So my partner and I are poly, very strong, zero issues with our relationship or communication.

A while ago we decided to find a couple to play with so we could do group stuff and all the combinations that brings. We met a couple, I chatted with her for a while and we met up on Tuesday to meet and maybe play. We got along great, had a soft swap amd had tons of fun. She initiated a group chat after we were done, talked about playing separate too. I talked it over with my partner and we agreed that we would cement the 4 of us a couple more times before we try anything separate. The guy basically started chatting with my partner the next day.

2 days after we played the wife said she wasn't interested in getting together again as a 4sum but hoped her hubby and my gf couple still continue since they were hitting it off. Honestly I won't ever veto and stop her from meeting someone but I'm having trouble with this one.

I'm feeling rejected obviously and I don't want to hear anything about them talking or meeting or anything yet. I feel a little like they met us to peel off my gf for him, he had stated that he was having trouble finding a date while his gorgeous wife was really popular.

I just don't know what to feel right now or put this away. In the opposite situation I would have called us a package deal in this situation since we met as a couple but I also would never try and make her do that, even though that's what we both said after the wife initially said sje didn't want to group play (play with me obviously).

My gf does want to now meet with him and see where it might go, in fact she's meeting with him tonight.

Edit: I will add, he's a very nice guy and way better than a couple douchbags who treated her like shit lately.

Hit me with some wake ups or advice!

36F married USA based poly woman here.

I currently have a few FBs but what I’m really desiring is a true FWB sitch w emphasis on bonding beyond sex. I’ve had this before a time or two but it’s ended since, and I really miss the companionship of having a consistent FWB.

I also have an extremely high bar for chemistry. I’m talking, I want it to be at a rip your clothes off level. I experience this rarely.

Last week I had a first date with a man who checked both boxes: a mutual desire for closeness/connection/consistency, and insane chemistry. We talked and talked and talked for like 4 hours straight. It felt really easy and natural and fun. He was a great listener and seemed genuinely interested in me and my life. When we finally kissed? 💫 — you ever have a make out so good you just know the sex is gonna be good? It was like that. I would’ve gone home w him, but he was traveling the next day and wanted to wait: seemed to be prioritizing the long game with me. I appreciate that.

Problem? He sent a check in text post Election Day that made it pretty clear we’re on opposite sides of the fence. I asked for clarity and I got it. He said he was happy to talk more but wanted to be upfront in case that was a dealbreaker.

Idk what to do. It feels like a dealbreaker to me, in theory. But in actuality, I really fucking liked this guy. Like, one of the best first dates of my life. And I’ve had plenty of experience dating, I can parse the good ones. This was a good one.

Lately otherwise? My dating life has been pretty abysmal. I have a few prospects, but I kinda feel like I’m forcing an attraction that’s not firing on all cylinders. This dude reminded me where my bar for attraction should exist. And again, he’s also desiring closeness and friendship outside of sex. Of course I would have that type of chemistry with someone politically my opposite. Ugh.

For color, I’m pretty passionate politically. This go round I’ve had to pay less attention and be less emotionally invested bc doing so has about killed me in previous, to protect my own sanity. But yeah, I’m pretty firm in my affiliation, and nearly everyone in my close circle is the same.

So what do I do? Let him go, bc we’re too far off? Meet again and try to attempt to understand why (he offered to expand more)? Could you date someone on the opposite side of the fence politically?

I’m new to this, I’m single but not wanting a committed relationship. I met a ENM man, we have been talking for a couple weeks and saw each other yesterday. He says his wife is agreeable to the relationship being open but doesn’t want to know what’s going on. But now I’ve learned he has me saved in his phone under a fake male name.

It feels like he’s claiming ENM but maybe it’s simply old fashioned infidelity.

Thoughts?

My husband (31 M) and I (27 F) have been easing into an MFM threesome.

We downloaded some apps and started chatting with people. We connected with someone and met him for drinks and it was such an amazing vibe. We had that person over a few days later and played but with no penetration from him (to ease in). It was absolutely incredible from start to finish. That person is exceptionally busy though so we haven’t been able to connect again and likely won’t be able to for months. But that night was one of the best ever and I’ve never cum so much in my life. The connection was amazing and the chemistry was electric.

