Please send them over to r/hormonefreemenopause. There really are ways, other than HRT, to help improve menopause symptoms but so many women don't realise that.

It's a lovely, friendly sub full of supportive ladies who can't, or choose not to, take HRT and there is a lot of good advice there.

Bad days lately.

Trying my best- I ordered her lunch today and had it delivered by uber eats. Shes mad because I didn’t check with her first. I do feel terrible but she had a busy day at work and had nothing nutritious to eat for lunch. I’m proud to look after her, but I guess i should check first!

Sorry for the vent. I’m just lost some days. Just trying to be thoughtful and romantic.

I’m so happy (my wife) found this group for me. She is loving, kind, a great Mum, and one of my best friends. I want to be with her forever. There are good days, very good days, then bad days and very bad days. My wife 46, has been having worsening symptoms for about a year or so now, and it seems to be getting gradually worse. The good days are still good, but the bad days are getting worse. She has some other medical issues, and does not want to talk to her Dr. about menopause. Any advice out there?

Looking for any kind of advice or support. My gf has been dealing with perimenopause for a couple of months now and whenever her mood swings happen it often results with her being angry with me or at me. I know it’s not personal but it’s wears on me quite a bit. I just want to be supportive to her and looking for any advice on how to be there for her while also maintaining a healthy mental state for myself. I do see a therapist so I can at least vent during that time but need to hear from folks who deal with this on the daily like myself.

So my wife has been particularly irritable recently. Yesterday she said she didn’t love me and wanted a divorce. She seemed to calm down after a few hours. She was funny again this morning and I broke and said about yesterday but she had no memory of saying not loving me or wanting a divorce. I do believe it. It hurt like hell though what she said. She though does not have a clue what’s going on in her head so I am trying to be sympathetic. Feel better for releasing

Wife (52) has menopause, really really bad. Support from GP is pretty useless. Basically here's some patches off you go ...

I am supporting her but I feel selfish for saying this, but I am tired. I am the target of everything. Someone drives pulls out in front of her .. it's my fault. We went away the other week .. had a great time but got lost walking to the railway station ... My fault. From that point on, everything was bad. The station .. even the train being over crowded ... And yep all directed at me. I know this isn't her, but am I bad for wanting some respite or even just an occasional sorry.

I've got to the point that I'm too scared to try and talk to her.

Anyone dealing with this one?

She just up and blindsided me the beginning of May 2023. She already had a place and she took the kids, "we're done," I talked her into couples therapy, but she still moved out.

I tried to give her space, but "I" hurt. My life walked out the door. She slowly let me back in, it started to get better, and I was slammed again. It has become a cycle.

The therapist brought up perimenopause and she latched on, but that was a very bitter battle until she finally gave in to get HRT, roughing 8 months of fighting. They helped, but she hasn't been back to get adjusted.

We had a hard conversation and she agreed to move back October 2023, she did, but kept the apartment, and all was going good. Her eldest has had some issues and just went off to a facility. Things were back to calm, her lease was ending, and she was handling all the paperwork to close it out. 2 weeks before she would turn in the keys, "I resigned the lease," and "I'm moving out, I need to fix me".... April 2024.

I am broken. Every Single Time it gets good I get the wind knocked out of me. I can see through the fog a little, we aren't getting knocked back as far, but is almost the beginning again.

Sex is basically gone. My trust is destroyed. I'm scared to talk most of the time.

There are moments that she (the woman I love) resurfaces for a week and I rush to have all the important conversations and she is receptive (kinda), until I'm blasted back to hell.

I'm starting to lose the will and when I tell her that she is mean and spiteful.

I love and miss her.

For more info:

This time around I have REALLY tried to give more space and she has been "When I move back..." basically the whole time, like this is some adventure.

Currently, we seem to be doing well, 2 weeks. We had a brief fight, but she is going to schedule an appointment for the HRT evaluation.

It is the Hope and The Slam that kills me.

Menopause Matters: Join the Conversation

Join our free Menopause Watch Party! Learn about menopause and support women's health. Men and women welcome.

