I've posted on my account regarding abortion resources in Indonesia. However, it seems like the main resource (Samsara) is no longer able to direct people to medical abortion medication sellers. Since I no longer feel up to date on the current ongoings, I'm hoping to crowd source some resources here.

What I know :

• Samsara still provides counseling and guides people through the steps of a medical abortion.
• You can find mifepristone and misoprostol on tokopedia/shopee
• You can also get mife and miso through international organizations like WomenOnWeb and Safe2Choose. If you do not plan on being pregnant, I recommend you do this anyway so you have medication on hand if pregnancy happens.

What I don't know :

• Samsara used to also direct people to providers of surgical abortions. Do they still do this?
• What keywords do you use on tokped/shopee? Are there trusted sellers? How much does it cost?
• How long does it take for meds to arrive from orgs like WomenOnWeb or Safe2Choose? How much does it cost?

Any information is appreciated, I will compile the information (will attempt both Indonesian and English) when we have enough. If you know something and don't feel comfortable using your account to share, feel free to message me and I will relay your information to this thread. Thank you!

Helloo ✨, apakah ada perempuan (usia bebas) yang punya goal HM akhir tahun ini? Pengennya bisa diajak HM bareng keluar kota (Borobudur Maraton)/Jakarta(JRF), + mungkin mau latihan lari bareng.

Kenapa cari perempuan? Biar diizinin ortu kalo ke luar kota dan bsa sharing penginapan.

Kalau domisili kita beda bisa mengakrabkan dan saling memotivasi lewat chat saja, kalau dekat bisa latihan bareng.

Boleh chat buat tanya tanya dlu apakah cocok, terimakasihh 😊🙏🏻

Gue sempet "ngedebat" di salah satu community muslim yg dmn ada postingan ngebahas tentang incels. Ada yang komentar bahwa kemunculan incels itu ada sebagai reaksi dan "perlawanan" atas femcels atau yg mereka sering sebut feminazi or just feminists kalau mereka gak ngerti definisi feminists. Lalu gue komentarin, "Reaction tapi dampaknya gak sama. Yang satu menyuarakan kebebasan berekspresi yang memang terkadang ada haramnya tapi setidaknya tidak menyakiti orang lain. Sedangkan yang satu lagi udahlah tindakannya haram, merugikan orang lain (objektivikasi perempuan, rape victim blaming, dll)". Poin yg mau gue sampaikan adalah jangan samakan dampak mereka ke masyarakat.

Dan yak, sudah pasti saya dituduh menjustifikasi zina😂 tapi ya, berharap apa sama orang yang menganggap gender-based affirmative action itu gak seharusnya ada? Padahal di banyak negara, hal kaya gitu masih diperluin. Yang di otaknya cuman, "Katanya equality kok malah dikasih kuota khusus".

Tapi ini belom "gong" nya~~~ Sebagai respon ke pernyataan saya tentang "dampak ke masyarakat" yang berbeda itu, beliau yang agak laen ini malah bilang,

"Jumlah anak-anak yang dibunuh perempuan lebih banyak daripada kasus laki-laki bunuh perempuan."

Maksud dia aborsi.

Why are they like this😭 gue bahkan udah keabisan kata2 buat elaborate lebih jauh. Btw ini bukan cowo Indonesia ya. Salah satu warga negara yang emang terkenal misogynist naudzubillah amit-amit jabang bayi. Ya semoga virus incel selevel ini jangan masuk Indonesia deh.

Gue pake tag "Diskusi" karna would like your opinion on people like this. Kek mereka tuh dapet logika dari mana sih?

the more i think about it, the more appealing a childfree lifestyle is.

i can still have a partner to travel and live with, but getting married is not a priority.

the only concern would be if id get lonely in old age but tbh, a lot of my grandparents have kids who barely visit them either so its not much different.

i just hope there'd be a big enough childfree community in indo so it doesn't feel as lonely because at a certain age, all of your friends talk about is just their children.

Hi, Puans! I’m currently living just with my mom, and I’m only staying at the house on holidays. Aku dan Mama lagi kesusahan nyari ART yg bisa stay 24hrs bantu beres-beres rumah dan nemenin my soon-to-be retired Mom.

Does anybody know where to find ART who’s trusted and can handle basic household works in Jakarta? Thanks!

