Last year I graduated in July with my bachelor's degree. I didn't even bother telling my parents about it. They didn't even bother attending my past graduations when I invited them. My dad reluctantly attended my year 12 graduation because my brother asked him to. But he was pissed at me because I didn't get the highest ATAR in my year group.

I arrived at my ceremony on time without any stress. I got my degree and then celebrated with my brother, my friends and my coworkers. Good vibes all the way. That would have not been the case if my parents went to the ceremony.

so just a few moments ago, my Indian mom said ' agar marne se NEET mai seat mil jaati toh meh khud hi maar dalti' which basically is if dying gave you a seat in medical college i would have killed you myself. I mean just how exactly should i react- i feel so done with everything.

FUNNNY story. anyways i live in my toxic ass filipino household but due to financial reasons i am still here. im 22 and ive been seeing a psychiatrist since i was 20.

i had a pretty bad depressive episode during my last period and my psychiatrist recommended that i should start seriously thinking about medication to remedy my depressive episides. i made the mistake of mentioning this to my mother and she made a bunch of reasons as to why i shouldnt be taking anti depressants such as how "ill be on them for life" and that i can never get life insurance and i need to learn to live life unmedicated LMAO

like bitch?? you care more about LIFE INSURANCE than my mental state?? crazy, absolutely absurd

i'm still gonna take the plunge though because literally shes the reason why i gotta take these 😭

This happened last year, but it's one of those memories that I'll remember forever about how shitty my mom is.

She asked me for some money. At the time I was working at a mid sized corporation, making a decent income. However I was trying to save money to do my Masters.

I told her that I couldn't give her this money because I needed it.

Here are some of the things she said:

"If you didn't give up becoming a doctor when you were in school then you would have money to give." (I decided I didn't want to be a doctor when I was 12. She continues to talk about what a huge mistake I made).

"It's your fault you're working in this industry."

"I gave you so many opportunities to study medicine but look where you are now." (She gave me no opportunities. She didn't go to college so I had to do all of the research myself.)

"Why can't you be like your sister? Look how well she's doing and how she gives me money whenever I need. She's not greedy like you."

"Everything is your fault. You made all of these choices." (I am 23 btw. Kinda harsh no?)

I pretty much cried and screamed at her that day because the inner child in me was SO DONE. I asked her why she could never support me on anything, why she constantly had to criticize, why she acted like she was perfect when she was far from it, why she treated her own child this way.

She was shocked at my screaming and then said "Stop! The neighbors are going to hear you."

The person let's call "A" (not biological mom) who raised a child is a social butterfly and resented slightly bringing them (shy introvert suffering from social anxiety) up and it is a blessing that she never hurted them and the child too loved her like anything. She has never shown her resents growing up, but sometimes as a child you sense but don't know what it is. As fear of abandonment is high in the child, they are sort of looking for emotional attachment in her.

Later the adult woman gets married to a man and start showing the child their disappointments slowly. The bitterness hurts because they feel that they have done so much for a child compared to their own child. The child grows up not understanding how to deal with this. There's no physical abuse however, so the child thinks that their childhood was great.

Later when the child is an adult, they start realising certain things like A has been friends with their schoolmates when they themselves don't have any relationship with own schoolmates and didn't even know for so many years. Add to this, they are friends with your colleagues and are always making fun of you and badmouthing about you behind you with others without giving you an hint that they are doing this.

When they confronted A, it goes bad with them telling you on your face to get lost because you have grown up on their kindness and being very ungrateful. Later, A even Apologizes to you and others think that you are an abuser and you are left feeling like a monster while dealing with the unseen damaged aspects.

When you realised such things too late in life, How will you keep your relationship with them going forward?

So I grew up typical AP upbringing with all the abuse. So there were a lot of things that she did that deeply hurt me but the worst one is when she unfairly called cops on me then falsely accused me of things I didn’t do. This all happened when I was 19-20.

