Photograph via snooOG

Welcome to Self-reliance!

This community is a place to discuss experiences, articles, guides, life-hacks and bits of knowledge on how to be self-reliant, we have the aim to increase a bit more our knowledge in different areas.

Self-reliance is a broad concept, it is our intention to be a platform of knowledge and educational sharing of skills that may give individuals some sort of independence for their lives.

Who we are

This community is a place to discuss experiences, articles, guides, life-hacks and bits of knowledge on how to be self-reliant, we have the aim to increase a bit more our knowledge in different areas.

Self-reliance is a broad concept, it is our intention to be a platform of knowledge and educational sharing of skills that may give individuals some sort of independence for their lives.

Visit our wiki to see a selection of our posts or click here to see our All-Time Posts.

As we are a helping community please avoid the use of memes or jokes.

If you are asking a question in r/selfreliance we ask you to write [Help] or [Question] in the beginning of your post title.


Who we are not

We are not an authoritative source of information; formal expertise, experience, training, preparedness, well-being and safety should be your own responsibility - ultimately that is what self-reliance is about!

We are not "lone wolf" promoters. In most scenarios, you are more likely to be better off with a group of people who help each other rather than being alone - remember, different people have different skills. Also, historically we have thrived by having communities working together - which is why it’s still important to work together while sharing your knowledge and skills with others.

There is nothing wrong in asking for help.

Note: no politics or agenda based submissions/comments.



Being self-reliant allows you to survive the harshest of winters and the most brutal of summers. It gives you a sense of agency over yourself and your decisions. And while it isn’t an excuse to never seek help from others, it means you are no longer at the whim and mercy of those who may have other plans for you.

In practice, self-reliance can look like any number of things. Being able to depend on yourself to meet your basic needs (and those around you) is one of the greatest feelings in the world, and doing so ethically is even more essential. In this community we cover different areas:


Subreddit Rules:

  • Rule 1: Follow reddiquette. Be nice. Respect all members of this sub. - Troll behaviour will not be tolerated, neither drama, inflammatory or condescending remarks. Useful and constructive criticism is and will always be allowed if it is backed up. However, comments that do not provide significant value to discussions may be removed at mod's discretion. More information on reddiquette found here;
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  • Rule 3: Please do not post illegal advice. - Any comments and advice posted that can have illegal outcome can and will be deleted by the mods with no notice required;
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User Interaction



  • Be informative. If requesting advice, explain your situation as best you can so that users have something to work with.

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210,894 Subscribers


Beekeeping (Source: 'The Book. The Ultimate Guide to Rebuilding a Civilization')

10:27 UTC


Fire Safety Tips

16:52 UTC


FYI: How to tell when trees are diseased or dying

1 Comment
14:54 UTC


[Question]: What Hobbies help you build self reliance?

It's logical that the more fun something is, the more often you may do it.

So, in that vein of thinking, what fun hobbies do you have that also help with sharpening skills or muscle memory related to self reliance?

#self-reliance #hobbies #camping #foraging #hunting #fishing

17:41 UTC


Cost Effective Veggies & Herbs 101

06:53 UTC


Mulching Trees 101

09:04 UTC


Discussion: Grow Your Own Protein - Quinoa

Livestock agriculture contributes 18% of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions.  This fact was thrust into the media’s attention earlier this week when Lord Stern, the author of the influential Stern Review on the costs of tackling global warming, declared that people will need to reduce their consumption of meat if we are to take climate change targets seriously.  Whatever your views on this statement, it is clear that home-grown produce is the best source of food if we are to reduce our carbon footprint.  Yet the question in many people’s minds is whether a plant-based diet can meet our nutritional requirements for protein?  With less livestock would it be feasible to grow everything required for a well-balanced diet?

