My partner and I argue over the most smallest, stupid things and it has become more frequent recently. At first it was ok, but these questions and how he is speaking to me is resulting in me becoming defensive and so angry.

I am not an angry person but I am so over the questions he is asking. I find them not necessary and takes up ALOT of my energy.

• he would ask questions without an answer “why would you think like that?” “Why didn’t you think of this”
• why would you do this way first? (Referring to why I put things back a certain way)

For me, I can’t explain how or why I do things. I don’t know and I honestly don’t care. It feels like I’m being micromanaged on a daily basis. He always criticises or gives me feedback for the way I talk so on top of that I feel like he looks down at me.

So now everytime he asks me a question, even if it is reasonable, I explode. I don’t want to talk or ask questions to him because he would ALWAYS ask why why why. I just want to take it easy and have a straight forward normal conversation, why is it so hard.

THE 7 DEADLY FUCKS TO GIVE:

Fear, doubt, hatred, jealousy, misery, resentment and lovelessness.

1. Fear: Spending too many of your precious fucks on fearing for the future or worrying about the past, rather than having the courage to love yourself and live in the present moment.

2. Doubt: Spending too many of your precious fucks on doubting yourself and listening to negative thoughts, rather than focusing on positive things and improving yourself to be the best that you can.

3. Hatred: Spending too many of your precious fucks on hating others, rather than loving others as you love yourself.

4. Jealousy: Spending too many of your precious fucks on being jealous of others, rather than competing with yourself and being content with who you are.

5. Misery: Spending too many of your precious fucks on being upset about things which you cannot change, rather than doing things which make you happy and fulfilled.

6. Resentment: Spending too many of your precious fucks on being consumed by rage, rather than healing from your past traumas and finding the inner peace you so desperately need.

7. Lovelessness: Spending too many of your precious fucks on trivial things, rather than caring about yourself and others, as well as the things that really matter.

There's some people in this world who can have bad/disappointing/frustrating/negative things simply happen to them - with little drama and little effect on the rest of their day/week, or their current/future emotions.

They dent up their car right after buying it? Sigh and get it fixed. (I'd be wound up for ages and probably tell everyone I met)

Miss an important appointment? Oops, rebook it. (I'd beat myself up about it and then worry about not missing the next one)

Get sick on vacation and miss a bunch of stuff? These things happen, rest and wait it out. (I'd be grumpy about getting unlucky long after I got better)

Unintentionally upset a friend over text? Apologise for the misunderstanding and move on. (I'd probably over explain and then stay awake at night wondering about why it happened and if they hated me)

Make a mistake at work with a negative consequence? Thats a shame, will try not to make that mistake again. (I'd feel awful for ages and convince myself I'm losing my job)

These people seem to just not put the same weight on things as I appear to. A lack of overthinking. They just accept negative experiences as part of their life and don't dwell on them too much.

How do I be more like them? Even when there's blame in their corner, or a significant impact on them, they appear to see things as something that just isn't worth the mental effort, and I envy the calmness.

"The supreme art of not giving a fuck is to subdue your emotions without being consumed by them. Choosing to refrain rather than react, so that you may express your emotions in the right moment."

Or to rephrase the question do you think you have the mental fortitude to know that your friends your family people that don’t even like you have seen your womans privates.

I think if you were a couple in the business maybe, but if you were left out and she just is getting all these guys taking her down, it’s obvious the one not as as intimate with the other/ having multiple is obviously just a glutton for punishment.

Do you think that would bruise your ego?

TLDR at bottom

Also, I’m very sorry if this isn’t the right sub—I just stumbled across it the other day! Please feel free to point me in the right direction if necessary!

My first love and I broke up at the beginning of June. Not long after, I started seeing a guy from my university—I knew he had a reputation for being promiscuous, and I was very much okay with that because I didn’t want anything emotionally involved. We continued to see each other all summer and made things official in October.

We had an alright relationship. I had a heavy course load and as such didn’t have much emotional energy to invest in the relationship—which, again, I didn’t want anything too emotional. However, after a few months, I began to question why we were in a relationship at all if we had very little (if any) emotional connection. I brought this up with him a few times. I felt like I was putting in a lot of effort into the relationship—I loved to go out of my way to make him feel special—and I wasn’t getting that back. I brought this up with him a few times, too, and each time I would see small improvements.

We decided to break up in February. It was a very mutual decision. We were too stressed around each other.

