Here in the podunk, backward 21st century my office had very nice sit/stand desks installed a few years ago, allowing us greater ability to stretch and move around while working. Naturally, by the 24th century, I would think sit/stand workstations are an inalienable human right and incorporated into every ship. Yet Data and Wesley always sit and O’Brien and Worf always stand. Only Riker seems to care about ergonomics, mounting everything in sight. What gives?

Begin personal log:

They said it was more humane and cost effective. That the experience was driven by my own consciousness which made it much more effective than a traditional prison experience. They trumped up charges against me with no regard to the truth and used a procedure on me with little to no understanding of how my human brain works.

Now I am back home and everything feels numb. I had forgotten how to feel anything but anger and I am too old to relearn. They forced me into the role of Edmond Dantès and the things I had to do to survive haunt me. I hate them, I hate myself. The Federation is doing nothing to hold this alien race accountable for violating me in a such an intimate manner. Nobody seems to care or understand.

I want it all to burn, it must burn, I will make it burn.

End personal log.

Computer: delete last log entry.

It was my first day as Lieutenant JG, and Riker put me in charge of organizing the cargo bay. We had all these stupid blue barrels in there taking too much floor space. I noticed that the vertical space was ridiculously high so I told the crewmen just stack them higher. Now I’m an ensign again and that jerk Wesley gets to play on the bridge.

Vulcans found it the logical choice.

https://youtu.be/I4LxDBIM4YA?si=t3vH5JFcksh4EuEZ

Follow up question, is Taco Bell still considered fine-dining in the TNG era?

I used to know a guy in the Maquis who was able to get me some really good Cardassian Kush. I used to just go to his place on Solosos III, but he had to move recently, and I'm looking for a new hookup.

I've nothing against Denobulans, like everyone else I'd never heard of them until this one turned up. But...

First up, since he got onto the ship he's turned the sick bay into a fucking zoo. Every time I go in there for something I come out with flea bites. The way that he pulls a creature out of a box, nurtures it sweetly and then feeds it to something in another box is really creepy.

I think his ethics are a bit dodgy. When I went to see him about hemorrhoids instead of giving me a blast with a regenerator he offered me a Romulan arse hamster that would live inside my rectum for four days repairing my piles before commiting suicide. When I declined that he then offered to grow a fully sentient clone of me so that he could kill it and harvest its unspoiled rectum to transplant to me.

The thing that really gets me though is his decontamination routine. There is no other starship anywhere in the known galaxy that has a decon protocol like this. Turn the heat up, strip naked and lube each other up with huge amounts of gel, take some MDMA and then lie in the dark listening to bow-chicka-bow-wow for three hours. I know that Commander Tucker says that it's great, but he always goes on away missions with Hoshi and T'Pol. I was escorting two insectoid Xindi to the ship yesterday, and it was a horrific experience. The worst part was the fact that Phlox was stood there for the entire three hours looking through the window with that huge beaming smile that is somehow bigger than his face never blinking once.

AITA for refusing to see him?

Edit to change Yoshi to Hoshi

You've heard of section 31 this super secret espionage group that keeps the federation safe. Now meet division 6 that protect the federation and section 31 from the scum of the universe. Even the dominion know better than to mess with these guys. They go out there and get stuff done without anyone noticing and wear nice suits and shades while they're at it. Where do you think Janeway got her Borg virus from. Better yet their headquarters are on earth right next to Starfleet headquarters they answer to no one.

It's aspirational. It shows us the way the world is supposed to be. A world without poverty. A world without racism. A world where Florida finally gets blasted to smithereens. It's beautiful.

I’m sure the institute tracks all research projects and associated resources and funding. Can I please have a look at the list? Thanks in advance

No one in engineering seems bothered by the flesh eating gas next to the warp core.... That is the plasma coolant. Data punches a hole in one of the tubes with a back fist and the gas gushed out in like 10 seconds flooding the whole engineering. I demand more safety measures in engineering...

Every city has a "guy" everybody knows about. You can visit a friend there and see a man dressed in robes, riding a horse and your friend will go "Oh yeah, ha ha, that's horseback Jesus".

And then that's just the end of the explanation.

Why must we play this game where you act like you care how long it will actually take only to cut me off and order me to do it in half to a quarter of the time I quote?

