I fucking hate my skin color and then I feel bad for hating my skin color.

I fucking hate passing as white. Everyone assumes I'm white and it feels so fucking bad. I feel evil for trying to interact in PoC spaces. I feel like a fucking colonizing invader who doesn't belong here.

Also, Hispanic technically isn't PoC? But I'm part-Hispanic... I looked it up and some say yes and others say no and it's so confusing. Some say racially it isn't and culturally it is... What does that mean? So what does that make me? Half oppressive white, a quarter marginalized white, and a quarter Indigenous? Am I just too white to be a PoC? But I don't feel white... If anything, I feel more Indigenous than white.

I want to braid my hair and ride shirtless on horseback through the deserts of Arizona. That is a very strong mental image I have of myself. But then I feel racist for wanting that to be me. I feel like it's a racist stereotype, and that it's wrong for me to want that. But I do want it, so fucking badly.

I'm so pale skinned that everyone automatically assumes I'm white, and that feels so wrong and makes me feel guilty. Like I shouldn't reclaim the other parts of my heritage. That I should simply just be white and be lucky that I have white privilege. And that makes me feel worse.

I feel like if I was given the ability to choose, I would choose not to be white. And that makes me feel even more racist. But I don't fucking want to be an oppressor. I don't want to be someone who can't connect with minorities because of my skin color. I don't want PoC to constantly be on edge around me. I want to be able to connect with others.

God, I fucking wish racism didn't exist and no one cared about anyone's skin color or ethnic background. Then I could ride a horse across the desert without feeling like a fucking colonizer.

I don't even know how to ride a horse. I don't even fucking live in Arizona anymore. I just have this really strong mental image...

What the hell's wrong with me?

Calling Latinos I got a quick question so I decided on my name as Marcel and was wondering if that sounds culturally good, I wanna keep connection with my culture but I struggled for a long time in finding a name and I really like this one but I’ve been thinking wether it’s good cultural fit yk. I spoke to some of my friends and someone mentioned Marcelo just adding the O at the end to see how that would work but I’m really just looking for more thoughts on this and in general how did you guys go about picking your names Thanks!!

I need help from my fellow latinos. I have DI surgery in 16 days, and I haven't told my parents im nonbinary trans (22yrs) yet. I find it so difficult to explain nonbinarism in spanish so I've decided to just say im ftm to them bc i know that will make more sense to them (Theyre 60s-70s in age). With that said if anyone knows any brochures that explains transgenderism or double incision/top surgery procedure and hrt that would be amazing.

ALT PHALLO CONSULT

I finally have my consult date with Dr. Del Corral!!... well i've had it for awhile buuutt that's besides the point lol. but my main point is i'm having trouble seeing representation of ppl with bigger body types & more ALT procedures. I am already knowing that ALT will give thicker/fatter girth but that's not an issue with me for the simple fact that i know i don't want a skinny dick or a small one either. to each their own ofc & thats what i'm aiming for, i am also considering having meta first then going after phallo so i can have my natal penis to be as exposed as possible so i could have better feeling when phallo comes. Not necessarily with my nerves but i want it to reach as far as it can when it's buried if that make sense.

I kinda knew or had a feeling that starting T that i would grow and would want meta before phallo, and grow it did, i never measured myself but on soft it's about half or close to 3/4 of my pinky & on hard it's for sure passing that or veryyy close to it, my girlfriend even commented on how much it grew in such little time (i'm a year & 5 mos on T). My life is pretty sedentary, i work in security so the most i do is watch cameras, i rarely have to do anything really which is ok since it's a easy job so i can't complain too much about it. Im 5'6-7 & currently weigh 250. ik ik ik i have to lose weight , my goal before my consult is on or around 200, then depending on when my actual surgery date is i wanna be at 170-80, that's not a question or concern im worried about as much b/c i am working on it. I've had a little routine before my top surgery where i would only eat once a day, keto diet, and no snacks or anything in between except water. My job does have a gym so i would walk/light jog on the treadmill and use the weight machines. Lost some weight but kinda blew it after surgery but i'm currently trying to get back to it & do it better before my consult so i can prove mainly to myself that i can do it since i've really been a big guy most of my life.

