My mother and I try to care for gma. Try is the key word. More often than not, any plans I have for her are always thwarted by my mother who has some kind of undiagnosed mental illness

I tried to give gma a shower who always fights me. I take off the clothes and she stops me, yelling it's cold, she's sick with a runny nose. You name it.

As I take off her clothes quickly, she grabs my breast and it hurts. I slap her across the face twice. I know I shouldn't but I am just done with it.

Here I am trying to keep her clean, prevent infection and she's fighting me.

Helping her shower is easy. It's the stress when she's oppositional and refuses that makes it impossible.

Then mother comes barreling down and we are fighting. I'm tired if the yelling and I just leave her alone in the washroom.

I'm sick of them, I'm sick of dementia.

Whoever said "God only gives you what you can handle" must be some psychopath.

None of us are strong enough for this. Others have said other diseases and illnesses like cancer are not as hard as dementia.

Mother thinks it's better to keep gma in the car with one person while we shop for groceries. That whole time it gets dark and she freaks out in the car because she gets confused

Later, rather than repeat the same thing, I took her in the store with me and she walked a fair bit. Today was a good day I thought. Just now that cancels out the victory earlier.

I hate dementia. I hate getting older.

My 82 yo father helped me hang the lights on our shop tonight. An hour later he was irate because "when the hell did all these lights show up here?".

Distracted him and showed him some other things we had going on and he was OK for the time being. I've noticed lately that he gets frustrated in the evenings. With everything from these lights, to yelling at the dog to stay away from him, which normally he's inseparable with. Any medications you've had luck with that calm them down?

There’s days that I feel so helpless and frustrated but then there’s days like today that I feel sad.

When I see my mom sit there so innocently I can’t help but cry and wonder what it must feel like for her.

She use to be so independent, she would go to church and hang out with her girlfriends. I just miss her.

I’m her full time caregiver and trust me that I feel so blessed that I am capable of doing this but it’s so lonely.

I really hate going to family and friends when I’m upset so I decided to come here on Reddit for any advice or suggestions, really anything helps.

My mom is 63 and in the past couple years I’ve been noticing some strange behaviors. One example is she’s been telling other peoples stories like they’re her memories, like it’s something she went through, but it happened to somebody else or something she saw in a movie. The most recent thing I’ve noticed is a handful of times she’s bought my children gifts that she’s already bought them before but doesn’t remember. I don’t know if this is a normal part of aging or early signs of dementia but would like to hear others inputs. TIA

It's the earlier stage so it's not bad at all but we all know it will get more severe. She does forget things, and I have to explain whats happening sometimes when we watch tv. We arent treating her with safety gloves or anything because we knoww it's condisending. She's perfectly capable navigating life currently. She's open about it and her and my mom have joked about it. She has become a bit more vocal with her religon which isnt bad at all, but I am hoping we stay clear from any doom and gloom armagetim stuff.

My mom usually calls her every night and we live very close to eachother. She's still driving and living by herself. My aunt said she wanted to move in wwith her, clearly because the dementia but we dont think it's a great idea at the moment. My grandma isn't in a bad stage currently, and my aunt has three kids. Two elementry age kids and a moody 16 year old. I know it will just stress her out. It feels like my aunt was being a bit condisending and just wanting another place to put her stuff. Still, I usderstand this is probaly super hard for her and i'm sure shes just doing what she thinks is best for her mom.

What should I know? Is there a general game plan to help her? How can I ask her to write doen memories/share memories so when she forgets, we can remind her?

I know not everyone can afford memory care, or has a relative who settled into memory care. But for those of you who are in the phase where they scream and cry at you nonstop and it’s all still new. I wanted to share a funny (to me) story:

I went to visit my dad today. I was expecting a bad visit. We’ve got over a foot of snow on the ground and he’s developed a fear of it. I was worried he’d have heard about the election and be confused or upset.

I was bracing myself for tears and accusations, so I called the MC to get a heads up and let them know I was on my way.

“Hello?” A voice answers. It’s male, but not one of the staff members I recognize. There’s a long pause, this isn’t the general greeting I get when I call them, so I am confused.

The voice says again “Hello? What am I supposed to say again? This is <his full name>.”

I say, “well this is <my full name>! And I am on my way to visit you!”

He laughed and said, “well come on down! It’s a party! Are you related to me? We have the same last name!!!”

It was joyous!!! They gave him receptionist duty for half an hour to calm him down because he was having a rough morning and I happened to call during that half hour!

I laughed so hard! I think I laughed for the entire drive to the MC and then periodically throughout the day.

