I hate sharing anything personal about myself, even my close friends and gf say that they barely know anything about me, I've always felt this weird sense of shame/embarrassment over sharing personal experiences/venting to other people because I feel as if I would be a burden to them, and I don't like talking to people about my interests as I feel as I would just get laughed at, I'm not into things that would be considered out of the ordinary, like heavy music and horror movies and video games, I feel as if this stems from my family in some form.

I'm just curious into why this is and how I could overcome it

I get that this isn't as serious as other people's issues but I just need to get this off my chest

Thanks

I’ve been depressed since I was a teenager. I’ve had periods where it hasn’t been the worst. It comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family. I’m 34, female. No kids and a career going. My boyfriend tries to help me but like me doesn’t know how.

Lately I’ve been getting worse. I started therapy 6 mo ago, taken time off when I needed to, and try to be kind to myself - but I always get stuck.

Today and yesterday I’ve been working from home and haven’t gotten anything done. Now I’m crying instead of just getting started on the task. Scared to show up to work without having anything to show for. Scared to let people down. Scared they’ll notice my puffy eyes. Scared to admit to my boss that I’m behind. I know I can do the task but I just freeze and don’t do it. I’m a huge people pleaser and struggle alot with guilt.

I have no idea what to do about my fucked up mind and just be normal! I get so frustrated with myself for being this way and not getting myself out of it.

I honesty don’t know how people can deal with their lives and I’m so jealous. I don’t know how to help myself get better. I’m doing all the things I think. Maybe medicin is what I need?

There's general anxiety vs anxiety with good reason. This story is about the latter, and no one seems to be addressing it online...

this is a genuine post & has been going on decades.

I have a friend whom people love on the phone & by text & in emails, but as soon as they see her face people just turn on her for some reason. It messes with her social & work life in such a deep way that she's had a miserable time in jobs, ended up with depression, anxiety, and ended up hiding at home, set up her own online busines where she doesn't have to see people & is doing very well, but is lonely. She tried taking a few video calls with clients only for them to abandon her shortly afterwards. Since then she refuses to let anyone see her face, and is doing better again- not losing clients.

She has quite a pointy nose- it's just genetics I guess. People in public seem to think she looks "nasty" or like she's turning up her nose at them in disgust. She has considered surgery but can't find a surgeon able to do that specific job as it requires adding in skin / cartillage in a specific place to lower the nostril flap that can't be done apparently.

So... I don't know how to help her. I don't think this is in her mind.

I've seen the reaction of people to her & am constantly defending her.

It just upsets me that someone I love has been bullied out of society like this...

She says it takes months & months for someone to get to know her before they realise she's not a nasty person or not actually looking at them with 'superiority / disgust' - but no one will give her months to get to know her. The only reason I do is because I lived with her for a year (couldn't get out of rental contract). Her only friends are people who were forced to get to know her by renting as flatmates. It was pretty horrible until we got to know her as everyone assumed she was not nice.

I don't know the point in this post- just saying I hope one day we as the human race can stop judging by appearances less :(

I wonder how many people this affects - because I imagine there must be more like her we never or rarely see on the street due to them having a happier life hiding at home. Her life isn't happy by any means- she's lonely- but she tells me it's "not a bad" as when she tried to integrate with society.

Please no replies about it being about "confidence" or "how you see yourself" as that really isn't the case here. She's confident, kind, nice personality, and saw herself as just like everyone else, but it still leads to being misunderstood by everyone.

I know there are jokes about "RBF" and videos like that online but it's actually quite soul destroying from what I see. If we go to a shop, I sometimes have to step in to calm people down after they see her, especially if she talks to them. They think she's "smug", "arrogant"..etc.. Usually it's just nasty looks from people toward her but occassionally can get aggressive in certain areas. In every case, after they get to know her they say "she's actually really nice! I'm shocked." -

It's just a face thing.

Has anyone else experienced this or known anyone like this?

