When did you start noticing aches and pains, specifically joints? And what did you do about it? I'm pretty active in the gym, a healthy weight, but all of a sudden I'm having some joint pain. It's been about a year and I'm trying to rule out if this is just aging 😂

And also how to do you deal with age related joint pain? Halp.

(Mid/late thirties, female)

Hi, I'm glad I found this sub because I could really use some advice from more experienced people and I hardly have any older people in my life that I could ask for that.

I'll try to be concise. So there are things I'm struggling with in my relationship of close to 10 years. We're not married and don't have kids.

1. Sometimes my partner initiates sex during the night while I'm sleeping. I'm using the word sex broadly, usually he'll touch my butt, finger me or hump me, for me these are all sexual things I need mutual consent for. There are times it's pleasant but there are times when I wake up during the thing and I feel like I'm in danger, and I feel deeply hurt that he initiated it without making sure I'm even awake. I tell him to stop but that's only after I'm fully awake and focused enough to be able to make any decision or say anything.

We talked about it multiple times and from what he says, he doesn't quite know how it happens, isn't able to think clearly during the night, possibly isn't fully awake when he starts doing it (he's not sure). I tried to set a boundary around it a few times and told him not to do it. He would apologize. However after some time it would happen again. This isn't frequent, it happened maybe several times in total. But when it happens, I can't help but feel disrespected and hurt even though I know he's not hurting me on purpose. I think it slowly chips away at my willingness to have sex with him at other times. We always had a mismatch in libido but now mine is practically nonexistent. How can we talk this through? And more importantly what could we do so that I can feel like I can trust him fully?

2. I keep having doubts if I'm doing the right thing for myself by continuing to be with him. Besides the above issue which I don't know anymore how to solve, we had some communication issues which he was willing to work on together once I brought them up. So it's not like we have some major problems, but lately I have these thoughts more and more often, like what if it could be easier or if I was happier with someone else. Or what if I felt better on my own. I guess I'm just tired and confused, which is probably normal given that I entered this relationship in my early 20s and don't have any other relationship experience to compare it to. What do you do to get out of these doubts and hesitation? I sometimes have moments when I feel firm in my decision to continue and that he's a good partner so what else could I possible want. But then the doubts come back.

Related to this is the fact I got infatuated (is probably the right word) with a friend of my partner last year, and while nothing happened and slowly I stopped thinking about that guy or having feelings, I feel kind of bad about it. I told my partner that I had those feelings, and I honestly don't think it changed anything, I mean I expected him to be mad or lose respect for me, but nothing like that happened, we had a normal converstaion about it, but I still kind of feel like a piece of shit. Idk, he (my partner) never had that kind of strong attraction for other people while we were together, at least not to my knowledge, and I feel like it makes me a worse partner somehow. Do any of you have experience with falling in love / infatuated with other people but staying with your partner? How did you move on from that?

I have a bit of peter pan syndrome and tend to push things off. Hitting life milestones like getting a good paying career until later and enjoying my newfound freedom with money. I spent most of my 20s being miserable and trying to find myself.

However I am 33 now and was really enjoying my life until my gf told me she is pregnant. My world flipped upside down. As of right now I went to a mixture of emotions scared, worried, and all that. I look back on my old life which was boring but peaceful. Mostly go to work, play video games, and go to the gym. It was a hard pill to swallow when you feel stagnant in life and to see all my friend groups move on with their lives. Some moving to different states, others starting families etc... Back then I didn't really have to stress about anything. Also seeing my parents getting older really bothers me. I can't imagine being without them and alot of the things I do is for them.

Just seems the older I get the more aware I am and more sad I become. My mom is right when you single you get sad and lonely, but when you have someone you have problems. I don't really know what I want out of life. Just going with the flow I guess.

Me and my boyfriend are 3 years in the relationship. I love him so much and he loves me but I constantly speak to myself that I don't deserve that much of a love from him. He is supportive, kind, he treats me really well but I feel like I don't deserve it at all, what is wrong with me. Our relationship is so good, and everything is so good but I am searching for a reason to destroy it.

Has anyone already gotten over their partner’s past?

As the title says, I’m just looking for advice because, although the feeling isn’t like before I used to think about it all day, now it only happens occasionally. I’ve seen posts from people seeking advice on how to get over their partner’s sexual past or simply things their partner told them that they can’t get out of their heads.