I am so grateful to memory care. It’s not perfect, and there are still rough days, I was bracing myself for a reason. But the MC staff had to deal with him in a snip, and I got a great hour with my actual dad and a really funny to me story. It’s amazing.

I get that not everyone gets that, and the beginning 2 months had me near catatonic with grief and guilt, but if they do settle, and most do, it can be glorious!

Question- For those of you with a LO in assisted living, how often do you get feedback about your LOs behavior? Is it by phone? Email? Text?

Do staff at AL have time to provide families with general feedback/observations about LO on a regular basis?

Is it too high of an expectation to ask executive director for an hour long weekly phone call with behavior updates?

My sister visited my Dad today in MC. I had a group call with Dad, Sis, and Niece. Lots of fun because he had moments of lucidity and was happy because Sis brought him butterscotch pudding and Coke Zero. Several female residents stopped by his door and he said, "They do it all the time because I'm a cute little F'er." My Niece told him they must be lost. Maybe you would have to be there but I like to share the laughs when they come.

Update: When I called my Mom in AL and shared this story with her, she said he's probably going to have to beat women off with a stick and started laughing hard.

My 55-y.o. husband has FTD that was diagnosed this year after he started to display bad judgment, memory issues and aphasia. He’s still able to work at this point. But he spends a lot on impulsive purchases and keeps giving money to scammers. We’ve had numerous discussions about this and he’ll agree to stop, but a day or two later he’s doing it again. Has anyone successfully taken control of finances away from someone who isn’t incapacitated yet? The dementia is only going to get worse and we need to keep that money.

It’s my husband. He’s diagnosed with MCI. History of AD in the family. We are seeking advice on what to make sure not to over look so I can make future financial decisions and healthcare decisions, also to be able to sell the house if he’s incapacitated. We have an appointment in a couple of weeks with an attorney but he is not an elder care specialist. My hubby is aware of his memory loss and aware of many horror stories about financial misdeeds on the part of people with dementia and struggles of loved ones have without have POA for financials and healthcare. Appreciate your advice and lessons learned.

My mother is 87 and her short term memory can be measured in seconds, her long term memory isn’t too bad. My grandfather was the same, and I watched him go through the same stresses that my mother is going through.

I’d 56, and It feels like just a matter of time before I have the same thing happen. Only time will tell on that I guess, but I was just wondering if there is anything to do now to prevent or delay it. Anyone look into that?

My dad, 85, recently went into a memory care home. It is the absolute best home in our area. He is getting pretty advanced in his dementia. He is obsessed with people stealing from him. Today my mom received a call from the care home that my dad walked up to another resident at lunch and started screaming at him that he stole my dad’s shirts. Then my dad wanted to fight him and smacked the guy across the face. The workers were able to intervene and my dad had to eat lunch by himself. Luckily the other guy is ok.

I know that this is just part of dementia but it is horrifying for us. My dad was never violent prior to the dementia.

Hi all!

I wanted to let you all know that on 11/12, Dr. Ruth Itzhaki will be providing a talk on the Association between Alzheimer's Disease and Herpes. This is in partnership with with Herpes Cure Advocacy and The HIV Vaccine Trials Network (HVTN). Dr. Itzhaki is a pioneer in this field!

More info here: https://herpescureadvocacy.com/event/hvtn-partnership-hsv-association-with-alzheimers-disease/

We live in a small town. Husb turning 76 next mo. Concerned about his cognition. His provider has changed THREE times since we moved here six years ago. Called daughter today & she said 'get him to Dr'. He is a very resistant individual.

1. Someone bumped into him in groc store today & he went postal. I pulled him to another aisle & ssid let's not cause a scene. He told me people pushed him around his whole life & he was tired of it.

2. He forgot which side gas tank is on when going to gas station this week.

3. He insists on doing all driving because he doesn't trust/like women drivers. (His mother never drove). He has forgotten where we are going & how to get there lately, more than once.

4. He asked daughter when her birthday is.

5. I asked him to put turkey in freezer next to pecan pie today. Got all upset, what pie??? The pie we bought yesterday for Thanksgiving.

Tried to get him to do crossword puzzle to keep brain active but he struggled with it. I finished quickly. He did not do well in school but excelled in sports. Goes to gym almost daily but spends rest of time dozing in recliner. I lay down a lot due to chronic pain but read.

Thought of writing confidential note to Dr? I know it would anger him. Daughter said there may be an RX that would slow down progression. Thank you.

Hi everyone! I’m here to ask for some tips (and tricks) to help my grandmother, my mom and myself.

For the story: my mom and myself have suspicions that my grandmother might have dementia.

