I’m eager to gain understanding from other Christian married couples on the topic of serving one another in love. What does that look like for you?

Currently I feel like all I do is serve my wife on top of what I have on. In the moment when she serves, it’s mainly on things that are not much of an inconvenience to her during the moment. However, cooking is one, we cook together but it’s like a 70% / 30% split. Aside from that, I pretty much do everything else. She does not have initiative to do serve.

Things that causes inconvenience (when serving) is basically left to me. Which I’m okay with doing, but I don’t feel loved.

I’m constantly put in an inconvenience, I compromise my wants on a daily basis and always put her needs above mine which we are called to do… but with not even half the reciprocation.

As a leader - is that really what is involved? At times I feel it’s just me carrying the relationship. Whilst she’s demanding that emotional reassurance at all times

My wife has no problem getting frustrated with me, criticizing me, or nagging me but when I get frustrated with her it’s the end of the world. My wife and I had plans to go to a market tonight after I was done at gym and I was going to do a load of laundry while I was there. She took a nap and as I was at the gym I remember I forgot to put it in the laundry. I called her knowing she was napping and very politely and apologetically asked if she could throw it in the wash so I could take her to the market tonight (all my pants were dirty). She said no and hung up on me so I left the gym, frustrated, and drove all the way home to throw it in the laundry and then drove back to the gym. While I was at home I made some passing comments about how I was a bit frustrated should couldn’t help me out with a load of laundry quick when I always help her with anything she needs help with, even if I’m in a meeting at work, taking a nap, etc. and I mean always. I was frustrated because I help her all the time and she’s not willing to take two minutes to wake up and throw some clothes in the washer (mind you she had been napping for about three hours at this point). Maybe I was inconsiderate in this scenario but I’m so mad that she can be frustrated with me whenever she wants and I just take it but when I express the slightest bit of frustration with her she ruins the night and goes nuts. She tells me now she doesn’t want to spend any time with me this weekend at all and that I’m a manipulator…. This is why I hate weekends because this always happens on Fridays and then she blames me (granted it has been my fault in the past)…. I’d rather be working than spend the weekends with her. Sort of a rant but also looking for advice on how to go about this

Is it wrong to have sex in marriage but if one spouse is not in love with the other? Can love be built from this? Is it okay just to perform the duty for the other partner to fulfil them?

Since they want to work out vows.

Hello, My fiancé(f24)and I(m24)have been together for 6 years. We are getting married in a couple months and during our premarital counseling through our church we discussed wedding night expectations. We both assumed we would have sex immediately after the wedding, but our counselor told us many couples don’t due to being completely drained from the day. We were curious if anyone would tell us about their experience?

Asking wives that have been betrayed or have any experience in this matter.

My wife and I have been married 11+ years. We have 3 young kids.

Through the first 9 years of marriage, I struggled to cope with stress and frustration over self-image, marriage dynamics, and trauma from my childhood. I acted out with excessive drinking, pornography, and constant lies to cover it up. I didn’t have intimate relationships outside the marriage but I acknowledge the deep pain I caused my wife through the lies and porn addiction.

Everything came to a head two years ago when I was caught in a bold faced lie for the third time over 9 years. We’ve been separated in our home since then. I’ve been sober from alcohol since our separation. I’ve struggled at times with porn use since then but have been in active recovery and counseling and strung together 7 months of sexual sobriety.

I’m willing to do full disclosure and polygraph. All I’m asking of her is a commitment that, if I pass, she will no longer consider divorce provided I remain sober and honest. Plus, I’m asking for some kind of loose timeline to work towards me coming back to bed and slowly building intimacy.

We’ve done two years of her needs completely trumping mine and this is more than fair for what she has endured. However, our counselor is telling me I should expect 5-7 years of separation (on average according to studies) for her to recover from the betrayals. My wife agreed she needs that time to decide if she wants to stay in marriage or even begin to consider meeting my relationship needs.

I’m gutted. I know I owe her grace and there are consequences to what I’ve done, but is it really my role to have no voice in what I want/need for another 3-5 years?

I want to do the right thing but I’m scared I have years of sacrifice ahead of me with no real intimacy and the chance she could always just decide to throw in the towel.

I’m in a very tough situation, and I know it’s 100% my responsibility. I ignored the red flags years ago, thinking love would conquer all, so I’m not looking for reminders of what I “should have” done. I’m focused on figuring out a way forward now.

My husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 17, and we met in our early 20s. Not fully understanding what his diagnosis meant, I believed I could help him become better. I didn’t realize then that someone with bipolar disorder has to want help for themselves- otherwise, you’re fighting an uphill battle. I stayed, always putting him and his needs before my own. He’s an only child and a naturally self-centered person, but over time, I helped him become a little more selfless. He’s better now, though he still needs reminders.

Thirteen years into our relationship and five years into our marriage, we had a baby, who’s now six months old. I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point with my husband. I’ve always tried to see our relationship through a godly lens, telling myself that God put me in his life to help him become better. I didn’t leave because I thought it was my duty to stand by him through his struggles. But now, all I feel is regret and misery. It’s like he’s drained every bit of energy I have, and I’m barely holding it together for our son, who deserves a stable and loving home-not a place filled with constant ups and downs.

