Title: World's End Valkyrie

Genre: Adult Science Fantasy, action-heavy with elements of Psychological Horror in a constructed world that combines magic and myths with modern technology.

Can be best described as Final Fantasy VII meets Inception

Word Count: 113k words

Synopsis:

Ragna sees only one future for herself: to become a heroic Valkyrie and protect the kingdom of Midgard from evil. At age twenty-three, she has the beauty, smarts, and talent, and more importantly, figured out how the world works. And yet, not only deem officials — and her mentor Altera — her unfit to be Valkyrie, after a botched gig as bodyguard, Ragna is branded as a terrorist.

Deprived of her human rights, Ragna has to run and clear her name if she wishes to reclaim her life. In Altera, she finds an unexpected ally on a mission to capture Ragna's missing father and prevent a potential second world war. Their only clue lies in a data drive her father left behind, which reveals he is hiding in a foreign kingdom on another continent.

Ragna and Altera put aside their differences and embark on a journey across a cruel, futuristic fantasy world full of horrors. Monsters, criminals, and dark secrets lie behind every corner. Digital and ancient gods alike wish to break them. Not even Ragna's dreams are safe. The conspirators how have ruined her life are hunting her and infecting Ragna's nightmares with malicious ideas to abandon her journey and transform her into a fear-ridden, docile woman. 

Where do her thoughts begin, and where do theirs end? As Ragna questions her worth as a hero and a woman, she is drawn to Altera, who — despite her deteriorating sanity — excels whenever Ragna fails. Each day, Ragna hates and fears the world further. Her mind and conviction drift closer to their limits, and her dream of becoming a Valkyrie sounds like a bad joke. In the end, will Ragna persevere? Or will she abandon her journey and completely shatter?

Chapter 1, for a first glance. (3181 words)

Content Warning: Violence, blood, gore, death, suicide, torture, mental illnesses, bigotry, slurs.

I wouldn't call this story edgy or grimdark, but it's pretty much the opposite of Cozy Fantasy.

Critique swap? I'm up for it, but I don't think that I got the capacity for more than one swap.

Timeline: A month. I'm not sure what time frame is appropriate. If you think, a month is unrealistic, then two months are fine too.

I’m seeking betas that read Dark Adult Fantasy or love for stories that mix and match genres. My hope for a beta reader(s) is to help me gain an outside perspective and develop this story into its best version.

Did I meet the promises I set up? How is the pacing? Are there scenes or moments where you are confused or clarity is lacking? What scenes work, which don't hold your interest, or seem superfluous? Are there any holes and inconsistencies? How is your general enjoyment, etc?

Also, I'm not a native speaker, so if I have used a word in the wrong context or too often, I'd like to know that too.

Thank you in advance, and I hope you'll enjoy my story.

A War on Immortal Shadows is about fae named Aywin who has lived peacefully in Strabury Forest all her life. Until one day a strange man arrives on shores from over sea, fighting invisible ghosts that no one else can see. It’s become her journey to travel to the high king and warn him of the evil brewing on their neighboring continent.

I’m finally writing this story I’ve been brainstorming of for a year and would be pleased if someone could just read the first five chapters (roughly edited, most likely not perfect) and give me some honest feedback. I have friends and family who offered but I need someone brutally honest and not scared to hurt my feelings. I just want someone to tell me if it makes sense and is at least on its way to being something good. Thanks!!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1MYcq5BXRdvTiykjJg4m-ouSQdaqnXRiSo8NkyXQXZ_A/edit

Chapter 1

Hoping to make it in the nick of time up a hill with a 5 generational bicycle by his side is Boyce. Where is Boyce Going? To the Karson estate of course. He works for the Karson’s as a gardener. A very respected man Boyce is. Well as far as a Zimbabwean gardener is respected.

Boyce makes it to the Karsons gigantic gate and pushes onto the intercom button. Hanging in there is the poor guy, drenching in sweat and walloped by the scorching summer sun of Richie. The massive black gate standing between Boyce and his paycheck for the month opens up, he drags his scrap of metal which is his bicycle and waves to Beth and William Karson while trekking to the backyard. “Such a humble man.” Said Beth with a grin resting on her face.

Boyce is met to a huge field of weeds to take care of. This is going to take him ages to get done with! Possibly 3 days!

Gusts of winds batter the house windows and the tie of a humanoid figure. At a distance, a shimmering being with the aroma of prosperity and affluence is fixated by Boyce. The being seems to be coming closer to bestow Boyce with a treat. It’s William Karson with a loaf of bread.

William and Boyce sit under the shade with Boyce being the humble person he is and sitting on the ground. “I am egressing for a work trip for 8 days. So I postulate it will just be you and my wife. I shall recompense you for your weeding when I get back from the excursion” Said Mr Karson.

Mr Karson yapped a few other things but Boyce couldn’t be bothered to lend an ear. He is so exhilarated that he would be coming to work to his madam everyday.

Mr Karson ignites his Stanley Steamer with a match. Kisses his darling goodbye, and sets off to the hangar to board his dogfighter plane and immerse himself in the corporate sphere for the next week.

This wasn’t the first time William left Bethany by herself while expecting.

8 years prior, Beth was pregnant with her to be first child while Will was rubbing shoulders with his accomplished peers. For instance, the time William was rubbing shoulders with Erick Garther, CEO of Garther Seas, a company that mines pearls ,or the time Will was rubbing shoulders with Maria Deller, Founder of Deller Affairs, a company contracted to supply the homeless people of Nair with housing and food.

Nair is a town constructed to house social and societal rejects such as drug addicts, thieves and the homeless. Also where Boyce resides. It is reported Ms Deller’s personal wealth has skyrocketed by over 300% since the construction of the segregated zone.

This is one of many instances of where Mr Karson chose work over his beloved. But, it was all in the name of love and family planning right?

Chapter 2:

At the crack of dawn, Boyce is making his way once again to his masters blissful abode. Instead of money on his mind, he has madam Beth’s smile plastered all over his medulla. He is Prince Charming in this fairytale of a one sided romance, or is it a two sided romance? Whatever it is, somebody sure is going to milk it for all it’s worth!

