I have a lot on my back and hips that I got from when I rapidly lost weight. I've since gained a few kgs over the years but the stretch marks never went away, and I read that they're scars that don't go away without treatment.

They're only obvious when I'm naked and I turn my back/sides towards someone. I'm not insecure about them but I'm worried they might be unsightly to others. They might also make assumptions about how I got stretch marks as a dude, which I don't welcome.

It's OK to be honest, do you (or do most people) find stretch marks to be ugly?

A bit of a vent or whatever bc I keep remembering how I missed so much and basically spent the whole of last summer in the hospital bc of this stupid disorder. I hate myself so much for letting it get to that point. 4 fucking months of my life are gone and I’ll never get them back. I was supposed to be in a play and I spent the whole year dragging myself to that 3 hour class every week even during the worst times of my illness for what? Just to not be able to take part in the final production and everyone just thinks I dropped out and they probably hate me. I also got marks taken off in school because I was absent for the last part of the year. During the summer I was supposed to go to a summer music program at one of my dream universities. I was accepted and they sent me all the stuff and I had to fucking drop out. I had a music exam that summer that I’d spent literal years preparing for(it was delayed before that for an unrelated reason) and now it’s been delayed for another year. Every time I think of everything I literally break down knowing what I could have done in those four months. I just hate myself so much and there’s nothing I can do to go back. I guess there’s really no point to this. Don’t do what I did.

I had one of my biggest binges on Halloween candy and I don’t know what my mentality should be looking forward. I allow myself desserts and things like that, but sometimes (maybe once a month) I just majorly binge. I am eating enough calories daily, exercising, etc. I just don’t understand how people eat normally or “intuitively.” What should I do going forward?

Hey , me again.

So I'm trying to recover and for a long long time I've always had the mentality that if I restrict then I go to the gym. For me they go hand in hand.

Therefore when I have an eating day, no counting calories then u don't go to the gym.

I'm unsure how to eat or what to eat to enable myself to go to the gym.

I hope this doesn't sound silly.

It's like the purpose of the gym is to lose weight which it was to start with but if I have an eating day then it's like I've given myself permission to be lazy.

How the heck do I do both?

Trigger warning because this is my first post. I read through all of the rules and I’m following them but I want to be especially careful as I’m new to this group. No discussion of numbers or anything like that. Just trying to make sure I use the most respectful language for everyone <3

I’ve never been officially diagnosed with anything due to lack of resources and support. I tripped mushrooms a few months back and realized how horribly I’ve been treating my body for all these years. I saw the shell that I have become. I felt every cell in me screaming for help. A switch inside of me flipped. I knew exactly what I was doing wrong and the only way to fix it is to eat.

Without a diagnosis or the assistance of a treatment team I’ve been kind of lost. I’ve been consistent for the past month or so but I’m not “seeing enough progress” to make me feel like things are getting better. I know realistically it hasn’t been that long and I’m not going to magically get better overnight but it’s so hard for me to see progress when I’m not putting on as much weight as I expected to.

It’s hard on some days because my schedule changes randomly or my safe food(s) is no longer safe feeling. I don’t want to be wasteful but it can be really hard for me to choose from a limited number of options. Nothing ever really entices me or makes me feel safe. I am getting full but I still feel like a failure. I have one bad day or even one bad meal I feel like I’ve completely fallen off the wagon.

I try so hard to be kind to and remind myself that one bad day or meal does not make that big of a difference in the long run. I still feel like a failure though. I want to get better so bad. Any words of encouragement or suggestions for a more positive outlook?

I can't fucking do this. I'm a pussy. The more I try at recovery the less convinced I am I will ever get better. Family ordered curry. HA! I will never be able to eat normally. I'm fucked. For life! I'm so anxious because it's been a change in routine. I thought eating more was supposed to help but I can't do this anymore. Fuck it all.

honestly im just really bummed out because i dont know what im going to do today but im also reallys tressed because as much as i know i shouldn’t the only time i feel comfortable not restricting or feel i have the privilege not to is when im with them :( i dont feel i can enjoy all the things i wanted to enjoy today because i dont feel justified in doing so without having a reason and being with people yk?