My husband’s world still revolves around his own needs. I’ve asked him to seek professional help or consider medication, even though he’s against it, saying God wouldn’t want him to rely on medicine. He’s recently stopped using edibles, which used to calm him, but now his emotions are all over the place. If something upsets him, he becomes angry; if he doesn’t get enough sleep, everyone’s walking on eggshells around him.

On top of this, he’s unable to work due to injuries from college, and he’s always complaining or feeling depressed about his body’s decline. I sympathize-I know he’s in pain-but he ignored these issues for years, and now that things are bad, he’s spiraling. He could still take steps to improve his situation, but instead, he slips into self-pity. I’ve encouraged him to push past it, reminding him there are people with worse conditions who’ve found ways to manage. Though he’s making small efforts now, I can’t help but feel ashamed calling him my partner. I’m carrying all the weight alone. I’m the breadwinner, but even working is hard because I have to help with the baby constantly. I handle all the late-night feedings and barely find time to sleep or work.

Honestly, it feels like it would be easier if my only worry was my child. I know I could technically leave. I’ve told him how unhappy I am and have left to stay at my mom’s a few times. He always begs me to come back, and when we do, things are fine for a bit-until we argue again. I think our resentment is mutual: he feels neglected, and I’m frustrated that he’s not stepping up as a partner. He’s someone I can’t rely on, and that realization alone is heartbreaking.

I feel lost about what to do. I’ve considered moving into an apartment with our son and letting my husband visit when he’s in a stable place mentally. But he brushes off the idea, insisting I just need to give him more time to work on himself. But how much longer can I keep investing my energy into feeling this way? I truly don’t know how to move forward. Anyone else with bipolar spouses? I’d appreciate your input in knowing how you manage…

Everything feels so awkward regarding and surrounding my husband. Despite the fact that we’ve been married for 7 years, having a conversation with the man feels like an awkward, surface level first date.

I can logically see the ways in which he might be showing me love. He fixes fences, he feeds my animals, he does the dishes, he did 3 consecutive loads of laundry last week, he watches the kids so I can go to meetings or pursue a hobby, he takes out the trash when I ask, he maintains my pasture. He lets me live in his house. He’s a good, decent man.

But I feel no love from him, and my love for him is waning. We hardly ever have sex, and when we do it’s terrible. He calls me beautiful once a year on a Facebook post for my birthday. We have no deep and meaningful conversations. We don’t hold hands, we only kiss goodbye and goodnight. I feel like I’m living with a brother more than a husband.

My Christian soul tells me I need to tough this out for life for the Glory of God. My flesh tells me I’m missing out on so much. And I really don’t know what to do or how to survive.

For the past 3 years, my husband has struggled to provide for our family. He has worked 4 different jobs (quit or fired from all of them). Most recently he bought a business with our savings because he thought he would “truly be happy” if he was working towards building something for himself. I supported him fully on this (and all his previous career switches).

Well, 6 months into this business he still hasn’t taken a paycheck and is just as miserable as before. He refuses to look for additional work to help supplement our income because it would distract from his focus on the business.

I work as much as I can (we have a 13 month old) and am once again the solitary income earner for the family. I have always been the breadwinner for the family, but have expressed that I would really love to spend more time at home focusing on our home.

To say I’m frustrated is an understatement. I feel angry (and admittedly resentful - it’s ugly but true) that I am both the primary provider and caretaker for our son and home. I’m also burnt out running my own business and taking care of home life.

Most of all I want to be a loving and encouraging wife, but I’m losing my faith in him as a provider.

I’ve prayed for and supported and encouraged him for many years now. He’s losing faith in himself and in God.

I know the answer is always prayer, and I’m doing that, but I could really use some practical advice on how to help uplift my man when I’m feeling beat down and unsure myself.

Just curious about what you guys think about adopting children and what the word says about it. ❤️

Hello everyone! Me (23M) and my wife (20F) just got married 2 months ago. We were long distance (living about a 1000 miles away), and were dating for almost 2 years. We talked about the differences/difficulties she may face when moving this far. I know that moving that far isn't something you can really prepare for, but I we talked about it often. She is very close with her family, and has a really good relationship with all of them. Luckily she has a sister that lives about 15 minutes from us who she is very close with. Her sister married my friend about 5 years ago, and I actually meet my now wife when she came to visit them.

After being married she has been home sick. Recently she has started to become almost frustrated or upset that we have spent time with my family instead of each other. She says that spending time with my family has reminded her of her family. We spent about 4 days out of the past 1 1/2 months with my family and she told me last night that we're spending more time with my family than with each other which makes no sense to me. She also mentioned that she feels like I love my family more than her, but when we talked through that and she took back. There are so many more details I can mention but l'm just trying to keep it short and simple.

Her comments feel like jabs sometimes and makes me feel like I'm not enough for her. She’s let everything out and then apologized. One time we had a back and forth about this and I countered everything she said, shortly after she came back crying saying something is wrong with her and that I’m right…., which broke my heart seeing her cry and say something like that about herself. Often times when she brings things up I feel the inside of me get frustrated but I just do the best to love her. Her jabs make no sense sometimes, but I see she’s dealing with something emotionally. I'm not asking for anyone to side with me but instead help me understand how I can better love my wife and support her through this hard transition in life. If someone has experience this themselves I would really love to hear what you have to say. I refuse to ask my parents or friends for advice about this because I don't want them to look at my wife in a way that she's holding me back from my family. I do keep saying no to family hangouts or trips that we have been invited to so that this doesn't continue to get worse.