Boyce is glaring to the black barrier restraining him from his Cinderella. The black angel luckily opens for him within seconds of his arrival. It must be his lucky day today. He didn’t have to camp for minutes on end hoping someone could hear his wails from inside the habitation. B rushes into the domicile of the Karsons in fear of his black temple being crushed by the gate decorated in skunk fur. The gate looks hideous but it’s not B’s place to comment. He could never understand the taste of the rich.

Boyce begins sauntering after a safe distance with the gate. His reasoning for walking so relaxed is that he thinks it’s cool, mysterious and badass. “A man must be composed if he wants to attract celestial women.” A phrase Boyce heard his former employer chatter. B has kept this saying close to his heart made of gold for years, and can finally put it to good use. Eavesdropping can be beneficial sometimes!

While sauntering past the porch Beth usually hunkers by, on a weirdly designed seat. B through the corner of his eye, realizes Bethany is nowhere to be found. Bethany hunkers on the custom chair in hopes of it encouraging an ease delivery for when the time comes for the heir of the Karson’s to be nudged out of his mothers tunnel of love.

Beth is taking her pregnancy this time around soberly. She does everything by the books. At early stages of her gestation, she considered a home birth. A home birth because she wanted to feel more connected to her bundle of joy. But of course that idea was thrown out the ship due to the health implications it may relay to her and the baby.

Should I go straight to the weeds and madam not acknowledge my presence or should I look for her? Boyce is experiencing a battle with his heart and flesh. A game of tug of war is playing out between the desires of B’s heart to lock eyes with Bethany, and the desires of B’s flesh to get to work as soon as possible before the sun thwacks the whole town in beams. Like everyone that is madly consumed by lust masked as love, Boyce gives in to his hearts sins and searches for madam.

Boyce steps into the house and gazes at the design of the home. Python bones, cat cushions and snails shells complimenting the enchanting and bold look of the homes interior. Boyce gets a feeling in his stomach. His intuition. It tells him to go into the room on the left and he does as he senses. He hears the angelic sound of a lady capable of leading a choir flexing her vocal chords like no one’s business. It’s Bethany. Boyce out of respect of the princess, he leaves the room and heads outside, but luckily he catches a glimpse of Beth’s ankle and photographs it into his mind. My God! Did B drink his tea with a four leaf clover in it today? It really must be his lucky day. Looks like someone’s delusion garden is about to get watered tonight!

Chapter 3:

Acting like what he just glanced at isn’t mellowing his heart with the warmest hug only given by the love of a mother is the man of the moment. Romeo himself, Boyce. Such divine ankles she has. I could just munch on them day in day out, I wouldn’t desire human food in such a book.

The gardening boy is as still as the river sitting by the estate. He is so deep in his fantasies that a snake hisses and slithers past his highly pigmented foot, rubbing skin with his less desirable ankles. I don’t think Boyce is going to get any significant work done today.

Rustling of kitchen paper, banging of stainless gleamy pots and sizzling of an exorbitantly priced elephant trunk later. Dinner is ready to be served. Bethany calls B to come and enjoy a meal to remember. Rather than being knotted by the cloud of weariness from a sunny day of weeding, Boyce is washed with exuberance as he follows Beth’s footprints etched on the sand to the dining table neighboring the pool.

B takes a seat on of the two seats prepared for by Ms Karson. Where is Beth? Bethany is behind a maple tree extracting her juice for the meal straight from the source. Her taco. Beth waddles back to the table and places her beverage side to her plate. “Don’t mind my drink, my doctor said drinking my own alcohol could be beneficial for my pregnancy.” Said Bethany. Boyce is fazed by this, and is masking his discombobulation, but then again, B isn’t fazed by this as well, given back home his shower comprises of a black bucket with foamy cold water and his hand. “If you don’t mind me wondering, how is that beneficial?” Said B.

Having started devouring the elephant soup, Beth lifts her head up and wipes the soup off her face. “My gosh she is beautiful!”Murmured Boyce under his breath. “It’s beneficial in the sense that It could strengthen my immune system further increasing my chances of birthing a healthy bairn.” Said Beth with ease. It’s almost as if somebody has brought up this question before.

“Uhm, then why is my cup yellow too? Is it urine?” Said Boyce. Boyce asks this freely because he knows he wins both outcomes. If it’s madams urine I’m in luck, and if it’s normal juice I’m still In luck! Good gracious! Was Boyce an acorn in his past life? “Uhm no actually, yours is golden kiwi juice..” Said Bethany with a mustache of soup splashed onto her lip borders. B is a little bummed out but his good mood is restored as he looks at the meal prepared by Beth. The way to a man’s heart is through food!

The two lean their heads into their respective plates and devour their trunk stew like vultures tearing off the flesh of a dead carcass. Mhm, birds of the same feather flock together. B rubs his hands together like flies do and calls for a second dish . Looks like a seedsman is going to call it a night after developing a bumpy abdomen.

Chapter 4:

Within minutes of since eyeballing the sizable organ and gorging it. Chip and dip are incensing in elephant oil. Fingers sticky and webbed in the mammals tallow. Chains of meat remains married to their teeth. And flies engrossed by the stench, hovering over their heads. This is a cue to call an end to this feasting session. “It’s late Ms Karson, perhaps it’s time I go home.” Said B. Boyce says this with hopes Bethany will stop him from leaving. But no, Bethany is oblivious to the flag.

Bethany offers to walk Boyce to the gate. While B and Beth are strolling to the gate, their chattering is disturbed by the rattling of a four headed rattlesnake, a rattle getting louder as they get closer. With all the strokes of luck Boyce has been getting shot at him the past two days, all that goes up must eventually come down.

The two aren’t able to see the snake because the lights outside have long died. William has been procrastinating when it comes to yard work. They can only survive this with their hearing. “Fucking William! You’re a bastard! You reject you’re household duties like you reject your wife!” A thought planted in Boyce’s head at the moment.

