leave your character rankings and thoughts on the season here! i haven’t been able to watch the finale so i’ll wait a few days to post my thoughts on the season

Hi Rankdown nerds,

Co-endgame betting champ here. I just wanted to give a shoutout to all of you and thank you so much for reading Rankdown VII! I had an absolute blast writing exclusively mercy cuts Survivor writeups for the past 10 months. This project wouldn’t have been nearly as fun if we didn’t have an audience, so I really want to thank you all for following along and providing your hottakes and support!

It's time for the Rankies! This is a long running little voting tradition to fete and honor the best and the baddest of the just-finished Rankdown, hosted by yours truly the past few outings.

As a recap, between the end of the regular Rankdown portion and the start of Endgame, I had an open nominations poll, and voting on the nominees happened concurrently with Endgame.

There were ultimately 15 voters, most filling out all categories. I cast the deciding vote if there is a tie for the winner.

Everyone clear? Let's get this going. For most categories, I'll list the winner and the second-place finisher.

Best Write-Up

Winner: Jessica "Sugar" Kiper 1.0 (Schroeswald, Round 109, #47) (50%)

Runner-up: Tom Buchanan 1.0 (rovivus, Round 109, #49) (28.6%)

Funniest Write-up

There was a tie for second place, so they'll both be listed here.

Winner: JP Hilsabeck (rovivus, Round 49, #449) (33.3%)

Runner-up: (tie) Ronnie Bardah (Theseanyg22, Round 9, #706) and Rick Devens (Franky494, Round 9, #712) (26.7% each)

Most Unique Write-up

This one was tied, so yours truly is going to break the tie. :moth:

Winner: Rita Verreros (Theseanyg22, Round 19, #641) (33.3%; won tiebreaker)

Runner-up: Rick Devens (Franky494, Round 9, #712) (33.3%)

Hottest Take on a Character

Another tie for second.

Winner: rovivus, on Greg "Tarzan" Smith (53.3%)

Runner-up: (tie) rovivus, on Tom Buchanan 1.0 and DramaticGasp, on Lex Van Den Berghe 1.0 (20% each)

Best Cut Response

Winner: CSteino's "Idol Play" on Jessica Johnston (Round 81) (57.1%)

Runner-up: Franky494 on the Tom Buchanan 1.0 cut (Round 109) (35.7%)

Best Comment Not Responding to a Cut

Aother tie for second. A couple of those so far!

Winner: the "should of" bot calling Theseanyg22 out (46.7%)

Runner-up: (tie) Franky494, edihau, and rovivus on Tom Buchanan 1.0 and acktar on Crystal Cox (20% each)

Best Power Use

Notably, the only nominees were Idol plays.

Winner: rovivus' Lex Van Den Berghe 1.0 Idol (Round 18) (46.7%)

Runner-up: Franky494's Courtney Marit Idol (Round 102) (40%)

Best Rankdown Storyline:

This was another tied category, so I'll break the tie and all that.

Winner: Nobody wanting to write up JP Hilsabeck, leading to his survival. (40%; won tiebreaker)

Runner-up: supercubbiefan and his defenses of Winners at War (40%)

Favorite Ranker:

I limited nominations to the three who got the most, because I felt like it'd be weird to list more than half of the rankers. I will go ahead and list full results for this one,

Winner: Schroeswald (46.7%)

Runner-up: supercubbiefan (40%)

Third place: rovivus (13.3%)

Favorite Spectator

Another tie for second.

Winner: acktar (33.3%) (:moth:)

Runner-up: (tie) Regnisyak1 and of_patrol_bot (26.7% each)

JAniston8383 Memorial Prize for Best Bamboozle

Winner: rovivus getting Greg "Tarzan" Smith to Top 150 (33.3%)

Runner-up: all of the Idol-swapping deals of the late rankdown (26.7%)

Character that Got Too High

time for the #blindside

Winner: Kellyn Bechtold (#422) (40%)

Runner-up: Tom Buchanan 1.0 (#49) (26.7%)

Character that was Cut Too Early

Winner: Stephenie LaGrossa 2.0 (#120) (46.7%)

Runner-up: Colton Cumbie 2.0 (#700) (26.7%)

and now for the most important category

🍌?

Winner: :moth: (73.3%)

Runner-up: 🍆 (20%)

Thank you for tuning in, and I hope all y'all had fun along the way!

WINNER: Jonny Fairplay 1.0 (Pearl Islands - 3rd)

​

fairplay to everyone who called this from before the rankdown started

/u/Franky494:

Where to even begin for a blurb of Fairplay? He’s sexist, he’s a douche, he’s probably shitty but he’s GLORIOUS. We’ve had people come in and play exaggerated personalities, but none of them hold a candle to Fairplay. He knew his brand and he stuck to it from start to finish. His downfall is immaculate, his relationships feel complicated yet sincere and overall, fairplay to him - because he made himself a great watch.

/u/rovivus:

Survivor’s übervillain. Fairplay is the physical embodiment of a porn star mustache, and the way he sleazed and slithered his way to a position where all that stood between him and a million dollars was a middle-aged Ohioan with a penchant for aerobics is truly remarkable. Jon’s tour-de-douche is a Snapchat you can’t screenshot, something that cannot be recaptured, a generationally iconic master class of B-list movie villainy and evil genius. He’s one of a kind, and a perfect fit for endgame.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Jonny Fairplay, what a legend. Arguably the biggest villain to have ever played the game. I mean, who lies about their grandma dying to get ahead in the game? As terrible as it is, it's also terribly hilarious. He was also just such a douche in general, it was so entertaining.

/u/Schroeswald:

Some people may complain that Fairplay is too one dimensional and sexist and that may hurt others but Fairplay improves. The most dastardly and despicable villain Good Survivor has had he lies and cheats and steals and plays the perfect wrestling heel. And then of course he gets the greatest downfall in Survivor history. He may not be my number one but I can’t deny he’s a deserving one (cut that line out if he doesn’t win, k Mike?)

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

One of the greatest TV villains of all time. Everything he pulls is delightfully devilish, and his downfall is the best in the series by far.

/u/Theseanyg22:

Just the perfect villain. I don’t mind it when people put on a TV persona like this when they do it so well. I like new era more than most but I miss villains just hamming it up like this.

~

/u/supercubbiefan:

**Jonny Fairplay 1.0, Pearl Islands, 3rd Place**

Jonny Fairplay 1.0, without a doubt, is the best *Survivor* character of all time. Want to know something else?

It’s not even *close*.

Jonny Fairplay 1.0 created the best episode: “The Great Lie”.

Jonny Fairplay 1.0 invented the best moment in the history of *Survivor*: dead grandma lie.

Jonny Fairplay 1.0 has the best **arc** of all time.

Jonny Fairplay 1.0 has the best **downfall** of all time.

And last but perhaps most importantly:

Jonny Fairplay 1.0 is the best **villain** of all time.

In my opinion, the purpose of this writeup isn’t to prove why JFP 1.0 is the best *Survivor* character of all time. No way. I want this writeup to prove that Jonny Fairplay 1.0 is one of the best **television characters** of all time.

Let’s start in episode one, with Jonny’s first confessional that perfectly sets up his diabolical evil villain arc: “I go by the moniker of Jonny Fairplay. I don’t play fair.” <3 Jon Dalton, using the character of Jonny Fairplay, brilliantly went into *Pearl Islands* with the sole purpose of becoming the most important reality show villain America will ever see. Jonny’s willingness to 1) not give a shit about charming the audience or his fellow competitors and 2) act as duplicitous and slimy as possible is exactly why he’s such a fantastic villain. You honestly believe that Jonny Fairplay doesn’t have a moral bone in his body, immediately raising the stakes for the season since *someone* has beat this guy.

Throughout the rest of the episode, we learn that Jonny Fairplay is definitely not a mensch. He calls Rupert “Blackbeard” during the classic Panamanian village trip…and he doesn’t even know Rupert yet. He gleefully brags that everyone else has more mosquito bites than he does. Then, in an absolutely hilarious segment of the Drake tribe drinking wine from the village, I love the contrast of Jonny bragging in a confessional about how everyone laughs at his obnoxious jokes while at the same time all of the Drakes show contempt for him, including Christa calling Jonny obnoxious and Sandra saying “I really can’t stand him. He talks too much crap, all night long person. He thinks it’s cute, but it’s isn’t. It gets old. It’s already old.” LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Yeah, Sandra is never going to be friends with Jonny, and she wants him to understand this tragic fact. In episode three, there’s a classic scene of Sandra and Fairplay arguing that the other person is the weakest on the tribe physically, leading Sandra to yell her iconic “YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN GET LOUD TOO, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” <3 After their argument, I LOVE Sandra’s confessional of “Screw Jon. He’s an ass. Everything that comes out of his mouth is just ridiculous.” LOLOLOLOL and Fairplay’s absolutely iconic foreshadowing confessional about Sandra’s chances in the game: “Her days are numbered. We’ve got bigger threats to get rid of first but she’s not one of the final four, and I got a mil that says she won’t be the final one!” <3 Yes editors, please make Jonny look like as big of an idiot as possible. Only going to make his epic downfall even greater later on.

It’s not just Sandra. Throughout the premerge, Jonny creates wonderfully entertaining conflict with **literally everybody**. Back in my Shawn Cohen writeup, I went into detail over the multiple full-out screaming matches he went through with his “buddy” Shawn. He also turns off any woman he tries to court, such as during the gross food challenge. After Jonny jokingly suggest to Darrah that they should kiss before their mouths get gross from the food and Darrah politely rejects him, Probst asks how much of a chance JFP would have with Darrah if she didn’t have a boyfriend and she responds with “Nothing.” LOOOOOOOOOOOL. I would live a very happy life if my only form of entertainment was watching Jonny Fairplay get humiliated over and over again.

The Morgan tribe absolutely despises him. Morgan leader Andrew Savage calls him a “little motor mouth” and “little Jon”. The rest of the Morgans later understand how awful Fairplay is during his fantastic looting of the Morgan tribe, days after the Drakes threw an immunity challenge. Again, I love how JFP has no qualms of looking as evil as possible for the audience when he states in a confessional that his goal of the loot is to make sure the Morgans have no morale lololol. In order to ruin Morgan’s self-esteem, Jonny evilly tells Savage the Drakes threw the first challenge in the Morgans’ winning streak, completely pissing off the Morgans, including Savage saying “Fuck him” <3.

Even *Probst*, who usually tries to stay neutral when he hosts, can’t help but show contempt toward Fairplay. At Drake’s first tribal council, after Fairplay had a fantastic set of confessionals about how excited he is to create different alliances and act as a heartless puppet master, Jonny describes to Jeff his feelings of being at tribal: “Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. Happy tribe.” This causes Probst to condescendingly ask Jonny if he’s “loaded”, and Fairplay admits he is LOL.

So far, Jonny has been a superstar villain. He’s on a mission to piss everyone off. He is willing to almost break the rules to get what he wants. But I want to quickly discuss one **very** important aspect to the character of Jonny Fairplay that is rarely brought up. Even though pretty much everyone on the Drake tribe cannot stand him, Fairplay shows how strong of a strategic force he is by strictly following the successful Rob Cesternino strategy of constantly flipping between alliances. In the first few Drake votes before the merge, he is **always** in the middle. Fairplay is **always** the swing vote. Yes, he was almost voted out right before the merge, but he *wasn’t*. He wiggled his way out of the vote, showing that he can escape danger when he’s in trouble.

His flipping strategy and ability to evade getting voted out is not only going to work wonders for him postmerge, but Fairplay’s elite strategic acumen makes him an even better villain. Why? Due to his incredible gameplay, Fairplay creates a real fear for both his competitors and the *Pearl Islands* audience that Jonny, an evil mastermind, could possibly **win the season**. Who in their right mind would want that? This nightmare scenario immensely raises the stakes for *Pearl Islands* and makes the season feel so much more epic than any other season of *Survivor* or any other reality TV show.

As the character of Jonny Fairplay has now been fully established, his arc begins once he thinks about voting out the pirate Rupert, astutely predicting in a confessional that there’s no way anyone wins against Rupert in a final two showdown. Shit hits the fan once the Drakes get back from tribal and Rupert realizes that Fairplay voted for him. In a FASCINATING scene, after Rupert screams at Fairplay for his betrayal (they were in an alliance up until this point), Jonny brilliantly manipulates the conversation to lie that he thought that he heard *Rupert* would be the one to flip over to Morgan at the merge, causing Rupert to go into defense mode and promise he would never flip. Again, Fairplay is so underrated at deceiving his competitors and using lies to get what he wants in the game, it really increases his strength as an evil villain.

Finally, we’ve reached the classic merge episode. Before we continue looking at Fairplay’s arc, I just want to point out two of the funniest confessionals in the history of *Survivor*, all done by our elite villain JFP. The first one is after the Drakes and Morgans lose to the underdog Outcasts and we get this amazing quote by Fairplay: “If you want to know why those guys are so happy about winning, it’s because they’re a bunch of losers. They got a second chance in life. If you’re a winner, you don’t have to go through the second chances at a game. So, you know, they’re used to that. Their entire lives, they’ve been losers. This is no different.” LOOOOOOOOOL The second quote, his voting confessional for his friend-turned-enemy Shawn, is also classic: “Fuck you!” <3

After the merge comes “Swimming with the Sharks”, the fourth best episode in the history of the show. Why? Because of the epic story of Fairplay’s absolutely brutal blindside and betraying of the season’s ultimate hero, Rupert.

In the beginning of the episode, Jonny and Burton agree on a coup to take out audience fan favorite, Rupert Boneham. Jon Dalton is a storyteller, and he knows exactly how to hype up his moves when he raises the stakes of the upcoming vote out of Rupert and explains that the pirate and his buddies Christa and Sandra have been corrupted by power and Fairplay now wants to hit a grand slam by getting Rupert out. Soon after Jonny states his diabolical plan, we get an AMAZING scene of JFP and Burton, as sharks eagerly eying their next prey, waiting until the Rupert trio leave camp and tell Darrah, Tijuana and Lil about blindsiding Rupert. Simultaneously, the edit cuts to Rupert literally swimming with sharks and failing to catch one. Excellent symbolism.

After Jonny and Burton think up their evil plan, the editors intend to make Jonny look as horrible as possible, as they know how villainous he’s going to look once he votes out Rupert. I love the reward trip, when Jonny attempts to calm Lil’s guilt down by coldly telling her to check her guilt at the door before looking at the boat’s reflection and arrogantly describing how great he looks lololol. We soon arrive at one of the tensest tribals in the history of *Survivor*. Sandra describes Jonny’s work ethic: “Let it be known that Jon wakes up at noon and then he goes under the bushes. He has this secret spot where he takes an additional nap. I have yet to seen him wash a dish or clean a fish.” LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

And then, we get one of the most epic moments in the history of **television**. Knowing how iconic his voting out Rupert will be, JFP delivers this CLASSIC voting confessional for Rupert, transforming into a heel WWE superstar: “To be the man, you got to beat the man. Woo!” <3 After the votes are read for Rupert and you see the distraught look on Rupert’s face and the insanely cocky grin by JFP, you begin to understand how amazing moment of television this blindside was. And guess what? It was **100% because of Jonny Fairplay**. Jonny Fairplay chose to become the most hated reality show character of all time and basked in the glory of his move. Just another reason that Jonny is leagues ahead of every other *Survivor* villain.

Do you know what is absolutely *insane* about *Pearl Islands*? After this iconic episode that would push any season with this storyline into the top five in *Survivor* history, in the next episode, we get an **even better episode** Yep, during “The Great Lie” is when Jonny Fairplay creates the best moment in the history of the show: telling his castmates and Probst that his grandma died…even though she was unbelievably still *alive*.

Let’s go back to moments after the Rupert blindside. I LOOOOOOOOOOVED how as soon as the cast returned back to their beach, Sandra yells “Where’s that snake motherfucker Jon? I’ll tell you what? Can’t noooooobody trust that bitch right there. I never trusted you from day one and you can’t be trusted.” <3 Sandra and Jonny Fairplay’s literal hatred of each other is going to keep ascending to unprecedented levels, but we’ll also get to that later.

We are now at the absolutely iconic loved ones visit. After Jonny jokes to Probst that he wants to send Christa and Sandra to the challenge’s plank lol, we get the incredibly infamous “grandma died” moment. It all begins when Fairplay’s literally over-the-top friend “Thunder D”, doing the idiotic Fairplay finger moves, runs out to Jonny, who excitedly tells him “Final 7!”. Fantastic job on keeping up the ruse, Fairplay. Great work.

Jonny then suddenly switches into acting mode and nervously asks “Oh dude, how’s grandma? How’s grandma?” Thunder D then says the potentially the best line of dialogue ever uttered on *Survivor*: “She died, dude.” <3 <3 <3 <3. Thunder D is somehow a worse actor than Ozzy Lusth, and that is really saying something. Fairplay then sells the plan by crying and lying to Probst that either his grandma or Thunder D was going to be his loved one and he hopes that he can hear more information about his grandma if he wins the loved one challenge. Just…so amazingly evil. Love it.

Once the challenge starts, I find it HILAAAAAAARIOUS that Sandra doesn’t buy JFP’s lie and her first move of the challenge is pointing at Thunder D to indicate that she wants him to walk the plank and telling Probst “Fairplay’s buddy” <3. Fantastic revenge for the Rupert vote out. I love Fairplay’s response even more, however, as he hilariously says “I mean, I have a million questions I’d like to know about my grandmother, but obviously some people don’t give a shit” LOOOOOOOL.

What makes this moment so legendary is that the editors completely FOOL the audience here. See, they brilliantly do *not* tell us that Fairplay’s performance is fake. Nope, on first watch, you *genuinely believe* that Fairplay’s grandma tragically died, making you feel a bit sympathetic for this otherwise evil villain.

However, once Thunder D and JFP get back to the beach, Fairplay shocks the world when he tells Thunder D “Oh man, that was a brilliant performance, sir!” and states the other potential best line in the history of *Survivor*: “My grandmother’s sitting home watching “Jerry Springer” right now.” <3

This is, without a doubt, my favorite moment in the history of the show. It is so shocking. So evil. So unexpected. This moment is what converts Jonny Fairplay from the best *reality show* character of all time into one of the best *television* characters of all time. I just don’t believe anyone would have ever even *attempted* to pull this maneuver off. Fairplay is such a fun piece of shit here. His sky-high level of deception is unbelievable. Fairplay is no doubt the best reality TV villain ever.

For the rest of the episode, Fairplay continues this insane storyline and repeatedly lies about his grandma to his competitors in order to make it further in the game. This includes swearing on his grandma to successfully convince his enemies Christa and Sandra not to vote for his ally Burton (which once again is why Fairplay is one of the best strategic players of all time and makes him an even better villain) and telling his competitors at tribal that he’s so thankful that they got to let him be with Thunder D in order to hear more about his grandma <3.

After completing the most gloriously evil move in the history of the show, Fairplay’s ego launches into outer space, making his imminent downfall even juicier later on. In an episode twelve reward on a cruise shop, we see the delightfully douchey side of Fairplay, when he orders Darrah and Lil’s meals before saying he’s a great date because he knows fine food well lol. We see the insanely evil side of Jonny, after he lies to Darrah and Lil that one of his grandma’s last wishes was for him to win *Survivor* <3. Finally, we see the mean side of Fairplay, telling Lil that she has been called the “queen of kissing ass”, which hurts Lil’s feelings. I love that Lil says that Fairplay talks to her like an idiot. Remember this line. Very important for Fairplay’s epic downfall in a few episodes.

In episode 13, we also see the *misogynistic* side of both Burton & Fairplay, which in my opinion makes Fairplay’s downfall even better because you get to enjoy watching a misogynist fail in the most humiliating way possible. Absolutely here for it. This is right after Burton & JFP cockily brag that they will squash either of Sandra, Lil or Darrah’s plan, with Fairplay adding that they have the intellectual advantage because they are men. Do you know what scene happens right after his sexist remark? The *Pearl Islands* women, Sandra, Lil and Darrah, are planning Fairplay’s downfall and blindsiding Fairplay’s buddy Burton <3.

We start to see the ultimate anti-hero, Sandra, begin her victorious campaign against her mortal enemy Fairplay when JFP promises on his grandma that he’ll stay loyal and forces Sandra to make a similar promise. As Sandra is shown crossing her fingers and making a deal, Sandra says in this classic confessional that she actually whispered under her breath: “I swear on my kids that I’m going to screw you and Burton.” <3. After Fairplay has an even more misogynistic confessional, saying that Darrah, Sandra and Lil are so dumb, haven’t done anything for women’s’rights and they should be mopping floors and cutting potatoes in real life, these same women amazingly defeat Fairplay and vote out Burton. So deserved.

This vote is a fantastic beginning to Fairplay’s insane downfall as we reach the finale, when the editors go into overdrive in humiliating Jonny Fairplay. This trend begins when Probst arrives at their camp with a final 4 breakfast and sarcastically jokes “Jon and three women in bed, another first”, causing Jon to respond with a smug with “Actually, not really” that makes him look like an absolute moron on national television.

The editors then provide more evidence that, yes, Fairplay doesn’t think women should have rights and you should **absolutely** cheer on his imminent ouster in the game. He starts his misogynistic streak with “It seems pretty obvious that the three of them have formed some kind of bond because, you know, all 3 share inferiority complexes to that of a man.” He then gives his final sexist remark before the F4 immunity challenge: “I don’t care if it’s a physical challenge or a mental challenge tonight. I’m the king of men and they’re women. There’s a huge difference. I mean, like, you know, it’s a “getting pregnant”, yeah they can probably win.”

The editors masterfully manipulate the audience into getting 1) as angry as possible at their all-timer villain and 2) wishing for his demise, which will wonderfully arrive later in the episode. I then love that the editors also hint this fact: wait, Fairplay’s demise might *not* happen due to his stellar gameplay. After the Burton blindside, it should have been a **no brainer** to vote out Fairplay. However, for the 137th time this season, Fairplay again escapes the vote after explaining in a fantastic confessional that the best way to get off the chopping block is to create tension with two other people <3. So, he completes this plan by getting Darrah to admit that she won’t take Lil to final two, quoting these exact words to Lil, and convincing her to vote out Darrah. Once again, I have to emphasize this: Fairplay’s masterfully evading votes after acting like a piece of shit all the season raises the stakes to a Mt. Everest-high level and makes Fairplay the best reality show villain ever.

Once we reach the final three, we finally reach the anticipated demise of the one and only Jonny Fairplay 1.0. After Fairplay comments on first boot Nicole’s “rockin’ body” during the **Rites of Passage** LOOOOOOOL, we get to one of my favorite immunity challenges ever, when the final three of Sandra, Lil and Fairplay (the best final three in the history of the show, by the way) compete to see who can stand the longest on a wooden plank in the middle of the ocean.

After Fairplay hilariously realizes that he sucks at this challenge and can possibly *lose* to these women, he desperately tries to ask for a deal with Lil, who all of a sudden transforms from the crying Boy Scout Master into an absolute badass and shuts down the conversation <3. She then taunts the misogynistic Fairplay, informing him that she does squats and aerobics in real life. As Probst tells Fairplay that “I think Lil just said “Game on!””, Fairplay depressingly responds with “I think Lil said “Game over.”” <3 After suffering on that wooden plank, Fairplay loses to Lil, the woman JFP has mistreated and disrespected all season and who would later vote Fairplay out as the final member of the jury <3.

Not to become Chandler Bing, but I mean…can you *ask* for a better arc on a reality show? Let me sum it up for you: misogynist ubervillain Jonny Fairplay backstabbed the ultimate hero in the game, acted like a sexist jerk toward the *Pearl Islands* women the entire season and LIED ABOUT HIS GRANDMA DYING before finally being defeated by pushover Lil standing up to him.

What a downfall. Jonny Fairplay is the best reality show character of all time. Period. Paragraph.

​

Franky494: 13

rovivus: 9

DramaticGasp: 3

Schroeswald: 7

supercubbiefan: 1

TinkerKnightForSmash: 1

Theseanyg22: 5

​

Average Placement: 5.571

Total Points: 39

Standard Deviation: 4.429 (8th Lowest)

2nd: Benjamin “Coach” Wade 1.0 (Tocantins - 5th)

​

what can't this man do??

/u/Franky494:

Coach is an enigma. Is he a real person? I’m not entirely sure. But he’s certainly entertaining for the entire journey of dealing with him, and seeing his commitment to himself(/his character) is impressive - and the way others interact with him brings a lot of entertainment to Tocantins which otherwise has some fairly dull moments.

/u/rovivus:

Every time I rewatch Tocantins, Coach rises higher and higher in my personal rankings, and there’s a chance that at some point he cracks my top 4. Coach has got this Wizard of Oz, man behind the curtain thing going for him and it’s a perfect storyline. He projects an unbreakable, unyielding sense of loyalty, strength, honor, and integrity, but met with the slightest bit of opposition or pushback, he descends into insecure, almost infantile deflections. I’m slowly but surely being convinced that Coach has the best three season arc of any character ever, but he’s never better or more Coach-y than he is in Tocantins.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Coach is such an entertaining character. He's just such a joke and he leaves you wondering how this is even a real person most of the time. His nonsense stories were so entertaining and comical. He was so dramatic with everything he did and I loved every second of it.

/u/Schroeswald:

Tocantins may be very overrated but Coach remains an icon. With few other exciting personalities Tocantins has the time to dig into Coach to see exactly what makes him tick. You see his eccentricities, his philosophy and his hypocrisy and see each deeply explored. In the end it’s all turned against him and he is none the wiser. He’s also really funny.

/u/supercubbiefan:

You should see all the notes I created for Coach 1.0 while researching Tocantins. From Coach’s “Coachisms” (e.g. on Erinn: “I am so true…that existing around people that smile evilly when somebody else is on their knees kills me! I can’t exist around them. I can’t look at her at camp, I can’t walk by her now!” <3), to Coach’s incredible relationship with his assistant coach Tyson, to the rest of the cast members and Jeff Probst mocking his every move, to the epic “The Martyr Approach” episode. If you ignore arcs and only focus on the pure amount of entertaining content a player has created, Coach is the best character of all time.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

The best casting choice Survivor ever made. He's hilarious, and has a great plotline.

~

/u/Theseanyg22:

This is a character ranking. I can’t think of a better character than Coach. Even story wise he’s the tops. His story ends with him starving himself on Exile Island, he can barely stand up afterwords and gets betrayed by the Warrior and the Wizard. After a game of slaying dragons he falls short. Ian has nothing on this man.

Plus he has the best 3 season story out of anyone. First season he comes out as this larger than life character who thinks he’s larger than life when in reality everyone is like “Who is this jackass?” Second season after seeing the reaction, he realizes he might be more of a laughing stock then he thought and that season is figuring things out about how he can be a better Coach and looking for acceptance anywhere but untimely he is still Coach at the end of the day and that is not enough. The first season he assumes since he is so great everyone should respect him as the leader when all they do is laugh behind his back. His second season he knows the laughs are there and instead of assuming he has the respect he keeps on seeking out people who he wants respect from. From Boston Rob to Russell. But he still wears feathers in his hair and does half measures like in the Boston Rob vote out. Then the third season he has that respect. He finally has people that look up to him non ironically. This is the respect a Dragonslayer deserves. He slayed a dragon for god sakes. The Dragon was a billionaire who cared more about his warrior winning than anything, but still it’s a dragon. Everyone is under his spell, he is now a good Survivor player, something nobody thought would happen. He’s supposed to be a Rupert, he’s fun, but lol, he’s not going to win. Then boom, at the last second the rug is pulled out. Nah, he’s still Coach, not owning up to your game and preaching honor and integrity when you just pulled that cutthroat move on Brandon. Plus your so called loyal ally called you a girl. It shows that at the end of the day Coach is always going to be Coach, no matter his lot in the game. All he wants is respect and his third game ends this tragic trilogy. How he’s grown so much but is in the same place.

So Coach 1.0 is the start of this story. Like a lot of my favorite characters like Shane, on first watch I didn’t even like him the first few episodes. Then every episode he does something Coachy and you are like this guy is something. You then can’t wait to see what he does next. You can’t wait to see what he does and then you can’t wait to see what people are saying about it. He makes everyone better in that way, even the most boring person can make a good confessional about Coach. Well maybe not Joe Dowdle, but Coach isn’t a magician. Wait he probably is.

Coach has so many moments. We all know them. Assistant Coach. People eating his ass. “I have” is one of the funniest things ever uttered on a reality show. That a man is so deep in his character of a know it all that he has to claim to have experience in throwing bags underhanded on planks. And that’s the interesting thing about Coach. How much of this a character and how much this the man himself. As we can see from the reunion show he has a sense of humor about himself. I’m not someone who cares if someone is playing a character or not. I want to watch what makes the best TV. Whether the Martyr Approach was him seriously being like he wanted to test himself with the monistic approach or he was just doing what was best for TV. Either way it’s one of the best episodes of Survivor. That doesn’t need a blindside. Every effort is made in this episode to make it as epic as Coach thinks it is in his head with all the overhead shots, shots of him looking depleted, the cane. The line Unbreakable, unbending, unyielding, immeasurable, immovable, invincible. Then he tries and take that epicness with him to the immunity challenge and no one is having it. It’s so great. And that is the great part about Coach, he is living this epic story and everyone else is just like “yea ok”.

Coach is just a man of mystery who in my mind is the best character on Survivor bar none. I don’t think the best writers could come up with a Coach. Again I think entertainment wise he is number 1 and honestly story wise he is right up there because he basically makes his own story.

​

Franky494: 10

rovivus: 5

DramaticGasp: 8

Schroeswald: 12

supercubbiefan: 4

TinkerKnightForSmash: 3

Theseanyg22: 1

​

Average Placement: 6.143

Total Points: 43

Standard Deviation: 3.976 (7th Lowest)

Wins Tiebreaker

3rd: Richard Hatch 1.0 (Borneo - Winner)

​

bruh

/u/Franky494:

The founding father of Survivor as a whole, and for good reason. He defined the show in the best way possible. He’s Richard Hatch. Enough said.

/u/rovivus:

The alpha and omega of Survivor, I’ve seen it be written before. Unlike his Borneo endgame counterpart Sue, Richard doesn’t have a big, emotionally resonant storyline hammered home by an iconic grand finale; he’s just consistently excellent in everything he does. I love Richard as an observer of people, and he’s the one who best articulates why Survivor is ultimately a social game and explains how one can use strategy to influence the social dynamic. If modern Survivor were a human being, it conceived at the Gretchen boot and born when Richard took his hand off the idol during the Final Immunity Challenge, and it’s all thanks to Hatch that the show took the trajectory it did. This blurb is probably doing Rich an injustice, but he’s far too interesting and complex of a character to be defined by one paragraph. Just perfect in every way.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Ah, Richard Hatch. The originator of strategy on Survivor. He's such a powerhouse of a character and he contributes so much to the franchise as a whole. He's the perfect person to introduce strategy to the show and he did a great job at it.

/u/Schroeswald:

The original Survivor asks a lot of questions but there’s one at its very core. What type of person must you be to survive this cruel game and destroy the society you must create. The answer of course is Richard Hatch. His cynicism beats Pagongs idealism, his urban learning beats Sue’s rural know-how, his treachery beats Rudy’s loyalty and in the end he devours the rat Kelly. Hatch’s story is dark and compelling and the only time survivor has managed to correctly sell the win of a true villain.

/u/supercubbiefan:

Richard Hatch 1.0 is a legend and is perhaps the most important Survivor contestant of all time. His friendship with Rudy is the best relationship in the history of the show. One of the most engaging personalities ever, like this classic winner’s quote: “I’m good to go, Survival-wise. People-wise, it’ll be a little, a little more challenging. But I’ve got the million dollar check already. I mean, I’m the winner. And it’s that kind of cocky attitude that makes people really hate your guts.” <3 Potentially most important, however, was his portrayal as a complex LGBTQ+ icon.

/u/Theseanyg22:

I mean, without him would I be typing this right now, who knows?

