I’m not sure what more to say. 2 sessions of couples counselling , primary reason for going wasn’t about libido mismatch but maybe emotional disconnection with anger issues ( walks out , him) Over 4 years together and we don’t live together.

Half way through session 2 therapist says ‘ I wouldn’t normally say this so early’…. ASD (autism) .

Suddenly, what I thought was his ‘don’t care’ attitude to my needs, my sex drive etc all make sense. Feeling a sense of grief that he will never quite ‘get me’

I really don't know what's going on.

I've wanted this for years.

Her libido is coming back, she's flirty, initiating...

Maybe I didn't want this as much as I thought I did. Maybe I need trt...

Did resentment crop up for anyone here in a weird way?

tldr: Husband pays lip service to wanting sex and then runs out the clock and procrastinates actually going to bed until I'm passing out from exhaustion and I'm ragey about it this morning...

I am beyond irritated and need to rant before he wakes up oblivious and refreshed and I fucking lose it. 

TWO nights in a row he (LLM34) has “tried” to have sex with me (HLF33). Why is “tried” in scare quotes? Because “trying” has been making vague grabs and comments throughout the day and then when it comes night and the kids are all in bed he starts  doing anything and everything except come to bed with me. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Playing a game for “just one more level”, taking out the dog again, taking out the trash, bringing in bags from the car, all sorts of things UNTIL ONE IN THE MORNING. I try and stay up and he finally comes in when I am fucking exhausted and ready to pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow after he’s managed a few halfhearted touches and snuggles, and then the next morning is all “well aww shucks golly gee willickers I was totally going to do something but gosh darn it you just fell asleep so darn FAST!”

YEAH, CAUSE YOU WANTED TO WAIT UNTIL ONE IN THE MORNING!!! Until I was so exhausted I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. We have three kids under 6, they’re going to be up at 0 dark 30 and I need to function!!!

I said this. In a non combative non aggressive way with no exclamation points. I didn’t even look sad, even though it hurt like hell to once again just not be a priority to him, I even smiled while saying it. Maybe that was my mistake. It was the friendly smile… But he tried to touch my breasts in the morning when i was in the kitchen getting breakfast ready, i pushed his hand away and he asked why. I asked him "are you going to do something about it or just get me worked up for no reason?" He says "hey I tried last night you fell asleep". NO YOU DID NOT!!! You RAN OUT THE CLOCK!!! You procrastinated sex with your wife like it was an unpleasant chore!! You did not tRY, you are awarded no points, no gold star is issued, do not pass go, do not collect $200, GOOD DAY SIR!

So yeah, I saw red but I remained pleasant... Complaint logged. Day goes on. He keeps up with the affection and suggestive comments. Day is over. Kids are in bed. Surely he will remember my words from this morning and actually act on some of this sexual tension he’s been deliberately stirring up? No. He does the exact same thing AGAIN. I start asking him at 9:30 “when do you think you’ll be ready for bed?” “Soon” he answers. 10:30, I ask again, same answer. 11. 12. Half past midnight I give up and go to bed. He comes in a few minutes later when im half asleep, gets snuggly for half a minute and then rolls over. and when he's out of bed, it will be the same “golly gee willickers” routine. 

At what point can I conclude he’s doing it on purpose? Wanting the “credit” of “trying” but not have to risk any follow through? 

Best part, is our baby woke up hollering not an hour after we went to sleep and woke my other two. So we’ve ALL been up since 2 in the morning, except my husband. He’s asleep after getting up the first time and making the situation worse. It’s now 5 in the morning, I haven't been able to get the oldest two to settle and at this point they’re going to be out of bed and hungry in an hour anyway so why bother. So now its not even 6 in the morning yet and I’m already overworked, overtired, and sexually frustrated as hell and all I want to do is go blow a trumpet in his ear army bugle call style. 

The hardest part of our obvious incompatibility to work through and accept has been that all the talks, all the discussions, all the sharing of feelings, the doctors appointments and blood work, it all means nothing because it really is just as simple as “if he wanted to, he would. He doesn’t so he won’t.” That's it. There’s no mystery, there’s no magic pill, no solution, no arrangement of words that will finally break through. He just doesn’t want to. Intimacy is not a priority for him. It doesn’t make his top twenty at all. My needs are a joke. My dissatisfaction and frustration is a joke. We have sex when HE wants to which is not often, nothing I do will ever move the frequency needle. I’m not a treasured, eagerly awaited part of the day, I’m something he pencils in when there’s nothing better to do. Everything is more vital to take up an evening with than me. 

