Long rant here, I don’t expect anyone to read it. just needed to vent somewhere.

I learned recently that my AD is traveling alone to his home country for the entirety of winter break. Which is more than a month long. For the past 2 years he’s been traveling every break. He never allowed me to go with him, fine, whatever. But he doesn’t allow me to leave the house or drive the car anywhere. I’m stuck home, alone, only with the thoughts of how I’m wasting my teenage years and it’s not by my own choice.

My AD always invited my brothers to his trips. I remember last summer they went to visit some family friends out of state. That was the only trip he has offered me to join along with. But I just can’t handle seeing those family friends from all the insults, lies, and gossip they spread about me. They constantly fat shame me for not being underweight, call me anti social, say insults about how culturally disconnected I am (such as only being able to understand but not speak back in their native language), and get insanely upset when I don’t let them force feed me ??? They belittle me as if I’m a child and my APs only ever fed into that delusion. While my AM was still living, she only ever bad mouthed about me to all the family friends, making them comfortable enough to insult me to my face. Their favorite insult was calling me a lazy piece of shit. I never did sports, had a job, or really did anything with my life BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS. I always begged and BEGGED them to let me do ANYTHING with my life. They wouldn’t let me do things as simple as going for a walk outside. Of course, my APs would never say that part when they called me lazy to everyone. They made it seem like my life was self inflicted. The family friends never had a reason to not believe them, as my parents always let my brothers have complete free reign to do anything, leave the house to go anywhere at anytime, all because they’re men so they’d be “safer”.

Most days during that summer trip, my AD would call me to check I didn’t leave the house. It’s not like I could anyway because he literally asked my neighbors to snitch on me if they saw me outside. During those calls, my AD would describe all the cool awesome fun activities he and my brothers were doing and I would stay silent the entire time so he wouldn’t hear me crying. I’m spoiled. How the hell am I getting jealous over something I chose to not be in. It was either go and travel with them, and be harassed and belittled the entire time. Or stay home, alone, locked in my house at least with some sanity. It’s so humiliating when people ask lightheartedly what I did over holiday breaks or over the weekends. And I have to lie every time because they wouldn’t understand if I just said “nothing”.

This rant really isn’t just about not being able to go travelling. I can’t stop envying my father, my brothers, my friends, and just anyone who can just … experience life. I’m home bound 24/7. How am I supposed to be thankful for life if I can’t do anything in it. Watching the people I’m supposed to love go live their life to the fullest isn’t enough for me. I’m sorry, but it’s just not. I’m spoiled for wanting anything more than existing I guess.

The lead up is too long to get into, but it's pretty textbook. Overbearing tiger mom leaves kid with no functional adult skills, kid is poorly equipped for independent living.

Mom was not a good person. She had at least one or two mental illnesses, probably an undiagnosed and untreated cluster A personality disorder and major depression. She was totally detached from society and existed mostly in her own isolated private world where she could be as weird and cruel and self-centered as she wanted without anyone telling her how horrible she's making her family's life.

She divorced my dad the week I went to college. My brother was four years younger and just starting high school, and I think by that time we all knew he wouldn't make it. Mom held him prisoner in his room with zero enrichment - no books, no toys, nothing. It made him easier to control. To our mom, my brother and I had no business being anything but a monument to her ego, a vanity project, a pair of servants trained to cater to her every whim and desire. We were not people to her.

When mom suddenly died in 2015, my brother's life was shattered. She was his whole world. As for myself - I hated her then, and I hate her now. I'm a 30-year-old man, my frontal lobe is probably finished developing, yet my feelings haven't changed. My brother, though - he had no concept of the world outside our mom and her house. She purposely forbade him from having friends, from leaving the house except to go to school, from accessing any books, music, movies, or media that may spark a curiosity as to what lies outside the front door.

Less than a year later, my brother turned 18 and he dropped out of high school. Our dad, who tried as hard as he could to get my brother the help he desperately needed, was unsuccessful. Even as my brother started showing signs of severe and nigh untreatable mental illness - no doubt compounded by his isolated, abusive upbringing - our dad tried. Even as my brother started physically assaulting our dad, he still tried. Eventually, after several years, living with my brother became intolerable. Dad kicked him out after my brother trashed his house while he was on vacation and then attacked him with a golf club.

Sometime between then and this year, my brother developed a cannabis addiction. As a regular and moderate user myself, I struggle to comprehend how my brother got to the point where he needs almost 4 grams (yes, not milligrams, but grams) of THC per day just to feel normal. But given that he was molded by our mom to be little more than a vessel for her warped sense of pride and accomplishment, it always seemed to me that this was an inevitability, that he'd get hooked on something because what else does he have? He's been unemployed for years, he has no friends, and his entire world died when our mom did.

When I visited home for Thanksgiving, my brother's condition had severely deteriorated. He paced around our dad's house talking a mile a minute, lamenting over his uncontrollable weed addiction, talking about how much he wants to kill himself, how bad our mom fucked him up. Dad told me in private that my brother had been doing this every night for the last few months.

