I don't know how to fully do it. He kind of knows but not from me. He makes crude remarks trying to get info out of me. Any advice?

I've been out to some friends and family for the last few months and have received a mixture of responses. I specifically put off telling telling a friend and mentor as I knew it would be extremely difficult to handle if he took it poorly. This friend is older than my father and leads a volunteer rescue team that I am part of; he has taught me so much as part of the team and offered advice at other crucial moments in my life.

I was preparing for the worst as he has made some homophobic jokes in the past and is typically quite old fashioned. I kind of just blurted it out when I was leaving today. After a long pause he said that times are changing and he had always thought to himself that if his son had turned out to be gay that he would be okay with it. This was genuinely such a touching moment. We talked it out for a bit and then I headed on my way. So a success story for once throughout all of it !! :) People may surprise you if you give them the chance!

I’m an early 40’s fellow who has been hiding deep deep in the closet his whole life. The weight of it is starting to feel crushing. I’m married (to a girl obviously) but I know I’m gay. I need people to talk to.

About me: I am a 24F with no dating, romantic, or sexual experience with anyone. I’ve had a few guys try to talk to me in high school and college, but I never liked it and always shut it down. I’m a pretty quiet person and I keep to myself.

Today I kinda came out to my mom. We were having a conversation about relationships and I just felt compelled to get it off my chest. I told her I don’t think I’m going to end to with me. I don’t see myself ending up with a men. Ending up with a man is not going to happen for me.

This was her response:

• You are afraid of men.
• You’re inexperienced.
• You haven’t found the right man.
• This world/society makes people think they can be whoever they want and do whatever they want.
• You are confused.

She ending the conversation with:

• If that’s what makes you happy, then ok.

The whole time, her tone was reluctant and standoffish. Even though she said she wants me to be happy, her tone was very cold. I didn’t even fully come out and say I’m gay, so this was her reaction to just the tip of the iceberg.

I expected her to react like this but her reaction hurt. I was actually very upsetting. I had been dropping hints about my sexuality for months to test the waters and get my parents warmed up to the idea, but my mom’s response hurt. I didn’t think I would be as hurtful as it was.

I know I am gay. I did a lot of introspection because I felt like something was wrong with me. Why could I not feel connected to men? I thought I was asexual. When I came out to myself after suppressing the thoughts for years, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It actually made me happy. I felt excited for the future in way I NEVER had before. I’m not even exaggerating when I say I felt like I was finally living in color. When I thought I was asexual and the thought about ending up with a man, it was so depressing and irritating. I thought I was going to die young because I could not see my future. When I removed men from the equation, everything got brighter. I know this probably sounds extreme, but it’s really how I felt.

One reason I didn’t want to tell my parents for while was because I didn’t want them to get in my head and make me doubt myself.

While my mom’s reaction hurt, it doesn’t really change anything about how I feel. I still like women. I want to date, marry, and start a family with a woman. But I can’t help but let doubt creep into my mind. Ugh. It’s just so annoying.

😭💔 A few weeks ago I finally put my foot down about my sexuality. I could no longer take the shame and all the praying for something I can't change. I'm gay that's it They had me removed I'm now homeless trying to get to where I have job waiting etc This was sent to me today . I didn't respond. I feel shattered I feel sick and I feel the saddest I have ever felt in my life. I need them they are my parents, now They are Robert and Marie? How. Why? I knew this was coming but now it's here, I'm so scared of a life without them. I never chose this. I just am. I called crisis line but got sick of waiting on hold 😔 so anyone go through this? how did you even try to process? Email is below.

Kris, We never thought we’d have to write this letter. This is the hardest thing we’ve ever had to do, but we’ve reached a point where there is no turning back. Your CHOICES, your lifestyle, and your beliefs have broken our hearts, and it’s a pain we can no longer bear.

We raised you in the faith of our family, in the love of God, and in the teachings of the Pentecostal faith. You were taught what is right and what is wrong, and we always believed you would follow the path that was set for you. But now, the CHOICES you made it's clear that you are a child we don't know.

Your DECISION to live a life that goes against everything we hold dear has caused us untold pain. You’ve not only rejected the values we raised you with, but you’ve also CHOSEN a life that we believe to be a sin. You’ve turned your back on the very principles that should guide your life, and that is something we WILL NOT accept.

