Hello all,

I’ve been married for over 7 years and it’s been a great time with my spouse. She is an awesome mother to our children, works hard and is committed to getting in her best shape. However, I’ve had an itch to explore the hotwife dynamic or some type of group setting focused on her. It feels like not only is it a turn on for me, but, parts of me think that she would enjoy being the center of some extra attention.

I can’t imagine this being something we’d need to do often, and, some of the ideas I’ve passively gotten are to stay together during play, being comfortable with some texting with another intimate partner and letting her dictate M/F if a threesome or choosing a guy she’s attracted to. I’ve made mention to her how much I love her, see her progress working out and that I enjoy “watching her”. I just haven’t fully committed to asking about this dynamic.

What’s a good way to start? Do people here see risks to watch out for? Am I crazy for thinking this adds some spice and makes our bond stronger without problems?

So far— my first thought is to let her sit at the bar and pretend we don’t know each other while she’s more revealing. She seemed to be open to it without thinking of “what’s next”. If it came down to it, I could always just encourage her to post some nsfw here and maybe it has the same impact for our relationship.

I have been getting many DMs related to affairs, cheating partners destroying 8-12 years of marriage and people being clueless about how to move on in life. Well, to give a little background I have had both types of patients who got cheated on by their partner and who cheated on their partner and now regret it. So based on this I have a fair amount of ideas at least why in a tier-1 city in India people cheat and I figured out some ways to avoid it.

More than 90% of affairs happen in the workplace, with a well-known colleague, who is in some cases also married to someone else and as you can guess eventually people get caught, and in the end, their marriages get ruined, children suffer. Most importantly the people who are involved in that affair also get separated and never talk with each other again leading to lifelong depression.

The most common reason for engaging in an affair is Unrealistic expectations in a marriage, most of them if Love or arranged deeply look into the good side of a person overseeing the negative aspects, They don't talk about compromisable and non-compromisable parameters which leads to an unhappy or at least a boring marriage. Another important reason mainly for women is their increase in sexual desire during their late 30s and 40s, possibly as a result of hormonal shifts, such as declining estrogen and progesterone levels and finally men having mismatched sexual desires and looking out for new mates.

So, I'm pretty sure everyone will agree that having an affair is bad which not only destroys a marriage but mostly a family but despite this people follow impulsive thoughts and engage in these sexually driven acts.

There are no direct solutions to this as people have affairs. There are no real proven methods to overcome your sexual urges other than to love your family and focus on your goals but despite this, if you need a better sex life the the best solution is to have an open marriage and get into a casual relationship. Yes, the advantage is you are going to sleep with a person you know will not travel in ur entire life, this is just to satisfy your need and get some appreciation temporarily that you couldn't get in your marriage, this is better than having an affair with a coigue because their are very minimal emotional attachments here and you do not have to see each other maybe ever. This is something most divorcees especially women do and from what I heard this helped them focus more on their careers, Kids and these urges eventually faded away and some found a lifelong partner through this. Of course, it is very important that this shouldn't become an addiction or that you be too desperate.

Finally if at all your going to choose this path please be very careful as India is filled with scams before doing anything talk with the person and set proper boundaries don't just randomly text nude people as it's mostly scam. If you have any specific queries feel free to DM me

My wife (F, 35) and I (M, 35) are in a relationship since almost 20 years, married since 10 years and have 3 children together. I know that she is the love of my life.
Our sex life is also good. We know what each other likes, which is nice, but it's not necessarily very exciting after such a long time.

However, over the last few months, I've increasingly had the feeling that I've missed something:

• just a one-night stand
• an affair that's all about sex
• other sex with other people
• etc..

We did talk about an open marriage half a year ago and we also gave it a try, but she did not really feel it so we stopped it again bevore something happened. To be honest, it triggered her fear of loss. She does not want ot be "home with the kids while I mess around with other women". And also she does not have the desire to have sex with others.
The idea was that I should figure out how important it really is for me.

