asalamualaykum.

I’m a 21 year old muslim women who’s never been married.

i’m gonna keep this short. I fell in love with this older muslim man who has only been married for 4 years. his wife has 2 year old. he’s the best person i’ve ever met. very wise. kind. respectful. the only time i ever interact with him is when i go to the halal meat store which is very close to his job. our convos are usually initiated by him and around many people who join in and listen as well. i know not the best but still. anyways. we exchanged contact a few months ago because of him wanting me to share the contact of my accountant with him. we’ve texted a few times and it’s usually “are you well” and that’s it. we’ve have some long conversations when i first caught him outside near the gym and we had good conversations

a few weeks ago his wife requested me on instagram and i never answered it because i knew it wasn’t for good reason. after that i haven’t really seen or spoken with this man but in my head as i went about my weeks i knew i wanted to be married to him. i was wishing he would bring up marriage to me or ask for my fathers number. a few days ago he called me but i missed his call and only seen it a few hours later. he’s never called before i was wondering if everything was okay. i called him a little late which was dumb. around 10pm and i guess it caused so issues because i went to sleep straight after but when i woke up for fajr i see his wife message requested me saying salam and asking how i was. i didn’t answer and i slept. when i woke up i see he messaged me and his wife blocked me off social medias… idk im confused.

to be honest yes i would be okay with be his second wife. hes a great man with great characteristics and deen. hes also not from this country. i think maybe his wife is a really jealous person.

i seen him not so yesterday after these emotions and he invited me into his work. told his father to get me some tea and him and his sisters talked with me just about regular things. i left and still the same. i want marriage with this brother.

how should i go about this?

thank you

Salam Alaikum. I have questions about Sunnah Match. Is it a good idea to invest on this app. I don’t want to use any apps like Muzz or Salams. Hence my concern how legit the app is.

Assalamualaikum.

I am 32 years old and work as a freelance software developer. I have been married for 6 years, and we have a 5-year-old daughter. I am facing a problem in my marriage that I would not wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. My wife makes my life very difficult. She did not get much education, and she behaves in a toxic way that seems to get worse every day.

Here is what happens:

1. My mother lives with me, and I am her only son. But my wife does not like my mother. She hardly talks to her, even though we all live in the same house. She makes bad comments about my mother when she is not around. My mother understands this but stays quiet for my sake. It is not just my mother—my wife hates most of my family and relatives.
2. My wife almost never does what I ask. If I request even a simple thing, like a glass of water, she refuses and says she is not my servant.
3. She does not pray, does not wear hijab, and spends a lot of time making TikTok videos where she shows herself. She is on her phone for more than 12 hours a day. She also does not take care of the house, so I had to hire someone to do the housework.
4. She often rejects me when I want to be close to her. She only wants to be with me on her own terms and does not care about my needs.

I have tried hard to remind her that her actions go against what Allah has taught us. I ask her to pray, wear hijab, and stop making those videos, but whenever I bring it up, she gets angry and stops talking to me and my mother.

We used to argue about these things, but now I avoid it because my daughter gets scared and cries. However, the situation has become worse. Now my wife forces me to help with her TikTok videos—setting up the camera, editing, holding lights, and so on. If I refuse, she treats me badly, stops talking to me and my mother, and even hits my daughter for no reason. She knows I love my daughter, and hurting her also hurts me, so she uses that to blackmail me into helping her with these videos.

I once thought about divorcing her, but her relatives threatened to burn my house and hurt me and my family members if I tried. Now I feel trapped. I cannot keep living like this or join in her sins, but I also cannot fight her for the sake of my daughter. And I cannot divorce her because of the threats.

Now I cry out to Allah every day to help me and save me from this situation.

