Idk why people are so hateful, I’m simply just existing, I’m still a man no matter what I do

Hey everyone! I recently stopped taking T (last shot was October 5th or 12th I can't remember), so about 7-8 weeks off T. I was just wondering if it's normal for me to be extremely emotional??

Like yesterday I started getting a lump in my throat and tearing up, listening to an advertisement about dog DNA testing???

I've never been much of a crier (except when a dog dies in a movie), even pre-T. I assume my estrogen levels are rising as the testosterone lowers, is that why I've been so emotional? I figured if I wasn't emotional pre-T, I wouldn't be now. Also pretty sure I'm not pregnant, haven't had a cycle yet lol.

The first few weeks I also had HORRIBLE hot flashes and was literally dripping with sweat one minute and then fine/ cold the next. Thankfully that seems to have stopped.

What symptoms (expected or unexpected) did you have when stopping testosterone to try to conceive?

Hey, I’m 6 weeks post birth and my little lad is amazing, but I really don’t feel like myself again yet.

Pregnancy was harder than I expected and healing from the c-section has been more difficult than anticipated as well. I feel a lot less secure and a lot more vulnerable, I have almost no sex drive and am definitely experiencing much higher anxiety levels.

Other men who have given birth, I’m wondering how long it took you to feel normal again?

I had my daughter almost two years ago now, and we’re still struggling with a parent name for me. My partner is cis and called Papa, her grandmother is called Mama (all her grandkids call her mama) and her grandfather is Atta. My daughter turns two in a month and still doesn’t call me anything.

I was out for almost 10 years (ages 13 to 22) until I closeted myself when I returned to work. The first year of my daughter’s life I spent at home with her, we struggled but it was what worked best for us at the time. I’ve been working for the last year and closeted myself for the sake of everyone else, but mostly for my daughter. For her safety and for the ease of my coworkers and her teachers. I work at the preschool she attends, but I work in the 0-24 month classrooms. In two weeks she will be moving up to the 2 year old room. Everyone but myself and my partner call me mama to her. My partner calls me dada, and I don’t really call myself anything. When I’m talking to her I’m really just talking to her, not any of the “come to [parental title]” type stuff. I’ve grown my hair out long over the year I’ve been back at work, and I use a gender neutral nickname in the workplace which helps me feel better about myself. Everyone just knows me by “V” which is the first letter of both my government name and my chosen name.

I worry that she’s almost two and doesn’t call me anything. When she runs up to me she says “hi baby!” and that’s about the most of what she calls me. She knows what a baby is, she calls all the little ones at school babies, so it’s not that she’s confused about the usage of the word. She mostly says it because I always say “hi baby!” to her when I see her. I’ve tried getting her to call me baba, or mumu (what I called my mom as a kid) and my partner says “dada” because I don’t like the title “mama” because of my dysphoria. But nothing really sticks.

I know it’s not a developmental stunt, because she calls everyone else their titles. I just worry that she’s confused or doesn’t understand. It’s not a relationship issue because she really does love me a lot, I’m definitely her favorite person and we connect and understand each other really well. I just feel like I can’t encourage “dada” like my partner does because she’s too little to understand me being transgender and I don’t want to have to explain to everyone on the earth why she calls me “dada” when they all assume I’m “mama”.

I live in a heavily red state, I’m talking like next to Texas and Florida level of conservative. I’ve met maybe two other trans people in the almost four years I’ve lived here. I fully plan on continuing my transition once she’s a bit older, and coming back out of the closet once we live somewhere safer, but I just feel so terrible that she doesn’t have anything to call me. I worry that it’s confusing for her and that’s why she doesn’t do it.

I’m worried that at some point her teachers or doctor will think it’s a developmental issue, when it really isn’t. I don’t want to come out because I’m scared for my family, and I don’t want to be stuck in a situation where I have to blatantly lie about who I am to explain it either. I’m getting by just telling people to call me V and that I’m “a little gender fluid” because I don’t present feminine at all (I have long hair, but I wear men’s clothes and don’t do makeup or shave etc.). Most folks just think I’m a masculine woman, which there is a lot of out here being an agricultural and blue collar state, so it’s not too weird to folks. At least not weird enough for them to think twice.

I just feel really bad about it. About how she doesn’t know who I really am. I worry that because her papa calls me dada, but everyone else calls me mama, that it confuses her. When people call me mama to her (like “go to mama!”) she says “no”. Not no to what someone’s asking her to do, but like no to the “mama” part. I think it has to do with her calling her grandma “mama” and her knowing I’m not grandma. But she doesn’t call me anything, and it really makes me sad.