I told her I’d never go back to college ever again. She of course threatened to call cops but I told her do that and she goes to jail and so does the illegal immigrant (Her BF) she’s housing. I spent maybe .. 13,000+ hours on videogames from that point on? I didn’t care about having a relationship either. I was convinced I was world’s most undeserving unattractive guy. The only thing that made me feel better was I taught people how to accomplish their videogame goals for free.

So you must be wondering how it turned out. Basically my online friends were my support group they helped me empathize and forgive her. I finally found it within me to just take control of my life and stop living just to see my AM suffer. One day I poured my heart out to her and told her how shit of a human being she was, and how depressed I was, and how life growing up with her was so emotionally traumatic. It was the first time I ever really cried that much after an argument. Funny thing is, she started being nicer after that but I ironically started being meaner. I cared less how she felt, what she said, and what she did. My #1 response is to either tell her to be quiet, obey commands, or I just ignore her. When I think about it I treat her not too differently than if I were training a dog.

I decided to become a business man and I plan on repaying my debt to my AM, but I’m unsure if I should support her until her death. I try every month to forgive her. But she never fails to disappoint me.

EDIT: To be clear. I had stopped self sabotaging myself after 6 years. I don’t continue living to sabotage anyone. After a couple heartbreaking conversations with her in the past I just cared less. She’s always been a negative influence and really only accomplishes making me feel worse. That’s why I’m generally pretty mean to her, it has nothing to do with wanting to sabotage myself or make her suffer. In other words. I wish my AM well and to be happy, but I’d still talk to her the way I do now because she’s too disrespectful towards me.

Is this normal? Whenever we go out it's always be careful of this, be careful of that, you could get robbed, you could get kidnapped, you could be murdered and where are you going? Can you tell me the exact location and send me pictures? (This i get, but it gets annoying after a long time.)

I get its normal to worry over your kids but its honestly suffocating that they picture the worse possible scenario all the time and remind you about it even when im just going out for a dinner with friends or going to school.

Another example is when someone stays home. We need to get back quicker. What if there's a robbery, fire or earthquake or something and they begin to get pissed even though we're far away.

I feel a bit more trust and positive outlook could really be helpful to all of us but everyday its the same talk and worries over and over again even about things we have no control of.

All the what if this or that and I hope this and that. It begins to becoming frustrating and its been eating at me for years.

Note* I love my parents but their over worrying, frustration and over analysing kills me.

I work a weekend job and finish late at night most shifts and I don't mind it because Im a night owl and I prefer sleeping late over getting up early.

Today my mother texted me while I was in the middle of working telling me to ask for a different shift pattern or find another job. Then my dad tried to convince me to find elsewhere to work too and get this, he said *I* was overreacting when I got mad. I got mad because they still treat me like a little kid and don't believe I can think like an adult. He said "You're still young you dont know what's best for you" I AM NINETEEN YEARS OLD. I'm young but I'm not incapable of making my own decisions and knowing what's best for myself, my god.

The bus station from my work place is 5 minutes away, it is well lit up and there's usually lots of people walking on the streets late at night on the weekend to go to the club etc since I work in the city centre. I explained that to them and how I have never felt unsafe yet they think they know what's best for me when I'm more familiar with the city since I went to school there for 2 years and walk around there often. (Its not a big city centre)

And my narcissistic dad does what he does best and pulled the 'I know better than you' card as he always does and brings up that he used to work there like 20 years ago so he's convinced he knows the area better than me since i'm still young. Honestly, I'm so sick of never being taken seriously. Fine I get that they're concerned but to tell me to quit a job I started a month ago that I actually like, is just insane to me. Arguing with a narcissist is like talking to a really irritating brick wall.

It's just so ironic because they're so protective but at the same time they have never ever taken into account my mental health and did a shit job of being emotionally there for me growing up. Even now I very rarely have conversations with them because they dont talk about real world stuff with me because they dont think Im capable of talking like an adult

I'm and adult and have long moved out. Anywho. I'm not sure how it got to be this way, but financially they're both retired now, and I could swear if one of them got fired instead of working the same job they had for 20 years, they'd at least learn what it's like to sympathize with failure. Rather than always expecting their kids to be perfect and follow every one of their orders at any time they say it, lol. Power tripping parents are the worst! can't imagine having both parents on a power trip. Lucky I only have one on a power trip, the other is bent on getting their kids to just follow their path by way of unsolicitied advice, which often doesn't make sense and takes too long to say something , but you have to listen anyways. Anyone familiar with this dynamic?