Off the bat, Beth is doomed. All that blasting of the vinyl player are catching up to her. At this moment, the kismet of the two lies on Boyce. Boyce contemplates fleeing and leaving madam to get bit but remembers he hasn’t gotten paid yet, nor has he finished weeding. His Zimbabwean flesh could never allow for such. So he invokes his flawed nonchalant alter ego that he hasn’t used in a while now. This is a life or death situation.

Deep down, Boyce’s inner child is weeping in terror. As far as he is concerned, the Grim Reaper has snatched his soul and transported him to the afterlife. Boyce pit patters with Bethany with his fingers crossed that the serpent doesn’t attack. B’s luck has run out. The four mouthed rattlesnake bites on the ankle of Boyce but misses. They both ditch pitter patting and jolt to a safer zone. Phew! for a second B’s luck had almost completely ran its course. But no worries, it hasn’t run out. Yet.

The two snake attack survivors make it to the gate and Boyce steps out. “Oh B, perhaps? Really? Where did you hear that word from?” Bethany remarks jokingly eaten up by the adrenaline of shutting the door of death. Boyce chuckles. “I acquired the term from my biological sister” “Acquired? Biological? Oh you have some English in your roster! Good for you.” Said Beth. Bethany is surprised by the grammar Boyce is using because she has always shed Boyce as an illiterate but loving gardener from Nair and ONLY that.

“Yeah my Sister, she’s getting ready to write her exams to be accepted to an Ivy League here in Richie.” Said B with a speech impairment. He is nervous. He has never had such an intimate conversation with Ms Karson about his life. The two sit down one the driveway and talk about B’s sister and how things are getting better for B’s loved ones. The conversation is mostly of B’s sister, but at least it’s a conversation at the end of the day right? The once mindful B of how deep and late into the night it was. Is now invested in more time with Ms Beth and occasionally breaking eye contact with Madam because well, who could stare at a dreamboat and not blush.

Chapter 5:

What was suppose to be a send off by Beth to B turned into an all night conversation about various topics. The two got caught in the midst of B’s life. They could’ve sworn it felt like a couple minutes. “Ms Karson, we’ve conversed the whole night about my family but I know nothing of yours. Care to share?” Said Boyce. “It’s early in the morning B, the shoebills are up and about to start shrieking. Take the day off and we’ll give a voice to this some other time. I’m exhausted.” Said sleepy Beth. With seconds of Bethany saying this, a Shoebill lands on the Karsons plot and starts to shriek.

The shoebills shrieking is a way resident of Richie tell its 6am. The birds are the biological clock. The shoebill shrieks as it roams the plot in search of food to feed its young ones resting on a nest in a tree Mr Karson has been wanting to cut down for the longest time. The shoebill shrieks and shrieks. The shrieks of the shoebill come to a halt. Boyce and Bethany investigate the end of the shrieks.

The are met to the carcass of the same shoebill lying unresponsive on the ground with four snakebites dented on the chest of the bird and the slithering away of a four headed rattlesnake. The rattlesnake was putting an end to the noise caused by these birds. “I don’t know what you want do with this bird but I’m going to get some rest. Take the day off Boyce, treat yourself.“Said Bethany. She walks into the house, sets a timer for the gate to close after 5 minutes and hits the hay. No showering whatsoever. She must really be exhausted!

Meanwhile outside, B lifts the bird by one leg and casts it to the wall solidifying the death of the then slowly dying shoebill. The wall has bird brains on it decorated with blood and guts. He grabs a hose to hose off the mural he just painted. This is nothing new to Boyce. When he was a kid, he would hang blue jays on a tree when his friend wasn’t around to participate in cheese rolling with him.

I'm seeking beta readers for my completed novel. I plan to self-publish via crowdfunding it soon, so I want to ensure that it's polished to the best of my ability before considering expensive editing services.

Genre: Sci-Fi

Word Count: 136K

Synopsis:

“Bound by oppression. Driven by choice. Joseph Iolar’s fight for freedom begins.”  — Tagline

In the desolate aftermath of a catastrophic tsunami that engulfs the city of Warrang, a young man by the name of Joseph Iolar is thrust into a world defined by chaos and despair. Haunted by the spectre of his mortality, Joe finds himself trapped in an oppressive dystopia where poverty and political violence reign unchecked.

But Joe's nightmare has only begun. Forced into slavery by the Australasian state, he becomes a pawn in a brutal war against savage creatures from prehistory. As he grapples with his unravelling psyche and mysterious mystic abilities, Joe is thrust into a battle for survival in a far future devoid of hope.

To prevail against insurmountable odds, Joe must navigate the treacherous depths of his soul and find the courage to defy destiny. Will he emerge triumphant, or will he succumb to the monster that threatens to consume him?

Describing the tone and story of Comhrac is like a mix of Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade and Mr. Robot, with a hint of Neon Genesis Evangelion added in for good measure.

What I'm Looking For:

This is the first raw draft fresh from my mind. I'm seeking feedback on elements such as story structure, characters, dialogue, readability, and worldbuilding to make improvements and tighten the word count. This will inform a rewrite of the draft with general enhancements in mind.

I'm also happy to swap manuscripts, if you're interested.

Content Warnings:

I should get this right out of the way, real quick: Comhrac isn't a light and casual read. It contains graphic violence, and sexual content while touching on themes of mental health. Also, there is a fair amount of swearing throughout.

Any takers?

First Chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IhI0apy45wy0teyYSDELudmeYeAH6jh307VYTRAMrkM/edit?usp=sharing

Hi all, I finished editing my novel Extra Extra Bleed All About It last summer (although with student teaching it sat untouched for a few months since). Now that I have time, I'm looking for a few beta readers before looking into publishing.

Blurb

After being rejected by the marching band, high school sophomore, Finn Howard, decides to join the newspaper staff; however, his older brother, Cliff, soon reveals a conspiracy theory that the newspaper staff members are really vampires. At first, Finn rejects this theory, figuring it is no more plausible than the time Cliff claimed to see Elvis at the mall, but when his best friend begins to rot alive after an encounter with the student editor, Finn is forced to explore the theory in hopes of saving his friend.

