I, 26 F am feeling more hopeless than ever I was really good friends with someone throughout highschool and ended up dating though college but they aren't anything I expected. They are explosive with anger They don't listen It's new years and they re-sorted to violence because I didn't wanna leave the bar fast enough I'm scared. I locked my door but now I head them outside my door knocking. I'm not kidding. Idk what to do right now.

I feel so gross about the people I let into my life and cared for so deeply. At no point was that care ever returned in equal measure - it’s not a contest, but I don’t think it’s a lot to expect your friends to not gossip and spread rumors about you. And then if friends hear those “friends” spreading rumors they should step up and tell me.

Instead I was left blindly reaching out in the dark. I had no idea that people were grabbing pitchforks and torches - while they were doing all that, I was literally pulling away and working on my own problems alone because of their weird vibes.

It was such a slap in the face to be accused of the most batshit smooth brain high school bullshit. I cared so much about my friendships with these people I was losing sleep. The accusation? That I’m jealous/in love with a friend that started dating someone in the friend group. I gave the instigator direct APPROVAL to date my friend! And clarified that I don’t own the guy!

It was all just projection. On my good days the whole thing is just pathetic. On my bad days my skin is crawling that I let these people get so close to me.

Resolutions:

• Not being friends with them. We’re coworkers so it’s hard to strike the balance of cordial but not friends. I refuse to get dragged into their drama.
• not speaking unless spoken to. No more fun stories about whatever I saw or did outside of work! I’m just a boring old rock.
• no coworker functions. It’s just more opportunities for people to try and give me the silent treatment as punishment when I’ve literally done nothing to them at all.

Wish me luck! If you’re in the same situation, I know you’ll pull through. Time heals everything.

I cannot take anymore silence or pain or the thought I did something to hurt u or contribute to anything in ur life being less then stellar.. in my heart there’s only a space for u but it’s been there for 20 years plus. I wanted to be ur friend but honestly I’m just a fool that has love in her heart and feels wayy too much at once .. way more then my heart can take .. I feel useless and a shell of myself I go to work I come home.. the last few days have been a cycle of crying and shaking. I can’t do this twin thing I think I’m fucking it up. I can’t believe that 13 years ago we were in London ringing in 2012 and we barely speak now.. it’s so sad to me. I have nothing to offer anyone anymore and I don’t have a single person to call.. good bye my darling love bestie boy.. I know ur better without me now.. the whole world is ..

I’ve lost pretty much all my friends this year. I became a dancer, they hated that. I was super sick, then called a victim for asking. Here’s an overview of all my friends lost.

Mo- We were friends since highschool and ended in court with a restraining order. I truly do miss our friendship and want the best for you. Drugs got the best of you girl and I hope you do well.

Final quote: “My mom knows I had an abortion but tbh I think it's worse ur mom knows ur a whore for cheap cash and is fine with it” “Dumb bitch. Watch ur back, anyways. Ur a whore.” “You will eat shit I know where you live”

Lo- Also a friend since highschool, super early. We’ve had our fights. We’ve always come back together. We promised for life. You were there for me when I almost died. Even when you didn’t have a car. I’d help you with homework forever, I do miss you. Our friendship ending was really random.

Final quote: “Hey girl, so l've been reevaluating all my friendships and I just came to the conclusion that I think l've outgrown our friendship. You know my faith is really important to me and in order to grow my relationship with God, I want to be surrounded by more Jesus-minded people. There's no hate or dislike on my end at all but I think it's best to end our friendship for that reason. There's no love lost and I appreciated our friendship for as long as it lasted. Everything you've ever said to me in confidence will always stay with me and will never be shared or outed and I hope it's the same on your end”

Ki & Da- Ki, I’ve been your friend for so long. We’ve always been close… I thought. Then Da came along, she never liked me. I truly tried to be nice to her because she’s your girlfriend. She acted very weird multiple multiple times. But I pushed past. When I was sick, and in the ICU for a week, fighting. I expected atleast 1 visit. I truly believe Da stopped Ki from visiting me. When I asked them about it, our friendship ended. I was truly suprised at you Ki, not you Da.

Ki final quote: “Yeah I can’t say you really check up on me also. Not saying that what you went through wasn’t horrible but for the most part our convos are cut quick because it seems like you have a lack of interest in them. It’s literally “Hey Roblox” once a month. And every-time we all go out to eat we sit in silence and play uno. “

Da final quote: “Everything is about you I get tired of it.” “you’re dragging the hospital bc that all you have that i didn’t come see you. Don’t act like I don’t ask how you’re doing and check on you victim”

A- k hate that you’re gone now I have to restart with a stranger. I truly don’t want to say more about this. It hurts. We grew close. You knew what I was going through. Then you left me at my lowest. Whatever. Bye.

Final quote: I wanted us to work too. But you know what I also dont want to share you with every piece of human garbage that lives in the area who also has 5 dollars

Overall. I brought in the year alone. I miss my friends. They treated me horribly. I do miss them. I prey that I can make better and find other companions to fill my emptiness. I’m crying , but it’ll be ok.