I think it will definitely differ by country, but I assume some of you have relatives or AP that are physicians. For my situation, I was treated by my aunt who is a physician when I was a kid. I am now 21+, but she keeps treating me, giving me medical advice, casually diagnosing me when I am talking to her (and a whole lot of worse stuff like medical negligence but too much to write here and traumatizing). My mom also loves to ask my aunt about my medical situation or my mom would tell my aunt my medical symptoms and ask my aunt what is it and what can it be done. I want to sever the patient-physician relationship (I also want to sever the relationship with my aunt but I want to focus on this). How do you guys go about it?

As a teen my mom always forces me to study and overwork myself. I can’t even play games and I would have to do it secretly. Whenever I try my best at school she goes “why didn’t you get a better score?” I have enough GPA to get to exam schools. Yet she still bosses me around. Because all these years of her wanting me to be a doctor, I don’t even know what I want to become in the future besides doctor. I need help with all of this

My mom: I spent all those years traveling for work, staying in motels alone, I thought someday I'll finally feel at home when I can visit my daughter and stay in her house with her and instead she tells me to get a hotel room??

Me: ???

Honestly I feel weak at times because I really fall for this shit but also I just have no idea how to respond in a way that gives me the upper hand. The only thing I can do is stand my ground and not give in but I can't get past the stabbing guilt of being a bad daughter/person. I want to empathize with her, in some cases she genuinely has been through a lot. And I know what it's like to visit someone and feel so welcomed by staying in their house!

I just can't have her staying in my house!!

How do I have this conversation?!

title says it all, wish me luck. My story is similar to many with this phenomenon. Straight edge first born daughter, never disobeyed and continued to go to school. I’m now 24F, secured a stable nursing career, have been living by myself since 17, when i first moved away for university. I have a bachelors, finished my nursing degree, and now working toward my BSN degree, and starting my Masters program next year. Just felt like it is time for me to come clean and just say my truths. BFs family has known me since we started dating and they accept me. I tried telling my AM about him way back when, where she threatened to take me out of school if I stayed w him & didn’t break up w him. She had all the usual nasty things to say: he won’t make any money w his major (at the time is was comp sci, now it’s accounting); she hates that he’s viet (although i’m half viet, my dad is viet); that this boy is only using me for my body and i’m a whore :-). I’ve heard it all. We are now landing back from a good family vacation and I’ll be breaking the news at dinner today. Wanted to make this post as a mark in this long journey, so truly….wish me luck :))))

UPDATE: APs did not take it well lol as expected. surprisingly i thought my dad was going to be more supportive of me but unfortunately rationality hit the fan w him too. he started to go on and on about weird random hypotheticals that dont even correlate: he said “you know vietnamese families ask for lots of money and they will probably ask u for $10000 bc you’re a nurse” and i said ok ill say no then,,,,, and they said “you can’t say no bc then you’ll be the bad guy and you can’t walk away from that situation since you are blinded by love”….-.- then said that since I am a nurse my bf is only dating me for my money and when he sees how much so make, he will stay home and be a bum and I’ll be his maid and pay for everything for him and that I will have to take care of his entire family bc i’m a nurse making good money…….????? and then they also asked if he has a car rn (which he does have a brand new car, also his family is pretty comfortable in terms of finances) and my parents said if he doesn’t have a car, my bf will force me to buy him one and I’ll be stuck w the payments bc again i’m blinded by love. basically making up all these hypothetical scenarios and then deciding what i will “probably do” in these scenarios ????? at the end, my sister and I boiled it down to him actually projecting onto me, and that these hypotheticals are traumas he’s actually experienced w my own mother so again it’s unfair for me to bear.