Excerpt

First Chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JME-HsAEXcIQIoYZjQs6xWVffIc9QkbVfa--eeJF8Rc/edit?usp=sharing

Feedback

I am mostly looking for just overall feedback, but specifically on the characters and consistency. In addition I've also been struggling with determining what genre to place my novel, as it incorporates both horror and comedy. This is something I was hoping a beta reader might be able to help with.

Timeline

At the moment I don't have a strict timeline. I have another project I'm working on so no rush. If possible, would appreciate either within 4 weeks, or if the reader could check in after 4 weeks to let me know where they're at.

Critique Swap

I am definitely open to swapping. I read most genres, but am not a huge fan of romance or fantasy, although may still be interested depending on the story.

Thanks for considering! Let me know if interested or if you have any questions.

Title: Eyes Like Cloudy Skies About a group of ten people that set out to disrupt society and the government using science. Each chapter is a POV chapter from characters like the agents chasing them, other people outside of the conflict, and members of the group themselves. Takes place 10-ish years in the future, and is a parallel history of sorts. First book, so I expect harsh criticism and any feedback is appreciated. Tags: Sci-Fi, Romance, Death, Suicide, mild mentions of Sexual Assault, mild mention of smut. Tried to tone down most elements as best as I could, including political views and the like. Available to swap manuscripts. Willing to beta even if you’re uninterested in my story. My ideal situation is a weekly/monthly quick chat of progress and thoughts.

Edit: Copy of Story here

Hello, looking for betas for my adult mystery novel. Here's a blurb:

For more than a decade, Adam Roth has been the personal journalist for detective Solomon Brooks, following him to crime scenes and writing about his most interesting cases. Brooks is a pain in the ass but the money is good and the arrangement works for them. When Brooks agrees to investigate the death of Anna Flynn, a local housekeeper, Adam goes along, expecting to write another popular story about a crime that only Brooks can solve.

But when Brooks is killed, shot from somewhere inside Anna’s seemingly empty apartment, Adam becomes the prime suspect. His lawyer’s advice? Pray the police find someone else, because they already have the murder weapon and they’ve linked it to Adam.

Realizing that he's being framed, Adam has two choices: trust his life to the incompetent police, who think he’s guilty, or ignore the advice of his family and friends and investigate Brooks’ death himself. But Adam quickly learns that writing about crimes and solving them are two very different things. He can’t see the patterns that Brooks could. He doesn't have the experience. And every clue he manages to find only makes him look guiltier.

The one thing Adam has going for him is ten years of old notes, a play-by-play of how Brooks went about solving his cases. With these files as his guide, Adam discovers that Brooks and Anna Flynn have a history. The two deaths may be more intertwined than they first appeared. And the killer isn’t done yet.

DEAD TO RIGHTS is an 81,000 word adult mystery that will appeal to fans of TWIST OF THE KNIFE by Anthony Horowitz and THE MARLOW MURDER CLUB by Robert Thorogood.

Looking for betas but also in the market for a critique partner if we happen to click. If you're interested, let me know!

EDIT: Here's the link to the first chapter to see if this is your thing: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ep9R-YN-1NZ1Os1k4bnDQJ2YZrKsANb/edit

Hi, I'm looking for beta readers for my sapphic historical novel Beautiful House.

quick blurb:

Nineteen year old Berry Smith works as a domestic help in a rural North Carolina town, all while wishing for better: a better job, a society without Jim Crow-- and above all else, a beautiful house like the one she cleans. When Berry meets Josephine Walker, a family friend and girl her age, they begin an intense secret romance, all while planning their move North. But a tragic accident forces them to leave without family support, and in New York, their relationship ends in heartbreak. Knowing that the key to her other dreams lie in a better education, and desparate to have a place to stay while attending college, Berry joins a strict church sect and pretends to be devout for the sake of the members who house her. They're all she has in a strange city and the only way she can finish her education and accomplish her dreams.

PS just wanted to say that I'm open to swapping historical or dark romance works of similar length. hoping to have this turned around by two weeks

I was wondering if anyone would have a look at this (currently very short as it's incomplete) story i've been working in as i'm not sure if it works well or not. As stated above, it's a sort of paranormal dystopian story about a terrorist cell set in and around Liverpool about 100 years into the future.

Content warnings: violence and injury, terrorism, dark humour

I'm not too bothered about detailed feedback at this point, i'd just like to know if it's an enjoyable read or not, if you find yourself cringeing terribly or if you would want to read on, if you care about the characters and their struggles and if their motivations come across well or if i've gone overboard on the infodumping and/or look like i'm trying to glorify terrorism (not my intention) and overall if it's convincing and you can understand what's going on and why or just feels silly.

It's only about 27-28 pages long so far (i'm currently stuck on where to go next with it and uncertain whether it's worth continuing what with its subject matter) so there's no need to spend very long on it, just a few general/overall thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Edited to add: happy to do a critique swap though bear in mind i'm critiquing three other things at the moment so it might be a few weeks till i get to yours.

Hello everyone!

I'm currently deep in the editing process of my first novel, working under the temporary title 'Curse of the Ravenshadows'. I'm looking for fresh eyes - perhaps yours - to help me assess whether the direction I'm taking is good or not. If you could take the time to read the first three chapters and offer constructive criticism, I would be most grateful. Any feedback is most welcome!

Blurb. Sofie Ravenshadow was living a more or less normal life with her father when one day a lawyer appeared and told them that a distant relative had named them as beneficiaries in her will. All they had to do was travel to Castle Ravenshadow and listen to the will to claim their share. Or so they thought. Soon they found themselves in a strange situation, pitted against their own relatives in a game of wits and chance.

But who was Lady Brigidwoods, and why was she so reclusive?

Why do strange accidents keep happening around the castle?

And is everyone who they say they are?

