Salam. I am in my early twenties, female, and residing in the United States. I'm looking for a man who is religious, resides in the United States/Canada, and someone who is between the ages of 22-26. Alhamdulillah, I am from a religious and educated family. I love learning our deen, pursuing education, and working out. More details can be given later.
***Looking for someone religious and loves Islam.

Hi, can anyone guide on how I can get an istakhara done with an aalim through this sub for a potential spouse and if I go to the aalim I know do I need to tell him why I need the istekhara or can I just tell him to do one on my behalf without context ?

Salam Alaykum,

I’m keeping myself anonymous for the sake of my own self but I’ve been worried and been losing hope in being able to find marriage.

In my teens whilst I was not religious I had haram relationship with a woman I intended to marry. We did not do Major Zina (intercourse) but did get physical to some extent. I have become very religious now and have repented sincerely and am a completely changed person.

I am worried that no one will want to marry me, especially a pious woman due to my regretful and ignorant past. Is there still hope for me? Are there any people who would marry someone like me? I truely need help with this regard.

Interested in knowing if anyone’s had any success.

Okay… I’m not sure how to phrase this question or even if it’s appropriate but it’s a question that’s been pretty heavy on mind and I’m really sorry if it’s a bad question or shameless, I really don’t mean it and I’m not even sure if this is the correct place to post this, I’m just anxious, confused, and looking for answers

Currently, I am standing at 30 and I guess I had no luck finding someone until now, mostly due to severe financial hardships but I’m optimistic that my future can improve Insha’Allah since I have a degree in STEM and enough job experience to get a decently well-paying job as I try to rise the in ranks

At this point, however, I noticed that most of the girls that match my preferences that are still single and like myself, never been married and no prior relationships and virgins, from good conservative families, all tend to be anywhere from 7-10 years younger than me Note: I live in the West and thus we have much smaller communities

However I have some fears due to my age and this is where my question comes in, and again, I apologize if it’s a shameless question but it’s a question that is one of my worst fears:

Aimed directly at the brothers that have been married:

• Marriage after 30, was intimate life truly satisfying or did it turn out to be not what was expected due to age? (I’m not asking for details but just general situation)

• If your wife was around the age gap mentioned above, did that really affect your intimate life?

(I guess sisters can answer too IF they feel comfortable giving their side of the story if they married someone with that age gap while in their early or mid 20s because that would be a good POV to understand)

Reason I’m asking this question is because it’s actually a major a fear of mine and sometimes it drives me into depression. I can already feel that my body isn’t what it used to be at my early 20s when I could recover from anything and I was just really energetic and much more athletic and physically active. I feel like I’ve become more weary and maybe more mature and boring. But I fear that if I do get married to someone with such an age gap, what if I am not able to satisfy my wife in bed and what if I can’t do as good due to that age gap? What if I myself don’t end up satisfied just because of age and that ruins the experience for my wife? Apparently I’ve heard of so many disasters where problems related to intimacy have destroyed entire marriages and after having gone through so much and finally getting married, it would destroy me mentally, especially this late when starting over isn’t easy at all. I guess, I’m thinking if it’s even worth it in a few years or maybe it’s better to just stay single. Again, like I said, I’m sorry if it’s an appropriate question. I’ve never actually had anything with anyone before and there’s so much anxiety. PS - this is a mature discussion so please I don’t want to deal with agendas or immature answers, just insights

I don't know much about marriage but I know that some stuff are obligated in marriages

for example, iirc, it is obligatory for a husband to have sex with a young wife every 4 months at least

but what if the husband and wife live in different countries? would misyar marriage help fix such issue, or is the husband still obliged to visit his wife in her country (or vice versa) every 4 months?

from what I know, misyar is only when the woman gives up her right to be provided for (like a shelter/a house and other stuff) but I don't see how this would work for physical stuff as well.. like is she also able to give up the right of sexual intercourse so that the long distance marriage would work?

or is there no such thing as long distance marriage in islam?

Salam

I am from Pakistan but live in Australia. I am hoping to find someone in who is Kind and values good communication.

I try to be fun and respectful. I dont drink and eat only halal. I am trying to be regular with my prayers.

My hobbies include reading about history, philosophy and music. I also make 3d art. Looking forward to finding someone I click with.