In Ancient Rome, the groom would represent his future bride with an iron ring. This gesture started the trend of using precious metals in our wedding bands today. The durable metal represents permanence and strength, representing the bond of the couple. Evidence dates back that Romans were the first to engrave their metal rings. The Romans, as well as the Greeks, wore the symbolic ring on the fourth finger on the left, as we wear it today. The ring finger, as we know it today was believed to contain the vena amoris, a vein that leads straight to the heart. When the ring was placed on the ‘vein of love’ it represented the sacred union formed between two people.

Also this shouldn't be surprising, Christian religions are more gentile pagan than actual Abrahamic or Jewish.

So when it came to sex I was always so terrified due to sexual abuse I endured as a child from a family member. It happened when I was about 5 and lasted 8 years. I was orally raped, molested, and potentially raped. (I can’t remember the penetration) (guy should be in jail was an adult, but that situation is very complicated) I grew up Christian and I was always so strict about not having sex before marriage. I wanted it to be special. When I was a teenager I ran away from the church because some girls were calling me whore. It really hurt me because I felt like a whore even though no one knew what was happening to me at home. I lost my faith for a bit and indulged myself with drugs for many years. My pastor helped me get sober and got me into rehab. (I am now sober from hard drugs for 3 years) But even when I was in the world I was sooooo strict about not having sex and I didn’t. My boyfriend who isn’t a virgin is very sweet to me and flew in to see me twice. Every minute I spend with him is so special to me. Thing is I feel so safe with him sexually which never happened to me before. We have been experimenting into with other sexual practices. Even sext. I just never felt this way about anyone. I’ll do anything for him. He got me a promise ring this last time he came into town. Promising me that he’ll love me forever and that he’s going to marry me someday. He knew how important it was for me to wait until marriage. Well when visited we got in the heat of the moment multiple times. Got closer each time and then I caved. It didn’t last long because I felt instantly guilty. But there was penetration. I cried after.. I didn’t want him to know that so he didn’t see me. Even later on the same day we got spicy and I almost caved again. I know I’ll marry this man. But It scares me because it makes me wonder is this what he wanted all along? Is this normal to feel this way about someone you love? Will God still bless us? Is a good guy letting it get that far when he knew it was special to me? What do I do? I really do love this man but I literally just let him have me.. yet he hasn’t even gotten me flowers... I am 22F and he is 27… we have only have been dating for 2 months.. and talking for 3 months… we are long distance. He says I’m going to be his wife someday… but my point is should I be worried? And what do I do?

My wife and I have been apart for the last several months and later today she is flying down to see me for the long weekend. This visit is the first time we have had any alone time without kids since our oldest was born 5 years ago. I am super excited to hang out with her and spend some intimate time together. Two days before the trip she had a fall while at the park with our boys and has a hairline fracture in her shoulder. She has kind of hinted since then that anything intimate will probably not be happening. To be honest, we struggle to communicate about sex, which has led to disappointment in the past. I am trying hard to not let this affect my excitement to see her, but I am really struggling with it and don’t know how to get over the disappointment.

Hi, I (24F) am currently in a relationship with a Christian (25M). We have been together for about 3 years, and friends for long before that.

We are very similar in terms of social personality (hence the feeling of comfort/ease when together) and the tendency to avoid conflict, however we can be very different in terms of personality in other aspects. We have had a problem recently in terms of communication, and now everything is becoming too much for me to handle and I feel worried when I imagine life after marriage with him. Of course I understand Christian marriage and any other marriage is not easy, but I have really been struggling to understand the difference between marrying even if there are many difficulties and worries you can forsee (from commitment and god-like sacrificial love), and realising the challenge is too much for you and that maybe they are not the one for you (even in terms of Christian marriage).

He is really loving and I never doubted we wouldn't get married even with minor struggles present. It is really hard for me right now as I truly want to follow Gods way of living, but at the same time I am human and can only handle certain level of stress. I may have a lower stress tolerance which I should work on, but unfortunately this is who I am at this time and being.

Would it be ok for me to give up on our relationship (after lots of contemplation and prayer) due to poor communication and too many differences in personality? Or would it be something I should keep working on together with my partner and not give up? Would it be selfish of me as a Christian to want a marriage partner whom I would find it less hard/easier to live and communicate with?

Please be kind in the comments as I am slightly depressed recently. My partner already knows all this and I promised him I would only make a decision after my mental health becomes much better. Just wanted some advice from a Christian community and those who are already married. Thank you.

