Share your dating pain, the worse the better.

I need someone who can be my text partner while i am willing to take care good care of, if happen to be interested send me a Dm on Tele @Red_wood0

This occurred in roughly 2019. We matched on Hinge and spoke for several days over messages and calls prior to meeting up. All seemed normal and flirty.

Date day arrived and I travel into the city by train but near to the end of the commute I got a text. "I'm running about 90 mins late, is that okay? There's been a family emergency. I'm so sorry". I'm committed to this journey so sure. I get some food and hang around killing time. I arrive at the bar I selected a bit early and I'm stood outside in the crowd in the summer sun.

She is coming down the road a bit oblivious to the world, smoking. Something she said she doesn't do on her profile and in our chats. I try to catch her attention and she walks into the bar pausing to snub out the cigarette in a plant pot. I introduce myself to her and immediately she's flustered and asks if I saw her smoking. I said I did but rather than confess, lies about it and says I'm wrong. I just laugh it off and change the subject and ask her what she wants to drink. I order and so does she, barman nods and makes the drinks in front of us. As he hands them to us, she accuses him whether he had spiked her drink. The barman looks shocked, I'm taken aback as we'd we're literally there all the time. I offer to switch drinks to prove he hadn't or go somewhere esle. Then she drops it and says "it's fine, was just testing". The barman looks at me with a mix of concern, shock and sympathy.

Over the remainder of the date she tells me:

• When talking about her sister she accidentally blurts out that she was with her shopping prior to the date. I mention the family emergency and she stumbles over it until she confesses she was just out shopping.

• After me telling an anecdote punchline she laughs, puts her hand on my knee and traces a line on it with her finger seductively as she says "did you know me and my ex weren't intimate for a year and a half prior to us breaking up". This is completely out of the blue and had nothing to do with the anecdote. I take a sip of my drink and glance back at her face and she's almost in tears. An awkward silence fell as I search desperately for something to say apart from asking why. I change the subject.

• She says we should play a game of truths and she wants to go first. Her question is would I rather in an evening watch Netflix or have sex? I choose Netflix, saying something like there's so much variety. She replies you could do so much in sex. I had passed the point of caring by this time and just stuck with Netflix.

• One of my questions was have you ever been arrested? She smiles and says no. I call her bluff and say that's not true. She says okay maybe I have stolen perfume and makeup before. I press this and say surely that's more than one time? She admits it happened a lot when she was in her teens. I joke so you haven't done it recently, she smiles and says no of course not. Same face as when she lied previously.

• She makes her excuses and needs to go to the toilet. I'm sat facing the door and I watch as she walks past the toilet and outside and lights a cigarette and pulls out her phone. The same barman comes to the table and collects the empty glasses. He asks how the date is going, I say it's a comical disaster. He goes and gets me a free drink. On her return she says the line was crazy in the toilets. I just nod and smile.

• She's talking about a club she likes going to. She then pauses and says "oh maybe you'll meet my ex, I can introduce him to you". I politely drift the conversation away from this topic.

• I start making excuses about the need to get the train back. She playfully says we should go get some food. I mention I need to go get my train home. She seems a bit deflated and says "it's a shame we've run out of time, I wish we could have had more". I remind her about the family emergency delay and she nods silently. I then say I'm not too hungry as I had food earlier. She gets very annoyed at this and says so you got food without me? I point out I had to do something while you were shopping and late to the date.

Anyway I walk her to her metro stop and hug her goodbye. I text her after a few hours to check she got home okay. She did and that it's sweet I'm checking up on her. Will we go on a second date she asks. I say sure (for an unknown reason), she texts back that "I'm lying and that I need to prove it to her". I never reply again.

I met a girl at a drag show and she invited me out. I didnt considered it a date cos i thought we were just hanging out, chilling and being friends. Fast forward to halloween where we went to the same party. At tgis party, she did not understand social queues. Like idk she kinda pissed me off. But then we start talking about relationships and whatnot. So im like yeah im seeing people but nothing serious. She straight up repeated herself 4 times saying “i wanna date, i wanna date, i wanna date”. Okay, aaaaand? So then i made a whole story how i had to go home so shell leave. When im in the elevator, shes telling me how she thinks im really pretty and she wants to keep seeing me but she knows i dont wanna date seriously. I just stood there and all i could say was thank you. She texted me saying sorry for being corny. Now im questioning if im the asswhole for not replying and making a story for her to leave? Or is she intense?

I [M18] was talking to a girl [F17] for couple months. We knew eachother for a while, the vibe was there and all was good. I realised she liked me and she was showing me interest. And I liked her too. She even said it to our friend that she likes me. We slept next to eachother at a sleepover, cuddled and all that, other time she almost fell asleep on my lap. I even was driving with my hand on her lap. And we were just hanging out and everything was perfect. It was obvious that I like her at that point so I even gave her flowers and everything just was good. And the think was that I caught feelings for her. At some point she just switched up and was showing mixed signals. I texted her to hangout, she was always busy and all that. I even found out she was at home doing nothing when she said she's busy one time. When we finally met she was dry etc... And she just got distant. I was so confused cuz I caught feelings for her and she liked me too and now she's doing this and I'm so confused what's wrong. So I just didn't knew what to do anymore so I told her about the feelings. She said she doesn't feel the same way but she still likes me so much. She said that I should give it time cuz she's just not ready yet. I didn't want to push nothing and wanted to be understanding so I just waited. But nothing changed. We talked about it couple times but every time was the same answer "I really like you, you're very good guy but just give it time, I'm not ready yet and I don't want to lose you". And I waited, waited and waited till we barely even talked. I even bought her flowers and put it infront of her door as a surprise. But I didn't want to look like a simp, or begging her, and I really gave her space. But we almost weren't seeing each other anymore. If I don't initiate anything, nothing happens then. Then one day she texted me that it just won't workout and I should really give up on it. But again same thing “I really really like you, and I was thinking about it so much but it just won't work between us. But you are very good guy and you deserve someone who will love you the same. And I really don't want to lose you anyway." I told her that she could just say no and not giving me false hope that something will be there and that I should give it time and wait for her. I her that I understand that I can't make her feel the same way and I'm not mad but she could've just told me and not play around. And I think because I was spitting straight facts she said she don't wanna talk about it and there's nothing to discuss. I was like LOL okay. Since then we never saw eachother (over 3 months now). 2 months, after we stopped talking she got into relationship (she knew the guy for a month and got with him, inside info from our friend). Now I feel like I'm just stupid idiot for giving those flowers and just showing her how much I liked her, even regret telling her about feelings, all that. I would like some advice. What could I've done better and just overall what you think about this.