While I understand that 'dark academia' is often perceived as an aesthetic rather than a genre, I find it a fitting term for my book. It combines the elements of a cosy mystery with gothic overtones, in which intellectual pursuit plays a significant role.I hope this brief description captures the essence of the story.

Thank you for reading this post!

Link

Hi community,

I'm looking for a beta reader for my first finished novel. I'd like to try and publish it traditionally someday, so I want to polish it as much as possible given the fact that I'm a foreign author aspiring to be published in English, and we all know how hard it is for non-foreigners to be published, let alone foreigners...

About the novel:

It's a clean, low fantasy historical/contemporary romance. It's set in two timelines, in 19th century Paris and in 21st century fictional small town in New Jersey. A one-sentence description would be: A woman finds an abandoned house and meets a ghost, only to realize there might've existed a time and a place where they knew each other before - and the prices they had to pay for meddling with a certain elixir.

My inspirations were "Meet Joe Black" and "The Time Traveler's Wife", with the addition of a bit of low magic and world building.

I'm just looking for honest feedback, it doesn't have to be anything too professional, just honesty and no sugarcoating because I know there are things left to fix, I just simply hit a dead end editing-wise, I can't look at it objectively anymore because it's been a part of me for so long 😂

So if you're interested, leave a comment or message me directly, we can exchange emails and I'd be happy to tell you more!

P.S. I'm also open for swapping!

Welcome to the monthly r/BetaReaders “First Pages” thread! This is the place for authors to post the first page (~250 words) of their manuscript and optionally request feedback, with the goal of giving potential beta readers a quick snapshot of the various beta requests in this sub.

Beta readers, please take a look at the below excerpts and reach out to any users whose work you’d be interested in reading. You may also provide authors with feedback on their first page if they have opted in to a first page critique.

##Thread Rules

• Top-level comments must be the first page, or a page-length excerpt (~250 words), of your manuscript and must use the following form:
  • Manuscript information: [This field is for the title of your beta request post ([Complete/In Progress] [Word Count] [Genre] Title/Description) ]
  • Link to post: [Please link to your beta request post so that potential betas may find additional information about your beta request, such as your story blurb and the type of feedback you're requesting. You may also link directly to your manuscript if you choose. However, please do not include any other information about your project in this thread; that's what your main beta request post is for.]
  • First page critique? [Optional. If you would like public feedback in this thread on your first page, you may opt-in here (in which case we encourage you to publicly critique another eligible first page in this thread). Otherwise, you do not need to include this field; we understand that some users may not be comfortable with public feedback, may not want their first page formally critiqued outside of the context of their manuscript as a whole, or may not feel their manuscript is ready for a single-page line-edit critique.]
  • First page: [Please include only the first ~250 words of your manuscript.]
• Top-level comments that are too long (longer than 2,500 characters, all-inclusive) will be automatically removed. Please remember that this thread is only intended for the first 250-ish words of your manuscript. It's okay if your excerpt cuts off at an odd place: even a short selection is enough for most readers to determine if they're interested in your writing style (they'll message you if they want more). Shorter submissions keep this thread easily skimmable, so please, keep them short.
• Multiple comments for the same project are not allowed in the same thread.
• No NSFW content—keep it PG-13 and below, please. Excerpts that include explicit sexual content, excessive violence, or R-rated obscenities will be removed.
• Critiques are only allowed if the author has opted in. If you requested a critique, we encourage you to publicly critique another eligible first page as a way of giving back to the community.

For your copy-and-paste, fill-in-the-blanks convenience:

Manuscript information: _____

Link to post: _____

First page critique? _____

First page: _____

Welcome to the monthly r/BetaReaders “Able to Beta” thread!

Thank you to all the beta readers who have taken the time to offer feedback to authors in this sub! In this thread, you may solicit “submissions” by sharing your preferences. Authors who are interested in critique swaps may post an offer here as well, but please keep top-level comments focused on what you’re willing to beta.

Older threads may be found here. Authors, feel free to respond to beta offers in those previous threads.

##Thread Rules

• No advertising paid services.
• Top-level comments must be offers to beta and must use the following form (only the first field is required):
  • I am able to beta: [Required. Let authors know what you’re interested—or not interested—in reading. This can include mandatory criteria or simply preferences, which might relate to genre, length, completion status, explicit content, character archetypes, tropes, prose quality, and so on.]
  • I can provide feedback on: [Recommended. This might include story elements you often notice as a reader (prose, pacing, characterization, etc.), unique expertise you have through a profession or hobby (teaching, nursing, knitting, etc.), or other lived experiences that may be relevant (belonging to a marginalized group, being a parent, etc.).]
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For your copy-and-paste, fill-in-the-blanks convenience:

I am able to beta: _____

I can provide feedback on: _____

Critique swap: _____

Other info: _____

Tales of Saptavarsha - the flower and the flame

Hello, looking for beta readers for my story.

This is set in ancient India and has magic, magical creatures, ancient curses, fair bit of political intrigue and enemies to lovers, slow burn romance.

Short blurb - An estranged wife and husband of two bitter rival kingdoms must set aside their differences and work together to search for the components of a key that will stop the eruption of a volcano.

Here is a link to a sample of my work https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mJwZXfCgfGTYLvgNFCN9tLDpewotXjuEAyW5a4J3KvQ/edit?usp=sharing

Content warnings- some gore and violence in some chapters

Would like feeback on flow, pacing, plot holes and characterization.

Open to critique swap. Can exchange initial chapters to see if this is something that works for both.

Ben Beaufort just survived the apocalypse and it’s been the easiest part of his night. There’s another scheduled in two hours, an immortal monster called a nect is stalking the caravan, and food just ran out.

Just a typical day in the Great Massachusetts Desert ever since the nects destroyed his home. A single beacon keeps hope alive: at the end of a long road lies HOPLON, city within a mountain and humanity’s last bastion against the monsters and the apocalypse that come every six hours.

