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In 4 months my (28m) life has come crashing down. In order: My wife lost her job. I lost my job. Got a new job. Wife left me after 7 years. Lost my new job. Went to therapy. Got another job. Lost another job. Found out I am bipolar. Learning to cope. Found another job. Court hearing next week to finalize divorce. I genuinely feel hopeless, smoking a bowl and hoping somehow things make sense soon at 4:50am on a work day. Good luck out there, fam

I need help making some decisions and general advice on how to live. I'm surrounded by people that really are completely ignorant. I might try to get therapy again through my county, but then I would have to start over with someone that doesn't really give a shit and that might be just about the worst thing for me.

Edit: Nvm this is just a bad idea. kinda sucks bc i don't know what else I could possibly do. I'm so trapped :'(

Apparently it's called frisson. It just googled about it after getting goosebumps from hearing a great singer. I thought it happens to everyone but seems like it doesn't. Does it happen to you?

Anyone else been here before? How do you beat the energy? Cant sleep and cant sit still. Usually I would dance myself to physical exhaustion. I cant tonight because I have healing torn muscles. My heart goes out to folks who are stuck in these damn cycles.

So basically my last manic episode was last fall and it lasted for around a month and turned my personality completely upside down. I ended up getting psychotic and that obviously made me even more less me. The biggest problem here either way is the fact that I did a lot of drugs during it (it's something I'm normally really against and wouldn't do). My girlfriend got really weirded out and upset about all that and once I was at the state where I could finally explain her what it is, she said understood and that it's fine, but still to this day she constantly brings it up. Everytime we argue or have a little disagreement she reminds me of the stuff I did during the episode (especially the drugs like calling me a junkie etc), and it really bothers me. In the other hand I understand her side cause it's a lot to handle, but I've multiple times asked her to leave it to the past cause I haven't done any of that stuff after the episode. I feel like she can't accept me as I am and I'm tired of the constant comments about my sickness. I'm blind to the situation and can't tell wheter I'm just being dramatic as hell or should I actually consider just leaving her. I love her a lot and would rather being with her, but I can't deal with this stuff as it's something that's hard to accept even myself.

I told my dad about by diagnosis and he said “are you sure? You don’t seem bipolar to me” then went on to say every bipolar person he’s know is alot and all this bs. I feel like maybe I’m not just because I all of it happens in my head and I don’t seem hypomanic to others I guess. Maybe I am but maybe that means I’m not. I’m new and I’ve tried to research bipolar II but don’t really know if it counts if people can’t see it. The paranoia and slight hallucinations, major mood swings between days, and major depressive episodes following the high points… I’m so confused.

Upped antidepressant dosage, got tachycardia.

PSA: if you upped medication dosages, and you suddenly get tremors, go to doctor. It could be your heart! I’ll almost certainly be fine, but they’re about to do an ECG, so uh, careful with ur meds folks

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday. Here's to the chaos we live perpetually! Does anyone experience mixed state? I don't feel like I have any control of my face anymore

I paint with so much aggression. I don't know how people are soft, smooth and delicate. I hate my style but this at least gets out how I feel. Nothing is ever finished but I'm never going to touch it again. Just paint over it. Does this bring up anything for you?

Idk this may seem kind of dumb, but I was wondering how to tell if you’re in a long depressive episode or just have depression. Sometimes I feel like I’m depressed for like 2 months and Il have horrible thoughts, low energy, self harm ideations, and just all that. After that Il go back to normal though and then it will feel like after a week I’m back to it. Is this just depression or a series of episodes?

I have a bad problem with making sure when I'm manic I don't come out of it (which is very much being worked on) but I guess since I've dealt with this alone for so long I was just curious to others opinions on this. Of course there is the fear of "losing my sparkle " even though I know I'm still very much me when not manic. I had MDD for 7 years before the mania started happening and I got a diagnosis and I feel like I lost so much in that time. It's hard knowing I'm gonna come down.

Kind of spiraling a bit. I’m a week or so off my anti-psychotics because I just haven’t picked them up from the pharmacy yet, but I’ve been worrying about this for a while. I’m realizing that I am one of those people who NEEDS to be liked. I am always wondering if I’m likable or if people are just being polite. If I even THINK someone is mad at me I can shut down for a whole day worrying about it. I sometimes misspeak and if I feel the vibe shift in the other person I think about that for the rest of the day ugh. I am trying to get back into therapy and I don’t think this is only a need-to-get-back-on-meds situation (even though I am picking them up soon lol).

Sorry for long rant

TLDR: I am worried that people can tell I have a need to be liked and dislike me for this. Maybe they sense my insecurity? Idk. Any advice or insight is appreciated :)

On February 19th of this year, I got admitted to inpatient in an attempt to escape my father, he’s abusive and really the only thing inducing my suicidal ideation, when I’m away from him I’m a perfectly happy kid. During my hospitalization, I agreed to go to residential, as I heard it’s a longer term inpatient stay, but with more freedoms and intensive therapies. I was put in an adolescent lodge (for mood + eating disorders) with 34 other residents. It was hell.

