I have no idea how to be alone. I do almost everything i do for attention and i want people to watch me 24/7. If i'm alone i feel like i'm dying or something. I feel mad at my friends for not texting me or giving me more attention. I have no idea how to keep my attention on myself. When i'm alone i just fantasize about people watching me so i'm able to feel good. I get sick of myself tho. Idk wtf to do

Does it happen to you that you hate men but unfortunately you are straight?

Are you tired of dealing with thoughts that sexualize men all day but when they talk you want to rip your ears off? 🫠

I understand that HPD is related to sexual abuse, so it doesn't seem crazy to me to think that many women with HPD hate men.

I may be friends with men, but thinking about them romantically is a horrible experience.

is anyone else here only attracted to one sex but seeks sexual attention from both sexes because its easier? like...sexual attention is the easiest form of attention and validation to get, and men are the easiest to get it from, but i am only attracted to women so i always feel disgusted afterwards

I am literally the only one with carefully designed outfit, everyone is dressed casually, only one person other than me is "dressed" and she just put all her Hello kitty themed clothes and dressed up as "hello kitty girl" I am literally only one who crafted something 😭😭😭😭😭

It's just hpd. And I actually believed I had ADHD, and told people I had it. I'm so done with myself lol

hi! i have hpd and im struggling atm w feeling like my girlfriend isn’t giving me enough attention? i want to communicate this because it’s making my mental state not great but im having trouble thinking of reasonable and specific things to ask for? like i can’t think of what would specifically help and feel like the “right” attention. my gf is autistic so specific things rly help but i obv struggle w specificity coz hpd lol. i don’t just wanna ask for fawning over me constantly coz that’s not realistic and i don’t wanna ask for sexual attention because i don’t wanna pressure her into smth lik that. idk any advice would be loveddddd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYQ20jL5Hzs

Forgive me if this is not allowed, but I stumbled upon this youtube post talking about HPD. What are your lads input on this?

First post in here in a long time, I might do this more often.

I've been doing a lot of inner child work lately. It's been very helpful and healing for me, although it's also disturbing to see just how traumatized my inner child really is. I've been having lots of insights.

I think the origins of my HPD run all the way back to infancy. Last night I had a visceral experience of a baby crying inside of me. I instinctively went to comfort that baby and felt a wave of relief when I did that. Like the baby had been desperately craving that kind of response from a grownup. I realized that my parents definitely weren't giving me enough attention even as early as infancy.

When I cried, either no one showed up or they showed up inadequately. That pattern was then reinforced over my entire childhood. I wasn't seen, I didn't receive compassion, I wasn't validated, I wasn't prioritized. My caretakers were self-absorbed, selfish, dysregulated, checked out. They saw me as an ideal, as defective, as a nuisance, as an extension of themselves. I'm certain that's what sent my attention seeking instincts into hyperdrive.

I know this insight isn't like super groundbreaking or unexpected. But it's healing to have inner confirmation like this of my own trauma. It's been such a long journey for me to feel certain that I actually experienced trauma. I always privately thought that my personality disorder was somehow my own fault, or like proof of my own defectiveness/badness.

Also, I see opportunities to retroactively meet some of those childhood needs, which is the whole point of inner child work. So that's pretty cool.

(Polish link below)

Hello everyone,

In connection with my psychology studies, I am conducting a research project on the links between personality disorder symptoms and romantic relationship functioning in young people.

I would like to invite people to participate in an online survey, which involves completing a set of psychological questionnaires:

• between the ages of 20 and 40,

• who are currently in a romantic relationship.

Participation in the study is completely voluntary, confidential and anonymous. You are free to withdraw from participation at any time.

