bad news: binge ate (again) on an ABSURD amount of halloween candy (my whole bag possibly… multiple king sizes, as well as sooo many minis. id estimate 2k kcals tbh) as well as a massive yogurt granola bowl, 420 kcal bag of ice cream poppers, 6 eggs, butter, cheese, a protein bar, and toast. it just hurts because i made a point to have a really good day of eating, of listening to my body and balancing my cravings. but i just gave in like i always do. i ate a protein shake smoothie bowl, then my brother was eating so much candy so i was like f it. and then i kept grabbing more and more and didn’t stop. i tried to purge it, but im pretty sure candy digests/breaks down reallly fast so i def will be gaining a few lbs lol

good news: tomorrow is a new day, and it is the first of the month! even numbers woo. i am going to feed myself well so that i don’t experience bad vibes. and i will be surrounded by people for most of the day so i wont have as much of an urge as i would in other situations. i am going to stay strong. i am not binging this month. and if i do, im not purging. there’s no reason for me to be sticking my fingers halfway down my throat to remove my bad choices from my body.

please, if you’re still reading this, send me positive vibes, tips, and motivation. my body doesn’t deserve this. i’m going to get better but i need some help.

wishing all of you the very best in your own journeys!

Please help. I’m 4 days binge free and 3 days sugar free. My house is now stocked with over 10 lbs of candy. I can’t and won’t allow myself one piece because (1) I’m trying to quit sugar altogether and (2) I know I won’t be able to eat a reasonable amount and stop myself. This sucks.

Anyone else in the same boat?

As the title says, I had a horrible 2 day binge for the first time in months. I am an intern and in between rotations so things are slow. Not sure if it was all the down time on my hands or if I've been restricting too much. I felt quite in control, so I don't understand. I understand more of what I like and don't like, eat to a comfortable fullness, and enjoy a wide variety, so nothing is necessarily off limits. But I just went off the deep on the past two nights and I just don't get why. Is there always a reason? Or is it just part of the illness? Should I just be proud that I managed to make it so long without a binge?

Anyone else have kids who went trick or treating and now those bags of candy are just haunting you? I hope I make it through the night without gobbling it all up!

I hate when I get this sudden feeling of determination after I eat something stupid, because I know it'll never last, just like motivation. It often happens at night. For a short moment I feel hopeful I could change things and become better. It feels so good. It often gets triggered when I'm watching a film/series after I just binged on food I regret buying and I'm bloated and feeling like shit. I just want to look like the thin people on screen, I yearn to feel good in my body, not like a balloon about to explode. I tell myself I could look like them, and I could end this endless, extreme self-consciousness. Tomorrow is a new day (the fact that a new month actually starts tomorrow makes this all worse in fact) I can start eating healthy, ignoring urges to buy junk food and save money for better things, go back to my hobbies, exercise and take better care of my body. I wish it was that easy. I wish this feeling could stay with me forever.

Have any of you had experience with Vyvanse to help BED or similar types of meds, like stimulants and such. I am looking for outside of the box ideas, such as Vyvanse per chance.

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Last 4 weeks has been hell. I developed this disorder after restriction - go figure.

I used to be accomplished. Now, I wake up and spend all day binging. My school has GREAT food and we operate on a buffet style, so BIG triggers. Not to mention - there are a ton of food hotspots near my dorm. I dropped $30-50 dollars today just "haul-shopping" binge food - oats, acai bowls, wraps, chips, ice cream -- healthy or not, I'll eat it.

I used to be accomplished. Now, all I think about is FOOD. The worst thing about this disorder isn't the discomfort from binging (although there are days where I feel like I'll genuinely DIE), it's the food noise. It's thinking about the next meal during class. It's going to bed thinking about breakfast. It's eating a FUCK ton and getting scared you don't have room to "try the next meal." It's eating that next meal and thinking about how to do "damage control."

