Can someone stay on call with me while I fall asleep please? I'm just having a hard time right now

You know the classic devil and angel on your shoulder that you always hear about? The devil constantly in your ear talking about all the bad what ifs and just constantly spouting negativity in your head…while the angel tries to show you the good things? Is that legit, based on something real?

Because i cannot keep this devil in my head any longer, she shouts nonsense at me all day. telling me how terrible i am when i do anything slightly wrong, how useless i am when i take time to relax, how ugly and fat i am when i look in the mirror, how nobody likes me when notifications aren’t on my phone or after interactions, how ill never be enough for anyone in this world. The “devil” on my shoulder makes living my daily life so exhausting, the devil rules my head. it’s so much stronger than the angel, it will mock the good things the angel has to say, then make fun of me myself for even thinking about believing what the angel said. this voice is taking me over, i don’t know how much longer i can fight it off, i think it may win. this devil makes me a terrible person and i can’t stand to hurt the people who have given so much to try and help me. i am just a lost cause, i was never cut out for this world

So to preface, I'm autistic/ADHD (diagnosed) and because of that its caused me some social issues. i'm getting pretty heavily bullied, I call people friends prematurely and its made me struggle to maintain some relationships.

I admit that i have some trust issues and every action was my own not due to my autism. But recently I've been considering the fact that I've been having some recurring signs of psychosis. Like I've been seeing/hearing things I (might) be smelling things i looked at delusions and realized that they align with me more than I remember.

I'm wondering if paranoid delusions had led me to believing that my friends were hiding something from me or pulling away from me or hurting me. (They did hurt me emotionally on multiple occasions even outside of what i perceived.)

I know I can't go back in the past and change what I did, and I'm not going to let my diagnosis define me, but I've been going on a journey of bettering myself and if I can trust myself, and my future friends more because i know what the cause is, then I'm going to try. Does anyone have anything to weigh in on with?

I promise this isn't a joke. I've been angry at myself all day, and things came to a head tonight.

So everyone tells me Ugly and not in the i hate your Ugly but Yeah Even the people im friends with like semi friends think im Ugly. But i look at myself and Yeah im ok Ugly but i think my face is ok. Idk why i cant see im Ugly

At work, I was crossing the parking lot to get to someone’s car and I saw a car enter the lot. It stopped, so I continued to cross and when it saw me almost get to the first parking spot, the person inside floored the car. I felt my body turn as cold as the temperature outside and it’s like something inside of me snapped like a rubber band. I closed my eyes and I felt myself feel relieved for the first time in years. It’s not even a relief you can get from smoking weed, or falling asleep. It was an acceptance of me not having to continue that day, or try tomorrow. After that, I felt blank.

I am unlovable. I am done burdening others because I want to believe that I am meant to be admired. I want someone to tell me that I’m beautiful. I want someone to tell me that my dreams inspire them and that the paragraphs I write make them feel cared for. I want someone to show up for me and mean it. I want someone to take me out on Valentine’s Day and to want to take me out on other days, too. I want someone to look me in my eyes and tell me that they can see the pain in them. I want someone to trace the scars on my hands and to tell me that they admire all of the stretch marks I’ve worked off on my arms, thighs, and stomach. I want to live. I want to be twenty years old. I want to make my dad proud. I want to prove my mom wrong. I want my siblings to look up to me. I want my friends to see my presence as something to look forward to. I want to see the world. I want to hear my song again. I want to post the songs I’ve covered for the public to see. I want to play my drums again. I want to take pictures again. I want to tell everyone what I should of told them in those moments where I couldn’t think of the right ways to show up for them, or myself. I want someone to want to know me. I want someone to not be afraid to post me. I want someone to hold me one last time. I want to ride on your shoulders again while you make me feel like I’m at the top of the world. If the world was ending I’d wanna be next to you but I can’t. No one else’s world is ending except mine. I have to go.

