I (M 22) Just had the most amazing 2 days with a lady (22). Or so it seemed. We had just met and shared so many common goals and had great chemistry. We were kissing, hand holding, cuddling (looking back I should have restrained myself more just given the outcome and pointlessness of it, near occasion of sin etc.). She wrote me such a wonderful poem about our new relationship and how I was the man she was praying for. But she is also going to be in school for 3.5 more years and I was already asking hard questions regarding marriage timeline preferences along with children. She did mention initially and perhaps once more throughout our dates that she would like to take things slow (which we were not quite doing, but we did always check in to see if our pace was acceptable). After our second date together yesterday (back-to-back) she texted me once she got home that she's sorry for leading me on and that she doesn't see a future for us. That is after aboslutely no hesitancy in person to be affectionate verbally, physically. We did make sure to check-in with eachother regularly as far as intimacy and boundaries but no concerns came up. At this point I almost want to have trust issues but that's obviously incorrect. I'm convinced that I came on too strong, or that the relationship itself came on too strong and scared her away. I'm not going to contact her anymore, friendzoned. Now I'm just looking for next steps and how to avoid a similar outcome in the future because it sucks. Sorry about the rant.

TLDR: Came on too strong, no clear indication of it during dates, she gets home and texts me to friendzone, I'm looking for how to avoid this in the future. Sorry about ranting.

Edit: thank you for all your thoughtful feedback, even if I didn't reply to you I appreciate it and it helps. God Bless.

Men/women, would you be ok with a friend of the opposite gender managing your CM profile?

Like a close friend or even better a friend who is already married.

Basically helping out with the filtering of people and potential in person dates.

I(F25) don’t think I can move on from my breakup without somehow hating him (M23). If God's plan includes marrying someone else I have to be at peace, healed, and moved on. But I can’t—he was my purest love. I only know cutting off cuz of being forsaken or betrayed by my other exes. But this last one, we discovered God together, and a few miracles were granted through His mercy. He literally felt like the definition of a soulmate and twin flame. I was so happy, and everything felt perfect, but long distance quite literally stripped us of our individual identities. In the end, we had to part ways to heal and grow properly.

We ended things with closure, saying I love you and even" I hope you’ll be the one I hold hands with in heaven. " Because of how purely I loved him, I don’t want to hate him. We’re now no contact for our own good, but he suggested leaving one app as an emergency way to contact each other. We haven’t used it, but I suppose we would if something extreme ever happened. I feel like I’ll always carry the version of him I loved, immortalized in my heart. Seven to ten years may pass, and life will change us into strangers, but I’ll always love and honor what we had. This relationship deepened my faith in God, introduced him to God, and helped me heal from my traumas.

TLDR: asking for advice from those who have broken up on good terms and have moved on not by disregarding or forgetting the love you had, but grew through/around it?

Im a convert so waiting until marriage was not a thing for me. I had a near death experience last year though and converted to Catholicism and now I want to date according to the church.

So if you’re a convert as well, what has it been like for you?

quick background info:

so i was born muslim and over time became an atheist/apatheist, im 18M. recently ive become very interested in catholicism and i feel like it fills a part of my life that felt empty, im starting to learn about it and planning to go to my first mass soon to see how it is, my family doesnt know anything btw they still think im muslim

id consider myself attractive (not to be cocky or full of myself) and all ive ever wanted was a relationship with a beautiful woman inside and out. ive never seen a catholic woman who im attracted to though and its stressing me out, all the ones ive seen are either of older age or just arent attractive to me. another thing is that non-religious girls are so attractive to me a lot of time because a lot of the ones i see are like idk how to explain it but they're just typically hotter/prettier to me. like they're typically more fit, like to look beautiful wherever they go and stuff

this post isnt meant to be mean or anything and im sorry if it is its just really stressing me out as a 18 year old who wants nothing but a gorgeous lady who loves me and i love her

Posted over on r/Catholicism but I wanted to share here. Title is pretty self-explanatory. My (M38) divorce from my wife (F39) of a year and a half is about to be finalized within the the next week or so, and I wondering if anyone has any solid Catholic resources about navigating the period between divorce and a judgement on the annulment be issued. Looking for things that go beyond the typical first level advice of "Have a daily prayer routine" and "Don't date until the annulment is granted".

I'm also happy to receive any encouragement or advice from people who have walked this road themselves.