Fuck this disorder. Today was supposed to be a good day. And now I'm left staggering from fullness like a zombie in the halls... and still thinking about dropping 5 dollars on another fucking protein bar because my mind has convinced me it's "safe."

A goal I set for myself next month is to lose 10 pounds of fat (not water weight) and keep it off. Another goal is to last 4 plus days without binging. I’m working on making realistic goals for myself. Luckily losing weight isn’t hard for me but binging and food noise holds me back.

Hey guys, I’m a 17-year-old male triathlete competing at a national level. My physique is in good shape, and I usually stay disciplined during a regular training week. I keep a close watch on my weight since it’s a crucial factor in triathlon, and I work to stay fit. I eat a lot to keep up with my training load (15+ hours per week), but whenever I’m out of my usual environment—like during a deload week, off-season, or at a party or big event with tempting food—I tend to lose control and binge to the point of feeling overwhelmingly full, sometimes even feeling sick or unable to move comfortably.

One thing I struggle with is that I’m rarely satisfied after a meal unless I’m completely full, and I often find myself immediately thinking about my next meal as soon as I’ve finished eating. This pattern tends to repeat when I’m outside my regular routine, and the cycle starts again.

After these episodes, I usually regret it, feel sick of the junk food, and promise myself it won’t happen again. I refocus on eating clean, my weight drops, and I notice significant improvements in my performance and confidence. But the cycle keeps repeating, and it’s been going on for years, affecting my mental and physical health.

I’m reaching out because I’d really appreciate any advice or feedback. Thank you so much for your help.

My father was an alcoholic and my mother an anxious mess. I always said I never wanted to be like them but now I feel like the worst of the both combined.

I binge and it’s like im addicted to food, I can’t stop. And having major anxiety has never helped. I binge for comfort, for the high of it.

I never wanted to be them. Now here I am.

Hi all, I(20f) have struggled with disordered eating since I was around 10 when I first developed anorexia. Since then my relationship with food has always been bad and I've had periods of binge eating and restriction. At 19 I was diagnosed with cancer and after undergoing surgery my chances of recurrence and death are still quite high. The trauma and anxiety from this has made my binge eating worse than ever, but what's stressing me out the most is that doctors advised me to eat a healthy mostly plant-based diet, avoiding processed foods, meat, dairy and sugar. So suddenly I had to deal with these new food rules and restrictions, which has in turn only made me binge on these foods even more. I go a few days successfully eating healthy and then lose control and eat everything I know I'm not supposed to. And then I get even more anxious thinking about how I'm causing my own death with what I'm doing and still being unable to stop. I've tried 5 different therapists and all of them have been completely unhelpful and dismissive, so I'm honestly not even gonna bother looking for another new therapist. Honestly feeling beyond hopeless and scared after another day of binging on fast food and sweets.

I have never felt so alone in my life. I have no one that cares about my sadness. Even my family are bored of me and probably waiting for me to eventually put myself out of my misery. Sometimes I even want to end it just so that they will feel all the guilt about ignoring my suffering.

I hadn’t binged since the 25th September which is the longest I’ve gone without binging in the past 4 years. Today I just said fuck it all and overindulged because everything already feels so bleak.

I’ve been made into this miserable hermit who’s only friend is food. I partially blame my family for always choosing my siblings over me and making me this way. They never cared about me, only when they could get something out of me. My grandparents always treated me like a burden when I lived with them. I feel sometimes like I don’t belong here in this world. The only way I feel anything these days is when I eat. It’s been like this for so long that I spend all day counting down the seconds to eat something else and I’m never satisfied.

I was crying earlier while my mum was out with my siblings. Of course she can’t stand the sight of me. She will always prefer them to me, especially my younger sister who is treated like royalty compared to me who is treated like a peasant who begs for scraps of attention. I’ve already eaten so much rubbish today and all ultra processed junk foods. I just want to be free from all of this misery.