We know that right now, you are homeless, and we want you to understand that this suffering is the result of the CHOICES you’ve made. We believe that God is allowing this hardship in your life as a consequence of going against His will and living a life that is full of sin and diseases. This is not us punishing you; this is the natural outcome of the path you’ve CHOSEN, and we prayed that you would come to see that.

As much as we wish things could be different, we’ve made the decision to sever all ties with you. You are no longer our son. You have CHOSEN a path that, in our eyes, condemns you to eternal separation from God.You will burn in hell. No amount of reasoning or pleading can change this. You are not welcome in our home, you won't be a part of our lives any longer. Your belongings have been removed, room emptied, we have no desire to remember a child who CHOSE to live this way.

We know this decision may seem harsh, but we do it for the truth and for what we believe is the only righteous way. The community we belong to is here to help guide you back to God, should you ever CHOOSE to repent and turn away from your sinful CHOICES. Until then, we will not engage with you, and we will not communicate with you. You have made your CHOICE, we have made ours.

We pray that you will understand the gravity of your actions and turn back to the path of righteousness. Only through God’s grace can you find the peace and forgiveness you desperately need. May He open your eyes to the truth.

Goodbye,
Robert and Marie.

I've known since I was 13(now 17) that I am gay.

But I haven't been able to admit it to anyone as I'm always worried that they might judge me or like me less for it. And ontop of that, I just don't know how to tell them. I always feel presured and weighed down knowing that I can't just say two simple words, "I'm gay", and i feel as if it is just dragging me down and taking away from my life. But I just can't say it, even though I know it will be like lifting a weight off my chest.

I know that my parents will still love me but that doesn't help me from thinking they will look at me differently, as if I'm someone else, even though I'm still me.

I just don't know what to do, what to say, or if I should even say anything at all.

M27, Gay.

I am planning to come out to my parents as they started looking for girls to get me married (like a matchmaking thing commonly called arranged marriage in India)

The reasons I want to come out to them are 1. I don’t want them to have the hope forever that I will get married to a girl one day. 2. There is no way they would agree if I just say I don’t “want” to get married. They would organize some religious prayers and stuff feeling I would change my decision or whatever. 3. I don’t want them to approach some random family friends and give my details as a potential groom (yes, that’s how matchmaking works). I don’t even want my details to be circulated in the “market” ykwim.

I am planning to break it to them face-to-face. I know I am the best person to know about how my parents would react, but I want to brainstorm the probable outcomes after I come out and be prepared for the worst. Or is there an option for me to not come out altogether?

Also, I am independent, living in the US, working and have a place for myself. I am worried that this might take a toll mentally in them. I will talk to them and leave the country but I am so scared about their health.

All kinds of opinions, suggestions are welcome.

I hate saying to myself “I’m lesbian”, I’m still trying to figure myself out but when I tell myself I’m lesbian just to see how it’ll feel I feel sick. I’m not homophobic, but it’s like my body doesn’t want it to be true. I’ve also been to scared to tell anyone I feel this way since I don’t want any of my friends to put a label on me and see me differently. I just like girls and that’s that. Maybe I feel this way since I live in a very religious household and in the south where no one likes this stuff and been told being gay is horrible my whole life. Idk does anyone else feel this way or felt this way, like I said I’m still figuring myself out so maybe I’ll accept myself soon and it’ll go away.

So basically I grew up in a household where my parents always told me that I will marry a nice man, and stuff along the lines of that. They've never mentioned anything about girls when i was little, but recently because of all the gay stuff online they've been saying negative stuff towards the gay community. I am bisexual, and currently have a girlfriend. I love her a lot and want to stay with her forever but I know if my parents find out they will be so mad. They are both catholic, and go strictly by the church. I remember my mom mentioning once that she doesn't like gay people, and that it isnt right. She says god made men for women, and women for men, no other way. Same with trans people :// If she knew I was gay, or that I even had a girlfriend, she would be so mad. I can't even begin to imagine how she would react since I am already her least favorite child, She already dislikes me a lot. on the other hand... My dads response is what i'm more scared for. He gets mad easily, especially when it goes against the church or has to do with religious stuff. I'm scared for how he will react and that he will yell and hit me. I'm scared to come out, terrified. But at the same time I want them to know. I want them to meet my girlfriend one day, and to be accepting of us. It's even worse because she's a different race/ethnicity and my parents would prefer me to marry/date a Hispanic man. Should I wait until I'm 18 to tell them? Honestly I feel like my mom has been a little more accepting of gay people, since her coworkers are accepting of it. But my dad is definitely not. Can I get advice please?

