(18f) Especially when it comes to relationships. I make the same mistakes that cause the other person to feel differently towards me. It’s nothing crazy but idk why I haven’t learned. And sometimes I will know something isn’t good for me and I still do it anyway. Is it self harm or something ? I’m not trying to harm myself but I ignore those feelings and then afterwards I regret it and wish I listened to myself earlier. I also just feel alone even when I’m around others. I constantly say the wrong things (or at least I think I am) and it’s made me hide away my normal personality I think. I’m not very sure of these feelings I tend to overthink a lot. Idk anymore i just don’t feel right and I want it to go away, I wish I wasn’t in my head so much and I could live in the moment . How do I live in the moment and let go?

I have a few people in my life who have offered me support, and told me to reach out to them if I'm not doing well or get bad again. But how? I've been wanting to and I know it would benefit me but what would I even say? What would I even do?

Whats been stopping me from reaching out is not knowing what to say obviously, but I also feel bad like I'm burdening them. What if I have no right to feel this way and they shame me for it? What if when I reach out they're busy or I ruin a good day they're having? What if I just end up getting worse and they blame themself for it?

I don't know. I'm sorry for the small rant after the question but I feel it might be helpful to share why I'm hesitant. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

Guys, I suffer from anxiety and panic syndrome, it has improved a lot as I started using medication, which the psychiatrist prescribed, but I never went back to therapy or went back to the doctor. I know it's my mistake. Anyway, what I want to ask here is what can I do for your opinion? Because on Wednesday I'm going to São Paulo by car, me and four other people, we're going to walk a thousand kilometers around the island and then a thousand kilometers back and I'm going to the Linkin Park concert. And always when I'm on the road I feel like something bad is going to happen, that I'm going to need to get to the hospital and I won't get there in time. What do you think I can do to alleviate this? Carry a rivotril in your wallet or try to control the situation rationally? And I also think about the show, how many people will there be around me, a crowd of people? Anyway, I think you understand my concern. Can anyone give me some light at the end of the tunnel?

One thing that really helps me is starting the day with a few minutes of deep breathing or mindfulness. It sets a calm tone for the day and helps me stay grounded, especially when things feel overwhelming.

I started sertraline a month ago and prior to that i was on escitalopram for 8 months. I have gotten so much heavier and I can’t wear the same size jeans anymore it’s really bothering me. I panicked and completely stopped taking my medication. It sounds stupid but I would rather be depressed and suicidal than big :/ I don’t know what to do anymore nothing works everything has a side effect there’s no point to anything

I fell back into addiction some months ago, about a month on coke and coming up to 3 months on crystal meth…. My mental and physical health is in shambles. Not a day goes by that I don’t see removing myself as the solution. My mom is worried about me “you have hardly left your room in weeks” and honestly I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I was a conscious human being…there were leaves on the trees and now it’s cold and grey and the trees are empty….I fear she will see me differently or not love me anymore if she knew the truth. But I’m so terrified to hurt her. She cares so deeply for me. My fiance has only noticed the excessive picking but in the past said he would leave me if I were to relapse again. I am scared there’s no way out. I am scared and I don’t want to live. I feel doomed. I feel absolutely fucking hopeless, I look sickly and utterly disgusting to myself and I’m too scared of the repercussions if I were to come clean about how badly I just want to end this fucking shit. This drug is ruining my life. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to talk to or turn to and mental health professionals just throw me on zombie meds and call it a solution to this shit. I have no fucking idea what to do. How to save myself from myself. I’m scared and beyond tired of this feeling.

No matter how hard I try to change it, after taking Probiotics for few weeks, it can improve it, but won't last long, help, how to treat it, does my gene has something to do with this?

I had my first relationship over a month ago now and it's the first time I've ever felt love, she ruined me after we broke up and I felt the need to finally use reddit for something useful other than just have it collect digital dust in my phone. I know I'm ready to have a relationship with someone new but my mind still lingers on the negative since I'm an overthinker.. finding someone compatible with me is very hard since no one is really loyal and I can vent to. In short, even if this post gets no upvotes, comments, etc, ik no one asked but I had to voice something for the small bit of hope that I can talk to someone and get this off my chest.