In the past 6 weeks I’ve been eating half-2/3 of how much I usually eat. I’ll feel full after just a few bites of something. Don’t wake up hungry in the morning. It’s a very noticeable shift from the past 3 years of recovery. Is this normal? It’s freaking me out a bit because it feels like so little food.

TW vomit, blood

/rant

i think i’m looking for similar anecdotes on conflicting advice? or just to put my thoughts into words. i know they both gave good advice, but using much different strategies, and i’ll try to make the best out of it, but i want to acknowledge that i feel like i’m walking on a very thin line here.

I have regular appointments with a psychologist (not ed-related) and a registered dietitian (ed-related).

last week, i purged blood. bright red, a few tablespoons, whatever. it scared me enough to stop the b/p spree.

i tell my psychologist. she says something that stuck with me: « this is very important: you felt fear and stopped. this right here is one of your limits. your limits might be very far and might not protect you much, but they exist. your « no » is here, and this « no » is crucial. »

but then, i tell my dietitian. and her answer is: « i know scare tactics don’t work, so i’ll be honest instead: you won’t die from blood in your vomit. i saw people purge and purge again even though there was blood. blood is not an indicator of how much damage you’re doing. of course, if you see blood, you should stop, but the worst that will happen is not hemorrhagia, it’s infection. and you’ll know it’s happening because you won’t be able to eat. which your eating disorder loves, but do you? »

i feel like my reason to stop purging just doesn’t make sense anymore, like it’s not that deep and it’s okay if it happens again… i don’t know if it’s a good thing or not.

i understand that she wanted to kick me out of the restrictive episode that followed the b/p episode. i understand that conflicting advice from different professionals happens, and that doesn’t mean they’re wrong. but i feel like i made a big deal out of something small , and i shouldn’t worry too much anyway.

/end of rant

I’ve had 15 CBT sessions and during the last one, my therapist said it’s no longer seems to be working for me and perhaps we can look at the other options…. She’s right, it’s not working for me anymore (it did at first as I was highly motivated and just wanted to try) but now I feel like I just stopped, basically all we do is set a goal for a week and then we see if I did it and how I felt eating it. I feel like I need different kind / approach therapy. Maybe anyone has a good experience with different therapies so I can ask at the hospital to try that out..

So I've been in recovery for about 10 months now, and everything is going as well as it can be. I'm still getting there with everything but I have gained a substantial amount of weight and its still rising which is good. My only issue is - I lost my period just over a year ago, and although I weigh more now than I did when I lost it, it still hasn't come back.

Does anyone know of any test or anything I can do for my own peace of mind to reassure myself that it will be back at some point and I would still be able to have children in the future. Its really getting to me recently, and whilst I know it wouldn't come back until it's ready, I'm just scared it won't at all.

I had half a kids portion of spaghetti and a piece of cake last night and I’m beating myself up non stop. What gives? I feel like everything is so heightened and eating that just pushed me over the edge. I think because I didn’t love the cake but ate it anyway that I feel like I really wasted calories and ruined everything. 😭 How do you cope with eating something from fear and then it being something you didn’t love?

Hi! So I’m currently about three days into recovery, I’ve been having 3 meals a day which consist of porridge, a lunch and something for dinner with snacks inbetween. I’m cut down my exercise and when I do exercise, I eat something extra to make up for it. Previously, I used to exercise most days and “burn” off what I would eat. I’m so worried about how quickly I will gain weight because of this. I’ve gained 1kg in 2 days and it’s stressing me out. I know I need to gain it but it’s so hard to accept, I just need some advice!!!!!!!! I also just look at myself I think I don’t look skinny or I need to gain weight so it’s that constant battle

I'm recovering now. Yesterday when I went to a doctor appointment, my blood pressure is still very low (88/58). However, my pre-ED blood pressure has always been lower than normal, and I don't feel dizzy now. Is it a concern? If yes, is there any ways to raise your blood pressure? Thank you.

