How did you know it was time to separate/divorce?

Me (F22) and my husband (M23) have been together for 5 years married for 2 years. We started out strong but it's been dying down the past three years and it keeps getting worse. I was kind of hoping that getting married would kind of like light another fire in him but it's just gotten worse. Hes rarely affectionate and not very physical, even with the everyday touch like hugs etc. He used to be so lovey dovey and I loved it. Physical touch is my main love language and Im not getting any of it. I communicate how I feel and he'll change for like a week or two, it's been a cycle for about 3 years now and it's honestly making my depression worse and idk what to do. It literally makes me cry when I think about it. I've also just kind of gotten used to not being touched or anything, like I get so excited when he cuddles me at night even tho he's asleep and it makes me so happy and feel euphoric until I remember he doesn't even know that's he's cuddling me and that he's asleep. I try not to dwell on it. Idk if this is grounds for a divorce but I'm communicating like my therapist has told me too for a few yrs now. I love this man so much but I also feel myself just slipping away from him and it breaks my heart. I need advice or something, idk what to do anymore. I've also brought up to him that I've been feeling distant and I feel myself slipping and I sobbed while I told him, he then fixed the issue for 2 weeks and it's been the same for 2 months again.

Oh I want to add that we're in an open marriage, and everytime I see someone else even if it's not sexual I feel like shit cause it reminds me that I don't get it at home. He also sees other people, we've both only have gone out with someone like a few times we don't do anything very often with other people. My reason is because I just want him and his is cause he works a lot. Im not sure if that'll help with the advice yall give.

This is going to long and I apologize for that however I think history and context is important here.

My (33M) wife (32F) have been married going on 11 years. We have two kids, and the marriage has had its fair share of ups and down. predominately ups and downs because of me. to help understand more, I will break up the marriage into 3 time periods, Early/Mid/Current.

Early in our marriage I cheated twice. I was very emotionally immature, unable to communicate, and I was a coward. Rather than look in and water the grass at home, I stepped out. To say I am not proud of this would be the understatement of the year. These acts, unbeknownst to me at the time have ultimately scarred my wife and altered her in ways that I never (unit a few years ago) could realize. These acts resulted in separation #1 and came very close to divorce. Ultimately at the end of the day we were able to reconnect and move forward. For a long time, I made the mistake of not realizing she was changed forever. During this time, our son was born

Middle of the marriage was a time where I was transitioning from the Navy into civilian life. I landed a good job making good money but the hours and the amount I had to work proved to be a challenge for us to navigate. While we were used to me being away, during this time while I never physically cheated, I certainly blurred the lines and crossed some lines I shouldn't have crossed. At the end of the middle of this time period I found me in the aerospace manufacturing sector working odd and long hours, mostly nights. Blurring the lines as I did resulted in separation # 2 and that separation came very close to resulting in divorce. Again, we were able to find our way back.

Current marriage for the last 6 years has been far better than it has ever been. When we circled back up the last time, I swore off doing anything wrong and have never gone as far as blurring the lines since. during this time, we saw and went through a lot of growth, trust (at least I thought) was rebuilt, and we have been happier than ever. a few years back, we were hanging out and just having some common discussion, nothing really of note first but she asked me if I still had a desire to sleep with other women. being in the moment and in the spirit of honesty I said yes however I also made it very clear I haven't done anything wrong, offered up my phone for her and was really nervous it was coming from a place of concern. She stated she understood and didn't have any concerns and was willing to discuss what that would look like. She made it very clear she didn't have any desire to do sleep with other people but was willing to try things out and see if we could land on a compromise that was healthy for both of us. Over the course of the next few weeks, we had a ton of discussion and decided that we would try swinging and 3 some's with other women, the latter being her preference.

For the last few years we have been in the lifestyle, some moments we found ourselves playing more often than other times. This led to additional growth, closeness, and forced a lot of communication which is something that was lacking. There has never been any infidelity in our marriage since the 2nd separation and none on her part the entire marriage. There were clear rules and boundaries and we both followed them.

