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No disassociate!

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Relapsing tw:CSA

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fairy

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Please don't get mad at me 

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My real last piece now

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MEMORY ISSUES BRO I GOT JUMPSCARED BY MY OWN DAMN ACCOUNT

IM LIKE huh a spoilered image? We sent a spoilered image? What did they send- holy shit

Friend 'n co-host were talkin' about medical shii together (like cases) and I had zero freakin' clue bout this so when I strut on into DMS I gET FREAKIN. BEAT ACROSS THE FACE WITH SURPRISE GORE

<div class="md"><p>MEMORY ISSUES BRO I GOT JUMPSCARED BY MY OWN DAMN ACCOUNT</p>

<p>IM LIKE huh a spoilered image? We sent a spoilered image? What did they send- holy shit</p>

<p>Friend &#39;n co-host were talkin&#39; about medical shii together (like cases) and I had zero freakin&#39; clue bout this so when I strut on into DMS I gET FREAKIN. BEAT ACROSS THE FACE WITH SURPRISE GORE</p>
</div>

Oh that's gore... That's gore of my comfort character

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I don't remember what I was thinking or feeling when I made them. Don't know the themes or what the collages are called. Been struggling and listening to music and doing art after a rough morning. Always feeling confused about what I am experiencing and about my inability to be the host or to keep pretending to be host. People miss the old us before we knew we had DID. Idk how to go back. Idk how to stop being bad. I just end up confused because the trauma we have is so tangled when my mom upsets us it's a sticky web I get stuck in. My mom wants us to move on and move past the stuff we've been through. She has healed and all that. But I guess idk. I don't get how we keep messing up. I just keep being bad and dumb. But we  did this instead of self harm or taking pills and trying to half assedly end it. So that is good I guess better than the alternative. I really am a bad person though. Like really am a jerk a lot of the time. And idk why or how to fix it. I know I am probably in the wrong. Because I always am. Everyone else seems to always be right or in the right whenever I get upset or express things. I do still feel like punishing myself in other ways and doing other forms of self harm like not eating or drinking enough water or going to the bathroom. Idk why. We will probably still eat and stuff but really don't want to grant ourselves those things. I hate the way I am. We try our best and hardest. But still are bad. And life has been chaotic and a lot of transitions in my life. So everything  has been destabilizing, and a lot of change. I blocked my mom temporarily just because I know I fucked up. And I do better and she does better when I'm not around. It's hard because I don't  have any friends. Or family really. So I am all alone. It causes a lot of self hating. And isolation. And I think about making friends, but I don't want to bother anyone. Or burden anyone. And I seem to be the common denominator in every situation and friendship and relationship ever. So it's very safe to say that I am the problem. I know that I am. So an attempt to make friends feels like, I am like idk, dooming someone? Like it would be the equivalent of putting a curse on someone. And it's not like I am not trying and in therapy and doing my best to be the best  person and be better than the day before. But it just keeps getting hard. I also don't like getting close to people. I end up masking. Sometimes I think might have some traits of NPD or ASPD. But those are probably more likely not that and symptoms of what I have that I mistake for traits of NPD or ASPD. Buy I just feel stupid and incapable. Haven't had a job in a long time. I get burnt out very easily and quickly and am physically disabled as well so it's tough to work or find a job that suits me. But idk maybe if I could support myself like a normal person I wouldn't have problems. My mom and I have problems cause I am a problem and I rely on her too much. Idk. I get confused on her. Feels like idk her as much or as well as before.

<div class="md"><p>I don&#39;t remember what I was thinking or feeling when I made them. Don&#39;t know the themes or what the collages are called. Been struggling and listening to music and doing art after a rough morning. Always feeling confused about what I am experiencing and about my inability to be the host or to keep pretending to be host. People miss the old us before we knew we had DID. Idk how to go back. Idk how to stop being bad. I just end up confused because the trauma we have is so tangled when my mom upsets us it&#39;s a sticky web I get stuck in. My mom wants us to move on and move past the stuff we&#39;ve been through. She has healed and all that. But I guess idk. I don&#39;t get how we keep messing up. I just keep being bad and dumb. But we  did this instead of self harm or taking pills and trying to half assedly end it. So that is good I guess better than the alternative. I really am a bad person though. Like really am a jerk a lot of the time. And idk why or how to fix it. I know I am probably in the wrong. Because I always am. Everyone else seems to always be right or in the right whenever I get upset or express things. I do still feel like punishing myself in other ways and doing other forms of self harm like not eating or drinking enough water or going to the bathroom. Idk why. We will probably still eat and stuff but really don&#39;t want to grant ourselves those things. I hate the way I am. We try our best and hardest. But still are bad. And life has been chaotic and a lot of transitions in my life. So everything  has been destabilizing, and a lot of change. I blocked my mom temporarily just because I know I fucked up. And I do better and she does better when I&#39;m not around. It&#39;s hard because I don&#39;t  have any friends. Or family really. So I am all alone. It causes a lot of self hating. And isolation. And I think about making friends, but I don&#39;t want to bother anyone. Or burden anyone. And I seem to be the common denominator in every situation and friendship and relationship ever. So it&#39;s very safe to say that I am the problem. I know that I am. So an attempt to make friends feels like, I am like idk, dooming someone? Like it would be the equivalent of putting a curse on someone. And it&#39;s not like I am not trying and in therapy and doing my best to be the best  person and be better than the day before. But it just keeps getting hard. I also don&#39;t like getting close to people. I end up masking. Sometimes I think might have some traits of NPD or ASPD. But those are probably more likely not that and symptoms of what I have that I mistake for traits of NPD or ASPD. Buy I just feel stupid and incapable. Haven&#39;t had a job in a long time. I get burnt out very easily and quickly and am physically disabled as well so it&#39;s tough to work or find a job that suits me. But idk maybe if I could support myself like a normal person I wouldn&#39;t have problems. My mom and I have problems cause I am a problem and I rely on her too much. Idk. I get confused on her. Feels like idk her as much or as well as before.</p>
</div>