I’m sorry. I wish I could promise tomorrow. I wish I could find it in me to live again. The note I wrote is filled with the most “I love you’s” I said in my life. I hugged my older brother for the last time yesterday after he gave me the gift I specifically didn’t ask for but god. God, if you hear me. Lord, I have tried. My bones ache. My eyes hurt from crying. My hands bleed from how hard I push myself to pick up what everyone else allows to fall. What is there to do when the weight of the world is too much for my shoulders? My knees, they’re shaking. I can feel that my joints want to explode like a spring.

I’m sorry I didn’t start college and I’m sorry that other people get so mad when I bring it up. I’m sorry that I couldn’t manipulate my body to twist and bend to meet it all. I’m just sorry that I can’t do it. I’m sorry that it hurts. I’m sorry that I want to stay so badly on some days but on others, I feel how good it would be to not be here at all. I wish everyone could forget the impact I had on my life. I’ve tried to distance myself but it’s made them sadder. I’ve tried switching departments to make my mom more money. She takes everything I gain. I cannot name one thing I’ve taken in months. I’ve lost my dog and I’ve given all of me. The achievements I’ve gained felt nothing compared to being loved. I’ve lost myself for the last time. No weed will heal this.

I have dealt with depression off and on since I was 16. I have also dealt with self harm since I was 16. I've been in therapy, tried several meds, and have gotten better to where I am able to come off meds for a while and have had no problems.

At age 31, I started losing my teeth due to a medical issue. I lost several jobs due to my health issues and eventually found the one I am at after being unemployed for a while.

I'm now 33 and have been informed that replacing my teeth will cost a minimum of 40k. In the past year, I have gone through 2 moves, my mom had 2 major surgeries, and 4 months after my parents bought the house we live in, my dad had emergency double bypass surgery and was without work for over a month. I have my own bills and am having to help my parents with their bills as well.

I currently wfh doing customer service for a call center in healthcare. I received 2 weeks of classroom training, 2 weeks of on the job training, and was told that was all we get,we either figure it out or we don't. My job requires us to take a minimum of 2.6 calls per hour, we have to meet a minimum of 2500 calls per month, policies and requirements change daily and we are expected to memorize them, customers are abusive and we have to take the call,there's no support.,and we are allowed 10 hours of follow up work for the whole month... which I find ridiculous considering there is no limit to the amount of accounts/patients/claims/authorizations people can call in on and we can't ask how many they have or setba limit as it's considered work avoidance.

I had to pay 1800 for a new set of teeth in preparation for dental implants after I already paid 1500 for temporary dentures from another provider.

I was so frustrated with work that I yelled at someone, contemplated self harm, and couldn't work last Thursday or Friday because I was so overwhelmed and jittery and insane I truly thought I would end up in the er. I ended up going to my primary doctor who put me back on meds, is making me see behavioral health, and is asking if I can switch to part time hours, and even if I can switch to part time, he's still considering having me take a leave of absence.

I've been struggling with this since I was a child. I'm 25 years old and I never wanted to do anything, unless it was for fun. I still don't. I do things because I HAVE to do them, or else there are consequences. Like going to work, for example, but this problem extends through my everyday life. I do enjoy being productive but not enough, it seems - it's extremely hard for me to force myself to actually get tasks done.

I used to be diagnosed with depression for a few years and back then I felt a lot worse (I thought more negatively too, I don't do that anymore) but now that I'm 'better' I just went back to what I knew was my before-depression-self so I never really questioned if it was bad that I don't have any drive to do or try things.

I thought that this is just how I am and not a mental illness but most people around me seem to be very different. They always want(!) to do some activity, they also do a lot of productive things, more in one regular day than I can even manage when I have a 'good' day. (At least it seems that way?) I wonder if other people are not constantly fighting their own laziness in every aspect of their life, or if they just pretend they don't?

I have to force myself to clean, to shower, to brush my teeth, to cook an actual meal, or going outside to get errands done. Even getting out of bed is hard. I'm procrastinating on every little task until it's almost too late. I'll stop with the list but I hope it gets my point across. Almost everytime I have to talk myself out of doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes it's easier but I don't know why.

