/r/bipolar

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We are a haven for people with Bipolar Disorder (including Cyclothymia and Schizoaffective Disorder) and those on their journey towards a diagnosis to discuss Bipolar-related issues; a community, not just a help page. Be a part of something that cares about who you are.

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/r/bipolar

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1

Disability with Bipolar

Hello fellow Bp’s. I was diagnosed bipolar in 2022 after finally seeking medical help after some severe aggressive behavioral episodes. I’m looking for answers about disability with bipolar. If you were able to receive disability, what are some of the first steps that you started taking to get approved? What are some challenges or roadblocks that I might be expected to encounter?

At this point even with medication I don’t feel fit to work a normal job. Every job I’ve had I’ve worked at for 2 years and right around that time is when things always sour no matter what I do. At my current job I have never had a disciplinary action, write up, PIP or anything regarding my behavior but we got a new supervisor who watches me non stop and sends my paranoia through the absolute roof. I try to avoid him the best I can as most of his behaviors are triggering, I’ve been bullied heavily by my coworkers and despite two instances of being verbally harassed and notifying the supervisor, I was the one removed from the department and investigated.

I feel defeated. I feel as though bipolar has a significant impact on every job that I’ve ever had and like no matter what I do, I can’t escape the inevitable. Any advice from people who are on disability with bipolar would be great, at this point I’m just trying to do research and see if it’s even a viable option.

1 Comment
2024/11/09
20:08 UTC

3

exercise causing mania/hypomania?

therapist recommended i exercise more so now i do weekly pilates. i thought it was helping with depressive episodes but after i went to a class in hypomania i felt seriously crazy, like i felt like i was high on drugs and some of my psychotic features were creeping in

went again during a really bad depressive episode today. basically spent all week out from work eating granola in my room because i couldn’t leave. made it to pilates and since then have felt extremely energised - like irritable and racing thoughts that felt hypomanic

i know exercise is meant to help regulate this disorder and it seems to help with depression? but instead of making me regulated it seems to make me hypomanic. does anyone else get this or should i bring it up w my psych

2 Comments
2024/11/09
19:54 UTC

1

Angry with myself (spending)

This is kind of embarrassing, but what ever… Well, I found out what I spent all my money on this round… I have like 7 sex toys now!!!! I received two packages today and was so confused cause I didn’t order anything.. wrong! I did. Weeks ago. Literally in the last two months I’ve bought 7!!!! The first 3 were surprises too and let it slide for myself, but 7?! Get a fucking grip. That’s just insane behavior. Of course can’t return this type of thing, so just stuck with more than enough toys for an orgy and debt to stress about for the next few months.

PLEASE tell me what you do to control your spending during hypo/mania because I thought I had mine under control HA

1 Comment
2024/11/09
19:43 UTC

3

It's just one of those days

Rotting in bed. No motivation. Haven't eaten anything. Still gotta clean the apartment.

I just wanna forget about the world right now. Pretend that nothing exists. Sleep until something forces me to care.

Let the illness run its course. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Or maybe not. Who knows.

At least my cats are happy.

8 Comments
2024/11/09
19:39 UTC

1

Latuda and Seroquel

Hi everyone. I was prescribed Latuda 40mg a few months ago as a mood stabilizer, and now recently was prescribed 50mg Seroquel for sleep. I notice these are both antipsychotics. Does anyone have experience taking both? Should I be taking both, and if so, how? Both at night or Latuda in the morning and Seroquel at night? I would ask my psychiatrist but he’s impossible to get in touch with outside of our appointments.

4 Comments
2024/11/09
19:27 UTC

2

How to simulate the good parts of mania when depressed?

I haven't experienced mania since about 2 years ago. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. For the most part my 'normal phases' are frequently interrupted by depressive ones and l'd rather be manic than keep feeling this way. I was reckless when I was manic and I didn't make great decisions. But gosh it was fun and I was confident and funny and excited about doing things and socializing and I didn't feel so tired all the time. Feeling a like a god has its perks and drawbacks but I mostly felt invigorated. Passionate and capable. Part of me thinks it's my frontal lobe developing since I'm less impulsive and I don't see much point in doing the shit I used to do in mania and depression alike. I've tried triggering an episode by skipping meds but honestly now it just makes me angry-cry about little things and it feels worse (who'd ever have guessed) than if I HAD taken the meds. Does anyone have any advice to simulate the good parts of a manic episode? The impulsivity and lack of necessity to control everything? I want to feel unstoppable again. and worthy of everything life has to offer, even if it wasn't the best approach. Thanks 🥺 I hope you guys are well

1 Comment
2024/11/09
19:25 UTC

1

Had my first psychosis, happened after a nightmare

The whole story is long and I won't get into detail, but I'll give a bit of context and get to my question.