Now before I continue, I want to provide more information about who we are and corners I have been in. Due to my past with her, I have for a long time sat in the corner that I was unable to hold my wife accountable. I feel I did not have a right to get angry or upset at her because whatever she has done, my cheating on her was just worse. what this has created (and it's all my fault) is the perception that my wife can do no wrong. There have been countless incidents in our marriage since I cheated whereby normal standards, I had every right to be upset and challenge her, hold her accountable and ensure there was a change in behavior......but I couldn't. There were moments where I would still try even though I felt I couldn't, but the issue was too big not to address. The biggest example I will call financial infidelity. She developed a gambling addiction through online casinos and eventually evolved into playing the state lottery online. I believe this was a result of differing schedules and us not being able to have a lot of time together leading to depression. we did not have a lot of money at this time in our life and in most weeks, were scraping by. for about 2 years, this caused a ton of tension. she opened a credit card in my name (she lied about this at first) and maxed it out playing the lottery. we have worked hard to pay off our credit card debt twice in recent years to only months later have them maxed out playing the lottery. Alot of this was done behind my back as she managed the finances in our house. I typically only ever looked at the bank account and I believe the reason the credit cards would come into play the way they did is because she was spending a lot of money from the bank account, and I would gripe, and tension would ensue. using the cards I very rarely ever looked at was her way of basically hiding it.

She has this ability that has intensified over the years to deflect her behavior back to me by throwing things in my face I was doing wrong. 99% of our discussions that stemmed from me having an issue with her resulted in me feeling like crap and feeling like I was the one who was wrong and did something wrong. I eventually got to the point where I just simply didn't care anymore. There was a moment about 18 months ago we switched bank accounts for convenience and i just simply never signed up for online banking and in the last 18 months I haven't looked at any of our finances, she has complete control. I know this is a problem I will address but in my head it's what she needed to be happy as a result of the things I did to her. (this isn't the big issue here)

the above two paragraphs are intended to help paint a picture that she isn't perfect and while I have made mistakes in the marriage (some pretty egregious ones I'll say) she has as well. Now back to the original story.

Swinging is hard. We both found ourselves enjoying the vibe of the lifestyle. Our marriage (save my internal issues and inability to resolve conflict with her) is stronger than it has ever been. As long as my honesty isn't directed at her in the sense, she's doing something wrong, I can be honest and say how I feel. honestly things have been so great, and even with the issues I have with her, I have so much compersion toward her that I'm happy when she's happy, but swinging is hard. During a conversation one day about 2 years ago talking about this, she suggested that I pursue opportunities alone. She said she was comfortable enough with the idea and was willing to try it out and as long as there no hiding anything or deceit along with communication we could work through it. She said she knows it's something I want to do and she's willing to try it out.

Over the course of the last 2 years, I have had 5 sexual encounters without her being involved. Each time I would put myself out there, I would make her aware I was doing so. I wanted her to be aware I would be talking to other women and did not want her to be caught off guard when I came to her with an opportunity. All 5 encounters happened with her blessing, and a few happened with her suggestion I do it. As I would leave to go do my thing, I would feel it was ok, and I was doing it the right way and that everything was fine however after each encounter there would always be a fight where she would make me feel like shit for doing it. Each time this happened, my natural reaction was to say, "ok I'm done", but that would upset her more because she didn't want to be the reason I stopped. The conversation would eventually end, we'd be fine, and some months would go by where were just back into our original lifestyle (although we didn't play very often). after some months she would broach the topic of me playing alone again and would swear it would not go down like it did the previous time, except that it did. After the 5th time I came home, and we had probably one of the biggest fights we ever had. at that point, very similar to the lottery thing, I just gave up, gave in to her side of things and said to myself I'm done. This was in February of this year. Since February of this year, we have played with one couple only and I haven't done anything on my own, put myself out there or looked for any opportunity. I swore it off and decided I was going to place my focus on her, and honestly, I should have done that after the 1st time.

Now during these times, we have been swinging, or I have been playing alone, I always encouraged her to play alone as well, I always told her she was free to do as she please so long as the same tones of respect and boundaries were followed. in each moment, she was always very vocal about not wanting to do it, she had no interest in guys and didn't want to do it. For two years that was engrained in my head. My wife is the type that in 99% of cases she has to have some sort of connection with someone in order to get something sexually out of the encounter. It eventually came out the primary reason she didn't want to pursue men on her own was she was afraid she would develop feelings for someone and there would be issues. Again, I want to emphasize that for the last 2 years, it has been engrained in my head she simply would never go down that road. Now we come to the fun part.

About 6 weeks ago, I started a new job making a ton of money doing what I love, the issue is its very long hours through the week and nights. So were losing time with one another. I was tired of driving the bus looking for other people to play with in the lifestyle. The entire time, she did not participate in that part of it and was just along for the ride. I told her this and asked her if she wanted to step away. She said no so i suggested she make a tinder account and look for people because I was done. we agreed that she would look for couples or single females (her preference, I honestly have no issue with my wife being with another man).

