I'm sorry there have been people in your life that have taken advantage of it. No-one ever deserves to have their tender, honest thoughts weaponized against them. I'm grateful you have all found a community here to share and normalize men being in touch with their emotions. I promise there are people out there who want to know you as deeply as you want to be known.

I for one love when someone I'm with feels comfortable enough to share their innermost doubts and desires with me. Please don't ever let your past experiences cut you off from your emotions - it's so important to be able to sit with them and vocalize how you feel. You don't always need to be stoic. Or strong. Or tough. I see you 🩷

The title is my main lesson. I’ve moved a lot in life. I’ve lost a lot of friends, I was a hyperactive kid that always wanted attention, tried to be the coolest and got bullied a lot bc i tried too hard every time i moved.

I moved to a new country in my teens and experienced my first tough heartbreak. I was emotionally unavailable for a few years, got cheated on in two relationships, and my longest relationship to date (3 years) came to a bitter end 2 years ago.

I’m an attractive dude, i have a good career and i own my home. I have great friends. I’m into girls who are independent, funny, often ‘avoidant’. I am dating such a wonderful, smart, funny, talented woman. Shes amazing, she’s many things that do like to be. And that’s where my problem is.

I find myself needing a lot of validation all the time. To the point of me being inconsiderate. Like something horrible can happen to my partner and days later my anxious brain will still think they’re not speaking a whole lot because they’re not into me anymore.

Dude it’s so horribly frustrating to spiral in anxiety for entire days instead of DOING ANYTHING ELSE WITH MY TIME. Like what if I spent all my time thinking of metaphors for poetry, or what meal i’d like to try to cook next, or what design tradeoffs my product should have (engineer).

Like why is my brain mulling over the same question that ends up being the obvious answer. It’s such a horrible curse to be insecure, damaged from upbringing or previous relationship.

and i know some folks will say ‘hey maybe the relationship isn’t for you’. Bros i think at a certain age you gotta admit you have a type, and the person who needs to change is you. And i’ve been changing for the better, and seeking out communities like these is part of the change, it’s just so damn hard. I actively catch myself making up scenarios that upset me almost every day. It’s weird.

Thanks for reading if you did guys.

Typing this as I'm sitting here in my bed. Depression made it so I cant get out of it. It is my birthday tomorrow. 29...

Another year of being alone. Another year that no one will call. I can't remember the last time I looked forward to it. 16 years of self isolation... Always been invisible. My brain is so fucked up and unfixable. P* addiction on top of that... This time it is extra difficult because only family members I had I cut then off for being toxic. I feel nothing but numb and empty. One life.. Only thing I regret when I do it is how horrible I lived it. 99% of it in my room...

So lonely and so much backpain that I want to cry. I just can't. I dont want to do anything anymore. Sleep isn't even enjoyable anymore I just become more tired... I dont like myself or this world... I feel so much and don't like what society has become. Rat race, selfish and all that.

Will probably spend it in my bed hoping that my birthday gift this year is to die. The longest wait ever...

2025 the year I wanna die...

I can't just lock the subreddit and commenting though. That will put a lot of extra work on our mods. As a community we need to resolve this issue. Report report report REPORT.

I’m gutted. Spent the day up at the animal hospital yesterday. She died at 1am. There is a lot more to this story but I’m not in a place where I can write. She was the best dog, and she loved me so much, even when I couldn’t love myself. The dog’s sister died a year ago the day after Thanksgiving. I wanted 2025 to start off differently than this. Had a 15 year relationship end in July. This dog’s death is like the death of that little family that I had.

Been irregularly taking Straterra for adhd. Irregular because I've been traveling a lot and irresponsible. Also been drinking in moderation (no more than two shots over three hours), which I shouldn't do with Strattera, but i was testing bounds to see if there was any leeway. I also recently quit weed, around the same time I started taking straterra (a month ago), and I was a heavy user. I have probably been low-key depressed for at least 3 years. I strongly suspect that my brain is compromised due to all the recent changes. I feel hopeless and alone. I have close friends who I love, but they live far away and I can't rely on them for support. My parents love me, but their concern leaves me emotionally managing them rather than the other way round. The people I have around me are a mix of people who care but don't understand and don't care and don't understand. I am stubbornly independent and hate asking for help because I tend to become very codependent when i permit myself to ask for help. Everything is fine in my life -- finances, people who love me, etc. But I'm miserable, and I've tried everything I can think of to change that, but every attempt has been short term patches. I am losing hope. I am not suicidal, but that's more because I couldn't do that to the people around me. I have nothing that I truly feel like I'm looking forward to, though logically I can parse that I have many things that I should look forward to.

I accepted that I'm always going to be on average unhappy a few months ago, and the acceptance brought me calm and peace from panic and pain. But I can't keep going like this. I need help, but I don't know what to do. Therapy is a pain because of all the therapists I have to go through before finding one that works.

