/r/ProgrammerDadJokes
/r/ProgrammerDadJokes
199,043 Subscribers
Two soldiers are using the Colonel's laptop.....
Soldier 1: Who's General Protection?
Soldier 2: Why do you ask?
S1: The laptop just froze, and it says it was General Protection's fault.
S2: Oh, it always does that, just reboot the laptop.
(A few seconds later)
Laptop: Beep Beep!
S2: That didn't sound good.
S1: It says "No OS found"
S2: The Colonel's going to panic when he finds out about this!
23:01 UTC
What do you call a horse who knows Linux?
Unixorn
12:23 UTC
I accidentally searched for FreeBSOD instead of FreeBSD
Thankfully I had a backup
22:14 UTC
My employer outsourced our software development to a third world country.
All of our factory methods became sweat shop methods.
21:20 UTC
I used to work with a programmer who played defensive back in college.
He declared every variable as an int.
16:02 UTC
If money is no object
I recommend switching programming languages.
18:48 UTC
Why is "Cassandra" a film and not a series?
because it's NoSQL
12:00 UTC
How do you laugh out loud in binary?
101
09:35 UTC
what is the best dead code elimination technique?
it's the one that detects if said machine code consists of operations or autopsies.
20:36 UTC
Why do non-binary people not have to wear life jackets
Because they float
12:21 UTC
I knew a programmer who only understood the principles of programming but can't actually produce working programs.
They were all theory, no application.
23:26 UTC
I don't have tons of experience with coding anti-patterns.
Just a singleton.
23:21 UTC
What is something that window can and Linux can't
16:56 UTC
5 years ago today I was eating cobbler at a diner when my future wife walked in
She sat right next to me.
I was intrigued because there were many open seats at the counter.
I took out a piece of paper and scribbled a note.
"Is this a sine?" I asked her.
She looked at the note, divided her pi in 2 and slid it left.
Then she stared in my eyes and said, "I'd prefer we be cosiners".
17:34 UTC
Trump is building a new firewall to address 403 errors
403 is for Biden
11:49 UTC
If you're not Linus Torvalds
You're never gonna make git
16:40 UTC
Why do Java programmers wear glasses?
Because they don’t see sharp.
10:17 UTC
What do you call a vim user that goes up three lines?
A racist.
04:29 UTC
I used to program with Lisp
But then I got car sick
21:06 UTC
There is currently a huge internet traffic jam.
There have been reports of a hash collision on the information super highway.
12:14 UTC
if Greta Thunberg were a programmer, what would she fight against?
global warning
04:04 UTC
Why do communists prefer functional programming?
Because they want to be stateless and classless
06:43 UTC
Which is Tom Cruise's favourite OS kernel?
XNU.
07:19 UTC
My son was playing an old ninja turtle game and said excitedly, look the Kapoo is playing the game!! … He sounded out CPU 🤣🤣
03:44 UTC
Can you help me find the cli?
Got a text from my gf and she said if I don't find it soon she's breaking up with me.
01:29 UTC
Why was the Java programmer always drunk?
He was always ordering Doubles
19:05 UTC
What's a ghosts favorite data type?
A BOOlean.
21:14 UTC
If stack structures are LIFO, and queue structures are FIFO, what are consequential structures?
FAFO
12:39 UTC
Why do Republican sysadmins only use efifb as their system console, not vesafb?
It's backed by the GOP.
10:34 UTC
What did the TRNG say to the PRNG?
lol i'm so random
12:12 UTC