Hey guys, me and my husband judt got married and I’ve been curious about sex. Before it was pretty easy to figure out what to do and what not to do with sex - just don’t do it until we’re married. Now we are and obviously can but I guess I’m trying to figure out what’s too much? What doesn’t glorify God? What’s okay to do and what would still be considered sinful. The basics are known like no sex outside of marriage, no sex with anyone but each other, got it. But there’s other topics im unsure of like masturbation if done together? can we record if not shared with others? Are kinks a no go? What is considered to be unwise as Christians working to grow closer to hod everyday. Is there anything that could harm him with purity? Anything that could trigger unhealthy or sinful habits that we should avoid. I want to glorify God and I want to love my husband and make sure I’m doing everything I can to grow closer to Jesus with my husband. Sorry I know this is a tough talk but whew I could really use the help

My husband (30m) changed his mind on having kids and I (28f) don’t know what to do. We’ve been in marriage counseling for 6 months and he originally thought if we worked on our marriage that he would want kids but now he says he realizes he definitely doesn’t want kids. When we got married we were on the same page of having kids a few years in and now that we’ve been married for almost 5 years, he tells me this. I guess I just need to vent because I don’t know what to do... He keeps telling me he doesn’t want kids but he is also saying that could change but no guarantees. I do admit divorce has crossed my mind because I feel deceived by his sudden change of mind. And he is unable to give a reason on why his mind has changed.

My wife (50f) and I (51m) have been married 25 years. Have 4 grown children. We are happy together. Our sex life is ok generally but seems over the past 6 months, she is less interested. Seems like it is one sided re pleasure and she simply wants to ... kinda just have it done and go to sleep. Relationship wise: no arguing; no infidelity. She has gained some weight over the holidays; so have I.

I see her as a beautiful women and appreciate her more and more as we age together. I tell her these things. We laugh and have fun. She sings. I dance.

I know her to be very modest and she does not like to show herself (naked) even in the privacy of our bedroom. She doesn't like to talk about sex -- when I talk to her about stuff like that, she clams up.

With the kids out of the home, I thought we may be able to enjoy each other more; she can relax and feel ok to loosen up a bit.

She does not wear intimate apparel ... not in the least.

In many respects, we have a very good marriage and have love and respect.

But, while she seems to be less interested in sex; I seem to be gaining more steam. Not really sure what is happening. She tells me it takes too much work to be ready for sex especially lots of work to have an orgasm -- rarely if ever happens for her these days. Not sure exactly what to do; I am being patient but starting to wonder if this is how it's gonna be henceforth. I don't press the conversation or force anything but would like be someone who brings her joy and pleasure especially between the sheets. She seems uninterested.

Any thoughts?

Hi all, my wife and I are looking for recommendations on biblically sound marriage retreats in the US. We're from Florida but we're willing to travel if we have to. Are there any annual marriage retreats or conferences that you recommend?

Thank you.

So this girl at church I'm talking to seems to be successful in terms of school, career, and other activities. She's been active and a hard worker since she was a child.

I on the other hand grew up spoiled and have been lazy my entire life. I literally have nothing to show for and turning to Christ recently I am just now trying to repent of my laziness and addictions.

I want a God and family oriented woman who is loving and capable; and this woman seems to have all these qualities, but who is a lowlife such as myself to expect a woman like that?

I couldn't even provide her a home if I wanted to, much less be of any use for her. For a man, I feel so small and worthless. I want to improve but I'm afraid that may take years and she may be gone long before I get to where I can barely provide.

With God, He wants us to come to Him as we are.

But how would you guys advise in regards to how prepared or how good, especially a man, needs to be before even thinking about marriage? The line seems to be blurred there because I'm afraid I'll never be good enough.

He (28m) gives a lot for our family. He works and he gives me at least a 30 minute break when he gets home. He cleans sometimes because I'm (26F) busy with our one year old son. We still have sex at least once or twice a week. But we argue constantly. We never have conversations without it or where I feel like he's actually listening to me. I know why he's overwhelmed constantly and because of that I just feel alone. I'm so tired of feeling like a guest in my marriage. I just want to be desired again

My husband and I have been married just shy of four years. During that time a porn addiction came to light, a relapse happened, and anger issues arose. He has been emotionally abusive basically since we said I do. We have a 4 month old. I work late once a week and tonight when I got home he was in a panic. Our baby was screaming his head off and my husband couldn't find his phone to call me. Once I got the baby to calm down he ripped me a new one because he couldn't get a hold of me. I just really feel like this was the last straw. I'm scared to leave at the same time though. He would get visitation and it would make me sick to my stomach to think my baby would have to deal with this alone. I just don't know what to do or where to turn.