Please help. I can't think for myself right now, it's taking all I have to put on a straight face for my family. Sorry for the incomprehensible ramble, I'm not at my best.

it was about a romance and comedy and violence the main characters were a girl with purple hair and she was in high school and her teacher was in love with her and the setting was a school in Japan and their are a lot of violence I don't remember the plot but there was a scene I remember 10 years ago the was a girl who sacrificed or got kidnapped and got stabbed and there was the teacher who saved her and beat up all the bad guys and it was made like 2000 or 2016 u think it was like 20 mins more the character that I remember was a very beautiful girl that had purple hair and ur was so detailed I think the setting was a all girl school and there was a scene where a male teacher who went to the girls changing room to see that girl with the purple hair

Been messaging someone and we were talking about pet peeves, I said expecting one person to financially support the other. This was her response to it. What would you guys say?

Hey guys, im back again, I just had a interesting experience today. I was walking around the mall when this smoking hot blonde with the most biggest…nvm lol, but I got her number and texted her as soon as I walked away. It’s been a few hours and she still hasn’t responded, i’ve been calling her and texting her to see if everything was fine since she wasn’t responding. What I dont understand is why she’s not responding if she approached me, my girlfriend just recently dumped me so i’ve been trying to find a new girlfriend. I feel like im about to have a mental breakdown.

Nothing makes my soul cry more than Tim Bergling dying. His music changed my soul so much it's insane and he was just a genuine human being you could feel it. Sitting here watching his documentary and anytime any song comes on of his I immediately start bawling my eyes out. I know we shouldn't be crying for celebrities when they pass but he was just different and so was his music.

I got through highschool and hard times listening to his music. His music was there during breakups and new relationships, there for new opportunities and loss (I took care of the old and dying). The day he died was a hard one for me honestly. Like I love lots of artists Gaga, Whitney Houston, Galantis, Marshmello but their music just didn't hit like his does. I know it's a wild thing to cry about but damn you know? I will never stop listening to his music and it will continue to be there for more ups and downs in my life.

Throwaway account because I'm worried I'll be recognized on my main. I (22M) have been thinking of ending it for the past few months. I have two (easy and not very stressful) part time jobs, I'm a year into my bachelor's degree, I have hobbies, supportive friends, a dog, etc. None of this has been helping me in any way.

For some background, I was diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder) when I was 12. When I started puberty, I pretty much imminently found my self constantly sad and had a complete lack of energy. For the next four years, I had over half a dozen trips to a psychiatric hospital, tried 5+ medications, and saw over a dozen different therapists. None of this helped, and my parents were at their wit's end trying to support me, which ended in them taking their frustration at my lack of improvement on me. When I was 16, I dated a girl in one of my classes, who preceded to emotionally abuse me for a few months before breaking it off. The people who I considered my friends at the time all either told me I was being over-emotional or just said it was normal, and I never told my parents because of how often we were already arguing in the house. Some time after that, I went to juvie for assault (another story in itself, I was in the wrong and deserved the time I spent in it) for a month. After I got out, while I was waiting on a juvenile correction program to open up, I was told that I had ruined my life, that I was a disappointment, and many other things that made me feel more worthless than I already had. I OD'd on some of the anti-depressants that I had and was taken to the hospital where I recovered a few days afterwards. My parents finally started to take me seriously again and understood that I had major mental issues that needed solving.

After spending a few months in my program, and completing my probation, my father committed suicide. I was so numb after hearing it that the pain never really hit, and I completely shut myself off from feeling any emotions. I moved out a few months after and got a job, started college, and picked up a bunch of hobbies to occupy myself. I never tried to fix any of my problems, instead just shoving them down so I didn't have to deal with them anymore. This continued until I met my now ex-gf, who relit the fire in my heart. Unfortunately, with these feelings also came the depression that I had so desperately pushed away. For the few months we dated, I did feel happy and excited, and it was for the first time since I was a small child that I looked forward to waking up in the morning. Even more so because I struggle to connect with people emotionally, and it's very rare for me to genuinely want to be around another person. After Thanksgiving, she broke it off because she didn't have feelings for me anymore. I've been very lost since then, as the only reason I had been able to deal with all the pain is because I knew she was there for me. I don't need to be told it was a mistake to rely on someone like that for my will to live, but I don't care enough about myself to keep going for anything else. I've spent the last month in a haze where nothing makes me happy, and I've been seriously considering the idea of not living anymore. It's more than missing her, it's the fact that I can't bring myself to care about anything enough to be happy by myself. The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I am Christian, and I am unsure if harming myself would lead me where I want to go (this is not an invitation for religious discussion due to this sub's rules). I don't know how much longer this will keep me from doing it. I really don't need to hear that I'm young and that it will get better, or that I'll find someone else. That isn't helpful, nor is it the point of my post. I would appreciate some advice other than that however, as I'm wondering if an outside perspective can make me change my mind.