In fact, the idea that plants do not provide good sources of protein is largely an outdated myth.  It is true that many of our staple plant foods do not contain such concentrations of protein as meat.  However, a balanced diet of vegetables, coupled with grains, nuts, seeds or legumes gives ample protein for optimal health.  It is only when the majority of foods we eat are highly processed, rather than a range of whole-foods, that the protein and nutritional balance suffers.

However, not all plants are nutritionally equal.  There are some plant foods that are particularly good as sources of protein and, surprisingly, they can be grown in a variety of climates.  I had always been under the impression that the best vegetable protein sources were soy and pulses such as lentils, which are difficult to grow in England.  So I was delighted to find the Real Seed Catalogue listing high-protein grains such as Quinoa suitable for our climate and set out to grow some this year.

Quinoa is remarkable – an ancient plant that has been called ‘the gold of the Incas’ due to its origins in South America.  Although usually thought of as a grain, it is actually related to the spinach, chard and beet family (Chenopodium).  It is a complete source of protein (all the essential amino acids) and has an impressive list of health-giving properties.  Better still, it is very easy to use – the grains are slightly larger than couscous and are cooked in a similar way to rice, with little spirals of white germ appearing as they expand.  It goes well with most meals you would traditionally serve with rice such as curries, stews and tagines.

Growing quinoa was easier than I expected.  I started the seeds off in small pots and then planted them out in late May.  Unlike common grains like wheat, just a few plants are required and are spaced 2 feet apart.  By the start of August they were approaching 6 feet tall and needed staking to prevent them flopping over in high winds.  I chose the ‘rainbow’ variety and sure enough the seed heads started to be tinged with red, amber and green by September.  Keeping an eye out for the first fallen seeds proved to be the best way to tell when they were ready for harvest.

Processing the grains was more tricky.  I followed the online instructions to rub the plant heads over a soil sieve which gets most of the grain out, along with some little bits of plant falling through.  I left this to dry out for a day or two and then set about the biblical process of winnowing the seed from the chaff!  This was much harder than it looked and involved pouring the seed onto a cloth on a windy day so that the little plant bits were blown further away than the grain and repeating the process 3 or 4 times.  In the end I had to pick out some bits and accept that about 15% of the grain was never going to get separated.

Commercially produced quinoa must be processed very thoroughly because when I cooked it there was a noticeable bitterness to the water which comes from the saponins that need to be washed off the seed.  By changing the water half way through cooking I was able to eliminate this and the results were excellent.  Quinoa expands more than rice, so you need less of it for a good meal.  From my five plants I harvested about 700g (1.5lb) of uncooked quinoa – enough for a good portion for about 10 people - but I think this could be increased with practice at the processing stage.

Was it worth it?  Yes, it was very satisfying to know that this amazing grain could be grown by me at home.  Would I grow it again?  If I had more space then I would certainly consider it and I may well try some other quinoa varieties in the future.  It was resilient, pest-free and low-maintenance – perfect for locations that are not ideal for other plants.  Most importantly it passed the taste test, not only for me but when served up to guests as well.  It may not be the whole solution to greenhouse gases from livestock but it was a very interesting experiment.  Quinoa certainly deserves more attention as a promising protein of the future passed down from the ancient Incas of South America.

Please do add a comment if you have grown grains, nuts, seeds etc...  and I may add details of another grain, amaranth, later in the year when I have finished harvesting it.

Article Source

20:06 UTC


Spring Garden Checklist Example

13:16 UTC


Make a CR Box for Air Quality

03:30 UTC



22:14 UTC


Self-Employment / Best Personal Businesses To Start?

Given a phone and some free-time, what businesses would you start?

Lots of people struggle to find opportunity in the world, and are afraid to start because of liability, consequence, or risk.. I have a friend who is paranoid and does not have much. Not computer literacy, not good looks, not skill. They are anti-system, and refuse to work for someone. They want to work for themselves.

I want to present to this person an opportunity that they cannot poke holes in. That they can do for themselves. That can be reliable if done correctly.