I am feeling devastated as I was under the impression we both felt the same way about the Catholic church. Never in a million years would I have seen this coming. We both considered ourselves nondenominational Christians and he is being very insensitive about my reaction saying Jesus has led him to this over the past year etc. I could be more sympathic to his sudden change of heart if it actually felt like an earnest change of heart and not this new sense of self-importance/identity that sets him apart from my family and I. It's like a new little hobby for him and he likes to feel special. He has never been passionate about anything. I am convinced he is very likely on the sociopathic spectrum. Shows little to no emotion, has never shown much interest in sex and has very little regard for my feelings. Our fights always make me feel like a project or a patient on his psychiatric couch. He and I share a Youtube account and I am constantly seeing Catholicism-related videos from his history popping up that are very disturbing to me and when I broke down and had a heart to heart with him and expressed that he is being insensitive and ut seems like a hobby to him more than anything serious and how I dont understand how he could he put his family through this and how I find the constant videos in his feed very disturbing he said I was being narcissistic to define what he watches on YouTube and that Jesus has been leading him to this for a year now. We have a 2 yr old and I am terrified of what he is going to fill her head with. He doesnt seem to be practicing it himself at least not that I have seen besides his seeming obseesion with it) or pushed it on me per se but I have recently lost all trust and respect for him and don't feel emotionally safe with him. It seems to be that he is getting off on this while his whole family is crashing and burning. He was raised in a very disturbing scenario where his parents followed a cult called Dreams and Visions where a priestess out of France dictated what is right and wrong. The group would baptize anything with a barcode on it as they believed ot was the mark of the beast and for a period sex was declared off limits for anyone. I forget why exaclty but it may have had something to do with the end times drawing near and procreation was prohibited. My husband always talked like he was against this whole heartedly and he broke away from the group wanting nothing to do with them but sadly it appears that this kimd of cult like mentality appeals to him whether he will admit or not. I brought it up to him that the priestess and pope are a very similar situation and he is gravitating back to his religious upbringing and it seemed to touch a nerve which doesnt happen often with him. He hates being similar to his parents at all. Which I'm thankful for because they are some of the biggest freaks I've ever encountered and I can hardly tolerate being around them. My sister/best friend is married to a narcissist and has three kids with him and one on the way and he is just the worst kind of person on so many levels which my husband has witnessed for years and for some reason isn't phased by it and this has been one of the biggest wedges in our relationship. Like literally nothing repulses my husband. He thinks divorce is never an option even in cases of abuse and told my sister this and I found out recently that he had a private text convo with her husband befriending him and basically validating everything he's done inclusing cheating on my sister etc. Anyway I'm just feleing hopeless and if there's anyone in my situation or has any feedback or opinions I would love to hear. Thanks for reading.

Here's a fun question, did any of you get married during Covid? My wife and I started dating in July 2018, and were engaged in early January 2020. We originally planned for our wedding date for July 11th and by early March we nearly had everything finalized. But of course that's when the world shut down. So we, like everyone else was playing everything by ear. As March turned into April, we decided to move up our wedding date to early June and just have our immediate family in attendance.

The reason we decided on June was because my wife's lease on her old apartment would be up then and I had already purchased a townhouse for us in November 2019, so the plan was to gradually move her stuff into the new home before the wedding so that way by the time we got married everything was moved in. We decided to have the full ceremony the following year for our 1 year anniversary. The original venue we booked was nearly paid off before the world shut down and the owner graciously allowed us to keep it for another year, so we were still able to have our guests join us for the ceremony in 2021. It was indeed a CRAZY time. But looking back, I thank God things worked out in the end.

Any other Covid wedding stories out there?

wife and I have been married for 12 years, a month ago she told me she was no longer in love with me and wants a divorce. It was do to my lack of communication and intimacy. I owned up to this and am seeking counseling. How am I supposed to show her I'm working on myself when all I can talk to her about is the kids and she wants no physical contact with me.