Girls, ada yang bisa rekomendasiin olahraga yang cocok buat aku?
Dari kecil, pipi aku chubby, tapi badan kurus dan nggak berbentuk, jadi kelihatan kurang ideal, mungkin ini yang disebut skinny fat(?) Sekarang aku juga sedang dalam masa satu tahun setelah recovery dari skoliosis C, dengan sisa kemiringan 14 derajat.

Aku sdah coba makan lebih banyak, BBnya naik tapi bagian pipi dan perut yang membesar. Kira-kira olahraga apa yang cocok untuk membentuk badan lebih proporsional tanpa memperparah kondisi tulang belakangku?

I think I've found words to explain how I feel when I get catcalled.

Kalau dulu gue pikir gue takut, rasanya bukan—atau mungkin udah berubah. Sekarang gue marah, karena mereka gak ngeliat gue sebagai manusia, sebagai individu yang setara dengan mereka. Mereka ngeliat gue sebagai objek aja, makanya gabisa memperlakukan gue dengan basic human decency. I don't even treat stray cats like that. I say hi to stray cats, politely, I wave my hand.

Gue jijik sama mereka karena how tf in this big, sci-fi ahh year of 2025, you can still act like that?? What's wrong with your brain??

I hope karma finds them in a way that violates them the most.

My first post!

I know i'm not supposed to write this. Prob bakal apus karena kurang sreg You can judge me if you want :P

Aku F16 (am i too young for this app?) and i likes old guy. Di umur 14-15 ada masa masa dimana aku attracted ke 1 orang ini, (he's between 48-53. Creepy ya?) i think he's hot. Lucunya temen2 aku bilang "Kamu suka sama dia? muka cabul gitu...". Aku tau kalo muka dia agak cabul. But i ignored it.

Pada suatu saat, i saw him entered a small room in "This one place". Dan dengan bodohnya aku masuk ke tempat itu, when he left, i close the door. Tapi ternyata dia masuk lagi ke ruangan itu and he ask me "kok pintunya ditutup?". Dan terjadilah, dia nyuruh aku deket2 dia biar dia bisa melok aku. I like him, so i really happy to get a chance to hug him.

Dan yang kayak kalian bayangin, kejadian itu bener2 berlanjut sampe makin parah, makin parah. I give him everything, my first kiss, i let him touch my body. Did i enjoy it? Not really, aku ga "turn on" saat dia nyentuh aku, but i do feel happy when he touchs me (i hate dopamine).

Now i'm 16 dan dia jadi sedikit jarang nyari aku dan gilanya aku ngerasa kangen sama dia. Tiap liat dia aku ngerasa deg degan parah, rasanya pengen ketemu dia. Nafas aku sedikit berat, i tried to tell this to my boy-bestfriend (supaya lega aja), but he thinks that im lying to get man's attention. 2 kalimat yang membekas dari dia adalah "Pantesan cowo sa.n.g.e sama lu", dan "Kalo lu lapor berati lu yang mau dong?". Dia bener2 bikin aku mempertanyakan harga diri aku. apakah aku yang mau? Mungkin kah aku murahan? Kalo aku ga mau, kenapa aku selalu nyariin dia? Aku bener2 ngerasa worthless, dan malu. Aku gapernah pengen cerita ke orang tua ku karena aku gamau mereka nyari orang itu dan masalah nya makin membesar. Egois banget. Padahal aku tau kalo mereka sayang sama aku. What should i do? T.T

Ps: sedikit ovt orang mikir aku bohong AHAHAHA

Aku pernah berteman dengan seorang cowok dan suka main ke kosannya (dia punya banyak temen cewek dan mereka suka main ke kosannya juga, so nothing special) except eventually we had sex. Sebelumnya aku pernah nginep dan ga diapa2in, tidur aja. Tapi selanjutnya kami ciuman, dia nanyain consent dan aku iyakan karena aku ga pernah punya pengalaman romantis ataupun seksual dengan cowok sebelumnya dan aku berpikir fine2 aja pengalaman first kiss dengan teman cowokku (i have a crush on him back then tho). Dari situ kita makin sering jalan, dan pulang ke kosannya sampe akhirnya he went far more than kiss dengan meraba ke bagian vagina. Di situ aku stop karena aku ga mau fwb-an, dan bilang prinsipku: setidaknya aku akan having sex dengan-paling minimal- pacarku, paling bener ya dengan suamiku, bukan teman. Dia ga mengiyakan kalau kita bisa pacaran dan stop sampai situ. Tapi hari2 berikutnya di kosannya he attempted to PIV penetrate dan aku membiarkan.... awalnya pakai kondom dan sakit, ga bisa masuk dan aku minta berhenti. Di lain hari, dia coba lagi penetrasi dan kita jadi regularly have sex, dan dia ga pakai kondom karena katanya ga berasa kalau pakai kondom. Dia nanya soal consent hanya saat sebelum ciuman, selain ciuman dia menanyakan apakah aku gapapa setelahnya... dan aku jawab gapapa....