Went to a girls house last night for a first date. She just started at my job. Definitely not my type and a bit older than me but w.e. I just wanted to get laid. She seemed to be of the same mindset. Talked for a few days then I went to her trailer last night. Omg.

I could smell the ammonia from the cat piss as soon as I stepped out of the car. I was hoping they just dumped the litter box and went inside. Nope. The whole house smelled like fresh cat piss. It was intolerable. So I walk into the living room and set the pizza I brought on the counter. And that's when I notice the German cockroaches everywhere. One word flashes in my head. NOPE.

I look at her and she's bent over cleaning up cat shit from the floor. Like why would you invite anyone over to this shit... why are you just now cleaning up animal feces when you knew I would be coming over all day. My mind is racing at this point with excuses as to why I need to leave. Eventually I settle on "hey I forgot something in the car I'll brb". So I walk back outside this time looking around more intently. The walls, floors, and furniture and teeming with tiny roaches. I get in my car and speed off. I send a text basically saying hey I'm sorry but I just can't handle roaches. Also I couldn't breath. Have a good night.

She messages back with "I'm in the process of getting rid of the bugs and idk what smell you're talking about" ..... WHAT?! Bullshit. First of all you don't just "get rid" of an infestation like that... shits a whole process. And if you're at the point where you can't smell the cat piss anymore then I feel very sorry for you and your 15 year old son who has to live in that filth as well.

She asked if we can hang out elsewhere. I haven't given her an answer. It's no obviously... now that I've seen how you live I want literally nothing to do with you. When I got home I immediately stripped and put all my clothing into scalding hot water and soap. Then sprayed down the inside of my car with cleaner. Traumatizing...

*** Names have been changed :)

I (19F) have been very non confrontational my whole life and have let people walk all over me quite often. I am way better at setting boundaries and sticking up for myself now (this story finally made me angry enough to realize i needed to change some things) but for a while it was really rough. The biggest instance of this was with my best friend, Ruth.

Me and Ruth were childhood friends- we had met when we were about ten and stayed close since then. She was always short tempered and outspoken but I didn't really mind. Every once in a while, she would do something that really hurt my feelings but I would always brush it off. Other friends weren't a huge fan of her but I kept hanging out with her because I didn't really see a reason not to at the time.

About a year and a half ago, I started dating a guy who I'll call Sam who I absolutely adored. We had a lot of fun together and everything seemed to be going well until he broke it off after ghosting me for two weeks. I later learned that while he was ghosting me, he had started seeing another girl. About three months after our breakup, he tried to get back with me and I said no but we resolved some things and weren't on as bad of terms. I wasn't about to get back with a cheater, but I still had a really hard time getting over it. I told Ruth this and she seemed sympathetic- she had seen how giddy I was when he asked me on a first date.

About two weeks after we semi-resolved things, I went to a small gathering at Ruth's house. To my surprise, in the middle of the gathering, Ruth announced that she had invited Sam. I was baffled and really didn't want to see him but since I had hitched a ride with another friend I couldn't really leave. I thought Ruth was trying to wingman me into making up and dating Sam again, but when he got there she flirted with him the entire time. He wasn't super responsive and seemed uncomfortable given that I was there but stayed for the rest of the get together.

Two weeks later, another friend mentioned to me that Ruth had asked Sam on a double date and they had seemed to really hit it off, ending the night with a walk holding hands. Ruth had been super vocal about this to our other friends but didn't say anything to me. The next day I was pretty quiet around her and she figured out that I had learned what had happened. She apologized and I told her I was still pretty weirded out by it since I was still kind of getting over him but ultimately I couldn't tell her what to do and not do. She seemed to take this as me being completely fine with them dating and started to tell me details from their first kiss, their latest date, how it was to hold hands with him, ect ect ect. I am super aware now that I should have at this point or much earlier told her exactly how I felt about things or just stopped being friends with her, but I'm a pushover and let it happen.

About a month later, they broke up and she came to me first for comfort. I'll admit I threw in the occasional passive agressive remark ("I actually know exactly how you feel") but let her talk to me about it still. At this point she decided that he was her mortal enemy and would say all sorts of nasty things about him behind his back and occasionally to his face. I have to admit it brought me a little joy to see him completely overwhelmed with angry texts from her- he deserved it to a point, but it kind of got crazy. I'd say 50% of what she talked about for MONTHS was about how crazy he was. She still "keeps tabs" on him- he blocked her but she still looks at his socials from time to time.

Since then, she has hit on other boys I've dated and tells me they "can't take their eyes off her". We moved to different areas for college so I don't see her much anymore but taking a step away from her has made me realize how absolutely crazy she was/is. We are meeting up around thanksgiving for lunch and I hope she has learned some big lessons from living on her own because man, she needs it.

TLDR: Best friend starts dating my ex three months after we broke up, and after they end things won't leave him alone for months

TL/DR:

It reads like a rom-com: Cute bar, guy meets girl, followed by misogyny, food, and explosive diarrhea.

Please laugh at my expense!

Date began wonderfully, I was clad in a long sweater dress, wearing my hair extensions, new witchy earrings, and my docs.

Greet him and he’s wearing a flat cap, which is my strange weakness. It was lovely and so was he.

He made a comment on my breasts and how he wasn’t aware how big they were from my pics. TEN MINUTES INTO THE DATE. This immediately set me off, but I brushed it off. He said it again later that night. TF??

His mother called, which I told him to answer it. Find out that he’s the only person she has, which is heartbreaking. His family is pretty awful, so I feel terrible for him. He informs me that if he doesn’t talk to his mother every day or every other day, she gets worried.

Now, this can be good or bad. It’s great to have such a close relationship with a parent, but I also worry about the future.

Anyway, I find out that he’s 42! I excitedly announce that he knows the answer to everything (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference) He didn’t understand the reference, so my nerdy heart was a tiny bit crushed.