Hi everyone. 23M virgin single male. I have been fighting off my sexual desires over the last few years of my life. I started masturbating and looking at naked women or sexual things when I was 14. When I became a Christian two years later, I thought it was over but I was wrong. Later on, I told my father about this, and he helped me as my accountability partner. When I was around 20, I vowed to remain clean and I got rid of my masturbating habit. And things were going great. I had remained clean the entire year of 2022. However, when my father died, things went downhill and after 644 days, I relapsed. I started going back to my old habit of masturbating and looking at sexual things, but then in October 2023, I stopped when I realized it was taking over my life.

After my father died, I went to a new church along with my family and I had developed a crush on a girl that recently became a Christian and got baptized. I was pursuing her by talking to her and knowing her after church service. During the beginning of 2024 I started to get ideas that she liked me back and I wanted to marry her and I thought things were going well. But everything fell apart when I found out through my pastor that she was dating someone else from another country. It was one of the worst days of my life and a few weeks later, I relapsed again. I was struggling in periods where I would do well and then when I don't do well. My mentor from the current church helped me out and my pastor knows about this as well. It's been 95 days that I have remained clean and intend to keep it this way.

The question is how about supposed to fight off my sexual desires and refrain from masturbating until I get married? Can you please give me any advice on how I remain clean until I get married?

How do you remove hate from your heart when someone has repeatedly wronged or hurt you?

Without too many details, my MIL has been very snide, passive aggressive, dishonest, manipulative and at times downright mean to me over our 15 year marriage and while touting that she is a good Christian woman and it’s recently reached a point where I cannot be around her without so much anger welling up inside me and my husband is not supportive and feels I'm being immature and "complicating his life".

I need guidance and support to move through these feelings without acting on them and causing rifts in our family.

I’ve tried my best for as long as I could, to be a good wife, mother, daughter in law, and person and just stuff these feelings down and deal with the way she's made me feel but I can't hold it in any longer and there is literal hate welling up in my heart. I've never been this angry before or felt so strongly about something. (I'm also 3 months post partum so I'm sure hormones and her behavior around/ about my baby triggering me is not helping the cause.)

Posting here on the recommendation of a friend. I’ve never used Reddit before, hopefully this works.

I am 47m, married to 51f. Married for 17 years, 18 in March. She told me a few months ago she wasn’t in love with me romantically anymore, though she still loves me (in action, not just lip service). She told me she was considering divorce.

Fast forward to today, and we are still in the same boat. We talk about it, but she still doesn’t feel “in love” with me anymore. She says she feels this is a big part of being married and isn’t sure if she should stay married, she feels she is living a nightmare. All of this breaks my heart, of course, and not just because of unrequited emotions, but just because it breaks my heart to see her so sad.

I am grateful every day I get to wake up next to her and call her my wife. Despite the emotional turmoil she is going through, she is incredibly graceful with me and the children. We are still intimate, too - though she does not like “making out” anymore. I am usually the one initiating and I focus on her first and based on the experience, it is very much love making (she agrees), but something just isn’t right otherwise.

This is complicated. I don’t expect any Magical bit of advice here. We are showing up every day in our relationship and walking in love towards one another, hoping that something may change. What I would love some thoughts on is this: I am considering divorcing her myself, for her sake. I feel like maybe she feels trapped because of the kids or because she is a stay at home mom full time, and even though I tell her I want her to be happy no matter what, and that I will literally give her everything she wants and needs in a divorce settlement, she doesn’t take the step. But she is still considering it, and I am struggling because she is this beautiful amazing woman and I am afraid some man is going to swoop in. I am such a mess. Pray for me. And please share your opinion on if I should sinfully take initiative in divorce. I don’t want to do it for me, but I am willing to do it for her.

Thank you for reading.

I have struggled with this for the past 5 years. I assume it's some kind of balance but I've never found it. Generally I have just found myself just giving up everything myself, easiest solution

EDIT: please. If you're going to comment telling me I'm going to change my mind when I'm older about children don't bother to comment. A random person on the internet isn't going to make me change my mind. If I want children later I would want to adopt anyway so saying that I shouldn't have surgery because I might change my mind is irrelevant.

Hi... This might be a strange thing to talk about but I just need to get some stuff out and maybe have some advice.

