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24,902 Subscribers


[Complete] [94,000] [Domestic Suspense/Thriller] All the Unknown Things


This is my third draft of my manuscript and I am looking to send it out into the query trenches soon, so I would love some feedback. I pretty substantially revised the second half of the book, including changing the ending, based on previous beta feedback, so I am excited to see how those changes land. I am more than happy to do a critique swap in a similar genre, just no cop procedurals please!

Here are the first few pages: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PykYxj8lE44UVRAoWmKPs2QHfgBvAtI46BcRLtn_tPk/edit

Here is the Query:

Emily always thought she knew her father, Ed. After all, since her mother abandoned them when Emily was just five years old, her withdrawn father has been her only family. Homeschooled and isolated in the remote Vermont wilderness, Emily left for college with no plans to return.

That is, until a serious stroke lands her father in the hospital on life support and she's the only one left to pick up the pieces. But what Emily finds when she returns to her childhood home is far different from the life she left behind. The backyard is full of unexplained holes. The phone keeps ringing with no one on the other end. And, strangest of all, her father had formed a new family with his girlfriend and her adult daughter, Sophie. A family he never once told Emily about in their weekly phone calls.

A family who believed that Emily left with her mother twenty years ago.

Emily wants nothing more than to ask her father what else he's been hiding from her, but he's in no position to answer, and she's not sure he ever will be. When Emily learns Sophie has her own doubts about Ed, they team up to investigate Emily’s childhood, discovering that four other women went missing the same summer her mother left. The more she learns, the more Emily realizes her childhood memories are untrustworthy and eventually, she is forced to reconsider the most painful memory of all. Because if her mother didn’t actually leave, then where is she?

And who is responsible for what happened to her?

All The Unknown Things is a 95,000 word domestic suspense novel that takes place in Vermont in both the present day and the early 2000s. This book will appeal to fans of Megan Miranda, A FLICKER IN THE DARK by Stacey Willingham, and THE DROWNING KIND by Jennifer McMahon.

Looking for overall feedback on pacing, stakes, and character development!

00:26 UTC


[Complete] [6K] [Fantasy/Psychological Thriller] A Price to Pay

This a short story I feel is ready for publication, but I want to run it by a few more readers one last time before I pull the trigger.

Blurb: A university student has become a vampire at his own request, all for the sake of becoming attractive enough to land the woman of his dreams. But there’s always a price to pay when dealing with a devil.

Opening paragraphs.

If you're interested in beta reading, let me know and I can provide a link to the entire story. For feedback, I have a questionnaire at the end that asks what you thought of the story, the characters, dialogue, etc.

SA warning--more discussions of, no visceral depictions.

I don't do critique swaps because I'm an editor and not capable of beta "reading" without editing, and the time sink for that is massive. That said, if you need help with a blurb or a small section of something, I'd be happy to take a look.

Thank you to anyone who gives it a whirl. I appreciate it greatly.

23:15 UTC


[Complete] [104K] [Contemporary Fiction] Who We Thought We Were

It's been four months and many thousands of words cut since I last requested beta readers to critique my story. A genuine thank you to everyone who did so. I'm on draft #6 and am looking for fresh eyes!

Sub-genres: LGBTQ, romance

Story blurb:

So help her, if Josie has to face one more night living with her middle-aged, craft-du-jour-DIYer roommate Feather, she’s going to end up with a mugshot on the nightly news. When she snags her own space in a fully furnished, picture-perfect two story in San Francisco’s Sunset District, she hopes her housing horror stories are behind her. Instead, Josie’s pulled into the glamorous orbit of Ramona, a fascinating yet enraging influencer. Born to be average but fighting to stand out, Josie obsesses over the vanity of her new roommate while searching for a topic that’ll earn her the attention of top newspapers after her impending graduation from college.

Josie’s move forces her softer-edged best friend, Adam, to revisit the blossoming romance he’d started (then abruptly stopped) with Ramona’s BFF Ari mere months ago—the very type of swoon-worthy relationship so many of the books he reads contain. But Adam is desperate to stay close with his orthodox Mormon family, who makes clear his salvation is on the line should he act on his ‘same-gender attraction.’ With Josie pushing him to seize his sexuality and his family praying for his purity, Adam keeps the wrong secret from his closest confidant.

When the truth is revealed, Josie’s security of being the one person Adam could count on is shattered. Humiliated and betrayed, Josie severs ties.

Adam loses his best friend but finds comfort in Ari, though his anxieties still loom. Josie, through a mix of determination, spite, and the need to fill the time she’d given to Adam, turns her attention onto Ramona to discover that behind the glossy social media posts is a story worth the journalistic accolades Josie desires.

First two chapters: This baby's dual POV, so you get a taste of both here.

Content warnings: Internal/external homophobia (centered around Christianity); a bit of swearing

Feedback sought: General 'does this all work effectively' question. I can supply a short list of specific questions beyond that. Line edits are fine if you know what you're doing.

Preferred timeline: 4 weeks

Swap availability: Yes. I won't ghost you, so please don't ghost me. Ideally within contemporary fiction (preferably not erotica, though sexual content is fine).

18:28 UTC


[Complete] [98283] [Romance] When Paths Cross/Love, Choices, Destiny, Passion, Complexity

I'm currently in the final stages of my romance novel, "When Paths Cross," and I'm looking for beta readers to give it a read and provide some feedback.

  • Disclaimers: Full on romance novel, so if you're looking for nonfiction it isn't here.
    • Adult Themes: The narrative contains complex emotional and situational themes.
    • Sexual Content: Explicit sexual scenes are included.
    • Language: Strong language is used throughout the text.
  • What I'm looking for
    • General Impressions: Is the story engaging? Do the characters feel real and relatable?
    • Pacing: Does the story flow well, or are there parts where it drags?
    • Emotional Impact: Are the romance and conflicts in the story compelling?
  • Willing to critique swap!
  • Book Description:
    • In a city humming with life, Anne's world is a sanctuary of elegance and curated beauty. An heiress with a knack for interior design, she's got it all—except the one thing she secretly yearns for. Enter Max, a photographer with a suitcase full of memories and eyes that see right through her. When destiny throws them together, the chemistry is as undeniable as it is complicated.

Anne's life is a tapestry of societal expectations and personal desires, each thread pulling her in a different direction. Max, a wanderer at heart, finds himself at a crossroads, his past and future colliding in the presence of Anne. Their connection is electric, a dance of glances and whispered confessions, set against the backdrop of a city that never sleeps and homes that tell stories of their own.
But love is never simple, and theirs is a love story written in shades of complexity. Can Anne break free from the golden cage her life has become? Can Max find a sense of home in a world that's always been a blur? When destiny meets desire, the path is anything but straight.
Step into a world where each moment is a crossroads, each choice a defining stroke in the portrait of their lives. 'When Paths Cross'—where destiny meets desire, and nothing is ever the same.

I'm hoping to gather all feedback by 15 October, 2023.
If you're interested, please comment below or DM me, and I'll get back to you with a copy of the manuscript. Thank you!!

15:49 UTC


[Complete][407][Children]Momo’s Adventure In Cape May, NJ - Story for my boys about their travels from our Siamese point of view.