We're newly married, and have had this problem since before getting married. I'm a very anxious and insecure person, and the anxieties and insecurities can lead to me not believing my husband wants me or loves me. Sometimes I push him away because I feel like he's just pretending to want me. I know it doesn't make sense, but I have trust issues and insecurities, that lead me to self-sabatoge my relationship unwillingly. I want to stop these bad habits of pushing him away. It's hard for him because it makes him think he's a terrible husband when I'm cold with him and push him away. We always resolve the conflict the same day, I apologize for acting the way I do, and I regret it, and he forgives me and we make up. When we have conflict like this we're never making mean comments about each other, or attacking the other person, he just tries to show me affection and I push him away because I feel like he doesn't want me even though I want the affection. I keep self sabotaging. But I need to figure out how to stop doing it completely, are there any resources you recommend? Any advice, or help please. Is there anyone else out there experiencing the same things in their marriage? I feel like a bad wife because of my insecurities, they cause conflict between us, and I've made him feel like he's not good enough. He feels like he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved because I have a hard time believing what he tells me. He feels like he can't do anything right and gets upset at himself and probably frustrated with me because I'm so insecure. He is always good to me and believes I'm an amazing wife, and compliments me a ton. Why do I self-sabatoge and do the things I don't want to do? :( I just want to be a good wife for him because he's the most amazing husband ever. I just self sabotage every once in a while, like I'll get upset with him if I feel like he doesn't want me so I push him away. But most of the time, we're really happy and get along very well with each other. we don't really fight, I'm just insecure, and my insecurities are like 80 percent of our conflict we ever have. Advice please.

Hi everyone- first time posting. Please be kind. I’m not sure what I’m seeking… advice? Empathy? Clarity? I (28f) have been married to my husband (29m) for almost 7 years. I do love him dearly. He still makes my heart jump a beat when I look at him. We are both believers. We have 2 kids. We are both self-employed. He’s always been into “screens” (video gaming, YouTube videos, scrolling on Facebook, etc.) but for the past 12 months or so, it has become more extreme, to the point where I am feeling… deeply neglected and lonely. Or maybe, after 7 years of this, it’s just growing to a deeper point (although, pointedly, the last 12 months have been worse…). To paint a picture: upon waking, he turns to his phone and scrolls social media, when he’s home, he is typically sitting and scrolling or watching a video of some sort, and then at night once the kids are asleep, he goes onto his computer and plays video games until at least 11pm, but often later. He will often tell me “I’m not playing late tonight” and yet somehow always come to bed at the same very late time every night, anyways. I have expressed, countless times, how deeply sad it makes me that we truly never go to bed together nor have set aside time to just connect and focus on one another, emotionally- and also physically. It has pained me to be the one desiring physical intimacy, to try to initiate it, and to have video games/screens be more appealing than that, consistently. It has been at least 12 months now of him staying up very late (and if it’s not video games, it’s… TV, movies, YouTube videos, and then sometimes even falling asleep on the couch…). I have been very outspoken in directly telling him how I yearn for more intimacy-both emotional and physical- set aside time for US, and maybe just a couple nights a week that I can depend on us to go to bed together (not to mention, it’s like my brain just can’t settle until he finally comes to bed…), and there has truly been no effort made, he gets very agitated when I bring it up, and he does not seem to offer or see any sort of possible solution or compromise. He acts very flabbergasted at what he could even possibly do to change, as if it’s not even a “thing” to even entertain the thought of having boundaries with screens. There is also very little physical connection during the day (hand hold, hug…) nor initiation of spending time together, dates, or truly… anything. I try to be the one to initiate, and it just makes me more sad that it is so one-sided. This feeling that I am not desired, wholly uninteresting to him has caused a deep pain, a deep pain and insecurity that I have never experienced in my life before. I am truly, truly second or last when it comes to screens or just his… life, always being told to “wait” or “hang on” or “I’m doing something important.” I can truly say, I have never questioned my personhood so much, or what must be wrong with me to make me so unappealing. This wound is growing deep. I am also deeply sad for him, that I believe he will one day, decades from now, deeply regret how much life (especially the youthful years) passed him by while he was focused on a screen.

For context as well: I have not “lost myself”, I tend to my appearance, I stay at home with the children and also bring in equal (or more) income for our family, all of the cooking and 90% of the cleaning and chores fall on me. I am going, going, going. Spread thin. And yet still deeply desiring my husband’s physical and mental and emotional attention and connection, as the partner that God gave me. His screen addictions (I will call them that) affect his life in so many ways. He has told me he thinks he’s perhaps dealing with a form of depression, and that perhaps the screens are a symptom of that- yet he doesn’t seem to think he can change or improve, or doesn’t try to. He waits until the last minute to get out of bed, he’s late to things, he stays up super late, he has negative eating, drinking, & hygiene habits… I feel as though it also puts an unfair workload onto myself how irresponsibly he seems to be handling life.

I’ve never been so heartbroken before. What do I do? Wait for God to change his own heart through some miracle and revelation? Stay in my own lane? Seek out a conversation every so often hoping THAT will be the conversation that finally “hits home” (it never is). Perhaps settle and accept that this will be my life going forward and that my marriage isn’t necessarily a place that I can find the emotional/physical intimacy I desire and just work to put that desire to death? I just don’t know.

My husband and I have been married for a year and together since we were 16 we are 24 now. I have never liked him friends but I put up with them initially. They are vulgar, inappropriate and lack boundaries in my opinion. However, they are not bad people and are good friends to my husband. When we were 18 I told my now husband that I would not hang out with them anymore. He understood and said he knew eventually he would have to let go of them because they don’t help him spiritually. This entire year of marriage they have only hung out a couple times but they text very frequently. He is now trying to reintroduce them back into his life more and says that they do not influence him now that he is older and everyone is doing their own thing. I don’t feel comfortable with this but at the same time when I hang out with my friends how can I expect him to be home alone. Help! How do I handle this?