I understand the occasional self-deprecating posts in which the OP has a low amount of self-worth. I get the occasional posts about losing a valuable woman and lamenting it. I understand the lack of self-worth because someone hasn't had sex yet. But the problem I'm seeing is how there are the occasional awful takes on women and the overly sexual advice (some of which is just plain awful.) I just saw someone advise an OP to have sex with women half the age of his fiancée because she wanted to hang out with her friends after midnight on New Year's Eve. There was a post some time ago about an angry rant against women in which it was so vile and hate-filled.

When trying to comfort some people who post about being single, virgins, etc, I've come to realize that I will have to avoid those topics because I won't be listened to due to being aromantic and asexual, but I can't help but look at the posts and comments and some of them (not all of them) are really anti-women and sexist. Women suck sometimes. Men suck sometimes. But the occasional women hate (Thankfully, I haven't seen much lately) is a lot.

What has happened to this subreddit? It feels like an invasion happened and it has turned into something else.

Dumped by Gf of almost 4 years, we lived together almost 3. I have been battling some disability and chronic issues this past year that have really gotten worse, I was hospitalized for almost a month for the second time in my life, for a bit my work performance improved, but then it dipped again, I was let go, first time in my life. I feel like a loser. I know I am also incredibly fortunate so I shouldn't complain too much, thankfully with unemployment I can just scrape by without really any major hits to me until I either find a new job and decide my next moves, if I track my spending right, I will still be able to have a few hundred in wiggle room every month, which for me is still massive compared to me 5 years ago, but from what I have been used to this past year it feels very tight.

I am lonely and don't have any friends, I have moved around a lot so it has been difficult, and making friends as an adult is tough.

I also am trying to figure out if I can get rid of one of my financed cars, back when I was employed, I was planning on paying one off in the year and the other within three, but this lay off changes things, again I shouldn't complain, I can be unemployed for 6 months and afford 2 new cars without dipping into savings. Granted I am living essentially for free at one of my parents so my rent is negligible.

I honestly feel like I messed up all the hard work I put in the past 5 years, I am back where I started, except instead of having my own apartment, I have 2 cars. Cars are a hobby of mine but now I only want one so I can save more money so far it seems like I am stuck with it until I pay it off. I know I will get a new job or another income source again before the unemployment runs out. The uncertainty just sucks.

I am thinking of using the GI bill I have left to go back to school. My current career pays well, but I have never enjoyed it. I don't even know if there are jobs available for this, but a college near-ish to me offers either a 2 year degree or a 1 year cert for like outdoor guides, being like an overnight backpacking guide, they teach you essentially every outdoor activity from climbing a mountain to kayaking and you get certified to work those types of jobs. I will take an income hit if it means I am happy and just loving life.

I am also coming to terms with the fact that I am disabled...I don't even like thinking that phrase in my mind, especially typing it out. Like I was a Marine, I could swim faster than anyone in my platoons I was assigned, I could push myself further than many of them, but I keep pushing myself to work like everyone else, in the job I have always done, and I keep failing.

My longest employment was the Marines, since then 2 years is the most I can go before I leave for health or mental health reasons or like this time, let go. It is like I cannot function on this 9 to 5 everyone else does. I am trying my hardest. Like hell I can land jobs where I can income in the 6 figures when I total up all my incomes, so I feel it isn't lack of effort or skill right? Am I just lazy? I don't know I am just tired of this loop where I climb back up and then fall back down to roughly the same place.

Edit: This made me realize my new medications I have switched over to since being hospitalized again must be working, I somehow am not suicidal, even on good days I want to not exist at times. It's shit right now and I haven't even the wish of not waking up, that is a good sign for my mental health. I still am sleeping too much, smoking too much weed, and not doing enough positive behaviors, but baby steps. I think I'm cutting out weed next.

This is probably going to be a long text, I understand if no one care. But I guess I'm just too desperate for any help,I appreciate any words.

My father passed away three years ago due to cancer, and I'm dealing with depression while all these are happening.

I went to college shortly that year,and failed miserably for almost two years until I got expelled. I weren't able to function for the majority of the time,I can pick myself up and live like a normal person here and there but I always fall back to my depressive mood.

I've changed my major this year and got accepted by another university this summer. I was trying really hard to at least function normally, and I think I have a at least passable semester with most of my courses passed.

I work in a bar where my mother is the boss, this has always been the case ever since my father got sick(so around 4 years now). I work 16 to 20 hours a week, while sometimes doing small tasks for the bar during the day.

And our bar had not made any profit for couple mouths now, and my mom is really trying to change our business. She really wants my help, doing discussion with and work on the business.

