Sorry for the long windedness. I am an adult childhood cancer survivor. I was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma at 8 years old and went into remission about a year and a half later. Treatments included chemo, meds, pokong, prodding, surgeries. I am now 48. Over at least the last decade I have experienced some significant symptoms including cognitive decline, muscle problems, joint problems, and even personality and mood changes which seem to progress more and more every year. Overall, I feel like I am wasting away physically and mentally. Maybe aging faster than normal? I've see rheumatologists and neurologists and none of them seem to want to help me. I am a father and husband and have a family to support. This is getting harder and harder every year and I am concerned I am going to get to a point where I can no longer provide for my family.

It just recently occurred to me that I could be suffering from some kind of paraeoplastic syndrome or late effcts. My original cancer never showed in my blood work. It took them awhile to find it even though my mom insisted to my doctors that something was wrong due to my constantly getting sick and even not being myself. Finally, a tumor popped up in my neck which they biopsied and found the cancer. By then, it had spread throughout my sinuses and throat. Luckily, it stayed local.

I am an investigator by trade and researching and investigating come naturally to me. There is research that suggests an increased timeliness for aging of childhood cancer survivors. Also, a decreased lifespan. Also, I've been reading that though they are rare, paraneoplastic syndromes can pop up well before a cancer is found and even after treatment is completed. Is anyone else going through something similar? Does anyone have a suggestion for what to do? I've of course let my doctors know about my previous cancer but none of them seem concerned. Everything I try to insist something is wrong I have been treated with disdain. It really is sad. I feel lost and am struggling with what to do. I appreciate any suggestions or even common understanding. Thank you!

Josh

Man, oh man, what a rollercoaster we've all been unwillingly buckled in on.

At 18 months post total hysterectomy with bilateral salpingectomy & left oophorectomy it's still taking me around the tracks.

I had posted a while back (linked), at 10 months post op, how I was nervous due to having pelvic discomfort. I had an ultrasound and was told i just had simple follicular cysts on my remaining ovary, nothing of concern. I've been having pressure on the right side of my pelvis, back pain on and off, and recently shooting pains in my side/ kidneys. I brought this up at my 18month follow-up and asked for another ultrasound - my gyno didn't think it was required but gave me a requisition to appease me.

Results came back - i no longer have simple cysts, I now have two 2cm complex cysts on the ovary, enlargement of the renal pelvis (hydronephrosis ) and my bladder is not voiding properly. It was recommended I just do follow up ultrasound in 6 weeks to keep monitoring. I'm sorry, but my post cancer self can't deal with that back and forth, drawn out carry-on. I requested to be sent for an MRI which i said I would pay for privately (Canadian here). Same as I did the first time when no one was taking me seriously pre-diagnosis. I get it could just be that - a cyst. BUT complex cysts can be both benign and malignant.

I'm just really feeling so defeated at the moment. I had a super difficult time getting back to some sort of sense of normalcy, but i was finally feeling good mentally/emotionally. Really good. Like not even before Cancer good. I really hope this doesn't take all that progress and flush it down the toilet now.

Hi fellow survivors. I am 3 months in remission from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma with a good prognosis- Dr says 90% chance of it not coming back. I’m an occupational therapist and I’ve always wanted to take travel contracts around the country (US). Trying to see if this is practical for me? Has anyone done something like this? Most contracts are 3 months. I don’t know if my cancer team will see me virtually if i’m out of state, so maybe i need to establish myself with a cancer center wherever i go?

Hello.

I'm M31. Before I was diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumor I had some mental health issues. I was diagnosed with bipolar II at 16, and ADHD in grad school. I grew up in a fairly abusive household which certainly contributed to the bipolar diagnosis. Despite my mental health struggles I managed to keep in shape, maintain good relationships with a few friends and a gf (now wife), and progress through university, achieving a PhD.

In the middle of my PhD I got my diagnosis after nearly 3 years of being ill. Neuroendocrine tumors are fun because they randomly dump neurotransmitters and hormones in addition to the normal symptoms of being unwell. Typically when there's an episode you sweat profusely, your heart rate skyrockets, it feels like you can't breathe, and depending on where it's located, you get terrible GI problems. Unfortunately, sweating, heart pounding in your chest, and and feeling like you can't breathe are also symptoms of an anxiety/panic attack. Thanks to my biplor diagnosis I was dismissed for ages.