He doesn’t read much. I mean, if it’s not your thing, I get it. I’m reading about 5 books right now because I like to switch back and forth. He also wasn’t much into Marvel and the MCU (which is one of my biggest desires because I want to nerd out about the multiverse, theories and the like). This is also stated in my damn profile.

The evening progresses and I take him back to my place. We start watching Wednesday because he hadn’t seen it. Things get steamy and I take him to my room. We’re about to, how do the kids say it? Hit a home run? I have no fucking clue.

He goes to put a condom on, but needs to use the bathroom. He proceeds to spend 20 minutes in there making every noise a human body can make, followed by vocals (excellent range, I must say).

I’m laying there under the blankets laughing under my breath because this shit (haha) so frustrating that it’s funny. I’m not having sex tonight after that. I can’t. I’m so turned off and it’s not his fault at all. The situation sucked.

I was just cackling out of frustration then. I ended up getting dressed, making myself a poke bowl and making tea.

Questions:

Why did you take him back to your place with the red flags? Because I NEEDED TO GET LAID. It had been months and he was attractive. We were both ENM (ethically non-monogamous) and he knew what I was looking for.

I know the title sounds bad but my ex girlfriend had really shitty mental health but I really liked her until she started freaking out over the smallest things for example me wanting to watch anime, play video games, or even call or hang out with my friends and before you ask no it didn't do it all the time i wanted to play overwatch with my friends for a hour or two and she started yelling and guilting me until I did what she wanted plus we only did what she wanted she was never willing to try anything new and after a month of this relationship I broke up(sorry if my post is confusing I just wanted to vent)

I matched with this one girl on Tinder. Had a one hour phone call the day before the date and she seemed like a relatively normal person. When I saw her at the meeting place she was at least 30 lbs heavier than her photos. Mind you, I’m also a heavy guy but I always make sure my photos are up to date so I’m not accused of catfishing. She was rude service people and made random racist comments (in Spanish). At one point she dropped something and after picking it up said “look at how that Indian girl walked past me. If it was a white person, she would’ve picked it up.” Keep in mind she’s also black lol toward the end she asked me who I would vote for and I said I wasn’t sure if I would, but probably Kamala. She made fun of me and said she was a Trump supporter, after she had admitted she’s in the US on visa overstay. I almost want to think the entire date was an elaborate joke ‘cause there were a lot of moments like this that made me think I was in a Sacha Baron Cohen sketch, but I guess it’s what can happen when you go on dates, you meet whacky characters like this.

Part 1.

So yesterday we were planning to go on this date and the place I wanted to go to is closed on Tuesdays so I said we gotta reschedule so we rescheduled it today so she hits me up around 3 when we're supposed to meet at 5 and says, "I'm going to be a little late I won't be there till around 540 unless you want to come pick me up" I'm like okay cool I'll come swoop she sends the addy I look at the address it's some restaurant so I say " You getting off work or something?" (She's a bartender) "She says no I'm taking the bus and that's the ff1 spot where it stops and if I wait then the connecting bus won't be there until 5 something and I'll be late" so my antennas raise because the woman doesn't have a car (🚩1) but I waive it off because she's from New York so I think that's whatever that's usually what they do out there.

Part 2.

So I meet her at the spot and she gets in the car and she says "I was trying to throw this can away I was pre gaming on the bus" So I look down the girl gotta can of some liquor and then she pulls out a damn 5th of whiskey idk what kind because I couldn't see the label (🚩2) I'm like ahh shit she an alcoholic. So I start driving to the spot, and she's just talking like crazy and she's a toucher when she talks, apparently, so she's talking and touching like no other while I'm trying to drive. I don't mind being touched but not when I'm driving.

Part 3

So we get to the spot and we get out the car she's got 15 jackets that come outta nowhere and a hoodie so she puts on her jacket she's wearing this crop top strap shirt and some leggings that tied up in the back. We walk in the restaurant the guy says it's open seating sit wherever so cool, she fucking just plops her ass down in between two random dudes so I have nowhere to sit and the dude sitting next to her looks at her weird then he looks at me and I just shake my head. (🚩3) The woman has no home training. So we get our drinks she then says she has to go to the bathroom I go outside sit down she comes back her nose red as shit and she says "I had to take a selfie" like you were in there doing coke I'm no boo boo the fool. She looked like Rudolf, the red nose reindeer. (🚩4567) so by this time I'm out, I just want to eat and go home. I sat there being a being a responsible date like if she spoke to me I'd respond and have a conversation because that's how I raised but other than that I was watching the basketball game . She then started talking about how she likes life to be a certain way so I said "Are you libertarian and believe in free will?" She says "no i don't mean that" after she literally spent 20 minutes talking about the philosophy of what being libertarian is the exact definition.

Part 4

So we are ending the night I ordered some Sweet potato fries because I love them and I get them to go so, I pay the tab. By this time she's been to the bathroom 6 times in the span of 2 hours and she always says "I'm taking a selfie or I gotta use the bathroom" come back nose on 10 sniffling like a mf. And everytime she tries goes to the bathroom she tries to sit on my lap and hug me. I hate that. So the nights over thank the lord I drive her to her bus stop as fast as my car can go, on the way she's eating all my damn sweet potato fries! I'm just done she can have the fries for all I care. Pulls up to the spot She says "bye" kisses me in the ear closes the door I peel out like an F1 car. And when I get home I see a black thing on the floor and it's her fucking wallet...... I'm not trying to see her again for shit. I can't do it

TLDR: I female (27) stopped at a near by dispensary to grab myself a disposable vape after getting out of my yoga class. While I was leaving a guy (26) that was also shopping inside decided stopped me and asked if I had a boyfriend. My first instinct was to say no, but I had just downloaded the dating apps again and figured it's not often I am approached in person I should give it a chance. I told him I was single and we exchanged numbers. I let him know I was going to be out of town the upcoming weekend and that if we wanted to make plans to meet up it would have to be after I returned.

We messeged briefly the next day then didn't hear from him for about a week. He tried to make plans for the weekend but I already had a pretty full social calendar and let him know of he wanted to meet up it would have to be during the week and shared a specific date. He mentioned a nice bar/restaurant that was near by and we made a plan for the following week.

