i’m waiting to talk to a crisis line, but i don’t necessarily feel like i’m in a crisis. i just feel like i pretty urgently need help before things get worse, but i dont know what kind of help.

i’m seeing my therapist weekly, and i’m considering getting back on meds, but god that’s such a struggle. and i’ve already been on 7 different drugs and diagnosed treatment resistant so i dont know if it’s even worth it to go thru all that. and on top of that i dont even know if i actually want to get better. so how can i justify any sort of help if i can’t even say ill put effort into recovery? i guess i really just need some sort of harm reduction, before i take this too far. i’ve considered admitting myself multiple times this past month, but again i can’t justify it. plus it costs so much for just a week, i cant afford to sit in a hospital until i decide to try.

has anyone been in this situation and found absolutely anything to be helpful? i feel like i’m about to slip away for good. and i’m still at a point where i’m not thinking of sewerslide as an option, but if i slip any further i will start to very quickly.

I haven't been able to get in touch with my friend when I call him it goes straight to voice mail and he hase'nt answered any of my text. We usually call a couple of times a week although recently a couple of hard things came up for him dealing with his mom and sister and ever scene hes been pretty distant. And of recently hes been unresponsive. This isn't like him at all he struggles with BPD and can get into really deep depressive episodes I'm worried that hes hurt him self or something happend to him. I'm also worried I'm over reacting so I'm scared to ask for help.

wow i haven’t been here since i was 15/16 now i’m 20 🫠 life really didn’t work out how i wanted and i haven’t even told my therapist i relapsed. i’m supposed to want to get better but it’s not that easy.

i’m not the type of person to make posts or talk to strangers online but no one in my life really gets it, especially the fact that a huge part of me doesn’t want to stop. anyone else feel like this?

Losing the three most important people in my life over the past two months has left me feeling almost numb, like I could lose anyone now and just not care. My ex revealed their true, horrible nature, and then two of my closest friends- people I considered family- sided with them. This made me realize that if people don't share my values in friendship, they're just not worth my time. It’s been a hard truth to accept, but it’s shown me how many of my friendships were one sided all along.

Now, if I lose more people, I feel like it won’t affect me the same way. I’ve already distanced myself emotionally, so I don’t care about them as deeply as I once did. Yes, it hurts that people I thought were my friends chose someone who mistreated me over someone who genuinely cared for them, but I’ve learned to let go. I no longer cling to the idea that my friends are "my everything" I save my energy and care for those who actually value my presence in their lives. If they can’t put in the effort, then I won’t either.

I accidentally slipped up and told my school counselor. They had to tell my mom and the nurse had to look at my cuts, which was the most awkward thing ever. I just want her to look at me the same.

I want to get better and stop with the sh but it's so hard it's been my only addiction ever and it's been going on for 2 years it's a constant battle and I want to get better but I can't, im no longer suicidal but I wish to die just not at my own hands I want an accident to happen to me or get some terminal illness or something it's so hard and I just want to continue going but I feel like I can't

Also other than just my mental illness problems do you guys think that my boyfriend having his arms around my waist and we were both sitting down and he was falling asleep on my shoulder and we were just talking and it wasn't even an inappropriate conversation I was literally just talking about my cat, is inappropriate it was also during lunch so it wasn't during class, we've never even kissed at all and we mostly just play around and hug each other and talk so yeah and i'm only asking because on of the staff of our school came up to us and said something about how he wasn't in a movie or some other stupid shit like that and was telling us to separate. this is sadly not the first time she's told us to separate and we follow her rule about no hands below waist( even though we've always had our hand at our waist and never below 😑) and yeah it's happened a lot and when we were walking out of school she was like you guys need to stop being so touchy touchy. They mostly tell things to my boyfriend and not as much to me but it's still so annoying

so umm my bad for writing so much i'm just so annoyed you guys

I kinda had a breakdown (???) and basically pulled on my hair. I unintentionally pulled out a bunch of it. I didn’t mean to. I couldn’t stop after realising tho. Banged my head after that. Thought about “properly” relapsing but I didn’t. I did cry for hours later and I felt like ripping my skin off and was genuinely scared I’ll rip my eyes out so I sort put all my body weight on my hands to stop them…?