She’s always forgetting things, mixing old memories, sometimes she will tell stories about someone but most of the time it wasn’t the person she mentioned (for example she will tell something my mother did when she was young but it was something my uncle did), she sometimes ask several times something we already told her during the day, she needs to take medicine but most of the time she forget it (taking medicine is “new”, she didn’t needed to take them last year). Sometimes she will wake up in the middle of the night thinking it’s already day and go on with her day.. The list goes on with things like that.

At the beginning we weren’t so worried, but it looks like her memory worsened and it begins to impact her life (and ours).

My mother already tried to hint her that she might have dementia or something like that, but she refuses to listen to her, I also tried but she just straight ignored me.. most of the time when we talk to her about that, she gets angry with us and shuts us down. I don’t know what to do and how I can “force” her to test herself or to see someone that can help her with that..

Anyone have experience with this program?

https://thedawnmethod.com/

My granddad has dementia and it hurts me so much to think about. I live on a different continent so I haven't been able to see him much. I have a lot of regret and guilt about not seeing him more before the dementia despite the fact that I was young and had to depend on my parents to travel.

Now that I have a bit more money and am hoping to travel there soon, my dad says he doesn't want me seeing my granddad in the state he's in. He refuses to go into detail about some things and I suspect it's because he's exhibiting sexually inappropriate behaviour.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that my granddad isn't who he used to be. I used to fantasize about moving back to Europe so I could have a closer relationship with my grandparents but I realise that isn't possible anymore. I feel stupid for being so upset about it because everyone loses their grandparents eventually.

My mom is going through a pretty tough situation…she’s cried about this the last 5 times I’ve seen her, and I have no idea how to help her beyond listening and empathizing.

My mom has a childhood friend, we’ll call her Laura (58F), who has dementia but has not been officially diagnosed. Laura’s husband is about to die of cancer, and there is no other family to around who could or would help.

Laura clearly has dementia, but will not listen to her friends or go to the doctor…my mom and her other friends are extremely concerned and not sure what to do. Laura’s husband is going to pass at any time, and they’re afraid Laura will just sit at home and not be able to take care of herself. She can talk, eat, and bathe at this point, but that’s about it.

They desperately want her to get a diagnosis so next steps can be taken, but they can’t physically force her to go to the doctor…they don’t even live close to her. What is to be done? Any advice would be so appreciated. None of them have any experience with this at all, and neither do I.

THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. This is not an invitation to argue politics, please do not do that.

My MIL is 70 and living in Memory Care with mixed dementia. She's been kind of oblivious and happy all her life, except when Trump got elected in 2016. Even after Biden took the presidency eventually, even when she couldn't recall the name of her childhood friends, she would talk about how much she hates Trump. One of the signs of dementia we found was that she gave an enormous amount of money to the democrats because she couldn't stand the guy. Like, it was a part of her core identity.

I haven't seen her since the election, and she's not so far gone that she will not notice what happened... so I don't know what to say if it comes to that. I mean, sooner or later she's going to find out, they have a TV room in memory care. Do I just lie and say she misunderstood the result? Do I validate? I know re-direction is a good tool to steer the conversation but this is sort of such a big, world level event that I'm afraid she's going to keep asking us every 5 minutes if Trump is president now.

Anyway, anyone has had experience with a situation like this? Thank you.

I am a caregiver for my grandparents & I realized last night that my last day off was in December of last year.

My boyfriend & I went to Las Vegas to see U2.

I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since my last day off. I knew it had been a while but not that long.

Since then I’ve had a couple half days but that’s totally not enough.

I need something else 😭

Hi, my 88-year-old mother has dementia and she’s developed this habit of picking at her skin. She will pick at her lips at night to the point where she wakes up with a bloody pillowcase (it happened again last night). In August she had a skin biopsy on her nose which still hasn’t healed because she won’t stop picking on it. She also chews on the skin around her nail beds. We ask her to stop doing it, but she says she doesn’t remember doing it at all - in fact she denies that she picked at herself.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? She’s always had a level of anxiety and I’m wondering if this is how she’s expressing that anxiety now that she maybe can’t process those feelings intellectually.

Note: Her doctor did try her on Lexapro to help with anxiety, but ultimately took her off of it because it made her super drowsy.

Many thanks in advance.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dementia/s/4qS4GgLFrF

Seven months ago I asked this question. Three months ago I took action. I decided that my wife is well enough cared for that I can separate from her. I met a woman whose husband died this past year. I told her I was separated from my wife (not divorced) because of dementia and wanted to date. She had no problem with the idea. After dating a while, I introduced her to my sons and later to my grand kids. Everyone in my family was ok with the situation. My friend and I have now moved from Kentucky to my home in Florida and things are going great. The reactions have been mixed though.