I was a really good friend to her, but I had issues with her that I brought up which resulted in her wanting a break (she also had prior issues with me). I tried to message her again because we agreed on a break but she never responded.

Eventhough my issues were valid and she didn't take my feelings into consideration last time we talked I still did not want the friendship to end because I saw the value we gave each other, eventhough she had valid issues with me. Ultimately the good outweighed the bad.

So now I wish I never even brought up the issue with her, because the net impact in my life was a negative. And I truly think for her too because I was there for her when she needed. I ended up apologizing eventhough I felt wronged just because I regretted ending things so much.

It's her choice to make the break permanent but I just feel like in retrospect were our issues really that bad she never wanted to talk to me again? Bý calling it a break then never responding I feel neurotic and crazy for things that were valid issues I brought up, when she was hypersensitive and it''s like she couldn't handle a single flaw of mine when I handled hers.

We both fought but we had such good moments also. I feel like I have terrible self esteem and need her more than she needed me which is increasing regret I feel for starting the conversation that ended it eventhough I think I was just being fair in my conversation. I keep thinking. How does one get over regret guys that they ruined something that was good for them?

My bff and I just broke up weeks ago. It felt like my heart was ripped out like it was a heartbreak. I have known her since 2019 and I was always a support system when she had issues with her toxic boyfriend. My friend and I got into a disagreement because during Friendsgiving (that I organized) I invited my brother and his girlfriend. I have been through a lot this year and my brother has been my rock like really we have been so close and we were never that close. My friend was so upset that he came and my other friend revealed to me that she texted in our friend group chat bashing my brother and his girlfriend. For the first time ever I stood up for myself and told her how hurt I was. After the phone call she texted me she needs a break from me and it also resulted to her saying that she doesn’t want to do anything for my birthday and will only celebrate me if it works for her schedule. She told me how uncomfortable my brother makes her and I said “I feel uncomfortable when you include your boyfriend in our hang outs but I make the exception for you”. When I replied with my text standing up for myself made me realize the friendship was ending.

I haven’t heard from her since then and I’m not reaching out to her. I got married last week and I was so hoping she would reach out but sadly she didn’t say a word. Both my mom and husband thinks she’s jealous that I’m married and she’s with a horrible man. But really it hurts me so much that someone I considered my best friend didn’t care to congratulate me. I guess I feel stupid for feeling hopeful that she will reach out to me.

I find myself texting people and then deleting the texts because I feel like no one cares or wants to here from me or maybe I’m scarred from past friendships because they’ve ended so badly and people have hurt me a lot…but it’s so lonely when the only person in my messages is my husband (which we barely text because we are with each other all the time) or my mom (😅) … even my best friend from childhood who reconnected with me and both times we have hung out she initiated and now I just overthink too much to reach back out 😕 anyways I’m kind of ranting but I hope that 2025 brings me peace and I can be content with not having a ton of people around me and be okay with being alone and not have this be a lonely feeling

my bf and i (33F) lost touch this year. it wasn’t because of distance or relationships but mental illness and lack of accountability.

i considered her my soulmate, platonically. we’d known each other for almost 20 yrs; shared tears, lots of laughter, insiders, our own language and—here we are. we haven’t formally spoken since july and prior to that, sometime in april.

i knew something was wrong last year. she’d become erratic, reckless with money, random outings with strange men, complete 180 of the person i knew. at first, i was all in, taking the time to answer calls, read through dozens of texts daily; i was there for her. but, her heavy reliance strained our relationship. she was manic.

my therapist suggested i slowly take time away from her and everything else. i did inform my friend of my decision for a mental health break but she didn’t receive it well.

after months of tension, backhanded statements, and condescension, i reached out. but, she completely dismissed it. i began to notice the shift in our friendship and i felt like our time was up. she was still facing mania and her behavior was less appealing. i tried several times reaching out and she disregarded each attempt. a discussion finally took place (i initiated the call but she went radio silent for two months and decided to randomly call me when she was “ready”) but she blamed me for everything. she took no accountability for any of her actions, she justified it because she felt rejected. i apologized for anything i may have caused even though i explained everything (mental health break) from the beginning. i asked her, had i not reached out to you initially, would you have reached out to me see if anything was wrong, and she said no. that told me everything i needed to know.

apparently, she’s been getting help and support for her mental health in the time we haven’t spoken.

as we enter the new year, it saddens me that my best friend, will probably never apologize. i doubt she’ll ever reach out and truly be accountable for her actions. she rather a friendship, a sisterhood, be shelved instead of attempting to repair the damage she caused. i hate to let her go but i deserve and am worthy of respect. I treat my friends with love and consideration and her not being accountable shines light on our friendship being held up by a facade or at least a one-sided bond.

I remained friends with an ex I had when I was 20. We didn't talk for awhile, reconnected, and it was nice to have my first love in my life in a different context.