I used to be sure that I'm just being lazy. And I know this sounds like depression again but I still think, that depression is a lot worse than this is (at least in my own experience). I can't stay consistent with things like working out or eating healthy, no matter how much I want to do these things better. I always stop or give up, even if that (ironically) makes me depressed. I'm not sure if I just lack a lot of discipline and self-control or if the problem lies elsewhere.

I don't know if this IS a form of depression or another mental illness. If yes, then I guess I must have had it since I can remember. And I really hope that it can get better, even if I don't know how that would feel like. If it's just me being me, does anyone know how or even IF I can change myself so I won't have to constantly fight against my thoughts?

I am frequently feeling sad and sometimes angry for no reason, or sometimes just over things that have happened in the past. I don't like always being sad, but my mom says I need to just choose and try harder to be happy. I don't want want to feel like this, so why would I be doing it on purpose.

Am I just not trying hard enough? Or is it not as simple as it being a choice? How do I fix it?

34 F. I’ve been in therapy on and off for 10+ years but always pretended my life of trauma wasn’t there and never happened. I alway put the focus on managing my Bipolar. Eventually (like 5 years ago) after a 3 day vacay at a local hospital I was diagnosed with complex PTSD in conjunction with my already existing Bipolar diagnosis. But continued to avoid working through my trauma and pretending they were wrong. I’ve just always pushed it all into a metaphorical closet and locked the door and pretend what happened to me didn’t happen or I’m misremembering and blame myself for what happened.

Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD and the psychologist really encouraged me to look into doing trauma work because of my scores on some of the additional assessments she did. I decided to get back into therapy to address it because even though my life isn’t falling apart, I did recognize that my CPTSD was effecting me more and more. So now I am back in therapy, and so far I really like my new therapist.

She gave me homework for my next session, which is this coming week, for some journaling. My task is to write a narrative of an experience, or however many I want but at least one, to help recognize I didn’t have any control of others actions so I can try working on my guilt and shame. Now, I love journaling and creating, but I don’t want to journal about the ick in my life. I’ve been avoiding it all week.

I REALLY want to work on my trauma and feel “normal” but I am hesitant because I don’t know how doing this will effect me and I don’t want to feel the way I do when I think about those things.

Guess I’m looking for some outside encouragement/support because I’m afraid…

TW: I mention su1c1de and talk about anxiety, so if that bothers you please don't read this <3

I think I already know the answer to this question, but I wanted to check here anyways just in case the answer is different than what I was thinking.

So, I'm an American citizen studying in BC, Canada (I'm not a Canadian citizen btw). It might be important to note that I'm studying at a boarding school. I'm currently a freshman in high school. I've been struggling with mental health issues for several years, and it's recently started to become a really serious issue.

I've kind of talked about it with my parents, but I literally brought it up once like a year ago, begged them to send me to therapy, they did, that was the end of the whole thing. It was really stressful and discussing it with them really poorly effected my emotional state, just because they don't have a very good outlook on mental health - especially medication.

Because of that, I've never taken any sort of medication for what my therapist believed was anxiety, despite it being a really serious issue, and causing me to be su1c1dal, etc. etc.

That said, I would like to start taking medication, as at this point after two counselors and a therapist nothing seems to be helping.

My school has a nurse practitioner, and I *think* some official therapist of some kind (sorry, I have no idea what terminology to use). I know that some kids do take medication for anxiety, so I know that our health center can provide medication, but I'm just not sure if they can prescribe it.

The nurse has actually already given me two inhalers (I've never used one in my life, so she was the one "prescribing" it to me), one of which includes a steroid, so I'm not sure if that counts as, like, a prescription medication that she's already prescribed me (which would imply that she could prescribe more medication).

So, my question: Can my school nurse prescribe me medication, how much would it cost, and would my parents know?

TLDR: Can a student at a boarding school in BC, Canada, receive medication from a school nurse?