So we decided to check out some other matches and found one we really really vibed with. We had him over and yall. It was awful. Like bad bad. The kind of bad where he had to ask “do you like that” while rubbing my left labia. He also didn’t talk AT ALL! And we learned during that this was his first experience in a threesome. It left me feeling so icky and this morning he texted and essentially said “hey thanks for letting me fulfill this fantasy that was fulfilled as soon as I came”. There was 0 aftercare. No talking during. It was just awful.

How do we move forward from this? I feel like we found the most perfect person at the start but logistically it won’t work out for more. Casual sex is completely new to us. We’ve been together for 10 years so all of this is brand new lol

Is there some secret to moving past a really shitty experience?

I’m worried I’ll feel like this after the next time we try too.

Hello. I was wondering if any experienced hotwifes can offer some advice for getting started in the LS.

My wife and I fantasize and dirty talk all the time about her being a hotwife. I get really turned by not just the dirty things she says but the wild things she told me she’s done before we met.

We both are very interested in making our fantasy a reality but she is a little nervous and hesitant about it.

I was wondering if anyone would be open to offering some advice from the wife’s perspective on how to help her feel comfortable with making our fantasy a reality.

Just to be clear she is very interested in doing it and I’m not asking how to convince her or push her into doing it before she’s ready.

Thanks 🙏

We are looking for female/a sister sub or a domme to her and sub to me. Like how hard is it??? We are in NC and it seems like all we get are men or they pretend to be a couple just to get to her! Would love to find that female

So I'm married for 10 years been open and poly for 6 years, haven't really looked to date since the begining of the pandemic. Last short term dating situation didn't end well because of distance in lockdown and the guy I was dating didn't deal with it well and shut down. That situation out me off starting anything else up.

So reccently I met this guy online we will call him Brandon , Brandon and I met up to hang out, went for a walk in town grabbed a drink and we kissed and kissed and kissed it was nice. We had some common ground, he was super fun I liked his energy was all down to meet again. He had been contacting me pretty regularly after this first date, sending me selfies, other pics, it was cute I did the same back flirting was happening.

So we have a Second date 2 weeks ago Brandon comes over to mine for dinner we have food ( I cooked) , sex is great he's very very affectionate, he crashes over and it's clear we absolutely have a connection in bed. He stays the night we hang out in the monring / early afternoon I walk him to the train station. All good. I'm left feeling like I might have a regular thing going on.

Since then he's been texting me almost every day, being really sweet, sometimes a bit flirty, sending me selfies, nudes, pics of what he's up to where he's going/ sending love heart face emojis, good night texts. I haven't had any of this sort of thing in a while I'm into it.

So last Saturday I drop into conversation I will have a free house for 2 weeks. He asks what dates goes oh that's great and we carry on talking about toegther stuff. So in my mind he had the dates we would make a plan to meet at some point.

On wedesday when we were texting I ask him - so do you want to make a plan to meet sometime? He goes, yeah of course I do followed by love heart Face emojis. I was waiting for you to get back to me for when you have a free house again. I tell him that I gave him dates when I have the place free, and he says did you? And I reference the text when I drop it into conversation. He then gets vauge and says he starts his new job in the second week I have the house free. Fair enough I get it if he's busy etc I'm not demanding of his time. However... All the contacting every day the selfies the nudes, the flirting, the complements texting me when he's out on a night out with his friends when he's drunk, I felt like I was being used for an ego trip.

So he gives me two days he's Avilable and says he's around in the day. I tell him I will check my diary and get back to him. The day after he texts me sending me pictures of drawings he did of a tattoo idea in thinking of getting. We are chatting about his plans and tells me about some walks he wants to go on around town. I mention sounds cool if you want some company on any of the walks I'm in, let me know. He then replys yeah maybe. Again more vaugeness and tbh the maybe doesn't make me feel that great.

I then mention on the two days hes Avilable one day I'm working and rhe other day I'm seeing a friend from our of town for lunch and I can meet him after for a drink. He says he's got his dates mixed up and that we can look at the week after once he gets his rota from his new job. Again more vaugeness. At that point I'm feeling pretty exhausted by it all. I tell him I might have plans that week so I will have to play it by ear as I don't have rhe house to myself that often. He says he's about to move soon so once the move has happened it's likely he will be able to host more often. Thw chat gets a bit more casual then tails off.

So am I being played here? The constant texting and vaugeness about is really confusing, it's early days and I like the guy but i feel like I'm being used as a ego ride for when he's bored. What do you think I should do in this situation?