So a few days ago was the first time I experienced paranoia and hallucination. Even though I'm not in that panic state anymore, I'm still feeling the aftermath: sudden moments of fear, anxiety, derealization, mood stuff. The episode lasted around 10 hours and involved the police and an emergency pass in the hospital, but in the end they didn't hospitalize me because I didn't have insurance (!) so I have to deal with the emotional dysregulation by myself now. Here's what I need to know:

Is there something I can do to kind of forget and cope with those scary things that happened? My therapist suggested art but when I tried to paint what I was seeing I was so scared to even look at them on paper again. And I kind of need some general support because when I searched about paranoia everywhere people talk about the chronic, more subtle paranoid thoughts so it's not really helping me.

1 Comment
2024/11/09
19:16 UTC

1

I don't ever want to be that person again

I really don't know what else to say. I was sick, but no one is obligated to forgive me. I can only do whatever good I can from here on out.

1 Comment
2024/11/09
18:23 UTC

27

I made a mood tracker

I made a little mood tracker out of clay to help me better communicate how I’m feeling to my husband! Sometimes I struggle to verbalize how I’m feeling or leave before he does so he can’t check in, so I thought this would be a good way for him to know!

5 Comments
2024/11/09
17:04 UTC

1

Getting forced out of my professional program due to my behavior in my past

I'm almost one year finished of a two year professional master's program, $75,000 in debt.

They somehow found out through the grapevine that I have had challenges in the workplace in the past that lead to me getting for ed out. So now they are doing the same thing, they don't want to tarnish the program's name by allowing me to graduate so they are making my life 1000% harder.

I've been recording conversations and keeping a list of the behaviors I've encountered so that if they do something illegal I can report them to the university but unfortunately everything they are doing is "by the book".

I feel sick to my stomach, my heart hurts, and my brain aches. Please give me advice or tell me it will be okay. I'm spiraling.

1 Comment
2024/11/09
17:01 UTC

1

Oversleeping & depression

Hi everyone,bipolar2 here.I just got back to school after taking off a year.I really want to do well this time.But due to my insomnia, I missed my midterm exam several days ago. Since then I've been trapped in sleeping. I could only fall asleep at 3 a.m., wake up several times during the day but still wrapped tight in sleep until 5-7 p.m.I would have long,complicated dreams and feel tired and helpless when waking up.

I am sorry,but I am skipping my meds to save money.This happens both when I take meds or don't.

Things are really weird this tine,and I am so confused.I feel no pain but have lost all my drive and passion. It no longer feels like struggling,but more like a calm craving to disappear forever.I can feel my mental strength shriveling.

But I have every reason to love my life,everyone around is so supportive and I blame myself for not giving them what they want.I just need a reason to step outside my dorm and beat these difficulties.Any advice would help.Thank you for clicking in and reading this:)

0 Comments
2024/11/09
16:56 UTC

5

I don't know if I'm actually bipolar or not

I don't have manic episodes like everyone always talks about. I don't engage in risky behavior, do drugs, hook up with random people, etc. The closest thing to mania I have is wanting to stay up late and do things, but that doesn't seem like "enough" to be bipolar, but even that's slowed down recently regardless of medication. I was diagnosed when I was 14 or something, and I feel like somehow I was misdiagnosed. Idk though, I might just be overthinking things. Is it something I should talk to my psychiatrist about?

5 Comments
2024/11/09
18:16 UTC

5

Ok my Bipolar Care Bears

I’m a 33.5 yr old female. Firefighter and other such jobs, plumbing, so on. Anyways. If I wear my hearing aid into a crowd or big rooms it’s SUPER OVERSTIMULATING !! Any one else? I wanna just throw them in the dang trash at times.

3 Comments
2024/11/09
16:17 UTC

5

TW: Ideation and SH

A phrase popped into my head today... "Functionally Suicidal".