And I mean, I was a slow learner. 15 years I was stupidly having all the talks... But eventually I learned. I got it. Message received. This is as good as it gets, and I have to suck it up and deal. But DAMN IT, just once I just want to get dragged off to the bedroom, thrown on the bed caveman style and be fucking CLAIMED. Just once I want him to toss the kids in bed and pounce on me because he just has to have me right this second. I want to know what it feels like to be desperately wanted by my husband the way I want him. One time. Is that so crazy? Apparently. Fantasy. Pipe dream. Unattainable desire.

Rant over, I think. Now I have to figure out breakfast for these heathens because mom still has to mom. I don’t have enough coffee for the 48 hours on 2 hours of sleep I'm going to have to pull. I see some rage cleaning in my to do list today... 

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to find someone local who will sell me a trumpet… 

I’ve always been tempted to just finally give in to fulfill as many kinks as I could with a stranger that I meet at a hotel bar that I would never see again. I travel at times for work and will get hit one pretty regularly, but I’ve never acted on it. To be honest, it’s getting harder and harder not to just give in for one night of hot/kinky sex with someone that’s also clearly there on business that I’ll never see again. Especially when I haven’t tasted a pussy or ass in months. Have any of you given in to this? I’m also curious if this is just a guy thing or if women also think about this? Edit: I forgot to mention I’m married and my wife used to have a high libido, but now we only have sex once every two months.

My wife is so fuckin hot to me. I just wish she cared about sex half as much as I do.

Having a great weekend with friends and I can’t stop looking at her across the room and wishing she would reciprocate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9Rm9uEcnwY

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I was in another community where somebody posted about how LL should be angry about being asked for sex, and that HL people need counseling for being happy after sex. "You shouldn't need sex to be a good parent or person" was the general message. "Coeresion is bad" yes I agree. "Consent is required" I don't suggest otherwise Apparently being unsatisfied with the frequency and quality of sex in a marriage makes you a monster. "The talk is just manipulation"

Back in the monthly/2 monthly bullshit.

We have an ok month or 2, then a not so good month or 2. I ask questions/raise my concerns, I get shot down and made out like I’m causing problems / drama,- and that basically everything is my fault (it isn’t, everything she throws at me is bullshit)

On top of this, I’ve worked out there’s only a small number of days a month she’s willing to have sex. In theory it’s only 1 or 2 days…. Its rediculous. I don’t want to be rude to ladies monthly cycle here but this is how my month goes in terms of availability.

Day 1-6 - Period - no sex Day 7-10 - She’s sore after period - no sex Day 11-14 - Good days usually Sex once here Day 15- 20 - rest days after sex Day 21-23 - ovulating - no sex Day 24-26 - possible window for sex Day 27-31 - expecting next period - no sex

The days might be out slightly but you get the idea. Based on this, there’s minimal days for opportunities and even less when you consider she doesn’t usually want sex within 5 days of the last time.

She also prefers sex on a certain day of the week (not always but usually) so if that day doesn’t fall in the “good days” then it’s even less likely to happen. This is without taking into consideration that other things affect her mood etc, and sometimes it’s the smallest stupidest thing ever but it’ll completely ruin any opportunity or chance we had.

I’m just fed up of this bullshit. I just don’t see why sex needs to be so routine and over thought. Just run with it. Live in the moment. Enjoy life ffs

She just didn't want to be with me. That's all that needs to be said.

I think since we had the talk, I'd slightly worried about this. I feel like I know my partner of 20 years so well, but I just don't know her that well sexually.

Over last 2 years she has said things that have sometimes thrown me in a good way. She's mentioned hand around her throat, spanking, she prefers doggy now, she likes to be kinda thrown and moved around a bit.

But this is also like discovering a new person slowly and because things haven't quite materialised yet to a full healthy sex life together, I am overthinking and also contemplating and slightly fearful what she might be like especially now with H.R.T (no test yet)

I wouldn't say I'm struggling but I also anxious about the unknown.

This one really made me realise how different we are.