We argued a lot, both in the relationship and as friends. Just both hot-headed. Ive spent years doing work with mental health stuff; he has not. He has never really been one to take accountability, and id often have to simply ignore behavior and move on without an apology.

This past year my parrot died. Very suddenly, it was super traumatic, she died in my arms and there was nothing I could do. She was the absolute light of my life for the past 9.5 years.

He was nice at first, but then a week after decided to get in some weird debate with me about gun control. I tried to exit the argument, he continued, accusing me of saying things I didn't, and arguing about whether or not he was being argumentative. I fkn lost it. I tore into him.

I later sent a text basically saying that I know better than to pop off, but that grief has made it really hard to control my emotions and that I was truly sorry. He called my outlining how grief was affecting me "gish gallop"/ a "deceptive argument tactic" and I took issue with that. My attempts to explain how I'm feeling aren't a list of points to refute... like?? I let him know to call me when he was ready to talk. This was in the first week of August. Not a word since.

Usually I'm the one to call and mend the bridge. But I stuck to my guns this time. I'm aware in talking about this how toxic the friendship was and how much he antagonized me. My life is, in many ways, less stressful without him in it.

But that fact alone makes me sad. I miss the good aspects of our friendship and intellectual connection. I do miss him. There's days I want to pick up the phone. But im tired of being the bridge-mender. I'm also so hurt that our friendship wasn't worth a phone call / an actual apology and it just.... It speaks volumes.

I don't know why I'm posting this necessarily. I just genuinely thought I'd hear from him, I guess. Like my hopes would get up around the holidays. And it just hurts to realize how little the friendship mattered to him. And how little cares about the hurt he causes.

Just been hard lately due to the holidays to not reach out. Like I said - stepping back has made me realize how toxic things were. But maybe sometimes the solution is to walk away. And it just fkn hurts.

Hope maybe someone reads this and feels less alone I guess. Thanks for listening 💛

We’ve stopped talking for over a month, and the end to our friendship was caused by lots of miscommunication and things I was doing that she didn’t like, but lashed out last minute before cutting me off. I wish she could’ve told me what I was doing wrong during the moment. Ever since we stopped talking, i’ve never felt so lonely and isolated in my entire life. I have pain in my chest everyday and can no longer sleep or eat properly. I just want her back, but I know she probably hates me so much and I can see she’s really content with her life and has made lots of new friends.

I just don’t know how to live with this loneliness anymore. I’ve been feeling so depressed for a month, and I don’t think i can handle living like this for another month. I barely have anyone to talk to, and feel like there’s no point in doing anything. All I do now is cry everyday and dream that she texts me.

First of all Happy New Year to you all🎉🎉

I'm in need of some advice re friends.

Last Summer I ended a 7 year long friendship with 2 of my best friends as they were bullying others online (in an obvious way) and a few other things, I hated to end the friendship but bullying is not something I want to be involved with, I left quietly with no drama and wished them happy birthday on their birthdays and then stopped messaging them (they never texted me first).

I started hanging around with a few ppl from my college course, I had sorta been friends with them for the past 2 years, we went to events and had fun over the summer, however when we came back for college after summer they kinda started to treat me differently. There's a person in the course who no one really likes as they have said kinda hurtful things. The others who were meant to be friends with me purposely left me stuck with them while they went for lunches and dinners together, and they would send me photos of them enjoying themselves while I was miserable in college listening to this person saying really horrible things (maybe I should walk away but at the same time I don't want to be mean). I approached one of them after class one day to ask if I've done anything to annoy them or anything they said "oh I have stuff going on at home" which is the same excuse as the start of the school year. One of them had a birthday and they went to lunch and organised a birthday cake and a group present without asking me to come. But then 1 week later we had a big class project and they basically left all the hard work to me while they "Drew posters", they were acting like my besties for the last few weeks But tonight, I had posted my 2024 recap including all them in the photos and tagging them but when they posted photos they had me cropped out of all the photos I'm in.

I know the signs were obvious looking back however I've had my own struggles going on this year from getting diagnosed unexpectedly with a long-term chronic illness, which has been enough of a struggle to process but I've kept college, work and personal life separate.

I really don't know what to do, I want to go into this year leaving toxicity behind. I also need advice on how to make friends as a 20 year old (f) I have no one but my parents

And today I just confirmed she is in fact alive. So now I grieve I guess.

I'm writing this here because I can't write to her.

I just don't understand how she could do this. We have been best friends for 17 years. This is the great majority of both of our lives. I don't know how she could allow me to worry about whether or not she's dead. She knows I was ghosted by my good friend in high school, a girl I still dream about to this day because of the lack of closure. She has been cut off by her family. I don't know how I could mean so little to her when she was practically my family. I thought we were connected for life, platonic soulmates.

I was the only one to go visit her in the psych ward this summer when she was living with her shit boyfriend at the time. She moved in and lived with me and my family for a month to get out of that situation. I visited her once at her new place in September, and maybe the vibes were a little off, I don't know. She bailed on hanging out with me on multiple occasions since then, so that's the last time I saw her. She has fibromyalgia, she gets flare-ups, that was her excuse.

