Share your dating pain, the worse the better.

I have been friendzoned HARD by a girl I am really into and I’m just here to rant and moan a little bit if that’s okay 🤣

So, I have been into this girl called Heather for a couple of years now. We met through work and I have always had a thing for her. She was in a relationship though and despite not being a fan of her boyfriend at all I never made a move towards her despite thinking she liked me as well!

Anyway, she eventually broke up with this guy and I made it pretty obvious to her that I liked her. She told me she liked me back but wanted to take things slow because she had to split up with her boyfriend who she was with for a while and I respected that 😌

A couple of months of talking and flirting she finally asks me to grab a couple of drinks together and this was going to be the first time I saw her in person for a couple of years. I was super nervous but obviously I agreed because I was crazy for her 😂

I’m a solid 7 or 8 but I’m honest and man enough to admit Heather was out of my league 😂 we went to this pretty fun bar and there was a mini event on. Sort of like a battle of the bands. Wasn’t my usual scene but I thought I’d give it a blast because of her!

The night was going good, really good actually. We shared a couple of laughs, had a few drinks together and even fancied a couple of times 😅it was going perfectly in my head until the latter stages of the night.

Me and Heather were waiting at the bar. We noticed one of the drummers from one of the bands who were playing who we both really enjoyed. We thought we’d both say hi to him whilst we were waiting. We introduced ourselves and told him his band was awesome. He shook our hands to thank us and Heather made a comment about the size of his hands. In just that moment I felt like she had some weird connection and they had chemistry from the get go it was awful.

Ended up speaking together at the bar whilst I got the drinks. Heather invited him to sit with us at a booth we had together. Which I wasn’t entirely thrilled about. I was on the end, Heather was in the middle and this drummer dude was on the other end. For around 30 minutes of conversation I barely said a word and I have never felt more of a third wheel in my life.

At one point, Heather got up because she needed to go to the toilet. Because the drummer guy was quite a big dude she sort of had to squeeze past him and as she did it was like she grinded against him a little back and gave him this look. From that moment I knew the date was over for me and I just sort of accepted things.

So, it was just me and the drummer dude he finally talks to me. Asks me if Heather was my girlfriend. Which I was a bit annoyed at that because why would you just ask that now? I told him no, she isn’t. He sort of smiled, finished off his drink and told me he was going to f**k her tonight. He left the booth and went back to the bar. I was left completely gobsmacked.

When Heather came back, instead of coming back to the booth she went over to the bar with him. They spoke privately for about 5 minutes and she comes back over to me and tells me she’s going to leave with Luke now. I didn’t even know his name so I was just done at this point 😂 I told her it’s okay just have a fun night and stay safe. She gave me a hug and thanked me for the night. Luke didn’t even bother to say bye or anything to me.

I thought about having another drink but I was just insanely deflated and left. Didn’t hear from Heather until 2am. Of course I was still awake. I couldn’t sleep and was just thinking about how badly the night went. I won’t get into much details here because quite frankly I told see the point. But I will confirm she did sleep with Luke 🙃

That’s the story. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Happy to answer any comments/questions.

About a year or two ago, I (31,he/him) had a situationship with someone(27,she/they) I had met on bumble. At the time I met her, I was still moving on from someone else. There was a coworker that I had feelings for, but that’s a whole other story. I was dating with the intention of making that coworker jealous, not that they really gave a shit because they had already moved on to someone else. I wasn’t looking to jump into anything serious at that time and I was clear about my intentions. She was looking for something long term, but was okay with fooling around with me.

We hit it off on our first date, and had a lot of fun on subsequent dates, going to shows, movies, bars or just hanging out at home, having moving nights, doing naughty things. Sometimes we’d spend hours talking back and forth through text messages when we weren’t with each other. At that same time, I was talking to other people I’d met on dating apps and found myself thinking about them even when I was getting intimate with her. During those times when we got intimate, i often had trouble performing. At first I thought maybe it was my nerves or that I was too drunk. Later on, I realized that it may have happened during other drunken one night stands. The last time we slept together, we tried to have morning sex. My cock got hard but not hard enough to penetrate her. She tried to go down on me at one point, but I became self conscious about her sucking on my flaccid dick and stopped her. Then she asked me why I wouldn’t let her go down on me, I said “I don’t know, I just get weird about that sometimes!” Just before she left that day, she looked down on me in bed with a serious look in her eyes and said, “one of these days, I am going to fuck you!”

After that last time we hung out, she ghosted me for a while. Eventually we started talking again, but we weren’t actively seeing each other. She told me it was because she was going through a depressing state. I ended up seeing a girl that I went to high school with some time after that, but it was nothing special. Just another situationship. When that ended, I began to think about this girl again. She was great, and I just didn’t see it. I wanted to see her again, but then I looked at her Facebook page one day and saw that she was in a relationship. You can imagine the sadness I felt at that moment. I wanted to tell her what I piece of shit I was and that I felt like I missed out on something great with her. I wrote out an entire speech to her on a note in my phone and had planned to send it to her while I was at my parents house celebrating my dad’s birthday. I thought that maybe if I got drunk enough, it would soften the blow if my confession didn’t go well. Boy, was I wrong! I sent her that message and she told me that while she had a lot of fun with me and saw me as a great friend to have, she just didn’t know if the chemistry was really there. I told her that maybe I misinterpreted things, but then she told me she didn’t intentionally try to lead me on but she was worried about hurting my feelings. I responded with “Whatever” and then went home, put on some sad music, pounded a few more beers and then punched a wall.

After a few days of not speaking to her, I told her I was sorry for responding the way that I did. She told me she genuinely liked being friends with me but understood if I wanted to part ways. I told her I didn’t want to do that, but I probably wouldn’t be following her on any social media or even acknowledging her presence if I ever saw her in person.

It has been almost a year since we last spoke. I’ve unfollowed her on all social media and removed her as a follower, but I haven’t blocked her. I didn’t want to give myself false hope that she might still feel something for me, just because she looks at my story or my TikTok posts. Sometimes I do still sneak and peek at her socials, even though I know I shouldn’t. I thought about reaching out to her and adding her back on social media, but it doesn’t seem like a good idea at this point. She’d probably find it suspicious or not even want to speak to me at all, and I wouldn’t blame her.

I’ve been spending some time away from the dating scene and working on myself, talking to a therapist, cutting back on the drinking, exploring new and old hobbies, focusing on my career and working out. I recently downloaded the dating apps again just to find new people to talk to and cope with the loneliness, but now I still find myself missing her and wishing things were different between us.

How do I move on and find something real with someone else?

Sometimes I think maybe I deserve to be alone and miserable for being such a sleaze.

I've been doing online/app dating for a while now, so you think I would've learned this lesson by now - but here is your reminder to take off any rose-colored glasses when first meeting someone, and a bad first date means probably a bad second date.

Case-in-point: I (late 30s M) match with a girl (mid-30s F). We chat on the app, then exchange numbers and text. I've been sick at this time, but I'm starting to feel a bit better and plan a date for the evening of MLK day. She's relatively new in town, so I bring her to a decent chicken sandwich place so she can explore the fine culinary cuisine this city has to offer. This works well for me because I've hardly eaten during my illness, and I'm just getting my appetite back.

We enjoyed the sandwiches, and the conversation flowed easily. She suggests keeping the date going at a local bar nearby. It's a Monday night, and I have work the next day, but I figure one drink is fine, and I've never been to this bar before. This was a mistake

We get to the bar and keep talking. I have 1.5 beers. She has easily five or six mixed drinks. I don't notice how drunk she is until we leave. She's too drunk to drive but insists on doing so anyway. I said okay and that I'd follow her to make sure she got back okay. We set off, and she's all over the road. After some random turns on backroads, she stops at an intersection and doesn't move. I get out of my car to check, and she's 100% out of it. I park my car at a curb, attempt to commit the street name to memory and tell her I'll drive her car back for her. She refuses to let me drive but agrees to let me sit in the passenger seat. We set off, and I had to grab the steering wheel to prevent several collisions, including one with a bus. I also have to pull the e-brake to save us from crashing into a parked car.

Somehow, we make it to her old apartment complex, not her current one. Thankfully, her roommate called, and I got the correct address. There was some more crazy driving to get to her actual apartment complex. Her roommate meets us outside and gets in the passenger seat to park. I tell her roommate to be careful, and then I chat with the roommate's boyfriend while thinking I'd get a ride back to my parked car. My date and her roommate drove by us a couple of times, and it was clear the roommate was having the same issues I had trying to keep this girl from crashing. I've had enough at this point, so I leave to try and find my car.