She stated that my attitude is awful and I'd rather use my phone than helping her. Since everything I use is from this bar,and it's our family business. So she thinks I'm responsible for the bar from both financial and emotional aspects, like I need to contribute for this house. Plus I don't do enough chores and caring for her enough (buying gifts, talking with her, etc)

I honestly think what she said is right for the most part,but I often feel like I left with no option. I have to admit, I'm a total lover. I have never had a relationship, below average appearance. With zero social interaction, with a terrible personality and suffer from depression.

I think about suicide a lot, I'm extremely sensitive and fragile. Whenever I encountered difficulties or see an attractive woman(I feel like I would never be enough for her),I actively thinking about killing myself. I plan to use the circular saw we have to slip my throat or just hang myself.

I can hardly get out of my room for the past few weeks, there's nothing I want to do. The only thing that can bring some temporary comfort for me is masturbation and mommy asmr(I'm disgusted by this,I know). Only time I spent outside is working in the bar, and if I'm using my phone or have bad attitude I get absolutely blasted by my mom( I just did, main reason why I'm writing this).

I honestly think I'm not savable anymore, I been going to therapy for 18 months now and on antidepressants as well. But I don't think I'm getting better, and I simply can not reach the expectations of this society or my mom. I'm feel disgustingly weak as a man, with most fragile ego. I been trying to better myself for a while now, but I seem to not improve for a bit.

I have a bad major for job, I don't even know whether my mental can handle a normal job. I have to work on changing our business and at night during summer and winter vacations. The jealousy is killing me, whenever there's college students in our bar I want to kill myself. I don't get the same opportunity as they are, and I know a lot of people have even tougher life( which make me feel even worse, why can't I just stop complaining and work harder.)

I have to A: helping with our business and work at night B: not fail college and work harder for myself to have another skill other than English to get a decent job C: Work on my own mental health and try to socialize with people, be a better person D: pursue my dream of art(I believe this is the only thing keeping me alive for the most part)

I don't see myself doing any of these, all I want now is to sit under a bridge and starve myself to death so I don't have to deal with any of these anymore. I'm just a terrible person, not able or not willing to pick myself up. Not caring for others enough, too selfish. I imagine I commit suicide in the future, it might not be now but I'm pretty convinced.

Lastly whoever is reading this, thank you for your time. Maybe I'm venting (complaining ), and need someone to talk to. I feel like I still left out a lot, it's hard to convey everything without writing a goddamm book. I know no one should care or help, that's how this world function. Maybe suicide is the only option, cut the lose for myself and this world. (Yes, English is not my mother tongue, so bare with me.)

When we started dating, I thought we had similar goals. She talked about wanting to work out, explore more of her gender, meet new people, and participate in our community. I was so excited to move in together; I was ready to start a new chapter in my life with this person, build both of us up, discover ourselves together in this strange, scary world.

Recently, there have been some things making me anxious. Her bits often take the piss out of my attempted romantic gestures (usually some kind of small, arbitrary servitude, chivalrous things like holding open the door). Her quips call to memory a more chauvinistic vibe, mocking the premise and remarking how women can do those things, too. It's sarcastic and minor, but it hurts my feelings.

I tried communicating this. I trust her, I love her, I want to be able to work on these things together. She said that she feels like I'm just taking issue with anything she does, and that she can never do enough. I was floored. Of course, now I don't know if I'm in the wrong for bringing it up. I swear to God that I try to be as submissive, passive, unemotional, controlled, generous, and fair as I can be, and I just keep things to the objective facts: "I feel hurt as a result of this situation, and I want to avoid the situation in the future, please help me" kind of stuff, you know? No judgement, no anger, just love and support. This is far from the first time this has come up, I no longer feel safe to bring this kind of thing up.

She's told me about her goals and aspirations, and I've tried my best to be supportive of her endeavors. Her behavior and lifestyle doesn't match her words, though. I am left confused and scared, unable to figure out what I'm doing wrong, with no input on how I can do better.

Every time I try to articulate that I might need something more or something different from her, she is overwhelmed by her emotions and the conversation ultimately ends. We don't have sex. We don't go out together. We don't have people over. I'm no longer living the life that I want to live.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame her, and I'm not upset with her as a person. I've dealt with incredibly similar mental health issues in the past, and I've spent years dragging myself out of the hole that I put myself in. Only in the past couple of years, I started acknowledging my emotions to the point that I'm no longer just constantly dissociated. It breaks my heart, but I don't think my partner is my best friend anymore. My body is telling me that this isn't meant to be, and I can't not listen.

Edit: We had a hard conversation tonight. It essentially amounted to "we have to work on things, or things aren't going to work out." She was receptive, but time will tell. It doesn't help with the hurt nor loneliness right now, but we have a lease for another 6 months, so it's worth it to at least see what will happen.