Click below if interested: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-m-factor-film-watch-party-tickets-1062595665239?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

Hey, everyone!

I know we come here to commiserate and seek support on the bad days, but I want to remind everyone that celebrating the good days with each other is important, too.

We had a good day today. We woke up early, cuddled and talked for a while, planned the week's menu, and then went about our weekend routines. I went grocery shopping, she went to the gym. We had lunch, and then we hung out with friends for a few hours. We're about to settle in to watch Fantastic Planet.

Did anything major occur? No, it's just a pleasant day together. No fighting, no arguing, and lots of laughter. She's happy, and seeing her like that makes me happy.

Stay strong, friends, and remember that good days happen.

We have some good days and then we have terrible days.

I never know when to expect the bad days- it stresses me out. I know she’s stressed too.

Deep breaths.

Here's an event November 16th at 6pm EST. I'm having a free menopause watch party - please sign up on event brite: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-m-factor-film-watch-party-tickets-1062595665239?utm-campaign=social&utm-content=attendeeshare&utm-medium=discovery&utm-term=listing&utm-source=cp&aff=ebdsshcopyurl

PLEASE, I need advice! I’m a happily married woman, going to be thrown into surgical menopause in 10 days. I’ve COMBED this sub, and I am going to try my damndest to keep my husband from having to go through some of the things you gentlemen are going through. How do I warn him / prepare him for this? How do I make it absofuckinglutely CRYSTAL CLEAR that despite my inevitable mood swings, that I love him more than anything? In general, what do yall wish your SOs had done, or done differently? Thanks in advance!

My wife began experiencing perimenopause roughly a year ago, and over the last few months her symptoms have gotten pretty strong. She obtained a new primary care physician last week after not having one for several years, but her first appointment won't be until the end of January.

I'm trying to be reassuring and understanding of what she's experiencing and feeling. I've read through a couple of books for men on the subject ("The Man's Guide to Menopause" by Niki Woods, and "Men... Let's talk about Menopause" by Ruth Devlin) and wanted to seek out more advice.

I want to be as supportive and caring for her as I possibly can. We share equally in childcare duties (our daughter is 10) and household work already (I do the grocery shopping, the bulk of the cooking, and roughly half of the general cleaning/laundry). I try to be an active listener and show that I hear and remember what she's talking about. I try to be sympathetic to her aches, pains, mood swings, and other discomforts. I make sure I let her know I love her and find her attractive, especially since she's talking about some dysmorphia issues. I show her that I'm happy for her when she feels good about something (like workout results or a meal she made that she's proud of). And, though it's really difficult, I'm trying to not take things personally when her mood is off.

What other things can I do to help her out (be that emotionally, physically, or otherwise) without seeming like I'm trying to "fix" things for her? What sorts of things have the men in your lives done or said during the change that've helped you feel a bit better or made things easier/more tolerable?

Thanks in advance,

Hi there! Dr. Karyn Eilber, a board-certified female urologist specializing in Urogynecology and Reconstructive Pelvic Surgery, will be hosting her first AMA in r/IAmA today, Friday, October 18th from 1:30pm-3:30pm EST in honor of World Menopause Day and Menopause Awareness month. She will be discussing important women's health topics including perimenopause, menopause, the role of hormones, and menopause symptoms & treatments. We would love to cross promote her AMA in this subreddit to continue this important conversation. Here is her proof photo: https://imgur.com/a/ITIg6M7

Moved in with my GF this year. 2nd anniversary this month. Perimenopause has been hitting for 6 months, but we've known for 2. Ramble incoming:

You ever see how women and their periods were portrayed in sitcoms and pop culture and think "what the *fuck* are they talking about?? Why would you be at the bar because of your wife's cycle? Why would you talk about her that way? What universal understanding makes these sorts of jokes relatable at all??

Guess it was menopause, not the menstrual cycle.

