So a lot of people i know from my environment got married early around 20-23 Especially since they happen to be my cousins and friends.

I’ve generally noticed that the process of getting married early is generally difficult or easy depending on your mothers efforts.

I believe this, because mothers with a more positive mindset of early marriage would usually put the effort to help out their sons out, (not necessarily financially), but to actually negotiate and communicate with the other family.

However my own mother doesn’t even try to do that, instead she just adds layers of complexity that isn’t even there.

For example I have a friend from school who happens to also be my neighbor, he got married around the age of 20.

And at one time he happens to be in the neighborhood with his wife and my mother just makes a condescending comment about his age that they both look like children, and it does not fit them to be married at this time…

Now I completely understand that sometimes people may not have the ability to actually get married because of the circumstances they go through. And that’s pretty valid.

But there are also other times where mothers don’t actually have a good reason to deny you of marriage and they just restrict you to their own demands and expectations.

And it’s pretty frustrating tbh

This to the brothers only. Those whose wife went through it or know someone who did.

1. What are some things you did to help ease the situation for yourself and your wife ?

2. What are some things your wife did that helped ease the situation for you and her?

3. What advice would you give to your fellow brothers in Islam?

4. What advice would you give to your fellow sisters in Islam?

Let's keep this civil and respectful.

If you haven't experienced ppd and don't know someone who did then don't comment.

(جَزَاكَ ٱللَّٰهُ خَيْرًا

To those who participate.

 السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

This is to the sisters who experienced PPD or not someone who experienced it.

1.What actions did you take that helped improve the situation for yourself?
2.What actions did your husband take that helped improve the situation for you?
3.What advice would you give to your fellow brothers in Islam?
4.What advice would you give to your fellow sisters in Islam?

Let's keep this civil and respectful.

If you haven't experienced ppd and don't know someone who did then don't comment.

(جَزَاكَ ٱللَّٰهُ خَيْرًا

To those who participate.

 السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

I mean, the search is getting quite hard for everyone as time goes by. And it will only get harder as social media gives us unrealistic standards and everyone choosing to delay marriage or just don’t like it. So far, I have had no chance in this platform yet, but what do I do?

At some point I have to do anything just to find that good spouse. Do I try these apps such as Muzz, Salams, etc?

Need some insight on this.

Jazakhallahu Khairan.

Assalamualaikum everyone I would like an advice for the following I'm looking for a man who is as religious as me . Atleast fulfilling the basics of Islam. In search of such a spouse, I found a man who likes me for my religiosity and wants to marry me for the same He likes me for who I am but he has already commited zina. Is it wrong for me to reject him because of this? I know it's okay to forgive ppl and accept fr who they are. P.S he is a good man and he does show all the green flags, the only draw back is that he has commited zina and it wasn't just once. Also it was during his teens. I suppose. Kindly advice Jazakkalahu Khair

I met someone and he now has proposed. I have also spoken to men in the past but with intentions of marriage. They’d come home and meet my dad or brothers. However I’ve heard that this guy used to dm a lot of girls and meet them, sneak out late at night etc. He is now very serious about marrying me and his friends say he has changed since. Do men really change or is a promiscuous man always going to seek more? Other than this I am happy with him. Would appreciate a man’s POV or a woman who has married a man like this

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Don't get me wrong. There are some who suffer from it. And Others who just use it as an excuse tonbe disrespectful and absurd.

This is a respectful discussion.

Answer with a yes or no and your reasoning.

جزاك الله خيرا.

Salam everyone! I’m a 24 y/o woman based out of NYC. I’m wondering what’s the best way to meet good Muslim men. I’ve tried going through family and friends but that didn’t work. I have a respectful career and I have tried to use the apps (Salam & Muzz) but they don’t seem to be helpful. If you’re comfortable can you please share how you met your spouse? Jazakallah!

Asalamualykum brothers and sisters, hope this message finds you and your family in good health and high state of iman.

If you guys are planning on having children, insyhallah this video might benefit:

https://youtu.be/O2c6QnHeGJY?

May Allah make it easy for you, grant you righteous and healthy children. Asalamualykum!

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, or where to begin. I've been married for a little over three years to my mom's sister's daughter. She's 29, about to turn 30, and I'm 28. I asked for her hand in marriage because I truly loved her-not for her looks, but because I thought she was a kind, caring person. After we got married, we didn't have sex for the first few weeks because she said she wasn't ready. We agreed to wait until our honeymoon, which was two weeks after the wedding. But when we got there, she only let me try to initiate a couple of times at the end of the three-week trip. Each time, I struggled, and nothing happened. I was heartbroken because l'd imagined our honeymoon as the time l'd finally lose my virginity, but I brushed it off, telling myself that things don't always go perfectly. Over the years, though, things didn't improve. She rarely let me touch her, and when we did try to have sex, she wouldn't let me go all the way. She'd let me do other things, but actual intercourse was always off-limits. Her reasons were usually the same: she wasn't in the mood, she didn't want to, or she'd say we'd try tomorrow. I went along with it because I didn't want to pressure her. In all, we've maybe tried about 30 times in try ast three years-maybe a bit more or less-lour still, we're both virgins.