To be fully transparent between making that plan and the upcoming date I was not the best at responding to his messages. He asked for my social media information which I didn't share and asked if he had forgotten what I looked like (I felt that request was a little shallow and he just wanted to check me out). He responded to my message asking if he had forgotten what I looked like and said "Nope, I just want more pics of you cause you're cute😘", mind you I never shared any pictures with him in our text messages.

The day of our date rolls around I confirm in the morning that the plan is still on I just didn't know exactly what time I would be off work that evening and said I would keep him updated throughout the day. We agreed for 6:30/7 and I did let him know around 6:20 that I was still working and would need a little more time so I could get ready. I then suggested we meet at 8 he asked if we could push back to 8:30 so he could finish up laundry. I reminded him the bar/restaurant's kitchen closes at 9:30 so we don't want to get there any later than 8:30. He then suggested we go to Chili's instead of the nice place we originally planned because they had margarita specials. I was disappointed but agreed because I didn't want to search other places in the area with good specials to suggest an alternative.

The date went okay. One red flag I caught was him mentioning that his parents are still together but not in a "happy marriage." The conversation flowed fine, but at the end of the night, there was no goodbye kiss or anything. We just went our separate ways. The next day at work I was super busy and ignored his texts which I know isn't the kindest thing to do but after the date I wasn't feeling much of a spark to draw me toward him. That weekend was a super busy one for me. I was out of town with essentially every day packed with plans, which was fun but also a little exhausting for me as well.

Monday rolled around, and I wanted to reach out to him to make sure he knew we were still on good terms when at 11 am. I received a text from him saying

"Let me know when I can come over,"

I found this off-putting and gave me a sense that he felt entitled to me, which I did not like. So, instead of reaching out, I ignored that text, too. Two days later, which brings us to today, I get out of yoga class to find a text from him reading

"Let me be your first black guy👀".

I was appalled, who the fuck does this guy think he is.

I responded with "You wouldnt be and the fact that you just asked like that is pretty immature and a total turn off".

He said "you don't even text me back, do you even see my messages?"

I then responded with "Cause I was having a shit day the day you were messaging me and I wasn't going to dignify "let me know when I can come over" with a response" I continued "My place is my personal space and you have to be invited by me, you can not just invite yourself and expect me to go along with it because that's what you want".

He then responded "What was going to be your response? and I was just texting ANYTHING to get some sort of response from you.Like if you dont want me then why are you streaming me along like you are".

I respond again "My response to you inviting yourself over to my place is a no. Not that I owe you an explanation but I had a very busy weekend. I was out of town and planned on reaching out on Monday until I saw your message. I don't like people who feel entitled to me, my space and now you sound like you also feel entitled to my body. That's a hell no for me, I have too much respect for myself to be with someone who thinks about me like that."

His parting words to that "You're a prude😂😂😂", "I'm good"

I hit him with a "👌" and his final words were

"Women like yourself disgust me smh".

If anyone is curious about timeline we met on 10/2 (>5min interaction in a dispensary parking lot) had our first date 10/15 (2 hour drinks) and had our last discussion was on 10/28.

I can admit the fact that part of the communication issues came from my lack of texting. I can also say that much of the information I did share via text before meeting up (where I went to school, where I am from, and what I do for work) he had already forgotten by the time we were on the date. I'm just glad I didnt put more time or effort into this person, because I know I deserve better.

I’ve (37M) been dwelling on youth lately and for some reason a particularly bad date experience came front of mind. I guess I felt this would be a bit cathartic to air out. All parties discussed are happy healthy living our best lives etc etc.

When I was 25 I had my heart broken. Happens. She cheated on me with a friend, happens too, hurts a bit more. Friend also happened to be a coworker, was very rough but if you take nothing else away from this story, time heals all.

During this stage of my life I became a bit impulsive (weird right?) and was seeking distractions. There was a girl who I thought for all intents was miles out of my league, tatted out bartender baddie as you’d say nowadays. She was a mutual with some friends I was in a band with at the time. Side note, yeah, the coworker friend was also in this band and friend-group.

So a couple more points then I’ll get to the date.

#1: I still had feelings for my ex, we hung out and hooked up a few times during the period between the break up and her eventual relationship with my friend. It was not pretty or good for me, I would do things differently if given the chance.

#2: I was heavily motivated by vindictive feelings.

So not long after the first hookup post breakup, it became a “I’ll be your friend but that’s all, and I’ll sleep with you when I feel at low points”. I internalized this in the worst ways.

Then pretty much that day I get a DM from the bartender. It turned into quick flirting and we arranged to hang out. In my defense, I never thought this would be considered a date, but as you can glean up to this point, I was also an idiot.

The date was, a mutual friend was headlining a concert, and I had a couple of buddies opening for them. We were invited to dinner with the bands before the show and were both down, so the plan was get her, meet up in the city for dinner near the venue, then concert. Again, hangout vibes more than anything, plus she probably wasn’t into me just being friendly.

She asked when I could pick her up and I said if I left work on time I could get her at 6. I left on time, traffic was miraculously empty, and I got there at 5:30. This was not met well, she was still getting ready and told me I’d have to kill time. Women amirite? But yea, not like she was getting pretty for a date or anything.

6 rolls around and she’s a knockout. I say to myself internally. We’re chatting on our way to dinner. We arrive at the restaurant and I sit across from her at the table with all our friends.

I’m not sure how really, but the subject of my friend comes up (the one who had sex with my gf) and in that realm of conversation, I was pretty quick to bring up this gossip, explaining our fall out, and pretty much carried on the convo through dinner.

Time to wrap up and we’re asked how to split checks, I agree with the table consensus that we’ll all just split per person.

We all arrive at the venue and I do some light chatting with my “date”, and get in some quality bro-time with the bands. A good 50% split of my time that night with the groups of people I was with, perfect split.

Then the show ends and I take her home. She was not very talkative anymore (must’ve been worn out from the show right) and pretty much b-lines out of the car and to her door without much more than a thanks for the ride.

So at this point if you’re just kind of nodding along let me make it known this was a trainwreck I’m well aware in this hindsight. This was a date, a nice buffer sort of date with friends around, but a date. Had I:

1. Showed up on time (super early is almost worse than late) and complimented her

2. Paid for dinner and sat with her

3. Spent the time at the show talking to her, or with her

4. asking her about her, pretty much anything other than talking about my ex would’ve been better…

I may have gotten a more personal second date. I may not have sabotaged myself into believing she wasn’t into me, rather than giving her definitive reasons not to be.