So, a few months ago I was going through some stuff. I had allowed myself to finally acknowledge some stuff regarding same sec attraction that I think I had been repressing for a while. For a bit, I would be really stressed about whether I fit the exact definition of bisexual or this or that. Basically I had a lot of insecurity about the fact that I am not really sexually attracted to other guys nor have I ever felt the desire to date one, but still find them attractive in many of the same ways I would find a woman attractive as well. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that no label mattered, and that whatever I feel, I feel and that’s all that matters.

But sometimes, I still get these moments of confusion and insecurity and I’m not sure where they come from. To be honest, I’m not even sure where the insecurity is coming from.

Have any of you gone through this or have any idea where it may be coming from?

don’t really know how to start this but I’ll just go right in. For a awhile now I’ve been really thinking about my sexuality, I’ve like boys and I’ve had one boyfriend secretly maybe a year ago but we broke up (it was all a understandable break up we’re besties now). But a couple weeks ago I got some edits of girls on my fyp and i remember sending him (ex) them and being like “wow there so hot” and he started calling me gay😭.  I was swearing left and right I wasn’t!

But after that I just kept on getting more and more thirst traps and #wlw on my fyp, I caught myself many times unconsciously furiously shaking my head when I got a man thirst trap then smiling when I got a women..and it really got me thinking…the more I think the more I realize how much I think about girls, I’m in highschool and I can remember many times I’ve seen girls and just thought “there beautiful” and “I wish I could have them” but just brushed it off. I feel like I’m still attracted by men but at the same time throughout my life when I thought about being with someone i usually thought of a women for some reason.

The thing is if I try to say any of this out loud to myself I feel sick, I’m not homophobic or something I don’t know why I feel that way. I do live in a very religious house hold and I know if I ever mentioned any of this I would be struck down by everyone (I also live in the very very south so no one really likes this stuff 😭) but I’m not saying I am lesbian I just am confused, idk maybe this is all just a weird phase I’m going through and it’ll be gone in a couple weeks and I’ll laugh it off.

(There’s also this boy who has liked me for 3 years 🥲 everyone I know expects me to like him back and they all believe I do and overall I do like him but when I think of liking him or anyman it doesnt feel real? If that makes sense. Everyone expects me and him to date in a year so I’ll probably just go along with it untill I can move away to college and japan and live my dream) there’s still some reason I’m abit “suspicious” of myself but this is getting long!

Anyway I’m sorry this is long😭 but thank you if you read this I really appreciate it! ❤️

my brother and i are both 100% gay and my mom acts nice around him but talks shit abt him when hes not around so im afraid if i tell her im gonna not just hurt myself but my brother too

Should I come out. I have been in the closet for over a year now. And I know that I am 100% gay. I feel the first person I should tell is my mom. Because she is so caring towards me but I’m so scared to do it.

Felt I really needed to post this because I need potential suggestions on how best to approach this. The details of the situation are that I'm a pansexual trans guy, however my parents are blissfully unaware of both of these significant parts of my identity. I have known this since I was 12 and am now 16 getting on for 17. I have just recently been overwhelmed by lying 24/7 about who I am and dysphoria only seems to get worse as I have spent years trying to be hyperfeminine to make sure no one suspected me questioning my identity but the cracks are beginning to show and I can't even talk about it for fear I might say too much. So I'm in my final year of this school before I have 12 weeks off which I have chosen as the time I'm going to come out because I don't want to do it in school days because people aren't kind and I need these weeks to come out, change my wardrobe and school details. So I have around four months until I finally plan to come out and I want to clarify I don't know how my parents will react but I do know they won't harm me so please don't have concerns around my safety. What I do really need advice on is how to come out. I really can't have a convisation as I know I won't get my point across and a text message feels too informal for what might look like a drastic change to some. So I was going to write a letter and upload a draft to here to get critics but how am I supposed to give it to them? I thought about leaving it for them going on a day out and returning after they have read it but how could i even walk back into my house after that? Anyways thanks for reading and any advice at all is much appreciated and if you need any more information just ask. Thanks :))

Heya everyone!