So, a few weeks go by, and she sends me a text and asks me if I remember Brian and Jessica. Brian and Jesscia were a couple we found on reddit that we started talking to about 2 years ago. Once pictures started flying around, she told me she wasn't interested in playing with Brian. the conversation on his end was very dry and he wasn't very well endowed. She suggested in the group chat Jessica, and I hook up. Their dynamic allowed for that. I ended up hooking up with Jessica and upon my return she flipped her shit over and was mad because she felt obligated to sleep with Brian. Luckily, Jessica did some shady shit and messaged me on the side in the context of don't tell your wife. I of course immediately told her, and this gave us the perfect excuse to back out of it. NOW IT IS VERY IMPORTANT YOU REMEMBER SHE HAD 0 INTEREST IN BRIAN AND 0 INTEREST IN PLAYING ALONE PERIOD.

So, she asked me if I remembered them, took me a minute but yeah. She proceeded to tell me they were getting divorced. I asked how she knew, and she told me she matched with him on tinder and asked if he was supposed to be there. Now in this moment, I really didn't think much of it, she was not interested in him before nor was she interested in sleeping with other guys, plus I was working. About 2 weeks go by and no other mention of Brian. Tinder is quiet and I'm in the mindset she's driving the bus if she has something she will speak up. I'm at work on a Monday night (my actual birthday) and she sends me a text in random conversation. "Brian trying to revisit old times". I was confused, like who is Brian? through the course of about 20 text messages that followed where I had to dig and pry for information It came out; they had been talking this whole time and that she "would fuck him" That was her way of asking permission. Compersion kicked in and through some texting more that night I told her that I was ultimately ok with it. I told her that when i got home from work I was going to grab her phone and see the conversation so I could understand the extent. she agreed but about an hour later, she said she wanted me to wait until she was up so she could explain while I read. Explain what? has she done something wrong? I'm in panic mode the rest of the night.

I get home about 2 hours before she wakes up. Now in 15 years of marriage I really have questioned whether my wife masturbates. we had good sex, and we had toys we used in the bedroom but there was never any indication she did. first thing I see when i walk in the living room is a toy of hers buried in the couch, that was very recently used. naturally I'm freaking out. She gets up and hands me her phone. the conversation with Brian was on snap chat and i could only see the last 24 hours. in that last 24 hours they were talking about life and struggles and genuinely bonding. there were also a lot of moments where the conversation got very sexual, pictures exchanged, maybe videos idk yet cuz you cant see em in snap. i very quickly got to the point i saw they had been talking for about 10 days on snap, so never going to see that. i found pictures and videos on her phone that were taken in the week prior in her deleted folder. Pictures and videos i had never seen before and i never got sent. there was enough in there that would span about 3 months of our relationship.

This enraged me, a few weeks before starting my new job she travelled for work and was gone for about a week. I was missing her that week. I got one picture I asked for; two I had to beg for and later in the week i asked her to FT for some fun which she declined. she stated it made her uncomfortable.

so here we are only being able to see 24 hours, finding deleted pictures and videos I had never seen and i start questioning. the Saturday prior is when we elected to celebrate my birthday. we made plans to hit my favorite pizza joint and go the swingers club. She put on my favorite lingerie; I was pumped. We had sex before we left the house and i decided i was good on the club and just wanted to dinner and maybe hangout with our friends. Remember that prior to the following Tuesday i had no idea that she was thinking of playing alone, that she was sexting this guy, sending him pictures etc. She sent him a picture of herself in the lingerie she put on for me before we left, while at dinner she was talking to him. She said that there moments I was on my phone but i certainly was not talking to other women, I was posting my pizza and texting our friends in the group text to make plans to hang out while she was talking to this guy I had no clue about.