Other day I posted how my wife said she doesn't cafe if I jack off in the shower. I felt weird as I would be bothered the other way around. Simply because I feel like in a DB your perspective and rationality about this stuff just goes haywire. You see anything like that as a threat you this looming problem that has damaged you mentally so much.

I have pretty much stopped masturbating as I find it too mentally harmful. The post nut clarity leaves me feeling insanely alone and just highlights my situation. I hate seeing people have sex, I hate porn, I hate any talk about anything sexual. It all feels like vinegar on a wound.

So last night I mention I have a weird dry patch on my finger (palm side) she said 'masturbating too much?' I told her I can't remember the last time I even did and haven't since we moved to this new city. She has got me off twice since. Meanwhile I've probably made her cum 40 times across a few sessions. Things are picking up but I'm starting to realise my efforts are indeed materialising into something good for her, meanwhile I realise she is not really making much effort. She's a bit of a pillow princess which I do kinda like but it's more the mental invest that bothers me and its lacking. But also not her fault due to meds/hormones.

This really stung though. It made me feel like a loser that can't get anything so has to resort to jacking off to point his skin is drying out. Also, she's not bothered if I am because it's less effort for her.

Am I overthinking this? I've not been able to shake it.

I’m a HL 28M.. for the last 8 years of my life it’s just been hard to be in a relationship because of my HL… everytime I find people that are the opposite and of me and always goes the same… I end up frustrated because my high sex drive makes me nuts and I don’t get enough… I talk to me partners, I explain but is always the same “Yeah I can handle it, I’m the same” yeah for a month and then it goes down the hill t’il 1 every 2 weeks… and I don’t know how to handle all this… I see in here that I’m not the only one in this case, so how do u handle it ? I don’t want to masturbate all my life to get this frustration everytime i’m going coucou bananas over here…! I see man with LL with HLF and I just say to my self “Damn, meat only ends up in a vegan’s plate for sure” tell me how I can handle my frustration…

I (hlf, 28) really need someone to talk to about my dead bedroom. I cannot take the mix of emotions and just need to feel like I am not crazy. Any HLF open to talk? Advice or whatever would really help me. I feel hopeless

Wife (42) and I (44) had the chat (again) last week about intimacy, sex, etc. I'm sure you all know how it goes.

At the end of it she did say that she wants us to get back on track and have a sex life like we used to, which was amazing albeit many years ago. She then agreed that for the next week that I could do anything I want with/to her.

Now with my HL and a hotwife kink, this could have been an amazing week. Role-play, toys, porn and all the sex acts you could think of.

Problem is, I couldn't think of anything "worth" doing. It all seemed so tedious including just regular sex which we haven't had. I feel like I'm broken now because I couldn't muster up the interest to do whatever I wanted.

Has anyone else experienced this? Where the partner says they are willing but you simply can't get interested in it anymore after the years and years of trouble?

Months ago I finally asked my wife for a divorce after a miserable last few years. As it relates to a dead bedroom, we had sex last in early 2023.

I have already paid a lawyer to draw up petition for divorce to be filed then served to her after the holidays. I have to do it this way because she refused to give me a divorce, making empty promises to change, despite not changing a thing.

But tonight, for no reason whatsoever, a girl at my gym flirted with me and I acted on it. She invited me over and we had sex (my first time having sex in almost 2 years).

We went for a couple of hours, and I felt like being given water in a desert.

Then the reality hit me. I am still married and living with my wife. I’ve never been this kind of guy and I feel awful. My marriage is over but I shouldn’t have done this.

My wife didn’t even notice the extra time I spent out. My guilt says I should tell her, but I know she would use this as an excuse to blame me for the end of the marriage and for sympathy from others. My dumb actions also take away my shot at a no-fault divorce.

I wish I hadn’t done it, but too late for that now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9Rm9uEcnwY

​

Drop a 🔔 below to ring the gong.