The problem is that I remembered the wrong street name. I walked over a mile in the wrong direction before realizing my mistake. I have to walk that mile back, plus another mile or so, to find my car. When I get to my car, it's 20 degrees outside and well after midnight.

The next day, she was apologetic and full of excuses. We texted throughout the week, and I decided to give it another chance: a Sunday lunch date. No alcohol. I knew this was a bad idea, but alas, I'm in my late 30s, and the prospect of being alone for good is very real these days.

Earlier in the day, I changed the oil in my car and had the old oil in a big 5qt jug sitting off to the side in the driveway, ready for recycling. We do the lunch date; it's fine but I'm jaded. I bring her back to my place to meet the dogs since I have to let them out anyway. She manages to somehow run over my old oil jug on her way out. The thing fucking explodes, and it's a massive oil spill. I may as well have just drained the oil onto my driveway for the same effect.

I spend the rest of the day/night trying to clean it. At least it's 45 degrees out this time.

For more context I'm 22 and the father is 21. My boyfriend (now ex) have been dating for over a year. We met two years ago but rekindled our relationship during the end of 2023 and the entirety of 2024. I ended up getting pregnant with his baby.

We both wanted it, or at least that's how he acted. He made it sound so possible that we could do this. He's in the military as an E4 and I'm a CNA looking into nursing school. We both have promising careers. That's why I kept it. I wouldn't have kept a baby if I thought it wouldn't have two loving parents, and secured stability. I'm now 16 weeks pregnant.

We aren't married, but we were planning to in 2025 before the baby is born (due date is July8th). I kept asking why we couldn't just go ahead and get married now, as I would receive benefits and have health insurance so I can get prenatal care, but he refused. He said that had to wait until after he bought a house. I just kept wondering to myself why he wouldn't want to buy as a married couple...

We are/were currently residing at a townhouse on base, but mind you I am a civilian who's not his spouse. I was only getting base access by a visitors pass. Keep these details in mind...

Fast forward to two days ago, he assaulted me and threatened to kill me, all because I caught him talking to some white girl on FaceTime. I had never caught him cheating before.

He shoved me to the ground (I luckily caught my fall last minute) and attempt to force me out of our house on base without any of my belongings. He then proceeded to tell me "I could shoot you dead right now and there would be no issue."

I told him to call the military police if he wanted me to leave the house so bad. He went ahead and called them, assuming that he would be in the right if he said I was a "trespasser" and "not on the lease" so he was "standing his ground". As soon as the Mps got there, they took him outside and arrested him.

They questioned me about what happened for at least two hours. I got a video of him saying that he would shoot me, and him shoving me was caught on his security camera in the living room. They were extremely interested in all of these details, but not just the detalls of the assault... There's more to this than I could ever even imagine.

They allowed me to call my dad (who has access to the military base) and help me get all of my stuff out of the house. It took me a whole 3 hours to get everything out of there. I also had 2 cats and a dog living there with us as well.

My dad had always been kind of sketched out by my boyfriend, especially over the fact that he had this townhouse somehow. He’s an E4, and to our knowledge he had no kids and not married to anybody else. Base housing is typically reserved for families and couples. My dad mentioned this to the military police and detectives. He said, “I want to know what fraudulent shit he’s doing to have this house.” He told me that the detective gave him a bit of a grin and said, “Hmm. We will look into it.”

Yesterday, I was bombarded with phone calls from the detective and other entities trying to set up a time to talk. It’s been exhausting. All of this has had my heart beating really fast and it’s been hard to eat. I can barely drink water. I am full with anxiety and fear. There is now so much uncertainty. I am honestly worried for my baby’s health and I’m considering going to the ER, because it just hasn’t gotten better. It feels like I am still in the moment.

I kind of start spiraling out of control, and I begin to hyper-fixate on little details of moments between my boyfriend and I, and what my dad said about the house. I was stuck on certain questions that the MPs were asking me.

My dad was right. Something wasn’t adding up. There is more to this than what is being lead on. So I decided to dig for answers. I begin to go on background check websites to see if I can find out if he’s married.

I kept seeing this name that was somehow being linked to his name, but it just didn’t make sense. She had a different last name, and is from a different state than him. She’s from Alabama, and he’s from Florida. Interestingly though, they are the same age. He also went to school after basic training in Alabama. But how could there be any correlation, right?

(I’d also like to mention that we are in WASHINGTON state.. very far from both places. I have been the only person other than my boyfriend living in that house. There was no other woman’s stuff.)

I begin to look at facebook profiles. I’m looking for anybody that fits the description of who I think this woman may look like. Every person I looked at just didn’t fit. I was missing something…. So I went back to the background check websites.

I was able to find her middle name; and that’s what broke my personal little investigation right open for me. I found her profile. She’s a black girl (mentioning this to tell you she’s not the girl he was on the phone with) that lives in Alabama, has a baby daddy and shares one kid with him, and he’s NOT my boyfriend. She is in the Army Reserves. She is also pregnant again and due in April 2025.

Now that I had a name to the face, it was time to try and find some assistance. I posted on the local facebook group for the base anonymously, asking if anybody knew how I can find out whether or not someone is married.

The perfect person responded; A private financial investigator who is able to do background checks. I tell her all the information that I know about my boyfriend and what I know about this girl. In less than 5 minutes, she’s able to pull up a record of his phone plan.

SHE IS ON THE SAME FUCKING PHONE PLAN AS HIM. His phone plan started in June 2020, and she joined the plan in April of 2023. I first met my boyfriend in July of 2023, so if they got married that year, it had only been 3 MONTHS before I met him.

But what’s interesting about phone plan is that she has the same Florida area code for her phone number that he does. The addresses on file for these phone numbers are both linked to his mother’s house.

According to my research, this woman has 0 ties with Florida. She was born and raised in Alabama, and went to high school there. My boyfriend did all of his schooling in Florida growing up. That means they did not meet before the Army.

The problem is, there is no marriage certificate listed, at least not that the private investigator and I can find so far. Not in Florida, Washington, or Alabama. Something is not adding up.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into? There is some fraudulent shit going on here. They are both obviously living completely separate lives, and I can’t imagine that my boyfriend knows this woman very well. This is not the kind of person that’d be in his circle.

I have heard of people in the Military doing sketchy shit for extra government benefits, and that there is even organized rings to do this shit. Considering there is no marriage certificate on file, I am wondering if there are higher ups that organized this shit for these two.

I’m fucking pissed, I’m embarrassed, and I’m deeply afraid. I know that I’m fucking right about this, it all adds up. The townhouse and the unlikelihood of him getting a house like that as an E4, The chick being in the Army Reserves, the phone plan, the hesitation he had to marry me…. It all makes sense.

He just got arrested for a DV on me, his pregnant girlfriend. My baby is a product of infidelity according to the military if I am right, and not only that, his marriage would be fraudulent. ITS OBVIOUS THEY BOTH PLANNED THIS. This means that the military is going to investigate this. There’s no way they wouldn’t find out.

If I am right, my boyfriend has been receiving thousands of dollars in BAH for the past 2 years to accommodate his “wife” and her child. Meanwhile she doesn’t even live in this fucking state. He could get in serious trouble for this, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he got discharged from the Army for it all.

I am 16 weeks pregnant and in my state, I currently still have time for an abortion and I’m heavily considering it because I’m fucking terrified for my future and the baby’s future. If he loses everything, He won’t be able to provide child support for this baby. I also wouldn’t want him to be around my child since he fucking assaulted me while I was pregnant.

I feel so sick from this situation. I cannot put myself through this even though I wanted this baby so bad. My family already knows about it and have already bought shit for the baby. Everyone was so excited, and now here I am secretly considering getting an abortion because I am just terrified. I don’t want to put a child through this. His fucking father is a criminal and I will be raising a child all by myself. If he was just honest from me from the jump, I would have had an abortion 8 weeks ago.

What would you do in this situation? How do I fucking handle this???? What do I do, where do I go? I’m back living in my crowded family’s home with no space for a baby. I have work tomorrow and this is all on my mind right now, I cannot sleep. My entire world just flipped upside down. Everything I thought I knew about the father of my unborn child is a fucking lie.

Tldr- something traumatic happened to my ex and he started harassing me.

This one is weird and sad, and pretty unbelievable all rolled into one fucked up ongoing journey.

