‏السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته May Allah SWT bless all of you

So long story short I 19M like a sister who is 21f, we had a couple classes together and have been involved in a lot of MSA ( Muslim student association) activities in the past 1.5 years but never had a conversation just a few word exchanges

Now these feelings I have I want to get rid of them and after this goes up I am going to call her brother as I am friend with him and ask if she is interested.

Whatever Allah SWT gives me is the best choice. All I ask is what are your thoughts and anyone who got married in college or have a age gap to this explain how it went for you inshallah

For a little more context I do have a job ‏الحمد لله and can provide but have 5 semesters left of college as she is set to graduate in 1 more semester inshallah

As Salaam Alaikum,

How was the experience? What did you learn?

What helped you both to coexist peacefully regardless of the difference?

This question is especially for those women who didn't have financial problems or didn't have many financial problems.

I've not planned how to structure this, it might be a bit all over the place.

I'm a 29M, Pakistani born in England.

I've been living with this 'burden' for a while and I need a platform to express myself. I have never opened up to family or friends about issues I've struggled with in the past, I find it embarrassing and wouldn't ever want someone who loves me to worry about my struggles/challenges.

I'm struggling to find a spouse. There's a lot going through my mind right now, apologies if parts do not make sense. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or hope on here but at the very least I'm hoping sharing on here would somewhat make it easier for me going forward.

I've always had issues with self confidence and tend to overthink things which may explain the below.

When I was at college/university, many of my friends were in relationships. However, I was never interested in speaking to women at that stage of my life as I was not in a position to speak to their fathers/family. I did not want to waste anyone's time or have someone wait for me, without knowing when I'd get a job/save. I knew it would make me feel guilty/eat at my self consciousness if I held someone back and asked them to wait for me. I was interested in a girl at the time but never pursued due to the above.

I then started working, Alhamdullilah I managed to secure a decent job which didn't exactly pay well but enough to get me off my feet and list a big firm on my CV. At 24, I just got caught up in the corporate world and the thought of marriage, subconsciously, rarely crosses my mind as I was fixated on my career and exams.

Plus I always thought, 'it would just happen' one day. My friends encouraged me to create Instagram account where I'd be able to potentially meet my spouse but the concept of Instagram just does not sit well with me and approaching a girl via DMs, always felt cheap to me.

When I turned 27, I left the role above and moved to another big 4 firm as I wanted a change in career but I was out of a job for almost a year between the two roles which meant a lot of my savings were used to maintain my life.

When I started my new job, my parents were more vocal about me getting married and initially I did not want to meet anyone through my parents however told them I was happy for them to ask around. At this point, I also created profile on the likes of Muzz, Salaams and Hinge.

I was hopeful of finding someone via the apps however I've not had any luck for two years for various reasons. I'm short, 5'6, which I've accepted puts a lot of women off and subsequently makes the pool of women I have access to even smaller. On these apps when I match someone, I either find there's a personality clash, at time I don't enjoy the conversation or feel the woman I'm speaking to is not fully interested me as there's no flow to the convo/I receive dead replies or sometimes it just comes down to deal breakers.

My main deal breakers are: zina, drugs, shisha, alcohol and revealing/unmodest clothing. Please do not advise me on compromising on my deal breakers as that's not the reason why I'm here.

I've also been attending Muslim marriage events but similar to above I find either women are not interested in me or if I do match with someone it does not last long.

One girl I met told me I was and I quite "too respectful". This may be because I don't flirt with women/ask for pictures as I think it's inappropriate and would like to avoid haram as much as possible.

Another girl, we agreed to meet up for a coffee but on the day she blocked me on Whatsapp. Another girl we met up, went for food and afterwards she text me saying she had a good time but following evening she just did not respond to me. I text her few days later to see if she was okay or just was not interested however I never got a response.

I know I probably should not say this however I feel like I've lost hope. Like everything else in my life, it just seems it's not written for me or I have to struggle to attain it.

Whether it's because I'm short, introverted, not flirtatious, maybe my job is not good enough for them, maybe I'm picky when it comes to looks, maybe I just don't have a great personality, 'too nice' which puts in the friend zone....I just don't know what it is.