Thanks in advance for your help!

Because this Friday is going to be so much fun - for me!

Let’s try to spread some joy despite recent events. What’s been happening in your non-monogamous life this week? What are your plans for the weekend ahead? Share your non-mono fun, joy and wins for the week.

My (m37) partner (tm35) have been talking about enm since we got together. Through many conversations and two years, we have in practice begann our journey into non-monog.

Our started with them being invited to a sex party, and from that they have met some amazing people that I'm grateful for. They was over a month ago.

My thing is that when the party came up, we made an agreement for both of us to have an experience and go from there. We'll, I haven't. I've been on the dating apps, on here scrolling local hookup subs, debating who I'm looking to meet. But I find i don't feel confident enough to reach out, an not interested in, or the thought of all the scheduling and time consumption feels overwhelming.

Beginning to feel down because most of my life I've had a hard time finding the combination of people i can hang out with and people who are attracted to me. I do have a hard time putting myself out there due to a lack of confidence in myself and trauma from previous relationships with enm.

Worried about my partners feelings and worried I'm not capable of loving my most authentic self.

TL:DR ISO encouragement, relating experiences, guidance

Back story: we have been dating for almost two years. And we have tried doing non-monogamy before. I decided I didn’t want to do an open relationship because I was worried about getting a std or getting pregnant. He committed to being monogamous with me because that was more important to him then being poly. We also had a long distance relationship 2.5 hours apart. I got pregnant (not planned) and he moved in with me. He’s supporting me financially and I take care of the home/ food. I’m now 34 weeks pregnant with our first child, due in December.

He is unsatisfied sexually and wants to be able to have sex with other women. I’m having a hard time wanting to have sex now that I’m super pregnant and I feel bad that I can’t meet his needs. I also don’t know if my libido will ever match his. It’s hard to know because we didn’t live together before I was pregnant. But it doesn’t seem likely even after I have our baby that I’ll be able to meet his sexual needs. I want to stay with him and have a family but I also am scared to not be monogamous. I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. Any advice? Anyone else navigating non-monogamy and raising kids?

I’m genuinely confused how people are supposed to handle this.

It seems like a common mistake couples make that go from monogamy to nonmonogamy is trying to make rules around avoiding falling in love with another person in order to “protect” the primary relationship/marriage.

The advice I read is “don’t make a rule about something you can’t control like feelings” and now having gone through a lot of ups and downs in four years I agree it was unrealistic to have a rule like that.

But how are couples that don’t want polyamory supposed to navigate this? Is the whole idea of having intimate friendships bullshit because humans are just going to naturally develop feelings under these conditions that will likely go into romantic love territory?

Swinging is great and all but individual encounters can be so much more enjoyable when you’re just connecting with another human, imo. But I don’t understand how not to find yourself accidentally falling for other people if that’s a dynamic you don’t think you can emotionally handle, do you just stay away?

Hi, I'm (M) in a nonmonogamous relation with a women. We both see other people and I don't have a problem with it. The problem is she gets super jealous with me seeing other women (even though the irony is she doesn't think twice about seeing other men).

When I try to discuss this with her, her excuse is, "I can't control it. It (the jealousy) just happens."

Any advice?

I'm polyamorous with a nesting partner and a boyfriend, but I've been thinking of trying to pursue dating a couple lately. I'm aware of the "risks" and limitations of such a relationship and have of course been pursued by couples online before in gross ways. But when I think about it, I actually kind of like the idea of dating an established couple. I'm not expecting to be made an "equal partner" or anything, I already have a nesting partner that I'm married to. But it sounds kind of nice to have an established couple that I can have a FWB situation with.

The main issue is that I'm not entirely sure how to go about finding a good couple to try something like this with. While I've had some success with online dating when seeking men to date, women are scarce and difficult to meet online, and couples are almost entirely out the window. I worry that seeking a couple online would just attract a lot of the worst kind of attention. While I'm interested in forming a relationship with a couple, it has to be the right couple, who don't have unreasonable expectations for me and are already good enough with communication and nonmonogamy to be good with boundaries, norms, and communication. I'm not interested in being someone's "experiment" and having the situation blow up in my face because one or both people in said couple didn't do their homework.