Again, compersion kicks in and agree to a trial opening of the marriage. in moments when i played alone she had several hard and fast rules i had to follow. so many that often the experience was not enjoyable. couldn't give oral to a woman, had to be in and out as quickly as possible, had to wear a condom (that one i understood). so we start talking about rules and boundaries. i told her you know what i know what it's like to be in that moment and have to have your mind elsewhere so i have no rules she can do her thing. she says that if we can't see test results from someone then condoms are a must. I agreed.

so about a week later they have plans on a Tuesday. Brian lives 2 hours away. he drove up here and got a room for the two of them. she goes and is there for 3 hours. we don't have sex for 3 hours. either they are having sex for 3 hours (which i wouldn't blame Brian) or they are spending time together. she gets home and I have questions. very basically the first hour they laid in bed talking, they had sex for 6 minutes where he got off and she didn't. laid there for another hour talking, had sex again for another 6 minutes and then laid there talking again until she left. she did not even bring up condoms to him nor ask to see test results. she went into it thinking she trusted him, and she didn't think he brought any so there were no condoms worn. her excuse was that i told her she could do her thing but the rule she made was for me only. trying to express how i felt and she deflected again.

now we have had some pretty honest conversation. with the exception of all this, things are great. the sex is fire, we are closer than ever and communicating more.

Here are my thoughts. i don't think my wife did anything intentionally out of pocket with the approach with Brian. I think she allowed the conversation to happen and participated in it because it made her feel good, and she was lonely. i think that before Brian came back up she was having thoughts of venturing out alone.

I think she should have shared those thoughts prior to any conversation. I think that the moment the conversation went from Tinder to snap chat, she should have told me (because again in any moment i played alone i made her aware i was going to having conversations before they happened). I think the conversations turning sexual, the secret pictures/videos were all very behind the back. I think when plans started getting made she pumped the brakes and brought him up and it got real then she felt guilty. i think my birthday is a huge issue for me. when we were talking and i was sharing this with her, she told me come on i know you've been doing things behind my back this year, that one stung the most. like ive been really trying for a long time.

things aside from this are great but i have literally no one to talk to. i am hesitant to bring this back up, i feel it's only half resolved and will set us back, and she will shut down. it's getting easier.

So i need perspective. am i overthinking? how can i get past this? is he fucked up?

First off, married, ENM. Social ques are hard for me.

I have a female friend that I am interested in. We have great banter, love the same stuff and she’s very cute. I’ve flirted with her, (I think) have done a few thoughtful things for her in the last few months. (Ie lil gifts, soup, body doubled). But I can’t read her.

How can I tell if she’s interested or do I need to just come out and say it? I’m so so nervous. Help a girl out.

I (30F) recently brought the idea up to my husband (34M) about opening up our marriage. It’s not something I want to do right away, but something that’s on my mind. He reacted fairly well recognizing himself vs his ego & all of the emotions that came with it. He’s opening up more and more to the idea of it, but we’re still not at a conclusion as of yet.

My question here is, is it normal to want to open up the marriage or have the option without any specific plan to meet others? For example, I don’t know how I’d go out to meet someone else other than a coworker- maybe. I also considered a past lover but the more I think about following through with it, I lose interest.

I suppose, would it be helpful/healthy for us to set the rules and expectations in the event either of us meets or comes across someone we’d like to spend more time with. That said, I’d only consider an open marriage for purely physical needs - are there successful open marriages that are only open for that need specifically?

We’re in couples counseling. Planning to discuss this further there. Just looking for some anecdotes I guess. TIA!

Someone proposes to me, he is submissive and loves to be humiliated.. and says he like it if i have other lovers. My question is for women who have been married to this type of man for a long time +15 years and have children with them, how is your marriage compared to normal couples?. And what are the possible problems?, I mean I am controlling and I like freedom and enjoyment whenever I want but I do not want a life where I have responsibility or feel that I do not want this in the future

My wife and I have been with each other now for 20 years and we have been on an ENM journey the last 5 years. We’ve explored a lot but always together, but it has made us wonder what that could be like on our own. After a million conversations, we finally did it and she is on her first date (they are already back to his place after an hour at a brewery) and I have my date on Saturday night.

I might be having a slight panic attack right now, but I’m so excited for this next chapter, I just need my stomach and heart to take a chill!

Not here to brag but felt like posting this might calm some of the nerves and be a little therapeutic.

Not sure if this is the best subreddit for this.

A little backstory: back in July, my husband decided he wanted to open our marriage. It was mainly due to me being bi-curious and wanted to try stuff with a girl. At this time, our marriage was pretty strong. I made an online profile looking for just woman, but it led to a lot of women wanting to involve their husbands in threesomes. My husband was not ok another man unless he was there, too, so this led to us doing couples. We made online profiles, and naturally I was receiving way more attention and messages than he was from single guys wanting to do stuff with me, so he got jealous and insecure and wanted to stop everything, so we shut everything down back at the end of August. Neither one of us went any further than messaging people.