Thank you for any information :)

I can say that I still find it difficult to cherish someone. (Or I guess I just have a standard in mind on how to take care, or love someone). Facing my grandma's needs for example, is so difficult for me to give. I sometimes think if it's my lacking, or the people I'm with is the problem. But even it is their fault, I still can't let go of them and don't care about them anymore; they are my family.

As I reflect to my self, I realise how I am not able to express or show how I really feel. I instead distract myself, and I believe this one had also something to do with my concern. And I will be honest I also don't talk much about myself to others. I don't know, I just struggle doing so.

Learning to function properly is not easy, I know. But sometimes, I feel like I'm losing so much opportunities because of it. Because all I ever had is struggling each day, swallowing this situation and can't simply have myself much space to grow.

Hahahahaha gotta love the daily "do I actually have this other disorder or is the ocd just doing its thing?"

My younger sister is in a toxic relationship with a narcissist. She opened up to us and started pointing out how everyone is a narcissist in a way. My siblings and I had a deep conversation with her which brought us closer but now she’s accusing all of us (my siblings and I) as narcissists. We grew up with a narcissist dad and she said we’re taking traits from him. She pointed our behavior and I did notice some similarities but now we can’t have a simple conversation without her saying we’re triggering her. Like today, for example, there was a McFlurry on the dining table from last night and I made a comment of “the McFlurry melted.” And she jumped in and said “you’re just like dad!”I was so confused because I didn’t mean any harm with that comment. I saw the McFlurry and that’s why I made that comment. She said “why do you need to point it out.” And I told her I didn’t mean it in a bad way but she got hysterical and started crying and was yelling at me. My family has a history is mental disorders (schizophrenia, bipolar, depression, anxiety). I want to support my sister but at this point it feels like I’m walking on egg shells. When she gets angry, she gets very mean. She’s made my brother and I cry because of the things she tells us. Does anyone have any experience similar to this?

I got all-consuming crushes and I don’t know what to do anymore, because it is affecting my life. I ,,felt“ deeply for people after an one date. I know, it’s all illusion, because I basically don’t know them, but I can’t help myself. Sometimes I even feel physical pain. I want to be with them all the time, or at least somehow in touch via phone. When they mention, they have another plans, my world crushes, because I think I am not important to them. For few months I even gave myself break from dating, but it didn’t help, I am back on the same path.

I was on few dates with one guy and I texted him 30 minutes ago and I am still without reply. All I want to do is cut myself or drink bottle of rum or text him an angry message. I know I can’t do that, because when I act on my feelings, I scare most of the people away. I look like a crazy chick. But I got all of these paranoid thoughs of how he wants to leave me or how he is with someone else. But on the other side, when I got that message back, I feel absolutely high, my world is beautiful again.

How can I chill out?

Quick intro I'm 37m AuDHD, C-PTSD, autoimmune arthritis in chronic pain 24/7 with a protruding disc impacting my nerve between L5-S1. I've had a rough couple of years, my son's mother was in a relationship with a sex offender. Thankfully he's in prison now, social services are satisfied that my son wasn't harmed but I'm not sure. It triggered suppressed memories of SA I went through younger than him. I'm pissed that I'm going through these thoughts at this time of year! I want to be around my kids without getting triggered by it and i want to support my son better. I'm not so much after advice I just needed to vent a bit. Sorry if I offended anyone.

The heading says it all. I don't feel connected to anyone. But. No substance abuse. I have family & friends. But, if anyone passes away. Or I don't associate with any of them, it doesn't seem to phase me. The only family I try to keep in contact with are my 2 children. And it's more like an obligation. I had 2 previous relationships that I worked at. But both of them made it clear I wasn't a priority to them. I am alone, but I'm not lonely. Is this normal ?