The scene is where we met. Battle of the bands, local clubs putting on shows and everyone who was anyone would be there in the pit getting rowdy. Back in the mid 2000's if you were emo, hardxcore or a punk, those were the places to be. Teenagers ODing in the bathrooms, having sex behind the building, getting tattoos and just fucking shit up. Good times.. Chet(not his real name but just as douchey) and I met through some mutual friends and hung out in group settings for a while. Eventually he asked me out and we went on a few dates. We hung out at shows together, made out at the movies, probably got a bit handsy, the usual young infatuation kind of stuff, nothing too serious. Things only lasted a few months before we went our seperate ways, no hard feelings.

Let's time travel about 6 years into the future. I was 3 years deep in a serious relationship with my then-boyfriend Doug (which I thought was his real name for a while after we met, but wasn't). I started getting texts from a random number which turned out to be Chet. We hadn't talked in years so we caught up a little bit. Not long after he started going on about how he needed a friend because of all this crazy stuff that had been going on in his life. I have always been a compassionate, sympathetic (and stupidly curious) person so of course I told him I was happy to hear him out and help support him the best I could, as a friend. This is where he opened up to me about the traumatic experience he had and I was NOT ready for what I heard..

He almost died. In the most embarrassingly awful way I can imagine. He was on a date with a woman and during the movie they were seeing he choked on a piece of popcorn and became unresponsive after suffering a heart attack. The EMS took forever but were finally able to get into the theater to transport him to the hospital where he was put in a Coma for 6 months. When he woke up he had significant brain damage and needed to relearn how to do things like walk, talk and eat, etc.. There was a whole lawsuit against the theater and all this drama to go along with it, so obviously I felt awful for him! That would have been so insane to experience, let alone be a bystander for and rehab afterwords wouldn't have been a walk in the park. My heart really went out to him.

Well I guess my kindness and concern made him flip a switch because very shortly after we spoke about the accident is when he started sending me inappropriate messages and unwanted lewd photos. I tried to shut it down immediately but he kept coming back with "oh please pity me I'm a poor broken man" kind of messages. I warned him that I'd block him if he continued to overstep this boundary. He continued, so I told him to fuck off and that was the end of that. Blocked and soon forgotten.. or so I hoped. He started message me on social media. I'd block him and he'd find another platform to message me on. I finally deleted most of my profiles and created a few new ones set to the highest privacy settings so he couldn't find me or see anything I was doing. After a year or so he finally stopped and I forgot all about Chet.

Skip another 8 years forward now and the pandemic had just stopped the world. I had just started dating the man I am currently with and things were great. A few months into our relationship I got another text from a number I didn't recognize. They were being mysterious and wouldn't tell me who it was so I took a stab in the dark and guessed one of the nightmare dates I'd fled from in the past couple years. They got upset and revealed that it was Chet. I told him I hope things were well with them but I wasn't interested in catching up. He went on a long rant about how I broke my promise to him and I was such a bitch. I was confused as to what the hell he meant because even if I made him a promise, theres no way in hell I'd have followed through with it with how he treated me. But he just went on and on.. wished the worst things imaginable to me. Told me to watch my back and that I would live to regret how I treated him. I told him his brain injury doesn't give him free reign on treating people like garbage, called him an asshole and blocked him again. But now a days the messages still get sent to your phone (in a hidden folder), so I could see text after text he kept sending for months! I finally got so fed up that I went and changed my phone number. Which I regret to this day because I got saddled with a number that was previously owned by a man who owed a lot of people a lot of money. 3 years later and I'm still getting calls from these creditor pricks looking for Mohammed. Douches all around.

Anyway, I obviously haven't heard anything from him since. I still dread the day I get a message from him on one of my profiles. We'll cross that bridge when we get there though, maybe in another 4 or 5 years.. Sadly this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my awful taste in dates. If you have any questions I'll be happy to clarify anything I can.

I’ve had this childhood friend since I was about 5 years old, and we went on our second date. While we were watching a show on their phone and things were starting to get intimate, I seen a call from someone saved as 'Baby.' They ignored it at first, but after 'Baby' called about five times, they finally answered, interrupting our moment. They left the area to take the call, so I couldn’t hear the conversation.

When they came back, they asked if I knew someone named 'Baby,' claiming it was someone I should have gone to school with. Who tf is named Baby… I’m not stupid. I’m actually offended they thought I was that delusional. Obviously, I won’t be seeing them anymore. What makes it harder is that I’m close with their whole family and live next door to them.

TLDR: matched with a girl on tinder and we hit it off via chat, after a week of great conversations we planned our first date that ended up being after a month, we kept talking during that month. Right after the date finally happened she revealed to me that this was all a tactic to get me to have a threesome with her boyfriend. None of our prior conversations mentioned her boyfriend nor a threesome. Told them off, reported her on tinder and blocked her everywhere.

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Ok so, this happened a few months ago, but it was my worst dating experience ever (I hope).

Anyway. I (25F & Pansexual, I promise it'll matter) matched with a very pretty, 24 year old girl on tinder, I'll be calling her Eva from now on.

Eva and I started talking as soon as we matched, the conversations went from small talk to deep in the span of a few days and I was REALLY into this girl, She seemed to be into me just as much, so I asked her out after about a week.

For a reason or another our schedules never aligned, but we kept talking and after about a month we finally had plans to go out. I made a reservation at a sushi place and we met there.

The date was actually really nice, even if Eva was a little off, I thought maybe she was nervous and didn't want to make her feel bad by addressing it and since we chatted for a month prior to the date I guessed she was trying to find new topics to talk about.

Eventually we got more comfortable and dinner went by, but that's when she started to act really weird. She heavily insisted on paying for me, I told her I'd rather split 50/50 because that's what I prefer for first dates and it took a lot of back and forth to finally be able to split the bill. Afterwards she got fidgety, but I still thought she was just nervous. Since dinner was great and it wasn't that late I suggested we continued our date in a nearby bar. I really wanted to spend more time with Eva thinking that, because of our schedules, we wouldn't be able to see each other again for a while.

But she said no because her ride was already there to pick her up. I thought fine, maybe she asked someone to pick her up for safety reasons and didn't want to make them wait, then she hits me with a "do you want to meet him? you can walk me to the car"

Right there and then I got a gut feeling that something was up, but I couldn't really put my finger on what it was. So I walked eva to her car where this guy was waiting.

When we get there he gets out of the car, puts his hand on her waist, says "hi babe, did you have fun?" She nods. Then he pulls her in for a quick kiss on the lips and after all that he looks at me and asks "so, are you our third?"

I'm angry at this point, because wtf is going on here. Eva then said to him something along the lines of "I didn't ask her yet" or something like that, but honestly I don't remember well because I was getting angrier by the second while piecing together what was actually going on. These two idiots just wanted a three-way.

For a month straight, a girl whose tinder profile didn't mention anything about a boyfriend or looking for a third they could hook up with, was talking to me as if she wanted a relationship. To say I was floored is an understatement.

I tried to stay calm and asked Eva for clarifications, but she basically told me that yes, she had been talking to me for that long because she SAW ON MY PROFILE THAT I WAS PANSEXUAL, BUT I WASN'T LOOKING FOR HOOKUPS and thought that talking to me would make me feel comfortable with the idea of a threesome with her and her boyfriend. Oh and btw, that was all she wanted from me.

I went off on them... insults, shouting and told them that that was predatory behavior. I also realized halfway my rant that, her being pushy about buying me dinner might have been another tactic to guilty trip me or to make me think I owed them something. It was a public parking lot so some people nearby mentioned calling the cops on them and with that they pretty much fled the scene. I reported Eva on tinder and blocked her everywhere.

The way I felt used, betrayed and dirty after this "date" was insane. Of course I know I didn't do anything wrong, but damn, somehow I felt bad about myself? Idk. I feel better now and I'm just glad the few dates I went to after this on were genuine, even if inconclusive.

Writing this so hopefully no one else has to deal with this flea of a human, it’s gonna be a wild ride so grab your popcorn and get comfy.

So back in June 2022 I met ‘Wilton Wallace’ on Hinge. I’m from Victoria, Australia - he was from Queensland but was working in Victoria and was 28 at the time (I was 24). We hit it off and within a day of chatting he asked to meet me in the city for drinks, he seemed friendly and cute so why not get dressed up and give him a chance? Funnily enough my spidey senses were tingling already but I just thought it was usual nerves of a first date. I should have trusted my gut but he hadn’t given me any red flags yet..

He met me at Flinders Street Station, first impression was he dressed really nice, suit and long coat, clearly took pride in his looks. Instantly he was super affectionate, way more than I’m used to. He kissed my cheek, picked me up, squeezed the crap of me and we were hand in hand from the get go. Although I was taken aback, he was of Brazilian descent and I know their culture can be quite forward. I wasn’t overly alarmed but this was within 10 seconds of meeting 😅

So we decide to go for drinks and he recommends a very well known fancy bar. I’m just a nurse so way above my pay grade but he said would like to cover the whole night. It become apparent very quickly he’s super chivalrous, charming and a sweet talker. It felt like a soppy 2000’s rom com, I can’t lie.

