Falling into my mind--

so much space and still confined.

Since I saw you die I

am too broken to say goodbye

and too fragile to face you,

so I've been running for my life.

Your hair still falls through

my hands just like you. In darkness

my fingers still seek for the heat

of your cheek on my cheek

and the cold of your nose

in memories like shadows.

I’m so sorry I can't forget you...

let me stay here in between

like the last leaf holding onto

this tree I’m afraid to leave.

I murdered a boy

Dear dad I have something to tell you Something in my head Locked inside Rotting and dead

I murdered a boy

I’m not saying I stabbed him till he bled Or held a gun up to his head Or assaulted him to his death

I murdered a boy

I’m talking metaphorically Not literally Listen to my words and maybe you’ll see how

I murdered a boy

He was 20 years old And felt the world was cold So he stayed to himself And shut everyone out

He was addicted to the smoke Every puff that he took He had to stop and take a look To see who was around the corner spying On the mere fact that his lungs we're dying

He was a habitual liar And a poor apologizer So he felt that there was no one to trust And it was the attention that he lust

He never owned up to what he had done In fact, he was the one who made his life no fun He blamed his mom He blamed his dad But never blamed himself for what he had so I’m here to tell you

I murdered a boy

Dear dad I have something to tell you Something in my head Locked inside Rotting and dead

I murdered a boy

I’m not saying I stabbed him till he bled Or held a gun up to his head Or assaulted him to his death

I murdered a boy

I’m talking metaphorically Not literally Listen to my words and maybe you’ll see how

I murdered a boy

He was 20 years old And felt the world was cold So he stayed to himself And shut everyone out

He was addicted to the smoke Every puff that he took He had to stop and take a look To see who was around the corner spying On the mere fact that his lunge we're dying

He was a habitual liar And a poor apologizer So he felt that there was no one to trust And it was the attention that he lust

He never owned up to what he had done In fact, he was the one who made his life no fun He blamed his mom He blamed his dad But never blamed himself for what he had so I’m here to tell you

I murdered a boy

she’s willing to admit

that she didn’t really have a sense of anything

just dreams, far away dreams

some would say the girl was an angel, untouched by the world

but calling her an angel would be too sweet, wouldn’t it

goody two shoes, air head, that’s more like it

don’t take offense they’d say

but i don’t think you’ve experienced a lot of things

a sheep, that one hurt the most

you’re wrong, she thought

because she’s not afraid of the big bad wolf

never was scared it turns out

just inexperienced in a world that failed to provide experience

waiting for the day that life changes

that life changes her

A wooden table, And a chair or two, A hopeless man, And a fear or two,

A glass of wiskey, A smoke or two, An old rusty gun, With a bullet or two,

A broken heart, Not one, not two, but a million pieces, A pair of shoulders, Yet the weight of a million bricks,

He is not crying, He is not sad, Just a little mad, At the turn of events,

Takes another sip, Smokes another puff, Followed by a jittery cough, Spraying a little blood,

Choking, Gasping for air, Eyes filled with fear, As out flows the tears,

Man on the floor, Trembling and shaking, Outcomes some foam, Pink like a rose,

One body, No breathe, A dead heart, A gone soul,

The glass of whiskey falls, And shatters to bits, Like the heart of the dead, Who was hopeless and fed, Of this life......

Some depression here,

Some anxiety there.

Blotches of autism & A.D.D.

Specks of identity disorders with P.T.S.D.

Splatter in panic attacks and bipolar mania.

Then, continue with a touch of schizophrenia.

Keep going with pandemic addictions coping for a release…

Then, all of a sudden,

you’ve got a lunacy masterpiece.

Bristle in grief, trauma, & abuse,

consumerism, littering, & exploitive pursuits.

Don’t forget endangerment, greed, & rage…

The ‘hive mind,’ oppression, & ‘wars over god’ page.

Add streaks of violence, indifference, & ethnocentric haze,

alongside gashes of a corrupt political maze.

Mix in hues of neglect & giving a fuck less.

Then, bring it all together by indulging in this mess.

Patients treat patients

in the psych ward of outer space

because the ultimate mental illness

is the entire human race.

© 2017 Michelle Haas Iridescent Musings of a Meticulous Mind

I am sitting in a old diner, Writing this on a thin paper napkin, Though I am slowly drowning at sea.

I look around me and see faces of the living, Yet the water squeezes me tighter, Making it harder and harder to breathe.

I want to call out for help, you see, But my lungs are already lost to the pressure, And my arms and legs are growing tired of flailing.