For the first time in years I’m in the midst of a period of calm growth and actual hopeful mind that I created myself on purpose that isn’t manic or drug induced. It’s been over two weeks and though I in no way assume that the battles over and I’ll never sink underwater again this gives me so much hope for the future and hopefully when I really do know that I’ll be able to stay above

I don’t have anyone to say this to in my life and I needed to share it somewhere 😅

Recently I’ve had a huge problem with procrastination. I’ve always been a relatively big procrastinator but it was usually with school work and it wouldn’t be to the point where it causes too much trouble. But after I graduated high school it’s been affecting me greatly. I took a gap year and currently live with my dad and work at Walmart. I’ve been looking into trade schools lately too. But I feel like I don’t get anything done. I’m lucky my dad is tolerate with my laziness because I really do feel like a bum sometimes. I’ve been just procrastinating absolutely everything, I feel like after work I don’t do anything. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve put off things for literal months because I just don’t feel like doing it. Recently I got a tattoo and my joints have been absolutely killing me and it could be a sign of something life threatening but I just keep putting off going to the doctor. I keep making excuses for everything I have to do. Even things I’m supposed to enjoy, I’m like “I’ll just play this game later” or “I’ll play my guitar later”. It’s like I don’t want to do anything anymore. It’s been eating me up but I just can’t bring myself to do anything that needs to be done. I don’t know what to do with myself. Even small things like putting laundry in the dryer or washing a plate I put off. I’ll lay down because I’m stressed out thinking about it then fall asleep. I put off getting ready for bed too so sometimes my skincare suffers. I’m stressed out and tired out all the damn time. Does anyone else experience this?

I was recently diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) after finally addressing my issues and seeing a therapist. I also have anxiety. I was just wondering if anyone has advice or tips on managing it, I try to stay busy but when I’m not busy my thoughts eat away at me and I just feel way worse. I also work night shift so this makes it that much worse

Lately I just feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve been diagnosed with GAD and depression for several years. I’m a 21yo F. I’m also 6 months postpartum and my anxiety has just been spiraling even further out of control lately. I suffer from derealization issues also but I’m not diagnosed with a disorder, my therapist seems to think it’s just a symptom of my anxiety. Humans don’t feel real to me anymore, everything about them just feels dumb and pointless to me now. I tend to just think of humans as animals now and think everything humans do is weird. I’m on 75 mg of zoloft but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I just want to feel normal and stop making myself spin out of reality like this. I don’t even know how to explain it properly to my therapist so that she can help. I have bad health anxiety and I just feel like I’m going crazy or developing schizophrenia or something. I’m just wondering if anyone else has been through this and how I can possibly feel more real and normal. Tired of living with these horrible thoughts I feel insane.

Every day I (22m) feel really guilty, like I have done something really bad. But I havent done anything bad at all. I feel the need to prove myself even though i got pretty much everything going for me.

Last week my boss asked me how I feel (i have a bit of pressure on me), but I just froze and told him I have a cold.

I want to get a partner but i feel like i have to wait until im a better man, which seems impossible because as soon as i reach one of my goals, i set a higher one

I fear it is a neverending loop. Am I weird?

There are even more people with mental health problems outside of this subreddit and 500 k is already to many as a lot of these people say there struggling with suacidle thoughts as well as other mental health problems. And its estimated that 280 mil people have depression that is insane that is almost 11 times as many people that live in Australia and only 55 mil less than all people in America.

I find that really scary that there are so many people in crisis i have had it rough but never had depression so knowing that 280 mil people have at least how bad i had it at my lowest is heartbreaking. Around 6% have mental health issues probably more 720 thousand people kill themselves every year.

So Yeah if your struggling just know that there are a lot of people just like you this subreddit is what i would call a place where you start to have faith in humanity again people from around the world helping others.

Everyone posting or commenting on this sub thank you for the service you are providing us.