Just now looking thru this sub, i couldn't find any bigger guys who had ALT or like a max weight u can be to be considered a ALT candidate, only RFF or ABDO procedures , i did find one person who lost hella weight then got ALT ( i still wanna be a tad bit fluffy, not totally shredded but fit ) and i only thought about ALT b/c i personally don't want the scar on my arm, (i don't like ppl that much to be explaining what happened to me everytime and i don't see the point in lying to ppl 24/7 either) and if they're going to take skin off my leg anyways might as well keep all of the surgery on my lower half and keep it even yk lol, and it has the best outcomes in terms of sensitivity for lower body options to choose from (back, abdo, etc), and the last point, it color matches way better imo especially with dark brown skin, so less tattooing sessions and the way my hair has been growing, my leg hairs are lighter & thinner than my arm hairs so less electrolysis or none if the Dr permits. ALT jus has many more positive things for me than any other procedure. i would only consider RFF if it was taken off my upper arm, jk but i haven't considered anything else for the simple fact that i don't see anything else working and losing weight for this is the exact motivator i need.

And if u read this , i truly thank you b/c i don't really have anyone to have deep talks to, specifically about my transition and on a every day basis so this was a breath of fresh air for me to truly say my side the way i want and to jus get it off my chest. If anyone can give me advice, words of wisdom, or just wanna talk to get a better understanding on what i mean, im here for it all, Thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Seems like I don't see many of us on here so if you guys could share your experiences and things you wish you knew before you started T to a pre T man that would be cool.

i always struggled with finding a name that fits as a desi person. so i wonder how others picked their name. if you could also share why you picked a specific name, that'd be great. thanks!

(if you aren't desi, but still have some insight you'd like to share, go ahead!)

Some times when I’m out, It’s hard to not be aware of people looking at me.Takes a lot to ground myself and not assume people are tryna clock me. Obviously it’s not always this bad. But some times it really is. Is this something you guys also experience? Sometimes in social situations the dyphoria is mad and I don’t wanna talk cause my voice. Just curious if any of you lot can relate or have similar experiences. POV: just started T the other day and I’m pre top surgery :p only very recently came out as a trans man, before was identifying more enby masc. So would be interesting to hear any similar experiences for me :)

(Mods please delete if not allowed!) I’m a white transmasc writing a historical fiction novel set in the stonewall era about a mixed-race trans man. I wasn’t originally going to make racial identity a significant part of the story but it feels wrong not to because it’s a story about identity and internalized oppression. Does anyone know any reading material that might help me get a feel for how to write the character well? Mostly looking for things that describe what it was like to live as a POC at this time, and anything specifically about the intersection of queerness and racial identity would be really helpful. Any general advice from trans POC would help too.

8 years on t post op top and bottom

The FTM sub as we all know is monitored and supported by YT ftms. This OP wanted validation that they get euphoric using “sir/ma’am” to people since living and moving to the south and adjusting to “Southern Culture”. I validly said it’s not polite to presume and use gendered language and you can be just as polite without it and had yt ftms come down my throat over it.

Isnt half of that subs posts about being “ma’amed” and how it destroys their day? How come a yt trans dude is euphoric about it and I get downvoted and have people come at me about validly critiquing gendered language?

They said if it’s older people or people in customer service it’s fine?? I legit just wouldn’t assume based on age or work force but that’s just me apparently. They tried justifying the old trope HAARD. Yes most older people are okay with it but I can’t stop thinking about doing that myself to this individual who was presumed in their 80s and how they have always felt non-binary but just “suck it up” for the world. Not even mentioning that I worked customer service positions for years and constantly hated being “ma’amed” even if it’s for being “polite” it’s just so easy to say “thank you” without gendered language??

OP blocked me over it, just find it weird that they’re justifying it cuz of “Southern Culture” what else is being justified?? (Btw other people who were disagreeing were also being downvoted for validly critiquing OP) you’d think being trans they would be slightly conscious of maybe.. not using… sir/ma’am. They were justifying they don’t use it on obviously/visible queer people which is wild since there’s so many variations of gender expression/etc.

Anyways They love silencing BIPOC voices it’s wild. What other experiences have y’all had with this sub silencing valid points as a BIPOC?

What oils and moisturizers do yall use to help beard growth? My beard hair on my chin is growing well but the ones on my cheeks and jawline could be better. I’ve got 4a ish type hair but idk how that translate beard wise

I took senior pictures today, had to wear white because of some school district rules. (Boys red- girls white) I look so girly in the pictures. And after my mom called to see how I had my hair(it’s straight) I had my hair in a bun, I thought it would look better and not cause dysphoria. I was wrong. She not happy. And the only way I could wear red would to out myself as trans.

I’m currently in last period and don’t wanna do anything but curl up in a ball and cry. I’m trying so hard not to just breakdown but it’s hard. I’ve already made the decision to come out and transition after I graduate and move out but all I can think about is the gender euphoria moments I could be experiencing and enjoying.