About a year or two into the marriage, she told me she was having issues with frequent urination, which she said was one reason she didn't want to have sex. I took her to the doctor multiple times, but everything came back normal. She kept saying there was still something wrong, though. Sex isn't the only issue. Over time, she's become rude and dismissive. She calls me foul names, speaks to me in a harsh tone, and gets annoyed when I talk to her. And when it comes to having a child, she'd say, "Let's try for a kid," but nothing would actually happen. Our parents started worrying why we didn't have children yet, and she'd tell me to just lie and say we were trying. Now, years have passed, and I'm emotionally drained. Frustrated and hurt, I finally told our families everything, and now my parents want me to divorce her. But I'm still conflicted. Divorce was something I never imagined for myself, and even though the love is gone, I still care about her. She's my mom's sister's daughter, so I worry about what a divorce would do to our families' relationship.

Despite all she's put me through, I don't want her to suffer. I care deeply about everyone involved and can't stand the thought of causing pain or division. I'm so lost and burdened by all of this, and there's a lot more to the story. This is the best summary I can give, but I need advice. What would you suggest?

As someone that has left Islam and came back, and is seen as a munafiq, I want to be closer to Allah. I'm afraid of committing Zina, so I wish to marry a Christian and convert her to Islam. I want to do this in a halal manner.

I'm seen as a munafiq, I know by how I'm treated. I don't wish to dispute, I just want to avoid Haram and do what is halal. I'm not even looking for a muslimah wife, because if I'm a munafiq and only decieving myself, I don't wish to misguide her.

I have repented of sins, I'm not going to confess to which. I'm discouraged from marrying in my community. I wish to better myself and avoid further sin. Celibacy wouldn't help me avoid sins, as it is already a source of problems in my life, on top of making my mental disabilities worse.

I fear Allah won't forgive me if I don't at least try to be a better Muslim.

Having feeling for someone isn't Haram in Islam. And since I was a kid in school I had feelings towards one of the boys. It's not just a crush, because it lasted for years, I graduated and I still have feelings for him. (tbh, he prob like me too(not sure tho)) And now, I'm actually thinking of getting married to him, as the Hadith states:"There is nothing like marriage, for the two who love one another.

" لَمْ نَرَ لِلْمُتَحَابَّيْنِ مِثْلَ النِّكَاحِ "

of course marriage doesn't happen with a wave of a magic wand, there are many arrangements and steps to take, but nothing is impossible with Allah. I don't have the guy's contacts, but as I said Allah can make it happen.

I wanted to make Duaa in my prayers asking Allah to marry the person I loved for years, to bring him right at my doorstep asking for my hand in marriage, sitting next to my father reciting "Surat Al-Fatiha", then comes the big day, I, in my fancy white gown, holding his hand, off to share the rest of my life with him.

But then I thought, of course I love him, but will I be happy in my marriage to him? Will his family accept me? (We are both Arabs but come from different countries, and our cultures differ, In his country, marriage to foreigners is frowned upon, and a foreigner wife is treated horribly in most cases) Will I be able to adapt to a new environment that I'll be put and have to raise my kids in? and tbh, I'm not sure if he's pious or not, but he's prob not as religious as I am, I might be wrong tho. He also has a really big family, many cousins, siblings, nephews, since his father has multiple wives, and a man usually follows the path of his father, so he, not definitely, but will most likely marry more than one wife. And even if he doesn't, I myself prefer smaller families, and less relatives.

But this guy also has good qualities, he's financially stable (insanely wealthy actually, and no, I don't want him for his money), He's average looking, I'd say he's a little bit above average, I still don't know anything regarding his ethics/morals and religion (but I'll know if I actually will marry him), but he comes from a very well known family in the Middle East, and most importantly, the main reason I'm thinking of this are my feelings towards him, I never loved anyone so deeply and I don't think I ever will. I can't imagine myself being with another man, I want to be with HIM. And I can't imagine him sharing a life with another woman, I want us to be together.

I don't know what to prioritize more, I know I want him, but if it wasn't a happy marriage it might all end, it wouldn't be him that would have caused it, it would be his family and societal pressure, because we come from different cultures.

What do you, my muslim brothers and sisters, think? I prefer answers from an Islamic perspective.

What does Islam say to prioritize more? Love or Adaptation after marriage? What steps should I take next?

Feel free to share your own similar experiences.

And always remember, Allah can.

Jazakum Allah u Khairan.

recently downloaded the salaam app and got diamond feature for 3 months to test things out.

I'm able to see my likes page, who likes me and my profile stats. Over the past 5 days, l've gotten 2000 right swaps, few telegram. I haven't seen anyone that caught my eye yet but I liked a few pages. There's only one person l've sent a telegram to and liked his page but so far I think it's been 3 days and I haven't heard back nor seen a match. Also I'm still able to see him on my like page so l'm assuming he didn't read the message? Since when I passed on a telegram the person disappeared from my page completely. Would this mean he just didn't open the app. Also it doesn't show the message "this person haven't logged in over a month."

السلام و عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

I keep reading comments from brothers saying: I want my wife to raise my kids and educate them.

Where does this idea come from that raising the children and educating them is only the mother’s job?

Islam is clear that man is the leader and as such he must be able to bring good examples of proper Muslim man to the house and guide his wife and kids.