I need some advice. Sorry if this comes across as a bit of a rant, it's my first time trying to put these thoughts into words. Plus, I'm not super fluent in English, which doesn’t help.

A little bit of context:

I (gay, 30M) live in a fairly religious/conservative European country. After spending most of my 20s as a de facto shut-in, over the past few months I started slowly coming out to my friends (they're all straight).

I haven’t made any big announcements or anything, just dropped some hints and eventually got confirmation that pretty much everyone already "knew". I should probably ask for advice on that too, but that’s a topic for another post.

Back on track:

My parents divorced about 25 years ago. My father later remarried and had a daughter (14F). Since the divorce, we’ve never lived together: I see them once a week for dinner, plus on holidays and other events.

I don’t know if they know I’m gay, but my father has made several homophobic remarks in the past, usually when reacting to TV news and such. He also keeps asking things like “When are you going to get a girlfriend?” and “At your age, I was already married and had a son” and so on. Our relationship has always been difficult, though it’s improved a little in recent years. Still, I wouldn’t call us close.

On the other hand, my sister has always been really affectionate toward me. There’s obviously a big age gap, but even though we don’t see each other that often, I try to be present in her life and help her whenever I can.

As I work on being more true to myself, I’m unsure how to approach coming out to her. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to bring up topics like my sexual orientation with her, and I also don’t know how her parents would react if she told them we talked about it. At the same time, I feel like if I keep hiding this part of myself, she might start resenting me for not being honest with her.

A few weeks ago, she asked to add me on Instagram. Since then, I’ve been really self-conscious about what content I post and interact with. I don’t have any other family members on there, and ever since my "soft coming out", it’s been a space where I could just be myself and engage with queer-friendly content. I’m worried she might connect the dots (if she hasn’t already) and I think that it would probably be better if I told her in person first.

That’s it. Any advice?

I have recently come out to my wofe after being married for 20 years. She has been so supportive and understanding. I would like some advice on how we can tell out children, one boy aged 17 and one girl aged 13. We have brought them up to be tolerant and understanding of everyones differences. I just want some advice on wording and how we broach it. I don't want them thinking they we brought into this world under a lie.

I (15M) am a closeted bi guy. Lately I’ve just been on a journey to discover myself and I’m now sure that I am bi. I want to come out to my best friend but every time I think about doing it (even when I’m not with anybody) I get this nauseous feeling and start to feel anxious. I don’t know what to do.

I'm 14 now and I am agender. I use they/it, but if I come out to my parents, I'll just ask them to use they/them and my preferred name. My parents have always insisted that my name is perfect, they talk about my deadname in a really praising way and they are very attached to it. I'm about to go into highschool, and pretty much all of my friends and trusted teachers know about my identity. Also, my parents know that people call me by my preferred name, but they think it's just a nickname. So my question is this: Should I wait until I go off to college to come out to them, that way I don't have to spend a lot of time around maybe unsupportive parents, or should I just come out now?

Note: My parents know that I like both girls and boys. They don't care much about who I love. The trans subject is a bit touchy, though. I came out to my dad when I was 11 as non-binary, and he was unsupportive, but I'm not sure about my mom (who is much more loving than he is). I don't hear much about their beliefs about trans people, but I know that my dad thinks that non-binary "doesn't exist."

I'm bi (21 M), never been comfortable with that, I knew I felt that way since I was 6, but since I was a kid I couldn't really wrap my head around it and kinda ignored it. As time when on it was getting harder and harder to live with that and not tell anyone, just the other day I got drunk in a family function and by the end I pulled my mom aside and came out to her.

Felt like a huge weight came off my shoulders, I cried a lot too when I told her, it was a shit storm of emotions, she was surprisingly accepting and comforting. I always felt like I should take that secret to the grave with me to not disappoint my parents and stuff, I still don't feel entirely comfortable with the fact I am this way. If anyone can relate or give some advice on that I'd appreciate a lot.