So I’d love if, in this post, people who have truly managed to overcome these feelings could comment and share what helped them and how it hasn’t affected them since.

I need help figuring this out, so if anyone has insight, please share it. Here’s the situation: I’ve been dating a divorced man (52) long-distance since 2022. I’m 47F and I have a son (6). He has three children: Two are in their 20s, college grads, and the youngest is 13F. I have met both of the older children and they’re great.

Next week, he has planned to introduce me to his 13 year old daughter.

In anticipation of this meeting, he had a self-described “big day” last weekend wherein he “broke the news” to her that I have a 6 year old son. He told me that he had been very stressed about that conversation because he didn’t know how she would react. As it turns out, she had no reaction. Yet he has told me several times this week that her older siblings have been calling “to check on her” to “make sure she is okay with this news.”

His relationship with my son is friendly and warm, and he makes a solid effort at all times. I have a lot of respect for this man, but I am deeply struggling to respect whatever is going on here between him and his children.

I can’t get over the message that my son is being presented as a problem - or as an advance warning prior to us all meeting. He says that he is worried that she will have feelings about not being the youngest any longer and that she may resent not having all the attention.

Tonight I was taking with him on the phone and his son (25) called to check on his little sister and to “see how she was feeling with the news.” I became internally angry. My kid is generally wonderful - he has an agreeable personality and super positive energy. There’s nothing about him that requires a pre-warning. He’s as easy a kid as they come. At this point, I am finding this family so weird that I don’t really want to involve my kid at all in whatever is going on. And, candidly, it feels like this constant anticipation of/catering to the 13 year old daughter’s sensitivities will get old really quickly.

I get that learning of my son’s existence is a curveball for her. I just deeply resent the way my boyfriend has presented this information and the way he talks about it.

Does anyone have insight here? If so, please share it.

I'm 24 and I left a cult religion. Because of shunning in the religion I lost all my family and friends. I've been trying to keep it together but I'm so depressed. I have a boyfriend who I love and I'm pregnant. But I'm worried he still has feelings for his ex. But I also have hella trauma complex PTSD , and I feel anxious alot. I keep self sabotaging my relationship. I freaked out on him and he said if you weren't pregnant this would be a breaking point. He backed down and comforted me. But I don't know what to do or how to feel. How to exist I want to die

I am a happy girl with a lot of energy. I love exploring and doing random things with close people (sometimes it can be quite weird or silly). However, these days I have realized that people around me think that these characteristics lower my impact on others, especially when working in a team. This leads me to the question: "Is it true that if we want to appear mature or create a larger impact, we need to be calm and stable all the time? And what should I do if I don't really want to change my whole characteristics?"

My boyfriend 24 male and I 24 female had an argument. Admittedly I started it and over reacted. But a fear I have is he's not over his ex. I asked him if he ever wondered if it could work he said he did before. He said that he loved me more than anyone ever , but at one point her loved her a lot. He said I care about her very much but I also care about " insert random friend who did him dirty" a lot despite what they've done. Later I asked do you miss her ? He said no , I said really? He said I miss things about her sometimes. I said like what he thought about it for a minute said it's hard to think of something then says " she used to make a funny frustrated face". I freaked out. He said " Its like she's a friend I should have never dated who died that's how I think of it " and I'm like why because you can't accept shes out there and you can't see her? He said " no because it's easier than her rejecting me and choosing to cutt me off".

Do I have reason to worry?

My boyfriend 24 male and I 24 female had an argument. Admittedly I started it and over reacted. But a fear I have is he's not over his ex. I asked him if he ever wondered if it could work he said he did before. He said that he loved me more than anyone ever , but at one point her loved her a lot. He said I care about her very much but I also care about " insert random friend who did him dirty" a lot despite what they've done. Later I asked do you miss her ? He said no , I said really? He said I miss things about her sometimes. I said like what he thought about it for a minute said it's hard to think of something then says " she used to make a funny frustrated face". I freaked out. He said " Its like she's a friend I should have never dated who died that's how I think of it " and I'm like why because you can't accept shes out there and you can't see her? He said " no because it's easier than her rejecting me and choosing to cutt me off".

Do I have reason to worry?