Some back story. Even since I was like 10 or 11 I wanted to be transgender but had parents who wouldn't have allow it even if I ask since they were homophobic and transphobic. So I've finally done it but how does one get over the jealousy of people that had parents that let them take puberty blockers or hrt at a young age. Instead of them having to wait until they were 19 and I wouldn't have to deal with the effects of male puberty. Looking at old photos I would really look like how I want because I was already feminine looking and didn't hit puberty yet (I went throught it late). Its starting to become unbearable and overwhelming to think about or go on the internet to see people that had parents who cared. Its starting to suck the life out of me and I feel like I started taking hormones late because not too long I'm going to be old n shit I could have already had 9 years in of being transgender. Lastly the other thing was that I started thinking about how much happier I would have been instead of hiding it for years and how much better I would have taken care of myself, treated myself better, and been happier because it was feeding into the depression in that I couldn't be me. I still constantly feel like shit because how much different my life would have been also in that I could have been dating then instead of having to wait until I had and job and moved out since my parents are homophobic and transphobic. I would have been able to go to prom like I always hoped and wouldn't been self isolated.

Guys I’m 21 and I’m already having a mid life crisis. I get it. It’s tough for everyone out here these days but still what happened to my family. Like during these hard times where I’m struggling to live the only thing I really want is my family. One that I knew wasn’t perfect but made the most of things and we were somewhat happy. Now my dad has passed away in 2020 without me and him fixing things between us. It seems like me and my mom just don’t agree on anything anymore. I can’t even tell her about my tattoos cuz when I told her about my septum piercing she started crying and the rest of my family made me feel terrible about my decision. And me and my brother use to be so close to each other growing up and when My older brother had his teenage phase where he thought it was lame to hang out with his little sister. It hurt me so bad and I missed a lot of time with him but still we never recovered from that. I see he tries but it’s not working. He doesn’t know how and I don’t either. Like did the last 4 years ruin us or am I to blame? I’ve fallen into a full blown depression and the anti depressants don’t work for me for some reason. Beside that, I find myself distancing myself from my family these days which hurts me a lot. I don’t want to be around friends all the time. I want my family. I hate watching nostalgic pages and shows because it reminds me of happier times. I’m never going to have that again. I hate working. I hate college. I hate the government. I hate myself but I don’t have the balls to off myself so I’m stuck rn. Reaching out to strangers cuz guess what I don’t have any more money for therapy which means no more anti depressants. Like it matters anyway cuz it didn’t work. Sorry for the rant. I just needed to post this somewhere where someone I know won’t dis validate my feelings or tell me what I already know; it’s my fault.

Mental health medication is not what makes you better. Your mental health struggles are like a demon you fight, medication doesn’t kill it, it just gives you a weapon. It may be necessary but it is not sufficient.

I have ADHD and depression. I take medication and that is the only reason I can leave my bed for more than just eating and using the bathroom. The first few weeks after first starting my meds, I was in an “I can leave my bed but I’m still depressed” space. It took me a while (honestly longer than it should have) to realize that now was the time to start taking care of myself.

I started exercising and going outside and I felt almost instantly better. I began taking another medication that broke my anxiety barriers enough that I could talk to people without believing that I was ruining their lives by doing so. Who knew having friends helps with mental health?

Another thing about the power of friendship and the great outdoors is that you have other options for rest that aren’t just scrolling through social media. Drowning in negativity is just no longer your default state. That makes the world a whole lot more manageable.

I just can’t shake this feeling of not being able to heal from the betrayals i had from every creature i met on this earth. I just wish to die i know i cant against the law of nature but i dont wish to live anymore and I’ve been feeling like this from so long. I hate it . I hate the part how people are so mean and rude to the very people who care about them.

I am telling my condition and I am not sure about that what is this. From start of the April, I always had the feeling that my perspectives towards things, my way of talking to myself changes very differently. But, I started to focus on studies and it kinda helped me. I had totally lost my sense of self at that time. I had lost my values. After that, I knew my perspectives are changing (as I am living in different time) but they were mild. It was fine until day before yesterday, I felt that my values and my personality which I used to have are returning. But, I was skeptical that hiw can this happen in one day? Today, I was getting more convinced that my personality is coming back. But something was weird, I had slight difficulty reminding that what was my actual day schedule. And now, I am getting sad and stressed again (for no reason) as I used to have at the start of April (exactly same). It feels like my mind is replicating those feelings very strongly. My mind is convincing me that it is the previous time which is not. So, I think something is still wrong with me. What is this? Does anyone feels the same? Or Am I overthinking?