It's hard, like I said I never open up to anyone ever. Now, I'm just tired. Tired of being lonely, tired of not being able to have someone I can speak to about what's going on in my head and tired of being turned down which has further impacted my confidence. My siblings/friends are all married and have children and it's the most beautiful and heartwarming sight to see. I yearn for that too.

Assalamualaikum

I am talking to this girl. We like each other, and has decided to marry in near future.

Recently, she asked me for some money, for her extra educational expenses (a project). She mentioned that she cannot ask her father for help as he is already dealing with the financial pressures of running the household.

Is it a red flag? I would love to help her. But this doesnt sit right with me.

I really like her. She appears to be an ideal partner for me. I would have never hesitated to help her if she was my mehram. But being a na mehram, is it really appropriate to ask for money?

(Please don't criticize regarding talking with a na mehram, I am already working on it and we have lessened our interactions and don't advise on marrying her asap, I have few things to sort out first, before sending a proposal to her family, trying my best)

Edit: She didn't directly ask me for the money. She expressed that she is in trouble and out of money. I asked her if she needs it? She said yes, and she will pay me off if I could lend her some (she doesn't earn).

Famous prayer and verse from the Quran on which Musa (as) got a source of livelihood and spouse.

Scholar Ibrahim Dewla commented on the verse:

“When we ask from Allah, we ask with etiquette (adab) and humility.

"My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need”. (28:24)

It’s not that Musa (as) started dictating or ordering that I want this, I want this etc.”.

This was Musa's humility (as).

Because he didn’t ask what he thought was good for himself but asked for the ‘good’ Allah deems for him. He yielded his judgment before Allah’s.  

This is a lesson for men and women.

Truly we don’t know what is good for us.

Some people will say they will only marry this specific individual or else they will be unhappy. Or they have narrow and fixated criteria that mislead them.

One never knows that this individual being infatuated with is detrimental to one’s world and hereafter.

This is also a caution for people who are rigid and lack flexibility.  

A rigid person feels entitled while a flexible person is humble.

As salam 3aleikom

I am a 29 year old woman, living in France, converted to Islam a few months ago. I already had, of course before converting, romantic relationships and a married life which lasted 6 years before ending. Obviously since my conversion, I have not been dating any man outside my family and I am thinking more and more about marriage, because I feel alone and lacking affection.

Unfortunately, I was diagnosed and found to have a disability with borderline/borderline personality disorder (borderline personality disorder/BPD). So I fear that I will never find my other half because of this because I cannot hide this during Muqqabalah. This then risks generating a lot of rejection. May Allah help me.

What is your opinion on this? Would this be a prohibitive criterion for you?

Hello, I had an arranged marriage with a guy from Pakistan. He arrived to the UK on a spouse visa. Since the time of my marriage, I wasn't happy.At times, I felt it was bcoz of black magic and other times, I thought I rushed into it. When my spouse entered the UK,my family decided to send him away to a different city just to give me more time and to improve things. He lived and worked down South for two years. My family took my permission and we called him to come and stay with me because it had been a long time and this issue was getting way too dragged. It has been 1 year 4 months since the time he came over. I have kissed and hugged him but haven't had any physical relationship with him. I also don't share the same room with him. I just cant get myself to have sex with him. I have started to realise that I may be asexual. He obviously wants a relationship and at times he does get sexually frustrated but I am helpless. My family doesn't know that I sleep in a separate room. I don't know what to do. I feel guilty and regretful because I know this is a sin. If I had known before marriage that I am asexual, then I would not have consented. He deserves better than me because he has been very patient and understanding. He hasn't complained about me to anyone for which I will always be grateful. I don't think people from Pakistan understand the concept of asexuality so even if i tell him,he won't understand. I am very stressed and depressed. Please can someone advice

i am not married yet and am wondering what to expect if i do get married inshallah.

So to those who never got married for whatever reasons.

How’s things going? Does it get worst or easier?

Does the need/want to get married ever fade.

Before I start, I have Tawakkul and complete faith in Allah, I know he has chosen this test for me and I accept it, in fact I should be grateful as I have seen much more difficult tests, we are just human at the end of the day and all have a desire, I’m actually looking for more of a support group/ideas on how to pass time, I do spend most of my free time in the Masjid, try to pray all 5 there, but still a lot of free time for thoughts, friends are all married etc so I don’t want to be a bother to them.