Fast forward to yesterday. My husband and I had a massive, explosive fight, where he threatened separating. He left for work with a suitcase with his clothes. He came home, apologized for how he acted and for threatening abandonment and all that, and that I’m the person he really wants and how he’s going to work on what led to this fight. I knew we needed work, but I was feeling ok.

He point blank asked me if I had downloaded any dating/open relationship sites/snapchat/etc. and I told him no and told him he could even look through my phone. Even if that was the day we separated no way was I remotely ready to start doing anything with anyone. We made up, had great sex, and hung out the rest of the night. After we put the kids to bed, I just had this gnawing feeling, so I checked his phone. He had tinder installed (it was installed in july so it could’ve been something he forgot to delete during this phase), but when I pulled up safari, he was in incognito mode and was searching “how to start a chat with a girl on tinder”. This was directly after we had sex because I pressed the back button and it pulled up a previous search that he searched when we were sitting together earlier talking about something.

I brought this up to him last night, of him Having tinder. He said he just forgot to delete it. Then I brought up his search history and using incognito mode. He said during our fight/separation he kept thinking I was going to start talking to guys, so he decided to re-install tinder and talk to some girls, but then he couldn’t chat with any of his matches, so he googled why he couldn’t chat with people, which he found out he has to pay for it. His search history went like this: “why can’t I chat with people on tinder? - have to pay for it“. “Bissell vacuum cleaner.” “How to start a chat with someone”. Then he said that yes, he did search that last one while he was putting our daughter to bed. I asked him why and he said he was “just curious.” 🙄 that he wasn’t planning on actually meeting up with someone.

While he was at work, We had discussed temporary custody arrangements and all that so I would’ve been hurt but understood a little if he told Me he was on it at work during our “separation”. He should’ve told me when he asked me if I had downloaded anything. The ultimate betrayal is after we had made up, had sex, and then he’s googling about it in incognito mode while putting the kids to bed.

I told him at the beginning of our relationship that I won’t tolerate cheating, and that I wouldn’t give more than 1 chance. I feel like I would betray myself if I stayed. But I also know that his open relationship stuff has really made things messy and has blurred the lines. He’s begging me to stay, asking if we can do counseling. Leaving isn’t so simple though. I am a SAHM and 100% financially dependent on him. My kids are homeschooled and have never had to go to daycare, and the thought of all of our lives changing in every way is heartbreaking for me.

TL;DR- my husband and I opened our relationship, only chatted with people, he got jealous and closed things off 2 months ago. We had a fight yesterday and I went through is phone where I found tinder installed and a recent search in incognito mode about “how to start a chat with a girl on tinder”.

Do open marriages actually work or is it the result of something lacking? Really thinking about opening our marriage but want to be sure it's for the right reasons. I'm having mixed thoughts.

I recently went on a date with a guy who doesn’t have kids, and I found it really hard to connect with him.

If you have kids and are in an open marriage, do you tend to prefer dating other parents? Any thoughts?

Also, I’m struggling with going on dates during the weekends when I feel like I should be spending that time with my kids. Does anyone else experience this kind of parent guilt?

M36 and F33 So this is my first time posting as this just happened this week. My wife of a 10 year relationship has informed me she has feelings for her work best friend. From there she has asked that we have an open marriage, meaning she has a boyfriend and if I want a girlfriend. Apparently she has been dropping hits about this for sometime and I’ve just missed them.

It has me is feeling indifferent as it wasn’t something I nor her had been interested in before, but I’m not fully against it. I just have concerns about moving forward. Her and the guy have both said they won’t move forward until I’m comfortable with the idea. My wife and I have also discussed that we will stay married no matter what, and she has been helping me with this idea. What can I do to get more comfortable with this arrangement?

All she said is that she doesn’t like it rough when we do it but that she likes it rough with her FWB. She sees him a few times a month, usually a Sunday funday where they bar hop and then go to his place for some drunk sex (apparently sometimes rough). Or she’ll stop by his place after work for some fun once a week or so. She said she likes me to “make love” to her and not take her to pound town. I’m not jealous but just a little confused because rough was really never our thing.

