind evolved back. Now for boring part: to drag evolved back to Kaarn cave. Evolved am good evolved now, he go zzz all the way, and wake up as Kaarn arrive to cave. He start talk, and then yell. Kaarn no understand what evolved try to say, but Kaarn no care. Fun part about to begin.
Kaarn finish dragg evolved into cave and call for meowmeow. Meowmeow happy Kaarn bring new toy and make hunter pose. Evolved am now shut up and all white, so Kaarn make use of silence to say "You evolved am big butt mud. You hurt Krug woof, now you pay". Evolved start speak a lot of word again. Kaarn can understand "please" and "no", but now too late for evolved.
Kaarn cut rope in evolved legs. No fun for meowmeow if treat no run. Next part am most funny for Kaarn. Evolved start run, but not make it too far. Just reach few step after exit cave, and meowmeow is already on top of evolved. Meowmeow have fun, bit and piece of evolved fly everywhere and evolved no stop screaming "help!"
This all too fun, Kaarn can only watch and go ha-ha-ha as evolved get what evolved deserve.

Krug, Kaarn know this not bring woof Spot back, but now this evolved no can more hurt anyone.

Now Kaarn have to go and clean red water all over cave entrance, but it all worth it to make evolved stop hurt woof and magnon, and to make meowmeow happy.

12 Comments
2024/10/01
15:42 UTC

9

Did Evolve Daelin Find Caveman Guk?

Hello Cave Support. Me Zugtar. Zugtar hear tale of Daelin and Guk and Woof. Zugtar remember Guk today and that he missing. Zugtar want know if evolve Daelin find Guk or if Guk safe with new tribe at least. The sky fire sleeps longer now and warms less and Zugtar worry for Guk in colder forest.

2 Comments
2024/09/30
00:32 UTC

7

Krug very very sad.

Krug (me is Krug) saw Krug favorite hunting dog, Spot, get hurt by evolved in blue. Spot forever sleep now. Krug miss spot very much.

4 Comments
2024/09/29
23:10 UTC

39

Krug in trouble.

Krug (me is Krug) have seen evolved in blue. They have pew-pew torches. Very scared. Make cave art of it. Almost got hurt!!

11 Comments
2024/09/29
20:28 UTC

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