His poor cannabinoid receptors must be burned out beyond repair. He abused his mind, his body, and all that's left is a sad, withered husk of a human who was never really much of a person to begin.

I drove him to the ER late that night. I filled out the paperwork necessary to have him involuntarily committed to a mental facility. The next day, he called me and my dad from a dual diagnosis clinic where he'll be held for "a while". When he gets out, I don't know, but my dad and his partner and I privately hope it's forever. He is incapable of independent living and will need round-the-clock care for the rest of his life - the kind of care he never got as a kid, but unfortunately now needs until his inevitable early death.

My dad, his partner and I breathed a sigh of relief. Wherever he is, it's better than here. Somewhere, our mom is looking down, watching this all unfold in real time. I hope she's happy with what she created.

I have strict parents so I think the girlies will get it when I say that I'm dating my (18F) boyfriend (17M) in secret haha. I'm singaporean and he's australian. Almost 2 years of dating, our relationship is still a secret towards my parents. Of course, his parents are chill and I've only met his dad, stepmum and younger siblings.

My parents have set the expectation of me finding a singaporean guy to date and honestly.. I really don't see that happening as long as I'm in australia. I can't even find one singaporean guy who lives here except for my cousins. Plus, since I've grown up here, I've taken a liking to white guys. Idk why and how, it just shifted Ig and I never really tried to date or look for asian guys.

We really want to start planning for our future and one of them involved introducing him to my parents. I'm really worried that the chance of them rejecting him is so high because it really is likely, all because he's white and isn't the same background and religion as us.

He's in the military so he's already making big bucks which is another expectation from my parents of what they expect in my future partner. He doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, he doesn't mind converting to my religion or doesn't mind learning the language, he has a website about my religion saved in his google bookmark so he could learn more about it. He has the "provider" mindset but would also support me if I choose to work. He keeps himself well groomed, hygienic and is healthy. He would be willing to pay anything for me whenever it's payday for him. He's been so patient, understanding and respectful ever since we started dating. He knew what he was getting into and he still continues to stay.

I just wish my parents would be willing to see the good in him rather than the qualities that he lacks that doesn't exceed their expectations. I'm currently stressing to find jobs so I could move out or at least have some money for myself for worst case scenarios.

I would like to hear success and unsuccessful stories and how you manage to get through it if your parents did not accept your partner of another background.

I wanna have kids not cause I love them and I have a partner but I wanna to break this fucking generational trauma. This sounds weird bro but I have this unexplained urge to have a baby and raise it well and show them to my parents and be like seeeee I didn't raise them like how you raised me and the kid still turned out grreaaaattt,even better than me and has really good mental state. Idc if I'm not financially stable but I have this unexplained urge what the heck👀👀👀

Hi, sorry since it's unrelated to the space but does anyone know how to find a specific pic or meme? I'm trying to find the post about the person having "emotional support baguette charms" in their pocket. just wanna show the pic to my bf lol. Thanks!

so i have two best friends, and we literally talk every single day. Lately my friend been trying see me a lot, which i love. we meet up like 2 or 3 times a week and probably call for 5 hours on the phone.

my parents get annoyed by it, i dont understand why??? its ME who talks to them all day and spends time with them..... my mum was like your best friend is obsessed with you.. like bruh thats what a BEST friend is. someone who you talk to and share everything with..

anyway for some weird reason my sister thought my best friend was a secret guy i was talking to, so i caught her on the sly trying to take a picture of my phone convo to send to my mum ( i know she sent my convo to my mum cus i told my mum and she said shes ur sister shes just looking our for you) -___-

then my sister got so moody and jealous cus i went out with my firend and didnt invite her!!! btw. bare in mind my sister is 35 and im like 27 and my best friend is 25 lol i dont know what she wants to do with us. she needs to find her own mates lol

anyway my question is, how are your parents when you have friends? (bcus only recently im allowed to have mates)

TW: some mention of CSA

so, i have recently like maybe a month ago had a phone call with my AM. i tried to go NC, only did a month before i broke it to open up about her parenting and the fact that i had been CSA-ed at home before, >!touched inapproapriately!< by another family member.

i have talked about more details about how the call went in other posts or comments before. but it was due to my AM's response of trying to say that'it happend to her before' and then saying 'you need to learn to forgive' within that call, that has kind of gave me several new things to grieve.

like first of all, who is that fucking uncle who did that to my AM, i dont know but i'm mad. and fuck my sense of empathy, but i kind of can understand why my AM chose the straight up forgive and forget route. afterall growing up in a country in south east asia, how much help is there 50 years ago. how would you even cope if you are in that setting back then, and had 0 support or even know how to navigate that situation? even without details, i can understand why she took the route to survive.

but doesn't cancel the fact that things have changed today. and yeah, although she agreed in the end when i said i dont' want to see that family member ever again, the fact that she even tried to pass her coping method to me, thinking it would solve it, i cant help but feel so invalidated by her. ok so she thinks it worked for her, so she maybe thinks that's how i can suffer less.