I'm not in immediate risk of harming myself, but I also exhaust a lot of energy keeping those thoughts under control on a daily basis.

This can't be an acceptable way to live, but if I say something, I run the risk of being put in a hospital. I'm already struggling financially. That would not only sink me, but put a burden on my adult kids.

I post this in case there are other people who feel similar. People who want help, but can't pay the price to get it.

May you all find peace today.

2 Comments
2024/11/09
16:06 UTC

6

Coming to terms with it all.

[long ramble ahead]

Ever since my diagnosis, I've had extreme imposter syndrome. I couldn't believe I had it when it hasn't affected me as bad as it affected others. I always felt like I was doing fine. Struggles aside, I was relatively "high-functioning". So, when they got me medication, I didn't take it properly. I'll be consistent for a few weeks, then I would obviously feel a lot better than I usually do- so I start doubting the diagnosis. I start believing I've actually been "fine" the whole time. So, I'll stop taking medication.

Then I got into one of the most prestigious universities in my country. My classmates were all either incredibly smart, incredibly hardworking, or incredibly successful for someone their age. Of course they would be- how else would they have gotten in?

Looking back on my life, I wonder why I wasn't able to do the same stuff as they did. Lack of opportunities aside, I knew I had potential. I knew I was smart. I mean, I also got in the university. I also got in the other prestigious universities in the country. I'm part of the 10% percentile of the youths in my country. But, why am I so... mundane?

I hated myself for it. Was I wasting my potential? Or, did I have any potential to begin with?

Months of depression and hypomanic outbursts later, I decided to take my medication for some reason I already forgot. It worked again. At the same time, I realized one of my college friends was actually a winner of a highschool journalism competition at the national level- something I've always wanted to be, but never became.

I thought about that friend. How she was so hardworking, and how I wish I was able to do that. And that's when it hit me. It's not my fault, and it never was. It's not my fault that, no matter how hard I try, I couldn't focus properly. It's not my fault that sometimes, the emptyness becomes too unbearable and I can't bring myself to do anything other than lie down. I already spend enough energy just trying to survive, is it my fault that I have barely any more energy for anything else?

All this time, I've been jumping over hurdles twice the normal size. I'm not discrediting my friend at all, by the way. I'm sure she has her own issues, and I really admire her perseverance and intellect. But, I can't blame myself for not being able to give my best because of something I can't control.

This line of thought led me to a realization that my experiences with bipolar disorder being significantly less worse than others with the same illness does not invalidate my diagnosis. Their boat may be full of holes, and mine might just have a few; that doesn't change the fact that we're both drowning anyway.

A small step, I guess. But, I'll take any wins!

2 Comments
2024/11/09
16:00 UTC

10

I feel like I'm sinking

I think the title is the post. I feel like I'm sinking. All I've been doing is working and surviving. I spend a lot of time in bed and alone at home. I can't get out of my own way. I'm terrified that I'm falling into a deep depression. How do I get out of this?

8 Comments
2024/11/09
15:15 UTC

4

Can bipolar people go into remission?

Hello. I was diagnosed with bipolar about a year ago. I took antidepressants and mood stabilizers for 9 months. I haven't taken any medication or seen a psychiatrist since July, but I also don't have any hypomanic episodes. I'm just depressed. Could I be in "remission from bipolar disorder"?

23 Comments
2024/11/09
14:52 UTC

15

Marriage, bipolar and reasons for being too medicated.

I love my husband dearly. Been married for 20 years with a daughter that’s 18. But I find I have to take more and more medication to stay calm in the relationship as he provokes me when I bring up something that he’s doing that hurts me.

Our daughter is old enough and has a mind of her own, so she’s starting to see why my doses are increasing.

I’ll ask him why he did so and so and that it hurt my feelings. He will say the opposite. Like playing devils advocate/helper.

It’s really sad. Because I’m heavily sedated to help anxiety and stress.

Im not saying I’m perfect or anything. Im just saying my doses would be lower if he was a supportive husband at home _ when I tell him “this and this upset me”.

I say it calmly. It still doesn’t work. I raise my voice. Doesn’t work either.

Any advice?

16 Comments
2024/11/09
14:26 UTC

16

I feel like there are negative parasites in my brain that constantly bully me.

