Does anyone ever work it out?

My 29 year old son went no contact 3 years ago. He said it was something he didn't necessarily want to do, but felt like he needed to. I initially responded in a typically defensive way, but I tried to rally, told him I hope he gets what he needs and told him I loved him and he responded in kind. About a month later, on advice from my therapist, I extended a "the door is open" invite for Thanksgiving, and received an angry response. I didn't understand then, but I violated a boundary. I did not fully understand the rules/procedures involved and to be honest, did not realize what went into a decision like this. I came to realize the ramifications of NC after reading about it. I did not realize the extent of pain and frustration I (we, the entire family) caused him. I believed our family losses, his life frustrations, covid proximity, and political differences, and my own unresolved mental issues were the driving forces behind his need for space. I thought it was about the time in life where everyone needs to distance themselves from their crazy families to heal, reflect and be themselves, but we'd seem him on holidays and text. Based on that idea, I would text or leave a message on holidays, bdays or big events like surgeries, death. I know now, boundaries were violated. I still didn't get it. I was blocked on everything. I miss him, so I would Google him to see if I could get a glimpse of his life. I was worried that if he was cut off from everyone, no one would know if he was sick or if he needed help. I know I was selfish. It was hard for me to let go. I knew it was his choice, but I worried he may not have developed a support system. I struggled with the whole concept and honestly, I miss him. I am guilty of violating boundaries, letting my insecurities and problems affect him. I did all the wrong things trying to be helpful I made mistakes as a parent in ways I'll regret and I do not fully understand all the ways I messed up. I have been in therapy, read books, reflect and try to change behaviors. I guess what I wonder is if you go so many years apart, and you want to re establish contact, is there a point you reach that even if you have worked through it all, maybe even accepted (forgive?) things, is there a point you would feel too much time has passed by? Would you think no one wanted you back? I sometimes worry that by not breaking more boundaries I failed to prove how much we love him and want to work toward resolution. Every circumstance is different, as Tolstoy said,"...unhappy families are all unhappy in their own way." I always thought estrangement was for deliberately cruel parents....but pain is pain. I hope aI get a chance to see him again. I miss him everyday, we all do. I wish him peace, and if the only way for him to have it is without me, I have to live with it I wish everyone on the forum finds what they need to heal their broken hearts.

Mijn dochter ♥️13 jaar

My baby mom/girlfriend of 10 years just left me, said she needed to work on herself and maybe time and space apart would help us be even stonger than before and she doesnt see why we cant work thru this. Well, since then things have gotten way worse. Ive begged and begged for her to stop this for a month, i just recently started no contact a few days ago. When she first kicked me out she would message me and say the kids miss me. I would go take them to grab a bite to eat, to the oark nd to pick out some toys they like. Since then shes gotten very bitter, demanding money for her credit card or to fix her car, all the while im homeless trying to pick up the pieces that she broke me into i explained to her i literally have nothing right now and she is furious. She blocks me instantly when i try to message about my kids even though im still sending money. I dont understand how in a few weeks we went from lobing each other, to this. I havent seen my babies in about 2 weeks now. I have decided to cut complete contact with her, including money until she messages me about the kids or to figure out a way we can work things out between us. I have a full time job and im staying at my aunts house, but i cant be here long. I dont know the best way to go about this. On one hand i want to see my babies so fuking bad, on the other i want her t cut this shit out and let me come home so i can take care of all of them . Should i wait until i have an apartment to talk to a lawyer or something ? Ive been with them since day one, i have a 8,7,4,& 1 year old with her. I feel like no contact is a good thing, but then i feel like a peice of shit for not reaching out and asking if they need help with anything. She just blocks me instantly now.. I want us to work, but if not i at least want to be a dad and be in my babies lives. What should i do ...

The last time I hugged my 4 year old daughter was in November of 2022, my brain just disassociates the exact date, to protect itself from the pain I felt knowing that was probably the last time I was going to see her, & that at my next court hearing i would be voluntarily relinquishing my parental rights, to prevent termination, so eventually with her adoptive guardians permission I could legally see, spend time with, and be in here life, so far, nothing. They won’t even update me, or send me recent photos. I didn’t abuse or neglect her, I just said the wrong things and got honest with the wrong organization that was rather money hungry, and statistic driven, rather than individualizing and seeing the truth and actually taking the time to view us as people, rather than 1 of 30 hearings to where they hardly remembered our names. I admitted that I struggled with drug addiction, and that I was an addict in recovery seeking Treatment and that I had safe care for her lined up while I went, and they took her anyways, when they took her i just couldn’t bare or fathom it, and nothing I did was enough eventually I couldn’t stay clean at all.

My husband acted out in destruction and now my kids hate him. We were having a difficult time when he was getting clean from drugs. He was acting q My husband posted naughty pictures of myself on social media and sent to my kids and my kids friends. They now hate him. He wants to try to make it up to them and me. In the mean while I have separated from him physically into my own apartment and don't see him often at all. He constantly pressures me to see him which makes me anxious because I would have to lie to my children (ages 25,23,20,18,16) Also we have a business that we're trying to grow together which starts me out because ur demands alot of me. He doesn't work as hard as I think he should be to take the pressure off of me. We fight constantly in regards to work. I'm just hoping for some insight. I know many many ppl will get on here and scream divorce, but if any one else has any constructive insight, advice, etc etc it would be great. Idk if I wrote the picture clear so ask questions if u need to. Thanks in advance

Our daughter is in high school, and every year we plan a bunch of fun activities for her to do during summer break. But this year, my wife and I realized, it's the next to the last time. We have next summer, and then after that she graduates, and that will be it. She'll be off to the next chapter.

My son is already an adult and lives on his own, so we've been through this once before, but in many ways, that only means we know what's coming, how big the gulf is going to be once that day comes, and it's given a bittersweetness even to these last few chapters of having her here at home.

Anyone else find that longing for the people you miss affects even your enjoyment of time with the people you still have?

This time of year is so melancholy for me sometimes. For the most part, I try to focus on the positives, but there was a particularly poignant moment when we were putting up the Christmas tree. A beloved moment when my daughter was small was that my son would hoist her up in his arms, and she would place the star. That didn't happen this year. Made me miss times past.

What are your "Boy, that hit me!" moments from the holidays this year?

We all see those happy photos being posted by our friends on social media as they capture the excitement of a new school year about to begin. Anyone else get a bittersweet feeling from those photos, as moments like that are not part of our lives any more?

A place for members of the Miss My Kids community to chat with one another

Summer has always been such a family time for us. When we think of kids being out of school, we imagine extra time with them, special activities and camps, even family vacations together. What are some of the hard parts of this summer for everyone?

Our son was scheduled to come home for a visit over Christmas, but of course that had to be cancelled with the COVID surge as it was "non essential travel". Our holidays basically became about trying to offset that absence, so we actually avoided a number of our normal traditions because it would have really highlighted his absence to do the same things we'd done the year before but this time without him. But that, in turn, meant that our holidays felt sort of unreal. What changes did other folks have to make this year to adapt with absent kids?

My son is an adult and lives in a different state. He had come home to visit and to take some professional training just before the COVID-19 lockdown went into effect, and he ended up staying with us for almost a month. Now that restrictions have started to lift a bit, he went back home. We can still FaceTime etc., but I am really missing those little moments of spontaneous conversation that happen when you're sharing the same physical space.

It occurred to me that there must be lots of folks in much worse situations even than this; for example my wife's parents normally come over to visit us for a full day several times a month. Now they are on a very strict lockdown due to the risks for people their age, and they often call and say how lonely they are without those regular visits. Who else is experiencing things like this?