I had been in these depths before, And it seems Poseidon wants me to go deeper, and deeper, Until my feet touch the ocean floor.

Will the lighthouse come for me there? Will it shine through the layers of deep blue? Will its beam come to my rescue?

But lighthouses can’t be moved by words and pleas, And neither can you, So sinking I shall stay.

You were the lighthouse in the sea in of my mind.

Anxiety

the first time I met you was at a recital

we were kids, singing at some local town faire, it wasn't important

but you were there

Like a dozen creeping vines you snuck up and tangled yourself within me, reminding me that I had found new company

and The last time i saw you, was at a test. It was math, the old nemesis, and as I went to my seat I found it preoccupied.

You, were in it.

waiting patiently for me to join you as my body was filled with something worse than butterflies, no, it had to be worse than nervous laughter or mumbling meanderings.

and, as I picked up my pen, fidgeting, as I waited for the horror to begin, I thought to myself.

Hello

Anxiety.

It seems we’re back at it again

with the constant stream of unhappy thoughts and tribulations

We are BACK with all the nonsensical fidgeting

We are BACK with me not trusting my abilities

or skills

or words

or my hands

or even my mind

We are back, to being scared.

Like a child, wondering why palms are getting sweaty. Why the heart beats faster.

Why the people around you look sad, with tears in their eyes.

Why there’s a casket in the middle of the room, and flowers by its side.

You see, anxiety isn't only pre-school recitals or math tests

it can be a hand on your shoulder that doesn't comfort you but silently strangles you

it can be waiting to see joy but meeting sorrow

it can be your friend not wanting to understand how you feel

or standing on a stage, with fear showing behind an awkward mask, slowly peeling away leaving you exposed.

it can be… It can be more than a troubled teen with a diagnosis saying

fearful, troublesome, difficult, depressed

And I’m not suffering from actual anxiety, I’m just nervous and confused and when I see

people

friends

family

suffering from something they don't want others to see, I’m left to wonder

what’s behind this mask of unspeakable, hidden, topics to avoid

what secrets are rather sealed away because we don't like to talk about them

when someone is diagnosed with cancer, or suffers a stroke, we;

convey our sorrow, our support, our hopes, our fears, but when someone is diagnosed with anxiety, depression no one gets to hear few are told,

and to me it seems like no soul in this world knows, how many people out there. are sick.

How can we not acknowledge that pain isn't only physical

that your body can malfunction in more ways than a broken arm

or a fractured bone or a bleeding wound

Some have broken minds

fractured thoughts

SOME have bleeding hearts

And just maybe we need to realise

that there are more ways to heal than through pills

We could talk about it

we could sit silently

we could find a way to make this acceptable

to make you feel safe when you say:

My name, is Jonas

I am afraid

I am terrified

and sometimes I feel depressed

and that’s okay.

The enter button is ten stories high, Palms sweaty, my breath baited, im not going to lie, Nerves in a torrential cascade, Over comments that will be made, Fam says do it like a band aid, Quick, Then you’ll know if it’ll click, But they don’t know the dis-order of the day, Don’t know what my critic “anxiety” has to say, Read people savaged every day, “has this page turned into a tissue?”, “for your personalities swim suit issue”, “do you really believe you can connect?”, Jesus, can I even come correct, There gonna eviscerate your grammar and syntax, Then crucify me if I say relax, The true internet tax, Its over before you even try, “so why don’t you fuck off and die?”, So I penciled this poem, so I could allegorically show’em, with assistance from a jeroboam, An “em” be my scumbag brain, not tryin is making me insane, So to whom it may concern, be gentle with your burn, thanks for the comments, the help me learn.

It is such a wonderful gift to wait, Protected from the world in this metal gate.

Neighbors rolling along in their roller skates, Rushing home to beat the street lights and not be late.

Birthday's with the whole family eating ice cream and cake, Grandmother thanking god that we could all wake.

Good people teaching young me to give not take, Seeing smiles, not wondering if their real or fake.

Living everyday with a brand new hope, Looking up hill not minding the slope.

Didn't need much, could play with rocks and rope, Life was good then, not much I couldn't cope.

I was sensitive, picked up my mothers trait, Taught me to always love and never hate.

I'm older now and people my age have already met their fate. That's why it is such a gift to wait.

Young boy unsatisfied with life, Unknown music like it was from a fife, Like having a birthday cake with no knife, Child Delivery with no midwife.

There was no need, Where did it all lead, Done no good deeds, On my head is sweat beads.

I’m nervous can’t you see, Even if you did you’d probably flee,

Where’s my mother, I need cover, Running from the other’s, I’m just a lover.