My friend finally shared with her kids that she was living with a married man in Florida. Her daughter and daughter in law no longer speak to her. Her son was ok. They want her to go back home to Kentucky and get away from me. Our friends are divided. While most are accepting, a number are not accepting of me leaving my wife and living with another woman. We went to church together and some people at church are supportive while others are vocally not in favor.

I cannot remember when I have had such happiness. I had taken care of my wife for seven years. I had been in the ER twice from fatigue and anxiety but now am clearly on the mend even at 75 years old. I have had people say we are hell bound all the way to people saying how happy they are for me. I wish my girlfriend’s family would be more supportive but nothing I can do about that. I plan on flying home about every 4-6 weeks to check on my wife’s nurses but other than that I have no contact with my wife. Last time I was home my wife never knew me and never acknowledged my presence. Reddit helped me get my life back.

I do have a camera at my home in Kentucky and my wifes nurses know I am able to check the camera. I used to check daily but I now rarely check the camera. My life is better not looking at the camera. I don’t really know what else to do but try to be happy.

Every time I go round to my brothers he's moved things or worse has a habit of binning things I go to the supermarket on a Monday buy 7 ready meals for him put them in the fridge,by Thursday they've gone no where to be found.I have searched the whole house nothing.

He can go through a tissue box in an hour,he puts them on surfaces no idea why but it looks awful this can happen 3 or 5 times a day.If there's no tissues then cut up newspapers why?No idea doesn't have a purpose.

This morning was wash down day he can only tolerate water in a bowl on a flannel.Put the bowl with soap & water in front of him,told him to wash himself ( he's been doing this for months no problem).

I go to bring the bin round to the front look in to check on him,he's sat there grinning like a Cheshire cat staring into space,nothing has been cleaned.

When do you consider you might need more help?. Some days he's great others not should I carry on doing what we're doing now and seeing how it goes and get an assessment in the new year?.

Thanks for reading it's made me feel better.

Hi everyone! I’m curious if there are any folks here who have dementia and would be open to sharing their perspective. I’d love to hear about what has helped you feel empowered or supported in your daily life, or any advice you have for others on this journey.

Thank you for any insights you’re comfortable sharing—it would be really valuable to hear directly from those with lived experience.

Hello everyone, a little bit of background. My father was diagnosed with FTD at 40 years old. His uncle was diagnosed in his early 30s. I have seen FTD very closely for about 13 years and have been very active in the Alzheimer’s community and try to stay informed. I was wondering if anyone here has been diagnosed (or had loved ones diagnosed) with very early onset dementia (ages 20-40). How did you know that something was wrong that lead to a diagnoses. I try not to worry or think about it too much but I know that it is in my gene pool and want to stay proactive in my health. I want to get an MRI since I’ve noticed huge changes in my personality and cognitive, but I don’t even know how to go about it without seeming paranoid or crazy by doctors who haven’t dealt with early onset.

72 F 5’8 230 lbs, takes medication for cholesterol and high blood pressure (both been well managed and normal levels for 4 years), also takes medication for lymphedema, with Mild Cognitive Impairment and memory loss that has fluctuated got the following results from MRI:

No evidence of restricted diffusion to suggest acute infarction. No intracranial hemorrhage. No parenchymal mass or mass effect. Head CT T/flair hyperintense signal in the supratentorial white matter, nonspecific, but may relate to moderate chronic microvascular ischemic changes, similar to the previous exam. Several chronic lacunar type infarcts in the basal ganglia, unchanged.

No hydrocephalus. No abnormal extra axial fluid collections or masses. T2 skull base flow voids are preserved.

Opacification of a few mastoid air cells. Paranasal sinuses are essentially clear. Limited evaluation the orbits is unremarkable.

Midline structures are intact.

does this sound like vascular dementia? trying to prepare for the conversations necessary.

My 89 year old dad moved into memory care today after two weeks in short term rehab and a three day stay in the hospital. He’s been to the hospital three times in the last 4 years. He was always adamant about not going to what he called an old folks home, but we don’t have much of a choice. My parent’s house is a split level, so the bedrooms, bathrooms, and kitchen are all on different levels. He got violent with my mom several times and kept falling down the stairs. He always refused medicine and going to the doctor at home.

On the plus side, he seemed in really good spirits. In addition to the lack of stairs, the people who work there understand people with dementia in a way my mom never could. He seems more receptive to medication and medical checkups than before. I hope he can find some peace, help, and acceptance there as my mom really could not do that for him in their home.