Saya F30, suami M38. Saya ASN, suami swasta, our jobs pay quiet well honestly. Tapi tahun lalu saya unexpectedly hamil anak kedua, turns out kembar, sekarang anak kami tiga. Jadi sekarang harus bayar pengasuh anak 2, belum lagi perlengkapan bayi, pospak sebulan abis 8 bal lebih. Saya juga lagi pengobatan jadi gak bisa kasih ASI, full sufor.

Percaya sih anak bawa rejekinya sendiri, buktinya pemasukan kami meningkat dua kali lipat dari tahun lalu. Tapi masih terasa sesak banget. Please semangatin saya, sometimes I feel hopeless tiap kali liat rekening.

Last night I saw him with his girlfriend, he looks beautiful as ever and frankly glowing with his love towards his gf. I feel like a shit person for being upset about it.

I think I'm crazy for still liking him and holding him on a pedestal in my head, since it's been years since highschool but I can't control this. I feel upset and disappointed, I catch myself praying for them to breakup.

Usually I'm not like this, I actually got over him a few years ago! I was happy for him when I saw his insta stories with his gf. I think I'm just feeling all sorts of negative things about my life and how I'm single (the thought of having a relationship scares me). I think I'm just lonely & still grieving my mom. My mom died over two months ago, it totally upended my life. For a while she was my whole world, I was suffering from depression & caregiver burnout while I was taking care of her but I was also insanely grateful about how I was able to take care of her and be close to her.

Now that she's gone, I feel so alone. I find myself adrift, floating in a sea of negativity. I can't truly be happy. And now that I want him again?

It's irrational.

Keluarga gue cukup progresif. Secara internal, demokratis banget. Dari kecil udah diberi kesempatan untuk setidaknya berpendapat, dan seringkali juga pendapatnya didengar. Diberi kebebasan memilih, dan bokap gue tuh tipe yang "bebas ngapain aja asal kamu tau dan sadar konsekuensinya, dan terima konsekuensinya nanti".

Nyokap juga bukan tipikal ibu rumah tangga. Sering cerita pas gue kecil, diminta bokap untuk jangan kerja dulu. Pas akhirnya gue sekolah, nyokap seneng bgt krn dia bisa kerja lagi. Pas kecil, malah bokap yang di rumah karena kerjanya ya dari rumah (buka toko).

Jadi, bukan keluarga yang manut sama gender roles banget lah. Ada masanya bokap dinafkahin nyokap. Bokap masak, anter jemput anak.

Tapi nyokap gue kerasa banget internalized misogynynya, dan kadang gue kasihan.

1. Beberapa tahun terakhir (ortu sama-sama kerja, tapi bokap lbh capek/demanding kerjaannya), tiap pagi nyokap nyiapin bekal buat bokap. Akhir-akhir ini nyokap sering sakit lututnya karena pengapuran dan kalau pagi bisa lama banget siap2 di dapur. Sementara bokap kadang nyantai2 dulu di kamar. Gue udah bilang suruh bantu aja lah bokap, tapi entah kenapa nyokap enggan.

2. Ortu gue relijius. Suka sharing kisah hidup mereka dan gimana Tuhan mengangkat derajat mereka blablablabla. Tiap cerita itu, nyokap selalu ninggiin bokap, bahwa bokap sangat kuat imannya, dan nyokap sering ragu, sering berperan jadi setan/penguji iman (wkwkwkwkwk). Which is, not THAT wrong, but not so right either. I think she deserves some points to for overcoming that hardships. At the end of the day, kan pas susah berdua dijalaninnya, strateginya dibikin berdua. And it worked.

3. Bokap gue kan oblivious mampus, tipikal cowok yang bukan gak mau bantu, tapi kalo bantu harus disuruh, dijelasin detail, dll. Dan karena itu gak peka juga kalo org butuh bantuan. Kadang nyokap lagi sakit lututnya atau gak enak badan, bokap bisa se-oblivious itu tetep minta dipijitin. dan nyokap gak nolak, tapi abis itu cerita ngeluh setengah bercanda ke gue.