~

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Richard Hatch. Debatably the most iconic and influential player in Survivor history. While he didn't necessarily come up with the concept of the alliance (that would be Stacey Stillman), he did use strategy to his advantage like nobody thought of before, forming an alliance on Tagi of himself, Kelly, Rudy and Sue. This alliance went on to dominate the game; although lots of other players, including some of his own alliance members at some point, thought the concept of forming an alliance to dominate was immoral. The Pagong tribe, especially. This led to a moral standoff all season between the two tribes, in which Rich was a centerpiece. So, let's talk about the nuance of Richard Hatch's character, and why he's easily one of the greatest Survivor characters of all time.

So, Rich starts out on the Tagi tribe, and quickly establishes himself as the organizer of the tribe; which does, in fact, annoy people, and Dirk in particular. And he admits in his first confessional that the whole social aspect of the game will be tough for him, as he's cocky and arrogant, and feels like he's got the check written already. This is an absolutely legendary confessional, and one of the greatest in the show's history. It's foreshadowing done perfectly; you don't see it obviously in the forefront on a first watch, but it's such a good moment on a rewatch, that it kinda just shapes the season differently. But, anyways, Richard becomes somewhat liked for his work ethic, which shocks Rudy, who calls him "fat, but good". Richard, though, isn't bothered by Rudy, unlike the rest of the tribe, as he likes how direct he is, and doesn't wanna vote him out. But, as Rich says, "I've narrowed (the vote) down to four. I'm one of them." He throws a hinky vote on Stacey for subtle reasons he doesn't know, but he gets no votes and Sonja goes 4-3-1.

Rich later comes out as gay to his tribe, which his close ally Rudy doesn't know how to feel about, but he still feels like they're close friends. Not in a homosexual way. But he's one of the nicest guys Rudy's ever met. Dirk, however, is also less than thrilled, and just as confused as Rudy. But he's annoyed by Rich "bringing it up all the time", and Rich acknowledges that they'll never be close because of how religious Dirk is. But, Richard proves his full worth to the tribe when he catches fish, catching a couple rays. But, Rich ends up voting based on who's contributing the least, and votes for Stacey again, sending her packing.

Soon, though, Richard creates an alliance that would soon go on to dominate the game. He groups up with Kelley, Sue and Rudy to form the Tagi 4. And this is a very important alliance to the crux of Borneo, with Richard as the de-facto leader. And he shows more of his leadership skills when effortlessly dealing with the deadly sea kraits. But, at his tribe's next tribal, the alliance sticks together as Dirk is sent packing. After that, though, Rich explains why he's naked frequently. And his description of social nudity and the reaction of everyone thinking it's a sexual thing and that he's horny or whatnot, which is likely fueled by homophobia (also helping his "I've never been discriminated against for my homosexuality" conf and storyline from a few episodes ago) paired with him talking about how it's not sexual in the slightest… god, it's such a good depiction of it, rivaled only by AUS2002's.

Anyways, the tribes merge soon after that, and coming into the merge, camp conditions seem to be much better, at least according to Tagi, in the Tagi camp. And it's mainly thanks to our provider friend Richard. And, knowing Gretchen is against alliances, he's a bit weirded out. He's all for ethics, so why would someone be against alliances? It's stupid to him, to not make them. There was a summit held to decide which beach the merged tribe stays on, which, it was decided that it'd be Tagi Beach. And Rich's friendly demeanor immediately gets several tribemates to take a liking to him; particularly Colleen. And Greg notices pretty quickly how sharp he is, and how big a game he's been playing. Also, Richard shows his prowess yet again by decimating Gervase in several card games that Rich had never played before, which is another tiny detail added to his story, and so does his confessional about Greg going out and failing to get more that a sea urchin while fishing, with Rich stating that it just ups his value even more. But, he and his alliance band together to take out the supposed leader of the Pagongs, Gretchen, in a 4-1-1-1-1-1-1 vote, which shaped the series as a whole and marked the point where strategy became the norm.

However, Rich is still the fisherman of the tribe, thus keeping the tribe fed, which makes people think; if we vote out Rich, we starve. However, Rich got a vote at the final 10 tribal council, and he was certain it was Greg feeling threatened by him. However, Greg picks up on Rich finding him attractive, and thus tries to use that to his advantage, by sitting close to him and trying to just… play him. And Rich picks up on Greg trying to manipulate him, and he very much doesn't like having to worry about Greg pulling this type of thing. And so Rich quickly gets rid of Greg at the next tribal. Also, I find it really funny that Jeff asking Sue whether there's an alliance or not is viewed as a bold question by Rich at this point lol. Anyways, Rich notes that his saying at Tribal that he's staying around because he fishes is a lie, and says that he's truly staying around because he's bright. But Rich gets infuriated about nobody knowing how to cook his rays, particularly Rudy, leading to him partly isolating himself and taking a break from catching fish. Because they don't fully appreciate it. And it pisses everyone else off as well; so, when the girls end up catching a fish with a crab trap, which Rich tries his best to discredit, which sets everyone else off as well. They caught a fish, let them have the glory. However, when Rich's birthday rolls around, and he starts walking around naked, much to the discomfort of Colleen and Jenna, who think it's for shock value. And it annoys Rich, which Colleen loves. And she just wants to egg him on more and more and more. According to her, Rich wants people to think he's smart, when in reality? He's just a massive numskull. But Rich, noticing Kelly is getting close to Jenna and Colleen, tries to keep her in line. He doesn't want her switching sides and all. And this is where Rich starts to become the villain if he hadn't already. He wants to ensure that he'll be safe even if Kelly flips, so he votes for Jenna with his alliance, as that's how Sean's alphabet strategy has him voting this round. And so, with the ol' "J for Jenna" vote, Tagi remains unscathed yet again as Jenna is sent packing.

Rich starts to realize that other people are starting to strategize, which he finds incredibly naive. He's already dominating the game strategy-wise; these people really think they have room for their own strategy? And, as he stated in the beginning, it makes people think he's incredibly arrogant, overconfident and cocky, at least according to the likes of Gervase. Everything Rich does is a strategic decision in some way, which rubs everyone the wrong way. Who comes into a game like this and thinks about nothing but strategy? That's absurd. But nobody really trusts Rich; they're just doing a great job of making him think he's trusted. But Rich's more human side comes out when Gervase is revealed to have kids out of wedlock. He understands. He realizes he's committed. He's not upset like people such as Rudy. Although, people still think making a deal with Rich is like dealing with the devil. However, Rich still ended up surviving at the next tribal, as Gervase was sent packing instead, leaving Colleen as the last Pagong. However, Rich has began to weaken, and physically break down. And everyone is getting hungry. And Colleen notices how everyone is making these deals with each other, and Rudy is kinda just… sitting there, letting the deals be made. And Rich worries about Kelly flipping, as she's the one who's universally considered the wildcard that could go with either Rich *or* Colleen. But Sean takes Rich on a yacht reward with him, as they get to meet with Sean's dad as they enjoy a nice breakfast, the trip all being on Probst's card. So… the Tagis grow even closer, but as Colleen is inevitably ousted, it becomes clear that Tagi will have to turn on each other. And there's one obvious victim.

Sean has been on the outs of the alliance all season long. And it becomes pretty clear that he would end up becoming the initial victim of Tagi turning on itself. Nobody trusts Rich at this point, however. And Kelly begins to think that he and Sue are upset at her. So, he comes in, and smooths everything out. But the conflict between Sue and Kelly is still there; so Rich plans on using it to his advantage. Despite the fatigue kicking in, with only 6 days left and everyone just desperately wanting to go home. Just waiting. Looking at the clouds. No watch, no sense of time. Just knowing time is passing slowly. But, it *is* odd to Rich how Sue and Kelly had that major conflict yesterday, and the next day, they're hugging, and laughing, and washing each other's backs and hair… after all they went through the day prior. But, eventually, they pick Sean off; however, the alliance has fallen, with everyone scattered and just playing for themselves at this point. It truly is the death of an alliance.

Finale then rolls around, and everyone is just physically breaking down; with Rich having no idea how time is passing, but still feeling very comfortable and confident, despite being a wreck, losing 30 pounds while there and having his hair turn into what feels like a mop. But… he's confused. Why did nobody else plan a strategy out beforehand? 16 people; why did only he think ahead? Didn't they see the same "Outwit, Outplay, Outlast" logo that Rich did? But… now, now it's anyone's game. However… consensus seems to be that everyone thinks they can win easier with confident, arrogant Rich by their side than anyone else. However, later, the one person who believed that strongest, Sue, was quickly voted out. Then, soon after, the final 3 of Kelly, Rich and Rudy got news as to what the final challenge would be. Stand there, with your hand on an idol. Last to leave wins. So, Hatch realizes he can't win this up against Rudy and Kelly. So… what does he do? When Jeff brings out a temptation, Rich gives in for it, knowing he couldn't beat Rudy at Final Tribal, but knowing that if he voted out Rudy himself, he'd likely lose his jury vote. So, knowing that either way, the winner would bring him, he drops out. And he's right; Kelly wins the challenge and votes out Rudy, bringing Rich to the end. So, with just Rich and Kelly after that, they clean up and pack up camp, before soon heading to final tribal council. And, legendarily, Sue gives a jury speech, comparing Rich to a snake, and Kelly to a rat, proving that her conflict with Kelly really did affect her. And, in nature, as they all saw out there, what should happen is, the snake eats the rat. And, among other questions and answers, this is the obvious standout. This is the peak of the season, and this is where everything begins to wrap up to a close. As the season ends, and Jeff reads the final vote, it is revealed: Rich won by a slim vote of 4-3; every little move he made paid off in that very moment.

Overall, there's a reason why Hatch is my #2 of all time. He's an absolutely extraordinary character, with a plotline that breaks down and deconstruction the strategic aspects of the game and how faceless they are, and how much it can break people down. And it's incredible seeing this breakdown, knowing that these strategic aspects will end up becoming the only thing this show is about in the future. But for now, they realize how heartless it is. And it's interesting to watch Hatch, this strategic mastermind who would no doubt be edited favorably if he happened to play 30 seasons in the future, be portrayed as cold and manipulative like he is. It's something that, really, I don't think any season will ever do again. It's unique to Borneo. It's a product of its time. And the show has devolved so much, that only this first season will ever provide this level of commentary.

​

Franky494: 9

rovivus: 4

DramaticGasp: 4

Schroeswald: 8

supercubbiefan: 8

TinkerKnightForSmash: 2

Theseanyg22: 8

​

Average Placement: 6.143

Total Points: 43

Standard Deviation: 2.734 (2nd Lowest)

4th: Sue Hawk 1.0 (Borneo - 4th)

​

spelling bee champion soo hock

/u/Franky494:

Dark, raw and real - word’s can’t articulate what makes Sue so amazing. She won the past rankdown and it was absolutely deserved. Her storyline felt like the first dark and tragic moment within Survivor, and to cap it all off with “Snakes & Rats” - one of the most iconic TV moments ever. Casting struck gold with Sue.

/u/rovivus:

I’ll be eternally jealous that dramaticgasp gets to do Sue’s writeup, because I’d love to make the argument that Snakes and Rats is not only the best moment in television history, but also the most consequential. It is an absolutely perfect three minutes and thirty-six seconds, and the way that Sue verbally disembowels Kelly in a perfect combination of vulnerability, bitterness, but most of all honesty, was proof of concept for Survivor’s mission as a show. Nobody knew what the show would look like going in, but Sue’s speech showed that it was possible for 16 strangers to build a society, develop intensely personal bonds, and experience deep betrayals in a period of time only slightly longer than a month. The Real World might have been the Sputnik of reality television, but Survivor is the Apollo 11, and it’s almost entirely thanks to Sue that we stuck that moon landing.

/u/Schroeswald:

Snakes and Rats remains one of the most iconic moments in television history and for good reason. Sue brings every single loose plot thread from the season right back on the heads of Rich and Kelly in a hateful, deeply personal rant. It is untouchable and the perfect climax to possibly Survivor’s best season.

/u/supercubbiefan:

An absolute quote machine (“The reason Sean’s not in the alliance is because…Sean is dumb.”). One hundred percent one of the most entertaining characters of all time. Yet the reason I have her one spot better than Hatch is her heartbreaking breakup with Wiglesworth, who was Sue’s first female friend since the tragic death of her best friend twenty years ago. Oh, and Sue’s “Snake and Rats” speech is perhaps the most iconic Survivor moment of all time.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Snakes and Rats is an all-time great Survivor moment. Not only that, but her backstory is weaved into the story in a way that the new era couldn't dream of.

/u/Theseanyg22:

I never get why there is an influx of “Borneo is kind of slow” discourse nowadays. Who cares if you have top notch characters like Rich and Sue. I don’t care how many times you have heard it Snakes and Rats is an all time TV moment.

~

/u/DramaticGasp:

"But Kelly, just going back to what Jeff says, 'what goes around, comes around': it's here. You will not get my vote; My vote will go to Richard; and I hope that it's the one vote that makes you lose the money. But if it's not, so be it. I will shake your hand, and I'll go on from here. But if I were ever to pass you in this life again, and you were laying there, dying of thirst, I would not give you a drink of water. I'd just let the vultures take you, and do whatever they want with you, with no ill regrets."

What leads a person to have this explosive of a speech? How could so much passion and emotion be formed in just 39 days? What is it about the game that makes people feel this strongly about another human being? So many questions arise from this speech alone. This infamous speech could be argued as the most memorable moment from Survivor ever. There's so much to it and so much that comes out of it. But before I evaluate that speech and attempt to answer those questions, let's rewind.

Sue Hawk is a LEGENDARY character. Before S42, Sue was my favorite character of all time. There's just something about her that's so insanely compelling and captivating. Even down to the way she speaks, there's something so engaging about her. She's incredibly authentic and stays true to herself throughout the game. Every moment Sue is on the screen is a great moment. Not only is she very entertaining, but she also has a very captivating story as well. There's a reason she came in first in the last rankdown. She's probably a lock for top 10 in this one too.

Whether she's arguing with Kelly or disagreeing with Sean, Sue is the main source of conflict in Borneo. That's part of what makes Sue so important as a character, she's constantly providing storylines with conflicts throughout. Without Sue, Borneo would be a lot less interesting simply due to how much conflict would be missing without her.

For example, right off the bat we get Richard and Sue arguing about corporate world. Richard insisted that it's crucial to talk about the way they're gonna talk about things, Sue pushed back on that idea. "I'm a redneck, and I don't know corporate world at all, and corporate world ain't gonna work out here". We also get Sue complaining about Dirk's Jesus obsession, "I can only take so much preaching". Another conflict was when Sue thought Sean was wasting his time fishing since he wasn't able to catch anything, she stated that looking for tappy yoka would be more beneficial. Finally, the last conflict and the biggest conflict of the season was her dynamic with Kelly.

Let's go in depth into the Sue & Kelly dynamic. This dynamic is insanely fascinating and incredibly compelling. As we all know, the alliance of 4 (Richard, Rudy, Sue & Kelly) dominated the season. That's how we first found out that Sue and Kelly had any relationship. We then found out though that they also became close friends. Later into the season we get an emotional scene where Sue opens up in confessional. While tearing up, Sue reveals that it's been 20 years since her best friend passed away. So it was especially comforting to have a friend in Kelly. She adamantly stated that she would never burn Kelly. However, Kelly would go onto attempt to leave the alliance and distance herself from the group because she didn't like being tied into it all. Sue took this very personally. "Me and Kelly I thought had a real friendship going, I really did. But uh, when I turn around and see somebody starting to dig a knife into my backside, it just really pisses me off". This was only the beginning.

As the Sue and Kelly relationship began to crumble, things really heated up. Sue confronted Kelly and got into an argument with her. She called Kelly two faced and called her out for the way she's been acting. The following episode Kelly would then go onto vote Sue out during the tie-breaker vote, sending Sue home in 4th place. With everything we know, it's fair to assume that Sue felt betrayed and was pissed about the whole thing.

It wasn't until the final tribal council that that assumption was proven correct. It was Sue's turn to address the final two, and she went IN. She let Kelly have it. I'm not gonna quote her speech again as I already did at the start of this writeup, but boy, what a memorable and groundbreaking moment. So many things lead up to this point and we got to see it all unfold. Considering Sue's tragic backstory and the loss of her close friend, it makes sense that she felt so betrayed by Kelly. Sue finally thought she found a friend again. Everything about this moment proves why Survivor is the best social experiment on TV. There are so many fascinating details surrounding this moment. Sue and Kelly's dynamic is one for the history books and will forever be remembered in Survivor history.

Last thing I want to cover is her strategic abilities. Sue was surprisingly a really good strategist and I feel like people often forget that. Sue is typically remembered as the larger than life character with a vibrant personality, which is definitely true. But because she's mainly remembered for that, her strategic chops are often ignored. I think Sue played the second best game of the season behind Richard. Sue often talked about how she plays up the fact she's just a dumb redneck. For a game that didn't have a blueprint because it was the first season, this is actually really impressive. She's the first person to ever play up the stereotype typically associated with her in order to benefit herself in the game. She set the blueprint for seasons to come. She also knew that the alliance was essential for her longevity in the game. But what's most impressive to me was the fact that she knew she had to cut Richard in order to win. Unfortunately this didn't end up following through, but even recognizing this was impressive. Though these moves weren't super flashy or anything, I think her strategies were very impressive for the time.

In conclusion, Sue is a phenomenal character. Not only is she a larger than life personality, but she's also a great strategist with a very compelling storyline. Sue will be remembered forever throughout Survivor history and for good reason. Her dynamic with Kelly is insanely fascinating yet tragic at the same time. Sue contributes greatly to the powerhouse season that is Borneo.

​

Franky494: 2

rovivus: 3

DramaticGasp: 2

Schroeswald: 3

supercubbiefan: 7

TinkerKnightForSmash: 15

Theseanyg22: 13

​

Average Placement: 6.429

Total Points: 45

Standard Deviation: 5.473 (11th Lowest & 11th Highest. Haha Funny)

Wins Tiebreaker

5th: Rupert Boneham 1.0 (Pearl Islands - 8th)

​

yo ho

/u/Franky494:

Argh, matey. The Pearl Islands Pirate has been long missing from the endgame and his return is VERY well deserved. I love his relationships with the entire cast, and despite Rupert being a walking caricature, his edit never feels mocking, and the show goes along with his theme pushing in a way that manages to seem authentic. It separates Rupert from so many other characters, and I think it’s an amazing one. I hope he places highly, because he very much deserves it after being shafted thrice in a row before this.

/u/rovivus:

There are several people in this endgame where I think “how the fuck does this person exist in the real world” and Rupert is perhaps my favorite. He is larger than life, and I amusedly wonder if he brings the same level of Shakespearean melodrama as a troubled teens mentor that he did on Survivor. On a scale of 1-10, Rupert is always at a Rupert, a number mathematicians have been trying to quantify for years and have yet to define, but is approximately equivalent to infinity. Rupert is either the happiest or the angriest or the saddest presence in any scene he’s in, and the full force of his emotions builds the stakes to his blindside so that it’s one of the show’s most impactful. So much for his dreams.

/u/Schroeswald:

Rawr

/u/supercubbiefan:

Pearl Islands is a special season. Not only is the ultimate Survivor villain in Jonny Fairplay wreaking havoc in Panama, but you also have the ultimate hero in Rupert Boneham 1.0. The audience fell in love the moment the bearded hippie stole went into full pirate mode, stole Morgan’s shoes and proclaimed “This is definitely a pirate adventure. Pirates pillage. Pirates steal. Pirates take advantage.” <3 Add on his emotional struggles with Shawn and Burton’s bullying that deeply affects Rupert due to similar mistreatment from high school jacks back in high school, and you have the best protagonist in the history of the show.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

The ultimate definition of playing to a theme. He embodied being a pirate. He steals. He lies. He was the main provider. And so he was a threat to those around him, which lead to his ouster.

/u/Theseanyg22:

He’s not as great of hero as he think he is but he knows how to make good TV even when he’s not trying to. Every sentence he says sounds so important to him. There is this air of importance to everything he says even when it doesn’t matter. And that is why Rupert is such a great character. So much for my dreams is an epic line.

~

/u/DramaticGasp:

Rupert is such a powerhouse of a character and I'm thrilled he made endgame this rankdown. It kind of baffles me that he hasn't made endgame everytime, because he's just that good. He's such a character that he almost feels scripted, but he's not scripted and that's what makes him so great. You just think to yourself, "How is this a real person?". He has an epic story that ranges from a tragedy all the way to a comedy with infinite entertaining moments throughout. Besides maybe Boston Rob, I'd say Rupert is the most recognizable person to play Survivor. Even people who don't watch the show would probably recognize him in some way or another.

The main thing that makes Rupert so great is that he feels Shakespearean to say the least. Even down to the way he talks, it feels like I'm watching a play. He's so theatrical for the lack of a better term, it's just so entertaining. The combination of being a hippie while also being a pirate is extremely hilarious. He's just such a character and I'm so glad he was on our screens.

To start the game, Rupert made a very strong first impression. Even down to his wardrobe, he instantly stood out among the cast. Even based on his appearance alone you can tell he's someone you will never forget. But it didn't even take minutes for him to fully solidify himself as a memorable character. The opening to Pearl Islands had the players gathering goods from a local village, and the more items you could get the better. The Morgan tribe had gotten a lot of shoes, but they left them unattended. So Rupert immediately took advantage of the opportunity and stole all of their shoes for himself. He quickly embraced the pirate theme and had no shame in doing this. This is instantly iconic and showed us that Rupert is here to PLAY.

Later on in the premiere Rupert was struggling with comfort due to his uncomfortable clothes. He knew he didn't want to be stuck in those clothes for 39 days. So he had Christa cut off a piece of her dress so Rupert could wear it as a skirt. Moments like this just make me love Rupert. He doesn't give any shits and he's just gonna do his own thing.

Another key moment of the premiere was that Rupert would quickly become the tribes fisherman. This would last the entirety of his stay in the game. This put Rupert in the provider role and made him the hero of the tribe. Though on episode 2, Shawn lost the tip of the spear which sent Rupert into a rage. Thankfully Rupert was able to find it however and he let out a big "YUSSSSS" when he got it lol.

Moving forward, Rupert was getting picked on by Burton and Shawn. They liked to laugh at his skirt and made him feel poorly about himself. We would later learn that Rupert used to get picked on his whole life, so this was especially upsetting. This is kind of a key detail in understanding the dynamics of the Drake tribe. Luckily Rupert had Christa and Sandra by his side.

Later on in episode 4, Burton approached Rupert with the idea of throwing the challenge. Rupert of course was not down for that. He dramatically said in confessional: "I wanted to smack him and say, you know, traitor! If this was a pirate culture he'd already be DEAD". Again, Rupert is just so theatrical with his delivery of everything he says. To randomly emphasize certain words and even down to the phrasing of his sentences, it's just all so theatrical. It's also just so Rupert to be taking the pirate theme that seriously. This was very unintentionally funny to me, because for Rupert he was being extremely serious. But that's what makes it so funny and entertaining.

On episode 5 Rupert was kidnapped by the other tribe and had to spend a night with them. While he was there, he displayed so many heroic qualities. You would think being stuck with the other tribe would lead you to be distant with them and do minimal work around camp. But Rupert was different. While he was there, he helped their tribe with literally everything. He helped move their entire camp to a better location and he also got fish for them all. You know those reward challenges where you win a local person to help you with camp life and things like that? Yeah, having Rupert there was basically like winning one of those rewards. Rupert didn't have to do any of this, but out of the goodness of his heart he wanted to help them all, despite them being the enemy. This shows how heroic Rupert is and how good of a person he generally is.

This same episode we got Rupert finding the hurt little snake who he would then name Balboa. He even brought him to the challenge! Sadly though, Balboa died the next episode. Rupert got emotional over it which showed us another layer of humanity from him. This is just so wholesome but also sad, but it's great character development for Rupert.

Later on in episode 6 we get Trish and Fairplay trying to blindside Rupert. Their plan didn't end up working and the tribe voted out Trish instead, leaving Fairplay as the only person left who voted for Rupert. At the start of episode 7, Rupert LOST IT. "WHO THE HELL VOTED FOR ME? WHO THE HELL VOTED FOR ME? JON?" "LOOK AT ME! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT?" Like, jesus christ Rupert it's not that serious. This is probably the most enraged I've ever seen someone get from receiving votes at tribal council. Lowkey insane of him, but entertaining to say the least.

Moving forward, we get more character development from Rupert. We get a little backstory from Rupert where he reveals some of his past. "I portray a very strong and independent person. But in my head, I'm that fat little terrified kid that was picked on in school all his life". This is just sad to hear but it makes me like Rupert even more. I sympathize with him greatly and I feel awful that he had to go through that.

Then we get to Rupert's boot on episode 10. To start the episode, Burton promised Rupert he would take him on the reward if he won. But when Burton ended up winning the reward, he didn't follow through with that plan like he said he would. Rupert comes back to camp, and he was PISSED. He immediately starts chopping up a tree with the machete while saying "This stinks of ROT and DEATH". This is just so funny to me, because like, how unhinged? Justified reaction but it's just funny that he picked those words to express his frustration. Anyways, later on in the episode Rupert ended up getting blindsided by Burton and Fairplay. It was a good downfall for Rupert but I wish he had lasted a little bit longer.

With that, that's the story of the legendary Rupert Boneham. Everything about him is iconic and he provided countless entertaining moments on Pearl Islands. His addition to the season was paramount in making it as good as it was. His dynamic with other powerhouse characters like Sandra and Fairplay was amazing. Everything about his story and character is so fascinating and I truly feel blessed that we got to have this person on our TV screens.

Franky494: 8

rovivus: 7

DramaticGasp: 7

Schroeswald: 5

supercubbiefan: 5

TinkerKnightForSmash: 7

Theseanyg22: 6

​

Average Placement: 6.429

Total Points: 45

Standard Deviation: 1.134 (LOWEST)

6th: Sean Rector (Marquesas - 5th)

​

#BringBackSean

/u/Franky494:

When you go to Vegas, always bet on black. From the humour to the one-liners, to the social issues and the seriousness, Sean has so much complexity that makes Marquesas the season that it is. Where he could easily be used to push a stereotype (which, to an extent, some could argue he still is), he brings along a dose of reality that follows him, and that makes him carry a punch that only few characters can contest with.

/u/rovivus:

There has never been a more talented, versatile person to be on Survivor than Sean Rector. He’s not only one of the funniest contestants the show has ever seen, but also one of the most thoughtful. His poignant reflections on race, religion, and life have aged better than arguably anything else from Survivor’s golden age. If I were to use Survivor as a teaching tool to illustrate how the game is a microcosm of everyday life, Marquesas is the season I’d pick, because one can learn more from Sean about how the world works than anybody else. He’s just that good.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Sean is a lot of fun, but I'm not as high on him as most. I just don't like Marquesas as a season (I find it boring for the most part) and Sean doesn't have the most compelling storyline to me. He's a great narrator though.

/u/Schroeswald:

One of the most compelling and unique characters in Survivor history. Two decades before 41 brought discussions of race to the forefront Sean Rector was talking about and fighting racism. He did it with heart and humor and complexity that even the best of 41 can’t approach. My #2 overall I’m so glad he made endgame.

/u/supercubbiefan:

One of the most entertaining protagonists of all time. Incredibly witty (his narrating the daily Maraamu weather radio reports are classic), a true underdog (the epic blindsides of John and Hunter would have never happened without Sean) and a powerful ability to bravely push others to talk about important societal issues (e.g. the effect of race in the game) during a time when taking a stand was taboo, Sean is a true original. It’s a damn crime that Sean has never been brought back to play again.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Such an enjoyable personality, with some moments that still hold up as social commentary today.

~

/u/Theseanyg22:

Sean is underrated general fan base wise. When I told my friend about this rankdown, I showed him the top 10 from last one. He was like huh? Sue? And he was like I barely remember Sean. Granted, he had just watched all of Survivor for the first time in the span of a few months. Plus he’s more of a strategy nerd. But still, I don’t see how Sean doesn’t stand out. It’s probably because he has never played again, doesn’t have that huge moment, isn’t one of the top strategy players, didn’t make final tribal. Like he’s part of what should be one of the biggest moments, the fall of the Rotu 4. But I feel the history of that people equate Kathy, Vecipia and even Neleh to it more. And because of Robs legacy he gets credit for getting the ball rolling. If Rupert wasn’t a thing, maybe Sean is on All Stars and is regarded as highly as he deserves. But maybe he flops like everyone else on that season. But out of all of them, I really don’t think he would. No idea how he would do in the game itself but If Sean is one thing, he is himself the whole time. There is no fakeness within Sean and I believe that would have stayed true in All Stars. While the rest of players all had big egos and legacies they felt they had to protect, I don’t think Sean would succumb to that. I think a Sean 5.0 would be similar to a 1.0.

Sean is bar none one of the most entertaining people to watch. Before my rewatch I’m like sure, I like Sean a lot, he’s probably near endgame. When I rewatched I’m like ok, he’s endgame winner material. He’s one of the funniest characters I’ve seen and it’s all him. He doesn’t need a smoke detox like Shane or be a larger than life character like Coach to do it either. Obviously you start with the legendary Cleopatra confessional. Hey do you want this piece of do-do is classic. The episode where John goes home leads with the finest fart joke scene in survivor history. Sean on the horse, just the way he says my balls is classic. Then there are the radio shows, I wish there was more of that. Survivor needs more scenes where it’s just a tribe doing something fun. These scenes help you understand characters more. But yea, the best part of this scene is Sean going ring ring, why are the black no no’s the worst ones? Sean has funny in his bones. Like I’ll say in my Coach write up, I don’t care if you are purposely playing a character just be good TV. But Sean is just himself more than any other character I’ve seen. He’s not even pretending to be someone else for game purposes.

But Sean isn’t all laughs. The Sean and Vecipia story might be the best way they handled race on the show and that’s almost 15 years before TV mostly learned how to talk about race in a mostly respectful manner. It’s a complex situation that was handled way better than most race conversations of the era. Especially in the final 5. The could have made Sean the black guy who is always playing the race card. But you see his side, you see his emotions, the show makes you understand where he is coming from and his struggles. The way he establishes the fact that everyone will assume him and Vecipia are together beings out the biases the viewer might have beforehand and makes them think. 41 and 42 do have good talks about race but this is a time when we are way more well versed in how to talk about it. This was very well handled for 2002. Religion is another huge part of Sean’s character and again while he screams out how great God is, it’s not making fun of it. This is a man who uses what God gives him to help him in life. He uses religion in the way it should be used to inspire yourself to do better.

So you have a character they could have made the angry black man, a religious nut and a lazy worker. But they made him into a complex character. He is incredibly charismatic and funny so even if they went that way he would still be a good character but since it’s fully explained why he acts the way he does in every instance you understand his motivations and it makes him one of the all time best.

​

Franky494: 4

rovivus: 6

DramaticGasp: 16

Schroeswald: 2

supercubbiefan: 12

TinkerKnightForSmash: 5

Theseanyg22: 2

​

Average Placement: 6.714

Total Points: 47

Standard Deviation: 5.314 (10th Lowest)

7th: Ami Cusack 1.0 (Vanuatu - 6th)

​

rare ami sighting!

/u/rovivus:

The Ice Queen herself! I said a lot about Ami in my writeup for her that got idoled, but just want to reiterate that I love the combination of brute force and raw emotion with which she played, and think her downfall is one of the best that the show has ever seen.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Ami is such a compelling character. She's such a badass and she's so entertaining. She's not afraid to say whatever she's thinking and she's not shy of any confrontation. I'm so glad my idol ensured she made endgame because she deserves it.

/u/Schroeswald:

The Ice Queen with a heart of gold. For Ami’s reputation as cold she is anything but. Almost no character can touch her in humanity. Likely the most nuanced “villain” in Survivor history, complete with a delicious and heartbreaking downfall.