I am 24 and I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2021 after my first couple episodes. I was an avid drinker during that phase in my life so after I got a DUI I decided to quit. I got sober and started a business called “like a Virgin sober bar” and catered to events that wanted fun mocktails. I was killing it in the beginning and I had so much confidence in myself and my vision. I still have the business but it is on pause while I travel and do random conservation jobs so I can travel. Right now I am in a low phase and i feel like my brain is constantly in a cycle of trying to put me down. I went to the book store and tried to find a book but walked around for 2 hours straight just picking up books and putting them down because I felt self conscious when I couldn’t understand bigger topics outside of fantasy. When I was younger I was constantly looked down upon in school because I wasn’t “as smart” as the other kids and sometimes I feel like I have accepted that label for myself. I don’t want to believe that I am not smart so I try to read things that will help me gain knowledge but I become disinterested when I cant understand. I know I am intelligent to a certain extent but I don’t know what’s going on with the world and outside of my own little bubble and I want to learn. I don’t where to start. I don’t want anymore self help books. I just want to read a book that makes me feel passionate about something in some way.

6 Comments
2024/11/09
14:23 UTC

3

Appetite

Does anyone stop feeling hungry, like food doesn't matter in episodes? It has been 2 days and i literally feel 0 hunger whatsoever and food to me isn't appetising at all

6 Comments
2024/11/09
14:02 UTC

3

Mixed episodes

Okay so, i am in a mixed episode. The only reason i know that is because ive never felt so energized and yet so hateful towards myself. it’s such a switch.

i’ll be physical energetic and happy but my brain is saying over and over “Your not good enough, your not wanted, should just kys.”

and i’ve never had such bad suicidal ideation before. how do you deal with mixed episodes? i could use the advice 😭

2 Comments
2024/11/09
13:20 UTC

13

Mania and recovery

Overcoming the effects of having been overcome by feelings of alignment, purpose, inspiration, energy and in reality mania is not an easy adjustment. Falling forward is challenging. Picking oneself dusting off and keeping the flame burning through it all, allowing that addicting energy to pass through us is a noble pursuit. How do we ride the wave without crashing into the rocks in the shallow churning white water. I know fairytales aren’t true but I also know the power that lies within each of us. We can do better than we have in the past.

I’ve found that managing mania is as much about learning to let go as it is about holding on. Sometimes, it’s about building routines and safe practices that can channel that energy into something constructive. For me, things like mindfulness, writing, floatation therapy and taking a strong antipsychotic in addition to my regular meds help me stay grounded when everything feels larger than life. Accepting that both the highs and lows are integral parts of my experience has been powerful. It’s not easy, but it reminds me that I don’t need to fight my own mind to find peace. I’d love to hear how others navigate that knife’s edge between embracing the energy and staying rooted—what helps you stay steady through the waves? More importantly as I come through the barrel of the wave and out the other side how do I balance? How do you retain the flow and not swing with the pendulum into depression? After experiencing life in high definition how do we return to a healthier a new normal?

11 Comments
2024/11/09
13:02 UTC

5

Mixed Episodes in BPii

Hello all! I was wondering how you personally experience mixed episodes (if you do)? What are markers that indicate to you that you're entering one (and how long generally before you notice them)? How long do your episodes typically last? Do you generally need extra professional/medicinal help during them? In terms of being a 'danger to yourself', where do mixed episodes fall in the list for you when alongside stability, hypomania, depression?

3 Comments
2024/11/09
12:43 UTC

3

weird (hypo??) mania

the past week I've been feeling really weird and I can't figure out why and what it is, I haven't been sleeping well and I've been feeling a lot more energised but not always, I've had one day that I was really tired too and I'm not always happy like I was during my last episode, I get more irritated and angry at people and it makes me want to crawl out of my skin, I definitely have the overly energetic, electricity-in-my-veins feeling like I had in my last episode but there's no euphoria, just irritation and anger and inability to focus on anything

I'm not productive either, I feel unable to do anything for school because I just get so angry that they want me to do things I don't want to do and I end up not doing it. I really want to talk but there's no one here to talk to and it's making me feel like I'm going to explode lmao

And I can still be rational, I know that what I'm doing with school isn't okay and I should do the work bc I'll fail if I don't but I don't really believe that, I think I'll be fine if I don't study bc I'm a fucking genius and it's not that difficult

It's like I'm constantly arguing with myself in my head and I can't decide which voice I want to win, but I feel like the irrational one is in control rn and I know I'm not gonna do shit bc I hate that they want me to work on useless things and I refuse to do that

2 Comments
2024/11/09
12:15 UTC

2

Struggling with school

Hey everyone! I’m 19 and repeating a couple of years in school. Honestly, it’s been tough. I’ve always had a hard time with focusing, studying, and remembering information.