Ceritanya masih panjang tapi sekarang aku udah ga berhubungan sama cowo itu. Saat itu aku sangat sayang dengan dia dan merasa attached banget meski setiap pulang ke rumah aku selalu menyesal, tapi selalu balik ke kosan dia lagi terus dan membiarkan kita hs. Beberapa kali aku refleksi diri dan coba cari tau apa yang terjadi di aku, beberapa kali menyangkal kalau dia bisa aja secara ga sengaja mungkin telah melecehkan aku. Itu kejadiannya setahun yg lalu, skrg aku merasa bener2 lepas dr dia dan baru jernih pikirannya kalau aku dimanfaatkan aja. Mungkin dia emg ga berniat manfaatin, tp dia bisa bgt bikin aku selalu memaafkan dia sampe dia bisa berkali2 bikin aku menoleransi having sex dengan dia dan ga make kondom. Bodoh juga aku, sekarang cuma bisa menyesal tapi aku selamanya kayaknya gaakan pernah bisa maafin dia.

Aku bingung yang terjadi denganku ini apa. Karena pengalaman ini aku tersadar kalau sexual asault itu bener2 bisa jadi ranah yang abu-abu. Antara yg consent dan ga consent bisa sangat tipis. Ada postingan di twt soal ini yg mentrigger aku karena pengalamannya mirip dan orang2 bilang itu udah bisa dibilang rape. Aku pengen speak up juga tp aku takut kalo aku ternyata playing victim dan pengalamanku ternyata ga valid. Can anyone help? Aku pernah ke psikolog tp aku ga cerita lengkap krn saat ke psikolog aku belum cutoff cowo ini jadi ga bisa berpikir jernih sama apa yg dia lakukan ke aku.

Hi!

Singkat cerita, gue freelance di perusahaan temen gue selama 4 tahun. Selama ini tiap ketemu, kita selalu pakai casual atau senyaman kita aja dan gak pernah ada komentar jelek. Sampai akhirnya temen gue nemu pasangan hidupnya dan mereka baru selesai lamaran kemaren. Semenjak pasangannya dateng, dia selalu komentarin apa yg kita pakai dan dia bener bener paksa kita buat tampil sesuai yg dia mau. Yg parahnya dia jg body shamming ke semua karyawan perempuan termasuk gue. Gue bener bener udh gak nyaman bgt dgn treatment dia. Pdhl dia perempuan jg. Dia sampai bilang jg ke temen gue buat ubah penampilan kita tiap ketemu. I mean, gaji kita disini gak seberapa, bahkan cuma dibayar thank you aja. Tp penampilan kita diatur sedemikian rupa.

Jd apa boleh perusahaan grooming karyawan? Krn gue ngerasa ini udh gak bener.

Thank you

Hi! This is going to be embarrassing idk :(

Jadi aku baru pindah ke luar negeri, I guess I need help making friends. Kemarin aku l sempet ada gathering khusus cewek gitu, and yes I exchange numbers with some of the lovely women there.

Kalo gue chat just to hang out awkward ga ya? Ini malu maluin bgt cuma…. I’m an extrovert with zero social skills (we exist, yes).

Should I just follow up and have a chat with them?

Hi everyone! I want to share my experience and hear your thoughts about the taboo surrounding tattoos for women in Indonesian society.

I have 3 tattoos on my arms. I grew up in a military family that wasn’t strict and was quite laid-back. However, over time, my parents became more religious, as often happens as parents get older. I’m agnostic and live a carefree life, but I’ve always maintained a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach when it comes to my personal choices.

I moved abroad when I was 21 and have lived on my own ever since. I’m 32 now, and I got all of my tattoos while living in Bali about 7 years ago. Every time I’m back at my parents’ house in Bandung, I wear long-sleeve pajamas at home and a jacket or sweater whenever I leave the house. Luckily, they don’t find it suspicious since that’s been my habit since I was a kid, and Bandung is pretty chilly anyway. There were moments when I thought my dad might’ve caught a glimpse, but he never said anything—maybe to keep the peace.