TW: NSFW because of SI

EDIT: A way out in the title meaning relief, not the other way.

If this isn't the place, I'm sorry. I'm just looking for help and support. I feel more lost and confused every day.

For some context, I'm adult-diagnosed autistic and have OCD, ADHD, depression (treatment resistant), anxiety (treatment resistant), and panic disorder, along with a host of chronic health issues, including gastroparesis, SIBO, eosinophilic esophagitis, an ever growing list of anaphylactic allergies, neuropathy, muscle pain, paresthesia, functional neurologic disorder, degenerative disc disease, spinal stenosis, multiple impingements, synovitis, and some undiagnosed but suspected rheumatologic disorder that doctors are waiting to emerge further to properly diagnose.

I've had passive SI for a long time now. It was there in high school, it went away briefly in college, and then came back after my best friend killed himself. It's become active in the last few months as I've struggled with rapidly deteriorating health issues and relationship problems that recently led to a breakup that's been challenging. I had relief once after a surgery over the past many years and my head was empty and I could think and let the thoughts exist, but it went away by dinnertime. I talk about my feelings of SI with therapists, but I mask with friends and family because the support has historically been very unsupportive (I know it's hard to hear someone feels like they don't want to live anymore).

I've been on every class of drug and have either no relief or a total flattening of mood in an exclusively depressed state, and they are generally miserable for me, worse than being on nothing. Ketamine helped briefly, until it didn't anymore. My side effects from each are major and often crippling in different ways. My psychiatrist has no idea what to do for medications anymore apart from panic medication. My doctors in general don't know what to do or how to handle what's going on, so each appointment is just another day of providers not knowing what to do, trying to manage what they can, and them telling me we've exhausted the end of the current medical landscape and I should keep an eye out for relevant research studies I could join.

I've made and written last letters and notes and deleted them, but I have nothing in my house I could really do anything with and guarantee an out, so there's nothing I currently would do. I've talked to doctors at appointments about it because even though I want my way out, I know it's not how I should be feeling. They usually hold me, send me to the ER, I talk with the psych, they put me on a temporary psych hold tell me they think inpatient would be beneficial and encourage it.

Each time I ask the same question, "Can you help me understand what would be different and what I'd gain more from inpatient vs what I'm currently doing with outpatient therapy and psychiatry?" None of the providers ever have an answer and they usually leave without saying anything and I'm given discharge paperwork, which feels really dismissive of the situation. I'd ask similar questions of other treatments to make sure the benefits outweigh the risks, and I want to know I'll find relief if I have to devote the time and energy to inpatient. Otherwise, I'm just adding to the overall frustration of my health.

I've engaged with therapy for years and feel like I've reached the limits of the benefit I can gain anymore from DBT, CBT, mindfulness, and even the more non-standard therapeutic methods that briefly helped but soon found their own limit.

Every day has it's own new set of challenges, and I feel like I'm completely unable to keep up with what happened the previous day and am left more and more floored by each progressing day. Everything hurtsMy life feels like a mess and strife and all I can think about anymore is hoping I'll go to sleep and not wake up the next day. I felt alright before my chronic health issues started. Still not okay, but like I was managing okay, but now with my health and finances and everything that I already can't manage and am drowning in, my mental health feels like concrete blocks tied to my ankles.

Has anyone else dealt with depression that seems to have no treatment? Did you find relief? I think I need hope that something will change and my day won't be full of images and dissociations of SI anymore and I can feel even remotely calm.

I'd also really appreciate if anyone does have any insight on inpatient and why its better. It hurt when they just avoided and didn't answer my question at the hospital, and I'm not against inpatient, but I want to know what the option actually might involve.

I think I have some serious issues that needs to be addressed but I do need professional help. Where do I get it? As a canadian, the healthcare system is just so messed up and the online resources seem so distant and more self oriented, you have to be more responsible and committed which in my case is part of my problems.

I’ve (22M) been struggling with my mental health lately. I have years of trauma and pain built up from my childhood and I want to talk to somebody in the worst way about it. A lot has to do with my dad (50M) and the relationship we had growing up. It wasn’t a pretty one.

She (23F) knows a completely different side of him now and I don’t want her to know of how he used to be. I want to do therapy but I cannot afford it. I don’t have insurance. I’m really stuck and hold back tears all the time a nd no longer know what to do.