The criteria is:

  1. Not personal brand related. They are paranoid and self-conscious.
  2. Phone-based. They are not computer literate, nor do they have reliable access to one.
  3. Self-built. Not reliant on other companies for work; Self-Employment

What are some good individual business models for a person as stubborn as them?

02:22 UTC


Outdoor Basics - The Ten Essentials

Packing the “Ten Essentials” whenever you step into the backcountry, even on day hikes, is a good habit. True, on a routine trip you may use only a few of them or none at all. It’s when something goes awry that you’ll truly appreciate the value of carrying these items that could be essential to your survival.

The original Ten Essentials list was assembled in the 1930s by The Mountaineers, a Seattle-based organization for climbers and outdoor adventurers, to help people be prepared for emergency situations in the outdoors. Back then, the list included a map, compass, sunglasses and sunscreen, extra clothing, headlamp/flashlight, first-aid supplies, fire starter, matches, knife and extra food.

Over the years, the list has evolved to a “systems” approach rather than including individual items. Here’s what it looks like today:

Updated Ten Essential  Systems

  1. Navigation: map, compass, altimeter, GPS device, personal locator beacon (PLB) or satellite messenger
  2. Headlamp: plus extra batteries
  3. Sun protection: sunglasses, sun-protective clothes and sunscreen
  4. First aid including foot care and insect repellent (as needed)
  5. Knife plus a gear repair kit
  6. Fire matches, lighter, tinder and/or stove
  7. Shelter carried at all times (can be a light emergency bivy)
  8. Extra food Beyond the minimum expectation
  9. Extra water Beyond the minimum expectation
  10. Extra clothes Beyond the minimum expectation

The exact items from each system that you take can be tailored to the trip you’re taking. For example, on a short day hike that’s easy to navigate you might choose to take a map, compass and PLB, but leave your GPS and altimeter behind. On a longer, more complex outing, you might decide you want all those tools to help you find your way. When deciding what to bring, consider factors like weather, difficulty, duration, and distance from help.

Continue reading below for more information about each of the Ten Essential systems.

1. Navigation

Contemporary navigation tools include five essentials for traveling in the backcountry: a map, compass, altimeter watch, GPS device and personal locator beacon (PLB). Here’s more detail:

  • Map: A topographic map should accompany you on any trip that involves anything more than a short, impossible-to-miss footpath or frequently visited nature trail.
  • Compass: A compass, combined with map-reading knowledge, is a vital tool if you become disoriented in the backcountry. Many smartphones, GPS devices and watches include electronic compasses, but it’s wise to also carry a standard baseplate compass because it weighs next to nothing and does not rely on batteries, making it an indispensable backup. Note: A compass equipped with a sighting mirror can also be used to flash sunlight to a helicopter or rescuer during an emergency.
  • GPS device: A GPS device allows you to accurately find your location on a digital map. Those designed specifically for outdoor travel are often built rugged and weatherproof. Another popular option is to use a smartphone with a GPS app, but consider that most phones are more fragile so you’ll likely need to protect it with a case. Whichever you choose, keep in mind that these gadgets run on batteries, so you’ll need to monitor your battery power and possibly carry extra batteries.
  • Altimeter watch: This is a worthwhile navigational extra to consider bringing along. It uses a barometric sensor to measure air pressure and/or GPS data to provide a close estimate of your elevation. This info helps you track your progress and determine your location on a map.
  • Personal locator beacon (PLB) or satellite messenger: These gadgets can be used to alert emergency personnel if you need help in the backcountry. When activated in an emergency, they will determine your position using GPS and send a message via government or commercial satellites. A PLB or satellite messenger can be a nice backup to have in case something goes awry, and they will work in remote locations where a cell phone cannot be counted on to have a signal.

2. Headlamp

Being able to find your way through the wilderness at night is essential, so you always need to have a light source with you. A headlamp is the preferred choice of most backcountry travelers because it keeps your hands free for all types of tasks, whether that’s cooking dinner or holding trekking poles. Always carry extra batteries.