In November I called her crying at night because I had an unexpected trauma response and broke down and left my house. I never really emotionally relied on her, which I know sounds crazy cause of how much the friendship meant to me, but we both come from shit families and never really knew what healthy emotional support looked like so I never blamed her for her inability to empathize in general growing up. But we've grown, and she is better with it now. She was able to be there for me that night, and I genuinely felt emotionally supported by another person, which was an unusual and tentative feeling.

During that call, I talked about how badly I need to leave my family house. She brought up how her and her new roommate (who she told me then she was now dating) would move out in March, and I asked if that was an invitation, and she said yeah, of course, that's why she brought it up.

She later texted me that she spoke to her roommate and they were all on board with the idea. She was researching places and asking me about logistics, like location. She seemed really excited.

My birthday comes, we had plans to take a day trip together. She calls me the day before and said she's sick. She really did sound sick on the phone. We made make up plans for the following Sunday. I drove and got gas, then waited for her to text me the address, then she finally responds that she's having a flare up.

Flash forward around the week of Dec. 10th. I'm bored and looking on Zillow for inspiration. I find a place that fit the specs we were talking about, minus the price, which I expected would be above budget. I texted it to her and said to ignore the price, just focus on the look of the place and the location - this would be ideal. She had been excited looking at places, I wanted to reciprocate that energy. I go to bed.

She texted me in the middle of the night that she didn't think she could afford it, and apologized for being distant and said she loves me, she's just going through a tough time, says her doctor suggested she might be going through psychosis. I text back in the morning that I was just using that as an example, and before I could send another text asking about what she's going through, she responds that neither her or her roommate would be able to afford even $300 each, because she's unable to work right now and they're both in debt. I text back that it's okay that it's not figured out yet, and she should focus on her health and I wasn't trying to pressure her or anything.

She texts back these huge paragraphs that we're not compatible as roommates, we're "different people with different interests," that she doesn't want to change things like smoking weed or having an animal (I never suggested she couldn't do these things), and that since "I went to college" (associate's degree in a trade), "I'm making quadruple the money they'll ever make" (I literally made like 3k this year because I just graduated and haven't even really started my career yet). She says she doesn't want to be mean, but all of her former roommates she's lived with have fallen out and she doesn't want that to happen to us.

I honestly didn't know how to respond. Okay, maybe she's right, maybe it's not a good idea to live together, whatever, but I really felt like she was just self-sabotaging the idea before giving it a chance, because she seems to be making a lot of assumptions that aren't true. But regardless, if she's this reluctant, obviously I can't force her, even though she was the one who brought it up and was excited about it in the first place.

But I didn't respond for two days because I was going through PMS and couldn't articulate a response. Two days later, I say I understand where she's coming from but I was confused if this was something she felt all along and if she felt like I was pressuring her.

The following evening, I text I don't know if she's upset, but I'm sorry.

The next day, I try calling. Didn't leave a message.

Next day, I send one last text. I say I don't want to spam her, so it's my last message, but ask if she could please just let me know where she's at. At this point, I accept that she's ghosting me.

Three weeks since the first text go by. I start to get worried. What if she's not ghosting, but something happened? I don't have social media with people I know irl, but I have an old facebook account, and I know she was still relatively active on there. But the account has disappeared.

I have no way of knowing if she's alive. This concerns me, because she has been in sketchy situations in the past. She was even kidnapped and drugged a couple years ago by this wannabe cult leader schizophrenic for a couple weeks; I had lost contact with her then, too. She generally lives with... potentially abusive people. She's currently living with a 50 year old divorcee alcoholic, a potentially violent incel, and the one she's dating (I went to school with this one, they're normal I guess.)

So my mind is wandering. I have a responsibility to my best friend to make sure she's okay. I call and leave a voicemail. I say I know she's probably ghosting me, but please just let me know if she's okay, she doesn't even have to give an explanation. I say if she doesn't respond, I'm going to start getting in contact with people who might be able to reach her. If she's upset with me, I'm guessing she won't want that, hence the warning.

Two days ago, I wonder if maybe her number isn't working. This has happened several times before. So I send an email with the same message from the voicemail.

And just now, I decide to finally reach out to one of her friends I had met earlier this year, and ask if she's had contact with her this month. She said she did on Christmas, and she posted on Snapchat yesterday.

And so I've just been crying. This whole time she's been completely fine. She's gotten my messages wondering if she's alive and chose not to respond. She didn't care that I was worried to the point of involving other people. She ignored me for three weeks, including Christmas.

So now it's about to be 2025, and I've lost my best friend since 2007. I have texted her on new year's when midnight strikes every year for a decade.

Does our friendship really just not exist anymore? Is she planning to ever contact me again? How do I even begin to process this? Her birthday is in June. Will I still not have heard from her then? I have been with her most birthdays, have talked and texted for the rest since we were 9 fucking years old. How can she just discard me like this?