4. Personality gue dan kakak gue emang agak beda, gue lebih jutek dan terang2an (mirip nyokap), kakak gue lebih yang stoic sehingga relatif netral (mirip bokap). tapi ya kami taulah cara behave yang baik dan diterima masyarakat. gue tau setengah bercanda, tapi kadang nyokap kayak lebih menghargai bantuan2/hal2 yang dilakukan kakak gue, sementara bantuan gue dianggap kewajiban atau sepele. kadang kesel juga. nanti kalo gue gak bantu, baru deh minta2 tolong bantuin. tapi kalo gue bantuin, seakan sepele dan dia gak butuh. hadeh

5. Minor, tapi setelah gue dan kakak gue sama2 gede, beban pekerjaan rumah tuh lebih dibebankan ke gue. Kalo rumah berantakan pas dia pulang, yg lebih dimarahin ya gue. Padahal dari dulu sebenernya diajarinnya dibagi 2, dan dulu karena gue masih kecil, ya dianggap kakak gue yang harus lbh bertanggung jawab.

Dari segala internalized misogyny nyokap, gue merasa hal ini lebih menarget dirinya sendiri. Jadi kayak suka merendah demi ninggiin suami, atau maksa diri sendiri sampe sakit demi berbakti ke suami. Suka kasian liatnya. Suka gue ceramahin jg sih sekarang, dan nyokap nerima karena di otak dia emang konsep2 feminisme itu masuk akal. Tapi ya beberapa susah karena kepentok nilai agama (kayak suami harus jd kepala keluarga).

Curhat aja.

puans di sini apakah ada yang sudah pernah vaksin HPV. Mau tanya tentang efek sampingnya dan apakah ada perubahan juga di hormonal/siklus menstruasi? Lalu kalo sudah sexually active apakah bakal kurang optimal? Karena baca baca katanya sebaiknya dilakukan sebelum sexually active

like i don’t even do anything. but they started to being mean, picking apart my looks / something about myself, or attacking my personality. like ??? what the fuck is going on

and how to handle this pls😬 i’m uncomfy

(fyi i’m a girl. if you want to judge exactly why i’ll dm the pics lol buat dapet gambarannya knp)

I just took out my implant few months ago. Noticed that my mood is sooo much better and improved intimacy with my hubby. I do have underlining anxiety, which is kinda more managable after a lot of therapies. But now I almost never breakdown in stressful occasions. Maybe the therapy helps, but can't deny that I'm much more stable mentally compared to few months ago.

I know that hormonal contraception has side effect on mood. But I never thought it will be this much difference.

Anyone with similar experience?

Hi Puans (and men), seperti judulnya tentang pertemanan platonik antara pria dan wanita. For context, gue udah dua tahun di hubungan platonic tanpa ekspektasi apa-apa, tapi entah kenapa, gue jadi sangat emotionally attached sama dia karena bisa jadi diri sendiri dan cerita tanpa takut dijudge. Kami sempet berantem, dan karena gue ngerasa hubungan ini jadi ngga sehat buat gue, jadi gue cabut.

Setelah beberapa bulan, dia reach out lagi dan kami kembali akrab, tapi beberapa waktu lalu dia blak-blakan bilang kalau kita ngga bisa serius karena "berbeda" dan ngga mau gue baper. Interaksi kita sangat intens, chatting tiap hari, ceritain hal2 yang cukup personal, bahkan problem solving masalah masing2. Gue sadar kita ngga bisa move forward ke jenjang serius, tapi dia bilang ngga mau ngelepasin gue sampai kami masing-masing punya pasangan.

Pertanyaan gue:

1. emang platonic relationship tuh gimana sih sebenernya?

2. apakah yang gue jalanin sekarang emang sewajarnya platonic relationship seperti ini?

Puans (or men), if you guys happened to read this post, please enlighten me and give me some of your insights. Gue sih sekarang in a state of 'yaudah chill' while thinking about how to run away again lol. Thank you😊

im talking about brands like Daviena (by @melvhinahusyanti) and MH cosmetics (by @mirahayati29) that ‘allegedly’ ngehasilin 3M/bln.

menurutku sketchy banget, entah kenapa biasanya konten2 ownernya selalu flexing barang mewah etc. produk2 nya emang lebih murah dr skincare2 from established companies like skintific/ wardah etc or korean/american companies, tp idk i dont buy it.

also, kykny tb2 banyak bgt yg buka usaha skincare sendiri, without any background in chemistry etc.

lmk your thoughts, thanks!!

