It’s okay to do nothing. You’re still valuable and loved. Your day is still a good day. Your mind and body sometimes needs a rest. Don’t neglect your self. Self care is not selfish

So, I was looking at my belly after a day of eating. I didn't love it tbh, I'm a 5"8 tall slim build girly and I love my figure. I'm really lucky! But somehow I'm standing there and I just kept on looking at my belly.

But then I said that the reason why it's bigger is because I've eaten today! I've enjoyed food so much that I gone back and eaten more of it and I enjoyed it while eating it.

I'm trying to do this with other parts of my body, my nose that feels too big or my weird toes...but maybe my nose has more personality and maybe without my weird toes, I wouldn't have something unique that only I can see...ya know?

As an individual, I wish that looks didn’t effect whether I liked someone, or how I think of myself. But I haven’t been able to get past it. Depending on if someone looks cool or interesting, I will want to be friends with them, and if someone is overweight or ugly, I am deterred. In the same way I critique myself and believe people will like/dislike me based on appearance. Inside I know none of this matters but I can’t seem to move past it. How do you do this?

Edit: as for myself at least I do believe outward expression/body language is more important than looks, and I know for sure that matters to me when looking at others

I'm disabled with chronic illness and have very little energy. As a result I have a buzz cut that I do myself. Recently, I've made some improvements and I find myself wondering about my hair, my appearance and my feminity.

I'm a cis, queer, white woman who identified as hard fem, but not butch. I've always used the performance of the feminine to get what I want, namely attention from others, and I was successful at it.

I no longer want attention from the kind of people who give beautiful women attention just for being beautiful. My priorities have shifted so dramatically, but I'm still feminine in my soul, but I just don't know what that looks like anymore.

I (29F) have always been so insecure about myself and keep comparing myself to others in a very negative way. I feel bad that I feel this way but I have been struggling with this for years. When it comes to physical appearance I feel so insecure even though I have been told many times that I'm pretty, yet I still feel unattractive. Doesn't help that I'm flat chested :( I wish I could stop feeling this way. I wish I could be more confident and not feel so insecure when I go out. Can anyone else relate or share some advice? Thanks :)

My very good friend and work colleague is relapsing into ED in a big way. She is losing A LOT of Weight. It is severely affecting my mental health, and triggering things like body checking and food restriction. I have come so far in my recovery, but I feel it slipping away. I’m not sure how to talk to her about my concerns for her health and mine. We are very close friends, but we also see each other daily at work. I’m finding myself isolating from her in her time of need (husband is deployed for 12 months, so she is taking care of their two kids alone, plus working a high stress job full time). How do I support her and protect myself?

There's a particular TikTok influencer who has gained a large number followers in a short space of time. She meets the definition of beauty as per Western ideals and has been very open about her fillers, botox and intentional weight loss journey (she has displayed "before" pictures as well).

She has recently admonished another person because she felt that they were body shaming a very thin person (that's not what happened but it would come across that way to anyone stuck deep in diet culture) and said that "all bodies are beautiful, no matter what size" etc etc

I can't help but feel that this is giving inconsistent messages which only further serves diet culture and the toxic behaviours that surround it. How can you criticise someone for talking about how problematic unrealistic beauty standards are, under the guise of an "all bodies are beautiful" post when you go out of your way to not only meet these standards but to promote it to your followers, many of whom will be young and impressionable?

I don't have an issue with her changing her body but I do think it's hypocritical of her to try and shame someone else who is actually promoting body neutrality/positivity whilst purporting to do the same.

I find it so weird when people get all worked up over others saying "everyone is beautiful" and respond "if everyone is then no one is/everyone is average" or something along these lines. I don't understand this reasoning tbh, just because you don't find someone good looking it doesn't mean your preference reflects some kind of universal objective standard or whatever.

also, i can't stand it when people bring up science to argue that certain features are undesirable, because most of the time their arguments lack nuance. they won't bring up newer research that might contradict said findings nor will they discuss social science research which very often shows how diverse, fluid and somewhat arbitrary the majority of beauty standards are. it's like some people really want aesthetics to be a competition, as if beauty is something to be found in a fixed, selective society of "superior beings", the "genetically blessed" (yuck) etc.

Warning: I will be discussing my own experience with sexual violence and childhood abuse.

Hey all, I've been struggling with self-esteem issues all my life due to a childhood event. Recently I've become involved in some social clubs/organizations around where I live/work. With this I've found my way into a tight knit group of friends who I love dearly. Amongst this group there does happen to be a bit of an age difference and this is relevant to my thoughts when considering opening up to them about some behavior I have found appalling.

To start, this group I consider to be very progressive in our line of thinking and our morals. Most of these friends are younger ladies with a few guys like myself. The issue is that sometimes the ladies like to be a bit too honest about their experiences with men (hookups). Talking about the hookup in itself isn't an issue, I'm here to be sex positive and will never make anyone feel bad for their experiences. This also includes that if a dude is lousy in bed then you have every right to vent/complain and I am not one to tone police you. However, my issue is that they engage in incredibly cruel body shaming about these young men. Fortunately, I am aware that by them being young (in their early twenties) I simply see this as an issue of being rather ignorant and inexperienced.