what hurt the most is that I thought my dad was more rational and would be more in my side, but he said maybe him and my fam won’t visit me as much since “she has other priorities here other than her family to worry about & we can’t rely on her anymore” which hurt my feelings bc i only ever always prioritize my family, hence the family vacation i just pitched for us to go on. nothing has changed between the last 6 years and today vs the fact that now they just know, but apparently I’m the worst daughter ever rn.

dad also said he has no interest in meeting my bf until he finishes school and has a job and even then, he still doesn’t wanna meet him bc by meeting him it means he approves of the relationship and he doesn’t so hence, never wants to meet my bf lol

EDIT PART 2: regardless thank you all so much for your support and kind words on this thread! you guys are my living therapy and you help me feel not crazy or ashamed to experience love. will continue to keep you all updated 💗💗

(F17) Growing up, I've had a pretty rocky relationship with my mother. During the first few years of high school, she's had the traditional belief that I should not focus on my looks, or being social, but rather to focus solely on my studies. I would honestly agree with this sentiment if she wasn't so extreme; in high school she prevented me from talking with others and having friends, and would yell at me constantly for "focusing too much on my looks". She even got mad at me for getting sick and hurt, because she said it took away from time I could be studying and that I should have been more cautious. As a result, I self-taught myself makeup and personal hygiene, I never told her when I was in pain or sick, and I had friends behind her back.

Fast forward to now, senior year of high school. My parents have overall become less strict, allowing me to go out and have friends and finally go to prom because my college is solidified. My mom gets mad less and she's started to branch out to me, asking to go prom shopping together even though I'd rather do it alone. I don't mind prom shopping with her, but being happy with her just gives me an icky feeling after feeling at odds with her my entire life. And even when she does try to bond with me, it never goes well. When I said I didn't want to go prom dress shopping with her, she threatened not to give me the money to buy a prom dress nor let me go to prom (I can't pay for it myself because I'm not allowed to get a job). Basically not having a mother bond my entire life has led me to want to do things alone or with friends rather than with her, and even when she tries to bind now she ends up reverting back to her old self when things don't go her way. I feel guilty as a daughter at times for not liking her, but when I do like her it just feels weird to me.

(Sorry that this thread is a bit everywhere, I kinda just word vomited, but any input on why I feel like this? Idk what I'm asking honestly. I wish i had a white mom.)

I (F17) posted a vent a few months about how my mother was unsupportive of my collegiate endeavors due to my mental illness. I deleted that post awhile back because it was a silly vent out of a fit of rage that, while true to me and my emotions, I didn’t think needed a permanent space on the internet.

However! I have a pretty significant update: I got accepted into my dream school! Despite all the bravado in my first post, I really didn't think this would happen. I settled with the notion of attending a state school or community college and molding a future I could be content but unhappy with. All of that changed this morning. I'm saying this here because I am not exaggerating when I say all the comments I got on my original post were the sole reason why I applied to all those selective schools in the first place. Having so many people vehemently support me made me feel capable and proud of myself, something I haven't felt in years. Thank you.

Go Bobcats!

Yesterday I suggested we get BBQ for dinner.

Everyone agreed but my mom threw this tantrum like thing. Complete with feet stamping as we headed towards the restaurant. She complained how the way to the restaurant was dark, it was too far away, etc etc. Then, we had to we wait for half an hour for a table, my AM suggested we go to a nearby restaurant that served Arabic food instead.

This is where shit went down.

As soon as we sat down, she complained how she hated Arabic food, and begin insulting the religious verses the restaurant was playing in the background. AND SHE WAS SO LOUD ABOUT IT. We were all trying to shut her up and wanted to leave but she threw another tantrum and started to raise her voice. She said how she hated the food, said the religious verses were annoying, then went on a racist rant against those of Indian descent and made islamophobic statements.

It's only by a fucking miracle that no one took a video of us and uploaded it to social media or reported us to the police. The other patrons kept glancing our way and one just stared at my mom in shock. Making such statements about religion and race is a very big deal in Malaysia and we could have our lives wrecked just because my AM wants to act like a damn spoiled brat.

She's the one the suggested the restaurant but then chooses to act like we forced her into it?? And her "tantrums" could've gotten all of us into huge trouble.