And my problem now is that I guess I have to admit to myself that it would be pretty important to me. I don't like to think about never having an intimate relationship with anyone else in my whole life. On the other hand, I don't want to hurt her feelings either.
This goes so far that I sometimes think I should just have an affair. If she doesn't know, she doesn't care, right? The problem is that I know I would be super bad at hiding something like this and if it came out it would hurt her way more. So thats not really an opion.

One thing I really struggle with: Is it "normal" for me to feel this way? Shouldn't I "just be happy" that I found real love?

What would you do in my situation?

My wife and I have had an interesting relationship over the years. To make a long story short, when we first started dating, she cheated and it turned into a sharing situation but eventually stopped. I have made it clear that I am 100% ok with her being with other men but for some reason she still goes behind my back and when I find out on some level, she denies everything. For instance in 2011 at her high school reunion (we weren’t married but living together) she messed around with a guy and denied everything. Just this February (we’re married now), she was doing inappropriate stuff with a coworker on IG as well as other things and of course, denied everything. My question is, does anyone have any thoughts on why she won’t just open up? Why risk our relationship when all she has to do is just let me know what’s going on and that’s it? I don’t even want details and I’ve specifically told her this. Just beyond frustrated at the moment.

I’ve been wondering for a few days if I should post here, because I’m really afraid of being massacred. It took me a long time to get some karma and then opening up about all my stuff here could get me a lot of downvotes…

Then I tried to write down a draft and realised I have other problems writing here: I can’t be concise because I feel that everything (who I am, the situations I’m in, etc) are important to explain why I think and feel the way I do. My draft had 2735 characters (519 words) before I even got to elaborate about the guy I’m thinking about asking…

Should I still try to ask here with all that complexity or will I only get simple responses like “solve that with a therapist”? (I don’t have money or time during business hours for therapy)

I travel for work occasionally, so my wife gets the house to herself to have fun while I’m away. To make it more fun and build the anticipation of reuniting I leave her a card to find. She does the same and hides them in my luggage. The cards then sit on our dresser and remind us of the fun weeks after the trip.

To make it easy I bought a stack of cards of Amazon and use a chatbot to help write the card. For example:

——

To My Delicious [name],

As I fly to London, far away, I know you’ll find some steamy play. With [name] to help you scratch that itch, I’m sure you’ll revel in every twitch.

Be bold, be bad, let passion flow, Unleash the fire only you know. But keep a taste, a tease, a bite, For when I’m home to claim my right.

I’ll dream of you and all you’ll do, And how we’ll make our own taboo. So have your fun, my naughty queen, But save me some… I’m coming clean.

Hungrily yours,

[name]

Hello Guys,

I am pretty new to reddit. What do you guys mostly use reddit for?

How should I handle it if I’m obviously on a date with someone who is not my husband but run into someone who knows us both (and knows my date isn’t my husband)?

My partner and I are married with one young child and we recently became ENM.

We are trying to keep this discreet to protect each other’s and our child’s privacy. But it’s a small world, and we often run into people we know. (We live in a big city, and I’m avoiding “our” neighborhood and regular spots for dates with other partners.)

Should I casually say we’re in an open relationship (so they know I’m not cheating on my husband)? Or something else? Or nothing?

(I can just imagine one of the other parents in my kid’s school seeing me on a date and then the rumors start flying.)

Thank you in advance for any kind advice you can provide.

My husband feels as though if we open our marriage, then the marriage is already dead. Thoughts?

I added on to my original post. But figured it would be best to create a new one.

What do those in the open marriage community do about STIs?

I have genital warts and can't get of the physical warts. Keep on coming back or never go away. My husband obviously has the virus in his system too. But miraculously for him he had one warts one time. It went away and they have never came back.

When my husband asked if we could have an open marriage I told him it wouldn't be fair. He would need to be honest about his virus, but he can wear a condom and most likely the other person will be fine. Me on the other hand wouldn't be able to participate because I have many warts and no one would want to touch me.