So, I'm mostly just looking to see if anyone has advice regarding how to go about looking for a prepared couple to date or general advice regarding starting a relationship like this.

My s/o (34m) and I (30f) have a very active sex life. We have been together around 2 years and have never had any issues with intimacy, but lately he has made a very unique request. He has asked for me to sleep with a stranger. He says he just wants me to do it one time and then he wants to “take me back”.

I’ve expressed that I don’t mind working to help fulfill his fantasy but that I do not know how to find someone to sleep with. By nature I am a very shy person who isn’t comfortable approaching someone for sex in the context of it just being a casual, one time thing. He says it would ruin the fantasy if he were to help me pick out the person. I guess I am just at a loss and looking for advice on what to do.

I want him to feel fulfilled because he does do whatever it takes to help achieve my fantasies and reciprocation is so important.

So my husband has been rather open with me recently about having me date other men. I have only ever been with him but the thought is intriguing.

I’ve gone as far as setting up a date with a man I have been talking to for a few weeks. I’m unsure if I should go through with it. I mean, I’m very excited but don’t want to change my life at home.

I very much assume that I’d have sex with this man if it goes well which to me is most exciting and also makes me most nervous.

Can this work?

For context to understand the differing views, or whatever one would call this?

Not poly just a FWB between me my spouse and our friend! When looking for a FWB situation, I never really wanted or expected weekend long visits. I expected more of wherever we met up (their place, our place, hotel) leave the next day 😅 As where my spouse says "well friends stay over don't they? How do you have the "F" to WB if you don't do things to be friends?" Lol

Anyways, we have a second room, twin sized bed & our bedroom, queen sized bed. Our bed is MUCH more comfortable than the other rooms bed so I have offered it for her to sleep in when she's here but she had refused.

It's been a few months of us "seeing" each other here and there, at the start of us just conversing about opening up to the idea I discussed that IF we "bring things to our house, never in our room" Well he's asking if the 3 of us can sleep in our bed. I mentioned what I had said about our bedroom early on and he said "not for play, just for sleep!" I told him to not expect me to feel any different but to give me a few days to think about it. Not because I NEED to think about changing my mind, because I'm not open to that. But because I'm not sure how to word it without sounding..... petty? I say this because we have a VERY large living room, and one of the times we brought our large mattress out there for well, the obvious due to space 😅 (okayed by FWB! She loved the idea!) And that was one of my spouses points ("well, we have already done the deed together on the mattress, I don't understand") my problem is, I want ONE area in my house, where I can close my eyes at night that the three of us have not been together (sleeping or playing) it's not the mattress itself! 😅 it's my room! He also brought up "you also already offered her to sleep in there by herself so what's the difference?"

So I'm trying to find a way to say "i want my room to be free of the THREE of us being in together so I have my safe space" without sounding petty or cold? Or is that a good enough explanation? Because back when we had discussed it way before anything ever grew from it and was just a discussion of what we felt comfortable with if we did open the relationship, I wasn't just speaking on play and I even said that- no play or sleeping together in there and he said that was fine. But I feel he thinks I'm being ridiculous over it because "it's just a room" but to me, it's MORE than "just a room". I just don't know how to articulate it.

Hello, I was told to post in this sub for advice. So about a month ago my wife told me that she is not in love with me anymore but she still loves me and considers me her best friend. We have been together for 20 years and have 4 kids under 15. She said that we should see other people since we are not meeting each others needs. We should stay in our house but date others outside of our relationship. We have been going through some really hard times over the past couple of years and I have been trying my hardest to make this marriage work. Has opening up your marriage helped any of you to make your marriage better? I feel like this is then end of ours but I am still holding out hope that we can turn it around. Thanks

My primary partner is currently on a date (at least, I think it’s a date) with his ex, and I’m feeling anxious about it. I just came back from a three-week work trip to another continent, and though we spent a very nice evening together yesterday, and I received a lot of love from him, I feel a bit hurt that he’s with her now, right after I just landed. It feels especially painful since, in the past, when we were 'just dating', he “chose” this person over me and distanced himself to be with her. What he then said about her still lingers in my memory: "but Kaleido, what I feel for X, I have never felt something like that before".

This ex also used to struggle with significant mental health issues (BPD), which makes the situation feel more complicated for me. He told me he sometimes checks in with her to make sure she’s doing okay. While I find that very caring and admirable of him, I worry that she’ll come to see him as an anchor again—or someone to receive care from—which could lead to him distancing himself from me again or even to our relationship ending.