Bismillah and Asalaam, I’m looking for a spouse for my cousin. She is in medical school in the U.S., in her second year, she is based in Texas. She was born and raised in the U.S., is very religiously practicing, wears hijab. Please message me so I can determine if you’re going to be a good match for her. Serious inquiries only!! Thank you 🙏

26M- I have a mild hearing loss in my left year. Only my parents know about it. My friends haven't noticed it.

Sometimes I miss a word or two when the other person is speaking slowly.

I have recieved a marriage proposal. So should I tell my hearing loss problem to her?

I think that they will call off the marriage after knowing this. I have talked to the girls family but they didn't noticed it.

I just do not want to spoil my afterlife.

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, Should I talk to a girl whom I wish to marry?I personally have feelings for her as well and I have talked about this with my parents as well and they say that I should stop all types of communication with her . She is my university fellow.Also I have seen many signs to marry her and make Dua for her as well.I have been praying to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala for her as well.Also I have seen her happy in my dreams as well and I have done Istikhara for her as well and the answer was YES both the times.I am very confused and I don't know what to do? Can anyone guide me on this situation should I continue conversation with that girl as we both want to continue our conversation? Also should I continue to make efforts for our marriage?I mean I would not stop praying for her but like efforts in sense of helping her during her tough times etc etc.Please guide me on this. JazakAllah

Assalamualaikum, hopefully you guys are all doing good and before continuing on please know that I don’t mean any offence or disrespect but I’m genuinely concerned. So if this isn’t the place to ask such questions then please respectfully let me know and I’ll delete the post.

A little background info:

So first of all, I’m a Shia guy who’s alhamdulillah more practicing than an average person. Now about this post, so I am of the opinion that when looking to marry someone if we also have a discussion about the bedroom likes and dislikes of things while we are getting to know each other before our marriage like how we would look at someone’s character and deen. Then I think we would all have a much more happy and healthy marriage life so now in saying this.

I have a question in regards to how to begin the discussion on topic with someone you are getting to know? I honestly have much much more LIKES that would be looked at as unnatural by normal people. So when I want to talk to a female in regards to marriage how do I bring this conversation up? As I’m really scared and concerned of being judged or not have a fulfilling intimacy after marriage.

Every time I make a post I get negative comments for preferring the same ethnicity. I'm just choosing what I'm attracted to. I see so many men post wanting a slim woman. As a thicker person, I'm not even upset. It's a preference! Choose your preferred qualities.

Salam everyone,

I'm a 24-year-old Shia Muslim, living in the US and working as a software engineer. Alhamdulillah, I recently bought my first house and am really excited about this new chapter in life. Now that I’ve got a solid foundation, the one thing missing is someone to share it with.

A bit about me: I’m hardworking, family-oriented, and enjoy learning new things (both in tech and outside of it). In my free time, I like spending time with family, exploring new places, and improving myself in different ways. I value faith, mutual respect, and communication in relationships, and I’m hoping to find someone who shares similar values.

If you think we might be a good match or would like to know more, feel free to reach out!

Best wishes to everyone in finding their right partner, inshaAllah!

Pakistani culture: Sunni/Shia marriage advice

I don't know if anyone can actually relate to this but honestly any advice or words of comfort would help. My partner and I have been together for 5 years, we are both pakistani raised in Australia. I (F22) am sunni from multan and he (M25) shia from Karachi. My family is religious but not super conservative, but his family is very religious and dislike Sunnis a lot. Recently when he told his parents about me and that he wants to marry me they instantly rejected me and told him to leave me asap (for context his parents only know me as his "uni friend" lol). They say this purely because my family is a bit more open minded and "less religious", whereas they are quite strict and conservative. The crazy thing is we are both from the same caste!!!! And I’m also willing to follow his family traditions. Obviously it’s still very early and we are both motivated to fight for our marriage, but it’s not easy to hear rejection based on absolutely nothing and only assumptions about me and my family.

if anyone has had similar experiences or has any input please let me know <3

What is the general thought on marrying non-Shia? Is it possible for a Shia and Sunni marriage to work? Is it haram?

What are everyone’s thoughts?

Assalam walikum I'm 5'9 and 25 years old looking for marriage in India currently residing in mumbai employed in Public sector preferred age gap (20-25)

shia muslim F wanting to marry a convert M from hinduism- I am very sure my dad wont approve of it but I dont see it happening with anyone else. Anyone here who has done something their family initially didnt approve of but found a way to show them what you see in him. He may not be as religious as a shia born yet but he has come a long way in his journey of a practicing shia and has all the ideologies and values of a good muslim. Bottom line being I know he is good for me deen and dunya.