Assalamalaikum. My husband and I have been married for 9 years. We married young at 22 and 24. I was 20 & a Christian when we met, I reverted soon after we married. I found Islam through him and I’ve never felt more at peace in life. Months after our Nikkah I became pregnant with our first child at 22, it was scary because I was still young but he reassured me and supported me throughout, I moved in with my in-laws to stay close to him until we could find our own place. We have always talked about having lots of kids, he’s always wanted 10 kids and Alhamdulillah, Allah has granted us with 5 already and we are only 31 and 33. The love I have for my husband is inexplicable, I have loved him dearly since the day we met. I have made so many sacrifices, gave up a lot just for him and our children, been with him through all our hardships, nursed him when he was sick, I make him a separate meal when the kids want something different, I plan dates for us to spend time with each other when he can, I make sure he knows he’s appreciated for all he does for our family, I keep him in his deen, I do all things that are sunnah with him, I do everything in my power and duties as his wife to make his life easy and bring him peace. Sometimes I cry when I miss him or when he’s at work for consecutive days. I go back to visit the place we first met to relive that feeling I had knowing he’s the one. He is the love of my life. Really and truly. I would do anything for him. I love him and my children so much.

Last night, my husband and I were talking and he brought up the topic of polygamy. I shifted a bit as I wasn’t sure where he was going with it. In the end he told me, he wants to get a second wife. I felt my heart just sink. I was lost for words and confused. I asked him if he was seeing somebody else, or if I was not good enough for him and he told me no and that I AM good enough. I asked him why he wants a second wife and he told me because he wants 10 kids. I told him I’ll give him all the kids he wants but he refused and said he “doesn’t want to do that to me”. He said that me and the second wife and/or more can have a few kids of our own. I told him I can’t accept that, my heart wouldn’t allow me to accept sharing my husband. I started to cry and he got annoyed, told me that I was trying to “guilt trip” him to get my way. I wasn’t. I was simply heart broken. I love him and I am willing to give him 5 more children if it means not having to share or fight for his love or see him for 50% less of the time. But he refused. He then told me, “then should we get a divorce?”

Never in my entire marriage would I have ever thought he’d say those words to me. We have 5 kids together and he’s willing to walk away from us just because I cannot bear to share our love with another. I don’t understand how that can be love. I have given him my heart and everything more throughout the 11 years we’ve known each other. I don’t want my kids growing up without their father, I know how it feels growing up with a single mother. Neither do I want my kids growing up with a co-wife in the house, what will they call her, how will the family dynamic be like, what if they hate him, what if they hate her? I just don’t understand how another woman could do that to another family.

I cried myself to sleep last night. I hoped things would be different this morning, but he didn’t talk to me or even kiss me goodbye before he went to work today. My kids keep asking me what’s wrong but I don’t have the heart to tell them yet because I don’t even know what’s happening. I’m scared to have this conversation again because I’m scared it’ll lead to the end and I don’t want it to be. I dont think I can live without him but I can’t bear to see him with another woman. I love him so much. What do I do?

If someone wanted to start a process with me from online but I declined, is it okay for me to ask them how they’re doing? I just have a feeling they’re not feeling well, just because of his socials. I saw he deleted a lot of things and I feel anxious now . Am I allowed to ask his friend from an alt profile if his friend is alright or is that considered stalking ???

Tdlr asking if I will give mixed signals if I ask a guys friend whom I like if he is alright

In most Muslim communities the culture is usually the wife moves in with the husband and his parents. Although, there are few cases where it's the opposite. I suppose this one is the for the guys. I'm curious how many of you would be willing to move in with your wife and her parents? Why or why not ?

I am a 30-year-old Muslim man struggling with paralyzing anxiety that prevents me from traveling beyond a 50 km radius around my hometown. Despite the life I am proud of—with my own businesses, a loving family, and an extraordinary circle of friends—I feel a constant frustration realizing how much this anxiety deprives me of discovering the world.

Every time I meet a wonderful person, her dream includes traveling as a couple, which prevents me from pursuing this relationship. I watch the possibility of building something deep slip away, simply because of this difficulty that I strive to overcome. It is painful and unfair, as if an invisible wall is standing between me and the future I aspire to.