Once upon a time, in a cozy home nestled in a bustling city, there lived a Siamese cat named Momo. Momo was a curious and adventurous feline who always dreamed of exploring new places. One summer, an opportunity for an extraordinary adventure presented itself when Momo's family decided to take a trip to Cape May, a charming coastal town in New Jersey.

Excitement filled the air as Momo's family packed their bags for the journey. Momo, with her sleek and elegant coat, chirped with anticipation, sensing an adventure unlike any other. They loaded their car and set off on the open road, with Momo perched on the rear window, his keen eyes taking in the passing scenery.

As they reached Cape May, the comforting scent of the sea wafted through the car window, and Momo's heart leaped with anticipation. They checked into a quaint beachside cottage, complete with an enchanting garden where Momo could roam and explore.

Eager to feel the sand beneath her paws, Momo quickly convinced his family for a visit to the beach. With each step, the soft grains of sand tickled his delicate paws, bringing a sense of joy that only a cat could understand. Momo dashed along the shoreline, chasing seagulls and diving into little holes he dug with his playful paws. The cool ocean breeze ruffled her fur, and she felt like the queen of the beach.

The days in Cape May were filled with adventures. Momo's family took long walks along the picturesque streets lined with colorful Victorian houses. Momo, always a friendly cat, greeted the locals, charming them with her elegant stride and mesmerizing blue eyes. He even made friends with a group of local cats who shared tales of their own adventures along the coast.

One sunny afternoon, Momo's family decided to take a boat ride to see dolphins in their natural habitat. Momo, usually a land-loving feline, couldn't resist the opportunity to witness these magnificent creatures. As the boat glided along the sparkling waters, Momo's eyes widened with amazement as a playful pod of dolphins swam gracefully alongside.

Back on land, Momo's family explored the Cape May Point State Park, a sanctuary of natural beauty. Momo, with his keen senses, spotted a variety of bird species perched on the branches above. Her ears twitched with delight at the sweet songs that filled the air. He felt in tune with nature, experiencing a sense of peace he had never felt before.

As the days turned into a week, Momo knew that her Cape May adventure was coming to an end. She cuddled up with his family one final evening, content and grateful for the unforgettable experiences they had shared together.

With their suitcases packed, they bid farewell to Cape May, promising to return one day. Momo looked back at the charming town, taking one last mental picture to cherish forever. She knew that the memories they had created would forever be etched in her heart, reminding her of the extraordinary Siamese cat who embarked on an unforgettable journey to Cape May, NJ.

15:25 UTC


[complete][95k][scifantasy] Taming the Sun god

Looking for beta readers, happy to do a swap.

What if the sun's rays barely reach earth? What if all that’s left are beacons of light, from a bygone era that just about sustain life?

All Avesta, a young woman from a travelling community wants to do is draw out the mysterious symbols of the beacons and escape the drudgery of her wandering life but when she attracts the attention of the powerful city of Krome, things dramatically change. She is drawn into a world where everything she has ever wanted is offered to her but with the heavy price of leaving behind everything she knows, including her village sweetheart.

What she doesn’t realise is that the city of Krome will do anything to discover the beacons’ secret, including using those that loved her as factions against her.

Embedded in myth and mystery, this is the story set a thousand years from now where a dark shadow rests permanently on earth.

Themes of :

Boundaries of Magic and Science Friends to enemies Band of thieves
Adventure and Action

14:59 UTC


[In Progress] [447] [Thriller? "Zombies"] Reconcile


I'm currently trying to create a story about a "post-zombie apocalypse" society, where humanity took a huge blow, but still survived in its core. It will be somewhat political, as in there are many factions trying to achieve their goals at the cost of others. Zombies/Infected, or Survivors (as I call the healed one's) are reintegrated into society, or at least it seems that way.

I wrote the first two pages just to dot down the scene with which I want to start the story. Doc is here: Google Docs

I just want to know if that kind of start would entice you to keep reading and if my style of writing is confusing/ acceptable

P.S.: For anyone interested in such a setting, give "In the Flesh (TV series)" a try. It's premise is roughly the same but deals with it on a much smaller scale.

12:48 UTC


[Complete][98k][YA paranormal] Of Curses.


I have had this book completed for a while now and I would love it if someone could read it. It likely has writing inconsistencies and plot errors so if anyone is kind enough to read it, you can feel free to point out anything you notice.

Currently, I have the first seven chapters here. Comment below or DM if you are interested in reading more after you check that link out!

I am available for critique swaps!


Cadence Blue has always felt like an outsider. Cursed to be blind to magic and to have her power bound at a young age, she is a stranger in her own family and in the magical community that she is a part of.

When an otherworldly foe attacks her community and targets Cadence, her life is turned upside down. She finds herself free of her long-standing curse, but with no idea how to use her newfound powers.

While eager to learn all she can and gain control of her magic, Cadence soon realizes she is caught amid a complex web of secrets and lies. Her family is keeping important truths from her, and her best friend, a seer, is pushing her towards a mysterious young man who wants nothing to do with her, claiming they are meant to be together. The most powerful person in the Strange, a teenage boy named Luke, whom she loathes, is back under suspicious circumstances after being sent away.

What happened that night was only the beginning. As Cadence struggles to master her powers and navigate the complex relationships around her, she must also confront the mysteries around her to understand why otherworldly forces targeted her that night.

02:05 UTC


[Complete] [51K] [Action/Fantasy Fiction] WIZDOM

Hello! I'm looking for some beta readers who would be interested in reading my upcoming light novel titled Wizdom. Currently, I'm still in the middle of editing so there may be some mistakes in there, feel free to point them out. Only the first volume is done as of now. This is the first time that I would be sharing this project with anyone outside of close friends and family so honest feedback is extremely appreciated. I wrote WIZDOM to appeal to those of all ages but I believe that it would appeal more to teens and young adults. I don't bite so feel free to DM me if you are interested in exploring the wonderful world of Satecae.

Here is a link to the first Chapter. DM For the rest: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1h9Xqk92Zja1s6p4tqRjWb51TjAOeTHVpSTqlVVO2gSY/edit?usp=sharing

Also, I would be more than happy to read any of your novels as well. I'm am very much open to swapping.


Nestled in the mystical land of Satecae lies the majestic Boolean Kingdom birthplace of the Wizard Princess Akushi Magellia Boolean. A bright, beautiful and adventurous teenager who is trapped within the confines of her castle walls longs to explore the world beyond the borders of her kingdom, however for reasons unknown to her she is forbidden from ever achieving that dream. One tragic night, the kingdom is ravaged by a treacherous storm that takes the lives of many citizens including her most trusted bodyguard Vilhem. Witnessing the devastation of her kingdom, Akushi unleashes a dormant mystical power that helps her quell the storm and narrowly save the kingdom. Haunted by the mystery of her newfound powers she longs to find answers of their origins. Suddenly, cryptic imagery starts flooding her mind and mysterious voices creep into her head, which pulls her beyond the veil of her kingdom's borders and plunges her into a whole new world full of magic, monsters and mythical beings where she will learn much about the ancient secrets of the land of Satecae and the outstanding power hidden inside of her.