For all the YAs reading, you know how when people go through a long-term break up and they say things like “I need to focus on me, I’m not ready to date yet, I probably shouldn’t date yet…” this is fucking why lol.

I hope again if nothing else you learn from me, don’t be a terrible date! Be confident and love yourself, you never know what can happen!

In closing, sorry I was a terrible date, C! You deserved better, and I know you got it so, everything works out in the end!

Hi everyone! I’m a 20 woman, and I just wanted to share my recent terrible dating experience in hopes of finding some support or advice. I met this guy online, and at first, everything seemed great. We clicked over our shared interests, and he was charming and funny. However, as we started to date, I noticed several red flags that made me uncomfortable.

He was possessive, often checking my phone and questioning where I was. I tried to address my concerns, but he dismissed them, saying I was overreacting. It became emotionally draining, and I felt trapped in the relationship. Eventually, I decided to end things, but it took a toll on my self-esteem and made me wary of dating again.

I know not all experiences are like this, but it’s hard to shake off the fear of getting hurt again. I’m wondering if anyone else has faced similar challenges and how you managed to move forward. How do you rebuild trust in yourself and others after a negative experience? I’d appreciate any insights or encouragement. Thanks for listening

One day I was meeting up with this guy from the internet who lived in the same town as me. He told me to pick him up at a bowling alley where he was having a work party. He gets in my car seeming a little tipsy so I drove somewhere so he could sober up. He ends up getting into my backseat getting completely naked before he sobered up so I just sat in the back with him we didn't do anything because I felt like he wasn't in the right mind to make that decision even tho we talked about it weeks before. He started gagging so I knew he was about to throw up. So he opens the door to my car (still naked) throwing up but missing getting it in my car. He then passes out butt naked leaving doo doo streaks on my seat. I was calling my friend freaking out asking her what I should do she told me to dump him on the side of the road. I just couldn't do that to him. I didn't know where he lived and he was also naked. I ended up driving to my house and leaving him in the back seat because I didn't know what to do. He was there for hours until the morning time. Then all of a sudden I get call from a ex who id been on and off with saying he wanted to bring me a bagel and talk about us getting back together. He said he was already out front so I panicked because I have a naked man in my backseat. Somehow he didn't see him because of my back window tints. He had no idea and I felt like complete shit. I couldn't get the smell out of my car I eventually sold it.

TLDR: I have spent the last year and a half being constantly bombarded by people on dating apps who are just trying to take advantage of loneliness. I am a 24 year old man and I haven’t had a single date in over a year and a half of being on dating apps. So my last real relationship ended in a blaze of glory two years ago.I came very close to committing suicide as a result of it and I don’t think I ever truly recovered. About 6 months after the breakup my shitty therapist suggested I try dipping my toes back in the water and hop back on some dating apps. It started immediately. The only matches I get are either scammers using crappy chatbots who stole peoples photos or are OnlyFans content creators trying to get another subscriber out of it. It doesn’t matter what app I use either. Tinder, Bumble , or even Hinge all yield the same result. I take breaks from these apps often because I get burned out but then the loneliness starts back up. I am just broken and don’t know what to do anymore.

I (27,F) recently went on a tinder date. The guy (29,M) asked me out and we went to a number of places. He paid for all of this, did not ask me to split (which I would have done happily). We got wasted, he literally begged me to sleep with him then tried to emotional manipulate me into giving him bj as he was dropping me home, which he offered to do multiple times.

Next day, I told him I don't see this going anywhere so he sent me a list of things he paid for and to send him the money, which really wasn't much.

He said that I only pay for my girlfriend and no one else. I am SO furious right now. I just needed to get this out of my system.

Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone, I’d like to get your thoughts on two things a man I’ve been involved with for a year said to me. Context: already from the beginning of our connection, He showed some aversion to commitment. He claimed to be very picky and that He is looking for specific qualities in order to settle down, which He never did in 9 years, after his ex dumped him.

During a meeting when we reconnected after weeks of distancing, he seemed more relaxed than usual and said these two things that left me a bit puzzled:

1. “When I meet a woman who ticks all the boxes of what I’m looking for, it’s dangerous for me...”.

In the initial weeks of dating, even though He had yearned for a first kiss, He began to push me away when I was trying to kiss him, even if playfully, and justified that by saying <you are too dangerous... I must keep you at bay/I must draw a line>.

2. (After I mentioned suggesting him some songs) “No no please, because if I fall in love...”

I’m wondering: what do you think he was trying to communicate with these statements?

Need advice! Not sure if I’m being ghosted

Hi everyone. I’m 35F. Met this guy 37M on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and started texting. He was smart, funny, and witty. We texted for hours on end, sharing pics, voice messages, updating each other on how our day went and so on.

I had asked him to meet me several times but he had to go to his hometown as his mother was unwell. He is very secretive about some things such as how many siblings he has, or was he ever married before. Despite that, we texted continuously for 4 months.

One day, out of the blue he said he is going somewhere and he will not be texting me for a month, followed by a bunch of advice on how to take care of myself. I asked him if he was ghosting me and his response was “who informs and ghosts?” I asked him why doesn’t he just break it off and his response was he was only stating he will not text for a month!

I kept texting him saying this is all too sudden and I do deserve an explanation. But my texts remain on delivered. They are never read. I stopped texting him from the following day.

I wonder where is the basic human decency to at least inform the person you have been texting for months on what you’re up to!

Do you think there is any merit in giving him benefit of doubt?