This happened last night (NYE) in the central US and I just need to vent and ask how others would have handled the situation. I went to hang out with a good friend for New Years, we didn’t really have a plan other than grab some dinner and bum around until midnight when there was a ball drop at a small town nearby. He suggested we try out a small Chinese buffet in another town that a co-worker had recommended. We went and when we arrived the place was packed, and also very small - had 5 booths along one wall and then maybe 12 tables. Had to wait a bit for a free table, no big deal. There were two groups, one in the front and one in the back that had a couple of tables pushed together, the one in back was all teenagers - probably a dozen or so of them - and the one in the front was all adults, but there was no indication they were related or there together. We ate, food was good, and as we’re about finished I hear a guy asked “Do you have a problem with our teens?” They kids had been kinda loud so I initially thought he was asking to apologize for them, so I said “No they’re fine.” He then accused us (mostly me since I was sitting in the chair facing the table the teens had been at) of staring at the 14 yo girls and making them uncomfortable and demands we leave immediately. I’ll admit I had glanced at them a few times because they were being a bit loud (lots of yelling/giggling) and were a bit rude to the one lady working there. Plus at one point half of them moved from their shared tables to take up two booths, which I thought was weird/rude because the place had been packed earlier and now they are taking up more space/creating more work for the worker. So yeah I probably glanced at them a few times but no lingering stares and absolutely no thoughts in my head other than an annoyed “teens 🙄” thought.

So this guy, who I’m assuming is the father of one of the girls, in a loud voice is demanding my friend and I leave and basically threatening us because we were “making the 14 yo girls uncomfortable” and that’s why they moved to the booth out of my directly line of sight, etc. I basically just stated we could care less about a bunch of teenager, and we paid and left, but the whole thing just really bothers me. I don’t want to come off as a creep, and had zero interest in anything other than enjoying some good food but now I’m questioning my actions and whether I make strangers feel uncomfortable in general or if this was just a weird one-off. What would you have done in this situation?

It’s New Year’s Day and I think I can come to terms with my 10year relationship being over, at least I think I can anyways So we have been having problems with communication throughout the entire relationship which we thought was normal, also due to my lack of being able to hear which , no one likes to say what they say twice, and my anxiety and diagnosed ADD(not hyper, well not hyper since I was 10 anyways). We have been together since 2015 and for the first 5 years we lived at her house. The entire time we lived at her house I paid half the bills or whatever she told me to pay a month and because I love her and respect her I paid it. Well, during that time she fell deep into a gambling obsession totaling about $60k in debt. Because I love this woman and would do anything for her I covered her loss and she said she would pay me back half and the other half would be covered by my rent for a couple years or until we moved out. While we lived there ( it’s a 1920’s house and wasn’t very kept up) I had to replace all the windows(22) and the roof which totaled to 13k which she said would pay me back with the sale of the house. I also did other odds and ends for the house too but I never really wanted her to compensate me for but she said she would. Fast forward to 2019, my father passes away and leaves me half of his estate which he always tells me to take half the lump sum and put a good down payment on a house you really love, which I do. So we move into our new house which is in completely my name, not hers, in July of 2019. The whole time we are living there she tells me she is going to sell her house and that we are going to put it towards the new house so we aren’t working out entire lives to pay it off. So 5 years later we sell it. She gives me 40k and I pay off all my credit cards immediately saving us $800 in monthly payments but she has yet to give me any money to put towards the house. I have also forgotten to mention while we were trying to sell the house that I covered all the tax payments to the other house so it doesn’t fall into foreclosure ( totalling at least 20k or more) and the constructions fixes of 8k or more as well for the 5 years it was available for sale. During that time I was extremely stressed due to financial issues mainly but it 2023 I was diagnosed with a tumor on my pituitary gland that had attached itself to my left optical nerve and left me blind in my left eye for the nose part( shapes, colors, and light is all I can see now) Because of where the tumor was it affected my testosterone levels and because of that and my stress I rarely wanted to have sex. Well my fiancée ( proposed to her in 2021) felt such resentment towards me because of sex that she pretty much has walked away. I have since had the tumor removed, going on testosterone replacement soon, and have tried my hardest to be closer to her but I don’t think I can get her back even though it was a medical issue for the most part. Here I am after paying for a $200 meal and a $100 bar tab after that she comes home 4 minutes before midnight, kisses me and says she gonna see her friend to kiss her on the cheek and come right home. 2 hours later I get a call saying that her friends “kidknapped her”. Fing bs. So I am at home, by myself on New Year’s Eve while my fiancée is out with her friends. I left out the fact that I am not a fan of going out anymore since I don’t drink that heavily anymore but I offered to go out with her and she said she would be right back. Like I said this was 2 hours prior. So here I am laying next to the woman I would die for and the only reason she is touching me is for warmth. I almost want to go sleep on the couch right now. The fact that she didn’t want to be with me tonight just hurts me to my core. I know I’m not perfect and I’m seeing a therapist to try and help, but to leave me alone while you go out with your friends on New Year’s Eve. This hurts. Sorry if most of this is rambling. I hate writing. I am basically writing this off memory and feeling alone and it’s more to get it off my chest than anything. Thanks for listening(reading)