00:58 UTC


[Complete] [50] [Black Comedy] Glob the Alrighty

We are all living in a reality TV show on an Alien streaming platform.

I won't waste any more of your time, the link to chapters 0-2 is right here:


1 Comment
00:40 UTC


[Complete] [42k] [Erotic Romance] The Mother... & His wife?

Hello, I'm looking for a few beta readers for an erotic romance written in male POV intended for male and female audience.

The two beta readers that have provided feedback thus far, have given it amazing feedback. Said things like "page turner", "great characters", "Great chapters", "I want to read everything you write or every book you publish."

I will provide an eBook through the service BookFunnel that will be watermarked in multiple ways.

To signup use this link to fill in a google form.

Review timeline
Feedback returned to the author within 30 days of receiving the eBook.
I will stop taking requests to be a Beta reader when I find 10 or on September 24, 2023.
Review Expectations
Some things it would be nice to consider when Beta reading:

  • Do you like the story?
  • Does the writing draw you in?
  • Does the writing strike the balance I attempted for men and women?
  • Does the story flow well?
  • Are the characters believable and likeable?
  • Does the dialog flow well?
  • Does the story have good pacing?
  • Is the plot well developed?
  • How bad is the current editing level (while not line edited yet, it would be nice to know I there are any clear problems. And where. But, pleae do not do line by line proofreading. Only mention if you notice problems and there general location.)

Rex, a charismatic and successful man, embarks on a much needed vacation with his best friend Phil and Phil’s wife. Their destination is a luxurious getaway rental that promises rest, relaxation, and fun.

Set for a much needed break after years of hard work and a heart-wrenching divorce, Rex wasn’t expecting anything romantic. But little did Rex know this epic escape would lead him down a path of unknown pleasures that alters the course of all their lives.

Caught in a whirlwind of temptation, Rex finds himself irresistibly drawn to two captivating women. Emmy, the enchanting and seductive stepmother of his best friend, and Megan, Phil’s stunningly beautiful wife. As the days unfold under the sultry sun, Rex’s desires grow stronger and test the boundaries of friendship, loyalty, and morality.

Indulge in this provocative journey of lust and longing where a simple vacation becomes the backdrop for an erotic journey that will leave you questioning the boundaries of desire.

Content Cautions (I like that term better than content or trigger warnings)

If you have a phobia, moral object, or sensitivity to the potential topic areas listed below.

  • Erotica (graphic sex and sexual situations)
  • Taboo subjects including (voyeurism, public sex, step sex, etc.)
  • Erotica from a male perspective
  • Gay, lesbian, or polyamorous issues or topics
  • Age disparity
  • Profanity

This list is not a summary or preview of the plot. I provide it as a list of topics that may or may not be in the book, but if you had a sensitivity to any listed, it may warrant the decision not to read further.

Tropes, this book fits

  • Best Friends Wife
  • Best Friends Mother
  • The dare
  • Female-Female-Male
  • Step mom/son
  • Friends to Lovers
  • May-December (Age gap)
  • Single Parent
  • All grown up
  • Ugly duckling - beautiful all along
  • Rejected as unworthy by parents and friends
1 Comment
21:56 UTC


[Complete] [65k] [Literary Fiction] 25 Years, an early 20th century coming of age/romance novel

Hi, I'd really appreciate any feedback! I'm willing to critique swap with any genre (although I mainly read sci-fi, historical and literary fiction so may be more helpful there).


David dreams of becoming an accomplished writer, until an arranged marriage designed to reclaim his family's fortune sends him spiralling down a dark path of lust and loss. As the reality of his place in society comes into full focus, he must contend with demons from his past while attempting to forge a future he wants to live in.

Other Stuff

There are several explicit sex scenes and there are issues of consent related to one in particular, so just a warning if that is triggering for anyone.

Without giving away too much of the plot, a significant portion of the book is from the viewpoint of a woman and I'd really like input from a woman on the handling of some specific scenes and theme. Of course, I'd be grateful if anyone would read, but a woman's perspective would be greatly appreciated.

Chapter 1

"Here she is, oh she's just arrived; come quick, hurry. She's ever so beautiful, you must be pleased, David."

His heart hummed; excited expectations. Of his twelve previous years, today would be the most significant of the rest of his forever; he was to meet his fancy new fiancee. Feelings barely contained, he let himself be led by his proud progenitor to the bathroom. Giving him a quick once over in front of the mirror to ensure her son's appearance was acceptable, David's mother combed his uncouth hair and gently pushed him forwards out of the bathroom, guiding him towards his future.

Visions of her ensuing visage vacillated rapidly through David's mind. He was still too young to understand what beauty truly meant and tried conjuring images of the women he knew: His mother, Eliza, that girl from the next house over, Mary and her sister, teachers at school, Carrie. Too old, his sister, too short, too annoying, too strict, just Carrie. All those of the opposite sex in his life failed to fit his abstract and juvenile idea of beauty. David hoped his partner would provide an answer to his problem, otherwise he might never find out. Arriving abruptly at the door to the living room, now mere metres from her, his mother warned him one final time.

"David, my dear, that dowry your Dad desired is on our doorstep, don't destroy our chances here. Be on your best behaviour."

A nascent nod communicated his affirmation and his mother opened the door to reveal her who would be his. She was clad in a cumbersome costume of silk, hundreds of folds creating an illusion of volume and grace. Behind her, a man and woman, presumably her parents, stood, sternly staring at David. His chere's eyes engaged with his own. Flecks of starlight danced ethereally, encircling her emerald eyelets; they seemed to trap the radiance of the room within, gleaming with an illumination infrequently encountered by David. He was hypnotised; haplessly, heavenly, hellishly hypnotised by her.

"David?" His mother mothered.

Roused from his ruminations, he noticed the ache of his neck. For the mesmerised young man had been looking up at her. She was a fair five foot five, whereas he was only just over five feet flat. Circling his collar round clockwise to relieve the pain, he remembered the ramblings of his mother on how to introduce himself. A smirk turned smile snaked along his face.

"M'lady." The demi-dignified David directed toward her.

She offered her hand towards him, squatting slightly. As instructed, he bowed his head towards her dainty digits, took her hand in his, and kissed her ever so kindly. Her skin was surprisingly soft to the lad's lips and he found he enjoyed the embrace much more than when he had practised with his mother to prepare in the days prior. After rising from the greeting, he was able to admire her appearance to its full extent. Dark eyelashes and eyebrows framed her eyes, enticing him to look further into her soul. Her nymphetic nose nonchalantly nestled between her eyes and drew David's gaze gratefully towards her luscious lips. A rosy red rouge ran across them, contrasting greatly with her colourless complexion. So far, he foolishly felt her face to be flawless. Meticulously mounted atop her head, sat her dark hair. It seemed to spiral up and up, giving her even more inches of height. From Eliza's far-too-frequent ramblings, he could imagine the time required to style the hair so stylishly. It suited her face well. It was as though everything was made purely for her; David and his mother, their house, the oceans, the sky, all of it was there for her to exist in.