It was tough going through my mid to late 20s missing out on so much because I was sick. People would always tell me I didn't look sick, which as most of us know is infuriating. Anytime I felt too unwell to go somewhere it felt like I was faking it because I didn't have a real diagnosis. Thankfully my wife understood and recognized something was wrong, I'd have never made it without that support. Anyways, I got my diagnosis, did my treatment, had the surgery and "all is well." Execpt it isn't.

It's been nearly 4 years since my surgery, plus the 3 years of being sick before hand. I lost a lot of who I was, physically and mentally. I'm currently between job contracts so I don't have much structure in my life. It feels like I'm back living those days when I just did nothing at home while waiting to heal. I don't feel the exhaustion anymore, but I'm terrified of feeling it again. Therefore, I refuse to push myself. If I feel the slightest bit tired I won't do anything that day. I'll watch youtube videos, play video games, read, and otherwise do nothing, which, makes my mental health worse. I feel like I'm withdrawn from my friends and family. I don't spend much quality time with my wife. I have a dozen projects and ideas that I've started and given up on, some of them are deeply important to me. I know I won't feel fulfilled in life if I can't realize those projects.

All of this makes me wish I didn't fight so hard. I vividly remember my last time in and out of the ICU. It took every bit of energy to keep from slipping away. A large part of me wishes I had just let go then. This isn't a cry for help about it, with my mental health diagnosis its been on my mind for half my life, but the thoughts of doing the big "S" are powerful. The life I live isn't worth living. However, I know it can be.

I have the foundation I need to thrive. Yet, I'm trapped in this pattern I existed in when I was sick and I don't know how to break free. I'm on medication for all of my mental problems, the same stuff that has worked for years. I did therapy for a year, but it mostly focused on the issues that happened in my early years, and helped me meet some of the grad school goals I was worried about missing.

Has anyone else felt trapped in this post treatment purgatory? What helped you get out of it?

Thanks for reading, I know it was long.

Anyone have a traumatic experience with their cancer as a young child and developed debilitating mood disorders as they grew older? I’m having a very hard time and have suffered with severe depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed a couple couple months ago with CPTSD (even though not essentially in the DSM yet) and/or BPD. I have tried every combination of medicines under the sun and exhausted all forms of alternative treatments as well ketamine, ECT, TMS and others. I’m beat and don’t know where to turn. Anyone have similar experiences and found or working on peace?

Hi all,

Obviously, I prefix this post by saying that I am looking into some counselling/therapy in the future.

So, my (30m) cancer journey started out late last year. I have Crohns disease and had some recent flare ups, leading to me getting some scans. Upon follow up with my Gastro doctor, he advised me that they had noticed something growing on my kidney and he was sending me for further tests and referring me onto another team.

I got the scans done, followed up with my GP (unfortunately i didn't hear back from the public health system until a few days before my surgery) and he referred me to a specialist. The specialist showed me the scans and there it was, a big ol' tumor taking up about 50% of my kidney. Needless to say my partner and i instantly broke down (we didn't even know it was cancerous yet, tests had shown otherwise).

A couple of weeks go by, payments and arrangements are made and I'm in the hospital, recovering from having just lost the whole of my left kidney with successful surgery. A week after i get home i get a follow up call from the specialist, telling me that the tumor was in fact cancerous and it was a good thing that we got it out. I was so hyped up on painkillers i didn't even take in what he said. I shared the news, in an extremely nonchalant manner, to my partner. She suggested immediately I call back and confirm, as well as get a copy of the report.

We received the report and yup, a rare type of kidney cancer taking up 55x55x50mm of my 135x65x55mm kidney, also making my kidney weigh about 3 times the average (I know I'm a bigger guy at 6'2, but my kidney shouldn't be that much bigger). Still can't believe to this day how big it was...
In a timespan of less than 2 months, i went from living a normal life, to being told i had a growth, to it being a tumor, to then losing a kidney and being told it was a massive cancer.

Now to today, 8 months have past, surgery wounds healing nicely, back playing ice hockey (and won with a shutout in my first game back). Saw my specialist for a follow up and all bloods and scans show that the cancer was completely removed by the surgery and it was confined to the kidney, hooray!!!!

