An Open Letter to my mom

Dear Mom,

As I grow into my adulthood and think about starting my own family someday, I have found myself reflecting on my upbringing and how it has impacted me today. Although you and dad gave me the best childhood possible, there were pressures and strict rules that in the long run had an impact on my mental health. With you and my dad not being together, I got to experience the balance of having a strict parent, which was you, and a relaxed parent, which was dad, which I am grateful for.

Mom, you were the disciplinary and structure in my life which every child needs. However, I believe that there was a different and better way to go about things. Your strict parenting style caused me to feel the weight of anxiety and self-doubt. I felt because of this there was no open line of communication between us because of how scared I was of what you would say or if you would cuss me out. I felt I was walking on eggshells around you but I know the tough love you showed me was to push me to be the best.

In a weird way I am glad that you and dad were not together because it gave me an escape. He gave me the freedom I needed to find myself through my high school years that I wasn’t granted with you. I understand it hurt when I chose to  live with my dad instead of you but I chose to do so because I knew that our relationship would be ruined if I didn't.

The phrase you used to use, “ I'm not your friend” when having a conversation with you impacted me more than you know. I understand now that this was another way of saying talk to you with respect but this deterred me from wanting to talk at all. An open line of communication is really crucial for developing years and I was missing that. Till this day I lack communication skills, being afraid to tell people how I feel which stems from not being able to communicate with you. Lack of communication also made me feel like I had to sneak around to do things like go out with my friends because I was terrified of what you would say. I feared punishment from you. My obedience wasn’t out of respect, but based on fear. I know everything you have done for me was to protect me and keep me on the right path which I appreciate, but the way you talked to me affected me deeply.

As kids we forget that our parents are human also. Like I have trauma you do as well but I didn’t understand that when I was younger like I do now. I thought our relationship wasn’t normal but many people have these issues with their parents growing up. I've watched a lot of videos and interviews about generational trauma and as I hear more stories from how you grew up I understand why you were the way you were and why you reacted in the ways you did. You wanted me to have a better childhood than you had because you had to be independent at a young age and make tough decisions. All the things you did and said to me weren't intended to cause hurt or anxiety like it did but that's what I felt growing up. 

I thank you for the wonderful childhood you gave me. You have shaped me into the best version of myself. You showed me the type of parent I want to be to my kids. I want to break generational trauma and I want my kids to want to talk to me like I am their friend and mother all in one because communication is important. 

Sincerely, 

Your Daughter

I don't know if this Is the right reddit, but please just give my your oppinion :)

Hi

I'm real confused about some behaviour people around me have been showing lately. My mother, father and grandparents have said it so maybe it is true. ( sorry for my English it is not my first language)

So I started a new job a month ago. I'm really enthusiastic about it because my first job was not it, my colleagues weren't really nice, didn't do anything to get to know me ect.... ( and I know they didn't need to but I just like that) And in my new job people are happy about me, they do want to get to know who I am, not just if I can do the job. And I have one colleague who is just really happy and enthusiastic that i'm working there, she gave mr compliments about my work energy and being happy ect....

In my enthusiasm I told my parents about her and that she gave me compliments. They immediately reacted like she did something wrong, they asked if she was losing her job or scared to lose her job or just insecure. I got really defensive ( I get that alot when my family has an opinion like this about someone they don't know) But now my grandparents had the same reaction when I told them my colleague liked me and my work energy ect...

Am I wrong for thinking she gave me an sincere compliment ? Are they reacting in a weird way. I don't know anymore, this makes me doubt my work again and the realness from my colleagues. Maybe she is insecure, but does that mean the compliments are fake? Am I not nice to work with. Is my enthusiasm wrong? Should I not be enthusiastic about a compliment???

Update: The compliment was :

My colleague said to me she was happy that I started the job and chose the job. And she said she liked my energy and that i'm always happy and she likes to work together with me.

How should I get rid of the uncertainty? Should I just go ahead and make the choice that benefits me?

Hey y'all! I hope you're having a great day :. I was wondering if y'all had any shoes recommendations for my father! He has trouble walking on his heels, I was wondering if there were any shoes that would help with that! He does wood work all day, and walks quite a bit everyday: Thank you In advance!

