I don’t know about you but I’m tired of everyone tacking on their issues with our issues. Just because we are speaking up and understand what it’s like to be oppressed very much by the patriarchy does not make us “suffering buddies”.

I think we as women already carry on a heavy burden enough as it is, don’t you think? I think so. We are still piecing together and pulling apart ways we have been brainwashed. And here comes others who probably don’t really care about our cause, putting us on trial, distracting us from our focus and asking us how we feel about their issues as well because, well, the enemy of your enemy is your friend?

Look, as a black woman I always thought the more the merrier. However, I have come to realize that many people actually do not like us. Many people put themselves above us due to our “positioning” in the world, not just America, but the global village at large.

When I get included or asked how I feel about certain things that don’t immediately affect me (which are very few and far in between ) I feel empathy but I also feel a sudden unfairness because I know that if not for this group’s current (sometimes temporary) issues they wouldn’t even speak to me about my experiences. They wouldn’t even know that I or those who look like me even exist.

I am not your moral police, paid to be on standby and stand guard for the world to act right. Carry your cross while I carry mine on my crooked neck and stay over there!

Last time I checked, when I was crying you didn’t give me tissue to wipe my eyes. When I was screaming you did not hear me. You were deaf to my cries and blind to my pain. You were celebrating while I was coping and now that patriarchy is handing HIS inevitable judgement here you run coming to me wanting a friend or “someone who can relate”. Bye Felicia! ✋🏾

When I decided to Not Man I didn't plan it and didn't know how hard it would be but I knew it was an excellent idea. I really needed relief from the mental load of preparing myself for the day and finding ways to avoid men and their BS.

Gurrrl! So, I asked myself what this "not man-ing" exercise would entail. Yes, I talk to myself that much. She's my therapist. She just seems to be smarter that my other me. And yes, it's a couple of us in there :)

So, I decided that not man-ing would be avoiding any absorption of topics about men and romance, men and sex, men and their opinions on anything ever and so on. I drank my tea and started my day. I had some work to attend to, so I thought that would keep me busy and we would breeze past this day easily, right? Wrong!

I have a habit of coming to reddit when I ain't got shit to do, or even if I do and want to procrastinate a little (a lot), my fingers just click on reddit and there I go scrolling. So I scrolled and click on a topic about a woman who was having issues in her relationship - immediately I go (out loud) aht aht! Not today lady! We're not man-ning!" I immediately clicked away. Scrolling through for other stories and it seemed that even the other subs were all about relationships, marriage, my boyfriend this, my man that and on and on, and these are pages that were meant for women liberation (it's okay for them but not for me right now).

I close my phone and decided to look around me and noticed I hadn't done some work (of course) and then put my phone on airplane mode and guess what I did? Yes, I did some work! Not only did I do some work I did an excellent job. Thoughts crossed my mind, I would remind myself "we're not man-ing today". Great ideas about discussions come to mind - I remind myself "we're not man-ing today". Someone send me a meme, I hadn't even decided by then that I would avoid memes but I noticed that it's trace was male influence, I didn't read it. The news about a woman being abused..."we're not man-ing today".

There were times, I would get frustrated with myself with how much this occupied my mind, but I cut it short because even the disappointment at myself was as also "man-ing" as it falls under ruminating on how "failed" I am because of a man! I gave myself grace and moved on quickly from my short coming. And ladies it was more like "long comings" because I had to remind myself all day at every turn to not "man". Songs on the radio had to be turned of, youtube videos had to be avoided. I did it.

I realized many things. I realized how all around us the world has prepped us women to worship relationships. The world, love songs, playful songs, party songs, sad songs all (inadvertently) has prepped us to live in the fog of a world imprisoned by men and what men offer. Everywhere I looked (this time from outside looking in because of this 24 hour experiment) I saw our endless desire for, discussion of, and anger for lack of the male gaze.

The next day I took inventory and when I came across a man-ing situation, I noticed my body response. Heart palpitations, breathing heavily, fight mode activated! I had to take a pause again. There is one thing I have realized, which I will narrow down more and more, I will have strictly no man days and I will have no man days with small windows when man-ing is allowed (in order for me to process somethings) then I can go back to my cocoon of not man-ing.

On day one I have already seen huge benefits. I am continuing this journey and I am hoping to bring you along with me. If you want to practice this, please know I am am not an expert and I would love more ideas and tips but this is so fun and I can't wait to see my growth!

r/BlackFeminism

Hello ladies! Yes, just ladies! Because Period poo :)

Anyway, I will use this medium to document my experience of Not Man-ing. If you want to know what "Man-ing" is check out my previous post here at r/BlackFeminism I will post about my weekly journey of not man-ing and how I am deprogramming myself from years and years of brainwashing.

So, day 1 of not man-ing (we can skip the hyphen and just go with maning or manning if we like. It's whatever). My usual routine in the morning is to make tea and then think about my previous day and complain in my head or infer from my experience what happened, why it happened and what I can do to better avoid situations that do not serve me. Usually, it almost always involves a man. At least the most pressing issue always involves a man.

You see, some of us have a hard time admitting how we are still affected my men because we see how un-beneficial it is to engage them but we go about life still acting upon our programming and never pausing to call ourselves out for not living our truth. I don't care to judge women who are still programmed and are living their best lives being all what men want them to be (except that we know they're not but are just coping, but ok...). I am not one of those who will throw the baby with the bath water because I was once like them. I still have other trappings that force me to navigate through a man's world.

So, I decided to not man. Hmm. Well it wasn't something I thought of the day before, I wasn't planning on it and decided on a start date. I had always been about de-centering men, read books, participated in discussions and debates, even arguments (side eyeing myself) on de-centering men but I have never picked an actual date that i was going to go man-free. Yes, you read that right, going man free.