3. Sun Protection

Always pack with you and wear sunglasses, sun-protection clothing and sunscreen. Not doing so can result in sunburn and/or snow blindness in the short term and potentially premature skin aging, skin cancer and cataracts in the long term.

  • Sunglasses: Quality sunglasses are indispensable in the outdoors to protect your eyes from potentially damaging radiation. If you’re planning prolonged travel on snow or ice, you’ll need extra-dark glacier glasses. All sunglasses sold at REI block 100 percent of ultraviolet light (UVA and UVB)—a key function of quality lenses. UVB rays, the rays that can burn your skin, have been linked to the development of cataracts. Groups should carry at least one pair of spare sunglasses in case someone loses theirs or forgets to bring them.
  • Sunscreen: Spending long hours outdoors can expose you to ultraviolet rays, the cause of sunburn, premature skin aging and skin cancer. Wearing sunscreen is recommended to help limit your exposure to UV. When selecting a sunscreen, health experts advise choosing:
    • A formula that offers a sun protection factor (SPF) of at least 15, though SPF 30 is recommended for extended outdoor activity.
    • A formula that blocks both UVA and UVB rays.

Apply the sunscreen generously and thoroughly to all exposed skin. UV rays can reflect off of snow and water so don’t forget to get spots like the underside of your chin and nose. Depending on many factors (time of day, sweat and more), you should reapply as often as every two hours. And don’t overlook SPF-rated lip balm.

  • Sun-protection clothing: Clothing can be an effective way of blocking UV rays from reaching your skin without having to slather on sunscreen (you’ll still need sunscreen for any exposed skin, like your face, neck and hands). Many lightweight, synthetic pieces of clothing come with an ultraviolet protection factor (UPF) rating to indicate how effective the pieces are against UVA and UVB light. A hat, preferably one with a full brim, is a key accessory for sun protection.

4. First Aid

It’s vital to carry and know how to use the items in a first-aid kit. Pre-assembled first-aid kits take the guesswork out of building your own, though many people personalize these kits to suit individual needs. Any kit should include treatments for blisters, adhesive bandages of various sizes, several gauze pads, adhesive tape, disinfecting ointment, over-the-counter pain medication, pen and paper. Nitrile gloves should also be included.

The length of your trip and the number of people involved will impact the contents of your kit. It's also a good idea to carry some sort of compact guide to dealing with medical emergencies.

5. Knife

Knives are handy for gear repair, food preparation, first aid, making kindling or other emergency needs, making them an essential for every outing. Every adult in your group should carry a knife.

A basic knife may have only a single foldout blade; more elaborate knives and multitools include things like one or two flathead screwdrivers, a can opener and/or a pair of foldout scissors. The more complex your needs (if, for example, you are leading an inexperienced group), the more options you may want in your knife or tool.

In addition to a knife, a small gear repair kit can get you out of a bind in the backcountry (and the more remote you are, the more important your kit becomes). Common items include duct tape, cordage, fabric repair tape, zip ties, safety pins and repair parts for a water filter, tent poles, stove, sleeping pad, crampons, snowshoes and skis.

6. Fire

In case of an emergency, you need to have reliable supplies with you for starting and maintaining a fire. For many people, this is a disposable butane lighter, but matches are also suitable so long as they are waterproof or stored in a waterproof container. Convenience-store matchbooks are often too flimsy and poorly constructed to be trusted for wilderness use.

Firestarter, as the name implies, is an element that helps you jump-start a fire and is indispensable in wet conditions. The ideal firestarter ignites quickly and sustains heat for more than a few seconds. Options include dry tinder tucked away in a plastic bag, candles, priming paste, heat “nuggets” (chipped-wood clusters soaked in resin) and even lint trappings from a household clothes dryer.