/u/supercubbiefan:

The downfall of ice queen Ami, driven by her weakness of having empathy for her competitor Chris and completed by Ami’s island little sister Eliza, is a top five arc in the history of the show and is the main reason why Ami is my favorite character in the stacked cast of Vanuatu.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Vanuatu is a tragedy. An excellent tragedy. And Ami is the catalyst for said tragedy.

/u/Theseanyg22:

Wasn’t until my rewatch that I got why Ami was endgame. She’s barely outside of mine but yea she’s amazing the whole way

~

/u/Franky494:

*”Well Scout. You’re pretty good at hiding your nasty side, but when your true colours come out, they aren’t part of any rainbow that I’ve ever seen.”*

I would love to sit here, and tell you that I have some groundbreaking tale of Ami’s to tell - but if you’ve observed any past rankdown (or watched Vanuatu correctly :moth:) then you probably know exactly what I’m about to tell you. My hopes for this writeup are to simply throw some doubt at any non-believers. And to answer my main question - who *is* Ami Cusack?

The answer to that question is very difficult to establish, and I mean that in the best way possible. There’s been a lot of complex figures in Survivor - but Ami takes the cake over all of them for me. No matter what dimension you want to discuss about Ami, she’ll have an equally relevant moment that perfectly counters it. She’s cutthroat, yet kind. She’s stoic, yet empathetic. She’s Ami Motherfucking Cusack.

So where to begin but that point. She’s multifaceted. Some could argue that her behaviour borders on hypocrisy. Would I agree with that? Probably not. But the argument there is definitely valid. But what this brings me to is just that the way it’s portrayed with Ami feels realistic. She sometimes changes her mind but we always get to see the explanation, and we see the rationale behind why she acts the way she does. I don’t always even understand the reasoning, per se, but she gets to explain it and we see her perspective. And that’s what makes her great.

I feel like if Ami was cast a few seasons earlier, or a few seasons later, she gets an entirely different edit. One where the tragic element of her story is the only relevant part, or one where she’s solely characterised as the ice queen. But I’m insanely thankful that the version of Ami we received is this one - because I truly think it’s the peak that Survivor can ever reach. Maybe that’s a tough claim - but it’s one of my few constants in Survivor. Especially having no set 1-700+whatever list, and frequently rewatching random seasons and episodes - Ami has been my #1 since 8:01am on September 21st, 2017. Oddly specific? I prefer [factually specific](https://i.gyazo.com/cdb5f475aa1ab8b55818367b6dc6b3e5.png). Despite all the changes made to my rankings, she has never deviated from that top spot, from the moment I finally got around to adding Vanuatu, back when I had an *actual* list. But 426 words in - should we finally get into her content?

------------------------------------

A is for Antagonist

There are a few things that create compelling stories. One of the simplest of these is the age-old battle of the hero versus the villain. In a TV format - this generally translates into someone to root for, and someone to root against. Ami is inarguably the focal point of the drama of Vanuatu for the majority of the season, starting from the tribe swap where she gets handed the label that most associate with her - Ice Queen.

Why does she get this label? Well, I see a few reasons. For one, she’s a beacon of femininity that is rivalled by NOBODY prior or since. For two, she’s open about her ambitions. In order for a plan to pass, Ami approves it. The decisions live and die at the fate of the queen, and the kingdom simply has to deal with the consequences.

Nowhere is this more evident than Lisa’s elimination. Something as simple as Lisa asking where the manioc was made Ami’s crown feel under threat - and she used that as ammunition to take her out, after Lisa refuses to submit and apologise for what in all reality was just bad wording. It’s such an accurate perspective to how villains work. One simple slip up, and they have an uncanny ability to use that to trigger your demise.

But of course, an isolated moment does not make a villain. She cuts Bubba over Rory because his loyalty to the new tribe was immediately questioned. Even when not directly contributing to eliminations - Ami is able to give an aura of entitlement, almost, as she acknowledges Rory’s cockiness is warranted and he “earned it” because otherwise he’d be gone; without question. Immediately after the merge, she rallies the troops and believes that there’s this unquestioned loyalty amongst all of them.

Even whilst successful in her mission, she’s able to deliver such arrogance, as she calls herself threatening for winning immunities, and relishes in the fact that the men believed that she’d be leaving the game at F10. She judges the lack of celebrations as they return from a reward challenge.

All of this antagonism leads perfectly to the downfall. She had ruled the game with an iron fist, but that changed quickly with the F7. As always, underestimating people becomes the downfall, and with the swing vote of the game being targeted *by* Ami and her group, her fate was sealed. And as the villains fall, the kingdom never weeps.

-------------------------

M is for Misunderstood

Anxiety is a difficult thing to live with, and Survivor: Vanuatu displays that well. It’s so easy to fixate on a specific word, even when there aren't any actual issues, and you over-analyze that word, almost convincing yourself that there’s more to a situation than what there is in reality. Ami’s decision to eliminate Lisa perfectly encapsulates this, as a mere slip-up by Lisa sets in motion the gears in Ami’s head that caused her elimination.

This overanalytical behaviour can easily be applied to a lot of her actions. After Bubba tried to communicate with the old-Lopevi tribe members, the logical reaction would be that there’s a grouping of all the men - and to counter that, what else would you do but form an alliance of the women? It was a natural, fear-motivated response. Lest we forget the heart of Ami coming through, as she opens up about her little brother who died in a tragic car accident - forcing Ami’s emotions to the forefront during her time in the game.

From the moment the tribe reach the merge, Ami is considered a target, as she’s the de facto leader of the women, and a preacher for the women. For what? Simply trying to protect everyone’s best interest as Bubba had made it clear that his allegiance was not to a new tribe, but to his old loyalties. I think it’s a clearly explained story that Ami just so happens to come out with a target planted firmly on her back by those seeking revenge.

This puts her in an unwinnable scenario, as the cogs turn to constantly try and find a way to turn the tide against her. And as the game has it - when she tries to give the underdog, the last remaining man, a fighting chance - it gets turned against her, and she finds herself swiftly taken out by those that she once considered to be her island family.

What I find so compelling about Ami is how easily it is to portray her as both a hero and a villain. Previously, I told you the narrative that Ami is the villain, and her downfall was the moment that the season changed its course. But flip a few words, add a few more details and I just as easily told you that Ami was the heart of the season. Sure, it’s not a perfect story, but I think there’s very clear arguments to be made and someone could easily understand all of Ami’s motivations and come out of Vanuatu with positive feelings about her.

Someone in the last rankdown commented that they were confused on how Ami was considered rootable - and I hope this section answers that. She brings a lot of heart to the season. While her actions can come off callous, there’s a clear motivator to everything that she does, and she’s never *just* the antagonist. For every scene of her that she’s the coldhearted strategist, there’s another scene where she’s comforting her tribemates, and trying to be a peacemaker. It simply comes down to what you focus on. While I wouldn’t necessarily call her rootable myself, I can definitely see that the complex elements of her have a level of rootability.

---------------------------

I is for I just love her, alright?

Bad title for this section, but honestly it’s the truth. I just love Ami. Everything about her as a character. Her natural charisma, her personality, her charm, she had me hooked from the first time I ever saw Vanuatu, and that has never waivered. While I could incoherently ramble about Ami for hours, I’ll stick to the actual season in order to not break any rankdown records for the most unnecessary words ever - and this section will cover all the miscellaneous parts of her character that I just didn’t get to properly explore in the past two. I think(/hope) the past two sections showed exactly why she’s such a complex figure, but there’s so many small things about Ami that I love.

For one - her introduction is *perfect*. Regardless of where you stand on how heroic vs how villainous Ami is, you can’t deny that Ami encapsulates exactly how she acts throughout the season in her introduction. It’s her only confessional of the episode, but she mentions that she’s not used to being put second behind a man - and I think it’s such a small confessional but one that perfectly foreshadows the character that we’re about to get to watch.

Next, I’d honestly just bring up her heart. I’ve talked about how she’s a complex person as a whole, but Ami brings such a level of heart and soul to the entire season - no matter what she’s doing. Whether she’s upset over her own decisions, or gleefully celebrating her next male meal - she’s authentically herself and fully in the moment. It leads to her succeeding as a character regardless of the situation she’s in, because one moment she rises like a phoenix, feeling euphoria and the next she’s left crushed, standing in the remains of her fallen empire. No matter what, she’s just always the voice we hear, and everything is authentically Ami, and it’s just why I love her so much. On a personal note, I tend to always give a lot of myself, and it’s part of what makes her so relatable - which is probably why she’s been such a constant #1 for me for 5 and a half years.

Speaking of relatability, she was also one of the first queer characters that I remember watching (alongside Scout). There were some very notable others in the earlier seasons, but what always gripped me about Ami was that it was barely mentioned - off the top of my head, I don’t know if it was ever directly said - and she was a badass woman who happened to be queer. I think it’s so easy to struggle with your identity when you see media franchises often prop up LGBTQ+ people as stereotypes, or make it a primary thing about who they are, so to see a character like Ami has always stuck with me and made me find some comfort in Vanuatu and her presence as it reminded me that no matter what people say, or how I feel sometimes, I’m more than just the label that people give me.

And honestly, one of the things I don’t think I’ve hammered home in this writeup is her boot episode - and the tragic element of it. Whether she’s a hero or a villain to you, one can’t deny that she has a very, very long descent from grace, and she falls HARD. Her villainy never comes from a place of maliciousness. Hell, she loses the game purely because she wasn’t *enough* of a villain, and mercy would be shown towards Chris. This all leads to us to what makes her truly the #1 character of all time for me.

I’ve said this in a few different writeups, but having an episode *after* your downfall to get to fully experience whatever happened is such a surefire way to make me invested. And Ami gets this done to literal perfection, in what is very easily my #1 single episode portrayal of all time. That leads us to “Now Who’s in Charge Here?!”. While it doesn’t have the flashy blindside that makes the F7 so well-remembered, I’d argue that the F6 episode is significantly better, and hits the emotions so much stronger than before.

Her emotions towards Twila are icy, and she effortlessly puts her down by mentioning “I’m just glad that I didn’t swear on my little brother because that would be icky”, and refusing to back down when Scout/Twila get mad about that, as Twila put herself down once she reneged on her word - and I think it’s such an old school Survivor moment that once again tells us a lot about Ami. She wholeheartedly believed Twila would stick to her promises, because she wouldn’t break them. And it starts the narrative reversal as she’s the sympathetic person who got betrayed.

What I *love* once again though, she’s not just the sympathetic figure - she’s still a scrappy fighter, trying to turn an inch of hope into a mile and secure her safety for another tribal by turning the tides on Scout and Twila. She fights with Scout in particular over everything, from food rationing to blankets, and it’s really interesting to see that arguably her most heroic, sympathetic episode is where she truly adopts the villain persona thrust upon her. Even in her swan song, she can’t help but have numerous different layers.

Eliza is also a star, and while this isn’t a writeup of hers, I can at least mention how beautifully portrayed the Eliza/Ami relationship is - as they’ve always had a little sister/big sister duo. It’s what brings the suspense to the episode, but also what almost feels definite as sealing their fate. From the reward challenge apologies, to the fact that they just simply have more fun - even outside of strategising, such as their beauty salon at camp - it’s such a nice relationship that contrasts so well compared to how Ami is isolated from the other tribemates.

Even at tribal, Eliza shows her love of Ami, as they share anecdotes about their experience and their relationship, discussing what she’d miss about Ami and vice versa. The tearful conversation as they talk about who each other is as a person is beautiful, and when Ami tells Eliza that she should be proud of herself - it’s a really heartfelt moment to end that tribal with some positivity.

Her other starring relationship is with Twila. Twila is another person who, like Ami, has enough heart to carry 5 seasons of Survivor in terms of authenticity - and it leads to their tribal council back and forth as they debate how bad Twila’s lie of swearing on her son’s life was, and the ethics of it; which is a really interesting part of Vanuatu that is why it shines as a season overall. The reason why I finish that episode with Twila should be fairly obvious - especially given there’s really only one part of the season left to discuss that’s relevant to Ami - but if you haven’t gathered, that would be FTC.

---------------------------

C is for Concluding Statements.

Ah Ami C - the C is bringing us to the end of this writeup. And where else to finish but a conclusion of the game as a whole. Ami’s jury speech has always stuck out to me because it’s so authentic to herself, and she shows her confusion towards the events of the games. Her question about “what attributes do you have that I lack” felt really unique.

But Twila’s answer is the nail in the coffin for everything. Ami, the resident “Ice Queen” gets dealt & entirely melted with a brutally honest answer from Twila - as Twila declares Ami to not be cold *enough* to win the game. It’s a full circle moment, to see the villain be told that she just lacked the coldness to ever win. It’s a perfect ending. And the icing on the cake? Twila was probably right - and Ami likely saw that, and in spite of everything, cast her vote for Twila to win the game, completing her arc of girl power.

So to end this writeup - who *is* Ami Cusack? Ami Cusack is a cool, collected strategist with some hidden emotions beneath the surface that can be exploited if she ever lets her guard down. She’s brutally honest, but fair and loyal intensely when needed. She won’t back down from confrontation, but she tends to understand the other perspective as well. I suppose it can be ended with one thing.

Ami Cusack is the peak of what Survivor should be.

​

Franky494: 1

rovivus: 11

DramaticGasp: 6

Schroeswald: 4

supercubbiefan: 10

TinkerKnightForSmash: 11

Theseanyg22: 15

​

Average Placement: 8.286

Total Points: 58

Standard Deviation: 4.821 (9th Lowest)

8th: Cirie Fields 1.0 (Panama - 4th)

​

cirie.

/u/Franky494:

I don’t know what to say that I didn’t already write - but I’m still happy to see Cirie in the endgame even if she misses my personal one.

/u/rovivus:

Cirie’s storyline is sometimes boiled down to “the woman who got off the couch” or “the woman who was scared of leaves” but that is a gross mischaracterization of arguably the best strategist the show has ever seen. Gangster in an Oprah Suit is the best possible description for Cirie, and I absolutely adore the joy she takes in creating innovative ways to stab you in the back with a smile on her face. Losing her in a final four firemaking is somewhat anticlimactic, but just listen to the Cirie giggle and match it with her bloodthirsty gameplay and tell me she’s not a top 10 character ever.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Cirie. What's not to love? Cirie is just so insanely likable and endearing. It's impossible to not fall in love with her. She's so likable and entertaining and she's also an incredible narrator.

/u/Schroeswald:

The greatest growth arc in Survivor history. I can feel the growth of no character the way I feel Cirie’s growth. She’s likable, charming, a brilliant confessionalist and surrounded by a cast and characters that ensures she truly can shine.

/u/supercubbiefan:

The woman who infamously was scared of fucking leaves “got off the couch” and became a mastermind at the game of Survivor. You can’t ask for a better growth arc. Oh, and with her adorable Cirie giggle, she is maybe the most likable personality the show has ever cast.

/u/Theseanyg22:

It’s Cirie, just the perfect mix of like ability, strategy. It’s hard not to root for her.

~

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Cirie Fields. One of the most popular and beloved players in Survivor history, and for good reason. She's played 4 times at this point, but Survivor Panama was her first season, and still her best to date, easily if you ask me. Why is that? Well, that shouldn't be much of a question, but for me, the way you slowly watch her grow accustomed to the outdoors and the game as a whole is an amazing experience; not to mention, her relationships with the other members of Casaya are absolutely top tier, as well. But anyways, let's dive into what makes Cirie great.

Instantly out the gate, and Cirie, as well as others, realize it's division by both age and gender; Cirie being apart of the older women tribe, or the "Golden Girls" tribe, as Bob Dawg puts it. After Ruth Marie wins flint as a reward, getting 3rd in a reward challenge, their tribe, called Casaya, heads back to camp. Coming in, Cirie is terrified upon seeing a machete, thinking she'll have to clear an area. And she doesn't like that; if she clears an area, the things that used to live there might come out. And she is not good with… things. Surely this lady isn't gonna ever do well out here, right? Anyways, she also very much doesn't like leaves. She's afraid of *leaves*. Because, she's worried something will be under them. Which, kinda irks the rest of Casaya a lot. But, Casaya loses the immunity challenge, which worries Cirie. She doesn't wanna be the first person voted out; and she's not very physically fit, so that's very possible! But… Cirie talks to her fellow tribemates. And nobody thinks they can beat Tina's challenge strength, and she's a bit loud, which gets on people's nerves. And the way Cirie smooth-talks people out of voting for her, and into voting Tina, is just impressive. Like, it's genuinely excellent to watch as this legend in the making talks her tribe into voting out the provider of the tribe, who caught a fish with her bare hands. How could she possibly do this? With her exceptional social skills. And Cirie scales the fish, to ensure Melinda and Ruth-Marie will be okay without Tina. Which, that, combined with Tina trainwrecking out at Tribal, leads to Cirie's safety, and Tina's demise. And at Tribal, we get one of Cirie's most iconic quotes ever: "For the people at home like me, on the couch? Stay on the couch."

Post-tribal, and there's an awful thunderstorm; and Cirie and the other two Casayas try desperately to make fire without Tina, but to no avail, which is an underrated scene. Then, there's a merge, of 4 tribes to 2! And Cirie is chosen by Aras to become a member of Casaya 2.0! Gee, this sure looks like an upstanding group of players. I bet they'll be a big, functional group. Anyways, at the Casaya camp, Cirie is not happy about her camp being invaded by the other tribes, per se. And Courtney is just… odd. Rubs her the wrong way. And she and Melinda absolutely feel like the odd ones out. Which is the truth; Aras, Shane, Danielle and Courtney quickly form a tight 4, leaving the two older women and Bob Dawg on the outs. Also wanna point out that Jeff calling Casaya completely inept is great. Casaya loses, obviously. And Shane seems to want to quit. And Cirie is down with this, absolutely! If somebody wants to quit, let him quit! She's fine, if it's not her or Melinda! But unfortunately for her, Shane no longer wants to quit. And Aras admits that he wants to vote Cirie or Melinda. And nobody seems to care which goes; whoever's not going here, is going next round, says Shane to the dismay of everyone else. And Cirie is certain that she's gone next. At Tribal, Jeff asks… 6 days isn't bad, right? And… well, she thinks, her family might not be disappointed at her making 6 days, but she would be. Because her whole point of going out there was for her family. But Cirie is left unscathed, as Melinda was taken out instead.

Bruce joins the tribe, and the fireworks are just as insane as before. The tribe is filled with wacky, eccentric personalities, leading to, naturally, a constant state of conflict between everyone on Casaya. And Cirie is kinda just watching from the outside, as one of the most normal people there. Just… annoyed, and aggravated, by her tribemates. They're so dysfunctional, no wonder they're not winning! Particularly, Courtney and Shane. They're always fighting. And, they decided to live with each other! Now they're fighting constantly! Ridiculous! And they've not eaten hardly anything, which makes it all so much harder on them. But, hey, she goes along with whatever to stay in with the group. Courtney says eating a snake represents togetherness? She eats a snake. Which is absolutely her social skills in action. And it calms them down! For a few minutes. And then more drama forms, which Cirie loves, as it might secure her safety if Casaya loses again! And she just watches in glee as the Shane/Courtney/Danielle block falls apart.

Aaand then the camp floods after they come back from a reward challenge… but hey, they have wine now! And beans, rice, fish… no dry wood to cook the fish with, though, so Cirie is forced into a situation where she has to eat raw fish. Which she's never done before; leading to her reacting in disgust. Another level of Cirie slowly growing out of her she'll. Soon after this, the tribe sticks together, and takes out Bob Dawg.

Cirie then finds herself in an alliance of her, Aras, Courtney and Shane. What a ragtag bunch, I bet that'll definitely stay together. It lasts as long as you'd expect, and Courtney wants to get rid of Shane soon after. And Cirie soon gets a taste of joy again, as she gets to see real people again! Panamanians, to be exact! And getting to see kids just warmed her heart. She misses her family; and one of the girls on the reward reminded her of her niece! But, it leads to Shane finagling Courtney and Danielle into being back on his side, which worries Cirie. Then, merge hits, and Terry tries to strike a deal up with Cirie, which she does not buy at all. And she lets us know. Soon after, Nick is voted out; and the next day, Aras, Bruce and Sally win a breakfast reward, and share info about the amazing breakfast they all had together! Which pisses Cirie off. They're starving, and you're over here talking about chocolate croissants, and how big your bellies are? She has to win something now. Cirie then illustrates how dumb an idea the Panama idol is, before Austin is swiftly taken out of the game.

Post-tribal, Shane pulls Cirie to the side. He's having a… medical emergency. Specifically, a massive rash on his genitalia, and has Cirie, a registered nurse, look at it to see what was wrong. And Cirie's reactions and confessionals to Shane's outbursts are peak; it's hilarious, and elevates the scene so much. It was just chafing, by the way. And "Shane is like a cartoon character, and now he's like a nude cartoon character" is classic. And then Cirie is a bit peeved at everyone walking around flaunting their luxury items, while she doesn't have one. Then, she begins to make a doll alongside everyone else, and she gives her a bit more… curves, to make her more akin to herself. Her giggling about this is adorable. Then, soon, after the Sally boot, she does the unthinkable; she wins a reward challenge, and gets to go on a helicopter ride with Aras and Danielle! And Cirie begins to become a bit of the main character after this. Casaya begins to slowly crumble due to Terry's idol, leading to chaos breaking forth, and Cirie being a bit of a mitigator in it all.

Bruce is medically evacuated, but chaos still begins to unfold. Shane is upset about Cirie bringing Danielle over him, bit she convinces him that they're still going to the f3 with Courtney as the third. And realizing how Courtney is the one person everyone can beat at the end, Cirie plans Courtney's demise soon after. They take Courtney out, but leave Shane out of the vote; yet manipulate him into thinking it was just a time issue. But she then comes back to camp after a reward, with her husband, HB! And he's terrified of the fire. He's just like Cirie; a couch potato who doesn't belong in the wilderness. But she feels like she's impressed herself! She can do anything if she sets her mind to it! She played Survivor! Then, Shane's downfall is plotted soon after, as she wants to ride with Aras and Danielle to the very end. Then, the beginning of the end for Cirie starts. She ends up on a yacht for a reward, a place she never thought she'd be! However, while Aras is in her corner for f4, Terry knows she's too big a threat to take to FTC. So, while Aras and Cirie vote for Danielle, Terry and Danielle vote for Cirie. And her poor survival skills are her downfall; she has to make fire against Danielle, but just can't do it, and is soon eliminated in 4th Place.

Obviously, Cirie's growth arc is amazing. And the way that she grew so much, but still mainly lost because of her lack of firemaking skills is such a great, roundabout ending. However, I also fully believe, after 4 Survivor seasons and a season of The Traitors with her, that she's also just an amazing confessionalist. She always conveys how she's feeling to us, the viewers. And her giggly, fun attitude is infectious. She's this popular for a reason; she's fun, wholesome, nondevisive… it's great. And add her story, and there's a reason why she almost always makes endgame.

​

Franky494: 17

rovivus: 8

DramaticGasp: 11

Schroeswald: 6

supercubbiefan: 16

TinkerKnightForSmash: 4

Theseanyg22: 3

​

Average Placement: 9.286

Total Points: 65

Standard Deviation: 3.729 (10th Highest)

9th: Lillian Morris (Pearl Islands - 2nd)

​

lill face

/u/Franky494:

Lill is someone who I wanted to make their debut - and with no effort from me, she’s here anyway! It’s insane to think that without The Outcasts, Lill is relegated to forgettable early boot - but instead she manages to become a heart of PI, with emotions rather than feistiness like the characters surrounding her. She’s a little grating sometimes, sure, but her story is phenomenal, and I cannot wait to read the writeup of her and relive it.

/u/rovivus:

Fuck yeah, Lil for endgame!!! I have this really weird analogy in my head for Lil, where she’s almost like a remorseful serial killer; she cries, “boo hoo, I don’t want to do this” while repeatedly stabbing you to death, and then continues the cycle with another victim. Not sure if that made any expense, but I absolutely adore Lil’s storyline, and how a melodramatic midwestern Scoutmaster is responsible for the demise of some of Survivor’s all time biggest characters, including its largest hero and largest villain. A very deserved endgame spot.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Lill is just such an unintentionally funny character. Everything from the way she's dressed to the way she speaks is just hilarious. She also has an incredibly captivating story from start to finish.

/u/supercubbiefan:

Lil has such a top-notch arc that transform her into the ultimate badass feminist protagonist: coming back from the dead and standing up to toxic alpha wannabes Jonny Fairplay and Andrew Savage after they treated her so badly throughout Pearl Island before defeating them in the game. I can’t believe this is Lil’s first Rankdown, she should’ve been here a long time ago.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Her plotline of being easily manipulatable by Jon and being the brunt of all his jokes before taking him down at F3 is just legendary.

/u/Theseanyg22:

Oh man did I have Lil wrong before my rewatch. Lil is just amazing as a character.In a season with Rupert, Sandra and Fairplay it’s kind of the Lil show.

~

/u/Schroeswald:

My very first goal in this rankdown was to get Lill to her first endgame. It’s rather fitting that this is the last one I’m writing. I expect it to be my last one posted as well, although I hope to be proven wrong. I’ve spent the past over a year since I entered this community praising her as an endgame character and have gotten her to three prior endgames in non canon rankdowns on our discord. But now I’ve gotten her here, so let’s give her a writeup.

I’ve often been drawn to characters defined by contradiction. My other writeups in this endgame are Ian and Tai, defined by the conflict of their deep desire to win and their fundamentally kind spirits. I’ve written about the clash and harmony that make up Sugar Kiper. I’ve not written about Ami, Jerri and Christy but the thing that unifies them is that there are multiple contradictory aspects of them that coexist inside them. I think Lill is a great example of this. She is the woman who cried all game and she’s the woman who humiliated the greatest villain in survivor history. She’s the kindly scoutmaster who betrayed and voted out every single person on the jury. Lillian Morris is weak, and she’s incredibly badass.

I’ve heard it said that Andrew Savage had been in the casting pool for a few seasons before they finally cast him for a season where he would have a cast he could play off of. I completely believe this because the Morgan tribe is cast perfectly to have the conflict and events it had. Andrew Savage has his big boys alliance and there are some solid outcasts for him to hate. Those outcasts are of course Lill and Skinny Ryan.

You’d expect that on an early season of Survivor, when a tribe is run by a man with the singular focus on strength as Andrew Savage you’d see the two incredible weaklings of Lillian Morris and Skinny Ryan as the first two boots. While this isn’t strictly all that wrong, they’re both seemingly gone at the end of episode 3 after all, that one episode is vitally important. Because immediately there we see that there is more to Lill than meets the eye.

Our initial perception of Lill is that she’s just going to be a kindly older woman. She’s a scoutmaster and she has a sweet smile and you assume she’s the second coming of Sonja, just another victim of the difficulty of the game. Especially with even the biggest and strongest on the Morgan tribe physically struggling surely she couldn’t make it. Her only ally is Skinny Ryan, her only chance of making it another round is just that they vote him out first. Pretty much everyone knows this, until Lill gets a very small lucky break. Nicole mentions maybe changing it up to get out Tijuana. Now this plan would almost certainly not have worked, T is too insulated and there’s no real reason to want her out. But it’s enough to cast suspicion on Nicole. And Lill runs with that. She tells everyone about Nicole’s idea. And everyone believes her, because why would Lill ever lie? She’s wearing a scoutmaster uniform after all. Suddenly instead of it being between the two weaklings there’s a third option, the untrustworthy schemers. And while Andrew Savage hates the weak, he hates schemers even more. There goes Nicole.

She’s less active in the next few episodes but through them we learn a lot about the dynamics between her and the three other most important characters on Morgan. The first is Skinny Ryan. Their relationship is pretty simple. Lill is a scoutmaster and an old woman. She doesn’t fit in with the big men of the tribe or the pretty young girls. But she’s very used to young weaker men who need guidance. This means that they instantly hit off. Although Skinny Ryan is gone quickly he’s really Lill’s only true partnership. Everyone else is playing her or wants something from her. Skinny Ryan just is her friend. They both vote each other back in, and while only Lill gets that second chance her one and only friend stays in her heart.

Next is Andrew Savage, whose relationship is a bit more complicated. Andrew is in many ways Lill’s opposite, the peak alpha male of the Morgan tribe. While Lill is at the bottom Andrew is at the very top. But they at first share a mutual respect for each other. Andrew is the only person who gives Lill a chance. He does see that she is a harder worker around camp than anyone. He sees how much she wants to help. And Lill sees his work ethic, how hard he’s fighting for the Morgan tribe. But then Lill screws it up. She tries to go fishing and loses the lure. And failure is unacceptable in Andrew’s eyes. He can’t believe that she could fail to tie a knot! And so her fate is sealed. But Andrew makes a promise to Lill, to calm her down and spare her feelings. He says that he’ll tell her if the vote is going to come to her. And then he doesn’t. And Lill goes home. Which is fine because she’s gone right? No coming back. But it’s not and she isn’t. Lill fights her way back in and turns her vengeance towards Andrew Savage. A twist of fate turns a small moment of cruelty into his fatal mistake. And there’s no second chance for Andrew Savage (well not this season at least).

The Outcasts twist brings us to a character who’s relationship with Lill is a bit less personal and more thematic. Because while Andrew has hidden similarities with her, Osten does not. Osten really is her opposite in every way. He’s the biggest strongest young man and she’s the smallest and weakest old woman. However Lill is also a survivalist. She can live off the land and help around camp. Unlike Osten her body is not giving out on her. And most importantly, she wants to stay in the game. Osten spends most of his time in the game ready to quit it. When Lill returns and his alliance is forced to eat itself he gladly gives himself up and departs the game. Lill will fight to the very end… but Osten will not.

So by the point of Lill’s return I think we’ve very well seen how hard she is willing to fight. When she was first voted out her torch didn’t even go out. Which by the way, excellent foreshadowing for her amazing return. The Outcasts twist is one of Survivor’s best. What The… is a perfect episode title describing the shock of every premerger showing up on the horizon to kick the asses of everyone else. It’s perfectly themed to really sell the idea that the outcasts have been sent overboard and survived and are ready to enact their revenge. They vote Lill and Burton back in, who light their torches and prepare to run the game for their comrades who couldn’t make it.

And then comes what I described with Andrew Savage. In one fell swoop every chance the Morgan tribe once had is destroyed. Lill’s Vengeance shows that she and Burton, the Outcasts, are in charge. They will remain in charge for the rest of the game. But Lill is very rarely the single focus character of any moment. Instead we will explore her postmerge through her relationships with the four remaining most visible characters, Rupert, Burton, Jon and Sandra, in that order.

Rupert is like the platonic ideal of Andrew Savage. Every negative trait that Andrew has looks good on Rupert. Every positive trait he has is a billion times better on him. So Lill once again bonds with someone completely different from here in nearly every way. They’re both hard working and they’re both kind souls and that’s enough. Rupert also of course needs her vote, which he easily secures.

However, her loyalty doesn’t last. She had an alliance with Burton first and soon enough that alliance makes her take a strike at Rupert. Lill is conflicted. She likes Rupert quite a bit. She even feels bad about not giving up her reward to him. She cries and feels like an awful person. But the little devils in her ear move her from that path. She’s the killer vote for Rupert because Rupert trusts her.

As fellow Outcasts the alliance of Burton and Lill is formed by chance but it becomes very close. While Skinny Ryan is the young scout she wants to help, Burton is a fully developed scout. He and her both share one thing, having been kicked off the island they want vengeance. She got payback against Andrew easily, but his vengeance takes a bit more work. Lill never wanted to flip, but that bond and Burton offering scouts honor is what makes her willing to be deceitful. She’ll go to the very end with Burton.

But Burton isn’t so willing to go to the end with her. She’s a kinder person with a more pure heart, and she’s a very messy player. He begins to think he’d have a better shot with Jon. And Lil notices this. She sees him refuse to commit to a final 2 deal with her. She watches promises be made with Darrah that Burton starts plotting with her to break. If at that point her one alliance doesn’t want her at the end, then she can’t be loyal to him. Sandra gets into Lil’s ear, and the girls Mutiny.