I've been out of work since July with anxiety and panic. I'm in therapy and on medication not doing any better (might be switching meds soon). I had to move back in with my parents because of my anxiety and they're getting frustrated that I'm not working. I haven't lost my job yet, but if I don't go back soon I'll have to start paying for my (expensive) health insurance. I hate that job and don't want to go back but the idea of looking for a new job terrifies me. I wish I could find a job where I wouldn't be miserable and in tears constantly. I've considered trying to find a remote job, but even that freaks me out because I start thinking about having to go through training. My therapist told me IF i was approved for disability, it would probably take a few years. I don't know what to do and i feel trapped. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

AIO? Feel like I may need professional help

I’ve noticed my mental health slowly getting worse. Sometimes I have good productive days, sometimes I can’t get out of bed. I haven’t been trying in school, and am failing my classes. My husband is upset with me but honestly, I don’t think it’s my fault and I keep making excuses for myself. It’s just so hard for me to sit and focus on one thing. I’ve tried so many times I just can’t, which makes me believe I might have ADHD. I also bite my nails and the skin around it, and play with my scalp. It’s become a really bad habit and sometimes don’t even notice I’m doing it. I noticed it happens a lot more when trying to focus on studying or watching a movie, I guess it helps me focus more. The repetitive behavior makes me feel like I might have OCD. I also do things like breathe a certain way until it feels “right” I don’t know how to explain it but it really bothers me. I also need to blink a certain amount of times until it feels “right”. Something else I do a lot is I put myself in horrible, brutal situations in my head. Like I could randomly be sitting and imagine an intruder break into my house and start stabbing me. I then start to scan the rom and think of an escape or a plan. Or another time I was in the car and the top of this church building was very pointy. I started imaging someone on top stabbed at the pointy part and bleeding. I genuinely don’t know why I do this, but I do it a lot. I also have really bad social anxiety and hate the feeling of being perceived. This is something I’ve tried working on but honestly, nothing helps. I also overthink way too much which results in a heated argument with hubby. It just escalates and I’m already too deep in my head to stop. Like I’m aware that I should and that what I’m doing is wrong but I can’t get myself to stop. I don’t know why this happens, I always end up regretting it and feeling really guilty. I’m getting sick of it and I want to get professional help, I just don’t know how to bring it up to my husband. Do I need professional help, or am I overreacting?

I am starting therapy this Monday and I'm going to get a referral for a psychiatrist as well. I'm excited/scared/nervous/ashamed. What is something I should know going in? I know things may not work immediately but what if they don't work at all? What if I stay fucked up forever? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been on medication and therapy!

What do you do when you don’t want to die, but feel like everyone you look up to would believe you deserve to.

I can’t stop hating myself.

Some time ago, I started feeling really bad, and I began avoiding everyone I love. There wasn’t any specific reason—I just started doing it. And I did it almost… unconsciously. I avoided everyone. I avoided serious conversations, avoided talking about myself, about what I think, what I feel, and about my problems.

I realize now that what I did was wrong. I caused a lot of pain to these people and created so many problems for them—and for myself. I don’t want to live like this anymore, breaking my life completely.

I want to start a conversation with my friend, with my partner, but I don’t know how to approach it or what to say. I’m scared I might trigger them with my words or actions. What should I do in this situation?

Imagine knowing exactly how the modern credit based economy works and figuring out some lesser known secrets which gives you the edge to make boatloads of fiat every waking hour of your miserable life.

But the dumb 50yo trust fund baby you're talking to thinks they're the real shit and have what it takes to be at your level (they don't even know they're basically in the basement relatively speaking lol).

I look forward to ripping all these losers and their next of kin a new one in 20 years time.

So many times I read: "Oh ignore what others say." Or "Haters gonna hate." But I've discovered no that's not the truth, your life is at the whim of others, they can and will destroy you. Many like to do it too. They will make sure you get fired, destroy your relationships and try to get you to end yourself with harassment. All I have seen over the 30+ years of my existence the evil of humans. I've never been in control of my life because no matter how perfect I try to be, everyone wants to and will destroy you either to get ahead in life or for kicks. It's why bullies exist people, that doesn't go away after school. They are still out there. The majority of people are, and those of is who aren't are being destroyed all the time. Anyone else think like this? I know many would say it's not true but I can't unthink it