When Ben arrives at HOPLON’s gates, his combination of grit, desperation, and radiation poisoning convinces a hiring manager that he could have worth to this elite society, at least as a political pawn. He is given the chance to try out for the brutal entrance exam to join the elite Rangers: the only force capable of killing the nects. It seems that if Ben can just pass one impossible test, a long life of full bellies and maybe even friends who won’t be torn to pieces awaits. But, the harder Ben tries and the closer the Rangers’ leaders come to realizing that their token invitation may actually lead to an outsider blemishing their ranks, the more dangerous life inside the mountain becomes. Navigating poverty, hostile politicians, and familiar terrorists, Ben slowly realizes that he must choose to bite the hand that feeds or be smothered by it. But behind every potential ally, dire consequences loom for Ben and the future of other outsiders like him.

Besides general impressions, I am looking for typos, places to cut length, and pacing.

Blurb: Time can heal wounds. So can people. Enter Astrid Hofferson. Only problem is she and Hiccup hate each other. My attempt a 'Enemies to Lovers' kind of story. Brace yourselves all who enter here.

Looking for someone who is comfortable with smut/lemons to give feedback on a related scene that I'm struggling to write, as smut isn't my forte at all. The scene in question is 252 words in length.

Blurb: Mike receives devastating news and is called to his hometown, when he goes home to pack his world is turned upside down. Crushed and grieving, he makes his way home. Once there a familiar face becomes his sentinel support. A series of revelations lead him to stay. As his relationship with his friend evolves, an accident almost tears them apart. When they're honest about their feelings, the relationship blossoms, and Mike realizes the place he ran away from had always been his home.

(Here is a link to the prologue for an example https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X-okjKB48xFrcoFHbi5T3jKVKH677unRIjJB9F2TU64/edit?usp=sharing)

Content warning: references to infidelity, death, and abuse. The story contains mature scenes.

Feedback: this is my first full length book, and I'm looking for feedback about the story. First round edits and initial rewrite are complete. My hope is to expand the universe the book is set in and I've already begun working on 4 additional books.

Critique exchange: I'm happy to provide feedback to others, however my reading pace is glacial at best.

I'd like to find a handful of people to provide their feedback, if possible.

Thanks in advance.

Title: A Stranger in Avalon (Working Title)

Genre: Young Adult Fantasy

Word Count: 102k words

Synopsis:

Thirteen-year-old Teddy Archer's rigid, suburban home life is turned upside down by the discovery of the shocking secret in his blood -- magic. He has always been a star athlete, pushed to succeed by his parents with an extreme training regimen and a tailored vitamin supplement program, but now he is faced with a choice: continue on his current path, or join a secret magical society.

For the first time in his life, his future is up to him and him alone, yet nothing in this world is without strings. His invitation to the arcane comes with two contingencies: he must study hard to catch up with kids who manifested years before him, and he must not speak a word to his parents of the true nature of his new, exclusive boarding school.

Annwn Academy, on the hidden isle of Avalon, the last sanctuary of magic in the world.

Can Teddy overcome his fears of falling further and further behind? Why is he waking up at night on strange wanderings around the castle? And what of the Order of Templars, an organization just as secret and even more dangerous, determined to stamp out all magic left in the world?

Feedback: This is my second draft, and I hope to find some beta readers who can give me feedback on story, pacing, and characters. I would also love some title feedback. I have a questionnaire for readers, and I am available for swaps of similar length. I am flexible on timelines.

Here is the first chapter as an excerpt: Chapter One

Summary:
When 30 year old Art Curator Cordelia “Cody” Kaynan is rescued from a dangerous betrayal by her cult participant boyfriend, the well-meaning family of bodyguards that found her reveal that she has awakened another half of her soul. An Angel half. Now, with the same cult looking to use her new-found power to bring on the end of humanity, Cody must learn to wield the power in a way that can stop them or risk falling into the wrong hands and becoming the ultimate weapon of destruction.

I'm looking for:
General critiques and overall reviews within the next month or so, planning to begin querying for agents in June. Story Origin (linked below) allows you to apply and then makes it easy to add comments, or fill out the google form and I will send you a google doc for comments. Thank you!

Tropes:
Fated Mates
Found Family
Secret Royalty
Newly Discovered Powers
Loss/Grief
Hurt/Comfort
Wings

Content Warning:
Suicidal Thoughts
Referenced Suicide Attempt
Drugging/Kidnapping
Blood/Gore (not graphic)
Gun Violence
Witchcraft/Demonic Symbolism
Smoking/Drinking

Summary:
When 30 year old Art Curator Cordelia “Cody” Kaynan is rescued from a dangerous betrayal by her cult participant boyfriend, the well-meaning family of bodyguards that found her reveal that she has awakened another half of her soul. An Angel half. Now, with the same cult looking to use her new-found power to bring on the end of humanity, Cody must learn to wield the power in a way that can stop them or risk falling into the wrong hands and becoming the ultimate weapon of destruction.

I'm looking for:
General critiques and overall reviews within the next month or so, planning to begin querying for agents in June. Story Origin (linked below) allows you to apply and then makes it easy to add comments, or fill out the google form and I will send you a google doc for comments. Thank you!

Tropes:
Fated Mates
Found Family
Secret Royalty
Newly Discovered Powers
Loss/Grief
Hurt/Comfort
Wings

Content Warning:
Suicidal Thoughts
Referenced Suicide Attempt
Drugging/Kidnapping
Blood/Gore (not graphic)
Gun Violence
Witchcraft/Demonic Symbolism
Smoking/Drinking

Links to the story in comments to avoid getting flagged for spam.

Title: The Beggar Wars.

Genre: Fantasy

Word Count: 140k

Synopsis:

The story follows Jeb, A Bervian tribesman who has fled a war that has ravaged his homeland. After a treacherous journey, he finds himself in the city of Wannihiem. The biggest city on the continent and a cruel place to live for an outsider. Unable to speak the local language and adjust to the culture, Jeb and his brother Caine quickly get themselves into hot water with the local gangs. Through grit, determination, and a newfound guile, Jeb has to navigate himself out of constant danger. But at what cost?