Lill’s relationship with Jon is likely her most interesting. I say Jon and not Fairplay for a reason, because by and large that’s not what she called him. Every once and awhile someone would call him Jonny Fairplay but generally he went by Jon. Jon is a normal dude with a normal name, Fairplay is the character he plays. Jon has a very different morality than Lill, namely that he doesn’t have one. He’ll lie and cheat and steal until the cows go home, and getting Lill to do any of that is like pulling teeth. And he and Burton do his best to pull those teeth every single time.

Lil is under no illusions that Jon is a far dirtier player than she ever could be. But she is still the only person to ever see a good side of him. She believes with all her heart the dead grandma lie. She can’t even comprehend that he’d have an ulterior motive or even that he’d play it up for advantage. She really thinks he’s going to honor a deal on his dead grandmother because at that point it’s the real world involved. Until she sees him break that word, and at that point she splits off from him.

Jon spends the final four round using all that goodness against her. Whenever she cries he points out how that makes her sympathetic. She’d obviously win a jury vote against anyone because she’s so nice… right? This puts Darrah’s target on Lill, and so Lill sends Darrah home. At this point Lill feels like the target is on her. Jon has been saying over and over again how likable she is. She has to win immunity to get to the end. This old scoutmaster prepares her sea legs, takes off her jacket, and gets on for the final immunity challenge.

And now I think it’s time to talk about Jonny Fairplay. Because facing off against Job doesn’t mean all that much. Jenna Morasca just owned and voted out a very similar character in Rob the season prior. But Rob is no Fairplay. Fairplay is this epic villain. The man who enacted the dead grandma lie. The man who lives for boos. The perfect and hated enemy of everyone he’s ever met. A man so commited to the bit that he wins even if he loses. Because wouldn’t it be great for the greatest villain to get epically defeated? For Rupert to attack him or for him to ripped to shreds at Final Tribal Council. Maybe his personal rival Sandra could take him out? I mean sure winning is great but in a way losing could be just as sweet.

But not by Lill. Because we’ve just seen Lill’s conflicts. We’ve seen her cry and struggle to betray and hurt anyone. She’s just a sweet old lady who spent much of the game being dragged around by Fairplay. She’s the one person who Fairplay has no respect to. So when she steps up to take him on, and she humiliates him completely? Jon Dalton loses of course, but most importantly so does Jonny Fairplay. Not because he got defeated completely, but because he lost to **Lill**.

Ironically this is what makes them the best of the best as characters. Fairplay is immortal but for once it’s not on his own terms, and in doing that the weak crying little Lill becomes a badass. Fairplay doesn’t stand a chance against her. He tries to make deals, he tries to taunt, but he can’t do anything. Lill’s legs do not wobble, she stays firm and just like that it’s over.

Now taking out Fairplay is what makes Lill an all time great, but her conclusion is what makes her endgame. And in the end that comes down to the only woman with an important relationship with Lill, Sandra. Sandra may have a completely different personality than Lill but I think that for her the similarities are more important. They’re both mothers. They have families and children to look after. That’s why they need and that’s why they want the money. And when faced with the decision between who to take to the end, that’s the most important factor, who Lill thinks most needs and would do good with a million dollars. She’s a kind soul, and that’s what kills her.

Lill is ripped apart by the jury, but not for reasons most would expect. She’s not seen as a coattail rider, she’s not hated by a bitter jury who can’t respect getting voted out, it’s a much more fundamental reason. She’s ripped apart because she’s not allowed to do what she had to do. The first thing everyone learned about Lill is that she’s a scoutmaster. The first thing they learned about Sandra is that SHE CAN GET LOUD TOO WHAT THE FUCK! The jury can accept both of them, but they can’t accept them doing the same things.

I think by most so called objective metrics Lill’s postmerge was “better” than Sandra’s. She wa kinder, she won more challenges, she hurt less people, but she also voted out more people, she controlled the boot order more. But that’s not what a jury cares about. They care about personality in a subtler way. They want to tell a nice story about a winner that fits their ego. Lill doesn’t do that. Lill is the scoutmaster so she’s supposed to be good and honest. . Meanwhile Sandra gets to be rude, she gets to be imperfect and a liar, because her personality and presentation fit that better.

But in the end Lill calls them out on this bullshit. She had no choice but to wear that scoutmaster uniform. You can’t play the game with honesty, its a game about lying. Lill did her best to balance it all, she was kind, she tried to form friendships. But either you play dirty, or you go home. So Lill played dirty and Lill didn’t go home. On night 39 Lill hardened up, she shed the scout uniform as much as she can.

It doesn’t mean anything really. It’s too late to change her perception. She’ll always be the scoutmaster in the eyes of the jury. She’ll be that scoutmaster when she returns home. But for the sake of the game, she can be a badass.

​

Franky494: 6

rovivus: 13

DramaticGasp: 5

Schroeswald: 10

supercubbiefan: 15

TinkerKnightForSmash: 13

Theseanyg22: 10

​

Average Placement: 10.286

Total Points: 72

Standard Deviation: 3.729 (6th Lowest)

10th: Jerri Manthey 1.0 (The Australian Outback - 8th)

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queen.

/u/Franky494:

Despite my less than stellar thoughts on Australian Outback - none of that negativity carries over to Jerri, who is a legend through and through. With all the mundane personalities, Jerri feels like someone made for TV, and her natural personality shines. Whether she’s laughing at her own jokes or annoying every single person at camp, she’s a star, and she’s the only person in AO who’s worth watching.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Jerri is definitely an icon and a legend, but I don't think she's nearly as good as people make her out to be. Just because she's the first real "villain" doesn't make the best villain. She's thoroughly entertaining though don't get me wrong.

/u/Schroeswald:

I’m so happy an AO character made endgame again. Man-Eater Manthey is a delicate balance between villainy and not being all that bad. She’s no monster but she’s no hero either. On first brush she’s a bitch. Second time through she did nothing wrong. Eventually you can see both sides, how the edit and Tina twist her into villainy and she does her best to help them along.

/u/supercubbiefan:

As I described in my Jerri 3 writeup, Jerri 1.0 is the most complex villain of all time, was one of the best at driving her tribemates absolutely bonkers, and her rocky flirationship with Colby is straight-up legendary.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Did her writeup already. Important villain for Survivor history, but not really the most engaging villain, and I frankly feel like she's made even worse if you look at it through the "she's not really a villain" perspective some people have been suggesting non-Jerri believers look through

/u/Theseanyg22:

The original villain, who didn’t even do nothing too bad. But taking into consideration the amount of eyes on her and in the early era of reality TV, viewers are looking for any excuse to root for or against someone and she provided the iconic moments they needed.

~

/u/rovivus:

“Most days she gets up in a good mood, but oh baby, if she gets up in a bad mood.”

What makes a Survivor villain? Is it being unlikable? Not quite, as players like Adam Gentry and Rocky Reid cannot be classified as villains, they are simply assholes. Is it blindsiding your allies? Despite his betrayal of Cody, Jesse Lopez isn’t a villain, because he doesn’t invoke emotions of revulsion in his tribemates. Is it having a satisfying downfall from a position of power? Not really, because while Rick Devens gets popped at the Final Four in fitting fashion, he still doesn’t really cross the line into villain category. To me, the best villains accomplish all three of these things; they inspire a visceral, negative reaction in their competitors, play the game without care for how it impacts others, and ultimately are foiled by their arrogance, losing the game in spectacular fashion. Nobody has ticked these boxes with greater aplomb than Jerri Manthey, the original villainess and a top 10 character of all time.

The best villains either have no idea they are the villain or know with 100 percent certainty that they are the villain. While Jerri reaches the far right end of that spectrum by the time Heroes vs. Villains comes around, in Australia she’s still an oblivious villain, unaware or uncaring of the tension she inspires in camp and fundamentally believing she is the good gal of the story. There has been a lot of revisionist history in recent years saying “Jerri wasn’t really that bad in Australia, Colby was really the villain!” but I couldn’t disagree more. (Side note: these are probably the same people who claim Sharpay wasn’t the villain in High School Musical). While it’s true that Jerri wasn’t **that bad** in hindsight, she evoked remarkably strong animosity from nearly every contestant she played with, and it might be interesting to reflect on why that’s the case.

In the early days at Ogakor, Jerri **is** supremely annoying! Like, did we really think somebody that brings a bongo drum as their comfort item wasn’t going to inspire revulsion amongst their tribemates? Jerri’s first hints of villainy emerge in her relationship with Keith, a professionally trained chef who she thinks she can best in a culinary competition. While Jerri **is right** that she can make better tortillas than Keith, the fact she is arrogant enough to publicly challenge an expert is a flashing red warning sign for her tribemates that she won’t just go with the flow in a game context. Similarly, when she dumps the contents out of Kel’s bag on the Monty Pythonesque quest for beef jerky, it tells the Ogakors, “wow, this lady will really do **anything,** won’t she?!” When combined with orgasming over food and her pathological need to say the first thing that comes to mind - expressing concern that Rodger had a stroke when they got the treemail about Skupin is the best example to come to mind - it’s no wonder Jerri is ostracized from a game perspective.

Jerri’s narcissism is spotlighted by her relationship with Colby. At first, it seems like there might actually be a romantic spark between Colby and Jerri. They are both hot, young, fit people with nothing but nature and opportunity in the Australian Outback. However, the more time Colby spends with Jerri, the more he views her as self-centered and willing to do anything to get ahead, and he hates being objectified by her. The producers do a great job of cutting back and forth between Colby confessionals and Jerri confessionals to highlight just how large the chasm between their perceptions of reality is. Right before Colby makes his iconic “I ain’t no Hershey bar” zinger, he says, “when you're asleep at night in the tent, and you hear moaning and groaning about Hershey Kisses, you know what's really going on mentally. It ain't about the chocolate! She's using her thoughts of chocolate to substitute for her thoughts of sex. It's just making for a very uncomfortable camping trip.” This is immediately followed by Jerri saying, “I think Colby's afraid of me. Because this fantasy I have about chocolate and sex definitely involves him.” Just gold.

This dynamic is also in play during Jerri and Colby’s legendary trip to the Great Barrier Reef (seriously, did the final eight reward challenge ever **not** produce an iconic pairing)? In back to back confessionals, Jerri says, “I couldn't have come out here with a better person than Colby. We're having a great time. We're getting to know each other outside of the game and outside of that environment. This is basically the perfect honeymoon without the sex” and Colby responds “Jerri was quite giddy on our little getaway. She made a comment to me about it being a honeymoon without the sex, and it couldn't be farther from the truth for me. I mean, we certainly didn't sit around and high-five and-and say, ‘Man, we finally get our time alone together,’ you know?” This dichotomy perfectly illustrates the frustrations others have with Jerri, because she is so fixated on her version of reality that she fails to see, or care about, how her actions make other people feel.

Jerri is built up as this unaware, selfish, brash Medusa, which is ultimately what makes her blindside satisfying from a narrative perspective. As many have highlighted before, Tina Wesson cannot stand Jerri Manthey, and frames the season as a contest of good vs. evil to lay the predicate for her ouster. Normally, it would be immoral to vote somebody out in your original alliance when there are still outsiders remaining, so Tina must **create** the environment where Jerri’s faults, however superficial, are magnified to such an extent that it becomes the noble and just thing to vote her out. It’s really fascinating to compare Jerri and Elisabeth, because while they are both young women and ferocious game players, Elisabeth is able to play into the Girl Next Door vibe that others project onto her, and Jerri is not. Elisabeth picked up on the fact that Tina couldn’t stand Jerri, and used her smile and charm as a cudgel to break up the Ogakor alliance. She describes her relationship with Tina as “Outback close,” meaning, “close enough to get the dirt on someone else, close enough to let you advance ahead of the person you are trying to get close to.” When Elisabeth continually complains about Jerri - presciently pointing to her criticism of Keith’s cooking skills as an example of her horridness - Tina simply responds, “she’ll get hers, it’s coming.” Can you imagine Jerri making a comment like that and having it be received similarly positively? Certainly not, because she cannot help but attempt to take control.

The most important characteristic of a villain, one I failed to mention earlier, is that they are ultimately redeemable (unless you are Jonny Fairplay, in which case you can be the best villain ever simply by being the sleaziest person on the planet). Despite her verbal evisceration of Kelly, Sue is grounded in personal trauma and tragedy to which you can relate. Similarly, despite his pantomime villainy, Scot Pollard is made more accessible by his relationship with his mother and motivations for being on the island. While Jerri’s personal backstory isn’t shown on the screen, her relatability (at least on a rewatch) comes from the understanding of how hard it was to be an opinionated young woman in the early 2000s. There’s a sense that there’s nothing Jerri could do to escape the villain label because her tribemates had already judged her by her occupation, appearance, and first impression before they really got to know her. Deep down, you truly feel that Jerri is a good person, and that shred of humanity is what makes us really **care** about her ultimate downfall. Even with her relationship with Colby, a large part of me feels sad that her love is unrequited, that she’s reaching for a goal that keeps being placed only just outside her grasp.

The quote that starts this writeup might have seemed like a non-sequitur, but it’s actually Rodger’s confessional as he casts his vote for Jerri at the Final Eight. To me, it’s a perfect distillation of the Jerri Manthey experience: she’s fun, free-spirited, bold, but in an instant those attributes can shift to annoying, selfish, and overly forward. The line between these traits is slim, and unfortunately for Jerri, negative emotions inspire greater reactions than positive ones, so her uncharitable features are the ones her tribemates - and the audience - are left resonating with the most. However, the positive traits **are** there and just needed some nurturing and sunlight to come out in full bloom. Nobody saw it in the moment, but a drop of water plopped onto the seed that is Hero Jerri in the Australian Outback, and while it took nearly a decade, it eventually germinated into the confident, self-assured, dare I say lovable Maneater Manthey we see on the beaches of Samoa, a remarkable transformation for a remarkable person.

​

Franky494: 7

rovivus: 10

DramaticGasp: 18

Schroeswald: 9

supercubbiefan: 3

TinkerKnightForSmash: 20

Theseanyg22: 16

​

Average Placement: 11.857

Total Points: 83

Standard Deviation: 6.256 (5th Highest)

Wins tiebreaker

11th: Stephenie LaGrossa (Palau - 7th)

​

bro think she on the team

/u/rovivus:

For the most part, I’m not a huge fan of the Ulong tribe, but Stephenie LaGrossa is a massive exception to the rule. It gives me chills to think about the night Steph sojourns back to camp alone, and it cannot be overestimated how incredibly, wildly popular she was in larger American culture at that time. Survivor had never seen and will never see again such an incredible female hero: strong, bold, brave, loyal, tough. There’s a damn good reason why besides Richard Hatch and Colby Donaldson, Steph is arguably the third most famous Survivor player in broader pop culture, and it’s totally awesome she’s made another endgame.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Stephenie might just have the most compelling underdog story of all time. To be the last remaining member of her tribe and to go onto put up a great fight for her spot in the game was incredibly inspiring. She's so insanely rootable all around.

/u/Schroeswald:

The Ulonging is one of the most unique and greatest stories in survivor history. Steph fights every step of the way in this slowly dying tribe and you can’t help but want her to succeed. But of course she doesn’t. Even though she’s “only” in my top 30, her time alone in Ulong beach is enough that I have no objections to her placement her.

/u/supercubbiefan:

The tragic destruction of the worst tribe in Survivor history, Ulong, to a tribe of one, Stephenie LaGrossa 1.0, is in my opinion the 3rd best arc in the history of the show. You cannot help but root for Survivor’s best underdog Steph as Ulong keeps losing and losing and losing. The firemaking challenge between the only two Ulong players left, Steph and Bobby Jon, is an instant classic, and watching Steph leave the tribal alone with her torch is the best shot in the history of Survivor. Luckily for Steph, she is able to survive on her own and is eventually merged, winning over the hearts of Survivor fans and catapulting her into icon status.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Her underdog plotline is great, and the fall of Ulong is a cool plotline; but the rest of Ulong honestly isn't strong enough to elevate it, and there's much better underdog plotlines out there.

/u/Theseanyg22:

The lone remaining Ulong stuff is compelling, but I never really bought the hype with her, she’s a strong female character but personality wise she’s just fine. 2.0 is more interesting because of the fall of her hero persona.

~

/u/Franky494:

**Stephenie LaGrossa 1.0 (7th Place, Palau)**

*”This is crazy…it’s just me now”*

Let’s face it. You all know why a few rankers wanted her to make it this high. Is she the most captivating TV character ever? Probably not. She’s not some made for TV personality, she’s just a brash Jersey girl with a hell of a lot of fight in her, who just so happened to find herself in one of the most unique and irreplicable situations in Survivor as a whole. And honestly? I couldn’t imagine that arc working with anyone besides Stephenie. It’s why I love her, and I think it plays a role in why she held the popularity that she did. For years, she essentially became the face of women on Survivor. The female Rupert. Even in Guatemala, it felt like Bobby Jon’s return was ignored because Stephenie was the one who had inspired people to apply for the show. I mean the tribe of one. You can’t just invent that. Stephenie’s tribe of one was the defining part of Palau.

But her tribe of one was once a tribe of nine, and before that, one could argue a tribe of twenty - and that’s where this story begins. Stephenie’s journey in episode 1 makes it all the more unbelievable that her story shaped up the way it did. From the start, we see her dive into the water…and immediately get beaten by the boat, as she’s her own worst enemy and severely overestimated what would happen. Yet it doesn’t seem to affect her. Unlike her fellow diver - Jonathan - she’s able to integrate and bond with people, as she befriends Tom, Ian and Katie. Wonder if that trio will be important later…probably not; it’s only day 1.

But if the introductory dive wasn’t enough - what if I told you there was more to premiere. After Stephenie immediately made herself noticeable with the dive and was still integrated, fate just so happened that she couldn't find herself in a favourable spot. And she’s placed onto a tribe away from those that she made her instant bond with. Onto the tribe that is still one of the most memorable to this day. The Ulong tribe.

Admittedly, the start of Ulong following this becomes a lot of set-up for their later fall, and even as they go tribal, their story is dominated by showmances, or an optimistic belief that they shall one day succeed. It’s not really until Episode 5 where Stephenie starts to get a true insight to the eventual fate she’s doomed to have. Fun fact: this is one of my least favourite episodes in all of Survivor. Why is that relevant? It’s not, I just wanted to say that the episode is garbage. For a Steph-relevant point, though, we get her athletic past revealed as she struggles to come to terms with how Ulong consistently *fails* and how she’s already prepared for a merge at the Final 14. It’s the first time it feels like fate is inevitable - and Ulong is starting to realise how the deck is increasingly stacked against them as they get whittled down to half the size of Koror.

Episode 6 onwards, Stephenie delivers some of the most consistently high-quality content across all of Survivor. Is a lot of it circumstantial? Sure. But I never get why that’s a penalty. The whole game is circumstance, and it feels very “well…yeah but if the whole game was different, maybe generic first boot could have won!” to me. But I digress.

I think what makes Episode 6 a great starting point for the majority of Steph’s arc is that it encapsulates everything that we’ve been seeing. Ulong wins the reward (thanks to Steph’s shots getting 4 of the 8 targets - including the winning shot) and after episodes of constant failure, their ecstasy at winning is apparent. It showed a different side of Ulong that came just as the first few episodes were beginning to get stale, and we got to see a morale-boosted tribe that began to believe in themselves again.

Interestingly though, it’s this episode where it feels like the writing's on the wall for Ulong. One of the main issues with the first 5 episodes is it tries to create the tension that Ulong can still recover and win the next challenge, but after the immunity, I feel like tonally, this is the episode where it shifts to a more individual longevity perspective, as opposed to a what’s best for *us* to win the next immunity.

But of course, Ulong wouldn’t be as iconic if they were actually able to keep up the winning streak - and they end up losing. I feel like in tribes that lose a lot, they end up having a duo or at least set alliance (think Denise/Malcolm or the Foa Foa Four) but what makes Steph, and Ulong, so unique is that they’re a group bred by circumstance and the show doesn’t try to force it into us that they’re secretly all a close group, and they lack that sentimentality or even established closeness. Stephenie is able to convince Bobby Jon that James voted against him, and that ability is what allows her to survive with Ulong, as they realise they’re the two with even a modicum of competence on the tribe. Following this with a bit of tension at the Ibrehem vote, Stephenie and Bobby Jon become the final two Ulong members, and any hope they have is officially shattered as they get called to the immunity challenge for one final showdown, in the episode of “Neanderthal Man”.

This episode is genuinely perfect for me. The tribe of two sets up everything so well. From their main discussions being about how they can succeed in challenges describing their fighting spirit, to the really unique tribe dynamics and difficulties. On a tribe of 6, or 8, or 10, you never really think about the quiet moments because even though there’s a lot of downtime, that downtime is never normally what makes the edit. But this episode further gives the lack of personal relations as Steph and Bobby Jon have an almost awkwardness between them as they don’t have much in common, and Bobby Jon descended fully into being the neanderthal man. They struggle to get their canoe into the ocean to even start attempting fishing. Ultimately though, before immunity they manage to catch a bit of protein, and give themselves that final bit of faux hope before their final showdown with Koror.

I think, for Stephenie in particular rather than Ulong, this episode specifically shows the more human side of her. She’s always been determined, but we don’t normally see her break, and after the reward challenge, she starts to break down about the difficulties around camp and the isolation that she experiences. I think the part in particular that I really love is that Steph still believes she’s cut out for Survivor though - and regardless of how dejected she felt, she never once gave up or stopped believing in herself. But alas, she stopped believing in Ulong, and they end up going to their final tribal council together. And Bobby Jon, the provider of the tribe, the tender of the fire leaves the game, as Stephenie is left isolated - returning to camp to face the Palauan wilderness alone.

My pick for one of the best, most resonant scenes of Survivor would be that. When Stephenie returns to the Ulong camp alone, and she just talks about her fear of sleeping because she doesn’t want to lose her fire - and how everything she learned from firemaking was from Bobby Jon. It’s such a unique side of Steph that didn’t really get shown before, and you really see the difficulties of the survival element when you’re a tribe of one. She fails to fish, she fails to catch clams and she’s expected to be doing all of that alone. It’s hard to watch, really, and I think it’s an easily imaginable situation of just being isolated and feeling hopeless. Even if it’s not on a deserted island, everyone can *relate* to that feeling that Steph had.

What makes the above scene work is that it’s only brief. It’s the first 10~ minutes of the episode, so it never feels like it’s overbearing or *too sad* (for lack of a better term) but it gives such a strong insight into Steph that’s irreplicable in Survivor now. But after those 10 minutes, she’s able to get that map to join Koror. It’s absolutely insane, just seeing Steph cry tears of happiness from being able to integrate with the other tribe. Her reaction to the tribe catching 13 fish was such a celebration for Steph and it was really nice to see her in an environment where she did well. She takes a “backseat” of sorts for the remainder of the episode, but at Final 8 she certainly shines again.

I did a Janu writeup at the time, so y’all know my thoughts on Exile Island and how it’s potentially one of the most well-crafted episodes for a single storyline (and an EASY 10/10 episode for me and my very close favourite of the season, though that’s controversial). Stephenie’s role in this is actually fairly small, but it’s the episode that I think sells the emotion of Steph’s story the best. Even as Janu wants to leave the game, the Koror tribe decided to devalue her wishes and were adamant on sending Steph home. The logic makes sense, of course, Steph was a far bigger threat, but I can only imagine the isolation of feeling like no matter what happens, they care more about sending you home than about respecting everyone else.

Throughout the entire tribal council, you just see Steph start to put the pieces together as she listens to everyone saying how votes are no longer based on who you like - and Gregg who just flat out says “you’d rather have someone in the game who doesn’t try than someone who gives 5 million percent”. It really sets the dark tone of the entire Palau endgame, as they pretty blatantly disregard Janu because if she truly wants out - she could do it at any time. As Probst questions Stephenie, she breaks and just tearfully talks about how she’d kill to be there, but she knows she’s in the hot seat regardless of the tribe lying to her.

I think the emotions really get sold - but also her fight gets sold really well. As Janu quits, Steph refuses to take any accountability for it, because she doesn’t want to have her name tied to the quit because to her, that makes it not worth surviving. It tells us a lot about Stephenie and just reiterates that all the fight we see is sincere. This all leads us to her boot episode, where thanks to Caryn sucking, she’s unable to claw her way through another day and finishes the season in a respectable 7th place.

That’s about it for Stephenie though. It’s hard to really write about her in more detail because her story is in your face - and the main story of Palau for the majority of the season. Is it the most complex, delicately crafted story? No. It’s one of the circumstances. And the circumstances that Stephenie found herself facing created one of the most sincere storylines that the show has told us. Sure, the heroism isn’t intertwined with every fibre of Steph’s being - but it’s a relatable underdog journey that inspired a whole generation of Survivor contestants, and to this day, is well remembered by casuals and superfans alike. And for me, it’s the storyline that I’ll always remember my first time watching. And I hope I did the tough job justice.

​

Franky494: 3

rovivus: 12

DramaticGasp: 10

Schroeswald: 15

supercubbiefan: 6

TinkerKnightForSmash: 17

Theseanyg22: 20

​

Average Placement: 11.857

Total Points: 83

Standard Deviation: 6.583 (7th Highest)

12th: Ian Rosenberger (Palau - 3rd)

​

why does ian look like rob c

/u/Franky494:

7-time endgamer? I don’t see it. I don’t have anything too unique. I agree with his praises, I just think that a 3-episode story isn’t enough to be the only person to have never been cut. Top 50? Sure. Past that? Ehh. Maybe another rankdown will finish the job.

/u/rovivus:

Still the only character to make every endgame, congrats to Mr. Rosenberger! Ian is a splendid character, and the chain of events that culminate in him voluntarily climbing off a buoy in the Pacific after nearly half a day is just breathtaking. The only reason I would have been fine with Ian not making endgame is because I think Tom’s masterful manipulation is much more interesting than Ian’s mournful surrender. Ian’s story has much more pathos, but it almost seemed inevitable given the context and there’s something just cruelly brilliant about how Tom intentionally crafted the father-son relationship in a way that made the outcome seem preordained. Regardless, Ian is a wonderful character and I’m excited to read his writeup.

/u/DramaticGasp:

After reading past writeups on Ian, I get the hype a little more. But I'm still not all that high on him. He has an exciting storyline in his last two episodes, but besides that? He's pretty much just there.

/u/supercubbiefan:

For most of Palau, Ian is an adorable supporting character with very fun friendships with Katie and Tom. However, Ian has made endgame all seven Rankdowns specifically because of the last three episodes of the season, when Katie and Tom grow angry at Ian for losing his moral compass and betraying their friendships. Ian’s struggle with staying true to his ethics while trying to win Survivor, culminating in the classic moment of Ian stepping down the final immunity challenge in exchange for restarting his friendships with Tom and Katie, is one of the many reasons Palau is my 3rd favorite season of all time.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

He's made endgame every time for a reason. The tension between him, Tom and Katie is legendary, and him giving up immunity is an all-time great challenge for a reason.

/u/Theseanyg22:

The last episodes of Palau are some of the best Survivor has to offer. This has been well documented in plenty of rankdown writeups.

~

/u/Schroeswald:

Ian Rosenberger and The End of Survivor

Seven times. That’s how many times Ian Rosenberger has made it to endgame. No one else has made it every single time, not Richard Hatch or Jonny Fairplay or Cirie Fields. At least one time every single beloved or iconic character has missed out on the mystical spot. When Ian entered SRVII he had several people prepared to cut him, partially for this reason. Is he really the best character? Is he all that good? Isn’t it just more fun if he doesn’t make endgame? I’ve heard these arguments from nearly every one of my fellow rankers (except Mana/Tinker, the one other person who has him endgame). It would’ve been very easy for him to miss out. Probably would’ve made this stage easier for us. But I just couldn’t let it happen. I couldn’t watch my #1 disappear, not without a fight. That’s what every rankdown has done. Most rankdowns have had at least one person notably low on Ian. But every one of them has failed, he’s been deal protected and idoled and just not cut in time. I am but the latest in a long line of people willing to do everything to protect him. And that’s what separates Ian from Hatch and Fairplay and Cirie. They may be beloved. They may even usually outrank Ian, he’s only made it above all three once and outranked only Hatch and Cirie once each individually. But Ian Rosenberger inspires the type of love that means in every rankdown someone has fought for him to make it to the top. With all that preamble out of the way, let’s look at why.

Only two people in Survivor history have lived through the experience Ian did during Survivor: Palau. Those two people are Katie and Tom, the people who held onto the pole next to him at final 3. The experience the people of Koror felt is unmatched and the final 3 of Palau felt the most crystallized version of it. Ian, Katie and Tom managed to sail all the way to the final six without facing any major difficulties. This does mean that Ian’s story is a lot heavier in the last 3 episodes than the first eleven but I don’t think this is a real problem. Ian is a visible character for the whole season. He’s introduced early on and we always have a good idea of his relationships and place in the game. And the reason his story is able to hit the emotional heights of the final 3 episodes is because he wasn’t doing much earlier on.

He wasn’t however doing nothing, and the show makes sure to set up the important facets of Ian early on. The premerge needs to establish three things, what Ian is like, his bromance with Tom and his friendship with Katie. It does all of those things. Ian’s a very nice dude, naturally likable and sweet. Everything he says does a great job of getting you on board with him because he never has something bad to say. He’s trying to survive and enjoy himself and he’s doing a good job of both of them.

He forms a pretty instant bond with Katie and Tom, day one, before the tribes are formed. They are the first 3 members of the Koror tribe and they end up as the last 3. Ian has a pretty playful rivalry with Tom. They both want to provide for the tribe and they’re probably the two strongest challenge competitors in the tribe. But Tom is much stronger. At every step he simply outclasses Ian. Ian gets a massive clam for the tribe and Tom catches an actual shark. Ian definitely wants to match up with Tom but he can’t really. Being the sidekick doesn’t bother him all that much but it’s definitely noticeable.

His relationship with Katie is a lot more equal. Ian is definitely more capable than her in… everything, but Katie doesn’t really care about that. She just wants to hang out and he does a great job of doing that. They joke around and play, one time they put on a fun little puppet show. It’s not especially visible but we know they’re friends.

This is how the game goes for Ian at the start. He jokes with Katie, he hunts with Tom. He wins some challenges. It’s simple but it’s supposed to be. And they all know it can’t last forever. Katie attempts the first strike, trying to drum up the votes to get out Tom at the Steph boot. It goes nowhere of course, Ian knows he has to get out Tom but he’s not ready yet.

And thus begins final 6, and that’s where things start getting really interesting. I was at the edge of my seat for pretty much my entire time watching these last three episodes even having already read an Ian writeup summarizing them for me. Because at this point Ian has his alliance of five, him, Katie, Tom, Jenn and Gregg, and Caryn is also there. But the five are all restless to make a move, it’s just a question of who does it first. To Ian it seems like the first move is going to be Katie, Gregg and Jenn’s. The three all find themselves on a reward after eliminating the rest of the tribe in Touchy Subjects. But at the same time Ian, Tom and Caryn are on the other side to speculate about their plans.

And here’s where Ian shows that he’s not just here to be the little bundle of joy we’ve spent the season falling in love with. He’s here to play the game. Ian comes up with an especially devious plan. If Katie, Jenn and Gregg really want to team up to get out him and Tom, **strike first**. The two of them and Caryn will vote for Gregg. Either they’ll go to rocks or Katie will flip to avoid rocks. Ian and Tom are willing to do both, will she?

This is a pretty genius move honestly. Katie really seems close to flipping and Caryn is far more likely to stick with Tom if they need her than Gregg is. But it’s also a very cold betrayal. No one is planning on voting out Tom or Ian this round. Ian is telling his closest ally and confidante that he doesn’t trust her to follow their final 3 deal. And that’s probably fine… as long as you stick to your guns. But Ian is not devious or cold, he doesn’t have the balls to go and betray Katie like that. At the very last second he goes up to her and tells her the plan. And that ruins everything. It throws away the “it’s just a game don’t take it seriously” argument. Ian’s being very openly about caring about her. He’s promised to protect her and to never write her name down. But at the same time, he’s still betraying her. He’s not involving her in the decision making. What it makes him look like is a spineless coward, too afraid to commit to betraying Katie because he wants her as his goat. Now really only the first part of that is true. But the second part is much more important to Katie’s anger.