Salam Alaykum I hope you are doing well I’m 27 years Living and working in London and of (African Origin) ; I’m open to all ethnicities in as much as my potential partner is on the Deen, has good akhlaq and always tries to improve the self; May Allah make it easy for us all.

Salam everyone

For those in the UK, how do you end up finding your spouses? Do you get family-friends to find them or is there some kind of local community or mosque that helps you find people?

I’m trying right now to search for a future wife but I honestly have no clue where to look. If I try ask parents anyone they know is either too old or young for me to get married to, my sister also doesn’t really have any Shia friends of her own and at my university there are almost no Shias there for me to look for either.

What would be the best way to try find someone in my situation? I definitely know there are some that are suitable but I have no idea on how to find them or to even reach out to them once I have found them.

I’m sure there are both brothers and sisters like me out there who are struggling with a similar situation as me out there, so any suggestions would be helpful.

My parents are pressuring me to get married . Something they have been doing for the past 6 years. They want me to go for an arranged married. And in those past 6 years they have found me potential partners, I don’t approve of any of them mostly because initially I wasn’t ready for marriage , late on it’s other reason (for example they are mostly really dependent on their parents, can’t think for themselves etc).

Every time I communicate my thoughts with my parents , they shut me up. Because of all these experiences, I get anxious at the thought of marriage. Because I feel like I will not be heard.

My parents are arranging a meeting with another potential. They asked me to make a phone call. We couldn’t decide on a time when both of us are free, instead of communicating me , he ended up telling him mother that we can’t decide on a time. I knew instantly that it won’t work out for me. Because communication is essential for me. My parents really like his family (on the surface things are all good etc).

How do I tell them that I don’t want to get married yet or possible would never want to if I don’t find the right person, at least not this guy.

Every time I talk to them, they don’t want to listen.

Hi. Are there any shia mosques in the US or Canada that help those who want to get married? I see sunni mosques do that, either by sending information on whatsapp groups or other ways. Marriage in the west is becoming very difficult especially for shias & this could probably help those looking for marriage.

Specifically, when a born Shia man and new convert woman make an arrangement for a set time, and he makes a joke about forever, during the conversation, to which both laugh but, he tries to play serious when the time limit expires and now he expects forever.

As-salamu alaykum wa ramatulahi wa barakatuh, ekhwati and akhwati.

Just wondering what has been everyone’s experience and if perhaps the generations before us did things the right way. Or perhaps things better now?

In places like India and Pakistan and some others, the culture of arranged marriage is still very strong and very prevalent.

All opinions are welcome.

Salaam,

I’m hoping to find a partner to build a loving and trusting marriage together.

I am currently studying in the UK and would like to settle down within the next year inshAllah.

I am a Shia muslim 42 year old divorced man with no kids living in USA. I am well educated and working as Director in fortune 500 company. Looking for a girl prefereably divorced with no kids and aged 30 - 35 having an educated background and good sense of humor.

As Salam Alaikum,

I am 34 M based out of the East Coast in the US(Separated and waiting for legal divorce). I am 5'8" in height with average built. Completed Master's in engineering with a job paying job in a multinational company. I am Indian by ethnicity but wouldn't mind other ethnicities too. Please reach out if interested.

Male US Citizen currently living in Karachi, DHA 29, BA from University of Texas at Austin

Height: 5’11 Sect: Shia Syed Siblings: One sister, married Father’s occupation: Business owner Mother’s occupation: Housewife/runs a salon

About me: I graduated in 2018, and have since lived in various USA cities, including New York City, Chicago, and Atlanta. Currently in Karachi for a career shift.

Skills: Cooking, Art, Writing

Requirements: Well-settled with a career. Preferably abroad (USA, UK, Europe), but willing to consider locals as well. Seeking ambitious, clear-headed and emotionally intelligent individuals. The more educated, the better.

38 M, US physician looking for someone to join my family. Older or younger is ok, good muslimah is important. PM for details

salaam everyone,

In Shia teachings, marriage is often described as a union not just of two people, but of two souls committed to supporting one another in faith, love, and personal growth. Imam Ali (AS) said, "A woman is a flower, not a servant"—a reminder that marriage is a partnership rooted in kindness and respect. Similarly, it’s taught that spouses are “garments” for one another, meaning they offer comfort, protection, and dignity.