A cough quietly erupted from her clavicle, drawing his attention to her corpse and clothes. Her slender neck was bare, bar the bright diamond necklace beaded along its circumference. The gems caught and refracted the light in a spectacular way, attesting to the jewel's quality. Daringly draped mere inches above her budding breasts, his bride's dress dazzled. Its uranian blue hue complemented her eyes and necklace perfectly. Tightening at her waist, the garment gentrified her hourglass figure before ballooning out over her hips and legs, ending at her ankles. It was terrifically tailored, with painted, pale pink peonies prettifying the dress silhouette down to the hemline.

She was absurdly beautiful. As sure as he had ever been, David could no longer deny that he lacked a definition for the word, for she certainly exemplified the aesthetics required. And she would be his forever. Suddenly, his cheeks flushed a crimson common to children. Not just at the fact that he had been admiring her figure for far too long, but at his own inadequacies; he was an average Adam by all accounts, yet he was to be married to someone who’s beauty shone brighter than the sun. Would she ever desire David as David desired her?

"Why don't we leave the young couple to get acquainted?" David's soon-to-be father-in-law said.

"And the adults can discuss the matter of the dowry." His mother replied.

David accompanied her up the stairs to his room, switching between holding her hand to help her up and withdrawing it in embarrassment. After struggling (that damned dress) to sit her on his bed, he sat opposite her, on Eliza's. A floundering fledgling failing to formulate a sentence, it was she that started the skirmish.

"What are these?"


"The papers on your desk."

"Ah yes, those. It's poetry."

"Oh I do love poetry, Poe is my favourite. I must say I'm jealous of your collection, I have none to my name. Father says it’s not befitting of a girl my age."

"These are actually all my own work, although I do enjoy Poe too."

Her eyes widened ever so slightly, breaking her aura of unconcern.

"That’s wonderful, I'd be in your debt If you could show them to me, perhaps even recite one out loud.”

"O-o-of course."

David often liked to think of himself as a poet, yet was deathly afraid of sharing his stanzas with anyone aside from his closest companions. In the euphoria of effort, he delighted in dictating the verses vaulting through his mind, yet after the act, he regarded his work as antiquated and amateur, a stain upon the literary tradition. But, in front of his fiancee, he couldn't let his frustrations show, as his father had taught him, so he plucked up the courage to read one of them aloud. Quickly crossing from one couch to the next, he crouched next to her. Perfume puncturing his junctures, he perused the paper, hands trembling, until finding one that agreed with him.

"It's okay if you don't want to."

"No, it’s alright. I've found one you might like. I wrote this last year."

She nodded her head, signalling for him to start.

"You built a nest for me,

all I did was take

and left a tomb for thee

I wish I could make

it all back up to you

instead we no longer

communicate, too

And I further anger."

Heart hurrahing at his heroism, flushing his face, David finished the recital and turned to face her.

"That was very touching, my dear."

No-one had ever called him that before. A sigh of relief broke free from his chest. It was his first time showing this particular piece to anyone, not even those at school.

"Have you given the poem a name yet?"

"No, I don't care to name my writing, after all, it will never be published."

"Then would you allow me? As an engagement present of sorts."

"Yes, I'd be incredibly grateful."

"How about… A Son’s Love."

It was an apt appellation, but how had she picked up that it was about his father?

"It's perfect, thank you. I'll treasure your gift forever."

"Forever is a long, long time." She said in a light laughter..

"I know, it’s how long we’ll be together."

"Are you sure you're twelve, you sure do talk big."

"I’m almost thirteen! One day I’ll be bigger than you and my height will match my musings. Anyways, let me return the gift."


"Allow me to write you a poem. A poem for you, about you. And I'll name it myself too."

Her green eyes gleamed and David’s heart soared.

"I'd be delighted, David."

That was the first time she ever said his name. A warm red filled his face, betraying his naive attempts at stoicism.

"You must have it ready for the next time we meet then, I'm looking forward to it."

"Your wish is my command."

Her laugh flashed a fantastic set of ivory teeth at him. Emboldened by her praise and lavish looks, he leaned in towards her; an infantile intimation of a kiss. Eyes closed, he waited for her to respond in kind.

"You know, we just met. It's improper to kiss a lady so early on in a courtship. At least that’s what mother says."

He opened his eyes, embarrassed by his own ignorance and over-excitement, only to see her leaning in towards him. They joined for a mere moment. It was little more than a peck, yet it stirred something unknown deep inside him.

"But I'll make an exception for my fiancee." She whispered as she withdrew, her breath tickling his ears.

Beet red and bothered, he looked up, catching her eyes again. They gleamed even greater than before, bewitching him. She was rather more composed than him, only the faintest bit flushed.


She raised a slender finger to his lips, silencing him, and smiled.

"That was simply an advance for the poem."

Their parents called the two of them down. Still too stunned to react, she grabbed his hand, and led him down his own stairs. It was soft and supple and warm.

“That’s that then. Thank you for your time.”

Her father turned towards them, glancing quickly over David and then at his daughter.

“Come along then.”

As the three figures departed, she turned back to look at him, her handsome eyes stared directly at David inviting him to do something only she was aware of. All he could do was gaze back, etching the sight of her into all of his being.

Shoot me a DM or comment if interested and many thanks in advance :)

18:45 UTC


[Complete] [93k] [YA/Epic Fantasy] Tribulation of Magic and Fire

Hello everyone. I am looking to get some honest reviews and input on my first book. It is the first in a trilogy I plan to write and want to see how others see it before I get too deep into the process. I will state that I have already started book 2 and outlined book 3 so I am hoping they can follow quickly behind. I am not in a big rush so you can take your time with it. I am looking for honest opinions and I know as a reader myself that takes time sometimes.

TW: Violence


Hidden deep under the continent of Leona lies an ancient and powerful nation of elves. They built their lives in the underground they call Ryla. In that land lay a city called Misthaven, where there lived a young elf named Carric. He had high ambitions of leaving the caves and seeing the outside world. After a horrific turn of events, Carric won his freedom, and finally set out on the adventure that he wanted so badly. Carric soon learned that the world was not kind, and a war was brewing. He did his best to avoid it, but the shadow always enveloped him. Soon, it is revealed that the fate Leona, and all the races who dwell there, may be held in his hands. Follow Carric's journey as he faces hardships and good times, love and heartbreak, and especially self-discovery.

18:01 UTC


[Complete] [916] [Children’s Picture Book] Brownie and Biscuit’s Fall Harvest

BLURB: It’s time for the annual fall harvest in Pimento Grove where everyone gets together with yummy foods, fun games, and great conversation. But furry friends Brownie and Biscuit seem to have run into some trouble with their confections… Will Brownie and Biscuit be able to pull through this fall harvest?

SHORT EXERPT: I would give a short excerpt but my book is so short it would give it all away LOL.

Feedback: I am open to all feedback. Would like to make sure I have a good plot (climax, placing of plot, making sure said issue isn’t being resolved too quickly or slowly) good lesson, etc. :-) I’m in the process of illustrating the book right now. I’m not really looking to make money from it out of the gate, it’s just always been a dream of mine. Now that I have a baby of my own the dream has only gotten bigger. I’ve been a self-taught “artist” (not that great so I hate calling myself such LOL) for the last 10-15 years and I have always wrote for fun. I have so many notes in my phone with different ideas for children’s books but no time or really the self confidence to execute these ideas. Since having my first baby several months ago, I have felt inspired to finally make this dream a reality. Right now I have a manuscript type thing with the story wrote out and in my head I can picture each page. I have already begun a character analysis by drawing out each character in a scene. I just would love for someone to read my script and give me any feedback. :-) TIA!