Abdullah ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 7138, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829

As the title says, do my fellow sisters also get lots of marriage proposals in their dms? It seems I get them quite often and they’re probably mostly scams or something but some of them seem legitimate which makes me laugh a bit because akhi you have no clue what I even look like let alone my name or anything like that and you are asking for my hand in marriage 😭🙏

As I'm turning 31, still single, rejected my whole life, never been desired, I feel depressed knowing I'll never get to experience the romance, passion and excitement of young love. Even if by some miracle I manage to find a wife, despite being a 5'2 unattractive man, I feel at 31, I have crossed the age when a woman would passionately desire me, for me. Marriage now will be about who I am on paper, how “successful” I am, and how well I fit as a “provider.” It won’t be about being wanted, and I don’t want to end up in a relationship where I’m chosen just because I happen to meet someone’s practical needs. I don’t want to feel like a product plucked off a shelf

There is nothing I desire more in life than to experience romance and passion with a woman, to love and be loved unconditionally. But I feel at 31, that door has closed. When you find love whilst young, its raw, authentic. You're starting out life together, you're not yet "settled" but believe in eachother and want to face lifes hurdles together. From a man's perspective, to know she wants and desires you, even though you still haven't "made it" in life, must be the most wholesome and validating feeling a man could ever experience. I have friends who found love young, happily married, their wives married them when they were still figuring things out in life. And they couldn't be more happier, māshaAllah alhamdulillāh.

Also, at 31, I'll probably be chosen by ladies closer to my age, and a lot of them may have desired other men, maybe even had emotional and/or physical flings, and I'll never know if they're marrying me because they're running out of time and I'm simply the "best option" left. I know I sound cynical, but this fear is eating at me*.* I don't want to be settled for (although part of me is saying I should accept it for what it is, that as a 31 year old average 5'2 man, its inevitable that I'll be settled for, maybe I should suck it up and accept it?). Whereas when you're young, the satisfaction of knowing you are her first true love, and/or that you're desirable to her despite her having other options (owing to her young age) and to know she actually desires you for you, must be incredibly satisfying. I feel so bad for saying this, may Allah forgive me, but I deeply regret not trying to have a girlfriend when I was younger. I feel that effort was wasted. I could've experienced young, raw love, instead I missed out on it and now have to settle for being settled for, a marriage that lacks romance and passion, whilst my friends who had flings and romances still found the love of their lives.

And by young love, I don't mean teenage, high school romances; I'm mature enough to know those aren't realistic. I'm talking about early to mid twenties at the latest, because you're neither young and immature, nor old and too late.

I'm also sick of my friends telling me I'm being silly for making passion and romance a priority, that as a man I should be "focussed on my mission" (as if they're mutually exclusive?), that a man's job to simply provide and not expect love. These are the same friends who had relationships in the past; It’s easy for them to say “move on” when they’ve already felt the things I’m still longing for. They can afford to deprioritize romance because they’ve known what it’s like to be loved.

I'm constantly sad and depressed. I'm struggling with everything in my life; my progress in all areas has stagnated for the past 5 years. For context, alhamdulillah I have a good job, did well in education, I became a hafidh when I was 12 alhamdulliah, I go to the gym regularly, train martial arts, swim twice a week to keep my mental health in check, and have good interpersonal skills. None of that has really helped with the crushing feeling of loneliness at the end of the day. My heart hurts because I want to taste the sweetness of loving and being loved by a woman. But it's never going to happen to me because the time has passed.

My fiancé and I, InshaAllah, want to get married soon, but our families have had a rocky start. Despite this, we’ve convinced both families and are now planning the wedding. The biggest challenge is the tension between me and his family, especially with his mother and sister. I don’t talk much with his mum, but I do communicate with his sister, who is around 16 or 17. She has a blunt and sometimes rude way of speaking, which I try to ignore, but it’s not always easy. My fiancé says I should ignore it, but I don’t always know how to do that.

Whenever issues arise between me and his family, my fiancé says they can be avoided, and I agree, but I feel like both sides should make an effort, not just me. He tells me that without his parents’ support, he won’t get married, which makes me feel like if they break things off, he’ll follow them. He’s trying, and I appreciate that, but it hurts because I feel like I’m holding my family together, hiding things to make sure his family looks good.

One issue that came up is when his mum asked for pictures of me. I sent her some, but she didn’t respond to why she needed them, which made me feel like she didn’t care. My fiancé says she probably just forgot. Because of this, I never got a chance to tell her that I didn’t want the pictures shared. I messaged his sister multiple times to explain, but she wasn’t listening, and eventually, she just sent the photos to close family. When I told my fiancé that I felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously, he said that I should come to him when things like this happen, but it makes me feel like I’m “snitching” or causing trouble between them. It was eventually handled, but he always tells me I should have done things differently, like calling his mum if she didn’t respond. It feels like no matter what I do, it’s never enough.

The bigger fight happened over my wedding dress. I had told his mum about it on a call and sent a picture to his sister so they could see the color. His sister, who was also getting married before me, had ordered a dress that didn’t fit because she had gained weight and didn’t try it on until the last minute. They had to get a new one, but it ended up being the same color and aesthetic as mine. I understand it was an emergency, but I felt like they should have at least told me or consulted me about it. They said they forgot about my dress and color because they were focused on the emergency, but that didn’t feel right to me. They didn’t even think to ask or tell me about it properly. I know it was a last-minute situation, but it just seemed like a lack of consideration on their part.

When I found out, I felt upset, and his sister dismissed my feelings, saying I was being dramatic. It got really intense, but I didn’t feel like I could ignore her comments. Yes, she’s younger, but I still didn’t feel like it was right to just let it go. His mum only found out about the issue when my sister-in-law told her, not through my fiancé, which made it worse. His family says I should have just ignored everything and not gotten upset, but I felt like they didn’t respect my side. My fiancé tried to make them understand, but it didn’t go well. They said I should be more mature, but they completely ignored how I felt. He says these things are small and that I’m making them into big problems, but it’s hard when they don’t seem to understand or care about my perspective. He says his family doesn’t care about things like clothes or dresses, but then he uses that same argument about the photos of me. People do and so do people care about dresses but idk because they don’t do they feel I overreacted.