My husband and I have been married for a little over 9 years… and I think he has a difficult relationship with alcohol. It gets better and then worse and then better again.. we have three beautiful children and I try every day to honor our marriage and treat every day like a new start..to let go of disappointment and love unconditionally rather than hold onto the anger.

Let me explain.. He will often drink so much that he is asleep on the couch before 8 pm. There’s no waking him up for help at this point. IF I can get him to respond, he doesn’t remember. I always have to put the kids to bed. It’s so rare that he helps, and at this point the kids don’t even want him to because he will fall asleep in their beds or just be too silly/annoying. I can see in his eyes when I can’t leave him unsupervised with our 3.5 month old baby. I trust him when he is sober, but it breaks my heart that I can’t trust him once he’s started drinking. And I know it hurts him when I question him, but I have to.

He doesn’t go out drinking, and it’s usually just beer, but he drinks a lot of high percentage content beers. I’ve talked to him about this being a problem. I’ve come at it from the point of view of not having help with the kids and also from the point of view of not feeling love! It feels like all he thinks about is drinking. He cracks open a beer before having a conversation with me and makes sure to bring another to bed to end the night.. we haven’t had sex for about 9 months (since a scare during the pregnancy). But it’s more than that, the fact that he turns to alcohol before his wife is just emotionally crumbling me some days!

We moved to where we are now back in 2018 and really dropped the ball on getting to a church. He was insistent on needing the right church, but I got so desperate for a home and a community that I told him one Sunday that we would be going the following week and that was that. I gave him two church options and we have been going to a local Lutheran church for a month now. The kids started Sunday school last week and we started a new members class.

Is there anyone here, or does anyone know someone, who was born and raised Catholic, then got saved, and is now marrying a fellow saved Christian? What steps did you go through to get married outside the Catholic Church, and how did your Catholic family react to it? Also, as a former Catholic woman planning to marry a saved Christian man who is also a former Catholic, what should I keep in mind while pursuing this path? Thank you, and please share your experiences! ✨

My Husband and I are in our late 20’s/early 30’s. We have been married for 5 months, been together for 4.5 years. We were abstinent for most of that time and have a great relationship for the most part. We love each other, he is loving, treats me well, takes care of household chores etc. The issue we’re having is about sex… my husband is not very flirtatious, or vocal about his desires for me. He works a lot sometimes which I understand but he is tired pretty much all the time. We are averaging once a week at the moment as newlyweds. Majority of the sex we have feels like a chore sometimes, especially right before bed ngl. I feel frustrated because I thought men need sex? Sometimes he acts like I’m his roommate. I find him nonchalant emotionally and sexually. I am always the one thinking of spicing things up, finding better times to engage sexually, searching things to better our relationship/marriage and he just follows along. I want to feel desired by seeing that he cares too in making those efforts. When I confront him about my frustrations, he is very open, says he is sorry but no real changes. Maybe a for week? Then goes back how it was. When we do have sex, he is very silent. He is not vocal about his feelings nor complimenting my body. I have questioned his attraction to me which he said is not the issue. I just want to be wanted and desired. Also, I don’t think he realizes how I truly feel. We hear all the time that husbands want sex all the time, get aroused by seeing their wives naked but that’s not the case for us and I’m starting to feel resentful. Am I right to feel that way? Any advice?

We are supposed to forgive 7 x 77 and yet I wonder how people forgive their spouse for cheating? Some are more involved than others but I feel it’s something I’d never get over. Forgiving isn’t forgetting, it’s graciously remembering …. However, the pain is so deep on something like that, tell me how you do it or why you couldn’t.

I wanted to get your guys' thoughts about this. Especially for those who have had success/marriage as a result of OLD: is online dating something where you have to take things slowly and let the interest develop? Or is it something where if the interest is not there after a couple of dates, you should move on? By interest, I do not mean just emotions/feelings (although emotions and feelings are definitely a part of interest!). There is a lot to the word "interest" that I am having difficulty articulating. Interest, to me, is closer related to the thought/perception (interest is more of the perception) of how well you think you could match with the other person (who they are in totality. Emotional, relational, physical, spiritual, personalities, on and on). Maybe my thought of interest is wrong.

In general, how much weight should be placed on "interest" when it comes to choosing who you should and should not be dating?

Is it ever fine to date multiple people at one time?

I take a while to develop interest in a person if I meet her in person. For example, the last person I dated I saw her around and knew her for about 1.5 - 2 years before finally asking her for coffee. A large part of that time, I only saw her in our church without actually interacting with her. Gradually developed an interest in her after interacting more with her.

I am currently dating someone that I met online, 3 dates in so far. I think she is attractive, she desires godliness, she has an overall good head on her shoulders, and a lot of our values align (with Christianity, life direction, etc). However, I just am not interested to the extent that I would want to exclusively date her. If I had met her in person, she would definitely be a friend who I would keep an eye out for to see if a desire for anything more develops.

Especially for those who have had success/marriage as a result of OLD: is online dating something where you have to take things slowly and let the interest/feelings develop? Or is it something where if the feelings are not there right away, you should move on?

