There isn't anything my husband and I hide and our communication is pretty fantastic, albeit, we do have hard conversations from time to time. He shared that he was interested in someone and played together, however, she is not open, ENM or any type of that relationship. I did share how I feel, and while I'm sad he would chose someone that is cheating, it's not my business what she does, and I shared that it's his life and they would have to be the ones to live with it should it come out at some point later down the road. I didn't say no or set boundaries since it's not necessarily my relationship or marriage. Can I get thoughts on this topic??

I know that there are many versions of what monogamish means, in my ignorance the difference between being a monogamish and have a open relation is the FREQUENCY of emotional or sexual relationship with the third party (like there is a difference of having sex outside marriage 3 times a yer and 25) Please corect if I am wrong.

Also I wanted to asked if a monogamish person can have an emotional connection with the third party or just sexual?

Thanks for the attention.

I’m in a 14 year marriage that was open for a couple of years recently and has just recently become very monogamous again. Covid 19 had a little hand in that I guess.

But something I learned from the experience, I liken to religious extremes. Monogamous people (or most of them) are like devout Christians that grew up that way. Didn’t really question their belief system much and always internalized the values of their religion/ relationship model. And they get repulsed or freaked at the notion of non monogamy or non belief.

Polyamorous people, especially kitchen table poly types are likened to hardcore atheists. They judge or feel above monogamy and resent it, and they spend a lot of energy and focus on themselves and the concept of Poly. They are proud of being Poly and they band together in a an almost cult fashion. They create their own family or community. And they don’t want to see anyone in their group leave and go back to monogamy.

I’m incidentally agnostic, which coincidentally makes being Monogamish kind of perfect. I am not above anyone else and don’t pretend to hold the one true key to life. I don’t want my relationship model to consume me with hubris or be too much of a “thing.” I don’t need or desire to have most of friends share my relationship model. I see the value of devoting the vast majority of my attention to one person sexually and romantically. However I also enjoy having the freedom to connect with others on emotional or maybe physical levels without being overly self conscious about it.
I’m not part of an “ism” or a club. It’s just myself and my relationships. It’s about the people and the real time experiences and feelings.

Being Monogamish feels comfortable and honest and easy for me. I guess the concepts of relationship anarchy play into this somewhat.

My wife and I are new to the lifestyle. We’re attending our first club party at Choice next month for the Little Black Dress event. The problem we’re having is with this being our first step on this adventure we’re both lacking confidence in ourselves. We’ve been married 15 years. She’s considered plus size but not bbw. I’m still working on my confidence after dropping a considerable amount of weight (415lbs to 240lbs). What is the best way to jump in and enjoy ourselves?

First of all, pardon the typo and the long headline in the first post. I did it on the phone, and had no idea and thought I was typing in the comment section. It is why I rarely type lengthy messages on my phone...so apologies.

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Second: we had a very relaxed night. We were all nervous of course. Having sex for the first time with people you actually like can be unnerving in ways we never imagined in the bed post swinging community. While we are always worried about performance, and if they will enjoy themselves, having incredible mind blowing sex together pushes that to a different and higher level, at least for us it does.

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To try to be brief, we loved getting to know the bodies and turn ons of other people we care about. The one thing that makes us like friends not hook ups is the fact that we love to please others selflessly, and have them please us in an equal partner sharing erotic experience. We had a few drinks, and socialized, but we were not tipsy. We all wanted to be mindful of our experience. Needless to say, hesitating flirts, turning into hesitating touches, then kisses, led to the four of us falling onto bed together in the same room. It was such an honor to see my male friend care for my wife's body the way he did. She orgasmed more than once because of it, and it only encouraged me. After the explosion of raw passion that had been building for some time, we all laid in bed with our swap partner, and made out, talked and laughed.

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Afterward, of course, my wife and I literally fucked like rabbits until the wee hours of the morning. We compared notes with our good friends, and we hope to make the next encounter better than the first. Thanks for listening all. Hope this contributes in some way to this community.

Hi all,

I'm looking to set some clear boundaries and define what constitutes 'cheating' (betrayal of trust) in my (currently quite vaguely) non-monogamous relationship. We haven't slept with anyone else in around half a year and I think it's partly because of a lack of clear boundaries which make us feel illegitimate in pursuing anything else. Weirdly, I anticipate boundaries will be freeing.

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Currently, for me, the only thing that defines 'cheating' is sleeping with somebody else without protection. What are other rules that the experienced out there have used to guide their relationships? I'm more experienced in non-monogamy than him so want to give him some examples of what I mean.