But, i don't know. There's a part of me that feels like a fraud, like i can't call myself a cancer "survivor". I didn't go through the months of appointments, the shock discovery, the therapies and treatments, the recoveries. I just had 1 surgery and 2 months of recovery and that was it. No prior symptoms or treatments or appointments. To this day I still don't quite believe what happened as it all happened so quickly.

Had anyone else had a similar experience?

So, lately I have been asking myself (26F) this question a lot. I survived AML 5 years ago, the battle was hard af, mentally and physically draining. Going back to normal was some next level thing to overcome, my self-esteem went down, I couldn’t date or have sexual relationships( especially now with CHB diagnosis). After all of that I thought I will be done with it but recently I got diagnosed with Chronic Heart Failure (due to treatment)and Hepatitis B,in a spame of 2 weeks, and it completely destroyed me. I have bad reactions to medication and every day is super difficult to overcome due to side effects. I can’t find a reason why did I survive to still struggle and knowing I will never be a normal 20yo is a hard pill to swallow.

I do know there are worse things in life and worse things to live with but yeah..

Edit: Thank you all for making me feel heard and understood 🫶🏼 I send love to all of you who go through similar things

Hi All,

I felt compelled to come here and share a bit of redirection I’ve had on my survivor journey. 18 months in(uterine cancer).

I believe many, if not most, of us can relate to feeling lost and unsure what we want out of life, what the point of it all is or how to rebuild after experiencing cancer.

For me, upon diagnosis, I had so many random thoughts and almost regrets for how I had spent my life for the 36 years prior to that point. Post cancer, I thought I had to make all these drastic changes in my life and the truth is- I did need to make many.

One thing that weighed heavily on my mind was my career, I had this big idea it needed to contribute to some well-meaning , bigger picture, “life purpose”. I quit my long-term toxic job 5 months into recovery and took 8 months off to deal with my emotional and mental well being.

8 months in a job popped up that I was very much qualified for at a cancer treatment facility. I thought “This is it! This is my purpose!”. So I applied and interviewed. They extended the offer to another candidate and I took a job at another company that was still in the industry I had left.

Being in the industry for as long as I have been. the new job wasn’t very challenging (which I felt was a priority in my work life), nor was it connected to some greater meaning or purpose for the greater good. It did have a great team of people that I connected with, management that appreciated their staff, flexibility in work hours and the ability to WFH when convenient though.

5 months into the role, the cancer treatment facility had another job opening and hired me for the role this time. Amazing! My work would finally have purpose and meaning.

To make a long story a little shorter, day 3 into my new role at the hospital I reached out to my previous employer and asked for my job back. They happily obliged - with a raise.

The office employees at the cancer centre were all miserable, on autopilot, and barely interacting with one another throughout the day. Came in in the morning, locked down at their computer, and may have spoke a few sentences throughout the day. Had they hired me the first time I applied for the role, I may have become one of them as I wouldn’t have known better!

Their original rejection was my redirection to a work place where I didn’t dread waking up in the morning, we have laughs, enjoy each other’s company, get our work done and go home happy at the end of the day.

My purpose, post cancer, is just to enjoy the now! Appreciate and be grateful for sunsets and sunrises. Soak in the beauty all around us and connect with other people. I never want to be a ghost of a person just collecting a pay check again.

Cancer reset a lot for me. I hate what it took away- my fertility- but I’m grateful for how I’ve grown.

My Mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer in 2011. She had a hysterectomy, chemo and radiation and has been in remission. That said, she is still experiencing extreme side effects 13 years later.

Due to the radiation in her bowel area post hysterectomy, she has scar tissue built up in her colon / intestines. Ever since radiation, she has experienced what we call “episodes.” These include bouts of nonstop vomiting, diarrhea, pain, and not being able to eat.

Without getting into medical detail, she has had surgery and multiple hospitalizations due to these episodes. Her doctors say there’s nothing they can do and that she has to deal with it for the rest of her life. These unexpected episodes cause a great deal of physical and emotional stress. Her quality of life is suffering.

She has changed her diet time and time again over the years and has met with dietitians. She can’t have fresh fruit or veggies, or anything with seeds or skin. She has to have minimal amounts of meat, no coffee, etc. etc.

I am reaching out on Reddit for the first time ever to see if there is anyone else out there experiencing something similar. Whether it be themselves, a friend or family member. We are seeking guidance and support as we explore next steps. Mom is in the hospital now and we are desperate for help.