My marriage is at the edge for quite some time now. This month we decided to fix it and move forward together. Long story but pls bear with me…

Right before pandemic hit, our baby was born. I was going through postpartum rage and crazy mood swings. He was doing normal things like work and help with the baby when he’s home. I admit I was a wreck at this time, feeling like I’m trapped and having identity crisis (being with the baby 24/7 and having only 2hrs max sleep at a time). I was a wreck, I didn’t have the patience and compassion for my husband that time. My body was not in the mood for intimacy, basically I was cold and always angry at the first yr after giving birth. When he told me there was an issue with between him and someone from my family, I ignored and somewhat gaslit him. Few months after our kid’s first birthday, my husband’s sister died in an accident. Pandemic days, so he basically could not go to our home country for the wake. He was a mess, grief ate him up. I could not empathize at the time, though I did pray with him for his sister’s soul and we both cried. But overall, with my rage and all, I demanded for him to keep working and told him there’s a time to grieve and a time to work. He took it so personally as if all I said was he has no right to grieve coz he has to work (based on what he told me I said). Before this, I have always been the dominant one in the relationship, he’s more submissive supportive.

Just few wks after, there was a messy situation at a family gathering where my cousin was basically attacking him in a drunken way. I blamed myself for how it got that far, thinking if only I believed my husband and stepped in, etc. but I didn’t believe him right away bec he has a habit of telling white lies and I didn’t want to confront my family initially because of that. After that event we moved out of the city, lived in a bigger city to start new life and be far from my side of family. I said to myself, this is going to be our fresh start, if it doesn’t improve we breakup.

So now.. in a new city with more privacy. The arguments continued, the resentment grew, the falling out of love started. New work for him, meant new people and in the 3 different workplaces he has been, he always had an issue with someone. Issue like a problem or misunderstanding. Something that makes him want to quit. After all those workplaces, he started just doing uber delivery. That’s what he did for a year to provide. I stay home with our toddler and I also have an online job that pays pretty well. But given I’m with child, I’m always tired and out of patience for anything. He does uber afternoon until nighttime. Our marriage was falling apart more here.

Both of us felt neglected, abandoned, misunderstood, unloved. Resentment grew deeper as we argue and spit hurtful words on each other. Plus he was still grieving and felt like there’s nobody he could talk to. It’s true there’s nobody here for him but me. I have lots of family here, he doesn’t have even one trusted friend. One night in an argument I said that he should go find someone else that can make him happy, that I don’t want him anymore. And he did. One night when he was supposedly be doing uber, he went to a club. that night at the club with the girl working there, he was invited to join a birthday party a few days after. The party day came and he actually went. He said there were drinks and that girl started giving him a lap dance, then kissed him, and he said she grabbed his hands to touch her brests.

He never said anything, we were still messy for the next 2yrs.. then slowly, we started to get better. We were starting to get along. I started to feel like I’m starting to feel mildly happy, something i didn’t feel for the past 4 yrs. The boom. Out of the blue I asked if he ever committed adultery while we were not okay. He couldn’t answer so I asked again. He admitted. He said nothing more than that happened, they were not alone since another couple was with them. And that was the last time he saw her. I said I don’t believe nothing more happened since they were in her apartment. He said he felt it was wrong that’s why it didn’t get far.

Then I recalled, there was a time he showed me he had some blotches on his Pns and I said to get checked. I was in the dark at that time, that was when I didn’t know that he cheated. It made me get suspicious that time but didn’t really dwell on it. Everything came out negative in the test. I also recalled seeing a booked hotel in his credit card bill. I asked him about that even before he admitted to the cheating and he said he booked it coz he was planning to commit sucde in the hotel. But since he admitted to the cheating, it’s bugging me what’s true anymore. He was super depressed at the time all those things happened and I remember when we argue and he walked out, I felt afraid he won’t make it home, that he might just end his life. One time I couldn’t reach him for hours, i called my mom crying that I was scared he might kll himself and asked my mom to call him and if he still doesn’t answer to call the police. Thankfully he answered my mom’s call and my mom got to talk to him.

So today, given all the mental health problems, arguments, detachment, loss of intimacy, cheating, disrespect, abandonment, heartache, etc. I forgave him and thought to myself that if he wasn’t in such a dark place, he would not cheat. We both lost hope on our marriage at the time he cheated, the difference is he goes out daily to work while I am home with our child. Which gave him more opportunity for doing whatever. I did think of what it would be like to be married to someone else, to be in a healthy relationship. But i never thought of going out and actually taking action to be with someone else while married. But he said, now, that we were broken up when he did that. He knows it was wrong and he said sorry but I feel like he felt like his actions were justified because we were “broken up”.

Now I feel like I’m back to zero in my healing. Like he stole those 2yrs I could have spent healing. I was healing the past 2 yrs but now it’s like “hi there’s a big blow you haven’t started to heal from yet. Now you start”.

The thing is, since a year ago we both came to Christ. We started reading the bible, go to church, share our learnings.. it’s been quite a healing journey. It’s different when we put God as the center of our life. He came to God first, he said he was enlightened when he crashed his car on a post while working. He went through the process of healing and feeling God’s presence then he pulled me to walk with him with the Lord. I didn’t hop on right away, but I saw the transformation in him. He was less depressed, more positive, more forgiving. He didn’t look and feel dark anymore. He kept on telling me his new learning about God’s word and finally I joined him.