I don’t know. I haven’t done anything after that “episode”. I’ve been kinda depressed tho. I have loads of work I can’t get to. I can’t take showers, I sleep a lot, idk (I don’t even brush my teeth sometimes… shh \s). I just don’t know. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this either, so yeah.

Been clean for over 20 months now. All I’m asking is should I reset the timer?

so i am going to therapy for like 3 years now and it wasnt working ( i have depression and ocd but now i started to think if i have autism). the meds doesn’t really help. i recently started arch school and idk why but i kinda have more desire to live now. before that i’d sh whenever i feel really depressed. even though now i dont feel as depressed as i did before the urges to sh became stronger. is that normal and has anyone else experienced something similar. (im sorry if i made any mistakes while writing english is not my first language)

i need to cut so bad i haven’t in months i need i need i need why do i still miss him why do i still want to talk togim why won’t h acknowledge my suffering why won’t he admit what he did he doesn’t have to change or apologise but please just admit it please i can’t do this anymore i can’t i csnrbinfnsnttttttttt i miss him

I literally feel like shit all day and then the second I cut, im happy. My energy's back. I'm ready to socialize. This makes no sense.

I know I sound crazy but I wish I could have some cut me or punch me. Not just physically either but emotional abuse too. As long as someone is giving me attention I’ll be happy.

It seems like everyone I know hates me.. even people I don't..

No it isn't important to me for everyone to love me.

I know not everyone will like me but it feels like almost nobody likes me and.. I'm so fucking tired of it.

The same things have repeated to me over and over and over.

I've been told nobody likes me.

I've been told I'm victimising or whatever.

I've been told I'm manipulative.

I've been told I'm an attention seeker.

I'm just so fucking tired of the same things being repeated to me.

Why can't I just die already..

GOD I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF EVERYONE STOPPING ME FROM EXPRESSING MYSELF!!!!!

FROM BEING FUCKING ME!!!!!!

WHY CANT EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

They're going to make me give them to them!

That won't help me!

It isn't a win unless I do it myself.

It isn't a win if they force me.

"It's for your own good"

"It will help you"

I DONT CARE!!! THINK WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER IT WONT IT FUCKING WONT!!!!!

I MIGHT AS WELL FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!!

"Your overreacting"

SO FUCKING WHAT!?

YOUR TAKING AWAY THE ONE THING I CAN CONTROL AND I CAN RELY ON!!!!! HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO REACT!? TO BE COMPLETELY OK WITH IT!?

I just tried to keep smiling while I was in there. I had to just sit there, listening and smiling.

I'm so done with this shit.

Everyone expects it to be so fucking easy and like I can get over it in one night.

I mean.. that's even what she said.. that I can do it in one night..

FUCK YOU NO I FUCKING CANT!!!!

I'm on my way to ITEC now, listening to Ren.

When will people listen and understand? They never will will they?

Why can't they just let me drown everything out, let me listen to music and enjoy the night and all that.

I just want to be left alone

(Had no WiFi, had to wait to get home to post so not in car on way to ITEC at time of posting)

I am OK ish now btw, met with ITEC and walked around with my parents, went into some shops and stuff

Well today, I was going through them and it’s odd; you can see a progression of me destroying myself. In the beginning, my skin looked good, then after 6 years it’s gross.

I remember thinking I was ugly when I was younger. If I was ugly then, what am I now?

I actually looked good ( at least for a 5’6 210 pound male lol) but now being 40 pounds heavier and having bad scars on my skin, I realize I am disgusting and gross to look at.

I truly destroyed myself, in these past years, and I deserve it. I wish I didn’t, I wish I still looked good enough to be seen outside.