Hi puans! Ada yang tau book club/community di Indo (online maupun offline) yg aktif? 😊

I'm not a hardcore reader per se, but I read literature and fiction novels quite regularly. Lumayan kepoo apakah ada komunitas baca buku (preferably yg buku2nya in English) yg kalian join?

Kadang gue juga ada beberapa buku yg mau gue jual lagi (dengan kondisi msh bagus bangett), tapi ngga tau mau jual dimana.. 🥹

Nobody asked but I mostly read romance novels yg biasanya ngga perlu mikir hahaha 😭 Yaa tipe2 novel yg dijual di periplus gitu!

Thanks puans ❤️

For reference, some of my favourites:

• Love and Other Words, Christina Lauren
• Archer's Voice, Mia Sheridan
• The Right Move, Liz Tomforde
• Pachinko, Min Jin Lee

Hi Puan, aku ingin diskusi.. Beberapa waktu lalu di Podcast Deni Sumargo, Putri Marino bilang dia menyesal menikah dan hamil di usia muda, punya anak membuat banyak impiannya tertunda dan karir dia terhambat meski kemudian dia bisa berdamai dan menerima itu semua. Temanku share soal ini di medsos dan bercerita bagaimana dia juga merasa hal yang sama harus menunda pendidikan karena punya anak. Seorang teman lain marah-marah dan berkata tak pantas seorang ibu bilang begitu, kenapa menyesal punya anak di usia muda? Kasihan anaknya dan juga enggak mikirin perasaan Ibu lain yang kasih apapun agar bisa punya anak.

Kalau seseorang mengeluh beratnya punya anak ke yang memang ingin punya anak tapi belum dikasih secara langsung aku rasa wajar dia marah. Jujur saja aku kaya sedih, emang enggak boleh yah Ibu mengeluh capai punya anak? Pada kenyataan punya anak itu melelahkan dan bisa jadi masalah kalau seseorang belum siap. Sama seperti mereka yang ingin punya anak, ada juga yang emang enggak mau punya anak dan aku rasa wajar-wajar saja. Yang lebih sedih lagi, kalau seorang laki-laki mengeluh capai jadi Ayah yang ikut begadang jagain bayi sama istrinya semua orang memberi semangat, jarang kayanya laki-laki yang belum punya anak merasa tersinggung. Aku paham seorang yang menanti anak mungkin akan sensitif, tapi motherhood is hard dan tidak semua punya pendengar yang baik untuk curhat jadi curhat di Medsos bisa juga...

Hi puans, gw mau nanya yg udah pny anak/ sangat yakin tidak mau pny anak, gimana kalian tau & yakin?

Disclaimer gw blom nikah tapi in a commited relationship. Kalau lancar mgkin dalam 2-3 tahun menikah. Kami ga ada yg bener2 pengen punya/ga pengen punya anak. Dia kalau ketemu anak lucu seneng, gw juga.

Jujur keinginan utk pny anak di gw suka on & off. Smpe gw bingung sm diri sendiri haha. Gw nny ini cuma spy bisa lebih kenal dri sendiri (supaya nanti g nyesel kalo punya anak/ g punya anak) & pengen tau perspektif org lain yg udh duluan yakin dgn keputusannya.

Sedikit hub w dengan anak2 dan pandangan sementara ttg pny anak:

• Gw senang sama bocil2 yg lucu, imut, gempal tapi entah kenapa jahatnya gw, ga seneng sm bocil kurus
• Gw senang lihat anak2 yg lucu tapi kalau kebayang ngurus mereka dari baby, nangis2 mulu, ganti popok, GTM gtw deh, kyknya kok repot.
• Gw pny beberapa sepupu dan 1 ponakan. Beberapa kali jadi baby sitter jg. Main y bisa aja tapi lumayan draining kalau udah lama

-Alasan gw pernah mikir mau punya anak karena penasaran gimana rasanya hamil & punya anak sendiri, pengen pass down ilmu2 kalau anaknya udah gede, takut nanti pas tua lonely dan mama papa gw kesepian (gw mengakui beberapa alasannya egois)

• Alasan gw pernah mikir ga mau punya anak karena takut hubungan w sama pasangan w jadi ga seromantis sekarang. Takut kami cuma sibuk dengan anak2 + gw ga yakin gw bs jadi orangtua yg baik karena gw bkn org yg tegas. Dulu gw pernah jadi guru utk bocil umur 8-10 tahun, dan gw di bully lol.