He was super open about his life, and because he was, so was I. We had so much in common and everything just felt right. It makes me want to gag now I know the real him… If it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

Basically the ‘life story’ he threw up all over me was that he was born in Brazil, his parents had a family business and were well off but lost it somehow, think he said his dad died, RIP dad. His mum couldn’t afford to care for him and his 4 sisters alone so she gave him up for adoption and he moved to Portugal. I guess he was the runt of the litter because she kept the 4 girls.

So he grew up in Portugal from about 5 until he was 17 when he decided to move back to his biological mother. He said his Portuguese family were lovely but incredibly religious and he didn’t like the constraints, arranged marriage, no boinking before marriage type deal.

So at 17 he moves back to Brazil and builds his relationship with his biological mother and eventually he decided to move to Australia. He moved over to study some aerodynamic bullshit degree for some career I don’t give a flying fuck about. Fast forward 11 years to 2022 and now he works in Queensland as some manager for shipping companies and flies to and from Melbourne for work every few weeks.

Now you’re up to speed with that crock of shit, let’s get back to the date. I had a traumatic upbringing (neglect, poverty, raised by grandparents and so on), so hearing all that really touched me, the man had me in the palm of his slimy hands. I felt at times he was cocky and had an ego on him but he even mentioned he can come across cocky and reassured me that’s how some people perceive him but he’s not at all (so clearly someone’s pulled him up for being an arrogant twat before). The date is progressing and we’re having huge dnms, he was ticking so many boxes.

We spoke about how I love to dance and always wanted to learn salsa so he suggested a studio that does weekend night classes, but it had sold out. So he asked if I’d go back to his place, just to ‘hang out’ 🤦🏼‍♀️ idk what this man put in my drink (not literally just fyi) but my common sense was gone. I told him I needed to go home before midnight and was only coming over to talk, anyway we get to his apartment and like the scene from ‘crazy stupid love’ he lights candles, puts on salsa music, pours a heavy glass of red for us and asks if he can teach me how to salsa in his tiny living room. Like, was I Kate Hudson in how to lose a guy in 10 days?

I oblige because my fanny flutters are in full control of my functioning at this point. We end up making out and things get hot and heavy but I stuck to my guns and didn’t let him past my chastity belt. Don’t get me wrong, I have had one night stands before but I had turned a new leaf and my rule was now 3 dates minimum. Long story short but not short at all, we ended up falling asleep together and I was full clothed, how about that. We woke up the next morning and he took me out for breakfast before ordering me an uber home… Keep in mind that was the one and only time I physically met him and it was PG rated…

A few days later things were getting weird. he started making grandiose gestures and love bombing. Without asking he bought me lingerie (he didn’t know my size and had never seen me in lingerie), he bought me jewellery for my birthday just 1 week after we met and then the grand prize - an all inclusive holiday to QUEENSLAND. I said yes because ‘yolo’, right? Like literally, I might die but at least my tombstone would say I was living my best life.

He told me on the trip we’d go to private restaurant his friend owns, a helicopter ride, and a cruise on a yacht, amongst a bunch of other completely insane things. He paid for the flights and told me not to bring lingerie because he had that covered 🤮 My red flag alarms were going off at this point, like is he a sugar daddy or am I about to be trafficked in the lingerie and jewellery he just bought me? Think about it… Dude works for a shipping company, perfect way to ship me off to the market.

So at this point my stomach is turning and I’m getting sus. I realised I hadn’t really done much digging on him and if I was going interstate with this schmoozy wet sock I needed to know everything. I spent hours with my housemate investigating. His facebook was on total lockdown (this was before you could lock your profile) and his insta had no signs of family. He barely had any tagged photos with people and the photos he did have were from years ago in Brazil. All the photos he had were just him solo and travelling, so I started questioning everything - was his name even Wilton Wallace??? Doesn’t sound Brazilian or Portuguese, sounds more like Donald Duck or Chucky Cheese to me.

So we searched his number on my bank app using PayID, low and behold ‘W Veiga Dos Santos’ comes up 🤯🤯 (changed for anonymity) I’m shitting bricks now, like who the fuck is this toenail I’ve been wasting my time with?! So I go deeper, I’m going through all of his insta followers looking for any remanence of him. I find a mutual in the deep dark cave I’ve got myself into and there it is - a group photo of him from around 2016, holding a Brazilian woman that looks about 35 and the comments mention ‘love you both, can’t wait to see you two again’. Couldn’t confirm if they were married but that’s where my money was…

I dig more and more to find who she is. I can’t find anything but I had a lead on what her name might be so I head to google and search both her name and his Veiga Dos I’m a fucking liar name… After sifting through countless pages I can’t read because they’re in Spanish and poorly translated - I find a settlement document. It was a civil dispute about a debt but both their full names were there. To my delight his full name in the case was Wilton Wallace Veiga Dos Santos. I don’t blame him for going by the easiest of the 5 name, but one truth doesn’t fix a truck of lies.

So now I’m thinking I’ve gone mad and overthinking, maybe he’s just divorced and doesn’t post a lot?? NOPE. Whilst doing our investigations I asked him to send his passport so my friends had his details ‘when I went to Queensland’, to be safe. He sends me his passport after hours of waiting and he had blacked out info and covered his face. Dumb fuck didn’t cover his date of birth well enough though because would you look at that - this absolute toad was born in 1986, making him 36!

Now, I saw through his bullshit but I wanted to flip the game for a little while, I had to do it for the plot. I confronted him about it, he made up some shit about how when he was registered in Portugal they stuffed up the date.. Didn’t know a 5 year old could look 13 but there you have it. Over the next few weeks he kept cancelling and changing Queensland plans days before each rescheduled flight, there was always another issue. I went along with it, I had no intention of going but wanted to see his cunning plot come to fruition.

Maybe it wasn’t trafficking, maybe he was going to magically lose all his money and get cancer and need my help to survive? And then I get a message that broke the camel’s back - his grandma in Portugal was sick so he had to fly there ASAP. I literally laughed when I read it. I was super short and apathetic with him, next day grandma died of a stroke, boo hoo.

Some may think my digging went a bit too far at this point but I ended up messaging the woman from the insta photo and legal document because I just had a horrible gut feeling there was more to all of this and I was sick of the games. It definitely felt like I was crossing a line but I had to know. She ended up messaging me back that she unfortunately did know him and wanted to tell me everything over the phone…

What she told me blew my fucking mind. Excuse my language but this C*NT was the biggest narcissistic, pathological lying, cheating scumbag I had ever had the displeasure of knowing.

He had lied about it all. He was 36, born and raised by his mum and dad in Brazil his entire life. He had brothers, not 4 sisters. He never lived in Portugal. Grandma was still alive and kicking. He studied social work and was now studing to become a physiotherapist, nothing to do with aerowhatever the fuck. I don’t even know what the shipping container place has to do with any of it (but he’d sent me insta stories of him ‘working’ there so that’s scary). He was the same charming suave man to his ex wife, who he married in Brazil and they moved to Queensland shortly after. As soon as they arrived he became, financially and emotionally abusive to her and refused to get a job. She worked and paid for the bills, his social work degree, random ‘business’ trips and whatever else this scumbag pretended he did.

(Side note, please do not try and find her, she would like to remain anonymous as she is scared of her ex-husband and what he is capable of)

After being in Queensland for 5 years, she got a message from a 24 year old Australian girl. (Same age I was at the time) and it turned out they’d been dating for 3 years. They’d met at uni and he’d been using her to do all his university work. She was told the same life story as me but the poor thing never questioned it, she believed the crap about his age too.

She realised through a mutual uni friend that saw a photo of him and said she thought he was married, thank fuck for that friend. So Wilton and his wife get divorced and the 24 year old kicks him to the curb but only a year later, another girl reaches out to his now ex-wife - same story: 24 year old Australian girl, told the same bullshit life story and believed it, they’d been together 4 years and he was using her to pay for his lifestyle and clothes. Two years go by, his ex wife just hoped he had finally come to his senses but afraid not, I was the third girl to reach out to her.

My guess is he’s still got a few girls on the go at a time, his plans probably kept changing because of them and one of them probably pays for his plane trips every few weeks. Fuck, the holiday, jewellery and lingerie was probably some other woman’s hard earned money as well.