English:

https://forms.gle/zMV3Qotpef114TaS9

Polish:

https://forms.gle/vuvEMBd71haT58ST7

Also wh

I have been diagnosed with everything from bipolar, adhd, ASD, BPD, etc but never truly felt like I had a place. I mainly agreed on the ASD diagnosis and ADHD since I was diagnosed as a teenager but nothing else made sense. I felt evil, i was a conniving preteen/teenager, I acted out to get attention, if i had a fight with a friend i would alienate them and bully them despite hating bullying due to being a victim myself. I have been seeing a newer therapist who knows her shit, psychology and personality disorders are her special interest so this isn’t just a job for her. She’s been studying me for a while, i brought up multiple diagnosis that I have been given as well as ones I considered having. In her words “we have gone through the entire DSM already. After asking a few questions, she told me she is highly suspecting HPD which she also mentioned besides all the other diagnoses, I have never considered this one. I looked it up a while ago and thought “this isn’t me. i hate talking to people.” until she gave a description that completely blew my mind. apparently she doesn’t think I have ADHD which was some kinda black mirror stuff until she brought up that hyper activity was not something that started in early childhood. My impulsive behaviors were because of attention.. supposedly the only things she sees are ASD and HPD which again, black mirror. I feel like i’m losing my mind bc after hearing about it from a professional psychologist who studies personality disorders for fun and not some random website, it basically wraps everything up to the t. where do i go from here? I sometimes think i’m delusional because i frequently mistake any kind of conversation or looks with men and male coworkers as flirting even though that’s probably far from the truth. Idk where i’m going, idk what to do, i can’t wait an entire week to get more information. any advice?

Hi reddit! i am gonna try to give some background first. My dad died when i was 7, since that age ive struggled with self harm,suicide and substance abuse issues, i dont know if this matters but ive also done theatre since i was 7 and im pursuing it as my career. i have lied every single day of my life to get attention, i lie to my family and therapists that i have scizophrenia which ive been doing since i was 11, i lie to my friends about what drugs im using to get more attention and pity ( for example saying im using harder drugs like heroin when in reality im just using wees). it never seemed to occur to me that it was bad to lie or even that i was lying, it genuinely felt like i was a scizophrenic heroin user. i have no idea how to come clean or talk about this. i have realised that all of my personalities are fake and truely just made up for attention. i need help and i don't know where to start, just a month ago i started realising how horrible i am and realised i might have HPD, i have been living a lie my whole life.

Personally, I have a variety of methods to obtain attention that I need. But, I'm curious, what sorts of things do you do to seek this and which is your favorite way of obtaining it so far?

As like any other I thrive to achieve positive attention. If I had to choose I definitely would choose a positive attention that makes me look good in people's eyes. But for negative attention I realized it's pretty complicated. I don't mind people seeing me as a "victim", I used to like when I was getting cyberbbullied because I could always squeeze sympathy out of people. I would act like it's such a big deal even though I don't really mind it. I don't like negative attention where people I care or I know who thinks highly of me thinks badly of me, but I LOVE "haters" I used to poke them just because I liked the fight the way they reached out to me alongside with the afterwards attention I would get from people I like. So yeah even though I am positive I like a type of negative attention where I am seen as victim or it's from a spineless hater I would hate it if it makes me look bad to others. How's with you guys?

I recently got diagnosed with HPD, which was at first so reassuring and made me feel like I wasn’t insane, but as time has passed I’m now not able to even think about anything else but the disorder. I spend hours just scrolling through google and this Reddit trying to feel a sense of normality I guess.

My brain is always scrambled and I can’t even process what’s going on in my life. I’ve been in this weird situationship with someone higher up than me at work for two months and I put my two weeks in so we could be together, but dear god do I even want this? I think he’s a narcissist but I can’t make myself stop coming to him whenever he calls. He gets so upset with me and causes me to freak out, he doesn’t think I like him sometimes and I can completely understand why, but if he were to finally leave I would absolutely lose my mind. Whenever I feel like I should be upset at him I can completely display that with my actions, even begin hysterically crying infront of him, but when it’s over I’m completely fine. I hate feeling like such a phony.