Then, the wedding planning became another issue. We had already set a date for our wedding, but my fiancé asked if we could change it to a Friday that same week. I explained that it’s difficult because we want to have the nikkah in a mosque, and the mosque we go to doesn’t offer it on Fridays due to the rush of Jummah. We tried to ask if they could make an exception, but it didn’t work out. Then, he asked if we could have the nikkah in the morning on the same day of the wedding so his family could catch their flight in the afternoon. I didn’t know how to explain to him why this wouldn’t be possible, and he eventually understood. But when he asks for things like this, it feels like his family doesn’t actually care about the details or my side of things. I feel like they should not be making these requests, but my fiancé says it’s just a question, and they can look into it. We had planned a full weekend for his family, who are coming from abroad, but when his mum called later, she seemed confused about the wedding date and asked again if Friday was possible. We had already discussed this and explained it wasn’t, but she kept asking. This left my family feeling uncertain because we had already thought everything was agreed upon. My fiancé says his dad is stubborn and doesn’t understand, and if they had talked about it further, it would have been solved, but I feel like they don’t get our side.

This is where I’m struggling: He keeps saying these are small problems, but to me, they feel like bigger issues that keep building up. He says I make small things into big problems, and his family says I’m always the reason for conflict. It’s hard for me because I’ve told him I would marry him even if my family didn’t approve, but he says he can’t do it without his family’s approval, which I understand but also feel frustrated by. They've told me to break up and say they don't want to continue because of the fights we have. It feels like every time I do something, they want to end things, but when they do something small, I can usually let it go. I don't see the same effort from them that I'm putting in."

I’ve also expressed that I want to have a better relationship with his mum, but I’m scared. She once said that girls shouldn’t talk to their mothers-in-law before marriage, which makes me hesitant. My fiancé says it should go both ways, and I should try, but when it comes to disagreements, it feels like he always puts the responsibility on me to handle things better. I want to support him, but I don’t know how, especially when he’s trying to convince his family again, and I’m unsure how long it will take—our wedding is in two months. I pray istikhara, and I’ve felt good about our relationship before, but this situation is starting to make me feel lost. I’ve suggested that we all sit down and talk openly to improve communication, especially between me and his mum, but I’m unsure how to move forward. I want to make this work, but I don’t know what else to do.

Salam sisters, if it’s okay to ask how much money did you save before marriage and in marriage ? When I reached my 20’s I learned to manage to save as much as I can for emergency funds just in case things go badly god forbid

Crazy story from my week figure I would share it with you…so I’ll start this by saying I earn over 100k USD a year, I’m pretty established in my career. I’m not rich but we’re okay. We make more than average. So on Monday, my wife who I just married in May of this year wanted to get buy her skincare products, so I gave her my card that I leave specifically for her to use. I put 80 dollars on the card because last time her skin care was close to that…so I thought 80 was fine. So she calls me while she’s at the store and says the card was declined, I said to her really, how much is it? I was about to add more on the card I really expected it to be enough…she said no and some other things and then she hung up. She was embarrassed apparently but the girl hasn’t spoken to me in like 4 days lol When I told her I would have added more money she was like I don’t want your money, don’t buy me anything etc etc. I just think it’s sad, I would have literally added more money to the card. Some women are just ridiculous lol To all the unmarried men here just know that no matter how well you know the girl you don’t know what you’re going to get after the marriage. Luck of the draw

This is primarily directed towards brothers. But sister's can share inputs too. As you know, we men have been given the right for having multiple wives as long as you can be just and handle the responsibility.

But for unmarried brothers, how do you know if you're able to handle the responsibility if you've never been married in the first place?

And how do you communicate this with a sister during the search? And whose responsibility is it to weed out the sisters who only want monogamy for themselves?

For me personally, I'm open minded in regards to polygamy... If I know I can handle the emotional, mental and financial responsibility. But I don't know without experiencing marriage itself.

I'm wondering what would be the right approach to communicate this during th search. I don't want to cause any potential injustice if I end up marrying someone who feels they couldn't handle polygamy.

Is it my responsibility to bring it up, or is it the sister's responsibility to bring it up if it's a deal-breaker for her? Or both?

Asalaamu alykum warahmatulahi wa barakatu.. F21 here and all I can think about is marriage lol. My dad said I can only get married once i get my degree and become independent but I really want to get married. I feel lonely in a romantic sense I want to love and be loved I have been saving myself for so long and seeing my friends get married or people in haraam relationships doesnt make things easier. I feel like Allah swt hasnt granted me a spouse yet because I am not ready so what can I do to prepare myself, what are some things you wish you knew before getting married and how do i cope with being single lol. Jazakallah khayr in advance :)

Assalamualaikum. I am a 24-year-old desi woman with an older brother who has autism. I live with him and care for him deeply; he’s kind, active, and we spend a lot of time together. I see him as my responsibility, along with my parents. I also love my parents very much and want to care for them as they age, given how hard they worked to raise me.

My parents are actively trying to arrange my marriage, and I receive countless proposals. I’ve met some men, but many lack the emotional intelligence and qualities I would want in a partner. It’s disheartening because I don’t want to settle for someone over 30, balding, or lacking the basic decency needed to be a good husband.