Needless to say I was furious! I ended up ghosting him because that’s the best way to piss of a narcissist. He messaged me for weeks on text, insta, whatsapp and fb. Eventually I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I told him I knew some things and he needed to come clean. I never mentioned what or how I knew but he said he’d be fully transparent and fly down to Melbourne to see me. He probably thought I knew 1% of the truth. I thought about actually seeing him and seeing what bullshit he’d come up with next but I was done -

I told him I was about 5 hours from the city, in a town that’s so small there’s only 1 train to get there a day. I said I couldn’t pick him up from the airport but he could stay a few days, I’d show him the real Australian country and I’d drive him back to the airport at the end of his visit.

So after catching 2 and half hour flight and sitting on a train for 5 hours to go to the middle of nowhere I asked him to send a photo of where he was so I could find him… He’d actually done it 😂 I was at home in my pyjamas watching a movie and he was at a train station in the rain, 5 fucking hours away from the airport and stuck until the next day! Pure gold! I can only imagine how pissed he would have been. I sent him a message I had ready and waiting for that exact moment. I waited for a reply so I knew he got it, then blocked the piece of shit on everything and never looked back.

So there ya go. Stay safe out there and always trust your instincts! Years ago I posted this on a Melbourne forum and unfortunately there were a lot of girls that had met him online or for a date but thankfully they all got the same vibes as me before it went too far. However, I was the only one crazy enough to find out who the scumbag really was!

I just hope he hasn’t been able to trick any more since my run in with him, and if they have been I hope they find out the truth.

If you somehow find this asshole on the streets or online do as you please… Just please don’t contact his ex wife for her protection 😇 Thanks for coming on this journey with me x

I [M18] was talking to a girl [F17] for couple months. We knew eachother for a while, the vibe was there and all was good. I realised she liked me and she was showing me interest. And I liked her too. She even said it to our friend that she likes me. We slept next to eachother at a sleepover, cuddled and all that, other time she almost fell asleep on my lap. I even was driving with my hand on her lap. And we were just hanging out and everything was perfect. It was obvious that I like her at that point so I even gave her flowers and everything just was good. And the think was that I caught feelings for her. At some point she just switched up and was showing mixed signals. I texted her to hangout, she was always busy and all that. I even found out she was at home doing nothing when she said she's busy one time. When we finally met she was dry etc... And she just got distant. I was so confused cuz I caught feelings for her and she liked me too and now she's doing this and I'm so confused what's wrong. So I just didn't knew what to do anymore so I told her about the feelings. She said she doesn't feel the same way but she still likes me so much. She said that I should give it time cuz she's just not ready yet. I didn't want to push nothing and wanted to be understanding so I just waited. But nothing changed. We talked about it couple times but every time was the same answer "I really like you, you're very good guy but just give it time, I'm not ready yet and I don't want to lose you". And I waited, waited and waited till we barely even talked. I even bought her flowers and put it infront of her door as a surprise. But I didn't want to look like a simp, or begging her, and I really gave her space. But we almost weren't seeing each other anymore. If I don't initiate anything, nothing happens then. Then one day she texted me that it just won't workout and I should really give up on it. But again same thing “I really really like you, and I was thinking about it so much but it just won't work between us. But you are very good guy and you deserve someone who will love you the same. And I really don't want to lose you anyway." I told her that she could just say no and not giving me false hope that something will be there and that I should give it time and wait for her. I her that I understand that I can't make her feel the same way and I'm not mad but she could've just told me and not play around. And I think because I was spitting straight facts she said she don't wanna talk about it and there's nothing to discuss. I was like LOL okay. Since then we never saw eachother (over 3 months now). 2 months, after we stopped talking she got into relationship (she knew the guy for a month and got with him, inside info from our friend). Now I feel like I'm just stupid idiot for giving those flowers and just showing her how much I liked her, even regret telling her about feelings, all that. I would like some advice. What could I've done better and just overall what you think about this.

Went to a girls house last night for a first date. She just started at my job. Definitely not my type and a bit older than me but w.e. I just wanted to get laid. She seemed to be of the same mindset. Talked for a few days then I went to her trailer last night. Omg.

I could smell the ammonia from the cat piss as soon as I stepped out of the car. I was hoping they just dumped the litter box and went inside. Nope. The whole house smelled like fresh cat piss. It was intolerable. So I walk into the living room and set the pizza I brought on the counter. And that's when I notice the German cockroaches everywhere. One word flashes in my head. NOPE.

I look at her and she's bent over cleaning up cat shit from the floor. Like why would you invite anyone over to this shit... why are you just now cleaning up animal feces when you knew I would be coming over all day. My mind is racing at this point with excuses as to why I need to leave. Eventually I settle on "hey I forgot something in the car I'll brb". So I walk back outside this time looking around more intently. The walls, floors, and furniture and teeming with tiny roaches. I get in my car and speed off. I send a text basically saying hey I'm sorry but I just can't handle roaches. Also I couldn't breath. Have a good night.

She messages back with "I'm in the process of getting rid of the bugs and idk what smell you're talking about" ..... WHAT?! Bullshit. First of all you don't just "get rid" of an infestation like that... shits a whole process. And if you're at the point where you can't smell the cat piss anymore then I feel very sorry for you and your 15 year old son who has to live in that filth as well.

She asked if we can hang out elsewhere. I haven't given her an answer. It's no obviously... now that I've seen how you live I want literally nothing to do with you. When I got home I immediately stripped and put all my clothing into scalding hot water and soap. Then sprayed down the inside of my car with cleaner. Traumatizing...

*** Names have been changed :)

I (19F) have been very non confrontational my whole life and have let people walk all over me quite often. I am way better at setting boundaries and sticking up for myself now (this story finally made me angry enough to realize i needed to change some things) but for a while it was really rough. The biggest instance of this was with my best friend, Ruth.

Me and Ruth were childhood friends- we had met when we were about ten and stayed close since then. She was always short tempered and outspoken but I didn't really mind. Every once in a while, she would do something that really hurt my feelings but I would always brush it off. Other friends weren't a huge fan of her but I kept hanging out with her because I didn't really see a reason not to at the time.

About a year and a half ago, I started dating a guy who I'll call Sam who I absolutely adored. We had a lot of fun together and everything seemed to be going well until he broke it off after ghosting me for two weeks. I later learned that while he was ghosting me, he had started seeing another girl. About three months after our breakup, he tried to get back with me and I said no but we resolved some things and weren't on as bad of terms. I wasn't about to get back with a cheater, but I still had a really hard time getting over it. I told Ruth this and she seemed sympathetic- she had seen how giddy I was when he asked me on a first date.

About two weeks after we semi-resolved things, I went to a small gathering at Ruth's house. To my surprise, in the middle of the gathering, Ruth announced that she had invited Sam. I was baffled and really didn't want to see him but since I had hitched a ride with another friend I couldn't really leave. I thought Ruth was trying to wingman me into making up and dating Sam again, but when he got there she flirted with him the entire time. He wasn't super responsive and seemed uncomfortable given that I was there but stayed for the rest of the get together.

Two weeks later, another friend mentioned to me that Ruth had asked Sam on a double date and they had seemed to really hit it off, ending the night with a walk holding hands. Ruth had been super vocal about this to our other friends but didn't say anything to me. The next day I was pretty quiet around her and she figured out that I had learned what had happened. She apologized and I told her I was still pretty weirded out by it since I was still kind of getting over him but ultimately I couldn't tell her what to do and not do. She seemed to take this as me being completely fine with them dating and started to tell me details from their first kiss, their latest date, how it was to hold hands with him, ect ect ect. I am super aware now that I should have at this point or much earlier told her exactly how I felt about things or just stopped being friends with her, but I'm a pushover and let it happen.

About a month later, they broke up and she came to me first for comfort. I'll admit I threw in the occasional passive agressive remark ("I actually know exactly how you feel") but let her talk to me about it still. At this point she decided that he was her mortal enemy and would say all sorts of nasty things about him behind his back and occasionally to his face. I have to admit it brought me a little joy to see him completely overwhelmed with angry texts from her- he deserved it to a point, but it kind of got crazy. I'd say 50% of what she talked about for MONTHS was about how crazy he was. She still "keeps tabs" on him- he blocked her but she still looks at his socials from time to time.

Since then, she has hit on other boys I've dated and tells me they "can't take their eyes off her". We moved to different areas for college so I don't see her much anymore but taking a step away from her has made me realize how absolutely crazy she was/is. We are meeting up around thanksgiving for lunch and I hope she has learned some big lessons from living on her own because man, she needs it.