Gimana cerita kalian? Dan mnrt penilaian kalian dgn pandangan gw sekarang sebenarnya cocok/g cocok pny anak?

Halo puans,

Ada yang tau ga bali. Daerah seminyak ada foto studio untuk foto buku nikah drngan latar belakang warna merah ga ya? Boleh rekomendasi, krn aku google kayak ga keluar daerah seminyak. (Mngkin karena ak kurang paham dengan lokasi/alamat mereka jg)

Thank you

Hi Puan! Kindly need your advice please 🙏

Jadi, aku dan pasanganku udah jalan 2 tahunan ini, kita seumuran mid-20s dan rencana untuk nikah masih lama, yaa +/- 5 tahunan lagi. Still focusing on our careers and educations. Aku udah kenal sama keluarganya dan aku diterima cukup baik, dan keluarganya cenderung pengen kita nikah lebih cepet.

Nah, the conflict is, my parents were very strict. Pas masih jaman sekolah, bukan cuma dilarang pacaran, tapi aku juga dilarang suka sama cowo. Menurut mereka, perasaan itu cuma distraksi dari pendidikan. They even threatened to stop my education kalo sampe aku ketauan pacaran.. dan jadinya hubunganku yg sekarang ini adalah hubungan pertamaku (situationship, hts etc gausah diitung lah ya).

Sejak aku mulai kerja dan akhirnya tinggal sendiri, ortuku mulai berubah, tapi setengah-setengah. Kadang mereka nanyain ‘udah punya pacar belum?’ atau ‘lagi suka sama cowo nggak?’ TAPI kadang mereka juga masih ngomong ‘jangan pacaran dulu ya’ ‘jangan nikah dulu ya’.. jadi aku bingung sebenernya gimana sih.

Dan ortuku juga masih amat sangat controlling. Pernah sebelum aku tinggal sendiri, aku pesen ojol waktu awal-awal ketemuan sama mas pacar, aku izin ke ortu mau ketemu temen. Eh long story short, ternyata penjaga jalan depan itu foto rute perjalanan abang ojol dan ktp nya terus foto-fotonya itu dikirim ke ortu-ku! Terus sama bokap dicari alamat dan background si abang ojolnya! Apes banget ternyata abang ojol ini pernah kerja di kantorku dan udah punya anak dan istri. Pas sampe rumah, out of nowhere, ibu bilang ‘mbak kalo pacaran tuh jangan sama punya orang’ kaget ga tuh.

Sebenernya kalo dari timeline aku dan pacarku dengan timeline ortuku masih masuk ya. Nggak yang buru-buru nikah banget gitu.

Intinya jadi i’m just worried that my parents will go overprotective of me, again. And that they will hover over me and my bf’s date and stuff. Meskipun jarak aku tinggal udah cukup jauh, tapi mbayangkan mereka diem-diem ngikutin kita berdua itu bukan hal yg mustahil buatku. Sangat mungkin terjadi malah. Or worse, my parents scare away my bf bcs of their questions/demands/etc.

Also also, i have commented here and there that i have a love and hate relationship with hijab so sometimes I wear it, sometimes I don’t. I wore hijab in elementary bcs I thought it was cool, but NO ONE told me that I have to wear it for the rest of my life.. and just after me moving out that I realized that there are choices available. so that also adds to my fear if my parents follows me and my bf and they found out that i’m not wearing hijab as religiously as they thought i was 💀💀💀

so, i’m thinking that introducing my bf to my parents = have to settle myself with hijab forever

dan sebenernya tuh aku pengen gitu coba tinggal bareng sama mas pacar, pengen tau keseharian dan kebiasaannya gimana, i want to know how he maintains his hygiene, what are his not-so flattering habits are and if i can live with them. Can i tolerate him on day-to-day basis. And vice versa. I don’t want to know all of that only after marriage, I don’t want to get stuck :( gapapa pisah kamar, kubeneran cuma pengen tau itu aja. Tapi balik lagi, bakal gamungkin dilakuin kalo ortu-ku monitoring setiap pergerakanku.