fucking no AM. your passivity caused this. your lack of ability to provide a safe and supportive space for your daughter caused this. if your coping methods worked so well for you, why are you so often just anxious and angry?

and my AD? not a word from him since the call.

i get that it's complicated. i'm also straddled with difficult decisions such as to report or not to report (no advice on this please, to those who don't understand, reporting is totally up to the survivor's decision. in the end i have to shoulder the burdens and consequences of any processes and decisions, not you). the member who assaulted me also has my AP's grandkids that often visit them, and i can't help but think that probably my APs favor their son anyway, rather than a daughter struggling with childhood trauma, that were caused while i was under their care.

if my APs really loved me as their daughter, then why are both of them so passive now?

and having their lack of support and validation, i can't help but feel like i just don't want to meet any of my other family of origin if possible too. i don't feel safe. my AM acts this way, how would the others be? family on my AD side can be really insulting and toxic too. i may have much more maturity now to say things like if you are rude i will leave, but that doesn't mean i want to put myself in a position to potentially handle stupid shit others might say like 'but you need to forgive your family'.

i could have use more support from my AM instead of merely getting her to listen and not cut in all my lines. it could have help in lifting the weight of what happened if she would have even just said i'm so sorry for what happened and gave me a virtual hug. or for my AD to appropriately follow up and check-in after a daughter reports a crisis. but nope, my AM and AD, both of them dont have what it takes to support me. they are, for reasons only they know, probably both running on empty, but not having the knowledge nor will to get themselves help for that. and i know i would be looking for help in the wrong place and people.

p/s: again not looking for advice. i'm just angry and sad today. and yes i'm attending therapy etc.

I (20F) got my septum piercings back when the school year started but forgot to flip it up when I went home for Thanksgiving so my parents found out. They say they're giving me the "choice" to take it out or not and their argument on why I should take it out is because it'll help with me getting a job (I'm in tech) and I'll attract better men because "men who are attracted to septum piercings are the ones who are on the streets a lot". My argument is that I can flip it up whenever I have to so it won't be that big of a deal, but they're not really accepting that. I will admit that it is my fault for getting the piercing behind their back after they already said no, but I mean, I'm already 20?

Another thing that was also part of this conversation that pissed me off is my mom criticizing my style. I dress a bit on the emo side which I will admit is different than a lot of my family members but I don't see how it's hurting anyone? For our Thanksgiving get-together with my extended family, my mom made me remove my nail extensions and told me to tone down on my makeup (which is literally just winged eyeliner but a bit more bold) because I would stand out too much from my cousins.

I've been trying so hard to not let her opinions get to me and I've been doing pretty good because the me 1-2 years ago would have changed immediately. It's just really annoying and they're really pushing me about my piercing that I really love. They say that I should take it out, let it heal, and if I still really want it, I can get it re-pierced when my career is stable. The thing is that I don't want to always be bending to whatever they want, so now I just don't really know what to do

So yeah there was a lot of disturbance and my dad's aggressive voice and moms protest got ng on and I finally convinced my mother to let me join a library and she paid for it.

Its so much peace to start with. I am thankful to have some space atleast for sometime in the day rather than just being in the same house. .

I did study but I am so much enjoying the peace now.

To give a context I am a 20 yr old from India iykyk how the situation in India is .

P.S: Since I am posting on this sub , I know there will be again a lot of generalizations that asian parents are always like this and that Sorry not all are in my experience some are good too on their behaviour and raising , pls refrain from making such comments atleast on this post

I've finally reached a stage where I'm actively seeking help from friends to help me move out from my parents' house where they have trapped me for years. They had cut me off from the outside world completely, I couldn't meet/call my friends, couldn't pursue a job or engage in hobbies because they hated me doing them. I now realise that they have always been emotionally abusive and I was just too brainwashed or scared to rebel stronger. Now, no more. I'm finally making a strategic, practical plan to get out and I'm proud to be making good progress on the same.

But there's one thing that bothers me. Even when I'm so resolute that I will get out this time, why do I feel this teeny-tiny guilt? Also, at times, this fear creeps in that my dad (the lesser evil out of the two) will have a heart attack if I run away. Why do I care? Why can't I just be selfish and get out of here without feeling any of this? I really really hate feeling this, and I'm unable to calm myself enough to introspect on why am I feeling so when they have been such horrible parents. Or am I mistaking fear of repercussions for guilt and concern?

Did anyone else feel similar things cutting ties with their toxic parents?

Got something too short/insignificant for a full post? Put it here!