I am a 31 year old male, 5th generation South Asian descent, living in an African country, but South Asian Cultures never die, I am the only son, living in a tiny town, a screw doesn’t get tightened in the house without me having to do it, living even nearby is not an option because from my mum there is no middle ground, it’s either I get disowned or bring her a free maid, heck even her paid maids can’t handle working for her and get changed super often (I’m not publishing dirty laundry) just explaining my situation and again I know there is worst out there.

So I have chosen (with Allahs guidance) to not get married, I have had the dreams interpreted by various people, it hurts, but our only mission is to please Allah, this world is just temporary.

The thing is .. time just doesn’t pass, I live in a small town where all the Muslims are married so I don’t want to end up being in the way, and either way friends have all abandoned their parents and gotten married, they will keep on putting pressure on me to do the same, it’s not something I will do, Muslims are a minority and the rest are Non Muslims, don’t want to be socialising with the wrong crowd and end up doing wrong things, their idea here is alcohol.

Sorry for the long post, I guess the pain is a little extra today, any support groups out there ?

If you were interested in a revert sister (or the other way around if a sister wants to contribute) and you liked her character, matched your level of deen, there is attraction. You have interest in marrying the sister.

But her family in general is pretty liberal, but some members are very very extreme liberal.

Pro LGBTQ in general, supports minor physical gender transition, dressing almost naked, some members being in support of things like O##y F##s, encouraging LGBTQ for minors, saying, in support of N#dism.

I want to get married but my family is liberal and one family member is really extreme and I am scared no one will want to marry me because of it. So if your In law family (and MIL for some of the more out there points) was like some of my points mentioned, would it turn you away from marrying the revert woman?

Yesterday, we had an argument about my cousin’s marriage and she was really mad over it and I was pretty much being a cold-hearted idiot while she was ranting, because sometimes it’s really difficult for me to show emotions considering I grew up in a toxic environment and emotions was like a taboo there. Anyway, she got pissed and then refused to even hold my hand which for some reason I interpreted as her going through a panic episode and I… held her hand a bit tight. Even when she was pulling her hand as hard as she can away from me, I held on. Later on, we went for dinner and that’s where she started to say that if I really were to care for her then I wouldn’t force myself on her and that I use her as a toy to get myself relieved of which I don’t agree whatsoever. Anyway, I got her going to sleep that night and since I live quite far away from her dorm and mine already closed, I stayed at the library. Now while I was there, I listened to her letting all out about how much people don’t like her and that I pretend that I care & all I do is an act whereas I genuinely like to do stuff but the money is where I am always stuck unfortunately. So anyway, I spent the night at the library till almost midday, came back to my dorm and dozed for about three hours only to wake up to a couple missed calls and texts where she was where I was and to not come to her ever again. Now since I was mentally exhausted and didn’t want to show it to her, I typed out saying that I slept and was sorry to not informing. Then she called me at least 2-3 times but I didn’t want to talk at the time not because I don’t like her or so but my social and emotional tanks were bone-dry. Like I don’t know how to explain this but sometimes I get drained off and for that I need some space and time alone, which I never told her because I was afraid she would misunderstand me. Back to the afternoon, I finally answered one call and she asked whether I want my stuff back from her or not: this was the second time she asked this in the relationship ever. Now with me giving up all hope, I asked whether she wants to be with me or not to which I got “you don’t care”. I said that I respect her decision and accordingly, will come and take them myself. Hearing this, she started ranting to me about how I’m careless and am ready to sink the relationship down under but the damn truth it’s difficult to get my emotions together and I was already feeling numb at the time. I asked her please let me be by myself and ended the call, until that time she blocked and deleted our chat on Whatsapp, blocked me on instagram and tiktok. I still had her telegram and just decided to ask her wrist size for a bracelet that she always wanted. Then she said to never text her again as she broke up with me with the reason of me being careless and not putting efforts in anything for us. I tried to reason and then at that moment I reminded her that I loved her and still do & would respect any decision she makes and would be too privileged to have her with me after all this. She blocked after those messages. So apart from texting her on her number, I don’t have any other option of contacting. So in conclusion, is there anything that I can do to save everything or is it too late beyond salvation? I just don’t want to lose since she was the one who was there for me the most when my dad passed away and I love her with all my life. Please advise what could really help. Thanks…