I moved an hour away to live with my now fiance. Prior to this I lived in a household where my parents moved my grandma in. We meet weekly for lunch (45 mins about) and I text her episodically 1-3x a week to say hi and normally wish her a good day in AM and PM in response to her txt outreaches. She texts me good morning and good night min-Fri and I do my best to respond when I see it. Some days I work 8-8, 8-7 so I don’t always feel like I have the bandwidth to respond. I feel quite guilty about this. So I just wait until the evening or when I’m done my day, text her back to explain I was busy and remind her I love her. Recently I’m getting the silent treatment or she just seems annoyed or disappointed in me due to these dynamic changes. I used to be very accessible when we lived in the same house. What do u guys think of this? I’m 27 years old.

title. i’m (20f) going through a lot right now and it’s really hard to provide myself comfort. i would love to hear from those who’ve endured really long period of struggles in their lives, and how they overcome those. what happened that life became a little less bleak? my hopefulness seems to dwindle by the day, and i’m hoping hearing other experiences will preserve what’s left. sorry to be a downer, this is really me trying to become better for myself. <3

edit: thank u all soooo much. i haven’t been able to individually reply to everyone yet but please know i’m reading each and every one of your experiences. you are heard, and this is very healing to me, so thank you all. i really appreciate your honesty and positive words. its made me quite overcome so sorry for the lack of response, i just am sooooo grateful. :”)

More specifically, letting go of anger from a person hurting you.

Especially when you made some mistakes (that weren’t that big) but they won’t forgive you but you lost some opportunities because of it. Most of the mistakes I made were being insensitive and rubbing others the wrong way even though I didn’t mean to do it. All they see are my flaws, never EVER my good points

I know they’ll probably never forgive me because I’ve never experienced forgiveness before but I’m struggling to just move on and be happy.
Even outside this situation I want to care less about what others think…

All this is affecting me more than it should because I am also angry that they didn’t forgive me and now I’m a less generous/kind person to others. I used to do things to support other people but seeing how people judged me for these mistakes made me bitter and want to support and love other people less. Sometimes I am so bitter I am on the verge of hurting these people anonymously as revenge

EDIT: Thank you for the responses, I expected the responses to be harsh but you’re all very gentle and kind. My generation has a bad habit of being overly harsh and unforgiving (see cancel culture) online so all my problems might just be a reflection of my generation. Idk, I’m still withdrawing love and kindness from the world especially from people from my generation but I’m just going to try to focus on doing my hobbies for now to escape from it all.

I (28f) travel a lot. In my life I have had 2 occasions where I have met guys abroad who I have loved and ultimately things didn’t work out and things were left unsaid and I know I will live with these regrets forever. Leaving people when I shouldn’t have, or not fully expressing the depth of my feelings I believe has prevented me from succeeding in these relationships.

Now, I have met another guy abroad. But this guy I actually know from home from my small village. He’s a friend of my sibling so he has known me but never really got to know me since I was younger. Whenever I met him in the past in my village I always liked him but neither of us acted on it because of worries about my siblings feelings about it. Our paths crossed this time in a small town on this completely different continent almost like the universe brought us together as the odds of it are wild. He’s so similar to me. We have the same interests, ambitions, outlook on life and I like him a lot. We’ve spent the last 4 days hiking together, having an amazing time and hooking up. Tomorrow is my last day here before I fly home and I just want to make sure I don’t mess up again like I’ve done in the past. I don’t want to leave things unsaid but equally I’ve only spent time with him for 4 days.

He lives in Canada now, I’m living in the UK. But I don’t like it in the UK and I’ve wanted to leave for years. How do I tell him that I like him a lot and if at any point (whether it be now or in 5 years time) he wants to pursue this with me that I’m down. I don’t want to just say bye and never see him again knowing that we could have had something even if it’s just a slim chance.

What in asking is how should I word this to him without it sounding crazy? Or should I just say bye to him and leave things unsaid?

Regret or not? I’m purging everything in my life that isn’t:

A: used frequently

B: useful enough that I don’t want to have to buy one when I need it (some tools)

C: extremely sentimental and I mean extremely.

If I can sell it, I’m selling it - eBay, Marketplace, Craigslist.

If it has no use it’s going to be donated or trashed. I’m sick of all this crap just sitting here collecting dust.

I'm actually posting for my dad. He worked for a company for over 30 years, and now is looking for a job. His previous company was in the church world, but he doesn't want to do ministry in the next job. What advice to you guys have for him? He is super discouraged and upset. Best way to describe his skills is a great public speaker/ people manager. But as I said it's hard to translate ministry work into corporate skills. Thank you guys!

I work a 9-5, 40hr/wk office job. For personal reasons, 40 hrs feels like it’s too much and I want to ask for permanent reduced hours to 30/wk.

My company could accommodate this, but I also work in an industry that is changing a lot in the last 5 years. Im a “top performer” but don’t want to be let go if my company needs to make major shifts.