I know this is a shot in the dark, but here goes— the title says it all. I’m a trans man, bisexual, and also wasian (Jewish & Korean). Most of us in this sub know what it’s like to have an intersectional identity and not quite feel welcome anywhere and well I’m sick of it. I want to meet someone like me but I’ve never really entertained the thought that I’d ever meet someone who checked all those boxes until today, as much as I’d desperately want to. I wanna talk about our shared experiences and I want to feel less alone. If you happen to have a similar identity (or just have something to say about this post I guess lol) please reply! Lets meet each other :)

Looove that all the comments are (cis) women sexualizing him because of course the entire validity of our identity comes down to our sex appeal! 🫠

Yes he's hot but holy shit that is not the point. He was clearly uncomfortable with it too

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So I'm 15y (believe it or not) and my growth plates closed a long time ago. So I'm stuck being pretty short. There's like a 50% chance I pass usually, so what could I do?? My mom might let me use minoxidil so huzzah! I'm skinny in the arms so that also doesn't help. Help your boy out please 😭

I’m 30 years old, and been out of the game for awhile, I need to know if this is flirting or friendly because I genuinely just can’t tell the difference.

There’s this girl at my job.

I see her occasionally but not a lot.

Some interactions we’ve had include:

I left my sunglasses laying around by accident and she knew they were mine and made sure they got back to me by asking if anyone was going back to the area I work in and giving them to them to give to me.

She is always smiling when we talk.

She asked me on our second conversation what my pronouns were which shocked me because I didn’t even know by her looks or anything that she would be an ally.

Asks me about the work I do and a few personal questions but nothing too prying.

Genuinely seems like she goes out of her way to talk to me when she sees me, although maybe that’s just delusion on my end lol

She is definitely my type, but I just wanna make sure I’m not crazy and she might actually be interested? I also don’t even know how I would approach her to confirm any of these things.

What do you guys think?

Hey everyone,

We wanted to take a moment to address a change we made during last week’s Self Made Bros Zoom session. Initially, we planned to dive into the topic of how our sex lives have evolved while transitioning as Black trans men and transmasculine individuals. However, given the meeting fell right after the holiday, we decided to veer away from such an intimate discussion for that session.

We want to assure you all that we’ll return to the original topic this Sunday at 5 PM EST. It’s a deeply meaningful conversation, and we’re committed to holding space for it.

To those who were looking forward to last week’s discussion, we sincerely hope we didn’t let you down. Your understanding, support, and continued attendance mean the world to us. Thank you for being part of this journey—we couldn’t do it without you.

We hope to see you this Sunday!

The Self Made Bros Team

A Thread for casual discussion, random questions unrelated to transitioning, or whatever is taking up your headspace.

Let's chat!

*Always remember to be cautious about what personal information you give out, do not ask or give out phone numbers, routing numbers, etc your post will be removed.

marking 18+ just in case

middle of the night and I went out to pee in a backstreet with my STP and I had no leaks! im feeling so much euphoria right now !! this is the boy thing I’ve always wanted to do and I’m finally able to do it. my inner child is ecstatic and this is making me excited to try using a urinal again (last time was a flop and I wet my boxers/pants lol thankfully I had brought extra underwear just in case).

for the curious ones: I use the Lou stp by trans guy supply

I am newly trans and desperately looking for a (trans) uncle. I try reaching out and connecting with other older trans people, but they seem to be put off by me for some reason. Do I have it much easier than them? For sure. There is so much information now and accessing HRT has been so easy for me. But I lost my family, friends and my entire life has fallen apart, and they see me as a whining kid. Older trans people, why might you be averse to befriending a newly out trans person, what can I do to impress you?

I was just thinking about how I've been told multiple times by white people that I'm "lucky" to be Asian, because Asians are "more androgynous", and therefore my transition would somehow be easier.

I'm curious, how many of you have also been told this? And how do you feel about it? Personally, I'm not a big fan of white people telling me that my Asian features make my life easier than theirs lol.

First T shot WHAAATTTTT LETS GO! :p :0 !

One of the main things is realizing how much internalized racism makes me hate my culture (I’m Latine and Black). How racial ptsd can make me have a deep sense of hate and fear towards other black people, because I automatically associate them with abuse. So many people of color that I’ve met just normalize abuse, and say it’s culture. Because of that, i genuinely don’t fit in with my community. At least those around me. I feel alone in spaces where i should feel connected. I feel too (and I hate to use this term because it is racist, but this is what it feels like) “white” for black spaces. They always make abuse seem like it’s not a big deal, when it is. And then there’s being a trans man who grew up perceived as a black woman. I’m constantly expected to be strong. I have to be strong. The strong black “woman” archetype. You’re not allowed to feel. You’re only allowed to just show a brave face. Can’t let them know you’re tired. Can’t let anyone know you’re afraid. Ever. Because people will mess with you. People will see a single vulnerability and not take you seriously. And it’s just exacerbated when you’re trans.