Do I ever try again? Do I ask why?

She's not only my best friend, but quite literally my only friend. I had a rough time in high school, I dropped out, dropped off the face of the earth, she was the only one I stayed in contact with from my old life. I had been practically agoraphobic for a while due to a panic disorder, then I became able to go outside, but I'm still socially isolated for the most part. However, I'm trying. I went to a social group recently, it was nice. I have goals to continue that and start volunteering in 2025.

I know I will make more friends eventually, so that's not the problem - the problem was that even if I develop wonderful friendships this year, there will probably never be another one as fundamental as ours to my life. We have grown through so much together. That can never be replaced. Even if I live to 80, that's a quarter of my entire life I spent with her as my closest friend.

How do I even begin to cope with that? My brain cannot comprehend or accept that I will never talk to her again. She's like my sibling, except a lot closer than my actual siblings. What if this is truly the end? What if I die without ever speaking to her again?

I wrote this all out to process this, because like I said, I can't get closure from her, but I don't want to bring this shit into the new year. Jesus. I'm leaving reddit in the new year, too.

If you read this all, though, I appreciate it. I'm sorry for wasting your time though cause this was long asf lmao.

I feel like a child for being upset. We're college age, this was gonna happen at some point. I just finished at the local community college, and she's been working.

But after weeks without a consistent conversation she told me that she's moving to a different state this weekend. I've tried to ask her how she is, how her holidays were, and I'm only hearing about this now.

I'm not sure if I'm mad or sad or what. Just scared that I'll lose her probably. And I just wonder if I was too overwhelming or something.

I haven't had a good history with friends in a while. My first friend group lasted until high school, but ended with them defending a girl who se*sully harassed me. My second group drugged me and didn't bother to answer for it.

I just wish I knew sooner, then maybe I'd feel better. I don't know if I'm built for loneliness. And like everyone else I've passed by, even when I text, I worry she won't reply.

I've entered 2023 and 2024 with the same friend. Now that its recently over just recently about 2 weeks ago, it feels weird and honestly sad that I am in 2025 by myself. I have 2 of the gifts gifted to me still with me, and I am just trying to process it all. I don't know how but it sucks.

That's all I really want to say, I need it off my chest

How do I get over the guilt that I fucked up something that was good for me?

Yeah good job good for you. You are happy with your life. Perhaps you fucking had a good family support. So what? I am the object that you choose to discard whenever you don't need me anymore or stopped finding me amusing? Is this really how many people are as long as they're satisfied with where they're at at life?

To take someone for granted because they know they have a surplus of abundance? Fucking hell people are straight up cruel and it's sad and infuriating as hell that whatever you give to them means nothing.

Unknown author.

Ok a million is an exaggeration, but I have hundreds of photos on my phone of my ex friend, and it’s PAINFUL to scroll through. I frequently have to scroll around to find other photos, and I always run into our pictures together.

I don’t want to delete them all. What did y’all do? I wish there was an app that would gather them for me and hide them in another folder 😩

Before this, I had just accepted my abandonment issues, ocd and impulse control issues as a part of me I grew comfortable in it

Before you ask, “what does ocd have to do with it” my obsessions often change but it turned into being about monitoring the status of my friendships and an obsessive fear of abandonment.

My abandonment issues heavily influenced my behavior during this fallout. Infact it started this whole fallout because the thing I said that upset them so much is when I was triggered by my abandonment issues I wish they were willing to be understanding of that though. I wish they would let go of it because I would’ve never said it otherwise.

But now here I am. Alone

After that I became obsessive because of the nature of our fallout Every second was spent trying to make my worse fear not happen, I neglected myself, I started masking again. I tried my best to handle it under severe stress but what I couldn’t see is that I needed to focus on myself in order to handle it At some point I obsessed so much for such a prolonged period of time to the point I just couldn’t talk to them without having an anxiety attack.

It was horrible. I loved them so much and there were so many things I wanted to say to them but I just couldn’t, they still don’t know the truth. I wish they could know the truth, I wish they knew what’s in my heart and what actually happened that day.

The thing is Everytime I tried to talk about it before, because I wasn’t processing my emotions I wasn’t able to communicate what happened that day properly. And because I wanted to center them entirely I didn’t tell them I was also hurt. Even though, looking back I think they knew they hurt me in the argument we had because they understood they were harsh they just didn’t care

They didn’t seem to care about how much I was hurting so maybe they weren’t a good friend in the first place… But after they were gone it’s the first time I looked at what mental illness has stolen from me and didn’t just be like “woe is me” and then just hoped it would go away one day but for the first time I thought “enough.”

For the first time I realized I don’t deserve to live like this anymore, not for them but for me

I still wish I could go back in time Not just with the knowledge I have now but as the person I am now. They would’ve been so proud if they actually stayed to see how much I’ve grown

I’ve decided to truly work on my abandonment issues, not just for the sake of my future friendships and handling conflict but for me.