I feel like I need reassurance from him when this date (?) is over, but I’m unsure how to ask for it without sounding jealous or needy. I also don’t know if he understands that this is a bit difficult for me. We had a miscommunication about my arrival date, and when he mentioned he had planned this evening with her, I immediately said, “just keep it like that; you haven’t seen her for so long,” without him even offering to change plans. But deep down, I felt - and feel - quite a bit of fear around this.

How should I approach this? Should I not mention it at all and just wait and see what the future brings? We are planning on moving in together. But what if he, for the second time, decides that she should be his primary?

My fiancé (M35) and I (F32) have been together 3 years. We had a great sexual relationship for about a year. About 2 years ago, his libido completely dropped. (I think it’s from excessive drinking, but who knows.) We have sex every couple of weeks, but I have a very high libido and I’m constantly sexually frustrated. Our sex is okay, but it seems to have a lot of baggage now. I feel like he’s only doing it because I want to, not because he desires me. I want to be desired. He won’t go to a doctor to get his hormone levels checked, but he has been taking over the counter testosterone. My sexual needs aren’t being met. He’s my best friend, but I’m very apprehensive to enter into a “friend zone” marriage. (Background, I was in a 10 year marriage without sexual chemistry.) I have approached the topic of non monogamy with him before. He doesn’t want to open it up because he feels like he’ll be too jealous. We have a couples therapy session tonight. It’s our first session. How can I approach the subject there? Should I even try? Thanks!

After a bad experience with my husband and NRE we added to our agreement that there must be at least 7 days in between dates with the same person. Yesterday he tells me that he has planned a second date for this Thursday with the same person he had a date with Sunday. He has acknowledged that he knows it is a violation of our agreement and has justified it as he doesn't view it as a date just going out with a new friend. At the very least I know it's very dishonest of him. Am I overreacting thinking this is cheating because he's knowingly breaking our agreement?

Looking to hear from those that have what they call a primary partner and have a dadt or parallel type agreement in which they do not discuss.

1. why did the two of you decide on this agreement?
2. is it working? Why/why not
3. what are your boundaries?

I’m reposting this here since /relationship sub Reddit keeps deleting it .

I (M29) and my wife (F24) have been together for 7 years. We have two kids and share a strong, healthy relationship. I was her first in nearly every aspect, and we’ve always supported each other’s growth in our careers, friendships, and personal goals.

Since the beginning of our relationship, I’ve noticed that my wife has always had a significant attraction to women. She’s not sure whether this attraction is platonic or sexual and questions whether she’s drawn to specific features or the whole experience.

Recently, she asked me what I would think about a threesome. We talked about it over a few days, and I asked her how she envisioned it and with whom. She surprised me by mentioning several friends from her circle. She’s unsure how she’d react—whether she’d feel jealous if I got physical with someone else or if she could handle those emotions.

I’m also conflicted. While we have a strong marriage and I’m happy she’s been open with me, I have no experience with situations like this. I’m worried about damaging our relationship with the third person or, worse, harming our marriage. I do want her to explore this side of herself and am glad she wants me involved, but I want to protect what we have.

For context, our sex life is great, and we make an effort to keep it exciting. She mentioned that a random encounter, like hiring a stripper, wouldn’t work for her—it would need to be with someone she trusts. This raises the question: would involving a friend be wise or a huge mistake?

So, I’m turning to the community for advice:

•	Should I consider going through with this?
•	How can we approach this without risking our marriage?
•	Is involving a friend a viable option, or should I say no?
•	Has anyone experienced something similar, and what did you learn from it?

I’m not bisexual and also would never want an open marriage. We’ve briefly discussed polygamy, but I’m concerned about what would happen if we added someone permanently and I didn’t connect with them. I know I’m overthinking it, but I love my wife and want to make the best decision for both of us.

I finally feel at peace and optimistic in my journey. 26F, married with kids to a monogamous M. I began solo exploring ENM earlier this year. Meeting people in LA and figuring out my preferred dynamic, on top of all the inherent intricacies of ENM, have been really challenging. Some days I questioned whether I was cut out for it and felt frustrated by all the ghosting, dull convos, and crap dating apps. I was so set on finding a strictly romantic partner until I opened up to FWBs and I hit the partner lottery with three amazing and consistent guys who I feel so valued with. I couldn’t be happier. If you’re in a rut with your journey, just know it gets better!