Ian does in fact get that Katie is mad at him and tries to make it up to her by promising to take her in the next reward if he wins. This is also vital strategically because Tom and Ian need to lock in their alliances with Caryn and Katie, so they can be on opposite sides of the reward spectrum. But Ian is a bit of a dumbass. He’d also promised Tom that he’d take him with him on any car related reward. This takes precedence in his head and so he takes Tom, leaving the girls all together to plot, and Katie even more pissed. And Katie plots and strategizes with the girls and Ian plots and strategizes with Caryn and Tom… which he screws up. He dances right between sticking with his deal with Katie and locking in a deal with Caryn and does neither. But he returns to Katie to try to talk it out.

The conversation is less a “talk it out” and more a “series of tearful screams”. It’s one of the most emotionally raw scenes in Survivor history. They put their cards on the table, Katie feels betrayed by her best friend and Ian just wants her to understand that he’s not trying to betray her. Ian sincerely apologizes for everything and they hug it out, and he promises to stick with her and try to not do anything else stupid. While he never does betray Katie he breaks the second half of that promise.

Ian’s position in the game is brought into question once more at tribal because Caryn sucks. She throws everything into question by exposing every single aspect of wheeling and dealing they’ve been doing with her, just another pile of suspicion onto Ian. But right now that doesn’t matter, because Tom is the biggest threat left in the game. Jenn, Katie and Ian make a deal, he beats Tom in the FIC and they all vote him out. And then oops Tom still wins. Time for Plan B, Kiss Tom’s Ass. Now would Ian have actually voted for Tom? It’s unclear and I lean towards probably not, but it doesn’t matter because Ian let’s slip that he might have. Ian and Tom’s deal was to go to the final 3 together with Katie and fight it out in the FIC. Even though it hurts Tom’s game he tells Jenn that he has to vote out, he’s loyal to his buddy Ian. In what would be the final minutes heading up to tribal Tom says that he might’ve just lost himself a million dollars, and Ian thanks him, saying it’s a hard choice.

This is the very first thing that hurts his relationship with Tom and it is disastrous. Because for Tom this wasn’t a decision really. He was going to stick to Ian because that was his word. But if Ian is willing to vote him out… what does that make that promise? And for Tom it’s absolutely in his best interest to vote out Ian. Ian is his biggest threat both in the jury and in challenges and it would be way smarter for him to enter final 3 with Jenn and Katie. And Jenn confirms that Ian wasn’t just thinking about it but told her that he was voting him out. Ian tries to escape this confrontation, but he can’t deny what he did. It only makes him look more shady because he (eventually) admits the promise but dismisses it as just the game, and he denies that he really was going to do it (while not actually saying that he would). At tribal he even tries to minimize the deal, calling it a gentleman’s agreement to do their best to take each other to the end. And then he lies, claims that he fessed up to the deal with Jenn beforehand, when he very much did not.

It’s important to understand, Ian is in the wrong. He tried to betray Tom who did nothing to him. Tom was willing to throw his game away for Ian, and Ian was preparing to stab in the back. And even worse he won't just fess up to it! He keeps dodging it and making half confessions and half apologies and half justifications. Tom votes for him for very real reasons that don’t have much to do with strategy (although of course voting for Ian is the strong strategic move). But that doesn’t change what Ian feels. Ian is still that sweet ball of fun from way back when at his heart. He wants everyone to like him just as much as he wants to win. When he’s in a confrontation he’s just trying as hard as he can to appease them and so he says whatever comes to mind that will make Tom forgive him.

But Tom doesn’t forgive him. Tom votes for his buddy Ian. In some ways it doesn’t really matter. Ian easily wins the tiebreaker and Jenn goes home anyways. But on the other hand it matters a lot. Like I said, Tom had every right to do what he did. Ian showed his willingness to break his promise, so Tom broke his. But he still broke the promise and Ian never did. Despite the chaos of the last few rounds the final three that was formed on the second day remains intact. Ian, Katie and Tom made day 38 together. Katie feels disrespected. Tom feels betrayed. And Ian feels attacked, especially as his friends yell at him. He just can’t see what he did wrong. He stuck with his friends, but he can’t do what Tom wants. Tom wants an apology or an honest confession and Ian still wants a way to thread the needle, to do both and neither.

In the morning he talks to Katie. She tells him to fight to get to the end, and asks him to take her. He says he will, and she says she doesn’t know if he will. In confessional Ian is broken. He never wanted to be the villain, he never wanted to betray or backstab. He tried to not do that. He tried to stick with his allies, and in that he did technically succeed. But he also wanted to win. He asks if what he did is any different from everything else. And honestly? Not really. Ian played the game same as Katie and Jenn and Tom and Caryn and Gregg. They all maneuvered and plotted and backstabbed. Ian’s heart is just in the way. He wanted to do right by everyone, and in the end did right by no one. But he puts himself together. He commits to keep playing, and sails out to the final challenge.

Ian steps onto the buoy he will spend the next half a day on. They’re all prepared to fight it out and none of them are willing to quit. This time around he’s finally going to one up Tom and he’s going to win the million and prove that everything was worth it. It takes four hours, until past dusk but Katie steps down and the two face each like they promised. After 8 hours they finally begin to offer deals. Tom offers Ian the chance to make the final 2 like he swore he would. Just step off and he’ll take Ian instead of Katie. Ian says no, and he says no, and he says no. He promises that he won’t go out on Tom’s terms, that if he doesn’t step down he’s going to win. But the hours pass. Nearly four hours later Ian comes up with a solution. He’s spent the time lost in thought. He’s thought of everything that’s been weighing him down, the broken promises and betrayals. And he makes his offer.

Ian steps down. Tom votes out Ian. Tom and Katie make the final 2. An unprecedented decision. Quitting at the end when you have a real chance to win is crazy. But Ian will do crazy if it means winning back the friendship and respect he’s burnt. He’s said that their friendship means the most to him. And to show that he’s burning the whole game away. The game he probably would’ve won if he stayed just an hour longer. All for respect and friendship. Now Tom’s not mad enough to not want to be friends with him. Not in a million years. But he’s certainly lost some respect. And this move really shows exactly where Ian’s heart is. It says who he is on a deep level. Ian really is the kind person we started the game with. He values his friendship more than a million dollars. And he jumps off the buoy.

A weight has clearly been lifted from his shoulders. The fun jokey Ian is back. He smiles, he laughs, he hugs his friends. Even when Tom gives him a chance to back out he says no. He wants his friends right there in the final two without him. So Tom votes out his buddy Ian. They say goodbye, Katie throws him a kiss, and Ian is all alone, having finally figured it out.

The Ultimate Shock is my favorite episode in Survivor history. It’s gripping, it’s heartbreaking, it’s human. The tragedy of Ian Rosenberger reaches its peak, and then by one last twist of the road it ends in happiness and beauty.

I’m writing this in a google doc named “The End of Survivor”. And that’s because to me that is what happens when Ian jumps off the buoy. Sure there are other seasons I love. Panama is great, I’ve spilled many words about Gabon and by now I think you’ll have seen my Tai writeup to know I adore Kaoh Rong (I think you’ll also have noticed a few similarities between those two of my favorite players). Heroes vs Villains is great and there’s a lot to love and like about even more seasons. But in the end they’re all kind of unnecessary to a narrative arc that began in Pulua Tiga and ends in Palau.

Ian’s decision is not just a climax to his arc but it’s in conversation with every other season of Survivor. Survivor began in Pulau Tiga, with a dark thesis statement. Only the strong survive. To win this kind of game you have to be the sneakiest and cleverest snake. You can’t care about others. Kelly Wiglesworth and Richard Hatch are the dirtiest in the game and the one who wins is the one who was willing to cop to it. This pattern repeats itself in nearly every season. Tina Wesson is no hero she just looks like one. She asks those whose feelings are hurt to suck it up. Vecepia Towery and Neleh Dennis are morally bankrupt little hypocrites. Vecepia is dirtier but she’s just a little less hypocritical. Brian Heidik is the most inhuman there is and Clay Jordan for all his faults is deeply human. Jenna Morasca is the popular bitch and Matthew von Ertfalda is the nerd who never got people to see his strengths. Lillian Morris sincerely wanted to not hurt others and Sandra Diaz-Twine never gave a fuck. Chris and Twila both lied and cheated and stole, but Chris lied right to the end while Twila was honest, and the bullshitter won.

It’s a cruel cruel game, every action you make hurts others and in the end as long as everyone’s trying to win someone will get hurt. Even in Africa and ASS where the more moral player really does win the game is dirty. Both Ethan and Kim J relented to everything done by Lex that got them there. ASS saw two dirty people and just picked the person they hated less who did in fact happen to be better. The storylines of these early seasons contrasts heavily with the survivor that came later. Those seasons try to ignore the darkness at the core of the game. They throw in twist after and twist that hides as best as it can the darkness of the game. They try to pretend that what it takes to win means nothing on your conscience. They claim being hurt is bitterness and bitterness is against the spirit of Survivor.

To both of these Survivor: Palau says bullshit. To the future it shows exactly that this isn’t just a game. Not one person in the final 3 thinks that. They are friends first and if they are playing a game it’s war. And no one’s claimed that war is not emotionally taxing. But looking at the past it sees these tragedies. It sees these looks at the awfulness of human nature and it picks another option. What if there’s something more important than a million. What if you pick friendship and respect. That matters more. Ian, Tom and Katie travel to the pits of hell together in the game. But they find a way to be happy. Ian finds the spirit of Pagong, and picks his friends.

​

Franky494: 20

rovivus: 14

DramaticGasp: 15

Schroeswald: 1

supercubbiefan: 17

TinkerKnightForSmash: 6

Theseanyg22: 11

​

Average Placement: 12.000

Total Points: 84

Standard Deviation: 6.583 (4th Highest)

13th: Shane Powers (Panama - 5th)

​

thank god for shane powers in babylon

/u/Franky494:

Shane is…a weird one. I really like him for 95% of the season, and the other 5% I absolutely hate him on my screen. He definitely brings an element of discomfort, and watching him consistently snap on people was sometimes a hard-watch, but psychologically seeing Shane interact with people and his Shane-isms was interesting and some of the most memorable scenes on the show. I do think that 5% should be acknowledged - but it does speak to Shane’s merits as a TV presence that even with that, I still have him at my #12 spot.

/u/rovivus:

Shane is the person I’m least excited to see make endgame, but I took a deal for him to get here so I can’t really complain about it (yes, locking Lex into endgame was worth it). Like I said in my cut for Crazy Dave nearly a year ago, one of the traits I find least appealing in a Survivor player is volatility, and unfortunately Shane has that in spades. The way he berates people like Courtney and Danielle is utterly unacceptable, and nicotine withdrawal is not an excuse for behaving like a total jackass. Shane would be a bottom 20 character for me if not for his relationship with his son. I have no doubt Shane is an excellent father, and his tender, loving relationship with Boston shows a glimpse of humanity I don’t really see with his tribemates.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Shane is just such a messy character, and I love it! He was the main reason Casaya was such a mess. His journey of going through withdrawals was captivating while also being entertaining. Him not getting voted onto Cambodia was such a travesty.

/u/Schroeswald:

Shane is the one character in this endgame I didn’t actively let in here. Everyone else is in my endgame or I deliberately took a deal to let them get to endgame. Shane lacks complexity but he is the second funniest character in survivor history which does a lot. I can’t really endorse a character who’s just comedy relief being among the best of the best but I understand why others might.

/u/supercubbiefan:

Shane Powers 1.0 really is “ADD…psycho boy”. Quitting smoking hours before Panama began, Shane will entertain us all with his wild arguments with alliance members Courtney and Danielle, his “blackberry” and his “thinking seat”. I can’t ask anymore from a character.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

He's Shane. That's the best I can do to briefly describe him. His chaos alongside the crackhouse that was Casaya is what makes Panama such a great season, as it started to slowly fall apart once Terry got the idol, with Shane as an important reason for this downfall.

~

/u/Theseanyg22

Shane has always been one of my favorite characters of all time. During voting for Second Chances when he didn’t make I, for the first time ever proclaimed I am not going to watch this season because Shane didn’t make it. Of course, I was there premiere night, but still. I loved the character so much I did the cliche never watching this again.

But this is was just barely in the infancy of Rankdowns, I maybe only started reading them around that time. So my favorite characters were a lot of the ones that just made me laugh so yea Tarzan actually probably was in my actual top 150. It’s not poop, now that’s entertainment! This rankdown has changed how I view characters. Story is more important to me now, downfalls and what nots. Narrative does matter, how they interact with the rest of the cast matters. But still, if I enjoy watching you, you will rank high.

So Shane is one of the funniest characters in Survivor history, we all know this. Going into my rewatch I was like I know Shane has all these funny moments but was it just a collection of funny moments, half of them naked? Shitty apartment is one of the greatest conversations in Survivor history, Bruce’s medivac is clearly the best medivac in the history of the show. The Survivor gods shined down and somehow had Courtney and Shane be alone with Bruce when it happened. If the show was written by writers, I don’t think they could of came up with a better scene. The Blackberry of course, which I actually think isn’t that crazy. People should do more things that remind them of home, remind them of their normal life to calm down out there. If I played I think I would need an rock Iphone out there to keep me sane. Pretend post on the rankdown. Use it for my game. Be like hey if you don’t make this move you are going to get a bad edit. You don’t want to be in the irrelevant tier do you? Right in between Rachel Ako and Brady Finta? I didn’t think so! Shane also has this way of talking that is so funny, like I don’t like flea or saying Sir God. The walk he does when Dannielle calls him the cool guy. The fact that I think she picked him because he had a Boston tat, not knowing it’s his sons name just proves that Sir Survivor God used divine intervention to create this alliance.

So is he in the endgame just because he’s funny. Yea sure, but he’s in my top 10 because his story is fairly good and he brings out the best in the other characters. Would the Cirie giggle be as iconic without her laughing at his diaper rash. Shane and Courtney need each other. Its one thing to be the one crazy person on the tribe and have people react to that. But to be the crazy person being like “hey did you get a load of that crazy person” is way better. And it’s a relationship that needs each other strategy wise and they know that. Which leads to Cirie’s epic move which I think opened up a new way of thinking. Before the meta was vote threats out and keep the crazy to the end to beat them. But Cirie realizes I won’t get to the end if these people have goat options. It’s an interesting dynamic and I’m glad all three are here. Plus he has good content with Danielle and Aras and the constant storyline of “why are all these people together”. None of them particularly like each other but they are all bonded together because its their best bet.

Then Shane’s story is pretty good too. Basically it boils down to cigarette addict has to go cold turkey for 30 plus days. That already is a storyline better than most. But his relationship with his son also helps humanize them, he’s not just some lunatic. He is here to play for his loved one and will not go back on any word he used involving his son. I mean yes any family content usually humanizes a player but I’m struggling to think of many players with a loved one they love as much as Shane seems to love Boston. Yea he’s hard around camp and some of his yelling crosses a line and I don’t love the one fat joke he makes ( but so does Fairplay and different time blah blah blah). Shane is just a complex character who is more than just a collection of funny moments and is one of the main reasons Casaya is one of the best tribes of all time and makes Exile a top 10 season despite La Mina being half the cast!

​

Franky494: 12

rovivus: 21

DramaticGasp: 9

Schroeswald: 20

supercubbiefan: 11

TinkerKnightForSmash: 10

Theseanyg22: 4

​

Average Placement: 12.429

Total Points: 87

Standard Deviation: 6.079 (6th Highest)

Wins tiebreaker

14th: Randy Bailey 1.0 (Gabon - 8th)

​

i too, am rooting for a carolyn win for 44

/u/Franky494:

Randy is great. He’s one of my lowest in this endgame, but overall I had a pretty good draw of endgamers so it’s definitely not a negative on him necessarily. He contributes a lot to why I enjoy Gabon, and his negative energy is refreshing for a lot of the season - sincere and (for the most part) he knows just when to stop. He also has an elite downfall.

/u/rovivus:

If there’s a way I would describe Randy, it would be… endearingly mean-spirited? Randy has a gruff exterior, but he plays it up and is way more of a kind and thoughtful person than he likes to let on. Unless you are Sugar. Or Crystal. Or anyone on the OG Fang tribe. The original Onion alliance is just kind of the petty bourgeoisie of the Kota tribe, but it’s really fun to see how Randy ingratiates and endears himself to a group of young urban professionals that it would appear he shares even less in common with than the people he despised on Fang. Randy gets a fitting taste of his own medicine at his boot, but the reason he’s not higher in my endgame rankings is that Sugar isn’t depicted as equally mean-spirited, and his ouster is framed as a triumph of good over evil when in actuality it’s a triumph over asshole over asshole.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Randy is just a gem. Gabon is such a legendary season and Randy is a large reason for why it's so great. Randy is just such a troll and he's so negative but in the best way possible. He's not toxic, he's not problematic, he's just miserable. It's entertaining!

/u/Schroeswald:

Something something biblical metaphor Garden of Eden. (JK, he’s great, a wonderful villain with some surprising complexity. No objection to him getting here even if I don’t have him here myself).

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Has an all-time satisfying downfall. He's consistently smarmy, snarky and rude towards fellow castaways, and it's so satisfying to watch him get screwed by the fake idol.

/u/Theseanyg22:

How is Randy endgame and Corrine anti endgame for me? They are both meanies but Corrine is so try hard and Randy is just himself. Also Randy is legit funny.

~

/u/supercubbiefan:

Randy Bailey, Gabon, 8th Place

At the *Gabon* reunion, after we watched Randy fail to win his first *Survivor* season, we learn more about Randy outside of the game. Is IRL Randy Bailey the same angry soul as *Survivor* character Randy Bailey? Well, we learn the answer: a hardcore **yes**. In one of my favorite reunion segments of all time, Randy informs host Jeff Probst 1) he surprisingly used to be happy and have girlfriends, 2) his dog has been his best friend for the past fifteen years because his pet would never lie to him or cheat on him, 3) he brought six random strangers to the finale instead of friends or family (which is fucking LOL, so Randy), and 4) the IQ test, which labeled Randy with the 2nd highest IQ in the first 17 seasons of the show,“…has gotta be flawed because…[**FOCUSES ON FINALISTS SUSIE, SUGAR AND BOB SITTING IN FRONT OF HIM**]…I mean, these Einsteins in the front row.” <3

I can’t think of a better way to represent the hilarious personality of the one and only quote machine villain Randy Bailey. Randy’s entire character is an asshole who hates his tribemates, will constantly let them know of his hatred for them, and is on a mission to create as much conflict on *Gabon* as humanly possible. This is why his downfall is one of the best of all time: unlike other *Survivor* downfalls, Randy’s competitors legitimately *despised* him and couldn’t wait to make Randy as miserable as he’s been making them all season by humiliating him with a brutal blindside.

In episode one, we’re introduce to the miserable Randy Bailey with one of my favorite character-introduction confessionals of all time: “I edit wedding videos for a living. But I’m not the positive person in the world. I’m not a big fan of marriage, I will never get married myself, I’m almost sure of it.” <3 This guy isn’t winning anyone over on *Gabon* with his charm and positive attitude.

For the next several episodes, Randy decides 1) he isn’t going to sugercoat shit, 2) he will tell his tribemates all the reasons why they suck, 3) he will mercilessly mock his tribemates in confessional, and 4) he will begin “Operation: Let Other People Crash and Burn”. Oh, and Randy emerges as the funniest character of all time. You think Courtney’s better? You think Tyson’s funnier? No way:

• After Gillian suggests to the hapless Fong tribe that they should eat elephant poop, he remarks in a confessional: “This is our first day, and I’ve come to the conclusion that Gillian is annoying.” LOOOOOOOOL
• After British Gillian’s cheering annoys Randy during an immunity challenge: “I’m really getting tired of that accent.”
• While the Fong tribe attempts to nominate GC as the leader, Randy simply says “Good luck.” <3
• As Randy causes more conflict at Fong by demanding that they bring down their rations of rice to one meal a day, Randy argues “We’re all going to be hungry. That’s why it’s called Survivor.”
• After Corinne tells Randy about how Susie told her that she was thinking of voting her out, Randy says “Susie’s game is no game.” Lololololol
• After Randy argues with GC, causing him to quit as leader, this FANTASTIC sarcastic confessional by Randy follows: “GC, which stands for “Golden Child”, resigned as leader, which was probably the best leadership call he’s made since he’s been leader because he hasn’t led anything.” <3

It’s not surprising that Randy has one of the highest IQs ever. He has such a unique way of phrasing his hilarious roasts and he knows exactly how to deliver them in his deadpan delivery. However, Randy’s *social* IQ is definitely not as high, as Randy is on a mission to insult every competitor (who, you know, will will likely be on the jury later and possibly decide his fate in the game). Take his former Fong tribemate, Crystal. After losing a challenge, as Crystal cries because she’s not used to losing (I love this “Crystal the Olympic athlete sucks at Survivor challenges” storyline so much), Randy unnecessarily teases her with “Wah, wah, wah” <3, causing Crystal to call Randy “a troll under the bridge” LOL. Even better, at another reward challenge, Randy somehow pisses off Sugar, who he **hasn’t even met yet**. Yeah, after growling at Sugar, the actress responds with “Guy is so ugly over here. He’s such an ugly person. He’s mean.” <3

Randy is quickly gaining enemies left and right with his hateful remarks and determination of emotionally destroying future jury members. However, Randy surprisingly in a pretty solid spot come the merge, as he integrated his way into the douchey Onion alliance. Better for Randy’s villain character and future downfall, Randy **knows this**. At the merge feast, not only does he cockily say he’s the “king of Gabon” (which is fantastic foreshadowing), but he also comes up with the idea to throw away the merge idol (which he could have definitely used later on, wink wink).

Even better for Randy’s downfall, he totally underestimates the opponents who will beat him later on. When thinking about Susie potentially screwing up his plans, he condescendingly says: “Susie’s crazy, and Susie’s stupid, and that’s a horrible combination.” <3 When remarking on his enemy Sugar’s chances of beating him in the game: “There is a one in a billion chance that Sugar is, like, a rocket scientist and she’s hiding the idol.” <3 Oh wait, that’s exactly what she’s doing…

After a great round of Randy content in episode eight, including hilariously arguing with Matty for several minutes about how to make a golf shot that’s *inches away* from the hole during the golf challenge <3, revealing that he hasn’t been hit on in twenty years after dancing with a woman on a reward trip <3, and listing off all the reasons he hates Crystal **to her face** during a tribal council <3, we finally reach one of the best episodes ever: “Nothing Tastes Better Than 500 Dollars”.

At this point, the Onion leader Marcus and his sidekick Charlie has been voted out. Randy knows he and Corinne are both on a sinking ship. This leads to my favorite auction ever, which begins Randy’s tribemates **completely humiliating him** throughout the episode. First off, in a moment that’s not often remembered but should be, after Susie wins the bath, Randy proposes paying Susie $100 in exchange of allowing him to bathe her. Sugar’s response? “Ew.” <3. Susie’s response? “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” LOOOOOOOOOL.

But the real highlight of this auction is of course the classic cookie feud between Randy and his archrival Sugar. After Randy wins cookies for the tribe (which Randy hilariously wants to eat himself but Probst coldly reminds him that the cookies are for the *tribe*), Sugar rejects Randy’s cookie offering purely out of spite and wants to give her cookie to Matty. Randy responds with “It’s not yours to give to Matty. I’m the boss.” After giving the cookies to everyone else, for once feeling an ounce of compassion, Randy goes back to Sugar and offers his *own* cookie. In response, Sugar, in an iconic move, takes Randy’s cookie and **calmly hands it to Matty** <3. As Probst reiterates Sugar’s owning of Randy, Randy sarcastically says “Would you like to repeat that?” before saying in a confessional afterward “Sugar, she can kiss my ass.” <3

After the auction, knowing his time is running out, Randy tells Corinne “FYI, I’m crashing and burning today” before laying out his classic plan of annoying everyone so they’ll vote for him and then using Bob’s immunity idol to counter their votes. In a hilarious string of segments, Randy 1) loudly makes fun of Susie’s yawning, 2) tells Matty “There’s not a normal person among them except you, and you even whored yourself out.” And 3) AGAIN brings up the cookie incident to the merge tribe. After Sugar complains in a confessional “Randy is an ASS and I loathe him with every inch of my being.” <3, Bob hands Randy his “idol”, making Randy think he’s golden for the upcoming vote.

However, in a deserved ending for the asshole Randy Bailey, he is *not* golden. No, the idol Bob gave Randy is a fake, and Randy is on his way to getting voted out of the game in the most humiliating fashion possible. At tribal, everyone starts getting their revenge on Randy, including Susie calmly explaining to Jeff “He’s actually probably a person that’s really hurting. I feel kinda sorry for him because he probably is very sad.” LOL

As they go to vote, the hilarious downfall of Randy Bailey commences with the best streak of confessionals of ALL TIME. Sugar, time for some revenge: “You are a disgusting, old, hotheaded, chauvinistic, alcoholic bigot, and you need to grow up before you die alone. LOSER!” <3 Randy, your response with my favorite voting confessional of all time for Susie? “This vote is not strategic. It’s strictly personal.” LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. Crystal, finish off Randy please: “YOU HAVE MADE MY LIFE HELL FROM DAY ONE. FORGET YOU. GO HOME. GOODBYE!” <3

After Crystal finished screaming her voting confessional, Randy knew he was in trouble. This makes the moment of Randy playing the idol, Probst informing everyone that Bob’s idol is a fake and both Sugar and Crystal breaking out into laughter to be **absolutely priceless**. What an insane blindside and amazing end to the top-tier downfall of Randy Bailey. The bullied got revenge on the bully. Unbelievable.

Oh, and Randy’s final words are also incredible: “Being voted out by these bozos is probably one of best accolades anyone can get. To hell with these frickin’ people. I hope Corinne does well if she was not in on today’s plot, and I don’t think she was. You know, most of the others, with the exception of Matty, I hope they get bit by a green mamba.” <3

You might think that Randy’s best content ended after he was voted out. NOPE! Randy is the gift that keeps on giving. I love that during Randy’s rites of passage, Sugar says “You know what I’ve got to say about Randy?” and then she blows a disrespectful raspberry LOL. Randy’s jury segment (one of my favorites of all time) is even better, as Randy starts his speech with “I genuinely don’t like any of these three people.” <3

During his classic jury speech, Randy uses his opportunity to absolutely destroy the three finalists. After asking Susie if she can elaborate on her previous comment of feeling sorry for him, I love how he dryly remarks with “If you don’t know what elaborate means, that means tell me a little bit more” LOL. After Susie fails to give a genuine apologize, Randy hilariously swipes his hand and says “OK, I’m done with you.” before moving onto Sugar. After she confronts her enemy and tells Randy that he’s a jackass <3, Randy addresses Bob about humiliating with the fake idol, pleading “Please don’t make me vote for Susie, because she’s the only one that didn’t laugh.” LOOOOOL Randy then finishes off his “I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYONE HATES ME!” arc in such a perfectly Randy way during his final voting confessional (which is also one of my favorites of all time), when he screams so the jury and finalists can hear: “ALL THREE OF YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!” <3

Randy is the ultimate example of what a *Survivor* villain should be. His goal throughout *Gabon* is to create as much conflict as possible. His main form of communication is roasting his competitors. He has an epic downfall that completely humiliates him. Oh, and he’s the funniest character of all time. If Jonny Fairplay (who is one of the best *television* characters of all time) didn’t exist, Randy Bailey 1.0 would absolutely be my favorite *Survivor* character of all time.

​

Franky494: 19

rovivus: 15

DramaticGasp: 13

Schroeswald: 17

supercubbiefan: 2

TinkerKnightForSmash: 14

Theseanyg22: 7

​

Average Placement: 12.429

Total Points: 87

Standard Deviation: 5.940 (8th Highest)

15th: Tai Trang 1.0 (Kaoh Rong - 3rd)

​

absolutely wonderful human being

/u/Franky494:

Tai probably just misses my personal endgame, but I’m glad to see him finally make it here. Easily the highlight of Kaoh Rong, and he carries a lot of the heart of the season. It feels like the show also often neglects people who speak English as a second language - and Tai was a refreshing change from that which brought a whole new perspective of viewing. Also if anyone was robbed in Kaoh Rong, it was Tai. Sorry not sorry.

/u/rovivus:

Congratulations to Tai on making his first endgame! The Scot Pollard boot is my favorite episode of all time, and Tai is the emotional core. His descent into evil, agonizing internal conflict, and return to the light is a breathtaking story, and the moment Tai looks into Scot’s eyes and tells him he will not play the super idol is the best combination of character, strategy, and surprise the show has ever seen. It was UNFATHOMABLE that Aubry’s social persuasion would work out, and the fact that it did made the moment all that much sweeter. The only reason I don’t have him higher is because there’s some dissonance from how he goes from the biggest threat in the game early on to a no-vote losing finalist, but that is a minor quibble for an excellent character.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Tai is such a compelling character. I just rewatched Kaoh Rong, and Tai is easily the best character in that season. Not only is he an incredibly interesting and likable person, but he has a very captivating storyline as well. Tai is one of my favorite casting choices of all time.

/u/supercubbiefan:

Not only is Tai one of the most unique contestants in the history of Survivor, but he has one hell of an arc. Starting off an anxious idolhound who didn’t fit in with the models on his Beauty tribe, he soon goes over to the dark side and links up with the season’s menacing villains Kyle and Scot before finally standing up to his bully buddies and betraying them, proving he’s a hero in this story. This is a storyline that easily could have fit in an Oscar-winning feature, it’s that good.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Has one of the best heel-face turns in Survivor history. He works with Scot and Jason, until his guilty conscience kicks in and he refused to play his idol for Scot in a legendary moment.

/u/Theseanyg22:

Perfect blend of character, story, moments and pure likability. Should be an endgame staple going forward.

~

/u/Schroeswald:

Tai Trang: A Beautiful Soul

Tai Trang is the only Survivor character since Heroes vs Villains to make my personal endgame. I think it’s fairly obvious that I have pretty major favoritism towards old school seasons. My damage total towards the first four seasons is -2.2. Of my top 21, 14 come from the first ten seasons. And yet, Tai sits there very solidly. I fought hard to make sure he made his first endgame appearance here. Because he’s amazing and the only character since HvV that really manages to be executed to the quality of the old school icons. Tai’s story is central to the greatest season of the past decade. It’s a tragedy and a beauty and its star is a man we’ve never seen anyone like before or since.

The two most important facts about Tai are deeply contradictory. Tai is the most obvious “will never make the end cause everyone knows he’s a massive jury threat” character ever. But he’s also a zero vote finalist. The man who never could make the end makes the end and then no one even really considers him as an option. Is it because the Kaoh Rong jury has this uniquely game focused mindset? Well we can just ask Aubry about that but I feel the answer is no. But Tai didn’t make them not like him either. Tai Trang’s story ends with Mark the Chicken being loved by the jury as he releases him into the wild. So what is Tai’s story? He’s a beautiful soul trapped between his desire for a million dollars and his own heart. In that he is stopped apart by the game, and although he can keep his tribe mates love, he can’t keep their respect.

The very first thing we learn about Tai is that he loves all living creatures. That’s the first thing he says. This immediately applies to his vegetarianism and Mark the Chicken. But this also applies to his moral conflict overall. He wants the best for everyone on his tribe. His strong heart is what sells people on him very quickly. While he may protest about hurting plants and animals he is also a natural survivalist. He knows how to live on the land and so he makes sure that everyone else can learn from him. Tai may not be physically beautiful like the rest of his tribe, but his soul and heart is beautiful.