I’m going to lose my shit, Can’t tell me this is it, No matter the charm or wit, I can’t get pass this true grit.

Someone find her for me, Is she looking for me, Bring her back safely, Bring her back to safety.

I’d wake up, she wouldn’t be in her bed, I’d go the whole day wondering if she was dead, When I’d go back to lay my head, There she was in my bed.

It would cut like a blade, As I sit by the dusty lampshade, She wasn’t in the house that she made, Doing things for us she would of forbade.

What I need to do is get away, I promise I will stay away.

Without a running step, At this worlds door step, Can’t make a misstep, I had no chance to prep.

Eventually I lost my grip, The fall was a long ass trip, In boiling water, I took a dip, Got a bottle of spirits and I took a sip.

Then they told me she was looking for me, Didn’t know where I could be, Wanted me back home quickly, Trying to find me safely.

Sunrise, just another day that I can rise,

It seems to rain cats and dogs when I cry,

Wind blows cool when I hear your lies,

Otherwise, like you the air feels dry.

Monday, I just told the lord what I had to say,

Wednesday, it seems work is my home, where I stay,

Friday, you won’t catch me sleeping, head won’t lay,

Sunday, in the church, cool wind blowing when I pray.

Just sun soak, Tornados coming,

Angels flying, devils running,

Just sun soak, Tornados coming,

Angels flying, devils running.

What side are you on really baby?

I remember last summer you played me,

Fall came and the leaves looked so lovely,

Winter became spring where the cool wind be.

He looks down, to him men are mice,

Some are fat while others live on rice,

We cause the pain and even that has a price,

Yet I wonder if the cool air is nice.

So, I just sun soak, the cold winds coming,

Good people flying, sinners running,

So, I just sun soak, cold winds coming,

Just sun soak, Devils coming.

Lord please forgive this brother, he doesn't want to be a worker.

Wants to be on top of the mountain, while sipping from youth's fountain.

Idolizing money and gems, gaining all of it through sin.

I know it's on us that we lost him, just don’t want him to end up in a coffin.

All the thieving, raping and murder...has made another soldier.

This environment hurt him, it's not a fairytale and for this brother it looks grim.

Another soul being prepped to burn, about as good as ashes in a urn.

The devil is watching, on and on through time he's plotting.

We only call to you when it's convenient, but your graces we need it.

Because if I bury another, I can't keep consoling fathers and mothers.

I don’t know why we do this to each other, we were born to be lovers.

We have disappointed you, I wonder if it would change if they only knew.

Lord please forgive this brother, he wants to be a hunter.

Silence all of those who are talking, be the baddest man walking.

His pick of the women, drug dealing, in all four of the seasons, for evil reasons.

It could be any moment, that he must burn forever to learn his lesson.

I look up in the sky and wonder what lays high. Is it a door?. Is it a path that leads to yours?. God please tell me where you at. My heart is about to take a nap. Because it's getting tired believing in something that means the most. How do i know what road to follow. I need you here and tommorow. How did I get lost from the cross, wasnt I that wanted god?. I need you here to drag me near the path that I was once was. I guess the sticks and stones got old. Because my bones are broken and I am cold. So do you know what I mean. I have a thought but it's made of greed. Do you see why I need you right by my side. God please tell me what to do. I will follow you. Forever and always.

---+chelsea mae phillips

I am bad with words To say what you mean to me Indescribable

Hi everyone. Im a reddit virgin so please excuse the format if its not correct. Im still learning the ins and outs of here. Im sure all you talented people can read it the way its meant.

I don't want no chat up line
I've heard them all before
Cheesier than doritos
I watch as you crumble to the floor

Some 'Anyone's Handsome' wine
Another glass I pour
Your looking better by the sip
But I think I need some more

Your making it too obvious
Standing there just oggling
One more shot glass
And I'm beer goggling
You asked me for my digits
did I give the right number?
A text from you pops up
Can I get any dumber?
My memory's still boggling
As I remember my beer goggling

My eyes open as daylight breaks
Reality slowly creeps in
I turn around and see you there
Why did I finish that vin?
How did I get to your place
I ask myself as I dress
Bed head galore with panda eyes
I look a scary mess
You wake from your slumber
And hand me a fake number
U forget you text me last night
You really are dumber
I remember how I was oggling
As reality kicks in
I curse the beer goggling

(C) Julie Murphy (2015)

Outline

If I was just an outline

Then you could fill me in

With many colors and diverse shapes

Then you’d throw me in the bin

Where I would be recycled

And come out brand new

But even in my new form

I'd still look for you

Because only you would fold me

With a thousand creases

And make me origami

To decorate your room

Where I would sit contented

Until upon a whim

You thought I should be liberated

To float upon the wind

Until someone unfolded me

And drew on me with crayon

And you'd be happy knowing

I was an outline once again

I am older now.