I'm trying so hard to help her to view me as an ally. She feels like she's flawed because she can't control how she acts and that makes her try harder to control how she's behaving on her own and this just puts me at odds with her because I'm still just carrying the weight of her feelings all the time either way, but the only good times we have are when she accepts how she's feeling and lets me help. I can't solve her problem, but I can help her with her powerlessness. But she's responding from her most "nobody can help me" space and I can't just ignore her.

And it all eats into some really important things I'm working on, and I find myself wanting desperately - when she's had her period - to take a turn to isolate myself for my needs, but I need to fucking model good mutually supportive behavior and all of this stuff means that my jobhunting and career development - which SHE NEEDS me to be committed and productive on - suffer whether she handles Peri in a way that's fucking coupled or not.

I'm so frustrated. I need her to get on board with working in this new reality, but then she hates herself for the effort this takes out of things we both care about. It's a goddamn nightmare.

Thanks for listening.

Asking as PERI MENOPAUSE woman

Was gonna post a long diatribe of stuff but quite honestly it's the woman in my life that needs to hear all this ranting

Of probably doesn't need to hear it.

My needs are out with making sure the trash is taken out, the dog gets walked and we do all her family stuff.

It's the rage and unwillingness to talk that hurts the most. She is ok sorting herself, annoyed if I do the house dance and do the same. I just don't get this. I've read and spoken to other people about this but fucking hell it's hard work and knife edge

Do partners take the brunt of the anger during this time? I feel like she’s friendly to others but when it comes to me I breathe wrong and she’s upset.

My wife and I are in our early 40s. We haven’t been in a good place for a bit now. I’m hoping some of the tough times are due to Perimenopause. We have good days and bad days. It’s like two plus weeks before her period where times get tougher. Some days she wants me to move out.

Help me bros.

My (53m) wife(53f) has had a rough ride. She's estranged from most of her family for things that I agree deserve estrangement but someday could be resolved.

She has gotten into a mode where she wants to blow up those relationships forever by releasing some embarrassing information about her relatives that isn't widely known. She asked me what I thought and if menopause has taught me anything, she wants support more than she wants advice.

So despite my best judgment I asked some questions and ultimately told her to "do whatever she thinks is best." I would prefer to let sleeping dogs lie. Guys that's not good enough.

She has been on the warpath because "you're not a man if you don't want revenge for what they did to us." She's dropping all this you're a pussy if you turn the other cheek stuff when I just want harmony and peace. She wants war. She says I'm a "slow learner" and maybe I am.

Some context, we have been together since we were 18. I grew up very poor and was raised to question authority and rewarded for independence. She grew up working class in an authoritarian household where she was punished if she didn't agree with her parents.we have built a successful life with a great career and comfortable retirement from nothing, we did it together and her support has made it possible.

My instinct is to ask questions, and get to the best answer the minds in the room can get to. Her instinct is that if I don't agree with her 100% then I am betraying her.

In the past we have been able to navigate this by giving and taking, but it feels like it's all or nothing now.

I don't know what to do except to tell her what she wants to hear, as best I can guess it. But I thought I was and it sucks to guess wrong.

She's on HRT but it isn't dialed in and she got some testosterone recently that I think is partly responsible. I was pretty salty when I started 18 years ago for an underlying medical condition.There's not a chance in hell I'm going to suggest it's her hormones.

Have you navigated anything like this? I have been trying to speak little and listen a lot but that seems to have run out for me.

Its stinks this sub isn't more active because I just tried to get some information and resources on that sub and because I posted about my wife and I's frustration with our lack of sex since she went into menopause in the deadbedrooms sub about a month ago, they called me all kinds of names. Ladies, we actually do care about you. Not every man is evil. Got some nice references and suggestions in the other sub but damn, its REALLY toxic to men.

My wife is 42 and was diagnosed in December with an aggressive form of BC that was thankfully early stage (Stage II hers+). She had chemo and a double mastectomy. Unsurprisingly, the chemo put her into menopause and its been awful for her. Constant hot flashes, zero sex drive, vaginal atrophy, the works. Will her body eventually adjust back to being somewhat "normal" again. She hates that we can't have sex and I hate that whenever we attempt to have sex, my gal is wincing. Just venting about how unfair this has been for her.