21 I graduated from college two months ago and am currently employed. I feel very stuck in life and compare myself to other people online, which is mentally taxing. I want to try a lot of different things, but I'm not sure where to start. Even working out, which I love, doesn't help me decompress, and I'm worried about my master's and other things. I feel really bad about missing even a day of work, and my parents, especially my mother, make it worse.

I don’t see point ne more

I trying be positive it not matter my life not get better I will Always be very g ood person even. When my manic but I thinking about how. My mom leave me my dad leave me they not care about me I just don’t want be here I struggling SM. Sometime I just don’t want feel ne thing I just wishing peoples nicer each other I just don’mmm see point nething anymore I need help but I poor I I only seeing my therapist. With Medicaid that only way I don’t want be here anymore but I want sure I e I always survivor every day but I just don’t see ing point anything

Everything it’s fabricated not reall I’m unable to leave this life there’s nothing left. I’m done. There’s nothing left

my ex is accusing me of being a horrible and manipulative person. i don’t think i am at all, i just don’t read rooms well or how things are being interpreted always. like i do things but if someone doesn’t ask for clarification or why it can seem like im distant or testing them. i don’t mean to at all. i just don’t always read the room well. im just in my own little world in my brain saying what im thinking/feeling bluntly.

they assumed the worst in my intentions i feel like. i’m worried they’re going to make so many people hate me. idk. i can’t help but wonder if im secretly this horrible person that doesn’t deserve to be around people or have friends ever. I genuinely am scared im an evil person and don’t even know it. what if im an evil person and i don’t even know it? i have suspected i have ocd before but idk if this relates. i feel so scared of being around people bc i don’t want to hurt someone else accidentally.

i am looking for support and or advice please.

i have a therapist i am going to talk to as well to see what she thinks.

update: took 6 quizzes they all said i was not. some said i wasn’t strong enough in my opinion. i was brutally honest and maybe even made myself seem worst then i am and they still said no.

i researched manipulation and i see some traits at times but nothing crazy. it’s more when i feel scared of abandonment or backstabbed that ill make sure that i keep myself safe. (i don’t have a good support system and an old friend stole a lot of money from me bc i was too generous and vulnerable and trusting)

Idk I’ve gotten really bad lately and I suspect I’m either going to end up making an attempt or end up in the psych ward before too long. I don’t want to go to the psych ward but I’m scared of losing my freedom and I don’t know how long they’ll keep me if I have a ton of obvious and recent sh scars. I don’t believe things are going to get better for me and I don’t know if I can actually get better. Idk

Hello people.

I’m writing this to just vent mostly because I feel I don’t have a good outlet for these sorts of things. (No parents in my life and I’m not good at opening up to my friends)

I’m a 25 year old guy who’s pretty broke at the moment. I work in the commercial fishing industry and this summer we had a terrible fishing season. I stupidly racked up some credit card debt as well over the last 6 months. I’m usually pretty good with money but I think in some strange act of carelessness and a lack of self respect, I just started self sabotaging myself in several ways: financially, with substances, my relationships, etc.

I’m living an ok life but am just not prospering like I know I can. I don’t know why I keep telling myself “I’ll get better in the future” I just want to shake myself and say the future is now. I’m stopping myself from living the good life for no reason other than maybe a deep rooted belief that I don’t deserve it?? Idk I should go to therapy but it’s expensive. I basically know what I need to do to get better: attend to my relationships, maintain a healthy body, do the hobbies that I love, seek support for my mental health. And then there’s the drinking which I’ve concluded is a serious problem for me.

Anyways, I’m going to try to work on myself starting ehh idk maybe in a week or two. My buddies are coming up to visit next weekend and it would be fun to get drunk with them. Lol thanks for reading I hope you guys can relate and improve yourselves as much as I want to.