Now we walk with God at the center of our marriage. He said we can still fix our marriage and that I can trust him that the cheating will not happen again. That he is a new man now, that he is reborn in Christ. Walking with Jesus is the hardest thingggg I swear. Shedding all the pain, ego, pride and having faith that all this will be worth it in the end is so difficult. I’m at a loss. I’m grieving for the marriage I thought I would have, and should have had, I’m crying due to betrayal, I’m thankful for a chance to fix our family… it’s all mixed emotions and I’m just at a loss on what to do. I want to fix this. I can see he is serious in wanting to fix this. I have set a long list of conditions that he must agree on and that’s the only way I will be willing to fix this. He agreed. But I think my ego is creeping in about the cheating. Like I can’t let it go. I thought I have.. I forgave, I looked at the situation and I understood and forgave. But I’m still in pain and somewhat confused if what I’m doing “fixing” is the right choice.

Really need some advice. What would you do? Need Men’s perspective on this. Please help.

Side note: Together for 14yrs. Married for 8yrs. Is this marriage still worth keeping?

I've been with this guy for almost 4 months. We're working towards marriage, and according to a conversation we had this past week, we might be married or planning a wedding by next year. What are some things we should discuss before then? Also, it's a long distance relationship, and he is a youth pastor

Edit: we have met in person a few times and I'm even going to spend the second half of my Thanksgiving break with him and his family

I've (M30-something) been married to my wife (F30 something) for around 3yrs, and been together with her around 8yrs.

In the past 2 to 3 years, we recently moved to an area away from family, friends, etc, for her job.

She's been having a hard time with it, and I got her to open up about what's been weighing her down. During one of the conversations, she said she misses family, friends (she doesn't have a whole lot back where we're from), her church/helping out in church, etc. One thing she also said, is she doesn't want it to be just "me and her".

This sort of got to me. As I feel like it could be just me and her if it needs to be. And in the situation we're in, it sort of has to be just me and her, especially since we're in a new place where we don't really know anyone, and it's not always easy to meet new people.

This sounds a little out of context, but over the years, sometimes it seems like I care for her more than she does for me. Moreover, it seemed at times before, that she was not just interested in me, but me and everyone around me, together. For example I didn't have a lot of friends when we met, and this was a problem for her that led to some heated arguments. Or my family wasn't connected as hers, and I didn't have as many family members I was close to, and this was also an issue that caused some heavy arguments.

This has become taxing to me, and I am having mixed feelings about the marriage lately. And why I would want to be with someone that has an issue with being with just me whether we have a strong community around us, or not much of any. I feel like people have different seasons in life that God gives them.

I wanted some Godly insight, as it is something that is weighing on me along with stuff from the past, and I'm generally tired. Sorry if anything seems out of context, ask me any more questions if needed. thanks

My wife 29f and I 35m have been married for 12 years. She is the love of my life. We have had many rough patches but always get through and become stronger because of the turmoil. She has always maintained her faith. However I have struggled with mine for a really long time. Ever since my father and best friend took their own lives only months apart, I find it very difficult to give myself over to God's love and plan. During a recent conversation after a disagreement, my wife told me very kindly that she thinks alot of my troubles come from not trusting God's plan. We went through a separation during the summer. My daughter and I moved to a different state and for a while I was afraid my wife wasn't going to come and we were going to get a divorce. She told me that God told her she needs to be with her family and with her husband and that's why she moved here with us. We now have a big beautiful old house that we love fixing up together and making our home. We have more money than we've ever had. We have time together again because we finally have a support system. And for some reason I'm finding it increasingly hard to accept this all. Like I'm waiting for the inevitable "bad thing" to happen. This has pushed me into almost a delusional paranoia. I know it is hurting her greatly that I can't seem to accept God's grace and love. I've recently been having alot of revelations and I have been praying more and more by myself. I still find it hard to listen to him but I am trying to come home to my lord and savior.

The past couple days we've been fighting and I hate it. I just want to get past it but the harder I try to get past it the more pain it seems to cause. The whole time we've been fighting I just want to reach out and ask her "will you pray with me?" But I'm terrified of asking. I'm terrified that she's angry enough with me to say no. Or that she doesn't want to. But the feeling like I NEED to ask her is in my bones. I want to walk in the light with my family. I want to surrender to God. I hold everything my wife says and thinks in such high regard and I think that's why I'm afraid. Just any advice or verses would be greatly appreciated. I can't take this pain any longer. Like I'm standing at the door and Jesus and my family are calling me to come in but I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of myself that it makes it hard.

**edit I did not marry my wife when she was 17. Idk why I do that often but we've been married 9 years together for 12. We liked eachother for a while but I waited until she was 18 to ask her out. Ik some people have issues with that age gap maybe but idk we've been together the whole time and at first I struggled a bit because I liked someone a bit younger than me. I waited until she was done with college to ask her to marry me tho she often says she wanted me to ask her within the first year of dating. Though my 23/24 year old self was not ready to be a husband back then

Is hugging and kissing another man's hand physical adultery if the kiss was done with "love"? Is it physical adultery or more emotional than telling another person you love them?