I'm a 41M who is either HL or H'erthanherL. My wife is 40M LL. We had twins 7 years ago. Before that we had an okay sex life, not wild and crazy, but relatively regular, some toys, some kinks, she learnt burlesque and then never danced for me. I'd say that since then we have been heading towards a DB at varying rates. Longest spell was just over 6 months, heading towards that length again now. Sex only happens in the bedroom at night, she folds her clothes first, there's no foreplay, I'm never allowed to go down on her, she'd never offer to do it for me. When we talk about it, which usually winds up with her crying and me regretting bringing it up, she says that she just does t crave physical intimacy. She says its not a 'me thing', it's just not something she wants; kissing, touching, fucking... none of it. I completely feel like it's me. I'm middle aged, overweight and, partly due to this, my confidence is absolutely rock bottom. Earlier this year I had a tummy tuck (I had lost a decent amount of weight and had a lot of skin that I was told would never go) to try and boost my confidence and gain back her attraction. Stupid, I know. Obviously it didn't work. Initial recovery took about 2 months, during which I wasn't even thinking about sex, in fact I moved out if the family home to recover at my mum's which had lots of kit from prior to my dad's death. But then, I did think about it, and she didnt. Physical contact was completely off the menu. We didnt hold hands, lie on each other, hug...anything. One morning, about 4 months after my surgery, we were lying in bed and she said something to the effect of "everything's going so well, I would almost feel comfortable hugging you". It hit me like a train that I was spiralling into depths of darkness, losing my grip on her and at the exact same time she thought things were going brilliantly. I spent some time processing and realised that if she hadn't been comfortable hugging me, had our previous sex life been okay? Like, had she wanted it or done things out of 'duty'? Had I inadvertently SA'd the woman I love? That was about 6 weeks ago. I've withdrawn massively since then. I am finding it hard to be home, to talk to her, to share a bed with her. I dont sleep well anymore, often ill stay up late so we don't go to bed at the same time. As soon as the kids go to bed it's like a light goes off inside me. I worry that I'm getting snappier with them, which worries me, so I've made a huge effort to be calmer and more loving. I don't really know why I'm writing this. Advice, commiseration or just to have said it somewhere where I won't be judged.

Like many here, we suffer from a major libido mismatch. We had agreed to weekly sex, but we never even broke 20x per year--well under half of that. I kept track in my diary for almost 20 years. We were usually about 18x. We had many talks and even read a book or two but it never changed much or for long.

About 3 years ago I found a couple new sources and podcasts and started working a lot harder to improve things. I think it may have worked (or maybe just our youngest getting older... you can't isolate variables in real life). We did finally break 20 the first year, but it was only 21. Still, I had met a goal and wondered how much more we could improve the next year. I set a goal of 24: at least twice a month. I did manage to just barely reach that goal, too! My goal last year was 26... can we even do it 50% of what we'd agreed to?!

Well, it ain't gonna happen. It's mid November and we're at 7. The worst year in a long time. (Though not the worst ever, which was 3.) To be fair, I gave up trying a couple months back. To quote a friend, "The juice just isn't worth the squeeze." I did a lot of re-arranging of my schedule to maximize every possible opportunity, which meant passing on many activities with friends and even activities with my son. While I did achieve a 10-20% improvement, it didn't make a huge difference in my life quality. Our libidos are off by more than an order of magnitude. I take care of myself once or twice a day. My spouse has said that they're not sure they'd ever masturbate, and even when they were younger and not in a relationship they did it maybe 1-2x/year.

YMMV, but if you step up your game you may see improvement. You'll never know unless you try. Hopefully you'll see enough and find happiness. It's not guaranteed, but it's worth a try.

I think y’all can relate. You don’t have to go to work next day, less stressed out with perhpas a little alcohol in the system to get you buzzed. You are so ready for some romance and action. But you get nothing :(

She slept pretty late today. I woke up before her, bricked. When she woke up, I dove onto her and showered her with kisses and cuddles.

She got up to use the restroom. When she got back, she shut the door and turned the TV volume way up. I offered her the missionary position, since we previously agreed we would try that. But she changed her mind, opting to ride me again.

I rocked her world from below and finished. This session was quicker than most others, but still very satisfactory. Despite my offer to finish her off with my mouth and hands, she said no thanks.

It might be for the best since I felt a shooting pain in my groin a short time later while cooking our breakfast.

Edit: Sorry I said anything. Jesus Fuck.

I thought this sub was above the judgmental bullshit of the dead bedroom sub. Looks like I thought wrong.