At the end of the day I wouldn’t even really care that she calls me mama. I originally wanted her to choose a title on her own, but she hasn’t done it yet and she’s almost two. It hurts to be called mama by others, but with her I could move past it. But she doesn’t call me anything and I feel like it’s my fault. I feel like it’s my fault because I’m transgender and that maybe it’s too confusing for her. I don’t know. I just needed to vent.

My son got to come home Sunday evening! 8 days in the NICU. I’m so proud of him and so glad he’s home. Just wanted to thank y’all for your support and give the update that he’s home with his family. Hope everyone is having a great start to their December.

i'm a non binary trans masc, i've been on t for 3 years and had top surgery recently. i look like a dude, i sound like a dude. which is what i'm nervous about.

when i breached the topic of birth with my partner he was reasonably afraid that so much can go wrong even with cis women that neglect from doctors due to incompetence around queerness would prob get dicey

so just out of curiosity what was your experience like?

i’m not sure if this is the right place for this so if someone could guide me to the right place if this isn’t, that would be great.

a little back story first i (21 FTM) was on T for almost 3 years before i stopped. i’ve been off for about a month a half. i vape and drink heavily and i take prescribed stimulants. i’m not on birth control at the moment and have been sleeping with the same cis man (19) for over a year (we are fwb). as of lately we’ve been having sex unprotected and just pulling out (i know it’s stupid, please don’t judge me).

for a few days i’ve been having a tender chest (i’m pre op), some mild cramps and nausea. i haven’t gotten a menstrual cycle yet since being off T. yesterday after going pee, there was blood and i assumed i started a cycle. there was also a weird thing in the toilet i’ve never seen before. it was like light brown/tan and looked bigger than a blood clot. i haven’t bled since. i’ve still had some cramps, a little worse than they have been. my chest is less tender and my nausea is less too.

does this sound like an early miscarriage or am i jumping to conclusions? i was going to take a pregnancy test and have a friend run an ultrasound to be more sure and then act accordingly but i wanted to ask the opinions of people who might’ve experienced this too.

My boyfriend and I were talking about medical elements involved in pregnancy, like stopping hormones and possibly need for fertility treatments, and it occurred to me that I don't know if it is something insurance covers. I know traditionally it would be, but I wasn't sure if updating my gender marker and having my insurance saying I'm male would effect the coverage I'm able to get.

Has anyone had particular issues with insurance, or is anyone willing to share their experiences going through insurance? It would be helpful to know what to expect! Thank you!

I’m 17 weeks pregnant and appointments have been SO SO SO expensive!! One of the lovely receptionist at my OB looked into it and told me my insurance has me down as male. My birth certificate says female it’s just my ID that says male. Has anyone had to deal with this? How did you get it fixed? Did it lower prices?

My boyfriend and I (29) have been pondering and discussing kids, and have talked about adoption vs bio kids, and the pros, cons, and costs of each. I'm at a point in my life where for the most part I think I'm ready, but I also know a baby would shake things up majorly, and change things are work, my social life, relationships, and everything else really. We were talking last night about a possible timeline, and I think I'm just scared. He thinks it would be preferable to start sooner than later due to the time I'd need off my hormones, possible fertility treatments, and the general time it often takes for people to have a viable pregnancy. I don't disagree, but I'm also terrified because so much can change over the course of a year, and if it doesn't take as long as he suspects I'd be nervous about being pregnant before I feel fully prepared.

But also, I know most of the time people don't feel fully prepared, that there's a learning curve to parenting, and that there are a lot of things I can't prepare for.

What factors were on your mind while deciding if/when to go for it, and how did you know you were ready?

Hey everyone, my husband & I are hoping to start TTC in the next couple of years, but like many folks I'm looking to minimize my time off T and number of periods before getting pregnant.

What fertility testing have people gotten done before starting TTC? Is there anything that can be done without getting off T? If you have a partner with sperm, did you do any sperm count or other fertility testing for them? Aaaand finally, in your experience, what kind of fertility testing is or isn't covered by insurance?