FOMO is short for "Fear of Missing Out" for anyone who hasn't heard of this term before. I've come to realize that, the constant comparison between me and other people' kids by my AM ever since I was a kid has made me developed FOMO, and it's actually so ridiculous, I fear I have made it a habit of my own because my brain constantly compares myself to my friends, whenever someone is going on a vacation in another country that I have never been to, I instantly think: "Oh my god, why haven't I saved up enough money to go there yet?"; "Why haven't my physique looked as good as that one guy yet? Am I falling behind?? Am I a loser?", "Should I be jealous of that one friend who already landed a job that makes him 6 figure?". I know I shouldn't be overthinking so much like this but it's like I have always been taught to compare myself to others and it's something that I should instinctively do to be better but it also exhausts me mentally because I keep constantly thinking about wanting to achieve what other people around me have done. What do you guys think about this? Am I just being stoopid?

Hello all. My gf (30+f) and I (30+m) have been dating more than 5 years, and I finally moved in with her earlier this year. Couldn't be happier living with her. However, my parents (who are korean both 60+, and with whom I moved from Korea to the US with back in the 1990s) refuse to acknowledge her existence.

We have had several fights in the past about her, but they are stuck on the fact that she did not go to a "good" school and that her parents are separated. They have already judged her to be unworthy despite not having met her or even knowing her name (didn't tell them once I realized they were being unreasonable to protect her privacy). My father (the more "reasonable" one) goes on about either 1) that there are plenty of other people i could see, going as far as to suggest that I "could see other people while dating her: or 2) lecturing me about how a marriage is between two families. My mother, meanwhile, just ends up screaming at me about how terrible of a son I am.

Mind you, I have always been the "good son" between my older brother (who is actually an abusive piece of shit) and me. Not that this should matter, but I was so mad to see them be happy and proud of him for marrying a "good korean girl". My gf aside, I am honestly more mad that despite all that I have done and being an adult, they still refuse to respect or have faith in my choices.

Anyways, any advice? I know the general things about how I need to get them to respect my boundaries, don't be afraid to go less contact, don't feel like I owe them anything, etc, but getting these things done is easier said than done. Therapy has been helpful in the past, but not much has changed thus far.

Ideally, I would like for my parents to accept my gf (and more importantly, my choices), but I acknowledge that there is a solid chance I may have to consider becoming more distant with them. I would really rather not have to pursue that option though because I love them etc.

Tldr. Korean parents hate gf and not having faith in my choices. How to move forward?

Hi guys , it's been a long time since I posted any things on reddit. It's because my mother took my electronics away, and today I want to end with this drama. My mother and dad divorced... my dad now have a new kind, they live happily in Beijing now. I am trapped with my mom..., she abuses me everyday. I just can't bear it anymore .. so I decide to reach out to my grandmother. All these years I worked and have about 14k in my bank account, with my father's help , I have an insurance of 7 million yuan . Now in this night I am away , I will fly to China. It's okay , because I have my friends with me. They can help em over, now I booked my airplane ticket. I took my things out. Now I am in the airport.

This is a message to my mother- Mom if you read this post, do not find me. I have enough evidence to sue you, grandma will take care of me. Now deal with your own mess.

I grew up in a similar way with many of the stories written here- the lack of emotional support, the physical absence because their jobs are more important than anything, the suppression of emotions, self-development, and independence, etc. I’m so grateful to have found this group to know that I’m not alone.

But I’m wondering if any of you have gone NC with your APs? I’m currently considering it because I’m reaching a point that I feel too much stress around them and I can’t handle it anymore.

Here is what happened: I moved out of my APs home 6 years ago because my dad was becoming physically aggressive after receiving the news of his mother’s death. I was literally terrified and afraid that he would hurt me physically, so I packed a suitcase and moved to my then bf(now husband)’s apartment. We got married 1 year after and soon I realized the change from having to take care of just 1 family originally to the fact that I would have 3 extra families’ attention (my original family, my in-laws’ family, and my own family with my husband). I’ve been trying my best to jiggle between the 3, but I do prioritize my own first, then my in-laws’, then my APs’ solely because the first 2 are newer, and it takes time and effort(so much effort) to set things up and get to know my in-laws’ family and culture (they’re not Asian. And on top of all these, I’m also learning a 4th language in wish to communicate with them).

Fast-forward to post-Covid, the 3 families could finally meet in person in one place last year. My APs behaved extremely weird and overly-passionate over my in-laws’ visit and the relationship with them in general. I feel extremely uncomfortable and weirded out about it knowing it is not their natural selves and they were obviously trying to perform “the nice parents (that they never were)” in front of others. I feel sick about it and think that since they can’t communicate with each other anyway, one meeting between them would be enough and no need to further develop any relationship whatsoever, and my husband thinks the same way. But my APs are pushy about it, they ask about them often, they want to meet them whenever they visit, but they also never make an effort to travel (which I had offered) and they travel much on their own with those tour groups.

This time, I intentionally stayed silent during my in-laws’ last visit, I only briefly told my APs from when to when they would be here and that’s it. But my parents haven’t stopped asking about it. Even after they have left, my mom would message me even more frequently now to ask how was their visit? If they were well? Then after 3 weeks of silence, she started imposing anxiety in her messages saying if they were sick during the visit and if anything is wrong with me and all the usual trash talking we can imagine.