I struggle to make close friends in real life because I’m scared of getting too attached

Both 32F.

I’ve seen her get into these moods where something big happens to her, like her divorce two years ago or a loss, and she picks one person and starts picking them apart with the smallest irritations. She was dating a guy once and was upset at him because he got her flowers on a date from a grocery store instead of a florist.

There was one time in particular where she was having an emotional tantrum because I was in charge of reservations to her birthday dinner and I messed up and we had to wait 40 mins. While this was valid, she was very snappy and short with me. I snapped back and implied that she was acting entitled lately. She became very upset, as this was my fault in the first place, so I apologized sincerely the next day.

I kept hearing about it for weeks though. She said she felt punished for expressing her emotions, and that it felt like she didn’t matter to me to prioritize the reservations and such. I grew tired and said I’d already apologized and it wasn’t that deep, it was a mistake and I thought we’d had a nice time when we finally did eat. I had a busy week at work and it had slipped my mind, that was all. It’s my first corporate job and I’ve been struggling to survive it so it takes up a lot of my mental energy. The next week, I offered to make it up to her with a one-on-one trip to the museum she liked and she dismissed it because she was busy herself.

She wore me down to the point that I started to deactivate from the friendship. It was a constant barrage of ”do you even care? why are you acting cold?” She said she was overly sympathetic to my work situation but that the “excuse” invalidated her feelings. Bear in mind if I ever did try to open up about my struggles, she’d offer vague platitudes like “everything will work itself out” while half listening.

Eventually even our mutual friends were asking what happened between us. I knew I was being defensive and not warm enough, but I just needed some space. A friend told me to reassure her and radically show her love. But I guess I felt like the root issue was always going to be the same no matter what form the next argument took.

She finally sent me a message one day saying “maybe you aren’t a very good friend” but that if I had anything more to say then she was open to listening. It felt like romantic relationship level dynamics. I didn’t have anything more to say so I wished her well and said I regretted how things turned out. She blocked me.

So i (20M) and my ex-bestfriend (20F) have been to the same school since day 1 .But it was only in 2021 we started talking and instantly became closer and it was my first time that i got emotionally connected to someone. So fast forward to FEB 2022 she got in a relationship and during that i made a joke which crossed the boundaries and she shared this to her boyfriend and due to this she cut me off for about 2-3 months (not blocked , just she never contacted during this phase) . After her break-up she cleared the air and we again became bestfriends .

Now in July 2023 , she mentioned something related to it in a funny way but i lost my cool and said very hurtful and mean things to her . Things escalated to a point where we never contacted each other for 3 months . But again in october 2023 , she contacted me and again we became bestfriends.

Now here me being me , without understanding the delicate nature of the bond and the trust that i need to re-build again , got into an argument in FEB 2024 , although it was very small thing and this time i didnt use any harmful words still the past wounds and pain was still there and we lost contact again.

It was only in late october we again contacted , it was around 2 hours long call. But after few days , while we were talking about random stuff , this topic came into light to which she said we are just normal friends and she dont want to trust me again.. and that only in college she realized that our vibes dont match.

Now you call it my emotional immaturity , it was only after her words i started self-reflecting , and over the last few months i have realized my mistakes and my flaws and i am working on them..

We even planned a meet-up in January but something has come-up due to which i cant travel .

I dont know why but i still believe that it might take time but we can still become bestfriends.

Have any of you been in the same situation ?

Journal 4.

You were right the "imbalance" between us has been significant.

I reached out after 36 days, two weeks earlier than we’d planned. I did it because of my expectations. It seems that no matter how much time passes, I never learn this lesson: People are not supposed to reciprocate how I want them to.

I see the difference between us more clearly now. I tell you that I’m reaching out because I missed you, and you tell me you’ve been busy with life, leaving no time to ruminate. Meanwhile, all I’ve been doing since that night is ruminating. That said, I still appreciate your concern for my mental health.

It hits hard when you face a reality that doesn’t match what you hoped for. Your response was simple and honest, and there’s nothing wrong with that, it just made me realise how much of my emotional world is tied to expectations, whether of others or myself.

I’ve always believed that when you connect with someone, you carry the same weight. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, and trust me, I know it hasn’t but maybe that’s not fair. you experience things at your own pace, and that doesn’t make your care or your feelings any less real, I know our brains work differently on this topic.

I don’t feel sad or hurt. Well, I am sad, but I’m not mad.

It was nice to hear that you’re doing fine. I’m glad for that.