So my wife and the photogrpaher will be getting closer this weekend; as my wife petition. Lingerie and nudes for posing to a photographer, solo session. 3 hour pure photography im so excited she is dating the photographer she was looking for since Summer; for me it is so excitment and anxiety and hope they can have a great time and see in live pictures and videos; of course the original pics love to see them

Wife says “I don’t care who you are talking to as long as you are being a good husband and father; and if there was a violation, you would handle that.”

How do you define open relationship? Does my wife trust me, or is she keeping the window open. Yes, I will ask her, but what do you think?

I (26m) am a pilot, and I recently got a new job where I will be gone for a month or more at a time and home for a week and then gone again. My wife (26f) opened up the conversation about an open marriage recently and I am t rying to figure out how to go about it.

Some background, we got married very young, and in a very stressful time in life since we were both in very intense college program. Though the last several years our sex life has been pretty moderate, 2-3 times a week, and we weren’t communicating that both of us need more. Over this last summer I found out that my wife cheated on me, and she discovered my significant porn use and we both felt very betrayed. Since then our marriage has gotten much stronger and our sex life has become more fulfilling for both of us. We even tried swinging once, and we all had a good time and agreed that we might do it again in the future.

Both of us have pretty high libidos, and so the idea of me being gone so much has us both a little concerned about our sex drives. Neither of us slept around before we got married, so up to this summer we only slept with each other.

We are very early into this conversation, but I didn’t grow up with this even being a consideration, so I don’t know what questions to ask or how to approach the topic. I am only planning on being in this job for a year and then going into something that is a little more consistent, so right now the conversation is opening it for a year and having our fun and then recommitting to just each other, at least for a while, when I leave this job.

What are some pitfalls or boundaries that we should talk about before we dive into this?

Got on feeld and I am amazed at the response from people. I'm getting a lot of attention and we have found likeminded people. So far this is very fun indeed but I've noticed I have some worries to attend to. I'm happy to report that my "game" is as sharp as ever, I think my wife was right to worry about me pulling ahead. We've decided to keep it within bounds, reason and equal as we lead very busy lives and must also prioritise us.

Do anyone of you know of any good material I can read that would help me with my feelings? I feel a slight worry that this whole thing might crash and burn. No real jealousy otherwise, yet. Would like materials that are easily digested that might provide insights in whats to come and how to navigate together.

I just finished helping my wife pick out her outfit and lingerie for her date tonight with her FWB. Do any of you guys take part in this and enjoy the eroticism of dressing your woman for another man? Light up the comments, let's see who's out there!

I am ok with him having sex with other women. I’m ok with the dates and the chatting. But I asked to see some pictures, and it’s not the sexy pictures that bother me, it’s the normal ones. The ones where they look like boyfriend and girlfriend. I just feel a panicky feeling. My chest is all tight and I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t want to tell him because I don’t want him to stop but everytime I see the picture in my mind I can’t goddamn breathe.

My wife has always had a dream of being with another woman, and now seems to be the time to pursue this dream. We’ve been together a long time and recently we’ve had a sexual awakening together and it seems now is the time to pursue this. We’ve talked about it and we’re still trying to understand what we both want out of this; we know a one night stand is out of the question and we’re open to trying something with another couple possibly. Problem is we can’t figure out how to meet someone or be introduced into this life style. What’s a good place for people to start out?

I would like to know if any one out there has a one sided open marriage. Last year October 2023 I wanted an open marriage from my hubby of 39 years. He didn’t want to have sex at all after 22 years in a DB situation. He did try with ED medication but it was only duty sex which was worse. I’m 73 years young and hubby is 75 years old. I have a full time hall pass to see anyone at anytime. I have had 2 FWB’s that are great friends and fantastic lovers.

So I don't post often but I'll try to do my best to keep this coherent as I'm Scandinavian and English is my second language.

My (34m) wife (36f) of 10 years cheated on me a little over a year ago. We've done a lot of healing/communication and we are in a good place now. Yesterday we talked over a few glasses of wine and the discussion circled around maybe opening up the marriage for casual sex with other people. I've never been the jealous type and her experience seems to have opened up her eyes to the fact that sex can in fact be "no strings attached", fun and a bit of an adventure.

She seems to be of the impression that I would do really well for myself and that I would have much greater success than her, especially since i travel a lot for work. I'm not convinced though. I was a bit of a fuckboy before our relationship so I know how much work it is for us guys, even though I've always found it relatively easy to talk to women. Nowadays I'm a big viking looking dude with a beard so I have no idea if anyone would even be interested.. I do work out/lift heavy/ look good but still, obviously she'll outperform if she isn't picky when choosing.