I once gave a chance to a guy who wasn’t conventionally handsome, only to have him criticize me for a supposedly “ugly past” (which I don’t have) and belittle my brother. His friends questioned why I’d be with him and made unfair comments about my brother. He even had the audacity to ask what my future children would think when they see my brother and said that families with special needs members don’t have a good social life. Little does he know, Allah has blessed us abundantly in all aspects of our lives. I’ve also experienced mothers expressing interest in a proposal only to later imply that their sons aren’t ready for marriage or that I’d have to shoulder all the responsibilities because they’ve “done enough” just by existing.

It’s exhausting. But I still have hope. I see others marry and live happily, and I want a relationship built on mutual respect and care with my future partner. I believe that in marriage, with the right intentions, we all grow together and support one another. Yet, through these experiences, I’ve learned a frustrating truth: desi moms often teach their daughters how to be family-oriented and good wives, but rarely teach their sons how to be good husbands. And that’s just sad.

السلام عليكم I hope you are all doing well I have two questions i would like to ask and hear you opinion about

First what should i ask a man that is interested in marriage, like key points i need to tell if he will make a great husband.

2nd what is a reasonable amount to ask for ?

Thank you all

Bismillah

I am sharing a small reminder with everyone who isn't married currently. And if you are in a marriage but it isn't a good one, inshAllah this post will also help you.

This will be a long post, but inshAllah, if you read it all the way through, you won't be worried about marriage anymore. Please read with open eyes.

Firstly, you should keep these things in mind:

1. Allah is the best of planners.
2. Allah doesn't burden a soul more than what it can handle.
3. Allah cares for you and wants the best for you.
4. Do your best and let Allah do the rest.
5. This life is a test. Everyone is a different test, so focus on yours.
6. Allah does not put harm in your way unless there is goodness inside of it.

Now let's address the first question that came to your mind, do you deserve marriage? And the answer is yes. You do deserve marriage. The issue isn't if you deserve it, the issue is WHEN you deserve it.

Because here's the thing, as I stated earlier, Allah wants the best for you. And since Allah encourages marriage, a good and healthy marriage is a positive to your life. So why wouldn't Allah want you to be married?

This is why, if you aren't married right now, it's because Allah knows this is the best for you at this moment. Meaning there's something that's missing in your life, that Allah wants you to learn and work on which will make you prepared for that marriage.

This could be anything, your imaan, mental health, physical health, financial stability, financial literacy, education, ability to control your emotions, putting yourself out there in apps, websites, asking people, making enough dua, praying properly etc.

ANYTHING that you can think of, even if minor, which you can work and improve on, you NEED to work and improve on. The quote I gave earlier "Do your best and let Allah do the rest", Allah can't do the rest if you DONT do your best. Keep that in mind.

Keep praying to Allah, and keep all your options open (use social links, ask the mosques, use apps etc) because you never know where you'll meet your spouse. Keep studying red flags and understand better how to sport them. And most importantly, become pious yourself. Because Allah says in the Quran:

Surah Nur: 6

"Wicked women are for wicked men, and wicked men are for wicked women. And virtuous women are for virtuous men, and virtuous men are for virtuous women."

Now if you're in a bad marriage currently. Firstly read this hadith:

"The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: 'The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, although both are good. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say, "if only I had done such and such" rather say "Qaddara Allahu wa ma sha'a fa'ala (Allah has decreed and whatever he wills, He does)." For (saying) 'If' opens (the door) to the deeds of Satan.'"

So, getting into that bad marriage is Qadar Allah, so don't feel depressed about it. Coming back to the present, you ARE in a bad marriage. What can you do about it? What lesson does Allah want you to learn? Because as we know, Allah doesn't want you to be in a bad marriage UNLESS he wants you to benefit from it. So keep searching, what can you do to fix the marriage? Fix yourself? What can you learn? What can you change? What can you improve? Is the situation truly too dire that you only need to divorce? Maybe it is. I don't know, you don't know. So seek knowledge and guidance.

Now coming to the point of liking someone and making dua for them. The answer to that is simple:

"What is yours will never miss you and what isn't will never reach you."

Meaning if that person truly isn't for you, no hard feelings because Allah is the best planner and Allah has someone better planned for you.

So now another thought comes into people's minds, "What if Romance isn't in my Qadar?" Or "What if marriage isn't in my Qadar." To that, Firstly I already proved you deserve marriage, it's just a when issue not an if issue. Secondly, Qadar can be changed with dua and effort.

If someone says "What if Allah doesn't accept my dua?" Then I hit them with the:

Allah cares for you and wants the best for you + Allah is the best planner + Allah doesn't burden a soul more than it can handle

So if Allah didn't accept your dua, then that means it wasn't the best for you, so you still win because you had the best outcome, and inshAllah you will get the things you want in Jannah

Another thing you guys need to realize is that everything in life is a skill you can learn. And I love this quote "Do your best, and Allah will do the rest." Paired with the realization of the hadith ul qudsi. "I am what my servant thinks of me." Because it should result in you not worrying about anything.

Just see Allah as the one who will reward all effort provided you go the correct way because it's either you are good enough to deserve something and you have it, or you're not, and you don't.

And if you don't, Allah is protecting you. Because what if you get married and it's a bad marriage? What if you lose yourself in the marriage and prioritize your spouse above Allah? What if?? Allah knows best. Don't think about it, just think that Allah has willed it, so it's best for me.

I used to have worries to you know. I used to have anxiety about having a proper income, finding a good wife, and raising children properly. It also made me extremely depressed in the past just thinking about the world.