In the build wealth together, assume both of you guys got married young with a few bucks to your name. If you went or plan to go to college and graduate young, this is your scenario. If that’s not your plan, then both of you guys have just landed your first full-time jobs as an adult. The future is uncertain, but you married a person that is Catholic and promises to cherish you.

For the second situation, you and this same person are much older. It may be 10-15+ years in the future. By wealthy, I mean that you have no worries at all about paying any bills you have, got a nice amount of money saved up, and would be perfectly fine if an emergency struck. You can pretty much do anything you want, within reason. Your spouse is in a similar situation as you. Once you both reach this financial goal, you both meet for the first time and get married soon after.

I know there are endless love stories out there, but here are the main two I have picked, with whatever little customizations you want. Which of these situations appeals more to you?

View Poll

There is this girl in my YA group at my church that rejected me sometime ago It happened after mass (we even sat together as well), I expressed my feelings to her and she didnt reciprocate. It hurt but everything ended well I suppose. After sometime after it happened, things seemed to be cool with us for a while Fast forward to today after months after the rejection, I go out to eat with the group after the meeting and we talked to each other a bit. While sitting at the table I asked her how life was going and she had brought up she was seeing someone. When I heard this i was honestly super crushed and heartbroken, it came off as a shock honestly as I believe dating wasn’t a priority in her life for a long time. But I guess things kinda changed for her. But things I guess rn are cool, but it is quite painful

I’ve had the thought of weather I want to continue being friends or not, But it is a tricky decision in a way because if I do decide not to continue being friends, we will still end up seeing each other regardless Especially since we are in the same group and have mutual friends We also have some family connections as well (I know her parents and some other members of her family)

But I will say she is someone that inspired me in my faith and has drew me closer to the lord, and I’m thankful for all those good moments I’ve had with her. I can only be thankful to her for those things and wish her the best with all that she does

It’s overall tough but I can only hope and pray that I can find the things I need to move forward at this time 🙏

The question is general but I've tried different sites to try to find my spouse and it's frustrating to see sites not as popular (inactive profiles, lack of use, etc.) with most things being digital. I get some just have an aversion to technology but I'm finding it strange there aren't more who decide to open up their options and increase their chances of finding their spouse.

Any thoughts?

All right y’all I’m back and about to go on a date on the 19th, and need some help to get those ideas pumping. What are some good ideas for some first dates (we are doing evening at 7) and it’s cold weather season here in Minnesota. Your thoughts and ideas are appreciated.

Just to preface, I totally know this is the right decision but I need some people to talk some sense into me.

I work with a man who is extremely objectively attractive, and grew up Catholic, but converted with his family at age 10 to Seven day Adventist. While he is not religious anymore, he did go to an Adventist boarding school, and his family is still religious, and he still holds a lot of their beliefs. He is also a player, he has slept with multiple women, including one of our coworkers.

We have been friends for over a year — talking daily about everything under the son, and both recently dated people. I ended my relationship over a month ago and he ended his relationship with our other coworker a month ago as well once I broke up with my boyfriend. Right after my boyfriend and I broke up, my coworker and I went out, had a GREAT night, kissed and have been talking every night and day since. He told me he loved me and has loved me for a while and only started sleeping with our other coworker because I started dating someone. (Yes I hear how ridiculous this sounds). But he’s everything I would want in a man. Such a gentleman, respectful, willing to wait until marriage with me (he said “I have two hands, I can wait” which is an issue in itself..) okay with not using contraception, I could talk to him nonstop…

But he said some very inflammatory things about Catholics. He told me he could have a marriage ceremony in the church and raise his kids Catholic but that he would have to “tell them the truth.” I truly could see myself marrying this guy so I cut it off because that’s just simply not possible with his beliefs.

My other coworker (she’s married, not the one he’s sleeping with lol) but our mutual best friend told me he’s an amazingly kind guy, and he’ll be a great husband to someone one day but not me and that I deserve more. She is concerned he’s still sleeping with other women and at the end of the day our faiths aren’t compatible so to stay away from him. My spiritual director said the same thing.

Just need some people to tell me I made the right decision!

Tw: mental health/suicide

My boyfriend who was a craddle catholic and only occasionally attends mass (He no longer identifies as catholic.) tried to commit suicide last month. I knew he was unwell for reason's I wont disclose but TLDR; I reached out to his sister she was rude and didnt listen he told me he was fine I assumed he ghosted me until he messaged me that he had just gotten out the hospital after a suicide attempt. How do I bring him back to the church and care for him mentally? I was really mentally ill and suicidal before joining the church and I really want him to have what I have in hopes it helps. I still fly off the rails myself but not in the way I use to.