TLDR: Best friend starts dating my ex three months after we broke up, and after they end things won't leave him alone for months

TL/DR:

It reads like a rom-com: Cute bar, guy meets girl, followed by misogyny, food, and explosive diarrhea.

Please laugh at my expense!

Date began wonderfully, I was clad in a long sweater dress, wearing my hair extensions, new witchy earrings, and my docs.

Greet him and he’s wearing a flat cap, which is my strange weakness. It was lovely and so was he.

He made a comment on my breasts and how he wasn’t aware how big they were from my pics. TEN MINUTES INTO THE DATE. This immediately set me off, but I brushed it off. He said it again later that night. TF??

His mother called, which I told him to answer it. Find out that he’s the only person she has, which is heartbreaking. His family is pretty awful, so I feel terrible for him. He informs me that if he doesn’t talk to his mother every day or every other day, she gets worried.

Now, this can be good or bad. It’s great to have such a close relationship with a parent, but I also worry about the future.

Anyway, I find out that he’s 42! I excitedly announce that he knows the answer to everything (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference) He didn’t understand the reference, so my nerdy heart was a tiny bit crushed.

He doesn’t read much. I mean, if it’s not your thing, I get it. I’m reading about 5 books right now because I like to switch back and forth. He also wasn’t much into Marvel and the MCU (which is one of my biggest desires because I want to nerd out about the multiverse, theories and the like). This is also stated in my damn profile.

The evening progresses and I take him back to my place. We start watching Wednesday because he hadn’t seen it. Things get steamy and I take him to my room. We’re about to, how do the kids say it? Hit a home run? I have no fucking clue.

He goes to put a condom on, but needs to use the bathroom. He proceeds to spend 20 minutes in there making every noise a human body can make, followed by vocals (excellent range, I must say).

I’m laying there under the blankets laughing under my breath because this shit (haha) so frustrating that it’s funny. I’m not having sex tonight after that. I can’t. I’m so turned off and it’s not his fault at all. The situation sucked.

I was just cackling out of frustration then. I ended up getting dressed, making myself a poke bowl and making tea.

Questions:

Why did you take him back to your place with the red flags? Because I NEEDED TO GET LAID. It had been months and he was attractive. We were both ENM (ethically non-monogamous) and he knew what I was looking for.

I know the title sounds bad but my ex girlfriend had really shitty mental health but I really liked her until she started freaking out over the smallest things for example me wanting to watch anime, play video games, or even call or hang out with my friends and before you ask no it didn't do it all the time i wanted to play overwatch with my friends for a hour or two and she started yelling and guilting me until I did what she wanted plus we only did what she wanted she was never willing to try anything new and after a month of this relationship I broke up(sorry if my post is confusing I just wanted to vent)

I matched with this one girl on Tinder. Had a one hour phone call the day before the date and she seemed like a relatively normal person. When I saw her at the meeting place she was at least 30 lbs heavier than her photos. Mind you, I’m also a heavy guy but I always make sure my photos are up to date so I’m not accused of catfishing. She was rude service people and made random racist comments (in Spanish). At one point she dropped something and after picking it up said “look at how that Indian girl walked past me. If it was a white person, she would’ve picked it up.” Keep in mind she’s also black lol toward the end she asked me who I would vote for and I said I wasn’t sure if I would, but probably Kamala. She made fun of me and said she was a Trump supporter, after she had admitted she’s in the US on visa overstay. I almost want to think the entire date was an elaborate joke ‘cause there were a lot of moments like this that made me think I was in a Sacha Baron Cohen sketch, but I guess it’s what can happen when you go on dates, you meet whacky characters like this.

Part 1.

So yesterday we were planning to go on this date and the place I wanted to go to is closed on Tuesdays so I said we gotta reschedule so we rescheduled it today so she hits me up around 3 when we're supposed to meet at 5 and says, "I'm going to be a little late I won't be there till around 540 unless you want to come pick me up" I'm like okay cool I'll come swoop she sends the addy I look at the address it's some restaurant so I say " You getting off work or something?" (She's a bartender) "She says no I'm taking the bus and that's the ff1 spot where it stops and if I wait then the connecting bus won't be there until 5 something and I'll be late" so my antennas raise because the woman doesn't have a car (🚩1) but I waive it off because she's from New York so I think that's whatever that's usually what they do out there.

Part 2.

So I meet her at the spot and she gets in the car and she says "I was trying to throw this can away I was pre gaming on the bus" So I look down the girl gotta can of some liquor and then she pulls out a damn 5th of whiskey idk what kind because I couldn't see the label (🚩2) I'm like ahh shit she an alcoholic. So I start driving to the spot, and she's just talking like crazy and she's a toucher when she talks, apparently, so she's talking and touching like no other while I'm trying to drive. I don't mind being touched but not when I'm driving.

Part 3

So we get to the spot and we get out the car she's got 15 jackets that come outta nowhere and a hoodie so she puts on her jacket she's wearing this crop top strap shirt and some leggings that tied up in the back. We walk in the restaurant the guy says it's open seating sit wherever so cool, she fucking just plops her ass down in between two random dudes so I have nowhere to sit and the dude sitting next to her looks at her weird then he looks at me and I just shake my head. (🚩3) The woman has no home training. So we get our drinks she then says she has to go to the bathroom I go outside sit down she comes back her nose red as shit and she says "I had to take a selfie" like you were in there doing coke I'm no boo boo the fool. She looked like Rudolf, the red nose reindeer. (🚩4567) so by this time I'm out, I just want to eat and go home. I sat there being a being a responsible date like if she spoke to me I'd respond and have a conversation because that's how I raised but other than that I was watching the basketball game . She then started talking about how she likes life to be a certain way so I said "Are you libertarian and believe in free will?" She says "no i don't mean that" after she literally spent 20 minutes talking about the philosophy of what being libertarian is the exact definition.

Part 4

So we are ending the night I ordered some Sweet potato fries because I love them and I get them to go so, I pay the tab. By this time she's been to the bathroom 6 times in the span of 2 hours and she always says "I'm taking a selfie or I gotta use the bathroom" come back nose on 10 sniffling like a mf. And everytime she tries goes to the bathroom she tries to sit on my lap and hug me. I hate that. So the nights over thank the lord I drive her to her bus stop as fast as my car can go, on the way she's eating all my damn sweet potato fries! I'm just done she can have the fries for all I care. Pulls up to the spot She says "bye" kisses me in the ear closes the door I peel out like an F1 car. And when I get home I see a black thing on the floor and it's her fucking wallet...... I'm not trying to see her again for shit. I can't do it

TLDR: I female (27) stopped at a near by dispensary to grab myself a disposable vape after getting out of my yoga class. While I was leaving a guy (26) that was also shopping inside decided stopped me and asked if I had a boyfriend. My first instinct was to say no, but I had just downloaded the dating apps again and figured it's not often I am approached in person I should give it a chance. I told him I was single and we exchanged numbers. I let him know I was going to be out of town the upcoming weekend and that if we wanted to make plans to meet up it would have to be after I returned.

We messeged briefly the next day then didn't hear from him for about a week. He tried to make plans for the weekend but I already had a pretty full social calendar and let him know of he wanted to meet up it would have to be during the week and shared a specific date. He mentioned a nice bar/restaurant that was near by and we made a plan for the following week.

To be fully transparent between making that plan and the upcoming date I was not the best at responding to his messages. He asked for my social media information which I didn't share and asked if he had forgotten what I looked like (I felt that request was a little shallow and he just wanted to check me out). He responded to my message asking if he had forgotten what I looked like and said "Nope, I just want more pics of you cause you're cute😘", mind you I never shared any pictures with him in our text messages.

The day of our date rolls around I confirm in the morning that the plan is still on I just didn't know exactly what time I would be off work that evening and said I would keep him updated throughout the day. We agreed for 6:30/7 and I did let him know around 6:20 that I was still working and would need a little more time so I could get ready. I then suggested we meet at 8 he asked if we could push back to 8:30 so he could finish up laundry. I reminded him the bar/restaurant's kitchen closes at 9:30 so we don't want to get there any later than 8:30. He then suggested we go to Chili's instead of the nice place we originally planned because they had margarita specials. I was disappointed but agreed because I didn't want to search other places in the area with good specials to suggest an alternative.

The date went okay. One red flag I caught was him mentioning that his parents are still together but not in a "happy marriage." The conversation flowed fine, but at the end of the night, there was no goodbye kiss or anything. We just went our separate ways. The next day at work I was super busy and ignored his texts which I know isn't the kindest thing to do but after the date I wasn't feeling much of a spark to draw me toward him. That weekend was a super busy one for me. I was out of town with essentially every day packed with plans, which was fun but also a little exhausting for me as well.