Dan aku anak pertama btw, so i don’t really have any role models regarding this situation with my parents.. yg ada juga nasib percintaan adek-ku yang bergantung dengan bagaimana aku menyikapi ini 🫠

So, please please puan yang punya pengalaman serupa atau petuah mohon masukannya bagaimana menghadapi orangtua seperti ini, apakah aku tunggu aja sampe udah mau nikah baru kenalin? atau kenalin sekarang dengan resiko seperti itu?

Aku baru coba hs hari sabtu lalu, tapi aku takut menurut kalian kalo udah pake kondom dan kondom nya tidak robek,bocor ataupun kebalik dan juga tidak keluar di dalem keluarin nya di kamar mandi/ke closet. kira kira bisa hamil ga ya, aku takut banget

What do you guys do after breakup? It' been like 5 days since my breakup with my ex. Nangis2nya udah selesai (semoga), udah relain, udah positive thinking bakal ada rencana yg lebih indah ke depannya.

Tapi sekarang kaya lagi bingung, karena dulu ada yg nemenin chat dan tau tujuan and now that's gone.

Akhir bulan ini mau ada jalan2 seminggu dan mau nonton konser di november (which is masih lama). Soo, what do you guys do day-to-day supaya ga kepikiran ex (supaya ga ngecheckin social media doi terus)?

Also, should I start new long-term planning right away, like langsung cari cowo baru, etc? Jujur aku kepikiran pengen pindah kota HAHA haruskah aku lngsg re-organize my life?

Thanks in advance girlies❤️

Halo puans, need your advice here, because I really don't know what to do. For background, aku (28f) sudah hampir 5 tahun kartap di bagian IT di salah satu bumn tier 1 dan happily married for about 3 years.

The thing is, my husband works and lives in Japan. His job is well paid and have a good environment, and it's kinda secure bcs its a space start-up that works directly with Japanese gov (dan kalau ga salah emang dibangun karena permintaan gov).

Selama 3 tahun terakhir kita berusaha sebisa mungkin buat ga terpisah dalam waktu lama. Suami bisa pulang 1 tahun sekali dan bisa stay selama 1 bulan di indo, dan aku sendiri pun bisa stay di jepang dan kadang pulang ke indo kalau dibutuhkan kantor, karena kantorku masih membolehkan wfh sejak covid kemarin dan atasan langsung ga masalah aku mau kerja dari mana pun yang penting task selesai.

But then, kantor mendadak bikin peraturan yang mengharuskan semuanya wfo 5 hari seminggu tanpa terkecuali just because sebagian kecil orang yang wfh ga produktif dan taat absensi. And i have to come back to Indonesia and stay here for God knows how long it is. I cant really do anything about it bcs semua yang ga manut bakalan kena sanksi.

The thing is, i hate staying in Indonesia because i dont like being separated w/ husband, my boomer parents are really fckn toxic and they always made my depression kambuh dan jadi suicidal.

Tbh, I don't even love my job. I only stay because i love all the benefit that comes with it, and also i need to pay for my disabled brother's SLB tuition and some of my parents bills.

So the options are: a) suami resign, cari kerjaan baru yang setara kaya kerjaan sekarang dan stay di indo or b) aku resign, fully moved to Japan and try to find a new job there.

Buat sekarang, aku lebih condong ke opsi b, karena aku bener2 ga kuat kalau harus pisah lama lama dari suami dan ga betah juga di indo. But it means i have to ngelepas semua benefit yang aku dapat dari kerjaan sekarang dan mulai lagi dari awal cari kerjaan baru di jepang. I'm not confident enough with my skills and I'm still slowly learning Japanese, but i think its still not enough for japanese business environment. And i really hate it if i had to rely on my husband to pay my family's bill.