My boyfriend (21) and I (21) are going to get engaged soon. We have talked over a lot of things regarding marriage but sex is always a hard thing to discuss without joking about it first and sometimes I don't see a need to discuss it and we can talk about it "later" lol.

We both don't want kids. I especially don't want kids since I've never really wanted to be a mother, I don't actually like babies... like at all for some reason, Im weirded out by pregnancy, I don't want to give birth, and I have epilepsy which gives me more "fears" regarding pregnancy and being a parent. I wouldn't want to have a kid and accidentally traumatize, hurt, or leave them responsible for me if I had a seizure (My dads mom had seizures and it really affected him). My epilepsy is most likely caused by stress but we're unsure atm.

Since we are waiting for marriage to have sex I have never been on birth control. Looking at all the birth control and side effects kinda scares me because I dont want to start taking something that might make my seizures or my mental health worse. I also don't like the idea of having something semi permanently inside me... like an iud or those arm ones... idk.

At some point in my life I would probably get my tubes tied but I don't like surgery and would be scared of that... (most of this is sounding like I'm just scared... I'm not necessarily scared just uncomfortable in a way? Surgery related things have always grosses me out). I dont know if it would be a good idea to get my tubes tied so early in my life or if I can even do that.

I mentioned vasectomies to my boyfriend in a rant I was having about birth control. He said he would feel uncomfortable with that and wouldn't do that. We didn't have a full discussion about what pros and cons would be for both of us but I feel like we should at some point. I feel like a vasectomy would be the best option for both of us when we're married but he's afraid of having constant "blue balls," thinking it would be uncomfortable, and idk what else. Idk how to tell him or explain to him that I'm pretty sure most side effects for women's birth control or getting tubes tied is much worse than anything he would feel but I don't think that a good approach lol

How did you and your partner decide what to do?

Do you have any advice for me?

Any advice is welcomed.

I have initiated separation with my husband of two years. He has always struggled with alcohol, weed and gambling. These things on their own I’ve been able to manage, but it’s more so his other poor choices that have lead me what feels like no choice but to seperate.

I recently caught him drug dealing on our property. We rent through a church, this is a breach of our lease agreement. Despite promises to never do it again, a few days later, he did it again. Not to mention, meeting up with females to do drug deals which makes me feel very uncomfortable.

He has a history of saying one thing and doing another, and it’s now at the point where the trust has completely eroded.

With the support of my pastor, there will be an eviction notice sent to him.

Despite all of this, i care deeply for him. I’m very easily persuaded by him, and tend to fall for his charm and promises that are almost always inevitably broken.

I’m not after any judgement as to why I married someone with these problems etc, I know all of this too well and have repented for marrying unequally yoked.

There’s so much more to the story, including driving under the influence, lies, never home, doesn’t help look after the children, untreated adhd, emotionally and financially abusive, but I guess just looking for insight on Christian’s who have had to take the initiative of separating, and how to cope with that.

I have had a couple of bad experiences lately where the man is still addicted and has not overcome pornography for example

But i guess im wondering if it’s going to be even possible to find a man of God that is free from sexual sin. I genuinely want to know so i can manage my expectations.

The question is not IF THEY WERE PREVIOUSLY, but currently while dating.

How can i approach this open heartedly? I empathize greatly - even as someone who has a pretty high sex drive at 33f but I know for most men this is extremely difficult.

My girlfriend (27yo) and I (24yo) have been dating for 4 years now and looking to get married. We have an age gap of 3 years. Now some do say that it‘s quite significant, and some say it does not matter much. But what actually matters is (and what I see problematic now) that she is a strong, independent woman. She‘s first-born daughter, has a very strong father figure, and has 3 younger siblings, that played a big role in shaping her strong character.

We both had taken multiple premarital classes, and learned that a husband is to lead his wife and his wife is to submit to her husband. We both know that this is the biblical principle of marriage. However, in our relationship, it‘s, quite frankly, the opposite. She‘s more of the leader in the relationship. Our situation also doesn’t help, since she‘s already working on a really good position at a very big corporate, while I‘m still struggling to find what I want to do in my career and still looking for ways to break into the job market. So the situation basically leaves me chasing while she is pulling.