Originally I had been hoping to stop T, give it 2 weeks, and then just start trying the old fashioned way, rather than waiting for periods to come back and everything. While that's still what I have in mind, I'd also prefer to know as much as possible about how difficult actual conception might be. Obviously it's different for everyone - I know two friends who got pregnant right away when trying and another who's about to start IVF after a year of no luck. So I know you can never really know for sure what's going to happen, but I just like the idea of being as prepared and informed as possible.

Thank you!

Comment on this post to discuss off topic (by off topic we mean non-pregnancy related topics, such as childcare, trans rights, or even how your week went and if you need support!)

Please bear in mind that our second rule, Be Welcoming, still applies to any and all comments within this post. We also kindly ask that you do not self promote in these comments, as we cannot validate or review every comment each week.

With that being said, have fun!

We want to plan the birth of our second child in a state that will recognize me as at least a “parent”, if not “father”, when I give birth. Anybody have experience traveling out of state? Any specific insurance to recommend? Would a midwife be better in this case?

My son was born via c section on Saturday because I had preeclampsia. He was 34 weeks and 1 day, 4lbs 12oz. I was only just discharged today because about 10 min after my c section was completed I hemorrhaged around 1600ml of blood. I needed two units of blood transfused so it took a few days to recover. Today is my first night home and I’m having such a hard time coping with the fact that I’m not in the same building as my son anymore. Every time I think too much about being away from him I cry. I cried leaving the hospital earlier today too. The NICU is a 30 min drive away. I’m going tomorrow morning, I just never want to be without him.
I have fallen so in love so fast with this little creature and I just want to hold him always.

This week marks one year since my cycles returned having had my last T shot in May of 2023. It's been a long old slog and I've gotten nowhere. I really didn't think it would take this long.

Right now I'm waiting for my period to start. I had a negative pregnancy test yesterday (period is two days late), but until it starts I can't help but hold out hope which just makes it all the more crushing.

We've now started down the fertility treatment pipeline and we've got money set aside in case we need to pay privately for IVF, but I just want things to work out. Put simply: this sucks!

hi! throwaway account, but TL;DR, i am a transmasc person interested in hearing about uplifting seahorse dad experiences. i'm not sure if this is going to be the path for me personally, but i'm so happy i found this sub to ease some of my fears and hear from like-minded people.

there are a lot of posts out there about cis women and their wonky hormonal cravings, and i thought it might be fun to hear from members of the community here if you guys have similar stories. soooo, what are some weird/funny/particular food cravings or related stories you've had while pregnant?

Hi :-)

I just wanted to ask how you made the decision to become a seahorse dad. I’ve been contemplating it for a while because my wife has decided she doesn’t want to get pregnant (personal/health reasons that I totally respect).

I’m really on the fence about it, on one hand I’m nervous what friends/family might say and pregnancy in general. But on the other hand, deep down part of me as always wanted to get pregnant.

So if anyone has any advice or anything it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks :-)

Tldr: Morning sickness may have just cost me my job and I'm scared of losing everything again. 

I feel so lost right now. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant. It was a complete accident and I feel like I fucked up. Oct. 2023 I had my IUD removed to try and see if I could grow out my facial hair (cause after 3 years I only have a little patch of chin hair 🙄) and figured it would be ok because my wife (trans woman) and I weren't having sex because we have been struggling with homelessness the last few years and at that time we were staying in a hotel room with a friend. She had to stop hormones a while before that cause we couldn't afford her insurance. I had insurance and was still on hormones. Well we got an offer to stay on someone's couch, a few states away. Took that chance cause what do we got to lose. New state is not exactly better for us healthcare wise. Well we were able to get jobs and get into a cheap extetended stay hotel. I kept bring up going back on bitch control but I never did because I have a hard time with all the side effects. Neither of us have ever been good with using condoms. 

We both just started a new job recently. She is now off probation I still have a couple weeks. I just bought a car last week and it's the newest I've ever had and I'm so proud of myself for it. We are now trying to save for a new place once I finish the defered down payment on the car. Things were starting to look up. 

I work in a chicken plant. Cutting raw chicken all day. It's hell for the all day morning sickness that I've had since I conceived. I don't qualify for FMLA because I haven't been there long enough, but I do qualify for ADA. With that I can leave whenever in relation to the pregnancy. They said dont take advantage. I kept asking HR what I had to do and they gave me vague answers. Well my claim was open and I had a deadline to get paperwork from a doctor. Most doctors won't even see me before around 10 weeks and I didn't have a primary. Finally got an appointment like a week before the paperwork was due, got it sent to the doctor and told them when it was due. They didn't send it back. I know I should have called and made sure they turned it in. But I have really bad anxiety and will have a panic attack over phone calls and confrontation and I didnt know what to say. I got denied. I emailed the company that does the ADA stuff, I haven't called my doctor yet. I work overnight and have been busy right after work as well. 