Edit: I swear there were paragraphs when I typed this

Second Edit: sorry I’m kind of drunk and forgot to put this in.I work out of town for the most part and because I live in a house that is part of an HOA its hard to take care of it by myself being on the road for 6-7 months out of the year. The other reason I stuck around is because we have 2 grandchildren that I absolutely adore and would be lost without. If it weren’t for those two things I would probably be gone already.

Well its NYE and I’m with my dog all alone in my room. I have a girlfriend but we don’t live together and shes in another town. I love her to death but she is just as stubborn as I am. We got into a argument a couple days ago and I probably wont see her til next Saturday. Anyway I feel lost and alone. No advice needed. I get it all through the comment section of other posts. Have a happy new years everyone. Oh and I hit my 23 day sober mark :’) that kinda boosted my emotions

I don’t even know where to begin. This year has been one of the hardest of my life, and as I sit here at the end of it, I just feel empty. I’m a man who’s been through hell and back, and I thought I could push through anything, but I’m so damn tired.

Earlier this year, I was assaulted, physically beaten. I broke my nose and had to pick myself back up while the world kept moving as if nothing had happened. On top of that, I was called a spic, something that hit even harder because I’m not even Hispanic; I’m a gypsy. It was such an ignorant, hateful insult, but it still cut deep. I’ve carried the weight of that slur with me, trying to remind myself it doesn’t define me, but the pain lingers.

And then there’s the rejection. Constant, unrelenting rejection from women and girls I’ve tried to connect with. Every time I’ve put myself out there, whether through a genuine compliment, a playful flirt, or even trying to get to know someone, I’ve been met with ghosting, mixed signals, or outright indifference. It’s as if no matter how hard I try, I’m invisible or worse, something to avoid.

What hurts even more is that all these interactions have been organic and in person. These women have seen me, looked me in the eyes, and still dismissed me. I’ve been ghosted, ignored, or rejected by people who know me or have seen me in person, and then they act nonchalant, like I never mattered at all.

And it’s not just women, it’s men too. I’ve been hated by guy friends, ostracized by people I thought I could trust. It’s like no one wants to get to know me. I’m left wondering if I’m so flawed that I don’t even deserve basic human connection.

There have been moments when I thought I was making progress. A conversation here, a laugh there, even numbers exchanged, but it always ends the same: silence or dismissal. I’ve had girls toy with me, lead me on, and treat me like I was nothing. I’ve been bold, vulnerable, and everything in between, yet none of it seems to matter. I’m always left wondering what’s wrong with me.

And it’s not just the rejection, it’s the way I’ve been made to feel like I’m not enough. Like my efforts, my kindness, my passion, and even my boldness aren’t worth reciprocating. I’ve given everything I could, and it’s never been enough for anyone.

There were women who seemed to care for a moment, some even showed concern for me when I was in a bad place. But even that felt fleeting, like I was just a passing thought. I came in drunk one night, trying to bring someone food, and I was met with defensiveness and rejection. Maybe I deserved it, maybe I didn’t, but it only added to the weight I’ve been carrying.

This year has left me questioning everything. Am I too much? Am I not enough? I feel like I’ve tried so hard to connect, to be seen, to be valued, and all I’ve gotten in return is pain and disappointment.

As I step into 2025, I want to leave this all behind, but it’s hard. These scars, physical and emotional, don’t fade so easily. I’m trying to stay strong, but it feels like I’m fighting a losing battle.

I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this here. Maybe just to be heard. Maybe for someone to tell me it’s going to get better. Right now, I don’t know if I believe that, but I guess I have to keep hoping.

I’ll be deleting Reddit tomorrow, so this will be my last post here. Thanks for reading.

She was my best buddy.

She had BPD and took her life, I found her. I miss my best friend and the life we were creating, although I am super grateful for those in my life now.

Wishing you all the best.

May God give strength to the weak and may we show to God that humans are capable of loving one another in these often dark times.

Happy New Years friends. If anyone you know is struggling, please know that I wish you could give them some love on my behalf.

Going through divorce. It’s not easy with kids. Been working on things day by day.

Tonight we had plans to have a little celebration after she got off work. I let the kids stay up late to wait for her, they kept asking when mommy would be home. Well mommy never came home. She decided to get drunk after work and blow off our plans. Then she stopped responding to me.