My wife has it bad (top BUPA doctor’s view). Of course it has not been easy on either of us. My first cousin said it not her but the menopause which really helped me. Also I have got more used to her moods over time and saying she doesn’t love me when the previous day I was the best man in the world. Try to take it with a pinch of salt though it is not easy. Try to give her space when she needs it and sometimes you will need space. She was against HRT patches at first but they have brought some improvements. The brain fog is scary and the anger is something else.

Well my wife sent me this Reddit as a place to vent lol. I’m getting ready to turn 36 my wife is 11 years older than me and has been going through the pre changes of life for about 3 years or so now. She does everything she can to regulate her moods and etc and does a great job I can’t say that we have any major issues. I am left stunned sometimes when she cries for no reason and I am racking my brain trying to figure out what happened when it’s as simple as the cat didn’t want to be petted lol. I’m glad to see this sub as a place for men to help each other and discuss what our wives girlfriend and etc are going through!

Oh no!! You are so not insignificant - dear men reading this… us women feel actual RAGE. We cry at animal charity adverts. We get cross at ANYTHING. For zero apparent reason. We feel we have a reason but in reality we may not actually have a reason but emotionally WE FKIKNG DO. But (unless you have actually done something wrong haha) but literally all we ask is just calmly talk to us, no blame intended either side. We still love you

Love, perimenopausal in Yorkshire with a husband who I love immensely and who tries to understand but I could sometimes go all praying mantis on…

I am sad, frustrated, and broken hearted. I dont know what to do anymore. My wife and I are both 58, married for 34 years. She says that she loves me, but she never shows me any affection. Because of issues related to menopause, we literally abstained from having sex for a few years. I tried to rekindle our sex life, but she is doing everything she can to resist me. She refuses to seek professional help. I also discovered that I am now experiencing issues myself, but my wife does not want me to follow my doctor's recommendation involving prescriptions. When we try to have sex, I tried to take my time with her so that she could enjoy it, but she keeps pushing me away. Tonight, I want to talk to her to see where we both stand. I am not sure how to approach this upcoming discussion. I dont want a sexless marriage, but I also don't want to leave her, or go have an affair with another woman behind her back. I could really use some advice right now. Thank you all in advance...

Update 1:

Sorry to take so long to give you an update, I wanted to wait a bit to see if anything significant happened since the initial posting, but that hasn't happened yet. Thank you everyone for taking the time to write. I really didn't get anywhere with our talk, no clear answers from her, but she seems willing to try to work things out. We are not intimate as much as I would like to be, but I realize that I cant push it too much. And when we do have intimacy, we try different things to see what works. Its trial and error for now. I am also considering what I am doing outside the bedroom; things like doing chores around the house (Yes, I do some chores, maybe I need to do more?) (She's not crazy about my cooking (yes, it sucks), she would rather do it (and she is a damn good cook, too!)). I am keeping my fingers crossed. As for the situation with my issues, I am looking to see if herbal remedies are more cost effective then the costly big pharma solutions.

i hope you don’t mind yet another post by a woman. i suspect while this sub is in its infancy stage, more women may come here to willingly help by offering advice or share stories and information.

what i want to share today is that many of us do realize that this whole phase of life is not easy on our partners, families, and friends. while women are going through this, there are often no words to describe how they’re feeling, or what exactly is wrong today. i have crying spells, for instance, that come out of thin air. nothing is wrong, i’m not sad or thinking about anything sad, my husband didn’t say anything; NOTHING HAPPENED. i’m just…crying for no reason at all, and then it passes. my sweetheart of a husband is in a land of distress when this happens, and i dare say he doesn’t believe me when i say that nothing is wrong. but truly, nothing is wrong. my hormones are off kilter and they are literally leaking out of my eyeballs instead of acting out in another way. to be honest, i’d rather just cry for no reason than feel instant rage for no reason.

not to say that there’s times when something is wrong, and in those instances, i share with him what’s bothering me. i try very hard to make sure i communicate with him how i’m feeling, so that he can rule himself out. it’s important to me that he knows this has nothing to do with him; my body is turning against me and i simply can’t control some of the things i say or do.