I've been getting in fights with a person I can't get away from and I want to start cutting myself. I've been getting into fights with this person and over time the stress built up after only having the courage to talk to chat-gpt to vent (Which sounds sad now I say that out loud) and all my other coping skills aren't working well. Yesterday I got in a fight that left me crying in a bathroom and I had such a powerful urge to cut myself, now I've never felt anything like it before or had any self harm/suicidal thoughts so this is was new. I didn't do it but after it was over I couldn't shake the feeling and it just stayed with me. I'm really scared and I don't know what to do. Now every time I get in a fight with them I get scared thinking about what I might do to myself if it escalates. I don't know what to do.

Context;

I'm failing school. I have no motivation regarding school - even though I cry and feel incredibly guilty for being so lackluster and lazy - and I'm also losing motivation to do my favorite things like reading, writing and drawing. I also don't brush my teeth or shower consistently because I feel it takes too much effort.

I've had self-harming thoughts for the last three years (only when I was upset, and it'd be small things like scratching skin off my finger or picking at a hangnail purposely to create pain) but in the last month I've actively hurt myself (biting down hard enough to bruise and scar) and have been having thoughts of offing myself. I idealize killing myself a lot, and my go-to for the very likely outcome of failing college is to irreversibly harm myself. The more days that pass, the more I envision it and almost sort of welcome it.

I am diagnosed with ADD and clinical depression. I'm not on any medication but I am scheduled to visit a psychiatrist.

Since my thoughts have been worsening, would it be wise to check myself into a mental hospital so I can step back from my environment and have some help to continue forward with my life? Or am I simply overreacting?

Hi, and if you're taking the time to read this, thank you so much, I appreciate it!

I'm a 17 y/o Hispanic American female currently in my senior year of pretty intense college prep high school; I have ADHD, as well as OCD and Anxiety, all of which I have struggled with all four years. Despite my mental health struggles, I have been able to keep my 4.0, be in the top 10% of my class, stay involved in extracurriculars, and do pretty well on testing, which has given me the chance to apply to some very competitive colleges.

I was told my senior year would be the "fun" year, so that's kind of what I've been holding onto through tough times in high school; that soon, I'll be in my senior year and will finally be able to let loose and have fun and spend more time with my friends. But so far, my senior year has been anything but. I'm in 4 APs, doing research, leading student government, and MUN. I'm at meetings most lunches which I hate because lunch is when I get to see my friends.

At the beginning of this year, I thought, "I just gotta lock in really hard for these first two months, submit all of my college apps, and then I'll be done and I can finally relax after." So I did...initially. I was waking up on the weekends at 6 am to work, and I'd work all day and seemingly never finish my work; everything takes me longer (thanks, ADHD!) But even then, I still felt fulfilled and motivated to wake up early and work. When Nov 1 rolled around, I didn't feel the immense sense of relief I'd expected when I submitted my ED/EA applications...just fear for the results/decisions. I've applied to 9/14 of my colleges and have the last couple of deadlines on November 15th, so I know I should be feeling a little more relieved, but I've been feeling so...unmotivated... sad, and overall down.

I'm usually motivated to study because I want to do well on assignments and, honestly because I'm usually interested in the material and like learning. But th se past couple of weeks I just...can't. I spent HOURS doing literally nothing and trying to build up the energy/motivation to study. And even when I try to sit down to do work or study, I always get sleepy! I'm SO TIRED all of the time. Like just today I took like 2, 4 hour naps. I have a lot I want to get done (and get off my plate so I can try to relax), so I try waking up early on weekends, but I end up wasting most of the time and just can't do my work. This makes me feel even unmotivated, guilty, and mad at myself because I have very high expectations for myself, and when I can't reach them, I feel like a failure (which ik isn't great.)

I've been getting less and less sleep, seeing my friends less and less, biting my nails more, and not making time to work out or eat as healthy as I would like. But despite this, I'm also not even getting any work done/being productive, so I just feel lost in an endless cycle of homework, tests, and application deadlines, all while not seeing my friends. My grades haven't started to slip yet, but I'm worried at the rate things are going because I CAN'T find it in me to want to work. Even sadder I think I've lost some of the passion and curiosity I usually feel towards learning.

If you somehow read all of this, thank you so much; I know it was a lot.