Monday rolled around, and I wanted to reach out to him to make sure he knew we were still on good terms when at 11 am. I received a text from him saying

"Let me know when I can come over,"

I found this off-putting and gave me a sense that he felt entitled to me, which I did not like. So, instead of reaching out, I ignored that text, too. Two days later, which brings us to today, I get out of yoga class to find a text from him reading

"Let me be your first black guy👀".

I was appalled, who the fuck does this guy think he is.

I responded with "You wouldnt be and the fact that you just asked like that is pretty immature and a total turn off".

He said "you don't even text me back, do you even see my messages?"

I then responded with "Cause I was having a shit day the day you were messaging me and I wasn't going to dignify "let me know when I can come over" with a response" I continued "My place is my personal space and you have to be invited by me, you can not just invite yourself and expect me to go along with it because that's what you want".

He then responded "What was going to be your response? and I was just texting ANYTHING to get some sort of response from you.Like if you dont want me then why are you streaming me along like you are".

I respond again "My response to you inviting yourself over to my place is a no. Not that I owe you an explanation but I had a very busy weekend. I was out of town and planned on reaching out on Monday until I saw your message. I don't like people who feel entitled to me, my space and now you sound like you also feel entitled to my body. That's a hell no for me, I have too much respect for myself to be with someone who thinks about me like that."

His parting words to that "You're a prude😂😂😂", "I'm good"

I hit him with a "👌" and his final words were

"Women like yourself disgust me smh".

If anyone is curious about timeline we met on 10/2 (>5min interaction in a dispensary parking lot) had our first date 10/15 (2 hour drinks) and had our last discussion was on 10/28.

I can admit the fact that part of the communication issues came from my lack of texting. I can also say that much of the information I did share via text before meeting up (where I went to school, where I am from, and what I do for work) he had already forgotten by the time we were on the date. I'm just glad I didnt put more time or effort into this person, because I know I deserve better.

One day I was meeting up with this guy from the internet who lived in the same town as me. He told me to pick him up at a bowling alley where he was having a work party. He gets in my car seeming a little tipsy so I drove somewhere so he could sober up. He ends up getting into my backseat getting completely naked before he sobered up so I just sat in the back with him we didn't do anything because I felt like he wasn't in the right mind to make that decision even tho we talked about it weeks before. He started gagging so I knew he was about to throw up. So he opens the door to my car (still naked) throwing up but missing getting it in my car. He then passes out butt naked leaving doo doo streaks on my seat. I was calling my friend freaking out asking her what I should do she told me to dump him on the side of the road. I just couldn't do that to him. I didn't know where he lived and he was also naked. I ended up driving to my house and leaving him in the back seat because I didn't know what to do. He was there for hours until the morning time. Then all of a sudden I get call from a ex who id been on and off with saying he wanted to bring me a bagel and talk about us getting back together. He said he was already out front so I panicked because I have a naked man in my backseat. Somehow he didn't see him because of my back window tints. He had no idea and I felt like complete shit. I couldn't get the smell out of my car I eventually sold it.

TLDR: I have spent the last year and a half being constantly bombarded by people on dating apps who are just trying to take advantage of loneliness. I am a 24 year old man and I haven’t had a single date in over a year and a half of being on dating apps. So my last real relationship ended in a blaze of glory two years ago.I came very close to committing suicide as a result of it and I don’t think I ever truly recovered. About 6 months after the breakup my shitty therapist suggested I try dipping my toes back in the water and hop back on some dating apps. It started immediately. The only matches I get are either scammers using crappy chatbots who stole peoples photos or are OnlyFans content creators trying to get another subscriber out of it. It doesn’t matter what app I use either. Tinder, Bumble , or even Hinge all yield the same result. I take breaks from these apps often because I get burned out but then the loneliness starts back up. I am just broken and don’t know what to do anymore.

I (27,F) recently went on a tinder date. The guy (29,M) asked me out and we went to a number of places. He paid for all of this, did not ask me to split (which I would have done happily). We got wasted, he literally begged me to sleep with him then tried to emotional manipulate me into giving him bj as he was dropping me home, which he offered to do multiple times.

Next day, I told him I don't see this going anywhere so he sent me a list of things he paid for and to send him the money, which really wasn't much.

He said that I only pay for my girlfriend and no one else. I am SO furious right now. I just needed to get this out of my system.

Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone, I’d like to get your thoughts on two things a man I’ve been involved with for a year said to me. Context: already from the beginning of our connection, He showed some aversion to commitment. He claimed to be very picky and that He is looking for specific qualities in order to settle down, which He never did in 9 years, after his ex dumped him.

During a meeting when we reconnected after weeks of distancing, he seemed more relaxed than usual and said these two things that left me a bit puzzled:

1. “When I meet a woman who ticks all the boxes of what I’m looking for, it’s dangerous for me...”.

In the initial weeks of dating, even though He had yearned for a first kiss, He began to push me away when I was trying to kiss him, even if playfully, and justified that by saying <you are too dangerous... I must keep you at bay/I must draw a line>.

2. (After I mentioned suggesting him some songs) “No no please, because if I fall in love...”

I’m wondering: what do you think he was trying to communicate with these statements?

Need advice! Not sure if I’m being ghosted

Hi everyone. I’m 35F. Met this guy 37M on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and started texting. He was smart, funny, and witty. We texted for hours on end, sharing pics, voice messages, updating each other on how our day went and so on.

I had asked him to meet me several times but he had to go to his hometown as his mother was unwell. He is very secretive about some things such as how many siblings he has, or was he ever married before. Despite that, we texted continuously for 4 months.

One day, out of the blue he said he is going somewhere and he will not be texting me for a month, followed by a bunch of advice on how to take care of myself. I asked him if he was ghosting me and his response was “who informs and ghosts?” I asked him why doesn’t he just break it off and his response was he was only stating he will not text for a month!

I kept texting him saying this is all too sudden and I do deserve an explanation. But my texts remain on delivered. They are never read. I stopped texting him from the following day.

I wonder where is the basic human decency to at least inform the person you have been texting for months on what you’re up to!

Do you think there is any merit in giving him benefit of doubt?

I am engaged to a woman I love and we are technically in an open relationship. Ever since coming to terms with the fact she is jealous so I only want her she has other 'friends' which we respect because it works. Recently though due to me stating I don't like fellatio due to sensitivity issues she expressed she enjoys fellatio a lot but she doesn't like giving it to me. I want to marry but she expressed that she feels more safe with me because I am her anchor but since she really likes fellatio she said that since she doesn't like giving me fellatio she 'LOVES' these men differently. Recently she expressed most of her friends were guys always and that she has friends in the projects and other dangerous places. She told me a story about how she had her 'project friends' address an issue of a man disrespecting her. She said she once over the phone that her mom was 'friends' with a man at some store, she knows and that's why her and papi don't like their mom. She even said she was accused of being with other women's partners/husbands with pride and showed me a text message of her dad calling her a whore in a snapchat. She is Puerto Rican, with large bust and wide hips in such a manner that appeals to the carnality of man. She is a fit none Supernormal stimulus Venus figure. After I ignored her text of her dad calling a whore she started quoting the Bible about women. I AM A MIXED PUERTO RICAN AND BLACK man from the suburbs who is educated but she is a Puerto Rican urban girl who likes hood culture. I made it known that her friends are not my concern because I don't care to know them because she even told me a story of them all getting together to attack a coach after a football game. She is very popular in these projects and she mainly likes African Americans but has some Hispanic female friends. She also works in the local inner cities social assistance program so she knows the projects well. Her other friends or interests are now more ambiguous. Since she said no one in the projects get married she really likes men who are taken and she even goes to these communities football games and acts as surrogate mother figure. These people are violent but she said if she's ever in a bad situation then her gangster friends will protect but me and her are always on the same team. I feel odd because now things are very formal and she is acting more Christian but why did did she express her love/desire or loving fellatio? TO TBH on our first date I got drunk and I saw her flipping through her phone and noticed this one man. She said she didn't feel the 'spark' with me but I still pursued and now we're engaged but I saw her texting this same man who she randomly had a pic of on her phone among her family photos. This man is co-habituating with a woman and they both have kids but when this man texts or calls her body language becomes very happy/intimate. She said many men have come and gone but this one is special.... Now she wants us to goto her good friends house for dinner with his girlfriend/partner because his baby mama needs to know she is engaged/married. Is it possible to like fellatio this much as a woman and why does she not like giving me fellatio? I don't want to ask her if she gives her friends fellatio.

i 25f matched a guy 25m from a dating app.

he was based from a different city but his location was close to mine.

we instantly hit it off. even tho we were from different cities we were planning to fly down to see each other.

he went to travel to europe for a month, but he constant kept in touch - regular ft, always texting

when he did get back to the country, he said that he wanted to be the first one to come fly down and to see me.

it didn’t matter- i was smitten by him.

we lined our work schedules and it finally happened, he was coming down for the weekend!

he said that he was gonna crash at a friends place while he was gonna stay here- cool

we spent all of saturday together. he was so much better than i expected.