Is it really normal for me to be judged based on what my anxiety prevents me from doing, rather than on the devotion, stability, and love I am ready to offer? All I want is to share my life with someone who understands me and supports me in this daily struggle.

Tell me what I should hear!

Salaam, I’m 31(F) , living in Singapore and facing major difficulties settling down. I joined Muzz but the guys over there will only meet once or twice out of formality then when it comes to the actual conversation of marriage, nothing materialises. I asked a guy if he would be keen to marry by February but he said it was too soon and he would like to get to know me better and establish “a proper understanding and relationship” before marriage . The thing is as much as I feel it’s important to have conversations , sometimes when you spend a few months just talking and nothing good comes out of it then it is simply a waste of time.

I want to have kids and the truth is time is pretty much thinning out for me . I don’t know what to do and I have recently completed umrah as well. I know that prayers do wonders but given my situation I am very certain it will be almost impossible to find someone to settle down with , every single person around me is married . In my 20s no one really approached me for marriage and the ones which did always had some other girl they found more interesting or suitable for them— which then left me with zero option and I had to start all over to talk to a new guy. I hate being stuck in the loop and it is seriously affecting my morale and self esteem. I can do housework ; I know how to cook; I’m into fashion and have lots of hobbies. I don’t think I deserve this .

Please help me come up with a solution and I would appreciate no bashing from anyone. As I feel very helpless about my situation . Need tips , need advise , need some magic potion or anything in the book which has worked out for any of you here. thank you in advance.

For men married to divorced women with children, how do you experience your role as father-in-law? Do you regret your choice? Or do you love his children like they were yours? And financially are you supporting them?

Hi all, I am 26-M from pakistan looking to find my life partner. I have been using Muzz for almost one month for free and it seems like it's completely useless. I have read a lot of reddit threads on this topic and mostly people believe it is useless, even with gold. I have few questions:

1- Is Muzz Gold subscription good and should I buy it for just one month to check? Please share your experiences that can help me in making decisions.

2- If your answer to above question is no, then what is a good way of search? Again if anyone could share their experiences, that would be a big plus.

P.S. I have seen most people advising to go through match makers (arranged type scenerio), but IMO, in such scenario, it is difficult to have detailed discussion with the other person to know them better, which makes it challenging for me to take that path.

I (F21) and husband (M28) have different opinions when it comes to checking each others phones. He believes that checking each other’s phones is an invasion of privacy and a sign of distrust, while I believe that in marriage, there shouldn’t be anything hidden between us. I feel that occasionally checking my partner’s phone for reassurance is reasonable. What do you all think? From an Islamic perspective, is this acceptable? If so, how can I help my husband understand my point of view?

I'm currently a student and 18M. I looking forward to start looking for potentials soon. Over the course of my life, i have analyzed the behaviour of my mom. And i have done this because i am skeptical about keeping my potential partner in our home(till I stabilize my finances) or seperate home. My mom many atimes guilt trips me which forces me to do something. I would've done that thing but sometimes she does that. I'm afraid that if i keep my future wife with her in-laws, then my mom wouldn't be the ideal MIL becuase i fear her behaviour towards my spouse. I don't know what to make of it. My brother said that it's not the case but he didn't analyze it i think.

How are you supposed to find them?

You don’t know who their father is or who their brother is how are you supposed to know?

Even if you see them in public, approaching them isn’t the best idea for a variety of reasons.

Excerpt from Hussain Ahmed Madani (rah)’s life. He was a political activist against the British in India and a great scholar.

One may perhaps be able to gauge the pain Hussain Ahmed Madani(rah) felt at the demise of his beloved wife from the following letter:

“It is with great sorrow that I am informing you that on the 18th of Shabaan, 1355, Asad’s mother passed away on a Wednesday night. I received the telegram that same evening and went directly to Delhi. We brought the janaazah and had her buried on Thursday night. Please pray for her forgiveness.” 