I think this has the potential to be something fun though and we are looking at it as not actively dating other people but allowing the occasional fling, if that makes sence? We have discussed it as a three step thing.

I do travel a bit for work and so the first step would be for me to see if I would enjoy the experience, also to test the waters, see if she can handle it. I've got a San Diego trip coming up so it could be a great opportunity to put myself out there. Second step would be for her to find someone. Test how I would deal with it since the trauma of the betrayal can at any time rear its ugly head. If it goes well we would continue from there and proceed to structure this according to our findings.

We both think it will be important to keep a balance in this. In her words, if one of us is significantly more successful we might have to adapt and dial it down. If its not fun for everyone involved its not worth it. We are not miserable as a monogamous couple and our needs are met with gusto.

People seem to give fairly good advice in this sub so I guess I'm asking for that? Thoughts? I honestly can't tell if I'm even close to a reasonable thought in this, any input would be appreciated.

So as stated above. This may be long. Apologies ahead of time .

We talked about opening last year. I suggested it as I'm average penis size and always felt she needs some bigger from time to time. We both talked to people but she could tell I was losing confidence after her chatting all the other men. I talked to a few women, but didn't wNt to have a Date before her. We closed when SHE said she didn't want it and acted as though I had suggested this because I don't like our sex.

Fast forward to this year. In June she says she needs to talk to me. One of the guys she asked last year (opened sept- closed Nov. ) had split with his partner and wanted to have a meet with her. He is a conquest for her you could say has been on her "list" since she was in HS. ANYWAY, she asked if I would still be into the open dynamic. To which I replied of course .

She scheduled with him 2 days later. And had her meeting with him 6 days after our quick " would you still wanna be open" talk. It was kind of a busy. He had performance anxiety. And I only got 1 10second video . We did some after care and such. But we did not have sex until 5 days after this meet. It made me a little uneasy but NBD right ? I'm good at tackling my own thoughts And emotions.

Between this meet and the next. She has 8 or so men she regularly snaps on Snapchat. 3 she speaks with throughout the day everyday. The others are hit or miss, on frequency per day.

Her next meet in July went much better he had a generous endowment. I received a good number of videos And they were very hot . I was excited for her and we had our aftercare routine. . But after we got into bed. She mentioned she really wants to see this guy's again. And frequently. "to get used to his size so I can enjoy it more " This did throw me off a bit. And I tried my best not to be distraught visibly. I just told her she had to sort what "frequent " was in this instance. And make sure this wasn't going to be an emotional thing.

Upon asking him about doing another meet 5 days after the one above. He stated he wouldn't want to record anymore. To which she responded this was a deal breaker and hit her up if he changed his mind. we will call him H

She continued snapping H sexy pics (only 1 a day) and also snapping pics and chatting with her other potentialz (7 and added 3 more by August) .. well then About 9 days after her saying she couldn't do it. She snapped him saying "did you change your mind? Fuck me " (We allow each other to view phones at anytime the other asks. ) This really bothered me, but again. I sucked it up and tried to be happy for her. She told him limiting the videos to 10-20seconds. Total. Would work (not our agreement. )

She met a different man in August and it was so so . But again. We didn't have sex, for 6 days after this time.

All the while. She continues snapping all the men photos everyday (which I have continuesly mentioned really makes me uncomfortable) . She met with H again in September. No videos came. And all she said about it during our after routine was " it was good. "

She's still snapping all of these men daily. And calling H handsome, sexy, yummy, etc.

Am I wrong for starting to just mentally withdraw ? I'm hurt and feel that she's just not listening .

I have been talking periodically to 5 women never daily . . Had one meet. It went well, although wife was not very supportive after, she was visibly hurt but tried her best. I chatted with her all 3 days prior to the meet . But then did not after for a few days. And I always make sure not to talk any of these women daily. I will respond if they message. But I don't carry a conversation daily as it's part of our rules that we as rent supposed to be messaging daily.

I'm just mentally exhausted. And not feeling this is working as it should. Is there a better way to voice these concerns to her ?

I brought it multiple times, "hunny I'm not feeling like the priority, I would appreciate you not communicating EVERYDAY with others. We had agreed not to do that. "

To which I get something to the effect of "It's nothing just making sure people stay interested. All harmless don't worry"

I'm spent. I just don't know what to do from here. I love watching her have this fun. I am all for it. But the talking between and talking while we are out, or while we're doing family things. It's eating me alive.