Yes he really thinks we’re that stupid as to leave it completely unprotected and surrounded by blinking neon lights. Like he thinks those lights have a purpose or that how they blink tells you something important. It’s like he’s only targeting the single most colorful glowing part of the engine and thinks he’s got some power over us.

I bet if I tried hard enough I could convince him that the real core is in this other room then just lead him to a holodeck and hold him there till we reach Starbase.

Dude's charming and dangerous, your nana would flirt outrageously, your dad would keep trying to give him beers, and racist uncle Steve wouldn't be able to get a word in edgewise

You, the captain and sole occupant of your ship, has a crew of Emergency Holograms. (Like the La Sirena.)

They can be anything you want, so...

...what kind of shitty ideas are you coming up with?

And assimilation being conducted by injections and one injection being enough to hook you up, just confirms it.

To become captain, you first must prove how well you can choose a prime Kelpien specimen for dinner. It's a no-win scenario test because no matter what, you don't just get the option to eat them all.

Linus, a reptile type crewman sneezes green goo onto Connolly in the turbolift; the exact thing that got Hemmer infected. You’d think they’d be more sensitive and alert about this sort of thing

It just stretches all bounds of credibility.

And what, they did get promoted? Oh my bad. Oh and there's some time compresion? It's no longer one season equals one year?

Well FUCK YOU! My joke is still funny! Harry Kim Tuvix Klingon three dicks. I'M TRYING HERE FOLKS!

Best 2 out of 3.

I put a Romulan mind-probe on one of the writers and obtained access to their inner monologue, transcribed here for your reading pleasure:

Sat at my desk, about to plan out Season 5, I've got Microsoft Word open and I'm ready to cook up trash

Looking at the responses from fans, seems they're sick of every arc being a galaxy-ending threat for Burnham to solve with therapy talk

I should listen to the fans and make it more light-hearted, we'll do something fun, a treasure hunt arc!........ which will turn into a galaxy-ending threat for Burnham to solve with therapy talk

Okay now, what to do with Saru... I guess make him the concubine to the elf president? Yeah, that works, but better not make it too smooth a ride, throw in some political tension, and therapy talk

With Saru off the ship, we'd better promote someone to the 1st officer's position. Detmer? Owoshekun? Nah, let's bring in a new guy. Let's make it a white cis male so the viewers know right away that he's arrogant and hostile to new things, then Burnham can fix him with the power of therapy talk

Demote him too, from captain of a different ship, so that we can fit in a whole monologue about his overinflated ego, which is unrealistically dismantled through therapy talk

Okay, now what to do with the rest of our time... Guess we could put the non-binary token and the trans token under some more emotional trauma? But then they fix their problems through therapy talk

Better give the doctor some therapy talk scenes too, and his husband, and the ship's computer, and literally every other living thing that isn't a carnivorous bus-sized CGI beast, or Booker's cat

Trauma, therapy, trauma, therapy, trauma, therapy, trauma, therapy, trauma, therapy, trauma, therapy.

Better kill off a background character nobody gives a shit about so that the stakes are high. It's Airiam 2: Electric Boogaloo

Finally, sprinkle in some heavy-handed social commentary on race/religion/gender/sexuality, really sloppy too, like the kind of "profound" realisations most people make when they're 11 years old

Okay! I think I've got a good structure for Season 5! All I have to do now is book the greenscreen and order in 30 litres of saline for crying scenes! The Trekkies are gonna love this!

Kirk is a well known rapper, so I'm giving it to him.

They teased the idea of ancient space biscuits back in TNG. Now that the Progenitor plot has an arc, they better deliver with the biscuits.

When Voyager returned to the Alpha Quadrant Harry would've had to call Nog "sir".

You know, Who. It makes perfectly sense. The silly overly self important stories. Weird aliens. Casual canon breaking. The need to save the universe every day from villains who are pretty bad at villaining. Lovestory with companion. And because it's all wibbly wobbly, timey wimey, it doesn't need to make any sense at all.

I work as 1st tier support on DS6's engineering crew, and I can not believe how many issues I get hails for, that can be resolved just by "have you tried changing the polarity?". I recently binged a old time drama called IT Crowd. These sages of industry, back in their day, got it down to a phrase more catchy than i can think of.

I have tried approaching our station's counselor. He just gave me some meditation exercises to do &, i think, locked me out of the phaser storage lockers. Dam Vulcans have no place in that profession. Affirmative action, am i right?

...Any who... Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice would be appreciated.