I regret learning about calories and counting food will never be the same :( how do youbstartvrecovery

It’s been years since i have a ED now and i can confidently say it’s almost GONE, I’m eating whenever i want, i don’t even think of food that much anymore, even after i was considered weight restored and I was finally eating normally, i still had lot of work to do mentally, and i finally see that it paid off, life is actually so beautiful when you actually take a moment to have fun without a annoying ass voice that’s trying to guilt you about something so meaningless,i finally kinda remember how life was like before my ED, and finally feel that happiness and the feeling of security again that i haven’t felt in a long time

i want to preface this by saying I am not yet in recovery (hence the flair) but i really want to get there. I will briefly mention behaviours but will not include any numbers. please don’t read if that would be triggering, i don’t want to trigger anyone at all i just want advice <33

i have had this ed on and off for about 6.5 years now. i’ve tried to recover so many times but it’s never stuck. this relapse is by far the worst it’s ever been and i am scared im gonna die even though i feel a bit overdramatic saying that. i have been eating very little and purging every time i eat. i can’t stop and im scared.

a few days ago i called 111 (uks non emergency healthcare line) and explained this and eventually got called back by an out of hours gp. i told him everything and said i think a short voluntary admission might help me. he told me to go to a&e so i went and said the same to them, like literally EVERYTHING including stuff i thought id be too ashamed to admit. the dr basically told me that i was physically fine except slightly low potassium so i’ll just have to stay on the waitlist. i can’t stay on this fucking waitlist it took 9 months last time.

i want to recover so badly but im so scared i feel like im not allowed to until i finally get professional help. i feel like if i do it before then it somehow proves that non of it was real and it was never that bad idk? what if i start recovery now and they think im absolutely fine and ill be waiting 9 months again? what if i start recovery now and get refeeding syndrome?

i think i just need to hear from people who are already in recovery, who are already at the place i desperately want to be

i’m sorry if this reads like a complete mess it’s just a big brain dump :/

i’ve been leaning pretty heavily into my extreme hunger lately(the past 4 days). eating all the foods was amazing and they were all so yummy. i tried not to think too much about the fact that my stomach was bloated and how scary it was.

come the week time i felt extremely bloated going to school, so already my confidence and self image was struggling. but to make it worse it was our max week in weight training, where we have to weigh in. the scale showed that i had gained 10 pounds since my last weigh in. whilst i’m still underweight and know gaining is okay, it has sent me into a sad funk and i’m having thoughts of relapsing even though i push them down.

i know this weight is most likely water retention or just from eating big meals the days prior, but i just feel so shitty about myself

Anyone who has recovered into a mix/plus sized body, first off, congratulations on your recovery! Second, how do you feel about this? Are you able to accept it?

I’m writing this because honestly, I’ve been fighting relapse for a while and I need to rant about it.

You see people starve to death while little Timothee in his 50k$ salary spends his day contemplating if spices have calories. Two buns with tomato, cheese and meat is supposedly the worst thing you can do to yourself, you aren’t allowed to eat anything sweet for fear of sugar, to the point you’re scared even of damn fruit. Bread, pasta or potatoes are considered “unhealthy” if overdone because “carbs!!!”, but a disgusting supermarket salad that even a sheep wouldn’t eat is “the best thing for your health”. Milk doesn’t “provide” anything to you, so don’t even try! And of course let’s not talk about anything fried, you would think you committed a crime with the way people treat fried food.

I just want to relearn food freedom without such disgusting beliefs popping up in my brain every time I so much as think about eating. When you’re a kid you’re rewarded for eating. It’s something fun and exciting. When did it turn into almost a daily interrogation with myself? At the end of the day, if the only way I can maintain that “ideal body” is by wasting the fifty-so years I have left on this earth, then I honestly don’t want it. If it’s such a hardship to maintain it, it’s not meant for me to begin with.

My body knows exactly what it craves, and how much of it. And it doesn’t give a f about specific appropriate dinner times or calories or “unhealthiness”. And it’s doing a damn hard job trying to keep going even after every abuse I’ve put it through.