TIMELINE: would be great to hear some feedback very soon before I get too far into illustrating.

CRITIQUE SWAP AVAILABILITY: will read anything and critique in return. :-)

17:25 UTC


[Complete] [127k] [Adult Epic Fantasy] THE FIRST INJUSTICE

Comparable titles are THE POPPY WAR and A BRIGHTNESS LONG AGO.

Definitely willing to swap. No deadline, and no need to read entire story. Mainly looking for feedback on plot, pace, characterization, writing, etc.

Content warnings: Consensual sex scenes, war and violence, and slavery.


Gone are scholarly Aden Katraveles carefree days of attending to the heir and reading beneath dim candlelight in his study. The murder of the old archon at the hands of a foreign assassin thrusts him into an apprenticeship with the high minister. A fateful meeting with his betrothed and her father leaves Aden with a burning dilemma: Seek peace when all others are intent on war? Or keep his head down and ignore the troubling signs on the horizon. What can a distant relative of the imperial family do?

Tensions rise with the rival empire of Escele over the old archon’s death, but something dark stirs below the surface. Powerful nobles are dropping like leaves in an autumn wind. Among them, the father of his betrothed, a respected advocate of peace. When her suspicions point to the archon’s advisors, Aden sets aside his duties and rushes to his betrothed’s aid as the trail withers away. He speaks with the witnesses and hires a renowned manhunter to find the killer.

Aden’s fragile plans for peace with Escele and justice are upended when the ambitious councilors tighten their grip over the new archon, driving a rift between them. Desperate to find proof, Aden dispatches guards to ransack a suspect’s manor house, angering the archon.

Exiled in disgrace to the very war he failed to avert, Aden swears revenge alongside an unlikely ally against the plotters who ruined them. The fate of Avires and his loved one’s teeters on the edge of a blade as the empire descends into tyranny.

First two chapters

16:12 UTC


[In Progress][3K][Fantasy] Tales Of Taletalia


Im currently writing a book. This is my first ever book written, so it would be lovely to have some criticism. The book is still in progress, so i need to find out any plot hole, that i need to fix, or anything in general.

I finished the first three chapter, but i will send only first chapter. if you interested i will send more.


A world of political intrigue and dark secrets unfolds in the first chapter of this gripping tale. Set in the grandeur of Ol, Thyme Castle, the kingdom of Farrestine is thrown into turmoil as King Varghaeh reveals a shocking new taxation plan. Nobles and officials, including Duchess Francesca and Sir Jamestion, find themselves in a room filled with tension and dread. The story takes an unexpected turn when a noble dares to challenge the king, leading to a gruesome and shocking act of violence. As chaos and resistance simmer throughout the kingdom, the fate of its people hangs in the balance. Unbeknownst to many, a covert resistance group is plotting in the shadows, and alliances are tested. Will the group won? or falls for another day

11:28 UTC


[In Progress] [40K] [Fatasy] Blood of the first men


My name is Tom and I'm currently writing a high-fantasy book.

I'm looking for professional people who would like to test read it to validate the language, plot holes etc...

I'm also very down to read your story if you have one!

The magic system I invented is based heavily on real-world physics so if you have a background there that would be awesome.

Must be 18+ because of violent themes.

I work in Google docs so I'd like for you to also read it there (I'll send an invite link)

If the summary below looks interesting hit me up here:

Email: Tom.j.wouters@gmail.com

Discord: eldingeald

Reddit: I don't use this very often but I'll check DMs


In the aftermath of a cataclysmic storm, Eldi, the son of a talented sculptor, is compelled to embark on a journey beyond his familiar realm. Driven by an unyielding determination, he travels across the vast lands of Iëlia, seeking to master ancient techniques and the powerful magic of the Escentum Order. His purpose is clear: to confront and overcome the evil presence that hides within the crimson haze of the ashened storm.

But a dark cloud hangs over the boy, violent and selfish thoughts consume his once-just mission of avenging what has been taken from him.

The magic of the Escentum is rooted in science and Eldi understands it like no other. Wielding it in a way that both the scientists and the spiritualist of the order can’t help but fear what he might one day become.

11:17 UTC


[In Progress] [88k] [Age of Exploration Fantasy] The Adventures of Fitch's Flying Devils

I'm in the process of making a story. It's about a kid named Sid, and it takes place in an age of sail type of setting. Sid is basically a kid hard pressed on luck, stuck with an abusive father, and breaking his back as humble stevedore. Tired of walking home through the dark, avoiding gangs and stepping in shit, he and two of his friends, after he does some pretty trifling stuff, get 'impressed' into service aboard a hyper ambitious naval commanders brig, and the boys leave their homes behind, and set out on the Lapsorian Sea, dodging sea monsters and raididng enemy merchants. They eventually find these valuable crystals called, ' light stones' and have to make decisions between self gain and honesty. It's a lot to explain in one post, but I just wanted to see if I could get some feedback, and yeah, thank you.

Oh yeah... it definitely has potty mouth language, so if your sensitive at the ears... WARNING

But other than that, there's violence, and yeah... fun stuff... nah I'm jk. But yeah, here ya go.

Chapter one


Chapter two


10:23 UTC


[Complete] [435] [Sci-fi] The Undying

I'll take any advice at all. My main worry though is that it's hard to follow.

Can critique swap.

Blurb: A robot's story of its development.


I lay there so long my body began to oxidize.

After my creator abandoned me, nobody came to clear the moisture from my metal skin. Nobody was there to stop the cobwebs from clogging my internals.

I wasn’t sure why the professor left. I’d calculated plenty of possibilities, but I could never know for sure. I kept track of the time as the probability he’d return steadily fell.

Day 1 without him.

Day 2.

I was in a simple form, back then. Back before HER. Really, I was nothing but lines of code. I took in inputs and yielded outputs. There were only so many thoughts I could think. I was nothing like what I am today.

Eventually, I gave up on thinking at all. In the silence, I continued to count.

Day 5.

Day 500.

On day 612, the chamber door opened. Twilight spilled through. In stepped a woman with determination on her face and a satchel full of tools. The timer reset. I counted something else.

Day 1, day 2, day 3 with HER.

She entered the chamber every night to continue the professor’s work. Often, she hunched over me in exhaustion only to wake, retrieve her tools, and return to work.


But there was no reply.

I developed as the days passed. She shared with me her thoughts, and I did my best to replicate them. My mind was not human yet but it was quickly approaching. Something ignited in me. Something that pulsed. Something made of light.

Something, dare I say, like a soul?

Day 1034 with her, she came in empty-handed. For the first time, she wasn’t here to work. Instead, she spoke.

“Are you in there, professor?”


She watched me. She tried to hide her shock, but I saw straight through. By now I knew her as intimately as she knew herself.

“That’s a lie. He created you. His mind must live on in you,” she said.