Been talking to my girlfriend about opening up our relationship for a few years, taking it slow as she wasn't really ready and didn't want to push her.

We've made small steps where she is happy for her pictures to be shared, happy to receive some pics in return and talk about said pics. She's also happy using toys to simulate a threesome/moresome.

I've managed to get her to a point of opening up and talking to a guy in the lifestyle and sexting which is a massive step for us but everyone we're coming across just seems to either be a timewaster or think with their dick and can't hold a conversation.

Is there anywhere good to find someone that would be interested? Someone that can hold a conversation and not just go 0-100 in 3 seconds?!

Apokogies if I chose the wrong flair.

My partner [25M] wants a threesome, I [22F] expressed interest as well but in the beginning stages of our relationship but then there was cheating and now I don't know if I'd be capable of staying with him after the fulfillment of that due to my own insecurities, I feel like I am not enough for him but that clashes heavily with my want to also experience this, I feel most comfortable with maybe just me and a friend giving him a blow job together but don't know if it counts, thinking about the planning lead me to think about what he would feel if he'd learn to prefer her over me (she's more experienced) my sexual ptsd makes actual sex almost impossible (we're working on it) I feel extremely incompetent for him and would rather him be happy and fulfilled even at the expense of my personal emotions, does getting blown by two girls count as a threesome and should I go through with it knowing the damage it'll cause, he may not get another girl I'm open to alot and he has expressed its difficult to find someone like that but idk should I stay where it is with the ground crumbling with insecurities or should I bite the bullet and give him the best I can? I am afraid of losing this man but i would do just about anything to please him.

I very recently broke up with my long-term nesting partner (9 years together) and I’m navigating the intense post-breakup anxiety and sadness. I have one other partner (2 years together) who has in the last couple months start seeing someone new. So I’m experiencing the double-whammy of breakup feelings and fear of being abandoned. My nervous system is fried and has me totally convinced I will be replaced by this new person. I’m also struggling with feeling like my insecurities are “too much” for my current partner and will drive them away.

Has anyone navigated this before? What helped? Any advice?

I've posted this on r/polyamory as well:

Hello y'all! I'm new here, and I have a question for my disabled baddies. If you are disabled and especially if your levels of energy and or pain fluctuates a bunch so planning is almost impossible. What is your experience with polyamory/ENM and do you have any recommendations? And what about my covid conscious people how far has it been to make connections in the last years?

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to answer :)

We started a little over a year on this journey of what we will call the hot wife journey. Initially we thought maybe swinging would be for us at which point we both were open and excited to the situation. We never really hit it off with any other couples though where swinging would benefit us both. Either he would be into them but I wasn’t into their partner or vice versa.

He’s always really enjoyed the idea/kink of hotwifing and he wants to what he says ‘share me’ with others. It’s his kink we started and initially got into. I was a bit timid at first, but honestly as we got into I enjoyed myself as well. Granted for different reasons and on a different spectrum of enjoyment than what he experiences.

We check in with each other a lot. We talk a lot about how we’re feeling, etc. He’s “allowed” me to be a bit more solo but at the end of the day it’s always been that he’s involved in some way and that he either wants to be there in person to see me intimate with someone or he gets videos. The more I’ve gone on in the lifestyle, the more I find that I don’t exactly enjoy being a “Hotwife.” I feel like a piece of meat. I feel like all of my interactions with said men is just for his enjoyment to watch at the end of the day. I personally like to get to know people, I like to have a connection with someone before I become intimate with them. In a sense, I kind of feel like he has allowed me to date and I’m OK to go out and be on my own for a bit, but then I’m supposed to somehow bring it back full circle and have these said men be filmed or allow my husband to join.

A few of the first times I did meet with people, we did initially have my husband join and meet them first, but didn’t do that for long as we actually kind of flip-flopped that a bit because my husband is also very talkative (where I’m super shy) and the conversations would just end up the men talking and me sitting in the corner, wondering why I even showed up. At which point then I’m also not connecting with that person, so I guess it’s on where I’ve been dating and then if we click eventually, and I become intimate with them I end up doing videos for the husband. But also the more I go on, the more I struggle finding people who actually want to stick around and play or participate.