After the burial, numerous scholars and teachers gathered at his home. A few moments later, he stood up and began to walk to start the lessons on teaching Bukhari, the narrations of the Prophet (saw). Everyone was shocked to witness this, as he was struggling with the grief of losing his wife.

Many scholars tried to persuade him to delay the lessons since his grief was still fresh, and there was no need to go immediately to the classroom.

However, nothing deterred him, and he continued. When Shabbir Usmani (rah) attempted to explain and stop him for the second time, he replied,

“Is there anything that can bring more solace to one’s heart than the remembrance of Allah?”

I'm writing this because of some doubts in my mind.

This is due to becuase in search for a partner, I'm confused. I'm constantly asking myself that is this person practicing or not and I'll tell you why do i feel this way. The place where i live or basically the region, has a lot of muslims in it, and i was earlier wanting to marry someone here but i stopped. The reason is because every other girl here wears an abaya and hijab and even niqab and looks pious due to that. But when i look at some of my relatives here who also dress modestly outside their homes, they are not so modest in their homes even if non mahrams are there. They'd uncover their hair and face so easily or not even cover it. And my former classmates who were girls also proved my me right because many of them were dressed modestly but they had relationships with other men and to an extent i saw one boy touching the girl inappropriately and she allowed it in class. She was also dressed modestly.

So now i have stopped seeking any partner here because i have lost trust in them.

Matchmaking apps nowadays are like 'Pick the best piece' in terms of physical aspects and I don't find it working as i have tried already.

What should i do? How can i find a spouse here who is pious?

Salam all. I (26F) really want to marry a brother (26M) and the feeling is mutual. For better or worse we have become emotionally attached and I fear delaying our marriage will take away its baraqah. We would like to do our nikah this summer, and then move in together after a year. The reason for not moving in immediately is that he lives 2 hours away finishing up his degree with a job that covers his tuition but otherwise does not pay well. May 2026 is when he is set to graduate iA and the hope is he will be able to move to the area where I live and find a better paying job.

The problem is the uncertainty of him finding a job after graduating. He currently works as an electronics technician at a university and is completing a bachelors in History. He says to have faith in Allah that he will find a decent career upon graduating, but I am really struggling trying to figure out how I can convince my family to marry a man who has very uncertain prospects.

How would you navigate this situation?

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله

I was just wondering if anyone has come across or used Zawaj cards and how did they find it ?

Myself and my potential are basically Indians, with Alhamdulillah, quite an Islamic upbringing, I wanted to know how did people find the cards/ was it useful / did it lead to meaningful discussions etc …

جزاك الله خيرا

My previous marriage was a dead bedroom so I am unsure 🫤 how my sexual drive is. I am in mid 30. How to communicate about this matter when I will be remarrying.

Hi guys, I met a guy virtually, we started talking and sharing a little about our cultures, I'm Christian and he's Muslim. Within 2 weeks he was already asking what would be the ideal date for us to celebrate a nikah. However, on a certain day, he confessed that he was talking to a girl, but that they were just friends, and that he had nothing to hide, after which I stopped talking to him there. Because I understand that this is a sin. Or am I being too radical?

I was confused, I feel like I can't trust people

I feel abandoned by everyone. I asked around me for marriage. I posted here. I created an account on Salams. And months after months I still haven’t found the right one whilst everyone is getting married!!!! When I was younger I had potentials but my ADHD was preventing me from entering a relationship. Now I feel like it’s my appearance and personality that aren’t attractive.

I have Self-H””med and everyday I beg Allah to take my life. The more time passes the more I am desperate. I see the therapist since 2018. I have seen many psychologist and a life coach it has cost me tons of money and most agreed that finding a partner will help. This trial of Allah is threatening my life. I just want to end everything. I’m serious. I beg you help me help me. Take me seriously. I fear the day I ll commit suic***.