Lately we‘ve been into arguments. Let‘s just say I think left, she thinks right. I always say that whenever we argue about something that we will never agree on, then we need to find the middle ground. I tried, but she did not make an effort. She always insisted on being right. I‘ll be honest and say that in our past arguments, I oftentimes find myself conceding to her. I never liked that we fight and don’t talk to each other for days. But she doesn’t seem to care. Whenever we fight, I always find myself begging for reconciliation. Then she reluctantly agrees. But never the other way around. I asked her everytime we fight“do you enjoy this situation? Not talking to each other and not finding a solution?“. She always said “I‘m not in the mood to talk with you. I‘m tired.“ And then I find myself apologizing, or the situation stays like that until a couple of days she starts talking to me again and we forget our fight (or I chose not to bring that up again).

I know it‘s a long read, but if you have any suggestions on what we should do, please advice.

24F, joined this sub to prepare for my season of marriage. I see a LOT of bedroom posts in here and a good chunk of them are disheartening to read to say the least. A common theme I seem to see is couples who waited before marriage for any length of time that are struggling with intimacy after the fact. I’m not a virgin but committed to abstinence 5 years ago when I decided to give my life wholeheartedly to the Lord and plan to remain that way until I marry my husband. it’s honestly super discouraging reading some of these posts as someone who isn’t married yet but plans to be soon and is also waiting.

There is a lot of outdated toxicity in the church when it comes to judgement and sexuality in general. A number of people seem to have it wired in them to deny their humanity and see sex or sexuality as inherently sinful when the act itself was created to be a blessing enjoyed within the confines God put it in.

Are there ANY married people in here who waited and have healthy and good sex lives after the fact? If yes what did you do before getting married that helped that and what do you do in your marriage to maintain it? I really need to see hope. If God created sex Christians should be having the best experience with it especially after honoring Gods boundaries during the process

Been really struggling with feeling I deserve better. Partner has made same mistakes multiple times. Very big ones.

At what point do you draw the line? When do you know to keep working on it and love and forgive like Jesus did? Can you ever truly restore a marriage after trust and connection is so deeply broken? Is it possible to come back from this?

*** partner is not abusive, violent or narcissistic. Just really doesn’t know how to limit alcohol sometimes and ends up saying things and doing things they don’t mean. Last time it happened they texted people from their past saying hello and wishing them well. Nothing flirtatious and it hadn’t been done before.

My husband and I have been married almost 10 years. When we started dating we would attend his church. We continued going to it for many years. Over the last 3 or so years I have stopped getting much out of The services. To be honest I'm not sure if I ever got much out of the services. I have asked my husband many times to try a different chuch with me but he refuses. I have stopped attending that church and I don't plan to go back but I would like to find a church home. I've just been talking myself out of going because I don't want it to look bad. I would most likely be taking our two children with me to the new church without him because he doesn't get them ready for church now and I know I'll be leaving earlier then him since the church he goes to is only 10 min away.

The church he attends is ran by his dad and his brother and the only people who attend regularly are him, his dad, brother, his brothers wife and their children, a cousin, and two others who are from the community. My husband would mostly play on his phone while there, so I know he isn't getting much either. But I also can sympathize with him not wanting to leave his dads church.

I just feel like my mental health has went way down since I don't have a church community that I'm a part of as I regularly would volunteer for things and attend before we started dating and his church has no opportunities for anything.

I (37m) hit rock bottom 1.5 years ago when the love of my life told me she wasn’t in love with me anymore the same. We’ve been together since we were 16 (20 years) and married for 8.

When she told me, it completely blindsided me. I went into a deep depression where I didn’t love myself as I knew if my amazing wife thought she should leave me, I must be a horrible husband.

I went to therapy, medication, and worked my butt off the last 2 years to be a better man. I developed a closer relationship with God and he saved my life.

My wife bought her own house and I set a boundary that if she did, I’d have to file for divorce. So I filed. This was after 1.5 years of no affection and her only wanting to work on herself.

This all started when she got a new job and started traveling all over (gone 80+ days). We had a 3 and a 5 year old and I was struggling to keep up and needed her help. I felt her pulling away and I panicked due to my fear of abandonment issues (learned through digging through my childhood trauma).

Now we are 60 days away from our divorce. I’m sick about it yet I finally gave her space and stopped trying to be the only one to save our marriage. I realized I can’t save this if I’m the only one who wants to save it.