I had to leave an hour into my shift tonight. Supervisor said it's a full point. That might have just cost me my job. I really hope I can get it all figured out and make sure it's covered. But I'm so scared I just fucked everything up. There's not another job I can get around here like this, and I don't want to jump into manufacturing right now. Fuck fast food did that for way too long, tho if I have to again I will. I'm just so terrified that all the progress we have made will just be thrown out the window and we will be back to square one. My preschooler has been living with my parents while we tried to get our life back on track. I hate it and really don't wanna have to send another one there as I barely have contact with them already and Ive never been on good terms with my parents. 

My baby is a year old and I’m still struggling to love my new form. I’ve been back on T for 11 months now. When I see photos of myself I hate that my tummy protrudes. I used to have such a tiny waist. I don’t know if I should be looking into getting surgery. Everyone else says I look great but I don’t see it. I just feel gross :/ there’s lots of postpartum weight loss information out there but none of it is for trans men also on T. My doctors are unhelpful. The pregnancy doctor keeps referring me to the gender doctor and the gender doctor refers me back go the pregnancy doctor.

Sorry for the negativity, I’m frustrated and just trying to get it off my chest.

This might be a silly question: but did anyone get their eggs frozen before HRT just for them to use them again in their own body (so not with a surrogate)? Just to make sure they stayed healthy and stuff? I’m just looking at all options as of right now :)

I have a 1.5 year old (who's doing wonderfully) and an appointment to go back on T in a couple of months. I'm starting to think about whether (or not!) my kid will find any of the coming changes disconcerting.

Guys/NB folks who have gone on T when their children were young but not infants, what if anything did they notice? How was the experience for them, and for you? I'll obviously talk to my kid about it, but I'm not sure he knows about gender yet (he also doesn't talk yet), so I doubt I'll be getting that much information across. He's not in school or daycare.

Like, obviously, cis people's faces/voices/etc are changing all the time, and their children adapt to that. And the changes on T are gradual and continuous enough that people you see every day don't necessarily register them as changes. That's probably doubly true for toddlers.

...Right?

I guess, you know--it matters to me that the changes in me don't alienate my kid, and my feeling is it's super unlikely that they would. But I'd love to hear actual stories from anybody who's been through it.

What were your first signs of pregnancy? Just got a positive pregnancy test. Thanks.

I’m infertile and so is my partner, we were saving for IVF next year so we really didn’t expect this AT ALL.

I am NOT a drinker, but last weekend I did get drunk at a birthday party.

I also took my first shot of ozempic (.5) literally 1-2 days before I found out I was pregnant.

Did I hurt my baby or is it too early to worry about all that?

Obviously now that I know I’m stopping my medication and drinking/smoking.

Hello everyone, Has anyone stopped taking T after a few years to conceive a child? And after how long after stopping T you got your period back? How long did you get pregnant after you stopped taking T? Thanks to those who respond

Wow! First ultrasound today & saw fetal heartbeat and everything measuring correctly. It’s growing in me and it’s real! What a surreal moment.

I went off T in July, got pregnant (chemical pregnancy) immediately without having a menstrual period come back, it didn’t stick, ovulated again in September (still no period yet), then bled October 1 and conceived that month!

I worked with a reproductive endocrinologist who has worked with lots of trans guys. I’d planned to switch to IVF in December if the first 3 cycles didn’t work. We did natural, timed cycles (my partner is a cis guy) with close monitoring of ovulation by the fertility clinic. Highly recommend that route for anyone who wants to minimize time off of T in their TTC journey. Feel free to ask me anything!

basically title. i am definitely not at the stage of life to be having kids, but have been thinking about it a lot because i’ve been discussing about the future with my (cis) boyfriend. if you live in toronto / ontario and have had experience with going for pregnancy-related checkups / delivering in a hospital while male-passing, what was your experience with medical professionals? any additional insight on being a visibly pregnant male in public would be appreciated too

I take pregnancy tests every month so I think the farthest along I'd be while on T is about 4 or 5 weeks. I'm just scared if I accidentally get pregnant, the baby will be harmed by my use of T in the first month. Any advice is appreciated.