I feel grumpy often and sometimes leads to stupid arguments with my GF. I don’t want to talk to friends because I don’t want them knowing all I endured growing up.

I know I need help. I just don’t know how to get it. I want he to be my person for this but I can’t have her know everything that’s happened. Does anybody have a suggestion ?

I'm posting this here because I really don't know where else to post it.

I have a friend who attempted suicide before. They also suffer from heavy substance abuse (alcohol) to the point that they had to be hospitalized twice.

They were doing better for a few weeks, but I know they were drinking heavily again for the last two days. The last time I met them, they were not sober and was talking about how if there's any point in trying to do better. I managed to calm them down at the time. Today, I got a text from them in the morning saying that they were drunk again and I have gotten no response to any of my messages since.

I'm super worried about them and I don't know what to do. Do I call 911 or the cops? Please help!

I truly appreciate any advice

New to reddit don’t have many friends who i feel i can talk to and i really need someone to talk to please. i am not ok.

22 F. i have been single all my life except for getting forced into an into a long term relationship with a guy long distance cz he would threaten to kill himself if i didn’t and was pretty depressed and he was the only person willing to listen.

i am genuinely done with life. i am conventionally attractive i like to think i get compliments alot and do get attention from guys however when i actually want to proceed further with someone within 2 weeks, i always get “you are perfect, but i am not looking for anything right now” and that they wanna stay in touch and still wanna talk to me.

things at home aren’t the best don’t have the best relationship with my family but i am drained. i just crave someone who loves me more than infatuation. someone who cares. someone who asks and genuinely wants to know how i am. i have told my close friends that i am not ok and will do something dumb but they don’t take me seriously as they think my life is easy. i hate myself. i hate being alive. i am so touch starved that i find myself hugging my own self to fill some sort of empty void inside of me. why does no one want me?

i just want to be loved. am i this hard to love?

I have an important exam coming up and I have been procrastinating for a long time. I know i need to get it done but still lacking the mental strength. I live away from home alone so i get home sick too and it doesn’t help. Now i feel completely helpless.

I have my final exams in an hour and basically if I don't get near perfect I wou't get an A. I need an A to meet my university requirments. I focused so much on my other exams that I neglected this. I literally had to erite four 2 hour exams yesterday. I feel like if I don't get an A and get a B I wasted my parents time and money. I feel like a failure. ik a B is still good but idk if I can get into my uk uni with a B as it is a conditional offer that I get a A. I feel so nauseous unprepared everything I studied i'm forgetting. I feel sick and tired and guilty. I just want to do well for my parents i feel so bad they work so much for me and don't deserve me as their daughter. I feel like I'm such a waste of a child.

New to reddit don’t have many friends who i feel i can talk to and i really need someone to talk to please. i am not ok.

22 F. i have been single all my life except for getting forced into an into a long term relationship with a guy long distance cz he would threaten to kill himself if i didn’t and was pretty depressed and he was the only person willing to listen.

i am genuinely done with life. i am conventionally attractive i like to think i get compliments alot and do get attention from guys however when i actually want to proceed further with someone within 2 weeks, i always get “you are perfect, but i am not looking for anything right now” and that they wanna stay in touch and still wanna talk to me.

things at home aren’t the best don’t have the best relationship with my family but i am drained. i just crave someone who loves me more than infatuation. someone who cares. someone who asks and genuinely wants to know how i am. i have told my close friends that i am not ok and will do something dumb but they don’t take me seriously as they think my life is easy. i hate myself. i hate being alive. i am so touch starved that i find myself hugging my own self to fill some sort of empty void inside of me. why does no one want me?

i just want to be loved. am i this hard to love?

I have a lovely cocktail of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and I have just been diagnosed a few months ago with ADHD and PTSD.

Now apparently the PTSD is in remission. I’ve never been treated for it, but have for GAD and Depression. It stems from being raised with a step parent who was emotionally and financially abusive, neglectful and would intimidate and physically threatening actions (flipping furniture, throwing or swinging things at body/head to make it look like it would hit, etc.). He’s no longer in my life and hasn’t been for 6 years.