The responsibility fills my lungs, and I can feel myself drowning.

I have grown accustomed to the heaviness where the air used to float.

I have slain the teddy bear that I once held close to my heart.

Now I sit atop his corpse, high and mighty, yet I am low and weak from the pressure of sinking in my own skin.

I am not certain what I should do now, for there are so many things that I could.

I thought that this was from the lifting of the walls and I thought that what lay beyond them would be freedom.

It turns out that they weren’t walls at all, they were floodgates holding back all that I had once feared.

I should have known, but I couldn’t have.

So for now, instead of screaming, I will sit atop the remains of my innocence and ponder this life of mine, the life that once felt so endless and now feels so fleeting.

Today, it is all that I can do to hold on.

So many things happen in a day.

I tried to run.

I tried to keep up with the world that had long since passed me by.

There always comes a time to slow down.

It is only now that I see how carefully I nurtured those last few drops of innocence, only to realize that they had never really been there.

I wanted so badly to be someone else, but I have always been hurt; I have always been scared; I have always been old and indecisive, young and immature.

I have always been, and always will be, myself.

Meet my roommate

He doesn’t say much

And prefers I not call Him by His name

But He has definitely changed my life

When I come home he waits for me on the couch

He’s silent and polite

And offers me Tissues and sweets

Cupcakes or ice cream

And a movie to make me see

Exactly what I want my life to be

And by the deepest of night and the darkest of hours

Would my tissues be soaked and my jeans feel tight

But He would be there for me

When the yellow digital lights of the clock

Read 11:52 I would often find him waiting

Sitting

Patient on my unmade bed

Inviting my to lie with Him

Lie to Him

And keep the heat down.

He enjoys the cold.

He would grip me in blankets and wrap me in darkness

And as my breathing slows and my heartrate drops

As my muscles relax and my mind wanders

Would He remind me of the person lying in that bed

The person who’s head is never at rest

Where the mess of her life crumbles like the Berlin wall.

The person who sees sunrise every morning

Because He keeps me up.

He has me strapped to the mattress

He has me tied in my blankets

When the alarm goes off.

He allows me to move enough to hit the snooze

Roll over

Stay in bed

I have to be at work in an hour

I still haven’t showered and I know my hair won’t be tamed

So finally will he let me up

He will strap weights to my ankles and allow me to drag my feet

I’m late to work, but He’s joined me

He encourages me to get coffee

A one to two ratio of cream and sugar and I always need a lot

Six creams and twelve sugar’s it’s not even coffee anymore

But He’d encourage me to have three cups in one hour

And sometimes mix in a shot of redbull

He doesn’t like me looking both ways before I cross the street

Or checking if something I’m about to eat is too hot

He doesn’t like umbrellas

He wants me to sit right on the stones of the pit during a bonfire

He doesn’t like me being careful with my body

But He’s always there for me

He sits on my shoulders like the Angel and Devil

But He’s red on left or right and he covers me

Entangles me

Coils me into his web of protection

As the cars just miss me

And the food always burns me

And the water always hits me and the fire always brands me

But it’s okay

Because He’s always there for me

My friends don’t like Him

They think He’s changed me

They think He’s made me submissive and sad

Hey think He’s the reason I’m bad at answering my phone

They think he’s the reason I tattooed myself in red ink

But what they think Isn’t really 100% right

He’s my roommate

He doesn’t say much

And prefers I not call Him by His name

But He has definitely changed my life

to flow:

words with story

are words that hurry

but your words mustn't run

for your mouth will lose its holy gun

for each of you who boast and boast

you fill the void of gossips host

so tell your words with great hope

and see thee climb your treasured rope

whilst words of dawn shall carry on

if and only if they hold no wrong

to have a follow you must, you must

carry yourself with wants and lust

but rhetoric makes life stop and drown

thus thee authentic hold thy well sought crown

to see who has and who that must

is who that has respected trust

time for most is time that has

though life shapes a foggy glass

for everyone has wise that hides

you mustn't tell a single lie

for every race is one that's close

and to you my dearest i raise a toast:

 to stand in the river

 you'll spend nights a shiver

 but fidelity sparks the great bright start

 and passion attracts the fondest of hearts

now you flow.