Now, I shouldn't have to justify why I find this upsetting by bringing up that as a child I was horrifically taken advantage of by a much older woman who I was left in the care of. I also know that I was not the only child she would do this stuff with as she watched quite a few kids along with me. Why she did this? I don't know. It's possible she was a victim too and taking it out on young boys but none of it justifies her actions. The things she would do would include making comments in an attempt to shame our bodies. So when my friends make these comments I find myself essentially disassociating and getting stuck in the mind of extreme self harm because all I can think about is her and how she might be right.

I've never had an issue about jokes about bodies when it isn't directed at someone or tied to someone's self worth. Our bodies are funny and there's plenty to laugh about when discussing them. However, their comments and acceptance of this behavior goes against everything they stand for. After all, I am aware that it's literally a form of engaging in toxic masculinity and reinforcing patriarchal standards. (Also incredibly transphobic).

My stance has always been against shaming bodies because of my experiences. This includes my own hookups and relationships. I've seen a variety of bodies and physical features in my lifetime, all belonging to people with their own insecurities. Not once has it crossed my mind to insult those traits to people behind their back. It's needlessly cruel no matter how shitty the person is, because plenty of good and loving people share those traits.

I want to come at this in a way that's honest and rather gentle. I do care about and love them after all. I know they're just being young and ignorant and possibly using their god awful experiences with shitty men to justify it as a cathartic form of misandry. Again, I'm not going tone police them when ripping into shitty dudes about choosing to be shitty. With that said, some of these young ladies are looking at medical degrees so I need them to understand how horrific it is for them to engage in that behavior as a medical professional. On top of that, I feel like being one of their older friends that I'd be right in trying to nip this sort of talk in the bud.

I literally cannot find a subreddit more relevant to this subject matter that will let me post with a throwaway account. If this type of advice/discussion post isn't allowed then I apologize. I'd rather take heavy consideration with this and, in all honesty, get some advice from people in this subreddit. (I'm also aware of the trolling I'll probably get in my dms but it's the internet and something I'll have to ignore. Ugh)

So, should I explain my view to them? How should I go about it so as not to hurt them?

I truly don’t know what to do anymore. I posted something like this on this subreddit before but quickly deleted it. One year ago I was the exact same size as I was today. (5’5 and 134 lbs) and I never cared about my weight, I would wear crop tops and revealing clothes all the time and my weight was never something I worried about. Now? I feel completely obsessed over my body in the worse way possible. I can’t wear anything tight or revealing without feeling absolutely disgusted. I felt so embarrassed the other night my family was getting dressed up for dinner and the second I put my dress on and looked in the mirror I started crying in front of my whole family. It has completely taken over my life. I’m so obsessed with the idea of being skinny but I feel so addicted to food. Every time I promise myself I’m just going to eat something light I end up binge eating and then bawling my eyes out because of it. I’m starting to have dreams where I wake up in the middle of the night and go downstairs and do nothing but eat and then sit at the kitchen table and cry. I can’t even put it into words anymore. I’m so beyond obsessed. All I think about is my weight. The hardest part about this is I’m a still a minor and I’ve tried to talk to my mom about this kind of stuff and all I get is “your beautiful” and “you look fine” if there is anyone who can give advice or dm me I would be forever grateful.

Hey everyone,

I've made a couple of posts here before asking for help with body image issues while picking out a ring and getting engaged. I know I've posted a lot, but I really appreciate all the support and advice I've received so far.

Now that I've started wedding dress shopping, I've found it to be even more challenging. My body image issues have really flared up, and it's making me consider pushing back the wedding until I lose more weight. The thing is, I truly believe that anyone who is plus size or any size really can look amazing in wedding dresses. I just struggle to apply that thinking to myself.

My wedding is on February 20th, and I'm looking for a dress that's long sleeve and modest. The dress also needs to fit a winter vibe. I need help figuring out how to pick out a wedding dress now and be okay with it, even if I can't lose any weight. The pressure from wedding dress stores to buy on the spot is also really stressful.

Even though I want to push the wedding back, I know I shouldn’t save my happiness for a later date or weight. I really just need to be okay with how I am now, even if I don’t lose any weight. I want help to be able to work through this and be okay with how I look and not push back the date.

I also need to work through being okay with getting a dress now as I am. Any advice on working through these body image issues and finding a dress that suits my body shape would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💕

TW: This post discusses body image struggles and ED.

I wanted to share something deeply personal in the hope that it might resonate with those who are in the process of healing, or even those still struggling. For years, I battled with my body—measuring my worth in inches and constantly trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for me. From extreme dieting to surgeries, I tried everything to make myself smaller, more palatable, more “acceptable.”