I know we’re divorcing, I know she lies, and cheated. But I have spent years keeping things together for the family. I’ve tried too hard for so long and I just don’t like giving up on things. The divorce is going to happen either way, but I have been hopeful that we stay amicable long enough to help get the kids through this.

But for some reason getting blown off tonight really triggered me. I was anxious all day for no reason. And all of a sudden she hits me with this, it’s like I subconsciously knew I was going to get screwed.

Maybe I would have made plans, maybe I could have gotten a baby sitter, but no, I chose to wait for her, and that means I chose to be disappointed. It sucks that I need to take accountability for my feelings.

She’ll come home eventually, probably try to sleep with me, and play it off like nothing happened. But I’m too triggered by this event to let it go.

Thankfully the divorce has been in progress, and hopefully we get this paper work done sooner than later.

TLDR

Going through divorce. Gave ex another chance. She chose alcohol over me and the kids. Mad at myself. The end.

2025 the year I turn 29...

My family abandoned me and my dad is the only one I have and that is a difficult relationship because I have some resentment that he wasn't ever part of my childhood and was out cheating/working instead. I can't ever see myself forgiving other part of family. When my father has passed I am literally f*.

Never felt this depressed can't get out of bed other than just showering...I have become so f* up I take 3-4 cold showers a day. Doesn't help I live in the most dark, depressing and cold country in the world where it is dark 3/4 of the year...

Never connected with a human before not even friends. I won't ever forgive myself or others that i never got to experience anything that most normies do. Most of my memories since age 14 are me in my bedroom with my friend. Computer...

Never been as exhausted. Never been as empty and numb. I don't have motivation or hope that never came to change it. I have become so hateful because of people excluding me most of my life. I don't like to admit it but people are social creatures and this isolation really messes up your brain. Probably the reason why I am like I am today. I don't have social skills or longing to ever get to know people. I'm just rotting in my bed with a brain that is killing me with thoughts. Everyday is suffering. I wake with stomach ache and backpains. I'm so f* exhausted. I can't do this for another 50 years.. When will I see the light?

If I have to hear that I need to be alone from people who aren’t 1 more time I’m going to lose my mind. I’ve been alone for so long. I’m in shape, I have hobbies, and I am so intimacy starved that any time I try to make friends I get clingy. I don’t know how to do it, I think I’m doing well with people and they exclude me while acting like they like me, but I haven’t been able to go out and make connections with people ever. I shut down in crowds and my friends never were the type to go out so I never really have, so the thought of doing it by myself is so overwhelming, and even when I’m with friends it’s so hard for me to just get out of my head and actually engage with new people. I go to shows and have a great time just vibing and then get home and realize that I didn’t talk to anybody and feel like a failure, it all feels so ephemeral. I still have friends from childhood, but they’re all distant and I am so tired of just getting on discord and gaming after work or making art by myself. I just want to be able to leave my house and be excited about the destination, or have anybody to share it with. I’m also pretty sure that if I start going out alone and getting drunk I’ll succumb to alcoholism, so there’s that. I’m getting involved with a new group at work and I’m so hopeful that things are going well but I can feel the trauma of all the previous failures trying to sabotage it every day. Starting therapy soon, so hopefully that is actually helpful this time. I am confident that I can leave this lonely loser side of me behind for good in 2025 but I still don’t know exactly that’s gonna happen.

For context before anything, I’m a 21 year old gay guy. And it’s been a terrible month and everything is going wrong. I’m not sure if one of my friends is alive half the time, I had a really shitty breakup a while ago, and then today a guy ghosted me 20 minutes before I was supposed to leave for a date. And that was just it. I went back into my house and cried for an hour. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, or if this is some cosmic karma or what. I just can’t keep doing this cycle over and over.

You might be having a hard time right now. I'd like to know what you would realistically hope from the new year - if things went well for you, what would that look like? And what effect do you think that would have on your life and the way you feel?

Here's what I'd wish for: going back to my home country where I can see family, friends, and my cats and hopefully I can start to recover. To let go of the pain of the past 2.5 years. To get a PhD or job in the field I'm passionate about, and actually be capable of doing it. To get off my medication without very bad withdrawal. To make new friends and feel supported and connected wherever I move to. To finally feel like I am rebuilding my life.

I don't think this will entirely fix my depression. But I think it would make a huge difference.

So what about you?

Basically as the title says. At 30, I’ve have never been in a relationship and have never been on a first date either. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t handle seeing everyone else around me have past/current success with romance. Yet I continue to wonder why it hasn’t been the case for me.

No woman has ever had that kinda interest in me (which is fine). It’s something that used to (and still does to a degree) eat away at my mental and emotional health. I’ve have gotten used to the idea that I may be single forever but for some reason tonight, it’s really bothering me. IDK if it’s NYE that’s causing this or whatnot but it is.

I know the burden of responsibility of being desirable for someone falls on me and me only. But I need help with this. I can’t do this all by myself, I’ve tried and got nothing. And every time I ask for it, I get scoffed for asking help on this.