(First time posting on Reddit, sorry if it's confusing or if I didn't express myself that well)

I’ve had a crush on my best guy friend (17 M) since Freshman year. Our relationship has gotten stronger and we’ve gotten closer every year since. I and basically everybody around us has gotten the feeling that he was gay, but he puts on this front to make it seem like the opposite. He comes from a pretty homophobic and toxicly masculine household, so I’ve never been surprised or judged by the way he handles situations. My suspicions on him being gay were basically confirmed yesterday.

I had his phone before we started practice and thinking it was mine I went downstairs to use the bathroom. I swiped it open and quickly realized that it wasn’t mine. A part of me was telling myself to lock the phone, use the bathroom and move on, but another part of me knew there was something to know, so regretfully I started going through it.

Long story short, I found a lot of stuff. Gay porn, telegrams, chats, different friend finder profile things. A lot of it made me sad because at some point I realized he was doing a lot of stuff because he was lonely and felt that he couldn’t be himself.

I love my friend so much and I just need some guidance on what I should do exactly. I won’t ever tell him what I found, but I was him to know that I love him, he’s needed, and I’m here for him, but without telling him.

My mother’s supportive of the LGBT community, and I’d like to come out to her, but I’m not sure how. She was the one who bought me my binder, my tape, who shops with me in the men’s section, takes me for my haircut (gets sad if my hair gets too long because she thinks I look messy), saw my hairy armpits, and even took me to buy boxers (of my own request), but she hasn’t added any input on any of my decisions. She’ll still refer to me as the opposite gender, and I can’t blame her for it, but at the same time, I feel like she should question something. My father has asked me about my gender more times than she has (she’s never asked). How do I come out to her subtly? It feels impossible to come out and frankly awkward to even imagine.

I’m struggling to pick a name that I feel comfortable with as well, which is one of the factors holding me back from coming out. I’ve decided on a middle name/nickname, Larry (no Laurence/Lawrence, Lars, etc.) because it’s a name that’s always stuck with me. I’d like a name that has a similar feel to Collin, Elliott, Jared, etc., so if anyone has any suggestions please share (no “stereotypical trans names” please). I’m up to posting pictures/sharing information about myself if needed.

P.S. My father is transphobic so there’s no way I’m coming out to him any time soon.

Ookkkayyyy so basically I(19m) am fucked

I am queer, I know this. I currently identify as Bi/Pan, and I dont really think this is inaccurate, but I have been feeling so discontent with my girlfriend(20f) and just desparate to have male partnership at some point in my life. I think I just have a prefrence for men?

So GF and I have been dating for just over a year now, and she has already met most of my family. I was really stupid in the first 6 months of our relationship, because I told her I loved her really quickly, and embraced dreaming of a future with her. Verbally. We've talked about marriage and kids and a dream home, but I know I am too young and have too many dreams to just settle already.

In 2022 my brother commited suicide, and I met GF in 2023. I dont feel like I have grieved enough and I feel like I am avoiding it all. GF is so deeply tied to my post-loss-life. But I feel like I am still deeply tied to my pre-loss-life. I was 17 when it happened, and was still figuring myself out, so now I feel like I am still 17, and just so so lost.

I really love her and she is my best friend, but I think its a red flag that I have so many "phases" of LOATHING the fact that I am in a relationship, and wanting to just be Me-Uninfluenced.

I tried breaking up with her last year, and it went badly. She was in the process of moving into me and my roomates place, and I suddenly pulled the plug on that and expressed that I wasnt doing well. I feel like I wasn't really heard, and she was kind of just saying that I was pushing everyone away and what if my mental health got worse. We decided to take a 1week break, and then we have continued to date after the break was over. My issue is I think she has attachment issues, because she was the only person I talked to pretty much at all last year. I was trying to push only HER away so that I could re-find myself and have more time for my other relationships and hobbies. Idk how to break up with someone I have so much fear and guilt and I hate it and I hate myself. Lmk if u have any questions thx Edit:more story in the comments

I'm Bi. Most of my close friends know and somehow, I've kept it a secret from my parents for about a year. My mom is ultra religious Christian and my dad is a big buff manly man. I can't hide it forever and I really have no idea how they'd react. I don't even know their opinions on lgbtq people. I need tips on how to sorta scope out their opinions without coming off as awkward or look like I'm scoping anything out. Sorry if this is short, I'm not much of a writer.