I just wanna share a small hint of progress I just saw/felt. First of all, I managed to stop the binge before eating everything there is to eat. Huge win in my situation. Second, Im not upset about it even though I was on a 6 day streak for the first time in months. Im so aware of my way of thinking now. I let one bad moment tell me to finish the box of cookies I had. After I was done I wanted to jump to bread AKA my biggest nemesis, but then I realised how absurd this is. Is that piece of bread gonna fix my problem? No, its just gonna create another one (having to go to store tmrw just to get bread). And I stopped. Idk why only now. I believe after all the trial and error I finally reached the point where I got some of the control back :D

I've tried diets programs etc. I'm just done.

I'm eating till I'm satisfied and filling myself with mostly non-processed foods.

I don't care what happens anymore. I just want to feel full and satisfied.

Or at least, post binge guilt and shame and bloat and uncomfortable exists, that I know.

Happy Halloween!🎃

Starting over and that’s okay. Going to do better but will not be perfect and that’s okay. I will try not to have too much “control” because apparently that is what this disorders is. Just want to do better, not be perfect.

How are you guys doing this halloween?

Healthy things, like a honey substitute for my tea, I read are great options but then when I find the nutritional label it has tons of carbs. Wait? How is this healthy then? Other things I'm told the carbs aren't bad because they come from whole grains? So should this huge amount of carbs not be added into my total for the day? Otherwise if I have this, it's my entire days worth of carbs. I don't understand

Thought I was safe. Didn’t want to ignore the craving for a sweet treat but should’ve know that the fact I was home alone and it was so strong that it wasn’t just a craving for sweet it was craving for a binge. But ate it anyways as didn’t want to binge later.

Immediately binged. Always sugar. Help do i ignore these cravings or?

Hi. I’m 18F and I’m at my wits end, my whole entire life has revolved around my appearance, ever since I was able to talk I remember my parents revolving every weekend of my life about losing weight. Fair enough I was a little chubby as a kid but I was healthy, I was active, I played sports and ate a normal amount. Even in school they’d send me to school with these packed lunches that were horrible and bland, they’ve always encouraged me not to finish my meal, they’ve made me feel like my whole life was based around a number on a scale. Every stupid weekend they’d make me get undressed In front of them, I was so insecure at the age of six and they’d make me stand in the scale every morning hovering over my shoulder to make sure I didn’t

I never fully started to recognise my appearance until I was about eleven when I started secondary school. Before that I’d always have thoughts, casual ones that would be like, ‘I really wish I was that classmate of mine, just because she’s skinny, just because she doesn’t even have to worry about her weight, I bet her parents tell her well done when she finishes her meal, I bet they give her treats and all sorts and I bet they don’t force her to walk with them in the pouring rain when it’s the last thing they feel like’.

It started with trips to the corner shop, I’d ride down on my bike every single day after school and buy so much junk food, a whole chocolate bar, two bags of sweets and energy drinks and I’d race back home to make sure my parents didn’t get there before me. I’d eat it all straight away and hide the wrappers under my wardrobe, I didn’t understand back then what an eating disorder even was and I thought it was just normal for me to want these foods, and to be able to eat them in such large quantities.

As I got older I recognised that when other girls were getting attention from boys they started to grow up but I never had anything like that, I feel like it just kept me mentally as a child and every single day I fell behind further until I was too childish and immature for anyone in my year to want to be my friend. I’m not talking about loneliness as in ‘I only have one friend or my family’ or ‘I feel lonely even though I’m surrounded by people’. I’m talking about complete social isolation. Sitting all alone everyday since I was twelve, seeing everyone having it so easy, with groups of friends. I’d be sat on my bench making google searches like ‘what happens if I eat one banana a day?’ Online and so on. I’d obsess over the idea of starving myself and I had no clue it was even unhealthy, I thought I’d discovered something amazing.