How about this rule: parity. A Catholic can set parameters for dating based on one's own struggles with sin. Does this sound fair?

So, I tend to agree with others that it seems unfair when guys want purity in this regard even though they've fallen way short of their ideal. I think it would be best that they would be open to a similar degree of mistakes.

I recognize that this is a topic that would rather not be discussed from this angle of dating. However, I recently read in a r/Catholicism post of a redditor asking why they should wait for marriage, and a top comment said something along the lines of having to struggle daily with all of their willpower to not think about their previous encounters and it clearly affecting his/her marriage. So it seems that it would be fair for someone with less experience to seek parity in this regard.

Thoughts?

Hello :) I just want to say first before I explain the title is that I have never really dated before. In high school I had a situationship once, but never anything more after that, and he was atheist. Anyways, I’ve been wondering since I know down the line I will date, how should I bring up the topic of my old p*rn addiction? I don’t know if everyone brings this up, but I kind of feel like it would be necessary when I do eventually date. I feel that its necessary because it affected me for so long. Even if I’m clean, I still feel that it disrupted my mind permanently. I also don’t know how guys will feel about that you know? Especially since I intend to date/marry a Catholic man. And I don’t mean to make them sound shallow or anything, but I’d just hate to be dating for a while then bring it up and it be something that affects the relationship. So, if you have any inputs and advice of when and how i should address it, I’d be real grateful. Both and either perspectives (male / female) are appreciated. Thank youuuu :)

Edit: Thank you all for who responded, yall are so sweet :))) Your all in my prayers!!

(Free version) If someone likes you, and you like them back, do you have to wait 10 days to message them or can you message instantly if you both use free version?

Edit: I have a counselor whose entire job is to help me deal with depression. As much as I'd love to go into lavish detail about every facet of my health and behavior these discussions are outside the scope of this post. Try to minimize super general advice like "exercise" or "develop a support network". Thanks for all the great comments!

Hey all, I've had diagnosed major depression since age 19 (now 22) and am beginning to accept the idea that this may be a lifelong thing. Medication and counseling have improved my ability to be a functional human greatly: my emotional state less so. I'm not in any danger of neglecting my responsibilities or harming myself, I just really wish I was dead all the time.

This can make dating a challenge. I've been ghosted by countless Catholic women, berated for not wanting to fornicate (again by regular mass-attendees), or simply dumped by long term girlfriends for another guy. This tends to worsen my symptoms, but more critically I'm just not fun to be around all the time.

I'm not erratic or needy or emotional or anything, but sometimes I just want to be silent for long periods of time. Sometimes I need to go on a walk/run to clear my head. Rarely I'll need a few days of 14+ hours of sleep to get everything hunky-dory again. This can make girlfriends feel useless and worried (which is valid), at which point they leave me (also valid but absolutely devastating). I feel like it would be difficult for a woman to be truly happy being my wife.

Few things are harder than realizing that your partner is unhappy because of a condition I cannot control. Regardless of how much effort and love I pour into a connection, sometimes my lack of enthusiasm for breathing is off-putting.

What do I do? I don't know how many more "you didn't do anything wrong, I'm just not happy when I'm around you" conversations I can sit through. The only way to know if someone will support you is trial and error. How will I ever be a good father if I can't muster a real smile on a first date? Sometimes I'm very extroverted and joyful, sometimes not. Nothing I've tried has meaningfully affected this fact.

It's also not like I'm some repulsive ghoul or anything. I do software development for work and game development/animation/music on the side. I also make some killer flatbread (a surprisingly effective way to woo the opposite gender, learning to bake is my best dating advice lol). At my best I'm fairly well-rounded: good dates go great and bad dates go terrible.

So yeah, if anyone has any experience with this kind of situation please enlighten me. People in marriages/relationships with depressed people, why do you love your spouse/partner?

Edit: I'm also curious how best to ensure a girl is genuinely kind before getting close. I can't exactly open with "I'm not the hugest fan of being conscious"... nor hide how I am over a long period of time.

I recently received an email from CandidDating that essentially said, "Have you been praying for someone who shares your faith? Well, for the small fee of just $15, we can introduce you to them." This is why I came here to ask: Do you ever feel like Catholic dating apps take advantage of our faith?