To be honest, I don’t feel guilty for having tattoos, but it’s exhausting to constantly hide this part of myself just to avoid conflict. Later this year, I’ll move abroad permanently to start a new life with my partner, and I’ve decided I’ll probably keep this secret from my parents forever.

I’m curious—what’s your take on this? Do you have tattoos or other personal choices you feel the need to hide from your family?

What do you think about the societal pressure to conform, especially for women? Is it fair to keep parts of ourselves hidden to preserve peace, or is it better to risk conflict and be true to ourselves?

And to make it fun, what’s the most absurd thing you’ve ever hidden from your parents? Or maybe a funny story about when they almost found out?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

Aku yakin pengalaman aku ini ga unik, mungkin banyak di luar sana yg punya pengalaman kaya aku.

Aku 21F dan dari dulu sampe sekarang aku ga pernah pacaran. Sebenernya ada juga temen2 aku yg ga pernah pacaran atau pertama kali pacaran baru2 ini. Tapi yg ngebedain aku dan mereka adalah, selama mereka single mereka pasti pernah deket sama cowo atau pernah dideketin cowo, walaupun itu cinta monyet pas SD. Sedangkan aku pas SD pun sekedar cowo cinta monyet sm aku ga ada. Orang2 blg ke aku "mungkin mereka takut aja nge-confess". Tapi aku ngerasa impossible aja ga ada satupun yg do so, jd aku ngambil kesimpulan emang ga ada.

Dulu pas SD aku emang agak tomboy dan gak rawat diri bgt, tp aku pede. Saat itu aku mikirnya "aku masih kecil ngapain aku mulai rawat diri". Sampe saat aku masuk SMP elit ternama di jaboderabek dmn temen2 udh mulai sering perawatan dokter, pake liptint, dll. Di situ aku bener2 diperlakukan secara buruk apalagi sm cowo. Aku pernah ngecrush-in temen sekelas aku dan dia tau. Awalnya biasa aja, tapi gatau gmn temen2nya pada tau dan mulai ngeledek dia abis2an karna istilahnya dia disukain sm cewe terjelek di angkatan. Sampe aku inget bgt sahabat aku tuh pernah bantuin aku cari info ttg crush ini ke sahabat cowo dia yg dmn dia temen lamanya crush aku (wkwk ngerti kan). Trs si sahabat cowonya ini penasaran dan akhirnya sahabat aku izin ke aku buat kasih tau siapa yg suka sm temen lama dia. Aku izinin. Trs ternyata di chat itu si sahabat cowonya ngomong "Anjir gua kira siapa, kasian temen gua (crush aku)." Dari situ aku ngerasa kayak... sejelek itu ya gua? Jangankan dicintai, kek mencintai aja haram gitu buat org kek gua.

Setelahnya pas SMA self image aku makin parah krn emang tmn2 aku cantik2 semua. Btw aku pas SMP itu udh mulai perawatan jd pas SMA tuh aku lebih sehat dan mulus jg kulitku. Tapi aku gak bisa bohong kalo self image aku jd makin parah bukan main. Aku jadi sering ngerendahin diri aku, gampang breakdown, bahkan aku pernah ada di tahap s*icidal dan aku ngerasa aku pantes dihukum mati atas seberapa jeleknya aku.

Skrg aku udh kuliah. Hampir kerja malah insyaAllah. Skrg aku udh ga seberapa mikirin m*ti tapi jujur sejak ditinggal mama aku ngerasa kesepian. Aku pengen punya keluarga baru, a.k.a nikah. Tapi rasanya hampir mustahil ada cowo yg mau berkeluarga sm aku. Lalu juga aku ada merasa bersalah kalo bikin anak aku mirip sm aku.