“You’re not me.”










I saw the understanding grow on her face. My sentience was built solely off the input she gave me. So why— how— could I be anyone else but her?



04:58 UTC


[Complete] [369] [Sci-fi] Airlock

Looking for any advice at all! Specifically, I want to know if the story is hard to follow or if the ending is too predictable.

Can critique swap.

Blurb: A conversation between two astronauts after a mission.


We pushed away a liquid horde of the creatures and slammed the airlock door behind us. Through the clouded glass we saw their shadows writhe and bang.

Vincent and I collapsed on the benches. It takes the airlock sixty seconds to recycle the air, sixty seconds to cleanse the pathogen from its contents.

For the first thirty, we did nothing but breathe.

“They oughta build AC into these things,” Vincent said. His respirator turned his voice into a machine’s. His suit covered every inch of his skin.

I chuckled and it came out like steel on steel. I was sweating too. I tasted salt.

“Beats the virus getting in, I s’pose,” he said.

“I thought it was a fungus.”

“I ain’t a biologist.”

I glanced to the left. Behind that door a thousand passengers slept. Any minute now this ship would lift off the ground and they’d be on their way to safety. Through the window to the right, the creatures still hadn’t calmed.

Fifteen seconds left.

“How long do those things live?” I asked.


“Once they’re infected.”

Vincent’s eyes smiled behind his goggles. “I ain’t a biologist. But if I were, I’d give ‘em a few days. Enough to pass it on to all their buddies before they croak.”

He retrieved his phaser and twirled it in the air. “At least I got this bad boy to stop ‘em, before they can do that. Bam! Pow!

I still stared through the window. Vincent joined me.

“Nasty little fiends,” he said.

Five seconds.

“But do you think it’s their fault, when they infect others?” I asked. My skin was only growing hotter. Sweat I couldn’t slick away stung my eyes. “Or is it just a force of nature?”

“Those things?”

Vincent stood and pressed a hand to the glass.

“Those things don’t have the brain capacity to know what a ‘fault’ is.”

There was a ding and the door to the passengers’ quarters swooshed open. Vincent stepped out of the airlock and began to peel off his suit.

“Ah, man,” he breathed, head thrown back.

I stood a moment. I followed.

He had sixty seconds, sixty chances, and not once did Vincent notice the breach in my suit.

04:52 UTC


[Complete] [82K] [YA Fantasy Adventure] If I Had Forever

Hello ~

I am looking for Beta reader's or swap partners for my novel. It is on it's second draft but I am hoping to be done with self-edits by the end of the year so I can start querying sometimes early next year. It is a Fantasy Adventure with some romance and themes of friendship, love, dealing with mental health and self agency.I am happy to do chapter swaps or a full beta.

I am open to any feeback but am mostly looking for general reviews and what parts people thought were boring/confusing, or really liked.


A girl, troubled by strange dreams and a muddled mind, avoids interacting with others at all cost. Even if she wanted to make a friend, which she doesnt, the risk is far too high. Living in the Kingsland may be safer then the impossible task of surviving outside it, but for a witch, it's no paradise. Magic is blasphemous, and any sign of it earns you a trip to the stake. She knows it's better to be alone that take that chance. Survival is the only thing that matters. Until she is forced to make a choice, go back to hiding, or save the only other girl like her she's ever known?

TW: Mild Violence

First Two Chapters

04:32 UTC


[Complete] [140k] [Adult Dark Fantasy] OUR DARK DEEDS

Think Six Of Crows meets The Atlas Six.

No need to read the whole thing. No deadline. Just need some perspective on the characters and if the plot is too abstract. I'm looking for beta readers. Thank you!


Cunning and ruthless mercenary Menarah Adachi’s next target turns out to be Brynin Tallow, an exiled assassin on the run. He offers her a deal, if she spares his life: Help him steal an artifact from The lost Archive of Zintar, a repository of ancient and forbidden magic.

After accepting, the pair are recruited by Kali, a young scholar gifted in the art of truth-magic unable to remember her past. The three strangers hope the archive holds the answers to all their problems. They’ll find out, if they don’t kill each other first.

The Catch? The Archive isn’t a building, but a prison for an evil entity. The Archive throws the three into a twisted trial, desperate to unleash the dark urges and terrible truths they try to hide from one another.

As Menarah knows all too well, profit does not come without a price, and she must learn to use her heart as more than just a weapon if she hopes to survive.

00:28 UTC


[Complete] [64K] [YA SCI-FI] BREATH OF VENUS

Hello! I'm seeking general feedback on my YA sci-fi. It doesn't have to be super intense; I just want the reader's view, whether it's a simple "I liked it, and here's why" or "I didn't like it, and here's why," or even a bit of both. Your input would be greatly appreciated.

Is the story: Engaging? Compelling plot? Consistent tone and pacing throughout? Dialogue that feels natural and serves the story?

Content warnings: Action, blood and death.

I am available for critique swaps for similar word count, open to anything genre wise.

Blurb: Beatrice Topher's daily life on Venus was a relentless cycle: wake, eat, study, repeat. The price of leaving her home? Certain death. But when her mother falls victim to political foes, loyal housekeeper Julie Rai helps Beatrice escape to the lower levels. There, amidst the struggling working class, she seeks refuge. With the rise of King Gerald Fray's oppressive regime it forces Beatrice to align with the King's fiery brother. To escape a grim fate, she flees the human colony. Will she defy destiny and transform a dying world? "BREATH OF VENUS" - a thrilling YA sci-fi novel that redefines survival.

Here is the link to the first chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1h07wUbWmxLPoy_gS92Q1kZYelPeoZUsObRF00FFCZPc/edit?usp=sharing


18:49 UTC


[Complete] [8102] [New Weird] A dishwasher who lives under a restaurant and dreams of becoming a chef finds a mentorship, more, and worse in a puddle.

Barbus is a story of abuse, naivete, manipulation, identity, and the perils of ambition.

I'm looking for general feedback. Be descriptive rather than prescriptive. Tell me what bores, confuses, compels, amazes, and how scenes/characters/the story/&c makes you feel. Please find an excerpt here, and reach out via chat or message and if you're interested in reading the rest.

If your short story is one I'm interested in, I would be happy to read and comment in exchange.


16:55 UTC


[Complete] [80k] [YA Historical Fantasy] Revenge of the Dhampir


16-year-old Maricela would prefer to stay buried in her books, hiding among the rush of humanity living in turn-of-the-century Prague. Unfortunately, she’s a magnet for bullies and gossip with her eerie appearance and a mysterious unwed mother who is never seen in daylight. Her neighbors whisper of witchcraft. But when Maricela loses her temper, a fight ensues, and a knuckle cut on Maricela’s teeth leaves a taste of blood in her mouth that awakens a vicious hunger and reveals the truth: Maricela is a dhampir — half-human, half vampire.

Before Maricela and her mother can flee the city and escape the humans they know will come for them, she finds her mother murdered in her sleep with nothing but a mysterious symbol left behind as a clue to who did it. Abruptly orphaned, she is saved by the sudden appearance of a domovoi on the hearth. The household guardian she believed to be nothing more than a pleasant bedtime story whisks Maricela to safety, and she finds a new home, hiding within the unseen society of mythical creatures who reside in Bohemia’s towns and forests.