TOTAL GENTLEMAN, didn’t even lift a finger while we were together, had the most incredible date (he had planned everything) he made me feel super special.

i would have kept the day going but he wanted to go out w his friends, which i was bummed about but he promised we’d go to a sundowner party on sunday eve- he got reservations and everything sorted.

sunday morning: he is not answering to my texts. i assumed he might have been up late and that’s why.

the reservations are at 5, i get a text from him around 4:30.

i was pissed. i went out w by bsf and wanted to spend the day w her. she said i should still go see the guy and see what he has to say.

i agree. in a cab to go see him.

he then calls and says they he won’t be able to make it, bcs his other friend was flying out of town and he really wanted to go see him.

i am shook.

he says that he is sorry and that he’ll make it upto me.

i let it slide.

monday morning: i go back to work and he had previously mentioned he wanted to explore that side of town as well (near my office)

asks when do i get off, 6:30 i said. he says cool; he’ll come pick me up. i get excited to see him again.

it’s 6:30 he’s running a little late, i told no worries, i’ll wait by a cafe near my office and grab us some coffee.

it’s 7, i am waiting at the cafe, asking for updates -NOTHING. i call him, he is declining my calls.

im up and ready to leave. he calls me back.

“i am not feeling too well, i got out of the cab and i puked, haven’t been feeling well all morning”

i am taken aback.

i make sure that he is feeling better and ask him to take a cab home.

he does, i ask him to share his location to make sure that he gets home safe. he stops sharing the location midway.

since then he hasn’t replied to any of my texts or calls. i have no idea of what this man is upto - if he’s better or not. he hasn’t blocked me or anything from anywhere.

he was supposed to fly back on tuesday. it’s friday now, he hasn’t texted me once since monday.

how did this go so horrible wrong?

There was this one time during my freshman year of college when a yeast infection broke out on one of the girls' floors. Apparently, in the public showers there was one handicap bench where you could sit down to shave your legs and all the girls were using it, and the yeast infection spread from person to person. It was a fucking nightmare.  

This was a couple years ago. I had just found out my husband who left a little bit before was with someone. I found out by facebook pictures someone showed me. Since that was one of the worst and most humiliating things I’ve experienced, I gave in and figured I might as well. First and foremost, I immediately got a message from a guy I dated for maybe a month before it ended before I met my husband. I now had a different last name and my hair is deep red as to blonde when I knew him so that was odd. Next, I started sending messages back and forth with a few guys to get to know them, I was very clear that I was just basically looking to talk as friends because obviously I hadn’t even talked to another man aside from my husband for 51/2 years. I sort of clicked with one guy and we made plans for a movie. It was normal, literally just movies and home. The only thing was I found out he was 30. That was even younger than my husband so I wasn’t thrilled. The second date was where things got weird. We went to dinner then just were sitting talking in his car. He talked non stop about how his ex wife was very sexually explorative, the craziest place they had sex, etc. he talked about several other sexual encounters in detail then told me that he got a stalking charge on the Army base he was at. Which of course was her fault. Then, he basically did all he could to try and get laid. Wondering why I was saying no, assuming that I was embarrassed of myself i guess? I’m an average weight, I’m not embarrassed. I got home and just cried. I realized that I didn’t even want to date I was just distracting myself from my life. He completely stopped texting me thank god. Then he text me a year later just out of the blue. I blocked him immediately. Since then I shut Match down and I really just don’t have any desire to date again. Anyone really, I can’t stand how people are, they lie and seem to always have some kind of agenda. I’m sure there are great guys out there, I just don’t care at all

In college I went on a trip for a class and there was another student there and she was pretty and seemed cool. I was definitely interested and hopeful. We were walking through O'Hare International Airport in Chicago and she dropped her mouth guard/retaine on the floor of a major hallway. "No biggie." I thought. "We can just find a bathroom and wash it off." She picked that thing up and popped it right into her mouth without so much as blowing on it or wiping it on her clothes. That was the end. I just couldn't do it.

This is my story of when I was “soft kidnapped.” I say soft because it wasn’t a legitimate kidnapping. I was held against my will in a vehicle, but never truly felt scared for my life. Names are changed for privacy reasons. I am a 25 yo female, but this story is set in 2015. I was with my high school boyfriend, Eric, at the time, and we were both about a month or two into our sophomore year.

It was a “staff development day” so the kids had off while the teachers had meetings all day. Both of his parents were teachers at different schools in the district, leaving Eric home alone, so, naturally, he invited me over. I was unaware that he did not get permission from his parents. His parents, specifically his step-mom, Jan, was extremely strict. She usually did not let me at the house when there wasn’t any supervision, but I didn’t think much about it honestly. Since neither of us had our drivers license yet, I took the bus to get to his house, with my dad’s permission. Eric and I weren’t sexually active at the time, and the most scandalous activity we did that day was shower together. After the shower and I was wearing just underwear and one of Eric’s sweatshirts.

It was about 11:30 and we had just made lunch and were watching tv in their family room downstairs, when we heard someone come into the house. Eric assumed it was one of his parents coming home and immediately told me to go hide in his room, which was off of the family room. Instead of hiding in the closet, under the bed, or any other actual hiding spot, I just stood on the other side of his bed. Eric was still in the family room when I heard him talking to someone. Then, his stepmom walked into his room and saw me. She said nothing to me but grabbed my hand and dragged me up the stairs and into the garage. She didn’t let me grab my pants, shoes, bag, or anything. I just had my phone. She put me into the car, and I thought she was just going to yell at me a bit and take me home.

As soon as we got in the car, she told me to call her school using my phone. She told me tell the receptionist that there has been an emergency and that Jan won’t be coming back to work today, so I did. We started aimlessly driving around the city, as she was sobbing and screaming at me that I disobeyed her trust. She told me that I was ruining my life by living in the moment and not thinking about the consequences of my choices. She accused me of trespassing and influencing her stepson. We then eventually got to her husbands school that he worked at. She then told ME to call her husband to have him come out, but the call went to voicemail. I honestly don’t know what would have happened if he responded. She had me call because she was sobbing and didn’t have her phone with her.

That is when she took my phone and put it on the drivers side door pocket. We continued driving as I begged her to just take me home. I was crying at the time and was trying to signal to other drivers that I was in a bad situation. After about an hour of driving, and me banging on the windows at other drivers, she drove me to my house, She pulled into my driveway, but wouldn’t give me my phone back. She insisted I give her my passcode, because she was without a phone since she left it at work. Idk why she didn’t just go back to work, but apparently finding a girl at her house was too traumatizing.

After arguing with her to give me back my phone, my dad pulls into the driveway. Jan immediately exits the car and runs to my dad to tell her what happened. Apparently she told my dad that “her world ended today”, and my dad seriously thought that Eric had died or was seriously hurt. I grabbed my phone and my dad saw me in my underwear run inside of our house. After Jan was finished talking to my dad, he came into the house and said “wow that is a crazy woman”. About 10 mins later, Eric’s dad calls me back to ask why I had called him. I told him to talk to Jan and hung up. I wasn’t allowed back at his house for months afterwards.

I had been dating this girl for just a few weeks. Her level of intensity was instantly suspicious - being overtly sexual on whatsapp before we'd even met, making longish term plans, talking about our dates like there was some magical serendipity.

So, she was a bit weirded out when I told her I was divorced. I explained why me and my ex-wife split - it was mutual, amicable and related to a personal issue my ex-wife had (which isn't my business to discuss).

The girl I was dating didn't believe me and went snooping on facebook. She somehow found my ex-wife on facebook which is incredible as I don't have facebook so she didn't find her that way and my ex wife also uses a pseudonym as she is a very private person.

She then proceeded to ask my ex-wife to verify my story as to why we broke up which my ex reluctantly did. She then messaged me to warn me.

The girl I was dating then gleefully messaged me with "BABY! I didn't believe your story about your divorce but your ex confirmed the story so now we can be together!"

Needless to say, I ended things immediately...