Hey everyone, My papaw has been dealing with skin cancer that comes and goes on his face. Currently, it’s back again. Doctors are removing the cancer coming up soon but if it comes back again he will have to have Mohls surgery. Hoping someone here may have knowledge on foods he could eat and/or foods to avoid to help get rid of the cancer for good!! Thank you!

Waiting in the waiting room for a CT scan to see if I’m cancer free, fingers crossed!

I’ve never made a Reddit post before, but just really looking for some support/tips/advice. Last December I was diagnosed with Paget’s disease of the nipple. I’m 36 F, and it was stage zero, so although all the doctors told me I had a very high chance of survival it was still terrifying to be faced with my possible mortality way before I thought I’d ever have to face it. I decided to have a mastectomy just to get rid of all the bad cells/tissue in lieu of radiation.

I survived, it’s gone, my surgery was in March, and I always thought that I’d be thriving after all of this ended. The amount of appointments, testing, and poking and prodding before surgery was so intense that I could only really focus on getting through the surgery. I definitely tried to uphold a fighters spirit through the whole thing, but the emotional roller coaster was far worse than any physical pain I felt. I actually enjoyed the recovery process because I finally got to just focus on rest.

I’m back to work now, and actually started my own business and my job is something I’ve always felt passionate about, but I’m so burnt out now. I just want to go back to my normal motivated self. There is so much I still want to do, but lately I just have no energy to do it. Sometimes I feel dumb even complaining about any of it because it was stage zero, and some other peoples cancers are so much more aggressive.

I definitely have fears of it coming back. I wonder why I had to go through that experience. It took me to some very dark places mentally. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately, just very random but scary things. Now my husband and I are trying to conceive. I felt so ready to be fearless and pursue everything I want after this, but lately I just don’t want to do anything, and it’s very frustrating. Everything feels like a chore. How am I supposed to be a good mom if I do get pregnant when I barely want to leave my couch?

Just looking to see if anyone else has experienced this

Hi! I hope you’re all doing well 💪 Anyone survived with cardiac cancer? I had heart surgery to remove 7 tumors in my left atrium May this yr. Biopsy took 3 months, diagnosed with cardiac leiomyosarcoma this August. Now just finished my 2nd cycle of chemotherapy (4 more to go). Anyone who has similar diagnosis? Any survivors that can share their stories? I am hopeful I can be cured although this type of cancer is extremely rare.

Is there anyone that continues to do something specific daily to remain NED? My dad is a 30 year cancer survivor and so very lucky. It plays on my mind everyday that im his age now and struggling with several AI. Is there something you or your loved ones do daily for your/their own peace of mind to help stay NED. Food, exercise, anything? Thanks

I've read so many people's stories, and I've yet to find anyone who was diagnosed at a very young age like me. I'm currently 19. When I was 2 I was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma in the lining of my brain. I had 4 chemo treatments before it caused my heart to fail. I had a heart transplant in May of 2009, when I was 3. I'm currently going through heart failure and CKD.

When I was 18 I found a lump in my breast that later turned out to be stage IV breast cancer. When I found it I was absolutely mortified thinking that I was going to die before my 19th birthday.

But I survived. I went through treatment and luckily survived it all. I had a recurrence a couple years ago but I beat that too.

Today is my 23rd birthday. Birthdays feel more special to me now because it feels like I’m lucky to still be around for them. I always have this sense of hesitant anxiety about my cancer coming back so I don’t have as much faith in the future as I used to but I’m getting there a bit. Birthdays feel like a blessing, a stroke of luck, something more precious than before because at one point they were threatened with something that could still come back.

I’m just curious if any other survivors feel this way about their birthdays? Do birthdays feel the same as before or do they feel more raw and special now because of what you’ve survived? I’ve cried tears of joy multiple times so far today because I’m so glad to have made it.

Long time lurker here. Dx 2017 with stage 3 cancer. Grueling treatment (like everyone else here) but it thankfully worked and I’m here with NED today.

Just found out another friend has Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and her treatment is not working. I’m heartbroken and I’m struggling with overwhelming sadness for them and guilt that my treatment was successful.

Anyone else gone through something similar? Advice on navigating these feelings and not reliving your own trauma? Xoxo

I was just thinking about this recently as I was searching to buy a new sleeping hat.