But now I'm content, and I'm not worried anymore. And I can say with 100% surity that if I don't die: I'll have a good income, I'll have a good wife, I'll raise my children properly. It's such a big mental shift, but it's made me realize how much of everything is in my control.

Now regarding your Duas.

What do we ask Allah? "O Allah grant me a spouse if it's better for me"

Meaning that if you don't have a spouse right now, it isn't better for you.

And if a good thing isn't better for you, it means you aren't ready yet.

Often people focus on the other person, but it's a secret hack in life to make everything work, just focus on yourself. If you become the ideal spouse for your ideal spouse, you'll get your ideal spouse.

If I'm the ideal husband for my ideal wife, my ideal wife will automatically be drawn to me and we both will have the best spouse we asked for.

So ask yourself, what's lacking?

• Is it your ikhlaq? Could you control your anger better, could you be kinder with your words, could you have better manners and etiquette, could you be more understanding and forgiving?

• Is it your health? Are you mentally healthy enough to handle marriage? Do you know how to manage expectations? Do you know how to deal with difficulties? Is it your physical health? Do you take good care of it? Do you smell good? Are you clean and hygienic?

• Is it your deen? Do you pray? Do you pray properly? Are you making enough dua? Do you have patience and trust in Allah? Are you worried about your akhira?

• Is it your approach? Are you casual with the search? Are you using every means possible? Are you holding your standards? Are you following proper Islamic guidelines in the search for a spouse?

Ask yourself these questions and assess yourself. What is a weakness in you that you could improve so you could be more deserving of getting married?

If I take my example, my biggest weakness that I need to improve upon is my work ethic. So I know, as long as my work ethic stays bad, I can't have a marriage. And if I can't have marriage right now, might as well go all in on the thing which will help me get closer to it.

And the thing is, let's say nothing works right. You die without ever getting married. Guess what? ALL the effort YOU put in will result in a MUCH MUCH higher amount of good deeds you've done which will grant you a higher rank in Jannah. So it's still worth doing regardless

Hopefully, this helps

may Allah bless you with a righteous, pious, virtuous, and beautiful spouse who is the coolness of your eyes and helps you attain peace. May Allah make you into a righteous, pious, virtuous, beautiful spouse who is the coolness of your spouse's eyes and helps them attain peace.

And may Allah help you get married with ease and may Allah help you get an early marriage in life. And may your marital bond be so strong that you become a better Muslim because of it. And may Allah make it so that you and your spouse are according to each other's preferences and strengthen each other.

May Allah help you have a happy and loving marriage in this life and the next. May Allah accept all of this for you. Aameen

If you need help regarding one of the topics I mentioned, feel free to dm or comment and I'll do my best to help

I think i may have Stockholm syndrome I've been In a abusive relationship. But the last one has confused me alot . My last relationships my ex assaulted me a couple of times and I still stayed. We were talking for marriage . After he met my family He waited till I trusted him Then assaulted me . I felt useless and unworthy of his affection . Hes verbally abused me , made threats to me and I still stay with him . Then I found out he was in another relationship . He was married with children About the same time he was with me. I covered for him and didn't tell her In fear that I could betray him . I feel worthless sometimes because I love a man who assaulted me . I feel strong love and sadness after he left me . It runs through my brain like I'm obsessed with his wife And cry at night . I've spoke with a therapist and not sure what else I could do to cope

السلام و عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

What does it mean when you say: “I want my wife to respect me even if I am wrong?”

How does she show you respect?

In Islam, the role of a wife is equally important and highly respected, as she is a partner in maintaining a strong, loving, and spiritually grounded marriage. The traits of an ideal Islamic wife are those that reflect her character, faith, and commitment to her husband, family, and her responsibilities as a Muslim. Below are some of the key qualities that an Islamic wife should strive to embody:

1. Taqwa (God-Consciousness)

God-consciousness (taqwa) is one of the most important traits for any Muslim, including a wife. A wife with taqwa strives to please Allah in her actions, speech, and character. She is mindful of her duties to Allah and ensures that her marriage and personal life align with Islamic values.

A wife with taqwa remains patient, grateful, and dutiful in her marriage, seeking to build a relationship that is not only pleasing to her husband but also to Allah.

2. Respect for Her Husband

Respect for her husband is a cornerstone of an Islamic marriage. A wife should show respect through her words and actions, recognizing her husband’s role as the leader of the family, while maintaining a partnership of mutual respect.

The Quran instructs women to be respectful toward their husbands: "And live with them in kindness" (Quran 4:19). A wife should acknowledge her husband’s contributions and leadership within the family while offering her own input with respect.

3. Obedience to Her Husband (Within Islamic Boundaries)

Islam encourages a wife to be obedient to her husband in matters that align with Islamic principles. This doesn’t mean blind obedience, but rather a cooperation based on mutual trust and shared values. The Quran says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women" (Quran 4:34), and this involves both the husband’s responsibility to lead and the wife’s role in supporting him.

A wife’s obedience is not unconditional; it is valid as long as the husband’s requests are in accordance with Islam and do not violate her rights or harm her.

4. Kindness and Compassion

The wife should be compassionate and caring toward her husband, understanding his needs, emotions, and personal challenges. She should treat him with gentleness and empathy.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives” (Tirmidhi). Kindness goes both ways in a marriage, and the wife’s nurturing attitude helps create a loving and harmonious home.

5. Patience and Perseverance

A wife should be patient, especially during times of hardship. Patience is a virtue that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emphasized in his teachings, and it is essential for maintaining peace and stability in the marriage.