What are alternative things to do instead of having an open marriage?

I (43F) and husband (50M) have been together for 17 years, married 9 years. I recently found out that he had a one night affair. We are trying to rebuild our relationship and trust by communicating honestly and openly. We are trying to keep an open heart and open mind. He told me that he wants to have an open marriage. He loves me and wants to be with me for forever, but now he wants to have casual sex with other people. He thinks it might just be his mid-life crisis that he is going through, especially with his ED and delayed ejaculation. He thought maybe some "strange" might fix it, but even with his one night affair he didn't orgasm. But he wants more and feels like he is missing out on life. I told him I don't think I could do that, especially at this time while trying to heal our relationship and trust. I also said that I don't want him to be miserable with our marriage so let's think of alternatives instead of an open marriage. He agreed me with me and thanked me for not shooting him down, divorcing, and for trying to be open minded. But now we're both having a hard time trying to think of alternatives instead of an open marriage. We thought of role-playing, but we both have a hard time convincing our brains to play pretend that we're strangers. I'm very sexually adventurous and I will almost try anything. He is more tame than me, but throughout our years together I've been getting him to break out of his shell more.

Thanks in advance for your advice. Just trying to heal our marriage where everyone is happy. Maybe one day I might be able to try opening our marriage, but now is not the right time.

EDIT/ADD ON: This is just a curiosity question. What do members of the community do about STIs? I have genital warts and I can't get them to go away. Virus is in my body. My husband obviously has the virus too, but his super duper immune system doesn't allow the warts to show, except for one time. I told the husband that it wouldn't be a fair open marriage because he can put on a condom and have sex with as many as he wants. But I cannot, I have many physical warts and no one is going to want to touch me.

Hi all. Reading through the many posts here has been both uplifting and sobering. My wife and I have been married for over 40 years. We are amazing life partners. We have two wonderful adult daughters who are married and have grandchildren. Now how does this come to this sub? Well our intimacy has declined to virtually nothing and has been without sex for years. We have had many open and thoughtful discussions. We have not rug swept this elephant in the room. We have done counseling and medical checks. The status is that my (70m) libido has been roaring back and wife (68f) has none. She has opted to not pursue medical intervention and I am respectful. In counseling my wife has suggested opening for me. Simply stating that her love for me is deep and she wants me to be happy and she would not be concerned about me having a friend with benefits. We also have been upfront about the kernels of resentment. All of these conversations have been ongoing at a more focused level over the last 2 years. I can go on about how we have proceeded and perhaps in comments some can be covered but where we are today is that I have a FWB (64f) who is also in an open marriage and we have become exclusive in that regard. Approximately 2 times a month. Our marriage and life partnership has been thriving. We just spent a month exploring India for example.

My search for advice and thoughts is because I have not seen many posts of couples in our age group here and would like to share experiences and advice. Thanks

Me (35f) and my husband (46m) have been married for 10 years, 6 months ago (after talking about it a lot) we decided to have a threesome (mff), it all went perfect and everything was okay. Then I went on a business trip and I told him he could be with someone else if he wanted, so he did, and it really fueled our sexual relationship in a whole different level, still, we agreed to not do it all the time and also to always talk about our needs and have consent before doing anything. For context, we really do have a great sex life, we have sex between 6 to 8 times per week, we have 3 children but that never made things complicated (sexually speaking) because we really are obsessed with each other, the fact of opening the relationship in a controlled way was something that I proposed and I am 100% okay with it. Also, another context, my husband is very close minded, he evolved a lot throughout these years but in essence he is still very much macho-like and it blows his mind that I am okay with him fucking other people

So, yesterday he confessed something that bothered him a lot, about a month ago he had sex with someone else and he did not tell me, even though I always asked him if he wanted to do it, and suggested that I could help arrange it and everything, he always said he didn’t want it. Still, he did it alone and did not tell me about it until yesterday. He is very sad and sorry about it, I truly can feel that and also I understand that the whole situation was very confusing for him because he did not know how to tell me he wanted to do it (because of that narrow minded macho-like attitude in his essence due to his upbringing) but the idea really turned him on (he is a very very sexual person, just like me) and then he just did it without thinking and couldn’t find the way to tell me until 1 month later.