I feel that it’s crossing a fine line here that, first, my husband’s family and my own are, in one way or the other, none of their business(which they’ll probably never agree). Second, I’ve had enough anxiety growing up because of how they would comment on me, never acknowledged my feelings and needs of emotional support; and now, I still need to take their feelings/bahaviors in(mostly negative) just because they’re emotionally immature and thinking that we, as their children, are responsible to their feelings instead of behaving like a full-ass grown-up that would take responsibility of their own acts.

But I’m scared of what would happen if I go completely NC. You know, the dramatic move that they could just come knocking on my door; the calls that I’d probably receive from them or other relatives; the fear that I would live with every day because they’d still live with the mindset to “look for me” to “hunt me down” to have control over me. I basically feel trapped and controlled by them even knowing that I’m independent now, I have my own life now, and I’m not their by-product. But I still more than often that I have no choice.

Thanks a lot for your time reading my post.

22F South-Asian dating 22M Australian. We’ve been dating for 3.5 years and i currently live with my parents. He wants to propose/ get married in the next 3-4 years but the topic just brings me soooo much anxiety because i don’t know how i would even bring this topic up to my parents (my family avoids talking about marriage). Since i live with my parents I see my bf like once a week and when i do see him, my mum just yells at me and says you don’t need to see him and that she hates him. I still want to maintain a good relationship with my parents because besides this one thing we have a good relationship and the city I live in our community is huge so leaving with a fight is not a good idea. My question is, when your partner and you decided to get married how did your disapproving parents about marriage?

For those unfamiliar, Black Friday is an annual American event which features discounts on items. It happens on the Friday after Thanksgiving. But only during a limited time, typically a few hours. What transpires can best be described as a gross spectacle of retail excess.

Maddened shoppers stampede into stores and fight each other/the staff to buy cheap stuff. Most of these things aren't even that deeply discounted and consist of teasers, or limited quantity items, to entice shoppers to buy other items while in the store.

AD has been a devout pilgrim of Black Friday for years, decades even, barely missing a year. Even in his 80s, he continues to make every effort to attend, proudly displaying his useless hoard of obsolete TVs, radios, computers, and other electronics in the closets gathering dust.

Unfortunately, AD also has full blown Type 1 Diabetes and needs regular injections of insulin to regulate his blood sugar levels. He usually carries candy in his pockets to provide this essential boost.

But this year he either took too many or too little. He went into a medical shock and almost went to the hospital. Afterwards, he was able to recover by eating store candy before buying it at the cash register. But blamed me for not being there to support him. AM is also upset because I didn't accompany them Into the stores.

He didn’t know I knew he had an affair for 10 years. He didn’t know my mother took her rage and humiliation on my younger sister and I because of his infidelity. I’m 32F and he always complains to me, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles that I don’t call him, I don’t talk to him much and I don’t care for him. He now wants to be this lovey dovey family after he’s been absent my entire childhood, he’s been physically and emotionally abusive to my mom and my mom was physically and emotionally abusive to us. Think mom calling us names such as whre, btch and whatnot everyday.

This morning I woke up and dad sent me two reels about how people should respect their parents, love them and care for them. Up till this moment, I’ve never talked to my dad about why I don’t want to be close to him. I ranted a couple times to my mom about how she treated us when we were children. My dad had a stroke and has heart problems, so I didn’t want to stress him.

But those two reels were the straw that broke the camel’s back. I just sent him walls of texts detailing how he was absent, how he was an enabler and how I knew he had an affair and in a way, we were victims of his infidelity etc., everything that hurt me. And he’s been radio silent for the last hour. He thinks and complains that I was a bad daughter that doesn’t care about her parents. I hope now he knows why I’m the way I am. I just hope he doesn’t have another stroke, because if he does, I’ll be stuck in the hospital helping him pee and poo.

But my God, I feel relieved. I now feel justified that I try to distance myself from them to protect my peace because that home, that environment was hell on earth.

I promised to update everyone, so here's a 2 month catchup!

Context- I ran away 2 months ago with nothing on me but my purse which had my bank cards and identity. I had 10k saved up before I ran. I left my phone at home and took my secret 2nd phone with me with a new number. I didn't leave a note and told them I'm going for a walk and then I never returned. I took an Uber instead to the airport and took a flight out of the state from New Mexico to Wyoming.