However the other half of Tai is just as important and that’s what gets him into trouble. Because Tai is also the first person to make a move. The second thing we learn about Tai is his adventurous spirit. He wants to play this game and go on an adventure. And naturally that first expresses itself by trying to find an idol, and in the process blowing up his game. While he does eventually get his hands on the idol it is only the first of many times Tai’s overplaying comes back to bite him.

At this stage Tai’s kindness and likability is still a massive asset to him, because in just a few days he wins over his first true ally in Caleb. Caleb and Tai are pretty much polar opposite types of man, but they both give each other a chance. Caleb the Hunter and Tai the Gardener can have a nice little bromance because that’s just the type of guy Tai is.

Tai’s bromance with Caleb unfortunately also leads him to his first moral conflict of the season. The tribe needs to eat and they have some nice juicy chickens available to them. Now Tai is a staunch vegetarian on a moral level. He does his best to protect every living being he can. But when his tribe needs to eat… well he can’t stop them. And unlike some other chicken lovers like Kimmi back in Australian Outback or Wendy a few seasons down the line, he knows the tribe needs protein and he knows that stopping them will do nothing but blow up his game. And so three episodes in Tai Trang, staunch vegetarian, has to do the unthinkable. He holds a chicken down as Caleb chops its head off and watches. This hurts Tai, a lot. He’s lived his life trying as hard as possible to protect life and here he was forced to help take it away. Now he’s not some gross hypocrite here, he hates doing it. He’s broken for much of the rest of the day, haunted by his actions. But he did do the deed, and in this we learn the third important fact about Tai. His values won’t always win out. This is not his last moral compromise.

And the next ones will not be coming from such an innocent place as his first. Caleb is a very different person from Tai but he’s not a bad guy. He wants the best for his whole tribe and asking Tai to let him kill the chicken comes from that, not malice. But Caleb is heartbreakingly medevaced, and his role is filled by Scot. And Scot’s goals are not so kind. We already know how Scot reacts to people who are weak, to those who displease him. He makes them his enemy for life. But Tai sees none of that, he just sees the gentle giant that comes from a happy Scot. After all, when Scot lacks an enemy he can be a pretty nice guy. He helps out around camp, he falls in love with Tai, boosting him into trees and making sure he stays safe in the game.

For the next few rounds Scot continues to look after him and so Tai sticks with him and his story is fairly uneventful. During Scot’s control of the game is when Tai claims the final chicken for himself, naming him Mark. Throughout the tumult of the coming days Mark the Chicken will stick with Tai, even as everything else falls apart. And boy do things fall apart. Scot, Jason and Tai find themselves blindsided by an alliance of the girls and Joe and they’re on the bottom. In adversity Tai gets to see a side of Scot that he hasn’t really seen yet. The man who loves all living things watches his alliance enact psychological warfare against the rest of the tribe. And when faced with another moral compromise Tai bends again. At first he tries to wash his hands of it. He says he disapproves of it but he can do nothing to stop it. But he’s still stuck right in the bottom with Scot and Jason. And you know, maybe they are right about this all being war. The next night the whole tribe is asleep, and Tai makes another moral compromise.

This one isn’t forced. No one asked him to out out the fire a second time. But Tai decides to take this psychological warfare into his own hands. And he puts out the fire again. He himself recognizes that this isn’t a good thing. But this one doesn’t lead to tears. He calls himself evil and he smiles. When tribal council comes he plays Scot and Jason’s game with the idol. At least for now Tai has picked his alliance over his morals.

But of course Tai’s morals can’t vanish from his view for too long. After the alliance gets their first victory no one is willing to continue the psychological warfare. Tai is the first one to propose peace, but he’s still loyal to Scot, because he only proposes it to him. He still takes the job of fighting for the advantage and he still wins it. But he’s not all in. He still wants to be kind. And that’s when someone finally reaches out to him.

Because here’s the thing, no one but Scot and Jason has talked to Tai in a while. The girls yell at them, they bargain with them, but Tai is just there with them. Except to Aubry. Aubry sees him as a human he is, and talks to him as such. She sees a weight on his shoulders no one else can. She asks him if he really wants to play like Scot and Jason, does he want psychological warfare? And in Aubry Tai sees someone with a heart. Unlike his past alliances she’s not some big and strong guy or some bombshell beauty. She’s a little misfit, just like him. And she tries to give him a path out, everyone just votes out Julia. He presents this option to his alliance, and they simply ignore him. Scot and Jason don’t see him as an active participant in their alliance. Tai doesn’t see it directly but they’ve already removed him from their final 3.

Aubry continues to reach out to him, because she still sees him. She offers him the choice to vote out Scot. He weighs out his heart and his brain, what helps him, what makes him feel right. He has to pick a side. At tribal he continues to say he’s sticking with the war, but you can see in face that he’s not happy, he’s lost in thought and contemplation. Can he really keep setting his morals aside for this game? And in the end the votes land on Scot. And he looks right at Tai for the idol. Tai stares right back, and it dawns on Scot, Tai’s not giving up the idol. He’s picked a side, Aubry’s.

Tai has also burnt a bridge. He betrayed his closest ally in the game and left his second closest ally on the bottom. He does his best to apologize to Jason but it doesn’t work. They all know that it’s kind of bullshit. Tai’s been too wishy washy, and his choice was too solid. We know that Tai’s kind heart isn’t a facade and that he’s doing his best to play by it. But that’s not what Jason sees, all Jason can see is the wishy washy flipper who burnt him.

And down the line that’s what everyone else sees. From here on out people see Tai as a threat because of his advantages, but they’ve stopped saying he’s obviously going to win if he makes the end. When Tai tries to get all the votes onto Michelle he’s 100% right. He’s got a good plan. But no one but Aubry can entertain what he’s doing, because he’s lost the most crucial thing, their respect. Despite the fact that Aubry agrees with him she even votes for Jason.

Tai is left reeling by this betrayal. He’s heartbroken because Aubry just had him throw away his whole alliance to do what she said, and she just refused to follow his plan. When he tries to hash it out with her that night she doesn’t talk to him and instead he’s stuck arguing with Michelle. Tai never saw her as a part of his alliance, but Michelle saw him as flipping to her alliance. Every time Tai tries to speak with “his alliance” Michelle points it out as another betrayal towards her. And then he’s stuck spending the day with her alone. Alone they hash it out and they learn about each other. Tai at his core is a man who lives by his heart. He finds the people he can bond with and he sticks with them. And for whatever reason Michelle never clicked with him the way others have. But all she sees is that he puts up a brick wall to those he arbitrarily decides he doesn’t like. With all this alone time whatever wall between them fades. Tai’s natural charm and lovability shines through for the first time since the swap. And he wins an enemy over to his side in a day.

However, they don’t take over the game. Because Tai’s first loyalty remains Aubry. Aubry reaches out again. She tells him that there’s no doubt in her mind that they make it to final 3. This willingness to work with him is everything Tai has ever needed, and he cries in her arms. But Michelle and Cydney still want him in their final 3 as well. This alliance he has no intention of sticking with, but one of them is going to end up in his group anyways, because Joe is medically evacuated. This saves him the pain of another betrayal but he doesn’t see it at the time. All he sees is another person he’s grown to love in pain. All he sees is another good man ripped from him.

He ends up siding with Aubry at final four. He makes it to the final 3 with her and Michelle, the two people he spent the last few episodes torn between. Tai tries to frame his game positively. He made many of the biggest moves of the season, trying his best to get to the end. And it got him there. Sticking with Scot and Jason would’ve led to his elimination. Everyone he targeted since then he targeted because he saw them as threats, he has acted strategically. But that wasn’t the whole story. Tai was driven by his heart in equal measure. He stuck with Scot because they were friends until Aubry convinced him that she was a better friend, and he stuck with her. Perhaps if either one of these stories were his whole truth he could’ve sold it to a jury. But they weren’t. Tai faces a jury that sees him as erratic, unable to make up his mind and constantly backstabbing. None of them can respect that, and none of them vote for him.

And so we return to where we started off with. Tai has no respect left, but he hasn’t lost that love. Tai Trang’s heart is still good. He’s cared for Mark the Chicken all game and taken him all the way to FTC. And the jury loves this. Tai has taken him through an entire game and made sure that no one would eat him. Tai’s failed at a lot of things but he’s succeeded at that. He returns Mark to the wild, and the same jury that just refused to vote for him cheer him with love as he says goodbye to his constant companion.

That’s the scene that completes Tai Trang. Yes the tragedy of all he goes through is strong. Easily the best post HvV and probably the strongest since Fiji. But that’s not all there is to him. Tai Trang is a good man and in the end he managed to make something work out, in one way he managed to make his morals fit into this game. And that’s powerful. That’s moving. That’s beautiful.

​

Franky494: 15

rovivus: 18

DramaticGasp: 12

Schroeswald: 11

supercubbiefan: 13

TinkerKnightForSmash: 12

Theseanyg22: 9

​

Average Placement: 12.857

Total Points: 90

Standard Deviation: 2.911 (3rd Lowest)

16th: Tom Westman (Palau - Winner)

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i love tom westman and you should too!

/u/Franky494:

Tom is someone who I feel like I should dislike more than I actually do - but he manages to get an edit that makes me always love him. It never felt one-dimensional, and we get to see his negativity as Tom gets raked over the coals at FTC in a way that often goes undertalked about (because Katie got far worse next to him) and that brings out a side to the golden boy that makes me enjoy him so much more.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Having rewatched Palau, my opinion hasn't changed on Tom. I still think he's incredibly overrated and boring. Predictable winner from the start and he's just very generic to say the least. One of the only bad parts of Palau.

/u/Schroeswald:

Truly a badass of the highest order. The greatest challenge beast in survivor history I can’t help but respect him. He’s also a vital component of the greatest 3 episodes in Survivor history. That helps him a bit. Nuanced and awesome while still the hero more than deserving of his spot.

/u/supercubbiefan:

His opening confessional defined Tom as a future badass winner: “I had a few people try to wrangle me into doing the fire, and I’m just like, that’s a loser job, man.” In addition, Tom’s friendship with Ian and their fallout is definitely one of the highlights of one of the best endgames of all time.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

The tension between his relationship with Katie and Ian is incredible, and the buildup and downfall of Koror is generally just an excellent plotline. Plus, he's just a fucking badass.

/u/Theseanyg22:

The last episodes of Palau are some of the best Survivor has to offer. This has been well documented in plenty of rankdown writeups.

~

/u/rovivus:

**Tom Westman 1.0**

Tom Westman is a winner. On their face, those five words may seem like a simple statement of fact, but upon a deeper dive, they are a glance at the psychological drive behind one of Survivor’s most intense and deserving champions.

To give you a sense of why I appreciate Tom’s game so much, I should shed some more light on my personality. If you conducted a Family Feud-style survey and asked my closest friends and family to describe me with one word, “competitive” would likely be number one on the list. Whether I’m playing Settlers of Catan, watching the New York Jets, or even doing something as anodyne as driving my car, I hate to lose, hate to feel as if someone else is beating me in competition. Heck, during this Rankdown, I obsessed about making sure my deals were as efficient as possible and did my best to ensure that nobody would “win” at my expense. Put simply, I don’t believe something is worth doing unless you do it to the best of your ability, and many times in my life I’ve had to tone this part of my personality down to remain a functioning member of society.

If there’s one character who embodies these attributes more than anybody in Survivor history, it’s Tom Westman. I wouldn’t say I see myself in Tom - he’s a heroic New York City firefighter and I’m a white collar schlub - but upon watching his game I can see that we are both driven by that unquenchable, pathological desire to win. (I hope I don’t sound like a sociopath, I promise I’m super nice in real life!!!)

Tom’s sense of competitive drive is the heartbeat of Palau, and propels the narrative action until it concludes in thrilling agony for Ian and ecstasy for Mr. Westman. Even before the schoolyard pick, Tom locks in alliances with Ian and Steph, defining the terms of the game before anybody else even knows it’s begun. From these actions, Tom dictated from the very start that strength and loyalty would be the two most valued attributes in the game, and who is more strong or loyal than a New York City firefighter? By subtly, yet decisively placing himself at the top of the social hierarchy, Tom prevented more relationship-based players like Jenn or Coby from taking control and laid the predicate for saving himself during the few times he was not immune, but was clearly the largest threat.

My favorite part about Tom’s position at the top is that it’s not unchallenged; throughout the season, he must deftly and delicately deflect doubts and dubious deeds to maintain his claim to power. His unilateral decision to take a new adventure and leave the camp they spent three days building is immediately and vocally questioned by some of the Korors, but do you know what cures all ailments? Winning. Almost like how Tony covers up his lies by lying some more, Tom covers up the arrogance and bossiness present in his leadership style by arrogantly and bossily refusing to lose. One of my favorite anecdotes about Palau is that Tom would absolutely pester Jeff Probst and production with questions about challenges, trying to find even the slightest loophole or advantage to earn his team the victory. This is what allowed Koror to decimate - quite literally, because as my high school English teacher always reminded me that word is used precisely to describe a decrease by a factor of ten - Ulong, despite the fact that the latter tribe probably had more physical strength.

Because Koror is so dominant during the premerge, most of the content we get about Tom is him doing stereotypically heroic things, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t totally awesome. Just based on statistics, half of the four best Survivor characters ever have caught sharks, and Tom’s hunt is just as epic as Hatch’s. What makes it so great is that Ian is feeling great about being the provider by bringing back a “birth of Venus”-sized giant clam, as Katie would say, and Tom one-ups it by chopping a fucking shark in half with a machete. This moment is a pivotal moment for Tom’s game, as he realizes that he can no longer keep his threat level low, stating, “the cat’s out of the bag that I am a strong player and that I’m fit and I’m not the old guy on the tribe. You can’t go back and now pretend that you are less than you are or that you don’t have capabilities. It’s kind of done.”

After the Ulong tribe goes extinct, the first threat to Tom’s supremacy manifests itself in Coby Archa. Although I’m glad that Tom prevailed in their conflict, Coby serves an essential role as the conduit for the portions of the audience that sees Tom’s strategy for what it is; a stacked deck that gives him the best odds of winning. Coby perceptively sees through Tom’s honor and integrity bullshit, telling Probst that “all these people are playing a game, there are already alliances built, they want Stephanie as a vote.” This is Tom’s first true threat in the game, and he compounds it by getting absolutely hammered after his new Palauan friends bring liquor to commemorate the merge. However, it’s utterly fascinating to see how deftly Tom is able to reestablish himself at the top of the food chain, convincing his tribemates that Coby should go to maintain tribe harmony when there’s still another easy vote in Steph.

From this point, his fivesome of Ian, Katie, Tom, Gregg, and Jenn waltzes to the final 6, where he makes his next crucial move of the game: pulling in Caryn. While it’s true that Caryn is the one that approaches Tom with the information that Katie wants him gone - and that Tom doesn’t believe it until it’s corroborated by Ian - the reason Tom’s game is so impressive is because of how he weaponizes honesty. Because Tom tells Caryn at first that he cannot step out of the alliance and that she needs to “pull her own salvation,” it makes it much more believable - and Caryn much more willing to go to rocks - when he comes to her with the idea of sending Gregg home. This, in turn, provides Ian and Tom the leverage they need to strongarm Katie into avoiding the rock draw, thus cementing their spot in the final four. During a round where Tom failed to win immunity, the fact that he escaped tribal without a single vote to his name is a wildly remarkable testament to the strength of his game.

Oh baby, then we get to the final four, where the environment Tom has carefully cultivated finally pays dividends. From a purely strategic perspective, it seems like Tom will need to win out in order to get to the end, as neither Katie nor Jenn have any incentive to keep him should he be vulnerable. However, this is where his relationship with Ian comes into play. From their first few minutes on the island, Tom has cultivated a father-son bond with Ian, developing a relationship built on their mutual values of strength and integrity. This tie has served as a security blanket throughout the game, and neutered the potential attacks on their power described above. Importantly, as the father figure, Tom has always has more power in their dynamic, willing to give Ian some agency when it’s not really significant but always able to reel him back in to suit his own objectives.

Oh baby, then we get to the finale, an absolutely doozy of an episode. By winning the Final Four immunity challenge, Tom gets the chance to put his loyalty to the test, and instinctively protects Ian without a second thought. Incredibly, he tells Ian **DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF JENN AND KATIE** “in spite of how tempting it is to cut you loose and let you fly tonight, I can’t do it. I won’t do it. Because of the bond we’ve made and the promises we have.” At this point, Tom has put his word ahead of a million dollars, and demonstrates he will take Ian to the end even if it means losing the game. Everything Tom does is intentional, and this is a not so subtle way of continuing to exert power, reminding Ian, “hey buddy, **your** fate is in **my** hands.”

But then, Ian slips up. Oh, dear lord does he slip up. He tells Tom, “if I had won immunity today, it would have been a really difficult decision for me.” This is not the first time Ian has made a seemingly innocuous, but massive blunder, as he told Gregg at the final six that a seemingly straightforward Caryn vote “could be interesting.” However, unlike Gregg, Tom is a shrewd sunnovabitch, and he immediately picks up on what this means; the young whippersnapper was willing to break his word. What comes next is Tom at his finest; utterly relentless, allowing Ian’s youthful naïveté to continue digging the hole that results in his ultimate demise. The second Jenn casually remarks that Tom would have been gone had he not won immunity, it seals his victory in the game. From then on, he gets to be the honest guy, take the moral high ground, **and** browbeat Ian into submission.

Not only does Tom get to register his discontent with Ian by forcing him into a fire making contest, but he gets to do so at the most dramatic stage possible: Bob Bob Buoy. The most fascinating part of the challenge is that while Ian shows vulnerability in the beginning, during the middle he is steadfast in his desire to win. When Jeff asks Ian at hour one what he is thinking about, he says, “it was a pretty rough night for me last night, so I’m thinking about a lot of stuff.” When asked at hour four how confident he feels in his chances of victory, he responds, “pretty confident, but you never know what is going to happen.” However, after hour eight, when Tom first offers him a deal, he says “no way. I’m hanging out here for a while. I like it up here. ** I’m not going to go out on your terms. If I don’t step down, I’m going to beat you.**”

Pray tell, what changes? It’s simple; the longer Ian is up there, the more he gets into his own head. His rationale is, “I’ve thought about how to reconcile my differences, my hole gets deeper and deeper, I can’t leave my game with that on my shoulders.” However, the only reason Ian even feels the impetus to make this move is because Tom has allowed him to sit in the guilt and the shame for every second of the past twenty four hours. He **knows** Ian is susceptible to such guilt tactics, as he’s watched a similar dynamic play out with Katie for the past week.

People point to Ian as the more interesting character in this scenario - there’s a reason he’s made every endgame - but I find Tom’s perspective so much more fascinating because of how intentional it is. Ian is impulsive, prone to slips of the tongue and making rash decisions based on his emotions. In contrast, Tom is in total control, and able to use every shred of experience from the previous 38 days to secure the victory. Plan A is beating Ian straight up, something he’s done several times before and is fully capable of doing again. Plan B is taunting Ian into stepping down and beating him at the final two. Plan C is just letting Ian think, and walk into the trap that is set for him.

The only reason these strategies work is because Tom is 100 percent confident he will win if he gets to the end. Why is that so? It’s because Tom wrote the rules at the beginning of the game, as he knew they were the ones that gave him the greatest chance of victory. By the time Ian makes a fool out of himself in front of the jury on night 38, there’s no way he can win a FTC vote, because he’s failed to live up to the standards that Tom made then norm on the island. It’s unsurprising that the only person who doesn’t vote for Tom - Coby - is the only one who never bought into those norms. To me, the relentless intensity Tom shows in molding the game to his strengths is breathtaking, and the reason he is my #2 character of all time.

In many ways, Tom shares similarities to the shark he killed; at the first scent of blood, he’s ready to pounce and convert even the slightest mistake to his advantage. In a game where people who talk about honesty and integrity are immediately castigated for not being able to back it up, Tom walks the walk and weaponizes his biggest skills in the real world in a manner that nobody has been able to do before, or since.

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Franky494: 11

rovivus: 2

DramaticGasp: 20

Schroeswald: 13

supercubbiefan: 20

TinkerKnightForSmash: 8

Theseanyg22: 19

​

Average Placement: 13.286

Total Points: 93

Standard Deviation: 6.873 (2nd Highest)

17th: Keith Nale 1.0 (San Juan Del Sur - 4th)

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keith nale is Him. keith nale is That Guy. keith nale is The Man.

/u/Franky494:

Nale’d it. What a fun presence. I don’t really see him as endgame but he ended up higher than I expected just from sheer enjoyment. I’d be surprised if anyone ever hated Keith, even if they objected to his endgame showing.

/u/rovivus:

I LOVE KEITH NALE. Keith would be comedic gold on any season, but the reason he is so great on San Juan Del Sur - and that there is an endgame case for him - is because of his family dynamic with Wes. On the exterior, Keith doesn’t seem like the most heart-on-your-sleeve emotional guy, but the pressures of the island bring out his sensitive side, and it’s truly touching to see him express his pride in his son (and equally hilarious to be his son’s number one supporter in the Eatin Nuggets Contest). Plus, he blew up one of my least favorite gamebot’s (Reed Kelly) spots in an absolutely hilarious manner, so bonus points for that. Stick to the plan, and let Keith make endgame.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Keith is a really strong character and is a lot of fun. Every second he's on the screen is great. He's so unintentionally funny and is constantly providing entertaining moments.

/u/Schroeswald:

Keith was my favorite SJDS character coming out of the season. I don’t quite remember why. He’s a lot of fun with some solid relationships and something of an underdog story and some decent BvW content with Wes. I’m very excited to see the case for this.

/u/supercubbiefan:

One of the best characters simply for being himself. I find it absolutely hilarious that Wes, a big superfan, dragged his wacky father Keith to casting and Keith became the superstar Nale America adores. Wes and Keith were quite the comedy team on SJDS, and I’m very happy Wes convinced his dad to go on Survivor.

/u/Theseanyg22:

I value just straight up entertainment value slightly more than story in my rankings. Keith is an entertainment and quote machine.

~

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Keith Nale is an absolute wonder. In an era where dead serious strategists have started to become the norm, Keith stands out as a bright light of a personality. He's not a strategist, not in the slightest. He's shown throughout the season as a bumbling, southern loon who just so happens to make a deep run because he's loyal and beloved. He's a king of one liners, and is an absolute goober until the end. However, his character goes much deeper than "goofy southerner". No, no, I'm going to explain why Keith is so deserving of an endgame spot. He had to make endgame eventually. Because he's debatably one of the most important characters in post-Heroes vs Villains Survivor. His massive popularity warned production that goofy guys who suck at Survivor is what the average Survivor viewer wants to see, and not strategists with little else of interest about them. But they didn't listen. And thus, the Big Movez era soon began after SJDS, leading to viewership steadily declining as well. They gamebottified Keith in Cambodia, for Christ's sake. But, anyways, alongside demonstrating why Keith is one of the most entertaining personalities in Survivor history, I will also be explaining how Keith is the antithesis of what Jeff and production want Survivor to be, making him an incredibly fascinating character to analyze through a meta perspective.

Episode 1. The season premiere. And Keith is out there in the wilderness with his son, Wes. Being the ol' redneck duo, they *should* be one of the most fit duos for this game. But… they lost the striker for their flint almost immediately. Well… depending on who you ask, as Keith immediately blames Wes in a pretty funny moment, as they start bickering pretty quickly, but in a manner that's really endearing to watch, setting a standard for Keith's character. It's Wes's time to shine, as he'd say… but Keith isn't so sure. Wes thinks Keith's time's been gone, but Keith points out, in an immediate character defining moment, that Wes is about as mentally strong as a rock. But, it's shown that Keith isn't necessarily that much more mentally strong, as he and Wes try and bumble their way through explaining how they lost their striker at their introduction. But Keith's social skills are in full force here: he explains what happened. They lost their striker, so they tried to get fire going with a rock… before breaking the flint in half. Which is one hell of an introductory moment for a Survivor character. It absolutely stands out amongst everyone else here. But to Keith, what *really* stands out here is John Rocker: relief pitcher for the Atlanta Braves, who Keith states was an ass when he played, and might still be an ass now. Which is yet another example of classic Keith one-liners. But, anyways, in the initial loved ones duel, Jeremy beats Val; however, Keith is sent to Exile with Val. Keith didn't have this path of his game mapped out like this. He's not happy about it. And is especially not happy about his piece of paper being blank. He recognizes that her piece of paper is probably important… but eh, if it has to do with Val's tribe, that's not important to him. Which, again, shows that he's not as mentally strong as that rock either; if either of them could've gotten it, then why would it be exclusive to Val's tribe? But anyways, Keith shows off another important point of his personality here: he's from Louisiana, and, in his own words, hasn't been any further north than Arkansas. Considering that there's a lot more people from outside of the South this season than inside it, it shows that there's really a lot of culture shock for Keith when it comes to the other people in this game. As someone from the deep South, I can assure you; there's a lot more differences between Southern culture and that of the rest of the United States. So, Keith's differences are

understandable; however, he does find one thing in common: Jeremy is a firefighter, as is Keith, which shocks Val, saying "Get out!" to which Keith responds "Get in!", which, I'm shocked I've never heard anyone use that follow-up outside of SJDS. But, Keith ends up rejoining his tribe after the immunity challenge, and he starts immediately trying to work his way into the tribe, immediately bonding with Jeremy.

Episode 2 kicks in and, subtly, you can see Keith's strategy at work in the background, which I feel like is a really nice touch for his character, even if inadvertent. And, hell, the strategy might be inadvertent on Keith's part, but it makes his story so much better. Because he's consistently in the background working on camp stuff in the background of several shots. Why is this strategy? Because he's making himself seen as more valuable by working so much on camp life, which very well might tie into his southern background. Work ethic is a major part of Southern culture, and he definitely demonstrates it here. Which, to be utterly honest, kind of reveals an entirely new aspect of Keith's character to me that I never noticed before: among people who represent the diverse, advanced lifestyles this season, lifestyles of modern, big-city America, Keith is a full representation of Southern life in America. And maybe I'm grasping here, but dammit, as someone who has exclusively lived in the southeast US, Keith absolutely feels like a pure, unadulterated depiction of the South, but… he also doesn't feel like a caricature like other Southern Survivor characters. But, anyways, Keith doesn't get any confs this episode, but that still felt worth noting.

Episode 3 is another episode that strongly demonstrates my point about Keith being an embodiment of Southern life and how different it is from the rest of the country. In a bit of a more negative way, though; Drew is lying around sleeping in camp because he got frustrated that he couldn't get the hang of weaving palm fronds within 30 seconds, and Keith doesn't like this. He says, not knowing if he can say it on camera, that if Drew was his kid, he would spank/whoop him for that. Which, it's not a good thing at all that he still thinks that it's a viable punishment. But, of course, that's culture differences for you. As someone who grew up in the south, it took until less than a year ago to realize that this line was considered problematic by some people. Which really explains the culture shock between the south and the rest of the world. It absolutely isn't okay, but we've grown used to it and considered it the norm. Then, Keith is pit in a duel against Wes. And Keith lost to his own son. But he isn't upset in the slightest; saying "I've got 30 years on him, but I'd say it was pretty close". He loves seeing him come along as a young man. And he's getting emotional, which surprises Wes. Which, unfortunately, makes a lot of sense for some pretty not great reasons. In the South, another major aspect of social culture is toxic masculinity; a lot of deeply rooted issues here come from toxic masculinity. And male mental health is treated as a joke. Men aren't supposed to cry. So, why should a tough manly man like Keith let his emotions get the best of him? As Wes states, he hadn't seen him cry since his great grandfather passed away, which checks out a lot for the south. Crying is pretty much reserved for death and that's it. Keith quickly rushes over to comfort him as he mentions this, though, before Jeff hops back into Jeff mode. Wes sends Josh to head with Keith to Exile, and they have some fun banter on the way there. Then, they get to the urns, and Keith gets the clue! He needs that idol, and only Jeremy stands in his way. Josh states that it's an unlikely pair, for a Louisiana hick like Keith to get along well with a gay guy from New York, which I've been saying this entire time. They're so different, but… really, when it comes down to it, they're not all that far apart. And Keith states this too; Josh is a good ol' boy, just not Keith's good ol' boy. Which isn't the best look for him to say that, but it feels like it comes from a place of pure respect, rather than a slight towards Josh; just as the "there ain't gonna be any spooning" line comes off more as a playful jest that, admittedly, comes off as a bit insensitive, and like something someone would say to me in an attempt to offend me IRL, considering that I'm an LGBTQ+ guy from the US; although, it still fully contributes to his portrayal as a perfect portrait of a resident of the southeastern US. But, that's all for his content this episode.

Episode 4 sees Keith start to bumble around in finding the idol. Which, there's no better way to describe Keith's approach to the game than bumbling. And he finds nothing; thus leading to him assuming that means that Jeremy has the idol. Which tips Jeremy off on him, as Jeremy starts yelling about his accusations while Keith just vibes in the background, which is honestly absolutely hilarious. Then, Keith decides to just poke and prod a little more, leading to him finding the idol. This is a major win for Keith's game, as he's on the bottom. However, he'd probably have been screwed here had Drew not thrown the challenge and put a massive target on his own back. But this is what makes Keith a great character; he's obviously strategically inept, but he somehow bumbles to the end in such a strategic season. And then, Keith busts out into an argument about the idol situation with Jeremy. Why? Because he knows that something like that can't just be between two people in a game like this. Frankly, it's a wonder he bumbled past this episode. But he did. With only one vote to his name; and with that excellent spectacle of a tribal argument, to boot.

Episode 5, and there's a swap. Which leads to Keith getting put on Coyopa, with 3 pairs of loved ones, and just Keith on his own. He knows it's not good, but hey, he'll do okay! He's in a rock in a hard place, but he's got that idol in his boot as a back-up plan. Leading to a shot I unreasonably adore, and probably my favorite camera shot of the entire season: Keith sitting at the end of a pier alone, with the other 6 all having fun in the water together in the foreground. This shot perfectly illustrates what Keith was talking about in his confessional. Everyone else is pairs, and he's the odd man out, all alone, with nobody but his idol. And then it cuts to a wide shot of the same image; the 6 all together, with Keith alone. And fuck, the cinematography this season is great. Also, more on Keith bumbling, as he doesn't notice the issue with Missy dealing out extra rice at all, and gets very excited about it, as any self-respecting southerner would if told they were getting more food. At Tribal, Keith knows he's in trouble, but he's in luck; Kelley and Dale had a rivalry with Missy and Baylor, which gave him an opening and let Keith get rid of Kelley. Him asking Jeff "Y'know what I'm gettin' at?" is hysterical, too.

Episode 6 comes in, and this is probably the episode I have the least to say about Keith in so far. Including the episode where he did absolutely nothing except work on the shelter in the background. He's planning to just take Dale put, so he can reunite with ol' Wesley and they can dominate the game together! Boy, I sure do bet Keith and Wes are gonna be a great duo come the merge! Keith takes out Dale, coming out with two votes against him (for reasons i can't really think of lmao, I zoned out mid episode. Not enough Keith), and that's it for the premerge for Keith.

Episode 7, Missy and Baylor finally state why they voted Keith; it's because they wanted to make sure Baylor was safe in case Dale played an idol. And Keith is rightfully upset, as we see him mad for the first time this season, sternly asking why his name was written down twice, and what was going on. Why wasn't he told this before tribal? What if Dale voted for him? He's clearly upset and hurt and confused, and it's the most serious I think we've seen Keith all season so far. As he says, "I need someone who stays loyal. I'm done with y'all. I'm hanging you to dry", which is potentially the most Southern way he could've put that. And then… merge time! Finally, Keith gets reunited with ol' Wesley! He's excited to play with him! He couldn't care less about Missy and Baylor! And this is just… an unreasonably funny confessional to him. Then… Keith forgets Wes's birthday. Josh wishes Wes a happy birthday before Keith, which Keith doesn't react to in the moment, and breaks down laughing about in another hilarious confessional. Of course the guy bumbling his way through the game would also happen to forget his own son's birthday. So he roasts him a crab as an impromptu birthday present. Which is a very out-of-place scene, but still funny nonetheless. Then, Keith wins individual immunity! Yippee for Keith! And, yet again, we can consistently see Keith's work ethic at work as he's consistently working on camp work in the background of every scene. And then, Keith and Wes agree to working alongside the pairs. And then Julie quits.