I’m meeting a potential tomorrow and I have no idea what to say or do. I (21F) have never actually met a potential, only online and they have only spoken to my mother…anyway I just have no idea what to ask him or if I even ask him anything. For context this is the first time I’m meeting him and we have never spoken. A family friend heard that he was looking for a spouse and let my mother know. And here we are with a little tea gathering for us to meet. I’ve only seen one picture of him, but he’s 31. Plz send your experiences or advice

I’m a 25-year-old man who moved to a Western country to study and work. I recently met a 26-year-old woman, and we’ve been getting along really well. She shared with me that she was married before, from the age of 20 to 24 (no kids), but got divorced because her ex-husband was having a party lifestyle while she wanted a more family-oriented life.

Now, I feel indecisive about whether to move forward with this relationship. If I do, should I tell my family that she was previously married? In my home country, divorced women often face judgment, so I’m unsure how they would react.

Salam,

I hear this all the time, but want to hear some further explanations and reasonings behind this.

Anyone got any stories or points related to this?

Salam, I just have a question that I feel some sisters may have also experienced?

My family is fine with ‘finding your own person’ but in order to do that, I need to speak to men…but the guilt is there because i don’t want to do anything that could be taken wrongly. I also don’t add men on my social media so it’s conflicting?

I also know I’d want my family involved from the start but if it goes wrong then I don’t want blame.

Involving parents from the start is an idea but then if something off putting occurs, I have to justify it to them too and it can strain the relationship - particularly with my mum. I say this because my mum had a few matches she was insistent upon but my dad shut them down after speaking to me (I was not ready). I know she really wants me to get married but I’ve always had my family support when I was younger so she backed away. I’m scared if I speak to people, then say no she’s gonna use it as a ‘you can’t find your own, let me find you a match’ . This terrifies me because I’ve seen what has happened first hand when ppl close to me agreed to these parent matches. None of them are still together but the few self chosen ones are thriving.

Any advice is appreciated!

I'm 28 yo, I currently make 3K$ a month (net), and I feel so far behind. I feel old and super poor lol.

Life is so expensive nowadays, things are going so fast that "lifetime career" don't really exist nowadays. I spend my nights learning about AI in order to not get replaced by technology. And also because I hate working for a boss and feel like I can get fired anytime out of nowhere, I'm trying to build my own businesses.

But of I'm so afraid of poverty that I don't wanna get married. While being single I can do whatever to save money. I even had thoughts of living in my car just to save even more lol... With a wife ? Forget that.
Now I think I'm going to try to make € and $ money 100% digitally and then move to a country where life isn't that expensive, a small village somewhere in Asia, so I can save even more and invest that into crypto / stocks etc... If I have a wife, taking her with me far away from her family would be also difficult.

So yeah, on one hand I wanna build my life with a life-partner, build our house together etc... But at the same time I'm too afraid she would just dump me to someone richer.

Anyway, how much were you making / had saved before getting married ?

For now, I really can't imagine myself having to provide home + food + clothing + activities to my future wife FOR LIFE. Sure, for a year or two during pregnancy / birth. But for life ? I mean with my current salary I'll just have to work 24/24 if I have to provide for 2

Ive went very hard on my search irl. Ive done it mostly for Allah so i can have a better network. I know many people and many imams. Elhamdulillah I had at least 5 proposals now. The problem is they are very traditional and want to marry in traditional way. I talk to the girl in her father’s presence for 30 mins-1 hour and I decide. They say in islam theres no test drive. You get married for the sake of Allah and do tawakkul.

Has anyone married like this? Did it work? Im so afraid to go this way tbh.But this is also the right way Islamically…

I feel like the answer to this is so obvious but it definirely needs some discussion. So many men watch porn and it’s perhaps something they’d never tell a potential because they’re ashamed of it. I’ve always been against porn and saw it as a dealbreaker but now I’m starting to think differently. Like of course I don’t want my husband to be watching it but if I do help them change then id be rewarded for that iA and also it’ll help them improve as an individual. so when it comes to potentials, is it worth trying to help them change and bring them closer to Islam because or should you just reject them? Im coming from the idea that if you and your potential spouse do something that brings you closer to Allah then Allah will bring you two closer to each other. Y’all might downvote me for this but tbh i don’t care lol just tryna see other people opinions.