What I am after:

Hi there, I have finished my 3rd Draft and hope to acquire a Beta Reader. I'm looking for a general critique and a review. Any criticism is welcome, as well as any plot holes you might find. I have worked on this for around five years and it'll be the first time I have ever sent it out in its entirety. I'll post a link but if you prefer to have it sent through an email, feel free to DM me. I hope you enjoy reading.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1\_47HCATRcyMKDXYEGVrMohlSezT7R\_43inV3mVaR8Z4/edit?usp=sharing

Blurb: In the 23rd century, Martian Privateer Captain John William Anno is thrust into a role requiring him to keep a decades long cold war, between Earth and Mars, from turning hot; however, during the course of a diplomatic mission to Earth, he is nearly infected by a strange virus that has caused a planet wide quarantine. John and his intelligence officer, Inkar Tursyn, have become romantically involved by the time her mission to uncover the origin of the virus goes off the rails; a timely rescue allows her to narrowly avoid viral infection, but not without consequences.

As John follows the tangled threads of the unfolding conspiracy, he is tested when an unexpected encounter with a race of sentient machines threatens humanity as we know it. John is the diplomat sent on behalf of a divided humanity to attempt brokering peace with the sentient machines, then make first contact with an advanced alien race on their homeworld. Tenuous alliances are strained as an even greater looming threat emerges that could spell the end of all advanced biological species in the galaxy.

There are some somewhat detailed scenes discussing sex/intimacy

Feedback: Looking for any and all feedback, to be honest. Would be nice if it could be done within 30 days.

Swap: I can participate in a swap, I would be able to get to feedback within a month on a MS of similar size; ideally the same would be true for any potential swap partner. If the MS is significantly longer than mine, it may take a bit more time to get through the whole thing.

Excerpt:

It is now year 2211, God save us all! Had we known what was brewing, maybe we could have done something differently; but, I digress...if something goes wrong, or I do not survive this mess, just know that this was the story as I saw it unfold, in my own words, as I lived it.
-Captain John William Anno

My name is John Anno, and my parents were scientists who emigrated from Earth to Mars chasing a dream! They were loving parents, I had a martian childhood in a traditional family, and blah, blah, blah…none of this really matters. The events I am going to recount might be the last thing I ever tell anyone.

I was the first mate on a research vessel; we went on a salvage mission to try to recover as much as possible from a disabled ship that had gone dark about 3 weeks earlier. The ship we were after was named Incandescence; it was supposed to be working on a mission to attempt to determine if any of the moons of Jupiter would be habitable at some point. We arrived at the reported last known coordinates where we found the derelict hulk right in the location it should have been. It was almost too easy because you basically never find a ship that quickly; I recall telling the XO that I had a bad feeling about it. Our ship, the Dartagnon, was much larger than Incandescence, however, Incandescence was equipped oddly. Though it was smaller, it looked like it must have been a charter vessel; no habitation expedition would have sought out a decommissioned United Earth Space Force (UESF) Light Frigate. It had some light armament, enough to fend off any non-military ship harassing it, which was not at all a bad idea this far from any outpost. That being said, it was not an ideal research platform by any stretch.

So, we assembled a boarding party, then we launched in a shuttle to investigate the Incandescence. As we neared the abandoned wreckage, there were two obvious breaches: large gaping holes that would have easily leaked their atmosphere crippling the ship. It appeared the holes were from kinetic projectiles; only rail guns or Gauss rifles have the capability to just punch clean holes in things. The problem with that was: military tech that advanced has to be on a military vessel, and one of significant size. Why disable this ship? It did not make any sense that they would just cripple the ship and leave.

I've finished writing and editing my novel, but having a hard time nailing down a title. If you only saw the book title and knew nothing else about the book, which option would pique your interest? Make you want to read the blurb on the back? Maybe flip open to the first page?

1. Twisted Submission
2. The Hero Everyone Hates
3. Oversight
4. The Villain's Pawn
5. Defiant Obedience
6. The Criminal Superhero
7. Accelerate
8. Seven Heroic Mistakes

Hi all! I'm currently working through my third draft as we speak and would love to get some input on what I have so far. I am asking that you read roughly the first 50,000 words of my novel (or whatever word count you are willing to take your time to peruse) and comment on anything you deem necessary. Ideally, I would have you focus on overall plot structure, character development/dialogue, worldbuilding, and pace. But these are only suggested topics to examine. If you are willing to read my writing, I will be more than happy to read whatever you have to say about it.

Brief Summary: Resting on top of the walls of the post-apocalyptic fortress city of Rose is the Dial, a subcommunity of outcasts that cannot afford life within the walls of Rose City but neither can they survive outside of them. Dialers like 18-year-old Connor Murphy are forced to live on the "generosity" of the city's governing militia force, The NEST. When Connor is caught taking militia recruitment exams under 23 different names for cash, he unintentionally impresses the leadership of the NEST. He is given a choice, be revoked, put to death, or apply to the prestigious "Cardinal" military sect. An obvious choice, right? Wrong! As Connor partakes in the Cardinal exams, he finds that the militia may not be as honest and trustworthy as they are advertised to be.

Story Swap: I would love to! If you have a story of similar length. I love sci-fi, realistic fiction, fantasy, and horror. However, these are just preferences, I will read whatever you wrote with a smile on my face (unless it is horror, then I will read it hiding under a blanket).

Timeline: 4-6 weeks seems to be the norm here so that is fine by me. I am happy to accommodate if you need more time.

Link to First Three Chapters [14,500 words]: Here

Hi! I'm looking for beta readers for my completed YA novel to provide some general feedback on the overall story, including things like plot structure, pacing, character development, setting, etc. Inline feedback is also welcomed, but not required. I've already put it through several rounds of editing/proofreading, so hopefully spelling/grammar mistakes will be minimal. I've gotten about as far as I can on my own, and I'm looking forward to getting some fresh eyes on it to help me see what I've missed!

I'll provide a list of questions I'm looking for answers to, but honestly, if you have another format you'd like to use to provide feedback, that's totally fine. The questions are just meant to guide you to some specific points I'd like to address.