I'm just so sick of this. Why does everything have to go her way? Why do we all have to eat what she wants? Why can't she just EAT SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN BLAND CHINESE FOOD? It's always rice, soup noodles, and watery porridge on fucking repeat AT THE SAME FEW RESTAURANTS. And even the dishes are the same everything damn time. We can't even order different dishes from what we usually have at a Chinese restaurant without risking her throwing a tantrum and criticising everything in a loud voice. She once even shouted "EW THIS TASTES SO BAD!" in a restaurant full of people and was glaring at everyone that walked by our table. She was slamming her bag, slamming things, just so unhinged.

And today she's angry for no reason! She shouted at everyone and demanded we go somewhere else other than malls. Then she complained how the sun was too hot and would rather be in a mall instead? WTF is wrong with her?

The desire for control over others is unending and only grows.

They have zero ability to act normal.

I’ve been seeing a lot of middle to high school aged people on this subreddit and they still have AP problems. I’m almost in my middle 20’s and I expect to hear stories from my age-group and older since our parents are older first generation immigrants.

To all of the 10-18 year olds, how old are your parents and when did they immigrate to your western country or are they older 2nd gen millennials?

Just curious on the average AP age group, if we’re dealing with millennial AP’s then we’re not doing a great job at breaking the generational trauma and cycle :/

I live in dysfunctional family, everyone tells me that. I'm a teen in school, and my family is Chinese, Your stereotypical chinese family. My parents make me feel like I'm the "bad one" in everything, everything is "my fault", I have to forgive bad behaviour from someone else against me. These are pretty big signs of a dysfunctional family, And I know deep down that it IS a dysfunctional family. But I just constantly have the urge to think of a way to prove that they ARE the right ones, that they didn't mean any harm. It so ironic.

Sometimes I feel like I've been brainwashed by my parents. Its a weird thought, but I guess theres some psychology behind it? I don't know? I'm honestly really confused. What do yall think? Why do I feel this way? Do yall feel this way? or is this some weird Stockholm syndrome? ( I am fully aware I am using the word incorrectly)

I'm a teen in school. My parents are full Chinese. I guess they aren't the "worst", they aren't helicopter moms, tiger moms, neglectful, abusive. (this post is on my mom, my dad isn't part of this, "they" refers to both parents) My mom claims that she was the "top student", "great study ethic" etc when she was a kid my age. They have extreme expectations in my academics, and expect me to at least get into Nanyang technological university. They pressure me to study, mainly my mom does this. I also face bullying in school (nothing too physical, mainly verbal humiliation or isolation, nothing the school can intervene in), only have a few really close friends.

"whats wrong with me": I've started developing a high pain tolerance, which sounds cool but honestly its more like I feel pain but would rather not react to it. for example there was this younger kid who was joking around with me, pinched me, and I just stared at him while he pinched me, he found it cool and weird so he keep doing that and left my arm with a lot of swellings. (my parents thought I did it myself, and didn't care) I also started not having many facial reactions, aka not showing any emotion, I do feel emotion sometimes but I smile very rarely and also stare at people for extensive amounts of time. AH yes and I also lost interest in food, I eat because I'm hungry but nothing else. When I told my "friends" I think somethings wrong with me, they just said: "You can't be depressed, your so cheerful, you sound fine, stop being dramatic." So I don't know how I feel about all this.

I personally believe that some of this is probably because of my deteriorating mental health, hence why I'm asking for recommendations, I personally do not know how to approach this because I was never really informed or told what to do.

It’s weird cause we live in a big city (more like a few minutes out in a quieter area, but is still within city boundaries). You would think they would not be as racist seeing as they literally are immigrants and know what it’s like to not be in the majority.

They make some wild comments about things like how Indians are smelly, thinking going to a black doctor is a bad thing, etc… They also said things like going to an all white neighborhood out in the country would be bad for an Asian person which is pretty sensible, but idk if that crosses the line either.

They’re not openly “racist”, but it’s certainly questionable to say the least. Anyone else has parents like this and how do you even cope?