Also, my pessimistic mind think that the worst case is... what if my husband died suddenly/divorce me when i haven't got a job and I already throwing everything i had in Indonesia just to be with him? Then i have to go back to indo and have nothing at all. I love him and he's a really green neon flag guy, but i still want to be realistic here.

TLDR: bingung mending resign atau ngga karena kerjaan sekarang sangat stabil dan banyak benefit tapi kalau tetep kerja aku harus ldm sama suami/suami resign dari kerjaannya yang well paid. Yang jadi masalahnya kalau resign, aku ga mau ldm kelamaan dan ga kuat tinggal di indo juga karena my family (except my disabled brother) is fckn toxic.

Sorry for the long post, this is my first time posting in reddit. Thank you for reading. Hope you have a nice day sisters 💕

Edit: gave some spacing in the paragraph

hi puans,

i’m a 26F currently living abroad. i live with my partner, but he’s away overseas at the moment and we had a little fight. we’ve settled it and apologised to each other, but to be honest, the disappointment still lingers on my end.

i used to have a best friend back home, but we fell apart, and we don’t talk anymore. i only have a small group of friends here, and none that i’m as close with as my ex best friend. and they’re pretty much busy with their own lives and responsibilities, so finding time to hang out is a bit difficult.

with the absence of my partner, no close friends, no family bond (i’m not close with my parents and i have no siblings), and limited cash, i find myself falling into a depressive hole.

what do you guys do when you feel lonely? i’ve tried playing mobile games, painting, exercising, but they all are temporary fixes, and i would still feel that emptiness while doing them.

so yesterday my mom was mad at something, idk, and she attacked me out of nowhere.

katanya gue kurang merawat diri, sampe bilang gini "KOE KI IRENG RETI ORA?!" (kamu itu berkulit hitam tau nggak) sambil marah. ngatain bibir gue jelek karena warnanya kebiruan (bibir gue 2 tone karena melanin).

jujur gue pas ngetik ini masih sakit hati. kalo tebakan gue sih dia sangat aware dan khawatir anak gadisnya yang udah 20 taun ini nggak punya suami karena gue nggak pernah deket sama laki-laki (i'm straight). gue sih nggak terlalu khawatir, that's not the end of the world.

tapi emang seburuk itu kah kalo gue nggak berkulit putih? (fyi kulit gue sawo matang kecoklatan) emang separah itu kah kondisi gue sampe besok nggak bakalan ada yang mau jadi suami gue? sesampah itu kah gue kalo nggak memenuhi standar kecantikan orang indo?

dari kemaren gue dah ada niatan, apa gue su1c1d3 aja ya? bahkan sama orang yang ngelahirin gue sendiri mandang gue sebegitu buruk.

minta tolong bantuannya cowok, cewek, siapa aja, tolong kasi solusi kenapa gue masih deserve buat hidup walaupun gue nggak cantik dan nggak bakal punya pasangan hidup diantara beratnya tuntutan society. thanks.

So girls, the other day at work we were discussing the dating scene in our circle (our tiny town in which everyone knows everyone) and when I said that my dating preference severely limits my options. They asked me what are my preferences are, I answered that my first preference is I don't date smokers.

The reactions I got from them was like???? They were incredibly shocked!!! The discussion turned into everyone ganging up on me, they said that it's just impossible to find a nonsmoker, or I'm gonna get real disappointed when I don't find someone by the time I'm 30 and such and such.

Bro that's crazy, is this the reality of indonesia's dating scene? am I setting myself for failure?

I have to leave my younger brother and my parents to work somewhere. I feel so sad until the point I can’t stop crying, I just really love them and doesn’t want to leave 😭💔

I also have to leave someone because of religious differences a.k.a my parents (and his parents) and I think that was the most heartbreaking things I’ve experienced so far. I really think I have attachment issue 😭😭

What’s your story? Have u ever leave someone/something/people and you feel like your entire world just crumbling?