So, considering all these facts, is this cheating ?

I think it is, but still I would forgive him and move on. But what he did profoundly hurt me and I really don’t know what kind of effect it will have from now on, I am very concerned about it, because the reason why I am open minded with him is because I am 150% sure of the way he feels about me, but after what he did I am really not sure anymore, and I am extremely sad and hurt

My wife (39F) and me (39m) have been married 12 years and have an okay sex life (we have no children). We don't have as much as as we'd like but she struggles with a much lower libido than I do which she wants to raise. We think it might be her IUD (the pill doesn't work for her) so we're looking at some permanent options for both of us (vasectomy and tubal ligation) with me going first for cost and practicality.

Anyways, we've talked for a few years about owning the marriage. She knows I have fantasies about being with other people (male or female) but usually with her there so it's more of a threesome. She suggested opening our marriage recently (again something we've talked about before) though it eoiodmostly for my sake and not hers, which I'm not 100% sure I'm comfy with as it feels lopsided and unfair to her though I'm wouldn't be limiting her if she wanted to.

We are a long ways from actually owning the marriage as we want to sort out the hormonal things first, but we have started a list of rules/boundaries and are making and to discuss all of this with a marriage counselor first.

We currently have a very strong marriage. We are each other's rocks and spend great and most of our time together. We may not be as intimate as we'd like but we are still plenty physical with couch time or cuddling, etc.

I'm looking for what has worked for people or if anyone has any advice for us in this area. Opening our marriage is not something we are guaranteed to do but we are discussing all the same.

Any advice is appreciated!

I (28m) love my wife (28f) We've been together 13 years married 9. We've only been with each other. She has low sex drive and it's killing me. I have a very high sex drive which make this very delicate conversation with her. We've only have sex maybe 7 time this year (3 in a weekend). I won't cheat on her but opening out marriage seems like an option for both of us. My question is how do you go about setting boundaries and rules. She wants to know who I'd be with. Any advice is welcome

My (27M) wife (26F) has always expressed that she is polyamorous since early in our relationship. I have zero experience with it and initially made it a personal issue, acting incredibly unconfident. My biggest concerns were: "What am I doing wrong that you have to find it somewhere else?" or "How can you say you love me and want to be with me while wanting to be with someone else?"

I managed to work on myself (and continue to do so) over time and through therapy. I understand that some people are wired that way, and putting myself in their shoes is futile since I’ll never think the way they do.

Recently, the issue has been brought up again, and it wasn’t until I mentioned that I was going out of town for a few months for work. I tried to accept that this conversation was bound to happen again sometime in our marriage. It went much better than before. We have had this conversation multiple times since it was brought up recently. I have educated myself and tried to approach things the "right" way. My wife has never done this because, in previous marriages or relationships, whenever she brought it up, it resulted in the end of those relationships. I’ve learned that caring for someone and loving them means letting them explore who they think they are and get answers to questions they’ve always had.

Currently, I feel like I am the only one trying to educate myself and put effort into this. I’ve learned that being responsible and setting up boundaries are important in open marriages. (I understand the difference between polyamory and an open marriage; my wife wasn’t sure at first, but once she learned the difference, she asked for an open marriage instead.) My wife had issues with me constantly bringing up conversations with my therapist, as well as methods and advice I had picked up from blogs or podcasts about open marriages, because “we keep having the same conversation over and over again.” Out of fear of setting her off for having the same conversation “over and over again,” I have opted to let her do as she wants, and the rules I had stressed before are now off the table. All I ask for now is that she takes care of herself and respects me and our marriage.