I even did research for my masters degree on mental health issues to grow and learn, I do Quran classes I haven’t studied yet bc I’m completely in chaos in my head, I am calling in sick for work tomorrow morning. I am in total despair. I just want to nurture my husband and love him. Why isn’t he by side.

Sometimes I feel like I should just do surgery. Help me please dear Muslimah

I’ve been trying to get married for 3 years, but my dad refuses to accept it. The guy I want to marry is a good man—my family members know him and have nothing bad to say. Even my mom used to support me, but now she sides with my dad. The only reason my dad is rejecting him is because he’s not from back home, and my dad wants me to marry someone from there.

In these 3 years, my dad has:

• Forced me to travel back home to meet people, but I didn’t like anyone, and neither did my family.

• Taken my phone away for months.

• Delayed my university, so now I’m graduating late.

• Stopped me from working or going out.

• Blamed me for his health issues and said my life will be miserable if I go against him.

• Said he won’t pray for me anymore and will make curses against me.

• Ignored every single person who has tried to talk to him on my behalf.

I want to make this halal, and we’ve tried everything like getting my potentials elders involved, being patient, waiting for him to reconsider but he just ignores it all and says to them we’ll discuss but he never discussed with us. My mom told me if I go through with this, my parents will cut me off. I feel stuck, lost, and exhausted.

Islamically, I know a father shouldn’t reject a proposal without a valid reason, but he refuses to talk about it. What should I do? Has anyone been through something similar? He has nothing bad to say abt this man but because he isn’t from our family and isn’t someone from back home my dad refuses I’m sick of it.

Asalam alaykum, I’m sorry if this is an odd question, but I was hoping to gain some perspective. I started talking to someone (Alhamdulillah with wali access to all conversations), but after a couple of days I realized I’m not ready. Would it be advisable to explain why I want to end the conversation, or would the brother find it odd/upsetting as it’s going on about 5 days since I last responded. The last message I sent I apologized for taking a while to reply, and said I would get back over the weekend, but I never did. He had replied to my message saying that it was okay.

assalamu alaikum

i recently tried using the salams app, i was always skeptical about it and when i tried the experience felt overwhelming and didn’t sit right with me. my parents have made some efforts to introduce me to potential matches, but unfortunately, compatibility has been an issue.

being a homebody, i don’t have a wide social circle, and my friends haven’t been able to assist in this matter. i recently moved to a new city, so i’m still navigating that as well. i know making dua and having tawakkul are key, but i also have to tie my camel in a way that aligns with my values. and i don’t use social media as in post my pictures.

for those who have been in a similar situation, how did you go about it? any advice or personal experiences would be really appreciated. Jazakallahu Khayr

I'm 26M and I'm from South Asia.

i think i should get married since Im financially stable and old enough .

since childhood, I wanted to move abroad, after all, I live in a third-world country and any country is a better place than this
Now I don't want my children to suffer in this mess that's why I want to move away now my question is should i get married before moving to another country or should I move first and then settle there it will surely take one or two years at least.

if I talk about myself, I have never been in any relationship, and for most of my life, I was the shy guy, mostly busy with my work or game or football .. I tried my best to be as good a Muslim as possible but I sometimes it didn't work but I never stopped trying.

here's the silly thing to ask

so I wanna know how to approach women what to ask before marriage , and how to ask in general
I tried a couple of times in online but it kinda didn't end well hehe so I think I should know first .

and most important of all how to be a good husband

🚫Zina is a very serious sin🚫 by Asma bint Shameem

Although we cannot take any major sin lightly, zina is one of the serious major sins.

◼️In fact zina is one of most serious sins in Islaam.

Allaah mentions the sin of zina with shirk and murder! And He threatens those who commit Zina with double torment and severe humiliation. 

▪️Allaah says: 

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace” (al-Furqaan 25:68-69)

◼️The punishment for zina is very severe and extremely disgraceful.

If zina is proven against a person he is STONED to DEATH in front of the whole community if he or she was married. And if he or she was single and never been married then he or she would be flogged 100 lashes.