Is this a sin getting a divorce? Is this abandonment that in His eyes I didn’t have another choice? I truly tried my best to save my family but my wife chose to woke on herself, travel like crazy and ultimately decided that her life would be better without me.

Thank you for any advice. I’ve been sober and putting my trust in God’s plan but I love this woman more than anything in this world but she doesn’t love me the same 💔

I'm wanting to hear from people who have a restored marriage. How did it happen? How long did it take? What happened in the in between? Thank you

Hello everyone! My husband (28m) and I (25f) have been married for a little over a year. We dated for a year and we were also engaged for another year. Since we’ve gotten married, my husband has been completely different compared to how he was when we were dating. During our dating relationship, he was very empathetic and kind. He was also very good at keeping the conversation going which helped our friendship grow so fast!

Fast forward to now, and we hardly talk as friends anymore. The only time we really talk is if there is an issue. If I try to express my emotions or talk about a hard day that I had, he usually will correct me or tell me that my mindset and way of thinking is incorrect and it needs to be fixed by surrendering that to God. In public, he’ll usually walk away and leave me by myself so that he can go mingle with others. He also rarely introduces me to new people. Most of the time, they acknowledge me first after about 3 minutes in to a random conversation that my husband is having with them and I’ve just been standing there awkwardly. I’ve addressed this with him and he says that he didn’t sign up to babysit. I am also a photographer and sometimes, going downtown in larger cities alone is scary, so I will ask him to come with me. But he won’t because he says that “if God wanted you dead, there’s nothing that I can do about that. I’m not made to protect you.”

One of the biggest concerns is that I will say something and he will change a word in the sentence that I said and try and convince me that I misspoke when I know exactly what I said. Then when I argue with him, I am not being humble enough to admit when I am wrong. I’ve tried to do that before, but it just felt wrong because I knew I was lying. I knew what I had said.

Recently, he challenged my mindset again by asking me why I was always highlighting the negative things that he did versus the positive things. Now, I know I’m not perfect and I could definitely encourage him more in the good things that he does. I told him that a lot of the things that affect us are huge and these negative things happen constantly with no change in action. He told me that I was passing judgement on him and said, “Would you like it if I passed judgement on you?” I told him that he already does that all the time and he cut me off and said “You didn’t answer my question. Yes or no”. I said no and he required me to pray and ask for forgiveness from God for passing judgment on him.

Being married has definitely been a challenge, and I wanted to develop support from other married women at our church. However, my husband wouldn’t allow that because he says that he doesn’t agree with the way our church solves problems. I did end up meeting with a married woman from church because I really needed some biblical wisdom especially after the recent situation. She thought that it was manipulation which is how this topic came up. I told my husband and now, he’s always digging into my conversations afterwards and asking me what we talked about and if I ever “cleared his name” by telling the lady that I meet with that he’s not a manipulator.

I don’t really trust my own judgment right now, and I want to know if I’m overreacting. If so, I’m happy to hear all the feedback! If I’m not overreacting, what would you do in this situation? Any advice is appreciated!

To set the stage, my (58M) wife (44F) and I have been married almost 14 years, and it is the only relationship for each of us. We are in the U.S. and have no children of our own. She has various mental health challenges requiring medication carefully prescribed, and I am much closer to normal in that respect.

Recently, my wife has essentially compelled me to see my physician to be examined. I last was seen about 51 months ago. She asserts that because of my not getting a checkup for some time her mental condition is more serious and it is not fair to her. But she also has posed the idea that if I do not proceed she may want to leave me where we live and return to her parents' area further away. i feel nervous and shaky about having that appointment because of various fears of troubling diagnoses along with the discomfort of various tests. I still plan to go forth anyway and schedule a visit soon. But I find it somewhat disconcerting that she could say that if I do not obey this request she will make some kind of statement to get back at me, almost as if she were wearing the pants. When she has done various deeds such as spending money excessively, I have not taken punitive action despite conveying some displeasure. I feel like something large is hanging over me and could attack my psyche before I mentally and emotionally see myself as ready to take that step and plan to see a Dr. for some essential tests. How might I respond suitably so as to take her concerns seriously without excusing a pushy attitude by her?

I remain committed to this marriage and nurturing it as best possible, as in this matter there has not as I can estimate been any deliberate sin committed that would undermine the relationship, so that focus must be paramount. I wish for responses to be based on good and sound theological foundation but respectful to both my wife and me and absent of fault-finding at this time.