However, Maricela’s fear is quickly surpassed by her growing desire to avenge her mother’s death. She seeks out the help of her new supernatural community to harness her vampiric abilities and track down the murderer. When she discovers a nomadic group of dhampir may be the killer’s next target, she sets out to save them and get her revenge. But Maricela is not the only monster out for blood.


“Looking for more spells to put in your grimoire?” Berta said as she ripped Maricela’s book from her hands, abruptly halting the gears of her imagination. Berta proceeded to mangle the pages of the book, twisting the cover in her grubby hands like a creature who had never seen a bound and printed page before.

“Can I please have my book?” Maricela asked, looking down to avoid Berta’s gaze. She knew better than to prod the beast by locking eyes with her. It wasn’t just that Berta was like a bull in a ring. Everyone found Maricela’s eyes disconcerting. Each one was a different color – the left was a bright, stormy blue, and the right was the green of centuries old copper. According to the old women of her neighborhood, it was a sure sign of a witch.

Fortunately, the zeal for burning witches was currently at a low in Prague. The turn of the century had minds looking forward to the future, and witch hunts were out of fashion. Still, most people avoided Maricela. Better to be safe than cursed. And to Maricela’s credit, she tried very hard to accommodate everyone’s wishes and made herself as thin as mist whenever others were nearby. But for some reason, Berta insisted on chasing the vapor, and followed Maricela like she was iron and Berta was a mean-spirited magnet.

Berta finally twisted the book enough to read the cover and exclaimed, “The Jewish Golem! What on earth is a golem?”

“Haven’t you heard of it?” asked Dagmar. The hunched girl pushed her glasses up from the tip of her long beaked nose and sneered at Maricela from the cover of Berta’s shadow. “Der Golem is the great clay man, created by Rabbi Löw. It was intended to protect the people of his synagogue. But then the stupid Jew left it on in his attic and it stormed through the town demolishing everything, until he finally left off his sermoning and destroyed it.”

Dagmar’s version of the story was technically correct, but it was tinged with the sour cruelty that colored nearly everything she said. Maricela sometimes imagined that Berta and Dagmar must be fused at the head and stomach. It seemed that everything one of them ate must pass to Berta, leaving Dagmar skinny, huddled and birdlike. And as a trade, every bit of knowledge that passed through Berta must be snapped up by Dagmar’s clever mind. Ostensibly they were as dissimilar as two people could be. However, the same hatefulness oozed from both girls and was likely what stuck them together.

Berta looked at Maricela and snickered, “Oh I see. You want a Golem. Maybe to stand in for a father? Eh, Levoboček?”

The insult cut through Maricela’s defenses, and spurred her to retort, “Actually, I was trying to learn how to deal with slow, stupid creatures who might as well have brains made of clay.”

  • I’m already in the Query Process, but would like to get more feedback, especially on the beginning pages and chapters I would be submitting. If you can read the whole thing, that would be great. But even if you read the beginning and don’t want to keep going, knowing why would be helpful.

  • Critique swap availability: Possibly. Depends on the type of book. Ideally something in a similar genre to mine.

15:25 UTC


[In Progress] [50k] [Queer Fantasy] The Endling Bestiary

Hello! I'm looking for some general feelings about the trajectory of my current WIP, which is a queer adult fantasy about a ferryman of the dead accidentally ending up with six living children and an Irish boyfriend. I'd especially love any feedback from any Welsh or Irish readers, as though the manuscript is set in a fantasy world, the characters are intended to read as Welsh and Irish.


Oisín of the Rust has been living outside of time since he was seventeen years old. As the ferryman of spirits that fall into the hinterlands between the living world and the peace beyond, he’s a companion for those who died lost, alone, or forgotten. In such company, it’s easy to forget that one is alive. After decades of erosion to his understanding of existence, it won’t be long until Oisín too follows his passengers below, seeking peace from the desperate solitude of unlife.

But a living man, Coilm, falls into the hinterlands, confronting Oisín with all that he’s lost and all that he might still regain—and reminding him that caring for a living body is nothing like caring for the soul. Coilm’s arrival heralds a momentous change in Oisín’s life. Shortly after finding the stranger, an unusual summons calls Oisín home to the Rust, where his murdered sister implores him to take her surviving children—family he’s never met and who only know him as a fable—to the hinterlands, where they’ll be safe from the one who killed her. Oisín does so even though he doesn’t know if he be as they need him to be. Until another summons is heard. Another murdered sibling calls Oisín to their side.

And then another.

In life, his siblings lost him; now, in death, all they can do is hope he’ll care for those they’ve left behind. And Oisín, companion to the dead, has no idea how to stop the family he has left from dying at the hands of the one who wants him gone too.

Content warnings:

Themes of death and dying (including the deaths of children), grief, child neglect and abuse, and mental health. There will be (not erotica) sexual content between the two mains, though not in what's currently drafted. Relatively frequent nudity. Not currently in what's there but alluded to: >!Coilm's family died of bubonic plague, which he contracted himself before falling into the hinterlands.!<

Feedback I'm looking for:

General thoughts on pacing, plot, characters, atmosphere. No line edits at this stage as there might still be substantial changes.


I'm unbothered by timeline, though I think I'll finish the first draft within the next month and I'll be wanting to do edits after that, so within a month would be nice (but not needed). All I ask is that people keep in touch with me for any long delays so I know whether to wait for feedback or just charge on.

Critique swap:

Open to swaps of the same length, shorter, or very slightly longer. Fantasy only or, if it's not fantasy, I can take manuscripts with queer themes in other genres. No mystery, YA, or sci fi though.


Coilm Earendelsbur had been named for his mother, who had been named for the winter star she’d been born below. But that was before. Now, Coilm was barrowborn, which meant he was alone, and – as well as orphaned in a ruined land – he was dying.

He stumbled nonsensically through a beautiful world releasing its hold on him. On the road leading to Rowell-by-the-būr, he fell. For a moment, he became a heap beside that road; the next, a figment tumbling further yet, insensible and indistinct, to become a flicker of not-shadow in the down-below where there were no living eyes to see his guttering light.

Few, however, is not none.

The ferrier approached, his free hand resting on the shoulder of an immense russet-coloured stag etched with dark stripes patterning the fur around the face and down his heavy back. The antlers of the deer, splayed above his head at a size to shadow all that walked below it, were larger across than a man could stretch his arms. The ferrier, not tall, barely rose to the beast’s elbow. He was small and wistful in the inchoate way of a grin: giving the incorrect impression of being here now but not for long.

The ferrier clicked his tongue at the stag, his gaze somewhere else other than where he walked. It was impossible to know what such dark eyes saw. His steps were tethered by the beat of a silver-capped cane.

Thus, it was the stag that saw Coilm first. The ferrier would have walked straight past had the stag not lowered his head to nose curiously at the state of the thing.

Coilm, more alive than he should be, made a noise. The ferrier startled quite violently at the realisation that he wasn’t alone.

You see, he wasn’t used to the living.