I’ve practically only had relationships when I was in high school. I’m extremely introverted so I spent my entire college just indoors. I’ve not had a gf since I was about 16-17, I’m 27 now. I’m only just starting to get in the dating scene and I fear my lack of dating experience might be an issue to ladies. I’m also an international student here in the US, would be done with my Ph.D. in max 3 years so I’d be 30 then and would just be starting my career at that age.

How receptive do you think women will be to someone like me?

I believe I’m generally a likable person, despite my introversion, I still have good friendships with people, get invited out a lot, I’m always just turning down invites. I’m also politically moderate. Just a chill guy, don’t like to bother people and don’t like to be bothered. I don’t have hard preferences so open to a lot. How successful do you think I’d be finding a partner?

I had a couple of friends who said they would never marry someone who was addicted to drugs, even if they were clean now. They said it was too risky because they might relapse. Another mentioned that they could not marry someone who got an annulment because of the baggage.

I know that it is important to have unlimited forgiveness, but you also need to be able to trust a person, as well as be able to handle any issues they may have.

So, I was wondering if you all had any dealbreakers for people with shady histories, even if they say that it doesn't matter anymore.

I had posted about my profile being on pause and yet I am still getting messages and likes daily (because it emails you each time). Wanted to give some of you hope though if they aren’t answering your message it may be because it’s on pause. I won’t be reactivating until maybe February so keep hope if there is someone on there who hasn’t replied. Of course, there are other reasons too but wanted to throw that out there.

So correct me if I’m wrong, but the ideal husband would be a guy who started his first business at 18, paid his way through college with the earnings from that business, started making six figures by the time he was 25, all while earning his masters and traveling the world, right?

I mean it makes sense. I completely understand why you would want a guy with a proven track record of success. I can imagine that you wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle wondering whether the man you were about to marry was willing and/or able to fulfill his duties as a husband and father.

Here’s a little info about me. I am 38 years old. Most of my life I wasn’t very ambitious. I worked low-paying jobs and never bothered making well-thought-out plans for my future. I was a physics major at one point, but I quit without graduating because I decided I didn’t like higher-level physics and didn’t see myself utilizing my degree for anything that would make me happy.

It wasn’t until I was 34 that I got serious about obtaining a gainful career and creating a clear vision for what I want for my future.

Today I work as a truck driver. I have enough experience now that I have a variety of job options to choose from (including jobs that get me home every day). I can live anywhere I want to. I have no debt, and am on track to have enough savings to buy a modest home in the suburbs by this summer. I can make enough money to support a family, but I would probably have to work a lot of hours to do it (45-55).

I am also thinking about eventually buying my own truck and starting my own trucking business, which would enhance both my earning potential and job flexibility even further.

So what do you ladies think? Do you think a woman could trust me to be a good husband and father considering my life history?

Hey guys, this is my first post, and I’ll try to keep it simple. I’ve recently started receiving the Eucharist at Mass, and I’m dating a guy who isn’t Catholic or at least doesn’t practice, but he’s amazing and really respects my boundaries.

I’ve explained to him that I want to wait until marriage, and he’s been very understanding and even curious about my beliefs, which I really appreciate.

Sometimes, though, he gives me prolonged kisses, including with tongue, and I always stop it before it goes too far. While I don’t intend for things to escalate, I’m wondering if I should tell him not to kiss with tongue at all, even though I’m being prudent about it and he understands that I want to wait until marriage. Would love advice on maintaining a healthy relationship while setting clear boundaries so I don’t disrespect my faith.

So for the first time in years I had a first date today. We hit up a museum in town admittedly did not converse much except about things in the museum. I have an idea for a second date/first date redux. Given the season when would be a good time to ask for a second date?

I've reactivated my account on Catholic Match and I think I could benefit from some outside input. If you are willing to review my profile, just let me know and I can send you the link.

God bless!

What are some of your strange, obscure, or very specific flags you see in others? I'll go first; it's a green flag if she like BK over McDonalds

Someone I chatted with briefly a year and a half ago reconnected with me out of the blue. His reason for ceasing contact with me was because he felt that I was more mature in my faith, and he thought I deserved someone who wouldn't hold me back. Everyone told me that this was a nice way of saying he was not into me. I pined for him for a while because he was very sweet and funny (I pined in silence) but eventually accepted that he wasn't interested. I remember offering masses for him and praying for him occasionally when he came to mind because he had fallen out of the routine of going to mass.