Two weeks after we broke up, I found out he had been cheating on me. He had pursued a girl in his class roughly a week before we made the decision to break up. They had been texting and they even met up once (though they both assured me nothing happened then) while he and I were still together, and I was still posted on his Instagram.

I wasn’t sad about the cheating, and I’m still not—I’m moreso angry and disgusted. I’m embarrassed, too, because SO many people warned me not to get involved with him. He told me that behavior of his was in the past, and I believed him. He proved everyone right and I feel like an idiot. I got an STI panel done and it all came back negative, thankfully. I still feel so anxious walking around campus for fear of running into him. The worst part: we’re studying the same major, and it’s not a large department. We will inevitably have classes together and pass each other in the hallways. We have the same in-class friends and the same professors.

I want to be civil with him. I want to be able to say hi in the hallways. I would love to just forget he exists and perceive him as a stranger, but our forced proximity on campus makes that damn near impossible—coupled with our shared major, it really is impossible. I just want to get to a point of civility where I’m not hung up on what he did to me.

How can I stop giving a fuck about him?

TLDR: I was cheated on, and the guy who cheated on me goes to my same university and we’re in the same major. How do I not give a fuck about him and what he did to me, and be able to be civil with him?

5 Lessons Of Love:

1. True strength is empowering myself and those around me. Therefore I should be loving enough to take action to empower myself and other people.

2. People don't care as much as I might think, this is freeing because it means I shouldn't worry about others opinions of me and I should be grateful for those who genuinely care about me.

3. I shouldn't waste my time on toxic people or things which add unnecessary stress to my life, I should focus on doing things which are beneficial to myself and others.

4. I should treat myself and other people with dignity and respect, meaning I do no harm and take no crap. Instead of focusing on our differences and things which separate us, I should focus on our similarities and things which unite us together.

5. What matters the most is that I be the best version of myself, that I care for my friends and family and that I help other people whenever I can. Because loveliness isn't worth giving a fuck about.

i do not want to sound arrogant or anything but i'm prettier than the average people around me. for the longest time, i believed that i had a problem or was cursed because of how certain people (females, unfortunately) treated me. i've been hurt both emotionally and physically by many of them. most of the time i wouldn't even know their names and they'd treat me extremely rude. to the point that i believed everyone was just horrible and life just wasnt worth living. i actually had to start going to therapy and use medication because i genuinely believed that they would hurt me again. it never accrued to me it happened because of my looks since my less attractive friends would love seeing me miserable and anxious. then later in college my boyfriend and my other (pretty) friends cleared it up for me that there was nothing wrong with me and it was just because i was pretty. the problem is, i dont know how to stop getting affected by it. how can i practice detachment? is there a way for me to not to care since i cant change the way i look?

I have a friend who I’ve known since middle school, but we’ve grown alot closer during our years in university together. Something about this friend incites jealousy and envy by the way she speaks and acts. I truly don’t want to have these feelings and have it dictate my actions. But something about her always seemed very prideful and dominant. She’s an extrovert, and never afraid to express herself, which is something I admire her for but can get carried away I feel. Can someone give their two cents on whether my friend might be a narcissist, or is it simply just my insecurities? She’s loud and very expressive, whereas I’m quite the opposite, quiet and reserved. She would say things like “Oh, I always know I’m going to get the things that I want”. I would give my insight on topics in our conversations but to me it feels like she would top it off with something bigger. For instance, I was telling her about a cousin of mine that recently got into Law School, both our families are 1st gen immigrants and all of our family were genuinely happy for her accomplishment. My friend then goes, “Yeah, I already know someone like that and went to the same place” and this made me feel like she just brushed it off. Her and I share this love for a celebrity/musician and went to a concert together. There, I felt her cattiness there a lot more. She looked me up and down and said, “I can’t believe that’s the shirt you decided to get” and looked at the heels I wore and pointed them out as if they didnt belong to me. She made the whole trip about her hidden frustration about our other friend that came with us, and made me feel like the middle man in the situation which I didn’t appreciate in the end because I knew I wouldve enjoyed it so much better if my friend just kept it to herself and knew she just told me all of it to get me on her side. I kind of want to cut her off, but in a mannerful way. I just want to stop caring about what she thinks because she makes me feel so self-conscious about myself. She truly believes she knows people better than themselves and speaks propechies over them. The other day, I was telling her about a potential lover and decided to cut me off saying she sees me with another type of guy, which I think she couldnt be more wrong. Idk maybe i’m just insecure. My friend also says all the time “my friends now are going to be in my life forever” and “everyone around me is going to be so successful” but again something tells me its not really about their own successes, but more so about her getting to say she’s close with high-status people. As I’ve come to know her more, my friend truly feels very possessive over every situation shes in, and the people around her. How can I stop caring about what she thinks and go my own way in life?