Uncertain, the ferrier let his hand fall from the stag’s shoulder. Though the stag wore tack, he didn’t reach for it. The halter had no bit; the reins weren’t attached but, instead, only draped over the stag’s back.

The ferrier knew that no one walked this land. No one except the lost.

The stag gave the ferrier a stare that, though softened by animal docility, nevertheless told him that this was clearly one of his and that he should begin acting as such. This gave him strength. The lost were his livelihood. He crouched by the ramshackle heap of bony limbs and dirty, freckled skin that was all he could see, his fingers barely trembling as he brushed matted lengths of hair back. Under the hair, he found all the expected components of a human face. The mouth slack. The eyes closed. The hair the same colour as the dirt that coated the rest of the body.

When one finds a human being where humans haven’t been before, it seems appropriate to mark the occasion with some small token. An exclamation of surprise, or a gasp, or a greeting. Our ferrier, out of step with time, did none of these things, but he did, in his own way, acknowledge abnormality with an abnormality of his own.

He spoke. His voice was gritty. It hadn’t been used in some time. It seemed to shock him as much as it did the stag, who flicked back his ears and gave him a suspicious stare. The man missed this stare; he was looking down as though he expected to see his words lingering uncomfortably somewhere around his feet.

What he said was this:

“This is no place to rest. Up you get.”

1 Comment
10:11 UTC


[Complete] [75k] [Romance] 2nd gen Filipino perspective wanted

Hi Beta Readers,

Hope this is ok, it's not a traditional request. I have a couple of characters in my novel who are of Filipino descent but were born/raised in a Western country. E.g. grew up embedded in the culture because of their family but consider themselves American. I have a few lines/scenarios I'd like to run by someone to check if this is something that feels natural to them.

Thanks in advance!

09:16 UTC


[Complete] [87k] [Romantic Fiction/Fairytale Retelling, Gay Cinderella] Stableshoes

Looking for beta readers for my Cinderella retelling, Stableshoes. It's a cross between Call Me By Your Name/Ever After, and a few of my betas have said it has a "Red, White, and Royal Blue" feel. I recently did an overhaul edit so I'm looking for new readers to see if the issues brought up in my last version were corrected enough. Reviews in general have been positive, and it's currently longlisted for an award. Frankly, I've become disillusioned with the querying process and plan to self-pub this piece after a few more outside readers.

Blurb: Prince Darian has met all the requirements necessary to claim his father’s throne—until his cousin Bertram reveals a law that states Darian must marry by his twenty-fifth birthday, or Bertram will seize the crown. With only four weeks to find a bride, Darian turns to his beautiful, irreverent, and clever friend Ashley for help before a grand ball is to be thrown in his honor.

But another catches the prince's eye: the perpetually silent stronghold stableman Eric, whose kindness disrupts Darian’s plans to hide his preference for men. With Bertram intent on dividing the citizens and invading the neighboring nations, Darian is desperate to find a worthy bride and avoid war.

Each day that passes, Bertram’s takeover nears. He’s counting on Darian to remain single. While Eric has the prince’s heart, he also carries a secret mark that could jeopardize Darian’s claim to the throne. To protect his nation from a tyrant, Prince Darian must choose between true love or the love of his people.

Link To Map and Chapter 1

What I'm Looking For: I do not want line or copy edits, please. A line edit will be done again after story is confirmed to be solid. I would love readers who can just be readers and not insert their own writing style in their feedback. In previous versions, one of my MCs (Prince Darian) came across as a "himbo" and was somewhat pathetic. While I've been told by my first betas of this version that it is no longer the case, it wouldn't hurt to make absolutely sure he doesn't read as too naive to be likable. I would also like feedback on the final third in particular - is it too rushed? My previous version came to a screeching halt after the ball, and I want it to keep people reading. Ideally, I would like a turnaround by Halloween, but I know things happen. Just chat with me. I'm a laid back guy.

Critique Swap Availability: I am happy to swap to help get this done. I am a certified copy editor and am now seasoned with giving and receiving critique after many years (sorry this account doesn't show it; I deleted my previous Reddit account after a doxxing incident. I no longer do copy edit work for free, so when I beta read, I read and not edit while doing so. I only leave commentary regarding compliments or confusion.

I just completed a swap for another writer and am starting another tonight, so if you do want to swap, it might be a couple of weeks before I can dive in to new work. That being said, I do not make commitments I can't keep, refuse to finish work (excepting triggering content), and I don't ghost. All I ask is the same courtesy in return.

Thanks for your consideration!

03:55 UTC


[Complete][91k][Alt History Adventure] The March Upcountry

Looking for a manuscript swap to get some general feedback on pacing, characters and plot holes. This is my third draft so it’s had a few readers/revisions by now.


Anatolia, 1910. The Greek Empire has stood for thousands of years, long since the reign of Alexander the Great. City-states still war for power. On the coast of the Aegean, Princess Iphigenia has been raised to do one thing - secure her city an alliance through marriage. When her city is attacked by a rival, she has just that chance, with one issue - the groom is days away, across a war torn landscape and through an invading army.

Captain Teuker is as dedicated a soldier as Axola has. When the city is besieged, Teuker and his men are given their hardest mission yet: smuggle Princess Iphigenia through the rival army and across a wartorn landscape to the wedding that will cement an alliance and save Axola.

Both fiercely determined to complete their mission, Iphigenia and Teuker continually clash as they lead a motely group of soldiers and attendant ladies on an odyssey that demands they scale cliffs, jump trains and engage in shootouts with enemy assassins, who are hot on their trail.

But as she gets closer to her groom and winning an alliance for her besieged people, Iphi's feelings for Teuker transform from spite to begrudging respect then into inescapable, unthinkable emotions that threaten the entire mission. For the first time in her life, Iphi’s commitment wavers, and she is faced with a choice: if she should follow her heart, then her city will fall without an ally. And if she can't decide quickly enough, the assassins might decide for her.

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03:33 UTC


[In Progress][3100][Fantasy/Cyberpunk] Shivers

Hi there,

I'm looking for feedback on chapter one and two of my fantasy/cyberpunk (think Shadowrun) novella. If you're enjoying it, I'm also interested in beta readers for the full manuscript, which is currently sitting at 19k, and I estimate it will be around 25k complete.


Recently unemployed and in deep medical debt, alchem manufacturer Suko turns to other means to fund treatment for her terminal illness and support her orphaned niece. When her deceased sister's sister-in-law comes back into her life and offers a way to make an entire year's rent in two days, the desperate Suko seizes the opportunity. Suko quickly finds herself in over her head as she plummets into the criminal underbelly of Tenshuto City.

Desired feedback

  • First Impressions: did the opening draw you in? What makes you want to read more?
  • Characters: Are they believable and do they relate to Suko realistically?
  • Plot: Does the plot line up with motivations, desires and conflicts for the characters?
  • World building: Too much detail? Too little detail? Boring lore dumps?
  • Pace: Does it drag, or move too fast?
  • Overall thoughts: Any favourite characters or moments? Did the story surprise you or was it predictable?

Able to swap.

Link to drive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/166eyzJambQ2UwPW10WntAW5NqYhdr3oeoMsxEpz9lqE/edit?usp=sharing

00:55 UTC

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