I’d love to be apart of a FWB situation, but even that is hard to find and finding someone who wants all the drama of this situation just never seems to happen or stick. We also live in a small populated town; options are limited of people who are in the lifestyle. Being attracted to someone, finding someone who wants to be a part of this, AND openly communicates are very slim to none. Which OK fine, you just don’t find anybody for a while. OK live and learn. My thing is a lot of men don’t necessarily wanna waste their time on someone in the lifestyle. They’d rather just find somebody they don’t have to bother with, who doesn’t have a husband, who doesn’t make them feel like a third wheel, kinda triple situation, who doesn’t make them feel like a piece of meat. I realize it’s supposed to be a ‘me and him thing.’ I guess I don’t exactly know where I’m going with this.

I believe I’ve leaned always leaned slightly more open, ethical non-monogamy than a swinger or hotwife/kink situation. In all my initial readings of everything I personally lean towards poly and I hate saying the word poly because we are not poly. I’m not looking for a full on poly relationship, but yeah I wanna get to know somebody so I do want a relationship. To me a FWB is that, but a little bit more simple in my opinion. A straight hotwife situation just feels too transactional for my expectations of connecting with someone, and I still very much want that.

I also don’t really want to give up what I’ve tasted and very much have come to enjoy. but if my husband doesn’t, that’s the communication factor and nobody’s happy and then it’s well, “Do you want that or do you wanna divorce?”

We’ve been together for over 13 years now, neither of us us want a divorce, we are overall happy together. My husband has some downfalls where I feel like this whole situation has made me a little bit more sexual than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I was always such a quiet, in the box/shy-type. This has just allowed me to explore an area of me that I didn’t even know existed, I’m just at a standstill though of what to do. Husband feels like he’s getting pushed out more and more.

Sidenote for everyone wondering, he’s very much able to have his own own thing and openly date if he wants to. He actually hasn’t had many pickings, people don’t usually pick him, but also it’s slim pickings for men in any open relationship type. And I get that, so he says he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want anyone else but me, which makes me feel very much like his porn star. I don’t want to be his fucking porn star. I’ve had a taste of the lifestyle. I feel like, I say my points of where I’m at and what I’d like and he says his points of what he wants and we never truly meet in the middle.

It’s also a matter of I’m not a super argumentative person. I just don’t know how else to explain to him where I’m at. I do want a form of an open relationship. But because we can’t see eye to eye, at the end of the day, we should close it shut. I’ll be slightly dismayed and sad that the whole situation is ending and just shove it up my ass and move the fuck on. I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m at anymore and I feel like what happiness I did find in the lifestyle, I can no longer have. I need to close and forget about whatever existed because we really don’t see eye to eye anymore. Where I just don’t know how to present what I’m feeling to him any other way or he doesn’t know how to present it to me. We just, see 25% my way, 25% his way and nowhere near close enough to be something in the middle of what we each want.

My wife and I have been together for 14 years and married for 9. I'm 13 years older and was previously married. Early on, I told her I believed monogamy was unnatural and enjoyed variety, which is why my first wife and I divorced. She was initially shocked but explored alternative lifestyles with a therapist, and we eventually began swinging together.

We eased into the lifestyle and took breaks, especially when we had a child. Over time, we transitioned from couples to singles, mostly men, as I enjoyed MFM dynamics and hotwifing. We were clear that we weren’t interested in polyamory.

Finding consistent partners has been challenging, but we finally met a single guy we both liked. He and my wife really connected, and we all got along well. Over the months, I noticed he was developing feelings, and I grew concerned. We took a short break, and I met with him, at my wife’s request, alone to set boundaries, which we all agreed on.

However, their connection continued to deepen, and I now feel they’re in love. While the physical side never bothered me, the emotional closeness between them has been hard to handle.

Now my wife has expressed that she wants to try polyamory and explore this path more. She’s even encouraged me to seek another partner, likely to ease her guilt, but I'm not interested in polyamory. At this point I feel like I opened Pandora’s box and can’t go back to how it was. I’ve since made the choice to myself out there, going on dates, and being open to meeting someone. However I still hold a ton of resentment and negative feelings, to the point where I can’t stand when they are together or out alone. I’m trying my best because I’ve always seen myself as “evolved” but I guess I never thought it would come to this.

I’m struggling with this situation and could use some outside perspective.