For outings where firewood is not available, such as trips above tree line and/or on snow, a stove is recommended as an emergency heat and water source.

7. Emergency Shelter

Always carry some type of emergency shelter to protect you from wind and rain in case you get stranded or injured on the trail. Options include an ultralight tarp, a bivy sack, an emergency space blanket (which packs small and weighs just ounces) or even a large plastic trash bag. It’s important to understand that your tent is only your emergency shelter if you have it with you at all times (a tent left behind at your camp is not sufficient).

8. Extra Food

Always pack at least an extra day’s worth of food in case something causes your trip to go long (such as an injury or bad weather). It’s a good idea to pack items that don’t require cooking and that have a long shelf life. Things like extra energy bars, nuts, dried fruits or jerky are good.

If you’re going on a long multiday trek or a winter adventure, consider bringing along more than a one-day supply.

9. Extra Water

It’s crucial to carry enough water for your outing and have some method of treating water while you’re out there, whether that’s with a filter/purifier, chemical treatment or a stove for melting snow. When determining how much water to carry exactly, consider that most people need about a half liter per hour during moderate activity in moderate temperatures. You may need to carry more than that depending on factors like the outside temperature, altitude, level of exertion or an emergency.

As a starting point, always carry at least one water bottle or a collapsible water reservoir. When beginning a hike, fill up your bottle or reservoir from a potable water source.

10. Extra Clothes

Conditions can abruptly turn wet, windy or chilly in the backcountry or an injury can result in an unplanned night out, so it’s necessary to carry extra clothes beyond those required for your trip.

When deciding what to bring, think about what you would need to survive a long, inactive period out in the elements. Common options include a layer of underwear (tops and bottoms), an insulating hat or balaclava, extra socks, extra gloves and a synthetic jacket or vest. For winter outings, bring insulation for your upper body and legs.


1 Comment
15:00 UTC


Campfire 101

1 Comment
06:54 UTC


r/selfreliance reaches 210k Members!

Thank you for sticking around and as always be your best and be nice to each other.

05:08 UTC


I was asked to post about fixing up my previously abandoned house so here is the longer story. It is too long to fit in the text box so I copy pasted most of it in the comments.

I commented in an admittedly unrelated post earlier today about how I have a huge previously abandoned house that I am living in and fixing up and a mod suggested I share more about it, so here is a more in-depth explanation. I'll start with the brief explanation I gave in the other post and then probably type for far too long. The TLDR is it's a lot of work, I'm not very good at it but it is rewarding in many ways.

"It was a trapper's cabin from the early 1900's that an old hermit lived in until the 70's when it was sold and updated slightly to be a weekend retreat. Then in the late 90's it was resold and converted into a Y2K prepper stronghold by a software developer with more money than brains. He burnt tons of cash building an enormous addition to the house that was never completed. When Y2K didn't happen, he got depressed and just kind of let it all rot until he died. It had been sitting completely empty for 4 or 5 years when my wife and I bought it and moved here in 2020."

To give a little more background, my wife and I are teachers so we don't have professional experience in the trades, but I grew up helping my dad do some volunteer construction work and I took shop class. But, I have always been a little fearless and a lot foolhardy so we weren't scared off when other smarter people might have been.

We always wanted to own secluded property on a particular lake in the upper midwest in the US but most lake houses in the area were out of our price range. A few years ago, we came across a property that had been on the market for many years and the price had dropped and dropped while the house sat empty. The previous owner was a bit of a hoarder and had died with an enormous unfinished house and his widow just walked away, taking anything of real value and leaving everything else, including rotten food in the fridge and dirty clothes in a basket in the bedroom.

When we looked at it the first time, the real estate agent said that everyone else looking at the property had planned on bulldozing the house and building something new. For this reason and others, the property was about half the price of comparable lakefront parcels with no improvements at all, even though it had a driveway, garage, fenced garden, power, well and septic.