It wasn’t until recently that I started unlearning these toxic beliefs and reclaiming my sense of self. It’s a slow process, and I still fight the urge to shrink every day, but I’m learning to take up space unapologetically.

I wrote about this journey and how societal beauty standards can warp our sense of worth—especially for those of us who’ve been taught that we don’t fit the mold. If this resonates with you or if you’re in need of some support, feel free to read my piece here: You're So Pretty... For A Black Girl.

Thank you for holding space for this conversation. I’d love to hear how others have navigated their own path to self-acceptance.

Hey people, I genuinely dont want to stirr anything or accuse anyone of anything, but I can't shake that feeling.

I guess it has to do with me having never really gotten a compliment about my body from any of my partners. I guess thats a lie, i got one once, but like only when i "cried for it" and it was only over text. Also the girl really abusive to me to the point she threatened me with a knive once and tons of other shit. Which makes the compliment seem even more cynical tbh.

But like a genuine compliment that I look sexy or hot or desirable in person? Never happend. So why should the compliments people give on here to guys who kinda look like me be genuine? Like there is no reason to be truthful here in my opinion, and obvious reasons to lie. Its not like anyone can "check" if you are being genuine.

I really like being a guy and I am pretty confident in most aspexts of my being, but realisation that im 24 now and have never been told that I looked sexy or hot naked feels horrible.

I was just looking at some subs dedicated to posting non-sexual nude photos, with the intention of celebrating the body. It’s crazy how when you remove societal ideas and just look at somebody’s body, all you see is beauty really. Just doing this for a second made me really happy because I could look at bodies that looked like mine and see how beautiful they are. Just wanted to share. Your body is beautiful and so is mine. Do your best to nourish it. you should never have to take away food from yourself to the point of starvation because you want to look different.❤️

I've worked on my internalized fat-phobia, racism, ablism, etc. Of course I can never be perfect in erasing a lifetime of doctrine, but I'm pretty good at catching descriminatory thoughts and correcting them.

I'm one and half years into significant disability. I have MECFS and myasthenia gravis. I can not extend grace to myself. I can not love this body that's betrayed me and my life goals. I can not stop thinking about losing ten pounds, as if that will fix everything. I can barely look at this now scrawny body in the mirror.

Because my pre-disability identities relied on my physical abilities, I was an open water swimmer and bike commuter among other activities, I don't know who I am. I don't have an identity.

I don't know how to extend the love I feel for others to myself. I don't know who I am.

I'm listening to The Body is Not an Apology and I've ordered the workbook. So far she hasn't told me anything that helps me love this unreliable, painful body. I'm just miserable living in this ambiguous abyss of nothingness.

How did you learn to love your body?

Hi I'm 21 F pursuing my master degree . Recently I went home for Holiday it's just 10 Days . But during my stays My Family started to lecture me about how i look. I know I'm not fitting into beauty standards I weight 83KG and I am 5'7 during the past 5 years I have been trying to loose Weight but I can't be lighter Than 75 KG . This really affect my physical Appearance With brown skin and Dark Circles with dark lips. My family said that "We Boast about You studying in university but You never take care of your body And physical Appearance" Yes I cannot Because my family is low income and the clothes which will fit me is less and Is really rare. I also want that kind of Beauty standard body and White skin . I've been told by many People that To loose weight and even body shamed But it really hurts that even my own family said so. They quote "the world is Changing No One like fat and ugly people you should change yourself" . I thought if i became successful and Rich My physical Appearance won't matter But In the end it's always the physical Appearance

My weights been up and down my whole life. But recently has been on a bit of an uptick. Probably because I'm in a relationship and a bit of job stress.

I'm trying to adjust mentally to this, as I've struggled with disordered eating in the past and obsessive calorie counting. But on top of the regular adjustment it's also causing me to not fit well into a lot of my pants, either they entirely don't fit or they cut into my stomach uncomfortably.

I don't know if anyone has tips on how to adjust to needing new clothes? The process and cost of buying all new pants is daunting to me and is stressing me out. I feel like I'd be okay with putting on weight if it wasn't for the fact my clothes don't fit.

I’ve been meaning to share this for a while. I’m 18 and have dealt with a lot of insecurity around my body, specifically my breasts. I've been bullied and even harassed about them, and I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, so I wanted to reach out.

I’m on the skinnier side (I have an eating disorder) but have unusually large breasts. At first, I even worried they might be a tumor or something, but nope—just genetics. While society often holds breasts to a beauty standard, mine often come off as looking fake, which adds to my embarrassment.

Finding clothes that fit well has been a challenge. I end up gravitating toward guys' clothes in size XS just to avoid drawing attention. I’d love to hear any tips on how to mentally cope with this situation and also practical advice on gaining weight and finding more feminine outfits that are comfortable but don’t draw unwanted attention.

If anyone has been through something similar or has advice to share, I’d really appreciate it. My DMs are open. Thank you for reading!

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