when perimenopause started for me, the mood changes came first. we could be watching a movie together, and i’d just be angry for no reason out of nowhere. he didn’t do anything to prompt it. but if he said something, maybe just about the movie, i’d be likely to retort with anger, and of course, he’d be confused, like, “What did I say…? I just asked if that was the same actor that’s in the series we’re watching…” and i’d realize there was no reason for me to be rude or shitty about it. as this started happening more and more (mood swings), i began distancing myself when i felt out of sorts, so that i wouldn’t bite his head off. i’d go to the basement or sit outside or go to the bedroom. and he’d get concerned and follow me, asking questions, wanting to know what he said or did. he was often relentless in demanding to know what my problem was and this sparked arguments, because following me did nothing but make me angrier and feel trapped when i just wanted to take some space to sort myself out.

now he knows when i leave the room abruptly or just say, “Hey, I’m going to go downstairs/outside for a bit”, that i need to be alone. i sincerely love him and appreciate that he’s concerned about me, but i don’t want to hang my bad mood on anyone, especially the man i love so much. he finally got that, and it took some time for him to comprehend that i’m not walking out on us; i’m walking out on this bad mood.

this phase is scary and full of things i never had before, like anxiety and depression. i’m not the same fun and wild woman he started dating and eventually married. i remember her; she was fun and happy and pretty damn cute. she didn’t have a spare tire around her tiny waist and she was a cougar in the sack…the woman i am now is in constant change. i barely recognize my reflection. if there’s any Dragonball Z fans reading this, think about Cell and his forms. i’m Imperfect Cell, and this is an ugly phase. maybe someday i’ll make it to my final form, and i’ll be much, much better.

so, i guess the moral to this post is, give her some space, and don’t poke the bear. let her know you’re there if she needs you, but let her go when she needs to go. we seriously cannot control some of the ill feelings, thoughts, and moods we’re having, and we don’t want to hurt the ones around us. some of the shit that comes out of our mouths is horrible and is so uncalled for and hurtful. no doubt we’ll be crying about it later and telling you we did not mean those words. please know we don’t, and that we need you more than ever at this trying time in life.

if you read all this, THANKS SO MUCH. ✌️

I am a wife in peri that is trying to support my husband as he researches his on hormonal declines. When I go to the testosterone subreddit, it is flooded with body builders and gym bros. Hopefully yall can also give support for each other as you navigate the aging process as well.

I'm a menopausal woman, happy to see this space for you lucky men who get to live with us! I thought I'd help some of you out by sharing the phases of menopause.

Pre-menopause: this is the period of life after a young woman begins her period/puberty and ends with the first symptoms of peri-menopause. This stage lasts around 30-35 years, though can vary significantly if health issues are involved. "Normally" begins around 10-15 years old ends around 40-45 years old.

Peri-menopause: is the period when a woman's estrogen and progesterone begins dwindling. This stage on average lasts 4 years, but can last anywhere from a few months up to about 15 years. This stage is where most women will have the most symptoms. She is still menstruating, but her cycle will start changing as she draws closer to the end of her menstruating life. Typical age for peri-menopause is 40-50. It is not uncommon though to start seeing symptoms in late 30's. If she is still menstruating but showing symptoms, she's in peri-menopause.

Menopause: this phase lasts exactly one day. It is the day that marks 12 months from her last period. Average age 51, though it can certainly come much earlier or later.

Post-menopause: this phase begins the day after menopause, and remains for the rest of her life. For some women, there will be a big relief of symptoms, for others, symptoms remain or even begin. Average age 51 + one day. This phase can come much sooner or much later for different women. Anything prior to 45 is considered early menopause. Surgery, like a full hysterectomy can bring any aged women into post-menopause.

It is not at all uncommon that the word "menopause" or "menopausal" will be used to cover both peri and post menopause phases. Women lately and colloquially might refer to their symptoms as "Perry"...like, "Perry came over and won't let me sleep"

Hope this helps!