I just throw myself into things hoping for some sense of approval, I have a new man, new job, new schooling set up for myself, but still I feel nothing. If I’m completely honest I really don’t know how much longer I can keep going at this point. I’m still suffering with my anorexia, but I can’t sleep without smoking heavily so I’m gaining weight and I can see it in my face. I depend so heavily on my appearance to make up for what I lack socially and I’m scared that once my looks lack I won’t have anyone.

One of my biggest flaws is my lack of social skills, I can never think of what to say to people so I either stand silent or say some off putting stuff that makes me feel like an idiot after. I care so much about what people think of me, yet I can’t seem to put the effort to be likeable. I’m absolutely spiraling everyday and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. Im not sure why I’m posting this on here but I guess I just want advice. I feel so alone and so fucking insane.

When i got diagnosed with histrionic i genuinely thought it meant i didn't have bpd anymore but, 2 months later my psych was like what would make u think that... does anyone else have both

Like genuinely lol i feel like there is no me i am just a projection of whatever is the most interesting to whoever around me idek if my memories or trauma are even real

So i noticed that i always got along extremely well with other hpd people and i was wondering if anyone else also has this same experience with other hpds also if anyone here was trynna become besties

It's just something I have noticed in myself but as much as I can't really form an actual friendship with people who are lower than me in terms of many aspects such as emotional intelligence, educated, knowledgeable around the what's going on with the world I also realized that I can't really stan when someone is on the equal terms with me or even better. I realized that I really REALLY hate when someone's talented than me, more well liked than me a better speaker than me etc. I just feel like in order for me to form and continue a friendship that person needs to be on the similar level as me but always bit lower than me. I just feel like I need my friend to always look up on me, be impressed by the things I do or know, to be the one always seek me out instead me chasing them and well when they're better than me it's nearly impossible. Plus I feel like when I am the one other seeks out I feel like I won't feel horrible if they ever leave or end the friendship or even hate me. Do you guys feel similar?

I don’t know if this is something I want to talk about with my therapist, but I came to the realization that I exhibit traits of HPD. I’ve been very attention seeking since I was a child and have tried to get that attention in the ways that I could. Whether it was making people worry about me or feel bad for me, or seeking it out in sexual ways from a very young age. I’m not very well versed on HPD, but I only show some of the traits from my knowledge. I have BPD (in remission), so maybe it’s from that? I’m an introvert and have social anxiety, so quite a few of the traits that go along with HPD don’t apply to me. What I do know, is that I have a strong craving for attention and validation, and will seek it out through inappropriate means. I remember when I was younger I had the strong desire to get really sick, like some sort of terminal illness, so that people would give me attention and care for me. Sometimes I’ll want to back to the mental hospital for the same reason admittedly. But maybe that’s just human? I really don’t know at this point. I’d love to hear any insight or stories from people with HPD to help me wrap my head around this better before potentially consulting my therapist. I know this post isn’t super in depth, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it and I feel shame around these behaviors. In summary, I relate to and exhibit some traits of HPD, but I also have BPD and am unsure if it’s just from that.

I’ve recently become hyper-aware of some of my flirtatious behavior, which sucks, because i feel like I have no control over it. I feel like I’m trapped inside my brain trying to take control, but my subconscious is so used to my cravings for attention that it’s impossible to keep up with.

I’ve always been very aware of when people are looking at me, eyeing me, or just spending a good amount of time chatting me up. I notice it and it makes me feel so, so good. I am a young woman and I would consider myself to be pretty attractive, mainly because I make sure to look my best, especially if I’m going to be somewhere where there’s potential for me to get attention.

I also have a habit of mimicking other people’s behaviors, and mirroring their interests. I honestly believe that I can be anyone’s friend, because I haven’t met a singular person I can’t get along with. Talking to me is like talking to a mirror, no joke. So I have no issue getting people to like me and think I’m interesting.

About a year ago, a guy joined my friend group and we’ve been hanging out pretty often (once a week, always in a group setting) usually just to play tabletop games. He’s recently engaged and he’s like 6 years my senior, and I’m not even physically attracted to him. Yet, I have a strong feeling he is attracted to me, and unfortunately, I love it.