I’d also like to know thoughts on if I could apply to “full time” roles but ask if I could work 30 hrs instead of 40 during interviews. Do you think companies are open to this if the person is the right fit? Or do ppl usually need to start at full time then ask for adjustments later, especially if it’s a competitive role?

I know answers to this question may be “it depends” but I’m looking for general perspective

I'm 17. Trying to hear out advice which I should keep in mind of that has anything to do with wearing the first suit and the decent etiquette in regards to it.

I'm in my early 30's and have worked on my feet all my life. Over the past decade I started working in food service which require I wear proper "work" shoes. Skechers have always been comfortable for me, but they've discontinued the style I've always worn. On top of that, over the last 3-4 years I've been dealing with mild/moderate foot pain that is getting increasingly worse. There's a specific joint below my ankle that supposedly is getting jammed due to my lack of an arch in my feet. I'm doing exercises, recently found a new work shoe style with "max support" that seems to be helping... but other than taking pain meds & icing my ankles after work, I don't know what else to do.

I enjoy being active. I've never been overweight. It just seems so soon for me to be dealing with foot pain that is threatening my ability to walk. At worst, there are times when I have to limp a bit. When I was younger, I used to walk MILES in my converse shoes (which in hindsight maybe wasn't smart). I just don't understand how it seems to have gotten so bad suddenly. It's genuinely starting to scare me.

Edit: I am honestly overwhelmed with the responses and am thankful of those who gave advice and shared their stories. I honestly thought I was alone in this one. It is hard to live with an immediate family member with hearing loss, especially one that refuses to find a solution for it. I resonate with all of you that have struggled at one point or are still struggling with this.

Original Post Below:

Sorry if this is not the right subreddit to post this. It is just that I feel like older people are the only ones that can understand my situation here.

My father is 80 years old and his hearing has been getting progressively worse over the past couple of years. It's always been damaged because of a car accident he got into in the early 1960's when he was in the army, but this did not totally damage his hearing. My family (mom + brother) and I was able to put up with it. At most, we would just have to repeat things to him one time. This hearing problem did effect his social life though and he was largely isolated outside of his coworkers and the parents of the friends that I made. He has been retired for the past 20 years and has not made any friends during this time. This has made him more selfish and stubborn (important detail). At least he was never abusive though.

Fast forward to now, he is 80 years old and his hearing has gotten substantially worse. When he goes out to order food for example the order is never what he wants because the cashier asks him questions and he doesn't hear them. And we are now repeating things to him 2-3 times instead of once (often times yelling so he can hear). It's gotten to a point where he could potentially cause a car crash or hurt somebody else due to his hearing loss.

For the past couple of years, my family has tried vigorously to get him to see a hearing doctor or take a hearing test. He is so stubborn though that he absolutely refuses. He thinks his hearing is fine despite everything I have described above. He has always made excuses his entire life, but this part of him has become much worse after retiring and isolating himself. We have tried switching him to a new general doctor and told the new doctor about it, but she won't do anything about it. We have also tried scheduling an appointment with an actual hearing doctor ourselves, but he backed out and absolutely refused to go to that appointment. The whole ordeal is causing my family and I great distress. But he does not want to listen to us no matter what. I worry greatly for my mother's mental state. My brother already moved out and I am about to move out. I have always been there for my mother, living in the house throughout my 20s to keep her company and to keep her sane.

I am posting this now because we have exhausted every option we can think of. Has anybody gone through similar? Is there anyway we can try to convince an extremely stubborn man to just get a hearing test?

TLDR; super stubborn father refuses to get a hearing test throughout the years despite hearing damage that can harm himself/others and despite my family trying everything we can think of. Seeking advice and/or others that have been through similar.

I've made a serious of bad decisions that have left me 75K in debt at 33 years old. Did anyone in here make mistakes that led to massive debt and still figured it out?

I told my friend that I have feelings for him recently. He does not feel the same way but we agreed to stay friends, and things are more or less back to normal. However now being around him is starting to hurt a lot honestly for me (feelings of rejection come back). He is a really good friend of mine though, so it's hard to just leave and move on because I would miss being friends with him. I think I need some advice on how to deal with this type of situation in general.

Would love to hear experiences. I have lived across a number of places and consequently, my friends are distributed over the globe. I don’t make new friends easily, mostly because I am picky. Does it mean I am going to be lonely in retirement? I don’t see myself constantly globe hopping just to see people either.

My parents are obese and generally not moving a lot. They are 60 years old but you would think they are 75+

Is their a way I can motivate them or tell them I’m really worried and would love to have as much healthy years with them as I can?

Type 2 Diabetes.