It's something I'm going to potentially have to put off indefinitely. We live in an area where homes are too expensive and want our kids to go to good schools...so we're thinking of just renting for a long time. Is this a mistake? Would it be better to move somewhere rural where we could buy a home? And if you've been in similar circumstances, how did it go?

Buying a house feels like one of those life milestones I'm supposed to hit, but even with two middle class incomes, it feels unreachable.

I've got a friend who, despite years of therapy, cannot read social cues and has gotten cut off by all his peer groups for various issues (threatening suicide, sexual harassment, hearing voices). Now his body is falling apart and anxiety has taken over his life to such a degree that he cannot reliably get out to buy food. I'm trying to distance myself, (His excuses for the SA incident sucked), but I feel bad that he has almost no friends left and probably will starve to death in his apartment.

Do people like this ever get better? He's had every social worker and therapy since he was 12 and currently is seeing 1-3 doctors a week but nothing ever gets better.

I recently got back from a girls’ reunion weekend with 5 other women I went to college with. We do this every couple years and it’s one of the great blessings of my life.

One of us has always been sort of brash and obnoxious and focus- stealing. Not on purpose. She is very good-hearted and would give you the shirt off her back. But she has had some trauma that I think just undid her in her 20s and she never got re-did, for want of a better phrase.

She is exhausting to be with. Every time we get together, the rest of us have to meet separately to come up with various plans to deal with her. But we are getting along in years now and notice that she no longer mentions friends other than us. She seems lonely. She has no family, related to her trauma. We are worried bc she is just going to get worse.

Just as an example. A number of years ago, one of us was caring for her dying mother and we flew to her city to treat her to a weekend off. We took her to a spa, we planned fabulous dinners, we made time to just sit and talk or be silent. Except X could never let it be. Some playoff thing was going on that weekend so wherever we went, and especially when we came back to the airb&b, she would put on the tv blaringly loud. If we were in a bar, she would sit where she could see it and comment on it. We didn’t care about it. But it invaded every aspect of the weekend.

This time, she was really upset about something and spent about two hours loudly trauma-dumping on us. We were asking questions and were letting her vent, but she was so … angry. She seemed to tower over us. At one point, one of us closed her eyes for a moment bc it was just so much. And X leaned forward, banged on the coffee table, clapped her hands, and shouted “you’re falling asleep.” It was startling.

So, I feel like I need to gently say something. I can predict that if I say she needs therapy she will scoff. But she needs something. She is so lonely. She wants us to all get together more often. We want to too, but - you know?

Have you ever had to talk to someone about how their personality has run amok, and is it possible to have it work out?

Just had this happen to me (metaphorically). Someone excluded me from plans when they hosted a mutual friend to visit. The mutual friend reached out to my privately which I appreciated and offered time to hang out alone (appreciated that, but was CLEAR that the other person did not want me around). The other person + I are different not that I care but she has always singled me out for working more/established career, boyfriend who is great to me, i have loans to pay from school that I just finished so I moved back home and its honestly fine bc my family is busy but supportive. I think her job is great and she just had a later start to career but who cares!/ we are in our 20’s so theres plenty of time to date/meet people, loans happen and you pay them and it has nothing to do with friendship lol. Its honestly projection and I shouldnt keep someone around as a friend if they cant let me go to a dinner or let me be part of plans bc I have a different lifestyle than her? It stings to know youre not wanted and I will prob never know the exact reason why. Had a friend tell me maybe play dumb and ask what their plans are but no, I think I just have to let her do her and act unbothered? Why wait around or be given a seat that doesnt fit at the table? Does it matter down the line who you kept around if you didnt align for a bit in your 20s?

Does that change when you're not feeling well?

I like being alone part of the day. As evening sets in I like being around the family.

I like the comfort of family when I'm sick but not with a headache.

The older I get the more parties/ restaurants/trips to the senior center overwhelm me.

Is this weird?

I know I might get a lot of shit for it but let me explain.

I was friend with this person for more then 10 years and it was a good friendship until she got married. Now I wanted the best for her and her happiness meant a lot to me but supporting her eventually became draining and talking to her was like talking to a brick wall.

