Dm me if you want more

_________(fill in the blank) 🤭💵👍🏻

Wish I had someone to give me booty rubs 😫

Nothing replaces the void they left. I can pretend like sex is filling it but it’s not. Time only makes it a little more bareable to wake up without them. Called the Sui@$;e hotline earlier.

Went on for an hour and a half just me talking out loud. I MET WAKKA FLOCKA today over video call and he was talking to me… I couldn’t believe it! And you were the first person I wanted to call…But the line is disconnected.

So I tried to call my brother! But streaight to voicemail.. So I texted my mom.And she said they were trying to sleep…So I invited over a stranger to sleep with me to have someone to talk to and tell. He stayed I bs taking a shower so I wouldn’t be alone so fast…Adter sex he left…And I’m in another empty quiet room and you’re not next to me snoring.

Idek if you think about me or if you messaged to remind me you exist. And I checked my phone all that day for a response but of course I didn’t get one… Guys Ladies. I never reach out. I never ask for help. Yeah I’ve survived a lot. But I don’t think I will this. I think this was the cherry 🍒 and I have no motivation to keep going. Honestly. I need help. I’m not okay. I’m broken and I don’t mean broken hearted.

I mean I don’t care. And I honestly don’t anymore. Fuck it. I don’t wanna do shit. Fuck everyone and fuck everything. Without him idc if tmw comes. I’m using 2 grams in 3 days …. I only eat once a day. I make myself do things so I don’t have to think. I’d rather be hit by a car again than to see his picture in my phone one more time.

I can’t take anymore pain. This was it. Fuck it. I was string for everyone else. Ik the world owes me nothing. But someone offered me ketamine today.. Told me they can get me Perc’s and Some G. I have a room to myself and I have money. Idc wat happens after. I used to fear death. But maybe instead of being afraid I should’ve accepted there are in deed worse things. Now I fear mornings. I fear nights. I fear connection. I fear emotion.

I looked at his picture and I got goosebumps physically! Like he was real. I almost could feel his hand on my cheek and saying the one thing I heard a million times but coming from him for the first time I heard it “You’re beautiful. I love you, K@il@ “and felt it. For the first time in my life , I knew I was wanted and I had been looking for a place I belonged. A home. People who wouldn’t leave. Love. It was him. My mind stopped with him. I was safe. Even during the worse fights I swear on my life I still wouldn’t had rather been anywhere else. Or with anyone else. I can’t listen to Drops of Jupiter anymore. I know the meaning now. I’ve been trying to figure out what he meant. Now I live it…

“tell me, did you sail across the sun? Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded And that Heaven is overrated? And tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? One without a permanent scar, and did you miss me While you were looking for yourself out there?”

IF you never loved me the way I loved you I hope you find it. I hope you find your home. Whoever it is. I hope you find your Way There. I love you. Just don’t come back here. The girl you loved I can’t find her. She’s gone. I reached out to my resources and It didn’t help. That’s how I know it’s time. Don’t see this as me giving up. I’m simply surrendering myself.

This is a battle I cannot win. I accept that. What that means I don’t know. I can’t make any promises there’s always tomorrow. Just be happy. I mean that with every part of my remaining soul. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re just like me. You’re so hurt that you’re running. To avoid The Truth. I think 48 Years Is Enough. Please. Be happy. Be You. You are perfect. Truly. Every. Flaw. ❣️🫶