Hey married folks, how did you know they were the One to Marry?
- Was it a constant feeling or a glimpse?
- How soon did that feeling come after you met or dated them?
- Did loving and choosing this person always felt like God was pleased with your actions too?
- How do you balance trusting and loving God first before your significant other?

As a single Christian, I've heard the advice "you'll know when you know 😉" many times. I'm so confused because I might have felt that before but a marriage didn't happen.
I'm puzzled but curious!

I need help. My wife and I only ever have disagreements about one thing. Sex... SHE NEVER wants to do it. And before anyone points their finger at me, I do so much to help her, make her feel wanted, get her treats without her asking like juice, coffee, her favorite candy, ask her if we can watch a movie together, help with kids, dishes, chores, and more. She is a stay at home mom of a 6yo Girl, 3yo Boy, and 11m girl. I go to work ALL DAY from sun up to sun down and then when I get home I help her with things quite regularly when she needs help (If she is visibly stressed out or looks beat down) I always tell her how proud I am of her and how I think she's doing a good job and I tell her without her we wouldn't be where we are now. I make her feel important and wanted. I never turn her down for cuddling and I show a variety of different forms of physical affection to her. (Butt grab, hug from behind, kiss goodbyes, etc)

That being said, I feel like I am doing my job as a husband as far as treating her right is concerned. But when it comes time for me to want intimate connection, she gets turned way off and shuts down. She starts complaining about it and says how tired she is. She used to ALWAYS be down. 6 in the morning, 12 mid day in the closet away from the kids, 8pm when the kids are down. Now.... she never wants to. I tried to talk to her about it but she instantly pointed the finger at me and told me that sex with me is to much. I have kinks. None of them involve any sort of pain, no costumes, I never try butt stuff, just some verbal stuff. Sex is always accompanied by her complaining pre-sex, during sex telling me to hurry, post sex telling me I took to long, etc. And she just treats it like a chore and when we FINALLY have sex, she seems like she would rather be doing anything else other than sex with me. It's not a physical attraction thing on my end. I don't think it is any variance of a size issue. I'm lost. I try my best and think I do really good at being a biblical husband... I've never cheated on her or anything like that. Take the red flags and throw them out the window.

It has now gotten to the point where we can't even talk about sex. I don't want to have sex with her even when I'm at the highest stage of being turned on, because I worry she is just going to get mad at me for something. And everytime after sex she acts like I have to act perfect for the next few weeks because she gave me something I wanted. And if I get upset about something minor or major, she says something along the lines of me being allowed to be upset because she gave me sex. But our sex had no connection anymore.

It's at the point now where I'm in a constant spiritual battle of lust. I don't want to spend time with her, I'm stressed, and more. God freed me from porn years ago and I've caught myself going back towards it. I have no outlet for my intimate feelings and the world is full of lustful women who just want to ruin a marriage.

I really needed to get this out. If nothing else, I could really use all of your prayers... thank you

My fiancé and I met when we were 7 years old. We “dated” as children, broke up, were best friends, all of the phases that children go through together. We were best friends junior year of high school and started dating senior year of high school. We’re currently sophomores in college. Technically, we could have graduated this year due to college credits from high school, but we both have 4-year scholarships and decided that we wanted 4 years of education, so we are both double-majoring.

We are 19, turning 20 this summer, and will have been dating for nearly 3 years when we get married and have known each other for forever. We are both Christians and feel that we were called to marriage. We also don’t see a reason to date forever. We’ve known each other our whole lives, why wait even longer? We do not live off of our parents. We both have part-time jobs and on top of that we have more academic scholarships than we need to pay tuition, so we live off of our scholarship refunds, which ends up being about $15K total per year. In addition, I also receive BAH from the military because my stepfather is a disabled veteran ($1,500/month).

I’ve checked into all of these things and we will keep all of our scholarships and benefits once we marry. I will only have to pay for my own health insurance, and he will have to pay for his own car insurance. We will also pay the same amount in rent that we are already paying.

Financially, we are stable. We already have a deposit down on our wedding venue, so whatever your opinions are, please do not advise against marriage in this comment section. We are already committed to getting married, those opinions would be useless. Marriage advice is appreciated though!

Anyway, I say this all to say that we are ready for marriage. However, people have been judging us for worldly reasons such as “you need to get the college experience!” Neither of us live the “college experience” that they want us to have. We don’t go out and drink and party. We do, however, have many friends that we love so much and hang out with every weekend! We go to football games as we go to an SEC school, we are involved in multiple ministries, and we live a very busy and fulfilling life! Even without being married, we are monogamous, committed to one another, we don’t drink, smoke, etc. Our lifestyles genuinely are more suited for marriage than they are for a typical “college experience.” (However, we will be continuing college until May 2027 because we value education and college does not provide any financial burdens for us!)

So, with all of this being said, I don’t understand all of the judgement around our future marriage. I understand that we will definitely change and we won’t always be the people that we are now, but we aren’t the same people that we were when we were 7 years old and we are still compatible and love each other more than ever. We’ve been together for years. We’ve had fights and fought for our relationship through it. Neither of us were going to go explore ourselves abroad or anything, we are already in upper-level courses that aren’t offered abroad and it just isn’t worth it for either of us. Yet, people cast so much judgement onto our future marriage.

Please pray for us, and also, feel free to offer advice for our situation that does not include judgement or trying to get us to change our minds!

Thanks in advance!