Now- I am in transitional housing with a women's shelter. I have a full time job. I am applying to studio apartments near me so I can finally have my own place. I bought my new car from Facebook marketplace about 2 weeks after because I didn't want to spend more money on Uber. It costed me about 5k which led me to have 5k for other things... Keep in mind I had bought nothing with me but the clothes on my back. I got a lot of free clothing from donations and I made a request on Facebook marketplace as well to help with clothing and a lot of lovely women helped me. I also emailed colleges around me to see if I can go through their lost and found. I started working as a teacher and made about 2.5k a month after taxes and healthcare. Its not much but it's honest work. I applied to go back to med school and got accepted to finish my 3rd year in the fall. I'm gonna quit work and take out loans then. It's rough out here without any family or friends and building yourself up from the ground starting with nothing but the freedom is much worth it. I would definitely run away if presented with the change again. I would say I wouldnt run away unless you had no other choice, like the abuse is severe. My case was pretty bad as my mom was beating me every other day for no reason. If you're just mad over curfew rules and nothing else, I wouldn't do this. It's still stress but a different kind. I hardly get to rest as after I'm done with work I still have other things to do and other errands because I am starting with nothing. Overall my experience with running away so far is an 8/10. I took off 2 points for financial stress and emotional stress for missing family and material items. I miss my makeup collection and my wardrobe most of all but once I'm a doctor I know I can have a better one. It will just take me a couple years

for my workplace, it's a huge cheap japanese department store and so the staff roster is also pretty big, It consists of MOSTLY 2nd generation and 1st generation immigrants, which for me is the norm(statistically). It wasn't till I was working with this particular person. He's always been the most consistent, experienced and communicative employee at the place. If he got trained for it he'd make a great manager and pretty young too. Great guy, he hangs out with us when me and my workmates go on break a nd is quite down to earth.

Overall the way he conducts himself isn't the same as my peers in the sense that he's actually quite genuine in his attitudes and interests towards the job and especially with how well adjusted he is, I've never seen him stressed or agitated, which in this job is quite common as it can get chaotic at times. It's like he was raised by the right sort of parents and it definitely reflects that in the way he conducts himself as well as his role at my workplace.

While we were working i asked about him about his background, as i was pretty impressed with how well adjusted he is and how he has so much composure all while on the job. And after a bit of talking, he said that one his parents moved to Australia from China really early on in their lives and the other was already born there which got me thinking. Honestly, it all makes sense.

He was born with Parents who were used to the western way of thinking and western sensibilities. It only makes sense that with him being 3rd generation that he turned out to be quite mentally sound and stable. Contrast that with my 2nd generation peers who have a lot of deep seeded trauma and issues relating to their upbringing and are still dealing with it to this day. I feel like it further drives the point that Asian parenting does not work at all work in the west and only creates stunted people (im one of them). Where as the western way of thinking encourages individual thought and freedom and has benefitted him, plain to see.

Tell me I'm not the only one who feels incapable of getting emotionally close to anyone. In 2nd year of uni and deep down it hurts knowing I still have made no friends to talk to irl, hang out, go on holidays, laugh or even cry with. I feel better this year as in less tears. I'm trying not to question or judge myself but I feel abnormal when I compare.

Could talk about this forever so will try omitt most of what I wanna say cos I'd be writing a novel. Didn't realise childhood has such a big impact til I googled while writing this. Will copy it in comments.

Emotional, physical abuse, bullying, controlling rules such as no hanging out with friends, no attending birthday parties, no music. Through all these controlling rules, from all the tears, abuse and being dismissed I learnt to hide myself, my emotions and stay sheltered in my room. With everything forbidden, I learnt to survive emotionally on my own by not trusting people, being emotionally reserved, staying in my room doing nothing all day besides scrolling and sucked into social media, news etc.

I hung out with friends outside of school like 10 times by sneaking out. Never felt close to my parents growing up. Don't think I even understand the concept of closeness nor what love is. Never felt it growing up.

Feel there's no solution besides accepting life alone so here I am feeling a level of despair but also some comfort knowing I'm emotionally stronger than last year and I feel less alone at uni than I did living at home.

I gave birth 3 months ago. My mom came to stay with me to help take care of the baby for 3 months.

Since she’s been here with me, I have felt supported maybe 2 weeks. Rest of the time, I’m either taking care of the baby, or the house, or my mom. She is used to having servants take care of everything back home, and has told me almost every week that I should get housemaids and cooks to come to the house every other day (I’m in US where labor is ridiculously expensive).

And there is toxic trait she has of calling me a fool, stupid, dumb in front of my baby, and then laughing and telling me that the baby won’t understand. This coming from a parent who can’t login to a simple email account to check her mail and will call me from 10000miles away to help her login.

She gets sick often and will self medicate on all kinds of shit, and never try out anything natural that I tell her to try. Even if the side effects from her meds mean she needs more meds to recover.

I’m striving with every fiber of my being to never ever become that person.

Whenever I'm trying to go to sleep I always remember all the traumatising things I've been through. Here's one that happened 2 years ago that still traumatises me.

I was 20 or 21 at the time I can't quite remember but I came home early from university (for once usually I'd stay as long as possible so I don't have to come home). It was a nice day out so my AM decided she would walk to my younger sisters (12/13ish I think she was) school to pick her up instead of driving. It's a 25/30 minute walk / 10/15 minute drive away depending on traffic.