Basically the title. Hari ini aku ada appointment pasang iud, dan seketika ngerasain kontraksi di punggung sampe ke pangkal paha.. sakitnya kyk waktu mau melahirkan.. bikin trauma inget kontraksi sampe 60 jam an 😭 seketika setelah pasang, aku duduk dan rasanya kyk mau pingsan. Tapi tensi normal. Aku kira mungkin dudukku dari berbaring kecepetan. Aku coba berbaring lagi trus duduk pelan-pelan, nunggu sambil tenangkan diri. Masih aja kyk mau pingsan. Akhirnya dilepas sm bidan. Begitu dilepas, udah gak kerasa mau pingsan lagi. Rencananya bulan depan mau pasang iud yg lebih kecil sama minum ibuprofen. Apa aku terlalu cepet pasang? Harusnya nggak kan? aku baru ngelahirin 3 bulanan lalu dan semenjak melahirkan belum bisa hs soalnya masih sakit meskipun ga robek samsek.

Need advice on how to convince my parents so they agreed to live separately with me. I'm currently live at my parents' house in Jakarta. I've been searching for a place to stay (for myself) on the outskirt of Jakarta (mostly cluster residence in Depok and Bogor). But the thing is, my conservative parents insist that I should get married first before looking for my own house and move out. So they're basically chasing me with the question "when are you gonna get married" etc.

For a little bit of background, I'm 31 and have a stable income, working in IT industry. My saving is suffice to afford my own house. Here are my justifications to move out:

• I have a cat. She likes to scratch all over the place especially sofas and my dad was angry about it. So, instead of him being stressed out about it, I think it will be better for both of us if me and my cat can have our own place.
• I'm still working hybrid. My office is in Central Jakarta and can be easily accessed with public transportation. But I only WFO once or twice a week, so I don't have to commute everyday.
• My current house is located exactly across the mosque and it tends to get really noisy.
• Another reason (here is the gong), I have a girlfriend of 3 years. Yes you read it right, I'm in a wlw relationship. So you can guess that I don't want to marry a guy, ever. That's why I keep avoiding this discussion with my parents.

Basically I need suggestions on how to compromise with my parents. If there is any single puans who have had similar experience, please share your story. Thanks!

EDIT: Thanks a lot for sharing your stories and advices. Today I paid a DP for my first house in Bogor area. I surveyed the location twice, one with my girlfriend and second visit was with my dad. I told my dad that I intended to buy a house for investment (will rent it for some time). Little did he know that I was planning to stay there eventually. Hopefully everything went well, wish me luck hehe

Hi Puans,

Need advice because I saw that some of you have experiences for this issue.

I always feel that I'm straight-asexual. I didn't have many romantic relationship and tbh I never complain and have decided to stay single and be happy. One day, new colleague joined in and she told me she had a small crush toward me at the beginning. She tried to ignore it but the feelings grow stronger although our interactions were limited/ basa-basi, mainly about jobs because she in our team and I'm her superior.

She decided to pursue me by asking me out to lunchs, really pay attention to me, etc. I thought this relationship was strange and I decided to ask her what she thought about it. She basically confessed and said that she is queer. I was shocked but also realized that I wasn't afraid of her, grow fond of her. Later on I discovered that maybe I'm demi. I dont have any atraction seeing sexy woman or tough looking women. But I have feeling for someone who cares for me regardless gender.

Im still figuring out things, hardest thing is to come out to my parents (deep headache).

So, need your advice on the current situation:

a. This girl actually living together with current GF for years. From what i heard from her, their relationship quite toxic, and she was oblivious until I gave her my opinions. She said she never really talk about her relationship with anyone.

b. She said that now she realized that she want to end the current relationship and still pursue me. She hopes that I still be there. I said to her, think about it very thoroughly, and don't break up because of me but decide that because you know its the best for you.

Thank you for reading my rambling

Baru lewat di fyp satu content creator yang baru ntn dating show korea yang cowo cowonya gamau bantuin bawain koper cewe cewenya dengan alasan gender equality. The content creator actually disagrees with how the men handled the situation but oh man the comments section 💀💀💀💀 Exhibit A : Kesetaraan gender itu hanya ada kalau menguntungkan perempuan doang bang

Exhibit B : tapi insting dn habit cewek akan melihat laki2 dr isi dompetnya, klo dia bkn org berduit pasti kt bs liat sifat asli kalian dn gk ad sopannya, beda perilaku kalian ps sm laki berduit tu

Pengen balesin komen komennya tp yah sudahlah …..

How do you think puans ?