Thanks for any reflections that follow this basis.

My husband went out with a bunch of guy friends and his brothers for dinner and a night out. The plan was that they were going to dinner and hitting some bars after. The night of, I noticed my husbands location was right next to a strip club. With a bit of concern, I kept checking his location and noticed it was sitting in a parking garage. I ended up looking through his text messages on his iPad and learned that the person who organized the evening made mention of stopping at a strip club during the night. My husband obviously did not tell me that was part of the plan and I had actually made a joke the night before on if they were going to a strip club. I made the joke because it is such an out of character thing for my husband to do and he knows our boundaries. To this joke he responded, "I would never go to a strip club". Fast forward back to the night of, my husbands phone remained in the parking lot for over an hour. By this point, I pretty much knew what was going on. When he got home, I asked him where he went because I wanted to give him the opportunity to be honest. We have a very good marriage and I was willing to move through it if he was upfront. He lied to my face and doubled down that they were just at the bar. It was not until I asked again and said I would give him another chance to answer, when he reluctantly admitted to going to the strip club. My husband said he wasn't sure if his friend was joking when the plans were made for the evening so he chose not to tell me about it. He also admitted to leaving his phone in the car to not allow his location to be seen because "that's what all of the other guys were doing".

Obviously, I am pissed and feeling beyond disrespected. He explained that he wrestled with telling me about the plans all week but thought they were joking so was not sure how to handle it. This hurt even more. The fact that he went was obviously annoying but what's worse is the lie after lie and trying to cover it up by leaving his phone in the car. He knew it would not be ok and now I am really struggling on next steps. I am also disappointed in his brothers who did NOT go in and went to a diff. bar instead. It's not their jobs to do that but we are very close with his family and to me, they also disrespected me by not standing up for me. Like I said, we have a great marriage otherwise and rarely ever fight. I'm not sure how to move forward, and be with someone who did something completely out of character and I have lost all trust in right now.

How do people work through these things? We have always said we would work through all things except infidelity but to me going to a strip club to drool over other woman is a form of cheating. Looking for advice on how to move through a rough patch like this. Or for someone to shake me and say leave now before he really cheats on you....

Hello! I've made a post in here already (which I'm still attempting to return comments on; my apologies to anyone who's provided advice that I've yet to return a comment on. I appreciate you all), but my partner has, over the past year, had quite a religious awakening. I'm agnostic (and was considering myself apatheistic as well before starting to try really hard to research things in hopes he'd see that I am, in fact, doing my best for him), and I'm still trying to research religion and come to some sort of belief since I know how much it means to him. I've been struggling a lot with the idea of sin as a whole, along with the idea that people need some sort of salvation from their imperfections and wrongdoings to avoid eternal suffering. I think that this is one of my main struggles in coming to belief (many have suggested I look into the historicity of the resurrection, but without a belief in sin, it doesn't mean much to me, unfortunately). I was just wondering if anyone may have any advice on believing in sin in particular, or if anyone else has struggled in this regard. Thank you all.

My husband (30m) and I (28f) have been married 6 years this February. He struggled with porn at a young age, and he told me about it before we were married. Two years into our marriage i almost left him, but he went to a treatment center for a year to get rid of this addiction. Before he left he was looking at porn and masturbating almost every day. Our intimate life was obviously terrible and I felt like I could satisfy him. So he went away for a year. It was so, so hard on the both of us because we missed eachother. But we knew of this was the only way to kick this habit and he would be free for the rest of our marriage than we will do it! So he did the whole year at the treatment center and he was free. 1 year later we had our first child, and another year and half went by and we are expecting a second! And currently, we are getting ready to sell our house and he is starting a new job in a week. Lately, this past year our intimate life hasn't been great again. He would have a hard time during it and I would feel like I'm just bad at it. But yesterday I confessed some sin I've been struggling with to him, partly due to the reason that I've felt so distant from him and we haven't been getting enough intimacy. He then told me this past while he was struggling again with masterbation. I accepted that, but after some thinking I confronted him and asked if he was also looking at porn. He finally confessed and after almost 3 years of lying to me, he said 1-3 months after the treatment center he has been struggling with porn. Sometimes he would struggle with it 3 times a week.

