why am i not dead yet im so pathetic

i miss my ex situationship/ex bf :/ i’m glad i’m scrolling and vaping instead of texting him even tho he was active an hour ago on instagram

i wanna get so drunk but the hangover sucks and i order greasy fast food the next day and it’s just bad for me mentally. we’re on like, fwb terms, but i miss him so much 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔 BOP BOP BOP, i hate him i hate feeling this way

I used to be the happiest silliest person when I drink. But after being in an abusive relationship I have realized that drinking can make me unfair and just downright mean. Idk what was the switching point but now I feel like I am euphorically drunk and have one single thought and become a monster. It hasn't gotten in the way of my relationships but I feel like it might. Not that I have many relationships to begin with bc I prefer to fly solo after all of this. But maybe it just gives me more clarity into how I truly feel and should act. I've never done anything wrong except say some not nice things but still. Silver lining I think I'm understanding my feelings deeper thru alcohol if that makes sense, as fucked up and bass ackwards as it may seem

I have smile lines that are just getting worse and worse and idk if it’s the genetics mixed with the cheap alcohol i subdue myself to, but damn. I’m 21. Everyone always says to just make peace with your smile lines because you’ve had a happy life! Enjoy them! Embrace them! Dude mine are from years of crying!!! It is 100% more from sobbing and depriving myself of fucking food!! There’s nothing I can do about it I feel like. So many articles about creams working and not. Man….I haven’t taken a pic of myself in like almost 2 years. that’s so crazy to me. Damn.

I am OK with not having the body i had as a teenager. I am fine with the idea of having lovehandles, etc. It’s worth it. Bc now I can go out with friends and drink lots of delicious alcohols and eat pizza or whatever we are having without a lot of STRESS! I can get lost in the moment. I end up drinking less this way, too (for the most part…). I ENJOY And yes i still do end up using substances a lot heheh and sort of switching from one to the other then to the next (oopsie)... But I think allowing myself these fun times of blowing off steam and letting loose helps with practicing acceptance. Bc I do not want to waste time scrutinizing my body. I don’t want to have rules. I am too tired for all that, I just want to have fun lololol

As the band Good Charlotte once sung (a million years ago, why is it still in my head), “I just wanna live” 😆

Yes I am a little tiny bit stoned so this post may sound flippant but it’s all TRUE!! 💪🏼

Hope this helps💕 (haha, jk.) But seriously, cheers to you all. I hope this post brings some levity. Life is too stressful to not send out good vibes and love when you feel it~~~~ (that’s the love waves being transmitted). So, to my fave sub… thank you and goodnight!

i ordered taco bell after not eating all dayt and im drunk off of like 3 shots of deep eddy lemon and im like. let me see what im fucking doing and instead of googling taco bell calorie calculator i just googled calories. i have brain damage actually </3

liquor store lady saw my id card and said "oh my god a young one" not jokingly either, am 23 btw (looked like she was having a bad day and was pretty moody) also asked me to put my book bag by the entrance since I assumed she thought I was gonna steal or whatever (was wearing my face mask and baseball cap so I probably looked extra suspicious) didn't really help tht I was paying in cash and had mild shakes :/ (I go there a few days a week, since I go to other nearby stores to space my visits apart) didn't say anything and just wanted to get in and out, funnily enough she was really nice the first few times when I saw her

I’m at work and ready to hit a couple cocktails because I have a problem (y’all get it). I need to take my adderall tho to get my work done, s̶u̶p̶p̶r̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶a̶p̶p̶e̶t̶i̶t̶e̶, and be good to hit the gym after work. Should I go ahead and take it now with my drinks or wait until after I crush them? I've never mixed the two so close to the same time. And maybe it doesn't matter. Ijust dont wanna kill my buzz before i get one. it's IR, not XR, ftr.

...time to stop, probably.

i've been living with a family member who gave me a lot of childhood trauma, the last 3 weeks. he wasn't supposed to live here this long. i remember crying to my big brother "for 1 week i'll be always drunk" and now it's touching a month. i'm thinking of suicide again. it's 4am. i should get off the internet.

I drink every day and spend my off days drunk as possible and regretting every moment the next day. I don’t eat all day until night. I really would like some company sometimes. I don’t have friends or a boyfriend which is fine. But every now and again, I would like some company. I’m such an alcoholic that my entire work places knows I am. It’s embarrassing and so humbling at the same time. I always create new accounts and delete old accounts to post on here. I’m not looking for friends just some company to talk to every now and again and have a drink. I’m in my late 20’s, don’t drive and don’t go anywhere as it’s expensive. I stay in my own place with my two cats. And that’s it. I spend my time off doom scrolling as I don’t deserve to watch anything (it’s a whole thing). I went on YouTube to listen to music and it’s been 10 days since I last listened to music. I really need therapy but I’m terrified. Thank you for reading this far

Don't even feel anorexic today lol. >!600!< cals (per bottle so >!1200!< in total) and barely even buzzed because I did so much blow. I don't even know what I was thinking, I could've gotten fucked up on vodka, had a full meal and I still would've had calories to spare. Instead, I'm sitting alone on my situationships couch at 6am, anxious and high, not feeling remotly drunk enough, putting this bottles barcode through every calorie counter I have hoping for a number I know I won't get. I desperately want to start drinking vodka again but it makes me so sloppy I fear I won't be able to hold down a job/relationships if I switch back.

Lol none of this even matters, just drunk rants. At least this wine is delicious and cheap. Hopefully I'll make better decisions when I wake up tomorrow. Stay safe angels xo

I saw a post where someone was saying, yeah head bumps suck. I've woken up with blood on the floor and my head an open wound. Now my foot is a club. Is this... A part of it? I'm new to the drinking and don't know

I feel that alcohol doesn't do anything anymore. It's ok for a while, and then my mood only gets worse, making me have to reach for another drink. It's 11pm, I have to get up at 8 tomorrow morning for work, so I'll finish this drink, take some xanax, brush my teeth and go to bed, because I have nothing else left to do.

after 7 years this is the longest I’ve been able to go without alcohol. I’m going to rehab in 2 weeks. Thank you all sm for this community I’ll see you on the other side 🫡

Akmist went out for a drive to go to the gym

I had like half a bottle of tquilia and I just wanted to burn it off

Like What

Brain no

Stup

I mostly just rewatch clips or episodes from Bad Girls Club or watch random video game clips lol, Nothing new just the same old videos ovr n ovr :/, wondering wht u all do while drunk n wasted also my dad bought me pizza n I feel like hell

I've been on a bender since Saturday night and only stopped Tuesday evening-ish, and ofc my dumb ass didn't eat since. I've been throwing up water all day today and I can't stop drinking it because it feels so nice and cold, also really want to eat some apple slices vvv yum obviously won't stay down either. My trash can is literally full of puke water and I'm too weak to move it. Does anyone have any tips? And I do have electrolytes not drinking them currently since it would be a wast.

I can eat a little and still hate myself.

but after a bottle of vodka, at least i can sleep to forget

anyone in the same boat?

Can easily admit I’ve been struggling w/ alcohol for about 3-4 yrs due to a variety of reasons. Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, I’ve been able to open up about ED stuff with my partner and he’s been very receptive and supportive ; however, I don’t think he was expecting to find out about my drinking problem because I refused to tell anyone until I got help and started to cut back. (Spoiler: my partner found out I was hiding how much I was really drinking) Huge life changes lately have only made my drinking worse and led me to hide it from my partner/friends/family, and now it’s become a cycle of choosing one issue to focus on lol

The stress I’ve been dealing with either 1) causes me to drink more or 2) become so depressed & fall back into ED behaviors I’ve been somewhat better at fixing.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh FUCK

After arguing about my drinking for months, my partner has taken the path of being supportive while asking me to seek help (whether it’s through therapy, AA, or both). But it’s hard to describe the constant fight between starving & drinking because I mostly just end up starving in order to drink more/feel it more. What a lovely cycle

But I’m choosing to get help for both since I don’t want to risk losing my relationship. The hardest part has been my partner feeling like I’ve been drunk around him for the entire relationship and wondering if he even knows who I am sober.

I guess what this vent sesh was mainly about was seeing if anyone else has dealt with hiding both ED & drinking problems from their loved ones and how you’ve handled it

But anyways here for anyone to talk and wishing everyone the best 🫶🏻

UUUGGHH. OMFG. I feel so on edge. I can’t even give context because this post would be an actual novel, but the details don’t really matter anyway.

I can’t calm down. It’s so hard to relax. It can’t be good that my baseline on a daily basis is this level of anxiety. It hasn’t been like this in a long time, and I hate it. My chest is tight and it hurts. My muscles are so tense that they’re cramping. I’m not thinking clearly or rationally and my thoughts are racing.

I’m so fucking overwhelmed. Sorry.

Can't drink my favorite cherry pepsi zero anymore, tastes like vodka. Diet coke, orange juice, even gatorade are all disgusting now lmao

very demure, very mindful. i couldve gotten hammered at 9 am but i waited 😌

I’m so so so embarrassed, as I should be. My bf and I live with my really nice aunt, and when he’s not home to drive me to the liquor store and I’m out, I’ll take a shot of her smirnoff to help with the shakes. Maybe 2 halfsies. This morning when I went downstairs to say good morning, I noticed the bottle wasn’t there anymore and the other 2 (almost empty bottles) were scooted over into it’s spot 😭 I looked in the recycling bin just to see if possibly some time yesterday she finished it (which I knew was unlikely because it was a big day yesterday and I was with her for a bunch of it..) and LOW AND BEHOLD IT WASNT IN THE RECYCLING BIN…….. so it’s 100% hidden. I hate that I’ve broken the trust barrier to where she needs to hide it. And guess what Yes I did go snooping trying to find it out of pure curiosity and I seriously couldn’t find it. She fort knoxed that hoe. I feel SO bad and weird cus i just have to pretend like it’s not hidden and like I didn’t notice its disappearance.

And to make matters even better, today after she gets back from CHURCH (she’s not all too religious but her daughters in a program) I wanted to go to the farmers market with her and buy a couple things + SOJUUUUUUU BUT NOW I FEEL WEIRD BUYING ALC AROUND HER. Any thoughts guys is this as bad as I think it is? I’m really going to stop drinking her shit dude omg wtf is wrong w me I get so desperate for this shit

that's it, thank you. i wish i could kiss whoever invented vodka

I want to enjoy normal breakfast like eggs and bacon but my stupid monkey brain craves just alcohol in the morning. Then I get absolutely smashed and can’t even eat when I want to.

that’s it that’s the post im drunk

and day is wasted bc obvi now i have to get drunk again

u ever try and pretend ur sober and acting like ur okay? me fr. Also popsicles and fried eggs r so underated be careful n take care <3

god I wish Shane from stardew was real I lov him so much ngl.

I need to stop doing this.