Should sugar be totally avoided in a diabetic diet?

As in, should one avoid all candies, sweet desserts, chocolate, soft drinks in a diabetic diet?

Thank you.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your comments.

My current job is very stressful physically and mentally. I work for a utility company as a contractor, and my office role(entry level business analyst) was suddenly cut a year ago. They gave me the choice of a field role or being laid off. I choose the field role, thinking I'd have a shot.

My field role has slowly been aggravating an old tendon and ankle foot injury. There's a lot of heavy hiking.

We also deal with hostile homeowners who hate the utility for price hikes and wildfires. I have been screamed at, kicked off properties, and threatened several times, and have narrowly avoided dog attacks, and some of my coworkers have had guns pulled on them. I always have to have my guard up with this job. I never know how a homeowner might react. We are also pressured by the utility to inspect X amount per day. The only perk is are my great coworkers and being outdoors. My other coworkers are also stressed.

I feel like I have tried everything to make this job work-doctors, massage therapists, PTs. . I am seeing a physical therapist and it will only do so much while I am working a highly physical job. I am also very mentally stressed from always having my guard up and being closely micromanaged and watched. I have to make a report every week for any time gaps. I always feel under pressure over my foot being aggravated and always looking over my shoulder for potential hostile homeowners and dogs often in remote areas.

Should I just quit at this point and cut my losses? I know if I quit and work in an office again my foot will recover and I won't be so stressed. But I see how horrible the job market is right now and I keep hearing how you are never supposed to quit without another job lined up ever.

My family will let me move back home, but I feel like I have no skillsets. I would also be isolated from the friends I have made. I come home from work too exhausted to learn anything and to barely apply for jobs. I hate how this sudden job transfer derailed my career at 30 in a bad job market.

I think this month is my breaking point. I couldn't spend Easter with my family without worrying about the foot pains, and I'm too stressed to go out on dates or go out with friends anymore.

I did FMLA a few months back for a few days for treatment and my bosses reacted very badly when I didn't disclose my exact condition citing HIPAA. I'm pretty sure I'd be fired or pressured to quit if I disclosed it, because I've seen it happen to others for less.

I have tried to transfer back to an office role at the utility, but they don't like field workers going into office roles and I have been blocked or ignored from transfers whenever I have tried.

I am applying to government jobs, and also a staffing agency that places people with utility experience in office roles. I found out this is where the utility gets most of its office workers.

Am I being stupid for wanting to quit without a job lined up? I have enough money saved up to last over a year, and a family I can move back to. But I don't know how long I'd be unemployed in this market. Sometimes I feel like I am being overdramatic for how many times I've told my family how I'm stressed out, and I feel like I can't really talk to most people-because then they'll say "well your working for that utility, you're terrible people anyways.

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My eyes tend to feel painful whenever I wake up in the morning. It tends to feel uncomfortable and makes me annoyed to get out of bed.

If our eyes feel painful or sore after waking up in the morning, is it an indication that we did not have sufficient sleep?

Does parenting get any easier?

I'm a parent to a 7 month old baby boy, I'm due to go back to work should and I'm really struggling.

I have no idea why this is so harder, it seems to be getting harder and harder. I'm not joying being a mother anymore. Does it get easier? Does anybody have any tips?

Would it be possible to just keep working even till my 80s and 90s? The only thing which would limit me is my health at that point. But if I take care of my health now, I shouldn’t have to be too worried about that right? My reason is I do have a lot of life goals I’d like to accomplish. Keen to hear your wisdom and experience into whether or not this is impractical.

So husband and I started trying to have a baby in our mid 30s and found many health complications. I will be 38 in 4 months and am scheduled to have another surgery soon and am hoping that will be it. That that will help me have a baby.

Somedays I can’t sleep thinking we are too old because our friends have kids that are teenagers already.

Back story - we are super financially comfortable and have been a couple for very long. So we are stable and prepared in every way to be parents. We also prioritize health, workout regularly and have individual hobbies.

Looking for any stories of encouragement from people in their early to mid 50s who have teenagers.

And how to come down to the middle of both?

The feeling of true fulfilment..

Hey everyone, I’m 21 years old and non-binary. After working at an adult day program for older adults with dementia and other cognitive functioning impairments for almost a year in 2022-23, I’ve realized a big passion for working with older adults. But I’m also a little scared of my future in the field, as I plan on legally changing my name and possibly starting hormones. I don’t care if I’m misgendered on accident time and time again by those I would care for (it’s not clients job to validate me I feel) but I’m afraid of the judgement by those who understand that I’m something “different”, especially with older co workers as well.

Is this silly?