I tried so hard to do it but it never worked. I’ve tried every diet, I’ve never one day in my life been able to go a whole day without food, even when I knew it was the reason I was so alone, so unlovable by not only all my classmates but my parents at such a young age. I tried looking back on happy memories but everything I’ve ever know has just been about my weight.

It got to the point when I was fourteen where I’d get so far along in the day without food and I’d eat one small meal, then I’d force myself to throw up in the shower straight after. Sometimes I’d binge, I’d eat a whole pizza and within minutes rush to the shower to get as much of it out of my body.

I was obsessed with it, I was losing weight but it consumed my every breath, I made two friends that year, people talked to me, not with respect but they just talked to me, they acknowledged me and I actually felt seen. Boys talked to me, they didn’t flirt or anything but they didn’t think I was disgusting and vile.

That to date was the best time of my life, even though I was in tears every single night, even though I spent hours staring at my body in the mirror.

Normally they’re the worst years of a teenagers life, scrutinising every inch or themselves and spending every second of their time obsessing over themselves because they’re not happy with the way they look but for me that was the peak of my life, I’d do anything to go back.

It passed though, my friends had their own problems and we grew apart and I have never been confident enough to make new ones. As soon as I lost them I lost myself again and that was four years ago.

It’s gotten so much worse. The amount of food I can eat is ridiculous, I know I can eat more than my dad who is bigger than me. I’ve fallen into such a deep depression, I have absolutely no one again, out of my whole life, eighteen years, I’ve had two friends and it was only became I starved myself and purged at every chance I could.

I don’t know how to love myself, I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore, my relationship with my parents is terrible, I resent them more than anything in this world, I resent them more than the food I love but hate so fucking much.

I hate them because when I look back at pictures of me as a kid I can see how healthy I am. I wasn’t fat. I was never fucking fat but they made me believe I was. I was healthy and I was beautiful, I wanted all of those years thinking I wasn’t when I was.

If they didn’t revolve my life around a scale I think I would still be beautiful, I’d be surrounded by friends, I’d have a boyfriend but now I really am fat and my self esteem is rock bottom,

I’m not in school. My mental health got to the point where I was walking through a forest after school after having a black hoodie on with the hood up all day, my head down on the desk praying someone would just ask me if I’m okay, a teacher, a classmate would wonder why I looked so tired and unhappy but no one spared me a second glance, it was like I didn’t even exist. I walked home and I’d have awful thoughts of things I could do to myself that I can’t share on here. I fantasised about standing there and crying until someone walked passed and even acknowledged me, treated me like I was worth of love and compassion but I just kept walking. I never returned to school after that day.

Now I have a job. I’ve spent the last few years emotionally numb, drowning myself in food and not even caring. It’s been such a comfort to me, it’s the on of the only things that’s ever made me happy, I’ve gained so much weight and I find myself hideous but I didn’t care, the money enables me to buy whatever I want, I’m out of control, i have one hobby and that’s music, it’s the only voice that’s ever truly comforted me, just a piano or guitar piece, a drum piece can speak to me so much and listening to music is the only thing that makes me forget who I am.

Only recently I started caring again for some unknown reason and it’s driving me crazy because it’s so much worse than it was before. Now I know that if I wanted to starve myself like I did before it would still take months and by that time I’d succumb to a binge and find the process useless. I know I’d get no where, I feel so fucking trapped in my body, I just hate it and I wish I could transfer my mind to someone else and live through them because I so desperately want to live, I want to have friends, I want to experience love and I want to see the world but it’s like I don’t deserve it, people treat me like I’m not there and I’m so isolated every single day. I’ve tried everything, I wish there was some way to fix this and I’m going to try and just cut off my food again, like I have a thousand times before and I know it’s not going to end up any different, I know in a few days I’ll binge and spend the next few months or years not caring at all again, I just can’t stop, it’s like an addiction but there’s no one here that will help, no one understands how fucking hard it is, no one gets it and it feels like my life is already over. My hygiene is getting worse and worse, my room is getting messier and messier, I’m getting more and more distant from my parents the more I think about what they did to me, the way they humiliated me and shamed me when I was so young. I know I’ll never be able to be comfortable with my body after they made me weigh without my clothes, they made me look at myself along with the number in the scale, they made it known they could see me too, that I’d never be good enough, id never experience being a kid until I was the exact weight I should be.

