My father is a quarter native American from a southern CA tribe. He had been telling me my whole life that there is an ongoing lawsuit to get my elder sister and I a tribal number. I was raised by my white mother, and I am completely disconnected from my tribe and herritage. My mother was and is abusive and my ex husband manipukated me and finacially and emotionally abused me and convinced me that I we couldn't afford to drove out to visit the reservation because gas and rent were too expensive. I tried reaching out online to my tribes facebook page multiple times over the years, and I never got a reply.

I never felt like I would be accepted by people who live on a res without a tribal number as my native features are so diluted, and I had zero knowledge of my culture. On top of the fact that my grandfather was kicked out of the tribe long before I was ever born. Ot came out that he did some unforgivable things that I feared would be all people could see when they looked at me. I was so desperate for that sense of community and belonging, but I never felt like anyone would care to take the time to teach me. I feared that all they would see is a white washed version of my grandfather. Recently, my father panicked and texted me, asking for my tribal number.

I was completely shocked. I wrote back asking what he was talking about . He said that he needed the tribal number because my elder sister needed it to fix her teeth. I am in my early 30s now, and I had no idea that she had a tribal number or that the lawsuit had ended. I asked my dad about it and asked if I had a tribal number, too, and when I had the fight to get my sister and I into the tribe had been won? He said that we had 1 tribal number for the both of us to share. He told me to ask my older sister if I wanted the number and won't answer my questions regarding the number and whether or not I am a recognized member of our tribe. My elder sister has since gone no contact with me. And she is supposedly low contact with my dad.

Is there a way for me to gain more knowledge on my status as a native? Are there ways to connect with my tribe's community without me ever knowing if I have a tribal number or not?

Edit: Tried to fix some spelling and grammatical errors. I also would like to say that I was very emotional when I wrote this post, and honestly, I still am. I am sorry for the typos.

Edit 2:

I noticed that my post has been deleted. I wish that someone would have told me why. I read the rules prior to posting this, and the only rule that I appear to be in violation of is the one about not posting personal info. As that rule is not elaborated on, I thought that that rule was in reference to things like location, names, addresses, and similar personal info. I am sorry if I misunderstood the rules and for posting if I am in violation of any of them.