I am engaged to a woman I love and we are technically in an open relationship. Ever since coming to terms with the fact she is jealous so I only want her she has other 'friends' which we respect because it works. Recently though due to me stating I don't like fellatio due to sensitivity issues she expressed she enjoys fellatio a lot but she doesn't like giving it to me. I want to marry but she expressed that she feels more safe with me because I am her anchor but since she really likes fellatio she said that since she doesn't like giving me fellatio she 'LOVES' these men differently. Recently she expressed most of her friends were guys always and that she has friends in the projects and other dangerous places. She told me a story about how she had her 'project friends' address an issue of a man disrespecting her. She said she once over the phone that her mom was 'friends' with a man at some store, she knows and that's why her and papi don't like their mom. She even said she was accused of being with other women's partners/husbands with pride and showed me a text message of her dad calling her a whore in a snapchat. She is Puerto Rican, with large bust and wide hips in such a manner that appeals to the carnality of man. She is a fit none Supernormal stimulus Venus figure. After I ignored her text of her dad calling a whore she started quoting the Bible about women. I AM A MIXED PUERTO RICAN AND BLACK man from the suburbs who is educated but she is a Puerto Rican urban girl who likes hood culture. I made it known that her friends are not my concern because I don't care to know them because she even told me a story of them all getting together to attack a coach after a football game. She is very popular in these projects and she mainly likes African Americans but has some Hispanic female friends. She also works in the local inner cities social assistance program so she knows the projects well. Her other friends or interests are now more ambiguous. Since she said no one in the projects get married she really likes men who are taken and she even goes to these communities football games and acts as surrogate mother figure. These people are violent but she said if she's ever in a bad situation then her gangster friends will protect but me and her are always on the same team. I feel odd because now things are very formal and she is acting more Christian but why did did she express her love/desire or loving fellatio? TO TBH on our first date I got drunk and I saw her flipping through her phone and noticed this one man. She said she didn't feel the 'spark' with me but I still pursued and now we're engaged but I saw her texting this same man who she randomly had a pic of on her phone among her family photos. This man is co-habituating with a woman and they both have kids but when this man texts or calls her body language becomes very happy/intimate. She said many men have come and gone but this one is special.... Now she wants us to goto her good friends house for dinner with his girlfriend/partner because his baby mama needs to know she is engaged/married. Is it possible to like fellatio this much as a woman and why does she not like giving me fellatio? I don't want to ask her if she gives her friends fellatio.

So me and this person went on a date 3 weeks ago, didn’t really have chemistry, and didn’t kiss. They invited me to a music festival with them and a friend and I said yes. So, I went and we got hungry after a few bands then walked to happy hour. All the food was 7 dollars. Me and the friend both ordered pizzas and the person I’d gone on a date with ordered ricotta toast which wasn’t as big or filling but it’s their choice whatever maybe they weren’t hungry. I was eating my pizza and discarding a few bites of the crust on each piece. I got to the last two slices and this person said “hey can I have your crusts? I’m serious.” This made me SO uncomfortable. It’s only the second time we met and that’s kind of gross tbh and just made me feel so weird. I gave it to him then went home and didn’t see the rest of the festival bc it like ruined the vibes for me idk. Is this me being too sensitive or is this behavior strange? Idk please give me opinions.

i 25f matched a guy 25m from a dating app.

he was based from a different city but his location was close to mine.

we instantly hit it off. even tho we were from different cities we were planning to fly down to see each other.

he went to travel to europe for a month, but he constant kept in touch - regular ft, always texting

when he did get back to the country, he said that he wanted to be the first one to come fly down and to see me.

it didn’t matter- i was smitten by him.

we lined our work schedules and it finally happened, he was coming down for the weekend!

he said that he was gonna crash at a friends place while he was gonna stay here- cool

we spent all of saturday together. he was so much better than i expected.

TOTAL GENTLEMAN, didn’t even lift a finger while we were together, had the most incredible date (he had planned everything) he made me feel super special.

i would have kept the day going but he wanted to go out w his friends, which i was bummed about but he promised we’d go to a sundowner party on sunday eve- he got reservations and everything sorted.

sunday morning: he is not answering to my texts. i assumed he might have been up late and that’s why.

the reservations are at 5, i get a text from him around 4:30.

i was pissed. i went out w by bsf and wanted to spend the day w her. she said i should still go see the guy and see what he has to say.

i agree. in a cab to go see him.

he then calls and says they he won’t be able to make it, bcs his other friend was flying out of town and he really wanted to go see him.

i am shook.

he says that he is sorry and that he’ll make it upto me.

i let it slide.

monday morning: i go back to work and he had previously mentioned he wanted to explore that side of town as well (near my office)

asks when do i get off, 6:30 i said. he says cool; he’ll come pick me up. i get excited to see him again.

it’s 6:30 he’s running a little late, i told no worries, i’ll wait by a cafe near my office and grab us some coffee.

it’s 7, i am waiting at the cafe, asking for updates -NOTHING. i call him, he is declining my calls.

im up and ready to leave. he calls me back.

“i am not feeling too well, i got out of the cab and i puked, haven’t been feeling well all morning”

i am taken aback.

i make sure that he is feeling better and ask him to take a cab home.

he does, i ask him to share his location to make sure that he gets home safe. he stops sharing the location midway.

since then he hasn’t replied to any of my texts or calls. i have no idea of what this man is upto - if he’s better or not. he hasn’t blocked me or anything from anywhere.

he was supposed to fly back on tuesday. it’s friday now, he hasn’t texted me once since monday.

how did this go so horrible wrong?

There was this one time during my freshman year of college when a yeast infection broke out on one of the girls' floors. Apparently, in the public showers there was one handicap bench where you could sit down to shave your legs and all the girls were using it, and the yeast infection spread from person to person. It was a fucking nightmare.  

This was a couple years ago. I had just found out my husband who left a little bit before was with someone. I found out by facebook pictures someone showed me. Since that was one of the worst and most humiliating things I’ve experienced, I gave in and figured I might as well. First and foremost, I immediately got a message from a guy I dated for maybe a month before it ended before I met my husband. I now had a different last name and my hair is deep red as to blonde when I knew him so that was odd. Next, I started sending messages back and forth with a few guys to get to know them, I was very clear that I was just basically looking to talk as friends because obviously I hadn’t even talked to another man aside from my husband for 51/2 years. I sort of clicked with one guy and we made plans for a movie. It was normal, literally just movies and home. The only thing was I found out he was 30. That was even younger than my husband so I wasn’t thrilled. The second date was where things got weird. We went to dinner then just were sitting talking in his car. He talked non stop about how his ex wife was very sexually explorative, the craziest place they had sex, etc. he talked about several other sexual encounters in detail then told me that he got a stalking charge on the Army base he was at. Which of course was her fault. Then, he basically did all he could to try and get laid. Wondering why I was saying no, assuming that I was embarrassed of myself i guess? I’m an average weight, I’m not embarrassed. I got home and just cried. I realized that I didn’t even want to date I was just distracting myself from my life. He completely stopped texting me thank god. Then he text me a year later just out of the blue. I blocked him immediately. Since then I shut Match down and I really just don’t have any desire to date again. Anyone really, I can’t stand how people are, they lie and seem to always have some kind of agenda. I’m sure there are great guys out there, I just don’t care at all

In college I went on a trip for a class and there was another student there and she was pretty and seemed cool. I was definitely interested and hopeful. We were walking through O'Hare International Airport in Chicago and she dropped her mouth guard/retaine on the floor of a major hallway. "No biggie." I thought. "We can just find a bathroom and wash it off." She picked that thing up and popped it right into her mouth without so much as blowing on it or wiping it on her clothes. That was the end. I just couldn't do it.