She got with this guy who had the mindset of a child (they got together at 25, married at 28 now 35). He didn't want to work, could barely hold down a job and he straight up told her he wanted to turn his home into a trap house since it would bring more money in. At one point he thought she was joking when she said she wanted to become a full time student and work part time when she did it, when she had a miscarriage he didn't support nor comfort her he instead went out with friends. When they did finally have a child he wasn't any better. What i will say is that whenever he wanted to go out and do things with his son my friend didn't trust him to take good care of him. I would always hear her out but on that I called her out, I said I get it's not my business but if you can't trust him with your son then why have a child together if you think he won't be safe even going down the street? She didn't answer. I didn't mean to attack her but I wanted her to just realize what she was getting into.

What started to drive me up the walls was anytime he would go out she would call me to go look for him. I thought something was going on but he would just be out having dinner with the guys. She made up this excuse that she didn't trust his friends but subconsciously she just didn't trust him. This went on for a span of 6 years and I started to notice only time she would really call me is when she needed a favor like this or other things. She would go out and enjoy herself with other friends but anytime I would ask her let's go out or have dinner or even go out of town for the day she would make an excuse that her husband would get upset, yet this dude would go out to Vegas with the guys. (Which that was a whole other mess).

At first I would go with her because she sounded so worried and I truly thought it was an emergency which was entirely my fault but eventually I told her I think at some point if you need to stop looking for him and if he's not answering your phone calls no matter how many times you call it's time to let go. She would sit and cry because I wasn't the only one telling her she needed to do better for herself but also for her son. She came from a good home and family and her parents despised this guy, especially her siblings and other friends. After a few months I just got sick of going even after I told her I'm not going unless it's an emergency, looking for him because he isn't answering your call or if he's out with his friends doesn't count as one.

One night she called me like at two in the morning and said well I know you said only for emergencies but this is one. She started to explain that she needed another person to pick up and drive his car since he got arrested for a DUI and to top it off with a loaded gun in the front seat (he was already on probation for something else). The officer he ran into knew them from high school and called my friend to pick up the car instead of getting it towed and having to spend money on getting it out. I told her no because for one I was getting over a fever and another im not trying to get involved. I asked her why not ask your other friends or brother? She started to make excuses, "well mo won't pick up her phone and I don't want to call my brother because I don't want to hear it". She already knew that she had to leave this guy since he was alway in trouble with the law but just didn't want to and this was the start to a bad year. Later on that year he committed a pretty bad crime with four other guys and is now going to trial next week. She kept begging him to say the trust but he refused to since he didn't want to be a "snitch".

I went with her one time to a court hearing and I only went because she said she just didn't want to go alone this time so I agreed this one time. After that the calls began again, "can you come with me to go visit him? I need someone to just watch my son while I go in there". Another thing, "do you think I can borrow money to put it on his books and I will pay you back". Mind you she got offered a job just doing janitor work at night but she refused to do it because she wanted to get paid more....also because she said she didn't want to be too tired to go to his court hearings. she wasn't even employed or even looking for a job, a friend of hers pulled some strings to get her in.

My last straw was when I seen her husband on the news and in which they went into detail about what happens the night they did the crime and the details were horrible I not only lost respect for her for still even wanting to stay married with this guy but I felt sick that she had lied to me and didn't tell me the honest truth. After a while I just stopped answering her calls because I was starting to get annoyed, anxious, and always knew it was something she wanted me to do for her. She eventually stopped calling, I removed her from my social networks and just blocked her and I honestly feel at peace.

I did learn to have more boundaries after this friend and if I feel like I'm being a friend more for their benefit I cut ties. I don't like feeling like I'm being used.

Have you ever ghosted a friend or did you explain as to why you no longer wanted to continue to be their friend?

Am I wrong for not explaining why I didn't want to continue this friendship?

Or what would you have done?

Thanks in advance!