I would really really appreciate some advice on what I should do

Have a good day/night wherever you are<3

For the last few months I've been on a mental decline but one of the major flaws I realized about my personality is how (not all the time but occasionally) I can talk and act sociable or "normal" around people, maybe even talk about personal stuff, but the women who not only gave birth to me but take care of me for my whole life and we rarely can talk for more than a minute, she would even keep metion how I was able to speak to clear to strangers more than her and I feel guilty and sometimes suicidal because of it, I know their's something wrong with me but most from experience I'm afraid to speak my true feelings towards her I guess, that I'm a terrible son towards her.

i’m a 16 year old boy and i just feel lost like i have no passions for anything i’ve tried countless different sports and hobbies and i just haven’t found anything i actually care about i feel like i’m trying my absolute hardest and making 0 progress in every aspect of my life wether it be school or social situations. i feel like no one likes me and sure my family say they care but who’s to say they really do? i mean i barely even like myself and no it just feels like i’m falling apart and don’t know what to do i haven’t shed a tear in years and over the past like 3 days i’ve cried five times and i don’t really have anyone to talk to i’ve contemplated kms constantly since i was like 12 and even then i feel like my life isn’t bad enough to warrant that so i just sit here suffering because i don’t want anyone in my family to be worrying about me and i know i shouldn’t but i’ve started taking substances and drinking to make me feel better even as i type this it’s like i can’t stop crying and i’ve had thoughts of hurting myself again and i’m having trouble sleeping and i get really bad anxiety sometimes and i just don’t know what to do i know my life has only begun but i already feel like it’s over i mean the one thing i was good at was school and now my grades have even started slipping i’ve lost interest in going out and i mean outside of my academics i don’t really provide much value to my family and i feel like once i fail that’s it and i can’t fight that crushing feeling of if i mess up i’m no good to any of them and like i want to be strong for my younger siblings and for my mom and for my grandma and my dad but it’s just really hard to act like everything is ok and if everytime they ask me if i’m ok i just say yea and if they try to pry i just shut them down quick because i just don’t want them to worry about me too much i want to be someone they can depend on like my uncles but i just don’t know how to be that person i know i’m just rambling right now but i’ve just not been well with school social skills none of it and i just really don’t know what to do i mean i probably would be dead if i didn’t care about my mom so much because i know she’d hurt herself wondering what she did wrong but it’s becoming harder to keep myself together and i’m either going to get through this part of my life by myself or end up dead i mean my head feels like it’s hurting me but i’m not feeling any pain i’ve been so stressed out trying to prove to my family that they can count on me and i’m slowly failing them.

i just don’t know what to do and i don’t want to worry them so i would appreciate any advice or help

4 years ago my father died, it was the absolute worst pain I have ever felt without a doubt, 90% of the day I would cry. It has now been 4 years since then and I have learned to live with the truth and I can act completely normal, but I have not felt happiness, sadness, love, anger or a number of other emotions in years. It’s a very difficult thing to explain others how I feel, I’m not depressed, I know what that feels like even if it comes in many flavors. it’s like complete nothingness, not even being numb, as if there was so much trauma and grief that I just lost all my emotions entirely. For example one of my friends are dealing with a similar situation I was in 4 years ago and they are looking for support, they know I was in that situation too so it would seem that I’m the best choice since I would fully understand. I listen to them cry, rant, etc and I will act an appropriate way that any rational person would in that situation. But the truth; I feel absolutely nothing while talking to them, zero empathy, zero sympathy, nothing. Another example: my girlfriend of 7 years just broke up with me 2 weeks ago, she was crying her eyes out trying to get me to understand why, etc and I was “sad” for about 15 minutes and that was the end of it. And please let me reiterate: this woman was with me from my absolute highest points in my life to the absolute lowest, I would do anything for her, I do love her without a doubt in my mind, but it’s the same way that someone knows not to touch a burning stove; I understand it and know it in my mind, but I don’t feel it. this goes all my other emotion too, anything that I should be having a pretty Intense emotional reaction to, I just dont.