The initial reason she gave for wanting an open marriage was that she is under a lot of stress denying who she is, and that is the root of all our problems and fights. There has been a slight change in her mood and behaviors since I agreed to her having an open marriage.

Question: Has anyone else navigated a situation like this, where one partner wants an open marriage but the other is struggling with it? How did you handle it and find balance?Is it wrong to primarily go into this because I expect it to fix our marriage?

How do you deal with a partner that doesn't enforce agreed upon boundaries. I feel just gutted.

I just wanted to see what are some of the dynamics of open marriage relationships? Are you friends or do you socialize with your partners fwb in a group socializing situation or even just the 3 of you type thing? Any experience is welcome.

My partner and I have decided on opening up our marriage. Since we have made the decision to open up, we have kind of taken things slow. I just made my first set of plans to meet up with someone. I am very excited, but also very nervous. It’s been almost 10 years since I have been with someone else. How do you get over the nerves? Does it kind of just go away?

Hi - I’m 35 (F) and I’m sleeping with a married man who is in an open marriage. I am fine with it. We’ve slept together twice. It’s been a nice distraction.

Now he’s told me That if I want this to continue, I have to get his wife a present. This could include taking her to lunch.

Advice… what do I do?

Hi guys,

i’m the husband here. So… me and my wife have been married for 4 years she’s 23 now and i’m 27. we got married young and especially her. for the last couple years my fetish towards sharing my wife or having her sleep with other men. I think i got this feeling from her being young and commited to me for her whole life even tho she had sex before me and other guys I felt like she’s so beautiful and young and also a college student I didnt want her go miss out on the fun part, because I sure didnt! So over time me and the wife would do things like watch porn or gang bangs and threesomes and her reactions where always so turned on and in the heat of the moment i’d say, damn baby imagine you where that girl getting fucked by all those men and she’d say yea that would be so fun. So over months and months i’d throw hints and then one day she straight up asked me like you’d actually be

okay with me fucking another guy? and I got the courage to finally say straight up Yes..

she couldnt believe it, she was shocked like why would I ever not just allow that but want it, and she then tells me i dont know if i’d ever even do it but I just want you to know I could never see you fuck another girl i wouldnt be able to handle it. luckily for me i didnt really care to be open on my end I just wanted to share her.

So we toyed with that idea but I never got a straight up yes I want to do it or have her commit to it. until she seen a really tall fit attractive guy in her college class. and started talking to me about him, soon as she mentioned him I knew this was our chance. We talked for a couple weeks about it she still was back and fourth on if we should do this or not and then today she just told me… baby I think I made up my mind, I want this man to fuck me and I cant stop thinking about it now…

man that was so hot I couldnt even explain the feelings I was feeling, she started talking to me how she’d do it and what she’d do and I just kept getting hornier and hornier. we had some amazing sex after that talk.

So now she’s trying to find a good moment to do it so it comes off as natural to him and not weird and make her look like a slut because everyone knows she’s married in her class. I’m so excited and cant wait for her first time and how it feels for her. any suggestions or advise would be appreciated !

TLDR - almost slept with a married coworker. Not sure what to expect now.

We've worked together for about 2 years, and I've been attracted to him since he joined the company. I know his wife (of 20 years) and she's very sweet. He and I spend a fair amount of time alone when we're working together and I consider him a good friend.

We were on a business trip recently with a bunch of other coworkers and after a night of drinking and some unexpectedly strong edibles, he ended up in my hotel room. I have an open marriage and had mentioned it in passing while we were drinking on a previous trip. When he came to my room I thought maybe his marriage was open, too. Mistake not to ask before I kissed him, but after fooling around for about a half hour when we were about to do the deed, I stopped and said "Is Katie going to be ok with this?" He said no and so we didn't do anything else. We talked about it briefly before the flight back and he said he felt like shit/guilty/ashamed but was thankful it stopped when it did. He said he wanted everything to go back to the way it was before.