Whist my AM was walking there it started raining so she rang me and asked me to drive there and pick my sister up so she doesn't have to wait in the rain and she would meet us there. Because of the traffic / school rush she ended up getting to my sister before me. I parked the car about 2/3 meters away from where my AM usually parks when she picks up my sister because someone was already parked in that spot.

My AM rang me and asked where I was and I literally told her my exact location and she kept shouting down the phone "WHERE" "WHERE" and I repeated myself 5x and she definitely heard me. She does this daft thing where she will talk to other people around her whilst she's on the fucking phone. After that she started saying "COME THIS WAY" "COME HERE". Like what the fuck does she mean by that how am I meant to know which way she's talking about and where 'here' is. This whole time whilst she's shouting down the phone at me I was speaking politely and in a normal tone and then when she said 'come this way' I said 'which way is this way' and she went off saying I'm talking rudely in a tone LIKE WHAT?. Since she couldn't hear me I raised my voice a little and said my exact location again and she went OFFFFF she started screaming down the phone saying how dare I speak to her like that. I literally said nothing wrong she's the one that couldn't hear me.

She then found where I was and she had the scariest face on. She was giving me the dirtiest look ever my stomach sank I knew what was coming. She came to the car opened the passenger door and started shouting at me like I was a child. Im a literal grown woman.

You know what was worse she started shouting at me in English on purpose because there were people around. Keep in mind she usually speaks in our native language despite knowing English. All these school kids, their parents and my literal old school teachers were staring. It was so fucking embarrassing. I kept saying to her please stop shouting lower your voice and get in the car but she she purposefully got louder and stood with the door open because she knew I was embarrassed. She started screaming horrible things in English so everyone understood, every name under the sun. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE" "DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BIGGER THAN ME" "HOW DARE YOU SHOUT AT ME YOU STUPID COW" "YOU ARE AN IDIOT YOU DISGUSTING COW". So much more.

You can imagine the stares from people.

I was so embarrassed I can't even explain the feeling all these school kids staring at me. She kept going on this lasted like 15/20 minutes. In the end she slammed the door and said 'watch what I do to you when we get home'. She never got in the car she ended up walking home. The whole drive home I felt sick I was bawling my eyes out.

I got home and I was bawling I've never cried so bad before. She's done nastier things to me before she's even physically abused me but that moment really got to me. I told my dad what happened and he never usually says anything but this time even he was like why would she do that infront of so many people.

She got home and she was shouting sooooo loud oh my god my dad was like why would you do that and then she started twisting it and making the story completely different.

After that she gave me silent treatment for days. She expected me to beg for forgiveness and because I didn't say anything to her whilst she was giving me silent treatment she then went off saying how horrible I am because I've not apologised to her.

Has anyone else's AM purposefully embarrassed them in public?

This is one of the most annoying arguments my parents make because it limits what I wanna do with my life.

Basically my parents say the reason why they want me to be a doctor is because it’s a job that guarantees stability and that the economy is bad now so it would be hard for me to do any other career. And if the economy is bad again, at least doctors are never out of a job.

They also complain that all my cousins and relatives are trying to be doctors so why can’t I?

They say they care about “my future” and “everything we do is for your future” and a bunch of other stuff related to it which is why they want me to finish med school.

But the problem is, it’s the only future they want to guarantee and I begged them incessantly for a different career in the hopes that their narrow minded view might bend to something more appealing and they never give me the option for one. Feels like a financial prison I have to wait just to escape.

As of now, I can only apply for MBA programs for next fall and job hunting is shit atm.

Right now I am just biding my time for a better future even if that means waiting a little longer for it

Reading stories in this subreddit reminds me of my own home life. I'm 20, dropped out of a t5 engineering school, kicked out from home by my asian parents, taking antidepressants, and just relying on god to save me. My girlfriend of 1 year, who is white since I promised myself that I would never to marry an asian (call me stupid all you want but that's how mentally ill I am), always wanted a baby, talked about it to the point where she was going to commit suicide if we weren't going to conceive one. Fast forward to today, she's pregnant with our beautiful baby boy, we're both happy, but I've been anxious and been having second thoughts on if I'm going to be a decent enough parent or not. I feel like I'm going to end up being a horrible father to him. He wont even be able to meet his own grandparents. I'm not planning on telling any of my family members that there will be a new member of the family. I want to dedicate everything in my life for him, but I feel like at the end, I'm just going to end up on here, failing as a father.

My mom does shit that makes me angry, she makes stupid decisions and asks me to fix it all the time. She also constantly talks shit about people and gossip about her coworkers, relatives and she’s been talking shit about me to my sister. I’m sick and tired of her toxic fake bitch-like behaviour. I’m 23 and she’s 47 this is a home not a fucking high school, she’s more fake than my high school friends. As a mother she has never supported me, she also physically and emotionally abused me the list can go on tbh. She constantly tells me that no men will like me and that I’m not gonna have a good life because I’m “disrespectful” towards my parents. When I call her out for always making me do shit for her she says “what did I give birth to you for?”. She favours my younger sister because she is nicer to my mom than me but like my sister never had to suffer abuse from her. My mom also has no friends.