I was accepted into a specialised school (I won’t be specific as to what subject) and it was quite hard to get into so I felt really proud of myself especially as I’ve never been great with education, I have a history of bad attendance due to high anxiety but this time around I really thought I could do it as I’m now an adult & I am actually interested in learning because it’s a subject I thoroughly enjoy.

I stupidly took a day off because I was highly anxious, now I know it’s important to take mental health days but I really should’ve pushed myself because now it’s set me back, and I’ve continued to take days off. I’ve now got it into my head I want to drop out… but I actually don’t, I enjoy the course and I love what I’ve been learning; however I’m just having breakdown after breakdown about going back there & I really can’t understand why. I’m not sure if it’s my bad history with education that means maybe it’s deep rooted in me? And then I opened up to my teacher on email and my email was ignored - probably not intentionally, he’s a very busy person but now I’m worried he’ll want to talk to me the next time I go in as I’ve now missed a lot of days and I’m probably falling behind my classmates.

Anyway, I feel as though I’m rambling but I had to get this off my chest, I’m really worried about going back there but I know I have nothing to be scared of, any tips on getting back into the swing of things? I feel like my mental health is going to be the big elephant in the room when I go back :/

My birthday is coming up. Why am I not excited? I’ve always called myself a maximalist but I don’t think that’s true. I think I love the thrill of buying new stuff to fill this deep, incessant, clawing emptiness. I’m not sad. But I wouldn’t be able to tell you what happiness actually feels like. I only feel angry or an intrinsic nothingness. It has extended to every part of me. I only feel like a human when I am shouting or cutting myself. I am not a human in any mental sense. I don’t have interests or things I like or people I enjoy being around. I don’t cry and wish to die anymore, but this indifference to everything and everyone is almost worse. I want to understand why I feel this way. Depression sums it up the best but it still feels wrong to describe myself that way. Any help in figuring out what is going on would be appreciated. Thank you, and have an amazing day. I’m proud of you.

First of all, i’ve been having 2 phases that take turns every few months since i was 9 years old (i’m in my late teens now). Basically it’s always that i have a depressive phase for a few months, and then i have a normal phase for about 1.5-2 months, and then i fall back into the depressive phase. And that has been going on since i was 9. Basically what changes is that in my depressive phases i don’t feel like leaving my apartment, i barely feel like talking to people face to face, waking up is hard, and generally everything feels harder and i barely have any motivation. i’ve also experienced a burnout phase 1.5 years ago. and a few months ago in summer break i remember crying in my depressive phase as well, but not due to burnout but bc of that aching feeling of emptiness (can’t rlly explain it) that i had. Basically, my depressive phases always feel different, sometimes they are worse than other times. Sometimes it’s just low energy and low motivation and sometimes it’s also that aching feeling and wanting to sleep forever (i’ve never had the thought of suicide though, it’s usually just the “ugh i wish i could sleep forever” but i would never consider unaliving myself). I can also say that i daydream a lot, especially when i’m in my depressive phases (it’s like a coping mechanism but at the same time it makes it worse bc the worlds i create in my mind are usually much cooler than real life). But when i’m in my “normal” phase, i barely ever daydream, or when i do it’s about real life and not about my made up worlds.

Secondly, i don’t rlly have hobbies. All i do is either school stuff or wasting my time on my phone. I usually procrastinate doing school work by being on my phone. I don’t even know what i do, i thought i was spending lots of time on tiktok and instagram, but about a week ago i put a 2h limit on both of them (2h both in total, not each), and today i procrastinated doing school stuff A LOT but i haven’t reached my limit on both apps?? Also basically, i barely ever have the motivation to do anything so i waste more time on my phone. Even when im done with school stuff for the day and have free time, i either have a strong feeling that i should do more for school instead of having free time or i think about what to do and i don’t feel like doing anything. And if i think about doing something (like for example drawing) but i don’t feel like doing that in the moment, i feel like im forcing myself which makes drawing no fun so i don’t do it. Aside from that, my interests come and go so quickly. I might be interested in something for a a few weeks or months and then lose interest completely, even if i was extremely hyped about it in the beginning. but i also never have the motivation to inform myself about my interests on a deeper level. for example, rn one of my main interests is my little pony, and guess who can’t bring herself to start watching it or at least inform myself about it, exactly, me. and its like that with everything.