The house is 7000 square feet if you include the screen porch and unfinished basement. We realized that it needed massive amounts of work and made what we thought was an impossible lowball offer and it was accepted. It was still quite a lot of money because it sits on 40 acres with nearly 800 feet of shoreline, including a private pebble beach nested between bedrock cliffs. We really put all our eggs into the property basket so we don't have a lot of money left to hire anyone to do any work so we have had to figure out how to do it ourselves.

04:05 UTC


A Homestead on One-Tenth of an Acre - Example

06:29 UTC


Guide: Prevent Wildfire - Campfire Safety

Before You Get Started

Start by getting a campfire permit from any CAL FIRE, U.S. Forest Service, or BLM station or office. Your campfire permit is valid from the date issued until the end of the calendar year. Permits are required to have campfire or portable gas stoves on public lands. Check to ensure there aren’t any local fire restrictions in the area. During periods of high fire danger, campfires may be restricted. Also, keep a shovel and bucket of water nearby at all times.

Camping Fire Safety—How to Build an Open Campfire

Select a level, open location away from heavy fuels such as logs, brush or decaying leaves and needles. Clear an area at least 10 feet in diameter (local regulations may vary). Scrape away grass, leaves or needles down to the mineral soil. Scoop a depression in the center of the cleared area in which to build the fire and put a ring of rocks around it. Cut wood in short lengths, pile within cleared area and light the fire. The fire should be built no larger than necessary. Your fire must never be left unattended and the fire must be extinguished completely before leaving.

While the Fire is Burning/Open Fire Safety

Always keep a shovel and bucket of water nearby at all times. While the fire is burning, be sure there is a responsible person in attendance of the fire at all times. Never leave children around a fire unattended.´´

How to Completely Extinguish an Open Campfire

Use the “drown, stir and feel” method: drown the fire with water, then stir around the fire area with your shovel to wet any remaining embers and ash. Be sure to turn wood and coals over and wet all sides. Move some dirt onto the fire site and mix thoroughly to fully smother it. And finally, feel the area with the back of your hand to ensure nothing is still smoldering.


1 Comment
20:01 UTC


Tinder Bundle 101

16:45 UTC


Turtle Trap, an hour and and some mesh.

00:10 UTC


Leather Furniture Vs. Wooden Furniture

Wooden furniture provides warmth, finesses, richness, and comfort to every corner of your home. Bed frames, cupboards, shelves, tables, and chairs are all the essential benefits of wood furniture that one cannot overstate. However, the furniture industry has given many other options to choose furniture from. Likewise, these days, leather furniture is slowly in demand, for it not only looks classy but is perfect for vintage decoration. Whether to go for wooden furniture or leather furniture, this article will help you out to find the answer and choose the most optimum one.

Wooden furniture: Advantages

Beginning with the wooden furniture, it offers an excellent blend of excellent appeal and structural integrity, which is hardly reflected by other materials’ furniture. Wood is a vital element of nature, and therefore it successfully establishes a connection to the interior decoration transforming the mood and appeal of the entire house. It creates a welcoming and homely feeling and an utterly organic sense. Wood is used from generation to generation for various purposes offering quintessential quality hard to replicate.

The reasons behind wood being a prominent favorite for furniture can make a detailed and long list. But here is a gist of benefits of wooden furniture:

1. Durability and strength

Wood has robust and long-lasting properties making it a perfect selection for people who desire to have longevity while buying furniture. Both hardwood and softwood have innately stable and are reliable enough to make furniture.

The durability of wooden furniture ensures the full value of your money. Even if you ever wish to sell the furniture, it will be looking as sturdy and durable as it was when you bought it. It also brings easy maintenance and oiling, waxing, and polishing should be done occasionally.

2. Feel and look

Wood adds a certain amount of charm and dignity to every room, matching the other interior decorations. When a skilled artisan crafts it, he does it with a boundless potential bringing innovative designs and aesthetic allure to life in the form of the wooden furniture.