Aku pernah sih deket sm cowo. Tapi online. Total ada 2. Yg pertama aku deket sm cowo British 2 tahun (tp tarik ulur). Officially ended it karna beda keyakinan (aku muslim dia agnostic). Tapi selama deket sama dia jujur aku juga kayak rada jahat. Aku ngeraguin kapabilitas dia buat sayang sm aku. Aku selalu mojokin dia kayak "gabut bgt lu deket sm cewe jauh2, jelek pula". Belom lagi mantan dia literal Latina baddie. Trs yg terakhir sm cowo Arab, kita udh temenan dr 2021 tp pacaran tahun lalu bulan Maret. Tp ga lama pacarannya karna he's going thru a lot (sandwich gen + imigran) plus challenge LDR ini banyak bgt jd dia takut pacaran lama2 tp ujung2nya gagal. Tp walaupun udh putus kita ttp deket bgt. Bahkan di bulan November dia nyamperin aku ke negara tmpt aku exchange. Tapi ya sama. Aku kaya masih sering mempertanyakan kenapa dia mau sama aku dan lain-lain. Dan jujur aku masih sayang bgt sm si cowo Arab ini. Rasanya kek ga bakal ada cowo lain yg bisa sayang sm muka aku ini.

Banyak org blg ke aku kalo yg perlu aku lakukan adalah diet (krn aku gendut jg). Tp faktanya aku ga selalu gendut gini, pas SMA akhir itu aku sempet kurus tp tetep aja yg gamau. Plus aku ngerasa aku emang jelek di muka aja. Alis aku tipis, idung aku gede lebar, pori2 aku besar. Yang sialnya lagi aku berasal dari salah satu etnis di Indonesia yang sering dipuji2 kalau cewe etnis tsb cantik. Dan orang suka ga percaya bahwa aku org etnis tsb karna I look nothing like those girls.

Aku nge-distract diri aku dengan cara make achievements. Kayak misal tahun lalu aku dapet program MBKM paling bergengsi. Tapi tetep aja, aku ngerasa kek ya it doesn't change the fact that I'm ugly. Orang blg di hubungan romance itu personality matters more lah. Tapi faktanya ya to attract, you have to have beauty first. Baru personality lo yg bikin hubungannya tahan lama. Lah ini aku attract aja ga bisa gitu. Apa aku harus oplas ya?

Hai puans! Curhat dikit, saat ini aku lagi cukup insecure dengan wajah & tubuh karena aku mulai merasa makin tambah umur makin banyak flaws yg muncul di badan & wajah. Ditambah saat ini aku lagi hamil jadi nggak bisa serajin dulu buat skincare & makeup, jadi aku lagi sangat butuh saran buat glow up :(

My problems are:

• Crow's feet (kerutan di area ujung mata)
• Kulit kusam berminyak + pori besar
• Rambut gampang rontok
• Crowded overjet teeth
• Belum nemu style makeup yg pas & nggak bikin keliatan tua

Anyway I hope pretty girls don't gatekeep, so kindly please drop your beauty routine & tips yg sekiranya sangat membantu buat "looksmaxxing", entah itu berupa rekomendasi skincare, treatment, skin prep, makeup, haircare, dll.

Kalaupun ada yg punya tips buat kondisi diluar dari yg kukeluhkan plis tetep tinggalin komen aja. Siapa tau bisa membantu puans lainnya yg juga lagi mencari-cari solusi kecantikan sesuai kondisi masing-masing <3

Thank you :D

Today I’m burn out to the bone and it’s not healthy.

and men should shut the fuck up, stick to their lane and not talking about woman fertility like some kind of commodity.

also people need to stop having a baby. this place is extremely crowded.

all my sensory is overwhelmed.

gosh I’m tired.

Btw you’re very much welcome to share your day. Might delete this post later due to negative energy tho 😔

Halo apakah puans di sini bisa bantu atau sharing hair care yang berefek rambut jadi lebih tebal? Sebelumnya aku punya rambut tebal dan karakteristiknya keriting (type 2c), waktu itu aki juga rutin treatment rambutku. Sekitar 2-3 tahun yang lalu sempat agak stress dengan kehidupan, yang bikin aku kurang merawat diri dan bikin rambut aku rusak parah, bahkan pernah nggak sisiran berhari hari. Setelah udah membaik aku udaj mulai rutin lagi rawat rambutku, tapi udah satu tahun lebih, rambutku malah makin tipis, dan keritingnya juga berubah bentuk makin lurus nggak seperti sebelumnya. Jadi adakah saran treatment/hair mask/shampoo/condi/serum apa biar rambut makin tebel?

tl;dr: saran treatment yang bikin rambut tambah tebel

Ini ngeluh aja, dan tentu bukan kritik/sindiran untuk puans yang enjoy merawat diri

I usually do the bare minimum, tapi akhir2 ini entah kenapa tertarik dan merasa butuh merawat diri biar cakep paripurna. Tapi overwhelmed banget.