▪️Allaah says:

“The fornicatress and the fornicator, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allaah, if you believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment” [al-Noor 24:2]

▪️And the Prophet ﷺ said:

“It is not permissible to spill the blood of a Muslim except in three (instances): the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and the one who forsakes his religion and separates from the community.” (al-Bukhaari and Muslim)

▪️And the Prophet ﷺ said:

“Receive (teaching) from me, receive (teaching) from me. Allaah has ordained a way for those (women). When an unmarried male commits adultery with an unmarried female, (they should receive) one hundred lashes and banishment for one year. And in the case of a married male committing adultery with a married female, they shall receive one hundred lashes and be stoned to death.” (Muslim, al-Hudood, 3199).

▪️Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:

“The married person who commits adultery is killed by throwing rocks at him/her. The stoning should not be done with large rocks because it may kill the individual “too fast” causing the purpose of stoning to be missed out on. The stoning should (also) not be small rocks because it may afflict suffering on the individual before he/she dies. Rather, the rocks should be average in size and the Zaani (married individual who commits adultery) is pelted until they die, whether they be man or woman.

If one were to ask, “Why are they killed in this manner?

“Fulfilling the desire of intercourse is not felt specifically on one body part, but rather it is felt on the entire body. Therefore, just as the married Zaani’s body takes pleasure in this prohibited act, then it is befitting for the entire body to also feel the pain of this punishment.”

Astaghfirullaah!

◼️As for punishment in the Aakhirah, we know from an authentic hadeeth of the Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam: 

"We walked until we came to something that looked like an oven. Its top section was narrow and the inside was broad. From it sounds of screaming and noise was heard."  The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said: "We looked inside and we saw naked men and women. We also saw flames from beneath them. When these flames scorched them, they screamed." I asked Jibreel: "Who are these people?" He replied, "These are the males and females who committed the grave act of Zina. This will be their punishment till the day of Qiyaamah."  (al-Bukhaari)

▪️And the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam  said: 

"There are three to whom Allaah will not speak on the Day of Resurrection, nor praise, nor look at; theirs will be a painful torment: an old man who commits zinaa, a king who lies, and a poor man who is arrogant." (Muslim).

May Allaah save us and our families from this evil sin.  

◼️The sin of Zina is so bad that it is forbidden for a believer to marry a person who commits zina, whether man or woman.

▪️Allaah says: 

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)” (al-Noor 24:3)

So we MUST take this sin very seriously and do everything we can to stay away from it.

◼️If however someone fell into this evil, then they should immediately make sincere taubah and completely cut off from all means that might lead to it.

If the one who has committed zina repents to Allaah, truly and sincerely, then Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aala will forgive him or her, and overlook the sin.

▪️Allaah says, after mentioning the warning to those who commit zina: 

“Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance” (al-Furqaan 25:70-71)

◼️BUT I want to marry the person!

It is NOT even allowed for someone who commits zina to marry the person they’re committing zina with.

However if the person repents sincerely, and gives up this sin, then and only then, it becomes permissible for him or her to get married to the other person.

▪️Someone asked Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem about getting married to a woman who has committed zina.

He said:

“It is not permissible to marry the woman who has committed adultery until she repents… if a man wants to marry her, he has to be sure that she is not pregnant, by waiting until she has a period before he does the marriage contract with her. If she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to marry her until she has given birth.”  (al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/584)

▪️And the scholars of the Standing Committee said:

“What is required of both of them is to repent to Allaah then to give up this crime and regret what has happened in the past of committing immoral actions, and they should resolve never to go back to it and they should do a lot of righteous deeds in the hope that Allaah will accept their repentance and turn their bad deeds into good deeds.