I feel like I’m stuck in a dark and lonely tunnel in which I haven’t seen the light at the end of it. Shoot I don’t even know if there is a light or not. If I could have someone show me there’s at least a light for me, it would help in many ways. I don’t expect anyone to show me that light but at the same time, I can’t find/see it and that really bothers tonight. Hopefully it’ll change tomorrow.

Well… here I am. Almost 3 years after a 12 year relationship ended. I thought she was my world. She was everything to me. It was long distance (2 hours) and limited our time together but we made it work and worked around that distance.

I gave everything for us, for her, and for our relationship. I had money set aside for a ring and plans for a destination proposal. All a secret to her because well, I wanted to surprise her.

She was the most beautiful woman I knew. She was sweet, silly, funny, sexy… the total package to me. Then she ended things saying we have come to the end.

Almost 3 years later, it still hurts like it did then. I pray she comes back into my life. We are no contact but I still pray one day she wakes up and misses me. I would have driven to her tonight and would have done dinner and whatever she wanted.

I haven’t met anyone as amazing. And I compare, as wrong as that is. I have accepted that I will likely be alone for the rest of my life.

I recently am coming up on my 4 year anniversary of being complete alone, hardly leaving the house, home-schooled, at 17. So, since 14, I have been like this. I was in school originally, but left due to some incidents. I haven't seen a person my age IRL, for those 3 years. Not to mention another human being besides my parents. Sure, the occasional newsletter man, mailman, and stuff like that, but not a genuine interaction. I've had a lot of people tell me this is bad for me, and my health. I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this and their experiences? I am very curious.

I met this woman on a work trip and we talked everyday for over a month. I managed to get a decent amount of time off and she asked me to fly down and see her. I've saw her for all of 4 hours and I've been sitting in my hotel since. Hasn't answered my calls or texts for most of the day. I'm only here for 3 days. Why even ask me to do all of this and then just ignore me.

This year has been the most challenging of my life. My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I became her primary caregiver. It was a role I embraced out of love, but it also came with immense emotional and physical exhaustion. I thought my girlfriend of over five years would be by my side during this difficult time, but instead, I experienced emotional neglect and a growing distance that I couldn’t explain or understand at the time. She survived cancer on her youth, what made this lack of empathy unbeliavable.

While I was caring for my mom, my girlfriend started spending more and more time out with friends, going to bars, and avoiding me. She rarely visited my home while my mom was sick, and when she did, she stayed only briefly, often with a cold attitude, barely acknowledging my mom. My family noticed her behavior and were hurt by her lack of empathy. On the day of my mom’s funeral, she stayed distant, showing no emotional support, which my friends and family also found deeply disappointing.

Throughout this time, she justified her growing coldness and distance with various excuses, including premature menopause, but I now realize that her behavior stemmed from emotional detachment and selfishness. She even told people that I was “replacing her with my mother” because I was staying home to care for her.

One particularly painful moment was during a social event with friends. I lightly touched her hip in a gesture of affection, but she brushed me off and rejected me in front of my friends. That moment left me humiliated and hurt, especially because I was already feeling emotionally abandoned. Despite trying to talk to her about how her actions made me feel, she would frequently respond with the silent treatment, refusing to communicate or address my concerns.

The breaking point came later when she prioritized her friends once again. She didn’t want to join me for dinner with my friends, saying she was tired, but later that night, she went out to a bar with her friends. At that same bar, I saw a guy from her gym touch her arm and whisper something to her. What hurt the most was how she didn’t reject his advance, even though she had no problem rejecting me so often. That night, after being ignored and given the silent treatment once again, I felt completely rejected and emotionally drained. I ended up kissing a friend, which I immediately regretted. The next day, I told my girlfriend the truth, hoping we could reflect on what had led to this point, but instead, she fixated on the kiss and used it as the sole reason for the breakup. Don't get me wrong, I know that I've cheated but she did that before emotionally.

After we broke up, I learned more lies and omissions. The guy she’s now seeing used to like her photos while we were still together, and she did the same. She refuses to acknowledge any of her hurtful actions, blaming everything on me and telling others I cheated on her without explaining the emotional rejection and neglect I experienced.

I recently broke no contact, hoping for some closure or accountability, but she still doesn’t recognize anything she did wrong. She only focuses on the kiss and dismisses everything else.

What hurts the most is realizing that, while I was grieving and doing my best to care for my dying mother, the person I thought I could count on wasn’t there for me. Her lack of empathy during the hardest time of my life broke me in ways I’m still trying to process.

I’m sharing this because I’m still struggling with the pain—both from losing my mom and from the betrayal of someone I deeply loved. If anyone else has gone through something similar, I’d love to hear how you managed to heal and find strength again.