I thought I was stupid for thinking this guy was interested in me and questioned my ability to read signals from men accurately. I was very tempted to reach out but held back because I did not want to come off as desperate, especially after sustaining a soft rejection like that. Goes to show that only God knows what will happen in life, and that sometimes the best course of action is to be receptive to what may come rather than grasp for the things you want.

My advice for anyone out there is to let small rejections like this roll off of you because at the end of the day, you never know what can happen! That doesn't mean you shouldn't put yourself out there, but if someone says that they aren't ready for a relationship, take them at their word. Who knows, things might change down the road, but there is nothing you can do to expedite that process for them.

Hi! 20M here. Lately I’ve been reading more Catholic literature on human sexuality (reviews of JPIIs Theology of the body, Jason Every, Matt Fradd, etc.) as a means of overcoming (improving!) patterns with sexual sin from my youth. I didn’t realize how much of my thoughts during the day are consumed with just cravings for intimacy with another person, and to be emotionally and physically known, understood, loved, and accepted. I want to give my complete self and as a gift to another and offer them the comfort that they could feel in being received by another.

I know that there’s a longing in my heart and this stems from wounds that require healing that I need to correct but I’m not sure how. I want to offer these desires to Christ but am unsure how this works. Although the sexual urge is natural and I know I should feel desires for intimacy, I still feel like I treat it as an ultimate end, when I should look towards Christ!!! (I love my GF and want to be married to her someday but am scared that these desires objectify her and ruin my intentions for marriage)

Has anyone else struggled with this and if so what has helped you overcome these issues, no matter how small the victory? Thank you all and God Bless!!

I have sent literally hundreds of messages to women and I hardly get any replies. I have a complete profile with photos and I send very thoughtful initial messages. I get notified by CM when my profile has been viewed. I would expect to see maybe 20% profile views out of the messages I send. Instead it's maybe 2 views from those I messaged. This leads me to believe that CM is filled with inactive accounts. Anyone else think the same?

Heyyy Catholic Redditors!

Lately I've been thinking about what truly matters when it comes to finding a partner, especially in the context of our faith. I wanted to throw a question out there for both guys and girls: What do you look for in a partner?

Is it shared values and beliefs? Emotional support? Physical attraction? Family-oriented qualities? Or maybe something else entirely?

I’d love to hear what’s most important to each of you when considering a potential partner, and how your Catholic faith plays into your expectations or desires in a relationship.

Don’t even know how to title this post but here is the story. So my ex (28F) and I (28M) were together for basically 10 years. We broke up for about 2 years due to immaturity but got back together. Throughout our whole relationship we were living a very secular life but were both claiming Christian. I was born catholic, and her non denominational. As our relationship started moving towards the next step of marriage, my ex was more zealous about her faith and urged us to start attending a non denominational church, take an alpha course, and start to take our Christian lives more seriously. I was very resistant at first but more out of stubbornness. All of this was all very new to me, and the energy coming from this new church was nothing like what I felt in Catholicism. Regardless, I was still urging us to go to mass, but more out of revenge for her forcing me to go to her church. It wasn’t until I started really learning about Christ that I started to really embrace Christianity. But as I was getting closer to Him, I felt we started drifting apart.

As she pulled further away, I could tell I was willing to completely sever my ties with the Catholic Church to stay with her. I would even help perpetuate misconceptions about Catholicism due to my own lack of proper knowledge about the faith. Ultimately, she ended the relationship, stating “God said no”, and I haven’t spoken to her since.

Due to her closing statement, it caused me to dive deep into the faith, trying to discern whether the way back to her was to get baptized in the new denomination. As I started researching whether I should do so or not, I was enlightened to discover what nondenominational actually meant, then opened my eyes to Protestantism as a whole.

As I started learning more and more, I realized how far off the mark Protestantism is and how beautiful and rich our faith is, and have come to embrace it (almost) fully.

So now, here is my question: do I reach out to my ex now that I’m a stronger Catholic? I feel somewhat responsible for pushing her away from Catholicism due to my own lack of knowledge on the subject, and I know that she truly loved me and that this decision was one of the hardest things she had to make for what she believed to be true.

TLDR: Protestant ex said “God said no” to our relationship. I, a poorly cathechised Catholic perpetuated misconceptions and nearly left the faith until I discovered the truth. Should I try reaching out?