Lately my life has been in turmoil, I lost my job (mass lay offs, you gotta love it!) Of course, when you lose a job, you try to find another one and fortunately I found a couple of places that are interested in me. For some reason my parents are being really impatient with me finding a new job. I understand that part of it is them "caring for me", but classic Asian parents, their "caring" is annoying nagging. I am applying for accounting jobs and in this field you're most likely going to have multiple rounds of interviews (even in undergrad, I remember a lot of companies had me do 2-3 interviews before putting in an offer). For some reason my parents forgot about this aspect, even though I was living at home when I was applying for jobs during in college. Both of my parents are not accountants.

Another thing that is really bugging me is that they really want me to settle for the first job that game an offer, but in most cases you can negotiate and get better compensation. They're acting like I'm strapped for money when I'm not. They're worried that if I negotiate, I'll insult the company, when in reality, companies here in America expect you to negotiate (ofc there are exceptions, but most people can and should negotiate). I feel like this is a very Asian thing to not negotiate. We're supposed to keep our heads down and expect the world will compensate us fairly. It will in some sense until you hear the guy with the same experience, job title, and responsibilities as you is getting paid $5K more because he negotiated. One of my parents retort back with "you're not that special, even if they offer you less than you were making at your last place, you should take it". This is the dumbest thing I've heard. I'm applying to both private and public accounting jobs (I originally worked in public). I would only accept a lower wage if I felt really good about the place and it wasn't public accounting.

I had an awful experience working in public accounting and part of it was the culture at my old place but the other part of it is that public accounting in America sucks the life out of you. And of course my Asian family (even my Xennial cousins for some reason) is trying to downplay how much I despise it because I've "only worked there for 2 years"... If I already know I hated it with only 2 years' experience, why should I suffer 40+ more years of this without any change? I would work in public accounting again if the company was better than the last. I've been interviewing at a couple of public firms that do seem better than my last place as well, but I won't "settle" for them if I have other offers on my table. I'll treat them like any other company, weigh pros and cons with all my other options. At this point I'm negotiating a couple of offers and waiting to hear back from a couple of other places. Wish me luck!

Sorry not sorry. Not really much to say tbh, i have no mercy for people who doesn't respect ther own children's boundaries.

My fucking bitch of a birth giver keeps touching my face and skin without my permission, knowing damn well i don't like being touched by her. I don't like being touched by bad people. I let my friends touch me because they are good people who i can trust. My birth giver on the other hand, is the opposite of my friends. She is a raging bitch of a narcissist, a racist, a misogynist, a sexist, an ableist, and every single negative trait you can think of. Every time she leaves the country, i get a sense of relief and freedom, and every time she comes back is a dreadful event. I manifest that every single time she fucking touches my skin adds up to her bad karma. Fuck her and every single birth giver like her.

What about your relationship with toxic nonbiological so-called mother?

Mine is just an evil incarnation of a demon posing as a good woman to the society and can't tell what all she did, but still it has had very devastating effects.

I feel like they love me through their actions and some sacrifices, but they do hurt me with their words. I (17f) feel ashamed to want / buy things that I want. I feel like I'm not capable of achieving great things in life. some significant hurtful events:

1. I wanted to go to JC and then medical school

My parents would always sit me down to have talks with me on what I wanted to become (doctor) and they would always tell me that my science isn't good enough to get in JC and then medical school and they told me only the smartest people can do that and I am not one of them. I know that, but I do work really hard and I will work really hard for my goals. The amount of time they told me I could not do it just broke me one day I had to lie to them I did not want to become a doctor anymore. They said they were being realistic. I know that, but a parent should never tell their children " you aren't smart enough to become (insert job/goal). " 2. My parents are quite controlling They would check my phone and scroll through every WhatsApp chat looking at our messages with EVERYBODY. and their excuse was that they were checking if we used any 'bad words' in our messages. They threatened to check our phones any time and I always had to delete my chats with my friends after I texted them. I don't know but I felt really anxious when they checked our phones even though I had nothing to hide. 3. They would complain over how expensive a meal outside was, or would always jump at the chance to victimise themselves and say how hard they work and how other parents would never be so hardworking as them. 4. I am absolutely ashamed to want things for myself / buy things that I want. Even if I use my own money, I am ashamed that I want things. Be it clothes, cute things etc. I am ashamed to tell my mother that I want a new conditioner because my hair is quite dry and the current one isn't really good. I am ashamed to tell her that I need more pads and always leave it until I have very little left and then tell her. I feel ashamed to let them know what I like to eat or what I love to eat. I want a new school bag because the one I have rn looks kinda ugly and like my friends agree too, but I don't really want to tell them. (Btw my current bag isn't new, used abt 2 yrs) I find myself wanting like nicer clothes to wear to school, but I don't want to tell them. So whenever I want things, I just convince myself I don't really need them, all because I'm afraid of telling my paremts what I really want.