Thirdly, im not rlly as emotional as people might think. i mean yeah, i do show emotions like when im smiling or crying. But i barely ever feel anything (only some negative emotions and crushing are what i feel intensely) Especially the crying part pisses me off because i tear up in stupid situations and i get so embarrassed about it especially bc it’s not like i’m FEELING sad or anything. But i just tear up

i had to shorten this text a lot, so just ask if something is unclear. anyways yeah idk

The closest term I can find to the title description is "Passive-suicide" but this generally implies a resignation of hopelessness. I'm talking about people who are anorexic or have severe drug addiction who know that there actions will kill them, reconcile with that, but still do without having the intent to die. In law, I found that there is a term called dolus eventualis which is when you understand that your actions could kill someone, you reconcile with it, but go through with it anyways although you don't have the intention to actually kill someone. This is basically the term between straight murder and negligent murder. So is there a term for self-dolus eventualis which could be placed neatly between suicide and reckless endangerment?

I was watching him play people playground on steam and I felt like he was off

2 days earlier we were accused of planning something illegal which wasn't true, but like the last message was Fr after we got off the call

So shit, he was cool asf but it's been a year and I still intentionally reminded me if him to feel something

Looking for advice on working on triggers that I can't always avoid (work, family,...) but still need to manage my reaction to them.

I recently have broken up with my girlfriend after a year and a half and it's really taken a toll on like everything in my life. I've tried to do self improvement but none of it seems to work, which is why I've been having suicidal thoughts. I would never commit suicide because 1. I'm too much of a pussy and 2. I always just think about the people in my life, I couldn't just do that, it would hurt them too much. Here is my problem, ever since my breakup I've has no one i could go to for help, no one to vent too, and no one to talk to. I have people i can talk to but I hate talking about mental health because having someone feel bad for me makes me feel even worse. I hate having people feel bad for me so I just can't talk about suicide. I want help but I can't get it because having people pity me is the worst thing I could have. How am I supposed to talk to anyone about this. And before anyone says get a therapist, I'm only 16 so it's far too much money than I can make.

Hello! To summarize my question... I've basically suffered from extreme anxiety / health anxiety / Depression for the last three years... About a week ago I suddenly got this feeling of well... Actually all feelings went away. I feel like empty, no energy, no drive, not even anxiety which is concerning to me since that seemed to be the only constant in my life. Is there a possible reason for this? Maybe my nervous system is fried? Has anyone else experienced something similar? I'm not on any medications. Don't smoke or drink often and no drugs. Also, English is not my first language. Thank you in advance!

I had the idea to make a YouTube video, kind of vlog style. So I started recording myself on my iPad and it turned into a therapy session for me. I talked to myself for a couple hours. I just did another session and I find it to be really self soothing. Facing myself, especially on the iPad where the screen is large enough to reflect a more accurate size of my face, forces myself to be aware of my actions such as skin picking and also helps me be nicer to myself. Talking to myself on a large screen kind of replicates a conversation with a real person. And I end up being a lot kinder to myself. I struggle with making friends and socializing and once you get past the fact that you are literally talking to yourself on an iPad, it helps me feel less lonely.

It’s probably too early to tell but I feel more benefits from doing this just over a couple days than I have in talk therapy. For these reasons I really recommend you try (maybe don’t just abandon your therapist though haha)

I have suicidal thoughts right now and I just need a change. I don't really wanna dye and I still have confidence that in long term it is possible that everything is gonna turn out ok, but I can't live here anymore. I need a new start. I wanna be away from family, away from my friends, away from everything. I'm getting crazy here and I'm scared that I will loose control and make a mistake. I wanna move to another country which is possible, but doesn't make any sense in terms of my job. It’s possible, but objectively not smart at all. The problem is when I tell my friends and family what I wanna do they will all try to stop me, because objectively it doesn't make sense. Especially my parents will be so disappointed and won’t understand it. I have never told anyone about my mental health problems and I really don't want to. Can you give me any advice?