As I lost my hair due to chemo, I started wearing sleeping hats, because my head got quite cold in winter without my hair. My hair grew back (though not as thick as before and I am losing it again anyway... ) but I kept wearing sleeping hats. They're just so incredibly comfy to wear. Of course I wear the classical pointy one with a pompom. Too bad there aren't a lot of options in stores... they're not very popular.

My father who's also bald also started wearing one when it's cold.

Through my challenges, when I didn’t see a way out. You and our daughter helped me find a way, an alternative to the grim path I foresaw. A light at the end of the tunnel. An assurance that we will have our happy ending.

It’s okay, if your body is no longer the same, I’ll be with you forever. It’s okay, if we’re not in a good place now, I’ll be with you forever.

Soon this light was taken from me, just before I could breathe again. And this light is taken without what it feels like, even a fight or a chance for me to try to get it back.

Yet, I say hi, good morning, goodnight, goodbye. And you just shrug. I can see you’re hurt. But I am too. Yet through my fight with death, I kept trying and hoping for us.

Yet, I say I love you, I miss you. You say nothing. As I’m still picking up the pieces of a tired shattered soul and body, even through me still fighting with death, you’re not there. Even through my chemo you weren’t there, even through me losing my body, you’re not there. Yet I kept trying and giving you chances to show me you care.

Yet, I still ask you if you’re okay, I ask if something is bothering you. And you say nothing. But one day you hit me with how this is no longer feasible, no longer something you can fight for. Without a chance for me to even fight. But I will keep trying, I promise.

A decision is made, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Even with cancer, I could fight, but with this, I feel there’s no way out. No alternative to this grim path. I can fight all I want, I can scream all I want, but a decision is already made. Even cancer wasn’t this harsh. But I live to fight another day.

Just had my annual with my Oncologist and I am now off of Lupron!! Still have to take Tamoxifen for the next few years but no more getting up at the ass crack of dawn to drive into Boston once a month for a shot. WAHOOOO!!!

How would you like to celebrate? What type of games would be fun or even appropriate for a group of survivors? Any ideas from those that have attended similar events?

Note: I am not a survivor myself and those we are celebrating are aware.

A couple of years ago I had an adenocarcinoma tumor in my rectum. It was treated with chemo(Xeloda) and radiation, after which I had bowel resection surgery which removed about a foot of my colon. After that I have had a very difficult time achieving and maintaining an erection, even with testosterone shots and Cialis. I know it wasn't the chemo and radiation that caused it because during the treatment I had little to no ED. I was having regular sex with my wife, who actually got sick from my radioactive/chemo sperm. It was only after the surgery that the ED started. The difference was like day and night. Has anyone else experienced this same issue and has anything helped? I have been to a urologist who asked me if my urine stream was strong. When I answered yes he said that he couldn't help me. I am kind of desperate to fix the problem since my sexuality is an important part of my life. In fact I believe my ED was the reason she left me for another man. I'm at the point where I'm asking myself if I should just give up trying and lead a monks life.

my cancer didn’t build character, it built hatred.

Here is a sonogram picture of my twins. Remember one of the babies never developed. But do you see pic baby #2 God have me a glimpse of my baby. Why kind of God does that? He is a good good father. He showed me, which I believe the baby was a boy. But God... Won’t He do it is an understatement! Read my story here..