5. TRIGGER WARNING. Suicide

I actually was feeling suicidal at a point of my life and very depressed because I was told I couldn't achieve my dream. That broke me so bad because my dreams were just crushed by them. I told them about it. They were pretty supportive and admitted they'd do better as parents, THIS LASTED FOR A DAY. THEN FOR THE ENTITE SUBSEQUENT WEEK, THEY told me that I was being ungrateful for my life and others have it worse than me, they made me watch documentaries on the poor families in other rural countries and said how lucky I was to have my needs provided for. They had me SIT DOWN for an hour or two everyday just to watch the documentaries and said I should wake up and be more appreciative instead of thinking about useless things like suicide.

I don't really know if they're toxic or something

Her boyfriend is drunk and yelling all night from alcohol . we are the process of moving to a new house and have to return the keys by April 1st. and i cant sleep because i have to be up in 8 hours to go to work because he is yelling

she cant move because she needs his help . she just had retina surgery for macular degeneration and needs his help taking her to the doctor and move ( i dont have a license )

i say i wanted to call the cops to send him to the ambulance she refused . saying that just hold it for two days until move is over to save 1100 bucks even though not getting him into the hospital us dangerous for himself and bothers me cuz I need to sleep

Why is she like this ? I understand she doesn’t have income is in distress but she is literally prioritize money over life

Idk how to explain this but I've a love hate relation with my mum... she's the only person in this world who genuinely cares for me atp and I've no one else to trust or rely on.

But when I'm around her I constantly feel I'm walking on eggshells, she snaps everytime she finds something is not done the way she wants it to be done. And I'm not talking about just shouting or cursing, tbh I'm not exaggerating but she kinda starts behaving like Pooja misra cursing the shit out and clenching teeth ..and sometimes throwing things around... And before you say she might be having mental health issues and needs to get checked ... In my entire family's opinion people who take therapy = mad/paagal/possessed rather meet a baba/tantric who heals instead..

And she is mostly sweet and caring to me and everyone .it's only when she switches in that dragon mode and starts shit.

And when she starts fighting she wants everyone to JUST LISTEN and OBEY.. when I try to confront her and give valid reasons for her arguments she says : i didn't mean it/ i said it by mistake

Just to give an example ...She once shouted and started abusing when I was in 3/4 th grade and I still remember it so clearly... And I wasn't because I did anything wrong or lied to her... IT was because I had asked for her vanity kit that she had received in her marriage...she could have said no or politely declined.

Everyday atleast once she tells me how I won't take care of her in her old age and she'll Die and then everyone will get to know her value.. She casually throws and jokes around with a serious topic like death and when I did it once she said think 1st then speak i mean the duality...

I know she's been through a lot of shit to give me the life that I have now and I'm immensely grateful for her. But sometimes she just behaves like a hypocrite and narcissist...

She often complains how her own father and mother prefer her brothers over her but the duality is that she does the same to me.

She has an unhealthy habit of saying any shit that she doesn't even think.. once she had a big fight with her brother, it's been more than 1 year since that fight but she still cries thinking about it and I console her everyday.. But after her fight with her brother she told me how she wishes him to get cancer and die a slow painful death.. and I was stunned to speak.

When me and my brother had a fight on the same topic as hers I was crying and she was laughing... She suffers from raja beta syndrome and her beloved son can never be wrong but I'm not allowed to joke around with my or his or anyone's death unlike her...and I Don't even wish to do so.