I’ve had some recent lost (2 family members passed within days of each other and another had late stage terminal cancer), and I’m about to graduate from post secondary and haven’t had luck with job hunting again.

I’ve feel like I’m spiralling into a depression funk but I’m worried that I might be relapsing. I keep having a lot of bad memories and feelings come up and I don’t know what to do or where to turn.

Any helpful resources or advice would be greatly appreciated. I am in Canada if that helps.

And there are not enough words to describes my feelings, not enough paint or colors to paint them. My world is imploding slowly and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I have drunk all the drinks smoked all the joints cried all the tears in the ocean, and yet I'll wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. 

I'm tired, even my looks are mellow. 

I don't talk anymore, to anyone, by fear of bursting.

And as I crumble, my mind stays quiet. 

No words for the unworthy.

I want the waves to take me away 

This is maybe a little odd, but I’d love to know if anyone else has this issue, and if you have, how you’ve dealt with it.

I have a lifelong habit of talking to myself. Not in the normal way that everyone does, to an extent. My inner monologue spills out of my mouth without my even realising it. Literally, whatever is in my head comes out of my mouth unless I make a conscious effort not to. I often only notice myself doing because I can physically feel my lips moving; it’s totally involuntary, unless I force myself to keep my mouth shut (it takes the same amount of concentration as forcing myself not to breathe, without the physical pain, if that makes sense). People I’ve lived with have all picked up on it; a few months ago I had a cousin stay over, who assumed that I was just constantly on the phone, and based on the frequency with which I was “on the phone”, developed a theory that I had gotten back with my ex (I absolutely have not).

I just had a conversation with my mom who said that I have always done it, but apparently have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older (I’m now 22). She said it was off putting to others, and I feel a bit bad about that. I struggle to work in communal spaces because if I become focused on a task, I start muttering to myself as I think about it (I work in a lab, so this is an issue for me). I wish I could control it, but I legitimately don’t know how.

I do have a few other mental health issues diagnosed (depression and an ED) and have been in treatment for them on-and-off, but those diagnoses don’t explain this behaviour. Whenever I’ve mentioned it to therapists, they’ve just told me it’s a quirk I have and not to worry about it, but I’m worried it’s pushing people away from me. I feel like a freak.

I’ve never met or heard of anyone else with the same issue as me, but I know that the internet is a big place. Does anyone know what is wrong with me???

Have you been through a tough mental health moment? If so, what messages, phrases, perspectives, or even music helped get you through? What turned things around for you?

i think about hurting people i love. i don't want to hurt them, to be perfectly clear, but i do quite like thinking about it. thinking about the gruesome and morbid ways i could turn their bodies into art almost feels like a form of love. i would never hurt anyone i care about, and i can stop thinking about it if i try so the thoughts aren't intrusive (anymore) but i like thinking about it. using their blood as paint like water-colours, filling chest cavities with flowers and crystals and arranging their organs to frame them, and i would remove their eyes to look at the irises under a microscope so i could paint an homage to the piece of them i see the most. in my head it is like taking something beautiful and wonderful and oh so perfect aa the people i love and letting them be beautiful on the inside too. i want to make it very clear that i have no intention on acting on these thoughts. but i only realized recently that this isn't a love language or anything normal. it is scary to people, and i want to know why i am the way i am.

i don’t want to relapse self harm, it’s been over a year but i’m getting thoughts and i want to stop it

Title basically says it all. Most days out of the week I feel too tired or fatigued to actually do anything and I think it is a combination of mental health and bad dieting/lack of exercise causing it. And I really want to get up and go on walks and exercise, but the thing is is that I’m too tired to do that. I’m just kind of trapped in this ‘loop’ I suppose. I’m looking for any advice on how to break through the tiredness to start exercising and being more active, or just general support. If none of that, I’m just glad to be finally getting this out there

I’m not sure if this is the right flair, so if I need to change it just message me