Hi. I'm a 21y/old girl and I'm currently completing my bachelors. My family got a proposal for me from our family friends. The family lives outside, the guy is decent and sweet and somehow my dad's favourite. Not only that but recently in an interaction, my elder sister and my younger brother had multiple discussions with him and are impressed by his view points. My sister talked to me about him and mentioned how gem of a person he is and how he has already achieved so much success in his career at a young age. And how he's a perfect match since I always wanted to continue my studies abroad. But the only problem is that I'm taller than him and somehow this is a problem for me. Bec of having an exceptional height, I've always dreamed of a tall 6'2 muscular husband and not someone who's 5'7. My sister says Allah created him in that way and he has no control over his height which is true and the fact that everything about this proposal is perfect but I don't wanna achieve things in my career by using a man or get married to someone only because he's promising me a luxurious future. I'm too confused, what if I get married to him and my friends make fun of me for being tall? And if I don't, what if I never get such a good proposal? I'm confused.

Should I judge a proposal on physical criterias?

I need an outside opinion, so bear with me a bit. I'm a 29 years old woman that belongs to a certain tribe in Philippines. My father was contacted by his cousin who offered marriage between his son and me. His son is 26 and didn't finish college. I'm a college student and the guy is a business man. Everyone is telling me that I should grab the chance to get married to him. Cause if I don't, I won't be able to get married again to a decent muslim man cause all the decent muslim man wants a young woman that's not yet 30 or old as my dad calls it. I'm kind of pressured to get married because of those words. To make matter worse, he thinks I should bare his child immediately so that he doesn't think of divorcing me if in case we don't work our differences out. However, I don't want to get married because I'm scared no decent man will marry me once I hit the age 30. I'm scared he's right and telling the truth so I feel like, maybe I really should grab this chance, but at the same time, I feel like I won't be happy with him. When I spoke to him, he expressed that he wants a good domestic house wife who will serve him. And I'm not that. I told him I'm not that and he kind of demanded that I must change when we marry. My plan was before I heard of this arrangement was to work after college, to have my own career and be my own woman. But he clearly expressed he wants the opposite, which made me even more sure, that he's not the guy, but at the same time I'm scared of not being able to get married if I lose this chance. I'm not sure if rejecting this offer is right? Or are they right into me getting married as I am mature enough or "too ripe" as others say. So I'm hoping to find an outsider's opinion, unbiased by my family's nagging about me getting married even if I don't comfortable with the setting he wants.

Can any sister or brother share there experience of how their timeline is Different from the one set by society, and how everything fall right in place. In my life everything keep delayed At 26 I haven't found career path, late in marriage, late in studies, late in knowing about things beneficial for me.

I really wanna know if there are other people in life who are experiencing this or have experienced or Is it just me

Assalamualaikum. I'm a male, originally from Hyderabad, India, but I have been living in Ireland since 2023. I've been delaying marriage for the last five years, hoping to improve the condition of my life before I welcome another into it. First, it was to get to Ireland for a master's, while now it is to get a job.

I also have a considerable amount of educational debt, which I would like to partially pay back and collect enough for mehr and marriage before I get married. (I'm not interested in an extravagant wedding and would get it done with two pairs of clothes in a mosque.)

My friend suggests that there will never be an 'ideal' time to get married and I should rather get it done ASAP if I'm ready mentally(which I am). He argues that a girl/their family would wait for 6 months to a year (enough time to get a job) and seeking a compatible spouse would also take a considerable amount of time.

This post may sound like I'm seeking validation and maybe I am, but is seeking a marriage partner in my situation even moral? I've never been in any romantic relationship before and the closest female interactions are my single mother and a few cousins(I'm an only child). I think it's asking a lot of someone to wait for me to get married. I don't want to mislead anyone or ruin anyone's life.

Please advice. Jazakallahu Khairan.

I'm looking for advice, basically I want to pursue the route of a doctor but I am worried it will get in the way of my children in the future. I want to see how most of you balance life and make it work. If your wife is a doctor I'd appreciate that too

keeping in mind that if I do end up pursuing the route of a doctor, I'll be later than most people

If you look at my history on reddit, you will not understand where I am in life so.. let me explain and maybe someone can help me.