Episode 8 rolls around, and Keith wins a reward! He wins a taco bar reward, and acts out of the loop, as he says Julie was his pick for the vote, even though it was obviously Jeremy, a fact that even Jeremy himself knew. Which, I mean, his entire main storyline is him hilariously bumbling his way into being a massive threat, so, pretty in character. And then Keith tells Wes to slow down on scarfing down everything in his sight. And then gives us the classic "He ain't been to jail yet, but he does make some mistakes" confessional, which is his only confessional of the episode, but an absolute classic nonetheless, and, again, the perfect embodiment of a Southerner. Like, I know at least 50 people who'd give that exact lime for a situation like that. And then "That's my boy, overloading over there" is such an underrated line. And also everyone gets mad about how him, Wes and Alec are very uncouth. With Keith's whole "if you were my kid you would've been whooped" thing, which, valid to be honest. And then Baylor mentions they're nothing without Baylor and Jon's vote. As we all know, Keith fails miserably without them; but that's besides the point. Funny foreshadowing, though. And then there's also him trying to keep Jeff from taking the immunity necklace. And then him calling out Baylor being lazy to Missy's face, which makes Baylor talk about how ridiculously stupid Keith is. Which, again, bumbling idiot he is. And then there's the ol' "Everyone has gas!" monologue, which, as juvenile as it was, was pretty funny. You can't deny that.

Episode 9 comes in, and Keith is betrayed by Jon. He's been lied to for 18, maybe 17, days. But hey, it's just part of the game. Even if he's in a bad place. So, he really might need to play the idol. Just get them to all vote him, play his idol, and boom, Jon or Missy could be out. Anyways, there's a reward challenge that Keith is kinda funny in. The way he just slaps Alec off and everyone just chants "KEITH!" is extraordinary. And then Keith also thought it was a pretty good move for Nat and Jeremy to give up their reward spots for Jon and Jac. Also, Reed "randomly" chose to look in Keith's bag and found the idol note, which, lol, why Keith of all people? Also, Baylor being so shocked about Keith having an idol is another step in his "bumbling threat" plotline. But, anyways, Keith absolutely hates people sneaking through his stuff. And it makes him terrified. Also, Jon and Jac start yelling about how Keith refuses to talk to the women, and rarely talks to Jac or Baylor despite them being important. Which, honestly? Fair, considering he always refers to Jon and Jac as just Jon. It was probably bait for Keith to play his idol, but still. Anyways, Keith votes wrong, but he stays in the game and Jeremy goes instead.

Then, episode 10 hits. And, Keith yelling "Great move, guys!" is a wholesome moment, and really a defining character moment for him. Also, Reed needing to explain strategy to Keith like he's a toddler is pretty funny. Especially since he's like "Yeah, that's a good plan!". Also, him threatening to have a father-son talk with Wes after he steps down from immunity over chicken wings is pretty funny; as is Jeff saying "Keith's feet are looking purple!", Keith not acknowledging it, and then Wes saying almost the exact same thing afterwards. At Tribal, Keith starts lying horribly when Jeff asks a question about the idol, which, you have to admit, is pretty funny. Not as funny as Keith saying "Stick to the plan" when it's supposed to be a secret that he's working with Reed and Alec, though, because that's one way to blow up your game completely. Like, seriously, I miss this from modern Survivor. Nowadays, everyone watches every single word they say as to not tip anyone off about anything. Here, Keith tips everyone off about everything, leading to Jon playing his idol, Keith playing his, and Wes going home with two votes, leaving Keith without his loved one. Breaking up one more pair, with two left in the game.

Episode 11 starts, and Keith is immediately chastised for his "stick to the plan" disaster by Reed and Alec. And Keith doesn't realize how Jon knew that was "the plan". Bumbling his way through everything as usual, screwing everything up for everyone because he's just taking the game at his own pace, like any average Southerner would. Which, it's worth noting at this point that Wes was the Survivor fan that applied to the season, and that Keith was taken along as his loved one. Keith doesn't really know much about Survivor. He's kind of just learning it as he goes, which makes him pretty unique in the grand scheme of modern Survivor. Then, in the reward challenge, Keith is shown to… not know people too much, as he immediately gets the first question wrong. And he, Reed and Alec are out of the challenge immediately, showing that they're at the bottom. Then, reward is just… given to Missy. And it's obvious Baylor, Missy and Natalie are at the very top, which Keith and Co take as an opportunity. Except, Reed and Alec are the ones mainly working the magic, and nobody's really worried about Keith. And he wins immunity, securing him to the next round! Reed then goes home, and it transitions to the next half of the episode. Then, after Natalie wins a reward challenge, she gets to pick people to go on the reward with her. She picks Jon and Jac; and while Missy complains about how it sucks to be left out of a reward that'll be rubbed in her face, Keith just scoffs and says "I'm used to it" which goes to show exactly how on the bottom Keith has been all game. So, Keith takes Baylor and Missy to get water while Jac, Jon and Nat enjoy the reward. And Keith is Jon and Jac's initial target for the round. But a blindside is organized to take out Jon. Yet Keith still feels on the bottom. He's behind the 8 Ball, as he puts it. But he just hopes someone will fold and vote his way eventually. Yet, Jon wins immunity, which *should* mean Keith is screwed, right? Especially considering that Baylor very much doesn't want Alec to go. Keith talks with Natalie about how… hey, it's the smart move to vote him out. He's a challenge beast and has friends on the jury. Which, he completely bumbled into, mind you. No hard feelings. Do what you have to do to win. And then, Keith mentions that the jury is sharper than giving Jon the million because of his father having brain cancer. So, votes are read, Alec somehow managed to misspell Keith as Kieth, and… shockingly, Alec is taken out over Keith due to a rogue vote from Natalie on Alec. And Keith bumbles to another day.

Episode 12 now, and Keith not going was awful for Jon. Keith is so good physically! Him staying could screw up a lot of plans. He could bumble his way to the end! So, Keith is off on his own again, sitting by the river, when Natalie approaches him and confesses to him. She flipped the vote onto Alec. She was the rogue flipper. And Keith responds with the same enthusiasm as if he was talking about traffic. Which is a peak aspect of his character; he cares more about the people than the strategic game. And Keith knows he's just squeaking by. Keith quips about how it's 30 days into this thing, and he finally has an ally in Nat. They're both not worrying about Jon and Jac; the homecoming couple, as Keith calls them. Of course, he's just who Nat wants to flip in her plan against Jon. Also, lol @ Jeff pointing out Keith specifically needing a shower. And he wins it! He gets to go on a spa day with Missy and Baylor! The most Keith of rewards! He's immediately treated like a king, given a pina colada and all the spa food he could need. And then Keith points out how bad Missy's ankle has becomr; making her fully realize that the situation really *was* serious. And then, as Keith does, he goes off and does Keith things with the food; between him being utterly confused at the food before spotting some "goobers" (nuts) and calming down, and him telling Baylor "Slow down on that rabbit food! You don't wanna get like Wes!" Then, Keith hits us with the classic, #1 law of the South: "It's a girl thing, but there's food! As long as there's food, it's a guy thing." And spa food's not too bad! It's got bacon on it! Also, "I'll come out of here looking like George Clooney!" is an underrated one-liner, as no sane man would say that in a Survivor context. And this side of Keith piques Baylor's interest! He's actually really cool, and not a generic old fart! Also, him referring to a massage as "extracurricular stuff" lol. Anyways, Nat keeps up the impression that Keith is the boot… but really, Keith's in on the vote! The plan he sticks to is to split 2-2-2, with 2 on Jon and 2 on Jac, with them voting Keith, with the plan being to blindside Jon. And, Keith answering Jeff's question before he asks it at Tribal is great. Then, the Jon blindside is pulled off, and he's sent packing 2-1 on a revote.

And then, the finale. With Keith's finale intro of. "Bet you're surprised to see me again, ain't ya?", you should know you're in for a good finale. And he thinks he's got this down! Just keep telling yourself that, buddy. But jokes aside, Keith wins a challenge advantage early into the episode! Yippee! And Keith gets to practice the challenge, alone- which is important, since he's still on the bottom. And he gets it down pat! And he keeps practicing, because it's important to get that necklace! And he does get that necklace! And his brain is so scrambled on his way back to camp, he has no idea how to give the confessional after he won. But he ends up doing it right. And then holy fucking shit did Keith's cat noises have me wheezing. Also, again, the openness at Tribal is refreshing. Then, Baylor's gone, and everyone sets a goal to not let Keith win F4 immunity. Because he fucking did it. He bumbled his way from sticking to the plan, into being the biggest threat in the game. And fuck if that's not a good storyline. But, sadly, Keith's reign of absolute accidental brilliance has to come to an end; Keith loses the final individual immunity challenge to Jac; saying "Aw, I couldn't get that for nothing!" But Keith is very much not bitter, or upset. Even telling Jac that it's great that she won this challenge; that if she had to win one, this would be the best one. So, Keith knows that he has to pitch on day 38 as to why he should get a shot at the million, so that he can get a pitch on day 39 as to why he deserves the million. And he pitches that Missy already has Baylor's vote, and will get sympathy votes for her sprained ankle. Something. He's gotta grasp onto hope somehow. But Keith is unfortunately taken out here in a 3-1 vote, which makes sense considering that he bumbled his way into being the biggest threat imaginable. So, with a final "Bye, y'all!", he's out. But, of course, you also have his interview during the finale, where, after being voted out, he was asked a few questions. He says, in probably one of my favorite quotes in Survivor history: "If you were to ask everybody 'Is Keith coming back from the moon, or is he sitting and having a spa day in Nicaragua?', they'd say I'd be coming back from the moon." Then, Keith at FTC is upset. The last words Nat told Keith were a lie. He gets it, but he didn't like the constant lying. He went through half this game without an alliance, without lying. But… he doesn't understand what he's trying to verbalize, so he goes to sit down.

Anyways, that's Keith's entire character, basically. Summarized down, he's got a storyline, despite what some people would have you believe. He's consistently incompetent, and makes inane decisions, yet somehow bumbles his way into being the biggest threat in the game by f5 simply by being Keith. It's easily one of the funniest Survivor storylines in history, and it's not the forefront of the season, but it's consistently going throughout the whole season; from day 1, to the finale. Is Keith debatably more of a side character? Yes. But if he is a side character, he's easily the best side character in Survivor history, between his hilarious, comedy of errors of a plotline and his being debatably one of the best portrayals of a Southerner in television history. He's hysterical, and frankly, I get why some people don't think he deserves endgame; however, I at least hope this made you understand why some people think he does deserve endgame.

Franky494: 16

rovivus: 16

DramaticGasp: 14

Schroeswald: 19

supercubbiefan: 18

TinkerKnightForSmash: 9

Theseanyg22: 12

​

Average Placement: 14.857

Total Points: 104

Standard Deviation: 3.485 (5th Lowest)

18th: Maryanne Oketch (42 - Winner)

​

wonderful image

/u/Franky494:

My first deal of the rankdown, and my last place in the endgame. Maybe I took it too early? Probably. But she’s still a lot of fun and probably around 75-100, so I can’t be too mad if she’s my lowest endgame rep. She’s such an authentic person and that was beautiful to see in an era of the show where many feel generic, and if anyone from the new era made it - Maryanne is definitely one of the people I’m fine to see here.

/u/rovivus:

I’m so happy we live in a world where Maryanne Oketch is a survivor winner. She has so many fun memorable moments - including her crush on Zach, hijinks with her mailbox and the bunny idol password, and just general brilliant personality - that I sometimes forget about her role in the Tori boot, which provides the depth that gets her this far. It’s absolutely heartbreaking that she felt she had to play her idol to avoid accusations of playing the “race card” with Drea, but she beautifully summed up what it is like for a black woman to play Survivor in a way that was direct, yet understanding of people like Jonathan who might be ignorant to issues of implicit bias. Her FTC performance might be my favorite of all time, and in an era defined by the “monster” of the game, Maryanne is a joyful reminder of how fun Survivor can be

/u/Schroeswald:

If a new era character was to get in I can’t be too upset by Maryanne. She’s a lot of fun and I really love that someone like her pulled off a win and even did it while keeping most of her personality and having a decent storyline contract with Mike in the FTC. Mad respect to Joey getting her here, hope it doesn’t happen.

/u/supercubbiefan:

I’m very, very, very happy Maryanne made endgame in her first Rankdown. Not only is she one of the most relatable contestants to ever play, but she’s the first winner growth arc in the history of the show (Fabio doesn’t count; he was generally liked by everyone even if he was left outside of votes). Maryanne started off 42 a total outcast on her tribe Taku, as her tribemates complained about her over-the-top personality. Maryanne ended the season with one of the best final tribal councils of all time and the jury literally cheering her on. What an arc. What a character.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Pretty fun in the premerge, but honestly doesn't feel different from someone like Erika or even Cassidy Clark once the merge rolls around, other than the Tori boot tribal. Just feels like a generic strategist with a mildy interesting personality, which absolutely isn't enough to elevate someone to endgame.

/u/Theseanyg22:

One of the most interesting winners edits, felt we knew what she was about. No watering down her personality just because she won. Gives me hope for top notch characters even in the new era

~

/u/DramaticGasp:

Before I get into my reasoning for why I have Maryanne at number 1, I just wanna give some closing thoughts on the rankdown as a whole. Feel free to skip them if you just wanna read the main writeup!

I've always enjoyed ranking things. Whether it be ranking albums, seasons of TV shows, characters, or even more ambitious projects like ranking every look from drag race (4800+!), it's always been something in my nature. So when I found the rankdown communities, I knew this was the place for me. Going through past Survivor and Big Brother rankdowns have been a blast, and I've always wanted to do them ever since. So thankfully I was able to do both the Big Brother rankdown and now the Survivor rankdown over the past year. This has truly been a dream and I'm so grateful to be apart of this. The community is genuinely such a fun thing to be apart of and I've loved every conversation I've had over Reddit and Discord. It's given me something to look forward to each day and it's also given me the opportunity to talk to so many amazing people. So as cheesy as this might be, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you to everyone in this community for being so accepting and welcoming, I'll certainly cherish this experience.

**Survivor: the greatest social experiment of all time**

Survivor is such a unique show. In my opinion it's THE best social experiment on TV. It introduces us to so many different walks of life and teaches us important lessons as well. I truly feel like Survivor and it's community has made me grow tremendously as a person. It gives us important insight into various dynamics and shows us how certain people react to given situations.

But what really sells all of this is obviously it's characters. The castaways on Survivor aren't just TV characters, they're real people. They're people we can root for, root against, or relate to. Throughout the 43 seasons of Survivor, we've been introduced to so many people. Hundreds of people have been willing to showcase themselves on such a daunting show like Survivor. Because of all of these people, I feel like I've taken away so much from Survivor. To me, that's what makes a great character. Someone I can relate to as a person, someone I can root for, and someone who teaches me important lessons.

However, entertainment and engaging storylines also make for a great Survivor character. At the end of the day, I watch Survivor for the entertainment. Though I highly value the lessons I learn and how much I relate to a given character, I also just want to be entertained. If a character has all of these qualities, then that's what truly makes them an amazing character. I feel like very few characters have all of these qualities. That brings me to Maryanne Oketch herself, who in my opinion is the best example of a character who has all of these qualities. Before I get into Maryanne herself, I also wanna take this opportunity to share why I like modern Survivor much more than most as I haven't really given my opinion on this.

**Modern Survivor: is it better than old school Survivor?**

The answer for me is yes. I know that sounds crazy and just stupid, but hear me out. Yes, the authenticity and originality of the old school seasons are great. The storylines were more captivating and better told than modern Survivor. But to me, modern Survivor is just more exciting for me. It's faster paced, the casting is much better, and we get to see how much the game has evolved over the decades the show has been on.

Survivor 42 is one of my all time favorite seasons. Though it has it's faults, it's still just such a great season for me. The twists and forced personal segments are definitely a negative, but that's really it's only flaws. Besides that, this season has it all. The casting is arguably the best it's ever been. Every character has potential and mostly every character reaches that potential. Every single episode is entertaining and there's something engaging and exciting throughout. Whether it be Maryanne and her shenanigans or Mike and his unpredictability, this season constantly provides.

I know this is a very unpopular opinion within the rankdown community especially, but I stand by it. Though I still love and appreciate old school Survivor, I just think modern Survivor is the superior product. Now onto the main writeup.

**Maryanne Oketch: the greatest castaway of all time**

From the very second the Survivor 42 cast was released on Inside Survivor, I just knew I was going to love Maryanne. From just a single picture alone and very limited information, I knew Maryanne was going to be someone I would root for. Her bright smile alongside being from Canada, what's not to love! She just has that charm that a single picture can make you fall in love.

But seeing the season 42 promos alongside her meet the castaway video confirmed how much I would love her. Seeing the clip of her and Omar looking shocked was just hilarious to me. Her meet the castaway video was also great and she instantly sucks you in with how much personality and charisma she has. I just knew she was going to be the person I rooted for all season. Did I think she was going to win? Absolutely not. I thought she was going to be an early out. But I still picked her as my winner pick and picked her first in my family draft just because I liked her so much.

When season 42 finally aired though, my god, I fell in love with Maryanne even more. She had it all. Charisma, rootability, charm and entertainment. It didn't even take 5 minutes for Maryanne to solidify herself as an all time great. I knew even if she went out early, she would still be a top half character. Hell, she might've even been my favorite first boot had she went home first. But little did I know, she would go onto win the game with the most engaging storyline of all time.

That first episode was such a great episode for Maryanne. Instantly she was so excited to meet Jeff. She was just oozing with joy and excitement. Her joy was both palpable and contagious. Later in the episode she volunteered to get on the boat, which she then imitated the boat by making boat noises. Little things like that are just more reasons to love Maryanne. Anyways, we get her personal inspirational segment where she says, "You can be weird too and you can succeed". Though I don't like how forced these inspirational segments are, I ended up really liking Maryanne's. It was really endearing and it helped us get to know Maryanne more as a person. Later on we get the best Maryanne scene of the episode, her reaction to Jackson leaving. Jackson revealed he's leaving and Maryanne immediately starts BAWLING. It's almost comedic how instantly she broke down crying. Jeff's reaction is the best part of that moment too, he looks so judgemental towards Maryanne and it's honestly really funny. Overall Maryanne had a great premiere episode that introduced us to her perfectly.

Moving forward, Maryanne continues to be the star of the show. Right away into episode 2 we get more of a focus on Maryanne. We got the great quote "HERE'S MARYANNE!" from her. We also got "Hi I'm Maryanne from Survivor and you're watching CBS! do doo do doo" too which made my laugh. But these moments segwayed into her tribemates revealing she can be quite annoying at times. This sets Maryanne up to be in a vulnerable position and also foreshadows her potential boot at the tribal this episode. Anyways, they get to the challenge and it turns out Zach was the first person voted off. Omar whispers something about Maryanne's crush being gone and Maryanne then reveals she did infact have a crush on Zach, "Zach is like every type of white guy that I have a crush on!". Literally everything she says is gold and she's an infinite source of entertainment. Like it's just so funny to be crushing on some guy on another tribe within the first few days and it's so Maryanne. She even brings him up at tribal again later in the episode! Just so funny. Moving forward with episode 2, her tribe loses immunity which puts her in a tricky situation. The vote ultimately comes down to Marya and Maryanne. Both have a lot to offer but are unfortunately the easy targets. Thankfully for us, Marya ended up getting the boot and Maryanne was saved. Maryanne may have been pinned as annoying, but not annoying enough to get the chop.

Going into episode 3, we continue to get a lot of Maryanne content. We start the episode with her telling her tribe about her extra vote. Potentially risky move but it ends up working in her favor as it gained a lot of trust from her tribemates. We then get the hilarious quote of, "I've watched every season except 6 episodes of Tocantins". Like?? So unintentionally funny for no reason. Those 6 episodes being the only episodes she hasn't seen is so random. Again, Maryanne is a goldmine of entertainment and funny quotes. Later in the episode we get her and Omar finding the beware advantage with the iconic shot of the both of them looking shocked. What a great and funny shot, their reactions are hilarious. Of course this was followed by Maryanne saying "fudge!". Then at the challenge she brilliantly worked her phrase into the conversation. It was so effortless that even I, the viewer who's in on the phrase, didn't pick up on it because I just assumed it was Maryanne going on another one of her tangents. Though the idol wasn't activated this episode, she still did a great job at working the phrase into the conversation. Out of the 6 people who had to say the phrases, I think she did the best at making it seem natural.

Maryanne wasn't that relevant in the following two episodes but she still had her moments. On episode 5 we get her talking about how she's baller at Mario Kart, which is just funny to me. Then we get a moment where she was standing too close to a log Jonathan hit with a machete so the log bounced back and hit her. She got very upset and saw it as inconsiderate, especially when he refused to apologize. Any other time or place I'm sure this issue would've been resolved within seconds. But being on an island surrounded by each other 24/7 with no food or sleep can make you much more irritable, making this situation much more impactful than it needed to be. This is really the first sign of distrust within their tribe and the first real source of conflict.

Moving onto episode 6, it's the merge! Well... not really. It's earn the merge! Let it just be known that I hate everything about this twist. Merges are so much better when they simply just, you know, merge. Why go through all the stunts and shenanigans just for someone to get screwed over? Anyways, Maryanne came very close to getting the boot at this first merge vote. Luckily she had Omar in her corner though who singlehandedly saved her from elimination. If Maryanne went out here, that would've been such a loss. So I'm very glad Omar was able to flip things in her favor.

During episode 7 we get even more character development for Maryanne. To start the episode we get a moment of her crying because she feels as if she's at the bottom of the tribe. She says how she feels like she's too weird to be with the cool kids. Later on in the episode she sits out of the challenge to get rice for the tribe. Then she starts fake crying about it to gain sympathy in that moment. This is the first real hint of her becoming a strong strategic player. Before this we just kinda saw her as the lovable quirky girl who is just there for a good time. But with this move, we begin to see that Maryanne is here to PLAY. This is where her storyline switches from being the fun lovable weirdo to the undercover mastermind.

During episode 8 we get an extremely powerful moment. The tribe was split into two groups where both of those groups would then go to tribal. Maryanne was in the group that went to tribal council second. Chanelle had already been voted out last episode and then Rocksroy was revealed to have been voted out at the first groups tribal council this episode. The plan was originally to vote Drea, but after seeing 2 black people get voted out back to back Maryanne couldn't let another black person get voted out. She then declared she doesn't want to vote Drea because of that. Then she goes onto announce that she has the idol. She doesn't think any votes are coming her way but she ended up playing the idol regardless because she didn't want people to think she only stayed because of race. Throughout all of this they had a very powerful conversation about race. Jonathan's ignorance opened up an entire discussion. This tribal was incredibly impactful and probably taught a lot of viewers important lessons about race and racism. Maryanne handled herself excellently and was very articulate. This is probably the most powerful moment from S42.

The next two episodes weren't that eventful for Maryanne, but again, she still had her moments. On episode 9 she found her second idol which would later become a huge selling point in her game. The only other notable thing on episode 9 was when she fell out of the immunity challenge and hilariously yelled "SHIZZLE STICKS!". On episode 10 we don't get much from her either, but we do get one very funny moment. She casually announces her pinky toenail fell off again which alarmed some of her tribemates. She insists that it's normal because it happens 2 or 3 times a year. Like... what?? It's just so unintentionally funny, especially considering the fact that Maryanne thought this was a normal thing that happens to everyone. She's just such good TV and provides endless entertaining moments.

Episode 11 was a huge episode for Maryanne. Before I get into the Omar blindside, I just wanna bring up another funny moment. It was one of those challenges where you have to spin around repeatedly which would naturally make you very dizzy. So like any logical human would, Maryanne would then spin in reverse to undo her dizziness! Brilliant honestly. But the real shining moment of the episode was her blindside of Omar. I kinda forget how everything went down exactly, but I know Maryanne masterminded this genius Omar blindside. She knew he was by far the biggest threat to win the game so she did what needed to be done, regardless of them being close allies throughout the game. She executed a 3-2-2 vote where she used her extra vote to ultimately take out Omar. As the last vote was about to be read Omar looks at Maryanne and asks, "You did it?", where Maryanne responds with "I did". This was all so genius and it shows that Maryanne was playing 4D chess while everyone else was playing checkers. After this vote this was the first real time that I thought to myself: "Holy shit, Maryanne can actually win". I underestimated her all season because I thought she was just gonna be a fun OTT side character. But this move solidified her as an excellent game player and a real contender for the win.

On episode 12, the finale, Maryanne played her cards perfectly and secured the win! Let's recap the steps leading up to that though. At the final 5 tribal council, Mike played his idol on Maryanne. That showed the jury how strong her connections were. Going into the final immunity challenge she reveals she knows the name of the challenge, Simmotion. Another funny moment because like, who knows that? I sure as hell didn't. Later on we get a confessional where she talks about how she hopes Survivor will bring her family together. She says she wants that more than the one million dollars. Finally, we get a perfect FTC performance from Maryanne. Every point she made was genius and showed the jury how hard she was actually playing the whole time. She nailed every question and articulated her game perfectly. Her reveal of having an idol no one knew about really solidified the win for her I think, especially with Mike being on a sinking ship of his own. This performance is easily a top 5 best FTC performance of all time. It was truly genius, I didn't know she had it in her. With that, Maryanne is crowned the winner of S42! Her reaction to winning is so wholesome and I was elated that she won. She is my favorite winner and favorite character of all time.

**Closing thoughts**

Maryanne is just amazing. She's a phenomenal character who has an incredibly engaging story from start to finish. To come into the game as the quirky weird girl who would then leave the game as a strategic mastermind was such a compelling story. I severely underestimated her and I wrote her off as a potential winner. But that's what makes her so great! Because realistically, very few people thought she could actually win. She is easily my favorite character of all time and hopefully I articulated why I like her so much.

​

Franky494: 21

rovivus: 17

DramaticGasp: 1

Schroeswald: 18

supercubbiefan: 14

TinkerKnightForSmash: 21

Theseanyg22: 14

​

Average Placement: 15.143

Total Points: 106

Standard Deviation: 6.866 (3rd Highest)

19th: Lex van den Berghe 1.0 (Africa - 3rd)

​

tfw blue hair and pronounce

/u/Franky494:

Oh Lex. My favourite hypocrite. He’s not quite an endgamer for me because I think his climax comes far too early - but I enjoy his presence and he’s virtually the only person I like in the endgame, and a lot of memorable scenes stem from him. He’s also just cool.

/u/DramaticGasp:

As y'all already know, I think Lex is a terrible character. He's bottom 50 for me and I just find him to be incredibly annoying. Surprised so many people like him. I think he's worse than Phillip 2.0 and Colton 2.0 for example.

/u/Schroeswald:

I think the perfect strategy focused character. Back in Africa the line between “strategy” and “character” was so blurry to be non-existent and Lex blurs the lines even further. Every action he takes has about five different meanings on a dozen levels. He’s this father figure who everyone and no one likes at the same time and he betrays and is deeply loyal in equal turn. Not quite in my personal endgame only because I like 21 characters just a bit more.

/u/supercubbiefan:

One of the rawest contestants ever. His hunt for that 2nd vote against him is legendary, as he took the emotional betrayals of Survivor more seriously than any contestant ever cast. Definitely earned his spot on ASS and I’m happy that Lex made it to this endgame.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

His paranoia is a hell of a plotline, and watching as his allies are slowly pulled away from him due to his paranoia is an interesting plotline.

/u/Theseanyg22:

I never really liked Lex but upon rewatch he is a good character, I will have to admit. I don’t particularly want him near my endgame but I had to protect Shane. I was like if Lex is making endgame, I’m making sure this Shane deal is worth it.

~

/u/rovivus:

**Lex Van den Berghe 1.0**

/u/CSteino recently said something in the Discord chat that was so on the money that I couldn’t help but start this writeup by quoting it. “If your character primarily informs your strategy, you're fine. But once your strategy starts primarily informing your character, you've become a gamebot.” Through this exercise, I’ve learned a lot about what I value in a Survivor character, and the characters I’ve enjoyed writing about the most - Gretchen, Big Tom, Deena, Savage 1, and Trish come to mind - are people with clearly defined personalities and backstories that demonstrate not just **how** they play the game, but **why** they play the game in the manner in which they do. Even more fascinating to me is when attributes that bring a player success in the real world being about their demise in the game, and there’s no better example of this dynamic than Lex Van den Berghe 1.0.

The most interesting thing to me about Lex is not simply that he is universally beloved, but that he is universally respected and an integral part of the daily lives of literally dozens of Survivors, spanning across eras and personalities. Every time I hear a Talking with T-Bird or read a Quarantine Questionnaire, it seems like the person has a uniquely strong bond with Lex. Some examples (without even mentioning his lifelong friends Ethan, Tom, and T-Bird) include:

**Clarence:** I LOVE Lex and his wife, Kelly. They are truly two of the best people on the planet.

**Lindsey Richter:** Lex and his wife Kelly became two of my best friends and have become family to me over the past 20 years. They opened the ceremony at my wedding, then 15 years later helped me through a painful divorce.

**The General (lol):** There is only one person that I would have loved to play with and against, and that would be my Brother From Another Mother Lex!!! Lex and I have been very close ever since we met in 2002. We speak, if not weekly, more than that. We are the same age, have a lot in common, and our values are identical. He is also one of the most creative and intelligent guys I know. Love him!!!

How do we reconcile this version of Lex - the one who officiates weddings, remembers birthdays, remains an integral part of your life even when you don’t see him on a daily basis - with the version we see on the screen in Africa? Paranoid.

Power hungry. Controlling. The massive difference, obviously, is the stress of the game, and that is why Lex is the perfect case study to demonstrate quite how strongly Survivor can break a person’s psyche and shape the actions they take within the game.

While Lex doesn’t have the most overbearing presence at the beginning of the season, I love how his early content sets the stage for his later descent into paranoia. Lex’s first confessional is about the medical risks posed by the environment, stating, “if you don't boil your water out here, you end up with what they call amoebic dysentery, which basically has you puking and crapping your guts out.” Stick a pin in that, folks, because it’s a textbook example of foreshadowing, and something that I’ll touch on later in the writeup. Lex’s role in Beangate also does a good job of telegraphing how he will be perceived later in the season. While Tom’s reaction is characterized by anger and ignorance, Lex’s is typified by condescension, and he is the one who explains that the Boran Boys had to throw a vote on Clarence to “teach him a lesson.” Hmmm, can you think of any other examples where Lex is involved in a stray vote? I’ll let you ponder that.

During the premerge, we also learn that Lex is a man who bases his decisions off of gut reactions and emotional instincts; if he feels that you’ll be honest and straightforward with him, he will make a deal to the end without ever thinking about breaking his bond. He makes this clear in his conversation with Ethan asking him to formalize the Boran Boys alliance, saying, “we're comfortable enough with you if you want to be part of it to be making a long-term three-way alliance. I mean, if it's the three of us, and we don't cannibalize each other until it's three.” Fascinatingly, even as Lex gets a ringing endorsement from Ethan - “everyone trusts Lex. He's on everyone's team right now. He's on everyone's side, everyone likes him” - the conversation is framed in the context of paranoia, with Ethan adding, “this game breeds paranoia. When two people go off in the distance, you instantly think they're talking about you.” This just goes to show that even at his brightest, the darkness is still looming close behind with Lex.