Five years ago before the pandemic I joined an international English course in a small island Malta and there I met many many people, one of them (28F now, I am 32F now) was so chill, same country as I am, and we went to parties together you know. But my course ended and I headed back to my country and the pandemic happened. Fast forward three months ago we reconnected again Im international again as a master student and she is working online for many casinos helping customer service. The pay is good but it’s annoy and clients literally have no respect towards employees, they curse and complain about financial matters and my friend which I will call her Pika, Pika is a graduated engineer of something. Its very popular and high payroll but shes stuck in casino business. Pika invited me herself to Malta as she is a settled woman working there, not a student like me. (I worked before) I said its going to be a long stay because nothing’s open during Christmas and nye, everyone is with family and friends. I panicked and decided to stay 10 full days with Pika. She was very calm and relaxed, promises me we will eat together, travel and party together. My throat hurts since October and I often wake up with sore throat but I feel better during the noon because I drink teas. A few days before my flight it started to hurt again and there was a cough. Having a small cough for three months I didn’t think much. Nothing happened on plane, everyone had running noses. I slept in the same room with Pika and noticed she’s not taking vitamins. I am careful with vitamin B and ferro tablets as I take daily. I never have breakfast but I eat fully during a day. Pika is contrary, she only eats twice a day thinking its a diet. The dreaded day happened as I woke up my voice was gone almost. Pika fastly changed her behaviour towards me and urged me to buy medicine’s which I was fine. I bought a syrup and betadine mouthwash. From that moment Pika started being mean and reminding me take care of myself as if she’s my mother. But I am a good person, I didn’t think she was planning. On 5th day she began to cough as well and her complaints were annoying. Before the pandemic I was also working with strict bosses who never allowed me take a sick leave, to be honest the businesses never ever cared about employee health before. I sure understood her deal, a lot clients cursing her family, almost wishing her to die, very unfair environment, and strict management, she’s not only sick but also drained from work. The thing is she promised me many events as my host but she still continued to work (bosses didn’t allow her to take five days off) I swallowed my pride in every moment, honestly I was getting bored every time and I was acting like I enjoy Malta on instagram. To give credit, not Pika but her friends took me in and helped me navigate. I knew they were good guys. I opened up to my other two friends and both of them instantly told me to leave Malta because I am unhappy. I knew changing flight was pricey so I didn’t buy then. Next day Pika literally cornered me and said she’s sick because of me. I replied that she’s being hurtful. She replied back she doesn’t care because she’s sick and she has to go to work. I said I understand her, I was the same before and I also worked under very strict regulations 6 days a week, only sundays for me. She genuinely seemed she’s not hearing me at all and I ended the conversation by escaping from the bedroom. I took my tablet and stated searching flights. I found a cheap option, talked to friends, they made sure I wasn’t guilty and if she got sick, thats because her eating habits (she only eats breakfast and lunch and ı know she doesn’t take supplements) Half an hour later in the midnight Pika arrived and told me to leave the house after tomorrow. I was going to spend nye alone as it was her wish apparently. I said why and she just said we are different and I am not respectful, I made her sick, and thats her only solution she got. I remained quiet and said ok. It was last night. I am alone in a hostel now, my brain is fried but I am at peace finally. I think I saw who she really is. Honestly if I didn’t booked an early flight I would spend more days in the hostel. (She wasn’t aware that I changed flights when she had this speech to me) I may lost a friend and I don’t know if we ever shared any genuine connection ever. On the text messages before my arrival she was so cool and she literally made sure I was welcome even she was living with a roommate. One sore throat made me see who to consider friend who shall deserve my attention. I am surrounded by many other friends who right now away from me, but they all said “I would never say I got sick because of you”, “it is about how you protect your health, you don’t have a responsibility in this” or even “Pika is a pig” I am waiting for my flight home now, fully decided I don’t want any Pikas in my life. I have seen enough of when people cannot use you for their benefits they change attitudes, even lose respect for you. I wonder what you all think about my story.

Last mid November my best friend randomly blocked me online, possibly due to an age difference. I’m worried that I did something wrong, I have their discord and tumblr, but I’m worried they abounded account, I really want to reconnect with them, what do I do?

My ex sent me an email after ghosting me for two months. The last time we spoke, it was via text, and he never replied to my messages. I never blocked him, so I'm not sure why he chose to email me instead of texting.

Honestly, I don't think I'll reply because of the hurt he put me through. l've made it clear that friendship is not something I'm interested in-mainly because he's not a good friend and has repeatedly shown that. Still, I can't help but feel confused about his email and the purpose behind it. I just want to understand how he thinks.

This was his message: Hi Jordan, I hope all is well with you. If it is possible, I don't want us to be on bad terms. I didn't like the way it ended. If my message from our last conversation seemed cold and dismissive, I am sorry for that. That was not my intention. I just wanted you to be able to move forward. I highly appreciate the person you are and I genuinely want nothing but the best for you. I hope you and your family have a great Christmas and New Year. Best, Justin

I'm genuinely confused by this email. If he didn't want us to end on bad terms, why ghost me for two months? Why email me now? I don't think I'll respond, but l'd love to hear your thoughts on how to interpret this. Is this typical behavior, or is there something deeper going on?

2 and a half years ago you passed away. Suddenly. My life went significantly downhill after you left. I met someone who regretfully stole the next 2 years of my life and here I am at square one. Well a few steps ahead of the very beginning but you understand.