Whether dealing with everyday challenges or facing financial or emotional difficulties, a wife should endure with a strong spirit and trust in Allah's wisdom.

6. Loyalty and Faithfulness

Faithfulness is a fundamental trait in a marriage. A wife should be loyal and trustworthy, maintaining the sanctity of the relationship and safeguarding her husband’s rights and dignity.

"And they (your wives) are your garments and you are their garments" (Quran 2:187) reflects the mutual closeness, trust, and protection expected in marriage. A wife’s loyalty is critical to maintaining a healthy, stable relationship.

7. Honesty and Integrity

Honesty is essential in any marriage. A wife should communicate openly with her husband, addressing issues, concerns, and feelings in a truthful manner. Transparency and honesty help to build trust and foster a deeper connection.

Islam encourages spouses to engage in truthful, respectful dialogue. The wife should not hide things that could harm the marriage and should address matters calmly and directly.

8. Supportive and Encouraging

A wife should be a source of encouragement and support for her husband in both his personal and professional life. Whether it’s motivating him to fulfill his religious duties or offering a kind word after a challenging day, her support is integral to his well-being.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said that a woman who assists her husband is doing a good deed in the sight of Allah. Encouraging her husband to grow spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually helps strengthen the marriage.

9. Care for the Household and Family

One of the key roles of a wife in Islam is managing the household and caring for the children. She should maintain a home environment that is peaceful, loving, and conducive to the spiritual and physical well-being of the family.

The wife is not solely responsible for household duties, but she plays a central role in creating a balanced family life, organizing tasks, and ensuring that her home is a place of comfort and serenity.

10. Modesty and Privacy

A wife should embody modesty in both her behavior and appearance, as modesty is highly valued in Islam. She should protect her dignity, respect the privacy of her relationship, and avoid exposing personal matters outside the home.

"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts" (Quran 24:31) applies to both spouses, encouraging them to keep their marital matters private and sacred.

11. Gratitude

A wife should be grateful for the provisions and efforts made by her husband, whether they are material, emotional, or spiritual. Gratitude fosters a positive environment in marriage, where both partners feel valued and appreciated.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts in the month of Ramadan, preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Jannah (Paradise)” (Bukhari).

12. Sexual Fulfillment and Intimacy

Islam encourages a healthy, respectful relationship in the realm of intimacy. A wife should be willing to meet her husband's needs, and vice versa, in a manner that is consensual, respectful, and within the boundaries of Islam.

"Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them" (Quran 2:187) symbolizes the mutual respect, protection, and fulfillment expected in the marriage.

13. Self-Improvement and Growth

A good wife in Islam should strive for continuous self-improvement, whether in terms of her faith, personal character, education, or health. She should not only work on improving her relationship with her husband but also work toward becoming the best version of herself.

"And cooperate in righteousness and piety" (Quran 5:2) encourages personal growth and mutual support in striving for good deeds and spiritual elevation.

Conclusion

The traits of an ideal Islamic wife are rooted in the values of respect, kindness, piety, loyalty, and responsibility. A good wife is one who supports her husband, fosters love and peace in the household, and maintains her role as a partner in both the worldly and spiritual aspects of life. Her efforts contribute to the stability and harmony of the marriage, creating a family environment that is centered around love, faith, and mutual respect. By embodying these qualities, an Islamic wife fulfills her role as a key partner in a righteous and fulfilling marriage.

In Islam, the role of a husband is highly regarded, as it is both a responsibility and a privilege. The husband is expected to be a source of support, guidance, and kindness for his wife. The traits of a good Islamic husband align with the teachings of the Quran and Hadith, emphasizing justice, compassion, integrity, and care. Here are some of the key traits that an Islamic husband should embody:

1. Taqwa (God-Consciousness)

The most fundamental trait of an Islamic husband is taqwa — a consciousness of Allah in all aspects of life. A pious husband strives to fulfill his religious duties, avoids sinful actions, and seeks to please Allah in his dealings with his wife and family.

A husband with taqwa will be just, honest, and will always aim to maintain a relationship based on Islamic principles.

2. Kindness and Compassion

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was known for his kindness and compassion toward his wives. He said, "The best of you are those who are best to their women" (Tirmidhi).

A good husband should be gentle, considerate, and understanding of his wife’s feelings and needs. He should offer emotional support, listen to her, and ensure her comfort and well-being.

3. Respect and Honor

Respect for one’s wife is paramount. An Islamic husband should honor his wife as an equal partner in the marriage and treat her with dignity.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “No one of you should beat his wife like a servant and then, at the end of the day, behave with her intimately” (Abu Dawood). This highlights the importance of mutual respect and dignity in the marital relationship.

He should avoid any form of verbal or physical abuse and should treat his wife as his partner, not a subordinate.

4. Patience and Forbearance

Marriage requires patience and tolerance. A good husband must be patient with his wife’s shortcomings and challenges. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emphasized the importance of patience in a relationship, stating that a marriage involves enduring both good and difficult times.

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives. And be patient with her, for she may be trying to better herself” (Ibn Majah).

5. Good Communication and Listening Skills

Effective communication is vital in any relationship, and especially in marriage. A husband should actively listen to his wife’s thoughts, concerns, and feelings.

He should make an effort to express himself clearly and discuss matters with her openly and respectfully, ensuring that any misunderstandings are addressed in a calm and fair manner.

6. Financial Responsibility

Islam places an obligation on the husband to provide for the financial needs of his wife and family. He should work to ensure their financial security and provide for them to the best of his ability, without being wasteful or neglectful.