Would I ever make a move on this man? Absolutely not. And if he for some reason made a move on me, I would turn him down immediately. Once a person vocally expresses an interest in me, I lose most of mine. It’s so weird and frustrating. The reason why I think he likes me is because he’s always looking over at me, he’s always talking to JUST me even when we’re in a group, and recently he has started making sexual references and jokes more often. And I’ve noticed I’ve been doing the same.

I don’t think it’s obvious enough to where one of my other friends would notice, though. But sometimes if I get up to go get a drink in the kitchen, he’ll follow, and make some small talk. It’s like he’s mainly focused on me. Obviously as someone with HPD, I love it. But also it sucks because I know this is completely wrong, and I feel like I’m using him somehow because I’m getting off on the attention.

But!!! I feel like I make myself crazy, because I know people with HPD can misinterpret the intimacy and dynamics of relationships. I often argue with myself over whether this guy actually has some kind of crush on me, or if he’s just being a regular friend. A big part of me wishes that he at least thinks about me a little bit. Which is messed up, because I know he’s in a relationship. Although I always found it weird because he never likes talking about his fiancée, even if someone brings her up. He gives very short responses and looks uncomfortable when asked. But maybe im also making that up in my head!!! Gah

Idk lol. I’m at a clinic for psychosomatic and mental illnesses at the moment, that focuses on treating personality disorders. I got to hear suspected diagnoses for me today. One of them is HPD. I did not expect to be diagnosed with this lol idek what to say. Like, there is not much research around for it as far as I know. I don’t really identify with it, but I also didn’t look it up much. I have NPD and BPD and CPTSD and other stuff on top of that. I don’t really know what to do now.

I guess I want to ask for some resources, books etc on this topic. I’m interested in learning more about it. I don’t really agree with the diagnosis but I’m also like eh whatever 🤷 so uh yeah. How did y’all go about the diagnostic process? How was it for u

How would you distinguish HPD from any other personality disorder (or any disorder in general)? Please include real life examples if possible <3

i recently realized i could have hpd, once i figured out what it was properly it explained a lot of my behaviour throughout my life. however i’ve also hurt a lot of people because of it and i don’t want to lose any more friends. so, does anyone have any coping mechanisms that helped you be more mindful of your behaviour? just for context, i have a horrible habit of trying to one-up my friends personal problems when they are just trying to vent to me, and often times ill act worked up about something small so people would pay attention to me. there’s other stuff too but i’m just starting with this cos it’s late and i have work tomorrow lol. just generally looking for ways to think before i act and how to analyze a situation in a way where hpd doesn’t get in the way. thanks :D

In my own life I've noticed a few things I seem to think about differently than neurotypical people.

1. Relationships - Whether it be thinking that I'm crushing on someone I just met, thinking that other people are into me when they're clearly not, or convincing myself that I can't feel love for other people at all.
2. Work and discipline - are both things I struggle a lot with, it's hard to feel like I care about work at all and hard work makes me cry lol. I don't want to seem entitled it's something I struggle with.
3. My appearance/image - omg it's prob the main part of the disorder for me. it's incredibly difficult not to focus on what I look like or the persona I've created for other people- and betraying either of those things by not feeling pretty or acting outside of how I want others to imagine me feels so painful. my entire day can be decided by whether or not I feel like I look okay.

to those with HPD: in what ways do you feel this disorder shapes the way you think? and have an amazing day/night 🙏

Some days we crush it. Some days we split. I guess the goal is to make the former outweigh the latter.

For me it's the physical shutdown I feel when I've been left completely alone. something about it powers my body down- almost like I need to hibernate to save energy because I can't take care of myself. I think it's because I have this sense that I only exist around other people- so when there's nobody's around I can't exist in any other way than physically.

I'm curious if anybody else does this or if it's maybe due to a mix of HPD and bipolar for me. What's the most painful part of HPD for you?

What types of results have you had from therapy? What worked, and what did not? How has it changed you?

Thank you

What type of specialist does someone with HPD meet and talk with for the best results?

Thanks