Had anyone gone through a situation where someone toxic has finally removed themselves out your life? In my case, I’ve been talking to someone since November of last year and we’ve just been going down hill from there ever since we realized we wouldn’t work out. But we still stayed in contact which was a horrible idea but we could not stay off of each other for whatever reason. We have gotten in plenty of arguments, plenty of name calling and criticism.

I been wanting to get this dude out of my life for some time now but I just could never do it. I could never just hit the block button cause of the anxiety, and guilt I would feel even tho it was for the best and for my own mentality.

(I have made a couple of posts about this same guy in a couple of my posts so you’ll see how messed up he was if you’d like to read)

Last night he got mad again after something I said like he always does and hung up In my face. I proceeded to text him how much of a jerk he basically and that he needed serious help was and then later…he blocked me on Facebook and my number. I was surprised and relived all at once but then the guilt and anxiety started to settle in. Idk why tho. This is what I’ve been wanting but it hurts??? Why am I waiting for him to come back so much when I shouldn’t? He did me a favor and I should feel good about it. Right now I just feel like an idiot for saying whatever I said to cause this last night but it was valid.

I guess it was anxious attachment that I had a hold of me. And it’s still there ….how do I cope with this. I don’t wanna keep feeling Iike this towards an asshole. Maybe it’s the because he’s the one who got away first and not me. But I’m not one to block…I just unfollow or mute. He is the type to reach out to me when I’m ignoring him cause he claims he misses me but after this block I’m like 99% sure he won’t be back.

Please help…

Made loads of mistakes, usually used to think "well looking at everyone ever, mistakes have led them down the greatest paths, I'll be alright, I'll be better off infact going down the path of mistake". And we'll obviously it wasn't true, now I'm a pathetic guy compared to all the people I grew up with, compared to all the people that grew up with less opportunities and privileges on their plate.

If y'all have seen jjk, I want to become something like Geto. Don't want to bother anyone around me with my shit, and also want to get to an apathetic state.

I have an acquaintance that I always disliked for valid and invalid reasons. He's an opportunitist since birth, always made the most of whatever he could always. He's never really had a down period, or a period where he isn't respected by people, or any other quality people care about. A great guy in all metrics for the main stream people let's say.

I'm too salty, and I don't think it's ever helped but only made my situation worse and more miserable. I want to accept that my high school era was my peak, and things don't matter further. By things not mattering i mean not worrying about my social standing, wealth or anything else, I'll just live a below average or average at best, life and want to be ok with it.

I also want to stop chasing happiness and satisfaction, here me out first. Not because I'm a masochist, but usually I use 'happiness' as a way to cope about his sucess. I tell myself "sure he's all big now but I'm more happier listening to music in my room alone right?" I want to remove happiness and satisfaction as a metric in my life so that I stop using them as a scapegoat to cope.

Edit: I do have some goals with this, I've had the greatest parents I can imagine being raised by, I just want to make them and some people around me proud about me and that's all I want.

A firefighter is a background character that helps people and people around would be proud of.

Hi, I recently turned 30 years old, and I currently work in a very demanding and competitive area of ​​the institution in charge of taxes in my country. Recently I have been hearing negative comments that others say behind my back because I don't aspire for a promotion, so they think that I am not qualified for it, which makes me feel undervalued at work, the situation is that the position I have right now is already very stressful, and I work 10-12 hours a day because there is not enough staff for the demands in this area, the position above mine, is the double of workload and people work between 12 and 15 hours a day and sometimes even on weekends, since I am a single woman without children, the money I earn is enough for me to live alone, a few luxuries a month, and for my savings, so I didn't think about this, until now that people express themselves badly about my way of thinking or my work performance, what I should say, It's the same or better that some of my colleagues, I know if I get a promotion in this place, I'm going to compromise my time, personal life and health for a little more money or job recognition, on the other hand, I've been talking with my boyfriend about the possibility of getting married or living together so I am worried that my demanding schedules will affect my relationship, so it's one more reason to not seek a promotion, so my question is, how do you deal with negative comments in your work, even if they are not true? Sorry for my bad english, it's not my native language