This responsibility includes providing food, shelter, clothing, and anything else that maintains the well-being of his wife and children. However, he should also be fair in the distribution of finances, ensuring that both parties have what they need.

7. Faithfulness and Loyalty

A husband should remain loyal and faithful to his wife, both emotionally and physically. The Quran clearly emphasizes the importance of chastity and fidelity in marriage.

"And live with them in kindness" (Quran 4:19) includes maintaining a bond of trust, love, and loyalty.

He should fulfill his marital duties and ensure that his wife feels secure in the relationship.

8. Justice and Fairness

A husband should be just, fair, and unbiased in his treatment of his wife. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “Fear Allah in your treatment of women” (Bukhari).

He should avoid favoring one person (e.g., a co-wife, if applicable) over another or being unjust in any way. He must ensure that his wife’s rights are upheld and that she is not treated unfairly.

9. Emotional Support and Affection

A husband should be emotionally supportive and affectionate toward his wife. The relationship between husband and wife in Islam is meant to be one of mutual love, care, and affection.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) demonstrated affection for his wives through gestures such as spending time with them, sharing meals, and engaging in light-hearted activities together.

He should reassure his wife through his words and actions, making her feel valued and loved.

10. Protectiveness

A husband should protect his wife from harm, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual. This includes ensuring her safety and providing a secure and loving environment in which she can thrive.

Protection also extends to supporting her in matters of faith, encouraging her to grow spiritually and emotionally.

11. Flexibility and Understanding

A good husband is understanding of the dynamic needs of his wife and family. He should be flexible, willing to compromise when necessary, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Whether it’s accommodating her personal aspirations or adjusting to new responsibilities, a husband should display maturity and understanding.

12. Role Model for Good Character

The husband is expected to be a role model for his wife, especially in terms of Islamic character and virtues. He should exemplify honesty, humility, gratitude, and other good traits that are emphasized in Islam.

He should be a guide for his wife and children, encouraging them to practice good character and uphold Islamic values.

13. Encouraging Growth and Personal Development

A good husband should support his wife’s personal growth, whether in terms of education, career, or spiritual development. He should encourage her to pursue her goals while balancing her role in the family.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was supportive of his wives’ intellectual and personal growth, and this should be mirrored by husbands today.

Conclusion

In Islam, the husband is not only a provider but also a protector, nurturer, and partner. The ideal Islamic husband treats his wife with respect, kindness, and patience while being a man of faith and integrity. He leads by example and strives to create a relationship founded on love, trust, and mutual support. By embodying these traits, an Islamic husband can build a strong, harmonious marriage that is pleasing to Allah.

Salam Alaykum,

The journey of finding marriage almost feels impossible. There are many spouses I think I can choose from but the initial contact always feels so empty and not what I find suitable for me or even for them. Even after discussing and talking with Mahram or Wali and halal discussion with the daughter there just always seems to be a wedge. Never would I want to marry someone for it to end in divorce or for it to be tainted from the start. There was only one person where I had a potential however it ended up not working out through their own choice towards the end. The struggle I have as a revert who is 'American' (family are immigrants from Turkiye but I am practically Americanized in some respect) it limits so many of my options as it is. I have always wanted to experience and marry outside of the culture I am used too, I have always wanted to live in Saudi Arabia -- Especially in Riyadh. Always had a hope that my partner would be Arab or could speak Arabic, around my age and someone I can provide for and take care of and give a life that is blessed. Someone I can travel the world with and experience so many things as both our first. My financial situation is not extremely well off but also more than enough to take care of a family. I know many people could tell me I should open my eyes to more opportunities but in my heart in a way I know what I want and while I understand piety is something learned and the person themselves have to be driven upon. In my heart though I still always wanted to be married to a pious born Muslim who I can move to the Middle East with preferably in a gulf state. As a 26 year old ready and finishing school with a well enough career where I can realistically live anywhere in the world. I just don't understand why it is so hard to find and if I were to find a family that would be accepting? The Masjid around me I cannot find any matrimony match. It is one of the things I struggle with on a daily basis and get lost in my thoughts a lot. I firmly believe in sabr but its been many years that I look for this but just cannot find any potentials. It is very upsetting to the point I feel depressed where some days I am struggling to even do things I enjoy anymore. Does anyone have any word of advice or things I can do to maybe find what I am looking for? I never expect to be married nor do I think everything has to be the extreme traditional extent, however I just don't understand where this person can be found. Because for me I would be willing to do whatever it takes that is allowed to make something work but it feels like it is something that nobody else would dare to try.

:/

I recently have heard a lot of sisters say that they almost don’t want to get married because they want to just be a maid or take of children, I don’t know why they think like that in the first place, I don’t think you ask too much, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to get married to either be a maid or just take care of children, not all men search for this I don’t think, I mean I don’t want that in a wife sure I want her to take care of the children but definitely not alone and not only for her own benefit but because it’s like where do I the husband come in? That is the fun of being a husband, taking care of the children. The only thing I would really want in a wife is to just take care of me and support me in what I want to do, yes I want her to cook and do laundry and everything but not as a maid no, but as my partner who takes care of me and lives a life with me equal to me, I obviously would take care of her the same way as well that’s apart of what I mean by equal, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. And there is a difference between emotionally and mentally some people (men) can’t really tell the difference sometimes. I really need to get out of the house for my situation so I guess I need it a lot, what are your thoughts on this? I would love to hear for other sisters.