I think I might have bpd. I've excessively looked up the symptoms and (i know they aren't a form of diagnosis) have done several test not a single one saying I don't display bpd symptoms. I have an intense fear of abandonment and in the past I have gone a bit extreme to try and keep people in my life even if they aren't good for me or if they are trying to leave. I'm constantly terrified of people hating me or changing their opinions of me. I get paranoid that people talk shit about me or I'm not important to people etc. I have rapid mood swings though most of it is internal as I'm quite quiet and I don't like causing a scene however sometimes its unavoidable with things such as panic attacks or breakdowns. I have a history of self harm and dangerous/ self sabotaging behaviours such as binge eating, drug use, not letting myself sleep even though I'm obviously tired and alcohol use. I also have feelings of complete emptiness, not feeling real and I don't really know who I am most of the time if not all of the time. Can someone tell me wether or not I display bpd symptoms or if I'm just imagining it and what I should do about it? I feel so lost and I don't think my family would believe me if I bought it up because I tend to hide feelings and instead let myself drown in the overthinking and intense emotions and I don't know what to do.

So my Ex

So I broke up with my girlfriend a while ago because she did something that I thought i could never forgive her for. But I have. It took a while but I have and now I can’t help but want her back. Her smile. Her embrace. Her words. Her laugh. Our talks. I want to try get back with her. I can tell she still has feelings for me, but it looks like she’s fighting them. We are still friends again though. I just don’t know what to do. I miss her and I’ve seen her upset and all I’ve wanted to do was comfort her, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place. It hurts more because last night I had a dream about us getting back together, and I was so happy. Then I woke up, and I just sat there feeling like shit. If anyone has any advice that would be great, but it’s on if not, this is a bit of a vent anyway. Feel free to talk about you problems as-well. Thanks for reading if you read this far. That means a lot.

I can barely get out of bed, I’ve barely been eating, and I haven’t done any work for one of my classes out of severe anxiety. I don’t want to loose my financial aid but I’ve got a warning for it. I’ve been luring to my (very few) fiends, 2 of which are my roommates. And I’ve been avoiding phone calls from my dad because he gets easily stressed if I’m stressed and he always seems to be able to tell. Nothing motivates me and idk what I’m doing what my life. I feel so stuck and idk how to get out of the hole I’m in.

Just need to say this out loud other than in therapy and it doesn’t even work.

finally recognizing things I’ve never actually done alone as an adult, I mean like ever. Never

•gone to the bar alone •gone to a concert •nature things like hike by myself, camp, kayak, make food make a fire- did it sometimes with parents like normal but never by myself •traveled more then an hour from home, I just did my first 3 hour trip driving- loved it Stayed at a hotel or bought an airplane ticket let alone go to an airport alone, I’d be so lost getting tickets and luggage and the gate

There’s probably more, and also feel very angry at parents feel like they haven’t taught me how to do any of this.

TL;DR my mom cheated since I was a kid. She recently restarted and a "huge wound" was reopened. My father proposed my to make her move out of house, but that means bringing with her my step brother and that makes me feel bad, making him made a huge change and knowing who he's gonna have to live with

My [19M] mother [41F] has been cheating on my father [56M] since I was very little. She even got pregnant with another man when I was 7 but my father didn't split from her, thus deciding to raise my step-brother [12M] as his. From then on, the relationship between her and my father steadily worsened and fights became increasingly common. Added with the fact that my mother has always been the exact opposite of a caring, warm and loving mother, it's no surprise that I've a lot of resentment for her.

After that, she nonchalantly had an affair with a second man and she would often leave me alone at night to go out with him. Despite me suffering for all this situation, being just a kid and not having the consciousness that I have now, I basically was able to not care 99% of the time.

I'd like however to point out that I've never felt any sort apology or regret from my mom: there's been very few moments where I'd the occassion to make her present how this whole context made me suffer, but her answers where all inteded to make ME feel guilty:

• "Even my mother wasn't as loving or caring, but I pay her respect"
• "Whatever you think or I do, I'm STILL YOUR MOTHER"
• "Who's the one who cooks, does the laundry and irons your clothes every single day?"
• "You know I could've aborted you that day, right? My father advised my to abort, but here you are" (yet a pair of times she expressively told me that should've abort me)

Once I've even had the courage to brought up her cheating behaviour (in hindsight I wouldn't do it so directly) and she replied me :"So what? What if you go to whores as adult? I was 10 years old.

In 2018 onward, it seemed like she went on "remission" in regard of cheating: she basically stopped to go out at night or to have "suspicios" hours-lasting phonecalls locked in her bedroom and the relationship between my parents become neutral and basically becomed the definition of "couple separated at home". I was totally happy with that, and basically lived I happy life since then, thinking of that whole context just as a "the worst is over" or "a nightmare to forget".