It’s hard not to compare myself to others, especially when I see younger students moving ahead and I’m still trying to catch up. I just want to be a better student and not feel so overwhelmed by everything.

I’d be grateful for any tips on studying effectively while dealing with mental health struggles. And if you’ve learned how to stop comparing yourself to others or found ways to handle feeling “behind,” I’d really value your perspective!

2 Comments
2024/11/09
11:40 UTC

6

Regain study passion

I'm 22M due to internal household issues and a bipolar manic episode I lost focus on my studies but I'm now back to the journey.

Can you guys guide me how to build my focus fast after this dark phase of mine ?

6 Comments
2024/11/09
11:28 UTC

11

SATURDAY DISCLOSURE DISCUSSION 🗣️

Happy Saturday!

A common question that comes up is, 'How do I tell people I have bipolar disorder?'. Do you disclose at work? To close friends and family? Or are you telling the whole world? Perhaps you keep it between you and the psychiatrist. How many dates should you go on before you bring it up? Which terminology do you prefer - I have bipolar or I am bipolar? Every Saturday, we ask for advice on navigating these tricky conversations. Ask questions, tell your story, and support each other through disclosure and beyond.

^(Keep it kind, keep it civil, keep it cool.)

1 Comment
2024/11/09
10:01 UTC

8

Friends

Am I the only one feeling this way ?
i'm going through a bad depressive episode, and even if I have a few friends (not that much, not the most social person in the world), I wish I had more friends that I could depend on or that were in the same situation (also bipolar) so that we could help each other when going trough a bad phase like this one.
Reddit has been helping a lot (although i'm new to it), seeing and reading post that talk about things I've always been feeling feels great, I feel seen for the first time, but its not enough. Am I asking for too much ?
also i've been posting a lot this past few days I know but giving my situation, I'm just trying to get as much help as possible so that I can get better as fast as possible.

5 Comments
2024/11/09
09:57 UTC

2

The urge to delete social media??

I’ve noticed for the past few weeks or months I get these urges to delete certain social media from my phone like discord or facebook. I already deleted my Facebook but want to delete my discord too. I use it to talk to my bf but I associate a lot of bad memories with discord too and sometimes when I’m in a really bad mindset I just remember when I’ve been at my lowest. Most of the time, my memory is so bad that I don’t even remember the things I have said on a discord server a year ago. I had an old online friend talk to me about old stuff that happened in our friend group and I was horrified at the way I acted and the fact that my name was still there attached to it. My bf has suggested I clear out my friend list and servers I don’t use but that hasn’t helped and I get waves of anxiety and thoughts of what I could have said that I don’t even remember. I just want to delete it and forget it happened so I can move on and stop obsessing over it. Has anyone else experienced this?

1 Comment
2024/11/09
06:17 UTC

44

Told my illness to go fuck itself

How its always worked is five bad months, one "getting-better" month, 1 good week, a few days manic, get fired and pick up the pieces. For years. Then one day after a year of therapy I was able to make it two months, and being normal for two months was the greatest thing to have ever happened to me.

Then I got the chance to do it again and I fucked it up. It was looking like another five months of everything sucking. Getting kicked out of school, etc, etc, and the typical late 20s mental illness party train.

But I said no. Went up on my meds. Started caffiene (methylfinadate) maeks me manic, and starting all my coping mechanisms over again. Its not certain, nothings certain but its working. I think I'm back in the game. My illness is fighting back, but I'm stubborn as a mule in mud (and love that about myself). This time the story ends with surviving.

Fuck you bipolar. Fuck borderline, adhd, and the other shit too. I'm going to live. I'm going to be a lawyer. I'm done hating myself. I like the person I am, and like the person I'm becoming even more. Love this community. We're all going to do it.

Now back to practice problems.

10 Comments
2024/11/09
07:12 UTC

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