Police were being called on the daily, people assaulting each other both sexually and physically, screaming, self-harming (and encouragement of it) any kind of altercation you can think of transpired, there was always something going on, never a peaceful day. I had witnessed so many traumatizing events, but in spite of it I found a community—people that I loved. I was and am in a state where I know nobody as I’ve just moved here, so they were the only people I had connected with and made friends with. I found comfort in the chaos, and I realized we’re all just a bunch of fucked up kids that no one knows what to do with. Now, I’m alone. I was discharged bc insurance cut me off, and I’ve only been worse off for it. I can feel myself entering a depressive episode. I stopped taking my meds. I graduate in a month, but I don’t have the energy to so much as look at my Chromebook.

I have no direction in life. I wake up, eat, sleep, repeat. I feel like I have no fucking soul, I feel dead, and everybody good I know is either hundreds of miles away or still in the residential I left. I live in an apartment, my only company myself, and I’ve never been so alone.

How does high sugary food like donuts and such affect your mood. I am discovering is does effect my mood greatly.

Almost like the sugar high causes a mini episode. What are y’all’s experience with it?

I'm so close to getting off of quetiapine entirely, it's taken almost a year. But now that the end is in sight apparently my brain is desperate to hold onto those last 50mg like they're the only thing that matters.

I know how this sounds. But I've been taking lamictal for 4 weeks and it's made me extremely slow physically and mentally. I was just given welbutrin to see if it'd help with my focus but I looked at a post here about how misinformed everyone is about bipolar nowadays and how people just hear things and try to get a diagnosis based on that. I tried to get my bipolar diagnosis after finding out it ran in my family on both sides, and then after reading (what feels like) every article you could about it, and then scrolling through this sub for a while to double check what I was feeling was bipolar. But these statements are really making me question it because people constantly call me stubborn, and there's a chance I could've believed I was bipolar since the second of finding out it ran in my family and then just choosing to ignore any doubt I had because of how classic of a symptom it is to doubt your diagnosis. Help? And if you read all the way down here, thank you

I'm lucky enough to have medication and have mental health professionals helping me, but this shit still sucks. Sure my manias aren't anywhere near as destructive as they used to be. I might not be out buying a brand new car without forethought (or financial stability) but instead I'm pacing my kitchen and can't settle down long enough to do anything. I feel like I just want to stay up all night for no good reason other than that I can, and I just don't feel like sleeping. I'm constantly talking myself out of going shopping for things I don't need and have no money to waste on. I keep arguing with myself about taking my meds or not every night. It's been like this on varying levels for weeks. I see my psych again in June and if things haven't resolved maybe we can tweak my meds - a previous tweak brought me out of a depressive pit but threw me right into this mania. Just tired of feeling like I'm constantly needing to have a foot on the brakes bc I'm barely under my own control.

Hey everyone,

I hope this is alright to post. I don't really have anyone to speak to about this. I'm living abroad for a semester and a few months ago I had a stressful exam period / Christmas and developed what I would say is the worst psychosis / delusions I've ever had. Mostly persecutory delusions that I know somehow aren't real but I still went out of my mind convinced someone was going to get me (typical things that others report like thinking I was hacked, checking mirrors, changing my phone number, messages in everything ect.)

I went home to visit my doctor and was put back on Quetipiane and it helped for a few weeks. I still had a lot of anxiety but it felt alleviated at least a little bit. Fast forward to this week and everything just came back at once - to the point that I spent hours and hours in a daze googling the most insane questions / scenarios that didn't even relate to me but that I needed to research. I am so convinced my life is over and someone is coming for me. I started deleting all my social media out of fear that hackers have my information and that they're going to blackmail me into something.

I don't know if it is normal for paranoia to come in waves like this. I'm nearly out of my meds as I think my doctor just thought maybe I was suffering from mania but it feels worse. I don't know if I should try see a doctor here but I don't have the money for it and theres an issue of language bariers/mental health taboos.

I guess I am writing this to ask if anyone gets this level of delusion with bipolar 2 and is it something that I can ignore until a few months when I'm home and can see my psych team or if it's something that has developed into needing to see someone. I feel so so awful I just want my brain to stop. I need to get off the internet because I spend so much time googling worst case scenarios or horror stories of people being framed ect

So I plan to move from the US to the UK and I understand their medical system is vastly different, or so I’ve heard. I have several questions, mainly what to expect. How long should I expect to go without medications if I don’t get a doctors appointment? Would they let me keep the same medications or would they be switched around? Is there a chance they even remove my diagnosis?

I have bipolar type II since 2019 but I was a broke student back then and didn't have the money to pay for meds (And I didn't use my insurance because the long bureaucracy will be noticed by my family. They don't know about my diagnosis). I was finally on medication sometime around 2022, after suicide attempt earlier and later on late 2022 after being sexually abused by my own psychiatrist. But during those days I still persevere to take meds even though my condition wasn't getting any better and it wrecked havoc on my physical. Fast forward to 2024 when I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia after years of chronic pain, I just get so fed up with all the pills I've taken yet still struggling mentally and physically. I decided to take a big reset to everything, and trying to find a different perspective on my condition (Even after four different psychiatrist confirmed it is bipolar). So I stopped taking meds, stopped going to therapist and psychiatrist.