This month I decided to go all in completely, and according to the scale I have already weight restored and even gone a few pounds above that. There’s no way this can possibly be true, both because it’s only been three weeks and also because I look thinner then I did at my heaviest weight, so I was wondering is it truly possibly to hold almost 20 lbs of water weight? Have others experienced this as well? I do know I’ve gained some actual weight because my face looks fuller, and the rest of my body doesn’t look as boney. but it’s not anywhere close to a 20 lb increase. So anyways yeah sorry I’m just wondering if other people had this drastic water retention as well😅

Im waiting to be assessed again as I moved back home and so have to go through the process again (NHS) and at this appotment I get measured, weighed etc. I’m really really struggling in the meantime though as I have been trying to eat more (it’s terrifying) but I have and because of this the scale is going up really fast like really fast and I’m so scared because my appitment is in 2 weeks and I would probably be at a “healthy” BMI by then but I’ve never been worse mentally and I’m terrified I won’t get the help and I’ll be dismissed and I don’t know what to do and I feel like I need to restrict in the meantime. Can someone please offer some advice or help or tell me what to do as I’m really scared. I need help so badly and if I don’t get it I’m going to spiral and I’m scared for what that might be :(

I thought this was meant to be a genuine recovery sub? I muted and left the other two main ED subs as they are anti recovery and terribly moderated. This sub is meant to be a pro recovery safe sub, yet over the last few days it’s been anything but. This is disappointing and really upsetting as there are so few spaces on the internet which are actually useful for recovery.

hi i’m on day 3 of all in recovery but i have been in so much pain and so extremely bloated since i started. my stomach has been rock hard and i feel like im not digesting anything and holding any water i drink. how do i help my digestive system recover and when will this stop? ive been taking pre and pro biotics to help with stomach health but its making me wanna give up on recovery.

ive been maintaining for a while now and want to start all in, no tracking, no restriction, completely devoted recovery soon. but i just have a lot of fears about self control and am scared i won't stop eating Ever once i stop restricting and counting, and ill incorrectly recognise a binge as extreme hunger... i know ED's can transform into others and I really don't want that, I want to just recover... I don't want to try recovery just to develop something ELSE i need to recover from. basically ;

if ive been maintaining my weight for around 2 months, is it possible I wont experience extreme hunger? and is extreme hunger purely physical or does mental hunger also apply? like is it possible to be experiencing extreme mental hunger whilst physically Not that hungry, or is that binging? or is extreme hunger basically a 'binge' phase that is reactionary/necessary but ultimately finite and not indicative of any other disorder? i think im over thinking it..

Yeah so turns out the reason I'm exhausted all the time compared to my coworkers is just because I need to eat more. Boy oh boy do I notice the difference when I eat enough. My body isn't sore whatsoever. I feel great and my energy levels were genuinely stable and I hadn't had an ounce of caffeine. Man.

Anyone good at biology can answer me? I'm just curious. I reckon the online resources are unreliable as there are loads of different results.

Im experiencing extreme hotness and diarrhea and extreme bloat to the point I can’t walk and a lot of hunger, any ideas what it could be? And how to reduce the bloating and have normal bowel movements?

Hi! I am 34F, and I am in recovery from a lifelong restrictive eating disorder. Some days are more difficult than others, but I am at a place in my life where I am physically and mentally healthier than I have ever been. However, I still am not a natural intuitive eater - I work with a therapist and dietician and while some of my eating is intuitive, I still follow a basic meal and snack plan and struggle at times with food choices.

It is getting to the point, however, that I have a lot of young children looking up to me. I have nephews who are getting to the age where they would notice and potentially learn/copy disordered eating, and I am also now seeing a wonderful man with two kids who are also at that age. Especially with Halloween coming up, I've been thinking about this a lot more. When I was a kid, I was constantly made to feel that I was doing something "wrong" for eating Halloween candy and felt (and still feel, though it's getting better) guilt around this. I don't want to accidentally pass that on to all these wonderful young people in my life who I love, but I also want to help model diverse, nutritious food choices for kids who are learning how to feed their bodies.

I want to do some reading on this, but I did a google search and there is so much! I'm going to ask my dietician for recommendations when I see her at the end of this week, but wanted to reach out to this group. What are your favorite books for something like this?

I don’t even have major body image issues right now but for some reason my brain is screaming at me to engage in ED behaviours and I can’t think of any reason to not listen to it. I’ve been struggling a lot lately and the sense of control the ED gives me is sounding appealing right now even though I know logically that it’s not good for me. I think I’m also internally romanticizing the idea of having physical evidence of my mental struggles because I don’t feel like people understand or validate the extent of my mental anguish unless they can actually see how it’s affecting me. I know these thoughts are all very toxic and unhealthy but I literally don’t know what to do so any advice is helpful thank u <3