Has anybody else had this happen. She is like I'm in the mood. It's 730. We just got done eating kids are in our room run around the house like we obviously can't do it now. Let's do it later. Later comes. Kids are in bed

The night before she was complaining that I don't spend time with her so I purposely made time and gave her attention. She was on her phone and wouldn't get off. I told her that the night before you made an issue and tonight I'm trying to show you and give you more attention. I asked her if she was still in the mood. She said no, and we should've done it earlier.

Is this normal behavior? I did she have to pick the most opportune times and if it doesn't work out, it's always no? Is she just purposely playing with me?

Anyone who has the same experience?

Hello everyone,

My [24F] girlfriend and I [24M] have been dating for over 5 years, were each other's first, and we are the only person the other has dated. I love this girl, we talk about getting married, buying a house together, having a family, all of the fuzzy stuff that you hope to have in a committed relationship. She's great with my family and friends, supportive, intelligent, driven, gorgeous, etc. From the outside we have a near perfect relationship, and have been told as such. We never argue, spend time together often, go out on dates regularly, exercise together, the whole nine yards.

But intimacy is an issue in the relationship, specifically with lack of libido on her part. Before anyone mentions anything, yes I have gone through the list of everything under the sun that people talk about with HL/LL dynamics, ensuring that we are communicating well, she feels secure, etc. What ends up happening is that we'll talk about it after I've bottled up my desires and pain from being rejected for long periods of time, sometimes after not being intimate outside of kissing for weeks, she'll cry, say that she feels pressured, then apologize the next day and we'll be intimate for a week or so, then back to normal. I've even talked about this cycle with her, and she seems to acknowledge it.

This brings me to the thing that pains me the most:

It just doesn't seem like she wants me like I do her.

I don't want a dead beadroom in 20 years if we get married. I don't want to beg her for sex. I don't want to walk on eggshells around her stresses and turn-offs I don't want to set up sex days in advance by crafting the perfect environment for her. I just want it to be easy, as everything else is in our relationship.

So, that is my predicament. Our relationship is so close to being perfect, and I damn near can't bring myself to break up with her given everything. There's much more I could ramble about but that's the gist.

I need guidance.

EDIT: Guess more context was needed. She's definitely into me, I know she finds me attractive and enjoys the sex we have. My real issue is that no matter what I try or say or do I cannot get it across to her how painful our lack of consistent sex is to me. We have sex 3 times a month id say, whereas my ideal is ~3-4x a week.

We've tried doing things other than PIV, but even those have diminished slightly.

Another factor is stress, we're both grad students in competitive programs, so I understand that that's coming into play here, it just sucks though that she needs to be completely stress free to have sex, whereas having sex reduces my stress.

A question for those HL folks that stayed with a LL partner and started having more sex. When did it get to be good/fun again?

Background: I HLM (38) have been with LLF (42) for 12 years. The first 3 were nonstop sex, at least once a day, and while not kinky or as experimental as I'd hoped, she was open to possibly trying new things as we got more comfortable together. The next 8 years sex dropped to an average of once a month. Sometimes exactly 4 weeks between sessions, sometimes 2 or 3 months without and then 2 or 3 weeks in a row. This year we're on track to average twice a month so things are improving.

That said, in the past 2 years or so sex just hasn't been anything more than fine for me. It used to be great to good for me. Not to brag but afterwards she says it's at least good if not great to excellent for her. I still am HL as far as I can tell as I still desire it every day, but on the days we get into now it just feels like going through the motions. For those of you who are HL and have gone through the less active times and come out the other end, when did you start to enjoy sex with your LL partner again?

Honest question to follow:

I came to reddit 3 years ago for help with my rapidly disappearing sex life with my wife.

What I took as abandonment initially, (with the attendant feelings:anger, sadness, etc), I finally learned through my research was really just worst case menopause results for her.

She still is avoidant of the subject, as far as talking, saying she'll bring it to her GP. But we've had sex twice in '24, the 2nd time an abject failure because after extensive foreplay, and a KY prelube for her, she did minimal reciprocal prep for me.

When I tried to penetrate her, she immediately had pain, which caused me to stop and lose any erection I had. (Because she had pain, what kind of asshole wouldn't)

She implied that I wasn't going to be able to perform anyway, as fast as I lost my boner.

So here's the problem. Menopause has taken her drive, and physical ability to take me. She brushes off talking about it to me or the doctor.

She doesn't seem to hate me, and still tolerates hugs and cuddling.