This is my story of when I was “soft kidnapped.” I say soft because it wasn’t a legitimate kidnapping. I was held against my will in a vehicle, but never truly felt scared for my life. Names are changed for privacy reasons. I am a 25 yo female, but this story is set in 2015. I was with my high school boyfriend, Eric, at the time, and we were both about a month or two into our sophomore year.

It was a “staff development day” so the kids had off while the teachers had meetings all day. Both of his parents were teachers at different schools in the district, leaving Eric home alone, so, naturally, he invited me over. I was unaware that he did not get permission from his parents. His parents, specifically his step-mom, Jan, was extremely strict. She usually did not let me at the house when there wasn’t any supervision, but I didn’t think much about it honestly. Since neither of us had our drivers license yet, I took the bus to get to his house, with my dad’s permission. Eric and I weren’t sexually active at the time, and the most scandalous activity we did that day was shower together. After the shower and I was wearing just underwear and one of Eric’s sweatshirts.

It was about 11:30 and we had just made lunch and were watching tv in their family room downstairs, when we heard someone come into the house. Eric assumed it was one of his parents coming home and immediately told me to go hide in his room, which was off of the family room. Instead of hiding in the closet, under the bed, or any other actual hiding spot, I just stood on the other side of his bed. Eric was still in the family room when I heard him talking to someone. Then, his stepmom walked into his room and saw me. She said nothing to me but grabbed my hand and dragged me up the stairs and into the garage. She didn’t let me grab my pants, shoes, bag, or anything. I just had my phone. She put me into the car, and I thought she was just going to yell at me a bit and take me home.

As soon as we got in the car, she told me to call her school using my phone. She told me tell the receptionist that there has been an emergency and that Jan won’t be coming back to work today, so I did. We started aimlessly driving around the city, as she was sobbing and screaming at me that I disobeyed her trust. She told me that I was ruining my life by living in the moment and not thinking about the consequences of my choices. She accused me of trespassing and influencing her stepson. We then eventually got to her husbands school that he worked at. She then told ME to call her husband to have him come out, but the call went to voicemail. I honestly don’t know what would have happened if he responded. She had me call because she was sobbing and didn’t have her phone with her.

That is when she took my phone and put it on the drivers side door pocket. We continued driving as I begged her to just take me home. I was crying at the time and was trying to signal to other drivers that I was in a bad situation. After about an hour of driving, and me banging on the windows at other drivers, she drove me to my house, She pulled into my driveway, but wouldn’t give me my phone back. She insisted I give her my passcode, because she was without a phone since she left it at work. Idk why she didn’t just go back to work, but apparently finding a girl at her house was too traumatizing.

After arguing with her to give me back my phone, my dad pulls into the driveway. Jan immediately exits the car and runs to my dad to tell her what happened. Apparently she told my dad that “her world ended today”, and my dad seriously thought that Eric had died or was seriously hurt. I grabbed my phone and my dad saw me in my underwear run inside of our house. After Jan was finished talking to my dad, he came into the house and said “wow that is a crazy woman”. About 10 mins later, Eric’s dad calls me back to ask why I had called him. I told him to talk to Jan and hung up. I wasn’t allowed back at his house for months afterwards.

I had been dating this girl for just a few weeks. Her level of intensity was instantly suspicious - being overtly sexual on whatsapp before we'd even met, making longish term plans, talking about our dates like there was some magical serendipity.

So, she was a bit weirded out when I told her I was divorced. I explained why me and my ex-wife split - it was mutual, amicable and related to a personal issue my ex-wife had (which isn't my business to discuss).

The girl I was dating didn't believe me and went snooping on facebook. She somehow found my ex-wife on facebook which is incredible as I don't have facebook so she didn't find her that way and my ex wife also uses a pseudonym as she is a very private person.

She then proceeded to ask my ex-wife to verify my story as to why we broke up which my ex reluctantly did. She then messaged me to warn me.

The girl I was dating then gleefully messaged me with "BABY! I didn't believe your story about your divorce but your ex confirmed the story so now we can be together!"

Needless to say, I ended things immediately...

I have been on online dating apps for about 6 years & my moms family is from CA, so being the person I am I naturally think to myself “there are a lot of better options in CA than here…better looking, better personalities, better career wise..more fun, etc.” Every now & again I match with somebody I am highly attracted to only to later find out we are not meant for each other 😭 being mixed race (Islander, b&w) I naturally gravitate towards CA. Yes even Talking/Chatting with people from there are far more interesting & fun. Some would even say Then Just Go There! As if it’s That Easy! Well, it’s Not! So for the time being I Am stuck in dating Hell & just figured I would Rant. Ever since leaving high school I have just not really found many Men my type or even very attractive to even pursue. (Not just based on looks but compatibility in general) Even going back to right out of high school, when I first realized how crappy Indiana was as far as potentials for myself, it’s been 10+ years since then & I still feel (mentally) like I’m in the Exact same place! I would like to date someone closer to my ethnic background, CA having a much wider variety of- similar to me & I am just stuck! Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ I Hate the dating culture esp where I live.

TLDR: Rant about how where I currently live sucks for dating versus where I Wish I was (born & raised) bc of my moms family & where they are originated from versus where I got StucK.