As we creep closer to the merge, Lex begins to irritate his tribemates more and more. For Kelly Goldsmith, this boils over when Lex makes an “überspoon” for Tom in what she views as a clear attempt at jury pandering. In the real world, the überspoon would be a fun little dad joke to half heartedly chortle at and immediately forget, but in Survivor it comes across as grating and cloying. The merge is a fundamental turning point for Lex, as it’s the part of the game where he feels like he needs to reassert his control by making every decision while still being a nice guy. What Lex didn’t figure out is that control freak Lex and nice dad Lex are inherently incompatible, and their presence together annoys people even more than if he had simply been one or the other. He didn’t realize that telling Clarence to his face that he’s going home isn’t noble, it’s condescending and paternalistic. I’m not sure if it’s arrogance or naïveté, but Lex simply doesn’t understand that regardless of how honest he is, people are still justified in being angry at him or trying to vote him out of a game for a million dollars. However, his loss is the audience’s gain, because this blind spot gives T Bird a glimpse into his psyche, and provides her with the perfect idea to throw his game into utter chaos.

T-Bird’s stray vote for Lex is the most impactful vote in Survivor history, because it does more than any other to drive compelling narrative tension. It’s somehow both a match dropped in gasoline and a long fuse on a bomb; it sets Lex on a short-term witch hunt while simultaneously resulting in his long-term demise in the game. Before this moment, Lex’s gut was impeccable: it led him to aligning with the Boran Boys, eventually sussing out that Lindsay had prior votes, and forming secondary alliances with people like Brandon. Once T-Bird writes down “L-E-X,” everything changes. Lex is driven by his gut and his gut is **wrong.** Kelly **wasn’t** the snake. T Bird **wasn’t trustworthy.** He **didn’t** shore up his relationships I love the existential question this poses - what happens when your gut is wrong? How do you learn to trust yourself again? Do you even realize that it’s happening?

For Lex, he just decides to steamroll through the warning sides, refusing to see the bright red indications that Kelly was innocent and that somebody else was trying to fuck with his head. Here, we get hypocritical Lex at his finest, saying, “when the second vote came in, I was pissed off. I was-- I was furious. The person that threw that vote at me and that now chooses to-to hide, torques me and it pisses me off that I can't figure it out and smoke him out right away.” Why is he allowed to play the game, but so irritated when others try to do the same? The word that clues you into this answer is “hide.” At any given time, people know where Lex stands; they know his alliances, who he’s going to vote for, and who he plans to take to the final three. To him, the worst thing somebody can be in Survivor is sneaky, because the knowledge deficit caused by such backhanded maneuvers makes it impossible to maintain ultimate control.

Lex embarks on his Sisyphean task of finding the snake, leaving rubble and ash in his wake. While people are happy to let Lex lead in the premerge, after demonstrable proof that Lex’s gut is wrong, he loses his grip on the game. Ironically, before the Kelly boot, he tells Tom, “my gut tells me without a doubt that I can trust [Brandon]. You know my gut is good.” This couldn’t be further from the truth! Brandon didn’t vote for Kelly because he trusted Lex, he did so because he hated Frank more than he loved having a viable chance at victory! Like did Lex’s condescending offer of fifth place in the alliance really appeal to Brandon when he could make a final two in a Samburu + Kelly pact? No shot. As soon as Kelly leaves, the game stops going Lex’s way: his proxy Brandon is taken out at the next boot, him and Tom begin feuding, and Ethan and Kim J get closer.

In addition to this fascinating strategic content, as a function of winning a lot of challenges, Lex also gets to have some wonderful character moments on reward challenges. I’ve written about his trips to the Wamba village and Masai Mara in other writeups, but wanted to hone in on why Lex’s role in these rewards is so great. Lex is a really introspective guy, and he does a great job of clearly explaining how he views the world and his role in it. He makes the most mundane - like the rationale for deciding to order French fries instead of meat - seem really thought out, and I’m always struck by how comfortable he seems experiencing new and different things. It’s weird, but the tall dude with the spiky hair, piercings, and bevy of tattoos is actually a really relatable dude!

This is evident in the relationships Lex makes throughout the game. One of the best signs that Lex is a really solid person outside of Survivor is that he has a penchant for connecting with people different than him. His closest bonds on the season are with Lex, Tom, Brandon, and T-Bird, people of different faiths, sexual orientations, geographic backgrounds, and personalities. The fact that Lex is able to connect with all of them shows how open minded he is, and how willing he is to change his views on the world when provided new information.

This positive attribute is even more fascinating when juxtaposed against his paranoia in the game, because there’s never been a more closed minded person from a game perspective. I think the reason why Lex’s paranoia hits so hard is because the game just means so much to him. Right as they merge, he says “this is a game. But it's so much more than a game. I mean, we are thrust into a survival situation in a strange place. We're pulling together, creating a society. At this point, we're down to ten people. We have a lot invested here.” One of Lex’s best qualities is that he pours himself into everything he does, but this attribute is totally unsustainable in a game as complex as Survivor, and leaves him continuously pushing the boulder up the cliff. This attribute also makes Lex take everything remarkably seriously; he’s not just a gamebot counting votes, he’s a human being attempting to mold society in a way that optimizes his chances of winning the game. In Lex’s world, a stray vote isn’t just a stray vote, it’s a personal attack on his vision of life, an existential threat to survival.

Fascinatingly enough, although Lex has a chokehold on the game for the overwhelming majority, it never feels quite like he’s all that close to winning. It feels like Lex’s loss is inevitable, written in the stars that Survivor Sucks posters counted more than two decades ago. Lex needs to lose because he’s leaned into the darker side of the attributes that make him a wonderful person in real life, characteristics that are amplified if he’s sitting next to beatific, virginal Ethan. This juxtaposition is really fascinating to me, because although Ethan is as equally paranoid as Lex is, he is laid back while Lex is uptight; he is meek while Lex is bold; he is passive while Lex is aggressive. In a season defined by the wildlife, the lesson learned is that it’s not always the loudest or most aggressive predator that wins the day, it’s the one with the shrewdest ability to camouflage into the background and pounce only when needed.

As I said earlier, it’s tragically fitting that Lex’s body fails him when his bloodlust for victory reaches its apex. While Lex shows more reverence for Africa than anybody besides maybe Frank or Linda, by the end, he is dead-set on winning and totally loses sight of the other aspects of the experience. Right before the Final Four challenge, he says, “playing the game for me, at this point, has become all about winning. Damn it, I am going to walk away with that prize. I am here for one thing and one thing only, to take that million dollars, and to run with it, it's mine.” This has clearly been Lex’s MO the entire time, but the second he verbalizes it is the second the Survivor gods strike him with dysentery. For all of his paranoia, incorrect reads, and lust for power, Lex is still fingertips away from pleading his case for a million dollars, but it isn’t meant to be.

Some of my fellow rankers despise Lex as a character, but I never understand that, because the Lex van den Berghe experience gives you everything: he’s complex, yet simple. Outcast, but welcoming. Arrogant, yet humble. Severe, yet loving. Unself-aware, but self-effacing. Cunning, but honest. Ruthless, but warm. Every word that comes out of Lex’s mouth feels like a battle between these dueling characteristics, and it’s spellbinding to see how the deeper he gets into the game, the more the negatives outweigh the positives. This walking contradiction that is Lex van den Berghe epitomizes the duality of man, the beauty and horror we see in the world around us, and for that reason he is my favorite Survivor of all time.

Franky494: 18

rovivus: 1

DramaticGasp: 21

Schroeswald: 14

supercubbiefan: 19

TinkerKnightForSmash: 16

Theseanyg22: 21

​

Average Placement: 15.714

Total Points: 110

Standard Deviation: 6.969 (HIGHEST)

20th: John Carroll (Marquesas - 9th)

​

and they say two legends can't coexist

/u/Franky494:

Thrilled to see John make his endgame debut. Would I have him this high? Nah. But I think his downfall is one of the best executed stories across all of Survivor, and seeing him get taken down so early is one of the most memorable moments from when I did my initial watches of each season. Very deserving.

/u/rovivus:

I’m really excited to see the John Carroll endgame argument, because although he’s not particularly close to my Top 21 there’s absolutely a case to be made. His downfall is so wonderful not because it’s just the first real coup in Survivor history, but also because he was just so damn cocky. The Rotu Four acted and seemed like they had it in the bag, and on first watch I was scared there would be no retribution for how John paranoidly shanked Gabe for conceiving of the game in a different manner. But retribution there was, and I am so, so happy that Paschal and Neleh realized their place in the alliance and overthrew John at the last possible moment they could. Excellent story, excellent character.

/u/DramaticGasp:

John is a very interesting character. Though I'm not as high on him as most, I still appreciate what he gives. He has a great downfall and he's very entertaining throughout.

/u/Schroeswald:

Out of every first timer in this endgame I didn’t get here I’m most happy that John Carrol made it. The fall of the Rotu Four is amazing and delicious and John C is a perfect part of that while remaining complex and sympathetic, a rarity in survivor. Not in my endgame but it’s really cool to see him here.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Has a great downfall arc, but frankly, I don't find myself hating him enough to make his downfall as effective as that of someone like Fairplay, Randy or even Scot Pollard

/u/Theseanyg22:

Even though I cut him, I’m glad he got called up to the Endgame. The fall of the Rotu 4 is basically great because of him, he carried that downfall. sit was more the fall of him then the fall of the 4.

~

/u/supercubbiefan:

I can’t believe we made it all the way to endgame. I also can’t believe I get to talk about three of the best villains of all time.

Based on my unhealthy obsession with *Survivor* downfalls, *of course* I picked my three endgame writeups to be about the three best downfalls of all time: the epic downfall of John Carroll and the unstoppable Rotu 4, the humiliating downfall of complete asshole Randy Bailey, and the *insane* downfall of the best character of all time, Jonny Fairplay. I wholeheartedly believe that the stories of these arcs will be better than whatever kooky gimmick I come up (sorry folks, *supercubbiefan’s Inane Survivor Rankings Variety Hour* has been officially cancelled).

Therefore, I’m going to tell these epic stories straight up and prove why John Carroll **deserves** to be an endgamer (including why I pushed so hard to earn John his first endgame in Rankdown history) and why Randy Bailey and Jonny Fairplay are the two best characters of all time.

Let’s get started with Johnny Pots and Pans.

The storytelling from the early seasons of *Survivor* will always be top-tier. John’s storyline? No different. The editors masterfully paint an expertly-crafted picture of one of the best tribes of all time, Rotu. While Gabe is transforming the “Love Tribe” into a full-on utopian paradise, a power struggle is happening behind the scenes. In one corner, you have real-estate agent Kathy, who’s abrasive leadership style is patronizing her tribemates. In the other corner, you have the confident registered nurse John, who is subtlety gaining power with his successful fishing expeditions.

During a fantastic scene in episode one, on behalf of the Rotu love tribe, John stands up to Kathy and tells her that she’s pushing the tribe too hard to work on the fire and her attitude is getting grating. After Kathy realizes that she doesn’t have any support on the island and John won the power struggle, I LOVE that John is not edited as a dictator, but as the head of Rotu who desires to keep the tribe as a family when he offers Kathy a coconut as a signal of reconciliation <3.

As John’s status continues to rise on Rotu, Carroll’s ego begins to simultaneously increases at an unhealthy rate. After John catches a pig, he arrogantly predicts that since he caught this impressive stash of food for Rotu, he might as well set his table at the final four. Oh, and another piece of evidence that John is fully in control on Rotu: “I NEED SOMEONE WHO CAN PEE ON MY HAND” <3. The classic scene of Kathy peeing on John’s injured hand (courtesy of a sea urchin bite) would have not happened so quickly if John wasn’t so respect by the Rotu family.

If *Marquesas* was season one or two, John would have most likely won the season. Maraamu, possibly my favorite tribe of all time due to being composed of slacker comedians who riffed and performed bits all day instead of finding food or attempting to survive, was losing every single challenge. They are one of the worst tribes in history. If this was season one, John would have gone into the merge in complete control of the majority tribe, and John’s prediction about coasting to the final four would have definitely come true.

But no, *Marquesas* is season **four**, one season after the most important twist in *Survivor* history: the tribe swap. In episode four, the Love Tribe was officially broken up by a tribe swap, leaving John to deal with three new loser tribe members from Maraamu. In one of the best scenes of *Marquesas*, knowing the dangers of the Maraamu three, he pulls together the old remnants of Rotu and gives a manipulative pitch: while Maraamu has been lying to each other since day one, the Rotu love tribe been forming *real* bonds, man! His pitch is interrupted by Gabe, who fascinatingly asks them what is the moral center of their games. While John sanctimoniously answers with “To tell the truth” Gabe retorts that his sole purpose of playing *Survivor* was to form a society on OG Rotu, **not** to play the game.

This revelation freaks John out, and he later mocks Gabe for his hippie attitude before evilly noting that he now has to keep an eye on the wholesome heart and soul of OG Rotu, Gabe. As John paranoidly watches Gabe rap two of the worst bars of all time <3, he worries that Gabe is growing too close to the Maraamu 3 and ruining his own chances at a million dollars.

John tries to assuage his own worries by attempting to convince Gabe of his plans to vote out old Maraamu one-by-one. Gabe, as pure of a soul as we’ve seen on *Survivor*, admits that he doesn’t want to commit to voting of his new Maraamu pals. This leads to an evil confessional by all-time villain John Carroll: “Nope. You’re done. You’re not safe anymore.” <3 John then scrambles and completes a coup on Gabe, brutally blindsiding him and permanently breaking up the Love Tribe <3.

“The End of Innocence” is one of the best episodes of all time, and you have to give credit John most of the credit for completing the most emotional betrayal in *Survivor* history. As former Rotu members Neleh and Paschal will later contemplate, there was **absolutely no reason to vote off Gabe before one of the Maraamu 3**. I know I already stated this, but this is so important to John’s arc: Gabriel Cade was the heart and soul of the OG Rotu love tribe, and John’s heartbreaking backstabbing of Gabe catapults John into an elite tier of classic *Survivor* villains.

After John got rid of the only wildcard that might impede on his chances to win *Marquesas*, he knows he’s in the clear. The Rotu 4 have a numerical advantage on the Maraamu 3 and John knows that he is 100% winning *Marquesas*. After the Gabe blindside, arrogant John says everyone on the swap tribe knows he’s the leader and he’s running the show <3.

Well, this dictator attitude is not going over well with rebels Sean and Rob, who thinks John is so “full of it” and confronts Carroll about his attitude. I love the following super old school *Survivor* argument, when John tells Rob straight-up that he doesn’t trust him due BRob’s planning on blindsiding John before voting Gabe off. Later on, I **HATE** Rob asking John “Are you gay, dude?’, outing John both to his tribe and on national TV. I want to make this very clear: Rob was over the line, should have NEVER said this horrifically awful question, and frankly this clip should have never even been aired. With that being said, this moment does lead to one of my favorite confessionals of all time: “This 36 year-old gay boy from Omaha is running the show and whipping his pants.” <3 I love that John is not portrayed solely as a dick dictator, but a complex and somewhat sympathetic three-dimensional villain, converting him into an all-time character that is on the same level as Ami Cusack and Jerri Manthey.

Following the merge, when John defeats homophobe Rob Mariano in the game, he thinks he’s set. The Maraamu rebel alliance is dead, and John Carroll is 10000% winning *Marquesas* with the help of his OG Rotu tribemates, who he believes don’t have a strategic bone in their bodies. In another nomination for best confessional ever, John, oiled up and lying on a tree, gives this iconic line about his former Rotu tribemates: “Neleh and Paschal, I think, are really supporting my success in this game and are really rooting for me.” <3. You cannot be more deserving of a downfall than John Carroll.

Unfortunately for all-time villain John, he didn’t realize that the upcoming classic immunity challenge, the coconut chop, was going to end his game. See, this game was specifically designed to reveal the underlying social hierarchies of a tribe. If John wasn’t so arrogant during this point in the game, I actually believe he was a smart-enough strategic player to understand that the coconut chop game was a trap and he shouldn’t reveal that OG Rotu members Neleh, Kathy and Paschal are at the bottom of the pecking order.

But NOPE. John has been enveloped in his own hubris and has no clue what domino effect he was starting when he chopped Sean with his incredibly arrogant “Surprise, surprise. Shock of all shocks.” and condescendingly sends his rival Sean an air kiss <3. I also love Sean’s comeback of taking the “kiss” and retorting “I got that baby. Right here.” before patting the air kiss on his own butt LOOOOOL. The Rotu 4 then predictably chop Vecepia, Kathy and Paschal, leading the astute Sean to brilliantly tell the coconut chop losers “This is the order how it’s going to go.” <3

The non-Rotu 4 members, led by vengeful Vecepia and Sean who complain how arrogant the Rotu 4 came off during the coconut chop challenge, work to rope Kathy, Paschal and Neleh into completing a coup on all-powerful dictator John Carroll. For John’s downfall, I LOVE that Kathy, Vee and Sean faced immense obstacles before the vote, including Neleh and Paschal at first declining to partake in the coup. This failure makes the upcoming blindside of John Carroll way more powerful and earned, including one of the best voting confessionals of ALL TIME by Sean for John: “Checkmate, bruh. You thought you had me. Anytime you go to Vegas, bet on Black. But we’re definitely going to have chicken and waffles when this whole thing is done.” <3 After John is blindsided and both his ego and dreams for a million dollars crashes and burns, John’s final words include crying while hilariously saying “My abs are incredible” and he is very proud himself. *Chef’s kiss* to the ending of this magnificent storyline.

“Jury’s Out” is my 5th favorite episode of all time, due to the culmination of my 2nd favorite arc in *Survivor* history: the epic downfall of John Carroll and his Rotu 4. John’s storyline of attempting to be a trusted leader for Rotu, getting caught up in the greed and duplicitousness of the game, evilly backstabbing the heart of the tribe he wanted to convert into a family, gaining immense power and finally receiving his deserved comeuppance is one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen on television. I hope this isn’t the last time John Carroll makes endgame.

Franky494: 14

rovivus: 19

DramaticGasp: 17

Schroeswald: 16

supercubbiefan: 9

TinkerKnightForSmash: 18

Theseanyg22: 18

​

Average Placement: 15.857

Total Points: 111

Standard Deviation: 3.436 (4th Lowest)

21st: Courtney Marit (Panama - 6th)

​

this was funny lol

/u/rovivus:

As evidenced by my cut of her just inside the Top 100, I don’t think Courtney is anywhere near an endgame character. The show is always laughing at Courtney rather than with her, which is why I don’t buy her as a comedic character, and she comes across as way too insufferable for me to see her as a tragic character. The fact that she’s the victim of Cirie’s 3-2-1 boot is delicious, but that vote is much more about Cirie’s growth arc than Courtney’s downfall. Just a meh character for me, with some memorable moments.

/u/DramaticGasp:

Courtney is a very fun character! She contributes greatly to the chaos and entertainment that is Casaya. Every moment she's on the screen is a great moment. Only problem is, the show doesn't give her enough screentime. Had she gotten more of a focus I think she'd be more of a lock for endgame overall.

/u/Schroeswald:

If my lowest character in endgame is Courtney Marit I did a really good job of this. She’s hilarious and has some solid relationships and her boot is one of the greatest in post Palau survivor. It’s fun that she got here and there are certainly worse people who y’all have top 21.

/u/supercubbiefan:

The main source of conflict on the glorious trainwreck Casaya tribe, which is in my top three for best tribe of all time. Every argument with her tribemates, from taking offense at Bobby’s selfish drinking of the wine to defending her shitty apartment, is pure gold. Oh, and Courtney being picked as the correct answers in the Touchy Subject challenge for “Who never shuts up”, “Who is the most annoying person out here” and “Who is the biggest poser” is a perfect way to describe her incredibly chaotic energy that was perfect for Casaya.

/u/TinkerKnightForSmash:

Pretty funny, but, even coming from the world's biggest Keith fan, I don't think that's enough to elevate her this high, as she's not really the most memorable member of the Casaya trainwreck; she's no Shane, Cirie or Aras.

/u/Theseanyg22:

I’m loving the Exile Island representation in this endgame. I’m so glad Courtney and Shane were able to make it together. Courtney is one of the best if not the best of her archetype

~

/u/Franky494:

Courtney Marit (6th Place, Panama)

*”Forgot my guns. They’ve been dropped in a sea of forgiveness.”*

Similarly to Courtney, I will begin this writeup with forgiveness - because I will forgive my fellow rankers for (I’m assuming) placing Courtney far too low. I could stay mad - but chips on your shoulder of regret and anger weigh you down…and I’m a bird, so I gotta fly.

Really though - I think an excellent introduction to a Courtney writeup is her jury speech. It introduces everything about her and perfectly explains the type of person and player that Courtney is. Her quirks and her oddities and her eccentricities are all on full display, and she makes no attempt to hide them.

Is she the most complex character on Earth? Nah. I don’t think her arc is some masterclass in storytelling, or she’s the secret main character of Panama. That isn’t why I got her to endgame. I got her to endgame because she’s fucking hilarious, and I don’t think enough people acknowledge that to the level that she deserves. She isn’t some exaggerated personality or some OTT comedic legend - and yet she manages to quite handily be my favourite character in terms of the enjoyment I get.

Maybe that’s going to be a weak argument and leave people dissatisfied with her endgame placement - but hopefully I can provide enough examples of the insane comedic relief that Courtney brings to the season and just how her mere presence improves everything around her. Even her first confessional is jokingly remarking about how the younger women were unable to choose a spot for a shelter - with the stereotype of women being indecisive.

But her true premiere shining moment is also something that’s just…really Courtney. Courtney is a uniquely spiritual person. As her tribe stumbles across an unfortunately deceased turtle and looks confused, Courtney wants to honour the turtle as in some cultures it represents the idea of mother and goddess - and so decides to draw a heart and make a rock pattern around it, feeling like the turtle was significant. Even this initial introduction to her quirks causes some disdain from her tribemates as it was fairly over dramatic compared to the priorities that they should hold when in the game.

I think introductions are some of the most important aspects of a character. While people rarely have golden premieres - they can set up everything and when done successfully, should introduce us to the players and the type of people they are. This is especially important for a comedy character because it can easily determine whether or not they’re a facade or if they’re just an entertaining person. And Courtney never has a wavering moment after this. I never get the idea that she’s playing a character, she’s simply just a unique personality. She’s not the most likeable, and I understand that criticism, but I’ll be damned if someone tries to argue that she isn’t herself for better or for worse.

Now I don’t want to simply go episode-by-episode for this cut - however I’d be remiss to not mention Episode 2; and the irony of how Casaya forms. It’s not a random draw like most tribe swaps - but instead, we have a schoolyard pick. Casaya’s chaotic nature was formed by their own destiny’s being bonded together. In fact, Shane himself chooses Courtney which always makes me laugh. Of course he had no way to know what he was strapping himself in for - but Shane being the one to put him and Courtney together is golden. And we end up with a tribe of Aras, Bobby, Cirie, Courtneyand Shane - and later, Bruce. And also Melinda and Danielle but honestly they’re not really relevant to Courtney. Danielle didn’t really get to drag Courtney in the same way as everyone else because they were friends of sorts, while Melinda is just not that relevant. Hope she’s thriving though!

I suppose now is an appropriate time to talk about her relationships, as they’re truly what makes Courtney what she is. The reason why all these relationships become so important is because Courtney is just a miraculous person. She’s able to inspire such a level of controversy just by her existence - even in the most calm, cool and collected individuals. On Casaya, only one person probably meets this description, and while she’s not as involved in the shitting on Courtney, she’s able to get a few digs in; mainly through her reactions to how Courtney just exists in the world. And with a Cirie mention, I’d also be a fool to avoid the elephant in the room, the 3-2-1 vote. While it’s far more fitting for a Cirie writeup, I think it’s poetic that Courtney became so annoying that Cirie became the only person to take her down and prevent her seemingly inevitable FTC performance. It’s such a simple but effective story for how Courtney leaves the game that I can’t help but enjoy it.

From the goddess of Survivor to the Cod of Panama - let’s next go over Bobby, who’s shining episode is For Cod’s Sake as a whole. Easily one of the most entertaining compilations of a boot episode ever, BobDawg (and Bruce) decide that after their tribe floods and they thought they had no room in the shelter, they should drink the wine that was won on a reward. Our heroine, Courtney, confronts him about it because naturally people aren’t going to be happy, just for Bobby to state he has no bad feelings about taking Courtney’s wine, just that he took everyone else’s, which for one of the few times in the game, leaves Courtney speechless. It’s such a fun episodic rivalry that comes out of the blue and really sells the chaos of Casaya. From wild actions to petty confrontations, what other way is there to define it.

With a smaller rivalry - Aras also shines a lot.in his scenes with Courtney, as it feels like for a lot of the season, Courtney is the only person who Aras is allowed to be negative about (until his eventual Terry dislike). From Aras complaining about laziness overlayed with a confessional of Courtney doing yoga, to Courtney’s dislike of how Aras approaches vote outs - such as him telling Cirie & Melinda that they were leaving, or his attempt to get out Sally in favour of a “boys club” - it’s a surprisingly consistent part of the Panama story.

You may notice two of these people have been left out. That is because we are now approaching the final two episodes of Miss Marit’s stay in Panama, where I think going through one of the episodes makes sense for the climax of both of her favourite relationships. I’ll start with what may end up being the unintentional funniest episode in all of Survivor - Medical Emergency. Now this may be a touchy subject for some, but the best part of Courtney’s stay for me is easily that entire episode. She’s a goldmine of entertainment the entire time, and where else to begin but Touchy Subjects.

I can’t quite explain what makes it work for me - it’s definitely not *fun* to see Courtney get raked over the coals by being the answer to virtually everything negative, but I feel like it’s also not as serious as some people make it out to be. She might be hurt, but she’s laughing along and I actually think Panama’s entire challenge is fairly negative, so someone had to get it. And while Courtney might not mean harm, I definitely see why people would find her annoying to be around. I also get why someone might not enjoy watching it, but I personally found it funny to watch the trainwreck of that challenge - from Shane’s emotional reactions to others, to Aras trying to play the peacemaker.

And to make it better, Courtney shows exactly why she got those answers. As Bruce is crouched over in pain, he declines Courtney’s offer to sing a song for him. Courtney makes the charitable decision to sing regardless through his suffering as a form of comfort. This entire scene is genuinely scene, as the seriousness of Bruce’s medevac is countered by Courtney’s singing and Shane carrying the stretcher naked. Not to mention how Bruce being medevaced left Courtney & Shane together at camp, with no one else.

With Bruce’s departure, let’s talk about Courtney & Bruce, as their one-sided dislike is probably where Courtney’s lack of self awareness is most prevalent. From Courtney disagreeing with Bruce’s water filtering system immediately, to Bruce claiming that exile is better than spending time with Courtney, to everything about the rock garden, their entire relationship is so special. One of the best recurring moments is how no matter what, Courtney just can’t stay away from Bruce’s rock garden. Early on, she does yoga there even as Bruce gets openly annoyed - and to honour Bruce, the infamous “LUV” gets written in the rocks. It’s such a sweet, sentimental way to memorialise his legacy, and nothing could be more Courtney than that.

The next time we see Gitanos pot-medevac though, we see the infamous “shitty little apartment” fight. I don’t care what anyone says - this fight is GOLD. Even if you disagree with Shane and find it uncomfortable (which is very valid, just to clarify) I still think Courtney was a gem in this, as she instigates it as she laughs at Shane’s reactions when she denies her apartment's shittiness. For as little self awareness as people find Courtney to have, she’s a great instigator when she wants to be and I think she brings such a relaxed level of craziness.

And thus, that brings us to Shane. Shane and Courtney have a genuinely insane combination of relationships. From start to finish, they are on a rocky rollercoaster of a friendship. From their immediate alliance and Courtney being a big factor in trying to convince Shane to stay - to the very next episode where Shane fights Courtney and Danielle about wanting to be released from the promise of his son’s name. From initiating fights as Courtney laughs about the thinking seat, to unintentional fights about how Shane is condescending, there is always something with these two and it’s what makes Panama such a fun season.

My personal favourite scene of the dynamic duo though is a throwaway one that’s very easily missed - where Courtney and Shane are in the shelter at night, and fighting as they’re meant to be cuddling at night for warmth. It’s such a funny contrast that shows the survival element of the show, and it comes out of nowhere and that’s part of the value of it.

For a few miscellaneous moments that didn’t really fit inside the writeup, a lot of them concern her spirituality. For the firecracker of a tribe to be a spiritual person, it comes as a shock, but it provides Courtney with a lot of unique commentary. The aforementioned turtle scene is a great introduction to this, but even her general demeanor and way of talking feels quite spiritual - such as how she attempts to talk Shane out of quitting in Episode 2. Another fun moment for me is when she calls the other tribe pure evil after they exiled Bruce a second time. And the FIRE DANCING is absolutely incredible. One of the best luxury items ever, for sure. It was such a unique talent and honestly I could watch the scene of her using the fire sticks for hours. Maybe it’s a small part of Courtney in the big picture, but it’s always been a really memorable item for me. It links to her spirituality as she talks about how blessed she is with “our” fire and “our” journey together, and it just shows that Courtney really is exactly the person we saw on our TVs.

To finish this off though, let’s go back to where I began this writeup, and re-introduce her FTC, because I really think that speech is a top tier one of all time. Of course, the dropping her guns quote is legendary - but even the answers are amazing. I adore how Courtney just goads Aras and Danielle into telling her what she wants to hear, and while it might not be as iconic or groundbreaking as a speech like Snakes & Rats - I think it’s an amazing one nonetheless.

I’d also just like to quickly address the criticism that we laugh *at* Courtney, and never *with* her - and I do think that’s fair, but while Courtney wasn’t the best socially, I don’t think her edit was necessarily malicious. I think it’s easy to brush off the insight we get into who she is because she’s such a quirky personality, but we really get to know a lot about her. Of course, the comfort levels are entirely personal, but the fact that we don’t *just* get told Courtney is a joke (even if a lot of her content isn’t really told to us in a matter-of-fact way) makes me be able to view her as an entertaining character rather than one that causes discomfort.

So…yeah. That’s a wrap on my thoughts about Courtney. Maybe endgame is generous in the eyes of some people, and I fully respect that take. However, I absolutely find her to be a great TV character and pound-for-pound, I would wager money that Courtney brings the most pure entertainment. Sure, she’d probably be a nightmare to live with, but as a TV character, she was gold. She was authentic and we got to know her personality, and we got shown this through how she interacts with other people and the world around her. We don’t get *told* that Courtney is a bit obnoxious and a bit unaware of how she comes off - because the show makes it clear that’s her personality in how she interacts with people.

Franky494: 5

rovivus: 20

DramaticGasp: 19

Schroeswald: 21

supercubbiefan: 21

TinkerKnightForSmash: 19

Theseanyg22: 17

​

Average Placement: 17.429

Total Points: 122

Standard Deviation: 5.653 (9th Highest)

As many of you know, the endgame of each rankdown comes with some fun audience participation: Endgame betting, where we attempt to predict the order of the endgame; and the Rankies, where we give recognition to the best writeup, hottest take, most underrated character, and other categories as nominated and voted on by the viewers.

To submit your prediction for endgame betting, go here. This form will close once the first endgame post is made.

To submit your nominations for the Rankies, go here. You don’t have to fill out the entire form and you can come back and edit your response if you think of a better answer later.

Now that the rankdown has officially gotten to the endgame, it’s time for the rankers to air all of their deals and dirty laundry, and for the audience to ask how Tarzan and Big Tom got so far

23 - /u/Franky494

22 - /u/rovivus

?? - /u/DramaticGasp

?? - /u/Schroeswald

?? - /u/supercubbiefan

2-5 cuts remaining depending on idols - we've officially made it to the final round!

25 - /u/Franky494

24 - /u/rovivus

23 - /u/DramaticGasp

22 - /u/Schroeswald

?? - /u/supercubbiefan

?? - /u/TinkerKnightForSmash

?? - /u/TheSeanyG22

29 - /u/Franky494

28 - /u/rovivus

27 - /u/DramaticGasp

26 - /u/Schroeswald

25 - /u/supercubbiefan

24 - /u/TinkerKnightForSmash

23 - /u/TheSeanyG22