I'm 24 and around 6'0 right now, how much shorter did you get as you got older

For context, we live in a small two bedroom apartment on the second story out of a three-story building with thin walls. And she (22) wants to get a bird from her old roommate in another state that she claims she lived with, but she said the bird was less than a year old. She has lived with us over a year and a half already so she has already lied about age and knowledge on the bird. Her room is also small too. This bird is a parakeet and they can live from 4-15 years and I don’t want her to adopt it and put it through all that animal trauma of moving and being in a new environment all for her to just not be at home with the bird that (at the old place) basically had someone there all the time. She works 4 days a week 10-12 hours a day and then leaves to go hang out with friends every other second of the day until 9-10 pm at night if not completely sleeping over at someone else’s house during the weekend. She didn’t ask the other two people who live here about it nor did she make it feel like an option. I don’t think that this is a good decision to put an animal through a state move and a load of separation anxiety just for the novelty of having your own pet… I have 2 cats a lizard and a snake. We don’t have any constantly noisy animals. They have been with me for the last 2.5 years-4 years. Both parties moved in and I already had them. So mine were not up for discussion because everyone moved in with me rent free for months before we got to this new place. I don’t know how to talk to her about this and she is kind of stonewalling…

I quit nursing school

I started the nursing program but two months in I have decided to start a leave of absence. I just don’t feel like working in a hospital is for me and the clinicals were stressing me out. I just feel like a loser because I was excited to start this new chapter only to realize I just hate the clinical aspect of it. I think the social aspect of it and my low self esteem causes anxiety.

Does anyone have any recommendations for a new career path? I am thinking aid certificate programs which aren’t as long as the nursing program. I am a bit more introverted and ideally would like to work in an environment that is not too overwhelming.

Also have been going through a lot of anxiety and depression so my headspace is not ideal for classes.

I started the nursing program but two months in I have decided to start a leave of absence. I just don’t feel like working in a hospital is for me and the clinicals were stressing me out. I just feel like a loser because I was excited to start this new chapter only to realize I just hate the clinical aspect of it.

Does anyone have any recommendations for a new career path? I am thinking aid certificate programs which aren’t as long as the nursing program.

Also have been going through a lot of anxiety and depression so my headspace is not ideal.

I don't mean saved in the religious sense. I'm talking about the people who may have unresolved issues from childhood, a drug/alcohol problem, an illness/injury, or a mix of these things?

My 83-year-old mother lives with me and I'm here doing my morning ritual of playing "where did she decide to put the dishes away today," I'd love to hear how it's going for other people in my situation because it's pretty fucking challenging.

I think if you are able to help your grown kids (20s, not 30s or 40s), then go for it. If they are trying their best during these challenging times, giving them a boost with finances or allowing them to move back in with you is encouraging. I don't think it makes them "lazy" or "unmotivated," but that's the judgement. What say you, parents of grown-ish kids?

She’s an older lady & gives me encouragement that someone would be attracted to me that I’ve never had.

I come for a toxic, low vibe family that a lot of people experience where someone even acknowledging that I might have any value is unheard of.

It’s actually quite nice to hear when she’ll say a man would want me as the view I have of myself is that it’s impossible for that to be true due to such an emotionally and mentally abusive family.

However, she’s too late because she doesn’t understand that because this is sowing oats society, if you don’t find anyone after 30(only if you’re a woman nowadays), your time is up.

I never tell her id like to find someone as she’s a hopeless romantic even at her age so I say nothing or smile knowing times have changed, if you’re single no one is special enough to stick around for, and everyone is overflowing with options people are now expendable and disposable.

Should I let her know the truth now that I only work and finding someone in this digital age is a lost cause but I appreciate her kindness especially since it’s gonna be a longer road being a reject? lol

What are the factors affecting the success of reality TV shows? I had only seen questionare show like who want to be a millioaire, family feud, I seen how much impact game shows had over people and communities and generally curious of the reasons.

Hi everyone, I'm new here and don't usually open up about my struggles, but I feel like I need to let this out somewhere so pls don't judge me. I’m 19, taking a gap year..not because I chose to, but because I have to. I need this time to work on my scores and prepare for entrance exams, as I can’t afford private college. It might confuse you but that is how it works in my country to get into public universities. Anyways, it feels like I’m putting everything on the line for one last chance at a future, and it’s honestly overwhelming.

It feels like my parents have given up on me, which only adds to the pressure I’m already carrying. They look at me with disappointment, like I’m falling short of everything they expected. I feel like I’m failing everyone around me, especially myself. Since I moved to a new city last year, I’ve lost touch with all my friends. The loneliness has been unbearable..I have no one to talk to, no one to share my day with. My days feel empty, like I’m just passing time: I wake up, try to study, fill the hours with random tasks, scroll on social media, then fall asleep. And every time I see my friends moving forward in private colleges, living their lives, it hurts. They’re creating memories, making progress, and I’m here, feeling like I’m getting left behind in life.