Rambut tipis maka treatment untuk (berupaya) nebelin, lalu belajar styling.

Muka belajar make up, treatment di klinik, skincarean.

Badan pake lotion, yang macem2 dari exfoliant untuk bekas luka dan yang moisturizing biar gak ashy. Termasuk extra care untuk kuku dan telapak kaki.

Diet, olahraga, biar badan bagus.

Baju cari yang flattering. Sepatu formal perempuan sering gak nyaman (flats/heels).

I know gak semua harus dilakukan, tapi... kayak... ada... tuntutan untuk begitu karena orang2 begitu dan kalo engga entar keliatan lusuh sendiri lalu bisa mempengaruhi penilaian orang bahkan dalam konteks profesional (bukan sosial aja).

Terus membandingkan diri dengan cowok2 yang bisa get away dengan mandi dan pake kemeja aja... Yang kalo bibirnya pucet orang2 mewajarkan, dan kalo bau matahari yaudah namanya juga cowok. Yang gak pake makeup gapapa, tapi kalo cewek bareface dianggap kurang profesional.

Please dont fight me, if you dont agree just scroll past. Pengen ngeluh aja. I know i dont have to conform, i will not do everything anyway. It's just... a lot, and im processing, bcs this is my first time actually caring about these things.

Hai puans. I am a married 35 yo woman. In the past 3 years (married for 6), my relationship with husband is not very good. But somehow our sex life was still going on. I notice i find my brain often having fantasies during sex. Not about another man or anybody else at all. Still him but in a different role. Either a coworker, or a friend, etc. In a weird way, this makes it enjoyable for me despite our rough relationship.

Does anyone else ever have this kind of situation? Should i be seeing a professional? I am afraid not enjoying present him is unfair for him. Please give me your thoughts.

Puans, nanyaa deh kalian adakah yang malam setelah minum obat tambah darah (kebetulan aku pake merk sb) langsung menstruasi?

Konteksnya, last period aku itu start di 19 Desember 2024, tapi awal Januari kemarin (7/1/25) aku ngerasa badan aku kurang fit sehingga aku minum vitamin + tambah darah. Paginya, aku langsung mens, literal darah (bukan spot) + clots (Maju 10 hari).

Aku sebenernya agak curiga penyebabnya konsumsi obat ini karena last periodku itu aku juga minum tambah darah (a day before). Anehnya, tepat di cycle yang seharusnya, 19 Januari 2025 aku menstruasi lagiiii (berjarak 7 hari dari sebelumnya).

Idk, aku ngerasa yang mens kali ini yang bener, dan yang kemarin itu entah apa. Waktu aku coba discuss sama mamaku, kata beliau itu karena aku lagi stress aja nyiapin pindahan ke LN.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Apakah pil tambah darah ini trigger, or is it just a coincidence?

Terimakasihh banyak 🧚‍♀️

I (23F) recently got married last week, and our marriage is 100% financially supported by my husband (33M) since i was not able to save up given that i just finished college.

Our marriage cost 77% of the savings, 15% of it was used to renovate his parents house which we will not be living in after marriage (this was done a year before marriage and i get it that at that point it is still his money). So we currently just have 8% left in our savings

At first, I wanted us to just celebrate it with an intimate dinner with our family so we can save up to buy our own House & Car. But husband’s parents was still quite traditional cause they wanted a reception since he is their only son & eldest male grandchild from a first-born father and also first-born grandfather (3 generation). So in the end we decided to host a reception under a condition that we will only be inviting 200guest (100 invitations, this is including family) with a sitting buffet style (most weddings in jkt are standing reception) cause we wanted our guest to feel comfortable and enjoy the reception. Husband’s parents doesn’t contribute to any of our wedding financials since they were also unable to afford it cause they are renovating the house and buying a new car.

I was the one mainly managing the wedding preparation since husband is too busy working. But i feel like from husband’s family i was seen as somewhat controlling since one time they said that this is my wedding not my husband’s wedding cause i was the one deciding most of the preparations (this is not entirely true, since i always ask for my husband’s opinion before deciding, and i still let him know the decisions i made afterwards if i didn’t ask for his opinion - mostly little things)

On Sangjit & Holy Matrimony i only wanted to invite family, since if we invite other people then we would have to invite more because of ‘ga enakan’ which will result in more expenses. However, there isn’t enough person to bring the baki since husband’s family is all in Taiwan and the one who came isn’t enough. So i said to just invite very close ones that is enough to bring the baki. We booked the food & venue for 50pax sitting, and when we counted (along with those who bring the baki) there is 46pax. So, husband’s mom wanted to invite 4 more close ones to fill in the seat, but i disagree since i feel like kita undang org2 lain itu just for pengantar baki and if we invite those 4 then other people also will feel like why only those 4 are invited, and we have no reason to say why.