I just feel like a kid, I never grew up and with that i always expect sympathy and compassion but it never comes. I feel neglected and forgotten, no one sees me.

Maybe if someone made my existence known id grow up, they’d unfreeze my mind and let me mature like all my peers have, if I could grow up maybe I’d be more responsible and look after myself, I’d know how to start a conversation and be cool.

I know this is too long for anyone to read, I understand that, but If anyone has a miracle solution to this I will honestly give you everything I have, I’ll do absolutely anything for a chance to live. I’m only eighteen, I feel like a kid, I just want a fucking chance for once in my life.

I cant stop binging. Ill do okay during the day and then at night it feels almost like an out of body experience. Like its not me eating all the food and its somebody else. Trying to stop myself before or during has never worked and I feel like I physically cant stop myself from eating. Its going on everyday now and its a miracle I havent gained more than 5 pounds. I feel awful and bloated near everyday now. Especially because Im addicted to sugar too. Please, anybody share whatever advice you have. Im seriously about to consider anything that will help me rn. I feel hungry all the time even after eating 3k calories and im only 4'10. God. It feels like im a prisoner in my own body.

Hello and welcome to day 31 of the October Recovery Challenge, congratulations!!!

https://preview.redd.it/wko8yxsp03yd1.png?width=626&format=png&auto=webp&s=994718e403013c3191637f30f9917ca7d5995e4f

This month everyone has really pushed themselves and worked so hard on their recoveries, it's been a gift to be here with you all. I am always so impressed with everyone's kindness towards each other, your dedication to your recoveries and your tenacity as well is very very impressive. It is a huge privilege that you share your journey with me and all of us, I am so grateful! Whether you've been here for a while or just joined us recently, I hope you are super proud of the work you've put in this month. :)

Today's check in:

What is one thing that you are

• most proud of about the last 30 days
• most surprised about from this month
• hoping to see covered as a subject in the November challenge bonus exercises!

Once again congratulations for all of your hard work this month, I've seen every single person make progress this month on multiple fronts and I hope you are all super proud of yourselves, you should be! Hope to see you in November :D

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Since it's Halloween today, here are links to our holiday coping strategy posts, in case there's anything in there that anyone might find helpful. :)

holiday food coping strategies / coping with food FOMO

coping with grief or isolation during a holiday

dealing with comments about what or how much you're eating at a holiday meal

Been in binge cycle for 6 weeks now and just weighed myself.. for the amount of food I was consuming it’s not even that bad but still makes me feel fucking horrible..

I look swollen and disgusting and was actually starting to like my body before this binge started 😭😭

Fucked up today hoping to do better tomorrow. I want to be better I swear it’s just so fucking hard. I swear I want to be better please know that I want to be better I don’t want to be this anymore. I don’t want to be me. I want to be better.

I binged again today but it wasn’t as bad as last weeks binges. I bought 4 protein bars ($20 total) and ate three of them today. GODDDD THEY ARE SO GOOD the texture and artificial taste is DELECTABLEEEE. They are expensive as hell and don’t contain a ton of nutrients so I just keep thinking about the last protein bar. Actually, it’s a protein cookie. I don’t wanna eat it because I already ate enough moneys worth of protein bars today.. But i’m just so excited for the texture and sweetness that i’m going to stay up all night thinking about it. I’m way past full and i’m just trying to repeat to myself that I can have it tommrow and it’ll taste better when I’m feeling better or am even a little hungry..

I don't even like candy, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. But I ate so much of it I feel nauseous... Strength tomorrow to have a piece of two and quit