Now the pills are just sitting in my desk for months. I don't feel much improvement to my chronic pain. And about the bipolar... I feel like I'm in a limbo state. I still have the strong emotions that is consistent with bipolar, but it wasn't as intense and destructive when I was on meds.

Parts of me still wanting to take the meds for my own safety, in case a bad episode comes unexpectedly. Another part of me is "Screw this. I'm cured"

Any of you had similar experience or wanting to weigh in? Thank you

It ain’t much but it’s better than laying in bed and crying for hours and feeling inadequate and having a feeling of impeding doom.

I still feel inadequate and feel like I’m not doing enough, but I think getting out of the house today helped me a little.

I took my adhd meds and didn’t hyper-focus on writing my book like I tend to do and was about to focus for over two hours straight and enjoy studying. I did have to remind myself to eat and take a break since I tend to feel like I don’t deserve breaks but I did it.

I realize that telling myself that after I’m done I will get to play my game or write my book and it gives me something to look forward to afterward.

I’m currently on round two of studying and gonna see how long I can go. The evenings are when my mind starts to shut down but I took my second Ritalin for the day which I usually don’t (even though I’m suppose to take it twice a day…).

I feel overall much better than before.

I’m three different people during the day lol and during the week so it’s like I have to plan around each version of myself and do what I can with each version.

I don’t think mania is coming. I tend to be two days or three of mania than a couple weeks of depressive episode and then stable. I just want to be stable because I know my brain and body are exhausted. I also cannot afford another episode before finals.

Just wanted to toot my own horn a little since I beat myself up a lot. Okay back to studying! Thank you for reading!

I have my therapist on one end saying I have OCD and my psychiatrist on the other saying I'm bipolar. So my therapist told me I should go get an official test. Considering how serious bipolar is, I think I should get test to be sure whether I have it or not.

But fuck, it's expensive. I looked at one place that does them and it would cost 3 grand.

I'm on a mood stabilizer right now that helps a lot. If they rule out bipolar, what would that mean for my prescription? Would they take me off of it?

Sigh...

i’ve been feeling the urge to reconnect with people i blew up on/cut off when i was manic and i’ve been thinking about apologising for my behaviour but i’m just not sure i actually want to disclose to everybody that i have bipolar. maybe to some people but my manic episode was pretty public so a lot of people saw and i don’t want everyone to know i have bipolar.

a lot of the posts i see about making amends involves explaining you were in a manic episode and you’re trying to keep a handle on your bipolar but is there a way to apologise without disclosing? i feel like saying you were manic is like the only way to explain why you acted the way you did so i don’t know how id go about it?

Every time I go manic I end up hurting someone, so ive decided to just stop letting people get close to me. I don’t talk much to my family, I’ve completely stopped dating and self sabotage the second I sense someone might be interested, and I rarely talk to any of my friends.

If I’m out in public I make conversation short, and never try to show too much emotion. Is this a normal coping mechanism, or is it just bipolar talking.

I’m sure I’m not the only person that struggles with hygiene so here’s just a nice reminder if you are looking to pull yourself up. A hot shower and singing has been huge for my mood the last two days and it had probably been a week since my previous one

Just wanted to share that there is hope in this if you stay on top of things. I am talking about taking medication as prescribed and doing some type of therapy. I was a wreck for many years. Alcoholism, angry, suicidal, overly sexually, over spending, impulsive, burning every bridge. You get the idea.

Anyway after my fourth long hospitalization in the span of two years I decided it was time to take this seriously. I never took my medication as prescribed and never used the tools I learned in therapy.

It took a lot of trial and error to find the meds that worked best for me. A couple of years actually. I had to fight through the initial side effects for a month or two before I felt right, and I have been stable for six months. Which is a miracle for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have rough patches but they have become manageable. I’ve just noticed that this sub is mostly people who are in crisis, which is okay and I’ve used it before when in those places. However, there are also small successes that should be shared on here to inspire hope for people to see.

Any good bipolar support groups online for lgbtq folks like myself?

I (28M) have been wanting to connect with other queer people who also live with bipolar, wanting to find my tribe, give support and also feel supported when needed. I looked up one in my area and the times and day are not working for ( once every other week from 7-9 on a week night ) Thanks 😘

Hi.

I am an student I have bp and ADHD and literally Im suffering.

I used too many drugs like lithium valperoic acid vyvanse risperial olazin and etc.

Im getting fired from university and literally wasting my life now I am on Vyvanse and olazin should I have hope?

sometimes I really can kill myself and maybe one day I do that I dont know I tired of all this shit anyone have any honest advice for me?

Im so far from what I wanted from life I wanted...