Then Husband’s parents wanted to also give angpao to every pengantar baki (total 20people), and again they want it but couldn’t afford it and in the end we need to use husband’s money. We forgot to prepare the angpao beforehand, and just realized it H-1 hari and my husband just have uang 100rb, and i disagree to give 100rb each cause i feel that it’s too high with total of 2jt (50rb still make sense for me, but he didn’t have uang 50rb). So we decided not to give, but forgot to tell MC that there is no pembagian angpao, so my husband gave angpao kosong to all of them. At that time i didn’t know it was empty, and my husband just told me after. I dont understand why didn’t he just whisper to the MC that there is no pembagian angpao, so now the people are commenting about the angpao kosong.

Now next week is CNY, and my husband’s family has the tradition to give money to their parents. He wanted to give 1jt each to his mom & dad, and also my parents (total 4jt), and we haven’t count the angpao that we should give to unmarried people yet. And now he’s asking me if i wanna give to his & my parents 1jt like him, so 4jt from him & 4jt from me (our expense total 8jt not included angpao single yet)

I really wanted to disagree with him to give 4jt each to our parents, but i get it that it is their traditions every year and it is not respectful of me to disagree with it. So we just make a decision that only him will be giving it, and to just say that it’s from us instead of each of us.

In my POV,

i really wanted us to save up and avoid any unnecessary expenses for our honeymoon and to buy a car - we only have 1 motorcycle, and are now living in my parent’s 2BR apartment (my parents live on another city, so they let us stay there meanwhile). Then we can buy a house, and only after we buy a house can we have a child.

I am currently working with his sister to manage their family business, and the business is still small so i can only have a salary enough for my personal expenses. Therefore, we really need to rely on husband’s income to save up, but 20% of his income is for his & his parents insurance, 28% for cicilan renovasi his parents house (harus dicicil 2thn lagi & ini kesepakatan sama his fam 1thn sebelum kita nikah, so will be rude if i told him to stop cicil), 12% cicilan apt that he bought 2yrs ago to invest (located far from our workplace so we cant stay there), so there is only 40% left for his needs and to save up.

Right now I just feel like im the most stingy person in the world, since we really need to save up that much and I cant afford to expend any unnecessary things just because it the right norm to do.

Pertanyaan kepada para perempuan yang sudah bertunangan atau sudah menikah

1. Seberapa puas atau happy kalian dengan pasangan saat ini? Mungkin ukuran happy atau satisfied itu sangat beragam jadi yang ingin saya tanyakan adalah pandangan menurut kriteria masing2.
2. Apa alasan mengapa kalian merasa happy/unhappy atau puas/tidak puas dengan pasangan kalian saat ini?
3. Hal-hal / kualitas apa dari pasangan kalian (ini bisa berupa karakteristik maupun kondisi) yang membuat kalian berpikir atau akin untuk tetap stay dengan dirinya (atau sebaliknya, meninggalkan dirinya)?

Post tweet yang relevan sekalian

https://x.com/AsahPolaPikir/status/1881598797102612523

halo puans! akhir-akhir ini aku banyak baca soal permata & precious jewels gitu, and yesterday i stumbled upon an article about lab-grown diamonds yang katanya lebih ethical, both environmentally and human rights-wise. nah yang aku ingin tanyakan, di indonesia udah adakah toko/lab yang menjual lab-grown diamonds? atau ada di sini yg punya pengalaman beli? if so, bolehkah ceritain prosesnya sampe milih lab-grown + kualitasnya kek gmn? thank you!

