Synopsis:

On a dark and quiet night, an old evil awakens from its long interrement. But things are not as it remembers. Not its form nor its thoughts and not even its surroundings appear at all familiar. All it knows is that there is a hunger and a suggestion of a trail that promises to sate that hunger.

Meanwhile, a man who thought himself a perfectly ordinary office drone has no idea that his life is about to undergo drastic changes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56771398/chapters/144330118

This is a WiP, currently sitting at 14 chapters. While the lead is be a Baphomet, it is inspired in appearance more by the depiction of the sabbatic goat, rather than the canon, loli depiction.

Greetings all,

Regarding the recent update of the sitewide rules and nsfw from the admins, i would just like to make it known to our users that as of yet, i have not had any messages from the admins, and the sub will remain as it always has until further notice

Regards Mexibrp

It’s about this old kitsune having this boy as a “pacifier” (or something among those lines) to pay for his college and he wears aprons for her

https://archiveofourown.org/works/59124766

Hey uhh, sorry about being so late to posing the second part. Ill try and hammer out more soon.

Or maybe not, we'll see :/

Let me know if I screwed anything up or what I can improve on!

Be me

Anon the pizza man

Wake up screaming

gun in my mouth gun in my mouth gun in my mouth

Shit

Shower

Eat Breakfast

Take a detour before work to pick up some office supplies

Pull into the parking lot of a mediocre sex shop

Try to ignore the smell of used condoms getting out of the car

Walk over to the tinted out cadillac parked in the corner

Knock on the window

A large man in a 80s trench coat and ski mask gets out

Immediately cover my nose to stop the vile stench from entering from body

Guess it wasn't the used condoms

“Anon how have you been buddy”

His name is Greg

He was the armourer at your base overseas

Now he is a private arms dealer outside a sex shop

Maybe us soldiers are obsolete

Open up the trunk

“My god”

Almost fall to my knees at the sight

Enough firearms to make an african warlord orgasm

Start picking out the essentials every pizza man should own

Decked out M4A1, Barret 50cal, stun baton, demon silver bowie knife, Saiga 12 and an RPG-7 cause it was on sale

All demon silver of course

Wave goodbye to Greg and head for my car

Drive over to Fat Moe’s Pizza Palace

Put on my uniform in the bathroom

First delivery of the day is already up

Grab the Pizza and head out

Start loading up in the parking lot

Some Sheep lady and her Kid stare at me and cross the street

Decide a quick sip of Jacks couldn’t hurt

Hop in the car

Chug some confidence juice

Plug in coordinates

Im off

Stop at a Red light

Check the receipt to see what kinda monster they cooked up

Cheese Pizza

Am I getting fucked with here

Start stressin

Eventually pull into an apartment building

Walk In the building

The elevator’s out

Orders for the 6th floor

huff it up the stores

Flashbacks to bootcamp start kicking in

Pumped up for a fight

Get to the unit

Knock on the front door with one hand on my gun

Door slowly swings open

“Hello Fat Moe’s pizza”

Silence

Turn around to see if I got the right room

A wall of fur grabs me and pulls me into the room

Can’t even pull the gun out of the holster

Flipped on my back

face to face with the monster

She’s big

She’s fluffy

she’s she’s she’s….crying

The monster starts apologising

Says she couldn’t talk to me outside so she had to drag me in

Slowly releases me and hands me $50 for the pizza

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

Says her name is Emma

Starts crying and saying sorry again

Shuffles me out door

Stand outside the door for 5 minutes wondering what the fuck I bought those guns for

Maybe these Snake pillow ladies aint bad at all

This is wrong

Realise im smiling

Punch myself in the face a few times

Walk down the stairs and get in my car

Start drinking again

Gun in my mouth gun in my mouth

Head back to fat moes

Quickly grab the next pizza and head out

Stop at a red light and check the receipt

Meat lovers pizza with a side of boneless chicken wings shaped like dicks

Fucking hell

Pull into a trailer park and get out

Knock on the front door of one of the shacks

Some lizard lady opens the door

“Hello miss, one meat lov…”

Get decked in the face

Here comes the puke train

Give her a taste of jacks as I get thrown off the steps

Lizard lady starts beating the shit outta me and yelling at me

Dome her in the head with the pizza box

Her tail turns into an inferno

Calls me a cock sucker and a weakling

Place my gun on the hood of my car

This is personal now

Run at each other and start punching the ever loving shit outta each other

Free birding starts playing on the car radio

Feels like i'm fighting Don Frye's lesbian sister

Lizard lady starts yelling about something coming after 20 mins

Get tackled through her bedroom window

Try and crawl into the kitchen

lizard bitch drags me back into the bedroom

WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PANTS

Hear police sirens outside

Give scaly a kick to the nose

Jump back out the window and head towards the sirens

She’s chasing me

Jump onto the hood of the police car and crawl onto the roof

Some Tall red cop tazes the Lizard

She collapses on the ground and starts crawling up the hood

“I'm gonna break that fucking pelvis pizza boy”

dick slowly crawls back inside me like a newborn

They hit her again and she is down for the count

Thank the officers profusely

Limp back to her trailer

Grab a $60 from her wallet

Drive back to Fat Moes

walk in

Relay success to my boss

He informs me Glen was taken by an Amazon this morning so I’ve been promoted to a class B driver

fuck

Head Home for the day

Clean the blood off my face

Jerk it to girls with Guns

Fall asleep