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I know DADT, and on the flip side the tell everything rule. Out of town only (although we don't often travel alone - more likely it would just be at events the other isn't at). Not sleeping with mutual friends (what constitutes a mutual friend?).

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Please let me know your rules and thoughts :)

Today, we laid out all the rules. I [29F] have been bringing this up as an option for us since day one. Finally, after over a year of keeping secrets and lying, he [36M] (We'll call him Adam) has finished mulling the idea around in his head and started to see the excitement and freedom I had been suggesting all along.

What started out as a new relationship in the "honeymoon stage", has unavoidably become redundant and "comfortable". I have never been in a relationship before that didn't hit this stage. If you have found otherwise, kudos! Don't ever let that go. Whatever you're doing... it's working!

I have always toyed with the idea of an open relationship in the past, but always went through my own insecurities over and over again in my mind until I simply never spoke up. What would my partner think? What if he took advantage or my outreach and vulnerability?

This relationship, however, is very different than the others I have been in in the past. I used to hide things from every single one of them. We are both in recovery. Myself with 2 yrs 3 mos sober. We have been working hugely since day one on communication. The step we have just taken is HUGE for us and I truly believe this will help us in the long run.

You know what they say, "secrets keep you sick"... Well, Adam had gone away for a weekend back in September. He needed some time away from myself and my children, his job, etc. Out of state and to a recovery concert. When he returned, he was such a joyful person again! I thought to myself 'that's so great! That time away is really what he needed!'.

Shortly after this trip, he started relapsing again, and again... I couldn't understand. I tried pushing him back into his recovery habits and to spend more time to himself reflecting.

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Two rehabs later and after cheating on me with his ex-wife multiple times, I struggled with knowing which path to take. This man has played a huge role in my children's lives and has a genuine heart of love for us. It's easy for people to say "leave his ass!" and the like... That's not why I am here. I truly believe every relationship takes an incredible amount of work to make all the parts run smoothly. Name one piece of machinery that doesn't.

Turns out, that trip out of state turned into more than just that. Adam ended up paying for oral sex on his trip away.

Given my history, I know what overpowering guilt feels like. I know what it's like to feel like a piece of shit and like you don't deserve anything good... Self-sabotage creeps up quick, and when you're an addict, it can end up deadly.

We have straight-cut rules. Our individual rules are incredibly different. My rules for Adam are far more lax than his rules for me. And you know what? I'm okay with that. The important part for me is not the jealousy or possession... It's the simple fact of knowing that he is being honest with me. That there are no secrets. That he loves me.

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I guess the main reason for this post of mine is that I'm looking to hear from others who have experienced the same and/or tried the same. I am open to feedback of any kind as long as it's not to tell me to leave Adam, or that he's an asshole.

Share with me your similar story. What worked for you, what didn't?

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[TL;DR]

Newly monogamish after finding out boyfriend paid for sex. Honesty and open communications are the part I care about. What has worked for you and what didn't? Any constructive advice?

Being a Single Guy

I’ve been hesitant to write this because I’ve never been a single guy and we don’t even look for them. However, I didn’t have anyone to turn to, so I took my best stab. Hopefully I’ve been around the scene long enough to know what I’m talking about despite that. I’m open to any and all critique and additions.

Unicorn Searching for Couples

Written by one of our favorite reddit unicorns, this is a great guide for couples that like to add a woman to their bed.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Monogamish/wiki/guides/gettingstarted

Here's our getting started guide! Please see what we could add and/or correct.

Hello all! Welcome to the new home of lifestyle information and discussion. A few of us have been hard at work building out a proper wiki to detail all the information someone may need in the lifestyle. Please, begin to check it out:

Lifestyle Info

If you have corrections or additions, please post and we can all discuss. The hope is discussion will begin to drive the collection of knowledge. As we fill out more pages, we'll be posting so people can check it out.

Thank you for stopping by. Please subscribe! Let your friends know as well. We need to get our subscription count high enough to show in the reddit searches.

New wiki page is started addressing STDs:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Monogamish/wiki/health/stds

This is a work in progress. Right now I have put in the headers for the page content, provided an example STD (bacterial vaginosis) write-up as a content and formatting example, and added a few notes on future content for the other sections.

I would appreciate any feedback on this page--direction, content, or formatting.

New wiki page is up addressing erectile dysfunction:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Monogamish/wiki/health/erectile-dysfunction

This would be a great place to comment on corrections/improvements you'd like to see to the page. :)