Any advice appreciated

36 Male here well educated and Entreprenuer from Mumbai and Ahemdabad Looking for a Female who is Very open minded for A Long term relationship if we vibe well we can go ahead and get married. But I want someone who is Open minded who understands What a Open relationship is and what Non monogamous relationship means or who is Ready to Explore this side with me It will be a open relationship as a live in partner later if we vibe well we will get married again it will be a Open marriage Interested Females kindly Dm me if you are ready to Explore this . You can be Single, divorced or a widow who is a broad and open minded person from any caste religion. Open for females upto 45 years of age.

We are from a country where ENM/open marriage is not very common. We mostly use 3Fun as that's what's most active here.

So we came across a profile of a couple. Not a lot of clear pics in their profile. Just them in some long shots so it's difficult to make how they look like. Totally fine since like I said, ENM is not that common in my country. But their bio seemed genuine. They had mentioned what they were looking for, etc. One of the thing they mentioned is to not ask for pics right away. It's not problem for us, we liked their bio either ways so we sent them a like to get to know them.

So fast forward a few hours and the other couple liked us back and the first thing they did is to request to see our private pics. I mean not even a hi. It's literally the first thing they did.

We've had people request to see our private pics as the first message before and we politely decline as we like to share it once we are a bit comfortable texting them. But this time, these couple post it in their bios to not ask for pics and they literally do it themselves. I'm pissed off. Has anyone had something like this happen to them?

Anybody else help you husband or wife get off while they are texting someone? My wife loves when I give her oral as she’s talking to another guy. Last night we’re laying in bed and she was texting her boyfriend and she asked if I’d go down on her. I was like of course because it’s fun for me knowing how turned on she is by it. Just wondering if anyone else enjoys or tries doing something like this?

I am a 28F dating a 39M.

We have been together for 1 year and 3 months. Within 2.5 months of dating, he told me to quit my job as an exotic dancer. He has been taking care of me since and i financially depend on him for everything. Anything i need he has me covered. So he knew i was a stripper from the jump.

He told me he wants an open relationship after I confessed i had history of being a full service sex worker. I know it was wrong to lie, but i truly felt afraid to tell him after hearing his conservative views. It was a very dark time for me and painful to think about and it was for a very short time. I love everything about him. I truly feel like he is my best friend. We understand each other nobody ever has before… We agreed to continue to work on the relationship and work on healing and i thought i could be okay with him being with other women to try and repair some damage.

He hasnt acted on being physically intimate with anyone else yet. (That i know of) but i feel sick to my stomach it can happen any moment. Hes handsome. Tall. Full head of hair. Beard. Successful and Muscular. I have no doubt in my mind that someone would let him have his way with them.

He claims that he wanted to be monogamous before he found out the news. I just dont believe it. I know in my heart i couldnt handle him being with anyone else. Although im told this is an instinct many men have and i shouldnt feel so harshly about the way i do? Especially as an exotic dancer dealing with all kinds of men..

Deep down i know what the answer on what to do. Part of me is sprinkle sprinkle and just continue with the lifestyle i’ve always wanted. I do love him and truly try to understand his perspective. He had an unexpected child in his mid 20’s and never got to really have that exploration. At the same time why do i have the shit end of the stick because he is a widower with 3 kids? I already have to share time with him. Why the fuck would i be comfortable with adding even more women in the mix? I have no children, plan on being child free and feel heartbroken about this situation. Perhaps i did some of this to myself.

I have always felt fufilled and extremely loved by him despite our disgreements and issues. This is something i have not experienced - i wouldnt make the best choices in partners in the past. Perhaps i am doing so again.

Just tell me if im a dumb bitch or not or if we can work something out.

As Title reads. We're curious how many potentials other open sexually only couples tend to talk with at one time ? Do you send NSFW pics to only certain ones ? How many "appts/playdates " with one person do you allow or do you base it on the person? What's the hardest part of this lifestyle for you ? What's the most rewarding aspect for you? How has the ENM worked for you overall ?

Any mono swapped to ENM successful people with advice for dos and donts for the new folks that always ask ?

Feel free to add more questions

Hubby and I are just starting the conversation of opening our marriage and I feel like I have a lot to learn. What subs should I follow aside from this one? We are looking for sexual connections only, not interested in emotional connections or relationships. My husband (38M) is newly out as Bi, and I (39F) am straight.