Collages

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Window

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"rupture", Oct 28 24

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When he overtook the role of the host, he was still anxious to make any changes that the previous one wouldn't like. 

<div class="md"><p>When he overtook the role of the host, he was still anxious to make any changes that the previous one wouldn&#39;t like. </p>
</div>

Changing the body's look

The body

The distant dream of freedom cannot be the fuel for life anymore, hate fuels the life of a true serpent. I was bit by one, now I must become one, the serpent is never afraid. When he comes to bite you the devil is in his venom

<div class="md"><p>The distant dream of freedom cannot be the fuel for life anymore, hate fuels the life of a true serpent. I was bit by one, now I must become one, the serpent is never afraid. When he comes to bite you the devil is in his venom</p>
</div>

Be the serpent

She whispers things like "Give up already. It's futile. It's hopeless." 

I gently reply, "Oh, love... the burden you carry.  It's so heavy, isn't it?"

And then, she and all of her wires fall quiet. 

<div class="md"><p>She whispers things like &quot;Give up already. It&#39;s futile. It&#39;s hopeless.&quot; </p>

<p>I gently reply, &quot;Oh, love... the burden you carry.  It&#39;s so heavy, isn&#39;t it?&quot;</p>

<p>And then, she and all of her wires fall quiet. </p>
</div>

A persecutor's desperation

How much horror can the brain withstand and still remain a wakeful sanity? 

Our hands shook and vision blurred trying to create a visual so we had to leave it as a rough sketch. 

<div class="md"><p>Our hands shook and vision blurred trying to create a visual so we had to leave it as a rough sketch. </p>
</div>

Tying together the narrative of different types of memories and their resulting beliefs CW for CSA trafficking, animal death 

Slit

<div class="md"><p>( spatially</p>
</div>

Spatially aware of us

<div class="md"><p>CW SA</p>
</div>

bear

Eternal lamb

embodiment of rage

Hi, we're The Fiendish Legion and this is our YouTube channel, where we post songs done by different parts of the system. More to come!

https://youtube.com/@thefiendishlegion

<div class="md"><p>Hi, we&#39;re The Fiendish Legion and this is our YouTube channel, where we post songs done by different parts of the system. More to come!</p>

<p><a href="https://youtube.com/@thefiendishlegion">https://youtube.com/@thefiendishlegion</a></p>
</div>

Our music channel

Teacher attachment

I've lost so much. I'm not the same. "You aren't, and neither am I - and that's alright, love."

surviving

Beast

memory bank, kitty and snapshots of the events. looks cozy from outside; only certain people in the headspace know what type of memories that computer keeps.

Older drawing of mine that got deleted, I wonder how much more my style will develop within the next year

<div class="md"><p>Older drawing of mine that got deleted, I wonder how much more my style will develop within the next year</p>
</div>

Puppy

<div class="md"><p>e</p>
</div>

S*x angel

Pain/resigned

A safe place for those with Dissociative Identity Disorder to share artwork, "Meet the Alter" drawings, traumatic art, comics, music, stories, videos, things meaningful to their systems, etc. 

<div class="md"><p>A safe place for those with Dissociative Identity Disorder to share artwork, &quot;Meet the Alter&quot; drawings, traumatic art, comics, music, stories, videos, things meaningful to their systems, etc. </p>
</div>

<div class="md"><p>A supportive space for individuals with DID to share their artwork, personal experiences, traumatic art, comics, music, stories, videos, and other meaningful creations. We welcome contributions that reflect the diversity and depth of everyone&#39;s unique experiences.</p>
</div>

4,238 Subscribers

Our music channel