Often times I feel she birthed me for emotional support only and to have a BFF to talk to all day and share problems because she lost most of her friends after marraige and now only wife's of my father's friends are her friends. She doesn't get upset or tries to cover up when her beloved son doesn't pick her call or hangs up and doesn't talk to her.. he must be busy but the same can't happen with me.

I feel ,having an enmeshed family my mother never respected my boundaries or choices and often times I'm the only one consoling her all the time and it's never the other way around.

Heyy so childhood was not very good. I now have been diagnosed with cptsd. Mom was abusive and dad was away for work but was nice but wasnt in the picture. My parents were complete asses and have screwed up a lot of things for me like my mental health and forcing me to be a doctor. But since the past 6months, after my 2nd suicide attempt theyre being nice and its like theyve genuinely turned a corner and realized their mistakes and are trying to fix things. Its probably a dream situation and im gonna sound ungrateful but its too soon for me. Im still stuck thinking of them the way they used to be and i dont think ill ever trust them. But they seem to be making a genuinr effort and so i feel horrible that i dont like that theyre being nice now. It feels like if it was this easy to get them to change then was it my fault, maybe if i had spoken up for myself or fought harder they would have realized their mistakes and been nice? So were they good parents the whole time and i was the child who was too stupid to communicate my issues? I love them and would do anything to help them but.. I feel like a horrible person being unable to move on and be completely okay with them now that theyre being nice. Is anyone else in the same situation, or been in it before and how did you handle all these conflicting emotions?

I have vivid memories of my grandma basically torturing the family with her presence by forcing her daughter-in-law to observe the most complex forms of social protocol while simultaneously insulting everyone “below” her for being worthless and ungrateful. She was also obsessed with the idea of “proving” that her DIL was a prostitute by going through her underwear hamper.

Dinner time pretty much resembled that final scene from Enemy of the State where people had guns pointed at each other underneath the table and they would be swearing under their breath.

Which leads me to ask, is this truly what APs want? To hold people hostage? Does that actually make them feel good when your adult children are kowtowing you with a clenched jaw/fist?

Wouldn’t you rather hangout with people who actually enjoyed your company and made you laugh and vice-versa? Why would any non sociopath pick this scenario over authentic human connection? Does that mean they’ve never had a real connection?

So many questions.

I’m leaving three weeks early. Midway through the six weeks I had initially intended to stay here for.

My life can be viewed as a series of leavings. I’ve left this city dozens of times since I was 11. Twice a year to boarding school when I was young (happy to escape the family drama), and then after each short visit- back to the several cities and countries I have called home since.

But this time the leaving is different. It’s heavy with a finality of sorts. It marks the end of something and the beginning of something else. But heartbreak and anger could my head, and I cannot confidently say what it is that is ending or beginning. Maybe it’s the end of my relationship with my parents, and the beginning of my time as someone who is truly alone.

But maybe it’s the end of my fruitless attempts at maintaining a broken, dysfunctional facade of a family. Maybe it’s the beginning of me taking control of my life, and deciding who I give time and power and energy to, how I want to be spoken to.

While my life has been a series of leavings, I had always had the next homecoming in sight. This time I do not. I might return next year, once I have given birth (a baby should meet their grandparents?). But I might not.

Whether someone can just deny my history, deny the abuse, disrespect and infantilize me at 34, call me ‘too sensitive’ and tell me to ‘stop stressing when you are pregnant’ while actively being the cause of my stress and breakdowns. Whether they can completely disregard my attempts to communicate boundaries ‘please speak to me with respect’, ‘please lower your voice’ and instead say things like ‘god, we can’t even talk to you!’ ‘I think you need counseling’ when I break down. Whether someone can do this and repeatedly have me return and care for them out of a sense of duty and love, should be an easy answer. It should be a ‘no, not at all, never’. But it isn’t that simple. There are layers of other emotions (doubt, guilt, shame, fear, loneliness, loss of identity amongst so many more) that make this particular leaving upsetting and not empowering. Regardless, I am leaving.