Honestly, I feel like a complete failure. I’m 19, and I thought I’d be so much further along by now. Instead, I feel late in life, like I’m trying to catch up to everyone else. I went through four years of deep depression because of some traumatic experiences, and it took everything I had to pull myself out of that darkness. I was so grateful to feel okay again, to feel like I had a chance. But now, it’s like I’m sinking back into it....only this time, it’s anxiety that’s suffocating me, and I can’t afford therapy to help me deal with it. My father barely speaks to me anymore, and I feel so disconnected, even from my family. I feel worthless, like a shadow of the person I wanted to be.

The loneliness has become overwhelming. My mind feels like my worst enemy, filled with thoughts that tear me down, telling me I’m too late and too far behind to ever make something of myself. I’m afraid of my own thoughts, trapped in this cycle of self-doubt and hopelessness, like I’ll never be enough or that I’ll never catch up. It’s exhausting, and the fear of this being my “forever” is terrifying.

If anyone here has been through this, or if you’ve found a way out of feeling like this, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Even knowing someone else understands would mean so much. Writing this out feels like a small release, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m losing hope, slowly but surely.

My dad went from being a healthy 76 year old to end stage liver cancer all in two months. I'm gutted. I am waiting to board my flight home in hopes to tell him I love him one more time.

How do I (39f) cope with this? How do I become the glue for my family, which is always my role? How do I help my mother (75) through this? And my older brothers (49 and 50)?

My dad was not perfect. He had horrible PTSD from his time in the Army. The cancer was brought on by Agent Orange. He had a temper. He rarely hugged us or verbally said he loved us. He was a product of his environment.

That being said, he loved in his own way. He was funny, smart, knowledgeable.... he was my rock during so many pivotal moments: graduating at the start of the market crash (resulting in an immediate job loss), my difficult divorce, cervical cancer, losing my job due to Covid.. He was my biggest cheerleader by attending my golf matches, taking me to dance class, asking me to send him my business card whenever I got a new one, helping me get my graduation gown and cords sorted for my MBA graduation. He was my hero.

I feel shattered and lost. All the missed moments because I moved across the country 13 years ago.

EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words, advice, and perspectives. I've read every comment and will respond between my waves of emotions. ❤️

I’m in my early 20s and I’m currently in probably the worst situation I’ve ever had the deal with in life. My mum has early onset dementia and I’ve agreed to take care of her whilst my dad works until I go back to school (even though I’m not even sure I want to do that). I’m jobless and broke but don’t have bills since I live at home which is nice. However dealing with the stress and grief of taking care of a parent is eating me alive. I know it won’t last forever since I have plans to save and move out when I do finally successfully land a job but I don’t know how I can live like this for another year. It’s getting harder and harder to go on everyday. I know things will get better eventually if I hold on and keep on making the right moves to set myself up for a year on but how exactly do I do that without becoming a shell of myself?.

Hello, I am 37 M, mid-Atlantic region of the US.

I went to graduate school in a different state than I grew up in. I did not know anyone that lived within 500 miles of me.

I have always been a bit shy, a bit autistic, never quite fit in. I remember early on in grad school trying to get dates and meet people. I was just not having any luck. It was tough on me at first.

During my first semester I went on a brief overnight trip with a class I was in. During that trip I realized that a classmate I had a huge crush on despised me. I won't lie- that experience hurt.

I started going to therapy once every two weeks after that event, and eventually ever single week. Mostly we talked about my frustration over my lack of a relationship. Going to therapy certainly helped. But it never helped me get into a relationship.

Talking to new people is obviously a huge challenge for me. At my old school if you knew someone's first and last name, then you knew their email address since it was a simple formula. I started to email girls I knew and asking them out on a date with me. It only worked once and got dozens of rejections and even more non-replies. But I thought it was the right thing to do.

My therapist and I actually went back and forth on the idea. Her point was my odds were lower by asking them out in email. My argument was that if I am not asking them out in email then I am not asking them out at all. She eventually conceded my point.

I have always been more comfortable chatting with people in text than in person (at least when it comes to new people). Has anyone had much success getting dates through email or through messaging like that?

If so, I would love to hear what you did.

Thank you all so much.