Allaah says: “And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. 69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; 70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful 71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance” [al-Furqaan 25:68-71]

If you want to marry her, you have to wait until it is established that she is not pregnant by waiting for one menstrual cycle before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, it is not permissible for you to do the marriage contract with her until after the pregnancy ends, in accordance with the words of the Prophet sa that a man should not irrigate the crop of another with his water. “ (Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, Majallat al-Buhooth al-Islamiyyah, vol. 9, p. 72)

◼️Effects of Zina

As for the effects of Zina, they are many and are they are severe.

◼️Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah said:

Zina (adultery, fornication) combines all the characteristics of evil, such as lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, corruption of dignity and lack of protective jealousy. You will never find any zaani (adulterer) who is pious, keeps his word, speaks truthfully, cares for a friend or has any true sense of protective jealousy concerning his womenfolk. 

Betrayal, lying, treachery, lack of dignity, lack of awareness that Allaah is always watching, failure to guard the sacred limits, and absence of protective jealousy from the heart are all consequences of zina. 

Other consequences of zina include the following: 

▪️Divine wrath which may lead to spread of mischief among his family.If a man were to transgress against any king in such a manner, the king’s response would be most severe.

▪️Darkness of the face, which will be covered with misery and gloom that are apparent to the onlookers.

▪️Darkness in the heart and extinguishing of its light.This is what leads to extinguishing of light on the face and darkness overshadowing it.

▪️Inevitable poverty.According to a report, Allaah, may He be exalted, said: “I am Allaah, the Destroyer of the tyrant and the Bringer of poverty to the adulterer.”

▪️Loss of dignity and respect, as the one who commits this deed becomes insignificant before his Lord and before other people.

▪️It takes away from him the best attributes, namely chastity, righteousness and good character, and it gives him the opposite, namely immorality, evildoing, adultery and betrayal.

▪️It takes away from him the name of the believer, as it is narrated in as-Saheehayn from the Prophet ﷺ that he said: “The adulterer is not a believer at the time when he is committing adultery.” Thus he loses the name of a believer in general terms, even though this hadith does not suggest that he has lost faith altogether. Ja‘far ibn Muhammad was asked about this hadith, and he drew a circle on the ground and said:‘This is the circle of faith.’Then he drew another circle around it and said:‘This is the circle of Islaam. If a person commits adultery, he goes out of this circle (faith) but he does not go out of that circle (Islaam).” (Rawdat al-Muhibbeen 360)

◼️Shaykh ‘Abdullaah ‘Ateeq al-Harbee, one of the professors in the University of al-Madeenah, explains some of the effects of zina.

He said:

“And from the first of the evils that come from zina is that it is one of the causes for the spread of many evils and many diseases connected to fornication, just like the sickness of AIDS and other in that from the sicknesses that destroy the lands and destroy the servants.

And likewise it is from the reasons that causes commotion in and amongst the family — as far as it relates to the husband or as far as it relates to the wife and to the children and if the family indeed is split, that will lead to the splitting of the community and indeed they will fall into that which are of the lowly actions and will fall into corruptions.

And likewise from the evil effects of zina is that it is from the reason for talaaq (or divorce) being plentiful in the societies. Because you find after the marriage, after a small space of time you will find the people divorcing each other and sometimes this happens after a space of few hours.

And likewise, from the evil effects of zina and fornication is that it lowers the marriage rates in the society. So as for the person who commits fornication and is constant and regular in doing that, then he does not look to marriage except as another way of having a sexual relationship. Not that it is a beautiful way of uniting two bodies, neither it is a life that is built of love and emotions and raising a family and having children and indeed from bringing and having children, it is by way of those children our that lives become happy lives. And likewise it makes life easy with the presence of the children.

And likewise we see from the evil effects of zina and fornication is that we find the level of children and the level of having kids fall in that particular society. Because when zina is one of the reasons for the spread of deadly diseases like AIDS and other than AIDS, we find as a result of that many people die in the society. And as a result of that we find people having children as a result of that die. And as a result of that also the strength of the community is lost.

And also from the evil effects of zina, is that it leads to much crime in that society. And from that the crimes that generate and likewise a person will enter into stealing and rape in order to satisfy his sexual desires. And likewise as a result of that we find people even killing each other and killing themselves as a result of this spread of this zina.