I’m her oldest daughter and it’s like she hates me and I hate her too. How do I deal with her bitch like behaviours because she loves to talk shit about me to my sister.

A good mother should show support and talk through problems with their daughter and I never got that, all I got was “no men will like you” “I thought u were smart” “That’s what u have to accept because you’re the oldest” “you’re not gonna make it in life because you disrespect your parents”

Edit: well although she does all those things to me sometimes she shows she cares about me by ordering me my favourite food and giving me fruits. Idk if that justify the pain I also have to endure. I want to move out and cut contact but thinking about the things she’s done for me I feel guilty in a sense.

I am currently on a trip with my non-indian boyfriend for thanksgiving and I hate that I can’t share this with my parents. I had to lie that I am traveling for work. They just don’t like the fact that I might possibly be sharing a bed with him. They have met him once but don’t approve of him because he is non-indian and his culture is extremely different.

I am 31 years old and still can’t go anywhere without them having control of every fucking thing. As an only child, I HAVE to VIDEO call them every day! I love them and I am ok calling them but it becomes so exhausting to hide my background on FT just so they don’t know where I am at. Or I have to make sure they don’t hear any noises while I am talking to them. On this specific trip, I only talked to them for a few mins as I had so much to do. Today, on my last day of trip, my mom started questioning as to why have I not been calling as much, why am I not VIDEO calling, why am I taking a late night flight and wasting time when I could be home earlier.

I AM TIRED OF ALL THE QUESTIONING, HAVING TO LIE FOR LITTLE THINGS. I am so done. I feel exhausted. I don’t feel like talking to them, but the fact that their only child needs a break would kill them. I feel so stuck. Indian parents need to stop being so toxic and controlling. It is suffocating!

I have thoughts of deleting my Asian parents, it feels like once I do that, my problems will finally be over. Do any of you guys feel the same way? Even if I moved out, I feel their control over me and I hate it, especially when applying for jobs and living in the real world.

I am currently on a trip with my (non-indian) boyfriend for thanksgiving and I hate that I can’t share this with my parents. I had to lie that I am traveling for work. They just don’t like the fact that I might possibly be sharing a bed with him. They have met him once but just don’t approve of him because he is non-indian and his culture is different than ours, meaning they think he’d abandon me.

I am 31 years old and still can’t go anywhere without them having control of every fucking thing. As an only child, I HAVE to VIDEO call them every day! I love them and I am ok calling them but it becomes so exhausting to hide my background on FT just so they don’t know where I am at. Or I have to make sure they don’t hear any noises while I am talking to them. On this specific trip, I only talked to them for a few mins as I had so much to do. Today, on my last day of trip, my mom started questioning as to why have I not been calling as much, why am I not VIDEO calling, why am I taking a late night flight and wasting time when I could be home earlier.

I AM TIRED OF ALL THE QUESTIONING, HAVING TO LIE FOR LITTLE THINGS. I am so done. I feel exhausted. I don’t feel like talking to them, but the fact that their only child needs a break would kill them. I feel so stuck. Indian parents need to stop being so toxic and controlling. It is suffocating!

Anyone had similar experiences?

Like many people here, I worked hard majority of my life, got good grades, went to a top undergrad college, and landed a good career as a management consultant for one of the major firms. I recently graduated from a top MBA program and returned to my consulting firm, who sponsored my entire MBA tuition (my parents didn't have to pay a dime on my MBA, since I covered housing and all my other expenses from doing side hustles during school).

I'm also the oldest out of 3 siblings and my other two siblings have various issues/ traumas currently. My sister has a history of mental health issues and she's more focused now on landing a husband in college (she's only 23 for context) & living a simple life. Meanwhile, my youngest brother is doing very well for himself at an ivy league undergrad, but he doesn't communicate with my parents at all, so they always ask me to text him and find out how he's doing, get details about his new girlfriend, etc.

My parents also ask me to look out for my two younger siblings, but my relationship with them has been kind of strained since high school. I do what I can to help them with their careers, case interview prepping, etc. I turned 28 in May and now when I come back home, my parents all say how proud they are of me and how I turned out the "best" out of all of us.

Recently when I came back home, my parents say that "while they are proud of me, I shouldn't be living frivolously in NYC, when I could move back to our hometown, buy a house and start a family." They told me I need to have a "plan for my life" since I'm almost 30 years old. They've also started telling me how I should get my PhD and become a professor one day, even though that was never my passion. I JUST got my MBA which you didn't pay for - isn't that enough??

All of this has brought me so much anxiety that I dread coming home for the holidays knowing the speech that they would give me. I'm obviously capable enough to get into a top MBA program and accomplish everything else - when are they going to treat me like my own person capable of making my own mistakes and decisions? On top of that, they're pressuring me to break up with my boyfriend because he isn't as successful as me. I just want to scream sometimes.

tl;dr after all my accomplishments in life, it still seems it's never enough for my AP