As said, wood is capable of adding charm and dignity to a room, irrespective of it being a lighter-colored material or darker hues. Also, when excellent craftsmen craft them, there is a vast scope for creativity to bring on beautiful allure to furniture.

3. Sustainability and Variety

When you source the wooden furniture from a certified supplier, it represents sustainability, which is an ecologically friendly way to furnish your dream home. Take a look at Wellington’s Fine Leather Furniturefor a variety of furniture options to choose from. It is a renewable building material, so the carbon footprints are lower in this case.

Apart from sustainability, wooden furniture comes in varied colors and tones, meaning you have ample alternatives in terms of styles and looks.

Leather furniture: Advantages

In the case of leather furniture, take a note that is highly in demand and can be found in almost every home. There are many benefits of leather furniture too. So if you are having any doubts about which kind of furniture to buy, here are some top advantages of leather furniture to clear your head and reach a final decision.

1. The stunning looks:

Trust this that you won’t be able to look away from the stunning and classy looks of leather furniture. It will surely make your heart skip a tiny beat. It’s of aesthetic value, adding a sense of class to your living room. Giving an inviting appeal, leather comes with a gentle sheen making it looks more pristine. Besides, it’s not something that can go through wear and tear. On the contrary, it lasts long and even longer for many years if you take care of it the right way. Usually, leather furniture has consistent looks as compared to the furniture of other materials.

2. Care on the go:

It doesn’t require a lot of attention, and just a bit of regular dusting will make it last longer. Although leather conditioning is recommended every 6 to 12 months and it only takes a few minutes. Wiping down the conditioner on the leather with a damp cloth will do the care. If you want some extra shine, use some quality ensured polishing agent on it.

3. Hypoallergenic nature:

Leather furniture is optimum for the creation of a hypoallergenic environment. Since it is entirely resistant to dirt, animal dander, and dust, it is hard to get allergies. On the opposite, fabric furniture tends to lock in allergenic elements and make it challenging to create a comforting, healthy, and anti-allergy environment. Leather is a material that is resistant to liquids as well and doesn’t absorb them. Proper care of leather furniture adds some extra years to its life. It is a lifetime investment bringing good returns if you would plan to sell it in the long run.


1 Comment
18:55 UTC


Help. How to self respect?

some context first:

  • I ( now 21 M) have been brought up in a family where sweetness was a top value installed in me. My dad seeing me as his last chance at being a father and falling in love with me at first sight put all of his self esteem on me. His love for me was extreme, that of Disney proportions and being a failed business man in a very conservative country weighted heavily on his self image giving him very poor self esteem. He often expressed shame at his inability to provide for me the exceptional education I deserved.


  • All of this lead to my very unique upbringing where I had a father that needed cheering up and only I was the one able to reach his heart (which I guess you could call being parentified). Over time this became a way of me conditioning myself into the overtly sweet and smily kid that can sooth conflict and I definitely use my weigh to get my needs met.


  • fast forward 20 years and the negatives sides of this upbringing is definitely showing. I have very little backbone and my narcissistic people pleasing tendencies seems like a demon overcoming my body whenever there is a conflict which I was wronged in. My tendency to forgive and forget is honestly quite shocking to myself, especially when it’s so inappropriate to do so.


  • recently I got cheated on and even though I had every right to stick to my decision to leave the relation, I still found it in me to forgive even though I hold little to no attachment to the person I’m in a relationship with and have been thinking about leaving semi daily. The only and main reason I can think of to understand my behavior is concluding my people pleasing tendency is so great that I refuse ADAMANTLY REFUSE to be the one instigating a breakup because of what it could do to my self concept of being the ‘good boy’.
  • which prompt the question:

HOW THE HELL DO I GET A BACKBONE AND STOP MY ATTACHMENT TO GOODNESS?! If you cracked the code let me know please

09:53 UTC


Ladder Safety 101

07:11 UTC

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