Hi Puan, pingin tau if any of you berhenti kerja buat lanjut sekolah ke LN dengan financial aid dari scholarship atau tanpa bantuan keluarga? If yes, then how do you start off everything and how’s your situation after finishing the school? Thanks!

back in 2023 i was at a club hanging with my girl bestfriends. and a mutual friend, X, offered to drive me home. i actually refused bc i was supposed to leave with my girl bfs, but somehow i ended up with him. when X and i arrived around 4am, X said it was too late for him to go home, he didn’t have his house key, and it was way too dark to drive. he asked to stay at my place until sunrise and i said no, but he insisted. bc i was thinking of the begal thingy, he ended up staying, and i made it clear we’d only sit in the living room. long story short he asked me to close the door, forced me to kiss him, and we had sex. i told him i didn’t want to, but somehow, it happened.

but just recently, i’ve heard that X has been sharing the story of that night…and turns out, X is a predator whose body count > 200 woman. i felt disgusted with myself when i heard the news :( bc for me, it was a dark and regretful part of my life. but for X, it was the proudest moment for him. and a lil note girls, i was so depressed back then, my family left me and i was left alone. basically my life was so messed up—maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to manipulate me.

girls, am i the victim here? bc some people said that i should've just told him to leave, and their words make me question if i was really a victim or not. no cap i’m going insane whenever i recall this story, i’m feeling ashamed and terrified.

extra: X had a girlfriend when it happened (which i did not know) and he just got married recently. i heard that he even hooked up with another woman two days before his wedding.

Capek bgt sebenernya harus selalu dengerin dan jadi psikolog dadakan untuk mama atas problem pernikahan dia dan bapak, tapi gue gak mungkin nolak untuk denger cerita atau complain beliau tentang bapak because i try my best to be a good daughter (ya walaupun sering dianggap kurang baik si). Kadang kesel rasanya listen to the endless problem yang itu itu aja and sorry to say the only way to solve ya....DIVORCE. Aku sayang ibuku tapi rasanya selalu dikelilingi cerita negatif bener2 capek, tapi aku ngerasa gak pantes ngerasa capek karena cuma sebagai pendengar dan bukan sebagai orang yg ngalamin. Sekedar fakta tambahan, my mom start venting about her marriage problem to me since i was 7 dan rasanya ngebekas banget, I can't even view my dad as a good person (well he is).

Temen2 aku minta doakan mamaku supaya beliau dikasih banyak kebahagiaan ya 😄😁

Hi puans. I'm 22 and have graduated offcially since Aug '24. I'm still finding my way and trying to land my first job. I know it's probably my fault I'm still unemployed. I have a hard time knowing what I like or dislike and what I want to do in life. At first, I was deciding to be a data analyst, got the opportunity of a free bootcamp, interned in my dad's company (but I don't really see it as 'working' because I really feel I'm nyampah disana and dont do anything contributing? So it's more like learning but I got paid :/). But after applying to many job oppenings and talking to more senior data analyst I realized that I can't handle the career path (because I feel like if I want to be specialized, I have to learn about data engineering too, which I kinda abhor) and being a ChemE grad kinda lower my chances. Probably just excuses, idk. So I moved to supply chain and operational jobs, and also later realized I dont have experiences that are very in lign with them and I chose that path based on fear not because I like it (but yeah, I still can't get any callbacks to from companies). After digging deep inside me, I realized I love doing reasearch and had a PKL experience in FMCG RnD for a short period. And I want to specialized into cosmetic rnd to became cosmetic chemist. But dk why the plan cant move forward (havent got any call backs) 🥲 Here's what I did already:

• Fixing my CV and tailoring it for the countless times. Bought CV review services two times, last time in MySkill and they said my CV is good?

• Besides applying to available job postings, I also list all the maklon kosmetik companies so I can cold email them to ask for internship and entry level job opportunities, most didn reply and if they did, I cant pass CV screening since many ask for 1 year of experience I guess. Although some are open for fresh grad too.

• Taking a cosmetic formulation course in Coursera so I can get a certificate to prove my enthusiasm more, especially since they generally prefer pharm or pure chem students... I'm still working on the certs.

• My dad actually asked a relative who works in a big cosmetic company if he can refer me, and havent heard anything.

I feel like there's something wrong with me. Idk what. I've also started to just apply to any RnD jobs because I'm so tired of being unemployed and feel useless. I really really want to work 😞. Maybe it's my fault too from being too indecisive and wasting my precious months. That's why Im really scared if I go through my list of maklon kosmetik, or any RnD job posting, what will I do more? Change my path again? Im just afraid of going the wrong path again and still unemployed for the rest of 2025... Can anyone tell me what I can do more...?

bekas noda tinta nya udah ada sekitar 2 tahun sekarang, semoga aja masih bisa di selamatin. buat washing intructions itu buat boneka beruang

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