Unfortunately, in 2021, after 3 years of absolute peace, my mother started to cheating again and become clear that that person that was supposed to be a "friend" was her umpteenth lover, and the cycle repeated: she started staying several hours outside and coming home at night, to have hours long phonecalls locked in her room (referring to the interlocutor with "sweetheart"), but above all, my parents started to ingage in fights again (and I hear everything the say: they DO discuss about this whole situation, all arguments are ALL about "you either choose me or him" by my dad). From my part, my mood started to drop, my anxiety to increase started having suicidal thoughts and indulged in addiction, like excessive binge eating, VERY bad mindless scrolling and pornography. Oh, and without even mentioning the atrocious panick attacks I have every time she recieves phonecalls or she's out, always knowing that it could be him. May be a bit exaggerated, but it almost sounds like a traumatic response.I went two years, when I finally decided I couldn't live like this anymore and decided to tell all of this to all the relatives I felt comfortable with. The voice reached my parents and, with the help of my grandad (who my mother decided to cut any contact with once he pointed her out her behaviour, telling him :"This is my private life"). We talked about how I felt, why I felt that way, my parents relationship and their mistakes. My mother was very non-collaborative, unapologetic and tried any way to justify her self, here are some example:

• My father didn't split from my mom when she get pregnant because he was afraid of "traumatize me" but explained him that it just made things muuuuuuuuch worse. My mother replied :"If we split, you should've cared for him alone and probably pay someone to do housework. It was convenient for you too.
• We talked about how her cheating makes feel bad. My mom replied :"Well, then why my father being a relationship with a woman different from my mother doesn't bother?". My grandfather has divorced from my grandmother 40 YEARS AGO, and even if it wasn't the case, you don't live togheter and you wouldn't get in contact with this fucked up dynamics every single day of your life.

My mother never had a fix job and has a bad relationship with both their parents thus wouldn't know where to go. Considering the fact that she knows that my father is the only willing to maintain her son (since even the bio father isn't willing to) the motivation for her to stay with my father is obvious: is pure exploitation.

After some days, my father told me that, if the situation is so inbearable to me, my mother could even move out with my brother. That's however makes me upset for two motives:

• My father expressly said how this whole situation hurts even for him. Then why should I be the one to take such a decision? Shouldn't you as adult understand that
• The fact of my brother going to live alone with my mother makes me feel bad. I would feel guilty to make my brother making him leave such a big change of life because of me, especially living with such a human being such as my mother. Again, I hate that it's me that has to take such a big decision,

My mental suffering persists to this day, so I think that I should first see I psychiatrist, but I also know that in such an enviroment it would me impossible to me to heal: it would be like treating a flu while living in a house which is on fire.

What would you do in my shoes. Unfortunately I just graduated from highschool and reaching economical independence wouldn't be possible before many many years, and I'm not sure what gonna happen to my mental health in those "many many years"

So I was just looking for the sims 4 community I follow when I accidentally clicked on this blurred image. I feel so sick and wrong. It was one of Jeff Dahmer's victims. Graphic Polaroids I can't even describe and won't. But it's really bothering me now because those photos are real and they actually happened. It's not like the horror movies at all. Please don't make fun of me. I just need to tell someone about this before I break down and have a panic attack. I'm currently waiting for my Huggables weighted axolotl to come in the mail too for my anxiety and it won't be here til Sunday, so some support would be nice right now. I'm really trying not to regress at my job right now, of which is really important. I'm a day school teacher, and care for the little kids here, and I don't want to frighten the poor innocent little ones. Yet it tears me apart that one day their innocence will be snatched and torn to shreds like mine was once, and that they have a world full of disgusting things like this. I'm supposed to be a grown adult, yet I still feel like that helpless little kid struggling and fighting to not drown.

Hey everyone,

I'm reaching out because I'm going through a really tough time right now. I've been feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated, like I'm just barely keeping my head above water. Everything feels pointless, and I just want to cry. I can't seem to find any hope or motivation to keep going.

I know there are resources available, but I'm feeling lost about where to start. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? Any advice on how to cope or find help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening.