Hi! I started trying to write again recently, and so I wrote a short fantasy story and currently looking for some advice. I'm open to all sort of feedback, but as some starting points:

1. How is the prose? Is it too purple? Too dull?
2. How would you improve the plot?
3. What do you think of the main character?
4. Any other remarks you would want to add

[Link to document]

Thank you all for your time!

Crits:

[3374]

[1891]

[2896]

[1208]

[1000]

This is my first time writing such a short text, I was mainly trying to create a parable similar to Kafka’s “A Hunger Artist” I’d really appreciate harsh honest feedback. I was also thinking of adding more text which is why I have an alternate ending at the very bottom of the document. I’m aware the grammar isn’t perfect as this was a rushed text. Thank you for you’re critiques. 👍

Text: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NMyteg5_iXilr-UGZ8vJlWo5qeZfGSUsxFXntUXfVoA/edit

Critique: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/nYtQSwqid6

Hey, I'm looking for brutally honest critiques on my flash fiction epistolary piece, "Last Letter". I hope to publish my story in a lit mag. So far, I've proofread and self-edited my work.

Feedback: Anything goes! Line edits, emotional/thematic impressions, advice on where to publish etc. In particular, I'd like to know if the story is clear enough. I believe the vagueness aids in creating emotional depth, but I fear it could leave the reader confused at times.

Thank you for contributions in advance!

Excerpt: I inflict upon you tiny worries that nibble at the edges of your psyche, shielding you from the true Despair that would swallow you whole.

Content Warnings: cancer, death, corpses, self-harm

Story Link: Last Letter (DR Critique)

Previous Critique[1305]: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1cem3on/comment/l1l9cp2/

Hi everyone! This is my first submission here and also my first time trying to write creatively in years lol. Anyway, below are just some extra details about the context of this scene, and about what critiques I think might be most helpful :)

The Hunt: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DOV0iJQMIYIB5LUeSGf003OqcbcnUcPH2RE2QsWMJuU/edit?usp=sharing

This is supposed to be the opening chapter to a story I'd like to write. Context for the story: In this world, people are either 'herbivores' or 'carnivores'. Herbivores have flat teeth and can only eat plants. They are seen as lesser. Carnivores have sharp teeth and can only eat meat. They tend to act as the ruling class. The main character in my book is a carnivore, but she lives with a herbivore family and pretends to be one of them (with false teeth lol).

For critiques, I think I need help with wording, especially. In anything I write, I tend to be verbose and use overly fancy language (something I've just learned is called 'purple prose' lol). So, please point out places where the language goes overboard trying to be fancy! Or where it slows down the pacing!

Secondly, I want to know if this is a good enough point to start my story. Are you hooked? Is there even a hook? Is the whole scene too long and drawn out? Do you need more world-building, more characters, or more action?

Any other feedback is also welcome! Line-by-line or general critiques are both very appreciated!

To anyone who takes the time to read and critique my work, you have no idea how grateful I am! As a pretty much complete beginner, feedback is so valuable and I really want to improve!

My critique (or at least the post it is critiquing): https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1cenm3g/1810_black_backpacks_part_1/

Hi all, this is a piece of a larger work, which I haven't fully expanded upon yet. It shouldn't require any additional context, but I will note that this is not the first chapter (so readers of the larger work would already be introduced to the POV character), but it is the first appearance of the character Rhiain.

Thanks in advance!

My story

My crits: 1, 2

THIS WEEK Pen names. Yea or Nay?

If you frequent the writing subreddits from r/writing to r/writingcirclejerk and everything in between, you may have seen an uptick in the conversation about pen names, nom de plume. There is a lot to unpack here, especially in 2024, as the line of anonymity (nom de plume) seems to be cracking into certain rhetoric wars (nom de guerre) and catfishing.

The idea of Alice Sheldon using James Tiptree Jr. (if you don’t know anything about Tiptree, it’s the stuff of truth is stranger than fiction) to get published makes most go, okay yes. Herman Glenn Carroll lying to everyone, even his husband, that he is a Cuban refugee and not Black and from Detroit is also stranger than fiction. How did he get published (writing about the Cuban experience) and become a professor? Weirder still, how did so few people recognize he was using Mexican slang and pretending it was Cuban?

Jessica Krug seemed to rustle more feathers than Carroll, but in the end, it was two individuals of different backgrounds using a different background to lend credence to their voice in academia and publishing.

It doesn’t even have to be that serious.There even was a recent discussion about choosing a pen name to have a certain eye level placement at a bookstore.

Within this tangled knot and as writers, how do you feel about pseudonyms and anonymity?

NEXT WEEK u/OldestTaskmaster has a prompt for you to take a 500 word selection and write it in a completely different genre, ideally one you hate.

As always feel free to write about anything off topic or give a shout out to a recent crit, post, or writing thing you want to share.

Hello everyone this is my first time writing for the internet to see. I would prefer a blind read and then have you answer my questions. Questions: >!Please do let me know your thoughts on the quality of writing and if the characters actions and what they do/observe hold any meaning as to what they are currently feeling, or if everything comes off as too vague and just seems like some guy doing boring things.!<

Thanks for your time

[My Story](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1swX1v28GmYaiQN39Vkaf87Tr-HYByzad-iPKs3D8pUQ/edit?usp=sharing)

[Critique](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1c9p9aa/comment/l1o341f/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button) [690]

Critique

Poem

Hi all,

I'm so grateful to everyone here who reads my work and critiques it. You guys have helped me so much. I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate the time it takes to write a good critique, etc.

This is part of a chapter in the novel I'm currently revising. This isn't the whole chapter, it's only half of it. My MC and his sister are on a drug run. As in, they work for a dealer, they aren't just going to a friends house to score some weed for themselves. My MC is 15 and his sister is 18. This takes place in the early aughts, also. So things like GPS weren't as widely available. Since this is chapter 7, there is no character introduction.

Also, in the previous chapter my MC met some lot lizards at a truck stop. In this chapter they encounter one of them again.

My work:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1siBCHgFiyMWKLa__HAJZymtEgvm2xcnX1YWRU8YMHSc/edit?usp=sharing

I'll come right out and say it. I know the prose could be better in this chapter. I'm a minimalist writer. I try to say what I need to say in as few words as possible. But I think this chapter is too minimal.

In my opinion, all feedback is good feedback. I don't mind harsh critiques because they help me improve more. So, don't be scared to hurt my feelings. But like I said, all feedback is good feedback.

Thanks in advance,

V.

Recent critique:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1ca5rxk/comment/l0q0jzh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

(The thread is deleted. But I can still see it in my profile.)

Hello everyone! Here is another installment from my current project. This is the first time we see this character's POV. I'm interested to see what you think about the character. Do you like him? Dislike him? How does the interaction with the puppy affect your answers?

Thanks!

My story is here

My crit: [2208]

YA Dark Fantasy

Story Synopsis: When Jynx finds her girlfriend, Rimola, and all the other graduates slain and harvested, she assumes war has finally come to Moorcroft. Only, who could possibly kill an entire class of soldier mages? As she investigates, everything points toward those running the academy.

The opening scene introduces the protagonist, Jynx, along with her girlfriend and a few other students from rival dens (there are three dens at the academy, each with a different specialty for warfare). My principle concerns are the following:

• Do I make grammatical errors that are unacceptable in the context of fiction? I worry about comma splices, participle phrases, sentence fragments, etc.
• Does this have a sufficient hook? Am I beginning this story in a good place?
• Does this have a "voice"? Is it interesting?

Chapter 1

Critique

Hey there! Long time no see.
I got super busy for a while but have finally be able to get back into writing and have fallen into a deep hole of writing this new romance novel idea, because one can never have too many ideas floating around in their heads apparently :)

PLOT:

It's a fake dating story following Nora Smart, who is an avid trivia nerd along with her whole family. When she mistakenly assumes her boyfriend's strange behaviour is pre-proposal jitters she is shellshocked at the colossal dumping that follows and avoids her family and trivia.

When she finally returns to trivia, so does her childhood rival and next-door neighbour, Jamie Ramsey. Eager to put any whinging about her breakup to rest Nora accidentally says she has a new boyfriend and her family thinks they’ve put two and two together and that Jamie is the boyfriend and that’s why he’s returned. Jamie decides to help Nora out, pretending to be her boyfriend to their families and at trivia night. But their fake relationship suddenly gets all the more complicated the longer they're in it and soon Nora realizes the rivalry she was holding onto was pointless and Jamie is way different than she thought.

Obviously that's the whole novel concept, and not this chapter, just wanted to provide context.

THIS is the first 3/4 of the fourth chapter where Nora finally meets back up with her family and my major concern is that a LOT of people are introduced all at once. Her family is big and they're all at the trivia night and I'm worried it's getting confusing referring to all these people or that some people kind of disappear in the background.

*Note: You meet her mother in the previous chapter, and she mentions both Mandy and Charlotte in previous chapters as her sister and sister's girlfriend so you know who they are in this chapter even if you haven't met them yet. Not sure if that information helps.

Other feedback wanted:

• Do they seem like a real family? Real characters? Do you get a feel for who everyone is so far?

• Is there anything missing? Are you ever confused?

• Does the name work? I've been trying for a bunch of silly puns relating to love and quiz and thought a combination of "Unequivocal love" and "quiz" kinda worked but it feels like it might work better said aloud than on paper.

• Literally any other thoughts you could possibly have. Have at 'em :)

Excerpt: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AUdpTJ0qxzlLyNqq4JzqhChzUAvU2nAKGRQleKzb0Q8/edit?usp=sharing

Crit: 2204

Hi! This is the very first rough draft of a historic fiction novel I'm working on. It follows Federico through his life and I want to start in his childhood.

I have no solid questions to ask, I'm just really hungry for any comments or critiques, I want to gauge any interest in a story like this, or if there is engagement and interest in how it's going so far. I welcome literally any perspectives on this and with my writing in general.

Hoping you're all well, lots of love!

My Work
Link to my prior Critique (It's a really good short draft!!) OPs work was [1856]

Hi all,

This is chapter 5 of a novel I'm revising.

I know this is only one chapter out of like 40. So it's hard to really get the whole vibe from one chapter. But the feedback I get here is great and it allows me to catch things I might not catch otherwise.

IMO, there is no such thing as bad feedback. I can take harsh critiques, so don't be afraid to hurt my feelings. There was one scene I cut out of this chapter when I made my last revision, so I'm also curious to see if it feels disjointed, etc. But any feedback is fine with me.

The backstory: Since this is chapter 5, there aren't really character introductions here. By this point everyone knows who the characters are, etc. But, for the sake of convenience, my main character is 15. He ran away from home because his dad beat him up all the time and he went to live with his older sister and her boyfriend (a drug dealer.) He works as a delivery guy for the dealer. And in this chapter him and his older sister are going to Chicago to pick up some stuff from a supplier. His sister is 18, also, just for clarity.

NSFW for sex work.

The title is only the title of this chapter, not the book.

Chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rzQ21E3zXGLFc72G7gAlb0yd2T2vt6sDN8DECWu_xCE/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks in advance,

V.

Recent Critique:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1c977v8/comment/l0pmet5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Mods, I plan to try to post that critique the right way later. I tried posting it through two different browsers. I tried on my phone both with the Reddit app and on the mobile site. I tried disconnecting my VPN. I tried splitting it in half, thinking it was too long. For some reason, Reddit just isn't having it. I posted a link to it because that's better than nothing.

Alright so to premise; I love reading but this is my first ever time writing a story, like first draft, first few chapters so bear with me if it's bad. I have a few questions and then would like a critique:

1. What do you think of the main character, have I made them too black and white?
2. Should I add some sort of character or event that allows the MC some sort of redemption
3. I'm trying to make the MC a psychopathic (would that be the term) stalker whos also an edgy teenager but im not really a psychopathic stalker... am i succeeding in doing so, if so and if not; what can i work on to make the MC more realistic.
4. Would you read this book?

and then critique away!

Book: Johan

My critique: [1952]

​

Edit: to any mod reading this, i tweaked the wording and paragraphs a little which lead to it being more words, if you want me to do another critique PM me please.

This is my first time submitting a story to this subreddit. I chose a short story, simply because this is my first time writing with dialogue, most of my other work is largely descriptive.

I started this story in the action so there's I tried to have less exposition in the start, although I hope the plot makes more sense in the end. Please tell me if it doesn't.

story

Previous critique: 721 Word Story

Any feedback is appreciated

Hey everyone,

Like mentioned last week, this week we have a fun prompt for everyone! Take 100 words of your current WIP and shift the verb tenses and POV.

• For instance, if you write in past tense, shift it to present tense. (I joked that you could shift it to pluperfect if you want to suffer, which still stands).

Example: He walked to the store. -> He walks to the store.

• If you write first person, shift it to third. If you write third person, shift it to first. (Hard mode for this one is second person.)

Example: He walked to the store. -> I walked to the store.

Now look over the piece. How does it change? What do you feel the urge to adjust or rewrite now that the tense and POV have shifted? Is there anything you like about the changes?

Some bonus questions:

• What’s your favorite POV to write in? Why do you like it?

• What’s your favorite tense to write in? Why do you like it?

As always, feel free to share any news or updates on your work, too!

Hey all,

This is my attempt at making up a story as I wrote it. I started with an idea: what would it be like if a dude lost his wife in a steam room at the rec center? and just went from there.

I'm happy because I actually finished it. When I put too much energy into plotting, it seems to bake away all the fun when I actually getting to writing.

Here's the story:

Steam Room

Critique as you see fit, but I do wonder about the theme. Since I wrote it without a solid plan, the themes grew organically and now I'm not sure what I've got in front of me. If you have any ideas about what the theme(s) are, and how I could better reinforce them, it would be much appreciated!

Crits:

[500] White Picket Fence

[2208] Roundhouse

This is the first time I'm posting for feedback.

This is a dark fantasy almost dystopian novel I'm working on.

There may be some triggering content.

I've done two critiques in this Subreddit and am over the required number for this chapter.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/VpNCZ6PJ6e

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/Bh3lwdiunF

Here is the link to chapter one

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1le0BzGeXvldgSzdC6CTxq33lFmpi-9BcQkuRvdylV9o/edit?usp=drivesdk

If I need to include anything else please just let me know.

Thank you ahead of time for any feedback.

Hi all, This is a chapter in my novel that I've been revising lately. I know it's one of the weaker chapters. But it does serve two purposes. To introduce Dave (one of the main characters) and to set up this trip my MC and his sister go on to Chicago.

This isn't the first time the MC and Dave meet in the story,. But it is the first time the reader meets Dave. So I'm really curious what kind of impression he leaves when reading this.

Also, the title of this submission isn't the title of the book. It's just the title of the chapter.

I also am wondering about this fight scene that I wrote because I don't know jack shit about martial arts. So, it was really hard to write.

But, in my opinion, all feedback is good feedback. I can take harsh critiques. And I know this chapter is not a masterpiece. So, don't be afraid to hurt my feelings.

Just for a little background of what happened before this, my main character is 15. He ran away from home because his dad was always beating him up. He now lives with his older sister and her boyfriend (a drug dealer) and he works for the boyfriend as a delivery guy. He's been taking martial arts for about 4 years at this point.

Anyway, here is the chapter.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1766S7ObN_2ncQ-HiqA7CpWtkAvVo1FPVladk3JYJH1w/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks in advance. V

Latest critique: https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1bye08c/2198_memory_of_a_crow/kzrccx2/

https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1c4thwu/354_the_boy_on_maple_street/kzwg20i/

Hi there! Thanks for having a gander at the post, and if you read the story, thanks for that too.

This is a complete flash fiction / micro fiction story that I believe reads like part horror, part lit fic noir.

A substantial portion of my writing reads to me like black and white photography, or those old tin-print western photos with the copper-sepia tone. I like it quite a bit actually, but I've been experimenting lately with how to incorporate color as a story element to develop a more substantial atmosphere. So that's a thing to keep in mind for feedback, I guess.

Really, I'd like to know if the ending is clear, if the ending was clearly foreshadowed, and if the ending was so predictable you saw it coming from before you viewed this post. Of course, I'm always open to any sort of constructive or destructive feedback you feel inclined to offer.

Thanks in advance for your time, your effort, your wit, and especially for your sharp literary talents!

​

The Boy On Maple Street [354]

Crit [479]

​

A short hook to establish MC, a key technology to introduce the story as it's set one hundred or so years in the future.

A few bits it would be helpful to know please:

1. What type of technology is Meridian?
2. At what point did that become clear?
3. How was the pacing?
4. Was it interesting?

Happily hear any other thoughts or suggestions too.

Link here: The Inheritants

Link to critique here: [721]

Mods, it's my first time posting here so please let me know if I've done anything incorrectly.

Hey, hope you're all doing well as we head on into April. Lately I've been getting into bookbinding, or at least trying to, so it's only natural I'd like to hear your thoughts on the book as a physical object. Does it even matter anymore in this world of ebooks, audiobooks and the flood of free digital writing online? Or when most of the physical books available are crappy, mass-produced paperbacks anyway?

If you ever got published (or you're one of the few people here already in that august circle), would you feel it was a loss if your book didn't get a physical release? How many of you make it a point to buy hardcovers? And by all means nerd out about your favorite typefaces or book dimensions while we're at it. I'm partial to the larger ones myself, like 6x9 in American measurements, which is one reason for making my own.

Or if that doesn't appeal, feel free to discuss anything else you'd like with the community, do some self-promotion, give a shoutout to especially good crits you've seen, etc.

Finally, a heads-up for next week's prompt topic, courtesy of u/Cy-Fur: "Take up to 100 words of your current project/whatever and change the POV and the tense”. Like 3rd to 1st (or 2nd if you’re risky) and past tense to present tense (or shift all to pluperfect if you want to suffer)"

Hi,

Here is Chapter 14 of a story I've been working on. Basically, this chapter's purpose is to "reveal" how one of the characters is getting by, along with some world building and an introduction to a side character. I'm aware that Dr Beckler very stereotypical; he's even wearing a white coat. He is the opposite of Erika, who is the main character.

What I want to know is:

Did you understand what Dr Beckler did to Joseph, as his explanations are not very clear (on purpose).

Is the doctor introduced well?

(I'll also add a summary of what happened and was said of him before this chapter below, which you can read if you wish)

I concluded that I should probably rewrite this chapter, yet I can't see much wrong with it.

Perhaps the only thing I could think to change is the viewpoint. At the moment, it is in Erika's POV (barely), but there is very little description of what she's experiencing. Since Erika is a telepath she can literally read his mind, and I'm not revealing Beckler's thoughts at all, so it feels like a missed opportunity. But I guess it could add mystery.

I'm curious to know if there's anything in the writing that's missing or could be better. And I would like to make the doctor more unsettling, if possible (he's already pretty nasty).

Thanks!

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1u2myuuxG3e1UQLaFmQkAeW8dFahMC9kE3LA_gvILGKQ/edit?usp=sharing

Crits:

1400 Down: Chapter Two [1170]

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1ba5o9w/comment/kux7002/?context=3

Opening paragraphs of a portal fantasy story. [721]

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1bxfwdq/comment/kyim186/

​

CONTEXT (optional):

Erika and Marth have been investigating the newly discovered noble, Joseph Farrow. The King has tasked Erika with watching him, as his family is not that popular. Through their tailing efforts (using Erika's telepathy), they discovered that he's camping and that he works at his old job for barely anything. They are confused to find that he has a large amount of cash in his wallet after he drops it, and they have no idea where it could have come from.

After an incident involving Erika's powers that night, they resume their tailing exercise after a couple of days to find out where the money comes from. Erika witnesses Joseph lose his money yet again, and they follow him when he decides to get more. Marth uncharacteristically panics and runs the horses out of town, so Erika can no longer detect Mr Farrow.

Marth has a suspicion of who Joseph is seeing, provoking his flight when Erika describes the doctor's workplace. The following day, they decide to visit the warehouse to confirm that the old man that Erika saw was in fact Dr Beckler, which is where the chapter begins.

Marth - Erika's butler/ friend, usually confident and composed

Erika - hermit noble (her telepathy is a secret)

Joseph - normal person who's suddenly a noble now

Dr Beckler - noble (he's influential, but only appears a few times)

Marth knows of an obscure noble specializing in healing magic through his studies to be a healer and a warning from Erika's deceased father. The noble could have been a national hero if not for the way he made his discoveries. Marth was once unfortunate enough to accidentally see the cadavers the doctor worked on in the central morgue, and found them disturbing. He concludes that Joseph is in a bad situation and that Erika's incident with her powers pointed to Beckler and Joseph's correspondence.

Hi All! I've attached the first scene of a low fantasy(?) novel I'm working second draft on.

In a world of binding contracts with baleful consequences, Ren Weaver's innate immunity has her hiding this secret from her family, Guild leaders and holy Guides or else face a fate worse than death.

I'm looking for some feedback on if writing is legible, compelling. If the characters are interesting and if you'd keep reading. Also welcome anything else y'all can throw at me.

Linky

Review Bank:

[2198] (https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1bye08c/2198_memory_of_a_crow/) [2156] (https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1bourrt/2156_a_supernova_imposter_part_2/)

Since this sub helped so much with Chapter 1*, I’m going to put forth part of the next one. After all, I do plan on publishing in the future, and I believe the first three chapters are the most important ones in grabbing attention. Gotta get them damn-near perfect.

Mainly, I’m trying to make sure I don’t backslide into overcomplicating or forcing my work to sound unique, keep the prose clean and compelling, and actually write a good manuscript without those problems weighing it down. Chapter 2, but especially this first half, slows down and focuses more on character, so I’m looking to see if I nail it. As always, I also welcome other notes.

Also, I'm taking suggestions on an elegant way to name a cone that projects hi-def, flatscreen TV screen(s). "Videolight" was proposed off-site, but I'm still searching and thinking.

* (Note: That document isn't the final version of Chapter 1, but it is close. If that draft is needed for context, I'll link it.)

Document

Crit 1 (1403)

Greetings!!

White Picket Fence is a complete flash fiction story.

I'm open to any and all feedback, but in particular I'd like to know how you picture the setting through the first half of the story. I attempted to paint a picture of their surroundings without being overly specific in hopes a reader's imagination will fill in the blanks.

Thank you in advance for your your time, your energy, and especially for your sharp literary talents!

Crit [893]

White Picket Fence [500]

​

Hello everyone! I am pleased to share the first section of the story I'm working on, The passengers. It's a tough one to write and therefore I need your feedback to know whether I'm going in the right direction.

It's difficult to summarise, but I would describe it like a dream-like story (perhaps a bit dystopian) about a man who has a normal life in a modern city, but who one day discovers uncomfortable truths about the places where his boring routine takes place.

I should add that English is not my first language, nor is it the original language I'm writing this story in. That would be Spanish. Unfortunately, I don't know any similar places to r/DestructiveReaders in the Spanish language. I've therefore decided to translate the first section of it into English as well as I can (I think I've done a good job) and share it with you. Although, hopefully, I might find a Redditor who speaks Spanish.

• Here's the text in English: The passengers
• Here's the original text in Spanish: Los pasajeros

I hope you enjoy it! I might be sharing the rest of the story here as I go along. For now, I want to know what are your thoughts about the first scene.

I've critiqued a 1000-word story here, which should be more than enough. In case it's not, I have another critique of a 1952 chapter, but I was thinking about saving that one for future occasions.

Hello,

This is the second part of the first chapter of a web novel I am writing. The chapter is separated this way to maintain a manageable length and to accommodate the structure of the story. It presents a different scene, so I hope it can stand on its own for the purpose of critique.

Recap:

Noah, a daydreamer, has just endured another difficult day at his temp job. He learns that he may soon be unemployed. With his friends occupied, he decides to step out of his comfort zone and explore the local nightlife alone.

The genre of the novel is fantasy, blending elements of intrusion fantasy and tiny bit of progression fantasy. It delves into some serious themes, and I aim to develop it into a novel-length story. Minor LGBTQ themes are also included. Currently, I have written six chapters and an interlude.

All feedback is welcome. I have already incorporated some of the suggestions I received on my earlier writing already.

Read-only link

Commenting enabled link

My critique: [1625] The Magician's House

Hi all,

This is chapter two of a novel. In chapter one my main character got into a fight with his abusive father and is now running away from home. This chapter starts right as he is walking out onto the road, literally.

In my opinion, all feedback is good feedback. Harsh critiques don't offend me. So don't be afraid to be honest. I know my writing isn't perfect and constructive criticism helps me improve.

This is my second attempt at this. My last post had a lot of comments but not a single critique.

Anyway, here is chapter 2:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s6yF2OQjbmYxj09myuJQzgbbNj9wERRD8w0llG7_eIA/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks in advance,

V.

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