Five years or so ago my wife and I were having lunch at a brewery with an old friend of mine on the opposite coast. It was a nice afternoon, but the topic of conversation between my wife and friend drifted into politics I don't really care about. Abortion in particular -- a topic where they both agree. I sat and listened in silence as they brought out the same old arguments about abortion reducing the crime rate, etc. I'd been in similar circumstances before with people on the other side of the debate; I have close Catholic friends.

For whatever reason, this time it hit me like a ton of bricks that my wife and friend completely didn't understand the pro-life side. Their arguments were at worst against straw men and at best unconvincing to someone who disagrees with their basic premise. At the time, I don't think that either had ever honestly listened to or discussed abortion with someone who is pro-life.

While waiting for the conversation to change topics, I came to the realization that this is a good reason to read diverse sources of news. Not to try to "gather the truth" as I so often hear, but to understand what other people believe and how they view the world. I don't read news I firmly disagree with often, but I've since made a periodic effort to do so. Call it "taking my medicine." It's been quite useful. I've since thrown out arguments I've learned are attacking points the other side doesn't actually believe (my side just thinks they believe those things) and tweaked arguments that are too fundamentally out of whack with their world view.

I don't get perfect results, but the improvement over time has been enough to be worth it.

Many of us join advocacy groups that promote a cause we care about, and donate money on a regular basis. Donations are valuable and necessary, but if you know someone you can instead buy a first year's membership for, that's even more valuable. That's one more person who stands a chance of being deeply informed about and engaged in the issue.

Donate to your favorite group, but consider donating a membership or two to a friend or family member first. However, ask your beneficiary before doing it -- don't just do it!

Some I've learned from others and through trial and error:

• Tell a story, preferably a personal one. Humans evolved telling stories and histories verbally around fires and hearths. We're wired to love a good story and remember it. Personal stories count for more than any other kind.

• Use facts from neutral sources, especially if they are from the government your legislator is a part of. As an example, an anti-gun legislator doesn't care what you got from nra.org. Examples of good sources: Studies from agencies, court rulings, and legislation from other states.

• Check your emotions. When was the last time someone was mad at you and yelling where you stopped and said, "Damn, what a great point! I change my mind!"? Probably never. Vent with like-minded friends, but center yourself before discussing with someone who disagrees with you.

• Offer solutions or alternatives where possible. People who offer nothing but complaints become easy to ignore. Ask anyone who's been a boss, manager, etc.

• Keep it short. People generally don't read long messages and get bored unless you're telling a very good story. Assume people are busy and act accordingly.

Most states have a .gov or .us website where you can enter basic address information and get a list of everyone who represents you. Legislators are flooded with communications, largely from people they don't represent. This makes it easy for them to ignore opinions they don't like. Thus, it's more impactful to contact those that actually represent you and to let them know right up front that this is the case.

The generic way to find this website is to search the Internet for: [state] find my legislator. The first result is usually the correct one, but it should be a .gov or .us website.

Some examples:

California: http://findyourrep.legislature.ca.gov/

Oregon: https://www.oregonlegislature.gov/FindYourLegislator/leg-districts.html

Pennsylvania: https://www.legis.state.pa.us/cfdocs/legis/home/findyourlegislator/index.cfm

Vermont: http://www.leg.state.vt.us/legdir/findmember3.cfm

Virginia: https://whosmy.virginiageneralassembly.gov/

Washington: https://app.leg.wa.gov/districtfinder/