I keep hearing about non-penetrative sex options, but blowjobs, handjobs, anal, we're never on the menu here, at least never more than cursory foreplay.

I love her, and being 55 myself, I really don't feel like divorce is the way. (Mainly, I don't relish the idea of impoverishing myself, losing my home, destroying my teen son's perception of me, and trying to fate again, and likely having the universe fuck me further by giving me cancer, or showing me I'm really low Libido compared to what's available, then I get tossed to the curb.)

So, here's the question, and I think I know the answer:

Non-penetrative sex, offered as a fallback in my position, isn't an option if those things weren't there before. So, should, or shouldn't I ask her if we could explore those things?

It's been a rollercoaster these past few months, and I wanted to share my story because I know many of you are going through similar struggles.

For two years, I was in a relationship that looked perfect on paper. We talked about marriage, building a life together, the whole nine yards. But there was this massive elephant in the room - our intimacy issues. I kept telling myself it would get better, that maybe it was stress or timing or whatever excuse.

The breaking point came during a brutally honest conversation where my ex finally admitted she had never been sexually attracted to me. Yeah, that hit like a truck. All those times we were intimate (always with consent, always checking in), she was just... going through the motions. Meanwhile, she was still talking about marriage and our future together. I was completely lost - how could someone want to spend their life with me but not desire me?

After that she also admitted that she'd been silently trying to force attraction for two years but just couldn't feel it, and she was the one who suggested ending things. It was a mutual decision that left us both in tears. It wasn't just about the physical intimacy - it was about both of us accepting that you can't force desire, and that we both deserved to be in relationships where love and attraction came naturally.

Eventually, I met someone new. And bruh..... the difference is night and day. It's not just about the physical connection (though that's mind-blowing) - it's about finding someone who desires ALL of me. Someone who lights up when I walk in the room. Someone who makes me feel wanted without me having to beg for scraps of affection.

For anyone stuck in this situation: sometimes the answer isn't more communication, more compromise, or more patience. Sometimes the answer is accepting that you deserve someone who wants you as much as you want them.

TLDR: Left a 2-year relationship after discovering my partner was never attracted sexually to me, found someone new who shows me what real desire feels like.

At least every other day for the past month I have been getting the hottest sex I have ever had.

It all started one night about a month and a half ago. I was already in bed ready to fall asleep when my wife came to bed.

Instead of letting myself drift to sleep, there was an internal war between how horny I was and how tired. I just decided I would go for it, I started rubbing her lower back.

I rubbed her back while also gradually expanding the rubs lower and lower, rubbing her butt and thighs, then inner thighs, then pulling her pants down slightly. Gradually over 5-10 minutes I had maneuvered her entirely on her stomach and pulled her pants off. Rubbing everywhere from lower back to inner thighs.

With pants completely off, not a word spoken, I discovered she was incredibly wet, and handled that accordingly for a few minutes.

She occasionally moaned but mostly pretended she was asleep.

I swiftly took my own pants off and put myself inside her, and she adjusted her waist a little bit. So fucking hot.

Ever since then it has been regular. At least 10 nights of November she came to bed with shirt off and lays on her stomach expecting that lower back rub.

And we do it again and again, the same way, the hottest, quiet, we’re pretending she’s asleep.

She doesn’t say a word. She even woke me up one night with kissing.

When we’re all done she takes a shower, I’m usually asleep before she gets out.

We haven’t even talked about it. We just do it. I can barely wait for tonight.

I’m curious because I originally came here based on the name of the sub expecting to find folks who relate to me but instead it seems this sub is the exact opposite. Folks who want a lot of sex but aren’t getting it.

I don’t comment here or post much because I’m a HL man but my wife is a HL woman so we are actually having frequent sex. It always felt like if I commented it would be throwing sand in the wound and I didn’t want to do that but there has to be lurkers in here who are the same.

If I were to break it down quick to show what I mean. Right now me and my wife have sex 3-4 times a week. That’s in due to her being a teacher and work gets busier closer to Christmas and we have two kids and the oldest one is just over 2 years so two small kids.

Before she was really busy we had sex 6-7 days a week. I said days because some days it was multiple times. Yes even with small children we manage because we both love sex and make it a priority. Even tho she’s been more tired as of late she’s been waking up extra horny so morning sex has become more common these days.