Blurb: It was just another miserably hot summer under the sweltering Louisiana sun in the small, sleepy town of Fisher where nothing ever changes. Until the arrival of a moving truck forces two teenage boys from different worlds to collide, forging an unlikely bond that will challenge everything they thought they knew about themselves.

Cody, a popular baseball star grappling with a complicated family history in a town that has no secrets, finds an unexpected friend in the new boy in town, Leo, a city boy whose best friends have always been books and has a troubling family secret of his own. As their friendship deepens, both boys are forced to learn how to play by their own rules as they confront their own pasts, questions about who they really are, and the expectations of a world that seems determined to keep them apart.

But the rising summer heat will force them to find out if their bond is strong enough to weather the storms ahead—and if the chance at something more is worth risking everything.

Sample Chapter: Here is a link to the first chapter.

Trigger/Content Warnings: child abuse (not graphic), homophobia, violence (not graphic)

Timeline: I don't have a specific timeline, but in the 4-6 week range would be good. If you need more time than that, I'm happy to accommodate.

Critique Swap: I would love to do a critique swap! I would prefer something in a similar vein as that's what I know best, but I'm open to just about anything. Just know that I don't read a lot of high fantasy, horror, mystery, or sci-fi, so my feedback may not be as helpful in those genres. Feel free to message me if you want to discuss if we'd be a good fit.

If you're interested, please comment below or send me a DM!

I just finished the first draft of my Hades and Persephone retelling and looking for overall feedback, critiques, edits, suggestions. There are 70 chapters with about 200,000 total words.

The genres would be along mythic fiction, fantasy, romance, dark romance, mature, adult, new adult. Trigger warnings: sexual assault but not graphic-more of suggestive SA, violence

I cannot do swaps right now. I am working on book two while receiving feedback on this one so any feedback is appreciated with no timeline.

Here is the quick synopsis: Kore has fought to follow the rules. To stay hidden in the shadows. To be a rose in a simple garden. Until the night of the sacrifice. The same night that had put her on this very path five years ago. The night of Hades. Now she finds herself in the land of the dead, becoming the very thing she never believed in, a goddess. Faced with betrayal, curses, and romances she never seen coming she's faced with the prophecy that is Persephone.

Dora's trained to be a priestess her entire life, following rules, and loving the gifts associated with it. As a believer why wouldn't she want to worship the gods and show those the way? But five years ago had changed her reality when she met Kore, and again on the night of Hades when she disappeared. She had to find Kore. She still had so many secrets to tell her, like what exactly happened five years ago. But in doing so, she's faced with the harsh realities that gods hold secrets too. The main one? Gods are cruel.

Let me know if you're interested!

Looking for feedback on my completed short story about a girl who has no sense of touch. I'm mostly concerned with structure, flow, atmosphere and any glaring issues you find. Willing to swap for works of a similar length, anything speculative like fantasy, science fiction, or horror.

​

Preview:

​

He meets my eyes for the first time as he inhales my breath. My knee is on the table, and our hands are splayed on the stained wood. His- burnished skin. Mine- translucent lace. We are so close, all I see is blue; the inkblot of a pupil bleeding outwards.

“I cannot, my lady,” he whispers, but I choose not to listen. Instead, I count his eyelashes and breaths. I imagine bare shoulders, fingers in hair, and sun-warmed earth.

I think of the rosewood study where my mother, pliant in my father’s arms, sighs as their lips lock, then pulls away at the sound of my retreating footfalls. That sensation, of touch, which I have never felt. I plead for it now.

I tilt my head and aim my mouth towards his, but he pulls away as if pursued by a flame.

The scrape of his chair sets my hair on end. Not thinking, I snatch at his hand as he strides past me but cannot tell if our fingers touched. He exits the room without glancing at me, and I know I will never see him again.

I pull my gloves down over my wrists and return to my book.

On an island resort in the near future, a prisoner encounters the island's owner. They lock into a battle of wills, she representing the old and gone America, he representing the New America of iron leadership and iron fists. Dialogue heavy.

Will trade read-for-read of similar scope. Thank you guys!

This is written as a fanfic for Evangelion Neom Genesis for the ship Kawoshin however no knowledge of the show is needed. Kaworu is tasked with investigating a mental institution for the criminally insane where he finds Shinji and begins to uncover secrets, including a past life and secrets of their fathers.

 I’ve taken a break from writing since abt late last year and it’s the first story I’ve written this much for so im open to all (respectful) critique. Any plot holes or story points I should limit or expand on/general story advice is also appreciated. I don’t need this completed any time soon but I’d like to return to writing but am hesitant since I know there’s a lot to be fixed.

 Email is required since it’s on a Doc ^^ thank you in advance and if there’s anything wrong with my post please let me know!

Greetings! I have a story in a somewhat niche genre that I'm looking for a few interested beta readers for. It has gone through several editorial drafts and grammar and punctuation should be fine, though if you find a typo please feel free to point it out. I'm looking for general thoughts on character, pacing, plot and writing style. What you liked and didn't like, that sort of thing. It is more character driven than plot driven and I've been told it starts slow. This probably isn't a good fit for someone who enjoys more action driven stories. While the story has a complete arc, it is the first book in a trilogy and the ending sets up book 2.

"Born a slave in a Christian household, Maris is within weeks of the fulfillment of a long worked for and cherished dream: to become the adopted son of Gaius Atilius Camillus.

But tragedy turns his bright future suddenly bleak, and Maris struggles to understand the new path God has for him. Set in Antioch, A.D. 78, Trust is the story of a young Christian slave's battle with doubt, anger, and bitterness. Only his recent friendship with Lucius, an unbelieving physician and fellow scholar, keeps him from total despair, reminding him that God still has all things in His control."

I'm happy to do a swap. I enjoy a variety of genres, but I do not read stories with explicit sex scenes or excessive swearing. (I'm happy to discuss what would be explicit or excessive for me :) )

Link to first scene