People don’t take me seriously when I come out to them. And that’s why I’m no bullshit about my boundaries. Thats why im no bullshit about WHO I AM. I’m OVER IT. Why am I expected to educate those who are ignorant?? Go fuck off and educate yourself!!! People just expect trans people to be these docile people with no backbone who will just take whatever nonsense people say to them.

I would feel odd in men’s spaces because I have experienced the life experience of a woman, and in men’s spaces, their experiences are completely different than mine, and people can’t relate to me unless they’re trans men.

I feel odd in women’s spaces because I’m NOT A WOMAN, but their experiences relate closer to my experiences. So I tend to relate to women a lot (which isn’t an issue for me, I love women), but idk, it just makes me feel like I don’t exactly belong anywhere.

I know I belong in male spaces, But I don’t relate to the experiences of most men. There’s such a lack of poc or black trans men in general, and if there are trans men, they’re usually white. Even rarer you hear about Latine trans men, and EVEN RARER they’re gender non conforming (which I would say I am). I want to make this a space where we could share our experiences, and so I could hopefully meet other people like me :3

I don’t feel I’m taken seriously much as a pre t trans guy. I was out of town recently for the holidays and I had to present as a girl cuz I’m still closeted with my family. I was dysphoric the whole time cuz not only do people not see me as a man, but with how I’m built people don’t see me as an adult either which gets exhausting after a certain point. I just wanna relax, but I can’t even do that cuz people remind me everyday I’m not who I see myself as.

Getting involved with conversation and meeting new people is 50/50 for me. I’m autistic so social situations aren’t something I’m good at, but with dysphoria I struggle opening up to people who aren’t queer friendly. With me being a black afab and quiet, people are even less likely to want to engage with me cuz of that whole perception on quiet black girls. It’s either they get bored with me or don’t wanna talk and it makes me feel isolated. I’m just frustrated with my body and I don’t look male at all even tho I try so hard. I’m being as patient as I can cuz I’ve been trying to land a job after college so I can afford my own place to start T, but engaging with the world and being forced to live as a woman is getting too much now

Hey everyone,

This week’s Zoom meeting will explore how our sex lives have evolved. Our journeys are deeply shaped by intersecting identities, and this discussion is a chance to reflect, share, and learn in a supportive space.

Here are some prompts to guide our conversation:

How has your transition (social, medical, or both) impacted your intimacy and relationship with your body?

Have your desires or the way you express intimacy shifted as you’ve become more comfortable in your masculinity?

What role does race and cultural background play in how you navigate dating, intimacy, or sex?

How do you approach conversations about your body, boundaries, or needs with partners?

Have external factors, like societal pressures or discrimination, affected your sex life or relationships?

For those in relationships, how has your dynamic changed pre- and post-transition?

What tools, resources, or practices have helped you cultivate a fulfilling and affirming sex life?

This is a judgment-free zone where we aim to honor the diversity of our experiences. Whether you’re here to share, listen, or both, your perspective is valued.

Looking forward to a rich and meaningful conversation with you all. If you have any suggestions or need support in advance, feel free to reach out!

Hey guys ive heard of some (white) people getting “T curls” when they start hrt, but for anyone who has type 4 hair already, did this change at all? Did it get coarser, thicker, or change in any way? Body hair and pubes as well?

My mom is a Korean immigrant. She's also a hardcore Christian, married to a white right-wing ex-pastor (not my biological father). When I came out in 2012, I started going solely by my Korean name; it was the closest thing to a "gender neutral" name that my family would willingly refer to me by. Even though it was typically a feminine name, non-Koreans didn't know that, and so it was helpful for socially transitioning during school.

Once I left home, I changed my American name and started going by that, since going by a Korean name made my life a lot harder. But I never officially changed my Korean name due to how reluctant my family was to accept my American name change. So even though I've been stealth since 2016, my family still referred to me by my old Korean name... At least, until now.

I told my mom and siblings that I want to go by a new name (one I've been giving thought to for over a year). I didn't tell my stepfather since he's out of town atm. My siblings are very supportive nowadays, so it was no problem for them to accept it. But I was worried how my mom would take it. The name has a very masculine meaning. She was hesitant but told me that she will try her best to make that change.

It might not sound like it, but this is a pretty huge deal. She's really struggled with my gender since I came out. She's made a lot of progress this last year, but this is probably the biggest step she's made. I just wanted to share this milestone. ❤