It’s been this way for us since 2014 when we first got together. Sure there were slower times but that’s just life. Generally we always had a good sex life.

How many of you are able to relate in here?

Had a random thought and was curious if anyone has ever tried tracking sex and masturbation, like either a log detailing frequency, number of orgasms and such. Curious what this would look like and it could be interesting to compare info from different people.

I (43F) have been with my boyfriend (57M) for 20 years, moved into an apartment together at year 6, bought a house together in 2020. He's been my only sexual partner, I don't have any experience with other men in that way. Obviously this means my data is very limited regarding male sex drives other than what media says. I will say we don't have a dead bedroom like others here, but it is definitely less lively than I'd prefer, and I don't typically feel actively desired.

I've always been the higher libido half of our relationship, and that has never changed. My ideal (and I acknowledge unrealistic) sex schedule would be twice a day, his is once a week. Obviously I know the male body can't orgasm nearly as much as the female body, and I'm not expecting him to be able to perform like me. I do masturbate everyday to curb my sexual hunger, and we do have sex 4 times, or at least 3 times, a month pretty consistently.

When we first began dating and he was still in his 30s, it really wasn't too noticeable. Yeah, he'd say he was too tired, or not in the mood, or too stressed, etc but it was infrequent. We'd have sex of some kind a minimum of 3 times a week, sometimes up to 5 or 6 if time allowed. Over the years it has become less and less, to the point it has been almost a year since the last time he initiated. All the sexual initiation, the courting, the wooing, the asking, the pursuing has gone from being 60% me/40% him as it was in the beginning to 100% me now.

It truly feels like he, probably subconsciously, takes for granted that my answer is always going to be YES. In 20 years, I've said no to his own offer of sex twice. Once because I'd gotten off a 16 hour shift and been driving to worksites around the tristate area since 4:30am. The other time because I had a stomach flu and was actively vomiting when he called (this was before we moved in together). Other than that, my answer has always been an enthusiastic positive. Whereas I lost count around 120 times from him declining sex, and haven't tried to figure out what it's up to by now. It hurts too much to carry that knowledge.

I will note that we're childfree, have a cozy home that's easy to keep clean, 3 awesome dogs, and both mutual and separate friend groups. Financially speaking I own a small, successful brick and mortar FLGS that I work at 48 hours each week, and also work a few hours every morning doing ordering/invoicing/scheduling/customer service for a large building supplies company. He is an elementary school teacher who also does a few weeks of coaching for the high school each spring and fall. I make about $20,000 more than him and pay a majority of our bills as well as put away for my own retirement as he has a teacher pension. Trust me, I'm not one of those women who is expecting her man to break his back working then come home and sexually service her...if anything, as I work more days/longer hours, I would appreciate if my labor was rewarded with sex for a job well done!

I've done my best to keep myself in shape too. When we met I was 23 years old, 5'7" and a size 6. At 43, I'm a size 8. I eat healthy, have never smoked or done drugs, and only drink during celebrations/holidays. I do not go tanning, and jog anywhere from 5-8 miles every morning on the public trails near our house. I am indeed starting to get some silver hairs, but since I'm blonde it's not visible unless you're mere inches from my scalp. I use moisturizer/sunblock everyday, and in conversations with total strangers I'm usually assumed to be about 27 or 28 years old, not my early 40s. Basically I do what I can to remain healthy, fit, and sexually attractive while acknowledging that I now have a little extra around my tummy and butt that will probably never go away. Aging happens to everyone...I'm just trying to stay as hot for my boyfriend as I can.

It often feels like I may as well not bother though, since apparently attempting to stay sexy and attractive doesn’t get me laid more than 4 times a month and only after heavily pursuing each time with gifts, touching, sexual jokes, and straight up requests for sex. As many here can relate to...it really feels like constantly swimming upstream, and I'm getting tired.

I am curious to hear from the older men here about their libidos as they reached age 50+. Am I being unrealistic in wanting my boyfriend to desire me sexually more often? Is it simply a part of being with an older partner that I should accept and deal with? We've had conversations about this libido difference, and his T levels are normal for a man his age. He is roughly 45 lbs overweight but that's been a constant throughout our relationship. I guess I'm just trying to get some more information from other men in their 50s and 60s since I don't know any myself I could discuss male aging/sexuality with.