I think about when we first met, the second time. You were a fucking spaz and I loved it. Even though our relationship didn’t work out, sometimes I wish I didn’t move. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t distant when I came back. You moved partially because of that. You had nothing to hold you here so you ended up in the heart of New Orleans. I remember your FaceTimes, your adventures. You were so fucking proud to be conquering it all.

I still don’t believe you’re fucking gone. I still can’t get over the fact that I didn’t come hang out that night. I wish you would have fucking told me. I wish I wasn’t the way I was. I wish I could have saved you.

I fucking miss you em. Thank you for saving my life

I won’t lie, I’ve been a bad friend in the past. There are friendships I’ve lost because I was being a shitty friend. But this was different it came out of nowhere. We were friends for two years. They were there for me when I needed to take a break from being at home bc of my emotionally abusive parents. They were there for me when I was going through an extremely difficult break up. I thought they were my platonic soulmate and that we would be friends forever. We talked about saving our money and going to Vegas or San Francisco as a fun trip.

It was so weird when they cut me off. A couple of weeks before they completely cut contact we went to the mall and they got me dinner and a gift for by birthday. They also MADE me a gift. They knit something for me. At first they told me they wanted to not be on social media, which is understandable. I didn’t think anything of it. Then one day they just blocked me on Instagram. I was so worried. It was like a switch had flipped. The only place I wasn’t blocked is discord so I messaged them there and they said “I need a break from you, stop trying to contact me. I don’t owe you anything” and we haven’t talked since.

I don’t miss them at all. I would never allow them back into my life after hurting me. But I still feel so traumatized from it. Why did this have to happen to me? There were no arguments leading up. They just cut me out of their life like I was nothing. They also had confided in me about how one of their close friends also stopped talking to them and how much it upset them. I feel like a broken person at this point

I used to think you were better then me but now I’m glad I’m not like you

I’m glad I care deeply about my friends and the affect my actions have on them, even if I’m upset with them

I’m glad I don’t dump my friends over small things

I’m glad I don’t stay mad about something my friend said months ago

Im glad I can find it in my heart to let go of things

I’m glad I don’t define people by their mistakes

I’m glad I’m not hypercritical of people

I’m glad I can be patient with people

I’m glad I don’t stop being kind just because I’m angry

I’m glad I WANT to understand people I love and their intentions

I’m glad I don’t hurt people on purpose

I’m glad I don’t treat people as easily disposable

I’m glad I don’t dehumanize people

I’m glad I apologize when I’ve done something wrong

I’m glad I learn from my mistakes

I’m glad I can regulate my emotions and don’t expect other people to do it for me

I’m glad I have the ability to meet people halfway

I am writing this hoping that it will be the last push I need to move on and start my year off fresh.

We were like family. You said it multiple times and I have, too. We trusted each other, confided in each other, and enjoyed each other's company to no end. You were the biggest reason I had to get out of bed each morning, genuinely looking forward to talking to you every day. There was a time I couldn't imagine a life without you in it, a fantasy I've been forced to live in for the past 5 months now.

Instead, you would rather spend your time with someone you openly labelled a misogynist, that didn't respect women at all, a person you've given a million and one chances but won't allow me a single one, for a mistake nearly a decade old.

I have supported you and defended you so many times. I have always been there for you, and I thought you would be there for me, too, but this shows our friendship was always conditional. It is clear to me now that what you wanted was not sincere bonds, but background noise and distractions, and that's all I ever was, just another distraction.

I sincerely hope you haven't felt a fraction of the pain I have over the past few months. To say it's been hell is an understatement. A lesser version of me wouldn't have been able to handle it. I don't even want to imagine where I would be right now if I was still in my 2020 state of mind.

Regardless, I've spent all this time feeling pathetic and harboring rage for you. What the fuck gives you the right to drop one of your closest friends without saying anything?? Having to wait months for you to even acknowledge the rift between us? Living all that time in limbo, only to finally get your message, that things can never go back to how they were. It seems everyone is worthy of being your friend except for me.

But I can't keep this anger. It's only brought me pain, eating away at me like maggots. I've tried so hard to move on as easily as you have, but I keep thinking about you, and how great things used to be. I want to block you on every platform that exists, but I know that won't help. I also know I'll get clowned on by your friends if I do, the same friends you use only as background noise.

All I know is that I need to let you go. I need to think of you kindly, and I need to remember the good times for what they were: good times. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

So, thank you, truly, for all the happiness you've brought me over the years. I know that I'm not blameless in this situation, I'm mighty insecure and sensitive and can be a right asshole in certain situations, and I'm truly sorry for any pain I've caused you over the years. I sincerely have only ever tried to do right by you, but I should've done better, and I should've been better. And I'm sorry for all the harsh things I've said in here, I just needed to get it all off my chest, I hope you can understand.

Just know that my life wouldn't have been the same without you. I hope I've imparted as positive a change and influence on you as you have on me. And above all, I hope you have a wonderful 2025.