And likewise from the evil effects of zina, is that we find that we have many children, many offspring that are the children that have come as a result of that fornication. And this likewise is from the sins meaning these children have come about as a product of fornication. This is also from the sins that increases crimes, and increases evil doings in and among society. Because the child from a young age is in need of receiving the love and attention from both his parents. So when the child loses out on that care and loses out on that attention, and when he loses that love, then what happens is that he has a reactory feeling as he grows that he was not nurtured upon love and upon affection. So that breeds from him and lead him to haste and dislike to society and the surrounding that he lives in. So, when he reaches the age of maturity, we find that these individuals enough of time end up themselves being individuals that commit evil acts and committing different crimes in order to avenge that society.”

May Allaah protect us from the evils of Zina.

And Allaah knows best.

Salaam, hope all are doing well. I am 20 years old and the guy i was speaking to is 24. We started speaking last year upon my parents finding out, he said he wasn't ready. He came back 6 months later on my birthday realising what he had lost and wanted to marry me. On New years, his dad rang again asking for the proposal and he said he wanted to have a nikkah with me, which my family didnt want but i fought for it and said I want to marry him, so after the anger, they accepted and were happy to go ahead.

Both families know each other through mutuals, when he came around he apologised for saying no last time. However there was miscommunication between the families and my dad disrespected him and his family after what he did last time and said they have no status as they are not very wealthy which doesnt bother me. In the moment nothing was said & his father said he'd wait for a response from us.

However a week later, he told his family, and his dad rang my dad saying they no longer want to go forward after the disrespect and threats my father initally gave which was in the heat of the moment, but my parents were now willing to say yes.

We have now gone no contact, do you think he will come back to me? Do i have to try and reach out instead as it was my parents? All help would be appreciated I am heartbroken. Jazakallah Khair brothers and sisters.

اَلسَلامُ عَلَيْكُم وَرَحْمَةُ اَللهِ وَبَرَكاتُهُ

There’s this sister that I’ve met online only 2 days ago, she seems like a respectable and great sister. I’ve spoken to her via social media, we spoke about general topics getting to know each other. It felt wrong for me to speak to her without her mahram present, so I told her that I’d have to respect her boundaries and leave her. The catch is she lives in a different country, I still have studies to pursue and so does she and I also want to get closer to Allah and work on myself before I get married. She told me that we should part ways and see where we’re at in 3 years time. We were discussing the what ifs such as what if she gets married in that span before I talk to her and her father etc. So in conclusion we decided that we will go on with our lives normally and not wait for each other (to avoid wasted time and disappointment) as when I speak to her in 3 years I may change my mind or she doesn’t meet a requirement or I don’t meet a requirement. We agreed that I will keep her contact and her father’s contact (she hasn’t told her father yet as she’s nervous) but I won’t contact them at all until the 3 year mark hits. My question is, is this permissible to do so as I want to keep it as halal as possible and I’ve been paranoid that maybe this isn’t the right way to do so.

اَلسَلامُ عَلَيْكُم وَرَحْمَةُ اَللهِ وَبَرَكاتُهُ

I once knew a girl which is I'm going to call her Liar for the rest of this short life! Firstly, it was my fault listening to her and procrastinating to tell my parents but anyway i did so and they hardly accepted (i was 19 at that time and that liar 18) anyway she did promise multiple times that she will stand up with me, but at the end i saw nothing just worlds and it's been already two years since the event (there are other backgrounds) and I'm thinking to reach her father after some years again if she wasn't married yet but in the other side i don't want to see her face forever however i can't forget her existence and i don't really want to wrong others with me for the sake of other people faults. What do you think everyone?

Country is irrelevant and the job is patrol cop where they go out to the street and respond to 911. As a military they would be on the battlefield shooting defending etc. let’s say they could fulfill your rights but the military woman would leave for months at a time