Happy V day! Victory that is! 9 years I was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy that turned deadly. It was killing me and my baby. I was pregnant with twins. Though one baby never developed the other one kept growing up until 15 weeks of being pregnant. I had to chose the hardest decision of my life to keep it, and to lose the baby. I had congested heart failure. I had to think of my girls and my husband that meant that I m the ust continue to fight. Which most of my life I would of chosen to die. The battle was great and held on to the cross by my nails, but instead traded my nails for His. I told myself I couldn’t turn back, He has brought me too far to let go. What seemed unbearable to chose to let your baby die inside of you because of your right to chose life. I had to come to this decision that life was worth fighting for even when I wanted to die. They call this medical emergency, chose life or death. I chose life! The image is still imprinted in my mind the night before I was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy in the emergency room, the last image of my baby waving good bye. God gave me that gift, baby saying see you later momma. The put me in with all the pregnant moms to be, that night the cardiologist said my heart was not working. That didn’t worry me, as long as my baby was okay. That is all that mattered. Next day Alex had left for brief moment to take a shower and that is when alone I was given a diagnosis. They said your heart is failing because your have a molar pregnancy and we must terminate the pregnancy immediately. I told her no, but my baby is fine! Look her are sonograms. She said no, with no empathy at all. I told her you are telling me to have an abortion? She said it is not an abortion! And walk out! She called her team and brought in the specialist and said it was a molar pregnancy. They didn’t let me see the monitor and couldn’t tell me what the baby was. They gave me two blood transfusions because I was severely anemic. Crying and alone in disbelief one nurse came in and told me she was sorry. I got great comfort in that. I was angry, confused. Before the surgery I went to the rest room and looked in the mirror and told God that I didn’t want to see the light, Jesus, or they angels. I knew that I didn’t survive all these years for him just to take me out just like that. I knew the greater purpose in my life, weather I believed it at all. I had to say my goodbyes, the hardest was saying goodbye to my girls. You really can’t cry and tell the truth. God didn’t show me the light, as I was being wheeled out to the recovery room I heard the nurse was listening radio on there was the song, my savior lives by Aron Shultz. Was the song when I didn’t know what was my going on for 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I knew something horribly wrong was going on. The roller coaster of emotions and not knowing if your baby had died inside of you. The pain of contractions that want to abort the baby. The not knowing and walking by faith and not by sight. The unknown. No one knew anything not even the doctors. The levels of anxiety as my heart raced and the beats of my heart were changing the longer I was pregnant. My heart would be felt coming out of my chest. I knew something was wrong, I prayed for God to take the baby because I couldn’t barethe pain any longer. So the song starts I am not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned. So this song was playing as I was being wheeled into recovery room. I told the nurse I love that song he said that the others have this station on. I knew that was you God. You were in there with me and reminded me that I am not alone. Next day the oncologist came in and started talk gibberish talk that echoed in my soul. He said it possible that it could be cancer. I toned him out and whispered to the Lord, now I can fight cancer. The worst part has passed. My babies were gone. Now I can fight! I felt everything ripped away torn piece by piece. My soul was in shreds. I was to numb to feel fear, to feel pain. The only hope I still had was in Christ. I would not turn back. I walked by faith and not sight. I couldn’t see, but it was okay because He was my lamp and my guide. I ate his word day and night. Give Him your everything. He will respond because He loves you. He will come through. He has! He will! Nothing is impossible with God! The mercy and Grace that He has bestowed upon me and my family could never ever be paid, why? Because He has paid it all. Jesus paid it all, through the cross.

Happy His love day. God is ❤️

Happy V day.

Writings of my memoir coming soon September 2025

"As many of you know that my cancer didn't kill me, but it almost did. I walked around all my life wanting to die. God knows this, but when I got sick and nearly died God showed me His grace towards me. He showed me how much He loved me. Here is when I began see to see the gift of life as precious and worth fighting for. He is the giver of life, he gives and take away. He walks with you through the valley of shadow of death. He gives you the peace and covers you with his wings. In the end he show us all who is God. How can we not let him work in the power of the Holy Spirit, and create miracles. Who? I had a dream last week and his loud voice woke me up and told me that he will be with me when I die. That tells me that he will walk with me into heaven and I will not be alone. Let go and let God work in you and through you.♥️ y'all." TikTok Xoexo00

Extremely rare cancer, but figured I'd check. If anyone else had a similar sort of radiotherapy treatment as a young child that caused the facial bones not to form properly, feel free to chime in. Everyone else, I don't need any sympathy, please don't comment unless you've directly experienced it. Smooth-Mulberry4715 did mention in a thread I posted last year she experienced something similar (didn't say if it was radiation specifically), but had other assets that distracted people from the facial asymmetry. Any guys, or plain Jane's out there?

Just curious how life has treated other people in a similar situation. I'm not having a good go of it. After 30 years of white knuckling it, I finally tried some antidepressants last winter, but the first one I tried did nothing and I doubt there is anything that will work, as the problem is self image, backed up by real world empirical data of me being ugly af and no social skills, let alone charisma to make up for it. I'm going to give the mental health system one more try this week, but I just don't see any way they can help.

I can never get my eye back, and even if I did agree to reconstructive surgery, there would still be a broken human being behind the mask.

It just all seems insane to me that the very same people that demand every medical effort be made to keep a sick child alive (so they have a chance to live!) are the same people that then say the 'forbidden topic' is not an option when it turns out horrifically bad.

https://a.co/d/9DpYAIk