I am a revert, did it for the sake of Allah, not for a man. But there was a man who influenced me (showing how he was a moslim). After around 5 years on and of I ended it.

He figured out I was seriously moving on with my life, he tried to contact me, but i did not respond, thinking that he will be better of alone.

Like in the movies, he stood infornte of my door demanded to talk to me. He give me a whole speech about the anxiety he had, the night of lost sleep and loss of interest in life because I left. Standing there with a ring in his hand. Proposing to get married as soon as he could find an imaam who is free. He did not need time to have discussions about the future, he told his family back home, his mind is made up it's me who he wants. I said yes, and now the ring is on my hand waiting to get the nikah done.

But there is the problem. I want to have a nikah, I do not want the official courthouse marriage. The courthouse marriage is not in my advantage as I am part student. Here (in belgium) by law you need to get married first in the courthouse, it's more like signing a document, after that they allow you to do it religiously. This is for all religions the same.

So a lot of imaams are working a normal job beside being imaam. And most of them do not want to give a nikah contract, a certificate, because of this legal issue.

Anyway my question, on what level does the no contract or no certificate a bad thing? Does anyone who lives in Belgium know an imaam who can help? Is this trend on tiktok "online nikah" a real thing? Is it even allowed?

Bismillah

Asalam o Alaikum

I've been thinking on these phrases recently that people say a lot, and I've had a insight. The phrases normally are:

"I've accepted that marriage isn't written for me in this life" or "deep down I know I'll die alone / won't get married ever."

I just want to say, I didn't know Allah gave you the power to know the future and knowledge of the unseen.

I mean why else would you say that? Because us normal people don't have those powers, and so we can't ever be certain.

Now I don't know Fiqh that well to say conclusively, but this does feel a little like shirk. Because only Allah knows the knowledge of the unseen and the future for certain.

And also, what will you say to Allah on the day of judgment? Because normally a person could say "Ya Allah I kept trying till the day I died and I put the rest in your hands." Which explains them

But what about people who say this? They can't even say they tried because they gave up. And for what? Something they don't even know. Because of just a whisper of shaytan.

And what does that say about your imaan? That you believe Allah, the most powerful/ most compassionate/ most generous, isn't capable of blessing you with a good spouse? I think marriage should be the least of your concerns.

InshAllah this reality check reaches the people it needs to. I've went through the same issue, and this really helped me

(Before anyone says, yes I know some people just have very bad mental health which makes them think irrational things, I'm not talking about them. I'm talking to mentally well people who think like this)

may Allah bless you with a righteous, pious, virtuous, and beautiful spouse that is the coolness of your eyes and helps you attain peace. And may Allah make you into a riteous, pious, virtuous, beautiful spouse that is the coolness of your spouses eyes and helps them attain peace.

And may Allah help you get married in ease and may Allah help you get an early marriage in life. And may your marital bond be so strong that you become a better Muslim because of it. And may Allah make it so that you and your spouse are according to each others preferences and strengthen each other.

And may Allah help you have a happy and loving marriage in this life and the next. May Allah accept all of this for you. Aameen

Are most Muslim women open to using contraception such as IUD or birth control implant (not the pill since the pill has too many side effects)?

Or are they relying on the man to use the male contraception

Partners parents refuse to accept me

Assalamualaikum, I am in a 3 month relationship with a much younger partner. He is in Pakistan from a traditional Muslim family and is strong in his faith and commitment to Islam. We met online in a random discord group and connected over humour and common interests before knowing our ages and backgrounds. I live in South Africa, I am a divorcee and successful in my career. I'm spiritual and we have connected through discussions on faith and I am exploring Islam. Although our age difference is big, we are aligned in what we want for future and we would like to.meet in person with the intent of small Nikkah.

He currently lives with his mother and younger siblings and hold many of the house hold responsibilities that his father would (Father works overseas and is trying to apply for family visa to.move). My partner's uncle saw he was messaging someone and threatened to tell his parents. My partner had wanted to do this once his father's health was better. So news of me broke not in the best way. His parents have subsequently threatened to kick him out, remove him from.all family documents if he does not leave the idea of marrying me. They do not want to hear anything about me and have threatened it's either them or me. My partner does not want to leave me and desperately is.trying to convince them. I have tried to talk his older brother to no avail. My partner loves his family but says if they do not accept me he will.leave them. This is all very overwhelming and i feel guilt and confusion. I want to be with mynpartner and I don't want to cause his family to be broken apart.