My question is how badly did I fuck up? Is it my fault for having been flirty with him? Will he avoid me on future trips? (We work in different places so don't see each other every day.) Whenever I think about the makeout session I am 🔥 but if/when he thinks about it does he feel 💩? I also don't know if I can turn off my body language/whatever signals I was sending that I wanted him but I don't want him to avoid me.

Hey all! So, my wife and I have been talking about opening our relationship to include another woman, and we’re thinking about trying out a throuple dynamic. The idea would be that my wife and her girlfriend would be more on the emotional side, and I’d have more of a sexual role in the mix. I’d also be covering most of the bills, so we could help each other out with our kids and make our living situation easier overall.

For anyone who’s been in a similar setup – how did you make it work? Any tips on keeping things balanced so everyone feels comfortable and respected? Just trying to get some perspective before we dive into anything serious.

I used chat gpt to make my sentence structure better for the above. I make 6k my wife makes 2k and the potential third makes 3k

Thanks in advance for any advice or stories you’re willing to share!

Alright, so I have a question for those with experience: How do you go about finding a friends-with-benefits (FWB) partner?

For context, my wife and I have been on and off part of alternative lifestyles for a while, but traditional swinging isn’t really our thing. We both agree that we’d prefer to find individual partners for occasional or recreational fun rather than always participating as a couple. Ideally, we’d connect with someone who’s already in a secure relationship and also navigating an open dynamic.

We’ve tried dating apps, but honestly, they’ve been a complete joke for this kind of thing. Swinging events seem geared more toward couples activities, and that’s not what we’re looking for in this case.

So, does anyone have tips or suggestions for where to look or how to approach this? Whether it’s communities, events, or platforms that cater to this kind of arrangement, we’re open to advice. Appreciate the input!

Hi all Doug and Marie Lynn here. We are an open marriage couple that has been living this way for a decade. We made a lot of mistakes but stuck to it and figured it out. We have many " friends" that we know that also live this way and have gained a lot of first hand knowledge of what To do and what NOT to do. If any of you are struggling or in need of advice maybe we can help. Shoot us a DM and we will do our best to help you out. Best of luck and keep enjoying that open life!

Last year I got on dating apps and I happen to talk to this guy I’m super attracted to. He’s from my home town. We chatted for 2 months on and off and eventually met in Jan this year. He doesn’t know I’m married. The date was rather non sexual and “friendly”. Idk if he’s attracted to me as he’s never said anything directly. But we have long conversations and chats. Anyway, after Jan he we lost touch. He didn’t message me. Recently, I started texting him again and we’ve had one good conversation. I took on the opportunity to ask him to meet me again. The thing is I’m attracted to him but I’m not sure if he is. What do I do?

I'm aware it's taboo. Of course. Were any of you all cheating before you opened or did any of you have a cheating kink? No judgment! Thanks guys!

Hi all, just wanted to share a crazy story. I am a truck driver. I ended up in my wife's boyfriend's city tonight. My wife is on a date with him as we speak. After her date she is coming to my hotel to spend the night with me.....AND THEN...in the morning I am handing off my room key to her boyfriend so he can play with her some more after I go back to work. Sometimes the stars just align perfectly! Once you figure out you open marriage dynamic it can be incredible. Oh and side note....my wife has a meet and greet coffee date with my girlfriend this weekend! Life is good.

I'm talking to someone on a dating app and I'm considering meeting him for coffee to plan a play date but it's just going to be an exhibitionist/voyer relationship, well so far anyway... The possible playdate should lead to him pleasuring himself with me watching.

My question is what do you expect the voyer to be doing while they're watching you? I'm afraid to give the wrong face of like a smiling Cheshire cat. Or even worse turning him off with just staring. I really want to do this because I looooove watching it but I've never watched anyone except my husband and honestly he isn't into the kink but it just happens, ya know.