I have never been so broken hearted. I feel so crushed, and betrayed that he lied to my face for almost 3 years. And that entire year I worked for us to keep the house while he went to treatment and like my efforts were totally wasted. Being at church, which everyone knowing that my husband was somewhere getting treated for porn, was bad as well. I feel so lonely, and I feel like a fool. My husband obviously is very remorseful, and is doing all the right things.... like he did before. He is putting safety things on his phone, getting an accountability group going, he wants us to do counselling and he is telling our pastor today. These things we did before the treatment center, but he fell back into it. It's hard to have faith right now that he will actually change. And, I feel like the damage has already been done. He broke my trust, how can we have Intimacy or trust when I am constantly wondering if he's thinking of other women? He also told me he would fantasize about one night stands. I'm totally crushed. I have never felt this low before.

Right now I am in a dark place, as we are currently expecting our second baby. I'm trying to have faith. How long have others gone on before considering separation? I've never wanted this, my heart is broken.

My husband and I got married about a year and a half ago (ages: me early 40s him late 40s). I am his fifth wife with several other women besides us. His second baby mama he was just engaged to not married and she is NOT included in that five. I found out through more than one source that his last ex-wife who he was with for approximately a decade and married close to that long was the primary breadwinner their entire marriage. What I have seen with my own eyeballs backs that up. The only work he has ever done that his last ex and I have witnessed is work that we got him through our own connections and it has been part time work at best.

My husband likes to cherry pick the bible and talk about how the bible says for the woman to obey, but when I told him that the bible says a man who doesn't provide for his household is worse than an unbeliever he snapped back, "No it doesn't!" Once it was about to hail and he didn't feel like taking kayaks off the top of his car and it wouldn't fit under the carport with them on. They were too heavy for me to remove so I just covered the car with a bunch of towels and blankets. He had told me to just leave his car alone and when I covered it up he said, "You are so disobedient!" When I knew if it got damaged I would be on the hook to pay for its repairs. I constantly pay for more than half of our necessities.

At this point I'm not really confident he would protect me if a serial killer broke into the house. He is extremely verbally abusive and won't take responsibility for his own actions. He has shown interest in immoral filth and had actually physically participated in it 20+ years ago, stuff that I would rather commit self deletion than participate in.

I actually have a strong suspicion he isn't even a Christian at this point. Normally I would think it's wrong for a woman to leave her husband but is he essentially abandoning me at this point by refusing to be a provider and for being abusive? He reached out and threatened his ex-wife and demanded sex from her while he was married to me. I saw emails where he had expressed intense desire for extremely immoral acts.

My boyfriend and I have plans on getting married, but he has two baggages in his life. One is his 60 plus year old uncle who doesn't have a job and just lives with them attending their 11 yr old nephew (cooking his food, picking him up at school, but besides that, he doesn't do much household chores and just basically live there rent free) Second, is his sister's son, his nephew, he is the one taking care of him since his sister is working as an OFW for 20 years now. She is single who has a boyfriend but he is not the father of the child. The father is nowhere to be found. She visits the country once or twice a year. Parents already passed away. So, it's just the three of them in the house. We have attended pre-marital counseling and one of the discussions there is once we are married, to really focus with each other, grow and serve together with the Lord. I know that if we are going to live together as a married couple, we need to let go of his Uncle by letting him stay at a relative's house since it not nice for him to live with us. I will not be comfortable and whenever we will argue there will always be eyes in ears. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and He agreed that we will find Uncle a decent place for him to stay. What we cannot agree about is his nephew. I know that I need to understand given the situation that there are no other relatives to leave him as guardian, but I know it will be a burden for me since I will be considered as his guardian after my boyfriend and I will get married. He will live with us and the question is do I get to instill values and discipline him? When the sister visits, do I step back? and when she flies back, I will step in again? What if we some of our values are not aligned and the nephew will get confused on who to follow? There will get to a point that if he doesn't agree to what I am saying, he will not listen to me anyway, I am not his parent? When the time comes I will have my own baby, when will we have our family picture, I will let him stay at the sidelines first so we can take our family portrait then call him on the second take? For sure he will really feel that he doesn't belong. As of now, the sister is still looking for an opportunity to cross-country so she can get the child, but the question is how long will I wait? How long will he stay wih us? Shall I break up with my boyfriend first and let him take care of his baggages first before we get married? Your insights are really helpful.