Here's a short list of what going man-free is not:

Interacting with male boss, your son, or even your spouse. Mailman, make clerk, or driver.

Here's what going man free is to me:

Not giving thought to romance, me not watching music videos with women in sexual positions that please men, me not making judgement on what a woman is doing to please a man, me avoiding any thought or break down of thought behind a mean comment a man or woman made about a tv presenter. Avoiding memes about sex from a man, avoiding topics or even jokes about men and what they're doing in the world.

Basically, living life as the woman I would have been if I were never influenced or harmed by a man. And ladies, this was tough! It's one thing to not think romantic thoughts, its another thing to tell me to not account for ways I have been abused by a man. But the whole idea of this exercise came from me rebuilding my mental connections. I realize that I have the power to free myself from the mental BS of living in a man's world, and I will take my power back with no excuses. I have had years and years of labeling my traumas and connecting dots upon dots, comparing notes, all that. I have not had years and years of cutting them (men) out of my psyche completely. This is how my journey began and if this is what interests you, I will post more and more details as time goes on.

r/BlackFeminism

Have you ever considered why you may be obsessed with your appearance? We obsess over our hair, our nails, our make up, our voice, how we speak, our smell etc.

Okay, okay! We're women. I am not a scientist; However, it seems common among us women that we love everything beautiful, from when we were girls to adulthood. We love more colors, we create beauty in every aspect. We bring life to things with our flare for beauty - that indisputable.

What I am trying to discuss here is our incessant obsession with making sure not one strand is out of place, our dress is extremely the right fit (tight or lose enough), obsession that we don't smell too bad. Play up our curves - make sure it shows and in fact when we're complimented about our body we feel some sense of accomplishment.

Look, I am all of self expression and sexiness (truly I mean that). I love when a woman just simply "Womans" her way in the world. However, I have started this journey of questioning and re-aligning how I truly feel about myself. When I find myself obsessing over a particular thing on my face or hair or body, I check to see if it's because I am worried a man would/not notice. Funny thing is after I have convinced myself that I am not "man-ing", I tell myself its for other women. "I want to make sure other ladies can appreciate what I look like". Then I have to see if even that itself is an indirect influence of "man-ing" too.

There are times I give myself windows to be influenced, but I prioritize my autonomy.

I am saying all this to say, I think it's time we stopped allowing someone's skewed view on life to rule how we feel about ourselves.

I am exhausted of taking on the task of accommodating someone else' misplaced priorities and making them my own.

r/BlackFeminism

Man-ing is a new term I have coined for myself to catch my thoughts and influences powered by misogynist views.

How do I use it? I say things (in my head) like ‘we’re not “man-ing” today’…’stop “man-ing”’, ‘oh that’s “man-ing”’, ‘that’s what happens when you “man”’!

Man-ing can be synonymous with being male centered, male identified, going out of your way to make one attractive to men, thinking in ways that are influenced by men or living in a man’s world directly or indirectly from the most obvious ways to the most subtle of ways. Even lingering too long on the thoughts of suffering in the hands of men, ruminating all day, even in a personal situation, can all be called man-ing.

It is born out of the need to start giving myself as much attention as I give my demise as a woman living in patriarchy. The need to walk my way back to my self autonomy. The purest form of who I would have been if I hadn’t been “influenced” or brainwashed.

I practiced this concept on an extreme level for 24 hours. I’ll write about my experience shortly.

In the matrix of patriarchy's hold, Young Black women awaken, bold, Breaking chains of societal mold, Our liberation story beautifully told.

Shackles of brainwashing We shatter, Emerging from illusions that once scattered, Our spirits soar, no longer battered, Empowered voices rise, Our truth uncluttered.

Through resilience and strength untold, We reclaim Our worth, Our stories unfold, With every step, every debate, every post Our power, behold, Young Black women, radiant and bold.

In unity, We forge a new decree, Rejecting misogyny and our mama’s chains, We stand free, Our hearts ablaze with sovereignty, A beacon of hope for all to see.

No longer confined, no longer confined, Young Black women, Our brilliance aligned, With wisdom, grace, and fire refined, We soar beyond, leaving the cape and patriarchy behind!!!

Kindred spirits convene: r/blackfeminism

Hey ladies. This is a Brand New Sub. And with any new sub, we are welcoming suggestions, contributions and posts.

As you can imagine there are lots and lots of developments taking place in the feminism space. New phenomenons, new dynamics and of course new tricks by the patriarchy 🙄.

New laws to keep us caged like the “No Fault Divorce” laws these clowns are trying to attack in Oklahoma. They are obsessed with caging us in, nothing we can’t overcome!

This is your home. Our safe space. We see you, we hear you and we want you to be a part of us. This is obviously a feminist space, so we welcome all XX Chromosomes of all backgrounds. We say no to “interruptions” and we focus on our issues and ways to deprogramm ourselves from the shackles. Debunking myths one XX Chromosome at a time. 💕 🙏🏾

Now, I know there is a Sprinkle Sprinkle phenomenon. My question is are we seeing actual action, change in actions or relations between women and men now or is it all just internet propaganda?

I have seen many women showcase their “soft” lifestyles. Women who indulge or those who watch them on social media feel like they have finally cracked the code in this fight for “equality” or the “holy grail” in their relationships with men.

However, has this caused a change? Are people really asking men for money, declining dates with people who don’t spend money on them, treating relationships as transactions or like business… and the list goes on.

I understand the perspective (even if I believe a woman’s true happiness is to avoid romantic relationships with men entirely). I’m not here to judge.