After a 10-year marriage that ultimately ended in divorce, I found myself reflecting on the entire journey—what went right, what went wrong, and all the lessons that could have made a difference. When I first joined this community, I was hoping to meet someone new and start fresh. I spoke with a few people, both men and women, and it hit me: many people are searching for a spouse but may not fully understand the depth of what marriage truly is.

I’m sharing my experiences here, not to discourage anyone but to shed light on what I wish I’d known. Hopefully, these insights will be helpful to anyone seriously considering marriage or looking to strengthen their current relationship.

1. Intentions Matter More Than We Realize

When I first got married, I thought love alone would carry us through anything. But over the years, I realized that the foundation of a relationship isn’t just emotions; it’s intentions. Having clear, shared intentions from the beginning what we both wanted from life, our values, our commitment to support each other would have helped us steer through the tougher times. Start your marriage with sincerity and know why you’re committing to each other.

2. Don’t Overlook Small Acts of Kindness

It’s easy to assume that grand gestures will keep the spark alive, but I found that small, consistent acts of kindness build a stronger bond over time. A gentle word, a little patience, or even just a smile after a long day speaks volumes. The daily, quiet kindnesses we often overlook are the glue that holds everything together. Over time, I think we forgot this, focusing too much on what wasn’t working rather than nurturing each other in small ways.

3. Communication is Hard, But it’s the Backbone

People say “communicate” all the time, but let’s be real—it’s not as easy as it sounds. For years, I didn’t know how to express my feelings without holding back or without frustration. We had different communication styles, which sometimes made us feel worlds apart. I learned that communication is a skill you work on continuously. It means being honest, patient, and humble enough to listen without ego. If I had practiced this earlier, maybe we could’ve navigated conflicts better.

4. Value Growth in Yourself and Each Other

One of my biggest regrets is that we didn’t focus on growing together as individuals. Marriage should be a journey where you’re both evolving, learning, and pushing each other towards personal betterment. I learned too late that a healthy marriage is one where each person is supportive of the other’s growth not threatened by it. If you see your partner growing, encourage them. Celebrate their wins, and let them do the same for you.

5. Don’t Carry Resentments; Address Them Early

Over time, small grievances and unspoken feelings can turn into resentment. I let issues pile up, hoping they’d resolve on their own, but they rarely do. When you let them fester, they turn into silent barriers. Now I know that when something bothers you, you need to bring it up respectfully and work through it together. An open heart, no matter how difficult the conversation, will save you so much pain down the line.

6. Understand That It’s Not Always About Winning

Looking back, I wish I had focused less on being “right” and more on understanding my partner’s perspective. Sometimes, in the heat of disagreements, I felt the need to prove my point, and it drove a wedge between us. Remember that you and your spouse are on the same team. There’s no winning if it comes at the cost of peace in your relationship.

7. Patience and Forgiveness Are Your Best Friends

Marriage is full of moments where you’ll need patience and forgiveness. There were times when I was quick to point out flaws and mistakes, but rarely stopped to think about the effect of my words. Learning to forgive genuinely—not holding grudges—is key to a peaceful relationship. Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring what hurt you; it means choosing to move forward without bitterness.

8. Remember That Faith is a Guiding Light

Throughout my journey, the principles of patience, compassion, and mutual respect kept me grounded. Whether it was enduring hardships, finding compassion during disagreements, or simply reminding myself of the blessings we shared, my faith reminded me of a bigger picture. Leaning on these values, even in the hardest times, gave me peace and perspective.

My Takeaway

While my marriage ultimately ended, I carry these lessons with me. I hope sharing them can help anyone else out there trying to build or sustain a marriage. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and none of us are perfect, but we can always learn from each other.

If there’s one thing I’d say to anyone getting married or working through marital challenges, it’s this: cherish and respect each other, forgive easily, and grow together. Because even if things don’t work out in the end, at least you’ll know you did your best.

In the DFW (Texas) and Irving, Dallas, Mid Cities area... where can we find Outings for toddlers or the general family members such as mom & dad with or without thr kids; that replace western activities and holidays (Easter/thanks giving & 🎃 Halloween). Things for 3-6 year olds to interact and do in a halal way that the whole family can enjoy together?