Is there anything I can or should do from a cultural and religious perspective to show I am serious about their son?

As Salaamu Alaikum, everyone. I’ve been on this community for probs a month now but I wanted the advice of others. I am a Muslim south Asian born in the West so of course born into liberalism and culture as well when it comes into religion. I was not really practicing Islam but what I mean by this I wasn’t drinking or doing drugs and stuff, I mean just not praying 5 times a day kind of practicing I would occasionally do it (Jummah Prayer, Eid prayer, praying once a day kind of thing). I’ve started practicing more recently (6 years ago) when I started university and learnt more about Islam and Alhamdulillah has bettered my connection with Allah praying 5x a day. However, I still struggle with being lazy sometimes not often but very little. I want to improve this and In Shaa Allah it’ll prepare me for when I’m ready to take the next step in marriage. Currently right now I’m open to marriage but still working towards my career as I do want to focus on my Chartered qualification. But if anyone has similarly come from the same background and has improved their deen is their any tips that have helped you on your journeys?

(1) Scholar Tariq Jameel mentions:

"In Surah Shams, Allah didn't take one but seven oaths: (1) sun (2) moon (3) day (4) night (5) sky (6) earth (7) soul to mention this.

"Successful indeed the one who purifies their soul, and doomed is the one who corrupts it!"
(91: 9-10)

If you look in the whole Quran, for critical beliefs such as Monotheism and Prophethood, Allah didn't take many oaths as much as in this instance. Why? To indicate its importance. Because people usually are far more critical of others than themselves".

A husband can easily criticize his wife. A wife can easily criticize her husband. In-laws can easily criticize their daughter or son-in-law. A parent can easily criticize their child. A child can easily criticize their parent. A friend can easily criticize his/her friend. A person can easily criticize their relations.

"People spend the majority of their lives in their thoughts focusing on other people's faults when they are to enter the grave alone".

People claim to possess good character but lack the capacity to be critical of themselves.

(2) What will make an individual be self-critical? That is Taqwa.

"Referring to the verse:
"Successful indeed the one who purifies their soul, and doomed is the one who corrupts it!"
(91: 9-10)

A question arises how does one purify their soul? To answer this we have the supplication of Prophet (saw).

Prophet(saw) prayed "...O Allah, grant my soul a sense of righteousness (Taqwa) and purify it, for You are the best to purify it".
(Muslim 2722)

The Prophet (saw) prayed for 'Taqwa'. Per Prophet (saw)'s prayer, Taqwa is what purifies one's soul".

'Taqwa' means the fear of Allah which compels man or woman to self-critical. A man or woman's self-critical of themselves is not guided by capricious whims but by self-accountability to Allah.

(3) This is why 'Taqwa' is mentioned four times in verses from Quran in the marriage sermon (khutbah).

This is not to negate love completely but to show what is more important.

That self-accountability driven by fear of Allah not love contributes to the greatest success in marriage, and relationships. Both in the world and hereafter.

Salaam everyone - just for some context, I’m a 30 year old female Pakistani residing in Scotland. I have been approached multiple times at work etc for marriage. I often advise that people speak to my dad. I live with dad, brother and sister (I’m the eldest daughter). Every marriage proposal I get, my dad declines saying I’m not “domesticated” enough. I help out where I can but I’m not a stay at home person doing all the cooking and cleaning (I have a professional job alhamdulillah but plan on going part time after kids InshaAllah) I’m now 30 and people still approach but the numbers are declining.. I’ve even overheard my dad saying “you don’t want to have HER as a daughter in law”. He often compares me to my relatives as they work part time and do the cooking/cleaning all the time.. is marriage just cooking and cleaning?? Any advice? I don’t want to go against my dad (only parent left) and without him, I can’t marry (I know I can request another wali / ask my brothers but dad wouldn’t agree to that and would emotionally blackmail). I feel like “fertility” clock is on the back of my mind and I feel helpless and frustrated. I don’t want to live a life without a husband/children but I’m slowly coming around to the idea of just moving out and living by myself (which isn’t shariah complacent)

Any advice? Jazakhallah khair