I normally wouldn’t take that approach and go to Reddit with this, but it’s been a huge problem in my life that’s been going on for almost a year. I hope you don’t mind reading for a while, as this seems to be something so complex and interwoven that every detail might be important. So last year my girlfriend of two and a half years split up with me from one day to another. It literally went from a “Let’s build a future together, I love you, what would I do without you” yesterday to a “I don’t feel what I used to feel with you, I don’t want to give us a second chance, it won’t change anything” today. Needless to say, it destroyed me completely as everything seemed all sunshine and we had a perfect relationship (up to a certain point in time where something went wrong, of course). A week after, she already was in a relationship with her coworker who had been around in the months before we split up. It’s highly likely she cheated on me with him. This crippled my self confidence. But after three to four months, I started feeling better and better and I started to go out partying and participating in social life the way I used to before I got to know my ex girlfriend. However, in the meantime, I got to know around 20 girls. It ranged between simple chatting on dating apps up to actual dates and/or situations where we got intimate and were about to kiss or go further. Due to random external reasons we were disturbed in these situations and I didn’t manage to push things further. It feels like a barrier I can’t seem to break.

But all 20 girls, at some point, suddenly lost their interest (to be clear, they weren’t around at the same time, it’s happened in the last 10 months). Either it was while just chatting and not yet having met in real life (sometimes after only a few messages had been written, they revoked their match on tinder with me), or we had a few dates and they really showed effort and interest in me, only to completely change their behavior from one day to another. Most of the time, they go to bed and everything’s fine, and then they seem to wake up and decide “Yup, not interested anymore” and you could actually see the shift in the way they were texting. Only once a day instead of several texts a day, no emojis,…

What’s the most noticeable happening, is that 5-8 of these girls cancelled our planned date all of a sudden although they approached me with the suggestion that we could meet up. And they didn’t even make a proposal when to meet instead, on another day. It was just “over”. It really feels like a snap of your fingers how they suddenly change completely. And I asked politely if something had happened or if I did or said something wrong, and not one of them ever said that it was about me but that it had other reasons like “Well I’m so stressed out atm / not feeling well/…” and no matter if I respected it and didn’t ask for another date or if I suggested that we could find another day to meet, it never happened.

I told my male and female friends about this, and many times they witnessed how it went from everything’s fine to this sudden switch, and they are convinced (😂) that I must be cursed. I showed them messages me and the girls wrote, or they were with me when I was out with the respective girl or randomly met them, and they couldn’t explain what might have happened. They all said that this is extremely weird and unsettling, because nobody can’t seem to find a reason why they suddenly act so strange. I have to make clear, I’m not even talking about girls who don’t look at me or talk to me from the beginning, because this is something everybody experiences cause you can’t be everybody’s crush. However, this is something that was vastly different in the past. I’d usually catch many glances when I entered a room or arrived somewhere. I’m referring to women or girls who’ve literally met me before, and acted very interested and invested in me, only to cancel and ghost me from one day to another. I mean, they literally met me and knew what I look like, how I behave, who I am, (how I smell 😂) etc. And out of these situations, it all went downhill.

I have attached some photos of me, so you know who I am. Maybe it’s a reason that lies in my appearance, I don’t know. I’m a Sales Manager, I’m 26 years old, I have a masters degree, I work out 4 times a week, I drive a nice car (the least important thing, but I wanna say that my living conditions are habitable), and I was raised to always try to be a charming gentleman and to treat women right. I’m frequently recognized for a charming, pleasant and intriguing aura.

Of course, I have thought about it a lot and tried to answer the most obvious questions myself as honest as possible: ‘Maybe you said or did something wrong that pushed them away from you’: Of course this might have happened without me noticing, but certainly not 20 times. As I said, I’m a Sales Manager and words are my tools I use everyday. So I would claim that I pretty much know what to say, and what whatever personality of the person in front of me wants to hear or not to hear.

‘Maybe it’s just all a coincidence and you had bad luck’: This is of course possible, but these weird things happened 20 TIMES IN A ROW. If there was one encounter in between that had worked out positively, then this theory would be more credible. But even my friends or people around me can’t seem to be able to explain what happens so suddenly.

‘Maybe you have something nasty or disgusting that pushes them away’: I take great care of my body and my hygiene. I even asked a few different people if I have a bad breath or smell sweaty or whatever, and they say that they’ve never noticed anything like that. They could only smell my perfume. But this is actually something that bothered me the most as I can’t test it myself and I could never be sure that it’s really not apparent. But nobody ever mentioned that I smelt bad.

‘Maybe the girls sense that you’re still insecure from your breakup, or that you’re needy for sex, or that you’re either not proactive enough or too proactive’: I would highly doubt that a women in front of me would be able to sense this so much that it would be, on the one hand, extremely obvious in my behavior and my bodily expressions, or on the other hand, she’d be so adamant in her decision that she doesn’t want to take things further with me. I know that you radiate many things you’re not always aware of, but even if this was the truth, I doubt that this would be the deciding factor. And in my opinion, I’m a rather extroverted and communicative person who can easily approach people. But still trying to be humble and respectful.

The last theory, and the most irrational one, was that somebody, however possible, knew of every female person I talk to, and informs them that they shouldn’t further engage with me. Whoever this might be, and whyever he or she should do this. But on the other hand, there would have been at least a single girl who would’ve wanted to know if there’s truth to what she was told, and would have told me about the fact that somebody texted her to talk bad about me.

Three years ago, and the time before, I used to be a very sought-after man, and I had a lot of women around. They would literally siege my instagram to get in contact with me, and they always initiated the conversations. I’m not saying this to brag, but to show that things have turned completely. I also don’t get a single like on tinder or other dating apps anymore, although my profile pictures and my bio had been hand-picked by my female friends. This used to be very different as well. I used to get 90 likes per hour if I turned on the Tinder Boost. Nevertheless, I can’t recall to ever have had any disputes or problem with women I met, cause I only had sex with those who told me that they wouldn’t want something serious but were only looking for fun. And so my reputation in my city and my social life was always very good and clean.

I hope I didn’t confuse you, my native language is German.

But I really hope you have some feedback for me, or maybe you see what I can’t see. I also hope I don’t come across as too superficial or arrogant with what I’ve shared. It’s just important to me to fully explain my situation. After all this time, it’s highly dissatisfying and unsettling that, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to find a way out of this vicious cycle.

I must have lost my luck or my aura. Or maybe I force it too much. But no matter if I force it or not, the results will be the same. 😕

Thanks for reading!!